#anyways that's enough oversharing for one night i think thank u all

[ouellette]

i think the only thing that would fix me is being given a kid that is an exact replica of myself as a child and raising her as my own

[iam93percentstardust]

Hey, I hope you're had a very pleasant birthday and birthday month! If the prompte are still open: Can you do Stony with Tony finally and sorta randomly confessing his love to Steve and Steve only then realizing that what he feels for Tony is romantic love as well?

Hello! Sure thing! Quick note: there’s a change between present and past tense for a flashback, for anyone who doesn’t like that kind of thing

As always, everything I write is also on ao3

~

“I love you,” Tony says, and Steve doesn’t quite know what to do about that.

He won’t say that he’s thought about it before because he hasn’t. But he won’t say that he’s never thought about it either—because he has, occasionally, glanced at Tony’s ass outlined by his perfectly tailored pants and appreciated the sight, and he has, once or twice, wondered what Tony’s warm, sparkling eyes would look like when hazy with pleasure. But a quick, glancing thought that he immediately moves on from is not the same as being attracted enough to Tony to think about asking him out or anything past that.

And now that he’s faced with that question, he doesn’t know what to say. Is he supposed to thank Tony? Is he supposed to acknowledge his feelings and say that he doesn’t feel the same way? Is he just supposed to ignore what Tony said? This is why he has so much trouble with his dates—he never knows how to act in a way that isn’t awkward. No wonder Natasha recently declared him hopeless after he came back from his last date covered in her sticky drink because he accidentally called her a dame.

“I love you,” Tony says and Steve doesn’t know what to do about that, but as it turns out, he doesn’t have to do anything, because Tony nods immediately afterward, says, “Good talk,” and turns and walks away like he wasn’t expecting an answer—or at least, not one that he would like.

Steve doesn’t know what to do about that either.

~

“Do you think I’m in love with Tony?” he asks Natasha later that day when they’re relaxing on the couch while some mindless sitcom plays in the background.

Natasha blinks at him and then caps the nail polish she was using and puts it on the coffee table. “Do you think you’re in love with Tony?” she asks carefully.

He frowns at her. “That’s not what I asked.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure I should just tell you what to think.”

He sighs and takes another sip from his Coke, only to realize that it’s empty. Yeah, that describes his life pretty well. “I’m gonna get another one,” he says, standing up. “Do you want something?”

She shakes her head. It’s not until he’s in the kitchen, grabbing another Coke from the fridge, before she asks, “What brought this on?”

Steve thinks about the vulnerable look on Tony’s face as he said those three words. He probably wouldn’t like it if Steve told Natasha what they’d discussed. Or, well, he’d probably act like it was fine but he’d secretly feel hurt and might put the workshop into blackout mode again. Steve hates it when the workshop is in blackout mode. He doesn’t like that he can’t get to Tony when he’s feeling so terrible that he has to shut himself away. He wants to be there to support him, and he hates it when he’s the one who makes Tony feel like he has to close off the workshop.

“Nothing,” he tells Natasha.

She gets up to come into the kitchen, where she eyes him for a moment and then declares, “Tony finally told you, didn’t he?”

How does she always know?

“How do you always know?”

She smiles enigmatically. “I always know,” she says in that mysterious tone.

Steve glares at her. “Tony told you, didn’t he?”

“Maybe he did and maybe he didn’t.”

“One of these days, you’re going to have to admit that you two are friends.”

“Hmm,” she agrees. “But not today.” She hesitates, watching as Steve starts preparing a ham sandwich. “So Tony told you he loves you and you said?”

“Nothing,” Steve says with a shrug. “JARVIS, do you think it would be a good idea if I took this to Tony?”

“Sir has not expressed an explicit desire to keep you out of the workshop but I believe he would not appreciate you down there at the moment.”

Steve sighs. “Great. Could you send U up here to bring this sandwich down?”

“Of course, Captain Rogers.”

With that taken care of, Steve turns back to Natasha, following her back out to the living room. “I didn’t say anything because Tony didn’t give me the chance. He just took off.”

Natasha is quiet, studying him for a long moment. He knows what she’s thinking, since it’s probably the same thing he thought: that Tony was too afraid to hear the answer to give Steve the chance to respond. Eventually, she asks, “So how do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know,” Steve says honestly. “I can’t say I’ve ever thought about Tony like that before but—we act kinda coupley, don’t we?”

Before Natasha can respond, the previously bright sky outside goes dark. There’s a bright lightning bolt right outside the window, followed by the crash of thunder and then a loud rushing sound. It dissipates after a moment, the sky lightening again.

“Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff,” JARVIS says, “Thor has returned to the tower.”

~

The Steve and Tony story goes something like this: instead of going on his planned road trip, Steve returned to the tower the day after the Chitauri invasion to offer his apologies to Tony about what he said on the helicarrier. Somehow—and he’s not sure how, even to this day—he found himself getting wrapped up in the tower repairs with a room of his own on one of the lower floors. And by the time those were done, Tony had apparently also redone some of the apartments near the penthouse as a headquarters for the Avengers. Steve hadn’t been lacking for options after the battle (the Army, in particular, wanted him back) but he’d moved into the tower permanently instead.

He and Tony had clashed a few times in those early days but once Bruce came back from wrapping up his affairs in India and Natasha and Clint left SHIELD to join them, they settled into a bit of a truce.

And over the semi-regular movie nights and the training spars and the late-night conversations after they both couldn’t sleep, that truce became a friendship and before Steve quite realized it, Tony had become one of his best friends. Slowly, Steve found himself being pulled out of the shell he’d withdrawn into after waking in this new century. Tony dragged him to lunch at new and exciting places, places that Steve could never have even dreamed of when he was growing up. They planned missions and training days together. Steve had even gotten adept enough at handling the press with Tony to feel confident accepting interview requests with him.

He hadn’t realized though that Tony had taken it as something more serious though. And now that he does know, he’s not sure what to do about it.

~

He eventually goes to Bruce, since Pepper is busy dealing with a business merger and Colonel Rhodes is out of town in some undisclosed location (though Steve is certain that Tony knows where). Bruce’s lab isn’t quite the wonderland of light and holograms that Tony’s is, but it’s still impressive to someone who grew up with nothing. Tony makes sure that Bruce has all the latest equipment so the lab is a gleaming marvel of sleek instruments with silver and white colors everywhere. It doesn’t look like the most soothing environment but the speakers pipe out some sort of piano music that Steve vaguely recognizes and there’s a teapot on one counter, keeping whatever Bruce is drinking warm.

Bruce is currently examining something under a microscope. Steve can make out what looks like a purple smear on the slide from where he’s standing in the doorway, but that’s it. Bruce doesn’t seem to have noticed him yet, even though JARVIS announced him, so he waits patiently until Bruce has rolled away from the microscope.

“Bruce, you got a second?” he asks quietly.

“Hey, when did you get here?” Bruce asks, offering him a tired smile. He waves Steve over to the teapot and offers him a cup.

“Just a couple minutes ago. I didn’t mind waiting,” Steve assures him. “What’s the blend?”

“Lavender and chocolate.”

“Sure, I wouldn’t mind a cup.” Bruce hands him the steaming mug. Steve has to add the sugar himself (only Tony knows how he prefers his tea).

“What brings you to my lab? Tony’s downstairs today,” Bruce says, fixing a cup of his own.

“I’m not looking for Tony. Not yet anyway,” Steve corrects. “I did want to talk about him though.” He hesitates and then decides to take the plunge. “Has Tony ever said anything to you about—ah—”

“About his feelings?” Bruce asks knowledgeably. “It’s come up a few times.”

Steve takes that to mean that it’s come up fairly frequently. Tony does like to overshare sometimes and trying to figure out what he’ll overshare about and what he’ll clam up about is about as accurate as trying to make one of Clint’s trick shots. “He told me today,” he begins carefully. “But he didn’t let me say anything.”

“Well, he wouldn’t,” Bruce says, like that’s perfectly reasonable and not absolutely surprising to Steve. He must see the confusion in Steve’s face because he adds, “He only just figured it out a few days ago himself, even though he’s been talking about you for months. I don’t think he was expecting you to feel the same way as him right after he realized it.”

“But why would he say it then?”

Bruce takes off his glasses, holding them in front of him as he thinks. “Tony—he’s got a weird relationship with love. He told me once that he thought he’d lost the chance to tell Pepper he loved her, first in Afghanistan and then with the palladium poisoning.”

“His parents,” Steve realizes. “He didn’t get to tell them either.”

“Exactly,” Bruce says, pointing at him with the glasses. “He doesn’t like to wait. So even though he knows you don’t feel the same way, he felt it was important to tell you.”

“What, in case I die tomorrow?”

“Or if he does.” Bruce must catch the stricken expression on Steve’s face as he smiles gently. “It’s not just about getting the feeling off his chest for Tony. It’s about making sure that you know you’re loved too.”

“Oh,” Steve says softly.

~

Normally, he would go down to the workshop to think about something that’s puzzling him but he doesn’t want to bother Tony right now. Instead, he goes to his second-favorite room in the entire tower: the library. The library was designed specifically by Tony for Steve after he mentioned how much he liked the tablet Tony had given him but how he missed paper books too. He hadn’t been angling for a library out of the conversation but Tony, generous to a fault, had immediately gotten to work on one.

It’s a beautiful room, completely incongruous with the sleek modern style of the rest of the tower, but perfect despite that. It takes up an entire two floors of the tower with balconies, a spiral staircase, and several sliding ladders for Clint to reenact a scene from some movie that Steve hasn’t gotten around to watching yet. Tony had done the room in dark wood with enough windows to make it feel light and airy instead of cramped. There are little nooks hidden among the shelves and a few window seats for anyone who wants to gaze out over the New York skyline while they read.

It’s perfect, made all the more so because Tony designed it for him.

“Steve, you should have realized how Tony felt sooner,” he mutters to himself as he settles on one of the cushy armchairs with his sketchbook. But how could he have? According to Bruce, Tony hadn’t even known how he felt until a few days ago.

He sketches as he thinks, no subject in mind until he looks down to find that he’s roughly sketched out Tony at his workbench, arguing with DUM-E over something silly. Steve smiles fondly down at the drawing, rubbing his thumb over the curve of Tony’s cheek. He remembers this argument. It had been a couple weeks ago. Tony had asked DUM-E to bring him a wrench and instead, DUM-E had brought him two screwdrivers, three hammers, and a level before finally bringing the wrench. It had made Steve laugh, which had just encouraged DUM-E. Tony had acted frustrated but he knows Tony well enough to know that Tony had been secretly proud about DUM-E’s personality, both for DUM-E and for himself. After all, as Tony said, any monkey could design an AI. It took skill to design one with character.

In his sketch, he’s drawn something of that conflict in Tony’s face—the frustration in the downward turn of his mouth but the pride in the twinkle in his eyes—and it only makes him more beautiful.

“Beautiful,” Steve repeats, awed at the thought. Tony is beautiful, when he’s tinkering, when he’s flying, even when he’s going toe-to-toe with Steve over something stupid (usually Tony’s self-sacrificial tendencies).

He flips through the book, taking in each drawing: Natasha, Tony, Clint, Thor, Tony, Bruce, Tony, Tony, Tony. “Yeah,” he murmurs, looking back down at the drawing he just finished again. He thinks he’s got it figured out.

He stands, tucking his sketchbook under his arm. “JARVIS, do you think Tony would mind talking to me now? I’ve got something important to tell him.”

JARVIS is quiet for a moment, then says, “Sir would be happy to see you.”

He makes his way downstairs, thinking about what he’s going to say, but as soon as he sees Tony—wonderful, beautiful, perfect Tony—playing with one of those incredible holograms he designed, the words fly from his mind and he blurts out, “I’m not in love with you.”

And then he winces. Yeah, okay, so he’s a bit of a disaster.

Tony looks hurt for a moment, but it’s quickly covered up with dramatic offense. Before Tony can make one of his infamous quips that’ll just make light of the situation, Steve crosses the workshop and pulls Tony’s hands into his, rubbing them gently with his thumbs.

“I’m not in love with you,” he repeats. “But I think I could be soon. I’m not where you’re at yet—my brain isn’t nearly as quick as yours, Tony, of course you’re a step ahead of me here too. But Tony, you’re on almost every single page of my sketchbook. We go on what we might as well call dates together. We talk for hours. I know you almost as well as I know myself. I’m not in love with you yet but I think I’m only a couple dates away from it, so you should take me out, and we’ll see how fast I can catch up.”

Tony is smiling by the end of his little speech. “How are you always so good at that?” he asks.

“I was born like this,” Steve says seriously, only to crack a grin when Tony laughs.

“No you weren’t,” Tony argues. “You were born small and spiteful.”

“And full of good speeches. But no one wanted to listen to a little guy like me so I had to bottle them up to use on you.” He pauses and looks down at Tony. “Um, not to pressure you, but does a date sound good?”

Tony thinks about it for a moment. “Depends. Where are you going to take me?”

“Oh, am I taking you? You’re the billionaire, shouldn’t you be treating me?”

Tony’s eyes darken as he purrs, “Only if you’re very nice.”

Steve shivers. He hadn’t really thought about how it would feel to have the full Tony Stark Seduction TechniqueTM turned on him, but he’s thinking about it now and it is absolutely delightful. “What if I’m not nice at all?” he whispers, hands tightening on Tony’s.

Tony’s smile turns downright filthy and he leans up to brush a kiss over Steve’s cheek. “Hmm, I’ll think of something,” he murmurs into Steve’s ear.

He’s not going to act like a caveman and take Tony to bed. He’s not. He’s going to—“Sal’s!” he blurts out, immediately regretting it when Tony takes a step away, brow wrinkling confusedly. It’s really cute. Steve wants to kiss it away.

“What?”

“Sal’s,” Steve says again. “Best burgers in Brooklyn. I want to take you there.”

Tony smiles again. “Sounds like a date.”

[twinkinspector]

you said you wanted attention??

I gotchu, babygirl <3

first off, I HAVE to agree with angel for plum- I have witnessed you unHinGED on my dash wayy past your bedtime, but it seems like you're having a good enough time and are only mildly aware of the impending consequences of having to wake up the next day xD

uuhhhghjdfhks meadow grass because suhbdjcbj i wanna be your friend and i swear i'm still working on an "about me" post cuz i want you specifically to give me a reading so so bad- hjsadhcgadwhfbjn <33

MAHOGANY OH MY GOD,, YOU ARE MAHOGANY SO BAD-- it doesn't look like a word now huh-- but please please I wanna listen to you talk for hours about things you think are cool,, like when I did my mutuals liquor store post and you just hopped right on that, i was so so into what you had to say <3 and like-- your wording when you write shit is just,, mWAH

annnddd lastly, outer spaaaceee; lil' bit of explanation for this one- space kinda translates to witchy in my head,, and like astrology and all that cool stuff that i don't know a lot about but would love to hear you talk about anyway- (all i know is that I'm a Taurus cuz of my birthday date hgjdbsng) and also i wanna go shiny rock hunting/gathering with youuu, i feel like that'd be super fun <3

uhh- yeah! I hope you can see all the colours properly,, i usually attach the original photo with my response but i'm on my laptop so i just have it in another tab- but i thought the coloured words might help with recall :D

oh my GODS this was so sos o sosososoooooo sweet to read!!! i am literally kicking my feet and giggling right now!! my heart is fizzy :3

u definitely gave me plum for being too high on the dash last night lmaooooooo i deserved that!!

ehehe i want to be ur friend too! i always smile when i see u in my notifs – i feel like our vibes are friends if that makes any sense

the fact that you think what i have to say is interesting makes me so so so happy aw;elsdfj i'm so glad :') i love to overshare hehe so we're a match made in heaven i think!!

ooh well if you ever have specific astrology questions, i'm always happy to answer or infodump about it uwu i would LOVE to go look for rocks with u omg <3

i am happy sobbing :) thank you!! eheheh this was the attention i was looking for skskskfjlasodijp

what color are my vibes???

[daisies-write]

And he said “nope” - Part 2

Deal with the Devil

Hisoka x weak!reader; soulmate AU

Ok so we decided to go with a light and fun story! I suppose it isn’t what’s expected of a Hisoka x reader but with Ari we had so much fun imagining different scenarios where both are forced to work together, it just started to take life on it’s own! I hope it won’t be disapointing for you and that you’ll like this serie as much as we do! @kuuredere​

-Yasu

Previous chapter / Next chapter

TW: none

Writer: Both of us ! (Ari and Yasu)

Word count: 1965

    This is how your "contract" began with Hisoka, with one simple deal: to continue with your life without being disturbing each other, as if you two never met. You would never work together anyway. You had morals and Hisoka was… Hisoka.

    But strangely, since then your life had seemed to take an ominous decline and you were starting to wonder if the Universe had something to do with it. Too much had happened in too little time: losing your car, having your apartment infested with cockroaches, and finding out that your partner might be having an affair. Well… it couldn't be worse, after all.

    " You are fired. "

Ah. It could, actually.

    You were sitting on a bench somewhere in a park, with a big box full of your things lying at your feet, trying somehow to reach your partner on the phone. After the fifth call, you gave up. They must have been busy ...

    You clapped your hands over your eyes, sighing loudly, twisting in your head everything you could do to find a job that paid as well as your last but there were very few options and the remaining ones didn't appeal to you one bit. You weren't desperate enough to striptease yet, that's for sure, and going back to babysitting was a big no.

    "Maybe they were right in the end," you mumbled in your despair. “I'm not meant to be a Hunter and I'm not made for the big city.” A sad chuckle escaped your lips. “A real little peasant, haha. "

    As if trying to mock you, the sun and the sky were extremely bright that day. Or maybe it was to support you...

    " Well! I got this! I will not be discouraged for so little! "

    You got up on your feet, determined, and then sat down again almost instantly.

    "I have nowhere to sleep."

    You expressed yourself with yet another long sigh. If only you hadn’t met this Hisoka, if only you hadn’t gone to see that damn battle at Heaven Arenas with your friends, if only you had said no, your life surely would have just as chill, like it used to. Seeing in color was fun but not necessary.

    "I don't like pink," you thought as you saw a kid make a big bubble with his chewing gum.

    "My, it looks like my kitten is doing badly ~," said a voice you recognized all too well.

    Slowly turning your head to the side, you could finally confirm your fears: Hisoka was looking at you with a big smile, a hand on his cheek and mocking eyes.

    "Hey, Satan," you answered instinctively.

    He laughs at your words.

