#anyways this album was apparently the one where they fired nick because he had a knee injury so he took time off of surgery & such and dave

[spinelessfromthestart]

cryptic writings is such a rabbit/scott album

[comfortwriting]

Best Friends Brother Part 5 - G.W

Masterlist, Requesting Rules, Writing Prompt Masterlist

George Weasley x Fem Reader

Part 5 of my 'Best Friend's brother' series, Please Read Parts 1, 2, 3, and 4 if you haven't already.

Want to be tagged? Let me know!

Warnings: Swearing, Mention of food and eating.

Holding onto the photo album you opened it, expecting to see pictures but you were met with nothing but empty spaces.

"I've bought this for us," George said softly "I want us to fill this with pictures, we need to make up for the three months we've been together with no photographs to show for it."

You felt your heart enlarge and flush your body with warm blood, your veins pumping it throughout your body, getting high on the feeling of this happiness - this love.

"Oh, George..."

Hearing a door opening and footsteps up above, creaking down the stairs, your face and George's dropped.

"Hide!" He mouthed, snatching the photo album from you.

Quickly rolling off the sofa and crouching on the ground with your head staring at the floor, you quickly hid behind the chair Arthur would sit in when he wasn't messing around in his tool shed. The footsteps grew closer and closer, George hid the photo album under a pillow and the blanket and tried his best to appear awaking from a deep sleep.

Yawning and stretching, he looks over to his younger brother Ron, searing through the cupboards for some snacks.

"What are you doing up?" Ron whispered, noticing George from across the room.

"Could as you the same thing, mate." George shot back lowly.

"I'm hungry," Ron replied "What's your bloody excuse?"

"Fred won't shut up snoring," George rolled his eyes, "If you're looking for leftovers you'd be smart and check the fridge."

Ron mimicked George talking but looked in the fridge anyway, pulling out some strips of cooked bacon from earlier, stuffing it in his mouth as he wiped the grease on his pajamas.

You peeked out from the chair and watched, your heart thumped so hard you could hear it in your ears, what were you thinking?! You were being too risky, sharing glances and meeting up whilst everyone was sleeping - you'd be lucky to escape tonight without being noticed.

"Well, since I'm going back up you probably should too if you're that bloody tired."

"But Fred's snoring," George reminded him "I won't get any shut-eye all night."

Ron shrugged "Punch him in the nose or wake him up and get him to turn over."

Having no excuse to object, George had to comply, he slowly got up from the sofa, making sure not to accidentally drop the photo album, as he followed Ron up the stairs, mouthing a 'sorry!' to you on the way up.

Breaking out from the shadows, you tiptoed from behind the chair and retrieved your present from George, holding it close to your heart as you sneaked back into Ginny's room, making sure not to wake her or Hermione up.

The next morning, you and George were too tired to join in the regular morning banter across the kitchen table, but you both tired and put maximum effort in any way, but you were caught off guard whilst swallowing down some toast.

"Were you alright last night Y/N?" Hermione asked, sipping some orange juice.

You knitted your eyebrows together "Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?"

Hermione put down her glass, everyone else continued to eat and drink.

"Well," she sighed "I woke up during the night and you were there, you were gone for quite a while and I know that after Penny you..."

You choked on your toast, widening your eyes as Ron's glance quickly landed on you.

After Penny's death, you would wake up during the night and early hours of the morning and panic when Penny had not arrived from her hunt, you were so in denial about her death this became a bad habit for a little over a year.

Crying in the common room, you collapsed in front of the fire, waiting for your owl with hot tears streaming down your face, George walked in from a late-night prank and saw your head in your hands, hurrying to your side.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" he held you close to him, pulling you away from the flames in case you fell forwards.

"I forgot she was gone," you sobbed "Penny, she's gone, and I keep thinking she's coming back."

"Oh, yeah!" you nodded "I haven't done that for a while, I think I must've forgotten again..." you trailed off, staring at your plate, feeling other eyes on you.

"But you've got that new low haven't you?" Ginny asked.

"Yeah," you smiled "he helps but he's only an owlet."

"Where did you get him anyway? He's beautiful." Ginny smiled, staring at him and his small feathers.

Think. Think.

"My mum and dad finally decided to get me him after months of desperate letters."

That's a good enough lie.

"Well, at least it wasn't because of someone snoring." Ron butted in, "Apparently you were at it all night, Fred."

Now it was George's time to choke.

"What?" Fred pulled a sour face, glaring at Ron "I don't snore! You can bloody ask Angelina!"

"Not according to George, he was sleeping down here you were that bad." Ron shuffled more food onto his plate.

Fred stared at his twin, pissed off that he lied about him without asking or telling him first.

Why is he lying? What is going on? Why would he need to sleep downstairs?

"Sorry mate," George smiled sheepishly "Didn't want to crumble your ego."

Everyone but Fred continued to eat their breakfasts, he started to go through everything that happened earlier on that seemed out of place - how could everyone push this aside despite that is going on?

"Well?" Asked Fred, staring at his younger brother who walked out of the owlery.

Ron shook his head with an annoyed expression on his face "She's not there" he replied.

"I wish you had that map, you know, you should nick it from him when he's sleeping."

"I would" replied Fred "but he clutches to it when he sleeps."

Throughout the day, Fred gravitated closer to Ron, whispering to him, warning him about you and George - how things don't add up, how something much more is going on. Ron denied it at first, but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to find out the truth, even if it meant catching you both together.

"I'm telling you, there's something going on," Fred grumbled, helping Ron and with the garden Gnomes whilst you and George helped Arthur across the field.

"Well, how are we going to catch them?" Ron grumbled, soil getting in his hair, "Do you think she was down there with him last night?"

Fred fell back, his clothes now like Ron's hair, coated in soil. Brushing it off and kicking a gnome he sighed "Well, we'll just have to wait downstairs for them tonight."

"And what if we don't catch them?"

Fred hesitated for a moment "We'll keep trying until we do, we need to make Ginny and Hermione aware too - we won't be able to know if she's left the room unless they tell us."

Stepping out of the bath and drying yourself off, wrapping a towel around you, you leave the bathroom, and bump into George who was standing there the whole time, desperate to get a moment alone with you.

"Y/N, we need to talk, quickly - now."

Your cheeks went red and started to burn, George had never seen you in little clothing before, but you knew now wasn't the time for either of you to have stars in your eyes - George sounded urgent, and he was always laid back.

Following George into his room, he quickly shut the door behind him and pushed a chair against the door, if he did any magic he could count on his mum shouting at him to come downstairs at once.

"They're onto us," George freaked, sitting on the bed putting his head in his hands.

You sighed and sat next to him, gripping your towel in place with one hand, whilst stroking his hair with the other.

"We both knew this wasn't going to be easy," you chewed your lip nervously, "but that doesn't mean we can't get through it."

"What are we going to do?" George stopped pressing his eyes against his palms and looked into your eyes, his worried-filled ones boring into you "It's obvious we can't sneak downstairs."

You stayed quiet for a moment, shifting through your thoughts and ideas, "Well, we'll just have to meet up outside the house. We both leave and come back at different times, so you leave before me, and I'm back when you're already going to sleep."

"The sun doesn't go down here until very late out, it gets cold, and I don't want you to-"

Cutting George off, you went through his drawers, pulling out an oversized, fluffy hoodie.

"Freeze to death?" you smirked, throwing it to him "I'll wear this if you fetch it."

George swallowed hard, the windows of opportunities started to close one by one, and the finish line of your relationship started to get closer and closer, only making his heart more eager and desperate to claim you as his own.

"Tonight?" he asked softly "What time?"

Planting a small peck on George's head, you walked over to his bedroom door, "wait for my owl, when he goes out to hunt, that's when."

Slipping out of George's bedroom, you hurried into Ginny's searching through your trunk to find some clean clothes.

Just as you were going into Ginny's room, Ron, Fred, Ginny, and Hermione sat downstairs coming up with a plan to dismantle your happiness - Ron felt betrayed, and at this moment, he didn't care if you hated him afterward - you fell for his older brother, something you promised you would never do.

"Since when did you know my brothers?" Ron piped up, mouth full of food.

Hermione grimaced at him, packing away her study books "Ron! Swallow your food first, don't be so foul!"

You shrugged "In the Owlery, they're really nice-"

"No, they bloody are not!"

"Ron, relax, it's not like I fancy them-"

Ron shuffled "well, everyone else does, and you better not."

You raised your hands up in defense "I won't! I promise!"

taglist: @amourtentiaa @alwaysnforeverfangirl @reeophidian @inglourious-imagines @horrorxweasley @carisi-sonny @g0ldenwanda @obsssedwithjustaboutanything @sebby-staan @xmalfoyweasleyx 

[go-go-devil]

If You Have Ghosts: The Story of a Song

This is an informative/personal essay I wrote about the history of Roky Erickson’s well-beloved song, “If You Have Ghosts.” Honestly I should have written & posted this on the 1-year anniversary of his death back in May, but I completely forgot. This piece is mostly a study of Erickson’s original and the band Ghost’s famous cover of it, alongside some other things. I would also appreciate some feedback on this if you all don’t mind.

The information I used as a reference when describing the making of the original song comes entirely from Joe Nick Patoski’s writing on Roky Erickson’s career and the making of The Evil One (included as a booklet in recent vinyl additions of said album).

Throughout our lives there will be songs that capture us in ways that we cannot escape from. Oftentimes it’s as simple as an infectious melody that we refuse to discard from our memories, either due to it becoming attached to a pivotal part of our lives or because we cannot dislodge it no matter how hard we try. Other times it can be something that attracts us so much that we begin to covet it to the point of obsession, and it is through this attitude that the song transforms from merely a piece of music into a piece of ourselves.

“If You Have Ghosts” is one of these songs for me.

What can I say about this wonderful track that hasn’t already been said? It is fierce, yet subdued. It is both hard rocking joy incarnate and a solemn reflection of one’s self, and it says so much by saying so little. The reason for all of these seemingly contradictory phrases I’m using is because this song, unlike many others, is a shared entity that exists in multiple forms. Quite an odd way of stating that the song has been played by more than one band, but hopefully this essay will demonstrate how the meaning of the original piece can mutate into different forms while still keeping its essence intact.

There’s no better place to start than with the original, recorded in 1977 and released in 1981 by rock n’ roll legend Roky Erickson.

Originally recorded as part of a four-song demo of what would later become his first solo record, The Evil One, “If You Have Ghosts” contains many of the themes Erickson presents in his music as a whole. Those of which being: horror-themed esoteric lyrics, high-energy playing, soaring guitar riffs, and a general sense of raw, psychedelic power.

In less than 15 seconds the song has already built itself up and blasted into your eardrums, but never does the melody ever resort to sounding like a wall of noise. Each instrument weaves its sound around each other like some tripped-out embroidery design in order to create a rich tapestry in the listener’s mind. The lyrics are as catchy and repetitive as any of Roky’s songs, yet for this one he sounds less like he’s singing but instead simply proclaiming each line like it’s a definitive statement.

“If you have ghosts, you have everything”

“One never does that”

“The moon to the left of me is a part of my thoughts and a part of me is me”

“In the night, I am real”

“I don’t want my fangs too long”

Barring a few other scattershot words present in the chorus, what you’ve read above is all that you get for what this piece is trying to say. Unlike most of the other songs from the album, whose lyrics clearly convey the story/theme presented, this one does not have a lucid form to it and thus its meaning can only truly be grasped through interpretation. Personally, I always saw it as a proud declaration of one’s deviance from society, with the rip-roaring instruments serving to show how this person’s mind finally feels free enough to run wild in the night, with only the moonlight and their own invisible spirits to guild them.

But of course, all forms of speculation can never undermine Roky’s own intent when crafting this song, which, unfortunately, is not nearly as liberating as my previous presumption…

“If You Have Ghosts” as we know it is a direct product of Erickson’s mental illness. There really is no way of sugarcoating it. After being diagnosed with schizophrenia in 68’, Roky was sent to various state hospitals in 69’, where he was subjected to multiple electroshock treatments by doctors alongside being heavily sedating with Thorazine. Even after he was discharged in ’72 he never fully recovered from the abusive “therapies” he was given, resulting in decades of battling intense mood swings and heavy drug reliance as well as making it difficult for him to record many of his songs in studio.

