#anyways proof I have actually been doing art in the past few months! XD

[humming-fly]

Ayy it's been a hot sec since I promo'd a group art project I was in hasn't it - I'm happy to say that dry spell is now over with the release of the Umbral Wings kickstarter, the second dragon tarot project I've gotten to be a part of!

I'm actually a little late sharing the info on this one, the kickstarter itself is already nearly funded and is at about $8 out of 9k with 26 days to go, but there's still plenty of time to hop in there and grab this snazzy deck! If you've ever gotten one of these collaborative tarot decks you know they're Gorgeous and this one is no different, so be sure to check it out if awesome dragon art is of interest to you!

[mysticsparklewings]

I keep promising to attempt to return to regular posting and then not really doing it, don't I? XP Well, hopefully this time I mean it. I do want to. And whether you guys can tell or not, I have made some behind-the-scenes strides towards being able to. One of the things pushing me this time though is I'm mad at myself that I neglected to post really anything substantial in March, which is going to mess up how I end up filling out this year's Art Summary in December/January time. That probably sounds like a silly thing to be worried about, but...I don't know. I like having at least one thing to show per month that shows what I did during the year. It's like a super-extended checklist of, "Yeah, I did something that month!" Anyway. I thought maybe posting something like this--A bit more than my usual WIP Wednesday of empty promises--would help hold me more accountable...and now you can also see I'm not kidding when I say I have a backlog of stuff I haven't posted yet. XD Some of my be familiar, some of it I've mentioned once or twice before, some of it is totally new to you guys...and some of it was technically "backlog" even before my unintentional off-again on-again hiatus. But I've blurred the names since some of the titles aren't finalized and a few I'd like to keep as a tiny bit of a surprise. ;) As for the WIP Side, technically most of what you see is also backlog now, but it hasn't been scanned in yet, so I'm withholding "backlog" status until then. Still, you can see I have finally finished the Art Snacks piece I've shown actually WIPs for twice now, a funny little cat drawing I've said nothing about, the PRINTED PROOF FOR THE NAPOWRIMO BOOK! :D, and underneath all that is the planner I set up to...help me keep track while playing catch in Animal Crossing. Yes, part of my absence initially included not playing AC:NH since mid-November, and then more recently was because of me trying to catch up in-game between when I stopped playing and the present day. Now, the NaPo Book is probably the most exciting thing for obvious reasons. And while I don't want to drag out the details too much here (I fully intend on doing a separate post about that), I will say that I now understand A. Why there's usually a whole team of people behind making a book and not just one person; and B. Why we order proof copies before putting the thing up for sale. Because somehow a handful of mistakes made it past me and at least three other people I had look at the book before ordering the proof. XP   Something also kind of exciting is I do have a small assortment of supplies that I'm almost done swatching (which yes I have totally been procrastinating on) and will then need testing, which means viable excuses to make yet more art to add to the pile!   Of course, then the problem becomes getting myself to sit down and write out all the descriptions for said art. I know technically I don't have to, but I like having that written record of what I did most of the time--because I do revisit my old descriptions sometimes to replicate the process for a new piece--and I personally don't like how some artists make these big elaborate pieces and then have nothing to say about how they made it other than how long it took. To me, there's something humanizing about explaining the process, so to just skip it altogether would just feel wrong to me. Although considering how not wanting to physically put in the effort to do that has held me back, I may experiment with not going into quite as much detail or otherwise trying to streamline my process a bit. (And admittedly some pieces have been in my backlog so long I don't fully remember all the details...which is exactly why I try very hard to get the descriptions done sooner rather than later.) And you know, in some ways it may look or feel like I'm constantly playing catch-up in one way or another, but I've realized that when I really get in the mood to sit down and dedicate time to something, sometimes I actually like having a looming pile staring at me. Part of the reason I hadn't played AC in so long was I was a bit burnout and kinda bored with it, but having so much to do to catch up really reignited that fire in me. The game felt like it had purpose again. While we're on realizations, I probably don't have to tell a lot of you that I'm still in the camp that a lot of my life and my mental health is just better and more enjoyable when social media is not in it. Extra so for Twitter, in particular. Do you know how much nicer it is to only have to check my very small list of "favorites" to see what they're up to, which takes about 5, maybe 10 minutes at a time, and not feel like I owe it to any of them to interact with their tweets? [Because most of them are too big to even notice me anyway, but I digress] That is SO much better than the endless home feed scrolling of hundreds of people, lots of whom I don't even follow they just show up because people I follow, follow them (which I want to turn all the way off so badly but I can't because that's not how Twitter works) and half of which is content I. Could Not. Possibly. Care less about.   I like Twitter for news on content creators that can't easily post a small status update to Youtube or whatever. I DO NOT like Twitter for Social Media. AT ALL. Seriously. I opened myself up to posting pictures of my cats over there, and it's STILL not enough to keep me posting and engaging regularly. That's how bad it is. Ahem. My little rant aside, I have thus decided since the Twitter Game™ does more harm than good to me, in general I'm just not going to play it anymore. I'll post my art over there and other stuff when I feel like it, but otherwise, I'm just captial-D Done With It until further notice. It's just better that way. Speaking of games, you may all be surprised to know I've been chipping away at a little video project [about a game] while all this has been going on, too. The NaPo Book comes first, but I'm hoping to have some serious headway on the video done, if not have it finished, by mid-June/July. I've mostly been bouncing around various software trying to find one that can do everything I need on a budget of exactly $0, and the good news is I think I've finally landed on one...which I'll spare you the details of for now. Once the video is closer to being a reality, then we'll delve more into that. So...yeah, that's what's been cooking in the metaphorical Mystic Kitchen. And I tell you guys all of this to 1. Hopefully be the first of that "regular posting" I want to do (still looking at once a week, which I've said probably 500 times before now), and 2. Putting it out there, as I alluded to before, will hopefully be like me signing a contract with myself. "You said you were going to do the thing, so do it." And with that, I suppose I should end this here since this description is surely long enough already, and get back to work on some of that stuff so I'll be more likely to follow through with it, yeah? ;) See you soon, I hope 

