#anyways now my dad knows i have a crush on a silly muppet dog so yeah...

[homosexual-fast-dancer]

Although actually I kinda wanna share something that was silly but also a lil hell world ish yesterday-

So me and my dad were in the car and as usual he was entertaining my autism and I was talking about the Muppets when we brought up why I like them so much and eventually we talked about Rowlf which when my dad correctly (and embarrassingly) guessed I have a crush on him or as he put "the boyfriend I never had"-

[classic-rock-roller]

1. Bonham’s watching the neighbor’s dog, and you and the boys are visiting her. She’s lying on the couch and the dog continues to lie on her face even after she pushes it away. After a while she says, “Dammit, Lion, my face is not your bed!” Randy looks over and says, “Yeah, stay off my turf, bud.” How do you and Kevin and Bonham respond?

Me, I blush like crazy: Um...

Bonham: I’d expect Kevin to say that but not you, Randy. 

Kevin: You’re right. I was just about to say it but he beat me to it. 

2. You’re out with Bonham and the boys one day and Bonham’s in a bit of a bad mood. At one point, Randy says to her, “You’re cheery today.” She looks to him and says, “I’m just one big fuckin’ ray of sunshine!” How do you and Kevin respond?

Kevin: You’ve got that right. 

Me: Come on, Bons! What do I have to do to get a smile out of you? 

I then proceed to do stupid things to try to get her to crack a smile. It works after a while, but only after I run into a wall and fall flat on my back. 

3. You’re with Bonham and the boys one night and as it gets later your topics of conversation get somewhat unconventional. At one point, Kevin asks Bonham “Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?” She says, “I’m a knife.” and Randy says, “She’s the little spoon.” How do you and Kevin respond and what does Bonham say to Randy for ratting on her?

Me: Aww, that’s so cute. But I already knew that. 

Kevin: Wait, how did you know that?! 

Bonham: Randy! And BabyCarrot! I thought we would never bring that up. 

4. You’re going on vacation with Kevin, Randy, Bonham, and your kids. You’re making sure everyone has everything, and Bonham makes a South Park reference. “Be sure to bring a towel.” She says in a high voice. Randy giggles at the joke, but Eddie doesn’t get it. He says, “We already have, like, 50 towels, Auntie Bonham!” How do you and Kevin respond?

Kevin laughs and I just tell Eddie that Auntie Bonham is being silly and that we are ok with the towels we have. 

5. You and Kevin are doing an interview about relationships between band members one day. The interviewer asks you, “You two are very popular with all of your fans. What do you plan to do about it?” Kevin’s kind of zoned out, so he responds by looking at you and saying, “I plan to put me into you like a fresh tattoo.” How do you respond and what does the interviewer do?

Me: Kevin! *blushing beet red like a tomato* Oh my god, I’m so, so, so sorry. Can that be stripped from the record, if possible?

Interviewer: *Stunned* Yes, I’ll strip it from the record. 

Even though she promised it would be, it was the huge headline for that interview when it came out the next month. 

6. You’re driving through the mountains and Bonham keeps spouting stuff about the geology of where you are. “See how these rocks are striped vertically? That’s totally unnatural, rocks deposit horizontally, so these were forced upward really violently by something.” Kevin groans. “Ugh quit making me learn stuff.” How do the three of you respond?

Me: You could stand to learn something, Kev. 

Randy: Yeah, expand your horizons. 

Bonham: Besides it’s not that boring. 

7. You forgot to get something at the store while your band was working with Crue, and you don’t have a car, so you ask Vince to take you. You get in the car and he says, “I’ve never started a car with a key before, this oughta be fun.” How do you respond?

That’s it. I’ll drive. Give me the keys. I know you haven’t been drinking but I do not want to ride with fucking Mario Andretti. 

8. Kevin’s visiting you one night when you thought Bonham was out, and you guys started getting busy. At one point, you hear three loud thumps and then a shout. “Other people live here!” How do you and Kevin respond?

Kevin: Ok, but we don’t care! 

Me: Kevin! Sorry Bons, we’ll try to be a bit quieter. 

Kevin: Don’t make promises you can’t keep, babe. 

9. Your band is collaborating with QR, and you’re working on the beginnings of a new song. Bonham and Rudy are noodling around on their instruments, and Kevin’s poking at the piano. “Wait what key are we in?” Randy asks. Kevin laughs a little. “No no no, none of that.” He says. How do you and the rest of your band respond?

Me: Key is kind of important. 

Linus is wailing away on his guitar trying to keep up with Randy. Daryl is beating the hell out of his drums while Drew looks at him like he’s crazy and Erik asks again what Key we’re in because it’s so loud he can’t hear anything. 

10. You and Kevin and Bonham and Randy are attending Mal’s graduation ceremony. After it’s over, Mal’s talking to you and one of his teachers comes up to him. Congratulations, Mal–oh my gosh, you’re Kevin DuBrow, you used to be a rock star!” Kevin shakes his hand and says, “I may be losing my hair but the magic’s still there.” How do you, Mal, Bonham, Randy, and the teacher respond?

Mal: Dad! 

Me: This is true. But I’m glad we’ve slowed down a bit. 

Teacher: Wait...no way! You and her are from War Angel too! You guys just finished a tour! 