Roky was under one of these spells whist recording the vocals for this song. He was only able to sing the chorus once, and after recording was no longer able to remember any of the lyrics. Out of all the tracks, Producer Stu Cook had to put the most effort into inserting the vocals into this song using a complex progress called wild-syncing to place multiple takes of audio alongside the instruments without using synchronization. It’s honestly a miracle that we even have this song fully formed in the first place given the circumstances of its creation.

Despite all of the hardship and effort put into creating this piece, for a long while there didn’t seem to be as much appreciation for it compared to Erickson’s other work. Partially because it was not present on certain releases of the album back in the day as well as the fact that Roky seemed to rarely play it live in concert (even on YouTube, recordings of these performances are scarce). As much as I love this version of the song, even I’m willing to admit that if I were ever forced to rank each song on The Evil One, I would probably place it somewhere in the middle. What can I say? When you make an album that great, the competition can be fierce!

For many obscure classics, the story would end there. Yet another buried treasure forever existing in the mind of one musician. But that’s not what happened, for several decades later a new band from Sweden will emerge, different in form but identical in spirit to Roky’s sound, whose frontman will breathe new life into a once forgotten masterpiece…

…Or at least that’s what I would lead into were it not for the existence of this version.

Interestingly, the first notable cover of “If You Have Ghosts” was not done by Ghost but instead by an English folk-rock group called John Wesley Harding & The Good Liars on the 1990 album Where the Pyramid Meets the Eye: A Tribute to Roky Erickson. This now-obscure album consisted of a compilation of various bands and artists covering the songs of, you guessed it, Roky Erickson. There was actually a great deal of artists present on this record, including several well-known musicians such as ZZ Top, R.E.M., and The Jesus and Mary Chain (and even Butthole Surfers too!).

I’ll be the first to admit that I am not at all familiar with John Wesley Harding or his backing band; however, I will say that this piece is a worthy follow-up to the original in it’s own right. It slows down the song to a level not unlike the many psychedelic songs that followed in 13th Floor Elevator’s wake, keeping the main melody in tack while filling in the gaps with many little flourishes as a means of expanding it into something new. I’m especially fond of the echoing effect given to the vocals, which gives the already obscure nature of the lyrics a more outwardly ethereal quality.

Anyway, on to what you’ve been waiting for!

After enduring another two decades of invisibility from the public eye, the song was once again exhumed and resurrected by an emerging metal band named Ghost for their 2013 EP If You Have Ghost. Considering Roky Erickson’s wide array of demon-inspired songs, it’s interesting how Linköping’s residential Satanic metal group chose this piece as opposed to more well-beloved hits like “Night Of The Vampire” or “Stand For The Fire Demon,” many of which work perfectly with the band’s themes of evoking retro horror films and devil worship. It almost seems like they just chose “If You Have Ghosts” solely on the basis of it having the word “Ghost” in it. However, just one listen to this cover will quickly prove otherwise.

Right off the bat, the instruments and vocals are a far cry from the original. Unlike the previous J.W.H. cover that made sure to keep the main melody in tack while adding onto it, Ghost instead chose the more daring option of altering the melody and tempo of the piece significantly. From the ominous drawing of violin and cello strings in the opening seconds to the melancholic metal sound of the guitars throughout (with the rhythm guitar being played by none other than Dave Grohl, who also produced the EP), this version slows the once fast-pace beat of the song down until it becomes almost unrecognizable save for the lyrics. Even Tobias Forge’s singing creates significant contrast with the original; his silky smooth, haunting baritone guiding a melody once held by Roky’s hard-edged yells.

And yet… the spirit still remains.

Although the sound itself has been thoroughly converted to the stylings of Ghost, they still managed to keep the fierce energy that ran through the veins of Erickson’s version, albeit with a twist.

Both songs convey a contemplative examination of one’s mind, with instrumentals and singing that amplify the power one feels from this reflection. However, Ghost’s version differs in that it amplifies the sense of isolation and longing present in the lyrics. The music notably softens at the beginning of many of the verses, particularly lines like “One never does that” or “I don’t want my fangs too long,” only to grow in power through the repetition of each line. It conveys the feeling of the singer having to grapple with these feelings before they can fully accept them.

Nowhere is this more apparent than the band’s acoustic cover of the song.

At this point, the piece has been stripped down to an entirely naked form, its themes conveyed only through the guitars of two nameless ghouls alongside Forge’s vocals (presented here in his previous stage persona, Papa Emeritus III). There is no triumphant shouting or swelling electric guitar solos here anymore, just a somber reflection gently carried by melodic strumming and mournful singing. Despite now being as far from a rockin’ tune as humanly possible, it actually manages to come closest in recapturing the sense of rawness in the original, albeit on the exact opposite scale.

I remember watching a recorded acoustic performance in Paris back in 2015 where Papa introduced “If You Have Ghosts” as being a song about “loneliness,” which is an interpretation I can definitely agree with. In fact, I would even say that with this acoustic cover brings the entire meaning of the song full-circle. Through its peeled-back, unflinching depiction of being enclosed in darkness and isolation, it serves as a perfect end-note for a song that began from such troubled origins by telling the listener that, despite all the hardships, this beautiful piece of music will never lose its everlasting spirit.

Thanks for giving us everything, Roky.

[jlf23tumble]

This one’s for @homosociallyyours and @silverfoxlouis, the former because she’s not going to listen and the latter because they’re listening as we speak! I saw a post earlier that low-key annoyed me because it either misrepresented today’s Stern interview or it skipped right over the fascinating bits, so here are the parts I enjoyed (I won’t waste my time on the shit I hated, lol):

Shrooms and the song-writing process are related to Harry’s anxiety about fucking shit up and needing to get out of his own head; related: coming from a band, if there's something you don't like, you can tell yourself that it wasn’t your choice.

The Rob Stringer talk made me SIDE EYE w/r/t the delay, like, okay, you’re a label boss who’s gonna drop a ton of money, but you’re cool with telling the artist to just relax and take all the time they need, you’ll just pick up the thread when hs2 is completely finished, lolz (I have my own theories about allllll of that, but okay!).

I love Stevie and her coven of nocturnal witches, too, but tell me more about how she hated Harry’s choice of first single (in my heart, she wanted “Golden”) and the song that she thought should have been on the album but isn’t, god, she’s such a yoda, and this entire bit was so much bigger than the coven.

I live in Harry’s soft, breathy “thank you” whenever Howard praises SOTT.

I feel like all the White Eskimo talk is a fic waiting to happen, the whole battle of the bands and them winning studio time and how Harry talks to maybe one of them and there’s a guy who IS STILL IN WHITE ESKIMO I GUESS???? WHAT?

Howard Stern hatesssssssssssss Simon Cowell, so his attempts to get Harry to talk shit were both wonderful and expertly dodged, lmao. 

My only positive comment about the discussion around Harry “putting on some timber” during his bakery (cashier at a baker) years was how much it echoed Louis’s comment about “having extra timber” during one of his recent BTS specials.

Were the guys in One Direction REALLY saying that Matt Cardle was “so fucking good” back in the day? This junior statesman!

Ralph pointed this out when we were talking about the interview, but a lot of the time, Howard just makes statements (as per usual), and Harry says, “Right,” which is a great response because it isn’t really an answer, yet it’s still participatory.

Howard is obsessed with coronavirus, so it was hella interesting to hear Harry’s thoughts about it affecting his tour, when his tour is still so far away (yet another tour is so much closer and in the direct line of fire).

Howard (like me) was pleased that Harry’s band is a mix of women and men and not just dudes (I should take a drink every time Bowie is mentioned, like around Harry’s clothes, how Harry is starting his tour in Philadelphia, the entirety of that convo making me want to see Harry’s face as much as all the xarries want to).

One of the things I hated seeing earlier today was this notion that Howard “forced” Harry to talk about the robbery because he absolutely did not, Harry went into CRAZY levels of detail about it when Howard asked, “When did this happen to you?” (and the way Harry talked about it wasn’t full of trauma or sadness, it bordered on humorous in spots but still serious; it clearly shook him up, but he wasn’t about to let it change his life of feeling free to walk around at night). 

I wanted to hear a lot more about all the musicians hanging out in the ‘70s and being competitive in terms of who was writing the best songs about a particular party vs. the competitiveness of banging out the best single today. Harry’s focus was that if you say you like a song, people think you should collaborate…if two musicians hang out, they're dating or recording (like with Adele, and case in point, Howard immediately asked if they were working on something).

I also loved the bit about acting and how nervous Harry used to be about EVERYTHING because he’s waiting three hours to do three minutes, and he focuses so much on his voice or hands shaking, but this last SNL really helped (in my heart, his “little tweaks” were on the Sara Lee sketch).

I live in the guffaw from Harry whenever Howard unexpectedly hit his funny bone (like Harry saying Anne gave him some money to buy clothes when he first moved to London, and Howard saying it was good return on investment for her, what with the house Harry eventually bought her, etc.).

I absolutely LOVED the entire bit about Ben Winston’s attic (and Ralph’s related takes on it), the fine line of the plausibility yet the doubling down; the word “cocaine” coming out of Harry’s mouth; the parts about dating and keeping your relationship normal/secret, etc., GOLD, ALL OF IT. 

Harry, like Phoenix Mendoza, writes every day, which is part of why he wasn’t really into giving up his phone to muggers because that’s his writing zone of choice for lyrics and poems (the whole robbery clapback here: “for the purposes of not getting mugged again, no, they’re on a different device”).

MITCH SPEAKS!! He was into his Nick Drake phase when Harry met him, but apparently everyone is into the open D (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) chord, so he was a shoe-in. Also, Harry met Adam in 2010??? I’d like more information.

We move back into 1D territory with Zayn’s departure, which is still shittily handled but somewhat more maturedly discussed, and yet another attempt to get Harry to talk shit about Simon, which is getting us closer to what we want/need (Harry’s very real answer to Simon being pissed that Harry didn’t consult him about going solo: “I’m in a band since I was 16, there were five of us, we had a lot of managers, lots of people at the label, and all of these decisions affect your life in a massive way, every decision I made was a group call. I didn't know who I was as an adult,” and a lot of that is paraphrased in spite of the quote marks, but just know that I am screaming LIAM).

There’s a lot of weird downspeak to Sarah and Ny (Adam and Mitch were talked at earlier), but everyone’s very much into Sarah, and rightfully so. I loved the slip up where Howard is trying to figure out if there’s anything romantic going on between Harry and the female band members, and someone says, “Mitch!” so you can hear Howard process Harry and Mitch for a hot sec, cracking the Hitch dream, before we get clarification and Harry gleefully taking us into the story of their love. (Me as the speech Howard gives Sarah and Mitch about how dangerous it is to be in a band together and to have a relationship because if you fuck it up, it’ll be terrible.)

SLEDGEHAMMER NICE.

We get a bit into the “Adore You” video because Howard’s an animal softie, and he loves it (it’s downplayed, but Howard also mentions how fans have put a lot of “thoughts” into the fish), but then we get into talk about how this song is about the girl Harry’s banging (HIS SNICKER HERE) and how the common denominator in all of Harry’s failed relationships is him, huh. All of this relationship talk here makes me want to DIE with how much I love it.

Everyone focuses on the gross talk from Howard about Harry having a lady therapist (this is a long-standing Howard trope), but some good shit disappears between those cracks, like how Harry decided to go into therapy, how he’s keeping his LA therapist instead of having two in different countries, etc., and it’s actually Robin who asks Harry about seeming weak or vulnerable in front of a female therapist, but clearly, he’s not bothered.

I’m so interested in how the shrooms tongue-biting incident cured a speech impediment I wasn’t fully aware of but that is still so impossibly endearing.

Harry himself picks out his opening acts, which we already knew but is always nice to hear confirmed. 

The drug convo in text from earlier today makes it sound like he doesn’t smoke cigs, but to me, it seems like he doesn’t like to smoke weed (an edible king, relatable).

Harry says, “you’ve said it all,” which just makes me think he’s a long-time (or recent) Stern listener, because that’s what Howard says when he’s done/interview’s over.