    "I’m pretty sure I’m even worse, but thank you nonetheless."

    “Go away. I don’t have time to mess with you. And like, don’t you have a fight today?”

    Hisoka shrugged.

    “The guy isn’t worth my time, that’s all.”

    “So you thought about stalking me?”

    “I thought about watching children play but I found you like you would find a wart,” he said nonchalantly.

    You just started at him, genuinely creeped out.

    “Get out of here, pedo.”

    He laughed again.

    “Make me.”

     “The sexual innuendo of this sentence is way too big so you better stop using it unless if you want to bang me,” you said, unphased. “But there’s a hint: you ugly.”

    “Wow!” Hisoka placed a hand to his heart, a pout on his face. “You didn’t seem quite so aggressive last time. Something bad happened?” His eyes found your box and his smirk came back. “Fired?”

    You said nothing, but the displeased expression gave him confirmation.

    “Your fault.”

    “How’s that? Oh, let me guess,” his finger taping his lips in the most frustrating exagerration of his excessively dramatic self. “You couldn’t stop thinking about me and got distracted from your work, so of course, your boss told you to never come back because of your  uselesness. Tragic love story!” He sighed. “But then again, who could resist me? I feel sympathetic for you. <3″

    Your disgust grew just at the thought of being in love with Hisoka. He annoyed more you at every word he spoke, at every breath he took but you wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing this. You prefered playing his game and use your sarcasm to counter his and perhaps, distract yourself from your harsh reality.

    “Well, if you’re so sympathetic, you could buy me a house-”

    “Nope, <3″

You tried, at least!

    “My apartment have been infested with cockroaches, so honestly, I really need a house. If you know a place, tell me.”

Hisoka eyed you for a second.

     “Are you really unclean to the point of having cockroaches in your whole apartment?”

    “What ? NO!” you yelled.

He just laughed again, shoting his head back. You bite your lower lips in embarassment as you saw the eyes of everyone else in proximity glaring at you. Your cheeks burned in fluster.You’ve been too loud.

    “I have an idea!” you said to Hisoka after chacking your burning face away. “We could swap houses! That way, you could live with your family!”

His laugh died and he looked at you, pleased that you started playing with him.

   “They said they missed you, you know? That you shouldn’t have run off and left them without saying anything,” you continued.

   “I,” started Hisoka through a shit eating grin, “hate you so much and I urge to kill you but it would be no fun with you.”

    “I think one of your brothers at my house is called Steve. Steve really, really misses you.” You smiled. “I feel like you two were very close.”

    You liked insisting on each and every word of your sentence.

    “Impossible. I’m too sexy to be related to Steve.”

    “You’re sure? I thought you were twins. I could barely tell you apart!” Your voice sounded more and more amused with each syllable leaving your mouth. It felt so natural. “Wow.”

    Honeslty, playful bander with Hisoka was fun. A real game, a match one of you had to win; he was never phased by any of your words so you kept sending sly insults back and forth in this oddly lively and convivial disgust you shared for each other.

    Unfortunatly, everything must come to an end, right? You stopped quick in your teasing when you saw a familiar number appearing on your phone. Your smile vanished in less than a second and the atmosphere wasn’t so light anymore. Your partner was calling you, but in all honesty, you didn’t want to answer now. Or more like you didn’t have the heart to. 

    Hisoka raised one eyebrow.

    “Lover?”

    “I guess.. They’ve been cheating for a while, so no, not really anymore,” you said, trying your best to seem nonchalant about it.

    “And you’re okay with that? You don’t seem like the type who’d have an open relationship.” His voice sounded like he took great joy in your suffering.

    “Well, they found their soulmate. I know them,” you gulped. “I know them more than I know myself. It’s been hard on them and they aren’t ready to talk about it but I’m aware of what they’re doing at night. I saw their messages by accident.” You shrugged. “I’m only waiting for when they feel like it’s time.”

You stared at the number until it disappeared.

    “Liar.”

You looked over to Hisoka again, slightly disoriented.

    “You can dump them since you found your own soulmate.The break-up wouldn’t be so hard on them if they knew this.” He chuckled. “You’re just slowing down the inevitable fate of your couple. You don’t want to be alone and that’s all there is to know.”

    You glared at him, now. Your heart was beating loudly against your chest, in pure anger. How could he read through you so easily? You didn’t like that one bit and you were disappointed in yourself for oversharing. He’s your soulmate, yes, but he’s still Hisoka.

“Please. Not now.”

“Sucks to be you, love.”

    An awkward silence fall upon you both, or at least upon you. While you were frantically texting your best friend to ask for a place to stay, only to be met with a lenghty apology, you searched for other ways to find a place to sleep tonight. The motel rooms prices were way too high and you didn’t know how long you’d need to stay, nor how much it’ll cost to have your appartment clean again. You couldn’t face your partner and you were too ashamed to call your family. Your pride would end you but you prefered sleeping in the streets than having them look at you disapprovingly. Your whole world was falling apart and you blamed it all on Hisoka. And yet...

    Hisoka’s eyes didn’t leave your figure. His mind was racing and it seemed like it was the only thing it did since he met you. He didn’t speak when he saw you frown and sigh and type desesperatly on your phone, swipping through your contacts, hesitating over a room price, checking over and over again if anyone could help you. His mind was still racing when he told you:

    “I guess you can come to my place for a while.”

    You were utterly speechless and goggled at him for a few seconds. It isn’t like Hisoka at all to propose help. He had something in mind, you knew as much, but you couldn’t help but feel floored.

    “Who are you and what the heck did you do to my soulmate-?”

    “Awww, you refer to me as your soulmate, that’s adorable.”

    “ANSWER-” Honestly, you didn’t care about the volume of your voice at this point. You were too shocked. 

    Hisoka just laughed it off and looked at you, openly condescending and still smiling. Does he ever stop doing so ?

    “I will have to take on a mission so I won’t be at Heaven Arenas for a while.” He pointed at you. “You can take my room there while I’m gone.”

You were too confused.

    “But why? You gain nothing by doing this!” You frowned and wrapped your hands protectively against your body. “I won’t have sex with you!”

    “Don’t worry, I’d rather die,” he rolled his eyes. “I let you take my room because whatever happens to you if you sleep on a bench in the parc happens to me as well. And even if I’m pretty sure I can manage, I don’t want to wake up in the morning with a hole in my belly. You got it, darling?” 

    “Wait, what do you mean everything that happens to-’

But he didn’t let you finish your sentence: he took your box and walked away without giving you any other explanation.

    “Hisoka, wait!”

    Well, at least you got a rather interesting piece of informations. You didn’t know everything about soulmates but you sure knew that even if you were linked by fate, Hisoka wouldn’t do this without solid motives. Everything about him screamed to you to never trust him but you needed your box and you needed a roof over your head. You wouldn’t let your guard down for now. You probably couldn’t beat him in a fight but he didn’t seem like he’d kill you so that was already a good point.

    You made a mental note to look more deeply into all of this and untangle the mystery of his help and quickly followed your jerk soulmate. 

    “I said wait, asshole!”

    “What, miss me already? Do you want a goodbye kiss?”

    “Don’t say such repulsive things,” you replied, gagging. “I’ll need the room’s key.”

    “Here,” he tosses it to you before adding “just don’t go looking around my stuff too much~”

This was going to be... interesting.

[sortavibing]

hi!! i'd like to request a haikyuu matchup? if thats okay lol so i go by rain and tbh im unsure about my pronouns but i go by she/they i think. i have shoulderlength brown hair but im dying it soon, i wear glasses and have my lip pierced,im 5'5" and uhh im biromantic and again v v unsure abt the whole ₛₑₓ stuff lmao my ennegram type if group 9 though idk what that means and im infp and a ravenclaw,, i rollerskate! (badly) and knit, crochet, sew etc and i love to read!!!! my starsign is leo and i love the arcade, cities (im from a v v rural area so i find it exciting), swimming, music and tbh my dream job is working in a book shop or a library and i know SO much useless information n i tend to just sah random facts that pop into my head sometimes,, i kin yamaguchi and kinda asahi? uhh im a really picky eater which is kinda embarrasing😳 my love language is physical touch and words of affirmation,, the only things i really look for in a partner is if they're okay with taking it slow? is that a thing? trust is big for me bcus im insecure about like everything lmao but i dont tell many ppl and have a hard time opening up but im working on it i only tell ppl stuff if i rlly trust them,, i think im more of a listener than a talker but occasionally i'll just go OFF talking abt a random youtube video i watched or smth,, uh and like every single year i start a bullet journal or any sort of journal and i set it up so it looks rlly nice then i never use it again???? idk why its annoying asf

i'd like a romantic relationship pls bcus valentines day is coming up n im feeling lonely😌🤚

tysm dear!!!! also apologies bcus i feel like i overshared a bit too much im so sorry i either say nothing or too much lmao but i hope you have a good day/night!!!! also remember to eat/drink/take ur meds if u have them

ack hello! thank you for requesting! i’ve been swamped with requests recently so sorry that i wasn’t able to get it to you sooner! you seem so sweet omg- also i aspire to learn how to rollerskate, but like i know imma just fucking die because i don’t know how to stop🤠 also, there is no need to be sorry, all the information really helped me make it more personal :) anyways, here’s your matchup!

generating matchup...

matchup: complete

i match you up with akaashi!

one of the first dates you went on with him was pretty chill, and you guys just explored tokyo, finding small pastry shops, looking at the cute things in stores, and just enjoying each others company while being able to walk around the city. he offered to pay for everything (like the gentleman he is), and in the end, he bought you a little keychain to remind you of the date.

he loves to listen to you talk about the most random shit ever, and he always knows when to put in his opinion to keep the conversation going. akaashi thinks whatever you say is fascinating, and he is really happy that you are comfortable enough to open up to him about the most random shit, or a real problem that is bothering you. 

he is also more comfortable with taking it slow, since he believes trust and understanding is the most important parts of a relationship, so he will never force you to anything that you are uncomfortable with, no matter how small the action is. he will always remind you that he is there for you, and to never worry about disappointing him, because he is just happy to be dating you.

akaashi once took you on a date to a roller skating rink, and he was actually really good (of course he is), and he tried his best not to laugh at when you fell, but he failed🤠 after that, he was sure to help you, and after the end of the date you actually got pretty good at roller-skating, and akaashi just pretended that he didn’t laugh the first time he saw you fall.

he will buy you romantic books that remind him of you, and will write cute little notes in the margins, saying things like “this scene reminds me of us”, or “you are way prettier than they are”. and he really likes when you talk about the book you recommended with him, and he will get especially happy if you mention the notes.

since you like physical affection, akaashi will always be holding your hand or at least locking pinkies while you guys are together. he loves to know that you are there, and he will always have a slight blush on his face when you take his hand first. if he’s feeling extra romantic, he will kiss you on the top of the head, and just watch you get a little flustered.

akaashi knows that you are a picky eater, so he will memorize everything you don’t like to eat, and if you guys are ever going anywhere to eat, he will make sure that you actually are enjoying your food, and will always order something that fits your taste for himself, just in case you don’t like what you ordered.

he will do a bullet journal with you as well, and would match the aesthetic of yours, so you guys can have cute matching journals. akaashi would definitely write about you, and if you ever ask to see what he wrote, he will get a little bit flustered, because he doesn’t want you seeing him being too sappy, but if you ever convince him to let you read it, it’s literally the sweetest thing ever, and you want to keep it forever.

if you guys are apart for a long time, you guys will trade songs that you think remind you of the other person, and you and akaashi will put the songs into a playlist, so you can listen to it if you guys are ever missing each other. akaashi listens to the playlist a lot, though he will never tell you just how many times.

overall, you guys are so cute together, and akaashi will always be there to listen to you ramble, boost your confidence, and just look out for you whenever he can. he just wants to see you happy, and he is really happy that he can be the person to cause you to smile most of the time. 

i hope you enjoyed!

[inkth]

cream of the crop pt. 1

pairing → mygxreader

genre → angst (in future parts), fluff

warnings → for this part, there are no warnings

word count → 6.6k

okAY so fyi this is unedited for now and i might come back to switch certain things up but oh my god in bon voyage there was a part where yoongi got a strawberry milkshake and i stg this was in my wip waaaay before that so when i saw the gif i think i wailed a bit bc he made it literally canon my friends!!!! hope u enjoy this guys im chwishfsdkfhl

Yoongi just wanted a god damn strawberry milkshake to release work stress. not to be grabbed by the arm by a stranger begging him to role play as some perfect boyfriend or another.

There are a variety of absurd experiences Min Yoongi has been unfortunate enough to cross within his current lifetime.

Thinking back, there was that time Yoongi picked up the phone to his childhood best friend Kim Namjoon, who thought he was being robbed by foreigners on the side of the street at one in the afternoon, and frantically asked Yoongi to please come save him by the way its the sidewalk on 44th street bring a gun!

“What kind of fucking robbers let you make a phone call, dumbass?” Yoongi barked into the phone, pretty upset that his afternoon nap was interrupted by some nonsensical disturbance.

“Oh shit Yoongi, you’re probably right,” Namjoon exhales and stays on the phone with him though, as he tries to solve the mystery of the tourists who just wanted to let Namjoon know that he had dropped a couple bills. They were discreetly carrying knives because they were opening a wood carving stand a block over, Namjoon explained later. Yoongi was quite the unamused listener.

There was another time in his already awfully long life when Yoongi himself was found caught in the middle of a fight between a Minecraft gamer and a ballerina carrying a flower vase, but that was a long story where it finally ended with him being released from custody as soon as the police had determined his innocence.

Or that other glitch in his simulation of a life when he had to bring nine cats home with him after work. Yoongi never knew he had a cat allergy, but he learned it the hard way that night as he sneezed so hard for so long till he couldn’t hear anything out of his ears.

So when Yoongi is feeling something in the air tickle his nugget of a brain that he should skip his ritual milkshake tonight and head on home right away to avoid whatever this coming disturbance is, Yoongi does what Yoongi does best, and he ignores his intuition because who cares, what Yoongi wants is his McFreaking milkshake.

Everything goes smoothly. Yoongi successfully orders a milkshake at the bar. He successfully receives the right order. He successfully starts to drink the milkshake in the quiet serenity of two am on a Monday. 

But then he fails to leave as soon as she comes in the door, the same girl who legitimately flings the entrance open like some wild animal and he is so horrified he can’t look away from this scene and makes the mistake of meeting your gaze.

The damage is done, however. He knows you’ve selected him as your prey among the barren tables save for one lady picking up fries togo and the waitress staring at you in fear.

“Lady, please get off me,” he groans, pulling your fingers off his biceps as if they’re blood hungry leeches. His arm is free for maybe a second before your fingers fly back, grip stronger than before and this time Yoongi really can’t do much with just the one tired, exhausted hand; the one that isn’t holding the milkshake glass. 

He’s whispering a string of curses and damnations at One Week Ago Yoongi for slacking with working out. Or any of his past Yoongis, really. He rests his head on the tips of his fingers, weighing down on his elbow angled onto the table.

“You don’t understand,” you wheeze dramatically, eyes round with terror. Uh, hello? I don’t care enough to understand, Yoongi mentally comments. “My parents, they-“

Sure, you might’ve been exaggerating everything a little, but what’s a little show and extravagance when your damn life is on the line? A matter of life and death knows no tranquility.

He looks at you half lidded; boredom and ‘are you really still talking to me Ican’tbelievetheaudacity’ washing over his face doing a whole awful lot to create a grave aura around him. You can physically see the deathly ash gray energy come off him in waves like something from an anime.

At this point, Yoongi’s thinking he might just ditch you, make a run for it to never see your crazy ass again and the idea is so tempting but instead, he responds. He’s not too sure why, although it’s probably ‘cause he’s paid an awful lot for this deliciously overpriced milkshake that has yet to be completely consumed. But the fact of the matter is he does respond, even thought you’re clearly not in the right state of mind and he really should be telling you to go home.

“Listen, they’re not gunna care if your boyfriend’s a bum. It’s your life anyways, why would they care?” Yoongi notices he’s got about another sip or two of his milkshake and then he can hightail it outta this joint and a certain spazz grabbing onto him.

You let go of his arm, thinking maybe you came off a little too strong and run your hands over your hair to pat down the flyaways contributing to the messy, crazed look.

“Now, I really absolutely must get going… miss,” Yoongi has finished his drink with a content sigh, a little disappointed that the experience was partially ruined with your improv tug of war, but content nonetheless. “Don’t worry, I’ll go ahead and take care of your water,” he reassures you dryly and stands up from the bar’s long legged chair, grabbing his expensive leather jacket. The best purchase he’s ever made in his life, he tends to overshare this fact to anything or anyone with two ears and legs, seeing as how he wears it everyday through wind, rain and the scorching heat.

Your eyes flash in one last lunge of desperation and your integrity flies out the window and disappears into the sky like a balloon. Floating away… peacefully, gone forever till all that’s left is your soulless body embarrassing yourself like this on a Monday at two am.

“Please,” you choke out one last time and sincerity taints your voice, everything you’ve depended on relying on this thin line of his consent. 

There’s something about it that Yoongi finds himself hesitating for as his mind reels from the way your fingers grip the end of his jacket sleeve. 

“I really, truly only need your help for a couple days. I-I’ll even pay you.”

Your eyes dart to the floor from his face with your final push, unable to face rejection one last time from help you so ridiculously need. His body halts, and with this, you take it as a sign for your fingers to relax and stop holding his like some child refusing to let go of their lollipop. 

There’s one thing the weary should know, and it’s that one specific thing hits a chord with Min Yoongi that makes him who he is.

“Shit.”

Hana looks up at you in what seemed like concern and a bit of ‘damn, you live like this?’ tainting her face. You keep going back and forth between looking down at your most recent message on your phone and up to her face, still contorted in confusion unable to face the reality that is your life right now.

You’re not okay, this can’t be happening — everything you had worked up for up until this point, only to be destroyed by your parents’ wrath would be the endgame for your life. You need to lie down and forget this day even happened.

“Are you, okay?” She can’t help but emphasize the ‘okay’ with leaning her head in a tilt.

“Hana,” you squeak out, hands pressed against your eyes till you see stars. It’s late, you’re braincell-less from such last minute studying and you’re absolutely, completely fucked. And not in the nice way you normally would want to be.

“My parents are coming over and want to meet Jungkook.”

Hana lets out a strangled gurgle of terror from the back of her throat as she runs her hands through her dark hair and crawls over to you to peer at your phone screen. Now that she knows you’re fucked, you want to throw your phone out the window and run away. Or just throw yourself out the window. You stand up from your sitting position on the floor and take deep breaths counting to ten and back again.

