#anyways my dm's and asks are always open and i am happy to distract myself from the things i should be doing instead :D

[snailsweater]

I think VegasKim works because Kim looking at Vegas is Kim looking at a slightly distorted mirror. Kim would be Vegas if Gun was his father, they are very similar in their nature. In a universe where Gun and Korn are not unhinged, I can imagine Vegas chilling in Kim's apartment, reading a book while Kim is working on a song, they enjoy art, they enjoy spoiling and protecting the people they love, they enjoy physical pursuits, and both are good at combat. They both are ruled by their emotions even though they try to come off as cold and calculated. And I think it's the same for Vegas, Kinn is his competition, but Kim is like a parallel universe version of him, and I think while Vegas could be jealous that Kim has more than he does, he can see past that and knows that Kim is just as caged that he is. I really wish people wrote more Vegas and Kim stuff (romantic or not).

Anon. Anon, wait a friggn second, hold up. You are a fucking genius, holy, oh my, I am loosing my goddamn mind!

It makes total sense!

And you also filled my heart and brain with the picture of a cozy, homey Vegas chilling with Kim….

Vegas turns the page, lost in thought by the familiar motion and the sounds of Kim's guitar playing in the background. He feels how the notes link into his noisy thoughts, silencing the strain and the constant racing of the deeply rooted rules and expectations. It allows him to be.

Kim closes his eyes, his fingers pressing over the strings of the guitar in a melody he doesn't yet know, running up and down the slender fingerboard as he fills the silence with more and more new sounds. Peace. Silence, yet full of life. His foot begins to tap to the rhythm. His heartbeat echoes inside. Power. Strength dancing along his nerves and muscles. He transfers the beat to his leg until his knee follows and he begins to drum his knuckles against the body between each note.

It's a melody, new and appealing. It reaches for his mind, weaving new life around images and memories.

Vegas's fingers make his knife dance beside the book on his lap. A silver twirl that slowly descends until the tip of the knife taps against the cover of the book in time with the beat. Irregular, smudged lines play around the end where the blade sinks into the handle. His head falls back on his neck, a grin, teeth bared, eyes glinting. Kim's gaze meets his across the room.

"Dum-deu-dum-dum…"

The impact takes his breath away. The back of his head slams into the stone, sending his mind into zero gravity. A mad, delirious laugh bursts from Kim's lips. The hand on his neck is fleshy and rough. The fingers clawing behind his larynx, blunt and clumsy.

For a moment, he lets his hands hang beside his body. A second in which his opponent thinks he has the upper hand. Then that head smashes to the side, expodes in front of Kim's eyes before he closes them. Blood rains down, soaking his clothes and hair.

"You're getting sloppy, Nong." The title was tinged with mockery. Vegas lunges again with the scantling and rams the end into the stomach of his closest opponent. He goes down, mouth open but unable to scream.

No hand is held out to Kim. Instead, fingers claw into his shoulder and yank him up. Again, his back hits the wall, stone hitting bruises and abrasions.

"Nong."

Vegas. A piercing look in his eyes, hair wet from the rain, silk shirt rumpled. The scantling rests on his shoulder. The slipped collar exposes a clavicle where the dark shadow of a welt blooms.

The silence in response makes him change his posture. His stance becomes wider, his body more tense. His eyes begin to calculate the remaining opponents. Who all would he be able to take out….

"Feels like you're lucid dreaming." Vegas growls and shakes his head. His hand on the scantling tightens, the former trash becoming a deadly weapon in his hands.

His other hand grips Kim's shoulder, whose laughter slowly dies away. The grin remains as his fingers falteringly tap against Vegas' tense stomach.

"That day will never come." Kim pushes him aside with a jerk. His hand closes around the knife on his belt. Adrenaline surges through his veins and legs. Three steps in a sprint and he jumps.

The impact of his weight yanks his attacker off his feet and the knife him out of existence.

Vegas drags him back to his feet from a crouch before his low position would be his undoing. Stumbling, Kim staggers to his side. Their shoulders meet and his head jerks up. They're not done yet.

The movements come automatically. Their bodies remember before their minds do. Seamlessly, they slide back to back. Kim, knife in hand, the other clenched into a fist and raised to eye level, body centered. Vegas, eyes locked on his attackers, cracks his neck.

"Don't disappoint me now Nong." A hiss over his shoulder. He doesn't turn around. The blind spot doesn't exist, because inside it waits Kim.

"Watch out…" the younger man warns quietly, lips raised in a smile. "I'm going to steal your show."

Vegas laughs as he twirls the two-by-four. Blood drips onto the street. And soon it would fill the puddles and soak the pavement.

"Dum-deu-dum-dum-dum…"

Kim's fingers continue to dance across the pages, bringing the sleeping instrument to life and filling the room with a new warmth.

He senses a hunch, an inspiration coming within reach, but he can't separate himself from the sounds just yet. Only a few chords later does he let the last note die away and reach for his notebook.

Vegas watches the gleam of his now-clean blade in the dim light of the apartment.

"Next time, you keep your hands off my stuff and use your own, got it?" The sentence has no real anger behind it, but the warning is clear. Kim smiles. The movement tears at his open lip. Blood seeps onto his tongue. "Not everyone is happy with a weapon made out of fucking trash."

Vegas snorts, the knife dropping to the empty cushion beside him. He turns his head and lowers his eyes back to his book, the weight of the pages familiar and soft in his now clean hands.

"You should be creative Nong." He turns the page. There's a rustle, accompanied by Kim's pen scratching on music paper, capturing the inspiration he's just gained.

"Why would I?" Kim's answer is casual, his mind already lost between words and lyrics to the new song. His fingers tap the music sheets in sync with the beat.

"When it comes down to it, I'll just grab your stuff again."

Vegas growls something unintelligible, but the smile on his lips betrays him.

The apartment sinks into silence once again, interrupted only by the occasional flipping of book pages and fingers drumming on the table.

[thebonerpit]

tip of your tongue [fic]

tip of your tongue

Rom Howney, 2213 words, [E], read on Ao3 here

Tom has a terrible gag reflex and Robert just wants to help, aka, 2020: the year that inspires us to make mouth swabs sexy. (Cannot believe an Instagram video of Tom gagging on a swab would help get over my writer’s block...)

“Happy to see you’re being safe, even if that looks very uncomfortable. Awful gag reflex, by the way. Miss ya underoos.”

Most of the time, Tom assumes Robert never even sees his Instagram posts. He figures he’s too busy with other way more important movie star type things, or hanging out with his family, or doing literally anything other than browsing Instagram for hours like Tom does when he’s bored. But of course he happens to catch the one where he gags about two seconds after having that evil fucking swab shoved down his throat. It’s embarrassing, to say the least. He can practically see Robert’s smirk as he reads the DM.

Tom feels his cheeks colour slightly. Emboldened by the two beers he has just downed, he quickly types out a response and hits “send” before he can change his mind.

“It was horrid, but worth it. And yeah, haven’t had much chance to practice. xoxo.”

He throws his phone down on the couch so hard it bounces off and hits the floor.

“Fuck,” he hisses, grabbing for it and sinking back into the cushions in relief when the screen doesn’t show any visible cracks. Then he stares at it for a good ten minutes, totally NOT waiting for a response from Robert. Not at all. But when one doesn’t come he groans and buries his face in one of the big, soft pillows beside him.

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” he says into the fabric. “I wonder how long it would take to suffocate myself like this.”

“Are you saying something?! Why d’you sound like you’ve got your head in a jar?” Harry yells across the house. Tom groans again but launches himself off the couch and in the direction of Harry’s voice, leaving his phone on the coffee table, hoping for a distraction.

Ten o’clock that evening there’s a notification blinking at him. Tom nearly drops the phone again in his haste to check it.

“Didn’t think so, a good boy like you. Take it from someone who knows… practice does make perfect. I hear bananas work well. You have those in England, don’t you?”

Tom makes a painful, strangled noise that has Harry running to see if he’s broken something.

For some reason, they keep texting. It moves from Instagram DMs to actual text messages and Tom thinks that’s meaningful in some way… maybe… or not. Sometimes they’re flirty, sometimes they’re completely benign. Tom’s working on Uncharted and it keeps him too busy to dwell on it most of the time, until there’s a break in shooting for a week and he’s responding to Robert’s texts WAY too eagerly and he’d be mortified for himself if Robert wasn’t responding just as fast.

One night, after a few beers (again, god, he really needs to stop drinking) he sends a video. Because he has been practicing, actually. Not with bananas but with his toothbrush every morning, so that’s what he uses. He smiles at the camera and then opens wide and slides the handle into his mouth, taking care to concentrate on his breathing. His tongue pokes out underneath it and if he curls it slightly around the handle it was only to hold it steady, of course. The brush goes in a respectable distance until he feels his throat spasm and he gags slightly as he pulls it back out. His eyes water but he smiles again and does a completely dorky thumbs up before cutting the video off.

He cracks open another beer to wait with but the response comes almost immediately.

“Jesus, you’re pretty. Working hard, I see? Very good, I’m so proud.”

Tom blushes at the praise and squirms happily, kicking his feet a little. He’s alone in his hotel room, who fucking cares, Robert makes him giddy and he’ll kick his feet if he wants to.

“Aww you really think I’m pretty? I am working hard. Can even do it with the banana.”

“Show me.”

Fuck. FUCK. Tom hasn’t even attempted the banana yet but he didn’t expected Robert to respond… like that. He hops off the bed, grabs it from the bowl in the kitchenette, and immediately sticks it in his mouth.

“Peel it first, you absolute fucking moron,” he says with a grimace, and takes another swig of beer to wash away the taste of banana peel. He only has one banana, though, so if he’s gonna do this he has to film it right away or else it might start falling to bits after, er, repeated use. So he sets up his phone at an attractive angle and hits record.

He smiles again, less cheesy this time and what he hopes is more seductive, before turning slightly to the side and opening his mouth. The sweetness is almost overwhelming on its own, never mind how much thicker the banana is than a toothbrush, but he takes it slowly and slips it over his tongue. He has to close his lips around it, there isn’t really any other way, so he takes the opportunity to glance at the camera when he does, eyes lidded and slightly hazy from the alcohol. He stops about halfway down and makes a pathetic little sad noise because he knows he’s almost at his limit but fuck he wants to impress Robert so badly… so against his better judgement, he keeps going. Tom pulls out every trick in the book: breathing through his nose, squeezing his thumb in his fist, pressing up with his tongue. He makes it further than he did with the toothbrush before he chokes and slides the saliva-slick banana back out of his mouth with a wet gasp. There is a silvery thread of spit connecting his bottom lip to the end of the banana, and he stares directly in the camera as he licks it away.

This time there are actual tears in his eyes, and one slides down his cheek as he leans in to rasp out, “Did I do a good job?”

When the FaceTime notification pops up he nearly falls off the edge of the bed. There is absolutely no time to make himself look presentable or cool in any way, so he sets up the phone on the nightstand and answers with a tear-streaked face and a little bit of banana in the corner of his mouth.

Tom assumes Robert is in L.A. but it’s dark in whatever room he’s calling from, his face lit up by the soft glow of a desk lamp. A small thrill shoots up Tom’s spine at how blown his pupils are.

“What are you trying to do to me, hm?” he says, his voice quiet and half-wrecked.

“I’m just doing what you told me to… sir…”

Robert growls – actually GROWLS – and Tom feels it in every nerve of his body.

“Is that so?”

“Mmhmm. Practicing.”

Tom’s always been terrible at dirty talk, and he doesn’t think he’s ever had phone sex before, but he is an actor, so he lets himself slip into the role of someone who knows what the fuck they’re doing. It’s a lot easier with a scene partner like Robert.

“Practicing… yeah, I’ll bet. Practicing for something even bigger?”

“I… I don’t know. Am I?”

Did he really just ask Robert Downey Jr. how big his dick is?

Robert smirks and bites at his plush lower lip.

“Show me your hands,” he says.

Tom furrows his brow, confused, but raises his hands up anyway.

“Perfect. Lovely, long fingers. Put them in your mouth.”

It’s an order, and an order given so confidently and almost carelessly, like he knows Tom is going to obey. It’s devastatingly attractive.

“H-how many?”

“Start with two. As deep as you can.”

He does it. He tastes faintly of banana but it’s quickly washed away down his throat as he gags on his own fingers.

“Easy, sweet thing, no rush. Work them in nice and slow, close your lips around- yes, perfect, just like that…”

Tom’s eyelids flutter closed and he just lets Robert’s words wash over him as he slides his fingers over his tongue, deeper and deeper into his throat. His teeth knock against his knuckles and he moans when he realizes they’re in as far as they can go.