We think it’s all done but the shouting, and then Robin gets into Harry’s clothing, which is where it gets dicey. Howard (of course) mentions that Bowie wore a skirt and how he himself did full drag on TV (“legs shaved and everything, you should see how gorgeous I am as a woman”), but Harry keeps it very much in the realm of what he wears is what he wears because it’s fun for him, he’s not wearing a school uniform or trying to look cool for his friends, he’s a lot more comfortable with himself: “At shows, I tell people to be who they want to be, I plan on telling my kids that, so I don’t want to be a hypocrite, I’m not wearing it for shock value.” 

Howard says people will assume he’s gay or bi (like Bowie, YEAH, SIGH), but Harry says it’s not performative. This whole bit is fascinating on so many levels, he touches (without saying) on the entire queer-baiting issue, and it’s cringe-y, with Howard saying “I’m not criticizing, wear what you want, I’m a big mess, etc.”

Anyway, they pivot out of that with Howard moving beyond into asking Harry who he wants to badmouth: “Simon?” Harry: “This has been great!” and this entire bit about how Howard wants to know if Harry considers Simon a friend, and Harry saying he doesn’t talk to him gives me life. There’s a lot of gross talk about who Harry has his eye on for his next girlfriend, but I will tell you that I never in my life expected to hear the words SUSAN BOYLE thrown into this convo. 

The interview closes out with Harry getting progressively more silent about the women he should date, saying that he doesn’t talk in interviews about his love life, he talks in music (oh?????), so Taylor Swift comes up, and Harry says it’s flattering to think you’re in a Taylor song because she’s such a great songwriter, which, true, I guess?

Harry hasn’t used a dating app (duh), but Howard thinks he should create one, and…scene. 

[thanatosbananatos]

What in the heckin' heck is Hanji's backstory? -- A Meta

At this rate, Yams is never going to tell us.

I guess it may not be all that important to the story, but then again, knowing his writing style, he really enjoys leaving mysteries, and it won't surprise me in the slightest if this series ends with a lot of the mysteries being unsolved.  Hanji's backstory will likely be one of them.

As a disclaimer, I use she/her pronouns for Hanji, but Isayama specifically has stated that Hanji's gender is irrelevant, so please feel free to use whatever pronouns you'd like. If Hanji was real, I don't think she'd care, either...

Anyway, I want to start this meta laying out the facts we already know about Hanji BEFORE the year 845.

--Hanji had joined the Corps for ??? reason, and had a thirst to kill the Titans mercilessly, just like Eren at the start of the story.  She was “fueled by insecurity and hate.”  However, she kicked a Titan's head and was fascinated by how light it was, which began her obsession with the Titans from a scientific standpoint.

--Hanji does not bathe regularly and doesn't care about hygiene.  Apparently Levi has to knock her out to get her to bathe.

--Hanji doesn't care about gender.  Or at least, Isayama said it doesn't matter to the story.  In a very early interview, he stated that Hanji was female but had moments of masculinity, which means she's gender-fluid or nonbinary.

--Hanji was in the Corps before Levi, Isabel, and Farlan joined.

--Hanji has known Erwin, Mike, and others for a little while--it's a quick little thing, but in episode one of season one, Hanji is shown to be in the same squad as Erwin when Shardis was the Commander.

--Hanji has anger issues.  Isayama has stated that she is the scariest character when angered, and is also a different person with and without her glasses/goggles.

Aaaaand that's it.

Thanks, Yams.

Well, if the Wings of Counterattack game is to be believed, Hanji was also a super cute kid who was always kind of androgynous and messy-haired and had bad vision. Super cute.  I love.

But that's really it.  Hanji didn't even get a character song, despite Romi Park having the singing voice of a fallen angel that's going to drag me straight into hell where there are hot jazz musicians and Satan serves us all whiskey on the rocks.  Did y'all know she released a jazz/pop album?  It's fire and you can't stop me from thinking about Hanji being able to sing like that.

...I'm getting off track.

ANYWAY.

Compared to many other recurring characters in the series, Hanji has a very limited amount of backstory.  She's never even drawn as younger, even in the panel we get of her kicking the Titan's head--if you recall, it's just a dark scribble with a scary-looking grin.

That being said, Isayama has indeed been dropping bread crumbs here and there with clues throughout the series that can lead us to a conclusion about Hanji's past.

Where was Hanji born and raised?

I think it's fair to say that Hanji was not raised with wealth.

It's hard to draw conclusions about her exact family, but considering her being totally chill with not bathing for weeks and being a little bit of a...gremlin, she probably grew up somewhere in Maria, or in the slums of someplace in Rose. However, I tend to lean more toward Maria.  

For me, it's not really an issue of just her hygiene--it's also her social skills.  Again, we know ZILCH about her parents/guardians, so they could have been weirdos, but I think also that Hanji just didn't have the proper upbringing to gain boundaries like normal people.  She gets up in people's faces, she can be very physical/grabby, and she can be argumentative and stubborn to a fault.  I think it's fair to sometimes call her actions childish, though some of them also are symptoms of something like ADHD.

I want to argue, however, that she is just eccentric.  I think it's part of who she is and was raised to be--or perhaps it's from a lack of attention.  

She also just doesn't care about a lot of things that people raised in high-status upbringings would care about.  She literally throws on her uniform jacket over her pajamas when called out to see Pastor Nick's death scene.  Showering/bathing every day is not a priority,but it's also not something that bothers her.  For instance, I'm incredibly busy, but I shower every day because anxiety dictates it to be so, but I also just enjoy being clean.  Hanji is super busy and could make time to shower/bathe more than she doesn't, but she doesn't see it as a priority and never once is it mentioned that she pays any mind to it.  

Regarding her gender, I wonder if she was an only child.  It's possible that there were expectations put on her to be more of a “lady,” but she was much more concerned with studying and learning.  

That's just speculation, of course.  Some people just are the way that they are.

However, I think she was an only child for a couple of other reasons, too.

First, I think that economically, if she did grow up in Maria, one child was all that her parents could afford. There are also just not a lot of people in the walled world with siblings; it's just not very convenient to add to an already-starving population, I suppose.  

But also, I think her love for studying might be connected to this.  I know that, as a kid growing up with older brothers MUCH older than me and not a lot of friends, I loved to read to the point that I owned my own encyclopedias and actually read them. A lot of kids who grow up lonely/isolated tend to do the same.  

Especially if she was already such an extroverted kid, I think she'd need the stimulation.

Why did Hanji hate the Titans?

It's possible to think about this from a couple of different angles, but there's one that I prefer over the other.

First, we could consider that Hanji perhaps lost someone she cared about to the Titans.  Maybe her parents joined the military and were killed.  Maybe her sibling, or aunt or uncle, or grandparents.  

Second, we could consider that she valued freedom and independence, and that she considered the Titans to be something that stood in the way of that.

Personally, I think the second one is more likely.  Of course, it's possible that both happened!  We really don't know.  

However, I lean toward the second option because of Hanji's personality, and the little we know about her when she joined the Corps.  She was a bit unhinged (as all interesting characters are), and she was very violent.  This tends to be a characteristic of people who are forced to keep everything in for a long amount of time.

In psychology, there are two categories of people:  externalizers and internalizers.  For instance, if a child endures trauma, and their reaction is to lash out violently (physically or verbally), or to become selfish and attention-seeking, that is considered externalizing.  On the other hand, if the child endures the trauma and then keeps it locked up, considers the abuser to be the “real” victim, learns self-blame, etc., then that is internalizing.  

For instance, Erwin is probably an internalizer, when we take into account his father's death and the trauma he endured because of it.  Armin is also an internalizer.

Hanji, however, is probably an externalizer.  She shows a lot of the signs of someone who has perhaps undergone something traumatic/repeated traumatic events and has lashed out as a sign of “dealing with it.”  It's a sign of emotional immaturity, so it makes sense that that's what Hanji was doing as a young'n.  She's also quite empathetic, which could add fuel to any flames, and she's also proven to be a skilled manipulator.

What was the trauma?  I think it was the feeling of isolation.

One thing that really is evident to me is how goddamned EXTROVERTED Hanji is.  If we have the scale E to I, Hanji is probably one of the farthest if not THE farthest over on the E side of ALL of the characters in this story.  She likes to talk, she verbalizes everything, she enjoys people, and she clearly gains energy from social situations.

I have a feeling that Hanji has always been a bright kid, and that perhaps she was understimulated as a result of growing up not only in a poor community, but being surrounded by this big-ass walls and constantly being told, “No, you can't go outside.  You'll be eaten alive by Titans.”

She would very naturally turn into this teenager/young adult with a thirst for absolutely destroying the things that kept her locked up in the first place.

Again, I think either situation is likely, but I have the feeling that it goes deeper than just getting revenge for someone's death. Something tells me that Hanji has been looking for answers to deep questions for a long time.

So, Hanji joins the military.  Then what?

Well, from the hints that Yams has dropped, Hanji met Erwin, Mike, Nile, and perhaps others at some point.  I don't think that Hanji was in the same class as them, save for maybe Moblit, but I think she probably knew them. This part is a bit hazy, considering that we don't know what age Erwin and company were when they joined the military.  Mike is canonically older than them all, pushing 40 years old (like a fine wine) at around 850.  Erwin is supposedly in his late 30's, and I believe even Levi is older than Hanji, which would put her around 30 at in the year 850.  

Now, if we think about when Levi entered the Survey Corps, which I believe was in the year 846...

Hanji was not a new recruit that year, and she already seemed to have a pretty close friendship with Moblit.  She was also more emotionally mature.

In other words, Hanji had probably already kicked the head of that Titan by the time Maria fell.

That means, it had to have been before Shiganshina/Maria fell that she had a change of heart.  

During all of this, Mike and Erwin were also in the Corps, and they probably witnessed this change.

However, despite it being explicitly mentioned in the manga, this is the hardest part to flesh out about Hanji's backstory.

We at least know the details of her becoming a Squad Leader specifically focused on the science of Titans, thanks to the OVA for Ilse's Journal.  It was thanks to her curiosity, emotional maturity, and a bit of dumb luck that it happened.  

But before this, we don't know much else about her time in the military, and it's hard to discern anything without knowing details about the others, too.  

I know that there are snippets of details in smartpasses (is that what they're called?) that reveal that she, Mike, and Erwin were friends, etc., but that really doesn't give us much to go on. Much of it, unfortunately, remains a mystery.

However, there is one last thing I want to point out:

In the first episode of season two, after Hanji lets Nick down instead of yeeting him off of the wall, she mentions “I haven't felt this way since I first went outside of the walls.  Talk about scary.”

There are many people who interpret this line as her fear of the Titans, but I think it's fear of her own anger.  She was ready to brutally kill someone who could have otherwise provided valuable information, just because of her pure rage.  

I think this moment, along with a couple of others (kicking down the table and saying “it was a roach,” for instance), drive home some of the assumptions from earlier in this meta.  Consider the torture scene and her actions compared to Levi's.  Levi grew up in an environment where violence was used as a form of communication.  You don't see him saying a lot as he punches Sannes over and over.  He doesn't stick around to talk to the men once they're returned to their jail cells.  

Hanji is, however, a bit too eager to rip the nails and teeth out of this guy (partially as revenge for Pastor Nick's death, I'm certain).  She rips into them verbally as well, as they sit defeated in their jail cell.  Her anger is a terrifying force.

So what's the point?

Well, there's not really one.

I just would like to know more about one of my favorite fictional characters of all time.

Is it important to the story?  Well, not necessarily.

But what if this backstory is more than I wrote here?  What if it's something quite wild or disturbing?  What if it digs further into the fundamentals of humanity?  Was she abused?  Was she bullied?  Is she just psychologically disturbed?  

Like I said, we may never know, and at this point (2019/09), the series seems to be coming to an end.

I personally think it's really too bad.  The story is a character-driven one, so to leave so much mystery around Hanji's past is very curious.  Hanji tends to get shoved to the side a lot (though not as much as some other MCs), so it’s pretty frustrating to see that even the creator isn’t divulging more information...

Then again, I guess it does make writing fics easier, right...?

[mrsslrss]

2019.

Welcome to my annual accounting of things I loved, 2019 edition. 

I’m realizing the pattern here is to start this with a reflection of how I rang in the year but 2019 crept in pretty calmly: no big bugs to kill, no spontaneous sobs to a Sharon Van Etten song. On the first day of this year, I woke up and cleaned the house and, I don’t know, probably went to Big Bear and got a coffee and took a nap. Since it’s nearly the end of the decade, I could start there, but I couldn’t tell you where I was for New Year’s Eve, 2009; if I had to guess, I’d put myself at a friend’s house on the North Shore, drinking PBR with the guys and listening to pop-punk. That winter I was convinced I wouldn’t return to Poughkeepsie, I was so miserable, but when I did things started to fall into place.

