#anyways this list is a crazy way to start the school year off LMFAO my goodbye to summer ig

[washymylifeaway]

hi rye how have you been spending your time LET ME TELL YOU.

kavetham? haikaveh? idk idc but them..

for starters i just want to put out there that if kavetham is my sakuatsu then cynonari is the sunaosa because i love them and if the bestie agenda isn't alive between at least one pair in the four i get so sad. anyways kavetham has taken over my ao3 and it's so bad LOL. this is mostly for me because i like having consolidated lists of fics i've read to go back to but i'll be kind and give the tumblrinas (?) a little taste too. anyways list under the cut also don't follow me for genshin i'm not a genshin girlie (famous last words)

pre warning, i think it goes without saying that there's like alcohol mentioned in like almost every single fic.. kaveh is (apparently but what would i know) not the healthiest when it comes to coping habits so .. forgive him..

check the warnings and the tags before you read!

truck, barter, and trade by Seungshi03 (T) 20.7k // when i tell you if you're going to read one fic on this list it should be this one. the humor. the plot. the kid. this needs to be framed and immortalized. they're so stupid they're so silly THEY'RE SO IN LOVE

rumors, fame, and reputation by rysarium (T) 27k // THIS. READ IT PLEASE. it's so so funny and very entertaining. you go from loving them to wanting to punch them so bad to loving them again. i will say i thought it was so unfair for kaveh to get the movie wrong because technically he heard it from source so what there was an interview 1034209384 years ago let al-haitham lie in peace (ALSO CYNO IM YOUR BIGGEST FAN YOURE SO FUNNY KING SPEAK YOUR TRUTH)

The Fall, the Rise, and Everything In-between by writingrosez (T) 22.9k // i really did dread the divorce arc in this one i knew it was coming but i really was hoping it wouldn't but it happened (when i say i verbally said NO so many times while reading this LMFAO embarrassing.. i'd do it again...) also poor lumine LMFAO

if i wake up and you're still here by alcyonenight (M) 8.4k // no because why did this fic literally have me punching my screen (completely real) while i was reading it. they both are so silly and dear to me (said in tears) but i love the hanahaki trope so bad and this was *chefs kiss*

burn up, burn out by alcyonenight (T) 8.6k AND pockets full of stones by alcyonenight (T) 11.6k // ELEAZAR AU!!! baby's first eleazar fic and it ruined her. miserably. i loved both of these so much, wonderful reads truly (they both made me so sad)

get on your nerves (to get your attention) by acynthe (M) 3.9k // what better way to get to know a character than by reading him pine over one person for way too long? right? anyways this fic really set me up into understanding that haikaveh = watching ice melt in the arctic during winter..

Work engagement by gwendee (G) 3.6k // silly little boys in their silly little parties with their silly little plans.. the line that stuck with me was bringing their love to new heights because cyno was right.. it was funny..

and yet by luminvies (G) 11.8k // this fic was so poetic and eloquent to me it was a wonderful read and kaveh is so silly girlie pop in it HAHA. but really, it was a wonderful read and i loved how fleshed out kaveh felt despite this being written before he was released LMFAO

In a Language He Understands by Maeyari (G) 13.2k // this was so funny and Kaveh becoming a homewrecker is so insane whaat (totally not fake and not clickbait) that aside, it was a very light hearted read and i enjoyed it very much

what are we by lionkeychain (T) 5.1k // if i had to re route you to Kaveh being the silliest dude alive it's this one right here. i would send you here. he is so . i am so . about him. AHHHHHHHHHH. anyways, he's just a dude with a lot of love ykwim?

inertia by smallghosts (T) 3.6k // i think it's funny how al-haitham plays fetch with Kaveh in like 85% of fics (this one included) anyways the summary was so funny i just had to read it and in context it's even funnier to me. Kaveh you're so funny ily king ('being in love with you is gross.' me: HELPDKLNLEEE?GLD>SD>? literal definition of boom roasted).

first love, worst love by caniculeo (M) 11.6k // babe wake up. the circus is back in town. babe go back to sleep. the girlies broke up.. again.. anyways. had to take a laugh break when al-haitham hit on nilou. literally put my device down and had to catch my breath. then when kaveh pointed behind al-haitham. oh god. ALSO highly recommend the second fic in the series with cynonari. cyno i love u my funny king.

Burgeon by gloomyparfait (T) 8.2k // another hanahaki fic rye? really? YES. please i love irrationality. they're so chewable in this fic i love them dearly. i need to blend them. mince them up like beef tartare.

okay this is not an extensive list (def missed some good ones i've read) and i have more i want to consume (!!!) but i haven't gotten around to some of the longer ones just cause my attention span is bad these days. i'm very excited for some of my future reads and so perhaps there will be a part two because i am down in the trenches right now. regardless, i hope you enjoyed this list and now it's time for me to disappear again. bye bye

also if you've written a fic on this list and you would prefer for it to not be on this list/on tumblr, just lmk and i'd be more than happy to remove you!

[cortanaaq]

A/N: This came in later than I expected,it’s really long but I hope you enjoy it.

This is for the anon who requested nct or tbz spending Halloween with you. So I did nct 127 ;’) sorry for waiting 

**also thanks to @365nct, i used one of their incorrect quotes for the jaehyun one haha hope they don’t mind

  NCT 127 – Spending Halloween with you

 Taeil

-He was not really used to celebrating Halloween if it wasn’t for the SM Halloween party

-So this year you got him unprepared

-but he doesn’t mind celebrating as long as it is with you

-he came with the idea to have a couple costume and that was ,,,,

-yup you guessed it

-Beauty and the Beast

-but this time he was the beast and you ofc,the beauty

-because he can’t repeat the incident from 2017 where he was dragged to dress up as Belle and winwin was the beast- anyways

-he glares at you every time you bring it up lol

-this time he pulled the uno reverse card tho

-because he definitely treats you like a prince/princess all the time,he went shopping for costumes with you

-he bought everything you wished for,even the crazy unnecessary decorations like a stupid flying skeleton or a witch dressed as a hooker

-like what even is that?? He wondered but laughed when you gave him puppy eyes

-“it’s funny tho,it would look good at the entrance “

-he snorted

-obvs taeil couldn’t resist those eyes and the pouty lips that he kissed in the end

-spends the whole night eating the candies you’ve got

-he likes to take a loooot of selfies so be ready to be bombarded with funny filters

-after you both get tired of all the dress up thingy,you too decided to watch a horror movie

-classic but he knows what he’s doing

-whenever you cling onto his arm or squeeze his hand he smirks and hums into your ear

-you know he’s teasing and he chose that movie on purpose so you occasionally punch his arm when he tickles you with teasing small pecks on your cheeks and neck

-but you secretly enjoy it don’t lie

 Johnny

 -Oh johnny boy 

-I think for sure Halloween is his fave celebration because he always plans to visit Chicago in that period

-for this and for Christmas of course 

-he likes to celebrate it in the US cause the traditions are kept alive there 

-so he’s excited to take you trick or treating 

-You chose Corpse bride for costumes

-you were so excited to do his make up as Victor and he was excited to see you dressed for a wedding lmao

-While doing his make up before leaving for treating,he kept looking at you being so concentrated 

-“you look so beautiful like this babe”

-“johnny I look dead“

-literally

-he laughed and kissed you when he got the opportunity 

-and ofc he couldn’t contain himself from making cheeky remarks  either

-and you get mad at him for talking and smudging his make up by accident

-“you distracted me !!”

-but you like his annoying ass and would never be actually mad at him

 -plus he looked good even with smudged make up

-you think maybe it’s too smudged but he lifts you up and kisses you harder that before

-…and now you’re both smudged  but you don’t really mind as you kiss him one more time

-after all,you leave for trick or treating but realize you’re a bit old for this 

-he will not go home without corn candies tho so you’ll have to force him to do so -but because he looks around and sees mostly children,

-he suggests going to a party in the neighborhood 

-it was a party thrown by his friends ofc 

-and you were more than happy to show everyone the power couple you make together

 -he drives there,one hand on the steering wheel,one hand on your leg

 -occasionally caresses your skin and you blush a little 

-he knows your weaknesses tho

 -anywayssss

-you arrive at the party,everyone is in awe,,,he can’t really stop bragging about you

 -and you have a great time meeting his American friends for the first time

-seeing you tired after a while of being there,he comes closer to you and hugs you from behind

 -whispers in your ear how gorgeous you looked and how everyone loved you 

-and how he’s gonna take you home and spend more time as real ‘groom and bride’;;))

 Taeyong

 -this cute baby couldn’t be more excited to celebrate Halloween with you

-and not to baby him even more but his idea for the costumes was to dress up as among us characters

-yes,,among us characters

-specifically black and pink

-can you guess who’s who?

-he went full shopping mode with you and dragged you through  the stores only to find the perfect match

-and you did ofc

-you came with the idea to throw a party and invite the rest of your friends

-he checked the list of things you needed to buy for Halloween

-and you teased him saying he stressed too much and we should have fun instead of worrying

-“but baby you know if we throw a party,we need to have enough drinks and food”

-puppy eyes: checked

-speaking in tiny: checked

-how could you say no lmao

-and after you bought everything necessary (and unnecessary),,

-you came home to decorate and to put your costumes on

-tried to kiss but you forgot you had the helmets on lmfao

-you both giggled like two kids

-he looked so cute when he put his science goggles on his head

-and you made sure to capture every single angle of his cuteness

-too many pics ,,

-too many

-you had a lot of fun especially that you organized a costume contest

-and you didn’t win because you were the hosts pfff..

-it’s not like everyone voted you for having the coolest couple costume

-kinda sus if you ask me

-n ee ways

-the party was a success and everyone had fun

-you ended up eating so many sweets  

-even tho tyong told you to slow down

-he took care of you and bathed you in kisses and cuddles after everyone left

-“you eat too many sweets every Halloween,,do you even learn?” says as he caresses your cheeks and gives you a long forehead kiss

-“but I can’t help myself,,too good and sweet”

-‘”you’re too good and sweet”

 Yuta

 -It was the morning of 31st October

-the only thing in your mind was the Halloween party at sm you and yuta were going to attend

-and ofc you didn’t want a lame costume,you wanted something cute

-but powerful

-and not to be a cliché but you asked yuta if he wanted to be dressed as anime characters

-man did he give you a look

-he chuckled lightly at your request but couldn’t say no

-“baby the fact that you’re Japanese makes it 1000x better”

-you cup his cheeks in between your hands and he laughs holding you on his lap

-after all he agrees and you go shopping for costumes

-as you thought,you didn’t want to be the basic anime characters so you chose a cute and powerful couple

-Kagome and inuyasha

-When you saw yuta wearing that long white hair-wig,your heart did a flip

-he smiled so large when he saw you wearing that pretty school uniform

-you made him take you in his arms immediately only to start smooching your face

-“baby my make up”

-you were pouting,but he was smirking coming closer to your ear

-“ I will make up for this later,promise”

- he said that biting your ear lobe softly

-oh boy you wanted to forget about the party only for yuta to “make up” for you but

-you could’ve handled that later that night

-you had a great time partying with the members and other idols at sm

-yuta held onto you the whole night feeling so proud to have such a gorgeous s/o only for himself

-but what you had planned after the party was much more exciting ;;)

 Doyoung

-This little sh

-that you loved to the moon and back 

-was a bit skeptic about partying for Halloween 

-for your sake tho,he prepared a horror movie marathon for both of you

 -he also suggested cooking something thematic 

-you actually caught him few days ago watching an instagram video of ‘how to make eyeball lollipops”

-You were like ???

-“I want to make these for Halloween because you don’t need to bake anything you know”

-“so we won’t burn the kitchen down? Ok!”

-you agreed faster than he thought

 -and that made him doubt his cooking skills for a bit but anyways 

-you too didn’t really have anything planned for a costume but you decided to surprise him

-with a bunny costume

-not an onesie,no

 -bunny ears and a bunny tail 

 -while he was concentrated on cooking,

-you showed up wearing a cute lingerie and that bunny costume on you 

-“ hey bunny,wanna snuggle?”

-you leaned on the door frame while trying not laugh

-in that moment he was tasting the jam

-but when he turned around and saw you LIKE THAT 

-he snorted and dropped the spoon full of raspberries 

-he was absolutely sure you wanted to give him a heart

-attack somehow

 -but he came to his senses and approached you with a smirk on his face

 -you couldn’t even think for a bit because in the next second he lifted you up to kiss you 

-“you made me drop the food and make a mess,,do you think I’ll let you go with that?”

-you blushed harder than you thought and suggested to help him clean up the mess 

-but he cut you off mid-sentence with a deepened kiss only to tell you with a low tone

-“those raspberries can wait,the bunny wants snuggles doesn’t it?”

-you tried so hard to keep your cool but who can blame you?? 