“Perfect,” Robert says. “Now suck.”

A whine escapes around his fingers, unbidden, and Robert answers with a low groan. Tom hollows his cheeks and does exactly what Robert tells him. He slides his fingers back out a bit only to suck them back in, almost petting his own tongue. He tries to go a bit faster, almost fucking his own face, but the repeated motion makes him gag again and he wrenches his hand away, coughing and sputtering and wiping spit off his chin.

“S-sorry,” he gasps, more tears spilling over his cheeks.

“Oh, no, you’re doing so good, baby,” Robert reassures, “so fucking good.”

He sounds breathless, and Tom wipes at his eyes so he can see him better. Robert shifts in his chair and Tom can see his arm moving under the desk and oh holy fuck he’s jerking off, he’s jerking off right now on the phone and Tom is about to DIE.

“Lemme see,” he blurts out, his eyes desperately focused on Robert’s arm.

Robert pauses and raises an eyebrow.

“Ask nicely.”

“Please! Shit, please, please lemme see.”

“Are you sure?” His voice is more serious this time. He knows that this is a line that is about to be crossed. It’s almost sweet, in a way, that he’s concerned about getting Tom’s consent and all, but really Tom was already winding up to fucking pole vault across that line so he just nods furiously and shoves his fingers back in his mouth to whine around them again.

Robert exhales through his nose and pushes his chair back from the desk. His fly is open but his trousers and underwear are still mostly pulled up so all Tom can see is his cock. And fuck, it’s a gorgeous cock. Thick and dark in his hand, wet at the head where he’s been leaking during their little conversation, one prominent vein that is just begging to be traced with his tongue.

“There,” Robert practically coos, “is that better, sweet thing? Can you imagine this in your mouth instead of those pretty little fingers?”

“Mmhmm,” Tom answers around the digits in his mouth. God, he can practically taste it. He’s rock hard in his jeans and part of him wants to touch himself too but Robert didn’t say he could, so he settles for rubbing against the mattress as he sucks on his fingers. There’s more saliva in his mouth and it’s starting to make everything sound incredibly wet and filthy, slurping and popping and squelching, but Robert seems to love it.

“I bet you’d look so damn good on your knees in front of me… those big eyes… fuck.”

Tom shifts around on the bed so he’s facing the camera, so he can look directly into the lens. Robert’s eyes flash when he realizes what he’s doing.

“God, you’re such a good boy, aren’t you? So obedient. So eager to please.”

He nods and continues to suck on his fingers, adding in a third to stretch his lips even wider.

“You’re gonna make me come, baby,” Robert mutters. His hand is flying over his cock but his eyes are laser-focused on Tom’s mouth. “Gonna make me shoot all over that pretty face.”

Tom is fairly certain he’s never been this turned on in his entire life. He lets his fingers slip out of his mouth.

“Please, I want it,” he gasps, and opens his mouth wide, tongue out like he’s waiting to taste everything Robert is willing to give him. He looks up at him through the lens, fluttering his eyelashes and petting his tongue with his slick fingers, and Robert comes with a harsh shout. Robert comes because of him. It makes him tremble and rut against the bed and within a few seconds he’s making a mess of his own boxers like he’s a teenager again.

There’s an echo of harsh breathing for a few moments as they both ride out the aftershocks, and then Tom hears shuffling from Robert’s end. He looks back up to see him tucked under the desk again which makes him pout. He misses that dick already.

“It’s gonna be a while before we see each other again,” Robert says. He’s trying to look casual, but Tom can tell when he’s acting. God knows he’s seen it enough. “We should stop texting. You’ll forget about this by then, and I won’t feel like as much of a creep. Hopefully.”

“Or…” Tom starts.

“Or?”

“Or, we keep texting, and I keep practicing, and when I see you I won’t have forgotten ANY of this and I’ll be able to suck your brains out through your gorgeous dick.”

Robert’s eyes widen, and then he throws his head back with a ridiculous sounding guffaw of a laugh. Tom laughs too and blows a kiss to the camera when Robert’s face is back in frame. He shakes his head but mimes catching it and pressing it to his lips.

“I could be ok with that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

[tysukis]

Hi, first(?) AU anon here. I will absolutely dive down this rabbit hole with you. I went a little overboard (sorry?). I absolutely agree with you on your Zuko take. I think we all kind of land there naturally. But I also think that Zuko would latch onto stability the moment he realized he had it. So this is kind of how I see it going down:

I think the band Sokka is part of would be solid. Just a local hit, right? But Sokka is the plans guy, and the aspirations guy, and they can do *so much better*. I 100% do not know how real life musicians work so add a pinch of salt here, but he would absolutely land them a gig as openers to a mediocre niche headliner just by sheer power of phone calls and charm. (He scripted it as much as possible, we all remember how that canon speech went when he winged it, but he knows how to put words together when he has time).

And yeah I love the idea of Zuko being an academic. I'm assuming Ozai is out of the picture for this, and the boy gets to pursue his passions instead of an expectation. Unfortunately, you mix in passion and the general anxiety of a kid who lived under intense scrutiny and you get an adult who gets tunnel vision during spring finals/prep for a conference/etc. So he doesn't quite rise to the occasion when his boyfriend drops this life changing news, he's proud but distracted, and he's already so bad at words in comparison to Sokka that it's just. Lackluster. And he probably meant to meet them at the bar/house party to celebrate after he got home but he's sleep deprived and his phone is dead because he's a disaster sometimes.

So now you've got Sokka stewing on immediate events, and being a little heartbroken because he went all out every time Zuko accomplished *anything*, even if it wasn't super impressive to Zuko himself. And maybe there's a bit of Zuko assuming Sokka doesn't need that reciprocated. He just doesn't vocalize his important needs, so Zuko assumes they're being met, you know? I like the drama of a blown up confrontation but also the idea that Sokka just confronts him sounding hurt and so damn tired of being the emotional one for that long.

But on the other side you have Zuko with his internalized plan that this is his forever person, and he does go to almost every performance even if they don't play his preferred music. And he assumes Sokka is satisfied with this. Maybe because Zuko can't imagine being happier than near his family - the good ones anyway - or because he genuinely thinks Sokka and the band are happy with being local celebrities and leaving it at that. So he plans for permanence. Because he is still a disaster, Zuko probably never vocalized this beyond doing window shopping for apartments or something. Vague jokes about a wedding that Sokka laughs at/agrees with and Zuko interprets as, "Yes I am also thinking about being here with you forever." He's not the wordsmith, he's the pragmatist and love means house shopping and snuggling over takeout and planning trips to visit their distant family together, right? Sokka's confrontation blindsided him, because he thought they were on the same page, and Sokka didn't have to leave to keep playing music, why is that even a thing??

They're both justified in being jaded because they're dumb as hell (affectionate). This isn't an AU for two grown ass men who have put in therapy time, they're both young and full of their own understanding with poor communication skills.

musician au anon!!! hello welcome back thank you so much for this incredible ask, let’s GO

(I’m gonna pop this one under a read more because otherwise this post will be eight miles long lmao)

Honestly I’m wracking my brain with what I can possibly add to this because you’ve got like. A fully fledged outline here my dude and it’s a good one. Do you write? Because you should, if you don’t. I still love the alternative take of Sokka being the one to leave and honestly this pretty much cements how much potential it has. I absolutely adore how you’ve thought about just how the communication would break down between them - and you’re completely bang on the money with it as well. Zuko is fully a hot disaster and would completely just assume Sokka’s needs are being met if he isn’t vocalising them, and we know Sokka, he’s a complainer but when it really comes down to those he loves - he’s known for being pretty selfless and for putting up brave faces. I can totally see Sokka perhaps almost feeling a bit self conscious about how hurt he is by Zuko’s lack of enthusiasm. Because Zuko loves him, right? And it’s just one show, right? So maybe he’s just overreacting, right? Or maybe he’s actually not even that good. Oh no, maybe Zuko hates his music and is just waiting for the right time to break it to him gently. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I think I might have already said it at some point tonight but Sokka would absolutely spiral until he convinces himself that him leaving would be nothing more than simply just leaving before he gets left. And like you said: Zuko  is out here planning a whole future assuming that they’re on the same page, meanwhile he has no idea.

I totally buy Sokka winging his way into a supporting act spot using his charm and charisma, and yeah his speech in canon didn’t go too well but this could likely be over the phone to only one person which would probably make it easier. I was thinking about how Sokka performing would work in conjuncture with his canon almost stage fright/fear of public speaking - and I’m leaning towards the hc that he embodies a sort of persona in front of large crowds and he’s able to let that take over and act casually and confidently no matter the audience.  (source: I am someone who studied acting and excelled in public speaking most of her life despite having a chronic anxiety disorder - playing parts and speaking on stage didn’t feel like ‘me’ because I was always channeling a character either fictional or an alternative version of myself. It works, folks.)

Are we thinking he broke away from the band and went on to succeed in a solo career? As in, he felt being local heroes was a limited pathway? Or did they all go together? Who else would be in it I wonder.

I LOVE your interpretation of Zuko and how the factors under which he was raised would shape him, especially in a modern setting. He would absolutely go into tunnel vision and that perfectionist mindset he was essentially forced into as a kid would probably be alive and well into adulthood. (And yeah, these aren’t men who have been to therapy - yet! - so we’re probably gonna assume that Zuko views this as a Perfectly Normal And Healthy Way To Live And Not At All A Trauma/Survival Response.)

I’m assuming this confrontation is what leads to their break up and then Sokka going off to pursue music further? I wonder, even all their other issues aside, what Zuko thinks about him travelling so far? As you said, we’re operating under the assumption that he doesn’t understand why Sokka couldn’t continue music and stay local. Even if things were perfect between the two, I imagine they still might not see eye to eye on that, which of course would just be another breaking point for them to tack onto the list.

As for their eventual reconciliation, Kaleigh @zukkau with her gigantic brain, said earlier that Sokka being the one to leave could also tie into a whole ‘I couldn’t ask you to uproot your whole life for me’ anxiety (especially if we’re painting zuko as a bit of a homebody here; hates change, likes routine) and that sets up perfectly for a “I would go anywhere for/with you” moment. All this to say that I think that would slot into this (^) narrative nicely.

If you have (or anyone has) anything more to add or touch on I would absolutely love to hear it, I am now fully in love with this AU and all messages and mentions of it are permanently welcome in my inbox and DMs <3 

[twisted-lies]

hey, i’m the anon that sent in that ask thanks for answering! i removed some stuff in the end but i hope this works. i’d like a DR (1 2 3 V3) kin match up (please and thank you!).

im an open book! i often over share (which i might do in this ;^^) to people i newly meet. whenever i do this it ends up an embarrassing moment i can’t get out of my head, which causes me to overthink a lot. i actually have a fear of embarrassment, which has prevented me from living (the most extreme thing being i stopped going to school for a year). because of the year break, and some people seeing me as too eager to talk to them i don’t talk with anyone irl. online is where i meet and know the most people, i try to join servers to talk about common interests but most the time i get too embarrassed to speak and just end up watching others talk. in a private group chat or dms, i’m a lot more talkative and people see me as funny. i’ve been called an airhead, which id say is kind of accurate. i tend to over react a lot as well, and i get scared very easily. i also consider myself fairly loyal, i can easily tell if i like someone and ultimately will dedicate all my time and energy to them if they allow me to. in the past, no one in my family took me seriously. i was the second youngest, and most of them coddled me. of course when my younger sister came along most of the attention went to her, but because were close in age it kind of stopped suddenly. i wasn’t really taught about necessities like i should’ve been, and i had to learn a lot of things on my own. as a result im very clumsy at things like cooking or doing my own hair, but i also am constantly learning. self care means a lot to me, and i’m very understanding of people’s boundaries. i get easily attached to people, even falling in love easily. i find myself being kind of cruel to people i think pity me, it makes me intensely uncomfortable and reminds me of moments i would rather forget. for interests, i like anything interesting! (i wasn’t sure how to word this, but i hope you get the idea) I enjoy video games (no specific genre), taking care of animals, and i also enjoy shopping, especially for home decor. i get easily sucked up into apps like youtube and tik tok, with my attention span being all over the place. i also really enjoy anything with drama, which is more of a guilty pleasure of mine. arguments on shows are just very entertaining to me, with some of my favorite shows being the challenge or big brother. i also have a soft spot for romance or mystery anime. i could talk about those topics for a long time, because i find them to have many different aspects to them. many things in my life tend to clash, the best example being that it’s natural for me to be talkative and energetic, i have a fear of embarrassing myself which refrains me from being either of those things. i try to put my self first, but i always have the need to help people. for example, a neighborhood dog has gone missing so i’ve been looking for it. it didn’t affect my daily schedule much as i’m mostly outside anyways. i like the drama in shows, but i don’t like the people who cause drama for nothing. i live pretty relaxed, so none of those really bother me. i don’t really have a sleep schedule, i sleep when i want to and it usually works out. it’s easy to persuade me, as i’m pretty gullible, but if you lie to me about something it makes it kind of hard for me to trust you again. my grades are horrible, but i really don’t care enough and i might not pass. despite getting attached to people easily, i tend to be kind of picky with who i hang around. while i can’t help if i like someone, if i don’t like someone i can be kind of vocal about it. in the past i’ve had a persecution complex, i consider myself over it now but i’m not entirely sure. i get random bursts of interests in different kinds of stuff, but when they’re random like that they hardly stick. i enjoy wearing over sized clothes, mainly because it’s comfortable. i love animal themed products, it could be anything i just find it cute!