I think my goal for this year was roughly something like, Just put your head down and do the work. When you are tempted to get fed up and wither from frustration or have a big ego about not getting what you want, just put your head down and do the work. I don’t know if I did that, exactly, if I really stuck to the goal, but every so often in a particularly challenging moment the goal would come into focus at the front of my mind and I’d sigh and acquiesce and nod at the work ahead of me. I got a lot done, I think; in this way I got a lot done. It was nice to be reminded about how the process can be the goal -- something I thought about a lot this year. Sometimes the goal looks like a result, but it’s really the habit I’m after.

I’d like to keep that up next year. 2019 was a year of cultivating; 2020, maybe, will be a year of action. Or maybe not! Maybe nothing flowers until 2021 or beyond. Or maybe I start tearing things up by the roots in 2020, who knows! 

So anyway. Here’s to 2019, and here’s a list (more or less alphabetized -- why not!) of ten things that helped me make it through.

annie’s homegrown birthday cake bunny grahams

My official snack of the year. Over the summer I was visiting MZ in Brooklyn and we got snacks at their neighborhood grocery store and I bought these, which are meant to celebrate the 30th anniversary of this snack company, taste like funfetti cake, and are definitely meant for/marketed to children. But anyway I ate the whole box and then sought them out at every Whole Foods in my vicinity (because I went online and WH is apparently basically the only place you can find them?) and started preaching the good word to anyone who was looking for a snack. By, like, September I had eaten so many of these that I could no longer stomach them, so I’ve been on a brief hiatus, but still: snack of the year.

keeping lists

I started this year with a big digital spreadsheet called “2019 things” where I intended to keep lists: all the new albums and songs that struck me, all the old albums and songs I got obsessed with, the places I wanted to travel in the year. I kept adding tabs: the books I finished, my financial priorities, stuff I wanted to make sure to read or watch. I was pretty diligent about updating them -- I wrote down every book I read, but definitely forgot to add a couple albums; I never made it to Philly this year. I started keeping gratitude lists (analog) towards the end of year, too, because in college a friend told me it helps rewire the brain away from pessimism, or something. 

meditation

Before this year, I’ve never had a serious relationship with meditation, but it always seemed like the kind of thing I would like. In mid-January I got struck by the urge to try it, so I did, and kept it up for a few days, and then I fell off, and then I got back on, and now, somehow, it’s been three-hundred-something days of it in a row. I have learned to find a quiet moment in a nice corner of my room before work, but also in a tent in the Catskills, in a guest room in Wales, in a hotel in Georgia, on a walk through Brooklyn, in my childhood bedroom. My life and brain don’t feel, like, enormously different or changed, but that’s good; it feels useful to keep showing up to something without expectation.

my siblings

Having a big family means every year is inevitably a big year for someone, but this was, somehow, a big year for all of my siblings. Mostly good things: health and healing, a wedding and a graduation, a license acquired and a course of study started and jobs well done. It doesn’t feel good to get into the hard stuff here, but there was a lot of that, too -- a lot of grueling bullshit overcome. After the wedding I almost texted everyone just to say how proud I was of all of them, but naturally I chickened out. But I really am proud!

navy blue

Longtime readers of, uh, *gestures wildly* whatever this is may recall that last year I claimed I only wore black but might be interested in navy blue? This year I determined that navy blue is so good: the color of the deep ocean, the night sky, my first Catholic school uniform. I bought navy jumpsuits, a sweatshirt, a scrunchie. I wore navy-adjacent eyeliner just in the corners of my eyes most days of July and August and September. I’m wearing a navy blue sweater right now. A good year for navy. 

“not” by big thief

My song of the year, which I knew from the first time I heard it. So much of this year (the news, the planet, global catastrophes, mass violence, etc. not to mention personal failures) felt hopeless and dreadful, but also so constant and exhausting that I wasn’t sure I could keep summoning anger, never mind do it in a useful way. I love this song because it is about abjection in the same way it isn’t about anything, about absence as presence, about not-knowing as knowing. It is desperate without being hopeless, explosive without being violent, or maybe: violent without being harmful. It’s about transcending language and different kinds of language and using whichever tools you have (Words are good enough). It’s about being swallowed whole by the everything-ness, a theme that came up in so much of the work I loved this year, the subject of an essay I’ll never write (lol). Music Twitter™ got into an argument about whether this band is good; I feel so sure of my love for this song (and most of what this band does) that I, for once, didn’t immediately assume I was a fool, or being had, just because someone disagrees with me. Instead it felt delicious and special to resonate with a thing that doesn’t resonate for everyone, a rare and generous experience for me. Imagine that.

pottery

At the beginning of the year I signed up for a ten-week session of pottery classes at a studio in Georgetown, and then when I told M, he wanted to join (by which I felt incredibly endeared). Then it became ten more weeks, then ten more, and since then we’ve gone nearly every Thursday night. Some things that are nice: learning to to make something with my hands, especially after staring at a screen all day; not being able to look at my phone or read the news for several hours (related: so many of the Democratic debates happened on Thursday nights!); having a standing weekly date with my favorite person. Nearly everyone in our lives got lumpy bowls, vases, etc. for Christmas this year, of which we are very proud.

“rooms on fire” by stevie nicks

This year, Stevie Nicks became the first woman be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame twice and so Rolling Stone interviewed her about her fabulous career. In the interview, Rob Sheffield said his favorite song of hers is “Ooh My Love” from The Other Side of the Mirror, which is an album I had never listened to before, so I started listening and the first song just hooked me. It’s so dramatic and magical and moody! It’s right up there on the Apple Music-generated playlist of my most-played songs of the year.

stockholm

For several years one of my repeated resolutions was “go to Scandinavia.” Sweden has always been the big goal, but Oslo seemed possible for a minute, and in 2013 I did briefly entertain the idea of going to graduate school in Finland. (Imagine!) This year I got really fed up of having not really, you know, taken a proper vacation since starting my job, so I took a full week off after my sister’s wedding and planned a solo trip to Stockholm. Each day of my trip I woke up whenever I woke up and I explored a different island; I went for long runs, drank coffee, ate kardemummabullar, took the subway across town, saw a one-of-a-kind Viking ship. I burst into tears at the Moderna Museet, ate through a vegetarian tasting menu at the Fotografiska, had an extremely lovely spa experience. I read three books in a week. I loved every second of it.

wigs

I bought a big gaudy pink wig this spring in anticipation of seeing Sasha Velour’s one-woman show in New York -- or, I told myself I bought it for that reason, but I think I really just wanted the possibility of wearing a big gaudy pink wig at will. After the Sasha show, I wore it to see Robyn at The Anthem, and was delighted when, after I put a picture on Instagram, a handful of people in my life thought I had a) dyed my hair pastel pink and b) grew my hair ~half a foot over the weekend. (I wish!) I think I’ll wear it for our house’s beach-themed NYE party, too.

everything else 

frequent, long drives with M; songs about solidarity; the #saltypod; custom t-shirts; craving waffles; having an e-reader; the concept of “the archive”; choosing kindness; threatening to move to rural new england to work on a farm; being in love

[yugihell]

Rowan Reads YGO Volume 3

<– First  <– Previous

In which I liveblog my reading of Volume Three of the manga and talk about the things I found interesting, be they plot or character. Hey, there are free pictures, so it’s all cool.

In this volume Ammit is Shadi’s Gaster Blaster, Téa & Joey are BrOTP forever, Hanasaki returns as a masked avenger, Atem mentally damages a small child while teaching us his ‘Rules’ (which explain oh so much about the character), and Yugi and Joey confirm Wishshipping by having their Tamagotchis bone.

Volume 3

(This one’s slightly more in depth, because it gives some useful insight into Atem and Shadi)

Duel 16

So when we left off last time, Shadi had turned a reasonable guy into a puppet and was using him to strangle Joey.

Shadi is clearly missing some important part of himself, and has decided that telling the puppet to “make the boy’s friends suffer” is a perfectly reasonable thing to do to see the boy’s ‘power’. Instead of ‘scars of defeat’, Shadi has ‘the feeling of defeat smouldering in (his) heart’. This is also fine. Apparently.

Only Yugi can see Shadi, and everyone is getting rather panicked by this stage. Téa shows her love for Joey by smashing a globe over the professor’s head, getting him to let go.

Shadi was not expecting that.

It teaches him not to underestimate her again. To the extent that he takes over her and we get to see her soul room.

The half a second of pity is apparently not enough to stop him from turning her into a puppet though.

Joey goes all Eleventh Doctor,

And Shadi tells him he has a good friend, who would save him by sacrificing himself. And that Téa is a good friend too - and shows him what he’s done to her. We get more of an explanation for the trigger that gets Atem to front, in case we haven’t picked it up:

“That’s it… Anger! Hatred! Sadness! On the far side of your emotions…like a runner waiting for a handoff in a relay…the Other Yugi is waiting!”

He threatens to kill her, and Atem - called ‘Yugi Within Yugi’ by Shadi - comes forward.

Duel 17

Shadi isn’t as practiced at this as Atem clearly, and hasn’t prepared his rooftop game in advance, and needs ten minutes.

Seriously.

Atem just hangs around until eight o’clock.

At which point he goes to the roof, to find Téa stood on a sort of diving board and seriously did you not even TRY to stop him leaving with her you absolute MORON?!?!

“You’re not going to use her in our game!” Of course he is!!! How did you not see this coming?!

Shadi tries some sort of ‘we’re not so different, we’re both Item Bearers’ and Atem tells him to fuck off. Paraphrasing.

Turns out Atem’s kind of frightened about the power of the Puzzle, and for each weakness he shows, one of the things holding Téa’s board up will break. The game is Atem finding Shadi’s weakness - then the Key will touch Téa’s hand and she’ll be restored.

(We need some Téa and feather imagery art to go with this.)

Apparently stage one of this involves Atem seeing images of the dead rising up from the ground (or fourth story w/e it’s magic) and trying to pull him down while he’s given a riddle.

“What creeps on the ground and clings to the pillars?”

We get to see from Shadi’s eyes that there’s nothing there, which is pretty cool.

Atem tries to calm down and ignore the illusion - he’s pretty cool here - and figures out that the answer is his shadow.

I can’t do riddles. I’d have said ‘vines’ or something. RIP Téa.

Duel 18

A hole opens up in the ground, another monstrous creature - Ammit.

Atem only now pieces together that Shadi killed Kanekura. Bro.

Oh well, puzzle time. Card flip game with an uneven amount of cards. Guess what the middle plate is and you don’t get your head bitten off and your soul eaten. Except you’re not allowed to turn over any of the plates. Shadi’s hint is that the plates are a mirror of Ammit. he has five minutes.

(What the fuck???)

How dare you scare Atem! Fuck this guy.

Meanwhile Joey’s still running from our zombie friend. He promises to beat him fair and square… Then hits him with a fire extinguisher jet:

“In my fights, ‘fair and square’ means ‘anything goes’!”

But it’s about as useless as you’d expect, and he gets pushed out of the third story window, and ends up on the lip of the wall below, Téa above him, zombie-prof all but next to him, and a three story drop beneath him.

Weirdly I’d still take Joey’s position right now.

In the nick of time, Atem works out the plates mirror parts of Ammit - two eyes, nostrils, ears and hands, but only one mouth. How he knows these things without looking at the creature… uh Ancient Egyptian knowledge seeping through????

Duel 19

For the third game, he creates an image of the old bullying Joey ‘from a memory in the other Yugi’s heart’. Which is interesting.

“I caught a glimpse of those memories when I visited your soul. Even if you have forgotten, those painful memories will always remain in your heart… No matter how much time passes.” Which I think is his way of saying that the things we’ve experienced shape us as people, whether we recall those experiences or not.

They’re to throw the puzzle like a die, move in the direction it points, and whoever ends up in the pit of death first…is in the pit of death and dies. Atem thinks it’s an illusion, but can’t be sure it’s not Joey under a spell.