[nehilistuniverse]

I DUNNO

How do I explain people that I actually do not know the reason why I can’t be strong in front of women sexually and give in to easy because my bitch ass was groomed by a bunch of females so I have no boundaries there and do the most hyper sexual things. 

I do have my suspensions on pride’s hypersexuality he talks like every person who ever got violated as a kid... 

Maybe I am assuming and wrong and men are naturally on that level but I do worry about him and envy but maybe it’s the hormones. 

I need to stop being so nosy and curios especially about an asshole that’s now had a whole ass funeral in my mind. Though death by infinite number of slaps but still. 

I NEED TO KNOWWWWWW 

I OVERTHINK A LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

IMMA DIE OVERTHINKING 

BITCH GO STUDY

Naah me still more hyper sexual lmaoooooo I am just too good at controlling myself because I anyway fear men and don’t trust them because they aren’t worth the trust anyway. 

Yeahhhhh

I am running away aren’t I?

But the curiosity regarding these things is infinity I just need clarity and I won’t sleep properly until then because genuinely something funny is going on AND I NEED TO KNOW.

I am more of a go with the flow kind but I needddddd tooooo know or I am going to go bonkers. I swear I have not been able to study just because I have useless questions and I CAN’T CONCENTRATE I JUST CAN’T IT’S LIKE THAT ONE MANGA CHAPTER THAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR FROM THE PAST 6-7 YEARS

I HAVE NO PAITINCE I USED TO HAVE IT BUT I INVESTED IT ALL IN WAITING FOR MANGA RELEASE AND ONE THING I HAVE LEARNT FROM THAT IS NEVER WAIT FOR THEM FUCKING MANGA RELEASES THERE MIGHT NEVER BE ONE AND YOU WILL END UP MISSING OUT ON BETTER MANGAS.

IT REMINDS ME DID THEY EVER UPLOADED WALLFLOWER’S NEW CHAPTER BECAUSE I WILL REREAD IT IF NOT

FUCK REAL LIFE SUCKS ASS I WANT MY MANGAS BACK AND HOW DARE THEY STOP THEM FUCKING FREE SITES?! 