“Oh my god,” she whispers. “You’re screwed.”

You twist your face and tell her, “Thank you so very much for the vote of confidence! I’ll just have to remember that while trying to explain everything to my parents.”

Hana’s pained smile emits an apologetic vibe as she continues to voice her thoughts. “Damn. Seriously though… what’re you gonna do, I mean. You still have… two days?”

“I don’t even know anymore,” you wail, falling back to the floor and hoping it’ll somehow open up, and take your body into the recesses of the earthy ground. “Is a day or two even enough time for him to come back from that trip?”

“Wait, you mean you would have your parents actually meet him?” Hana looks over at you incredulously. “Like, we’re talking about your boyfriend Jeon Jungkook, right?”

Backtrack – So, okay, yes maybe you had a few flaws. One of them was the fact that you were maybe a little too prideful. As in it’d physically pain you for your parents to know that your boyfriend was a bum who did absolutely nothing.

You had lied to your parents from the very beginning, pulling off the scam with a few explanations here and there saying, “Oh, no he’s too shy. He won’t take pictures!” when your parents wanted to see who this guy was. The occasional “He can’t meet up with us because he’s studying for his very big exam haha you know how these studious nerds are sorry!”

You wince from her tone, speaking as if he’s a demon sent from hell, and start collecting strands of your hair to comb through with worry.

“I mean, if he were here I could play him up as the guy I made him out to be,” you mused. “They don’t even know what he looks like. Probably think he’s afraid of cameras, poor baby.”

Hana looks slightly revolted from your gently verbalized “uwu” and snaps her fingers to garner your attention back onto the matter at hand.

“Wait- I,” you sat back up, all the blood rushing this way and that causing a weird feeling to consume you and you see black for a good three seconds before it dissipates. “Don’t judge me for what I’m about to say.”

“Done,” Hana nods. “I live with you and judge you enough already.”

You look at her unimpressed, lips curled into an unamused smile.

“How about I get a fake boyfriend? Like, right now?”

Hana doesn’t even know where to begin she laughs because she thinks you’re literally joking but then stops when she knows you’re not. “Uh, you do realize it is two am, Y/N. Where are you planning on going to look for an accomplice to role play your perfect boyfriend?”

“Honestly speaking, I’ll probably have to go to a bar or something.” Just saying this out loud was enough to acknowledge that you yourself were not thinking straight.

“You’re just going to walk into a bar and pick up the first dude you lay eyes on is what you’re implying…” Hana trails off, as she begins to re-evaluate the situation. “Are you okay?”

“No,” you sigh, brushing off your jeans as you stand up. “But this is my only option.”

“Well, you could always tell the truth to your mom and dad. You don’t have to be so full of it, Y/N. And listen, you’re 20 going on 21… how much longer are you going to hide this from your parents? You’re literally an adult.”

You frown and start walking out of the room, grabbing a jacket before you head outside and to the car. “I’m not full of it,” you defend your poor self. “I just need my parents to think I’m living my best life with the best boyfriend so they don’t rub in how they were right all this time or whatever overprotective shit they wanna pull on me.”

Hana holds up her hands as an act of surrendering and picks up your phone from the floor to hand it to you. Before it’s passed off however, a pinging sounds and she calls out the notification.

“Your mom texted you to say–“ Hana squints from how dark your phone’s lighting is. “They’re actually planning on starting to drive over tonight and should make it here by tomorrow evening?”

You start to panic, countless thoughts crashing the calm of your mind like stormy waves as you start to assess your problem at hand. You need to find a fake boyfriend, said fake boyfriend must learn what must be learned about you and said fake boyfriend will need to do a good enough job to keep your parents away forever and hopefully this will work because you don’t know what you’ll do the next time your parents come to “check up” on you because they think something’s fishy with this hypothetical fake boyfriend.

You let out what sounds like something between a sob and a groan as you snatch the phone from Hana’s hands and run out of the house, debating between driving to the nearest diner or running away from home.

See, the problem with your parents were that they were overbearing to the point that they even hated the fact you decided to attend college out of state. Mind them, it was only one state away, but it did absolutely nothing to soothe their constant fretting over your wellbeing and life. You were fed up with the relentlessly strict parental control and went crazy in college – finally dating, drinking and partying – although it was still at a good minimum.

To expose to your parents that you were dating an undecided major who spent the money he could scrounge around for on video games was a one-way ticket to hell so in order to save face and keep up the façade that you in fact were living your best life possible, you dreamt up of the littlest, white lie.

Your boyfriend was a perfect boy. One grade above you, one his way to graduating as a summa cum laude. He had an internship and was already guaranteed a job after college as a biomedical engineering major. You painted the perfect picture so you could present yourself in the best way possible to your parents.

The way your hard work was about to be shattered by the way so many coincidences piled on top of each other was a bit frustrating to say the least. You weren’t sure how you kept this a secret for so long and frankly, how your parents didn’t doubt you from the start but now they believed him to be a camera shy, facetime shy boy that only spent his time studying.

You didn’t even want to start on the numerous occasions you and Jungkook had ended a night fighting because of this ridiculous situation, that sure, you put yourselves in. You weren’t sure why you did this, but of course it wasn’t because you were too prideful.

Yoongi never lets money slip out of his hands. Call him frugal, call him thrifty, he doesn’t care. He just knows that if it’s worth the price, he’ll do it.

“Fine. I’ll do this. But I want cash and I want half of the end amount right now,” he knows he’s being demanding and it does look like you reek of eau de poor college student but with the request you’re making, he thinks it’s only fair.

You look teeny tiny and exhausted from the way you crumple your body on the seat next to him and it’s annoying how much work you’re going through because of a simple lie, but you can’t back out now. The way you’ve been explaining the situation to him is really making you sound a little crazy but hey, you’re only human and this isn’t the weirdest situation Yoongi has ever been in.

“How is this even going to work?” Yoongi looks at you as if you haven’t thought this far ahead. “Haven’t they seen his face? Is he even okay with this? Are you running a scam show? If this turns out to be a mess, I want no part of the repercussions.” He squints at you and crosses his arms, eyeing you suspiciously.

“I’m not stupid,” you roll your eyes and scrunch your face from irritation. “They’ve never seen pictures or anything of his face. I’m thankful my boyfriend doesn’t have social media, but I mean, even if he did my parents are technologically inept, anyways.”

“This is so extra, this is like, almost kind of idiotically stupid,” with a snort, Yoongi continues to doubt you. “I can’t believe I agreed to this. You better pay me the remaining amount as soon as this shit’s done. I’ve got things to do.”

“I’m sure you have so much stuff to do concerning your things,” you bite back and have to hold steady the urge to punch his weak looking noodle arm. Just keep thinking about how grateful you are that this sort of handsome spawn of the devil is agreeing to save your ass and livelihood.

He huffs and has the audacity to look offended, loosely crossing his arms across his chest. “Whatever, run this by me again.”

“Okay,” you sigh. You nearly teeter off the edge of the stool from sleepiness, an untouched glass of water in front of you and you watch the droplets trickle down the sides of the condensating cup. “My name is Y/N and yours is Jeon Jungkook. I’m 20 and you’re 21…”

You start to list off factual information and the details get a little blurry as they re-enter his mind because now it’s almost 3:20 in the morning and Yoongi just wanted a fucking milkshake but now it’s like he’s in college all over again, cramming all the notes and tidbits of information he can into his mind to purge it in five hours on the dreadful test. Even though Yoongi’s suffering, he starts noticing these things about you that’s definitely a little confusing to him and gets him a little worked up but in all the right ways.

He pays attention to the way when you laugh you move to cover your mouth with your hand, it’s kind of endearing. Sure, he’ll admit he thought you were pretty behind the air of desperation and super strange vibes you let out when you first marched into the door. Like, perhaps very pretty. He’s not sure but it might be something to do with the shape of your eyes and the pink of your lips. But the tendency you have to tilt your head when you smile is something that Yoongi starts noticing too and–

Yoongi catches himself thinking these thoughts that are so out of bounds and unnecessarily loud. It’s okay, he mentally argues. These are fake boyfriend feelings and it is late. I am exhausted, I don’t know what I am talking about.

And there you have it folks. Yoongi solves this problem of the Case of Weird Emotions with a simple answer. He’s just a really good fucking actor and can get into character so well that he starts thinking the way his character would. That’s all. And now Yoongi is mentally punching himself because he sounds really fucking weird. And fuck, he needs to stop cursing because he needs to be a well polished, dapper, perfect boyfriend.

He shudders and you see it, not because you’ve been looking at him but because he does it in a really obvious way that calls for attention in your peripheral vision.

“Are you alright?” You ask warily, eyeing him because what if he’s having a spasm attack holy shit?

Yoongi grunts with his absurdly deep voice and says, “Yeah, go on.”

“I wish we had more time,” you whine, rubbing your probably bloated face with sweater paws and something tickles Yoongi’s heart from the way you look and speak although he does his best to ignore it.

“It’s okay, I’ll remember this, I’m pretty sure… let’s just try and come up with a code word or something for me. Like, if I don’t know something I’ll say or do something and you’ll cover for me.”

You nod your head and for the first time that night it seems like you really smile and it’s cute, but not cute enough to swindle Min Yoongi’s heart. Of course not.

“Do you know how to crack your fingers?” You ask after a few moments of deep contemplation.

Yoongi suddenly looks small because he’s shoving his hands in between his thighs to cover them from the cold and you almost coo as he nods his head yes.

“Great,” you look away from his figure to calm yourself. “Just do that and then I’ll fill in. That’s the signal.”

“Does this mean we’re done now?” Yoongi’s voice has gotten raspy over the span of time you’ve spent with him because of how he spent most of it just listening to you and barely opened his mouth.

“I dunno,” you nervously gnaw on your lower lip, another habit Yoongi has picked up on fondly. Or not fondly, not at all… at least only fondly with fake boyfriend feelings. “I’m really not sure how this is going to turn out. Thankfully my friend is going to stay at a friend’s house to avoid more possible complications.”

“Alright then, give me a call tomorrow morning and I’ll get over to your place by two in the afternoon.”

You shake your head, “No, come earlier. We need as much time as possible to go over this. Remember? They’re arriving sometime that night.”

Yoongi groans from the revolting sentence he has just been forced to hear and he cries, “But I can’t! You’ve kept me up for this long evil lady, I should’ve been in bed falling asleep hours ago!”

“I’m sorry,” you feebly offer. “But I really need to nail in a lot more with you.”

Yoongi grumbles a wide variety of things under his breath comprised of but not limited to, “You’re lucky you’re cute”, “Fuck, I need a good ten hours of sleep to retain all this information, though” and “Damn it, I want my money”.

“Fine– 11 is the earliest I’ll be there. And are you sure you’re okay with giving me your freaking address? You’re going to let a stranger know where you live and you’re fine with it,” Yoongi lowers his tone towards the last bit in uncertainty.

“I’ll be fine because my roommate is a police force trainee who has armed me with a panic button along with pepper spray. You’ve been warned,” you wiggle your brows. “Plus you’re my fake boyfriend and you want the money. I’ll see you tomorrow at eleven.”

You both get up from your chairs, leaving cash tips and Yoongi’s expression changes into one of respect and newfound admiration.

“Duly noted,” he chuckles as he holds the door open for you to walk through, the brisk, autumnal air enveloping you.

Outside in the parking lot you head towards your car and see only a couple other vehicles, one of them being a motorcycle and you don’t think twice about it till Yoongi is waving goodbye to you as he walks in the direction of it.

“Wait,” you call out and Yoongi immediately halts, turning to face you with an expectant raise of his brow. “That’s your ride?” You point at the motorcycle.

He smirks and shoves his hands into his leather jacket as deep black as the galaxy and his hair swirls around from the wind above his twinkling eyes.

“Isn’t she beautiful?”

You groan, wondering if you have enough money to fork up however much it would cost to rent a car. You’re pretty sure you don’t, but if it’s for this boy, the best you could pick out on a quiet Monday morning at two, the cream of the crop, you’ve really got no other choice.

You just hope this cream of the crop has a license to drive a car.

The next morning you wake up at eight, sitting up in your plush bed as memories of last night flood your mind in horror. Restless sleep tightened your neck through the night, stress eating away at you and your ability to sleep peacefully.

You groan, peeking at your alarm clock and take a deep breath before you whip your hair out of your face and harden your resolve by sheer will. You pull of the covers and step out of your room, trailing for the kitchen in order to brew yourself some deeply needed coffee.

“Coffee first,” you mumble. Priorities.

Hana is sitting in the living room, a mug on the coffee table in front of her. She looks up as soon as she sees you enter from the short hallway.

“Mornin’ sunshine, there’s some coffee left for you,” she chippers cheerfully. “You got up pretty early. You’re meeting the man of the hour soon, right?”

“Meh, don’t remind me,” you grumble, shuffling into the kitchen and from the coffee machine, you see her kick her slippers off and finish the last of her homework. You pour the still hot liquid holy grail into your Totoro mug and start to mix in cream and sugar seeing as how you’re not as abhorrent as Hana with her love of black coffee.

“But damn, you were just a wreck last night,” Hana teases. “I can’t believe you really got someone to do something this crazy for a girl they just met.”

“It was the money,” you point out, sipping the first few tastes of coffee. It needs a bit more sugar. “I’m so fucken exhausted! Listen, I don’t even have that kind of money to pay him.” You can hear your stash of hidden cash for emergencies underneath your drawer already crying for help. This could qualify as an emergency, you doubtfully suppose.

Hana is still recovering from the surprise of hearing your insane plan worked, even if she found out last night. You remember how you entered the house, satisfied with how quote on quote smoothly the ordeal went even if you were about to be $600 short on money and stressfully sleep deprived the next morning. Hana walked out of her room with sleepy eyes and a bit of bedhead to you getting ready for bed so early in the morning, although she gained a bit of consciousness after hearing how your plan had indeed, succeeded.

Now that it’s the morning and your adrenaline rush had bled away and you’re in a clearer state of mind, doubt starts to trickle in and you are wondering what in hell you were thinking in the first place. You shake the thoughts away and focus on the task at hand.

“I’ll be getting out of the house soon,” Hana comments, starting to pack up whatever textbooks and notes she’ll need for the next day or two.

“You’re the amazingest,” you gratefully smile at her and try to convey your upmost sincerity. As best you could, at least.

“Yes,” she agrees mindlessly. “I am, aren’t I? I am so amazing—so amazing that I am literally leaving the apartment that I share with you for you and the stranger to bond and learn how to role play as lovers. It sounds crazy, I know, but here we are.”

Your smile fades away as you look at her in playful disbelief. “Go to your room, pack your granny underwear and your granny clothes, and leave this household!”

Hana scrunches her nose in distaste, “They’re not granny clothes! They’re retro! And thongs or whatever strip of fabric you claim are underwear are so uncomfortable, literally leavemealonegoodnightDevil!”

You laugh as she prances to her room to stuff her duffle bag full of clothes she’ll need in order to survive for the time she’s gone and you glance at the clock to see it read 8:30, and you go off to your room to get ready for the very. Incredibly. Extremely, long day ahead.

It is at ten that you have finished cleaning up your room, taken a quick shower and waved off Hana out of the home you two share. You walk back inside after seeing her depart safely promising to text you when she arrives, even though it’s the daytime and she’s just a good ten feet away, you never know what could happen. Even if she’s almost a police officer. 

Which, speaking of, she has reminded you countlessly about, telling you to pass on the message that she will personally come to fuck him up if anything happens to you. You appease her with saying you will, but you sure as hell don’t plan on doing so. 

Closing the door, you sigh deeply and it leaves you a little lightheaded as you lean your back against the door.

“Oh, shit.”

It hits you then that this is really happening. Like, your idiotic plan your brain thought up of that you thought was foolproof was really happening. There were so many holes that could expose you in a second and the thought of you being ousted in front of your parents tugged at your pride riddled mind.

The anxiety twitches your fingers as you pull up your phone and it leaves you staring at his message from last night.

yoongi: see u at 10:30

You forget he suddenly promised an earlier time at the last minute and you reckon you’ve got yourself about twenty or so minutes for him to show up at your door. It’s enough time for you to beat your face with makeup and put on some presentable clothes.

At 10:30 sharp he arrives at the door and it catches you by surprise because he doesn’t seem to be an advocate for timeliness. You tug down at your cropped sweater one last time before you open the door to see Yoongi in all his slightly bloated, freshly showered glory.

He looks a bit nervous, seeing as how he kept worrying over this very situation he should never have gotten himself into over the night not to mention what if you sent him the wrong address. Yoongi’s eyes flit from your face to the room behind you but he manages to keep his jittery 

“Hey,” you sigh in relief. “Thank goodness you’re here. And thanks for coming so early.”

Yoongi loses a bit of the nervousness in his system and seems a bit more relaxed than he was when you first met him, probably because he’s gotten a better grip of his surroundings than last night, when he was completely hit with a curveball. In the face. At 500 miles per hour. In the form of you. HIs face loses the tension in the muscles and his lips take on a nonchalant smile. You also notice he’s wearing the same leather jacket as last night and you wonder if he has anything else available to wear.

“No worries,” he says in that gruff voice of his but he clears his throat quickly and yeah, you notice he’s still pretty high strung. This whole tribulation is probably a first for him too.

“Come on in,” you gesture inside, and make space for him to make through. Not that he needed much anyways being the tiny man he is.

“Alright,” he mutters, stepping into the apartment and slipping off his shoes. He doesn’t really pay attention to the apartment anymore but rather your outfit. You wearing sweatpants that still hug your legs and figure looks really good with the bit of skin exposed under the hem of your cropped Adidas sweater and Oh my God shut up, he scolds his train of thought.

It’s just that psychology of attraction at first sight, or whatever. Sure, it’s not his first time meeting you, sure, but you two have only recently met. Yoongi is certain he is a man of strong will. He would never let himself start feelings these things for someone who is already in a relationship.

He tears his gaze away from you before you can notice his burning stare and starts to run his eyes over the layout.

“Well,” you laugh strangely, trying to cover your skittishness. “This is where I live. I guess we can run over what we talked about last night over there on the couch.”

You point at the black sofa and Yoongi nods, walking over to sit down stiffly.

“Did you want something to drink?” You ask, noticing the way he stays pretty quiet. This won’t do. Your fake boyfriend is a great conversationalist.