The illusion recreates the scene from the beginning of the manga with Joey bullying Yugi, and one of the supports breaks as Atem and Yugi are shown slightly separate for a moment: “Jonouchi’s words reminded my other self of the way things were in the past… That must be Shadi’s intent…to shock the heart of my other self…”

(Manga sure loves its ellipses)

Atem doesn’t make a single move, letting the illusion’s rolls push him further towards the edge. He says he trusts his friend. Shadi says he was testing his weakness of his heart in trusting too much.Shadi commands the illusion roll, and it doesn’t, and disappears instead.

Which is giving me callbacks to that situation with Kaiba and the 4th Blue Eyes last volume. Hmm.

The rope starts to fray (this is why you spend more than ten minutes on this shit) and Téa wobbles, but Joey’s worked his way around the building to support the beam.

This volume is Joey-Téa BrOTP forever.

Atem works out that Shadi’s weakness is his inability to trust in people, and the Key is freed.

Duel 20

Téa is now back to herself and they get her back to the roof. Atem tells Joey to touch the Key to the Professor, who, like Téa, wakes up in a precarious position. But with considerably fewer teeth.

Atem realises that the power of the Puzzle is the power of Unity. How appropriate. That would be the source of the Millennium Baedar then - you’ve used its power already and not even noticed.

And with that, Téa and Joey can see Shadi too.

Shadi mentions something about a door, and Atem shifts back again. This time though, Téa and Joey have clearly noticed something’s up, but don’t ask Yugi about it.

I couldn’t pick the best bits of this page, so have it all.

Is it:

A) Joey and Téa’s ‘Wrong?! Hahaha! What could be wrong?!’

B) Joey and Téa’s bickering over their breaking the prof’s teeth

C) How about we go out for food because who needs teeth to eat and what’s weird about this situation.

D) “I want burgers!” Trauma off a duck’s back.

(Someone write a fic where feeding people is Grandpa’s default reaction to Bad Shit)

Duel 21

Finally, Tamagotchi and no more Shadi. That’s more like it.

Yugi named his pet U2 because he’s sad and actually liked that automatically dowloaded album on his iTunes. Fairly certain that’s why.

Tristan is confirmed to have a family dog.

“Digital Pets have the ability to mate too.”

I’ll just take a 30 second wince break. Whatever happens here is going to be…something.

YEP. That’s something.

"Let’s you and I mate right away.”

It’s not even about them ‘having a baby’ - it’s just the virtual things banging each other. They don’t even male-female gender code them. How did Takahashi get that past everyone??? Well enjoy the bonus wishshipping.

Joey wants his pet to be more cute - what a softy.

Some guy’s pet turns out to be alive in there and mind controlly. Partly I’m like ‘sure, why not’ but also this is weird for the series so far, and I really do wonder if Takahashi thought they’d tell him to cut it or something, and just went a bit bananas.

Kujirada connects it up to other people’s pets and it eats them - doing it to Joey’s and Téa’s. It’s connected up the same way you get em to do-the-virtual-do and I’m not sure if this is a fucked up metaphor or if Takahashi was just high as balls.

U2 evolves like a pokemon thanks to Joey’s pet’s data and kicks its ass.

Digital Pets only last for 21 days, and U2’s time is up tomorrow. Yugi stays up all night to watch him because he’s Yugi and of course he does.

Atem was apparently having a flop day this chapter. Which is fair enough.

Duel 22 p.1

Hanasaki’s back, and this time he’s showing off his comics. Téa’s apparently not into body-builder types (good for everyone involved), Joey doesn’t knock Hanasaki down when he gets excited about his interests, and is able to get his nerd on when they go round to Hanasaki’s Zombire-filled house.

He completes one of the model kits, clearly has plenty of know-how and does a great job… But it’s one of those where you’re supposed to keep it in the box. Hanasaki comes round to the idea and says it looks better like that anyway.

Hanasaki’s Dad follows them out and asks them to stay friends with his son. Which isn’t weird at all. Apparently Dad is only really able to show support and affection to his son by giving him a lot of toys, but hey, better than a kick up the arse.

Apparently he also does this by staging fights for his son to happen upon when he’s running about in his hero costume. Social skills aren’t really a thing in this family.

The Fake-Gang-For-Hire start intimidating Yugi.

Duel 23 p.2

Hanasaki shows up and they scarper (knowing that he’s the kid they’re hired to flop against).

Hanasaki tells Yugi that he’ll deal with anyone who bullies him, and Yugi goes “O-okay…” because he’s a hypocritical shit. You look like, and indeed are, a sweet potato and how many people have you hospitalised? I appreciate you don’t remember that stuff, but still.

Dad feeds the ‘hero’ rumour to his son, who seems happy, and intends to go out again:

“I’ll be in my room, but knock before you come in, okay?”

“Don’t you think Tomoya is acting more masculine lately?”

Dad looks kind of smug with himself. Which he shouldn’t, because that was just Mom’s subtle way of saying “So our son’s hit puberty and having a wank, how do we feel about this?” because she’s a mother and knows what ‘please knock’ means.

Our Villains, chuck a ransom note through Hanasaki’s window (pretending they’ve kidnapped Yugi), and then they call Dad to say if he doesn’t pay them five times as much, they’ll beat the kid to death.

Now for a start this is stupid, because if you were getting paid nearly a grand per time you pretended to be beaten up by a kid, you’d have to be nuts not to keep that going. It’s also dumb because the dude would just call the police. In a universe with police anyway.

Instead Yugi turns up at Hanasaki’s, his Dad is distraught and together they go off to save the kid. At some point the knowledge that Hanasaki did this to save him, triggers Atem to take over.

Atem MacGyver’s a game out of a can of spray paint and a cigarette. He runs around, and is apparently a speedy bugger who’s good at spraying straight lines on the floor. The cigarette ignites the paint (I think we’re suffering a realism breakdown here, but we’ll stay with it) and creates a Maze O’ Fire.

But hey “Don’t worry… If you get out of the maze, your lives will be spared..”

This guy.

Atem then comforts Hanasaki, telling him of course he can be a hero.

Is there a ship for these two? I’m not exactly 100% OTP on board here, but I feel like there should be. It’s a surprising amount of interaction from Atem that he gets, both here and at the Karaoke thing. In fact he’s pretty much the only one who’s had any sustained interaction with Atem so far, who isn’t an antagonist. I’m just saying that Atem’s got a type - cute, big-hearted, little nerds.

Duel 24

Oh no, Capmon. This means Stabby-Mokuba’s coming doesn’t it.

Well, while Yugi’s spacing out and telling us ‘the rules’ so we can pretend we’re not just pulling this out our asses here, he gets laughed at by a younger kid, who our little pacifist-never-would-hurt-a-fly-baby-bunny would clearly like to punch in the face.

He gets instant payback, getting hit on the head by the old man who owns the machine when he shakes it after it eats his money.

Mokie appears and look, all the little ones call him ‘Kaiba’ - that’s just adorable.

When Mokuba’s calling you “a little shrimp”, that’s kind of galling.

The kids are clearly the spiritual successors to Joey’s Middle School gang. Where did you get a taser- Is that a gun?

We can add to our ‘List of reasons for Atem to front’, Yugi getting defensive about shitty kids touching his puzzle.

Every ‘Don’t touch me, Peasants’ meme is canon.

It took these kids about two seconds to work out what’s happened, and apparently Kaiba knew right from the off. Special bond indeed.

Mokuba is a cheating cheater who cheats, but hey, who isn’t.

If Atem loses, he has to cut off a finger. Maybe Mokie’s going to give it to his bro as a ‘please love me’ present.

Atem gives us his Rules of Gaming:

1: No matter what the circumstances, always act like you have the upper hand.

(fuck me that explains a lot about this guy)

2: Stay cool at all times.

(frankly I feel like that falls into rule 1, but I’m not king of games)

Atem is calling Mokuba ‘Kaiba’ and it feels weird. Partially because of ‘The One Steve Limit’, partially because he’s what, ten?

“Don’t tell me that laugh’s a stupid rule too” - you can hear his brother in him.

3: Hold your trump card ’til the end.

(well I wasn’t going to use it after the end now was I)

Atem is waaaaay too happy about mentally trapping a child inside a capsule while he screams for his big brother to help. Way too happy.

[jtrahan]

Sea and Sparks

So you give the fortune teller all the coins in your purse, as well as the promise of your first-born child (ha, as if), and you walk home under a sky that looks like it's been playing with matches; and sure enough there is a stranger lounging against your garden gate, and he is tall and dark and—well, he's tall and dark anyway, and as it turns out he has great taste in turn-of-the-century pop-punk albums and knows this really cute little Mexican restaurant a couple towns over, and wouldn't you know it, one sensual poetry-reading montage later you've run away and gone to live on his pirate ship, which is really more of a salvage ship, since its main business is stripping the enormous alien derelicts sticking up out of the ocean for interesting looking parts; but your new beau pays his dues to the pirate guild anyway, which means that his crew gets to run up the Jolly Roger, and is officially licensed to sing all the really dirty sea shanties. You sail up and down the coast, scraping alien tech and getting into fights with other salvage crews and dancing with wild selkies under the summer moonlight, and all the while you can't help but notice that your lover is growing taller and darker by the day, to the point where he has to duck when walking under the rigging, and sleeps folded up in a cabin barely big enough to hold him. You are concerned by this, but don't really know how to bring it up, which is the first inkling you have that maybe this relationship is doomed.

And then, one day, your ship is attacked by a roving gang of mermaids, who come bursting out of the water riding side-saddle on sharks that snatch sailors up in their jaws as they leap across the deck. You rush for the harpoons, but then suddenly more mermaids come pouring over the sides, flopping onto the deck and flailing their eight arms and spewing ink from their mouths, and it's all getting to be a bit much; so in the interest of saving the ship you challenge the mermaid captain to single combat. Winner takes all.

The mermaid captain grins at you, exposing her many rows of teeth.

“I accept your challenge,” she says, in a voice like waves coming up past the flood line. “You want to pick the weapon or the place?”

“Weapon,” you say. “I choose swords.” You're pretty good at swords.

The mermaid captain nods, and in one smooth motion pulls you over the edge of the ship.

You sink, down and down into the dark. The last thing you see is the face of your tall dark lover, whose head stands at least fifteen feet above the deck by this point, looking down at you with a mixture of admiration and terrible sadness.

You would have expected to have trouble breathing, but something is happening on the sides of your neck: gills, splitting open your skin, drawing in seawater as comfortably as though they've always been there. Your feet hit some kind of bottom, and the descent stops. It's pretty murky down here, but a bunch of the mermaids are parting their hair to reveal lights, like angler fish, but in a whole multitude of pale pastel colors. Their captain swims over to a chest lodged deep in the muck and removes a pair of cutlasses. She hands you one and backs off a little, swishing her tail and holding her own cutlass at the ready.

“Hang on,” you say, “This isn't fair! I can't fight underwater!” This all comes out as an unintelligible rush of bubbles, but then the bubbles form themselves into the appropriate words like subtitles in front of your face. The mermaid captain rolls her eyes, but she also snaps her fingers, and another bubble appears, expanding very rapidly until it forms a kind of dome, pushing back the water on all sides and leaving you standing on a patch of solid ground. You're breathing air again, but your gills don't seem to mind.

The mermaid captain shoves her face through the side of the dome so that her head is sticking out into the open space. “Better?” she hisses; and now the rest of her is coming through, her tail splitting down the middle, peeling away into a pair of legs, scales sloughing away and being replaced with skin. You wonder if she's going to stop to put on pants, but okay, no, she definitely is not, and before you have a chance to contemplate all the new things you're learning about mermaid physiology she's raised her sword, and the duel is on. She's fast and strong, and you're forced to give ground quickly, scrambling backward to stay out of reach. A slash that goes over your head slices into the edge of the dome, spraying your hair with water, and the mermaids clustered just outside jeer and shove their arms through and push you back towards the center.

It's a near thing, but while the mermaid captain is really good at swords, you are just a little bit better at legs. As she missteps you lunge forward and just manage to nick the flesh of her forearm. The captain snarls and pulls back her sword to chop off your head, but before she can let the blow fly her entire body suddenly and explosively swells up like a pufferfish, with little spines all over the outside, bouncing slightly as the sword clatters to the ground.

The other mermaids are very annoyed, but there's nothing they can do but take you back. As your head breaks the surface you sputter and try to look around. It's been several hours. Your ship is nowhere to be seen.