I kin assign you with...

Ibuki Mioda

Firstly I thought of Ibuki Mioda, Ibuki is pretty talkative and tends to sometimes not have a filter to what she says and could easily talk too much to the point of saying something embarrassing and definitely could be seen as eager to talk. She's definitely onenof the funny ones in the group and lightens the mood pretty easily when she needs too. She could also be seen as airheaded and gets distracted pretty eaisly. She also can tend to over react or get startled pretty easily seen from certain scenes throught the game. Ibuki is probably one of the more loyal ones you'll meet. She'll take all of her time and energy and put it into one or multiple people she likes or really cares about. She doesn't have a very good attention span and can easily get distracted. She seemed to have a liking for video games in the anime when Chiaki and all of them played together. Ibuki also seems like the person to spend a lot of time decorating to make sure it suits her well. She could also easily be interested in drama due to her quirky type of attitude and input her thoughts here and there out of impulse. Ibuki would probably try to take care of herseld but when she sees someone who needs help she quickly springs into action and could easily forget about her own needs momentarily. I'd say Ibuki could probably have random bursts of interests and try to learn a few thing from her classmates though can quickly loose interest.

Tenko Chabashira

Secondly I thought of Tenko Chabashira, Tenko can be pretty talkative when it comes to the females in her class and could even often over share on accident. Though she knows when to stop when she's accidentally messed up though sometimes she won't and will carry on. Tenko can definitely tend to easily over react and be kinda protective towards people. Like when the male students of her class try to interact with the female ones she gets overly protective and over reacts about it and often tends to call them out and call them "degenerate". Which could link into you being a little more agressive or cruel when people come to pity you and as for Tenko it's likely it could be out of embarrassment or bad memories. And she's definitely vocal if she doesn't like you very well. I'd say Tenko is definitely picky with who she's friends with and when she finds someone she adores she'll try and put all her time and energy into that person if they'll allow her, though she may go over board sometimes. Tenko can fall in love pretty easily depending on her outlook on you like she did with Himiko, she probably did feel some kind of romantic attraction to her if not a really deep platonic one even if Himiko didn't exactly feel the same at the time. She definitely tries to be helpful if she can and though it may be one sided based on gender she's still pretty helpful to them and would leap into action when she needs too. She'd most likely be the first one to stand up for something as well. Tenko may be one for drama too, though not if it's unnecessary ones which could easily aggravate her. She probably also loves to watch romance related things especially if its wlw. Tenko is definitely loyal to ones she holds close to her heart and would do just about anything for them to keep them happy and on their feet. Tenko would probably be outside a lot like you are and likes to be pretty active thanks to her ultimate.

Gundham Takana

Lastly I thought of Gundham Tanaka, Gundham can be pretty talkative when she chooses to be or if it's the right person like when he started to grow closer to Sonia. When he did he pretty much invested all of his time into her and probably let her hold and pet his little hamsters! And of course made sure she was doing alright. Gundham loves animals of course, just like you do. He can be pretty judgemental of who he spends his time with and doesn't like people to pity him and doesn't take it awfully well and could be little more cruel or aggressive towards that person. He probably doesn't like to be seen as weak either. Gundham probably likes to listen to and or watch drama related things! Though he may not participate in it or put his input in he's definitely a listener and keeps up with it. He also probably isn't a fan of unnecessary drama though. He may also have a tiiiny soft spot for romance related things. Probably animal related if I'm being honest here. He probably doesn't take embarrassment awfully well and tried to cover it up with his more bold attitude. He definitely cares about others feelings and would like to help if he could especially if it involves a missing animal even if he may not show he does care. He probably doesn't have a consistent sleep schedule and whenever he does fall asleep it just ends out working for him.

I hope you're satisfied with your results! This was definitely enough for me so it was no problem!

[picturetoburnnn]

Sweater Weather | C.H. x Reader

word count - 2.4k+

warnings - insecurity i guess?? idk

propmt - I was hoping you could do one where you’re cared to wear values clothes? Like you see Sierra and crystal wearing Michael and Luke’s clothes but you’re nervous that claim won’t want you to? (theres more but for the sake of length i’ll tag the request here !!

a.n. - long time coming!! life majorly got in the way, i did my best to get this done as fast as i could while still keeping the quality. accidentally got carried away. hope yall love it 

ps we are pretending calum still has his curls in this fic because that was my favorite

tags - @songforhema @asht0ns-world @lukesflaredpants @sunflowerxcal @star-gazing-calum @cxddlyash @emomack @merryblueberry02 @kinglyhood @caswinchester2000 @babe-babylon @irwinkitten @1delicate-fangirl dm me to be added!!! 

“You always look so cute in my clothes,” Luke whispers with a smile as he presses a kiss to Sierra’s temple. Sierra smiled giddily, bringing her sweater paw hands up to her face. The couple looked adorable cuddled up on the couch, sunlight stumbling over their figures with a throw blanket haphazardly thrown over their laps.

I frowned, looking down to my feet. 

Cal’s clothes probably wouldn’t even fit me.

“Hey,” Calum slung his arm over my shoulder. “You okay?” He asked, big brown eyes full of concern.

“Yeah.” I plastered on a fake smile, meeting his gaze. “I’m good.”

“You sure?”

“I’m fine, Cali,” I chuckled. 

He didn’t look convinced, but relented. His arm fell from my shoulder to my waist as he tangled his feet with mine on the loveseat.

The open windows blew autumn air into the living room in Ashton’s house, a gentle chill filling the air. Luke, Sierra, Michael, and Crystal were all lounging on the sofa, leaving Ashton with the recliner chair (“Fine by me, thank you very much,” he huffed).

The end credits rolled, leading just about everyone to a stretch break. As Crystal stood, I couldn’t help but notice how she wore Michael’s sweatpants.

He’s never even offered to let me try on one of his shirts. He probably doesn’t want me to. 

 Calum stood, stretching his arms behind his head, shirt riding up to show a tiny bit of his adorable tummy. He leaned down with a groan, placing his hands on the couch’s backrest on either side of my head, boxing me in. “I’m gonna step outside for a smoke break, okay baby?” 

“Okay,” I whispered, smiling at him.

He gave me a quick kiss before standing up, motioning for Ashton to come outside with him.

“Do you know if we have any more blankets?” I asked the two couples. “It’s kinda chilly in here.”

Luke answered, “I think the rest of Ash’s blankets are in the wash, but I’ve got one of Cal’s old hoodies in my car. I’ll go grab it for ya.” 

“Oh no, really, it’s not a big--”

“Nah, I’ll go grab it.”

Before I could say another word, he’s out the door. Idle chatter filled the room until the singer’s return. He dropped the green Empathy hoodie in my lap, mumbling a quiet “Here you go.”

“Thanks,” I grinned up at him, trying to hide my worry. How would Calum react to me wearing his clothes? Would he be mad? I put my arms through the sleeves and pulled it over my head. Guess I’m about to find out.

A few minutes pass before Calum and Ashton come back inside. I sat on the loveseat, scrolling through my phone when I heard the back sliding door open. I looked up, and my heart fell.

Calum was staring at me, shocked. I knew he didn’t want me wearing his stuff. I tore the green hoodie off my body faster than I’ve ever taken anything off before, muttering a small ‘sorry’ as I dropped the ball of fabric on the sofa. I stood up quickly, rushed past Calum into the hallway, made a sharp left to the bathroom, and locked the door behind me. The ground swayed beneath me as I slumped down, my back against the door as I balled my fist against my mouth, trying to silence the impending cries.

I wasn’t about to cry in front of my boyfriend and his friends. 

Of course I wasn’t supposed to wear his stupid shirts. They’re HIS, not mine. What made me think otherwise?

“Y/N, baby, what’s wrong?” His lovely voice drifted through the door. 

“Go away, Cal. I’m sorry,” I whimpered, tears choking me.

“Sweetheart, open the door.”

I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see. 

“Y/N.” Calum’s voice sounded more desperate than anything I’d ever heard.

Perhaps it was that exact desperation that led me to silently twist around and unclick the lock. Within an instant, Calum was standing in the doorway, looking down on my crumpled form. He knelt down, moving to put his arms around me. 

Silently, I pushed his arms away. The gesture was sweet, but suffocating. 

“Can you please take me home?”

“Tell me what’s wrong, baby,” he pleaded.

“I wanna go home,” I whispered, hands shaking as I wiped my tears.

A deep sigh. “Okay,” he relents. “We can go back home.”

He walked me silently to the car, waving off the concerned questions from our friends. The drive was a silent one, leaving me to break the quiet. The clock on the dash read 4:46.

“Can you please take me to my place?”

Calum all but slammed on the brakes. “W-what? Baby, all your stuff is at my house.”

“I just… I really think I need to be there tonight,” I sniffled.

Calum nodded, but I could see it hurt him to do so. 

Great. Not only did I wear his things, I also hurt his feelings. God, what a mess I am.

He pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex. “Are you sure, Y/N? Do you want me to stay with you?”

“No.” I shook my head, sniffling again as I opened the door. “I’ll be fine.” It didn’t feel as if I were moving as I climbed out of the car.

“Hey,” he called before I shut the door. “I love you.”

I nodded, then swung the door shut.

~~~

Calum called Ashton on the drive back home. 

“So what happened?” His best friend asked.

“She isn’t telling me!” Calum exclaimed, one hand on the steering wheel, the other rubbing his forehead.

“But she asked me to drive her back to her place. The only times she stays there is if I’m out of town and you’re taking care of Duke. She always stays with me.”

“And you didn’t do anything that you can think of?” Ashton’s voice held no malice, but Calum felt the underlying implication.

“She won’t tell me. I don’t want to press her, I’m sure she’ll tell me when she’s ready, but I’m worried about her. I was so happy to finally see her wearing my stuff, but she whipped it off and ran to the bathroom. She seemed on the verge of a panic attack when she finally opened the door for me. I love her, man, and it hurts she won’t tell me what’s wrong. ”

“I don’t know, Cal. I’ll see what I can get her to tell me.”

Calum’s heart ached. Why couldn’t she just talk to him? He loved her, just wanted her to be okay, but she shut him out? What was wrong? What had happened? What thought wormed its way into that pretty little head of hers and made her shut down completely?

~~~

It was almost eleven p.m. when my phone rang, lighting up my nightstand in the black. I picked it up, not even checking the caller ID, desperate for some distraction from this empty feeling inside. 

“Hello?”

“Y/N,” Ashton sighed in relief. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

I swallowed. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not, girl, and it’s okay. Tell me what happened.”

And the floodgates opened. I poured my heart out, everything that went through my mind came rushing past my lips before I could think twice. 

“I was just cold,” I choked out. “I wanted a blanket, but Luke said all he had was one of Calum’s sweatshirts so I put that on. Crystal and Sierra are always wearing Mike and Luke’s clothes but Calum’s never once even mentioned it to me so I figured he didn’t want me to. I was afraid to put on the stupid hoodie in the first place, but I did anyways cause I fugured ‘what’s the harm,’ right? He comes back in with you and he’s looking at me as if his entire world just came crashing down around him. I knew I shouldn’t have worn that freaking green sweatshirt. It’s his, not mine. I didn’t need to be wearing it - I shouldn’t have been wearing it. But I did, and he looked so upset that I panicked and almost accidentally threw myself into an attack. He’s right to not want me wearing his stuff. I’d probably just stretch it out and make it unwearable for him.”

Ashton was silent for a moment. “You really think that?”

“Yeah,” I coughed out between cries. 