“No, I’m fine, let’s just go over what we have to. I don’t wanna mess up…” Yoongi trails off and a hint of concern tinges his voice as you smile.

“Sounds good,” you agree.

“Okay, first things first,” you start reciting the basics as you are sat next to him. Yoongi does a really good job of staying on task at first, he swears. He’s listening intently but all of a sudden he’s thinking about how sweet and pretty your voice is and next thing he knows he’s thinking about how hard it is to just even meet your gaze, because your eyes are just such a wonderful outlet of all your emotions it’s really hard to meet them and not just go on and dive into the pool that is you and then—

“We might have to gel your hair back,” you muse softly and Yoongi is shaken out of his schoolboy crush-like trance.

“Fuck no. No,” Yoongi is firm with his decision, holding his hand out to emphasize his stance. “The forehead stays covered.”

You can’t help but let out a laugh as you cover your mouth with your hand and say, “Fine.”

Yoongi notices once again how you have a habit of doing that when laughing and he hates how it’s pretty adorable. 

“How did you get here, anyways?” You ask suddenly. “Not with your bike, I hope…?”

Yoongi grins at you and you notice that he’s one of those gummy grinners and it does a little something to you but you avoid it at all costs and swallow it down.

“I Ubered here,” he said simply. “I figured I could say my car’s in the shop if your parents ask.”

You widen your eyes and nod in approval. “Brilliant! That’s really good Yoongi, thank God I don’t have to pay for a rent a car.”

“Speaking of payment,” Yoongi is reminded of your debt to him at the passing mention of money but is glowing from your praise. “Need I say more? Don’t worry about the Uber fee, I won’t be holding those against you, call it service.”

“How kind of you,” you grimace, hearing the cries of your emergency money once more, as you tell him to stay put. “I’ll be right back with half of it.”

When you count out 300 and carefully tuck the rest away, you turn around to walk out only to see Yoongi peering in your door, arms crossed and looking quite interested.

You jump at the sudden intrusion-like non-intrusion and scowl, asking, “What are you doing here? You scared me shitless and you’re very lucky I didn’t shriek.”

He shrugged, tousling his dark hair from his eyes and replied, “If I’m gonna be your fake boyfriend, I should know what your room looks like. As your fake boyfriend, of course.”

You groan and tell him, “Get a good, quick look around, because here’s your money and now we’re leaving.” You slap the wad of cash onto his unsuspecting palm and push his shoulders out the door.

“I know you kind of know me because of all the information I might’ve been burning into your mind the past 24 hours about yours truly, but I barely know a thing about you and we’re really acquaintences at best, still.”

Yoongi lets you lead him out of the hall into the living room and with a quick look at your lockscreen, you see that it’s still only 11:14. He stuffs the money in the back pocket of his jeans, which fit him quite nicely around the thigh area, if you may say so yourself. 

“Fine,” he mutters and you barely catch it with your already dull hearing.

“What’s fine?” You ask, sitting down on the sofa as he takes a seat as well.

“I said, fine. What do you wanna know about me?” He asks, finding interest in the boring coffee table.

“Uh,” you trail off, unprepared for this kind of a question. “Wait, do I want to know more about you? I should be thinking of you as my boyfriend Jungkook, putting history and information behind you would make it too easy for me to differentiate…”

Yoongi rolls his eyes with a condescending sigh that you somehow know isn’t very genuine. “Just ask three things about me, so we’re not complete strangers,” he offers a compromising deal.

You let it sit with you for a second. If you made a slip up would you be able to recover? It was already hard enough, calling him Yoongi—already so hard enough that it was weird to remind yourself you’d have to be calling him Jungkook in a few hours. Eh, screw it.

“Where do you work?” You ask your first question tentatively.

“I work as a part time server for now,” he replies as if it’s something of a bother. “At the barbecue place downtown.” You have a brief idea of where it is, having passed by it a few times while you were in the vicinity.

“Alright,” you huffed. “What’s your other part time?”

Yoongi looks a bit confused at first with the way you worded it, but he catches on quickly seeing as how he’s got a fast train of thought.

“Oh, yeah. You remember my bike? I wanna go into autotech service. Or something like that, like engineering,” he vocalizes his thoughts and grows a bit red.

“That’s really awesome,” you smile at him and he grows comforted by the idea of you approving his passion. Although he shouldn’t be so—

“Do you have a girlfriend?” This question takes you back by surprise too, and you swear it was a slip of your tongue.

“I—“ Yoongi wasn’t ready, didn’t even think you were one bit interested in his love life but he answers directly. “No.”

For some reason you like hearing that answer, something like satisfaction burns at your tongue and heart and you don’t understand why when you have a perfectly cute boyfriend named Jeon Jungkook (the real one) you can call yours.

“Sorry, I didn’t know where that came from,” you giggle nervously.

Yoongi brushes it off and breathes evenly. He’s not sure why he’s worked up uncomfortably like this and he wants to skip to the part where this is all over and he goes back to moping around, living out his normal, daily routine.

We are acquaintances, he keeps reminding himself.

You two end up talking about yourselves a bit more, because pictures of your dog reminds him of his dog and from there the conversation flows a little too perfectly because now you’re intrigued by the mystery that is Min Yoongi and you want to know more and everything about him. This goes on for the next six hours and it’s filled with so much talking and laughing and you’ve even cooked up lunch because oh my goodness you found ingredients to make pancakes.

Then dawn rolls around as if it’s only been a mere thirty minutes and to be honest, it feels likes you know Min Yoongi more than your own boyfriend Jeon Jungkook.

You shake that last thought off, startled from the way you so abruptly stated that. Internally, of course. 

Yoongi’s barely opened his mouth to ask you another question when-

The doorbell rings and it echoes throughout the inside of your home and holy shit it feels so intimidating and loud and Yoongi just isn’t ready, but can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now if he’s this scared of what’s to come. 

You glance at him almost as if you’re seeking refuge in someone’s comfort so he grits his teeth a bit because between the two of you, he realizes he’s got to stay the rock.

Yoongi narrows his eyes until they resemble somewhat to a feline’s. He’s the rock.

And not just in the Dwayne Johnson sort of way.

oooooookay oh my goodness this is unedited but i wanted it off my shoulders before i got to work so here this is please enjoy but send me feedback or anything you'd like through my inbox thanks!!!

[princelettow-archive]

4, 5, 6, 8, 12, and 15 for catasharky and 3, 4, 5, and 6 for beccroix (i’m allowed to do 2 bc i love you)

ur allowed to do 2 because ur my best friend and i love u

under the cut because...Long

catasharky aka the two biggest morons in hoe county

4. Who is more likely to tell the other a pun and what is the other’s reaction to the pun?

Sharky tells puns all the time and Cata barely gets like 80% of them OR it takes her long enough so he thinks it has not been funny but then she starts laughing and he’s like “ok I still got it”. Honestly Cata just thinks he’s gotdang hilarious even if his puns are the worst so she always ends up laughing anyway. That’s why he can’t stop telling them, he just likes it when she laughs.

5. When one of them has a bad day, what does the other do to help cheer them up?

They just hang out together on the trailer park, climb up to one of the trailers, legs dangling and they drink beer and talk about whatever, mostly it’s just Sharky oversharing shit but it makes Cata laugh so she does forget about whatever it was that upset her. In Sharky’s case it’s mostly just her presence that cheers him up! She’s always there when he needs her and if she’s busy or at work she still takes at least a couple of minutes to send him a dumb text or call him to chat for a bit. If they’re at the trailer park she rests her head on his shoulder while he vents about what’s troubling him and she squeezes his hand to let him know she’s still listening and that she’s there for him.

6. If they got to pick what one another wears for a day, what would one another wear?

I mean...none of them are actually peak fashion sense so whatever they wear is going to be casual and comfortable because that’s the only thing on their wardrobes. Cata would get rid of his hoodie for once and maybe switch the look for a plain t-shirt + denim jacket with the sleeves rolled up (and NO baseball cap allowed, let her ruffle his hair!). Sharky likes it when she wears shirts with a few unbottoned buttons (but like...not too much, let’s not get thotty) and waist up jeans with plain sneakers! Casual...but make it fancy-ish!

8. In a coffee shop AU, who would be the coffee shop employee and who would be the customer?

Cata as the employee and Sharky as the guy who absolutely doesn’t like coffee but thinks the bartender is cute and pretends to like it just so he can talk to her a bit each morning. He sits like a buffoon with a cup of coffee he doesn’t even drink just because she’s the nice girl who always greets him with a smile!

12. When did they know that loved each other, and when did they first tell each other that they loved one another?

Ok wrow let’s see. Sharky probably crushed on her quickly because she’s just...a very warm and loving person and she knows how to make people feel welcome and comfortable and honestly she encouraged him to talk about things and never shut him down and actually remembered the things he told her and laughed at his jokes and he was like wow I can’t believe she’s the love of my life. For Cata it was...a bit weirder I guess? She probably didn’t even notice she loved him Like That until she talked to someone about it, she just thought he was a Very Good Friend! (Cata/Santi solidarity is that they’re both oblivious dumbasses)

Also the first time they said I love you to each other was like 2 days after becoming friends because Cata gave him half her nuggets and then he shared his soda with her.

15. Who would bring their partner on a romantic date under the stars?

Neither of them are the romantic type so they probably just happened to be outside at night and there were a bunch of star so it’s like wrow isn’t this romantic....totally planned....i just so happen to have a can of pringles we can share...as a romance meal. Really peak dumbassery.

beccroix aka my emotional support vampires

3. Who compliments the other in front of everyone?

They never hang out with anyone because L*cr**x has no friends other than Becca because he’s an ass but if they did it’d probably be Becca because he would only compliment her if they were alone because he’s just like that.

4. Who is more likely to tell the other a pun and what is the other’s reaction to the pun?

Sebby doesn’t have a sense of humour because it died with him like 200 years ago (if he ever had one!) so Becca is the one who tells puns (that don’t even make sense because you know, welcome to my malkavian twisted mind) and he either 1) ignores them because they were obviously not even funny or 2) was too busy gazing longingly into her eyes to even pay attention to it in which case he just looks stupid for a while

5. When one of them has a bad day, what does the other do to help cheer them up?

Seb doesn’t usually reach out to people when he’s had a bad day but if he’s had a particularly straining meeting or if he has lots of things on his mind he might send her an email (so short, impersonal and formal it almost seems like he’s calling for a staff meeting) and request her presence for some urgent matter (yeah that’s a lie) BUT Becca knows him and he never tells her to come so she shows up ready to start rambling about whatever and for some casual hand holding (that he only allows because it has proven to be good for concentration!). She also lets him ramble and vent about what’s been troubling him so by the time the night is over he feels better! It’s…surprisingly easy for Becca to cheer mousy up.

When Becca has had a bad day it usually shows. She doesn’t say it and you can’t really tell by looking at her face or listening to her talk but if you’ve known her for a while (which L*cr**x has, for better or worse) you start noticing things! She doesn’t wear her usual colourful (and hideously combined) clothing and if it’s been a rough week she’s probably sporting a very normal hair colour with no neon scrunchies. She usually keeps her troubles to herself (or only confides on Cass) so if she’s feeling lonely or sad she avoids going to Ventrue Tower altogether! BUT if they meet and Seb notices it (and he does notice it, all the time) he probably is the one to start conversations, asking her opinion or something or about her latest Hollywood adventure (he even asks her about her Toreador friend, even if just pronouncing her name leaves a bitter taste on his mouth, thanks Great Mural Incident of 2002).

6. If they got to pick what one another wears for a day, what would one another wear?“

Please don’t ever let Becca pick what L*cr**x has to wear unless you want him to call a blood hunt on her. IF she had to pick clothes from his own wardrobe (which is just identical suits and ties because he is Boring) she’d probably go for the most casual look she could find because she finds his slightly disheveled look to be very Cute. So ditch the suit jacket, shirt sleeves rolled up, no tie whatsoever and for the love of god go easy on the hair gel and let her mess it up a bit!

Mousy would, surprisingly, not try to make her look fancy. He complained nonstop about how she was an eyesore for a long time but now he just likes how she clashes with everything that surrounds him. He has a soft spot for her champagne pink hair dye or the pastel orange/peachy one (not that he would say it of course), particularly if she wears it loose or braided. As for clothing…her demin jacket with stars embroidered on it, black leggins and her favourite yellow sneakers. He probably can’t believe he’s picking that instead of a clean cut suit but imagining her wearing something so formal just feels wrong. 

[wanttoshine-a]

I’m about to kind of dump my thoughts here because things have been not great lately and last night I had a sudden revelation at 4am which may cause me to update rules and some other stuff so... I’m gonna... overshare. 

                                              Yeah, sounds like a plan.

The rules update doesn’t mean you HAVE to read it, I’ll possibly change them later if you wanna skip the rant haha. In any case if you read it i’d appreciate it if you’d like it or something to let me know. Thanks anyway and heeere I go.... wow I’m actually a bit nervous-

(( PD: God i’ve bared my soul there but goddamn is it long. It may be boring you’ve been warned ))

As i said, yesterday I was laying awake on my bed at 4am while having to wake up early for school and finding it hard to sleep because I was suddenly very very stressed out about tumblr, and I got thinking.

I have made one or two ??? posts @ the drama going around, since I’ve purposefully kept myself in my little tumblr emo corner so sometimes it’s as if i had goddamn ear muffs on regarding stuff. Still, seeing so much negativity and friends leaving is a bit taxing, specially for something that should be nothing but a hobby. But you know, that truthfully barely affects me at all because as I said I’ve been kind of doing my own thing... which is good, but can leave you feeling kind of lost and wondering where you fit in the community if at all, sometimes. I’ve been asking myself that a lot, lately.

Then there are the... not so nice anons I get, and while as you can see they’ll never see the light of day except with private conversations with a friend or two, it doesn’t mean I don’t see them. And even when not outright mean, comparisons were never good and I don’t like it, and playing innocent to try to get me to comment on something to get into drama is not appreciated thank u. I don’t need no help for that.

I’ve had some... small things too, which again I’m not naming and it’s definitely not your fault if I’ve apologised and as always I’d rather you people come to me than talk behind my back but still.... leaves me with a lot of worry and anxiety that I just can’t help but have.

Then there’s... there’s the fact that I’m very slow on IMS and interactions lately, which is making me feel very very guilty. It’s not your fault, and neither it is that I’d rather leave people waiting rather than answer a straight up ‘I’m sorry but I’d rather not start more interactions right now’ or ‘I don’t think our styles would work’ because I’m terrified of saying no and thus I wallow in my own anxiety until I fucking cook. It’s not nice, I know. Not a good thing to do, I’m aware. 

Let me explain:

As a few of you may know, I have depression which is even worse this times of the year, and there’s trouble IRL too that I won’t talk about. It’s so bad I can’t even get up to go to class for days and tumblr is.. a bit of a breather for me. Or was, idk. So when it comes to priorities and things I have to force myself to do, ooc talking and drama and negativity are not... not really high on the list. I just want a rest, and I need energy to talk to my actual friends here, i’m sorry.

          God, I’m so exhausted just by writing this, jesus christ.

So anyway. Thing is that I was laying on bed allowing tumblr to take time of my rest in order to be anxious and i was complaining to a friend and trading headcanons and I suddenly went-

Why he fuck am I letting this random internet people have so much control over my life?

Why, if I love roleplaying and I love my muses so much, am I allowing this petty things to taint the fun I have here? Why do opinions of people that go behind anon matter at all? Or people who I’ll never speak to for more than a minute, if at all?

Don’t get me wrong, I still think kidness takes little of you and takes you a long way but... To allow complete strangers to give me this much anxiety and weight on my choices is.... ridiculous. Absolutely fucking NUTS 

                                       What the fuck was I thinking??????

So l was going to go ‘I’m taking a break blah blah’ but ???? Listen ??? Why the hell would I do that??? I don’t wanna do that ??? I don’t want to have to take a break from doing something I like ???? 

             I love my blog, okay. I’ve put a lot of work here.

Worldbuilding, character development, headcanons, events, formatting and fucking hand drawn icons... I’m so very proud of this blog and how far I’ve come. It makes me genuinely happy and I feel accomplished.

And thus and last not to bore whoever is strong enough to have read this far I’m going to:

Be unfollowing and blocking people. First time for everything. Nothing personal believe me, but I need to distance myself from stuff.

Going to be more selective in interactions. I’m still not mutuals only but I get to chose.

Start saying no, and this is mostly to myself. ‘No’ is not a bad word, it’s a boundary and I need it.

Gonna be scarce on ims except for those that are my friends, otherwise I’m mostly in discord and even then I’m not giving it freely anymore.

Going to state that unless I say so I haven’t forgotten about your thread, I’m just busy.

If you pester me in my IMs I’m going to soft block you. Block you even. 30 messages are too many fucking messages okay.

I’m still:

Going to be commenting on people’s posts

People can comment on mine freely

Allow personals to follow me and like stuff, I appreciate it!

Start threads with new people, I’m quite open to this! Eager even.

Talk in general. I’ve not suddenly gone evil out of the sudden, I’m just looking out for my own health.

Spread positivity, because yes.

                              There’s a person behind this blog too, okay? 

I encourage interactions but I’m just human and I’m really, really tired. Roleplaying is something I love and I don’t want to ruin this. So.. yeah. Putting it all here not to make any more ooc posts and....

Hope you’ll all understand. Thank you.

[floralseokjin]

— off limits | 04 (m)

you’ve been lusting after your brother’s best friend for a while now, ever since you met him at a house party, flirting it up a storm as you failed to realise who the other was. That was months ago now and things are still awkward, but you can’t ignore the sexual tension that’s simmers between the two of you…and it keeps getting worse…

pairing | kim seokjin x reader genre/warnings | smut, dare I say fluff…?  words | 12,051

» 01 :: 02 :: 03 :: 04 :: 05 :: 06 :: 07 :: 08  ✓

“Y/N!”

You fought the urge to roll your eyes, grumbling to yourself instead as your tensed up, hoping the calling would stop for definite, watching the white cursor on your laptop screen silently mock you, rubbing it in that you’d paused your episode of Gilmore Girls for the third time in the space of five minutes.

“Y/N! Get your ass in here for a minute—I need your help!”

You cursed loudly, finally having enough and slammed your laptop closed, rolling off your bed childishly. No little than thirty seconds later and you were storming into Kyuho’s bedroom, your face like thunder.

“What?” You barked.

There should have been a part or you who felt guilty for agreeing to continue fooling around with Seokjin behind his back, but when he was as annoying as this, it made you unfazed. Your conscience hadn’t kicked in again yet.