The mermaids are drawing away. “Hang on,” you say, starting to panic, “You have to take me back to my ship! You have to--”

“Trolled!” shriek the mermaids, and they vanish in a flurry of flashing fins, making sure to splash water in your face as they go.

You manage to barter for transportation with a passing flock of seagulls, using the last gold coin you have hidden in the heel of your boot. The seagulls all grab on and lift you high into the air, face down, each of your outstretched arms and legs supported by its own contingent of seagulls. The head seagull has a tight grip on your right shoulder, and keeps announcing how many miles you have left on your tab in a high-pitched voice.

“TWENTY MILES REMAINING!” he squawks.

You tell him he doesn't have to keep doing that, but he keeps doing it anyway.

It's getting dark now, the sun settling down low into the ocean, and there are still no ships in sight. You're flying over a small chain of islands now, ones you don't recognize from any chart. There's an orange glow coming from one of them. Looks like an active volcano.

“LESS THAN ONE MILE REMAINING!” squawks the seagull. “PLEASE INCREASE YOUR FARE!”

“Okay,” you say, “Listen, I don't have any more money on me, but maybe we can work out some--”

“WE HOPE YOU HAVE HAD A PLEASANT JOURNEY,” shrieks the seagull, and he and all the other seagulls suddenly shoot off in all directions at once.

“What the fuck,” you say, but just then you become extremely occupied with the business of falling. There are trees rising up to meet you, and apparently it is an active volcano, because there goes the lip of it disappearing into the distance above you, and below you a terrible glow, and a great rush of heat--

And someone catches you. Someone with arms so warm they almost burn.

You look up, and the face looking down at you flows like magma into the shape of a smile. It glows the color of lava, half-liquid and fiercely bright, eyes burning cherry red.

“That was quite a fall,” it says, in a voice that seems to come from everywhere. “Are you all right? Can you stand?”

“I think so,” you say. The arms tilt sideways, and you step onto a glowing rock sticking up out of the lava. Your host stands a few feet away, very tall, with hair that flickers like flame, and a body in the shape of a man, but shifting, morphing slowly as you watch, like he's made out of heat haze itself.

“Apologies for the decor,” he says, gesturing around at the inside of the volcano. “I don't usually get many visitors down here. Sometimes the villagers take it into their heads to throw virgins in, because they think I'll help them with the harvest.” He chuckles softly to himself. “I keep telling them I have nothing to do with that, but they never listen.” He peers curiously at me. “You don't look like one of them, though.”

“Nope,” you say, “Definitely not a virgin.” This is maybe the dumbest thing you have ever said, but he laughs, and when he laughs the lava leaps up in geysers, fountains of light bursting in the volcano's heart.

You don't mean to stay as long as you do.

You don't really mean to stay at all. But the days turn into weeks, and the weeks to months, and he seems so gentle and kind; and eventually, despite having told yourself that you would never do this, not after what happened to your mother, you make the same mistake that must have been made a billion times over by now. Only it's not a mistake, not really, because even after the love has turned to anger, and you've stormed away in tears, the child is still with you, heavy and hot inside your body, kicking in the womb. He's delivered in a shack near the water by an old toothless selkie midwife who keeps lapsing back into seal speech and patting your shoulder while you curse her and sob and clutch at the edges of the bed.

You name him Odrin. It doesn't mean anything; you just like the way it sounds. His hands and his mouth leave marks on your skin, gray and mottled and ashy; but at night they glow softly in the dark.

You trade for seeds with some passing sailors and start a vegetable garden, and make a sling so you can start hunting seagulls. Odrin, once he's weaned, subsists mostly on hot coals plucked deftly from the fire where you cook your suppers. He learns to walk more quickly than most children, and learns to levitate soon after that, and is always zooming all around the house; only sometimes he becomes frightened, startled by things you can't see, and when that happens you can see his body start to shake itself into sparks, the smoke under his skin leaking out through the cracks, and you have to hold him until it passes. He's a good boy. The shack burns down, and you build another one with some help from the otters who live on the other side of the island. Your gills never really fade, but they do itch sometimes, until you go down and stick your head in the tide pool for a few minutes. Life, for a while, is good.

And then one day, as you and Odrin are sitting at the table shelling beans, a knock comes at the door.

You go over and open it, and lo and behold, it's the fortune teller from all those years ago, come back at last to collect her payment of your first-born son. She stands there, grinning and leaning on her staff, a tattered cloak drawn up around lanky gray hair.

“Odrin,” you say, not looking back, “Stay where you are.”

“I've come to collect what's mine,” says the fortune teller, trying to push past you into the house. “One first-born child, for services rendered. That was the arrangement.”

“You can't have him,” you say. “I'm sorry. We'll have to work something else out.”

“Silly girl,” says the fortune teller. She spits onto your lettuces. “I will have him.

“No,” you say.

The fortune teller glares at you and draws herself up to her full hunchbacked height.

“Get out of my way,” she says, “Or the consequences will be dire beyond your imagining.”

You tell her to fuck off, and she gets very angry and rants and raves and threatens to call her lawyers; but eventually she leaves, because she is an old woman and both of you know that you would have no compunctions about kicking her ass. You turn back towards the table, relieved but also a little worried about the lawyers, and see something that stops your heart.

A stream of sparks, the last ones already dancing out through the open window, vanishing into the spray of the waves.

Odrin. He got scared again, with all the yelling. He's shaken himself to pieces, and you weren't there to stop him.

You feel something sick rising up in your throat.

Okay, calm down. Calm down. There's still time to fix this, to put him back together before he drifts away and loses himself completely, but you need to hurry. Odrin will be gone now, rushing blindly over the sea in a panic, like only smoke and sparks can do. You're going to have to catch up.

You take some food and leave a note to the otters to watch the garden and run down and push your canoe out into the waves. It's getting dark now, and the lingering trail of sparks hanging over the water is fading fast. You paddle as hard as you can, until your muscles are screaming, but it's not enough, and the sparks are gone, the light is fading, and you're alone in uncharted ocean, low gray clouds rolling in, night coming down like a shroud.

You stop paddling.

The only sounds are the movement of water and your own ragged breath. Your arms are trembling. The spot on your neck where Odrin last rested his head is glowing dully, but its light is fading, fading along with everything else.

And then you see it, off the starboard bow. Something standing in the water, huge, framed like like a pillar against the stars.

Something tall and dark.

He hasn't stopped growing since the last time you saw him, as you were swept over the rail in the arms of a mermaid. The water comes up to his waist, breaking against him and leaving little trails of foam.

You stare up at him, at his face hanging high above you.

“Hey,” you say.

“Hello,” he says. His smile is warm and enormous. “I didn't expect to see you again.”

“Me neither,” you say. “Hey...I'm sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” he says.

“For how things ended, I guess,” you say. “I wanted to find you. I thought I was going to, at first. But...things happened...”

“You saved me from a pack of mermaids,” he says, smiling again. “You have nothing to be sorry about, I promise.”

You stay there a little longer, not saying anything. There really are an awful lot of stars out tonight. You can feel some of the strength returning to your arms.

“Listen,” you say, “I have to ask you something. I'm looking for my son; he might've come by here earlier. He looks—well, I'm not totally sure what he looks like right now, but--”

His enormous head is already nodding. “The boy with all the sparks?” he says. “I thought he looked familiar. He seemed to be in a hurry, though. I didn't like to pry.”

“He's just scared,” you say. “He's a good kid.” This is such an enormous understatement, not the right words at all, and you can feel tears prickling under your eyelids. “Please. I have to find him.”

He nods again. “I can show you the way,” he says, and he turns, causing a wave that sends your canoe rocking, and he opens his mouth. Light pours out of him, a solid beam of light cutting like an arrow through the darkness. He can't say anything with his mouth open, but you wave in acknowledgment, and he waves back. You pick up your paddle again, and somehow it doesn't seem so heavy now. It's like the light itself is filling you up, moving like blood through your aching muscles, giving you strength.

You paddle on, into the fog, into the darkness, following the light.

[sometimesalwaysmusic]

JAD. Jad Hammoud (JH) is an Ottawa singer-songwriter who has gained experience playing many stages in Ottawa and surrounding regions, both solo and as the frontman of the defunct band, Tall Trees. We chatted about the importance of honesty in song-writing, his many influences, and his love for other local artists. Read on, and then check him out at an upcoming April gig opening up for John Wozniak (of Marcy Playground) at Pressed! 

VITALS

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jadhammoudmusic

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/jadhammoud 

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Jad_Hammoud

Latest release: Monster (Single, January 2017)

Upcoming shows: April 22, 2017 - John Wozniak, Jad. 7:30PM. $20/$25 doors. Pressed Cafe, Ottawa ON.

SA: How did you get your start in music? JH: In a van in 1999.  I was either three of four, and The Backstreet Boys had just released "I Want it That Way". My mother was driving around the city with my twin sister and I in the back seat and the song came on the radio, so I started singing along. Apparently, as far as children go, I was fairly decent. Just to make sure she wasn't giving me too much credit, being my mom and all, she phoned a friend of hers to listen in and give his opinion (it wasn't illegal to use the phone while driving yet). He agreed with her, and it just went from there. It was unusual for me to not sing. I was always practicing, in a sense, and everyone in my life had come to know me as a singer or musician. I've always known that music is what I wanted to pursue, so when the time came, I ended up in the music program at Canterbury High School, where I specialized in vocal performance. University's been somewhat convoluted, but basically I've continued studying music there. Music has always been a significant and essential part of my identity. So I guess I owe it all to the Backstreet Boys?

SA: What bands would you cite as biggest influences on your sound? JH: The Backstreet Boys. 

No no, I jest. I like to listen to a lot of diverse music, so I'm usually very influenced by whatever I'm listening to at the time. 

One of my favourite artists of all time is Elliott Smith. I could honestly do an entire interview on why his music means so much to me and why I see him as one of the best songwriters of our time. Musically and lyrically he is so sophisticated but also knows how to maintain that sophistication in the simplest of songs. There is something about his music that transcends the surface of the human condition and undeniably evokes a very profound wave of emotions and in a way forces us to feel, process, and accept them. I will always be most connected to him and his music until the day I die.

Mother Mother has also always had a big influence on me, since I first heard "O My Heart" back in 2008. Ryan Guldemond is one of the most incredible songwriters of our time since Elliott Smith. Quote me on that. I guess you literally are. I've been lucky enough to meet the band several times over the years and I'm determined to open for them one day and get mentored by Ryan. It's going to happen. Another GREAT band is Vancouver's JPNSGRLS. I opened for them a couple of years ago, and have kept in touch with them. Their frontman, Charlie Kerr is an incredibly creative and clever lyricist, and he's been a sporadic mentor to me. He's releasing a solo album on April 21st under the moniker Matt and Sam's Brother (do yourself a favour and check him out).

I have to also mention Frank Ocean. He is a visionary. He is another true artist. Channel Orange and Blond(e) are masterpieces. Okay, before I get too invested, some other artists I adore (in no particular order) are Sufjan Stevens, St. Vincent (Annie Clark could curb stomp me and I'd be grateful), Grimes, Father John Misty, Leonard Cohen, Broken Bells, The Black Keys, Alex Turner, Wilco, Mac DeMarco, The Cure, David Bowie, The Strokes, Simon and Garfunkel, Arcade Fire, Anderson .Paak, The Smiths, Nirvana, Nick Drake, Bon Iver, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Gabriel Fauré and the list just goes on and on and on. I will undoubtedly have more come to mind within seconds of completing this.

Oh, and Freddie Mercury. That man was a gift to this world. Never forget. I just love music.

SA: Thus far in your career, what has been your biggest success? JH: I don't think you can ever prepare for the feeling that comes with seeing a crowd lined up down the street waiting to see you play. This was in the summer of 2013 when Tall Trees was still around and we hosted an album release. We had just graduated high school, and we rented out an entire hall in a church for the show. I remember designing and printing a small run of t-shirts and stickers, getting in touch with media and doing interviews, as well as renting light and sound equipment -- basically tons of effort went into organizing and preparing for it. I should give a special shout out to my friend Ben Compton -- he designed the poster for the show and the album artwork. He is an incredible, unique artist and I highly suggest you familiarize yourself with his work when you have the chance. Anyways, the turnout was overwhelming. I think something like 250 people came out and packed the room. I've never felt something that special. 