I AM LOSING MY MIND SLOWLY AND DESENTING INTO MADNESS I AM VERY CLOSE

naah I am just being overdramatic and writing just for the heck of it. Isn’t that what I always do? Write whatever I want just for the heck of it because I like how it makes me feel less useless and how I am able to communicate without hesitation. I do take it too far at times because I enjoy it a lot BUT

I am never making this my profession it’s my sanity. If it becomes the very thing I run away from again I will break someone’s neck.

I do not want to be dictated what I have to write and what I should do in order to come up with the idea and how I am supposed to research

and I very specifically remember asking manjhi’s writer his process for coming up with the character’s personality and the way he went into details. Bruh. Also what do you mean the whole story should come in that 4 page that’s your script and only that’s accepted.

I swear my college made me hate writing. It just did. Somehow it made me realize the moment this becomes my profession and I start  or go into technical writing or PR or anything of that kind I will lose my coping mechanism, my escape, my little heaven and I would not be able to forgive myself for that ever.

I am genuinely writing just for the heck of it and feels so free. I do imagine how beautiful and calming it must be typing on a typewriter. 

I will buy myself one. Some day I will. I do not know but after watching the little woman I suddenly started missing writing but I am scared. It’s like I am never able to figure out what I want my character’s personality to be like and how do I keep it consistent through out and how do I channelize different voices for different characters?      

And how does one do that? That too consistently because the only way to ever pull that off is to write consistently. Consistency suckssssssss. That’s one thing I genuinely want to learn. The art of being consistent without taking anyone’s help. 

I am genuinely tired. Imagine being sponsored by a company that sells typewriters. I remember how I used to be crazy about writing once upon a time and was so determined to make it my “profession” what a silly child I was. 

My dreams demand more and so does my family at least for now and I genuinely can’t write without having to suffer through the pain of a monotonous life because writing is essentially my escape. If it stops being that ever again I will lose it.

I mean I have seen how other writers live as book bloggers on youtube. The highly notorious “BookTube” is filled with those who can afford expensive books and the goddamned book shelves. Book heaven and almost all have those tiny what is that company’s name Branes and nobles? I guess? The have their tiny harry potter figurines. Also everyone just suggests expensive books. I though still adored illumine files. I am yet to read the other two books in the series. 

You know what I miss the most? Metro rides to my college. I genuinely miss being sleep deprived shaky and standing waiting for a seat to clear so I can sit. Even that used to be a game. Always stand near the pole in the middle so you can see in the front but also see the seats behind you in the reflection of the mirror. 

The being the first one to be able to grab that seat, taking out your earphones turning the music on loud and taking out a book from your bag so you can hide your face and forget about the crowd. I miss the yellow light.

I miss metro so much. It used to be my second home. My ticket to freedom. I remember coming home late at 8 and running from the metro station till the gate to my “campus” 

There was a distance of 1 km approx.? I remember freaking out only to find out that my parents were out shopping. I don’t think they know the amount of times I have reached home by 8-8:30 

You see my parents are strict and will never let me be out when it has started to get dark. I miss my freedom.

I don’t want to go out and explore the society there way too many people always walking at any given time. I miss empty streets. I miss being forced to walk for 3-4 kms just to save money by kushal. I miss how he used to act like my big brother in this awful place where I was left to fend for myself.

I even miss that one birthday I missed. I was not awake on my 19th birthday xD I technically was. Actually it was supposed to be my first birthday so I had spent the whole night before planning but suddenly there was this message to submit fees at my college. So I went to my college with a poorly made check. Mind you my college is 30 kms away from the place where I used to live. It took me 45 mins to reach my college. I went there with no cheque book. They straight up refused to take it so I had to travel back and get my cheque book xD I did the whole thing and bought myself a bottle of milkshake. 

I went back to hostel and asked this “Friend” of mine to wake me up after this time in case I don’t come out because I really want to celebrate my birthday. Technically either the friend group or your floor mates are supposed to make you cut cake at 12 but I didn’t realize this back then and this bitch she knew but didn’t care she was using me as a person she could cry to. She didn’t care at all this selfish prick that I used to call my “friend” she made me feel so alone and then she also didn’t wake me up. I woke up and cried so much I had even missed dinner. I took warden’s permission watched some animated movie made myself Maggie (it has always been my comfort food) and just cried myself to sleep.