“What do you think looks better, red or blue?” He asked your opinion, sounding unbothered by your attitude. He either hadn’t noticed, or he didn’t care. Probably both.

You stared at him, finally realising he was topless while holding two t-shirts attached to coat hangers up against his chest. His hair was styled, gelled upwards, not a usual look for him and his room stunk of aftershave.

“You did not just make me come into your room to tell you what colour shirt to wear,” you exclaimed, disbelief in your voice. “I’m busy, why didn’t you ask mom, she’s downstairs.”

“Mom is old,” he shrugged and you rolled your eyes at his offending attitude. “She’d probably make me wear a collared shirt and tie.”

“Why? Where are you going anyway?” You asked, and nudging your head back at the t-shirts he was holding up.

Upon further inspection, he had the crispest pair of jeans on, ironed to the seam and his brand new sneakers he’d been displaying in their cardboard box ever since he’d bought then two week ago. He was definitely out to impress tonight.

“I have a date. A double date actually,” he added.

“A double date,” you scoffed, folding your arms and leaning against the door frame.

What was he, living in some high school drama?

“Yeah,” he carried on, oblivious once again to your attitude. “Me and Jin are taking these girls out we met on a night out a couple of weeks ago…”

Just like that the room began to spin and you were thankful you’d chosen to lean your weight on something anchored to gravity. Jin? He was going on a double date with Jin? What did that mean? Your throat suddenly felt very dry, and you hoped Kyuho sensed no obvious changes in your composure.

“A double date?” was all you could get out, your voice croaky.

“Yeah, there’s this girl I met and we hit it off. I text her but she’d only go out with me if she could bring her friend, so she suggested a double date. I lowkey think said friend wanted a reason to see Seokjin again—she was all over him the entire night.”

Your hands fell from your middle, swaying beside your hips. You felt unexplainably nauseous. You mean, you were only messing about with Jin, he didn’t owe you anything, but he had said the other week he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else. Granted, it didn’t mean he was sleeping with anyone, but even the thought of him flirting with another girl made you feel strange. The idea of him with a girl hanging off his shoulders made your chest feel heavy and suddenly, you just wanted to get of Kyuho’s bedroom and be alone with your thoughts, but just like always, he kept on talking.

“Only trouble is, I literally had to beg on my knees for him to go. He really was adamant he didn’t want to. I had to use the ‘friend card’ and when that didn’t work, I had to bribe him with food—not only do I have to pay for mine and my date, but for him and his too! How is that fair?!”

You had a moment of clarity. That one small flash of hope that made you feel a tiny bit better. Jin hadn’t wanted to go. Jin wasn’t interested… or was that just wishful thinking?

“I honestly don’t know what’s up with him,” Kyuho carried on. “It’s not like him to turn down a date with a hot girl, especially ones that’s so into him…ah, sorry,” he trailed off, catching the look of discomfort on your face.

He’d obviously taken it as some sort of distaste at the turn in conversation, apologising for oversharing. He wasn’t to know the truth behind your predicament.

“So, what colour?” He asked, changing the subject.

“Uh,” you got out, needing a moment to collect your thoughts. “Blue…it’s your colour,” you smiled softly.

You heard the front door slam downstairs, signalling Kyuho had left for his date and you sighed, rolling onto your back, the tv show you’d now been too distracted to watch, droning to itself in the background. Your mind was a mess. You’d tried to tell yourself it was no big deal. In fact, you didn’t have a right to be bothered, but here you were, feeling something that could only be described as jealously, simmering inside of your body.

It had been four days since the party, even though it seemed like a lifetime ago. Even though he’d said he would see you soon, he hadn’t been able to. You got it. Of course you did. You guys couldn’t just meet up when you felt like it, it would be impossible. Seokjin lived with Yoongi and well…you lived with your mom and Kyuho… He’d text you a lot and told you about how he couldn’t stop thinking about you, but that was that—and besides, you’d tried not to think about that.

You were afraid that he only meant in a sexual way, while you, when you replied, were conflicted. You missed the way he felt and smelt and the pleasure he seemed to so easily give you, but deep down, you were beginning to think that maybe you just missed…him… You found yourself wanting to hang out with him more, not just sex, but everything else. You wanted to get to know him properly… and that scared you because he probably didn’t think the same way.

Especially if he was going out on dates.

Even if he didn’t want to go on them, he was still there right now. The thought made you feel a little sick. Was he making her laugh? Was he flirting with her? Even if he didn’t like her, it didn’t mean he only wanted you. It could mean a number of things, mainly that there was plenty of other girls that could catch his eye. Plenty of other girls he could like…better than you.

You groaned, covering your face in your hands. Why were you such an idiot? Stuck home worrying about a boy that didn’t have the decency to let you know he was going on a date…but why would he…? You weren’t involved other than sexually. Maybe with that break he’d grown bored of you, regardless of what happened in the party… but then you thought about all the messages he’d sent you since… he couldn’t have grown bored of you.

So then, why was he on a date right now?

You rolled back over to your stomach, grabbing your cell before you could think properly. You’d probably regret this if you overthought what you were doing, so you quickly brought up Seokjin’s name, scoffing at the last message he’d sent, a vague ‘I dreamt of u last night ;)’ and began to type your own out, your thumbs passive aggressively thumping the screen.

21:22pm [You] 

— are you enjoying your date?

Seokjin heard his phone buzz, instantly pulling it out of his pocket without thinking. It was like habit and besides, he didn’t really want to be here right now, so his ability to care was out the window. His eyes widened when he saw your name and then he choked a little when he read what you’d put. He should have known you’d find out. Kyuho was your brother for crying out loud. He was stupid to think he could leave that vital piece of information out. Were you mad at him right now? Upset? Maybe he was too vain. Maybe you didn’t even care what he was doing, maybe you just wanted to tease him… but he couldn’t take that chance because a big part of him didn’t like the idea of you being mad or upset with him…

21:24pm [Him] 

— im sorry… I guess kyuho told you? — its not what it looks like, I promise

He paused, about to add an ‘if you care” but he thought better of it. Would that look desperate? Was he actually desperate? He’d only just got you back after the party and the last thing he needed was this. He’d been annoyed the past couple of days because he hadn’t had any time to see you, and now here he was, on a some cringey double date, when in reality he could have used this time to be with you.

Fuck himself and his conscience, but then he realised how hypocritical he was being… He was fucking his best friend’s little sister after all…

“What are you doing?”

Kyuho’s voice in his ear made him jump and he quickly hid his phone under the table and locked it, hoping there wasn’t any way he could have seen your name on the screen. Fuck, this was too much for his heart to handle. Why was he such an idiot? He should have just stopped whatever was happening between you and him after that one time in the kitchen.

The kitchen… even just the memory of that made his dick stir. It was like you had some sort of spell on him. He could still remember the sheer bliss of being inside you finally after all those months of waiting… Yeah, thinking about it now, there was definitely no way he could have stopped it after that. If he was going to hell…

“I had a message,” he explained, finally looking Kyuho in the eyes.

“I’m sure it’s not important, so you can put your cell away.”

He hissed the last part and Seokjin narrowed his eyes. Why was Kyuho so adamant on keeping face? Was he trying to pretend he wasn’t just in this to get inside Jun-what-ever-her-name-was pants? He could have his phone out if he wanted, but then he heard a tiny cough opposite him and looked up at his date. She smiled at him timidly and Seokjin groaned inwardly. Okay, maybe it was rude. He made motions to put the device back in his pocket when it buzzed again and he knew then and there, he couldn’t ignore it. He couldn’t ignore you.

He cleared his throat, desperate for a distraction and thankfully Kyuho started talking to Jun…yeah, he still wasn’t going to remember it. Come to think of it, he didn’t even know his dates name. Seokjin took the chance to peek at your reply, unconsciously biting down on his bottom lip, chewing on the skin.

21:26pm [Y/N] 

— what does it look like? i’m confused — am I supposed to care?

He blinked slowly, confused by how he was supposed to take this. On one hand, you really might not care at all, and he didn’t want to admit how strange that made him feel. But on the other hand, you could just be bluffing… You had after all, text him during this so called date…

21:27pm [Him] 

— if you didn’t care u wouldn’t be messaging me rn

He decided to play sassy, hoping it would entice your true feelings out, all the while trying to act inconspicuous. He realised Kyuho was adding him into the conversation and he laughed loudly, trying to appear enthusiastic, even though he had no clue what was being said.

21:27pm [Y/N] 

— I don’t think nows the time to be cocky

You replied instantly, much to his glee. He had baited you out and he was right, you had been bluffing. He replied quickly, at the same time joining in on a conversation about veganism.

21:27pm [Him] 

— im not, you should tell me how you feel

“And Seokjin, how do you feel about meat?”

He could hear his name being called but he was mid text and then a silence washed over the table, finally catching his attention. He looked up and around, realising it was his date who has asked him and he opened and closed his mouth a couple of time, trying to recall the question. It turned out it was her who the vegan and she did not look best pleased when he answered.

“I love it. Chicken is my favourite. It’s a wonderful animal, so tasty and it gives us eggs. Truly magical.”

The silence turned even more awkward after that and thankfully Jun—blahblahblah, changed the subject.

“I think I’ll have the spinach salad.”

Seokjin took the time to send his message, not bothering to check it when he felt Kyuho kick him under the table. He ignored it.

21:28pm [Him] 

— are youi madat me

It wasn’t long before his cell was buzzing again.

21:28pm [Y/N] 

— why are you typing weird — is your date on her knees blowing you under the table

He rolled his eyes but couldn’t but couldn’t help but grin. You were cute when you were jealous. At least it was obvious right now.

21:29pm [Him] 

— just admit that your jealous, it’s ok, it’s cute

21:29pm [Y/N] 

— I am absolutely not jealous — it’s just if I had got the memo I could have gone on dates too, i didn’t realise it was allowed

He didn’t like that. It made him almost feel almost…angry when he thought of you going on a date. And one person flashed through his brain. That guy from the party. He’d been all over you that night and he’d been forced to watch. Seokjin knew guys like him. He was sure of it. They acted all sweet and innocent but they were only after one thing.

The thought of you going on a date with him boiled his blood. Going on dates was definitely not allowed. He almost text that back straight away but then he remembered…he was on a date right now, texting you under the table. It did not look good on his behalf. Granted, he’d only done this out of loyalty to his best friend, but he was still here… He knew how he’d feel if he found out you were on a date and he guessed you must be feeling the same way right about now…

“Jin, what are you doing? Who’s on the phone?”

He jumped again, the annoyance in Kyuho’s voice a lot more prominent now and he looked around to meet three pairs of eyes staring at him in different levels of judgement. His date, who he definitely could not remember the name of, looked like she was highly regretting her life right about now and Seokjin couldn’t blame her. He hadn’t spoken more than a few words to her since he got here and when he did that was to insult her beliefs… Jun…still-can’t-remember, was back to looking at Kyuho, with that infamous ‘why are you friends with this guy?’ look and Kyuho, well, he was staring daggers in his direction.

He said the only thing his stupid mind could think of.

“My mom.”

“Your mom?” Kyuho asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Yeah, her cars broken down. I’m going to have to help her.”

Before he could think, he was getting up, shoving his cell in his pocket and grabbing his jacket. He didn’t even know what his plan was. He took one last look at Kyuho, who was staring at him open mouthed.

“Sorry about this, man—girls,” he apologised, taking one last look at them and then off he went.

It was when he got to his car that he realised Kyuho was going to kick his ass afterwards. His mom lived an hour and a half away, there was no way he going to help her out. Kyuho knew he was full of shit.

He still didn’t know what his plan was ten minutes later when he was outside your house. He felt a little bit better when he realised you mom wasn’t there her car nowhere to be seen in the drive, and as he got out of his own vehicle and slammed the door, he could only hope that Kyuho wasn’t following behind, mad that his date had been ruined. Hopefully he was still there trying to salvage what was left, although Seokjin was very sure he had fucked up any chance Kyuho had. He felt guilty, but he couldn’t help but feel selfish at this point. He didn’t want to fuck up what he had with you. He was too panicky to wonder why he was so desperate.

It took you three consecutive knocks to answer, and by the time you did, he already had his cell in his hand about to phone you to come outside. He sighed in relief when he finally saw your face and your jaw fell open when you saw it was him.

“Seokjin? What the hell are you doing here?”

“I don’t know—I mean, I do know. I came to see you,” he fumbled, aware he had no real clue why he was here. Things seemed easier when he was in the car ride here.

“What happened to your date?”

He couldn’t ignore the way you sounded so annoyed, defensively crossing your arms around your chest, your mouth bunching up into a slight pout that he was sure you had no clue you were making. For some reason, all he could think of was how much he wanted to kiss it off you. His conscience didn’t seem to like the fact that pout was all because of him…

“I walked out…and I used a shitty excuse so I’m very sure Kyuho is going to be on my ass when he gets home.”

“You walked out?” You repeated, your eyes widening in shock, your body language softening a little bit, but you seemed to realise quickly, your mouth becoming a stern line. All he could do was nod and you sighed, craning your neck to look down the road.

“What if he comes back right now and you blow our cover?”

At this point he didn’t care at all. He didn’t know why he was acting so crazy. Getting found out would be a stupid idea but he wasn’t thinking straight right now, hence his impromptu call at your front door.

“I just wanted to let you know that I only went on that date for your brother. I’m not interested in going on dates at all.”

You surveyed him, narrowing your eyes a little, making him anxious. “How am I supposed to know you’re telling the truth? What if you just don’t want me to date other people?”

Seokjin felt his chest tighten at the nonchalant way the words fell out your mouth, retorting again before he was able to think it through.

“And who do you want to date? That guy at the party last week?”

You scoffed immediately, making him regret it straight away. He was making this a bigger deal than it should have been. All he had to do was apologise but you were purposely trying to wind him up.

“What am supposed to think?” He added, his voice strained and he watched your features soften as you took in his face.

“Actually, I don’t want to go on dates with anyone,” you admitted, your voice small, maybe slightly embarrassed. “I thought we agreed to be exclusive last time we saw each other.”

He knew you meant exclusively fucking, that’s what you had both said that night and he still stood by it. There was no reason to see other people, not when you satisfied him enough. In fact, if he was being honest, no girl he’d ever been involved with had satisfied him this much. Even just knowing you existed was enough for him, it wasn’t just sexually…which was odd for him and not something he wanted to dwell on too much. He didn’t have the time or courage to reflect on himself.

“We did agree,” he nodded, moving closer to you, one foot on the threshold and thankfully you didn’t move away. He successfully hooked his arm around your waist before he carried on. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I just didn’t know how to…what if you didn’t care and laughed at me for taking things too far?”

There was a moment of silence as he waited for a reply, feeling a little embarrassed and by the time he heard your rampant laughter he was sure he was blushing. He didn’t know why you made him like this.

“You’re nothing like I thought you were, do you know that?” You noted and he had nothing to say. Whatever curiosities he had, he bit his tongue because he was sure what you were asking was rhetorical anyway.

“If it makes you feel better, I would have liked to know…. maybe I was…jealous earlier…if you didn’t already guess…” you mumbled, stepping outside to move into his body further.

He welcomed it, loosening his grip on your waist to hold your hip instead.

“Just because we’re…just-fucking,” you rushed, not meeting his eyes, “doesn’t mean I want you to see other girls too.”

He was silent as he took your words in, agreeing wholeheartedly. Seokjin liked to fool around yes, but when he committed to one girl, he didn’t continue to play the field…whatever commitment meant in this sense. Committedly fucking his best friend’s younger sister…? It almost sounded comical—actually, it was comical. But he was too far gone to stop. You’d already gotten this far with a few setbacks, he didn’t want anymore. He didn’t want anyone else…but you…

“I agree… Just because we have all this hot sex doesn’t mean that’s all I care about…,” he joked, adding “I don’t want you dating that Sejun guy or whatever he’s called.”

He made it seem like he didn’t know that guy’s name when in truth all he could hear was the way it rolled off your tongue at the party as you said goodbye to him. It haunted him more than it should have. Thankfully, even if you did notice his jealously, you ignored it and scoffed, hitting his chest playfully before wrapping your arms around his neck.

He took a few deep breaths, basking in your citrusy scent. You must have had a shower earlier. You smelt all fresh and your hair was slightly damp, your make up free face looking radiant in the moonlight and once again he was knocked off his feet by your beauty. He liked being this close to you.

“What?” He asked after a minute or so, noticing the slight pout on your face was back.

“Nothing,” you quipped, shaking your head and pulling away slightly.

“No, come on,” he insisted, curious now. He wanted you to be able to tell him anything.

He watched you look at your feet, a light blush scattering across your cheeks. “It’s silly really…” you muttered, but he waited patiently for the rest, your eyes finally catching his.

“Tonight just sort of made me realise that I’d like us to spend more together… like normal people. Waiting for you to call me so we can sneak around makes it seem sort of sordid. I don’t like that…”

Seokjin was silent for a moment, stunned. He never wanted you to feel dirty over this. He guessed he could see how it would happen. Every time you’d been alone it had been in secret and always just hooking up. There was a massive part of him that wanted to get to know you more, in a different setting—in a different way.

“I’m sorry, it was a stupid idea,” you apologised, pulling further away, but he tugged you back, keeping your arms wrapped firmly around his neck.

“No, it’s definitely not stupid at all,” he told you. “I agree. Maybe I should take you out on a date instead?”

He shocked himself a little, and you, it seemed, by the widening of your eyes, but you paused before nodding slowly.

“I’d like to get to know you more,” you grinned shyly.

He felt his heart bloom, a feeling he hadn’t felt before, he was sure of it. All he could do was kiss you. He didn’t know what else to do with himself. Your lips were soft and he revelled in them, smiling into the kiss as he wrapped both his arms around your waist, crushing your body against his.

“Okay…” you smiled, pulling away, even thought it was obvious you didn’t want it to stop. “I think you should go now, my mom is due back any minute and this will be hard to explain,” you explained, signalling between your two bodies, but he gripped you harder, not wanting to let you go. You giggled, but pushed at his chest playfully.

“Or something worse—what if Kyuho’s on his way back?” You teased.

He admitted defeat, letting his arms drop, knowing he would have to leave. There was no way he could carry on seeing you without the use of his kneecaps… He turned to leave, falling back when you tugged at his sleeve and called his name.

“Seokjin? See you soon, I can’t wait for our date… to get to know you better…”

He grinned, stepping closer once more to bop your nose with his finger. “I’ll give you a preview… I like it better when you call me Seokjin.”