“Y/N…” Ashton breathed. He went on in the calmest voice he could muster. “He was… overjoyed to see you in his clothes.”

I could have sworn I stopped breathing. 

"Honestly, he’s never been more in love than he is with you. And I know for a fact that all he’s ever wanted is for his love to tell him they’re his in the subtlest ways. That includes wearing his shirts. It’s something he’s wanted since the beginning of your relationship, when he realized he loved you.”

A beat of quiet. No sounds could be heard but the ticking of the clock on the wall. 

“You still there?”

“I’m so stupid,” I breathed. 

“No, you’re not. Just a little oblivious. He’s worried sick about you, though. He told me you’re at your place instead of his?”

“Yeah.”

“If it’s because you think you cause him difficulties or struggles or are the source of his problems, I can guarantee you that is not the case. I‘ve never seen him happier than he is when he’s with you. You brought him joy when he was in his darkest spots. He loves you, Y/N. And I know you love him too.”

I stayed quiet, thinking about what he just said.

“Y/N?”

“I gotta go.” I hung up the phone right then.

~~~

Hours of contemplation later, I finally came to a conclusion. Grabbing my phone, I ordered an Uber, sliding on my shoes and scrambling for my keys. 

I waited for just a few minutes before I got the notification that the car had arrived. The driver was kind enough to understand that I wasn’t in the mood to talk, and offered the aux cord to me. I kindly refused, thanking them for the offer.

“Let me know if you need anything,” they said softly as they began the drive to Calum’s.

I bounced my leg up and down in anticipation. Was he mad at me? Would he understand? Is he upset that I didn’t understand? 

I spent the majority of the drive trapped in my thoughts. I didn’t process the vehicle pulling up to the curb until the driver gently said, “Miss?”

That snapped me out of my reverie, snapping my head to the window. “Oh, thank you so much. Sorry about that.”

I put a ten dollar bill on the center console. “For you,” I smiled quickly, and was out of the car before they could argue. 

I braced myself against the cold, crossing my arms and rubbing my biceps. In the rush to get here, I forgot a sweater (yet again). As I stepped onto the porch, I knocked before I could think about what I was doing. As seconds passed, I started second guessing myself. This was stupid. He probably isn’t even awake. 

Before I could turn around, the door flung open. “Y/N?”

His hair was a tousled mess, as if he had constantly been running his fingers through it - something I always knew he did when he felt stressed. His eyes were shadowed by dark circles that hadn’t been so prominent earlier in the day. 

I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in his shoulder. After just a moment’s hesitation, he reciprocated. 

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled into his sleeve. “I should have come home, I’m sorry.”

His hand ran over my hair as he gently shushed me.

I pulled away, snifiling. 

“You catching a cold, angel?” His hands held my face as he looked me over.  “Let’s get you inside, sweetheart.” I nodded, crossing the threshold with him hot on my heels. 

The door shut. “Wh-”

“I thought you were mad at me,” I blurted, spinning to face him. “For wearing your sweatshirt. “That’s why I acted like that. I thought you didn’t want me in your stuff, that you were upset at me for it. I threw it off and ran because you thought I’d stretch it out and make it unwearable again. I was cold and that’s all Luke said he had so I just took it, y’know? Ashton called me and told me I was wrong, though. I wanted to say sorry for jumping to conclusions.”

Calum stared at me for a minute before letting out a breathy chuckle that eventually turned into a full belly laugh. 

“Okay,” I say only half-jokingly. “I poured my emotions out there and you’re laughing.”

“Baby,” he wheezes. “Why would you ever think I’d be mad for something as small as that?”

“I don’t know,” I say quietly in my stubborn voice, pouting. “That’s just how my brain works.”

Calum puts his hands on my arms, smiling at me. “Y/N. I love you. Very, very much. I would be eternally happy to let you wear my sweatshirts any time you want. I don’t think you can possibly stretch them out more than I already have. And if you do, then so what? It’s just a hoodie. You, my love, are much more important to me than that.”

I blushed, hands covering my face as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “I cannot believe you,” he giggles, resting his chin atop my head.

“Hey!” I cried, but was muffled by his chest. “You’re the one who laughed as soon as I told you!”

He sighed dramatically, pulling away but keeping his arms tight around my waist. He looked me in the eyes. “I guess that was a little rude. I’m sorry angel. Can I make it up to you with some snuggles?” He gave me his best puppy-dog look, big eyes and all.

“Yeah,” I smiled, leaning up on my tip-toes to bring my face closer to his. 

“Yeah? Pretty girl gonna forgive me for laughing?” He ghosts his lips over mine. 

“Only if you give her a kiss.”

“I can do that.”

He presses his lips against mine, and everything feels like it’ll be alright. 

~~

Twenty minutes later, there’s a John Mulaney show playing on the television, a bowl of popcorn between us as Calum’s feet tangle with mine. My head rests on his shoulder, his hand on my thigh. 

And I’m wearing his hoodie. 

[lovelyredrose]

I will dump this here so I can never see it again I don't care if anyone use this or not I just want this piece to be posted since it kinda turn out good but anyway I posted this before in Ao3 but I decided to delete it since It hurt someone

I never intend to hurt a person by making these I swear this just cross my mind while I was work distracting my self so I couldn't feel how my head hurts so bad. But it is slightly based on a doujin of diff OTP that I read years ago that I suddenly remember

I just want you to know my side . Since this makes me feel so guilty that this piece kinda hurt you in someway. I wanna apologize to you, I can't dm you since I am a shy person but I hope this reach you. I just wanted say sorry, I'm sorry really really sorry if you ever come across this post I hope you accept my sincere apology. I'm really sorry. I love your work so much and I never intend this piece to make you stop working on that I'm sorry again🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

For now I will support you from afar since I think I don't have the right to react on your posts but I will always support you and your works.

Tags: Not Rated, Haikyuu!!, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Hinata Shouyou & Miya Atsumu, Miya Atsumu, Hinata Shouyou, Fluff, long distance, AtsuHina, coming home, Atsumu is a hinata simp haha, M/M, Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Summary:

The distance between Atsumu Miya and Shouyou Hinata

Sao Paulo,Brazil ----> Hyogo, Japan

18,731KM ----> 0.00 KM

From oceans apart and finally back into each other's arms

Notes:

Kinda New at writing Atshn

It's My OTP so I'm kinda nervous sharing this to you

But I hope you kinda like it 😊

** Some of the distance is not that accurate 😊

Published at: 2021-03-12

Revised at: 2021-03-12 04:21:42 -0500

March 5,202x

Current Distance: 18 731 km

Sao Paulo, Brazil --->  Hyogo, Japan

Current Time : 11:00 pm ---> 11:00 am

I Woke up to the sound of my phone ringing

I Answer it

Then I heard the voice of my sunshine

"Tsumu did I wake ya up ?"

I Stiffle a Yawn and Rub my eyes

"Kinda but ya know I don't mind If it's you,Shoyou-kun"

I imagined Shoyou smiling from the otherside of the phone

"You're being flirty in the middle of the night Tsumu, but I called cause I have a great news for you"

Shoyou couldn't hide the excitement in his voice

"What is your news Sho-kun"

Then I heard him laughed

Oh I miss him so much I thought

"Can you open your camera so I can see your reaction on what I'm about to say"

I open the lights and sit myself up

Then I open my camera

Then I saw is a tanned man with orange hair

Smiling at me

His hazel eyes have the same longing look as mine

Wind brushes his hair

He must me sitting on his apartment balcony

"Hi Tsumu" and then he smiled at me

"Hello Shoyou"

We stare at each other for a long time

And then we both laughed

The sound of our laughter filled the room

"So Sho-kun what is the thing that you wanted to say to me " I asked him

" Umm about that Tsumu I kinda got a month long break  and I was planning to return to Japan"

He smiled it's so bright like a sun

I was speechless

Is this real I thought

I just always dream Shoyou saying those words 

Finally Shoyo is coming back to japan

He is finally coming home to me after a year of him being in Brazil

This dull apartment will be filled with his light again

The sun will finally rise again after a long night

"Tsumu are you all right?"

He was waving his hand in front of the camera

Then I smiled a smile that reach the corner of my eyes

"Sho I'm so happy I don't know what to say I'm so surprise, wanna give you a hug so tight right now"

If only I could do it I thought

"Hehe Tsumu do it when I came home, Will you not ask when I'll go back"

I was confused at first but I asked anyway

"When are you coming home Sho-kun"

Sho-kun gigled and he sudden rotate his camera to show me his Luggage and bags

Luggage

Bags

NO WAY

"Eh You're coming home today ?" I shouted

"Surprise Tsumu, Actually its Tomorrow and My flight is at 3am."

I couldn't process evrything I'm still in the state of shock

"So I'll arrive on March 7 at 2pm , Tsumu you better pick me up at the airport"

I regain my composure

"Of course, wouldn't miss it for the world"

We both smiled and can hide our excitement to see each other

March 6,202x

Current Distance: 13 101 km

Sao Paulo, Brazil (In Flight)  --->  Hyogo, Japan

Current Time :  9 :00 am ---> 9:00 pm

I Can't sleep

Sho is already boarded his airplane

So I decided to watch some T.V

To distract mylself but it doesn't seem to work

I reread again the message he send me

 

Fr: Sho-kun🔆

To: Tsumu 🦊

Time: 2:30 am 3/6/202x

Tsumu I'm boarding the plane now I can't wait to see you Love you 😘

--------

Fr: Tsumu 🦊

To : Sho-kun 🔆

Time : 2:35 pm 3/6/202x

Have a safe flight Sho, I'll be waiting for you

I love you 😘

Why does the time seems to be slower when you are waiting ll

I turn off the T.V and try my best to fall asleep

Thinking few more hours you'll be in my arms

March 7, 202x

Current Distance: 7 121 km

Sao Paulo, Brazil (In flight) --->  Hyogo, Japan

Current Time : 7:00 pm ---> 7:00 am

My alarm kept ringing

I turn it off

Today is finally the day

Shoyou will arrive in japan

I have roughly 7 hrs before he arrived

I went started my day

Morning Run

Eating Breakfast

When I check again the time It's only 9:00 am

5 more hours I keep chanting

I couldn't sit still

Then an Idea came to my mind

I look for a Cardboard and I try to write something in it

When I'm done with it

It was  already 11 am and it'a time for me to go to the airport

March 7, 202x

Current Distance: 2,310 km

Hyogo, Japan ( Airport )

Current Time : 1:00 pm

I can't keep still

I keep walking back and forth at the arrival area

1 more hour and His plane will land

I was holding a white Card Board with words written on it is

" ���り���日�翔陽"

(Welcome Back Hinata Shoyou)

He'll be here in a few minutes I keep chanting in my head as I walk back and fourth

March 7, 202x

Current Distance: 237 km

Hyogo, Japan ( Airport )

Current Time : 2:00 pm

He's already here

His plane just landed

I was walking near the arrival area to look for Sho

For a Tanned man with orange hair

A man with a brightest smike

The love of my life

Thirty Minutes passed and I saw the glimpse of his Orange Hair

My heart skipped a beat

I kept grinning like crazy

I held the cardboard up high for him to see

When he looks my way

He gave me a beaming smile

He run towards me

And he jump at me

And I catched him and the board fell to the ground

We look at each other niether one of us wants to looking away

That expresses all the longing and love we feel for each other

His hands starts playing my platinum blonde hair

We stay in each other's embrace

His arms atvthe back of neck and his legs crossed on my waist

My hands on his back

He suddenly close the distance of our face until our lips meet in a passionate kiss

We pull away from each other breathless

"I miss you so much tsumu" he said as our nose touch

"Me too Sho I miss ya so much"

March 7, 202x

Current Distance: 0.00 km

Hyogo, Japan ( Airport ) -- Hinata Shoyo in Atsumu Miya's arms

Current Time : 3:30 pm

We were walking hands intertwined

As we head out the airport

I tightened the grip on his hand

"You know Shoyou sometimes I don't mind that we're oceans apart you know why?"

I look at him

There is a confuse look on his face

"So you really don't miss me that much Tsumu"

And he pouted at me

"Of course I miss you Shou , It's just that I feel even though were miles apart You'll always come home to me"

I'm kinda embarassed that I said thag so I looked away

"Cause I'll always come home to you Tsumu eventhough it may take months and years I'll always always come home to you"

I look back at him and saw the man that I fell in love since I was in highschool

We smiled at each other understanding all the unsaid words between us

[wordsfromjoli]

The sex talk

So let’s get started on this very interesting topic we’ve been talking about the last 2 days. SEX.

First of all thank you to everyone who texted me, reacted for my IG stories or/and had a conversation with me personally! I feel privileged experiencing all the openness and honesty guys!

For those who didn’t read my blog before or don’t know me that well, let me introduce myself.

My name is Joli, I’m a theologian and personal trainer who loves building up people, breaking bad habits, teaching and educating people and supporting people on their transformation journey whether we talking about physical or spiritual transformation. I’m a believer. Grew up in a Pentecostal church in Hungary where my dad was the pastor. Faith played always a big role in my life, I was religious before but I’ve learned and still learning how to be in a real relationship with God instead of being religious.

When it comes to sex I remember I was very young around 9-10 years old before my teenage years my mum sat down with me to have “the talk”. She said I need to know about this thing called sex and what are the consequences because I have too much energy and she doesn’t want me to turn out one of those girls who will end up ruining their lives or regret things. So then I heard how sex is a sin and something you don’t want to do unless you’re married and even then you still have to be very careful and not let lust take over love. Have to be honest with you all I didn’t understand a word my mum told me all I remembered is that sex is a no go until marriage. Anyhow, years gone by and at almost 21 I lost my virginity. Since then I had officially only 2 very short relationships and the past 10 years I only had friends with benefits. You can read about friends with benefits if you score a bit lower in my previous blogs. Now if you reading this as a Christian probably this is going be the first stop where you have some questions. Feel free to DM me I’ll be honest as I am always. In my latest blog I’ve been talking about what do we want, the temporary things or the long term things. I also told you guys about how I stopped having friends with benefits because they not what I really want. I said this:

“I’ve decided to stop all my meaningless relationships and stop sleeping with guys who will never marry me and/so they are not for me.... It’s not easy... it’s not easy to not call “that friend” and “help on yourself” with him/her... I know... But he/she is not the one for you. How do I know? Because if he/she would be you two would be together and not just being friends with benefits. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Simple things. Let’s not complicate things. Let yourself see things how they are. And let your heart and mind together tell you what you truly want.”

Last Sunday I’ve got upset because I was really horny, so I told God how mad I am at him because He promised me that He will take care of my needs and this is one of them yet I have no husband still. I told Him how unfair I think is that some people are married yet their sex drive is low and here I am with really high sex drive yet can’t enjoy it because I’m single. Told Him that I’m in the best years of my life in my 30’s when I should enjoy sex yet I can’t because I’m not married. Don’t get me wrong if you only wanna get married because you wanna have sex think about it because sex is not the building block of a happy and healthy marriage BUT it plays a big role. Anyway I was just pouring out my heart to God and that was the point when I’ve decided I need to write a blog about this.

As I said in my IG stories having high sex drive it’s not an illness or a sinful thing that you need help with. It’s natural and completely healthy. However when it overtakes your life then you need help. God gave us this desire because it’s a beautiful thing. As some of you said it’s the deepest level how you can connect with another human being. But God created us to love each other. There is a big difference between love and lust. Lust will distract you, take you further away from each other and in the end destroy you; love will heal you and build you up and bring you closer to each other. So yes we do have to be careful how we live our sex lives and who we share our body with because everything has consequences BUT don’t let anyone shame you for having high sex drive and wanting sex.

And to answer the big question what I was asking in my IG stories, How to survive the dry days? The key is the focus guys. Ask yourself the right question which is: Where is your focus? Shift your focus on the right things and your energy will go to the right places. I know it’s still not easy. No one said it will be. Just because I’m Christian it doesn’t mean I won’t struggle with this or any other things anymore. But I will always have the help just right there for me! And pouring out my heart to God also helps a lot guys! Don’t be afraid to be angry at God, don’t be afraid going all mad walking around and shouting at Him and “telling Him off” because HE can handle it trust me! Don’t believe me? Go read David’s psalms and you’ll see! After all how David lived his life the bible still says David was a man after God’s heart.

[millimallow]

tend towards a comfortable ennui

my new one-shot for chatot/wigglytuff (pmd2) is up on ao3! you can find the link and summary here, and the text will also be included under the cut so you can read it on tumblr. if you like this fic, please consider giving it kudos or comments, or donating to my ko-fi here! you can also dm me for commissions.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17260688

Summary: It can take a while to get used to peace. Chatot seeks advice from the person he knows to be the most open with their feelings and receives some unexpected knowledge.

He knows that things are going to go back to normal soon enough, but he can’t quite accept it. For all the time he’s spent in the world as it was “normally”- his days of youth, punctuated only by the meteor nearly falling in a land nearby- the gradual decay of time, in some ways, is responsible for his entire career. Chatot knows there are going to be more disasters, more outlaws, more mystery dungeons. He will not be so urged towards action, he will settle into a routine. Like a tiny pendulum, he will tend towards ennui until something awakens him again.

He thinks that’s maybe not such a bad thing. He was upstaged so constantly during the whole of the Dialga and Darkrai debacles that he’s no longer so confident about his performance under pressure. He should be happy; the world is at peace, is what he tells himself, but he can’t shake the feeling that there’s an emptiness now. He’s sitting in the guildmaster’s office on a warm Autumn afternoon when he says something about it for the first time.

“Guildmaster,” Chatot chirps, shuffling his paperwork still, “how are you feeling about the way things are nowadays?”

“I feel just happy about them! It’s great that our friendly-friends can live in peace from now on and we don’t have to worry about the paralysis of time. And Team Charm might be coming back to see how we are!”

“Really? Oh.”

Wigglytuff turns around upon noticing Chatot’s disappointment, startling him. “Is there something the matter, Chatot?”

“Not really, no-! It was just chaos last time Team Charm were here. They very much impress me, but I can’t shake the feeling it might be too much excitement!” Chatot replies, and immediately regret. Wasn’t I melancholy about the lack of excitement in the first place? Oh well. None of this makes sense anyway.

“It won’t have to be a big deal. We’ll keep it a secret between us and friends! And it’s not for sure, so cheer up! I’ll even handle it myself if it’s a big deal for you.”

“Thank you, Guildmaster.” Chatot’s a little flustered now. He knows it about himself that his feathers get ruffled when the Guildmaster shows his hidden-yet-characteristic helpfulness. It saved his life once, of course. “You’re very privileged to have adventured with these fine women before. It might be rude of me to ask, but did you leave over some kind of romantic spat?” He chuckles after he says it to try and hide the awkwardness.

“No.”

“Oh. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“Team Charm are just friendly-friends to me! Always have been. I left because I wanted to try exploring on my own!”

“Even though they’re so great and accomplished? You gave up a lot to come here and do this with me, then…” Chatot lifts his wing up to his face to nervously preen his feathers, not noticing Wigglytuff getting closer until his voice sounds all too near.

“It’s not about that, my dear Chatot. I saw how fun adventuring could be and wanted to teach it to other people! You’re the perfect person to have by my side here. My invaluable partner.” Chatot’s wing comes down and he wraps it around his chest.

“Your words mean a lot to me.”

“Yay! Also, it wouldn’t have worked between me and Team Charm anyway, because I don’t like girls.”

“…What?”

“Well, isn’t that all you need to know?” Silence fills the room for a solid few seconds.

“…I suppose it is. Does that mean you like men instead?” Wigglytuff nods.

“I like adventures more than anything! But I guess that’s also true. I didn’t think it was very important, though, so I haven’t told you before.”

“Well, Guildmaster, I’m happy that you’re able to be honest with me about that, especially after I overstepped with my question about Team Charm.”

“It’s no problem for my invaluable partner!” Suddenly, Wigglytuff’s hand is on Chatot’s head, patting down a few feathers. “You keep a lot of secrets too, though.”

“I don’t have much to say about myself. My life is about you and the guild.”

“You haven’t ever liiiiiked anyone?” Wigglytuff’s voice takes on a teasing tone and Chatot gets flustered further. He wonders if it’s possible for someone to just combust from embarrassment- if he wanted excitement, he has it now, for better or worse.

“When I was a boy, maybe. I consider you also my invaluable partner now. Otherwise I don’t really- think about it- you know that it’d just distract me-“

“And you don’t get lonely without friendly-friends?”

“I have you.” Wigglytuff stops for a few seconds, hand to his mouth, pondering the subject rapidly. His eyes light up with a mischief that Chatot is instinctively wary of.

“Well, can I kiss you?”

“W-what?”

“You know…You said you don’t spend much time with other people, just me and the guild. So it might be fun!” Wigglytuff explains as Chatot stands, face stricken blank as a million thoughts run through his mind. Is this okay? Am I being tricked somehow? Moreover, am I dreaming? But it’s so like the Guildmaster to approach the subject so brashly… “But you don’t have to let me if you don’t want to!”

“No, um, I- I’m not sure what I want, ah- it’s quite fast- but. I guess it’s okay, so long as you’re quick about it.” Though the blush can’t peek through his black topfeathers, Chatot’s sure his cheeks have never been so thoroughly warmed. Wigglytuff leans in for what seems like only a second and lays a single kiss on Chatot’s beak, as soft and warm as he is. Chatot isn’t sure he can entirely process it- he just stands there, blinking until Wigglytuff leans back.

“Was that okay?”

“I f-found it v-very nice actually.” Beneath the feathers and flesh of Chatot’s skin, his heart is pounding. “Thank you.”

“Well, I thought it was good too! Anything for my invaluable partner.”

They don’t speak about it for the rest of the day, but that night Chatot lies in bed awake with his heart still moving, the space in his psyche filling itself with long-lost feelings.

[writterings]

Goddamn self-doubt is acting up again so I'm gonna ask you if you got some trans Shiro headcanons specifically NOT focused on dysphoria bc frankly I'm about to launch myself into the sun. No pressure though you're not required to do anything for me and if you don't want to/have no energy or whatever that's totally fine anyway I hope you have a nice day dude and I love your blog.

first things first, as your trans big bro i am obligated to fight the physical manifestation of whatever is making you feel bad, so tell all the bad things to SQUARE UP because i’m coming for them (ง •̀_•́)ง

now here are some happy headcanons:

shiro goes to pride every year. 

the first time he went, he went alone and was pretty shy to really express he was trans or to take part in any of the fun stuff. he still felt happy that he went though. 

the next year though he brought his lil bro keith with him and they had a BLAST. keith got a trans pride flag for the both of them in secret and then surprised shiro with it. shiro then pulled keith up on his shoulders, and keith held up the pride flag and they just RAN to make it look cool. 

shiro then had to stop and put keith down after like 30 seconds because running in binders is impossible

when they all get back to earth, shiro takes all the paladins (including allura and coran) to pride 

when he first realized he was trans, he like “oh...oh yes, i am a boy” and then just repeated that to himself happily for the next few weeks

in space, it’s hard to get hormones but apparently alteans have such advanced medical stuff that shiro just asked about it casually once and coran was like “oh!!!! yes we have those in gummy form, would you like snazzleberry or space cherry flavor?”

coran is also trans and frankly recommends the snazzleberry gummy hormones

when shiro finds out coran is trans he mentally does “!!!!” and starts looking up to him secretly as a trans mentor even though at that point shiro has pretty much figured out everything he needed in regards to being trans

he’s just happy to see someone older than himself who is trans and happy

keith once got shiro a trans pride color binder. it really cool, but he usually sticks to his black or nude one because he wants to keep it nice.

he also owns a lot of pride gear like that. trans pride socks. trans pride buttons. even a trans pride pair of boxers. he could wear an entire outfit of just trans pride gear. 

he also has this shirt:

whenever he feels sad about bad stuff, especially in regards to trans stuff, the entire voltron team is there to cheer him up

keith threatens to fight the physical manifestation of all the bad stuff (like i did above) and then tries to give a motivational speech

hunk makes him a cool lil robot that’s basically like coran’s “coran coran the gorgeous man” box except it says “shiro shiro, everyone’s trans hero!”

lance gives him a facial and then tries to give him a makeup beard (even though shiro can grow a beard. but it’s fun to do regardless)

pidge, a trans girl, just sits with him in silence and they just Understand Each Other. there are lots of hugs. 

allura offers to spar with him and lets him win. he knows she’s letting him win. he greatly appreciates that. 

coran hugs him like pidge does. shiro used to not too big on that, but he’s gradually accepted and learned to love Coran Hugs. 

i hope this was able to help somewhat comfort-wise or distraction-wise!! if you ever need to talk my DMs are always open. i hope everything gets better soon and you feel better! <33

[josai]

Hi! You're one of my favourite writers, so I would like to know your writing process if you're okay with sharing. :)

Thank you so much anon! I had to think a little bit before answering this one - it was a great ask to get because I really had to self-reflect to figure out an answer to give you!

I have to be honest with you in that my writing process is fairly unstructured, and it really varies from piece to piece. But this is a basic overview of what my writing process looks like. It’s changed a lot over the course of the last year as I’ve tried different things and really found what works for me!

This got a bit long, so my answer is under the cut. Hopefully this can help you! :)

Prewriting:

I used to just open up a doc when I felt like writing, start writing and see where that took me. While I still do that sometimes, I never go into writing without knowing at least a bit about what the goal is of my writing piece. I find that opening up a blank document without a plan or even a few ideas can be stressful, and it takes away my motivation to write before I even start writing! 

To start, I ask myself: What is the purpose of what I’m writing?

Now, that being said, it doesn’t have to be anything huge. Your goal doesn’t need to be writing some literary masterpiece - oftentimes the purpose of my writing is to share my feelings. Whether it is to share happy, fluffy feelings; feelings of hurt and comfort or otherwise, this is a purpose behind what I write. There are some times when I have a specific story to be told, and my purpose is to write to develop a specific character, to resolve a problem or something like that to further the plot, but personally I write less for intricate plots and more for character development.

I find having a purpose, or a goal, helps give me a vision as to where I’m going, and this helps to keep me motivated when I’m writing. (So often when I don’t have a goal, I get stuck in what’s the point of this anyway? and that’s a mindset that kills my love for things I write, so I try to get that out of the way right off the bat).

The second step of prewriting is to brainstorm. Just start getting the ideas flowing! Sometimes I’ll open up a Google Doc and just start typing in it, or I’ll write in my journal if I’m away from my computer. My phone has a pile of notes on it too, but my favourite way to brainstorm is by sharing my ideas with someone. Got a friend who’s also into the fandom you want to write for? Drop into their DMs and ask if you can share something. If you don’t, make a post on tumblr to see who is interested and then take it to DMs! I often start by just starting to drop ideas or headcanons at someone (lol sorry friends who have to sift through my shit :D) It doesn’t have to start out as a complex plot. Most of my ideas start out simply, and then as we talk and brainstorm, it builds up. I find talking with someone is so extremely helpful because not only does it help me get motivated (someone else likes the idea/is excited for it!!!) but another person will look at a story from a different perspective and give insight that I wouldn’t have gotten on my own! I am so lucky to be able to talk ideas because I know so many of my stories have become richer and better by talking them out and finding weak spots.

I don’t rush brainstorming. It doesn’t always finish in one sitting! 

Get some ideas out, then take a rest. Let it all percolate.

Open it up again and look at it with fresh eyes. I re-read often what I’ve got down to see if it flows, if it makes sense; I ask myself questions about what I have so far. I don’t know, I get caught up a lot in the details - headcanons are my thing - so I’ll go through and add. Take away, sometimes, if something doesn’t really seem to fit.

Show it to someone. Especially if I haven’t already, but even if I have, I’ll try to do it again. It doesn’t have to be someone who will beta read for spelling/grammar, either - just someone who has some spare time to take a peek at what I’ve got and read for story. Getting that little extra boost of (this sounds great! or I like this part! or, best yet - have you thought of adding this?) is awesome before starting to write. (Thank you so much to my friends who do this for me! 💖) 

Then once I’ve gotten enough brainstorming that I have a good, solid idea of what I want to write, I take it to a Google doc to actually write it out! I always copy and paste all of my brainstorming into a doc to save it. If what I’m writing is going to be a long, multi-chapter fic, I do try to organize my docs into sections so that it’s clear where I will cut off each chapter, but if I’m being honest this doesn’t always happen because I’m lazy. My docs are often just long strings of yelling, and I decide where to cut them while I’m writing. 

Writing:

Here comes the hard part. I love writing, but I also acknowledge how fucking hard it can be at times. Staring at a blank doc can be one of the most stressful things while trying to write, so I try to just start. I almost always skip the introduction, because I struggle a lot with those and if I force myself to write chronologically I know I’m going to struggle, waste time and end up losing my motivation. This means I usually start in the middle, or really at any part that sticks out to me - then just write from there!

While writing, I usually listen to music, watch a show or documentary in the background or listen to one of my favourite Twitch streamers. (Bob Ross stream, anyone? Or Sugarcoatedkiss, a very soft ACNL streamer which leads to chill sounds - I find I can’t put on anything that’s too busy/loud/intense as it ends up being distracting; I do more listening than watching anyway).

How much I write in one sitting depends on a lot of things. How much time I have, how motivated I am - I try to get myself to work continuously on a fic for at least 20 minutes. If after 20 minutes, I’m still struggling and getting nowhere, I take a quick break. Get up, stretch, go outside, watch a video, talk to someone, play a bit of a game, then come back in another 20 minutes and try again.

But after 20 minutes, lots of the time I find that’s enough to get into it - and I want to keep writing as long as I can, until I’ve finished what I started. I try to do one-shots in one sitting, if I can, or a chapter, but if not it’s not a big deal. I try not to stress myself into finishing things quickly. Give it time if it needs it. It will come together when you and the piece are both ready.

Once I’ve finished my draft, there’s only one thing left.

Editing:

I hate editing. I think anyone who knows me can probably tell you that. I can’t tell you how often I used to write a piece and then just post it - often I wouldn’t even re-read the entire thing. It’s hard when you’re excited about your piece and want to share it, but I know that if I take the time to edit, the quality of my work is going to go up exponentially; so I really do try to do it.

After finishing my work, I re-read it at least once and share it with someone. Have someone who is cool beta reading? That’s great! If not, anyone who will read even just for content is so helpful. Another set of eyes is so good to see things you’ve missed. Not just spelling errors - but scenes that need more detail, small things that may be missing, or even just repetition and using the same words too many times.

If I’m not sure about a piece, I’ll sleep on it and take a look fresh the next day, but usually I’m pleased enough by this point that I go ahead and post my work! I don’t work on a schedule, so I generally just post as soon as I’m finished and then hope that anyone who reads like what I’ve created!

Thank you so much for asking, anon - if you have any more specific questions feel free to ask. I’m so glad you like my writing, and really flattered you would think of me as one of your favourite writers! <3 I hope you have a really nice day!

[crazy-crizzle-blog]

Alright- A short story by Charisma Owen (crazy-crizzle)

Alright A short story by Charisma Owen

         I wake up and immediately wish I hadn’t. My pillow is still wet with last night’s tears, and I could already feel a fresh batch coming in. I close my eyes as the tears come flooding. You would think that someone who cried so much would be able to control it, but you would be wrong.

“Abigale!” My mother calls from downstairs, “Time to get ready for school!”

I try to steady my voice as I reply, but it cracks as I say, “Yes mom.”

    “Is everything alright sweetheart, you sound a bit off.” Actually, for me, a bit of would be when I’m happy, but I don’t say that. Instead I say, “Yeah, I’m fine. I just woke up, that’s all.”

“Oh. Ok. Get ready, then!” She tells me again.

I grab my clothes, all black basically, and my makeup, again basically all black, and go to the bathroom. I turn on the shower, take off my clothes and get in. The water is too hot, but it’s ok, it just distracts from the pain I feel inside. I start to cry again, sob really, and don’t try to control it, I know my mom can’t hear me. I collapse to the shower floor, spasming with sobs. I choke back a scream and cover my face with my hands. I’m crying so hard I can barely breath. Good, I hope I suffocate so that it looks natural. I don’t think my mom could handle it if she saw me lying there surrounded by my own blood with a razor in my hand. I eventually stop crying and, unfortunately, catch my breath.

I get out of the shower and get dressed. I look into the mirror and almost start to cry again at what I see there. I’m so broken; I wear a mask everyday, but I can still see the cracks. Right now, I’m a mess, so I put on my makeup to hide my puffy red eyes and blotchy cheeks. I put all three piercings into my face. I didn’t get them because I particularly liked them, I got them because I knew it would hurt. I brush my long, red-black hair, and head downstairs.

“Good morning, love.” My mom says when she sees me.

I flash a practiced smile at her and reply, “Good morning, mom!”

“ Your breakfast is on the counter, I love you, I gotta go.!” She gives me a kiss as she sweeps out of the room.

After she leaves, I eat the food she left, not even tasting it. I go upstairs to my bedroom and grab my phone. I head back downstairs and plop on the couch. It says I have twenty DMs, so I start to scroll through them, already knowing what they are going to say.

“Nobody likes you.”

“Why don’t you just leave?”

“Whore!”

“You should just kill yourself.”

I scroll through some of them and then just power off my phone. I feel so numb. This happens everyday, so I already knew it was going to, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I would rather feel nothing than this. That’s why death is so welcome at this point. It would just mean an end to all this hurt.

I wipe away at the tears falling down my cheeks and walk into the kitchen to check the time. I grab my phone, shove it into my backpack, put on my jacket, and walk out the door. I take out my iPod and put my earbuds. I put on my favorite band and turn the volume all the way up. Music is my favorite thing, because if I turn it up loud enough, it drowns out my thoughts, along with the rest of the world.

As I get to school, my heart sinks. I have to put away the music and face the real world. This never gets easier. I walk through the metal detectors and head towards my locker. On the outside the word “SLUT” is written in big red letters. I open the door and out falls a ton of rubbers along with a note saying “I think you need these.” I hold back tears as I start to pick them up. I try to ignore the snickering behind me, but it gets to me anyway.

The bell rings and I head to my first period class, English. I can feel the eyes on me and the whispering of harsh things in my ear as I walk past. Somebody trips me, but I don’t even bother seeing who as I start to gather my things and get up. Someone taps me on my shoulder and I turn around to see Justin Adams holding a book out to me. He used to be all I could think about before I couldn’t think about anything. I take the book from him and quickly turn away.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur, until right before lunch. I walk into my fourth period Health class and take my normal seat at the back. I’m a little late and the lesson has already started. My teacher is talking about the stages of pregnancy and I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. She goes on about how babies are only considered alive at a certain point in those nine months, and that’s why abortion is legal. She says that not everybody thinks it’s right and she would love to hear our opinions. Suddenly and hand shoots in the air and Ashely Ferguson says, “Well, I’m not speaking for myself,  but Abigale here must think it’s okay considering she was going to have one.”

           I run out of the room, wiping my cheeks as I go. Nobody was supposed to say anything, that was one of the terms of me returning to school. I grab my things from my locker and start to run towards the exit.

            “Abigale! Wait!” someone yells from behind me, but I don’t care anymore, I just keep going. I run all the way home, blinking through tears the whole way. I throw open the door and then slam it shut. I spot the glass that I left on the table and throw it at the wall in front of me. Glass rains down and I am left with little cuts all over. I slide down the wall and sit on all the glass, and there are jagged pieces surrounding me. I pick one of them up, mind clouded with pain.

            I’ve had enough. I’ve experienced more pain in my eighteen years than most people would in three lifetimes. I didn’t ask for this, why me? Why do I have to go through all this pain? I shouldn’t have to anymore. I feel something warm trickle down my arm and turn to see that I was gripping the glass so hard that I had started to bleed, and it feels good. Numb. I smile and start to cry and laugh hysterically. I realize that I sound insane, but it feels good to not be in control for once.

          I turn my hand so that my wrist is facing up, vein exposed. My breath starts to quicken as I bring the piece of glass to it and start cutting a crooked line down. Just as I see the blood start to leak out of my injured vein, I hear the door being slammed open again. I push in hard and finish dragging it through, not wanting to be stopped.

“Abigale?!” someone yells, “Abigale where- OH MY GOD!” I see Justin Adams standing in the doorway and confusion muddled with dizziness flashes through my head. “Abigale ohmygod what did you do?” he starts to cry and now I’m even more confused. Why would he be crying about me? Nobody cares about me, except for my mom. Oh no! My mom! I suddenly don’t want to die anymore, my mom can’t lose me too. A whimper escapes through my lips and my vision starts to blacken around the edges.

I feel myself being scooped up into Justin’s arms and he cups my face in his hand. “Abigale, stay with me. I need you, I can’t lose you. Please stay with me. It’s going to be okay, I’m calling for help right now. Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! Yes?! Hello? Please help she going to die.” I know he says more but I’m starting to fade out. The last thing I remember is being brought outside and the sound of blaring sirens.

I wake up in an unfamiliar room to unfamiliar sounds.

“....yes, well, she has suffered some major blood loss, but she should be okay.”

“SHOULD BE? OR WILL BE BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW.” comes the worried voice of my mother.

“Well-” begins the doctor, but I cut him off.

“Mom?” I choke out

“Abigale! Sweetheart! It’s okay, I’m here! I’m here and I’m sorry that I wasn’t before. I should have been here. I should have…” she trails off into tears. “Mom, it’s fine, I’m okay.” I assure her.

“No, you’re really not, obviously. Why didn’t you tell someone you were..hurting? We could have done something earlier than this.”

I didn’t want you to worry about me. You’re always so busy, I just didn’t want to waste your time.”

“Waste my time? Abigale, I’m never too busy for you. And you don’t think that I’m worried now?! I’m more worried now than I ever have been.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, just talk to me in the future.” Future, something I thought I wouldn’t have after this.

A knock comes at the door and Justin pokes his head through the doorframe. I turn my face away, not wanting to look at him. “Is she awake?” he asks.

“Yes,” says my mother, “come on in.”

Justin walks in hesitantly and sits down next to me on the hospital bed.

“I’m just gonna go outside for a little bit, if you need anything, just text me.” my mother hurries out the door.

“Are you alright?” asks Justin. I don’t reply. I can’t even bear to look at him right now, not after what he saw. I wipe away at the tears slipping down my cheeks. He grabs my hand and holds it in both of his.

“You know you can talk to me right? I won’t hurt you.”

I think about this for a minute before replying “In all honesty, no, I’m not alright. I’m broken and cracked and scarred. I’m a mess.”

“Even your scars are beautiful.” he blurts, turning red. He goes on anyway. “Your everything is beautiful, all of you. You’re beautiful. You have this bright, amazing personality that even you can’t hide. Everything that happened to you is complete bullshit! You didn’t deserve any of it. You deserve so much better, and I’m determined to make that happen. I will be here for you always because in all honesty, I love you. And you are my reason to keep going so I’m gonna be yours.”

I’m crying, but not like before. This time, it’s different, relieving.  I turn towards him and he cups my face in his hands. He presses a soft kiss to my lips and everything else goes away. All that’s left is him and me and us, together. He pulls back and I cry on his shoulder, not holding it in for the first time.

“So what happened to you, anyway?”

So I tell him. I tell him how three years ago my dad was shot outside a convenience store for simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time. And how a year after that I was kidnapped and raped and left outside in the freezing cold in nothing but a nightgown.

A few months later I found out that I was pregnant. I didn’t want his baby, it would be a constant reminder of what had happened to me. So my mom and I decided to put it up for adoption.

I was okay with this until about five months in, where I decided that I couldn’t do it, so we decided on an abortion. It was the easiest thing for both my mother and I.

I was confident in my decision and so the next week or so I carried on with my life until the procedure. Everything went according to plan until they laid me down on the table. I realized that I couldn’t do it, That was my baby no matter how it came about. I told the doctor I didn’t want to do it anymore and so I left and took my mother with me.

She of course supported me no matter what, so we decided that I was going to raise the baby with her help. I carried on for the next four months and the baby was born, a healthy little girl with dark hair and green eyes. I was overjoyed to have such a beautiful little girl in my life. Everything was going to be alright.

That is until the state took her away and said that I was too young to care for her. They said that I could have her back in a few months, but after that I was in a state of constant depression, so I wasn’t able to care for her anyway. And that’s why I am always upset. Which led to where I am now.

After I tell him everything I felt relieved. Not amazing but...alright.

     *A few months later*

“Hey Abigale! Wait!” Justin’s running to catch up with me and I can’t help but smile “I have a really important question to ask you!”

“What is it?”

He pulls out a small black box and bends down on one knee. I gasp and cover my mouth with my hands.

“Senior prom?” he asks and I frown at him.

He chuckles “And maybe after prom I could have forever?” he opens the box and inside waits a small gold band with a diamond sitting in the middle.

I cry and nod my head vigorously. He stands up and scoops me into his arm

    *Eight years later*

I sit amidst the chaos of three children running around. One with dark hair and green eyes, the others with light brown hair and brown eyes. Two beautiful little girls and one dapper young lad. These are my children, our children. I would have nothing instead of the life I have, I no longer hide my scars. Instead I brandish them for the world to see, for my children to see, so they know about darkness and hope.

I sigh contentedly and grab my little girl, wrapping her in a hug and breathing in the scent of her dark hair and she giggles.

“You know how much I love you right?” I ask her

She nods happily and plants a kiss on my cheek, then runs off to join her younger siblings.

Justin comes in and sits beside me, handing me a cup of tea. He pulls me in close, covering me in his warmth. “Good morning love.” he says “How are you this fine morning?”

I look around at all the love and joy in my life, my gaze finally resting on my husband, my light, and I reply. “I’m alright.”

I wrote this story to let anybody out there that’s hurting that you have people who love you and care for you ad would do anything for you. I love you and care for you, and so I want you to know that even if it doesn’t feel like it, there are people who want you to live, myself included. If you need someone to talk to, hit me up, I’m here for y’all. If you need more serious help, call the national suicide helpline 1-800-273-8255. I love all y’all, In hope you have a great day!

[helloimharryedward]

The Break

Your phone rang once again, and for the 4th time in the past minute you let it go to voicemail. Sighing in frustration, you held down the lock button on your iPhone and swiped your finger right to turn it off. Even though you knew you'd have a lot of voicemails, and missed calls, when you turned your phone back on you didn't care. Well you did, but it was better than your phone nonstop vibrating and screen lighting up when you were attempting to study.

There wasn't many things you hated more than listening to voicemails, but you knew you'd delete the ones Harry was leaving anyway. It was only 11am and discluding the last few calls you had from him, you counted 14 since yesterday. You'd made the mistake of listening to one of his many voicemails last night (at 3:30 am when you couldn't sleep) and it had left you a wreck- even more so than you already were. And you honestly didn't have the time to be thinking about what was going on with your relationship. Midterms were this upcoming week and the time you'd already spent crying and screaming on the phone with Harry had left you with little time to actually get in any decent studying. That's why you decided to turn your phone off after Harry's last call. It's not like you were going to answer anyway. And you knew what he was going to say. First, he was going to apologize for the excessive voicemails he had left while completely and utterly inebriated last night. Then he was going to plead with you to listen to him or talk to him or do anything but ignore him. He'd rather you scream at him until you lost your voice than not say anything to him at all at this point. But you were done screaming and you were done listening. You didn't have the energy. The constant fighting had worn you down so much that you couldn't keep doing it. So you stopped.

"I can't do this anymore," you had told him when you called him earlier in the week. He immediately freaked out thinking that you were breaking up with him. Which you weren't... exactly. Before he could continue you began talking again.

"I'm not ending things, Harry," you said calmly, although you were willing yourself not to cry, "But I won't fight with you anymore. I can't. You need to figure out what you want because-"

"I want you," Harry interrupted, his voice intense.

"Actions speak louder than words. And I honestly don't think I'm enough of what you want right now."

"Baby, I swear-"

"Harry, let me finish. Please. You need to figure out what you want because I'm so done with this fucked up emotional roller-coaster that we're on. If you want to be with me, than act like it. I don't care how many times you tell me you love me if you're still going to hang out with Kendall Jenner and lie about it. I don't care how many times you apologize for not calling or not being able to visit when you're spending your nights off getting drunk with random girls. I don't care how many times you swear to me that nothing's going on between you and anyone else because the fact that you even have to be trying to convince me says it all. I just can't deal with the upset and frustration. I don't know if you remember, but I have midterms this week and am not spending my free hours bitching at each other over the phone because it's tearing us apart. So here's the deal. Take the next week/week and a half and figure out your shit. You want to go fuck Kendall to see if that's what you want? Fine. I won't hold it against you. This is your get out of jail for free week. Just get it together because I'm done being the damsel in distress, Harry. I'm really really sick and tired of it. I'm not in a relationship with you so I can constantly be crying and overanalyzing every thing you've said to me, and vice versa."

The other line stayed quiet and you tried to slow your breathing. You hadn't meant to sound so accusatory, or to start another fight about what you'd already been fighting about, but you couldn't help getting heated. You were done if he couldn't even bother to be the boy you'd fallen in love with.

"There's nothing to figure out, Briana," Harry stated, his voice definitive. "I want you. I've always wanted you and I'll only ever want you."

"That's great," you replied, sighing because you knew this conversation was going to quickly escalate if you didn't end it soon ."But regardless, I'll talk to you when midterms are over. I honestly don't care what you do or who you do in the next week, Harry, as long as you finally know what you want. I just want you to be happy and right now you're clearly not happy so I need you to just take a break from us and think about you."

"There's no me without you, Briana, and you damn well know it," Harry shot back, his voice starting to rise. "You don't just get to decide to take a break from our relationship because we've hit a bump in the road."

"A bump?" you laughed snidely, "Dear god, Harry, we can't speak to each other for 30 seconds without tearing at each others throats."

"So, what? You're giving up on us?"

"When did I say that?"

"When you just told me to go fuck other girls as if that's going to make me be any less in love with you."

"I didn't tell you to go fuck other girls, Harry. I would obviously never want you to, but if that's what you need to get whatever is going on out of your system and to make you realize that being in a relationship is or isn't what you want, than I'm willing to give you the option. That's not me giving up, that's me giving up my own feelings so that you can figure out yours."

"This is fucked up, Briana, and I won't do it. I'm not just going to not talk to you for a week so you can feel as if you're helping the situation."

"You know what's fucked up, Harry? What's fucked up is you blatantly lying about who you're with all the time. What's fucked up is me having to find out that you're out with Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin and GiGi Hadid, as if you weren't going to be photographed and I wouldn't find out. What's fucked up is that you think us not talking for a week is me giving up on our relationship rather than giving you time, when you not speaking to me for days on end seems to be the new norm. So don't you dare tell me what I'm doing is fucked up."

"I don't think-"

"No. Stop. I don't want to hear it. I called you to tell you that I'm not fighting with you anymore so I'm not going to fight with you. We'll talk when my midterms are over. Goodbye, Harry. I'm hanging up now."

"Don't you dare hang up the ph-"

You had pressed the end button while he was mid-sentence and that's when the nonstop calls and texts had started. That had been 4 days ago. He'd tried to contact you in every possible way: DM on Instagram & Twitter, Facebook messaging, email, texting/calling your best friend, having his friends text/call me. It was frustrating. Part of the reason I had decided to kind of step back from our relationship for the week was because I had to study. Having all my social media accounts blow up with messages was distracting. I get why he was upset, but I wasn't going to change my mind. During a regular school week I'd been having enough trouble focusing on work because of our fighting, but during midterms... it was the last thing I needed.

I shook all thoughts of Harry and our relationship out of my mind. Slipping my phone in my backpack and closing my laptop, I opened up my notebook to study for my first of three tests. Hours later I was exhausted and starving. I'd been avoiding my usual study places because in the rare case that Harry was dramatic and drastic enough to come find me, I didn't want to make myself an easy target. I was currently studying at an hole-in-the wall bookstore off campus. It was quaint, peaceful and quiet which is exactly what I had needed. My stomach growled loudly and I looked down at my watch. It was 7:34 meaning I'd just studied for over 8 hours. Turning on my phone, I inwardly groaned as I looked at the red bubble above my messages icon: 36. Ugh. I packed up my bag ready to head home and sort through the messages and calls on my phone.

"Should I bring the car round front?" Jamie, one of my security guards asked.

"Yeah, thanks," I smiled.

"Feel more prepared?" Lefty (another one of my guards) asked me as Jamie left the bookstore. 

"More prepared than before, but still horribly unprepared in general."

"You've got time. Don't worry, girl." He gave me a big wink and I laughed in response. Lefty winking was the equivalent of a WWE fighter giggling. It just didn't fit his physical appearance.

Fifteen minutes later we pulled into the back lot of my apartment. As usual, at least six paparazzi were stationed on the nearby sidewalk waiting for me. I wondered how long they'd been out there. Thankfully the lot was considered private property and my strict landlord had installed cameras to catch trespassers. After having already sued 2 paps earlier in the year, none of them dared venture into the lot. But that didn't stop them from waiting like vultures nearby. I was too worn down to even care that I was wearing baggy sweats and an oversized sweatshirt, not to mention my messy hair in a bun and my glasses. I looked like a hot mess.

The incessant yelling began the moment I opened the backseat door.

"Out drinking like your boyfriend?"

"Everything alright with you and your British boy?"

"Where were you? Studying?"

"How's college life, Briana?"

"Ignore them," Lefty advised me in a soft voice as he noticed how I tensed up at the mention of Harry's name.

He saw me safely into my apartment, gave me the usual spiel about how they'd be nearby and to call if I left the building. I assured them I wouldn't be leaving until early tomorrow morning when I woke up to study again, but he just shrugged and repeated himself again.

"Hello?" I called as I entered my apartment.

"WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?" Allie, one of my roommates who also happens to be my best friend of twenty years, yelled at the top of her lungs. "I'VE LITERALLY CALLED AND TEXTED YOU A MILLION TIMES."

"Are you downstairs?" I asked. The staircase in the back of our building led to the door on the top floor of our apartment, whereas the front door could only be reached by the staircase/elevator at the entrance of our building.

"Yes," another one of my roommates, Stef, called out.

I quickly threw my backpack into my room and hopped down the stairs leading to our main floor one at a time. 

"Oh my god," I said slowly, tears threatening to spill over.

Our entire main floor, aka the kitchen, living room and dining area, was covered in roses. Vases upon vases of roses.

"Thank god it's not allergy season," you stated, not sure what else to say.

"There's a note, but we didn't read it. But wait," Allie said, shooting me an amused look, "Please look at this."

She motioned me over to where she was sitting on the couch with her laptop. I sat down next to her not sure what she was going to show me. 

"Oh my god." I slapped my hand over my mouth. I wasn't sure if I should cry or laugh or both. 

"Yeah," Stef grimaced, taking a bite out of the bagel she was eating.

On Allie's screen was a celebrity gossip site with pictures of Harry from last night and this morning. The picture from the previous night showed Harry in tight black pants and a blazer/jacket with a white button down shirt. He was exiting Lily Allen's party at some club, according to the website. His security guard Billy was basically holding Harry's hand because it looked as if Harry was about to topple over. His eyes were half shut and looked glazed and he was running his hand through his unkempt hair. I'd thought I looked like a shit show, but Harry looked even worse. The pictures of Harry from this morning featured him throwing up on the side of the 101. Erin Foster, Harry's friend (who he claimed was a lesbian, but it was yet to be confirmed so you had your suspicions), was pulled over in the driver's seat while Harry threw up on the side of LA's most public freeway. 

"Well it explains the drunken voicemails and texts," I forced a smile.

"I'll say," Allie replied handing me her phone, "I got some, too."

I shot her an apologetic look, but she shook her head as if it was no big deal.

"Well," Stef said breaking the silence, "At least he's killing the mun game."

I started laughing and once I started I couldn't stop. It wasn't that the situation I was in was funny. It was funny that Harry was hungover and vomiting on the side of the road looking absolutely horrified and pissed. I didn't know what else to do but laugh.

"I have to go work on a group project," Stef said, "But I'm bringing back Ben and Jerry's so you guys better help me finish the carton."

"Who are you kidding? Bring back like five cartons."

You managed a small smile and waved goodbye as she swung her backpack over her shoulder and bounced out the door.

"So," Allie stated, turning towards me as the front door slammed shut. 

"So," I repeated.

"I know you're not okay so I'm not even going to ask, but I just want you to know I'm here for you. To talk or listen or sit together and do nothing."

"I know. Thank you."

I gave her a sincere smile. We watched a rerun of Law & Order SVU on TV while eating leftover Chinese food from the night before. I could barely keep my eyes open by the end of the episode and ended up passing out on the couch. Allie, being the great friend that she was, didn't wake me to try and get me to go upstairs. Sounds like I'm being sarcastic, but I'm not. I hadn't had a good nights sleep in a while and if she had waken me I probably would not have been able to fall asleep for a while. 

I woke up 10 hours later. I clearly hadn’t had a good nights sleep in awhile. And apparently day-old Chinese food, SVU & a comfy couch was the exact combo I needed to knock me out.

“Morning sleepy-head!” Rachel sang out from the kitchen. 

Turning my head towards her, I was reminded that there were hundreds of roses in my house. I groaned. 

“Okay, let’s not groan,” Rachel said, spooning oatmeal into my mouth, “I can’t even get my mom to send me flowers, let alone a boy.”

Allie death-glared her before I had the chance to. Stef threw her hands up in defeat. I felt between the couch cushions for my phone and couldn’t find it. 

“It’s charging over here. It was vibrating non-stop and draining your battery so I plugged it in before I went upstairs.”

“Thank you,” I managed to smile at Allie as I made my way over to my phone. Of course, Harry was calling. “What do I do?” I asked to no one in particular.

“Listen, I totally get you wanting to take a break and I would be doing the same if I were you,” Stef said, “But clearly Harry isn’t on board and if you want a legit break, he needs to be. I’m not saying talk things out with him now, but maybe talk to him to let him know you’re alive, breathing & it’s not a break up, it’s a break.”

I looked at Allie, hoping she would tell me I didn’t have to talk to Harry. She nodded in agreement. Fuck.

--------

[canaryatlaw]

Today was okay-ish. Not great really. I'm still just in a weird space, mentally. Still can't get my mind to stop racing. I did call my psychiatrist today but he wasn't in that office today, but they took a message and said they'd have him call me, and asked if I needed to be today, so I said I mean it's okay if it's tomorrow but today would be preferable. I didn't get a call back today. Sigh. And it's just that much more difficult now that I'm working 9-5 because when am I supposed to do things like call my psychiatrist or anyone else that is only open 9-5? When am I supposed to go to the doctor ffs? I have one appointment scheduled for late June at 8 am. I'm sure that's gonna go over well with my brain. Sigh. Now I'm getting worked up over this which is the last thing I wanted to do. I think I'm gonna go up to 4 mg of Xanax a day though. It's still within the threshold he said I could try to figure out. I just want to talk to him about it because this guy knows my brain better than probably even me and when something that used to work is no longer working it's not a good sign. I should move on now though. Alarm went off at 7 and I successfully convinced myself to get out of bed by 7:01. Got ready, poured my cocoa krispies and then looked at my milk and it had apparently curdled when the refrigerator does was stuck open for some reason when I got home yesterday. Great. At least I figured it out before I poured it onto my cereal. So I hurried around grabbing some oatmeal (one of the disposable cups) and some cinnamon toast eggos. Made the bus so that's good. I got to the office and went to go see my supervisor but she wasn't in her office, so I just went back to mine and started working on the stuff she gave me yesterday. Not that long after she showed up at my office and said she was gonna be taking a personal half day but would make sure I had enough work, and that she'd probably be going down to court at 10:30 if I wanted to join her so I said sure. Kept working until then, then went down to court and absolutely nothing interesting happened when I was hit by another one of my wow you're going to close your eyes every 3 seconds now and be incapable of keeping them open spells that I've been getting lately when I'm sitting still and focusing on one thing, and at some point after that started my supervisor came over and said it looked like all the cases were just getting dates so it wasn't gonna be interesting if I wanted to go back upstairs. I'm not sure if she saw that I was visibly falling asleep or not, lol, but I took the out. It was a little past 11 at this point and I think then was when I called my psychiatrist. Then I didn't really have any work to do so I closed my door and set my alarm for noon and took a nap. I woke up at like 11:45 so I was probably only "out" for like 30 minutes, which I figured I'll just work through my lunch to make up for so it'll be fine. I mean, power naps are a thing right? And as long as I get the work done it's not like anyone cares, so....not a big deal lol. So I then opened my office door and started conversing with the two ladies who have the offices across and next to mine. The offices are kind of set up mostly in these 3 pod systems, and this is the first time I'm actually in a full 3 pod, since first semester the office next to mine was empty and last semester I was just kind of off in a corner. So we talked as we worked and that was cool. One of the ladies gave me some DCP packets to do, which they seem to think is like the worst thing ever and kept apologizing for giving me such a boring assignment and I'm like.....dude, I spent an entire semester doing this basically. This is child's play lol bring on the packets I can do them all. So I did all 4 then reported back to her and expressed my concern about the investigation into the last one that was somewhat lacking (whenever an allegation gets unfounded on the grounds that "it's the kids word versus the foster parents word so I'm gonna believe the foster parent" the kill bill sirens start going off in my head). So that was good. She then asked if I wanted to do some trial prep for a TPR, so I spent the rest of the afternoon sorting through a rather large file to write up a timeline of services that mom and dads 1&2 did or did not do (no polygamy, just two different dads for two kids). It wasn't terribly thrilling but it was fine. I left right around 5 to catch the 5:13 train, which I'm gonna have to start leaving a little bit earlier for because the last two times it's been a few minutes early and I've barely made it (it's typical for me to get in anywhere between 8:50 and 9, so I figure 5 minutes here or there evens itself out). Trip home was fine, quickly threw some dinner together and tuned into the flash, most of my excitement stemming from knowing that watching this week's episode meant getting to next week's episode when my bby Len is coming back haha so more of a means to an end than anything else, but I actually really liked the episode! I definitely like, snorted when they showed that in wiping Barry's memories they screwed over Savitar too and now killer frost was like welp, gotta help them fix it lol. The scene with her and Cisco though, like stop it broke my heart so much <\3 like JUST LET CAITLIN BE HAPPY DAMMIT IT ISNT THAT HARD UGHHHH so that made me sad. The main part with Barry was pretty comical, him and Iris were adorable together even with the inevitable this isn't their reality looming over their heads. And they managed to get the probable cause hearing fairly by the book, so I didn't get too pissy over that (I mean, there's no way that would be the only possible way to keep the guy in custody and he would HAVE to be released otherwise, so that part was totally unrealistic, but I realize that was just a necessary plot point). But overall I really liked the episode and then of course the first shot of the preview had me flipping a shit immediately because LEN IS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE WAVERIDER and we already know he was wearing oculus clothing in other shots on the sizzle reel and ugh.......I really don't want to get my hopes up but I can't help it, they're already sky high. I really wouldn't be surprised if it's another fake out, though I would probably be the angriest I've been with them at this point. I guess we'll see where that goes. It took me about 6 minutes to remember that prison break comes on right after the flash (and by remember I mean going to the my shows list to watch B99 and see oh shit it's recording) but I caught up to live pretty quickly. I felt pretty distracted during this week's episode, probably just due to weird mental head space again. But I'm glad they're making progress and then they were like 3 episodes left!!! and I was like what????????? This is way too short lol. But I'm very much looking forward to that teased Michael/Sara reunion for next week because I know it's gonna be epic. Lol, at the end of the episode they're like "Michaels dying!" and I was like lol, when is Michael Scofield not dying? Also, at this point I'm just convinced Michael doesn't know how to give up on anything so he just keeps trying crazier and crazier ideas until one of them inevitably and inexplicably works. But I am enjoying that. So after that, I did watch Brooklyn 99. I may be totally wrong on this, but I could've sworn B99 used to be a half hour show??? I'm probably just wrong but I definitely thought that. This episode at least seemed very distinctly split into two parts, both of which were pretty great. The Rochester partying was hilarious of course as was them recreating what happened. Then there was the whole Amy/Jake storyline with her taking the sergeants exam that led to that super sweet scene of him just being like this is your dream and it's been your dream before we started going out, I've always known you were gonna be my boss anyway and it was really adorable (and then he went all die hard and it was really funny). And yeah, that pretty much capped my tv for the night. I got into a Twitter DM convo with one of the DCTV podcast hosts (I'm being intentionally vague here) regarding the appearance of the waverider in the trailer and they weren't happy about it and was just kind of ranting at legends and normally we just have stupid and amusing conversations about our shows so it got kind of awkward for a minute there but we both calmed down and were like okay it's fine people have opinions lol. And plus they have an entire podcast to rant to about their opinions, so the need to do it to me personally isn't really there. We're fine though, I like them and I enjoy talking to them. And that was pretty much my day. Tomorrow is Wednesday and my third day at "work" for summer. Did I mention I'm the only law clerk in the office right now? My name looks so lonely on the sign in sheet, lol. Most people are still in finals, I just finished really early and wanted to make sure I made it back in time for the child death case to be up so here I am. I'm probably the only law clerk in the building at this point 😂 but yeah, as far as I know I'll finally be going iron the field (maybe I should pack a change of clothes? We didn't discuss this) or maybe she's coming to the courthouse but I'll be interviewing a 5 year old girl who was removed from her mother's care about 2 weeks ago after reports of physical abuse and that mom was a heroin addict with visible track marks on her arm, and she was always referring to her daughter as "that little bitch" and like throwing her around, and also they were living in like complete desolation, like there were holes in the floor and no heat (and this is Chicago and even though ITS FUCKING MAY it's still been freezing) and many other such examples and yeah, it wasn't good. The DCP investigator seemed to think the girl appeared as a normal happy, healthy 5 year old so that's encouraging. I guess we'll see how that goes. Okay, time for bed now. Goodnight punks. Stay awesome.