I sometimes do wish somebody out there cared because all my life I have met selfish people who would rather use me. I keep meeting them and I have learnt to never give such kind a second chance and even if I do I only feel hate. I still hate that person. I hate each and every selfish person out there. There is a difference between being someone who loves themselves and someone who is way up their butt. I know people who love themselves. I adore them.

Where as selfish people have no place in my life. It’s the stupidest thing but I genuinely do not know how to forgive someone. I mean it took me years to forgive my own parents and they care. Once I get resentment in my heart I don’t care how much I care about you or love you I will harm you. I will make sure you go insane slowly and surely with more hurt you place upon my shoulder.

I sometimes do think I made my parents life a living hell for a few years. On the daily I used to make them count all the horrible things they have done. Each and every day and it went on for years. I am a little cracked in that department. I hold on too tight and no one can make me let go of it. I will end up hurting you again and again and again for years before I actually get the proof you are no longer a threat to my mental health and you are no longer selfish.

I have handled way too much in my life but disrespect and selfish behavior is one thing I can no longer tolerate and the fact I did try to tolerate it just because I needed answers is so damn crazy to me.

The fact it even induced flashbacks/nightmares from my past. It’s so fucked up that I was trying to look for some kind of clarity. Some kind of closure and honest to god I still want it because I really want to know and I do not know how to stop my overthinking. I genuinely do not know. It’s almost like somebody has power to my mind and I do not like it or the person. I am officially at my breaking point and hate the guts of the person. HOW LOW CAN ONE STOOP?

What did I ever do to deserve this? I want the answers so badly. I need clarity. It’s not a want it’s a need and I want it on text. So I can remember and put things together. I just want that. 6 Fucking months.

Just to get my answers. I got so involved that I actually tried to chase a dude I knew was emotionally unavailable. I even tried to befriend. I literally reached my limit. I have always been in it for the answers. The fact I have to make peace with the fact I might not get them until maybe years later sucksssss. I dunno from where to where I went but this is just me ranting it all out and taking all of my frustration out and reminding myself. I will keep reminding myself of the hurt and the pain we went through just so we don’t repeat the cycle ever again with someone else. 

This was an experience but never again. The fact I got so involved that I had even started to give life advice lmao. We could have been awesome ass friends. It’s shitty how it had to come to this point that now I actually hate him and don’t ever even by mistake want to cross paths with him, don’t want to see his face or anything. 

Not even the online presences I don’t even want that in my life. I just want freedom from this pain. It’s way too painful. I have went through way too much bullshit that I didn’t even deserve and I have never stooped so low for anyone. I genuinely feel like I betrayed myself aging and again and again on repeat just for the tiny clarity.                          

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Everything Awesome about COIE Hour 3

MANY THINGS OCCURRED!

This one is Long, guys.

Also a more accurate title would be Everything Awesome and some Less So about COIE Hour 3

But I wanted the posts to match, so.

So I never watched Birds of Prey because I never knew it EXISTED when it was on, but as a fan of the Birds of Prey team in general, and the characters Huntress and Oracle...not gonna lie, t’was sad to hear Helena desperately calling out to Barbara before they were destroyed by the anti-matter wave. So I give that cameo a thumbs up.

How is it only just NOW occurring to me that the Waverider (Wave Rider?) is serving the same function as the Monitor’s Satellite from the comics????

J’onn!!!! I’m so glad he’s here! Bearing news about the supporting cast of Supergirl! And the entirety of Earth-38!

So glad that they’re alive! And safe! And not dead! And that they are sure to remain that way, for the rest of the crossover! XD

And then J’ONN IS THE PARAGON OF HONOR! 

It’s what he deserves.

And then like four different subplots are set up in short order: They gotta to to Purgatory to get Oliver’s soul; they gotta get Ryan Choi; they gotta go to the cave where the Anti-Monitor was hanging out until fairly recently; Kara’s gotta be talked out of using the Book of Destiny.

It’s...a lot.

Also Vibe is back!