Jaehyun

 -Another Halloween enthusiast

-he couldn’t wait to dress up as Gomez and Morticia Addams

-you even helped him with the make-up,drawing a mustache on his face

-“haha very funny’’,

-he responds sarcastically every time you look at him and try not to laugh

-but damn the costume was pure gold

-you both looked amazing and he even managed to kiss your hand,up to your arm and neck

-just like Gomez kissed his wife every time he had the opportunity

-you both went trick or treating,along with johnny,mark and other members

-then came back to the dorms and ate so many candies

-jaehyun couldn’t help but stare at you every time he had the chance

-and you knew this costume was a perfect match because you could show him how sexy and elegant you were

-taeyong prepared some food for you all and you had few drinks

-told a lot of horror stories and felt like kids again but jaehyun was waiting to go home only to spend more time with you

-“ the food is too hot,I can’t eat it ::( ’’

-you complained while the others turned their heads to look at you especially taeyong who was about to apologize for the food being too hot

-jaehyun: ‘’you’re hot but I’d still eat-“

--he was cut off mid-sentence by taeyong who slammed his hand down on the table

-“ONE MEAL

-“ONE NORMAL FUCKING MEAL JAEHYUN”

-you all started laughing and looked at jaehyun only to see him grinning like a little bitch he is

-you knew how cheeky he can be so you got up and came closer to him to wrap your arms around his neck

-closer to his ear so you can whisper nonsense, that apparently got him happier that you intended

-he was one lucky guy for sure

-and the Halloween was once again one of his favorite holidays

 Jungwoo

 -Jungwoo wanted something cute this year

-he was very excited to show you what costumes he prepared for you both

- he kept saying it was a surprise and told you not to prepare anything cause he will handle it

- so while you were preparing the candies for the kids, he snuck up on you and covered your eyes

- you could’ve sworn you felt something fluffy covering your face

- you touched his arms and tried to feel it

- and realized he was wearing paws

- ???

- “babe what are you-“

- he cut you off and turned you around to face him

- he was wearing a big Snoopy costume,with a red bowtie as well

- you felt yourself dying of cuteness

- because now you had THE actual snoopy as your boyfriend

- a bit weird but CUTE ok cute

- “do you like it?? the red bowtie is part of the costume so we could match”

- you looked at him all smiles

- his eyes were sparkling just like a puppy’s :,(

- He grabbed your hand and took you to your bedroom to show your costume

- it was the same snoopy costume but you had a red ribbon on top of your head

- you were excited to try it on

- and when you showed him the costume, he gently approached you to kiss your forehead

- “aren’t we the cutest?”

- after that, he helped you give sweets to trick-or-treaters and so many kids were in awe when they saw you two

- you took pictures to send to his family

- and in the end, you two ended up falling asleep

- cuddling on the couch surrounded by the candies left because you weren’t very active this year

- but still had a great time

  Mark

 -This year mark wanted it different

-he didn’t only wanted to crave pumpkins or go trick or treating

-he needed a break from every exhausting activity because being and idol

-and well,,

-being mOrk

-he was tired and needed an escape from that solicitant lifestyle

-he surprised you one day with a small trip to an orchard outside of Seoul

-you were so excited because you knew the weather was going to be in your favor

-plus you knew mark was a nonconformist and he wanted to make the time spent w you very special

-like every time

-such a cutie oml pls-

-you two took the train till there,admiring the view from the empty cabin you were in

-he was holding you close and your hand all the time

- occasionally he kissed the top of it

-but you always turned to give him a quick peck on his sweet lips

-you liked to see him all giggly and shy,rubbing his hand behind his head

-when you arrived there,you were accompanied by a guide

-showing you around the orchard

-you were so excited while looking around,looking at the different colors of the apples

-mark grabbed two baskets and offered to help you pick few red and beautiful apples

-you were picking them and from time to time you felt mark’s gaze on your body and smiled

-while he was distracted, you snuck up behind him only to see him startle

-you giggled when he picked you up,spinning you around

-only to leave a sweet kiss on your nose and lips

-after the apple picking,you went to a café that was only few miles away from the orchard

-ate apples on the way because you were a bit tired and very hungry lol

-at this cute café,you two spent some time chatting and just staring at each other

-because you were both cute little hopeless romantics <333

 Haechan

 -Haechan was actually going to lazy around that day but nope

-you dragged him out of the bed

-telling him you want to crave pumpkins because otherwise

-you will bite his ass

-he gave you the most shocked look

-then managed to laugh

-“I wouldn’t mind,just bite the corner,,just a small bite”

-you rolled your eyes and puffed air from your nose pretending to get mad

-you walked out of the room and grabbed your coat and the car keys

-“yeah right then I’m going to buy the pumpkins myself”

-he came after you giggling and insisting it was a joke

-but you knew and were obvs trying not to smile

-he was a sucker for your pouty face so he loved pissing you off

-little cute shit

-you finally arrived at the local market and bought two big pumpkins

-so orange and tasty

-haechan took a tiny pumpkin and said he’s going to make it your child

-“haechan I’m not gonna shove a knife into our kid,don’t name it!”

-he knew if he names an object and something bad happens to it

-you get attached to it and get sad

-so in the end he didn’t name it but still got it home

-at home,you tried to look on pinterest for craving ideas

-and haechan laughed cause that was silly

-“cmon babe are you seriously looking that on the internet? Just do- *stabs the pumpkin in the middle and cuts out the lid* -this”

-he looks at you with a smile on his face and you just stand there

-bamboozled

-like “I’m really dating a gemini huh”

-you try to cut your pumpkin but the skin was too hard

-and managed to drop the knife out of your hands with a loud bump on the floor

-haechan literally jumped thinking you cut yourself but you were just standing there,,

-bbq sauce on your tidd-

-jk jk

-you were standing there looking at the guts spilled all over the floor

-you sighed but haechan gave you a hug

-“you clumsy baby,gotta be careful. Let me do it for you,,you just scoop what’s left from the inside”

-and you did as he said a bit disappointed that he took the hard work

-even tho you wanted to show him you don’t need help

-but he knew you were an independent person anyway

-that’s what he loved about you actually

-after you were done with cravings,it was the tiny pumpkin’s turn to be cut

-you and haechan just turned to look at each other and he saw you giving him a trembling bottom lip

-“we can’t cut it baaabeee…” you whined

-“okay then just ..let’s draw a cool face on it,no harm”

-you agreed because obvs you couldn’t cut the child you had with him pff

-you took the marker and drew a caricature of your bf on it

-before showing it to him,you covered his eyes and suggested him to sit on the couch for few moments

-he was wondering what you were doing

-after a while you led him,eyes still closed,to the fireplace where you placed the pumpkins

-he opened his eyes and saw the tiny pumpkin standing between the bigger ones

-“see,these two are us and the tiny one is the kid”

-he gave you a look,his eyebrows rised but then laughed

-he hugged you and gave you a small kiss

-he then looked at the bigger pumpkins and stated nodding

-“damn we’re kinda ugly ngl”

taglist: @peachyhan​  --(who wants to be in the tag list,lmk!!)

[fameplagued]

❛ harry styles, 21, cismale, he/him ❜ was that EZRA WARD i just saw hurrying across the quad? you’d think they would know what happens when a JUNIOR is late to class. then again, the MUSIC MAJOR has been known to be pretty HEDONISTIC. maybe being so CHARISMATIC helps keep them out of trouble. i heard they aren’t an angel, though, and that they are BISEXUAL and love RISKY/PUBLIC SEX + MAKING AMATEUR PORN. 

ayyye friends, i’m happy to be here! i’m g, here to introduce my ugly son, he’s a mix of a few different characters i’ve played before but never quite like this so i’m hype :~) 

VISAGE: HARRY STYLES (MOSTLY CIRCA LATE 2014 & 2015 bc long hair)

VOICE-CLAIM (SPEAKING ACCENT & SINGING): HARRY STYLES

OTHER KINKS: CHOKING, ORGASM CONTROL/DENIAL, BEGGING, WORSHIP (REC)(GIV), PUNISHMENT + REWARD, ANAL, SPANKING, MARKING, BITING, HAIR PULLING, RIMMING (REC)(GIV), DADDY KINK, SIZE DIFFERENCE, VOYEURISM,  CLOTHES ON, GROUP SEX, SEXUAL PAIN, ORDERS (REC)(GIV), 

(ASK ABOUT OTHERS)

CANON TATTOOS (*MOSTLY)

born / raised just outside of manchester, england. comes from a wealthy yet extremely neglectful upbringing. his mother is english, his father is american, meaning since he was born in england, he’s of of dual citizenship. his family moved to his father’s home state of pennsylvania when he was 14, which is when he first starter his youtube channel

ok so a big thing is that ezra’s slow but currently steady rise to fame within the music industry has been alarmingly quick and that fact has shaped a lot of his personality; think justin bieber or shawn mendes with their gaining an initial fanbase and then a loyal following via starting out on youtube / other social media outlets as a young teenager, only with a much messier, Rockstar™ persona and you have ezra ward

there’s a pretty distinct difference between the version of himself that much of his dedicated fanbase perceptions are based on, and the Real Him. in the media he’s gradually becoming more of a household name for being a musician with a mostly positive message, an inclusive fanbase, a charming personality and being an all around humble, approachable, likable young guy

in his personal life, things are a bit,, different. he’s a hedonist, through and through, in that his pursuit of pleasure ranks far above everything else on his priority list. he’s also extremely sybaritic meaning crazy self indulgent when it comes to luxury, and in his late teens when he had the world at his fingertips, it was all about having the Best everything (mini bars, expensive cars, the good champagne, n private planes- ok i’ll shut up now no one needs my bad 1d references rn)

so basically he spent ages 17-19 as a touring musician after forming a backing band built of some his closest friends from high school, all the while earning his associates in arts in music through an online program; balancing social media as a full time job, getting to perform live in any kind of larger capacity, and still doing well in college posed quite a challenge, especially as he became more focused on the rockstar lifestyle and less on school

still, he never stopped wanting to learn as much as he possibly could about music, determined to become a master of his craft, so he earned his degree and kept hungry for knowledge. after a near-overdose the summer after he turned 19 however, his parents and their what felt to him like faux-concern at the time eventually talked him into putting touring and gaining celebrity status on the back burner for a while

in exchange for a proposed change in habits and lifestyle, they offered to pay for him to apply for and attend the prestigious university of his choice so he could get his bachelor’s degree in music theory, something he agreed to after heavy deliberation, and only after he had a personal realization about just how much the limelight was getting to him, the brighter it became did he decide it was for the best that he stepped back from it to focus on school

choosing college over touring /  growing the band’s popularity cost him a few members of his backing band / friends who had no interest in ‘waiting around for him to finish getting some stupid degree’ and went on to pursue other projects, which meant he no longer had the same support system in that group of friends that he’d become so used to, and that lead him to seek out a new one almost as soon as he was enrolled at northridge as a freshman: he immediately pledged omega pi  (bc we all know what a frat boy harry looked like at 19, hello, i’m not passing that up), finding that he fit right in with its reputation for being full of guys who were heavily focused on partying, and now that he’s a junior he’s in charge of marketing & recruitment :~)

his appetite for pleasure & luxury coupled with still considering himself a rich, successful musician and just being an incredibly sexually fueled person in general makes for a really delicious and dangerous mix ngl and so far in his 21 short years he’s lived a pretty Wildt life, even while at college

he hasn’t released anything music-wise for the couple of years he’s been at university, but he wants 22 (he turns that soon hi he’s an aquarius ass bitch) to be the year that changes, where he delves back into it and truly becomes the artist he was ~destined to be~ or whateva

frequently considers whether or not he made the right choice in essentially choosing college over being an artist / celebrity for the time being, and wonders if dropping out would be the better option (esp bc he thinks he only has so much Time anyway, more info below), but always talks himself out of it

is Firmly Set on the idea he’s going to be part of the 27 club (my boi is already almost 22 like :/ excuse u sir, snap out of that? someone give him a reason to live lmfao no i’m kidding i promise)

has an underlying hopelessly romantic side / has had a lot of either toxic or very intense relationships / has hurt & been hurt by a lot of people, so he has an extreme aversion to emotional attachment and falling in love / prefers casual sex / thinks he’ll never have a long term relationship again (yikes ik like hi get some therapy babe)

he’s reckless, impulsive, can be incredibly domineering, drinks too much, fucks too much (if that’s possible), and (drugs tw) does way too much coke for fun and too much adderall for studying, definitely every bit the ~tortured artist~ even though most of his issues are rooted in like, mommy/daddy issues and (homophobia tw) knowing his parents wouldn’t accept or support him any longer if they knew that he was bisexual

to sum it all up, he’s here for a good time, not a long time, and while he is here, he wants to learn all that he possibly can about music because to him it’s basically the meaning of life ok

that’s?? pretty much all i have for now, i will probably update this again at some point but i don’t want to make it too long because i definitely want to develop him within this group as i go along and besides it was just TIME for me to get something up

i’ll have a connections page up soon but some ideas off the top of my head are: best friends (platonic or otherwise), fwb, exes on good or bad terms, someone who also grew up in pennsylvania / maybe knows him from high school?, enemies w/ benefits, hookups via sorority/frat parties, professors he’s earned ~extra credit~ with or whateva, someone who was a fan before he came to northridge but now they lowkey hate him, someone who’s still a fan, fwb ft. one-sided crush, classmates, etc ! 