Bonham: That’s right, we are. But we’re not going on another one for a while. 

Randy: It’s better to be slower now anyway. we get more time to refine and make our music sound better.  

11. You’re walking out of Walmart with Bonham and Randy and Kevin. Bonham perches herself on one of those weird concrete posts that stick out of the ground in the front of the building, and before she can say anything Kevin looks at her and says, “Anything’s a dildo if you’re brave enough.” How do the three of you respond?

Me: Kevin! Children are right over there! 

Bonham: This is true, but I don’t think this’ll fit. 

Randy just kind of stifles a giggle at Bonham’s comment and my outburst. 

--------------------

1) You, Randy, Kevin, and your singer are driving through your singer’s hometown on the last leg of a road trip.  It’s really late, about three o’clock and your singer pulls into a diner. Kevin asks, “What are we doing here?” and your singer responds, “I’m fucking hungry. We’re going to the 24-hour diner.” She then gets out. Randy’s sleeping so what do you and Kevin do?

2) You’ve just finished a show and your band is onstage taking a bow. All of a sudden, your singer throws you over her shoulders and starts running around. You hit her back and scream because it's loud,”Put me down, you crazy!” What does your singer say and how do Daryl, Linus, and Erik respond and what does the audience do?

3) Your singer has been disappearing some nights and you have no idea why. She always comes home super tired and Kevin swears she’s cheating on him. One night you go to follow her to find her going to a bar. Once in there, you stick to the back and watch as she works the bar as the karaoke host. No one’s volunteering so she goes, “You want me to make a fool of myself?” The bar whoops and she looks to the DJ and says, “Hit it!” You soon hear QR’s song Last Call For Rock N’ Roll pumping through the speakers and she jumps on the bar top before completely crushing the song. She has a bunch of volunteers after that and a few tips. She’s about to say something when she stops in her tracks when she sees you and Kevin. What do you and Kevin say to her and how does she respond?

4) You, Randy, Kevin, and your singer are at one of Mal’s little league baseball games. You're sitting on the bleachers next to a parent that is getting too into it. He’s screaming, “Come on, Jimmy! Punch him out!”  Before you know it, Jimmy has taken a swing at Mal. Jimmy’s dad screams again and Kevin looks to him, “You want him to punch my son? Punch this!” before socking him right in the jaw. How do you, your singer, Randy, and Mal respond and what happens next?

5) You, Randy, and Kevin are sitting on your singer and Kevin’s couch when your singer comes home. She places her stuff down and comes into the living room but trips on the carpet and falls. She doesn’t get up and Kevin asks, “Are you ok, honey?” While getting up. She looks at the three of you and says, “That’s it. I’m going to be a dog. Just pet me and bring me food.” How do you, Kevin, and Randy respond?

6) You and your singer are out in the Kitchen and Randy is changing Will’s diaper in the nursery. You hear him shout and both you and you singer go to check on him. He has his shirt covering his nose and is going, “Ew, ew, ew.” Your singer looks where he’s looking and goes, “Oh my god, is that baby shit on the wall?” What does Randy say, how did it happen, and how do you and your singer respond?

7) You’re sitting out on the patio when you hear Jeremy scream, “Is anyone up there?” You look out to see him staring at the sky. “What are you doing, Jer?” He looks to you and says, “I’m just talking to God, Mom.” How do you respond?

8) You, Kevin, and Randy go back to your singer and Kevin’s house to find her spawled out on the couch hugging a pillow. Kevin looks to the tv and asks, “Are you seriously watching The Muppet Show?” Your singer looks to him and says, “I’m being a child. Leave me alone.” Before burying her face in the pillow. How do you, Kevin, and Randy respond and what upset your singer?

9) You and your singer are sitting on your singer and Kevin’s couch. Randy and Kevin are outside doing yard work and you hear, “Goddammit! Stop hitting us!” And a, “Get out of here you long haired fags! We don’t want you in our neighborhood!” You and your singer go to the window to see the old guy next door hitting Kevin and Randy with an umbrella. Your singer whispers, “Oh look. Carlton’s at it again” before screaming, “Hey, Carlton! Stop being an ass to my husband and Randy and go back inside you fucking hermit!” How does Carlton respond and what do you, Kevin, and Randy do when your singer goes down to have “words” with Carlton? 

10) Your singer’s sister is over and sitting at the kitchen table with you and your singer telling you about her date. Kevin and Randy come into the room and Kevin asks, “What are you guys talking about?” Your singer goes, “Shhh, My sister’s telling us about her date.” Kevin stops and goes, “Your sister got a date? How exactly?” How do you, your singer, Randy, and your singer’s sister respond?

11) You, Kevin, and Randy are at your singer’s job and you can tell she’s having a bad day. You hear yelling in the back and go to investigate. Your singer is in an argument with another server and the server takes a swing at her.  She ducks and then goes, “You know what? I don’t have to take this anymore. I’ve spent six fucking years of my life in his hellhole and I have no intention to spend any more time here.” She pulls off her apron, pulls the cash out of it and throws it to the floor. “I quit!” She then grabs her things and storms on out of there. The staff looks to you three. What do you do and what do you, Kevin, and Randy say to your singer when you see her pacing outside?

@osbournebemydaddy  your move Bonham, love