We played Folkfest (now known as City Folk) right after that, and tons of people came out to that as well. It was so beautiful.

As far as a solo act goes, it would probably be the time I played a bar in Kingston packed to the brim with students singing along to my songs. But honestly, things are just beginning and the best is yet to come.

SA: On the other hand, what is the biggest challenge you have faced, and how have you dealt with it? JH: By far, being alone. After Tall Trees had come to a discreet end, I felt lost for a long time. Coupled with being painfully unhappy in university, I became very depressed. I felt that I could no longer write. I stopped listening to music, I stopped playing music, I stopped going to shows, I just lost my entire sense of self. This lasted for about three and a half years, and even now I'm still getting back to being at 100% again. So I guess it's something I'm still dealing with, and to be honest will likely always be dealing with. I feel like artists are never satisfied with their work, because in the process of creating it, they improved. I'll always be working on myself, and I try to find solace in knowing that it's part of my personal and artistic growth.

SA: How do you approach the song-writing process? JH: I wish I knew the answer to this... I don't have songwriting figured out, so songs are sort of born via differing methods and out of a need to write . More often than not a song will come to me as one or several fragmented ideas that I will develop and eventually synthesize into some sort of finished thought. Sometimes the music comes first, and other times lyrics will come first. Occasionally, I'll be blessed by Apollo (haha) and everything will come to me all at once, resulting in a song that writes itself. In the case of the song I'm currently working on, I had the music more or less figured out and let it sit and occupy my mind for a couple of weeks, slowly adding ideas here and there. Only now, after some recent experiences have I managed to put words to it, and even then I'm not 100% satisfied with them, so I'll be editing and rewriting both the lyrics and the melody until it's something I'm happy with. 

Honestly, it never happens quite the same way each time... I'm very contemplative and introspective in a sense when it comes to writing. I like to search within and feel things out so that I'm not only effective in the communication of it all, but more importantly I'm affective, vulnerable, and honest. That's more important to me than anything. At the end of the day, it comes down to sitting down and just writing and working out your feelings. You can never get better at something you don't do.

SA: What are your thoughts on the Ottawa music scene? JH: Short answer: it's complicated. Slightly longer answer: it's really complicated. Long answer: This city has a lot of incredibly talented, skilled, and hard working artists. It lacks the means to nurture these artists and encourage their growth and development. At the same time, there are a lot of great resources for artists in the city, such as OMIC, Megaphono, City of Ottawa grants, OAC grants, and independent venues that support local music. The city is doing a lot and things are happening so Ottawa is well on its way. I have faith in that. I think the rest needs to happen on an individual level. Artists need to develop a genuine sense of community with each other. I'm only one opinion, and it depends on who you talk to/who you surround yourself with, but there is also an unspoken, overarching sense of competition, and it's kind of hostile. Hearing "I support you!" or "I want you to succeed." seems to come with a small asterisk attached to it that says "...as long as you're not more successful than I am". I think that for the community to truly thrive, artists need to genuinely support each other and work together to build something that everyone benefits from. Again, it depends on who you talk to. Don't get me wrong, I love this city and there are people who will absolutely disagree with me, but this is just my opinion based on my experiences and I feel I have to be honest about that. Nowhere is perfect, but Ottawa is working on itself to get better, and things can only go up from here. 

SA: In your opinion: What is the best song you have written? JH:  Oh god...I pretty much hate every song I've written. Not really, but I sort of go through this cycle where I'll write a song, think it's good, then feel it's pretty mediocre until enough time has passed and I come to realize it's actually good. There are a few songs that are very close to my heart...from the Tall Trees days, I'll always have a soft spot for "Girl On My Mind", "Cheers to You, My Stone Cold Queen", and "Marionette". As for the newer solo stuff, I'm really fond of "Knuckle Sandwich". It's a little dark but I think it's one of the most honest songs I've written in a long time. It came to me all at once and I wrote the entire thing in an hour or two.

SA: How has your song-writing changed, or evolved, between your experience in past projects, such as Tall Trees, and your solo work? JH: I was around 16 or 17 when I started Tall Trees, so I think that while I felt mature in my writing, I was still approaching things from a somewhat naive place. I've always been a very emotional, sometimes verklempt person, and so if anything my connection to that contributed a sense of maturity to those songs. Since Tall Trees, I feel I've undergone a lot of personal and artistic growth, especially after having been unable to write for the past several years. I am very aware that I am still metamorphosing today and I've come to embrace that, and in fact it excites me. 

I would say that the biggest difference in the way I approach writing now would have to be in the way I view songs and the process. When I was younger, I always wanted to be cool, and I wanted my songs to be cool. I approached them honestly, but I was also preoccupied with wanting them to be cool and the verse-chorus structure was almost too present. I thought that songs had to be that way. Now, I think of songs as thoughts that we need to communicate, or things we need to disclose out of a profound visceral need. They are the things we have to say because withholding them would be too stressful on the soul. Some are observational, others emotional, some just to make a point. Following a strict structural guideline is not nearly as important to me as it used to be. I let the songs come and be what they will be, rather than trying to make them fit some preconceived notion of what constitutes a "good song". Art is art -- it is fluid, subjective, and will be what it will be. Good art is art that's made honestly and from the heart.

The last thing I'll say is that I'm no longer afraid to be completely honest in my writing. I used to hold back a bit because I thought people may find certain notions off-putting, but now all I want to do is be completely open and use that to connect with people in a way that transcends the surface. Growing up, I was always told I was too sensitive for a guy (social constructs are the worst) and I always wore my heart on my sleeve. I have felt unwanted, unlovable, and so very small. I have a lot of feelings, and an incredible amount of love for people -- I want them to feel loved. I want to do away with the notion that having feelings and being honest about them is a bad thing. 

I just want to connect with people, and hopefully affect them in a way that they'll hold on to until the end of their days.

SA: A question for fun: If you had to pick your favourite local band in Ottawa, who would you choose and why?  JH: So far, my answers have been long-winded, so I'll keep this one short and sweet. I like a lot of local bands, but recently I've been really into this local artist Trails. She's very young, but her music is so mature, honest, and unapologetic. I wish that I had been able to write that way when I was 17. A lot of love and respect for her.

SA: What do you have in store in 2017? Best wishes for your continued successes, Jad! KM: I've been in the studio working on an EP, so I'm really committed to that right now and planning the release. There'll be a small tour, maybe some merch, and I may or may not be playing some festivals soon (I'm still waiting to hear back). I graduate from university in April, at which point I'll be able to fully dedicate myself to music. Things are just beginning for me, and big things are coming, so (shameless plug) keep up with me and everything I'm doing. The best way to do that is on Facebook. Thanks for everything, Pierce. It means a great deal to me to be able to finally discuss the things I've been thinking about for so long.

[atroopofechoesband-blog]

Throwback Song Party:  Broadway Ghost

Due to a variety of health- and geography-related issues, we haven’t been very active recently. But we’re still best friends, and we’re still super proud of the music we’ve made together.  To keep the fires burning, we’ve started a monthly series in which we dig into our catalog to tell the story of a song from our past.  This month: Broadway Ghost, the second-shortest song we’ve ever released.  One of the deeper cuts from our 2015 album The Longest Year on Record, Broadway Ghost is contemplative and airy, but packs an explosive finish.  

The Writing Process:  

Pete:  Broadway Ghost actually started out as a solo guitar song Nick was writing.  Before I moved to Toronto, we used to live together in a funky little house on the west side of Providence.  One night, I heard him strumming the basic chord structure down the hall somewhere, and was immediately captivated. The thing is, Nick is almost never working on just one project at a time, and is often in a couple of bands simultaneously. So I heard this happening, thought it was awesome, and in about ten seconds became obsessed with playing on it. I ran downstairs to see if we could use it before anyone else had a chance to jump on it or before it got filed away for some non-Troop of Echoes purpose. Total song-embryo poaching.  I tried to be cool about it, like “do you think this is maybe something we could work on, if you don’t have other plans for it?”  He was like “Yeah, sure.” Nice.

I think Nick had most of the harmonic architecture in place before the rest of us did much with it. It had a pretty strong identity from the beginning, even if some things developed as we went. The rest of us got to work trying to figure out what we could bring to it, and that kept evolving right through the recording session itself.

I tried to write a sax part for the beginning of the song; I kept bringing them to Nick and he justly pointed out that they weren’t sounding right. As a group we decided the sax parts I was writing had too much stuff going on, so we kept cutting material until the opening part was just one-note-played-at-a-time. By this time it had become kind of the modus operandi of the album anyway, and almost became like a dare between each of us, like “see how much you can cut and get away with it.” “Fuck it! It doesn’t even have to be a real melodic line! Just play two notes per measure!” The sax part developed more later, but all I had at first was that beginning part. So the idea of playing “honk” *wait* “honk” *wait* seemed really silly at that point.

But as things took shape, Broadway Ghost started to become pretty magical.  This one is a personal favorite of mine because the guitar sounds are so evocative. It sounds nocturnal and roving and mysterious to me.

Dan: In addition to the guitar parts, Nick also wrote some super rich trumpet harmonies for Broadway Ghost, which ended up playing a huge role in shaping the mood of the song.  We were incredibly lucky to have Doug Woolverton record the trumpet parts for the album, and he absolutely killed it.  He really understood what we were going for, and actually had a few ideas of how to maximize his harmonies.  

Nick: Yeah, so the majority of the trumpet arrangement was worked out beforehand. After we recorded an early demo of Broadway Ghost, I dubbed the harmonies on guitar with a volume pedal to mimic trumpet swells. When Doug came to lay down his tracks, he had some great ideas for all of his parts, including adding a high harmony line to the end section that makes for a great climactic moment.  

Doug Woolverton killing it in studio.  

The Recording Process:

Pete:  As we started the TLYOR sessions, I had a framework sax part in place, but the rhythmic delivery wasn’t solidified.  Dan, Nick, and Harry had laid down the bass, guitar, and drums for the album over the previous few months, and once they were finished up I came back from Toronto for a week for a marathon saxophone session.  By the time we got to Broadway Ghost, we had been tracking sax parts nonstop for a number of (very long) days, and I needed a break from the grind. So we took most of the day off, set up the studio so it could be kind of like a gallery space, invited some friends over and lit the room with a bunch of Christmas lights. We recorded that whole sax session in near-darkness just hanging out with everyone and it was beautiful. 

We got a few decent takes, and there was one that I thought felt better than the one that made the record.  But everyone else disagreed with me, and Graham (our recording engineer) didn’t even let me listen to the alternate take. He was like “nope, that’s the one.” Executive decision. That was the best vibes and the most fun I’ve had in a recording studio.  

Harry: That was totally Graham’s recording style, he liked working with first takes and complete playthroughs, instead of lots of fixes, overdubs, and piece-work.  It definitely helped the album retain a super “live” feel.  

Pete:  In terms of the saxophone approach, I wanted to do something kind of loose and breathy. Tenor sax can end up sounding more like a brass instrument than a woodwind sometimes, and I wanted to see if a tone closer to Dexter Gordon’s or Coleman Hawkins’ could work in the context of this band. I was not comfortable with it. It was a stretch. 

Dan:  From what I remember of the saxophone tracking for this song, we kept feeding Pete whisky and telling him to “keep it g r e a s y.”  I think it worked.  

Pete keepin’ it G R E A S Y.  

Harry:  I was totally prepared to leave Broadway Ghost bass-free. But that obviously didn’t end up happening.  I was away when most of the recording for this track happened, but apparently Dan had a tiny, minor, near-silent drum part he wanted to put down. A few days later, Graham made me sit in the chair and listen to the track with the drums absolutely cranked (which, from the reports I heard, took something like 20 takes to get right?). Graham pressed play and when I heard Dan’s drum part, I *heard* my part note-for-note in my head. That’s only happened twice to me.