[starryseo]

heart eyes. | seo changbin

this gif is perfect!!

pairing ↠ changbin x gender neutral!reader

genre ↠ just fluff!!

wc ↠ 1533

summary ↠ chan is a terrible wingman.

warnings ↠ a biiit of swearing. like one word.

hi, i saw that your requests are open and i just found your blog but i love your writing so much already! i was wondering if i could have a scenario with changbin? where you are bff w/ chan and are 4 years older than changbin and also a few inches taller than him but have a crush on him. you don't do anything about your crush but chan knows about it and wants you two to get together. you can decide how you want it to end! thank you!

a/n ↠ thank you so much!!! + im sorry i know you said scenario but this is gonna be a bulleted scenario bc paragraphs take long for me and i dont want you waiting forever for this rip

hope you like it anyways tho!!!!

okay so!!

you’re a songwriter at jyp and you’ve worked with a lot of different groups in there, getting to know the trainees and debuted groups

when you’re not working with debuted groups, you’re helping out some of the trainees

some of them have told you how much they look up to you since you’re young but you’ve gotten so far in life, writing lyrics and melodies for one of the top 3

and they’re always asking you for tips and ideas and if you can read over some of the lyrics theyve written

and theyre always asking for your opinion on whether the melody goes with the lyrics theyve written

and you love how inspired and determind they are bc it’s hard being a trainee, going to school AND writing lyrics/ composing on the side

mad respect to all those out there

you’ve worked with a lot of trainees, but when jyp himself asked you to work w a kiddo named chan you were really excited!!!

ok hes not really a kiddo, he was a year younger than yourself but!! who cares!!!

you two hit it off really quickly, being vvv good friends in a short amount of time

some other trainees had suggested you listen to some soundcloud group 3racha and you really liked them!!!

and now!! you’re working with one of them!!!

jyp knew that chan was rly good at song writing and composing, and it was getting closer to the survival show time, so he asked you to help chan out

guiding him on how to write a Hit Song

so you worked closely with him before the show had started airing, running through the tips you had learnt through your years of writing

and you ran through different concepts and ideas he wanted to express through his music and songs

after a month of constant-coffee-meet-ups and late night freestyles you two had gotten vv close

practically inseparable, even tho you both were v busy, you w composing and him with his group

there rly was never a dull moment between you two and you rly liked having a proper friend that you could trust and vent to if need be

the day he introduced you to his group was wild!!!

he invited you out to a restaurant after the hellevator mv dropped

when you got there, he was standing at the entrance and he was like “:00 you came!!! took you long enough!!”

“i wasnt gonna miss out on free food now was i??”

he took you inside, saying he’d already gotten the table

and when you got there youre like

“,,,, why are there a bunch of boys at our table ://”

“theyre my group members!!!!”

:000!!!

they were quiet at first but when chan introduced you they all burst into cheers

it was just chaos like “hi!!!!!!!” / “hellooooooo!!!” / “omg!!!!!” / “thank you for helping w the mv!!!!” / “wow we finally get to see yn!!!!!!”

and youre just like ,,,,, what do i even reply to,,

so you say hi etc, introduce yourself and then take a seat next to chan

even tho you had known chan for a long time, you rly had only worked w him

like, he would always come to your office to work on stuff or you’d meet in public places, but it was only ever the two of you

so you were happy you finally got to meet the others!!

it was rly fun meeting all of them, they were so lively!!!

they were asking all sorts of questions abt you, your job, interests etc and they were rly thankful that you helped chan bc he imparted his knowledge + help onto them

and chan was like “yeah thanks for all your help!! this is all stressful so it was vv helpful that you guided me on how to do this stuff!!”

but as soon as the food came? they were silent

like seriously, there was barely any chatter

only small grumbles from jisung when seungmin stole his food

you had spoken to changbin a lot throughout the night

he was sitting next to you and you were internally Combusting bc

oh man you were sitting in between 2/3 of 3racha and you had to admit

changbin was probs your fave outta the 3 of them

man,, you really loved his tone of voice and how he could change it so easily within a song, and it would still flow so!! well!!!

you loved listening to him rapping sm and chan most definitely knew abt that

whenever he brought over lines/ ideas that he and the guys had written, you’d be like Wow i really love this part, it flows rly well w the melody

chan: “ah really? guess who wrote that!”

“,?? you?”

“changbin ;))))”

“whats with that face :/”

“ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) what ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  face”

“t h a t  f a c e”

“youre the one that goes all Heart Eyes when i mention changbin n yet im making a weird face??? k then”

“PPPPFT shut up lets work idk what youre talking abt”

and he dropped the subject but that stupid smirk never left his face :(((

when you finished your food, chan who obvs had already inhaled his food just started nudging you like

“( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) nows ur chance”

“i can finally kill u?? :D”

“:( no wtf why would u wanna do that?”

“wait i have a list-”

“BRO </3 i meant nows ur chance to woo changbin ;^))))”

“to do what now”

“to KiSs KiSs FaLl In LoVe with bInNiE!!”

“omg youre embarassing how are You the leader??”

and he just kept that up the Whole Night

honestly youre surprised none of the other guys realised what he was doing bc he just kept smirking and nudging you whenever changbin so much as sipped his water and you would straight up Elbow Him

but then he was like “hey changbin :)”

and internally you were just like Oh Great here comes the Fuckening

and the dude literally Exposed you there

and you were just like ?? i just mET youre group and youre already telling them my life story???

Chan basically told changbin abt how much you rly liked his lyrics and you were just like

:))) I :)) Hate :))))) You :)))) ByungChan

and like there was no way for you to even defend yourself bc chan was making you out to be some crazy fan like “oh man yn wouldnt sTOP talking abt this one line you wrote in IF and it was like 4am like bro i already dont sleep and they kept me up”

minho the Jerk was like !!! theyre blushing aww!!!

Cue you going even more red like Bang Chan youre a dead man :)

And changbin was just rly ? bashful ? he was surprisingly mature abt this and he just kept his reply rly simple like “ah really? thanks, that means a lot, esp coming from such an amazing writer like yourself!”

and you felt like Dying bc

were you that weird in his eyes that he couldnt even joke abt this now?? like did he just find you Super Creepy he just went all Awkward + Formal on you???

nAH HE WAS INTERNALLY SCREAMING BUt unfortunately you didnt know that bc he was holding it in so. well.

the major TBH is that chan was so trying to set you up

like,,, look at the seating arrangement man, he HAD to put you two together bc

you wouldnt stop talking abt how much you loved changbin’s skills

and omg changbin was even worse

as soon as he found out chan was working with you he was Begging to join too!!

he was like!!!! i need help!! so much help pLS LET ME WORK WITH THEM P L S

and chan just to tease the both of you prolonged this out for so. long. bc Hes the Devil

honestly he was so close to bursting into laughter when changbin gave you such a formal reply bc hE KNEW he was going crazy inside like

he always talked abt how cool you were with all the songs you wrote, he loved how you were so emotive and creative with your words, you really inspired him

and his bEST FRIEND was woRKING WITH YOU and NOT giving him your phONE NUMBER chan is the ult snake

chan basically confirmed everything when he asked you who your fave in 3racha was and you said that chan was

bc like lmfao s u r e it was

and then when chan told changbin your fave was jisung he looked the tiniest bit Sad which basically just confirmed everything in chan’s mind

and he felT BAD THAT he straight up lied to changbin bUT

he did that like the day before he was gonna introduce you two

so he had already planned to expose you and see changbin blush like Crazy

Unfortunately only you were blushing but,,, he Knew

and when he saw you and changbin trailing behind the group after dessert, phones out to exchange details, he Knew ;^))) 

i rly didnt know where i was going with this and then i just button smashed this lmfao also sorry i didnt mention the height thing?? i didnt know if you wanted that to be an important plot point but i like the openness of this lmao sorry i’ll make up for it one day hopefully. i hope u like it anyway ++ im so so sry its so late!!!

[moodymurda]

think i lost my best friend

as a small child my first first best friend was a boy named omar. we met in daycare when we were two. we were the smallest in the class but had the biggest mouths. we ended up going to the same schools until 4th grade. at our elementary school anytime someone claimed me as a best friend, he would explain that we went way back to diapers and they weren’t my best friend lmao. 

in pre-k i met a boy named hakeem. (our mom’s ended up being friends, they still talk occasionally and sometimes my mom will tell me how hakeem and his siblings are doing. because she know my weird ass cares about that sort of thing). hakeem brought these lemon cookies everyday for snack. i liked them too but in strawberry, so he would have his mom get me some and he brought me those cookies everyday until we changed schools in first grade. we always sat together, did our work together, played together. we had other friends but we mostly did everything together. 

in first grade i had 2 best friends. a boy named franklyn and a girl named melody. melody moved away like 4 months into the school year but to this day i’ve never forgotten her. franklyn, i thought he was so cool. he was a really great artist.. for a 6 year old lol. he was real funny too. he had the funniest facial expressions. and he was real serious which i was entertained by because i’ve always been “silly”. 

in 4th grade i met a girl named shanelle. we were the shortest girls in the class and the smartest. we were really similar in general and we instantly clicked. it was a whole lil group of girls that i’d known since first grade. but shanelle and i ended up in the same class in 4th grade and we clicked idk. that was my mf girl. when i first moved to florida we talked on the phone every saturday for hours. i also met a boy named anias that year. he was one of my best friends too. he was also my first crush lol. unrelated but it’s interesting to look back at how i handled the fact that i liked him, because i still handle liking people that same way.

fifth grade was my first year in florida. it was real hard for me to make friends. the other day, my mom said to me she realized that in new york i never had to make friends. i have bout 5011 cousins, so that's built in friends right there. and they were my friends back then, they're my friends now. then most of the kids i went to daycare with, they went to my elementary school. so again i never had to make a friend really. i knew everyone in my life since i was a literal infant. 

but yea i did end up making friends eventually. got my first white friends ever lol. (one of their dad’s called me a nigger which is still hands down one of the weirdest things i’ve ever experienced.) i started to befriend more girls which was cool because before then i always had way more guy friends than girls. 

in middle school i went to one school for 6th grade, then another for 7th & 8th. in 6th i met my friend nijah. and she was my best friend then. she treated me like i was her little sister and i’m still grateful. she really looked out for my little ass and defended me no matter what. she was present after i got into my first fight lol. and even though i held my own, the girl had scratched my face. that shit set nijah off and she proceeded to beat homegirl’s ass even though i just did.

i struggled to make friends in 7th again. in 6th grade i went to the same school that most of my elementary friends went to, so again i didn’t have to make friends for real. i did make new friends but it was different because it was a group thing. not me alone trying to fit in somewhere. in 7th grade i finally got into a school i applied to in 5th grade but was wait-listed. i was and am very reluctant to speak to those i don’t know for a list of reasons. so i didn’t. i would just observe the people in my class. eventually these two girls named janae and keely who were best friends, kinda let me stick my ass in there with them. then i met bart and this girl dani. i remember marcus and i had ended up befriending one another bc our history teacher sat us next to each other when he was reassigning seats. (i remember every mf thing but marcus was also my second crush so naturally i remember every detail of that shit). so yea those were my friends. at the time janae was my best friend tho. she was the only other black girl in the class that would talk to me and didn’t think i was weird. it was because her ass was weird too lol. i didn’t act like the rest of the black girls and they really only spoke to me to make fun of me. which i knew, but i’ve never been one to entertain shit unless “you got beat my ass about it”. 

in 8th grade janae and i met this group of girls. morgan, dejahnna, atlantis, and jarvayssia. some shit shifted that year and morgan and dejahanna became my best friends. they were the first friends i ever hang out with outside of school. it made me feel so good to be invited to shit and to feel included. to feel like a normal ass 13 yr old felt amazing. 

so in high school there were two schools all the magnet school kids would usually apply to. stanton and paxon. with the exception of keely, bart, and a few other people i didn't mention here. every single person i was close with in middle school, went to paxon. what's crazy is most of my friends were going for stanton because in jax it’s the “better” school as far as ranking goes. i don't even remember why but when i toured paxon, i liked it more than stanton and i wanted to go there. it’s still funny to me that my ass didn’t want to go to stanton but was one of the only ones in my close friend group to get in. 

so yea at stanton is struggled. a lot. personally but also in the friend department. to put it plainly i had none. people didn't really talk to me or acknowledge me really. at first i didn’t mind it. but then having a fucked up home situation and having no friends just made me feel real shitty. there was that thing again, with people talking to me only to make fun of me. some of those same people would turn around senior year and try to be my friend senior year which was hilarious to me at the time. it was like they forgot how they treated my extra depressed ass back then. i met this girl chelsey in 10th grade and she was hella sweet. she basically forced me on her friends and they became my friends.

okay so anyway, in 11th grade i met a girl named ahmani. she was in my chorus class. i remember our first encounter, it was towards the beginning of the school year. stanton was playing paxon and it was the game everyone went to ya know. i wanted to go but my mom couldn't take me. so everyone is talking about it and someone asked if i was coming. i said no and why, ahmani ended up asking me what side of town i lived on. we realized we dead lived like 7 minutes away from each other. she offered to pick me up and bring me to the game w her. i was amazed that she was willing to, i know that dont sound like a big deal but to me it was. people weren’t nice to me bro. like ever. so for her to do that it meant a lot. she ended up being my ride every mf where. she is dead the reason i hung out w people outside of school w my friends. she took me everywhere with her. sometimes we would just sit in the car and talk or listen to music. we had a group of friends, it was 5 of us. but i was the closest with her. 