For the rest of that night all he could think about was the way your face beamed at him after he said that, even after Kyuho phoned him later on to chew his ear off…

It was the weekend when Seokjin organised your little date… you still felt weird calling it that, but you guessed that’s what it was. He was taking you to some restaurant down town and you were beyond excited. It also maybe had to do with the fact he’d told you to bring an overnight bag too. It seemed Yoongi was staying over his girlfriends, so for the first time ever, you got to spend the night with Jin. It almost scared you with how excited you felt, but this had never happened before and you’d only ever had the chance to daydream about it. Sleeping next to him just seemed…exciting! It made you giddy!

He picked you up a couple of neighbourhoods down from yours, it probably not a good idea for his car to be seen anywhere near your house and then you found yourself at the surprisingly fancy restaurant. You mean, it definitely wasn’t gourmet or anything but it was something your first year college ass wasn’t used to.

“This place is really nice,” you admired, taking a seat where the waiter had placed you.

“I come here sometimes when my parents visit me,” he explained and you smiled.

He looked good tonight. Not that he didn’t always, but tonight he was dressed in all black, his shirt buttoned and revealing his thick neck. His hair was also styled different and you had trouble keeping your eyes off his face.

“Ah, the mom you had to drive an hour and half to the other night to help?” You teased and he looked confused for a moment, wondering how you knew, until you burst out laughing.

“Honestly Seokjin, you really are something else,” remembering to use his full name.

The nickname just came easy to you because you always heard your brother use it and even your mom called him it too, but you felt flattered and somewhat special now that he had told you he liked Seokjin better coming from you. You liked it too.

“Hey, I panicked. It was for you anyway,” he defended.

“Don’t blame your idiocy on me,” you quipped, a coy smile appearing on your face as you teased him and Seokjin rolled his eyes, but you saw the slightest smile as he caught your eye, and for some reason your stomach began to flutter.

“I really hope this date goes better than that one, I think I owe Kyuho for the next decade… I can’t believe he let it slide so easily…” he carried on, picking up the menu as he flicked through it.

“It’s because he’s a good person,” you replied, and it was true. He was a good person, it almost made you feel a little guilty as you looked over at Jin, but you ignored it. You had become good at that. Maybe that made you a bad person?

“Are you saying I’m not?” Seokjin questioned, attitude in his tone, his eyes bulging comically and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“That’s what we’re here for, right? To get to know each other,” you teased, another smile appearing on your face as you caught his eye, reaching over the table to take the other menu.

You both browsed in silence. It was comfortable though. You were actually surprised. Even though you’d known Seokjin for a while, it was only ever in passing and even then, you had tried not to pay him much attention because it was like being stabbed with a hundred knives of sexual tension when you were near him. Regardless of the nature of your relationship at the moment, you were glad to have this time to get to know him like this and you were surprised how easy it was—how natural it was to joke around with him.

“Hm, I think I’ll have the spinach salad,” you said aloud, acting casual and you looked up to see him looking at you dumbstruck and you couldn’t help but laugh again.

“Oh god, please don’t remind me!” He practically wailed.  “Did he tell you everything? Have you enjoyed laughing at my expense?”

“It’s pretty funny, come on!” You exclaimed, thinking back to how annoyed Kyuho had been when he came back from his ruined double date. He’d told you everything in the process, to which of course you laughed at. A very large bit of you was just gleeful Seokjin had run off and left. You didn’t know why, but every time you thought about it, it made you grin like an idiot.

“I blame you! I was texting you under the table after all…” he shot and your eyes locked again in a flirty glance, making your cheeks heat up a little.

The night passed by quickly, without any hitches or awkward silences. It was almost unbelievable how easy it was to converse with him. You already knew that Seokjin and you had a sexual chemistry, but now it seemed like your personalities matched too. Even if this couldn’t be classed as a proper ‘date’, it was the best one you’d ever been on in your whole dating history. You kept conversation up continuously, talking about your college courses; he was majoring in Business while you were pretty sure you were going to stick to your English. You were surprised to find out that you had similar tastes in books and movies and that actually, there was much more to Kim Seokjin than met the eye. He was actually incredibly serious when he wanted to be…and incredibly sweet. You were touched when he talked about how much he admired your mother. But more than that, he was also incredibly dorky. You should have realised that by his laugh you’d heard for a while now.

Facing him across the table now, it was almost silly how you had only been only blinded by lust when it came to him. It was obviously still there (no way was that going away…), but at least now there was more of a connection. There was an actual person behind the handsome body you were fucking. And it felt good. It felt fantastic actually. Even more so knowing he was just as happy to get to know you. It put all your doubts at bay, and you tried your best not to over think anything or cast a shadow on the night. You were there to enjoy.

“Seokjin! Oh, my god! You’re going to choke to death!” You exclaimed, stifling your laugh as you watched him shovel the biggest pile of spaghetti into his mouth, half the strands sticking out, his cheeks bulging and his lips protruding out. How he still looked so good was beyond you.

You watched him chew them into his mouth, amazed, and as you giggled, looking around to see if anyone had noticed sitting near you, you saw a familiar face sitting right in the corner with his family, it seemed.

“Oh, shit…” you said out loud, eye wide as you turned to face Seokjin again.

“What is it?” He asked after a momentarily paused as he rushed to eat all his spaghetti and swallow it.

“Sejun is here with his family—right over there!” You whispered furiously, eyes shooting in his direction, panic harsh in your tone.

You watched Seokjin look in the corner, his eyes darting around until he saw Sejun. When he turned back his attitude was defensive.

“So what?” He shrugged, seeming unbothered.

“So what?! So what if he’s noticed us?! I knew this was a bad idea!”

“I doubt he’s seen us, and besides, does he even know who your brother is? Does he even know I’m your brother’s friend?”

You were silent as you thought things through. There was possibly little chance Sejun had even see you here tonight. He was a good eight tables away from you, right in the corner. And Seokjin was probably right. There was no way he could have known who your brother was, not really, and if he did, there was definitely no way he knew Jin was his friend…except …

“Well he knows you were the one who told me my brother wanted me when it was pretty obvious that wasn’t the case.”

Something else was bugging you too, but you didn’t say it. Maybe you felt too guilty… For you, it had been obvious Sejun maybe liked you… He’d been flirting with you and you stupidly had done it back because you were upset over Jin. You knew Sejun had seen you and he have a moment before you left the party, which meant he could only guess what happened upstairs. Did he think you were a bitch now? Had you upset him? These questions were probably pointless, but you knew you felt guilty for leading him on, even if it was only for a fraction of a second.

“So what?” Seokjin shrugged again. “He has no clue who I am. To him we’re just on a date. Quit panicking.”

His tone was telling you to stop worrying, and you supposed he was right. You smiled, admiring him, his mouth etched into a straight line. You liked when he was serious. It was pretty hot…and once again your mind was in the gutter…

“I suppose you’re right….”

“Let’s finish our food and then we can go back to mine, okay?” He smiled lightly, placing his hand over your and as he squeezed your heart began to flutter, remembering you were finally going to spend more than a couple of hours with him…

“So this is your room? The mystery is finally solved,” you teased, following Seokjin through the door, copying him when he kicked off his shoes.

Surprisingly his room was really tidy, or not too surprisingly, you didn’t know him that well to form an opinion. You admired some of the posters on his wall, movies and games you were familiar with, a massive Super Mario poster that was pinned beside his bed. It was pretty cute and nothing at all liked you imagine him. You couldn’t imagine him bringing back girls here to get lucky with, even more so when you noticed the little figurines that adorned his bookshelves.

“Yup,” he nodded, diving onto his bed, flat on his back as the bed bounced a little. “This is where the magic happens.”

You rolled your eyes, taking a step further into the room as he continued.

“As in, me and my hand every night when I think of you,” he grinned, his tone pleasant as if he was trying to give you a compliment.

You chuckled, amused at his confidence. “Is that supposed to get you in my pants?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you come over here and we’ll see,” he retorted, stretching his hand out for you to take.

You complied, gasping a little when he pulled you forward and you quickly caught your balance, landing on him, your free hand pressing palm first on the hard muscle that protected his chest. Your stomach began to flutter as you caught his eye. They sparkled with mischief and before you knew it he had let go of your hand to wrap it in your hair, pushing your head down to latch his mouth onto yours.

The kiss was slow at first, just tasting each other, your tongues gliding against one another as you enjoyed the first time where you didn’t have to be quick, or worry about being caught. The exhilaration was still there, but it was different tonight. You straggled his body as the kiss deepened, hearing him hum in approval. It felt like you hadn’t shared a kiss in ages and last time it hadn’t felt nearly this good. In fact, you hadn’t felt this close to him before. Granted, maybe it had to do with the fact you were lying on top of him, feeling his heart beat against yours, but it was something else altogether tonight. Seokjin wasn’t just your brother’s hot best friend anymore…  He was someone you were getting to know now… and you were liking it.

He pulled away slowly, his hand falling to your cheek as he pulled back his face to look at you, his crotch bumping into yours as he lifted his hips up.

“You’ve got me hard already,” he mumbled. “You’re magic.”

You giggled, pecking his mouth once again before shuffling until you were sitting up. He was right. He was hard, you could feel the tell-tale signs pulling at his pants and rubbing against the thin material of your tights. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you thought it was cute he’d gotten hard over something so gentle and slow…

You wiggled your hips over him a couple of times and he groaned, chuckling breathlessly as he threw one of his arm over his face, the other hand gripping your hip. From this angle you could only see a bit of his nose and his massive, plump lips parted as he revelled in the sensations you were giving him. You felt almost powerful watching him speechless under you, but then he spoke and you obeyed straight away.

“Take your dress off.”

You pulled the fabric over your head straight away, revealing your black bra and sheer tights. His arm dropped from his face straight away as he took your body in and you ground your hips down on him some more as watched you, enjoyment in his face. He seemed to just enjoy you gyrating your hips on him as he grew harder against you core and you felt the heat begin to build up, the friction making you grow wet. You hastened your pace, chasing his reactions, but more so his words. You wanted him to say something. You also wanted him to get naked—or tell you to get him naked, either one. You just wanted him to do something.

You grew impatient, taking initiative to undress him yourself as you leaned over him, fingers fumbling with his shirt buttons. He let you unbutton it all the way down, untucking it from his pants as you revealed his bare chest. You paused, not knowing what to do. Taking initiative like this wasn’t something you were used to, especially not with him. It was hot, but you wanted him to be more vocal. You wanted him to take charge. Maybe there was an obvious pout on your face as you surveyed him, your hands caught in the cotton of his shirt as you fiddled with it nervously, and he looked up, eyelids lifted in confusion.

“What is it, baby?” He asked, his voice low, having the ability to rumble through your body.

You stayed mute, not sure how to form your thoughts into words, but you guessed by the shit eating grin on his face, he already knew what the matter was, and he was loving every minute of it.

“Don’t you want to take charge tonight?” His tone dumb.

It wasn’t that. You could take charge you guess, if you wanted to. It was just you needed a little validation. Something that showed you he was enjoying it and something to get you more turned on in the process. Sometimes when you were alone you thought of all the things Seokjin had ever said to you and that was enough to make you blush and squirm right there. No guy had ever spoken to you like the way he did that night in your kitchen and you grew even more turned on as you imagined what more filth could fall out of his mouth. You whined out loud unexpectedly, tugging at his shirt caught up in your fists like a grown baby.

You wanted him to give you something.

“What is it?” He repeated. “What do you want from me?”

This time you whined again, dropping your head into the crook of his neck as you bent over him. He was stubborn and he wasn’t giving in. He knew exactly what you wanted but he wanted you to say it out loud. You were shy when it came to stuff like that and you had no idea what to say. It was only going to come out silly—and it did.

“I want you to…tell me stuff…” you mumbled into his neck and you felt the rumble of his chuckle as he wrapped his arms around your body.

“Tell you what?” He hummed into your ear, his nose brushing against your hair. “How good the weather’s been lately? How I aced that one test last week without studying at all? Hm?” He prodded, hearing you sigh in annoyance. “What is it that you want me to tell you?”

You groaned, pushing his chest with your hand. Why was he making this so hard for you? He was obviously loving it.

“I’m not good at this stuff,” you admitted, leaning your head to look him in the eye, and suddenly the grin was gone from his face, replaced with an intense stare.

Your breath hitched as his hands slipped to your waist and gripped them hard, pressing you down into his crotch, his erection still there, sending shockwaves up your body, burning between your legs.

“You like it when I talk dirty to you? Does it turn you on? Does it make you wet?”

You nodded immediately, already feeling the effects of his words, however simple they were, even more so when he began rubbing his crotch against yours.

“No one’s ever done it before, right? I’m the first?” He questioned and you nodded again, feeling him lift you back into seating position as you did so. He joined you momentarily to take off his shirt and you wanted nothing more than to grip onto his broad shoulders and kiss him, but before you could, he was shuffling backwards, bringing you with him. He grabbed a pillow to prop his head up as he laid back down. Before you could think to speak he was talking again.

“Take your bra off.”

His command sent pleasure straight to your core, excitement bursting through your veins as you obeyed quickly, not even wanting to take your time. You threw the garment off the side of the bed, feeling the cold air hit your breasts. You shivered when you felt Seokjin’s large hand reach out and brush over you stomach, gliding over the curve of your breast to cup it. His grip was gentle but it could set you off, every nerve vibrating. He was only touching a minuscule part of your body but you instantly felt warmth all over you, and coldness took its place when he pulled back. You watched him being his index finger to his mouth, wetting the pad with his tongue before he brought his hand back to your breast and circled the digit around your nipple. You gasped quietly, your body acting on instinct and you bucked into him, chasing the feeling—chasing for more. The wetness was cooling against your scorching skin, your nipple hardening even more as you arched your back, his other hand coming out to grip your hip bone, gently rocking you, creating a tantalising rhythm.

“You’re so beautiful,” he admired, your heart fluttering while your body only wanted sinful things. “Really, how did I keep my hands off you for this long? When all I could think about was how good it would be to fuck you. How did I think it would only be a onetime thing? I can’t ever get enough.”

You wanted to agree with him, but the ability to form words was failing you. Especially when he pinched at your perky bud causing you to moan, the loud, throaty noise startling you. You were losing yourself. You felt like you were going to combust watching him through your lidded eyes, lashes obstructing your view, but it just made him look sexier, as if you were watching him through a seductive hue, his shoulders and biceps flexing as he continued to feel you up. You were growing wetter by the second. Your tights feeling uncomfortable as the arousal seeped through your panties and soaked the nylon, making everything stick to you as his bulge continued to rub against your core, swollen and sensitive with need. It was crazy how aroused you were, but desire coursed through your veins, excitement for the rest of the night joining it. In the back of your mind, not only were you wanting to have sex with him again, you also wanted to sleep beside him. You didn’t know what that meant… but you weren’t going to think too hard about it. There was no point. You were going to hell anyway.

“Please moan again,” he asked, pinching you harder this time and you hadn’t realised, but you practically humping his clothed crotch. You were shameless, but ask and he shall receive; the moans left you like musical notes, filling his room.

“Remember we’re alone, you can be as loud as he like,” he told you. “I really want to hear your pretty little moans.”

“Seokjin,” you practically whined, your hands gripping his thighs. You couldn’t take it anymore. You just wanted him.

“Mm, say my name again,” he hummed, closing his eyes to revel in the sounds.

“Seokjin,” you repeated, this time breathier, trying to turn him on even more and make him snap.

All you could think about was feeling him inside of you again. Thinking about it, you’d only had sex with him three times up until now, and you knew deep down that no amount would ever be enough. You would always keep coming back for more and getting to know Seokjin more personally would just further fuel it. You moaned again, it sounding off into another high pitched whine as the burning between your legs got too much. The material between your legs itchy as it rubbed into your swollen sex.

“What’s up with you?” He teased, dropping his hand to your waist and soothing it over the skin, causing you to shudder, falling more and more pliable at his hands. “You’re so whiney—what do you want me to do, huh?”

“I want you,” you told him, your voice barely audible, but he heard you and chuckled lowly.

“Yeah, I figured—but what is it you want me to do?” He murmured, his hands sliding up your ribs and caressing the underside of your breasts, before pushing them together, moulding them in his palms. He watched them with hooded eyes, clearly enjoying himself.

At least one of you was.

You didn’t understand how he could be so calm and collected. Was his whole body not burning with a ferocious need like yours? You rolled your hips into his again, this time hard, looking down at him as you spoke, needing to play him at his own game. It was the only way.

“I want you to fuck me, please.”

You used your best puppy dog eyes, wide as you pleaded with him. You knew he liked it when you had to beg for something as he’d shown almost every time you’d had sex and his eyes flashed with desire, his hands falling to the waistband of your tights, his fingers playing with the elastic.

“I think you should work for it,” he smirked, pinging the waistband against your skin before he curled his large hands around to your ass, grabbing each cheek and moulding them together, each movement harsher than the one before. “You need to show me how bad you want my dick—take everything off.”

Your heart began to thud in excitement at his words, not needing to wait a second longer before your tugging at your tights, panties and all to rid you of the annoying material. You kneeled to the side of him as your peeled them down your thighs, needing to sit on your butt to get them all the way off, your legs wobbly from the anticipation. Seokjin continued to lay there casually but you could feel his eyes on you, watching your every move as you continued to strip bare.

“Good girl,” he praised when you were naked and you felt yourself blush, feeling coy but even more turned on. “Now, come here. Get back on top of me.”

You obeyed, straddling his waist again but he stopped you when you tried to sit, making you kneel, his palms on your spread thighs. The air between your legs felt good, but the ache to be filled was still there, or just touched—anything.

“You look really good like this. I like this view best. Would you like me to fuck you like this?” He asked slowly, carefully studying every curve of your body.

You nodded the same time a whimper fell from you, just imagining what it would feel like to be fucked from this position, to feel his strong hands hold you down as he thrust up deep inside of you. You were so turned on by the thought you were surprised you weren’t dripping down your thighs.

“Fuck,” he whispered, and you buckled in surprise when you felt the pads of his forefinger and middle finger brush against your mound. “So beautiful…and this wet already… Do you think you could take my cock right now? I don’t think you could…”

You wanted to tell him you most definitely could. You could take anything he could give you but you were rendered speechless when he began to lightly circle your clit. You were so swollen the slightest of touches were sending you into a spin and you wanted to cry. You collapsed over him, your hands coming out to catch you and grip onto the sheets beside his waist, willing yourself to keep up as his digits travelled along your slit, spreading your arousal around the entrance. You gritted your teeth, your breathing becoming pitched as you willed yourself to stop pulsing around nothing, the need to be filled physically painfully.