Dan:  Yeah, recording the drums was a pain in the ass.  Originally the song was just supposed to be guitar and sax.  As it was kicking around, I had the idea of having a quiet, almost imperceptible drum part come in near the end of the song, basically sounding like someone was air-drumming to the song half a mile away.  We tried recording the drum part with a single room mic out in the hallway, but it sounded really off.  The balance of the kit wasn’t coming through well, the toms got swallowed up, and it made all the fills sound super janky and disruptive.  Graham had the idea to flip the switch on the drum part, turning on ALL the mics and cranking it up to 11 in the mix.  One take later, we knew we had it.  I think this is a really interesting example of what can happen to a song in the studio.  99% of the “musical content” of the song was completely written going into the session, but it didn’t really find it’s identity until that last 1% was figured out.  Messing with the dynamics of the drum/bass parts as we recorded really put the finishing touches on the song and gave it this kind of badass blast of power to cap the whole thing off.  

Pete:  I think the dynamics of this song almost defied the mastering process. It’s very quiet and then VERY LOUD and it took us a few rounds of revision to get it. I hope Carl Saff (our mastering engineer) wasn’t cursing us from his lab in Chicago over this.  

“Broadway Ghost” live at AS220, recorded by our main man Freddie Ross, who also shot the cover art for The Longest Year on Record. 

Trivia, or, What You Never Knew You Needed to Know About This Obscure Song Written and Recorded by A Troop of Echoes:  

Harry:  Continuing our tradition of ripping off and repurposing little nuggets from entirely unrelated bands, the bass part is inspired by "Ceres Walk” off of the soundtrack to “The American Astronaut."

Dan:  Also Freddie shot a sweet video of us playing this at our album release show at AS220.  Pete drops the mic.  Then we have to start the song over.  Rad As Hell.  (see above)

Nick, nailing takes 1-4 of Broadway Ghost.  Dude is a machine.  A machine that has learned to love.    

Critical Reception

Pete:  At shows before the album was recorded, we included Broadway Ghost a few times, just to try it out. I remember kind of getting a ‘meh’ reception at the time, but we knew that we were still working on it and were moving towards something, so I think we were ok with it. Immediately after recording, once we had the explosive outro in place, it killed at every show we played it at.  

Dan:  Broadway Ghost earned a few mentions on some of the blogs and magazines that wrote us up over the years.  Here are a few of the highlights:

A Closer Listen:  “The finest moments include the drum chorale that closes the opening track; the light explosion at the end of “Broadway Ghost”; and the finale of the title track, which is where the singers finally come in.  The more dynamic contrast, the better.” 

The New Fury:  “The shorter songs on the album, “Kerosene” and “Broadway Ghost” could be easily looked over since they seem only to be breaks from the craziness that A Troop of Echoes brings to the table on their album, but these songs have just as much thought put into them as the longer ones...“Broadway Ghost”, however, is much softer, and the ambient guitar chords in the background support a low and slow saxophone. This song also features a very soothing trumpet that accompanies the sax, and the song goes from slow jazz to rock in a second. The trumpet screams with power, then drops out, which leads into the title track of the album.”

Credits:   Nick Cooper - Guitar Pete Gilli - Tenor Saxophone Harrison Hartley - Surprise Bass Guitar Dan Moriarty - Surprise Drums Doug Woolverton - Trumpet Choir Graham Mellor - Recording Engineer Andrew Schneider - Mixing Engineer/Molar-Going Carl Saff - Mastering Engineer

[tialovestelevision]

Superstar

From wrestling to fame, but oddly the fame story is a Buffy story instead of an Angel story, which means, I hope, less grit and more silly, since the basic strengths of the two shows are that Buffy does silly better and Angel does grit better. We’ll find out, I guess. 1. Apparently we get to deal with the emotional fallout of Riley not recognizing Faith wasn’t Buffy when Tara did. Also, Adam. And Jonathan, who we last saw bringing a high-powered, scoped rifle to school to shoot himself. This sounds like a blast! 2. Buffy, Xander, Willow, and Anya are fighting vampires. They killed one, but then found four eating somebody. So they need to get help. 3. Now they’re at a mansion. The help they went to get is Jonathan. Who gets dime-store Bond music. 4. You know… if they’re going to insert Jonathan into the opening credits like he’s an essential part of the show - which absolutely makes sense given what appears to be the episode premise - they also have to credit his actor in the opening credits. It doesn’t work otherwise. 5. Anya, Buffy, Willow, Jonathan, and Xander are at Giles’s house, getting weapns and drinking milk. Jonathan is training Buffy, and out-sparring her. Jonathan is better at everything than the best cast member at that thing is, so they all kind of act as decoys and backup for him. 6. Wow, he’s patronizing Buffy and she’s taking it and this is uncomfortable. But Buffy also seems aware that this wasn’t as good as she usually is. Slayer magic resistance? 7. Jonathan just caught Spike creeping around. “Wonder Jonathan and his Fluffy Battle Kittens.” Buffy’s one-liners are terrible. Whatever has changed reality hasn’t raised Jonathan up; it’s pulled everyone else down enough to make a barely-better Jonathan suddenly the best. 8. God, Jonathan’s one-liner is also bad. Better than Buffy’s, but bad. 9. … Willow and Tara have a Jonathan shrine and holy FUCK this is creepy. 10. Riley has a Jonathan poster in his room. And… is that a framed picture of Jonathan, too? He’s no Jonathan. Riley isn’t eating Initiative food, and they haven’t been able to track Adam. Buffy doesn’t want to sit near Riley. And she can’t sink baskets. She wants Slaying to be a competitve sport, so they can have figure staking. She left. 11. Buffy is talking to Jonathan about how terribly Faith messed everything up. She also put sugar in Jonathan’s coffee for him, and Jonathan is signing autographs mid-conversation. He’s creepy, but he’s not wrong about what’s upsetting Buffy. Buffy’s not right, though, that Riley couldn’t have known. Tara knew. When Giles was transformed, Buffy knew. Jonathan has a shoe brand. 12. Colonel George Haviland is here, and has taken over the Initiative. They’re having a facility review and also chasing Adam, and have called Jonathan in as a tactical consultant. He’s way shorter than the Initiative guys. Adam doesn’t eat, and is powered by by a small nuclear reactor. He doesn’t need his head and has to be annihilated. 13. A woman is watching Jonathan’s house, but now she’s being attacked by a fuzzy naked demon that’s very gross and ot actually that fuzzy much more mangy. 14. Now Jonathan is giving Riley advice. And shooting apples off soldiers’ heads blindfolded. 15. Now there’s a swing band playing at the Bronze. Anya was calling out to Jonathan when she and Xander were having sex. Buffy thinks Anya can beat Xander in a fight. I’m with her. Now Jonathan is going to sing for Riley and Buffy. He’s… not bad. Not great, but not bad. Buffy and Riley are going to dance, apparently. Jonathan has repaired Buffy and Riley’s relationship. And now he’s playing jazz trumpet from his new album. Xander and Anya are going to have sex. Pretty sure they’ll both be moaning Jonathan’s name. 16. The girl from outside Jonathan’s house is there. Jonathan took her to his manion. Buffy’s there too. Karen’s going to tell them about the demon. It had a mark on its forehead. Riley gave Karen paper to draw it. She gave it to Jonathan, who looks momentarily horrified. He is also hiding the picture of the symbol, and is dismissing the idea of hunting the demon, which he called a monster or an animal. Buffy is suspicious. 17. Adam is at the computer lab. He’s never heard of Jonathan, and says that the pictures on the TV are lies and the world has been changed. Adam knows every molocule of himself. That’s the most interesting thing about him so far, actually. Adam says that the magic that changed the world is unstable and corrosive and will lead to chaos, and he’s interested in chaos. 18. Jonathan has a pair of attractive blonde women asking him to come to bed. But he’s too busy looking pensively at the fire instead. He has a brand of the symbol from the demon’s head branded on his back. 19. Jonathan got the Class Protector award at the Prom. Buffy and Willow and Tara were walking and talking, and Tara went home, so now Buffy’s talking with Willow. Tara’s in her dorm, and hears growling. Doors slamming. The demon is there, attacking her with its claws. She got out of its grip and is is casting a spell, but she’s wounded. She conjured fog to slow it down, and locked herself in a supply closet. Now Buffy’s at Tara’s place, and Tara’s terrified. She was in the closet all night. Describing the demon to Buffy, who recognizes it as the creature that attacked Karen. She apparently saw the symbol, and is showing it to Tara. Willow is disbelieving because Jonathan said they were safe. Does that imply Willow has less magic resistance than Buffy? 20. Buffy is at Xander’s basement to look at his collection of Jonathan stuff. Anya is reading Jonathan’s book. Buffy asks if it’s weird that Jonathan is so good at everything. Anya is trying to make Buffy feel better. Apparently, Anya once granted a wish to make a man fall in love with Bill McKinley, who I’ve been using as my example of what I expect from Presidents for a while now. Anya is describing the kinds of alternate realities magic could make, like a world without shrimp or a world with nothing but shrimp or a freaky world where Jonathan is some kind of not-perfect mouth-breather. 21. Jonathan apparently crushed the bones of the Master, blew up the Mayor, and coached the Women’s US World Cup Soccer Team. And starred in the Matrix. And graduated med school. Riley is backing Buffy up. Buffy doesn’t know what to do. Giles has a Jonathan swimsuit calendar but doesn’t want to admit it. Buffy found the mark on Jonathan’s back in the calendar, but Jonathan just arrived at the house. Whenever Jonathan fights the monster, he gets confused. But he put the mark on his back to remind himself not to underestimate the creature. Buffy basically compelled him to join her in a hunt for the monster or lose face. 22. They ran into Spike, who’s being creepy. Spike wouldn’t give info to Jonathan, but Buffy threatened to cut his supply off, so Spike’s telling them where the monster is. 23. Riley is learning about magic. Maintaining spells takes concentration, but casting them doesn’t always - Xander set his book on fire. He shouldn’t speak Latin in front of the books. Willow found the mark, though… an augmentation spell that turns the caster into some sort of paragon. It also creates a monster to balance the good the sorcerer can do once the spell’s been cast. Xander: “So he did a spell to make us think he was cool?” Giles: “Yes.” Xander: “That is so cool.” 24. Huh. There’s a notable value to this episode - it gives us a decent relative measure of the various characters’ resistance to magic. Adam has the most, followed by Buffy, then Willow and Tara. After them comes Giles and Anya and, I think, Riley, followed at the end by Xander. I wonder if that’ll shift as the show goes on? 25. Anya is worried Jonathan’s going to betray Buffy. 26. They found the monster, and it knocked Jonathan out. Willow and Anya are surprised Buffy is right. Buffy is fighting the monster, then Jonathan gets a stalactite. He knows what the monster does, but is helping Buffy fight it anyway. Apparently, if she hurts the monster, the world will start to shift, restoring her power and knowledge while stripping his. Buffy is remembering how her fighting of evil actually works as she fights the monster. It almost tossed her into the hole, but Jonathan tackled it into the hole and Buffy caught him. Now the spell is broken. 27. They’re talking about it, so they do all remember. Nobody can remember who starred in The Matrix now. Buffy saw Jonathan and went to talk to him. They had an interesting little talk, and now Buffy and Riley are kissing. Looks like episode end. Overall: Wow, do I have mixed feelings about that episode. The episode was the show taking the easy way out of a bunch of heavy emotional stuff for Buffy and Riley, and less so but still significantly among the rest of Buffy’s circle of friends. I don’t actually mind that - television is meant to be entertaining, and frankly the long, rough soul-searching that would have eaten the rest of the season to deal with the fallout of the Faith two-parter wouldn’t have been fun at all to watch. It wouldn’t have even been enjoyable melodrama - it just would have involved watching people we love sticking knives of various sizes into their own and each other’s hearts for like three episodes and nothing really being resolved when it all stopped. So this wrapped that up as nicely as it could have been, allowing the show to move on from a necessary and very good story without getting bogged down in the things that story would have done to people. On the other hand… good God was Jonathanworld creepy. It reduced the overt misogyny the story would be burdened with by having Jonathan reduce the stature of Giles and Riley and Spike nearly as much as he did Buffy’s, but having one of the very few woman-led action shows on TV get taken over by a mediocre white guy even for one episode was still a bit of a gut punch. The cast does a lot of rescuing of the premise here, with Nick Brendon and Emma Caufield bringing enormous humor to every scene they were in and Anthony Stewart Head being utterly delightful in his reaction to the question of if he had a Jonathan swimsuit calendar. I… think this one goes in the list of Good Buffy Episodes rather than Bad Buffy Episodes? But it teetered on the brink of disaster basically the whole way through.