i admired her. i thought she was so strong and resilient. she's hella awkward but she owns it. she's low-key/highkey anxious sometimes but she works through it. no one i’ve ever met works harder to achieve shit than she is. she sings so beautifully. she is beautiful. she's a caretaker of basically anyone she knows. she is a light, she was my light for so long when i needed it. we’re pretty different but also a lot alike. we just worked. i always told her where i fall short she picks up my slack and vice versa. we might be a bit of a mess separately but our heads working together is unstoppable. we’re kinda a mess together too honestly but it’s us.

in college we didn't spend as much time together. we both stayed home for two years and went to a community college. we would hang out like weekly i think. i’m pretty sure we saw each other once a week at the very least. but then she went to orlando for university and i went to UNF which in jax. we didn’t talk all that much and i understood. i wasn't necessarily too busy, but thats because i just never am that fucking busy lmfao. idk the way i go through life is weird. i only make time for the shit and people i want to make time for. i refuse to do anything i dont want to. and that isn’t necessarily my best trait but I'm working on it. but yea i guess she was busier than i? idk when i don’t speak to people for a while i dont make a big deal. i tell myself it isn’t on purpose and i move on. i often tell myself not to apply more importance to my life than what is necessary. especially when others are involved. again, not my best trait but i’m working on it. 

so yea though our communication got limited i still considered her my best friend. when she would come to the city, if she had time we hung out. i always have time lmfao, always. again i know other people’s lives are more full than mine. well i assume so. anyway. we spoke on the phone. we were there when the other needed i think. i try hard not to need people. like not to call them or burden them with my issues. i try real hard. but when she needed me i was there. not to say i’ve ever needed her and she wasn’t there. because that isn’t the case at all. 

recently we planned to move to chicago together. a whole chain of events happened and now we aren’t. i’m still moving and i’m pretty sure she is too. just not together. the way it happened is really fucking with me. i don’t wanna get into it bc of privacy and shit. but i will say that i am hurt. im really hurt and im confused and im beating myself up over some shit that everyone keeps telling me isn't my fault. feels like my fault though. that feels like the only explanation. i dont know.

i’ve been thiniking a lot. about friends and how i never really had any. i just spoke to people so i wasn't alone or sometimes i just spoke to no one and made myself be okay with it. and now i have this group of friends and we’re like family. everyone that is my friend currently is my family. all of my friends i have currently i made over the internet. and i was bothered by that im not even gonna lie. it felt good to still have ahmani bc i would see her more than i see my other friends. i still have some i didn't meet yet. idk i just.. im the only person in my like personal life with internet friends. like in my family. and i felt like i just fed the fact that my family thinks im not even the least bit “normal”. then i started to feel bad. because it felt like that meant i was ashamed of my friends.and i’m not. i love them. i dont wanna lose any of them any time soon. and i’m realizing i dont need anyone’s approval to make those friendships “real” or valid. because they are real and valid to me. 

but yea i dont think ahmani and i will be friends anymore. or if we do end up being friends again, we probably won't speak for a while. i don’t know what that means. but losing a friend sucks a whole lot and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. 

[lysitheaioandeuropa]

hey! let’s talk! about me!

I’m gonna bullet list in hopes to keep this concise (UPDATE THIS SHIT IS A LOT LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AND I THINK I WILL BE MAKING SEPARATE POSTS), bc i know it definitely isn’t going to be very organized. Before i had my fucking mental breakdown this afternoon, i actually had a lot of thoughts this morning. Some good, some bad, but i felt like i was taking the time to really acknowledge and process some things that.. I don’t get to acknowledge and process often. Or that i just flat out refuse to, or i choose to repress memories, or am still struggling with “wait, did that really happen or am i making it up,” which apparently is a sign of childhood emotional negligence or some shit like that. So basically this will prob end up being a series of extremely personal anecdotal text posts that i have shared with.. Absolutely no one prior to now, for all of my two followers to read (but tbh y’all don’t even have to, i’m mostly keeping this up here for me & prob to have something to share w my therapist, but i won’t stop y’all)

Part I - Oh no, I Caught “The Gay!” Alright, so boom: sexuality. I know i don't shut up about being gay, i know i am entirely way too hype about having a gf and being absolutely fucking smitten with her (AND WOMEN IN GENERAL), but when it feels like i’ve been forced into being silenced about that for sooo fucking long, shit can you blame me? I’ve been pretty open about it as an adult (p much 20 & on or so), it wasn’t like.. This huge secret or anything, but it also wasn’t something i went out of my way to make public. I never officially came out, and unfortunately when people found out it was because this real crazy chick decided to out me out of nowhere and i guess i just figured i had to own up to it, i didn’t really care what people thought of it then. It was weird answering questions, but easier to navigate in my 20s, though more on that later. I did let my partners know if i was dating anyone seriously (as seriously as you can as a teenager anyway), but past that idk, it just never came up. And i sometimes envy the younger kids/adults that like.. Have all these resources and labels available to them now, you know. I feel like its a lot easier to explore who you are and your identity today than it was when i was in middle school, having an extremely hard time sorting out my feelings for my “friends” (read as: i usually thought i just really wanted to be their friend, but also was v aware of how attractive they were to me, but it didn’t seem okay to talk about; whereas, middle schoolers now are a little more open? Have more labels? i have always settled for gay, Bc i did like and develop feelings for guys too but even then knew i liked my friends more). And i mean it was always something i personally was okay with, i wouldn’t deny myself the pleasure of finding girls attractive whatsoever. It’s weird looking at kids now like “oh no, they’re only children!” But i was all of 11 yrs old, first day of sixth grade, when i literally prayed that hands down THE prettiest girl in my 5th period would sit next to me as soon as i saw her walk in and had instant butterflies when she smiled at me and took that empty desk, like holy shit lmao (bruh.. She was 5’1”, puerto rican, and in my head at the time, looked RIGHTTTTT. We were partners in that class for the rest of the year and best friends outside of that class and her voice & her laugh, like bro!!!! Again, confusing and frustrating to have a crush on her, know that, be her friend and hello ofc she’s gorgeous so every boy was always after her too. Navigating feelings was so hard, but then i found a boy to crush on and felt normal again lmao). BUT it just seemed like the normal thing to do was not talk about it or ever bring it up to anyone at all at any point in time which i realize now is.. Yikes lmfao. I think it would have been different if i had someone to navigate that with, i was “mature” enough to figure it out on my own, and know to just keep it to myself, and accept it and not feel like a weirdo or anything, but not always be so eager to act on it. Again the older i’ve gotten, the easier it’s been to tell the story of how my parents thought the neighboring boy and i were so cute together in pre-k & meanwhile i was kissing this one girl during nap time, lmao. So like, i’m okay with that much; i don’t and never have felt guilty about being gay (bi, pan, whatever), even growing up in a church bc it rly was something that just came naturally to me from the jump. Puberty was slightly confusing but not a total shock either.

High school was even more so challenging and confusing? Bro. one of my best friends (and we’re def still friends now) and i were very close and the bitch had absolutely no boundaries whatsoever. Granted she had always been like that, I had been friends with her since the 6th grade as well and had seen her with other girls and boys but never put too much thought into it (you will see that this is my reaction to 90% of shit that happens to me). I’ve posted before and recently about being gay but not wanting to be predatory but getting mixed signals in “regular girl friendships,” and this was fucking textbook, lmao. I never got my hopes up or anything, and i just didn’t consider being with her a real option, but yeah, no, i deadass liked her and i’m sure she knew and didn’t mind the attention either lmao. Call it my first situationship i guess, lmao. We shared a locker so she would leave me notes and gifts, and vice versa, we’d bake for each other, we’d walk to class together, usually have lunch together, so on and so forth; she had no problem holding my hand and hugging me and being affectionate and calling me baby but like.. We weren’t dating. That was a thing. I both welcomed it and brushed it off; i was really comfortable with her physically, but still thinking i should only be dating boys even though they made me extremely uncomfortable and i’d flinch if they got too close (lmao, i have an entire separate section ready for men; cue eyeroll). I mean she kind of lead me on but not rly? I knew not to take it srsly BUT i also knew i’d be down as fuck if she ever changed her mind lmfao. Deadass she’s a 10/10 both then and now and she’d always do this cuuuute thing where she’d wrap her hands around my neck and kiss my nose and bruh i’d melt. Most people were already convinced we were dating *shrug* anyway though, this guy tried to hook up w me but i was like ehhhh so he ended up hooking up w her instead and i started dating my first boyfriend (who was terrible, abusive, and legitimately ruined my life in the short span of 10 months or so but that’s in the men’s section). It’s not like all of that magically stopped either though but i never pressed her for anything more, just entertained her and got butterflies every time she would hit me w that “i’d so love to date you” but her issue was she was comfortable with women but not sexually. I obviously wasn’t trying to sleep w her at 14, but i get it, that's her prerogative & it never got in the way of our actual friendship & i 100% value her as JUST my friend, she’s been rly great to me and has been there for the shittiest of times and has gotten me out of some rough spots. It was what it was lol. And there were other pretty girls after her that i would have considered pursuing but just never went for it. There was this senior girl i had for a class the following year and she also was and still is just jaw-dropping, beautiful, like holy shit. Something about her reminded me of strawberries and just made me feel cozy, you know? She always smelled nice, her hair was strawberry blond wellll past her waist, and she had to have been dumb to not notice me checking her out 25/8. Anyway though, i’m not trying to talk about every single girl i’ve had a crush on; the point is, i have always been firm on my sexuality you know, i never felt like i had a “questioning” phase and it just felt normal (and it has been annoying to have people question just bc i wasn’t “out” long enough to them? Or bc i’m straight passing as far as being fem + dating shitty guys goes). The only weird part was just never pursuing or never having the means to, obviously every girl is 500% straight in high school, or they sure were back then at least. I knew all of like two or three openly out girls and while i was not interested in none of them, i did envy the confidence they had not in just “hey i’m GAY,” but one of them was notorious for just pursuing any girl she was interested in and having it work in her favor? Even the “straight” ones? In my head i could only think like bro how the fuck? Anyway, proceed w checking chicks out on the sly and dating shitty guys (#bars)

So of course, college came around right, and thankfully i knew myself well enough at this point to know that my relationship with women was completely different from my relationship with men. How we interacted, how they made me feel, etc. i moved out at 17, had my own apartment, all that jazz. I had a serious boyfriend but we did do the “open relationship” thing for a bit and lo and behold, available women were everywhere. And we’d chat, flirt, and i knew the physical attraction was there (and, you know, i’m not going to get graphic or anything but confirmed i enjoyed that aspect as well) but not rly much else. So again, never put much thought into it, i was open to being with women romantically but it just never came up and finding straight guys to date after that boyfriend and i broke up was just easier. At this point, i took a “cross that bridge when i get to it” when it came to “officially” being out; it seemed pointless to make this huge deal when i was still just dating dudes, or not dating anyone at all. Not too long thereafter though, one of my close friends (i only have a couple) called me freaking out, it was adorable, lmao. So this girl confessed her love to her and she was confused about what she should do lmao (my gaydar went off THE SECOND I first met my friend and i mentioned it in passing but she always brushed it off). The whole “do what feels right” line is tired but that was the only advice i can give her really. Putting a little more thought into the situation this time and wishing i had someone i could call when i was freaking out over a girl i told her like “you know, there’s nothing wrong if you’re gay. I’m gay, i turned out just fine.” long story short, if you ask her she will always credit me for helping her come to terms with that, but she was also the first person outside of a boyfriend that i said that out loud to and.. It was nice. We kinda helped each other through that and it was nice to have that one gay friend finally lmao. But let’s just fast forward to maybe a year after that, i’d talk to girls here and there nothing serious, when the same crazy girl that liked my friend wants to talk to me (i told y’all the lesbian/local community dumb small) my friend didn’t care and i wasn’t trying to date her seriously, i was in town for the holidays and figured it’d be fun, whatever. So i was going to LIC w A HUGEEE group of my friends. Like. a significant amount, that i had only seen a couple times since high school, and that i obviously did not share my personal business with. This girl knew i wasn’t out, i told her not to be acting crazy either smh. So i knew the girl in passing but not like officially and we did most of our talking online/texting (bc thats how lesbians meet lmao). Keeping that in mind, this is the first time i’m actually meeting this girl not irl but def f2f y’know.. And this is the third time that i’m saying she’s crazy. We find a place to meet at LIC between sets and i told my friends i was waiting for another friend of mine thinking that would be the end of that. Now the whole “lesbians are crazy and move way too fast” trope was a thing w this one bc as soon as she spotted me she ran to me and just kissed me, i swear it was straight out of The Notebook, bro and i turned around and my group of MAYBE 10 friends that caught that were literally staring, wide-eyed, jaws dropped. And i just brushed it off and said k, i’m ready to go, and the questions from there on after just would not stopppppp. It was partially embarrassing bc i am not a spotlight ass bitch whatsoever, but most people that saw us together strangers and whatnot thought we were a “cute couple” and we were complimented most of the night. But every time she’d hug me or kiss me or anything, my friends would be ready behind her back in group of three trying to mouth over me like “girlfriend???? Dating?????” and no she wasn’t my girlfriend but the way she was all over me i had to claim her as such at that point to make my life easier lmao. And i can laugh it off now because no, it rly wasn’t that big a deal to me then but it does kind of suck that it ended up not being my own choice y’know. I had fun with her, the night ended well, she left w me and slept over (nothing happened [that time] but it was still nice nonetheless lol). New years eve was the next couple days and we made plans together and again, we weren’t official or like REALLY talking and it was a (different) group of us going to this house party. I didn’t think she’d do the same thing like, bro without asking or anything, imagine if i was a person that did seriously mind?? Anyway, she got drunk and was the life of the party, she has quite the presence, and by the time it was midnight she straddling my lap making out with me and thats how i came out to everyone else i knew and whoever wasn’t at any of those two events sure did receive texts and pics of my date and i. It was embarrassing initially cause this girl!! Why the fuck did she do that!! Lmao, explaining myself to my closest friends was odd bc they were offended i didn’t tell them sooner and i’m just like.. It never came up at all you know. With that said, i have waited to see if i would ever seriously date a woman bc i knew i wanted to but the opportunity never presented itself until recently, and that’s why ya’ll see me out here screaming on rooftops about how gay i am bc i finally get to do that, on my own terms, and bc i love someone soooo so so dearly.