“Please, Seokjin,” you begged, losing the will to stay sane. “Please, just do something.”

“But why?” He questioned, one eyebrows cocked as he played innocent. “We have all night…”

You groaned, your body acting on its own as you began to grind against his hand, the relief barely there as you fought for it. He chuckled, pushing you back upright and slid his hand away from between your legs. You wanted to cry. Maybe it showed in your face because he began to soothe your hip bone lightly, his thumb rubbing circles into the flesh.

“Stop pouting, and show me how you’ll take my dick. You need to practise first.”

You were confused for a second, your mind already in a haze of desire until you followed his eyes, seeing his forearm resting on his thigh, his hand under your core as the tips of his digits sparkled with your juices. You slowly looked back to his eyes to see them on you now and he nodded his head in encouragement. He was telling you to use them. He wanted you to sit on his fingers. He wanted you to finger yourself with them…

You shuffled closer, trying to find a suitable way to do this, even though you felt a little embarrassed, you wanted him so bad you were willing to do it. But that all changed when he lifted his forefinger to your entrance, running it along your folds. You gripped his wrist without thinking, carefully sinking down onto the digit. The stretch was minimal, but the relief was enough for you to sigh in pleasure, your walls pulsating around him. When you realised he wasn’t going to move inside you himself you bravely began to rise up, falling back down quickly to create a rhythm. You kept your eyes trained on his hand and you watched him place another finger up to your hole, pushing it in to meet his other one. The pleasure instantly became ten times stronger and you grunted out, shuffling on your knees to try and get comfy. The position was uncomfortable as you continued to fuck yourself using his fingers, your thighs burning as you tried to keep upright, looking at him as he grinned, panting loudly, your mouth parted.

“Look at you fucking yourself on my hand. You love it. I knew you would.” He commented.

Your grip on his wrist tightened when you felt him curl his digits up inside of you, brushing against your g-spot and sending waves of pleasure up your spine. Each time you brought your ass down he curled and you began to groan, trying to hold your breath as you willed yourself to hold it together.

“You can’t be out of breath already… if you want it to be my dick, you have to learn to ride it like a big girl. This really won’t work… Are you even able to stretch around my dick? It’s always such a tight fit, and from this angle it will fill you right up…are you sure you can do it?”

“Yes!” You practically cried, your body buckling as you fell into his chest, your hand falling from his wrist as his fingers rested inside of you. You were out of breath, exhausted from the teasing and you were this close to pleading with him to fuck you. You didn’t care. You just needed him to fill you up. Before you could find your voice though, you felt his other hand grab your ass, holding you down and then his fingers came to life.

He began to finger you hard and fast, alternating between curling his pads against your sweet spot and scissoring them apart, stretching you out, getting you ready for his dick. You cried out, your face hiding against his chest as the slick sounds of your arousal filled the room, ringing in your ears with each squelch. You could feel it running down your thighs and you imagined the sticky liquid was trickling down his wrist too. He lifted his knees up, pressing his thighs into your ass as he held you to his body, thrusting his hand lightning fast inside of you. You were sure if he kept this up you were going to come hard; each snap of his wrist was hurtling you closer the finishing line.

“I’m going to fuck you so good, just you wait,” he warned, the words rumbling in his chest and you moaned loudly, shutting your eyes tight, concentrating on the feeling of his skilled digits, trying to put bay to the excitement that threatened to consume you by just imagining his cock inside your swollen sex. But it was no use…

“Seokjin, please fuck me now,” you pleaded shamelessly.

He stopped suddenly, surprising you with the animalistic growl that left him and you looked up at him, mouth open. His hand left your ass and found your face, cupping your cheek tightly as he looked at you intently.

“Nothing would give me more pleasure,” he told you, and with that his fingers were sliding out of core, making you empty again, but you didn’t mind half as much knowing you were seconds away from getting what you truly wanted.

He fought to get his arm out from between your bodies, shocking you when you watched him bring his two fingers up to his mouth, swallowing his lips around them as he sucked loudly. His juices shone in a trail down his hand, drying in the air and you watched in awe, doubting if you’d ever seen anything as hot before in your life. He removed them with a pop before he was bringing your lips to his, kissing you eagerly and desperately, moaning loudly. It seemed his resolve was finally slipping tonight…

“Fuck—baby, get me naked,” he husked, pulling back, a line of saliva breaking that had once connected you two together. It landed on his plump bottom lip and you watched him lick it away.

You paused, your heart hammering in your rib cage before you pulled back, crawling backwards to sit over his knees, pulling at the zip of his pants. You ran your hand over his erection a couple of times, unable to help yourself. He was rock hard, it felt almost painful and you wondered how much self-control he had to endure that for so long. He moaned loudly, shocking you, the sound going straight to your core, making it throb in fresh want and you quickly finished undoing his fly, tugging at the waistband. You pulled once, twice, a third time as he lay motionless, seemingly in a daze himself, his hands running through his hair as he watched you, before you got him free, underwear and all.

His dick bounced out, the tip angry and distended, resting on his stomach, the slit shiny from the beginnings of his own arousal. You guessed with one squeeze the drops would just fall right out. You slid a little off the bed to peel everything off completely and when you sat up, you weren’t surprised to see him with his dick in his hand, slowly jacking himself off. You hovered over him, enjoying the sight before you as he smirked up at you. Upon further inspection, his breathing was also pitched a little, his chest heaving slightly and he hadn’t even entered you yet.

“C’mere, baby girl,” he growled with a nod of his head and you squealed a little in excitement, straddling him.

You moaned quietly when he rubbed the tip of his throbbing erection over your slit, circling your clit before he brought it back to your entrance. You didn’t need to wait for him to ask if you were ready and you slowly began dropping down onto him, your hole swallowing the head as it stretched around it. His breath hitched as his eyes stayed glued to your vagina, watching you take him inch by inch until you took a deep breath and slid all the way down. He moaned, his mouth stretching open in pleasure as your walls spasmed around him, and he dropped his hands to take up place on the tops of your thighs instead, holding you down.

With this position he was incredibly deep, hitting places he hadn’t been able to hit in one shot straight away. The angle took some getting used to, the burn fuzzing away into pleasure as you sat on him for a couple of moments and then you began to rock your hips back and fore, getting used to the pleasure that flowed in waves through your body.

“You’re doing so well, babe. Like my dick was made for you.” He praised.

You moaned, nodding your head in agreement as you felt him begin to rock you faster. You let him take control, knowing he knew how to make this 110% pleasurable for you. You didn’t get how he knew your body so well with how little he’d been around it… You could only agree that his dick was probably made for you. It was the only possibility. You couldn’t remember a penis ever feeling this good inside of you, having such an effect on you like this, but then again, it was attached to Seokjin, so… it sort of made sense. He drove you wild in every shape and form.

You felt him begin to thrust inside of you lightly, holding you still so he could slide in and out of you. You closed your eyes, concentrating on the feeling and tilted your body back, revelling in the heavy breathing that was coming from Seokjin’s nose as he tried to control himself. You would have never been this open in the past, ass naked in front of someone like this, but with him it just felt natural. Especially now that you had begun to get to know him better. It helped to know he wasn’t a bumbling buffoon like some of his friends seemed to be from the outside looking in. Actually, Seokjin had many sides, some you were positive you hadn’t seen yet, but it excited you to know that there was a possibility you might in the future… In fact, you wanted to get to know everything about him, and you hoped he felt the same about you… however dangerous that was.

With this new position, he had the ability to fuck you harder, taking the chance now that you had gotten used to the feeling and you moaned out louder, getting lost at the sound of skin slapping against skin, his thrusts becoming more powerful and pleasurable. You gripped onto the sheets under you, clutching hard until your knuckles turned white. You were aware that Seokjin was moaning wildly now too, encouraged by the sweet noises that were falling from your lips, enjoying your pleasure. His hands slid to hips, helping you slump your weight on him a little as he continued to snap his hips into you.

He began to go so fast you were sure you were seeing stars. The slick noises filling the room, followed by Seokjin’s pants. You moved your hands to place onto his chest, needing to change positions as the feeling of his dick inside you began to get too much, your thighs shaking around him. You watched him as he kept on thrusting, his hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, his top lip shining too. His mouth was open, noises leaving him without any control as you moaned in unison, fuelled by each other. His chest was sticky with perspiration too as you dug your nails into the soft flesh.

“Mm, you like this, right?” He grunted out, watching your face, his hands squeezing your sides as he kept his pace going, each thrust making you cry out in pleasure.

“Hnng—Seokjin, you feel so good,” you moaned.

It was true. Maybe even too good. Each snap of his hips sent his dick hurtling into you with a ferocious intensity. You could feel it everywhere, but most of all against your g-spot. The feeling was building up and up and you could feel your orgasm nearing but for some reason it wasn’t coming. You were stuck on the edge, each thrust just adding to the pressure. It was frustrating and made tears prick at the corners of your eyes. The pleasure unbearable. Your body was boiling hot, each nerve ending so delicate you felt as if you were vibrating.

“Are you going to cum? I can feel you squeezing around my cock so bad,” he husked.

Your body was working on its own accord, your walls spasming like crazy around his hard member but for some reason you couldn’t come. You needed something more.

“I-I need…” you tried to get out but nothing would come, your mind clouded.

“Use your hand, baby,” he told you, realising instantly what you meant. “Make yourself cum all over my dick. I want to feel it. C’mon.”

You were so desperate you didn’t even think twice, unlike the last time, you didn’t feel embarrassed about pleasuring yourself in front of him. You brought your hand between your legs and sighed at the instant relief. This would be enough to drop you over the edge, the double stimulation just what you needed. You sat back up, letting Seokjin slide in and out of you easily. He was huffing and puffing under you, exerting himself to help you along. One of his hands snaked up your chest to play with your breast, cupping the soft flesh tentatively and then pulling at your nipple. You buckled, your body sensitive and he continued, praising you as you fully lost yourself. Your thighs were trembling like crazy, your body tense as you felt the wave of pleasure build up. You clenched your eyes shut, concentrating on each thrust of his cock filling you up and then you exploded. You saw white, holding your breath as the pleasure took over, your fingers slowing against your clit almost instantly the orgasm was so strong, oversensitivity appearing straight away as his cock continued to move inside of you.

You were aware, despite the ringing in your ears as you tried to calm down, that Seokjin was moaning loudly as you clenched around his dick, the pressure building up as your walls became too much for him to handle. He began thrusting slowly inside of you just at the same time you collapsed on top of him, your face in his neck as you tried to control your breathing, even though it was still coming out in pants. His wasn’t any better, his hands now cupping your butt as he tried to calm himself, his movements so light inside you, you could barely feel them. You were only semi-aware you were mumbling his name into his ear and he whined loudly, turning to try and kiss you.

You fumbled a little, catching his lips in a sloppy kiss, your tongues tangling together as you laced your fingers in his hair, clutching him to you, running out of breath, an intimate embrace. The feeling was overwhelming, lost in your own little world. You almost forgot you were having sex until he spoke again, practically in pain as he cried out against your lips.

“Where do you want me to cum?”

You answered before thinking, the words falling off your tongue as you pulled back. It just felt right, especially when you could feel the effect you had on him, his dick twitching inside of you and his stomach clenching madly under you, the veins straining in his neck and his face overcome with pleasure.

“Inside of me. Please Seokjin, I want you to cum inside of me.”

There was a pause in his reaction, his eyes wide as it seemed he was mulling over your request and you worried for a moment you had said something wrong. All the times you’d had sex before it seemed he was adamant not to come inside of you. You had no idea why, you had never questioned it. But now you had asked him something you didn’t know he wanted to do and you panicked, even more so when he pulled out of you.

Before you could say anything, he was gripping your hips and spinning you around, pinning you into the bed. For a split second, you thought he was going to come on your stomach but then he was back inside of you, thrusting back into you madly. The last thing you saw before he was kissing you again was his blown-out eyes, practically black with desire, his face contorted with pleasure.

His hands were everywhere as he kissed you madly, caressing every curve of your body. As fast paced as the kiss was, this time he seemed to be taking his time to taste you and feel you. You had never kissed him like this before and once again, your mind was clouded with thoughts you didn’t understand. You had no clue what was going on right now, all you knew was that something felt different, intense. Small whimpers left him as he kissed down your neck, sucking marks into the skin that had goosebumps forming each time he moved to another spot.

He was silent other than the noises that left him so the only indication you had that he was about to come was when you felt his body stiffen, a long, drawn out groan leaving him as he filled you up. You felt all warm and fuzzy inside, your heart pounding lowly. It was a strange feeling, definitely not because of your raging sexual desire for him and you had to take deep breaths as he stayed inside of you, kissing own your chest hungrily and soothingly, his large hands cradling your body.

You don’t know how long you stayed there kissing with him still inside of you, it seemed to be forever, like you were in your own little world. When he finally pulled out and cleaned you and him up, you were in a daze. Your breathing had long since regulated but your heart hadn’t, you felt each thud intensely and you were trying to form words when you heard him giggle at you, looking at you questioningly.

“Earth to Y/N,” he called, waving his hand in front of your face. “What’s with you? I get that I’m just that good in bed, but c’mon, please control yourself,” he joked.

You shook your head, willing to clear it, forcing yourself to chuckle as you rolled over to face him. You hadn’t even realised he had placed the covers over you… You shook your head again. This was silly. It was just sex. Sex with Seokjin. You just hadn’t been expecting him to come inside of you by request. It had taken you by surprise. It felt good, but that was all. You were just floating on cloud 9 from the pleasure, but at that thought, just remembering his face and how he had acted made your heart flutter again…

You took a deep breath, laughing once more, but this time more at yourself. Seokjin looked perfectly normal now. Perfectly unaffected by what just happened. Why were you making such a big deal out of it? Somewhere in the back of your mind you could hear your brother’s annoying voice tell you “it’s because you’re a girl.” How sexist and closed minded of him. He was wrong anyway. You weren’t affected… It would pass in the morning, you were just riding the waves of pleasure still. It was fine. Everything was fine. You were fine…

“What are you doing?” You asked Seokjin, watching him fiddle with his phone as he sat up in bed, trying to distract yourself.

“Setting my alarm so I can wake up early and make you breakfast before Yoongi comes back,” he replied sweetly, turning to face you with a smile and your heart just about melted.

You were most definitely not fine… 

[talesfromacrip]

more ehh thoughts (recent edition):

w o w

can’t even speak my damn mind anymore in this house I guess without getting the whole, ‘get out then if you don’t like it here. look for a section 8 place and blah, blahhhh’ speech.

the signature speech of my parents when I get on their ‘last nerves’..

all just for speaking my mind. lovely

all bc I said something in regards to something political my dad was talking about. then saying black lives matter after bc it was also apart of the conversation

(which is my opinion)

that word doesn’t sit well in my parents ears.. my dad to be specific apparently.

he then started saying I should just look for somewhere else to go and that if I say that again, something will happen. (not anything violent on me,but make me leave to somewhere else type of happen )

guess my parents (specifically my dad) wants me dead if he wants me to go out and find somewhere else to go. it’s not like, idk, i have a fucking immunocompromised system or anything like that ya know?? also.... during a fucking pandemic as well ?? helllloooo, old man?? i just don’t know anymore sometimes with my parents

caught me off guard a bit and hurt really fucking bad.. like, wow. if that’s how you feel, then let me go which you won’t and won’t admit.

used to it though which is silly to say, but I can’t do anything much about it even if i tried. so, I must deal for now anyway I can.

we settled our differences though which, I’m glad, but I hate that I was the first one to do it. shows how it is in my family at times

-

at least my mom and few friends are on my side. ridiculous to be treated like this for having a fucking opinion.  

doesn’t help either to get teased about it. like I haven’t been most of my life already ya know, shit.

sick of this house sometimes. the people in it, I should say.. sigh

———

———

I feel like I’m not, as ‘feminine’ as a lady should be. adds to my existing body probsss

can’t put makeup on. can’t get my nails done. can’t use bath bombs. can’t use facial creams or certain acne products. can’t buy clothes I’d like to shape my body and whatnot.. it goes onnnn. I would like to do what a lady likes to feel/look her absolute best ya know.

I can’t though. trying?????which doesn’t really go anywhere much tbh

I have an unused makeup palette and lippies going to absolute waste in my drawer.

which, cost me gooood money bc gooood brand. treat myself.

to see it go to waste though,is heartbreaking...

I could be using it now during the pandemic,but I have no one to help me with it. I can’t do it myself with my fucked up arms/hands either so that’s a nope.

my mom won’t help me and I’ve asked. she has more important things to do than make me look like a little clowns spawn.

I have so many ideas and I can’t execute them as I’d like. never can and it hurts. maybe on a drawimg, but having it applied to your face is a much better experience. very relaxing as well,but to take off.. that’s a process

doesn’t help that I’m told I’d look better with it as well, which totally helps my self esteem ya know. "it suits your moon face and covers those acne bits.."

fucking hell.. like, let me be.

guess not though it seems :lllllll

-

I feel gross about my skin.. dry and flaky at times from my medication and bc my body is a lil ass. it’s fucking oily on occasions as well.. ughhh. a whole nightmare, in my opinion

small acne scars,pimples from an imbalanced body in miscellaneous spots and places where they shouldn’t be.. I hate it.

I cannot look at myself without wanting to scream sometimes. I just stare and flip through a plethora of thoughts until I’m sitting there watching myself cry

I can’t buy the right skin products without suffering a break out or some kind of allergic reaction either. that’s how ‘sensitive’ i am.. ughh and people think it’s sooo fucking easy to take care of your skin.

help me out then and do it for me instead of telling me when I’ve said why I couldn’t in the first place..

fucking shit

-

I use to do my nails and paint them different colors almost every other week or so when I was younger. that was when I could move them to a certain extent. now i just can’t much for that. maybe?but I don’t want to risk twisting my wrist again. which, oddly helped a bit, but I’m not risking it

can’t even paint my right hand without leaning into a terrible spine position bc of my curled in fingers. it’s "so easy" though.my big ass it is

so, I just leave them bare nowadays

I have chipped and or broken nails anyway from fidgeting and anxiety. so, that’ll get in the way when they’re colored

sigh

-

bath bombs are the most elegant form of hygienic self care. a bubbly concoction for your skin to dip in.. ughhhh. sounds so relaxing and funnn

can’t sit in a fucking tub though to enjoy it and I don’t have the walk in ones. just a plain walk in shower. every time I see someone post about them, I melt inside. so pretty with the glitter fragments and the colorsss...mm

how I wish I could endure a porcelain tub to soak and forget about the world for a moment.