“Maybe you didn’t hear me under those voluminous mutton chops of yours--!”

Another nice Iris/Barry scene, BUT, for my money, it’s the second one, later in the episode, that really tugs at them there heartstrings.

All the Pariah stuff is as accurate as the Arrowverse could possibly MAKE a Pariah. Good, solid, good.

Then the British Fellows Ham it Up for a few minutes, before The Soul Searching group goes to Lian Yu, because of COURSE it’s Lian Yu, as if Oliver would allow his soul to languish anywhere else. 

Then we’re back in the Anti-Monitor’s room domain and COSMIC TREADMILL! AW YIISSSSSS

All of the good treadmill jokes have been made already so I’ll just move on.

This is very comic-y! The Anti-Monitor used Barry to power his Anti-Matter ray in the comic, and he ultimately destroyed it as well, dying in the process.

HERE, we discover that when Earth-90 Barry vanished last year, he was captured by the Anti-Monitor, and then CONDEMNED TO A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH; HE WAS TO RUN, FOREVER, ON A TREADMILL.

(...Pretty sure that joke was made on the after show, but I couldn’t help it. IT WAS RIGHT THERE.)

So they bust Earth-90 Barry out with the help of Jefferson!!!! 

I love that he’s got his line in there, the, ‘whose life is this’ line. Good, yes, good.

(Listen: there is no greater proof that the Arrowverse will go back to some version of the multiverse model, than Jefferson’s inclusion here.)

I’m getting a little ahead of myself...BACK TO THE OTHER SUBPLOTS!

Ryan Choi is great! I don’t keep up with Legends, but it’d be cool if he stuck around, since Ray is leaving.

ALSO GREAT???? Routh Supes’ explanation of the black shield. ‘Hope cuts through the darkness.’

(And the Superman theeeeeeeme I never tire of hearing it)

There’s some Kate and Kara stuff here but I wanna cover that later so FIRST...

The Oliver reunion on Lian Yu happened way too fast! But then, many things happened way too fast! But this one REALLY FELT WAY TOO FAST.

Like: He’s ready to kill us! But no? YAY, OLIVER IS COMING BACK! But No? Wait, he’s Spectre now????

But also...SPECTRE!!!!!!

Spectre is the deus ex machina of the Crisis comic, so it’s fitting that he’s just. A sudden thing that pops up out of LITERAL NOWHERE and is apparently vital.

So I guess Oliver’s final form ISN’T Team Dad, it’s Mysictal Green Hooded Guy.

(Man we should have seen this coming.)

(I like that Oliver is Spectre, just to be clear.)

Iris’ pep talk with Ryan was lovely.

(And then there’s the moment I mentioned earlier, where Barry’s like, ‘I might die’ and Iris is like, ‘I don’t want to go, I want to be with you.’)

(I will admit...that part got me a little.)

HEY FLASH FANS, HOW DO WE FEEL ABOUT THE FACT THAT LITERAL YEARS OF TEASING LED UP TO A BAIT AND SWITCH, HUH????

I honestly don’t know if I’m impressed or annoyed by this cop-out.

I will give them props for the inclusion of the original Flash show footage, that was very nice.

(And I say that as someone who has but a passing familiarity with the original TV show.)

The disintegration effect, as well as the Flash emblem being the only thing left, are really great direct homages to art from the comic.

I’m gonna talk more about this part LATER so let’s jump back toooooo....

Oh! The Barry and Jefferson scene!

It was so niiiiiice.

Very emotional, and a nice bonding moment, and this bit:

“I don’t think Henry and Alvin raised quitters, so we should rage against the dying of the light.”

FEEEEEEEEELIIINNNGSSSSS

Another Kate and Kara bit, which again, I wanna get into in a minute, BUT, before we do, I will say that: this buddy dynamic is very nice, but it takes the place of the Kara and Alex stuff from crossovers past, which I might have been okay with...if not for the severe LACK of Danvers Sisters content in the SG season proper.

Here’s hoping 5B gives us...something.

(Also I know it’s very much because Kate is like, the lead of one of the five main shows being crossed over so obviously they’re teaming up instead of Alex and Kara hanging out but I just. Love the Danvers Sisters, okay?)