[imreszekeres]

for the anon that wanted all 100

1. Name- Ash! 2. Age- 18 3. City that you live in- fear, usually 4. What do most people not know about you?- nothing really, i compulsively release useless information about myself 5. What do most people know you for?- being fat and annoying 6. Hobbies- makeup, youtubers, sleeping, writing, drawing 7. What are your passions?- writing 8. What do you search for in a significant other?- i really Really need to be understood, and someone who is patient is nice too 7. What are you most proud of?- I hav gone to State and gotten within the top 10% in my Journalism competitions, which puts me in the top .08% of all high school students in my state. :-) im good for some things 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- every day when I talk to @pizzasteveofficial <3 all our conversations are significant 2 me 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collect my tears in a jar and store them, then shower in them every night 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- I want to get married in the snow, have a daughter, get a Heartagram tattoo (at least one lol), write a successful book, and.. idk what else :0 11. What was the last thing you learned?- jesus I dont know, you learn sth new every day! hard to remember 12. How many relationships have you been in?- um.. 7 I think i feel like im forgetting one tho. I wont name them obvi but i think im forgetting one? i feel like ive been in 8 oh well 13. Turn ons- validation 14. Turn offs- being alive 15. Favorite food- frozen yogurt! I like the vanilla or white chocolate flavor with looots of toppings 16. Favorite drink- Coke 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- i dont really know! I dont remember a lot of my birthdays for trauma reasons so  18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- pessimistic by far lol 19. Do you sleep during class?- its happened a handful of times, I try not to bc I HATE missing work its annoying 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- myself?? jk its my laptop 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- a 1 dollar ELF blending brush. yall those things are bomb please go buy some! 22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- that number does not exist holy shit  23. Text or call?- TEXT BLEASE I HAVE SUCH BAD HEARING 24. Opinion on long distance?- it can work! ive done it a lot of times. distance has never been whats broken a relationship for me, not directly anyway 25. What is your definition of success?- success is when you’re happy. you do not have many worries, not the kind that keep you awake at night or make your tummy sick anyway. You have people that love you and, if you died, you’d be remembered as a good bean 26. Favorite song?- right now im really diggin “Hate (I Really Dont Like You)” by the plain white Ts 27. Favorite artist?- HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- Ville Valo ALWAYS lmao hes my god 29. When was the last time you read for fun?- like last month 30. Favorite flower?- roses 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- a plane ticket to Connecticut and like 1000 dollars 32. Any guilty pleasures?- pop... music... BUT LIKE THE GOOD KIND U FEEL? I DONT LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST 2 OR 3 YEARs...  33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- my weight, and that sounds so shallow but it. is taking a toll on me. 34. What do you search for in a friend?- someone who is like me! 35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?- not enough 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- school.. 37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- because life isnt fair 38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- what the fuck being stabbed in the eye have you ever been stabbed in the fucking eye? because i havent and i can already tell you that if my friends were talking without me and then someone stabbed me in the fuCKING EYE I WOULD BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE PREOCCUPIED WITH BEING STABBED IN THE E Y E  39. How many green shirts do you own?- none lol 40. Do you like anime?- sure! I dont watch it rn but i dont watch anything rn, haha 41. What do you invest the most time in?- sleeping,, 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- Rebecca :3 very gud book 43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone?- when ur main squeeze gets a hair cut and u still wanna suck their dingus u love em, thats it sorry i dont make the rules 44. Where are you most productive?- i dont.. know what this is asking lol I’m most protective over my romantic partners. As much as I’d love to say im most protective over Sarah, nothing compares to how “troll guarding his treasure” i am w/my loves.......... *eyes @my crush* 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- talking shit abt rude ppl, playing vidya gaem, and talking abt life 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- watching makeup tutorials, watching lets plays, and thinking about everything and anything 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- absolutely not. theres too many people on the earth to achieve that 48. Do you have any allergies?- Not to anything specific but i get them really often seasonally. i get them pretty much every time the weather changes :( 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- i mean.. every day of my life so like 50. What was the last promise you made?- idek dude 51. What was your last dream about?- IT WAS SO WEIRD IT WAS ABOUT MY CRUSH’S MOM? I DREAMT THAT SHE WAS A DEMON WHO STORED HER EGGS IN LITTLE PORCELAIN JARS AND THAT MY CRUSH HAD AN EAR INFECTION AND WE WERE IN A SNOWY VILLAGE IDK DONT ASK ME its weird bc my crushs mom is so sweet... 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- i would literally only take Sarah bc i hate everyone 53. How many countries have you visited?- ive never been outside the US 54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- writing :-) 56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- those nice anons i got yesterday/the other day! 56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?- what do u even mean? youd know bc youd be like THIS ISNT MY BODY 57. Do you consider yourself mature?- kind of, yes 58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?- too fuckin many 59. What is your favorite quote?- “Worship Satan!” -Ville Valo (no but rly any HIM lyric is my favorite quote, theyre so beautiful,,,) 60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?- dont hurt ppl unless they hurt u, dont touch ppl unless they want u to, and respect gender/sexuality 61. What is your greatest accomplishment?- going 2 state! 62. Do you believe in the death penalty?- yeah i actually think it should b used more lol, kill all rapists and p*dophiles :-) 63. What are your goals for life?- i just wanna b happy, man 64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?- being a fucking idiot, probably 65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.- CALIFORNIA LMAO IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CALIFORNIA AND I NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE 66. What were you like in 2013?- awful but also really sweet... then again i wasnt TECHNICALLY the host so lol  67. Do you have a job?- no :( i cant drive 68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.- she was an abusive bitch who took out her parents hating her on me the end 69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?- i would make discrimination a way more serious crime than it is taken for rn. ppl who discriminate should b put in jail 70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?- just one when i had to install the sims and it took 6 years 71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?- my fave website is youtube 72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?- suck a dick, i guess 73. Does money equal happiness?- not all the time but it sure can 74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?- never, i dont think 75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?- too many times 76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told?- you know that joke abt the blind man at the beginning of Crazy Rap? yeah thats fucking HILARIOUS  77. When was the last time you looked at the news?- this morn :0 78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?- im gay 79. What is your favorite animal?- RACCOONS!!!!!!!!!!!! 80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?- i mean sure lmao nobody would b upset about it so 81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at?- being a human. 82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?- i usually go to bed at 10 and get like 6 or 7 hours 83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?- not at all! 84. What is your favorite clothing store?- hot topic lol 85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?- gloves b 86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?- wings?? why would i want a fish tail 87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?- absofuckinglutely.  88. What do you fear the most?- being like my rapist. thats a little too deep than i like to go but im being honest, thats literally my biggest fear Ever 89. How many digits of pi can you recite?- 3.14 lmfao i hate math 90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?- 2004. I would stop it before it happened. :-( 91. Describe yourself in one word.- stupid 92. Describe your last victory.- i woke up today w/o killin meself 93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?- bendytoots cucumberpitch’s face 94. What is something you will never forget?- prom.. something rly nice happened 95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?- forget everything. please 96. Have you ever broken a bone before?- nope! 97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?- probably harder to love them lol 98. Coffee or tea?- coffer 99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?- I dont overdose on a constant basis in a BPD-fueled rage any more so thats good 100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today?- probably 1 or 2?

[szopenhauer]

Who will you be spending Christmas with this year? no idea, I’d like to spend it with my parents but dad might work at the time and also sister can visit, I’m not even sure if I will be alive at the time nor if I want holidays as I have no money nor can’t eat much anyway

Did you go to high school with your current best friend? no Have you ever wanted to be vegetarian or vegan? maybe vegetarian but not a vegan for sure Do you park your car in a garage, carport or just in a driveway? we have no car

Have you seen any extended relatives in the last month? from afar Do you take part in paying the bills for your household? I don’t :( Have you ever properly listened to classical music? Did you like it? you mean if I listened to a live orchestra? not really Do your parents know how to text? not my mother Do you text your parents often? I text my father at least once a day when he’s at work What television channel do you watch the most? none anymore What will you do when this survey is over? take a bath and go to sleep, I play choices in the meantime, I might listen to music yet  What’s the weather like today? there was a thunderstorm How do you usually celebrate New Years? I was listening to music with my family, we had special food and then we looked at fireworks through the window drinking non alcoholic champagne  Is the place that you’re in right now quiet or loud? it’s quiet

What was the last thing you took a video of? what kind of friend I am on snapchat or smth on tik tok that I set as private

What’s something that used to really stress you out, but doesn’t anymore? school as I no longer attend it Do you prefer to be around introverted or extroverted people? I’m an introvert and I prefer NOT to be around people  Have you ever been somewhere where you didn’t fluently speak the local language? never but sometimes I go to the mall and there are ppl speaking russian instead of polish  Have you ever dated someone from a very different socioeconomic background? yep Were you born before or after the collapse of the Soviet Union? year after How often do you go grocery shopping? about every second day or third? If you got pregnant the 1st time you had sex, how old would the kid be now? it wouldn’t be born What was your last received text message about? M. wishing me good night Have you ever lived in a small community where everyone knew each other? my town was a bit like this when I was a baby Are you a procrastinator? huge What was the last thing you said out loud? BYE or smth like that

Have you ever worked over 50 hours in one week? I haven’t

Have you ever studied abroad? neither Do you have any medication that you keep with you at all times? sorta List three things that you need to get done in the next few days? take my dog to the vet, get my examinations results and give them to my gastrologist, go on a date, do grocery shopping etc. What’s something that’s much more difficult than a lot of people realize? being me What’s your opinion on couples ‘staying together for the kids?’ ugh... What was the last website you were on, before this one? Google Do you ever lose track of what day of the week it is? who doesn’t Were you raised by both of your parents? If not, then who raised you? could say so, my dad was busy often but I also had my grandma around Have you ever spent over $50 (€43) on a bottle of wine? - Have you ever locked your keys in your car? I don’t get it, how is that even possible? :o What season do you wish lasted longer? summer How old is the last male you texted? 60+ How old is the last female you texted? 28 Have you ever ‘taken a break’ in a relationship? If so, how did things turn out? could say so

How many times have you ever ridden an elephant? 0 but I want to What do you think about Lord of the Rings? cool

Do you have a lot of clothes hangers in your house? shitload Have you ever been in a Latin class? floristry  Have you ever had bubble gum stuck in your hair? once Is there any pet hair stuck to your clothing? I don’t think so Have you ever watched The Gremlins? nah Is your cell on charge? it is indeed What do you think about rainbows? ... Are you wearing anything on your head right now? am not Do you own a pet spider? I don’t Do you like mouthwash? I dislike it Do you use green pens? very rarely Are there any fake tattoos on you? none Can you roll your belly? a bit Is there a rocking chair in your house? there isn’t Have you ever gone to a Monster Truck show? would like to someday but it’s not necessary Have you ever been kicked in the throat? punched/slapped/hit  Do you like the song “Barbie Girl”? ironically Do you own a feather boa? blergh Do you wear ribbons in your hair? used to have this special decoration that I made myself - it was a ponytail made out of ribbons and my friends’ mom or grandma was calling it Krakowianka Do you use cheat codes on video games? motherlode How long has it been since you last slept? over ten hours Is the sound on your laptop or computer turned off? it’s on How many keychains do you own? too many lmfao Magnets? several Do you own anything with a peace sign on it? doubt it When is the last time you wore shorts? this month which is new/weird to me Do you like elevators or escalators? use them when I need to Is there anyone in the room with you? I’m alone When is the last time you pet an animal? today

Is it windy outside? who knows Have you ever met a dog named ‘Spot’? I called one this way

