#anyways this is about how atm i have the possibility of going to COTA
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr has a 66 index score for customer satisfaction in the US.
Text
Why can I only ever feel dread and never excitement, I'm just incapable of being excited until I'm physically doing whatever it is
#like months before going to austria#i had to apply and everything#and just would have horrible horrible panic attacks and was losing it#and it was just so so so much dread and absolutely no excitement#i had to just resign myself#and then whoops i get there and its a whole month of fun!!! like was really barely every upset#and then: Austrian GP#same situation like dying about it. literally physically sick the morning of#i get there....oh okay fun fun fun!!#anyways this is about how atm i have the possibility of going to COTA#and like i know i should and i kmow i shouldn't miss out on something like this#but god the dread and existential crisis is so bad#like i cant even pinpoint *why* and its always been this way#i just need to someone to assure me and tell me i should push onwards 😭#my brain: what if its disappointing. what if it doesnt live up to whatever preconceived notion you have#me: my brother in f1. this is literally my brainrot that i obsess over daily! why wouldnt it be fun?????#its just some mental hurdle i really struggle to get over and like i just can never feel excitement#like theoretically im like ofc yes this would be fun! but in reality can only dread it#but i really thinm i need to push thru it even tho i feel horribke abt it#bcs its the same exact thing every single time#and just all these stupid inconsequential things always come up in my head#like the fear of missing out on content on here. can literally bring your phone 😭😭😭#anyways panic attack yayyyyyyyy#i just really should go right? AGHHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭#trying to think positive is genuinely impossible. theres some other part of me that reminds me of all the potential bad things#and also this like weird guilt of 'people will think im greedy and spoiled and etc etc etc for getting to go to two'#its not like i really believe any of this but its also like so unavoidable#catie.rambling.txt
11 notes
·
View notes