(Related side note: Really glad this crossover isn’t so focused on romantic pairings! It’s a nice change of pace! I mean we’ve got Iris and Barry obviously, as well as Lois and Clark but I’m just recalling the Double Wedding nonsense of Earth-X and...*shudder*)

(This is an improvement, IMO.)

OKAY OKAY HARBINGER’S BACK HERE WE GOOOOOOOOO

MIND CONTROL! BETRAYAL! DEATH! THE DESTRUCTION OF THE ENTIRE MULTIVERSE!

And crashing on this Vanishing Point because technically we’re HooOOooOOomeless!

Aw man I was so sad to see Routh Supes go...and be replaced by LEX, ugh. 

(But it’s very Lex, so.)

And Kara’s desperate, ‘Kal, Kal! What do I do?’

:C

OKAY so I kinda wanna talk about the Kara stuff, the Barry stuff, and the Kate and Kara stuff.

This crossover does some interesting things, re-contextualizing the two ‘Big Deaths’ from Crisis. 

In the comic, both Kara and Barry die, and their deaths are kind of like...thesis statements, on their brand of heroism.

They’re willing to give up everything--even their very LIFE--to ensure the safety and survival of others.

And both are treated as kind of remarkable things, even among their peers, who are other, selfless superheroes.

Which is WHY...the Barry thing is kind of...a massive let down. 

In the after show, Marc Guggenheim talked about how they could have their cake, and eat it too, because Barry was ready to give up his life, but was denied the opportunity.

And...I get that logic, but man, they spent all of season 6A dragging out that ol Barry-Dies-Angst.

And last season too! The WHOLE SEASON LONG PLOT with Nora was centered on Barry’s disappearance during Crisis and thus, her growing up without him and now...

That’s all just out the door? Because a different Barry decided to take his place? AN ELEVENTH HOUR LOOPHOLE?

It’s so audacious...that’s why I’m also kind of impressed, as well as annoyed.

And they don’t quite do the same thing with Kara, since they haven’t so much as TEASED anything resembling her comic death--I kind of assumed they might with the Book of Destiny stuff, but she didn’t even open the thing.

(And ultimately this is GOOD because if they’d done something similar to Barry--a last minute bait and switch--HOO BOY. There would have been...WORDS. OF STERN DISAPPOINTMENT.)

Instead, the crossover frames living as the more heroic option, because these heroes are Paragons, and thus are needed for some...other purpose, put in motion by the Monitor.

So if they die, they’re actually DOOMING the multiverse.

As mentioned! It’s kind of an interesting inversion, and until we know being a Paragon fully entails--it is difficult to say if it’s a positive or negative change!

(Still love that Kara and J’onn are Paragons, tho, cause they’re my Favs.)

OKAY so that’s the Kara and the Barry stuff. NOW, for the Kate and Kara stuff!

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE KRYPTONITE, MY DUDES.

Yeah, you thought we were DONE talking about Supergirl-specific plot lines...BUT THINK AGAIN!

LET’S TALK ABOUT HOOOOOWWWWW Kate was gonna use that Kryptonite...BUT DECIDED NOT TO, AND THEN WILLINGLY HANDED IT OVER TO KARA because she knew that 1.) SHE WOULDN’T NEED IT and 2.) Kara deserved to have the deadly poison THAT IS ONLY POISONOUS TO HER AND HER SINGLE SURVIVING BLOOD RELATIVE to decide how to dispose of it.

AND THEN...Kara tells Kate to keep it, and I thought, for one HORRIFYING MOMENT, that Kara would insist that she might someday NEED it, should Kara ever go rogue, thus VINDICATING every stupid pro-Kryptonite debate ever BUT...

NO! Instead she’s like, ‘I know you won’t use it!’

And folks.

Folks.

If nothing else. If nothing else. Please. PLEASE. Let this fun week of death and destruction be a learning moment for Kara, that she both HAS and DESERVES better friends, than a woman who casually subjected her to Kryptonite to further her own ends.

PLEASE, SHOW, PLEASE. 

Anyway! That’s hour three! And now we have to wait an ENTIRE MONTH to see how this plays out! XD