Do you usually wrap gifts or just put them in a bag? give them without packing or anything  When was the last time you were given jewelery as a gift? this year If you look out the window closest to you - what do you see? darkness Have you ever used crutches? for “fun” If Willy Wonka invited you to live with him, would you? ewww, creepy Do you own a pair of pink shoes? mhm Have you ever been in a tree house? sadly not Have you ever been outside in freezing cold weather with no jacket on? ha! it reminds me of the time we’ve been using hot glue for couple of hours to make floral decorations in class and we all started going crazy like on drugs and we wen outside in T-shirts in a freezing cold winter time to finish projects and we didn’t feel anything pfft - I wasn’t sick afterwards :P The last time you said “I want it” - what was it that you wanted? not sure what was last but I want health constantly if that counts What color are your sunglasses? they’re not colorful Are you picky about how your clothes fit? I like ‘em oversized Would you ever flirt with somebody in front of your parents? slightly Would you ever move to China? what for What material are the pants you’re wearing made of? cotton

How long have you had your current mattress? years Do you usually pay with cash, debit card, or credit card? cash always What do you usually drink with breakfast? I drink water an hour after breakfast

Are you the type of person who can make friends with just about anyone? me? r u kidding? What’s your least favorite time of day? morning because of waking up but sunrises are pretty  How many burners does your stove have? 4 When you go to a restaurant, do you prefer to sit at a booth or a table? table Which room of your house is currently in the greatest need of cleaning? *shrug* not mine  When was the last time you shipped a package? uh oh I don’t even remember  Have you ever made a homemade pie? with my mom How old is your oldest cousin? don’t ask me

Do you ever have binges that last for hours, watching YouTube videos? not that long

Have you ever recorded yourself doing a cover of a song? ^^”

Are there any movies out there that basically make you want to puke? Gummo *someone once told me it reminds them of me and I wasn’t able to watch half of it as it was so disgusting and that comment feels like one of the worst offensive shit anybody ever told [about] me

Are either of your parents laid of from work at the moment? retired

Any secrets you’d never tell anyone? No matter how close they are to you? no secrets like this

Have you ever told a secret on one of your friends you promised otherwise? you got me

Do you consider yourself a promiscious person? I’m an asexual but recently... Look to your left, what’s the first blue thing you see right now? there’s nothing blue on my left side atm as there’s a window 

Do you know anyone who has AIDS? What about yourself? no one that I know of 

Has anyone ever mistaken you to be a member of the opposite sex? plenty of times

What’s one thing in your room you would die if your SO found? I wouldn’t die, I might be embarassed if anything

Does your school have a swimming pool? Or no? my schools didn’t have swimming pools

Do you prefer cappuccinos or frappuccinos? I only tried cappuccino before  Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean? lake Are there any plants in your home? omg yes What food does honey go best with? I liked yoghurt with honey when I was a child Have you ever carved a pumpkin? less than 5 times Do you love seeing frost hanging off leaves in the Winter? I like it on windows only Have you ever reread a book? no? Would you ever like to own a chandelier? not crystal one 

Do you have any religious symbols in your home? bunch What religion do you identify with, if any? Christianity If you could have a small garden in your backyard, what would you plant? you mean vegetables?

Do you enjoy those tins of butter cookies? yeah Do you own any art supplies? I gave away most of them Do you prefer writing in pen or pencil? pen How many notebooks do you own? Are they all filled? I own lots of filled and empty notebooks

Are you currently sitting on your bed? I’m not

Did anything tend to make you extremely happy today?  nope

What month is it?  August

Do you know where the remote to the closest television is located or not? I know

Name one interesting fact about yourself that people might not know about? I hate The Nanny Affair on Choices and play it only to get diamonds

Do you ever have to write down a phone number to remember it, or not? every single time

Do you know anyone who has man-boobs?  many men have “boobs” *in middle school we had a guy who they were calling Pamela (Anderson) because of that

Do you know anyone who constantly puts themselves down?  that me

When was the last time you had a piece of cake?  yesterday or day before

Do you know anyone who has their septum pierced? Does it look painful? not personally

Do you think some famous people just shouldn’t be famous at all?  lots

Has anyone ever complimented you on your singing? Did you believe them? once in primary school and I think they tried to flirt with me but I believe they were lying or maybe they just tried to make fun of me? 

Has anyone ever kissed you in the rain? Did it seem romantic at the time? no thx

When was the last time you listened to a genre of you music you despise? in public, it was loud so I couldn’t help it

How satisfied with life are you at this exact moment in time? Why is this? no comment

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

5/12/17, 11:11pm - gettin cucked up

me and a particular group of my melee friends have been using the word cuck a lot still and I never really thought about where it came from. Like 4chan probably repopularized the use of the word because I saw that cuckold porn became a really big trend on there, but the way we use it isn’t like cuckoldry exactly, it’s more like getting fucked over, or stood up, or most specifically teased with a promise of a good time and then having someone back out at the last minute.

More on that later I guess. This week’s been so hectic. Wtf it’s only been like 5 days it feels like it’s been weeks already. I’ve restrategized my Get Your Shit Together (4.0) list, and the big three things are 1. pass the RPSGT, 2. get moved out of my apartment, 3. get some surgeries. 

Tony actually wrote my letter for real, so I put in my application to take the test this week! My cpr aed certification is outdated so I got an online one and I’m not allowed, so I have to do a course this weekend and fix that, but otherwise I’m all set. Gotta study hard, I’m pretty fucking pumped to get a raise. Glad I’m not dying for the money rn though, the $500 to take the test and get a new cpr cert would have me stresssssed the fuck out, dude.  No progress on getting someone to take my room just yet, my room’s a fucking mess, I need to do laundry, I’m kinda putting all this shit off for now tbh. We’ll wait until I’ve taken the exam I’ve got vacation this week anyway. And I talked to my dad, who gave me his blessing so to speak to get a vasectomy. I fudged a number that I told him, said that it’s 90% reversible (most numbers say 95% or greater w/in 3 years, about 50% at 10), but with the potential for in vitro fertilization even if the reversal fails I’m sure that’s about right. He told me that my mom had told him that she wasn’t trying to get pregnant for a year or so and then ‘was practically pregnant the next day.’ coupled with how mom was talking about being pregnant at their wedding I can see that lol. He basically told me that he loves all of us a lot, but yeah I would’ve definitely done that because it’s worth it to not have that kind of surprise when you can’t make money for a kid. I definitely can’t make money for a kid right now lol that would kill me. So I’ve already called the doc to get a referral and I’m gonna get a vasectomy. Gotta figure out how much my septum surgery will be too, but that’ll be a lot more -_- Me and dad were catching up for a bit and I helped him get in touch with Dr. Bruce to fix a hernia so he’s gonna be giving me some more money so that’ll help with that too though. Plus I’ll FINALLY be making sleep tech money. I’m so fucking pumped.

Plus basically the past 3 days I’ve Actually just been working. 3 patients a night for the first time this week was stressful as fuck. I mean not exactly. Just time consuming and pretty frustrating. As jimmy said “if you were still trying to get through Zelda you probably would be dying right now.” Made it through fine and that should sweeten up my paycheck just a smidgen.

Still haven’t eaten french fries, but definitely gave up on cigs. Practically like two days later. I was out drinking for Josh’s birthday and smoked a bunch. That shit was so fucking cash omg. I got blackout drunk for the first time in forevvver. Was hanging out with Jimmy, Josh, Ian, Jack, ran around with one of josh’s friends trying to pick up chicks at a bar after smashing beers into our head and shotgunning them. I have a video lol I’ll try to upload it once I have internet. Was trying to ‘flirt with all the ASA bitties’ but got too drunk and ended up boxing someone in Josh’s friend’s basement (w/ boxing gloves) lmfao. Reminded me of middle school boxing Cory Winters and having our little fight club ring lol. Drunk snapped a bunch of people, ian drove me home, it was a great fucking night. Oh and at Josh’s friend’s I ran into one of my asian friends who I could not remember for the life of me. I wasn’t sure if he was a league friend or one of brosciouss friends or a smash friend I was just so lost, but played it off really well (as always) and did jager shots with him. Fuck. Ing. Lit. First time I felt so happy and natural to be drinking in forever, too. Even got to see brett3 for a bit. Nice to be back in chapel hill. Especially when they’re good old drinking buddies like Jack. It’s so strange that I don’t really talk to anybody else from chapel hill, but then again it really isn’t. 

The date with Brianna went pretty meh. We met up and joked around a bunch and thrift shopped and I bought a whole fuckton of new pants to ease the process of spring cleaning and two new sweatshirts so I’m not wearing fuzzy shit all the time now that it’s getting warmer. Ate at Ms. Winner’s and it was some delicious ass cheap fried chicken, might be my new go to in gboro now. But she like barely wanted to kiss me at the end of the date idk what’s up with her, I’ve kinda bailed out since she’s all preoccupied with her family anyway.

Instead ive gone back to what I call my “harem strats” You see, by chatting up as many girls as possible (right now juggling 4-5) I divert my attention and stay aloof enough that I don’t seem like a crazy fuck. Instead I’m just an asshole who’s two timing girls, but yknow fuck you stop judging me.  This girl hit me up on snapchat saying I looked cute in my story and that we should smoke sometime. With the snapchat name Smokeahontas I could’ve sworn it was Kat, so I just go along with the convo. But then I see kat has a diff username and I was like wtfff who is this lol. I didn’t ask her though, just played along and eventually remembered when she asked for my insta that it was this girl I matched with on tinder months ago that I never followed up with (like most of them), probably because I got lazy lol.  Had a sort of date with Jamie, we got some food because she was getting off work, we smoked a bit, but she was like texting the whole time and fuckin bailed out after just an episode of south park to ‘go to the beach with her roommate.’ I still have been talking to her a bunch, but Idk what the fuck is up with that, kinda whack. Super cucked by how that went. Especially because when I walked her out to her car I didn’t even get a kiss goodnight it was this weird lasting embrace like she pressed her cheek into mine to make sure I didn’t try to kiss her I guess, but still held me tight for a really long time, I was like rubbing her lower back hoping she’d like loosen up and kiss me but hooooly shit it all felt super fucking awkward. I’m hoping she’s just really conservative about dudes since she’s such a cutie, but idk. it makes me actually not give a fuck about her. I have a date tomorrow night with the other textiles girl idr if I wrote about her, but she’s cute, going to ncsu. “allergic to smoke” lol I told her I quit. (I mean I had that day before but I lied and said I did two weeks ago hahah goddamn I’m kind of a twat maybe.) Also actually got cucked by smokeahontas. It was like a situation that was too good to be true though, to be fair. She didn’t have anything to do yesterday night and wanted to hang out; when I told her I was stuck at work and said she should just smoke with me in the morning she said she actually wanted to and would stay up all night to meet up with me when I got off. Ofc she fell asleep, and when she woke up she said she wanted to go back to bed, so I flippantly said “well you could always sleep over here.” and surprisingly enough she said she was actually game for that, so our smoke and horror movie date turned into a naptime date. But an hour passed while I was eating breakfast and in the shower so I was like ‘wtf is up’ and she said she got sick and threw up. Figured I was super cucked once more by another flaker, kind of a bummed out, but not as bummed as after the dates with Jaime and Bri both went so poorly lol. Just happily told her we can try again another time, and now she’s saying she wants to do the same plan for tomorrow morning. 

So There. Is. The potential for me to get laid twice tomorrow. Pretty exciting. I haven’t told anyone that I remade plans with her though. RIGHT after I told some friends about how the nap date got planned out she said she was sick. I FUCKING swear that every time I brag about one of my dates I have lined up it falls the fuck through the floor. So I’m gonna try to never do it again. 

Then there’s this other theatre major girl I started talking to yesterday. Talked about horoscopes and transitioned from talking feminism to her (woke as fuck teens smh) into asking if she ate ass (jokingly) into asking if she wanted to hang. Turns out she’s actually a really cool super geeky chick and I’m really excited to spend time with her since she wants to show me jurassic park for the first time and learn how to play melee. Kinda weird that she’s only 18 still though O.o oh you, tyler. 

SO yeah. That’s the sitch with that. Went from supppper fucking bummed a couple days ago about my dating situation into thinking that I’m the shit again. I think I want to establish that “i’m the best” mentality once again. Because I really am. I’m fucking amazing lmao. 

Ultimately though, I’m still getting cucked left and right and I have little to no faith that I’ll find anybody I actually care about ever again but we’ll see yknow. I think that’s the strats to how I fell in love last time anyway.

hmmm. what else is there... Work in burlington is still super shitty, my commute went from an hour to like an hour and forty minutes today bc people in NC can’t drive through a little bit of fucking drizzling. 

Idk that’s about all I’ve got. Next week’s lake week so gonna have to work again in a few days after some date shenanigans and hopefully I’ve got some more good stories and shit. 

[saleurlone]

Friendships with mental illness

Dealing with bi polar disorder I constantly find myself eventually isolating myself from everyone and in that process some people stick around and some people leave. I don’t mean to push anyone away but it just happens. Slowly but surly. I find myself constantly wanting to confide in someone but I feel like if I tell someone everything they’ll want nothing to do with me or judge me so I hold everything inside until I have a full on panic or anxiety attack. And I’m impulsive as fuck. I always find myself doing any saying shit on an impulse. No time to think. I’m in a love hate relationship with the world and it’s fucking exhausting. Constantly having your emotions go from one side of the spectrum to the other and not knowing how you truly feel until you have a good day and can be logical and re-think everything fucking sucks. I feel like I’m drained of all my energy constantly. And I feel like it’s really taken a tole on my friends and family. They never know what mood I’m going to be in, or if they’re going to accidentally trigger me and have to watch what they say to me and how they say it. I interpret things in the most dramatic ways lmao and am just dramatic to begin with. Right now I feel like my best friend Erika wants nothing to do with me and is bottom line tired of my shit. I feel like she’s tired of being the strong one and I understand. But it still hurts. I feel like she feels like I’m not able to be emotionally there for her and give her the comfort that she needs because I’m too busy just trying to maintain my sanity. I feel like me and my problems finally drove her away. I reached out to her saying that I loved her and missed her and got no reply. It sucks you know? I try my best to manage my illness but most of the time shit is just out of my control. There’s one lost friendship that still stings a little though. I had a friend that I made in high school and our bond over music is what really solidified our friendship (I’ll refer to him as GV) We kept in touch after school was over and he got to know me and know about my mental problems in the process and he was actually really cool about it. He had problems of his own, as we all do, so he knew what was up. There’d be times where I’d try to bring him up when he was going through his shit just because I knew how it felt to feel like you had no one to be there for you in your time of need and on top of that he was the fucking homie, of course imma check up on him and make sure he’s good you know? Just like I do with everyone I care about. Anyways, as time went by I got introduced to his friends and that was it, I knew from the beginning these people were fucking talented and wholehearted and I was completely there for that lol. They’re all involved in music so as time went on I would go to whatever little shows they had and supported them to the fullest (as I still do) and we would hang out here and there. My goal in life is to make music myself so I ended up moving to California just to see what would happen. My best friend Travis makes music as well and was already living out there for over a year at that point and so we decided to live together out there. That lasted for about a year lmfao (I’ll explain later smh) but during that year I kept in touch with the homies back home. They were really excited for me to go and I would update them from time to time and give them the rundown on how everything was going. When I first moved there they were the first ones I facetimed because I was low key freaking the fuck out hahahahahaha and they were there for me. Reminding me that I’ll be good, just doing what friends do. While I was living in cali I got a job at the Dave & Busters on Hollywood boulevard. Hella celebrities would be in and out. I’ve met Akon LOL, Diane Keaton, a grip of vine famous people, Neyo, Debbie Ryan, The game, (Metro Boomin was there on my day off and I was livid) and so many d-list celebs I can’t even remember lmao. But! Right before I moved back to Tucson the Kardashians bought D&B out for Khloe’s birthday and I ended up seeing Kanye in the flesh! I could not stop thinking about how the homies were gonna flip when I told them because we’re all HUGE Kanye fans and sure enough they were the first people I told and they were flipping out hahahahahahaha. I called GV as soon as I got home that night and gave him allllll the details and it was just a really exciting time and I’m glad I got to share that with him and his friends. And as you all know now I’m back in Tucson. I had a really bad blowout with Travis. I was just not utilizing my time in California wisely and I was dating a lot when I was out there and it was just all bad. We fought a lot and it got to the point where I would get anxiety when I knew he was coming home because I knew we were going to get into it. I knew I was going to move home right before Travis and I had our final blow out and I was confiding in GV a lot at that time and was letting him know that I knew I was going to come home soon. Shit was just wayyyy to toxic at that point and you know in your gut when something is about to end. As soon as I moved back here I was completely broken and just felt really out of control. I moved back the Fourth of July and no one knew I was living here till like September lmao. My family was falling apart right when I got here also so it was just added on to my stress. That’s when things escalated between GV and I. I was looking for a shoulder to cry on and I found one basically lol. I just wasn’t expecting what was there to come. He just got out of a long term relationship, I just moved back and I guess we both were vulnerable in a way and found solace in each other. We openly talked about how it wasn’t going to be anything serious and I was cool with that. I wasn’t expecting to catch feelings lmfao. I can admit, I was super difficult to deal with during that time. My Nino just moved into my nana’s house out of nowhere. I was on the phone with GV at 6 in the morning and my Nino just shows up on my door step straight out of jail with no warning or nothing, and just to let you guys know my Nino is addicted to heroin and no one in my family really had anything to do with him at that time so it was a surprise that he thought he could just show up to my nanas all uninvited and shit. Then my mom was living here also and relapsed not too long after my Nino moved in and on top of all that I didn’t have a job. I’m the type of person that NEEDS a job. It’s the only constant in my constant shifting life and not having money is also a huge stressor. So as soon as we started talking or whatever that’s when I felt like he got to really see what was inside my mind. He got to see what I looked like completely broken. He truly got to get to know me you know. See what I go through when I’m crippled with anxiety and am constantly worrying about everything, not being able to see a future for myself. Being super pessimistic. I’d go through days where I would barley text him or not at all. With no explanation. When I get overwhelmed like that I don’t know how to express my true feelings and automatically push people away. But the longer he stuck around and would talk me down out of my episodes and the more he started to show he genuinely cared, I fell for him. I broke the fucking rules and caught feelings. Soooo, we all know that caught feelings comes with jealousy.. there was this one chick he’d be constantly flirting with on the interweb and I didn’t bring it up. For I knew what this was when I started this whole mess. But one night he brought her up and then said “but I’d never get with her tho” 🤔 hahahahahahaha. I knew deep in my gut it was bs but what could I do? We weren’t together. We still had whatever we had going on though. One night I broke my phone and didn’t have one for two weeks but I would still talk to him everyday on fucking Facebook lol. But I feel that’s when the shift started. I felt it in my soul that he was talking to her but what the fuck could I do. When I finally got my phone I confronted him about it and we both agreed that it wasn’t right, BUT WE BOTH KNEW WHAT THIS WAS WHEN WE STARTED THIS SHIT. It was basically a sorry not sorry conversation. And that’s when I started to become distant. Then just stopped talking to him all together with no explanation. But we both knew why. I’m not fucking stupid. And it was a further confirmation when he let me be. Like a month after I stopped talking to him and deleted him on everything and all that he tried reaching out to me and I told him to just pretend I didn’t exist (so angsty) and he granted my wish. I feel like he just didn’t want to deal with me and my problems anymore. It’s just a shitty situation. I knew him 4 years before this all happened and I miss his friends more than anything. I wished none of this shit happened. I wish I could have some type of friendship with him but I can’t. I hurt. And that’s okay. I’ll never stop showing him and his homies unconditional love when it comes to their music though. I’ll be civil in public for the sake of everyone including myself. I don’t feel anything ugly towards him and I don’t find myself wishing him the worst. I’m just sorry this all happened. I find myself wondering if things would’ve been different had I not been born being crazy lol. At the end of the day it is what it is and it was definitely a learning experience. The more I accept things for what they are the easier it is for me to put that shit in the past. I don’t ever want to go through anything like that again lmao and I feel like to prevent something like this from happening I need to learn how to communicate my feelings and need to know that I do matter. My feelings matter. I am not a burden like I feel I am. And people do need to know what’s going on with me even if I don’t feel like I owe them an explanation.

[tune-collective]

The 15 Best David Guetta Songs

The 15 Best David Guetta Songs

No matter how you feel about him, David Guetta is hugely responsible for dance music crossing over into the American mainstream. Would Calvin Harris ever be so big as he is today if Guetta hadn’t helped break down those radio barriers? Would The Chainsmokers be stealing the hearts of so many tween girls if it weren’t for early hits from Guetta and Nicki Minaj?

Guetta isn’t afraid to get cheesy, but a lot of that cheese is so gooey, it’s perfect. His willingness to work with artists across genre lines has brought hits with rappers, singer-songwriters and pop stars alike. As we await the first notes of his next single with Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne, we take a look back at 15 of the best David Guetta songs to date, from the beginning of his career way before “EDM” in 2002, to today.

15. David Guetta feat. Rihanna – “Who’s That Chick” 

Before she was tapped as Calvin Harris’ favorite house-pop vocalist, Rihanna teamed up with David Guetta in the studio for this filtered-out dance floor hit. It wasn’t as huge as “We Found Love” or other Guetta productions from 2010’s One More Love, but it did chart as high as 51 on the Billboard Hot 100.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAc4zHEDd7o

14. David Guetta – “Atomic Food”

This is just one of the strangest songs we ever did hear. It’s kind of a classic among old-school Guetta fans, definitely tells you how not serious people were about their house music back in 2002. It was a time when anything was game, even listing off food items over a killer beat. Honestly, it’s a dope tune, and certainly one that, once you’ve heard it, you’ll never forget.

13. David Guetta feat. Emeli Sande – “What I Did For Love”

Scotland’s Emeli Sande has one of the most honest voices in the game. It’s easy to see why Guetta tapped her for what eventually became the third single from his sixth studio album, Listen. It’s a slow, strong build into the big release at the hook. You don’t need much else in the verses besides Sande’s vocal, but we still love the maximalism of that drop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fL5iWgWwno

12. David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj – “Turn Me On”

Not gonna lie, this David Guetta song totally sounds like it was meant for Rihanna, and then Guetta couldn’t get Rihanna, so he just asked Nicki Minaj to play the part of the dance floor songstress. Guess it doesn’t matter, because this is one of the biggest hits of Guetta’s career so far. It peaked at No. 4 on the Hot 100 and stayed on that chart for 27 weeks. Who can forget the video, feautring Nicki Minaj as some kind of pleasure bot, coming to life mid-construction, singing from that weird metal skeleton mouth? That’s the stuff nightmares are made of.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVw7eJ0vGfM

11. David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha, Afrojack – “Hey Mama”

Guetta’s sixth studio LP Listen has a lot of heaters, and this collaboration with Nicki Minaj tries to recapture some of that megahit “Turn Me On” magic. In my opinion, it does an even better job. Minaj shines, as opposed to sounding like a quick Rihanna replacement. Afrojack helps turn Alan Lomax’s 1940s song “Rosie” into a Dutch house jam. Bebe Rexha, famous now for her collab with Martin Garrix on “In the Name of Love,” supplies the chorus, although she was originally not listed in the credits on radio. Record label execs thought three names was one too many for mainstream audiences to deal with. Hmph.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uO59tfQ2TbA

10. David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj, Flo Rida – “Where Them Girls At”

This track opens 2011’s Nothing But the Beat, Guetta’s most pop-facing record of his career thus far. This is mainstream Guetta unbridled. This is Guetta working hard for that radio domination. Flo Rida is one of pop’s favorite rappers, having made a career off of dance-hop party anthems. Nicki Minaj has two collabs with Guetta on this album, this era being the peak of her pop crossover momentum. It’s a simple composition centered around bright synth chords with heavy emphasis on the vocals. The hook is undeniable. Indeed, “Where Them Girls At” is the rallying cry of every college party from the dawn of time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4kVWCSzfK4

9. David Guetta feat. Chris Willis – “People Come and Go”

This David Guetta song is a total disco-revival jam, featuring a killer topline from frequent Guetta collaborator Chris Willis, as well as production touches from another of Guetta’s favorite friends, Joachim Gaurrad. “People Come and Go” is a total classic from 2002’s debut Just a Little More Love. The guitar solo after the chorus might just be my favorite little part. This has some wonderful ’80s edge to it too. We recommend putting it on when you’re getting ready or pregaming. It puts some serious pep in your step and gives you that “this will be a magical evening” kind of feeling.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtallP_A_HY

8. David Guetta  feat. Barbara Tucker – “Give Me Something (Deep in my Heart)”

This is old-school disco groove Guetta, definitely one of the best gems from his debut album Just a Little More Love, released in 2002. This is pretty forward-thinking for that year, and it’s retro-future vibes stand the test of time. I kind of miss this style in Guetta’s later offerings. I’d love to see Guetta get his ’70s funk disco band style back on. Barbara Tucker’s rich, booming voice is beautiful all over this. It’s that 4:25 mark that just takes us over the edge. And that strutting bass? More of this bass, please.

7. David Guetta feat. Chris Willis, Fergie, LMFAO – “Gettin’ Over You”

Is this a sonic snapshot of 2010, or what? We’ve got Chris Willis, duh, but the de facto voice of David Guetta is joined by Black Eyed Peas mama Fergie and EDM-crossover jokester gods LMFAO. Both of those features were radio royalty circa 2010, and they totally dominated in the arena of EDM-pop. This was the moment everyone decided tight neon pants and tanks with text were the only thing they wanted to wear. This is, like, the moment EDM became a hot commodity, and there’s still been no gettin’ over it. #Party

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWjrMTWXH28

6. David Guetta feat. Akon – “Sexy Bitch”

Yes, there is a video for this song, but it can’t be embedded for some reason, and anyway, no one wants to listen to the clean “Chick” version. We all know half of what makes this song so incredible is Akon’s insane lyrical content. I remember my friend and I laughing for collective hours over a mainstream pop song being like “I want to respect this girl, but she’s so hot, I just have to call her a sexy bitch.” This was Guetta’s first tune to crack the top five on the Billboard Hot 100, though it wouldn’t be his last. Akon actually approached Guetta about working together following the success of his Kelly Rowland collab. Guetta suggested they start immediately, so they booked a hotel in London and wrote this song in one night. It just goes to show, you should never put off for tomorrow what can be done tonight.

5. David Guetta with Fred Rister & Joachim Garraud feat. Chris Willis – “Love Is Gone”

This is a Guetta classic, a cut form 2007’s Pop Life, a huge step for Guetta in the album department. It’s full of filtered synth and electro vibe goodness, which was very en vogue in 2007. The radio edit, heard in the video below, is actually a remix of the original, included at the end of the album as a bonus cut, but this is the version that lives on in collective memory. Chris Willis is the perfect soulful house singer, belting out all the pain of a broken relationship, somehow turning it into a self-affirming message of strength and resilience. It’s very ’90s dance-all-night.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHTT__uvD2E

4. David Guetta feat. Usher – “Without You”

Nothing But the Beat might be Guetta’s best album. It had so many unforgettable classics, this jam featuring Usher being one of the best. Again, Usher provides the perfect sing-along hook over Guetta’s higher-than-higher synth melodies. There’s a hint of Discovery-era Daft Punk in those electric keys matched with the pounding four-on-the-floor. Hey, they’re both French, although “Without You” has more commercial sheen than anything the robots have produced. “Without You” is near-perfect summer radio material. It’s upbeat, it’s got star power, it’s soulful, it’s pop-driven. It’s not a song anyone can deny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUe8uoKdHao

3. David Guetta feat. Kid Cudi – “Memories”

Another jam from Guetta’s first international crossover success One Love. In 2009, if you put Kid Cudi on a dance song, you were almost guaranteed a club hit. There’s just something about his dark rasp that says “yes, you will party all night to this,” even when he’s being a little melancholy — which he is totally not here. The video is super goofy and wonderful. Naked chicks are “making” the video, instead of just appearing in it. The barber shop scene is definitely my fave. Those wacky barbers. I guess that’s all the “crazy shit” Cudi’s singing about. This tune is hipster-approved, which is a big thing for Guetta.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUVCQXMUVnI

2. David Guetta feat. Sia – “Titanium”

Somehow, this David Guetta song only peaked at No. 7 on the Hot 100. I distinctly remember everyone I knew belting out its chorus, regardless of how croaky their throaty cries came out. Sia is a vision on this track, a powerful force daring any detractor to step to this superwoman. The upward motion of the bridge is perfect house energy. Guetta is at his best on this tune, harnessing the brilliant energy of festival anthems while maintaining a nostalgic house club quality. It’s not even cheesy, although it could have been at any sonic turn. It’s pure dance magic, the kind of inspiring tune Rocky would train to if he were a young MMA fighter in 2011. Put this on when you need to be the very best.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRfuAukYTKg

1. David Guetta feat. Kelly Rowland – “When Love Takes Over”

Fun fact: this song was co-written by Nervo. Yes, that piano riff sounds a lot like Coldplay’s “Clocks,” but we’ll just overlook that because we are too busy hitting the dance floor. I love David Guetta when he channels gay house anthems. This is one of those songs that forces you to smile like a slow-motion blast of glitter falling from the sky. All I see in my mind’s eye is sweaty skin gyrating in a crowd, arms lifted to the sky, couples making out. Kelly Rowland is a beast on this one, a single from 2009’s commercial crossover One Love, and in Billboard‘s opinion, one of the greatest dance pop crossover anthems of all time. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zudbz4hOcbc

Source: Billboard

http://tunecollective.com/2017/02/20/the-15-best-david-guetta-songs/

[tune-collective]

The 15 Best David Guetta Songs

The 15 Best David Guetta Songs

No matter how you feel about him, David Guetta is hugely responsible for dance music crossing over into the American mainstream. Would Calvin Harris ever be so big as he is today if Guetta hadn’t helped break down those radio barriers? Would The Chainsmokers be stealing the hearts of so many tween girls if it weren’t for early hits from Guetta and Nicki Minaj?

Guetta isn’t afraid to get cheesy, but a lot of that cheese is so gooey, it’s perfect. His willingness to work with artists across genre lines has brought hits with rappers, singer-songwriters and pop stars alike. As we await the first notes of his next single with Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne, we take a look back at 15 of his best songs to date, from the beginning of his career way before “EDM” in 2002, to today.

15. David Guetta feat. Rihanna – “Who’s That Chick” 

Before she was tapped as Calvin Harris’ favorite house-pop vocalist, Rihanna teamed up with David Guetta in the studio for this filtered-out dance floor hit. It wasn’t as huge as “We Found Love” or other Guetta productions from 2010’s One More Love, but it did chart as high as 51 on the Billboard Hot 100.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAc4zHEDd7o

14. David Guetta – “Atomic Food”

This is just one of the strangest songs we ever did hear. It’s kind of a classic among old-school Guetta fans, definitely tells you how not serious people were about their house music back in 2002. It was a time when anything was game, even listing off food items over a killer beat. Honestly, it’s a dope tune, and certainly one that, once you’ve heard it, you’ll never forget.

13. David Guetta feat. Emeli Sande – “What I Did For Love”

Scotland’s Emeli Sande has one of the most honest voices in the game. It’s easy to see why Guetta tapped her for what eventually became the third single from his sixth studio album, Listen. It’s a slow, strong build into the big release at the hook. You don’t need much else in the verses besides Sande’s vocal, but we still love the maximalism of that drop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fL5iWgWwno

12. David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj – “Turn Me On”

Not gonna lie, this song totally sounds like it was meant for Rihanna, and then Guetta couldn’t get Rihanna, so he just asked Nicki Minaj to play the part of the dance floor songstress. Guess it doesn’t matter, because this is one of the biggest hits of Guetta’s career so far. It peaked at No. 4 on the Hot 100 and stayed on that chart for 27 weeks. Who can forget the video, feautring Nicki Minaj as some kind of pleasure bot, coming to life mid-construction, singing from that weird metal skeleton mouth? That’s the stuff nightmares are made of.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVw7eJ0vGfM

11. David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha, Afrojack – “Hey Mama”

Guetta’s sixth studio LP Listen has a lot of heaters, and this collaboration with Nicki Minaj tries to recapture some of that megahit “Turn Me On” magic. In my opinion, it does an even better job. Minaj shines, as opposed to sounding like a quick Rihanna replacement. Afrojack helps turn Alan Lomax’s 1940s song “Rosie” into a Dutch house jam. Bebe Rexha, famous now for her collab with Martin Garrix on “In the Name of Love,” supplies the chorus, although she was originally not listed in the credits on radio. Record label execs thought three names was one too many for mainstream audiences to deal with. Hmph.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uO59tfQ2TbA

10. David Guetta feat. Nicki Minaj, Flo Rida – “Where Them Girls At”

This track opens 2011’s Nothing But the Beat, Guetta’s most pop-facing record of his career thus far. This is mainstream Guetta unbridled. This is Guetta working hard for that radio domination. Flo Rida is one of pop’s favorite rappers, having made a career off of dance-hop party anthems. Nicki Minaj has two collabs with Guetta on this album, this era being the peak of her pop crossover momentum. It’s a simple composition centered around bright synth chords with heavy emphasis on the vocals. The hook is undeniable. Indeed, “Where Them Girls At” is the rallying cry of every college party from the dawn of time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4kVWCSzfK4

9. David Guetta feat. Chris Willis – “People Come and Go”

This is a total disco-revival jam, featuring a killer topline from frequent Guetta collaborator Chris Willis, as well as production touches from another of Guetta’s favorite friends, Joachim Gaurrad. “People Come and Go” is a total classic from 2002’s debut Just a Little More Love. The guitar solo after the chorus might just be my favorite little part. This has some wonderful ’80s edge to it too. We recommend putting it on when you’re getting ready or pregaming. It puts some serious pep in your step and gives you that “this will be a magical evening” kind of feeling.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtallP_A_HY

8. David Guetta  feat. Barbara Tucker – “Give Me Something (Deep in my Heart)”

This is old-school disco groove Guetta, definitely one of the best gems from his debut album Just a Little More Love, released in 2002. This is pretty forward-thinking for that year, and it’s retro-future vibes stand the test of time. I kind of miss this style in Guetta’s later offerings. I’d love to see Guetta get his ’70s funk disco band style back on. Barbara Tucker’s rich, booming voice is beautiful all over this. It’s that 4:25 mark that just takes us over the edge. And that strutting bass? More of this bass, please.

7. David Guetta feat. Chris Willis, Fergie, LMFAO – “Gettin’ Over You”

Is this a sonic snapshot of 2010, or what? We’ve got Chris Willis, duh, but the de facto voice of David Guetta is joined by Black Eyed Peas mama Fergie and EDM-crossover jokester gods LMFAO. Both of those features were radio royalty circa 2010, and they totally dominated in the arena of EDM-pop. This was the moment everyone decided tight neon pants and tanks with text were the only thing they wanted to wear. This is, like, the moment EDM became a hot commodity, and there’s still been no gettin’ over it. #Party

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWjrMTWXH28

6. David Guetta feat. Akon – “Sexy Bitch”

Yes, there is a video for this song, but it can’t be embedded for some reason, and anyway, no one wants to listen to the clean “Chick” version. We all know half of what makes this song so incredible is Akon’s insane lyrical content. I remember my friend and I laughing for collective hours over a mainstream pop song being like “I want to respect this girl, but she’s so hot, I just have to call her a sexy bitch.” This was Guetta’s first tune to crack the top five on the Billboard Hot 100, though it wouldn’t be his last. Akon actually approached Guetta about working together following the success of his Kelly Rowland collab. Guetta suggested they start immediately, so they booked a hotel in London and wrote this song in one night. It just goes to show, you should never put off for tomorrow what can be done tonight.

5. David Guetta with Fred Rister & Joachim Garraud feat. Chris Willis – “Love Is Gone”

This is a Guetta classic, a cut form 2007’s Pop Life, a huge step for Guetta in the album department. It’s full of filtered synth and electro vibe goodness, which was very en vogue in 2007. The radio edit, heard in the video below, is actually a remix of the original, included at the end of the album as a bonus cut, but this is the version that lives on in collective memory. Chris Willis is the perfect soulful house singer, belting out all the pain of a broken relationship, somehow turning it into a self-affirming message of strength and resilience. It’s very ’90s dance-all-night.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHTT__uvD2E

4. David Guetta feat. Usher – “Without You”

Nothing But the Beat might be Guetta’s best album. It had so many unforgettable classics, this jam featuring Usher being one of the best. Again, Usher provides the perfect sing-along hook over Guetta’s higher-than-higher synth melodies. There’s a hint of Discovery-era Daft Punk in those electric keys matched with the pounding four-on-the-floor. Hey, they’re both French, although “Without You” has more commercial sheen than anything the robots have produced. “Without You” is near-perfect summer radio material. It’s upbeat, it’s got star power, it’s soulful, it’s pop-driven. It’s not a song anyone can deny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUe8uoKdHao

3. David Guetta feat. Kid Cudi – “Memories”

Another jam from Guetta’s first international crossover success One Love. In 2009, if you put Kid Cudi on a dance song, you were almost guaranteed a club hit. There’s just something about his dark rasp that says “yes, you will party all night to this,” even when he’s being a little melancholy — which he is totally not here. The video is super goofy and wonderful. Naked chicks are “making” the video, instead of just appearing in it. The barber shop scene is definitely my fave. Those wacky barbers. I guess that’s all the “crazy shit” Cudi’s singing about. This tune is hipster-approved, which is a big thing for Guetta.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUVCQXMUVnI

2. David Guetta feat. Sia – “Titanium”

Somehow, this song only peaked at No. 7 on the Hot 100. I distinctly remember everyone I knew belting out its chorus, regardless of how croaky their throaty cries came out. Sia is a vision on this track, a powerful force daring any detractor to step to this superwoman. The upward motion of the bridge is perfect house energy. Guetta is at his best on this tune, harnessing the brilliant energy of festival anthems while maintaining a nostalgic house club quality. It’s not even cheesy, although it could have been at any sonic turn. It’s pure dance magic, the kind of inspiring tune Rocky would train to if he were a young MMA fighter in 2011. Put this on when you need to be the very best.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRfuAukYTKg

1. David Guetta feat. Kelly Rowland – “When Love Takes Over”

Fun fact: this song was co-written by Nervo. Yes, that piano riff sounds a lot like Coldplay’s “Clocks,” but we’ll just overlook that because we are too busy hitting the dance floor. I love David Guetta when he channels gay house anthems. This is one of those songs that forces you to smile like a slow-motion blast of glitter falling from the sky. All I see in my mind’s eye is sweaty skin gyrating in a crowd, arms lifted to the sky, couples making out. Kelly Rowland is a beast on this one, a single from 2009’s commercial crossover One Love, and in Billboard‘s opinion, one of the greatest dance pop crossover anthems of all time. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zudbz4hOcbc

Source: Billboard

http://tunecollective.com/2017/02/09/the-15-best-david-guetta-songs/