I can dream, but that still hurts as well.

-

I used to wear slim fitting tops for my stomach bc I was one of the chubby ones ya know.

now, I want to use them more bc my body doesn’t look how I thought it would be at my age. due to medication and lack of movement, just made it worse and it’s not my fault. feels like it is though and I tried. still am and it’s been hard lately with the pandemic. massive buying spells again so, some healthy goods are not available.

apparently though it seems nowadays being ‘thicc’ is in when years before it was absolutely frowned upon.

I got teased for being ‘thicc’ and now I’m somewhat getting praised for it?? kinda weird circus did I buy tickets for? unless I didn’t??

like, what do y’all mean, now it’s in????? stop being such a rude wad of shit and quit playing with people like this.

I don’t know what to accept much anymore and it’s bothers me so damn much

even if you do get praised,you must meet the standards. with some that is, I should say. must be at least some sort of skinny. some sort of, shaped being that I don’t really want to explain bc I feel it’s obvious.

some disabled folks are almost never in this section and when so, seems very fetishized.

hopefully this paints a small picture or whatever size you prefer your canvas to be. I’ve already talked about my body and more like this just gets me upset

———

———

uggh why are people still making stupid party plans, going to crowded places and doing other irresponsible shit... during a fucking pandemic?? It’s literally s o fucking irritating.

these people do not grasp this it seems, but ooooooohhh. gotta go out and risk it for someone who doesn’t even care about my health,others and even themselves.

fucking dumb

-

funny to see them complain about being home and all bc of this. like, how do you think I’ve felt and countless other disabled folks like me? sucks h u h. no freedom to go anywhere for risk of a fucking accident or worse, d e a t h.

it’s easy as hell to stay home and keep yourself occupied but apparently it’s a big ass deal

read, write, draw, cook, c l e a n. go out in your, idk, backyard as your outside relief?? is it really that b a d of a need to go somewhere??

especially when eventually it’ll drain you and you’ll eventually go back h o m e anyway ??t’s ridiculous.

"you should be thankful you can even go out."

yeah, to appointments, groceries, and concerts o n l y.

I don’t have the fucking privilege to go out at my own leisure and when I do, I have to plan like a mf.

it’s not easy. can’t drive. van is always busting on us. parents are my only source of a ride. can’t even generally go out anywhere bc of stupid stairs and all that.

I swear. every time I see a friend, mutual or family put something like that.. irritates me. I wanna comment so bad,but I don’t want to start anymore drama.

maybe soon I will. who fucking knows

———

———

i miss shows and all, but I just don’t as much.

I’m paranoid to think of going to future ones now..

I’ve already missed a majority of concerts my whole childhood and teen years due to my disability.

I don’t want to miss out on my young adult life now that I’m somewhat in a ‘better state’ bc some of y’all don’t want to be cautious and follow rules.

shows are therapeutic for me, but idk anymore now if it’s makimg me like this

disabled folks like myself who enjoy these shows are in so much fucking danger, it’s ridiculous.

we already were anyways with moshing and all.. which I know some act like they don’t know.

y’all are so desperate to go like, what about the other fandom folks who can’t even attend these shows though?? sad

these lives performances some artists have been doing are perfect and we need to support them more with this format. encourage the fuck out of them like the do to us with their music and whatnot.

I was so fucking thankful DGD did one.

it was a great time, but not so great when everyone is like, but what about an ‘actual show’?

it’s just, never enough with some of the fans I swear. irritating

yeahhh ,lets risk the fuckin band/bands getting sick so they can play for us. yasssss. shows how much they read up on the members and care about their health/wellbeing.

———

———

being sober brings back a lot of suppressed memories. nights are bit hard when going through this

makes me remember quite a bit of conversations that others have probably or most likely have forgotten by now as well

irritating and sad. that’s how I get some of my dreams as well which cause lack of sleep at timessss y a y

———

———

I, over share too much at times it seems.. how the hell do people want to know me though????

if I’m making the situation, odd or whatever, fucking tell me instead of ignoring it and trying to move on with some stupid shit

if I can fucking sit through y’alls oversharing.. can with fucking mine

———

———

I hate how everything that’s so wholesome and genuine I see, I can barely even do and say..

I especially hate how I imagine it with someone who deserves better. this is wearing me out I swear to fucking god

I put some of my eggs in the wrong basket.. again

ohhh fucking boooyyy

least it’s a good basket..

———

sometimes I feel so uneducated when taking with friends. my mind is like a fucking mad libs book on new game plus.

it’s blanks out and replaces important vocabulary with some silly childish shit instead

[keith-emerson]

got tagged by @auroreamethyste​!!! thank u so much friend

Do you remember your last dream? cant remember what i dreamt last night but the last dream i remember is from friday and it had something to do with my dog being taken away and it was really sad :(

What is your favourite fabric? dont know much about that but i love velvet and silk and velveteen and tweed idk!!

If you have any do you like your middle name ? i dont have a middle name and i wish i had because i really dislike my name my mum actually wanted to name me jenny tatiana but that never happened and i ended up with just tatiana

Do you have a concert planned ? both the beach boys and art garfunkel are playing in barcelona soon and i have enough money to go but i dont think i will go to any :/ idk i just dont really like concerts that much and they kinda scare me lol

What is your favourite fruit? this ones hard to answer because i love fruit!!! my mum is from colombia and my dad is from peru so ive had the chance to try so many different types of fruit my faves are pomegranate, granadilla, guanábana, any type of berry really, mango and lulo but this one only in juice and candy

Have you ever owned a polaroïd ? no but they seem p cool 

Do you prefer having long fingernails or short ? long i used to bite them all the time but once i stopped i let them grow and now rarely cut them but theyve never been too long

What is your favourite holiday place ? as in where i like to go on holidays?? if so i would say any place really because in my family we dont have a spot we go to every year but weve been to bogota and lima many times so i would say those two also

Do you in general follow your intuition ? generally yes unless its about something i need to think about thoroughly 

What would be your favourite smoothie ? i love smoothies!!! i used to talk about them all the time around 2013 and it was then when i created the now deceased #smoothiedrama tag i love every kind of smoothie so any one will do but i would lean more towards something with berries

Have you ever seen shooting stars ? yes i have!! but very few now that its summer i like to look at the sky to see if i can see any but i fail more often than not lol

i love these things because i always end up oversharing and i love talking about myself!!!! anyway im not tagging anyone as always !!

[wheredidhiseyebrowsgo]

@whatrparks asked for an update on accidental relationship and pining. Here’s the pining update and I’ll probably do the accidental relationship one tomorrow! - Anastasia

Daddy Dearest by StilinskiSexual (CurlyLahey)

(1/? I 186 I Explicit I Sterek)

Derek Hale is a strong, independent dad who don't need no man.

Then why does he fantasize about bending his son's new kindergarten teacher over his desk, and wants to cook him dinner?

Or

Derek Hale is a single dad to baby Isaac and baby Liam and swears he doesn't need anyone else, that is until he meets the most handsome man he's ever seen with eyes that feel like home. No, he hasn't been reading Erica's Romance novels.

won't sleep by triggeringthehealing (froggydarren)

(1/1 I 303 I General I Sterek)

He doesn’t sleep because on those nights, he doesn’t want to. Because on those nights, he finds a spot where he can see the sky, where he can keep his eyes on the bright circle in the darkness around it.

Pretty, Pale (and Mine) by OverMyFreckledBody

(1/1 I 591 I Mature I Jennifer/Kali)

From the first time Kali has set eyes on Julia, she's known, wanted.

Julia's got pale, perfect skin. Kali wants to mark it.

Real Life, Love by QuickLikeLight

(1/1 I 829 I General I Scott/Lydia)

The sound of Lydia’s key in the lock makes him breathe a small sigh of relief. Lydia’s home. She’ll know what to do.

Nonsexual Favors by 42hrb

(1/1 I 851 I Teen I Sterek)

Derek gets a text from Stiles in the middle of the night asking for help. He'll always help Stiles.

The Twenty Dollar Date by Lacrosse_CandyCorn_Puns

(1/1 I 904 I General I Sterek)

Derek pines, Stiles pines, and Finstock just wants the cafeteria to stop serving those god awful fish tacos. Is that too much to ask?!

The Line by inatshej

(1/1 I 931 I Explicit I Sterek)

They spend the whole hour discussing the topic. Both leave with the list of the books to read. The line between them, so clear before – Derek is a TA, Stiles is a student – becomes blurry.

Strawberries and Lemonade by mikkimouse

(1/1 I 992 I Teen I Sterek)

Stiles had volunteered to help Derek out with the garden out at the pack house this summer, though also admittedly, he’d done so because he was nursing the most unrequited of unrequited crushes. Spending all summer staring at Derek’s well-muscled back and ass seemed like both the best and worst idea in the world at the same time, and Stiles had absolutely zero sense of self-preservation.

That's Just My Face Stiles by 42hrb

(1/1 I 1,040 I Teen I Sterek)

After Scott manages to break all the centerpieces for Lydia and Jackson's wedding Stiles and Derek are stuck together making new ones. 

meat cute by bleep0bleep

(1/1 I 1,046 I Teen I Sterek)

Stiles sees it when he’s grocery shopping, the display hardly touched, people opting for the cheaper, non-heart shaped packages of steak. He gets it, he really does, after all, what’s the point of buying specially packaged meats for your significant other if you’re just gonna take the thing out of the box and cook it, anyways?

But if you had a werewolf sweetheart, this would be awesome, right?

Stiles snaps a photo and sends it to Kira, asking if she’s got a present for Scott yet. She texts him back a second later with, aw thanks i already got him a present when i went xmas shopping tho

And then: u should give it to ur werewolf ;)

Stiles stares at his phone, because he doesn’t have a werewolf. Well, technically he has a crush on a werewolf, but that doesn’t really count.

He buys the steak anyways.

Derek's bad luck? by Lonelyirises

(2/2 I 1,401 I General I Sterek)

For a few seconds he couldn’t believe his eyes, when he saw the mole speckled specimen of beauty was standing a few feet away from him, in process of moving heavy looking boxes in to the next house. And the second Derek got over the disbelief he realized his whole world had come crashing down. Why did the universe hate him so much?

Derek had left the his hometown, unable to deal with the heartache and moved to this “nowhere” town about 3 hours away from Beacon Hills, the day Stiles had married Lydia. What was more pathetic? Stiles had no idea Derek existed. And yet… and yet after everything Derek had gone through, and left behind, Stiles was moving in, right next door to him. Derek couldn’t believe his bad luck.

Under Development by dr_girlfriend

(1/? I 1,411 I Teen I Sterek)

Environmental lawyer Derek Hale is determined to stop the planned defacement of his beloved Beacon Hills Preserve by the mammoth Starr Development company. To do so, he makes a deal with the devil himself — Stiles Starr, the brash young scion of the Starr family and COO of Starr Development. Derek hates Stiles at first sight. Mieczysław Stilinski, on the other hand, is someone that Derek could grow to like...or even love.

Praise Jesus for Stiles Stilinki's Hot Bod by TheChosenOneIamNot

(2/? I 1,508 I Mature I Sterek)

Derek and Stiles have been officially dating for six months now and everything is going great, except for one small thing. He's never seen Stiles shirtless despite many heated makeout sessions that end in one or both having to change their pants. Obviously this must be due to Stiles lack of self esteem and must be remedied immediately. With the packs help, hopefully Derek will be able to get into Stiles pants (and shirt) before he dies of sexual frustration.

I Want You to Show Me by hazelNuts

(1/1 I 1,510 I General I Sterek)

Stiles slides out of his car and softly closes the door, wincing when the hinges groan. He trails behind Derek as they walk to his house, close enough that he can intervene if necessary, but far enough away that he knows he won’t wake Derek up. When they arrive at his place, he sits on the porch steps, pulls out his phone, and waits.

Pizza with a Side of Panic by SnazzyJazzyH

(1/1 I 1,767 I Teen I Sterek)

Stiles hates pizza but that sure doesn't stop him from ordering pizza from Hale of a Pizza. Although the hot delivery guy probably had something to do with it.

Last Call by Inell

(1/1 I 1,822 I Teen I Stiles/Danny/Jackson)

Stiles decides to drown his sorrows but the bar owners aren’t cooperating with his plan.

Girl Crushed by ExpectroPatronum74

(1/1 I 2,111 I Mature I Sterek)

Derek is in love with Stiles and has been for months, but he has a problem. Stiles is dating Malia and Derek's chances are not looking too good.

Haven't you heard the rumours? by fairyfey

(1/1 I 2,162 I Teen I Sterek)

Stiles is a drama teacher who tends to overshare, Derek is a nerdy english teacher who somehow makes cardigans sexy and the students think they should be together.

or

We’re both high school teachers and my students ship us but I won’t let them tell you au

Eating habits by SourwolfZiam

(1/1 I 2,355 I Mature I Sterek)

"Have you ever eaten your own barf? "Stiles"

Or, Stiles and Derek get their shit together.

starry eyed and nerdified by haleofStilesheart

(1/1 I 2,392 I General I Sterek)

For the past two weeks Stiles has been leaving Derek anonymous love notes. Derek finally guesses who his secret admirer is.

quoting Rhett Butler by haleofStilesheart

(1/1 I 2,445 I Teen I Sterek)

Stiles has a bad habit of dating complete assholes. Good thing Derek's there to knock some sense into him.

what in carnation? by haleofStilesheart

(1/1 I 2,985 I General I Sterek)

Deliveryman wasn't exactly Derek's dream job but it helped put him through school so he couldn't complain. Especially since it helped him meet the love of his life.

I Fell in Love with My Best Friend (2.0) by DerekHaleGirl97

(1/1 I 3,515 I Not Rated I Sterek)

Now I realize you are the only one It's never too late to show it. Grow old together, Have feelings we had before Back when we were so innocent

I pray for all your love Girl, our love is so unreal I just wanna reach and touch you, squeeze you, somebody pinch me (I must be dreaming) This is something like a movie And I don't know how it ends, girl But I fell in love with my best friend...

Grand Jeté by thekissballad (kkpsigirl)

(1/1 I 3,753 I General I Sterek)

“I don't mean to be rude, Dad,” she said toward Stiles before turning back to Derek, “but as you saw, Mr. Hale, he's not the most graceful person.”

Stiles snorted, turned red and covered his face while his daughter continued. “I don't want him to perform a grand jeté and hurt himself. He needs to be able to catch all the bad guys. So...” she trailed off, looking between both men.

Code Sea Witch by ANTchan

(1/1 I 4,975 I General I Sterek)

At Lydia Martin’s Nereid Crown they have a code: “Somebody asked for the Sea Witch.”

Recipe for the heart. by skyblue993

(3/5 I 5,018 I Teen I Sterek)

It's the last year of high school and Stiles is ready to leave everything behind but there's only one thing he wants to do before leaving for college; Conquer Derek's heart.

To Move On is to Grow by WhisperedWords12

(1/1 I 5,886 I Explicit I Stiles/Everyone)

Stiles decided to put on the collar that marked him as a sub for public use at 16. By law, it was the youngest he is allowed to, and was the only one in his year to do so. It's when Scott gets bitten and Derek comes into town that everything changes.

What You Need by dragon_temeraire

(1/1 I 6,230 I Explicit I Sterek)

Derek is an alpha with unusual desires. 

Shadows We Make by Alwaysdreaming95

(3/? I 8,728 I Teen I Sterek)

After Defeating the Nogistune Stiles twin, Jada, ends up coming back to Beacon Hills after living in Ireland. The only problem in this family reunion is abondoment and the trouble that follows her home. She tries to deal with her past traumas and her nightmares. This is a story that follows Jada in her journey to deal with the alpha and his pack that wants her dea and her new... old life in Beacon Hills.

Sevens and Eights by calrissian18

(1/1 I 10,092 I Teen I Sterek)

Stiles has a bandage slung under his chin like a disembodied helmet strap when Derek first meets him. It’s complemented by a chipped front tooth and a scrape of road rash across his cheek.

Mischief and a SourWolf by LoneWolf1993

(6/? I 12,520 I Not Rated I Sterek I MCD)

It's been four months since Derek left Beacon Hills and has began to settle into his new life. Until he gets a message from the life he left that has him coming back to the reason he left in the first place.

Easy, Cheesy by crookedcig

(6/? I 18,881 I Teen I Sterek)

Derek sets his kitchen on fire (a little bit). Stiles is a firefighter called to the scene. Derek communicates his anger with eyebrows alone, and Stiles falls in lust. Slowly, they both fall in more than that.

aka what happens when I try to write how their lives would be different if Laura had refused to ever go back to California.

I like to be called cupcake, too. by ellsaba (laceydean)

(16/? I 18,855 I Teen I Sterek)

It look a long time to come up with a name for the bakery.

Or, it took a long time for Stiles to accept that “no, we’re not going to call it Stilinski’s Bakeski’s, what is wrong with you, it’s not even your business”. Which, yeah, wasn’t one of his greater ideas, but it was one of his ideas. Plural.

Unbreakable by rufferto, SlasherFiend

(3/? I 42,478 I Explicit I Petopher)

After a particularly unsettling week alone in the house he used to share with the wife he loved, Chris has had a little bit too much to drink. Normally he can deal with pain and feelings. Normally he can sort everything out and soldier forward. When he is at the end of his rope there is something that he needs to do and someone who can help him if he chooses to. So he leaves himself open practically inviting the Werewolf to come kill him. But it’s not a fight he wants. A little more than ten years ago he had an affair with Peter Hale. At that time period, he’d needed someone, something to pull him out of the path he was on before it was too late. Before he became Gerard. Peter had been that person. Peter had been the only one to get through to him, make him talk. Peter was the reason Allison didn’t get trained at a young age. Chris handled the ending of it badly. He’d hurt Peter who had fallen in love with him. In spite of being in love, he’d chosen his family. Now he needs that again, he’s falling into that pit and only one man can pull him out of it, if he chooses to.

[haeroniel-doliet]

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more. 

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya. 

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else. 

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm 

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah. 

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds....  ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other. 

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks) 

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!)  anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until.  yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...)  ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess) 

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade. 

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh. 

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.) 

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me)  but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that.... 

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too  ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that. 

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm  why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it-  idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk. 

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first)  i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway 

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” ) 

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it. 

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is? 

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully.