#anyways listen to combat - destiny this is a threat

[soup-for-ghosts]

born of strife and sadness

[deberiaestarescribiendo]

Honor him. Younger Mercenary Oberyn Martell x f!reader fanfic. #Writer Wednesday 05/26/2021

Summary: You receive the worst news, Oberyn Martell died, your first lover and the first adventure you lived.

Once when you were younger you ran away from your house escaping an unhappy engagement and the promise of a dull life. But your family hired an elite force of mercenaries to find you not knowing that their leader is a Prince of Dorne.

Word count: 6,5k (ups sorry)

Warning: Blood, violence, Oberyn’s death is mentioned as canon in the book and show, Ophidiophobia(fear of snakes), unhappy arranged marriage, alcohol. +18 SMUT (it means no minors, pls) virgen f!reader, oral sex (f¡ receiving descriptive, male receiving mentioned) p in v sex (unprotected cos there’s no durex in Essos BUT USE PROTECTION IN REAL LIFE PEOPLE) grieving.

A/N: I'M SORRY I'M LATE this is for #Writer Wednesday, the challenge created by @autumnleaves1991-blog

I read the books a long time ago, yep, I’m one of those people that said “I’ll finish them when George publish them all” so I got ASOIAF wiki and run with it, so buckle up for some bad geography from Essos and inaccurate cultural stuff. I think this is the longest thing I’ve written and the smuttiest, so sorry if it’s cringy.

Honor him

“Apparently he won the combat but the wounds were too severe and he died”

You raise your eyes from the book. One of the young servants whispers to another collecting the dead leaves on the ground.

“What is it?”

They rise from the ground nervously expecting that you will scold them for gossiping

“We heard the news from the world. A bard was chanting them on the market, my lady” she approaches the fountain; you’re seated on the ceramic tile, feet inside the water, refreshing from the blazing sun in this part of Essos.

“And what did he say?”

“He said there was a trial in Kingslanding. For the death of king Joffrey, and it was his cousin...”

“His uncle, the imp” clarifies the other and the other girl rolls her eyes

“Yes, his uncle was on trial for his murder. And Prince Oberyn from Dorne was his champion”

“The imp asked for a trial by combat, you see, my lady” adds the other

“He battled the Mountain; he crushed the prince’s skull apparently”

“But! but! His blade had poison on it so the Mountain died too” says the other girl excitedly

“Oberyn died?” you mutter, your hands are limp and you don’t realize that you have drop your book until you hear the “blop” sound in the water and it splashed your tunic

Your mind travels to years past in an instant: A journey through the vast empty lands of this continent and how you loved for the first time.

The pages of your book are getting more and more transparent while the black trickles of ink disappear in the water. You wish to scream, to rip your clothes and your hair out of your scalp but you do nothing.

“Are you alright, my lady?” the girls look at each other when you don’t move or try to retrieve your book from the water.

You always thought the greatest pain he gave you was leaving you at your father’s door many years ago, but now he’s gone forever. You always thought, while looking from your window at night, that you will see him one day, coming back on his dark horse ready to steal you away again, but now that he’s dead that small hope, that tiny flame that you kept in your heart is gone.

Your childish hopes and dreams of reviving your first love are shattered. It’s true that your life has changed, you’re a grown woman now, wiser and experience but you still fantasize over him, seeing his face and his hands on your lovers.

“We should call physician” you heard them whisper, but so far away

“Where is he anyway?”

“At his clinic, you silly girl, run”

“You do not need to call him” you mutter “I’m fine. Excuse me”

Not caring for splashing water all over the house, you run to your chambers and collapse into your bed. Buried in the soft pillows, you cried, muffling your howls with them so nobody could hear. Late in the night the moon and stars shine bright casting bluish shadows in your room.

Your body is tired but restless and in the night shade a timid ray of white light illuminates that small scar in your forearm in the shape of a half-moon. And you kiss it, at least you will always have something of his carved in your skin.

Many years ago. Essos.

“You’re cheating, boy” the big man slams the table, the wooden pieces and the coins that all the players have laid at the center fall down. He points at you spitting from a mouth full of crooked black teeth “Show me your arms, boy, I know you’re lying”

“I’m just lucky, sir” you raise your blouse’s sleeves and your arms up innocently and somehow it makes him angrier

He insults you in whatever language he speaks and slams the table up, the players run and the loud tavern suddenly gets quite, waiting for the next movement. You’re an ant in front of that enormous giant, when he stands tall and walks menacingly towards you, you freeze, he doesn’t listen to you when you apologize, it doesn’t matter anyway, you just did to gain time and look for an exit but the room is too crowded.

“Here, boy, I’ve also many tricks under my sleeve” he has a dirty bag hanging from his belt and takes it and throws it at you. It lands at your feet and for a second you smirk not knowing what a bag could do to you, but then it moves and in a blur you see a green and yellow thing twisting until you feel it pressing and slithering over your body. The snake, a beautiful, shiny creature with vibrant colors faces you hissing and shows its fangs. Everything happens to fast. Out of instinct you protect your face with your arms and the animal understands this as a threat and it bites. The pain rings like a bell all over your body every nerve in your body aflame.

In a second, cold blood wets your face and you gasp when you see the snake’s head slide to the side separated from its body with a clean cut.

“I’m sorry for the demise of your little friend” A tall lean man stands beside the giant. You can’t see his face, since he’s covered with black turban and his body is in full armor. One of his arms still holds a curved sword that has snake blood on it; the other has a dagger pointed to your enemy’s neck.

“That viper was worth more than you or your little friend and you will pay for it”

“I doubt it. You know my little friend here” and he points his sword to you “it’s worth a lot and if I don’t tend to her wound rapidly she will die and that’s a shame. So, decide now, do you want to be a setback or do you want to keep living your stinky life longer?”

By brute force, the giant decides his fate and tries to disarm the man who in a swift movement cuts his throat and his blood and destiny joints that of his pet.

“You’ve been quite difficult to find, child” he opens the fabric covering his face. His eyes are dark, dark beard covers his defined jaw line and an amused smirk graces his handsome face. “Let me see that arm” he lowers his weapons, shamelessly cleaning his dagger on the back of the dead tall man and walks to you until your back is pressed against one of the tavern columns. Sheathing his sword, his hand takes yours and raises your arm, evaluating the wound and he hums deeply “Oh, sweet child”

“Am I going to die?” you cry

“Probably”

“If it’s my father who commands you to find me, I beg you to let me die; I do not wish to go back. Death is better than that dreadful place” you shake your head determined but terrified at the same time. He looks at you with his brow troubled

“Death is never better than anything” and he drags your arm to his face. His dark gaze fix on you while he sucks on the wound so hard that for a moment you think he’s drinking your life away. But then he lets you go and spits to the ground “Let’s hope that’s enough. You will come with me so I can give you the antidote”

“I told you, I have no desire to return to my home”

“It’s a pity, then, that I don’t care about that” he grins.

He gave you so many small jars to drink. Some tasted sweet some bitter and some other made you want to vomit and not drink or eat ever again. But you’re alive. A few hours passed, and then a day, then two, and you’re irrevocably getting back home.

You’ve learnt that your father, in an attempt to find you, has commissioned this elite group of mercenaries to retrieve you; and he’s the leader. It’s a small company but that doesn’t make them any less dangerous. All of them seemed to have many different skills, weapons hidden at every corner of their body, they speak languages you don’t know and you ride your horse tied to it watching each one of them with a suspicious look. After two days riding with them you have decided that there’s no way you could escape now. There’s always one of them standing guard and just a small glare your way gets every thought of escaping out of your head. So, even if it’s dramatic, you decided that your best option is to die. A few days in the desert without water and food and your father will receive a corpse.

“Drink, little girl, you’re withering like a flower” the leader, the man that saved you, says handing you the waterskin

“No, thank you” you turn your head, seated under the shadow of a very thin and dry bush. The orange and violet light announces the immanent sunset where you have stopped for the day.

“You’ve been refusing water all day. You have to drink” he says and pushes the waterskin to your face once more.

“No, thank you” you repeat and he sighs. Thinking you’ve won as he throws the waterskin by his side, you smile subtly until he’s close, crouched down, knees over the sand, looking at you.

“Maybe being a spoiled little flower works for your father, but not to me. Drink or I will make you” He takes your chin and raises it to meet his eyes

“I’m not thirsty” you say, your lips are already dry and they hurt, your tongue is thick inside your mouth and your body screams for just one drop.

“Don’t challenge me, child” he lowers his voice and you gulp

“I’m not a child” you protest, he keeps calling you that and honestly you don’t think he’s much older that you

“Then why do you behave like one? Drink, for the last time” His mouth is a fine line now and his grip on your chin is a little bit firmer

When you don’t answer he opens the waterskin and tucking on your lower lip he pours a small trickle of water in your mouth. The liquid taste sweet, your body works on it own and you open your mouth to drink more with desperation.

“So you weren’t thirsty...stubborn girl” he smirks and you want to slap his smug and beautiful face

He stops pouring water and laughs when you rise up drinking the last drops before he puts the cap on it.

“Look at you, not a withering flower anymore” the mercenary brushes his knuckles over you cheek and you feel them burn “What else do you want?” his thumb caress your chin gathering the small drops of water on your skin and spreads it over your lower lip.

You feel your bones burning, a tension in your lower belly that you haven’t feel many times and that makes you ask for something you don’t even know, so you just answer a timid yes and let him guide you to the fire and the rest of the company.

One of the mercenary is skinning some rabbits, methodically pulling the skin off with blood hands and a deathly gaze fix on you “So she decided to join us” she says

“Oberyn can be really persuasive” another, a big bald man with a beard tinted in blue, adds

So his name is Oberyn, where have you heard that name before?

“Remember that her father is paying for the whole of her, untouched he said” a lean blonde woman, with her face full of black and blue tattoos, is lounged over the bags sharpening her knives

“Well, I hope he doesn’t see her arm, that viper left her with a beautiful scar” Oberyn sits down and helps the mercenary skinning the animals and impales them and puts them to roast on the fire

“I’m not talking about that kind of viper...” she says and the company laughs

“I’m right here” they stop laughing looking at you as if you have done something they deem impossible

“So she speaks” the bearded man says

“She does but it may take some convincing” Oberyn smiles at you over the flames that illuminate his striking and sharp features “If you wish to eat, sweet flower, why don’t tell us how did you escape? We love a good story while we camp”

“Your father was convinced some ragged boy had stole you from your palace” adds the blonde woman

You smile, feeling some kind of pride for your plan, that, looking at it from perspective, did not grant you what you wanted but at least you had a good run. You tell them about how you disguised as a ragged boy lurking a few nights prior your escape so that the servants suspected about somebody being guilty of your disappearing. And how you ran away the night of your betrothal and made it look as if somebody had kidnapped you.

“I ran out of money in Lys so I had to beg, or steal, or gamble for a few coins. And then you found me” you finish your tale, sucking on your fingers, the meat is the best you ever tasted but yet again it must be the hunger from this days refusing to eat or drink.

“I’m almost tempted to let you go, young one, you seem a very resourceful girl” the beard man that you now know as Uhlan smiles at you proudly

“Think about the money” the blonde woman, Rikan, chew on a bone and toss it to the fire

“I’m always thinking about it, why do you think I’m a sellsword?” he jests

“Because you were a street rat with a broad back as broad as your stupidity and it’s the only thing you can do” Rikan spits and Uhlan laughs, a deep and low chuckle that resonates as a thunder.

“She’s a little princess, she couldn’t have survived much longer” the other woman, Shifa adds, the rest of the company has changed the way they look at you, but her. She still squints at you

“There’re princes that have survived worse” Uhlan counters and suddenly there’s a heavy and uncomfortable silence over them. You look at all of them trying to understand and you see Oberyn looking at his feet until he claps his hands together “Let’s get some sleep, we have a long way ahead”

It’s surprising what food, water and company can achieve. You’re smiling more, you almost forget that you will be delivered to your father and future husband within days, Uhlan tells you about his many adventures, how he almost die in Yiti, how he rode once with a Khalassar and that he had seen the great shadow in the East. Rikan has gifted you a knife “a girl needs to defend herself” she said and proceed to show you how to kill a man in many different ways “If you want to kill your husband though, you must ask Oberyn, he’s the one that knows about poisons and how to kill somebody without raising suspicions”

“How does he know that?” you ask, leaning to the right so you get close to her horse, Oberyn rides beside Shifa before you; both of them speaking in a language you don’t understand

“He has studied many things; he’s been all over the world. He was almost a Maester once, but preferred to travel, fight and fuck the world before he gets back to his duties”

“Duties?”

“He’s a prince” she whispers a mischievous smile on her lips “he doesn’t want to talk about it, because it makes people treat him differently or underestimate him. So don’t tell him it was me, blame the big rat”

“Did somebody call me?” Uhlan screams at the back

“You do have a sharp ear when you want, my friend”

You arrive to Myr at dusk. The city is still vibrating, the merchants offering everything you could imagine and the streets smell like thousands spices. And you absorb it all with wide eyes and open mouth.

“It’s a beautiful world, my sweet flower, and you wanted to end your life” Oberyn raises his voice over the people chatting and selling stuff

“If only it could always be like this” you answer, your smile dies in your mouth remembering this is a passing thing. The adventure will be over soon.

“Life gives us many opportunities to dwell in its pleasures; you have only to acquire a keen eye to recognize the perfect moment to seize it”

“Are you implying that I will have another chance to escape?” you scoff

“Maybe...if that is what you want or maybe to enjoy your life as a married woman, who knows”

You sigh deeply trying to ignore the thoughts about your future husband, that drunken bastard, boring and dull that your father chose.

“Or you could run away and avoid your responsibilities; you can create your own destiny, my sweet flower”

“And that’s what you are doing? Avoiding your duties?” you stop in your tracks and he watches you for a moment, chewing on his lower lip

“Maybe” he answers finally

“I’m tired of being treated as if I was overreacting being a spoiled child while you are here doing exactly what I did, ran away, from the duties of a noble life. I’m not overreacting; all I want is to decide if I want to live my life bearing children for my fool husband and maybe die giving birth or out of boredom and disappointment or try my luck in the wild world. Isn’t that what you are doing? Travel, fight and fuck the world? What’s the difference between me and you?” The people surround you, the company has already enter the tavern in front of you knowing they shouldn’t meddle

“Travel, fight and fuck the world seem a pretty good title for a book. Maybe when I’m old I will write my adventures under that title” he laughs

“I’m glad I amuse you” you spat with your arms crossed

“I apologize if I made you feel that I was underestimating you. Do not confuse my laughter with mockery, I know how you feel and I understand.” He comes close to you, each hand on your arms, pressing them lightly “Believe me, I wouldn’t have accepted this job if your father didn’t pay so well. I have to get back home and I want to leave my company with enough resources so they can continue on their own” he explains, he bends his neck so you are so close you can smell his scent, leather, horse and the dessert. “But that doesn’t mean we cannot enjoy ourselves while it lasts” Oberyn smiles and passes his arm over your shoulders “Have you tasted the wine from Myr?” you shake your head “It’s the sweetest”

The wine is starting to play with your mind, your smile falls languidly over the corner of your lips and you don’t know why you’re laughing but whatever song Uhlan is singing is the funniest thing you’ve heard. Rikan laughs by your side, her laugh is actually sweet and high making her look less menacing. Shifa is the only one that doesn’t look amused at all and he drinks from her goblet eyeing the tavern, especially you, with hatred.

“C’mon, Shifa, we know you can smile” Uhlan grabs her in a bear hug but she squeezes herself out of it

“Let me alone, you brute”

“You haven’t talked much since we retrieve the little girl over here, tell us what’s going on in that little twisted mind of yours?” the man jokes and the other mercenary glares at him

“I’m going to my chamber” She drinks the rest of her drink and strides to the rooms, pushing the drunken people in her way

“Leave her, Uhlan! She’s just jealous that her prince is not directing his attentions only to her lately” Rikan says winking at you

Oberyn has been absent having a conversation in another table until he comes back with a serious expression

“I’m partially offended that you think our company it’s not worth your time” Uhlan says sliding to give him enough space to seat by his side

“Huh, so I guess Shifa is not the only one jealous” Rikan drinks looking at him over her goblet

“Shut up!”

“Where is she?” Oberyn asks

“She went to her chamber” Uhlan serves him wine “So what was about those ugly bastards that got your attention; I thought you had a very refined taste”

“Those are Westerosi men; I wanted to get news of the world. Some of us still appreciate the pursuit of knowledge, my friend” Oberyn taps on his big shoulder

“I appreciate the pursuit of a good fuck better, my friend. Let’s see if those Westerosi want to share some news with me, Rikan are you coming? I’m always lucky with you around”

“I don’t like Westerosi” she snarls

“I don’t care, I just need you to be there so they take a good look at your ugly face and they get convinced that fucking with me is the good option of the two of us” he jokes with one of those thunder like chuckles

Rikan laughs and she follows him, waddling towards the men’s table.

“I should go to my room” you say, rising too fast and the whole room twists and turns

“You liked the wine, I see” he observes you grab the wooden table for your dear life until you find your balance

“Too sweet, I haven’t noticed it until it was too late”

“Let me guide you then”

Oberyn grabs you by your waist and helps you climb the stairs to the second floor. People gather around the aisle, laughter and moans fill the air and the heat of Oberyn skin over yours and the boldness giving by the alcohol make you pressed your body against his a little tighter than its necessary.

“This is you” he says opening the door for you

“Is it true what you said about creating our own destiny?” you collapse on his firm chest, your hands brushing over his neck

“Yes, sweet flower”

“Sweet flower” you mimic his accent “Say it one more time” your glossy lips, sticky with wine, leave a kiss on the tan uncover skin of his chest. His laugh makes you raise your head

“You need to sleep, child”

“No, no!” you slap his hand away when he tries to push you inside the room “Don’t call me that, I’m not a child. I’m a woman” you try to fix your posture to seem taller but you body stumbles to one side almost falling down

“What you are is a very inebriated girl. Good night, my sweet flower” he says closing the door

“Are you going to Shifa’s room?” the words escape your lips before you can think and he lingers on the door with an eyebrow raised

“Why do you ask that?”

“I don’t want you to go to her” again the words are out before you process them

“And what do you want me to do?” Oberyn closes the door behind him. And you breathe deeply a mixture of excitement and fear.

“Stay with me” you mutter

“Believe me I would, but you don’t know what you are asking. It is the wine speaking”

“No it’s not” you pout again falling into his arms, hearing how you sound like a spoiled little girl, you cough “It’s not” you repeat

“Right, let me take you to bed then”

You gasp looking at him with wide eyes. Oberyn hugs your body and walks towards the simple bed at the corner until you both fall down on the soft mattress

“Oberyn” you whisper “I have to tell you something before we...”

“Tell me, sweet flower” He lays beside you, posing his head over his fist

“I’m...I’ve never...” you stutter

“No need to worry” with his free hand he starts to brush his index finger from your brow to the tip of your nose so slowly and softly that you feel your eyes closing down

“Are you trying to make me sleep as if I was a puppy?” you slur

“Shh” he continues until the room goes dark and you cannot open your eyes for much that you try

“Sweet dreams, sweet flower” you hear before you blank out.

The sun pierces your eyes as if its rays were daggers. The company laughs at your expense, but yet again, Shifa hisses and insults you in some language but it’s evident that she said something nasty because Oberyn glares at her.

“No more Myr wine for you, little girl” Uhlan laughs helping you get on your horse

“Never” you murmur

The pain in the back of your head and the unstoppable thirst you have makes you moody, and it doesn’t help that you know you’re one day away from your home. But everything is worse with the hard sting of jealousy. It’s not that Oberyn does much, but he rides along side her, speaking in that stupid language you don’t understand, and she makes him laugh, he watches with attention whatever she points at during the way. He looks at her, talks to her. All you want is to rush your stupid horse and take her place.

It gets worse when Shifa sees you observing them; knowing damn well what you feel, she becomes softer, leaving touches on his skin, whispers things on his ear. And you can see the intimacy, the camaraderie that they share and that you will never have. And she’s a woman not a little girl, fierce, independent, and strong; and you cannot stop comparing yourself to her.

You arrive to a small town in between the domains of the two free cities, just hours away from the gates of Pentos.

“We will spent the night here, we need to be presentable for tomorrow”

The town has a small and humble bath house. The simple exterior made of red brick doesn’t show the beauty it has in its interior. The garden inside is made of brick and ceramic creating beautiful arches that frame the pool in the middle; green vines crept over the walls and the tender murmur of water is the only sound you can hear.

“We have rooms to accommodate you for the night once you’re done with your baths” the lady, owner of the house, announces and snaps her fingers towards the servants so they get everything ready.

“Thank you” Oberyn says bowing his head “Wash away the dust of our journey, my friends. Specially you, Uhlan” he jokes, slapping the big man’s belly

“You’re as stinky as me, my prince, but the Gods didn’t give me a beautiful face”

The company strips shamelessly, you think that they’re so comfortable around each other that they don’t think twice before submerge their naked bodies in the fresh water.

You stay by the side, taking off your shoes and rolling your sleeves so you can wash your feet and face. You avert your eyes when you see that Oberyn’s armor is on the floor. Your eyes fixed on the water and the blue tiles at the bottom, but you cannot stop from raising your eyes just a little.

His magnificent, strong, and tight body, his beautiful golden skin is marked in scars in some parts, you see the muscles on his legs tensing and relaxing as he gets in the pool. Your eyes travel through the room to avoid seeing him in his full grace.

“C’mon child, you don’t want to be stinky when you meet your father” Rikan splash water at you

“I-I”

“Let her be, she’s scare of my big cock” Uhlan laughs

“That thing that you can barely get up? C’mon, child, it is harmless” The blonde mercenary swims towards you and grabs your hand to pull you in

“Rikan, leave her, let’s finish and we will leave her some privacy” Oberyn says under the small waterfall brushing his skin with a small piece of soap

“Your husband’s eyes will be the only ones that will see you naked” Shifa says and she swims towards Oberyn. Her body is toned and muscular. She joints him under the water stream and when she tries to touch him, he moves away.

You don’t want to smile, but you do, until you remember that he refused you the other night and tonight is the last night you’ll spend with them. Shifa will have him for whatever time she wants.

Eventually they leave the pool, putting on some fresh clothes and rubbing some scent oils on their skins and they look different, less mercenary and more like elite warriors with a thousand adventures to tell. You will miss them; they are the only friends you have ever had.

“Thank you” you say stopping their banter over who’s going to take which room, they look at you confused “Thank you for rescuing me” you say with a trembling voice

“It’s nothing, child” Uhlan says and you see his big eyes shine

“We will give you some privacy” Rikan nods

When they are away you take off those stinky clothes you’ve been wearing since you escape. You moan feeling the water soften your muscle and you enjoy the strong cascade of water hitting your back until your bones feel like liquid inside your skin.

“I never expected you to thank us for getting you to your father” his voice gets you out of the trance, and you don’t open your eyes when you hear the soft sound of clothes hitting the ground and the splash of water when he gets inside the pool again.

“I didn’t thank you for that, but for rescuing me” you answer still your eyes closed under the waterfall “And saving my life” you pass your hand over the now healed wound, a moon shape scar where he suck the venom out of you.

Oberyn fingers grab your wrist, raising your arm towards his lips and planting kisses alongside your veins until he arrives to the thicker skin of the scar, sucking again on it.

“Do you still believe that it was better to let you die from the snake’s bite than to be back home?” he whispers against your skin, his beard tickling you over your pulse

“I still can run away” you open one eye. Oberyn looks amused at you

“Will you?” he asks saving the distance between you

“I don’t know. Will you come get me if I do?” You approach him, intertwining your hands on his neck

“The world is big and beautiful; it will be a shame that a sweet flower like you rots in a place like this all her life” he turns his head and leaves a kiss on each of your arms

“So that’s a no” you laugh but the pain in your heart is real

“I have to leave Essos soon, I guess the time for adventures is up” he exhales deeply

“Just the last one then” you’re surprised of your boldness when you rise on your tiptoes to kiss his lips

It is soft at first. Just tasting him, tempting him to show you more, and he does. Oberyn opens his mouth and sucks on your lower lip and when your mouth is open he savors you with his tongue. He holds your face on his large palms guiding you softly until the kiss deepens and your hands leave his neck roaming through his back and he reciprocates. His hand caresses every inch from your neck to your arms. You moan in protest when he breaks the kiss but then his kisses move to your neck nibbling your skin. He pampers every part of you with his attention, soft kisses and bites over the top of you breast.You cry out laughing when he grabs you and rise by the waist so he can access your tits. You circle his waist with your legs and you hold yourself on his shoulders.

Any good sense in you, any coherent thought gets lost one his mouth sucks on your nipples and you kiss his head trying to control your panting. The sounds that come out of you seem so far away, his low grunts and moans over your breast melt you and you feel the heat gathering between your legs.

“My sweet flower, you have the sweetest tits” he moans and he lowers you so he can kiss you one more time. You run your fingers over his dark hair, his impossibly close to you but you need more. You need him like those drops of water he poured in you the first time. The hunger, the jealousy and desire you felt these past days have reached its peak and you think your heart will collapse. You repeat his name on his lips like a plea.

Oberyn carries you to the side of the pool, and you feel your cheeks burning, your body in goose flesh feeling exposed and at his mercy now that the water is not covering you. He takes his time admiring you, his brow eyes eating every pore of your skin. Kissing your legs he parts them grabbing you by the hips he positions you just at the edge of the pool. He palms your breasts one more time, gracing each nipple with a small pinch that makes you moan loudly. You get flustered, gaining a bit of your conscience back

“No need to be shy, my love, let go. I wish to hear every sweet moan, drink every drop of this sweet cunt” he plants a kiss on your navel, before lowering his face. His first lick between your lips makes you marvel of the unknown sensation. His eyes are fixed on you while he licks faster and sucks between your small lips, when you tense, every single fiber of your body burning, he changes his rhythm, lapping languidly all your sex and back again, fast and slow, and never too much. Until you’re gasping for air and pushing him away

“Please, it’s too much”

“Let me show you, trust me” his wet mouth bites you inner thigh before he starts again. This time you reach the point of no return faster. A wide abyss before you where you skin burns and you heart beat faster until you fall, crying his name. And he holds you, planting kisses all over you body, every part he can reach. The gasps lead to laughter

“What happe...how?” you ask

“I have many things to show you my sweet flower” he smiles

Oberyn lets you in his room. The warm night breeze moves the white curtains and the moonshine casts its rays so you can see him get on top of you with the warmest of smiles.

“Do you still want this, my flower?” he asks

You grab him by the neck and let your lips answer for you. Lowering your touch you push his back so he presses his body against you even tighter.

“Please, please” you beg on his ear

He reaches between your bodies and brushes the tip of his cock on your lips coating it in your arousal, before pushing gently. You gasp at the intrusion; it’s not pain what you feel but definitively a bit uncomfortable at first

“Let me in, my sweet, relax for me” Oberyn bends his neck to kiss and bite your tits. The pleasure turns your body into a withering mess until you’re full of him.

He moves lazily at first letting you grow used to his length and width while he observes your face

“Is it alright my love?”

“I need more” you murmur

“More?” He rises, pressing the weight of his body on his knees and opens you wider grabbing the soft skin on your hips “Like this?” he thrusts deep and fast with each word and you nod biting your lip. His pace is unforgiving, and you cannot think, all you can feel is him, and his sweet words and praises combined with the slaps of wet skin and the creaks of this old bed. Your fingers scratch softly on his chest trying to hold into something when you feel that abyss again, but this time you let it go and it hits you harder. Oberyn collapses over you letting your cunt squeeze him even tighter, slowly dragging himself in and out until he sense his release coming and he pushes harder once, twice until he spills his warm seed.

You kiss his brow, wet from exhaustion and the pool, in a way the cage he’s forming with his body pressed against the mattress is the freest you have ever felt.

The dawn wakes you up, many years later, a harrowing pain in your chest remembering how he kissed you a thousand times, how you slept caged in his arms for a few hours and then woke up with his face between your thighs

“Does it hurt?” he asked and you flinched, feeling the swollen and sensitive skin “I will kiss it better” he said. And you made love again, he moved you in the bed showing how to touch your body and how to touch him, how to pleasure him with your mouth as he did to you. Until the sun invaded the room and crashed your safe space between the shadows. You could no longer hide from your destiny, it was time to go.

He left you, a small and decent kiss on your hand and bid you farewell wishing you a happy life.

You remember running, not paying attention to your father’s complaints and your mother’s cries while you soon-to-be husband drank wine unbothered by the whole thing. You ran to the balcony watching his dark horse taking him out of the city.

He never looked back, and with his parting figure you promised you will live your life happy even if you have to run for it. That you will live adventures on your own until life gives you the last drop of its joy and pleasure. In a way you promised to honor him without knowing one day it will come true.

So you woke up, older, wiser, in your own house, after many adventures lived, and after a sleepless night mourning him, you grab paper and ink and write:

“Travel, fight and fuck the world: the Adventures of an Unusual Lady”

[aros001]

First time read through light novel vol. 4. Random thoughts.

So this is where mayonnaise came into the story. I still remember my sheer utter confusion over the mayo bath in the Memory Snow OVA, having no memory of the anime ever bringing up any of Subaru's love for the condiment. As a positive for him at least, it's cool that Emilia apparently really likes it too and that he's the one who figured out how to makes the stuff in this new world.

“The lad’s eyes interested me ever so slightly. They said he has crossed the boundary of death. Many come close to the line, stop, and draw back, but...” Wilhelm lowered his lids in thought as his words trailed off. “Those are the eyes of one who has crossed once, no...several times, and returned. I know of no such being. You might say I was compelled by curiosity.”

How would he know what the eyes of someone like that look like if he's never met anyone like that before Subaru?

“Listen and be amazed, look and be astounded! Behold, the ultimate combat technique—RoSciPer!!”

“What is that...thing?! You did not inform me such a hand was possible!”

“Shut up! I didn’t mention it, but it’s your fault you didn’t ask! That part is rock, this here’s scissors, and over there is paper! In other words, my hand’s beaten your rock!”

That is so freaking petty. But on the other hand, maybe Priscilla would respect him for it anyway? I could see her having no problem with winning however you can, even if it's by being unfair and tricking your opponent, as long as you keep your own pride.

“—But I wonder what Master Roswaal is thinking?”

She inclined her head slightly as she voiced her doubts about the instructions her master had left that morning.

“He said, ‘Do not stand in Subaru’s way no matter what Lady Emilia may say to you.’”

It was as if he’d anticipated Subaru’s actions and had instructed her accordingly. She also wondered why he was valuing Subaru’s opinion above Emilia’s.

Hmm...now that's curious.

“That’s right, bro. It’s been eighteen years since I got summoned here. I lost my arm around the same time... Right around the age you are right now.”

Just like that, Al confessed to Subaru that he’d experienced the same situation.

...Wait...WHAT?! If this was in the anime then I completely forgot about it because holy sh*t, Al is from another world too?! And according to him he arrived 18 years ago and was about the same age as Subaru is (and Subaru is roughly 17, isn't he?). No idea if he can Return By Death and if he can he might have the same penalty for trying to talk about it as Subaru does, so he obviously couldn't talk about it, but this is a huge deal. It's a great bit to add to Subaru's story, showing off what could have happened to him and what he could still eventually become. It probably deepened his obsession with Emilia a little bit too, since she's the main difference between him and Al.

“Unfortunately, Lady Emilia, this is not the time or place for you to argue. If all the facts become clear, Subaru will be staying here...for a very, veeery long time.”

Okay, Roswaal f**king knows and is planning something.

They talk about a Dragon Tablet handed down by Holy Dragon Volcanica, which has given predictions and warnings about great disasters that did actually occur. Naturally, my first thoughts are that this Holy Dragon (or whoever wrote the tablet) might have had abilities like Subaru's RBD and that he'll have his own role to play.

Felt might be a long lost princess of the royal family that was wiped out in a strangely specific plague and Subaru met both her and Emilia first in this world because she stole for her the thing that proved she was a worthy candidate for being a Dragon Maiden. It kind of feels like the Witch of Envy is like the Force from Star Wars with how well she made the destinies and chance encounters line up.

I never really liked Ferris that much, and not because he's a cat-boy trap. It's more the way he talks. I like things that are cute but I can't stand things that are cutesy.

While Crusch's idea for the future of the kingdom is nothing that should be rushed, and most certainly should be done with care as not to piss off the dragon, I get where she's coming from, that they are too reliant on the dragon's blessings and not doing enough for themselves. It's a classic argument I've seen plenty in superhero stories. There's no denying the heroes have done a lot of good but when the people become too dependent on them and if/when the heroes can't help anymore, what's going to happen then? It's one of my favorite plot points in My Hero Academia, where common citizens thinking "It's fine, a hero will show up and take care of it." and not helping where they should have eventually gave rise to one of their world's most dangerous and infamous supervillains.

“A-and now you make threats. These words and this show of force convey, ‘Do as I say or you shall be an icicle.’ If this is not blackmail, what is...?!”

Then, Emilia wholeheartedly affirmed his suspicions.

“—Yes, I am threatening you.” She continued, “I shall make my case to the esteemed members of the Council of Elders once more. My name is Emilia. I spent a long time in the Great Forest of Elioor, the World of Eternal Frost, and am served by Puck, the Great Spirit that governs fire mana. I am a silver-haired half-elf. The people of the nearby villages called me...”

Emilia paused, surveying the faces of the Council of Elders on the dais.

“...the Freezing Witch, born in the Frozen Forest.”

Holy sh*t, I am way more into Emilia's character here than I was in the anime! That was awesome! Her whole speech after too and her finally being given some respect. It's not like she didn't have any personality or agency in the anime. It's not like she could have just been replaced by a sexy lamp and nothing would be different like you could with the heroines of other series. But she definitely feels like she has more here, like there's more fire to her. Like hot damn, even I want to see her become queen now!

...And then Subaru opens his mouth again...and promptly inserts his foot.

Yeah, I suppose Subaru white knighting for Emilia in front of all the actual white knights is probably one of the more infamous scenes of the series, huh? It's one of those weird things where you feel you know what Subaru should have done but at the same time, if he hadn't snuck into the castle, we wouldn't have gained his relationships with Priscilla and Al or have seen as much of the meeting as we did. It's good for the story and eventually it's good for character development but it's hard not to wince a little at everything Subaru does in this part, especially because he himself reflects and feels guilty at a few points about how badly he could have messed everything up for Emilia and Roswaal.

I've thought a lot more about Subaru's white knighting ever since I watched the anime, mostly because of characters like Motoyasu from Rising of the Shield Hero and Mitsurugi from Konosuba; two LN series I read before this one. Chivalry isn't a bad thing. Trying to stand up and fight for someone you care about isn't a bad thing. But like Emilia points out, she never asked Subaru to do any of that for her. She didn't want him to do any of that for her. In fact, he deliberately went against what she did ask of him to go and do all of that. With these three characters, the problem with their white knighting is that they're doing it with no regard to what the person they're white knighting for actually wants. In many cases, like Emilia also points out, Subaru wasn't really doing it for her. He was doing it for himself. To make himself feel better. To place himself closer to her. And she's not exactly wrong that their relationship seems to be entirely just two people repaying their debts to each other, even though she has no idea what debt Subaru feels he owes her.

The ironic thing is, if Subaru wanted to get closer to Emilia and have value to her, he already found a way to do that in one of his previous lives. On his second or third loop in the mansion arc, Puck told him that Emilia doesn't have a lot of experience with friends and really wants some. During that loop, Subaru and Emilia are just hanging out, enjoying each other's company, laughing. It's made clear she does genuinely like having him around. Just being her friend was enough for her and there's still plenty of ways her friend could have helped her through such a trying time, without embarrassing her in front of everyone in the castle or making her think it's her fault he keeps getting hurt.

I think Subaru's big problem, and what he needs to grow out of, isn't that he's an idiot (though he can certainly do dumb things) but rather that he's immature. Not immature like he's a child (though sometimes...) but immature in that he hasn't developed enough to properly react to certain situations. He was a shut-in who constantly skipped school. He doesn't have a lot of experience with other real people and doesn't know how to properly interact with them, defaulting too often to what he's seen in fantasy stories. I think that's a problem both he and Rem share to an extent. They don't know what it means to be in love. That's not to say that Subaru's love for Emilia isn't real or that Rem's love for Subaru isn't real. Rather that they don't know what to do with it. They don't know how they should act towards the person they're in love with or how to show their love, so too often they default to either obsession or devotion or both. And so if they want to have a healthy, happy relationship with the person they love, they have to acknowledge and address their own immaturity and basically grow up a bit.

Nice little detail that Julius beat on Subaru to keep any other knights from going after and possibly killing him...and because he was at least a little annoyed by Subaru's words. He's a good guy...but still human.

And again with Roswaal working things behind the scenes. He gave orders for Subaru (or at least a servant bearing his family crest like Subaru would be) to be allowed to pass into the castle. I imagine he did have a back-up plan for if Subaru never showed up but the man definitely knows or suspects something about Subaru and/or what's going on with him. I mean, benefit of the doubt, if he doesn't know about RBD, from the outside it does look like Subaru has some kind of prophetic abilities, as twice now he's known about future events that would have destroyed everything Roswaal's been working towards and used that knowledge to prevent them. Making things easier for Subaru to act just in case he had another "vision" would have been in Roswaal's best interest. He might be thinking Subaru is like the Holy Dragon, thus Roswaal has his own personal Dragon Tablet. But I can't help but feel things go deeper than that. At the very least I'm glad Subaru's outburst and Roswaal trying to smite him with fire was apparently part of the plan. 1, Roswaal is just a really fun character and I don't want to lose that, but 2, he definitely seems like a guy you don't want to have against you.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Re_Zero/comments/gontd5/novels_first_time_read_through_light_novel_vol_4/

[annes-andromeda]

Ragnarök: Asgard’s Twilight

Chapter 10: Foster Through The Looking Glass

N/: Sorry that I haven’t updated in a while. Laziness got to me and school’s been giving me so much work. Anyways, here’s another chapter of Jane Foster in Vanaheim featuring Lady Sif😊

The camp was buzzing with ruckus, rock giants moving wagons of gold to the blacksmiths. They were clanging at the metals, sparks coming from their tools as they worked. There was a board where a sketch had been made for the design of Gjallarhorn. It would be large, with a small hole to blow on, and the bell would be large and extended.

In Heimdall’s tent, the Warriors Three were conducting a plan on how to retrieve the people of Asgard without any casualties “She hasn’t set the castles defenses yet” Fandral noted “With the secret passageways, we may have some leverage against Hela”

“We can’t be sure” Volstagg added “It’s as the Lady Jane said, we do not know the full extent of Hela’s abilities. For all we know, she could be holding the civilians hostage and keeping watch on us as we speak”

Heimdall shook his head “I knew Hela since she was a young girl. She is a proficient sorcerer matching the likes of Loki and an efficient combatant rivaling Thor. But she has no seeing abilities like I do”

“Hela always wanted the attention on her” He continued “And as far as we’re concerned, her attentiveness is on the throne, so that is something we could use to our advantage”

Everyone around him nodded in thought “We could send in scouts to inspect the area and ensure that we’ll be able to go in and out with no issues”

Volstagg pointed at the map of Asgard “This passage here. Near the mountain creek. The scouts could enter from here and go into the city unnoticed where they’d retrieve civilians and bring them to the camp to safety”

“I’ll make sure it’s safe to go in beforehand” Heimdall said “For now, we’ll focus on building the horn and getting the scouts ready. As for Lady Jane, I want the rock trolls to keep watch on her at every moment. I do not doubt my sister, but we cannot take any chances”

Jane looked around the long abandoned structure, her eyes lit with wonder and awe. She wished she had a camera on her to take pictures so she could show Darcy when she returned home. Whenever she’d return home.

Her eyes fixed upon two strange winged creatures who appeared to be fighting for a piece of meat. They batted their wings and flew down from the ceiling, one of them munching at the meat while the other tried to get closer. Jane kept her distance, not wanting to disturb the animals on their meal.

“They’re called Dawn Ripplers” Jane heard Sif from behind her. The woman had a bag in her hand, and she pulled out some more meat for the creatures to eat. It’s smell attracted them as they turned to her in curiosity.

Jane smiled awkwardly “I was just observing from afar”

“Don’t worry” Sif said “They are tame beasts when not provoked. Or in this case, hungry” She chuckled as she threw some meat at the Ripplers and scurried to them, using their small beaks to tear them into little pieces.

“Why are you really here, Foster?” Sif asked without hesitation

A sigh escaped Jane’s lips when the situation at hand hit her once more “I know you’re not exactly fond of me, but I swear I’m not here to cause trouble”

Sif shook her head “I never held any distain for you, Foster”

“But-” Jane began “But when I came to Asgard-“

“That was merely suspicion” Sif interrupted “There had never been a mortal on Asgard. After everything that had happened with Malekith and the Aether, everyone was edge. Including me”

With her mouth forming a small “oh” and her head nodding, Jane twiddled her fingers behind her back and said “Well...that’s good to know, at least”

There was a pregnant silence for seconds until the Ripplers made little chirps, almost begging for more food. Sif smiled and clicked her tongue, reaching into the bag and taking out a rabbit, beckoning for them. She handed it to them, the Ripplers creeping towards her and taking the meat.

Chuckling, Sif stayed on her knees watching the animals eat “I always wanted a Rippler when I was young” she said “My brother wouldn’t let me have them. Said they belonged in the wild and not in some cage”

Jane simply said “mhmm” in agreement “I guess you still wanna know why I’m here, right?”

“That would be nice”

“Well it’s...It’s not easy to explain”

“When has anything ever been”

Jane paused “Yeah ok that’s true, but this is different” Sif turned to her in interest “Back home, shortly after Malekith, I’ve been having these dreams. Not like the ones where you can’t move or speak, but sorta like the strange one you can’t understand. Almost like I’m...lucid, in a way”

Sif listened to her, petting one of the Dawn Ripplers meanwhile “Lucid dreaming is often rare here. Only those with strong minds have control of their dreams”

“Yeah well, it’s not fun back home” Jane stated jokingly “I’d always be in this endless corridor. It looked like Asgard, but I knew it wasn’t.”

She turned to make sure Sif was paying attention. When she got confirmation, Jane proceeded “Then-and please don’t laugh-, I saw this bear”

Sif furrowed her eyesbrows, all the while Jane pointed at her “Let me finish” Jane said “It was a polar bear. Sure, it was transparent, but I’m pretty sure it was a polar bear. Anyways, I’d get close to it, and every time I’m this close to touching it, I wake up”

“Hmm...” Sif said “From your description, this could be the workings of a Fylgja”

Jane blinked a few times and shook her head “A wh-A what?”

“A Fylgja” Sif repeated “They take the form of ones spirit embodied in a certain animal, often depending on whether that person’s nature is tame or not”

The dark haired woman got up from her knees and let the Dawn Ripplers fly away “From what my brother taught me,” she began “The Fylgja lead a person to their destiny or fate. Perhaps the beast in your dreams could be trying to tell you something”

“Question is: what is it?” Jane asked.

Another silence fell before them, but it was interrupted when two rock trolls strode towards the women, their steps echoing within the halls. They looked down at Jane and Sif, imposing yet clearly no threat.

One of them kneeled before the ladies in respect “Lady Foster” he said “Lady Sif. Good Heimdall has ordered us to keep watch over you should anything befall you”

“Could you tell ‘Good Heimdall’ that that will not be necessary” Sif said with her hands on her hips “I am perfectly capable of protecting Foster myself. Therefore, you are excused”

“I’m sorry, my lady” The other rock troll said “But we’ve been given orders and we must abide by them”

Sif shook her head “Gentlemen really, this will not be necessary. Besides, I do remember your finest warrior being cast down by Thor with a single swing last time he was here. What was his name? Korg, was it?”

The left rock troll put his finger up “Do not disrespect the memory of our fallen brethren!” He exclaimed in defense as Sif was taken aback “It was Lord Thor who began that fight and refused to make it fair!”

“Vanaheim was overrun with bandits and raiders!” Sif argued “What did you expect us to do? Sit and watch as you burned down villages and filled your bags with stolen goods?”

At this point, Jane had shut herself out of the conversation. She wanted to roll her eyes at the absolute pettiness of the three aliens-cause let’s be honest, that’s what they were-, but she knew it wasn’t respectful. She looked around the building awkwardly, and that’s when she heard it.

The voice.

She had heard it when she passed out after Hela pushed her off the Bifrost. It had called to her, even knew her name. The Fylgja, she thought. That must be it.

Making sure Sif was distracted, Jane went off on her own to find the source of the voice. She walked through the empty, vine covered corridors, touching the walls with her hands and listening thoroughly. The further and further down she went, the more intelligible the voice became.

Eventually, it led her to a large doorway. The doors were locked when she twisted at the knob. However, in less than a second, the voice seemed to have opened the doors for her. Jane turned both ways of the hall to see if there was anyone. Nope, all clear.

Walking in, the skylight illuminated the room, making the clear water of the fountain in the middle sparkle. It looked like glistening diamonds, and fish with white, flowing fins shined with platinum scales. Aside from the skylight, there were no visible windows and no sign of other wildlife.

Looking down, Jane could see a plaque atop the water. On it were runes unbeknownst to her, and a symbol of a tree. She couldn’t make out what it meant, but the voice called to her once more.

Speak the words, it said.

Jane could only furrow her brows “How?” She asked the empty space

The heart is a powerful tool in the face of adversity.

It sounded foolish. Practically useless. Jane really wished she had brought her phone to use as a translator right now. She had no idea what in hell the voice was talking about.

And then it hit her.

Taking her book from the small pocket of her skirt, Jane skimmed through the pages to find the one where she had studied the Norse runes. There were many that were assigned “N/A”, as much of the Norse culture had been lost. And well, Thor had been busy doing other things so he wasn’t much help either.

Her finger stopped at one of the runes, her mouth agape. Jane placed the book beneath the plaque, noticing one of the runes was the same one.

The rune that represented the heart.

Speak the words, the voice repeated.

Jane withdrew the book back into her pocket, and looked at the plaque once more. She felt like she was suddenly illiterate. But it seemed as if logic and astrophysics wasn’t going to help her with this dilemma.

So instead, she took a deep breath, and just went for it.

“ The start of a journey begins with the shore, but yet there truly is no end.

For like the heart that stays in place, the ocean does not descend”

A growl was then heard as the plaque went beneath the fountain. The rumbling grew louder, the fish swimming away from the growing passage that grew underneath the water. Jane watched as the floor opened beneath her. She stepped back, but she felt her skirt beginning to wet. The water was spilling towards her.

It turned out the passage was far bigger than she expected, and before she had a moment a react, Jane was sucked into the floor, eliciting a gasp and a small squeal out of her mouth. She braced for impact and landed on her back. Jane groaned in pain, grabbing the back of her head that had hit the stone floor. Had the fall been from a couple more feet, it could’ve killed her.

Back above, Sif was running through the corridors trying to find Jane. She was grabbing at the hilt of her sword. Just in case, should it be any of Hela’s goons trying to play a trick on her.

Jane looked around the stone walls, empty and wet from the fallen water above. She got up and tended to her dress, wiping off the rubble and dust, even moving her hair out of her face. Jane’s gaze averted to the walls once more. The fish from the fountain had swam down into the hole with her, reverting back to their regal and peaceful movements.

They grouped together and tread carefully around what appeared to be a long club of rock. Jane was confused at first, but decided that perhaps reason wouldn’t be the most helpful arsenal right now. Walking towards the wall, Jane reached for the club carefully, but then jumped when she heard a voice above yell at her.

“Lady Jane!” Sif exclaimed “Stay there, I’ll get you out!”

Jane put her hand up “No stop, wait!” She said “Just hold on!”

Sif was confused but then tensed as she saw Jane looking at the club “Jane...” She called out. But nothing “Foster, don’t! Jane, don’t touch anything!”

Jane, however, was making no attempt to pay attention. She resumed her previous action of reaching for the club, and held her breath as her hands scraped the wet and cold stone. Jane pulled at the stick, but frowned as it stayed stuck in place.

She pulled harder, even positioning her foot on the wall for leverage. Jane ignored the exclaims from Sif to stop, tugging harder and harder until the wall began to crack. The fish swam away, and all at once, the club detached from its place, sending Jane flying back as the stick landed next to her.

Sif watched the whole ordeal like a mother watching her child disobey her “Foster!” She exclaimed “Are you alright?!”

Jane got up to her feet and looked up, club in hand “Yeah...Yeah I’m fine”

“Stay there, I’ll help you up”

“Not like I’m going anywhere...” Jane muttered. She looked at the large, bulbous stick in her hand. Examining it, she could see there were now small glowing veins coming from the top. Seems like her previous action had managed to crack the stone a bit.

Above her, Sif extended her sword to pull Jane out of the hole. The passage closed up, and the fish swam in the fountain yet again. As if nothing had happened. Confused, Sif looked to Jane for an answer “Forgive me, Foster” She said “My incompetence resulted in your endangerment, and for that, I am most ashamed”

Jane smiled gently and put her hand on the goddess’s shoulder “Hey, don’t worry about it. Either way, those trolls probably wouldn’t have let me leave, so if anything, you were big help”

Sif motioned to the club in the mortals lap “I’m assuming your endeavor wasn’t for naught?”

“Yeah well,” Jane began “I have a feeling this is only the first of my endeavors”

“You heard a voice calling to you, correct?”

“Yup”

“Was it the Fylgja?”

“Nope” Jane looked up to see Sif extending her hand for her to get up, and she took it graciously “I’m pretty sure it was something else. But whatever it was, at least it helped me find this”

Sif smiled mischievously “Oh how lovely. A battering ram gifted by fish. I’m sure the berserkers would enjoy a new recruit, don’t you?”

Jane could only roll her eyes “How is it you never got along with Loki? Honestly, it’s like I’m talking to a clone”

The warrior goddess chuckled heartily “Oh how blasphemous! If anything, I’m more Thor than Loki. But then again, I’m generally more me than me”

“Yeah ok, let’s get off our golden throne now, huh?” Jane saved playfully. The two walked side by side out of the room, closing the doors behind them.

Without their notice, the doors then disappeared, leaving behind an empty wall. Inside the room, the fountain stopped running water, and the fish, almost on command, scurried together and disappeared into thin air. The room was left vacant, as if it was never occupied at all.

[geewobbles]

World War Kitchen: Spoon’s Army

World War Kitchen: Spoon’s Army

A round table with multiple people sitting around it, and the leader pacing in front, papers are strewn across the table.

*Spoon kills fork heir* *laughs maniacally over the fork body*

1/4 Measuring Cup: *gasps audibly* No! Spoon has killed Archduke Franz Forkinand! He said that we're next!

1 Measuring Cup: He cannot vanquish us! For we have knife on our side!

2/3 Measuring Cup: *looking at clipboard* there's a new player in the field-Spork-he has the ability to make or break the world! *holds up picture*

1/2 Measuring Cup: I know him! He comes from the small town of Cutlery

Teaspoon: But I thought that when he was needed most he vanished?

1 Measuring Cup: He is the unknown heir of silver and ware.

Teaspoon: Hehe that rhymed.

1/4 Measuring Cup: He has a destiny to become something but has it rough because he isn't made of hero stuff

2/3 Measuring Cup: Not the glistening grey we know today but of….. The dull white plastich!

1/4 Measuring Cup: He may be flexible but he wasn't built for combat

1 Measuring Cup: *slams fist on table* WE CANNOT REST UNTIL SPORK IS FOUND AND THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE IS DECIDED!

1/2 Measuring Cup: Well that escalated quickly

2/3 Measuring Cup: Until Spoon is dead, gone, or hopefully this doesn't happen, all-powerful, then and only then may we rest… Either in peace or PIECES.

Teaspoon: DEATH TO SPOON!

1/4 Measuring Cup: Knife will locate the threats while we locate Spork

1 Measuring Cup: What about Fork?

1/2 Measuring Cup: She's undecided at the moment… *looks into distance* she could either help Spork or destroy him

2/3 Measuring Cup: Even after we find him how can we be sure he won't pull an Anakin?

1/2 Measuring Cup: We must contact Fork, but not just any fork… The fork of three tines- The mighty provider of the sea god!

1/4 Measuring Cup: THE FORK?!

2/3 Measuring Cup: Yes. THE fork.

1/2 Measuring Cup: The only love of knife. He is the only one who can summon her, and even then she still may not come…

Teaspoon: But she must help…. She's our only hope…

1 Measuring Cup: Well we have to have hope. How does this affect Spoon anyway? *nobody listen* w*listens to radio*

2/3 Measuring Cup: *talks to audience as hq workers talk amongst themselves* unknown to us ladle is secretly working with the enemy.

1/4 Measuring Cup: *gasps* LADLE IS WORKING WITH THE ENEMY!!! AS IS SCRAPER!!!

Teaspoon: I thought he was neutral!

1 Measuring Cup: I guess there is corruption in every corner of the Kitchen

1/2 Measuring Cup: WHAT ABOUT THE MEASURING CUPS?!

2/3 Measuring Cup: They together make up the council and are so far unpredictable.

1/4 Measuring Cup: SPATULA AND WHISK HAVE JOINED SPOON AND HIS ARMY!!

Teaspoon: Well if they've joined, grater can't be far behind… Please tell me he hasn't joined yet?!

1/2 Measuring Cup: Hopefully he's stayed out of it…

1/4 Measuring Cup: Nope.

1/2 Measuring Cup: Dang it.

2/3 Measuring Cup: We need to send in troops to protect the weapons base: the Fridge

1 Measuring Cup: Well so far it seems that the land of Cupboardonthefarleft, one word- home of the gentle race of coffee mugs, is the first target.

1/4 Measuring Cup: NOT THE COFFEE MUGS!!! THEY'RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!

2/3 Measuring Cup: The Fridge is a pretty sketchy place guys…. Who knows what leftovers are in there…

Teaspoon:Touché (too shay) … *gasps* What about spoons nasty torture chamber? What was it…. Oh! Microwave.

2/3 Measuring Cup:We don't speak of Microwave!

1/4 Measuring Cup: *talks over 2/3 Measuring Cup* Let's not forget to mention the innocent and yet the totally blamed culture standing in the way of everything, Tupperware.  

1 Measuring Cup: touchy subject… Have you been?

2/3 Measuring Cup: Not me but someone close to me…

1/2 Measuring Cup: Was it.. Was it pizza cutter?

1/4 Measuring Cup: It wasn't Fork was it?!

2/3 Measuring Cup: It was Saran Wrap! It didn't end well… He melted all over the rice!

1 Measuring Cup: Didn't tinfoil try to rescue him?

2/3 Measuring Cup: of course!

1/2 Measuring Cup: But it was too late wasn't it?

2/3 Measuring Cup: Together they were thrown into the Garbage Can… The kitchen cemetery….

Teaspoon: Dark times… I mean how could Spoon do that? And to rice! One of the kinder foods!

1/4 Measuring Cup: We must avenge every death caused by Spoon!

1 Measuring Cup: We need Spork!

2/3 Measuring Cup: Knife we need you to call on Fork now!

Knife: I will try…

Teaspoon: where is fork located?

1/2 Measuring Cup: *at the same time as Teaspoon* we need fork first… Only she can ensure Sporks destiny

1/4 Measuring Cup: it's difficult to tell but I believe I've made some contact with Fork though the signal is weak!

Knife: her location is classified only level impurity knows her location, and if they share it, war will break out.

1 Measuring Cup: Spoon started this war!! War has already begun!! She needs to come out and fight!!

Teaspoon: Knife is our only hope!

2/3 Measuring Cup: *gasp while holding pile of papers* I may have something!

(Other team members ask questions along the line of what's and whatcha find)

2/3 Measuring Cup: Yes of course! She is hiding in the faraway land of Bottom Drawer!

1/2 Measuring Cup: Wonderful! *clapping noises* as soon as you make a connection we can teleport her here in a flash!

2/3 Measuring Cup: Wait! There isn't a handle on the bottom drawer!

1/4 Measuring Cup: what?! We are done for!

Teaspoon: Knife can pry it open!

1/4 Measuring Cup: *desperately wails* It will take months to journey there!

1 Measuring Cup: Well we needed him there…. Yesterday. Figure something out.

1/2 Measuring Cup: Knife should try to make it there but are there any trusted allies who are already near the Bottom Drawer who could open the Gate?

Teaspoon: Well…. Mixer could… But….

1/2 Measuring Cup: There isn't an outlet near the Bottom Drawer….

1 Measuring Cup: It's the only chance we have! Contact someone immediately and get that gate open!

All: Yes ma'am

1/4 Measuring Cup: Then we need to get power strip and extension cord, the most famous duo in Kitchen to help us

1 Measuring Cup: Well Extension Cord is in the dangerous land of Garage and we need to find him if Mixer is to have enough strength.

Teaspoon: Garage is too far ma'am.

1 Measuring Cup: Yes yes.. Maybe scissors will have connections?

1/4 Measuring Cup: Hopefully she hasn't severed them

1/4 Measuring Cup giggles *plays ba dum tiss sound* all glare at 1/4 Measuring Cup

1/2 Measuring Cup: Well knowing scissors…. She's kinda well I can't say the word I want but knowing her she probably has

1 Measuring Cup: We need to act now or all the civilization of Kitchen will be lost!

2/3 Measuring Cup: Scissors needs to take her anger out at spoon. I know she stabbed her brother but she was forced by spoon

Teaspoon: Why isn't oven or stove helping? They have to be involved somehow…. *everyone ignore her*

1 Measuring Cup: How is knife's journey to Bottom Drawer going?

Teaspoon: Has Fork been found?

2/3 Measuring Cup: *reviewing papers**gasps**pulls out Star Wars meme from drawer* ITS A TRAP. Sorry I had to… Couldn't resist. But seriously SPOON PUT HER THERE!!

1/4 Measuring Cup: Extension is the fastest traveler I know and will be to Bottom Drawer in a few hours time

Scissors: I suppose I could open the drawer… But at a price.

2/3 Measuring Cup: WHY ARE NONE OF YOU LISTENING?? IT. IS. A. TRAP. SPOON HAS WHISK AND GRATER WAITING FOR MIXER!!

1 Measuring Cup: It's all over now…

2/3 Measuring Cup: What happened? Did they make it? Please scissor what is your price? Please help us! You are our only hope!

Scissors: *seductively* what are you willing to pay for my services??

1 Measuring Cup: We have lost all communications with Knife, but all hope isn't lost. What are you willing to bargain for?

1/2 Measuring Cup: KNIFE IS GONE.  IT'S ALL OVER NOW.

Knife: DON'T LISTEN TO SCISSORS… She's working for the enemy… She injured me and killed Extension cord. Here's his head * 1/4 Measuring Cup holds like a telegram picture of extension cord head*

Teaspoon: NOT EXTENSION CORD!

*room goes black*

1/4 Measuring Cup: Well… Shoot. (DO. NOT. SWEAR. I REPEAT. DO. NOT. SWEAR.)

1 Measuring Cup: Get power back on! Stat!

All: Yes ma'am!

NEXT DAY

 2/3 Measuring Cup: *reviewing papers* *wails* THE HORROR! The peace of the Coffee Mug people has been destroyed as we slept!

1/2 Measuring Cup: We must take action!

1/4 Measuring Cup: War is upon us!

1 Measuring Cup: We have no time to mourn! Who will be in our army?!

Teaspoon: I don't know ma'am…

1 Measuring Cup: WE NEED WARRIORS

2/3 Measuring Cup: *looks over stats* The Steak Knives!!

1/2 Measuring Cup: The wounded coffee mugs are also ready to fight ma'am!

1 Measuring Cup: The most cunning combined with the most strategic

1/2 Measuring Cup: They can rally the other races of cups as well!

1/4 Measuring Cup: YES!! Wine glasses, tumblers, and milk glasses have agreed to help the Resistance.

Teaspoon: Where do bowls stand in all of this?

1 Measuring Cup: Bowls are allies with Spoon! How could you forget? Plates, however, could be useful….

2/3 Measuring Cup: I think coffee maker is ready to avenge his people's deaths…

1 Measuring Cup: Yes of course, he has pledged his services to the Resistance and the Coffee Cup Nation

1/4 Measuring Cup: Coffee Maker is most useful guarding the lands to prevent further attack seeing as Extension Cord… Is… *sobs* no longer with us..

1/2 Measuring Cup: Alright time to ask what we're all thinking… How is Knife fairing?

1 Measuring Cup: We still don't know.. connection hasn’t been the best, and last we heard Scissors had just stabbed them, metaphorically, in the back.

2/3 Measuring Cup: *Looks at map where knife is located aka stabbed in board* I see no one close to him to rush to his aid and brave the trap…

Teaspoon: Coffee Maker could send his minions, coffee filters to save knife…

1 Measuring Cup: Coffee Filters are weak and disposable!

2/3 Measuring Cup: Yes ma'am I understand but there are many of them and they are loyal to the Resistance 1 Measuring Cup: Exactly! *raspy noises show up* Knife?! How did you contact us?! Are you alright?!

1/4 Measuring Cup: Ma'am it might not be Knife… It could be scissors….

Knife: I cannot stay long as I am badly injured but not far from the Drawer… With some help I should be able to get it open

Teaspoon: that was definitely Knifes voice

1/4 Measuring Cup: Alright alright after he said he was injured I knew it was him.

1 Measuring Cup: How did you fight off scissors?

Knife: Quick!.... Send…. Coff…. ters…. osin… Y………… *raspy noises are continual. Someone turns off speaker*

1 Measuring Cup: Coffee filters are on their way to aid you, it should buy you enough time to break in and escape. Good Luck!

Teaspoon: I hope Knife succeeds… The whole safety of Kitchen depends on it.

1 Measuring Cup: Well now that we know what's happening on that end of things, we can buy him more time if we advance our army here, *moves pieces into Spoons Homeland* Cabinet Hill, spoon’s homeland

1/4 Measuring Cup: Ma'am we have Intel from the Coffee Mugs

1 Measuring Cup: Anything useful?

2/3 Measuring Cup: Isn't spoon located in the Top Drawer…. *reviews papers*

1/2 Measuring Cup: No that's where his army is located not necessarily Spoon himself though

1/4 Measuring Cup: But Coffee Mugs told us that his army recuperated at Top Drawer and now is planning on attacking Cutlery and killing Spork.

Teaspoon: Knife needs to hurry and free Spork

1 Measuring Cup: Definitely. We can slow them down with our ever growing army and buy knife more time to beat the army to Cutlery

Teaspoon: What are spoons plans himself?

2/3 Measuring Cup: He is planning on taking out anyone standing in his way of Cutlery. He wants Spork as bad as we do but for worse intentions. At least that's what the Intel says…

Teaspoon: Ohhh… Why have we heard nothing from fork!? She has to have some form of communication….

1/4 Measuring Cup: Why isn't Spork contacting us as well?

1 Measuring Cup: Spork has gone into hiding, he doesn't want to be disturbed… He fears if he interacts with too many people he will turn to the darkside….

1/4 Measuring Cup: *telegram from fork* FORK HAS BEEN FOUND!!!

1 Measuring Cup: YES! Spork can come out of hiding now!

2/3 Measuring Cup: Ma'am knife is trying to contact us again..

1 Measuring Cup: Excellent! How are you faring? Rolling pin is on his way to you to provide you with transportation.

Knife: I am doing much better… It was a tough battle to get into Bottom Drawer but as soon as the gate was open the enemy retreated. The coffee filters have covered my wounds and I will be healed soon. Fork is glad we found her and is willing to help.

1 Measuring Cup: Wonderful. Rolling pin is bringing you fresh supplies to aid you and will get you to Cutlery in half the time… Making it possible to beat spoons army…

1/4 Measuring Cup: Spork must be the first one helped! I fear Spoon is slowly turning him darkside….

2/3 Measuring Cup: Ma'am! Steak knives have announced their fighting status but have lost all men on the front lines! The enemy is breaking through the second defenses but are slowing down.

Knife: I can see rolling pin, my old pal, getting closer on the horizon. God bless his speedy little heart.

1 Measuring Cup: Great. I will inform Steak Knife Commander

1/2 Measuring Cup: *random scissor noises* I hear scissor noises… Is that scissors?!

Knife: it can't be she's dead!

1 Measuring Cup: You must beat her! Three Tine Fork is also very powerful! Her strength and yours combined is unbeatable!

Napkins: *static noises* Come in hq come in

1 Measuring Cup: I read you

Napkins: We have located Spork in the deepest cave in Cutlery! We don't have a twist tie long enough to reach him. All we can do is guard the cave.

Knife: ROLLING PIN HAS BEEN WOUNDED. Scissors is dead now… For real. You were right about Fork being powerful.

1/2 Measuring Cup: rolling pin will come through! He must!

2/3 Measuring Cup: Wait napkins are you saying he's in the Corner Bottom Cupboard? Isn't it a lazy Susan?

Teaspoon: Not the labyrinth that is the Lazy Susan!

Napkins: No this is worse! I wasn't even aware Cutlery had one of these….. A sink drain…. The only way to the bottom is to free fall and pray for a soft landing….

1/2 Measuring Cup: Not the Sink Drain!!!! Please tell me there's no garbage disposal!?

1 Measuring Cup: If Spork made it down there alive he is facing the most horrifying things… and thankfully there isn't a garbage disposal otherwise all hope would be lost and the sink would be broken

1/4 Measuring Cup: What about the chef ma'am?

1 Measuring Cup: he's on his own side and napkins can't go down the drain as they will get all soggy and dissolve. I'm willing to bet Spork knows how to escape...

2/3 Measuring Cup: I'm telling you ma'am-

Knife: Rolling pin has just  arrived and I need to know where to go…

2/3 Measuring Cup: *at the same time as 1 Measuring Cup* Lazy Susan *angry glares*

1 Measuring Cup: *at the same time as 2/3 Measuring Cup* Sink Drain! *angry glares*

1 Measuring Cup: *at 2/3 Measuring Cup* He willingly went into the drain for hiding! He knew no one would be dumb enough to follow him there…

2/3 Measuring Cup: He still wouldn't fit! The curve alone and rate he was falling at would kill him!

1/2 Measuring Cup: The drain is the most obvious choice…. Letters have confirmed his position in the field…

Teaspoon:*at 2/3 Measuring Cup* what's your source? *metaphorically snaps*

2/3 Measuring Cup: Letters can be tampered with and I don't have one!

Knife: Hold on! We have completely forgotten that fork has the strongest connection with him!

1 Measuring Cup: Yes, ask Fork… She'll lead you to the Drain I'm sure of it….

1/4 Measuring Cup: What if he's not in either?

Napkins: We can hear Spoons Army approaching!

Knife: I have consulted with Fork and he is not in either of those places… He's under the island!

Napkins: We need to retreat! Where is Headquarters?!

2/3 Measuring Cup: *looks at clipboard* Only Level Impurity can know our position given that it's classified but I've been told we’re near Thecupboardabovethefridgethatnobodyactuallyopens. All one word.

Knife: We will go to the Island and find Spork. If he is not there all will be lost! We’ll try to keep in contact.

Napkins: TELL MY CRUMBS I LOVE THEM!!! *napkin screeches* *static*

1/2 Measuring Cup: HOW WILL DISH TOWEL AND CRUMBS GET BY?!?! YOU CANNOT DIE!

1 Measuring Cup: What happened to napkin?

1/4 Measuring Cup: Napkin… Is… No more…

1 Measuring Cup: No time to mourn! Knife get to the island! It won't take long for Spoon to search through napkins Intel and find Sporks location!

Teaspoon: Go knife go!!

Knife: Thanks to rolling pin we're already halfway there!

Teaspoon: Thank goodness

2/3 Measuring Cup: I'm afraid they've thrown the napkins down the drain… There is no hope for survival…

1 Measuring Cup: Dang it! *scatters papers off the table* *Teaspoon and 1/2 Measuring Cup panic and pick them up*

Knife: That's terrible! Now what do I do?

1 Measuring Cup: Stay the course- find Spork

Teaspoon: Spork will save us! I know it!

Knife: He's still at the island right?

1/4 Measuring Cup: yes I believe so… We really have no way of knowing for sure… We just have to hope…

Knife: we've reached the island. It's a freaking war zone and spoons men are everywhere searching for Spork!

1/2 Measuring Cup: Have fork arrange a meeting place

Knife: Already done. We're going to meet with him now.

1 Measuring Cup: Great. Tell us whether he'll help or not

Knife: he has agreed to come with us. He has allied with the Tupperware that live under the island. They are surprisingly strong warriors and are determined to prove their loyalty to the Resistance. They will come back with us to strengthen our army.

Teaspoon: Excellent

Knife: we have fought our way out. Spoon has many men but they are weak. Where should we meet you?

1 Measuring Cup: We're at the stove.. Shouldn't be too long of a trip

1/2 Measuring Cup: Sending coordinates now

Knife: The stove it is! Fork, Spork, and I will be there shortly and the Tupperware are following close behind.

2/3 Measuring Cup: Oh Tupperware…

1 Measuring Cup: It appears that this will be the last stand and whether we fall or rise it is in Spork’s nonexistent hands!

2/3 Measuring Cup: *battle cry voice* TO THE DEATH!!!!

Teaspoon: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!

Knife: We've just arrived

1/4 Measuring Cup: Spoon Just said to Spork: Spork you cannot hide from me! I'm your brother!

1/4 Measuring Cup: He also just said he won't stop until Sporks dead!!

*collective gasps* *one random sob*

1 Measuring Cup: knife tell Spork he must save us!

Teaspoon: Spork just said he didn't know how but he doesn't fear his brother!

1/2 Measuring Cup: I guess Spoon likes a fearless enemy…

2/3 Measuring Cup: Ma'am people are talking… Too many voices… Spork is randomly glowing!

1 Measuring Cup: *to audience* As Sporks glowing intensified- so we heard in later reports- Spoon froze on his spot, his non existent face contorted with pain as the metal that he was made of began to crackle and turn into….

2/3 Measuring Cup: PLASTICH!

1 Measuring Cup: That was my line…

2/3 Measuring Cup: Sorry ma'am….

Knife: Tupperware take him down!!!

Spoon: NO NOT ME *spoon breaks* maybe just break a plastich spoon??*

Knife: It's all over now. Stand down spoons army!!

1/2 Measuring Cup: *to audience* Spoons army began to surrender- as we heard later- but then at that moment the Burners of the land of Stove clicked on…

*random hissing and screams*

1 Measuring Cup: What is that noise?!

2/3 Measuring Cup: ma'am I getting reports that Spork has fallen! I repeat Spork has- HE'S MELTING!!!

1 Measuring Cup: *to audience* Everyone died. (Say as flat as possible)

1/2 Measuring Cup: There's more to it ma'am… Tupperware as well as Spoons army perished in the land of stove…

1/4 Measuring Cup: But knife and three tine fork survived!! But I hear they fled and went into hiding….

Teaspoon: So we won't be hearing from them for a while…

1/2 Measuring Cup: But there is a rumor floating amongst the ranks that knife and fork dragged a partially melted Spork with them as they fled….

1 Measuring Cup: Thank goodness Spoon perished…. All is well….

2/3 Measuring Cup: Peace rules the land of kitchen… Finally. Until that fateful day when Chef decided to cook again..  *looks into distance* But that's a story for another day.

The End

       *measuring cups were friends and I and this was a school project born out of late night texts

@merry-lesbian @botanist-princess thought you might like this trip down memory lane

[aion-rsa]

Doctor Who: Ranking the Dalek Stories – Which is the Best?

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“… hideous, machine-like creatures. They are legless, moving on a round base. They have no human features. A lens on a flexible shaft acts as an eye, arms with mechanical grips for hands.” Terry Nation’s script for ‘The Survivors’ (aka ‘The Daleks’ Part Two)

The Daleks, along with Judge Dredd, are fictional fascists beloved by a wide audience. At their heart is a combination of terrifying concept – Nazis who always return (imagine) – with a triumph of design. The greatest Dalek stories tap into this uneasy alliance.

A quick summary of the thinking behind this article:

A. We thought people would enjoy it.

B. If a story features the Daleks in a small cameo role, I’ve not included it (for example, ‘Frontier in Space’, ‘The Wedding of River Song’, ‘The Pilot’). I’ve removed ‘The Day of the Doctor’ and ‘The Time of the Doctor’: it seems silly to rate them based on their Dalek content.

The rankings are not based purely on how entertaining I find the stories, but also on how the Daleks are used and developed, the Doctor’s response to them and what that says (within both the larger context of the show’s history and the stories surrounding it). As this only covers television stories, I should mention that I think the best Dalek story of all time is the Big Finish audioplay ‘Jubilee’ by Rob Shearman, which you should know as little as possible about before listening to.

24. Planet of the Daleks

Having not seen this until its DVD release, I don’t have any residual affection for this story from childhood (unlike other stories on this list; I thought ‘Resurrection of the Daleks’ was great when I was nine).

‘Planet’comes across as lazy now. To be fair to Terry Nation, no one could rewatch episodes in 1972, and so his first script for the show since 1965 drew heavily on his old stories. The result is a rote traipse through the familiar.

It’s not without positives: The Doctor’s grief and rage when he thinks Jo is dead is very well acted, although the oft quoted “Courage isn’t just a matter of not being frightened” line works better in isolation than in the actual scene, which feels like HR has invited Jon Pertwee in to do a motivational seminar.

23. Destiny of the Daleks

Terry Nation’s final script for Doctor Who clashed with Script Editor Douglas Adams. Adams tried to zest up what he regarded as tired Nation standards (including radiation poisoning, overambitious monsters, a rare mineral, a quest, things named after their primary characteristic, invisible monsters, jungle planets, aggressive vegetation, flaky Daleks, unfortunate comedy episodes and plagues). The lack of budget is obvious, with knackered Dalek props and an ill-fitting Davros mask (actor David Gooderson also cannot lift Davros’ generic villain dialogue).

Some jokes land (‘Ooh look! Rocks!’) as does some of the Mild Peril (Episode 3’s cliff-hanger especially), but the story about inertia reflects its subject. K9 doesn’t appear because Nation didn’t want him to distract from the Daleks, then reduces them to impotent robots in thrall to their creator anyway.

22. Daleks in Manhattan/ Evolution of the Daleks

It’s not that this re-treads ideas from ‘Evil of the Daleks’, or that the science strains credulity even by Doctor Who standards, it’s that this story feels strangely perfunctory despite its ambitions. This is a shame because there are some great moments in the first episode where the Daleks plot, skulk and lament. It feels salvageable, but Russell T. Davies was ill and unable to perform his usual rewrites on the scripts, and the result feels like ticking off items on a Tenth Doctor Bingo card.

We do get the mental image of the Cult of Skaro sneaking around 1920s New York trying to kidnap a pig though, so you can’t say that it’s all bad.

21. The Chase

‘The Chase’ starts off well and cosy. Terry Nation sets the initial action on a desert planet called Aridius where some aliens from RADA are menaced by a giant ballbag. The regulars are all enjoying themselves. Then we getawkward comedy skits, a poorly judged trip to the Marie Celeste, and a sequence in a haunted house where everyone is stupid for some reason. The momentum never fully recovers from this.

Giving the Daleks time travel to pursue the TARDIS is an important development, and it’s a fantastic set for the interior, but the middle of this story lets it down.

20. Resurrection of the Daleks

From this point on, using the Daleks required approval by Terry Nation or his estate. Nation had been unsatisfied by other writers’ version of the Daleks, which is quite the take, and refused to allow another writer to tackle them until a convention appearance changed his mind. Nation’s feedback on an Eric Saward script meant that the story was revised and became overfull to satisfy both writers’ visions.

A delay in production gave time for streamlining, but nonetheless ‘Resurrection’ is messy and ultimately doesn’t seem very interested in the Daleks (focussing again on Davros and Saward’s mercenary characters). Indeed, the Daleks here seem even weaker than in ‘Destiny’, relying on mercenaries to take over Davros’ prison ship and being insecure enough to give them little Dalek decorations on their helmets.

In its defence, Matthew Robinson directs it with gusto, somewhere in there is a critique of its own violence, and Tegan’s departure is excellent.

19. Revolution of the Daleks

This is not a story that uses the Daleks on more than one level, and yet also possibly the nearest thing its era gets to political satire. We have someone using the remains of a Dalek to build security drones, associating a representation of fascism with law enforcement and connecting it to government, but the story moves away from this idea into cloned Dalek mutants hijack the drones and kill people, and then the original Daleks turn up to kill them because they’re not genetically pure. The Doctor’s solution to the remaining Daleks is good, but while this one doesn’t do anything outrageously wrong, it doesn’t do anything especially right either.

18. Resolution

Likewise, this story is just sort of there, like Shed Seven or thrush. The Daleks have a new form of controlling people, with the mutant wearing them like the title creatures from ‘Planet of the Spiders’ (as strong an image as it was in 1975) and the DIY Dalek shell mirrors the Doctor’s rebuilding of the sonic screwdriver.

The Dalek also demonstrates its firepower quite impressively, but contrasting this with ‘Dalek’ shows what’s missing: this doesn’t have anything like the personal stakes of that story, and so we have some pulpy and familiar thrills but little depth.

17. Into the Dalek

The main job of ‘Into the Dalek’ isn’t getting under the skin of the Daleks, but setting up the Series 8 arcs. We have a good Dalek, which turns out to have a damaged inhibitor allowing it to feel compassion, and a Fantastic Voyage-style journey through its interior. This lacks existential dread (in contrast to Clara being trapped inside a Dalek during ‘The Witch’s Familiar’), but Ben Wheatley directs the Daleks in combat extremely well.

It’s very busy, ambitious and patchy: the gag where the Doctor keeps finding Clara unattractive gets old quickly, the dialogue is of variable quality, and everyone has to be stupid for the plot to happen. There’s an interesting story to be had about a broken Dalek and the Doctor’s response to it, but this isn’t it.

16. Victory of the Daleks

Another riff on a Troughton-era story, in this case ‘Power of the Daleks’, this is easier to criticise now separate from the outcry over the New Paradigm design.

And it is… okay. The twist that the Doctor’s hatred of Daleks is what progresses their plan is a better use of this than the usual abyss-gazing. The Daleks win, but this doesn’t land with sufficient weight as the meat of the ending is given over to the ongoing series arc.

It’s a hybrid of Dalek event story and Companion Proves Themselves (with all the iconography of Churchill, World War Two and the Daleks) and is so by necessity somewhat pat in its resolution. Also, by Printing the Legend of Churchill a more interesting story is compressed into the line “If Hitler invaded hell I would give a favourable reference to the Devil”.

Putting aside the Dalek designs, which didn’t work for most people, this story fulfils a function and attempts to disguise this amiably enough.

15. Death to the Daleks

This is a story that, thanks to it being four parts rather than six, we could afford on video. I can’t say for sure how much this impacts my preferring it to ‘Planet of the Daleks’, but I do think it stands out slightlyfrom other Terry Nation stories despite the familiar elements (rare minerals, quests, a first episode featuring just the regulars). 

Carey Blyton’s score, along with Arnold Yarrow’s performance as Bellal, has an endearing quirkiness. There are little flourishes like the Daleks using a model TARDIS for target practice, and the Doctor’s melancholy at the destruction of the city. Its oddness occasionally overcomes the quaintness of Nation’s approach to Doctor Who, which doesn’t seem to have changed since 1965.

14. Army of Ghosts/ Doomsday

Having successfully brought the Daleks back, Russell T. Davies held off on using them again until the Series 2 finale. We have the Daleks versus the Doctor and �� for the first time – the Cybermen. The Dalek threat is resolved fairly swiftly as a mechanism to separate the Doctor and Rose, but what we do get is the Cult of Skaro (the return of the Black Dalek! Daleks with names! I don’t know why these are exciting but they are!) and the joy of subverting the two biggest monsters finally meeting by – instead of a huge space battle – having four of them read each other in a corridor with sassy putdowns.

13. Revelation of the Daleks

Eric Saward’s second Dalek story features Davros turning humans into a new race of Daleks leading to the stirrings of a civil war with the originals.

There are always garish edges to Saward’s writing, but the sequence where a character discovers her father’s body inside a glass Dalek – and he alternates between ranting about genetic purity and begging him to kill her – is at its core such a terrifying idea that it succeeds where the horrors of ‘Resurrection’ seem shallow. It does share that story’s lack of interest in the Daleks for the most part though, but this scene makes them scary for the first time since ‘Genesis’.

This also features Alexei Sayle fighting Daleks with a ray gun that fires rock’n’roll. If you don’t like that then we’re probably not going to agree on much about Doctor Who.

Read more

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Doctor Who: Ranking Every Single Companion Departure

By Andrew Blair

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Doctor Who: A History of Dalek Redesigns and Fan Reactions

By Andrew Blair

12. Day of the Daleks

This is an example of the Daleks’ importance to Doctor Who. After talking to Huw Weldon, who had been responsible for the length of ‘The Dalek Master Plan’, producer Barry Letts decided to bring the Daleks back for the Season 9 finale, with Terry Nation’s permission, only to decide that the show instead needed a hook for the opening story of Season 10. As a result, the Daleks were inserted into the story planned for that slot. This is a common feature of Dalek stories: it’s hard to write something original that they’re intrinsic to.

The production suffers from the small number of Dalek props available, and director Paul Bernard not using the ring modulator effect for their voices. This is a good story (though maybe not a good Dalek Story) with a then novel time paradox plot and Aubrey Woods’ Controller is a really strong performance. Viewing figures broke the 10 million mark for the first time since ‘The Dalek Master Plan’, so the decision to bring the Daleks back was absolutely vindicated.

11. Mission to the Unknown/The Daleks’ Master Plan

Essentially a longer and darker version of ‘The Chase’ with higher stakes – it’s not simply that the Daleks want to kill the Doctor, it’s that the Doctor stole part of their superweapon – with a subpar comedy episode and lots of hostile planets (deadly plants, invisible monsters, a rare mineral: such familiarity!). Extended to twelve episodes, it loses its way but commits to its scale with an incredibly downbeat ending that uses jungle planet cliché for contrast: Kembel is reduced to sand and dust.

A highlight of this story is the alliance of Outer Galaxy emissaries who join with the Daleks, a group of Doctor Who villains who inevitably bicker and betray each other. This, rather than the Space Security Service, is what Terry Nation should have focussed on for his spin-offs.

10. Asylum of the Daleks

Steven Moffat’s first proper Dalek story was part of Series 7A, an attempt at weekly blockbusters driven by high concepts. Here, then was the promise of a Dalek asylum with old and replica props, while also attempting to unify both the New Paradigm designsand the lack of emotional fallout to Amy and Rory Pond’s baby being kidnapped. Moffat also threw in a surprise new companion appearance and it’s this, combined with a nano cloud weapon that turns people into Daleks.

It’s not that the others don’t get resolved, but it’s done swiftly in another busy story. While the Daleks have previously controlled people, the idea of actually being turned into Daleks is both macabre and slightly jarring. It feels like, considering their last story involved a plotline about genetic purity, this isn’t the right fit. What does work better is the concept that the Daleks have a concept of beauty, and it’s based around hatred. While this episode does fulfil its blockbuster ambitions it also feels like it needs more room to breathe in order to do justice to all its concepts.

9. The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End

This is the logical conclusion of the Daleks’ return to the show: invading present-day Earth with a huge fleet (complete with Davros backseat driving). Also here, on top of the scale and sheer pace of the storytelling, is the logical conclusion of the Daleks: they attempt to destroy all other life in the universe in one go.

However, there’s also a sense of their ‘Day of the Daleks’role. They’re the Big Guns, so out they come for Doctor Who’s version of Infinity War. They’re developed here by virtue of Davies giving some of them distinct characters (Hello Dalek Caan, hello another stellar Nick Briggs performance). The Daleks here are aggressive and powerful (until Donna finds the off-switch in their basement), but the Doctor’s storyline is more tied up with the companions’ fates than the Daleks.

Davros is also here, trying to suggest to the Doctor that his friends trying to kill Daleks – the most evil race in the universe who are currently trying to obliterate all other sentient life – is bad (this idea worked once in a specific context and no one else has managed it before or since). On the other hand, Davros recognising Sarah Jane again is a thrilling way to bind Doctor Who to its past.

8. The Daleks

On the one hand, I find this story drags towards the end after a strong and uneasy start, but on the other Doctor Who doesn’t exist as we know it without ‘The Daleks’.

It’s hard to imagine the impact of this story on a 1963 audience, especially as we’re so familiar with what the Daleks and Doctor Who were to become. Consider, then, a story with the fear of the bomb writ large (broadcast a year after the Cuban Missile Crisis) and the Daleks in that context. That’s the existential fear angle for the adults covered, which meant they were happy to watch along, but more important was the response from children: love.

Many people contributed to the story and to the Daleks. Nation’s desire to avoid a Man-In-A-Suit monster is important, but key is the work of designer Raymond Cusick, voice actor Peter Hawkins and the Radiophonic Workshop’s Brian Hodgson. What the initially sceptical BBC found was that by the third episode, children who had watched the show were impersonating the Daleks.

There’s a lot to be written about the ageing geek audience who take their childhood toys with them into adulthood, and this article is written by a 35-year-old man who grew up when Doctor Who was off-air. However it’s worth stressing: next time you complain about the show reaching out to primary school aged children, remember that without kids in the playground, Doctor Who would simply not have survived.

7. The Evil of the Daleks

This is an excellent four-part story. Unfortunately it’s seven episodes long.

After a ludicrously convoluted scheme to get the Doctor into the actual plot, amid subplots that go nowhere, there are great parts of David Whittaker’s tale: The Daleks have kidnapped the Doctor and Jamie in order to isolate the Human Factor – the quality humans possess that enables them to regularly defeat the Daleks – to enable them to finally overcome humanity.

Firstly, if Russell T. Davies had written this the forums would never stop complaining about its scientific accuracy. Secondly, what this concept does is allow Whittaker to put the Doctor and Jamie into conflict, with the Doctor’s trickery leading to the unnerving scene of Daleks acting like children and then ultimately a Dalek civil war. We also see the first appearance of the Dalek Emperor, with a huge prop built for the story. When ‘Evil of the Daleks’ is good, it’s electric. You can see this in the surviving episode when the Doctor realises just before they appear that the Daleks are involved.

It’s a shame that the superfluous padding significantly detracts from the rest.

6. The Magician’s Apprentice / The Witch’s Familiar

A story which is primarily about the relationship between the Doctor, Davros, Missy and Clara, but which also casually drops in several new concepts which get under the skin of the Daleks more successfully than anything since ‘Dalek’. The focus is on Davros, but as the Doctor observes ‘Everything you are, they are.’

Firstly, there’s an elegant piece of writing from Steve Moffat where Davros narrates the moments before a Dalek fires, explaining they are waiting for Clara to run. Not only does this explain the Daleks not immediately shooting people, it offers a glimpse into their sadism and malice (as exemplified by Davros). Similarly, the idea that the creature inside the Dalek clings on outside of their life-support system, as they cling onto their home planet, ties into what we’ve seen on screen before.

Finally, anything in a Dalek casing trying to express individuality will have those words and thoughts twisted into the opposite meaning. This returns to the idea that original voice artist Peter Hawkins had for the Daleks – that the creatures inside were trapped. It’s an insidiously nasty idea, perhaps explaining behaviour such as the Dalek that commits suicide in ‘Death to the Daleks’when it sees its prisoners have escaped.

5. The Dalek Invasion of Earth

This and ‘Genesis’ confirm that Terry Nation’s strengths were in war stories rather than the pulp science-fiction adventure story he relied on. ‘Dalek Invasion of Earth’ is a thriller full of post-war fears that forever intertwined the Daleks and The Doctor.The production team pull out all the stops to show a conquered Earth with harrowing matter-of-factness, but the Doctor takes delight in opposing them (Hartnell is great here, taking the edge off with a twinkle but playing Susan’s leaving scene with great pathos too). The last episode is little rushed but overall this is well balanced.

The Daleks here are more mobile and powerful, their regime oppressive, their plans for turning the Earth into a spaceship bizarre and ineffable. As Nation puts it ‘They dare to tamper with the forces of creation’, the sort of boldness that would seep out of his own storytelling in future stories.

4. Genesis of the Daleks

‘Genesis of the Daleks’is another war story realised extremely well. The production does not pull many punches, and is atypically grim for Doctor Who: The Doctor loses but clings on to the slim hope that he hasn’t.

This is clearly Terry Nation’s best script, and is still clearly a Terry Nation script: radiation poisoning, over-ambitious creature requests – I don’t think Doctor Who could ever do a giant clam well, even now – and the endearingly-crap naming conventions (the mutants in the wastelands are called ‘Mutos’ and their dialogue could slot effortlessly into The Mighty Boosh).

Outgoing producer Barry Letts called Nation on his bullshit when he attempted to hand in a similar script for the second time, and suggested an origin story. From here Nation developed the war of attrition, Nazi parallels and the character of Davros (created to have a Dalek-like character who could be given interesting dialogue). Nation commits to making the origins of the Daleks plausibly horrifying. Contrast the halfway stage of ‘The Chase’ – with its misplaced comedy episodes that sap the momentum of the story – with the halfway point here: Davros willingly destroys his entire race to ensure the survival of the Daleks.

Where it feels lesser in comparison is that it is neither connected to an everyday, material reality (unlike ‘Spare Parts’, the story exploring the Cybermen’s origins) and its famous scene where the Doctor asks if he has the right to commit genocide, which looms large in later stories.

And yet, this scene only works in isolation. In context it’s jarring. In surrounding stories, the Doctor kills a sentient robot, a Sontaran, and some Zygons; he will later poison someone with cyanide, all without any qualms. Here, though, he compares destroying Dalek mutants – which are already attacking people – to killing Hitler as a baby. The Doctor worries he’d be as bad as the Daleks if he wipes them out. A few scenes later he has changed his mind, trying and failing to kill them. If it was linked to Davros’ aspirations of godhood, fine, but it’s neither written nor played that way.

It’s not as if the Doctor hasn’t already instigated attacks that seem to wipe the Daleks out, but there other people did the dirty work. It’s this, going forward, that becomes the key aspect of the scene for future writers.

3. Remembrance of the Daleks

‘Remembrance’takes the brewing civil war situation of ‘Revelation’ and connects it simultaneously to Doctor Who and British history. The Doctor is trying to trick the Daleks into using a superweapon hidden in 1963 London, knowing it could result in people dying. The Doctor’s trap feels like a response to ‘Have I the right?’ – clearly he feels he has but doesn’t want to directly press the trigger. It’s both a significant change and logical development in the series and the character, with Sylvester McCoy wanting to play both the weight of the character’s years and actions.

The Daleks are here because it’s an anniversary series but also because if you want a demonstration of power then potentially defeating the Daleks is a clear statement. Writer Ben Aaronovitch doesn’t just involve Daleks with a view to blowing them up, but addresses the reasons for their civil war: the hatred for the unlike that has defined the Daleks but also been part of British culture the entire time Doctor Who has been on screen and beyond, explicitly linked to the most evil creatures in the universe. Not only that, he places that hatred in the supporting cast: the ostensible good guys, the UNIT precursor, the family home.

This has scale, depth and feels important on different levels. This is Doctor Who back to its playground-influencing best.

2. The Power of the Daleks

As Terry Nation was unavailable, David Whitaker wrote the initial scripts before Dennis Spooner’s uncredited rewrites. The Daleks are in this story to bring viewers back on board after the first regeneration, and they also legitimise the new Doctor in contrast to the Daleks. The Mercury swamps that bookend the story also evoke Terry Nation in terms of putting the characters into a hostile alien environment.

The action takes places on a human colony, Vulcan. The Daleks are introduced as a potential solution to their problems, with an insurrectionist faction interested in using them as weapons and the scientist restoring them obsessed with his discoveries. The Doctor’s lone voice of dissent comes across as lunatic ravings, but the audience know the Daleks are manipulating everyone else.

Daleks obviously have the power to kill, but ubiquity had already removed their uncanniness until this story. The suggestion of deeper thought and intelligence builds, and this story gives the lie to the notion that you can’t give the Daleks good dialogue: “Why do human beings kill other human beings?” is full of chilling curiosity, “Yes, you gave us life” a future echo of their capacity for destroying father figures, the almost mocking repetition of “I am your servant”, and the cacophony of “Daleks conquer and destroy” that becomes a disorientating swirl of hatred.

This culminates in a final episode of mass slaughter. The release of tension is colossal. The very end suggests this is not over. The Daleks will never be more unnerving.

1. Dalek/Bad Wolf/The Parting of the Ways

This isn’t a three-parter in the usual sense, but these episodes are inextricably linked, with Russell T. Davies using a series arc to delay and distract the audience from their connection.

What’s key to all three episodes is Christopher Eccleston. He sells the threat of the Daleks better than any other Doctor, elevating the already strong scripts. These are the best performances against the Daleks there will ever be.

If you’re reading this website there’s a strong chance you know that the Daleks were seen going upstairs in the 1980s, but for most viewers ‘Dalek’ was the one that took all the jokes and weaponised them (Indeed Rob Shearman asked his partner what she thought was silly about the Daleks before writing his script): they not only go upstairs but crack skulls with their sucker arm, with added revolving weaponry and force field.

The carnage is well-realised, with director Joe Ahearne letting the Dalek take its time to build the tension, Shearman’s script taps into Russell T. Davies’ new Time War mythology and companion dynamic to allow the Dalek more intelligence in terms of dialogue and emotional manipulation. This Dalek has the threat of those in ‘Genesis’and the intelligence of the ones in ‘Power of the Daleks’.

Their redesign is a microcosm of why ‘Dalek’ works so well: it doesn’t change much, rather it takes what already works and improves upon it. I can’t imagine the return of the Daleks being handled better, while stealthily setting up the stakes of the previously unimaginable series finale.

Over this article I’ve talked about different aspects of the Daleks’ appeal. Children love them and fear them. They tap into adult fears of death, fascism and the uncanny (exemplified by the cacophonic chanting of ‘Exterminate’). That they can appear comical can be weaponised, as can the fact their hatred is not unique to them. Their reach extends into the mundane.

The reasons these episodes work so well is partly because they tap into these strengths, but also that they tell more than anything tell the story of the Ninth Doctor. He’s already committed a double-genocide, as far as he’s concerned, and is barely keeping it together without the prospect of having to commit another one. This is contrasted with the fact of one Dalek being demonstrably dangerous, and now there are hundreds of them. We know what they can, what they will do, and the only way to stop it is for the Doctor to kill Daleks and humans alike. It’s a much more effectively constructed and persuasive dilemma than the one the Doctor proposes in ‘Genesis’.

This story also puts in work with the supporting characters, and rather than being soldiers the staff of the satellite are office workers put into a desperate situation, or people who just wanted to be on telly. While ‘Bad Wolf’isn’t as Dalek-heavy, its satire is subtly devastating. If you look back at clips of The Weakest Link now you can see casual and sadistic cruelty meted out, so connecting this to the Daleks is a stroke of genius (especially with celebrity voices unwittingly joining in their own condemnation), bringing their evil to the everyday.

The Doctor’s closest friends here are merely the people who die last; he knows they’re going to die, and he hears it happen. It becomes increasingly personal, while also satiating that morbid fannish desire to see the Daleks kill someone. Here they seem sadistic, devious, and unstoppable. The need to stop them is obvious, as is the cost.

So rather than an unearned moment of moralising here we have a situation where the Doctor’s decision makes sense, is not abstract to him. This also, in the first series back, makes an important statement: Doctor Who can be dark, and nice people can die horribly, but it is not a series where the grimness becomes overwhelming. Here the Doctor’s decision not to kill is one he knows will also cost him his life, and then his ideals inspire his salvation: it is Rose, not Davros or the Doctor, who is set up among the gods, and her instinct is not – to paraphrase another franchise – to destroy what she hates.

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The reason I love this one is because it delivers on so many fronts: these stories define this Doctor. The story is epic but steeped in the everyday. The Daleks are terrified and terrifying, silent and shrieking, devious and brutal. They feel unstoppable here in a way they simply haven’t since. For a story to do this many things is impressive, but to do them all well is astonishing.

The post Doctor Who: Ranking the Dalek Stories – Which is the Best? appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3sZsTyE

[pagan-raider]

Conquer You - Chapter 6

@tomboy-till-death @ladyvampirelove @neverlands-little-lost-girl @itharley @samantha24015 @peculiarleah @skeletoresinthebasement @thenorns-themoirai @kirah31 @ruler-of-hel

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5

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Thyra slowly opened the door to the small hut at the outskirts of Kattegat. Had it been a good idea to come here? She wasn’t sure. She wanted answers but she was also afraid of them. She took a deep breath to fight her nervousness and stepped into the hut. It was almost dark inside. Thick curtains kept the sunlight out and the only light was coming from two small candles in the back corners. She blinked and waited for her eyes to adjust to the twilight.

“What do you want?” A dark voice asked.

“I have a question for you, oh wise one.” She said into the darkness.

“Everyone comes here with questions.”

Thyra could make out a hooded figure, sitting on an old wooden table. She had seen the seer in town before but being alone with him in the dark hut felt a bit creepy. She had heard so many stories about him since she had arrived in Kattegat. People said he was supposed to have died many lifetimes ago, but still he was alive. In a strange way he was connected to the gods, who shared their wisdom with him and he shared some of it with the people who came to seek his council, but usually in riddles she had been told. Thyra had never talked to a seer before and she had hesitated to come here for a long time, but she had to get some answers. She knew her fate was already written. The norns had spun the strings a long time ago. But she needed to know if the path, she had not yet dared to go down, was the one she was destined for. It was a tempting path for sure but she needed no seer to know that it would also hold hurt, loss and terror.

“Allow me one question and I will no longer bother you.” She said to the old man.

He made an annoyed grunt but gestured for her to come closer. “What is it you desire to know so badly, Thyra Halvarsdottir?”

Thyra took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “Am I destined to tie a bond with the son of Ragnar Lothbrok?”

The old man gave a croaky laugh. “If that is your only question, you have wasted your time coming here because you already know the answer.”

Thyra gritted her teeth. “No I don’t.” She insisted.

“You know very well that you have already passed the point where you have a choice. There is only one path for you now, Thyra blóðug rós.”

So her fate was fixed. Thyra blood rose he had called her. What could that mean? But before she could ask about it, the old man continued.

“Even though there’s only one path to go, it can lead you to two different places. The first is filled with happiness. You will be a queen and have sons and daughters. But you only get there if can prevent him from keeping his promise to another woman. If you can’t, you will end up in the other place which is dark and miserable because you won’t be able to forgive him but you also won’t be able to walk away from him.”

Thyra closed her eyes to let what she had just heard sink in. Ivar was promised to another woman? The thought broke her heart more than she would ever admit, even to herself. She knew she had no claim over him, but she also knew that there was something between them. Something she couldn’t name. Some dark and primeval sort of attraction. Or had he just played his games with her?

The seer started to laugh as if he had read her thoughts. “It is a different kind of promise than the one he has made to you, Thyra blóðug rós.”

That name again. But she had more important things to figure out now. Ivar had never promised anything to her, at least not with his words. Why did this old man have to be so damn confusing? She wearily rubbed her face to get all her conflicting feelings under control. What promise could Ivar have made to another woman?

Then all of a sudden it hit her. Lagertha! Ivar had promised to kill Lagertha. It had been the first time Thyra had laid eyes on him. He had boldly challenged the queen to single combat and as she refused he had promised her that one day he would kill her. A shiver ran down her spine at the memory of that day. She hadn’t known back then but from that moment on she had been under his spell with no chance to escape. And now she had learned that he was her destiny. They even had a chance of being happy together. She couldn’t help but smile at the thought, for it was so absurd and alluring at the same time. But the seer was right, she could never forgive him if he killed Lagertha. She was not only her queen, she was like a mother to her. She had to stop him.

“How?” She looked at the old man. “How do I stop him?”

The seer shook his head. “You all want me to solve all your problems, but I have already said more than I should and I will say no more.”

With that he expectantly held his palm out to her.

 Thyra was glad to leave the ghoulish atmosphere of the seer's hut behind. What she had learned left her deep in thoughts. So Ivar had been right. The gods had decided to tie her fate to his and who was she to question their judgement. In a way she was relieved that she no longer had to fight her feelings, for there was no point in arguing with the gods, even Lagertha and Astrid must understand that. But she still felt guilty for sneaking around behind Lagertha's back.

To Thyra's entire surprise Astrid had kept her word and hadn't told the queen about what she had seen in the cabin. Instead she had said that she hadn't found Ivar that night. They had brought him to the great hall to be questioned the next morning and Thyra had made sure that she was busy at the training grounds during that time. She had tried to avoid Ivar for the past few days, afraid that Astrid would find out and act on her threat to tell the queen. But things were different now, she had to go and see him.

Her steps felt surprisingly light as she guided them towards the cabin Ivar shared with his brothers. She found him just outside of it, seemingly trying to bring in some firewood which looked like a great struggle because he had one arm full of wood and had to pull himself forward with the other.

He looked up as he noticed her approach and to her surprise his features hardened. “What do you want?”

“I want to talk to you.” She said and crouched down next to him. “Let me help you with that.”

He shot her an icy look. “I don't need your help.” His voice was cold and repellent.

Thyra froze, perplexed by how much his behavior towards her and changed in just a few days. It took her a few moments to find her voice. “There's something I have to tell you.”

Ivar turned away from her and looked to the ground. “Whatever it might be, I don't want to hear it.”

“What is going on? Why are you like that?” She asked, fully confused by the way he was acting.

He slowly turned to face her again and his eyes were blazing with anger, even hate maybe. Thyra instinctively moved away from him. He pulled himself up on a bench to be more on eye level with her and looked around to see if anyone was within hearing range before he turned his cold eyes back to her.

“You ran away from me.” He snapped. “And not for the first time. Now you come and want to talk to me? Obviously only as long as nobody is around. Of course you don't want to be seen with the cripple! What did you tell your friend Astrid? Hmm? That I forced you?”

His voice was full of anger and disdain but there was also hurt. He hid it well but it was still there and Thyra felt a wave of guilt roll over her. The way she had acted it must have really seemed like she had abandoned him after Astrid had found them together.

“It's not like that. I didn't mean to....” She started, but Ivar interrupted her. “You don't have to explain. I don't want to hear it. Now leave.”

She was desperate to make him listen to her. That he thought that she had turned away from him because of the fact that he was crippled broke her heart. “Ivar, please.”

She could see him clench his jaw. “I said leave!” He was almost yelling now.

For a few moments Thyra was unable to move, while he stared at her with an icy glare. As she felt tears forming in her eyes she quickly turned around so that he wouldn't see. She felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest but she would not cry in front of him or anyone else. She bit on her teeth so hard she was afraid her jaw would break and started to walk down the path on weak knees.

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These two stubborn ass kids. I swear I’ll get grey hair from writing this story.

I hope y’all like it anyways.

[darkcloud-kcalifornia]

Alright, season finale time for My Little Pony.  I’ve been trying to avoid spoilers for this one.  No idea what’s going to happen.  So, let’s see what goes down in “Shadow Play”

* We open on the book that got the ominous sting at the end of the last episode.  So yeah, I guess we were in the finale then.

* Huh, a different set of Elements being talked about here.  OK, we’ve got Rockhoof as Strength, Flash Magnus as Bravery, Meadowbrook as Healing, Mist Mane as Beauty, Somnambula as Hope, and who I’m guessing is Star Swirl the Bearded as Sorcery.  [note to self: look up actual names]

* And apparently they had been gathered together by somepony else to embody their ideals, like the Mane 6 were.  Was this Celestia, or somepony else?

* Ooh, the gatherer was a unicorn stallion, but the ancient Elements came to believe he was just wanting to use their power for himself and so they cast him out.

* Then he became Shadow Pony, and the Pillars stood as one against him.  They beat him but had to make some kind of sacrifice to do so, and created a seed to carry hope to the future.  I wonder, was that seed the origin of the Tree of Harmony?  I’m also seeing the emergence of the sun and moon on the sides of where I have it paused right now, so maybe it’s the origins of Celestia and Luna?

* Incidentally, I am loving this lore dump.

* Oh good, Sunburst was smart enough to make a report on this directly to the Alicorn Sisters and the Mane 6.  I guess he knows who has to deal with all the destiny crap around here.

* Huh, apparently Celestia never knew what happened to Starswirl, but these were apparently his last words before vanishing.

* OK, so Celestia and Luna were around back then, but young and had only ever met Starswirl.

* Reluctant nerd hoofbump. Also, I like how Celestia doesn’t know much Old Ponish anymore due to disuse.  It’s a nice nod to what happens when you don’t use something.  I can’t imagine how bad it would be after 1000 years. I’m a bit surprised Luna isn’t more familiar with it though, given how she spent most of the time sealed away. Unless she was fully cognizant of the passage of time during those 1000 years, which is… fairly nightmareish.

* So, more to Old Ponish than she thought, actual other languages being used, or Starswirl just had horrible hornwriting.  You decide!

* Ah, sloppy writing. Only readable by somepony who is ever worse at that kind of thing.  Anyway, the last stand was at the Temple of Ponhenge at the base of Mt. Foal.  …OK, I know they try and fit in horse puns, but “Ponhenge”?  Surely they could have done better than that.

* Those ruins look nice and ruiny.  Also not much like Stonehenge, which again makes me wonder why they referenced that.

* Be careful what you wish for Twilight.  Also, be careful where you place ancient magical tomes.

* Ooooh, ancient holographic display of the final battle.  So, sealed away, and the objects each pony carried are somehow related. Well, they’ve got the book, and they know where the mask is at least, so that just leaves the flower, the blindfold, the shield, and the shovel.  Gonna be honest, might be hard finding a flower after 1000 years.

* Never underestimate Twilight’s ability to be a nerd.

* Right, so banished to Limbo, but they had to take him there themselves and so got stuck there with him.  …Who’s gonna be the idiot to try and get them out and release the Pony of Shadows in the process?

* Twilight!  Twilight shall be that idiot!  Come over here so I can slap you!

* RD does not like demonstrative models.

* Boo!  The Map stepping in to help the search is cheating! Although this might be seen as the Tree of Harmony trying to get its parents back.  Kinda touching if you think of it like that.

* Skeptical archeologist is skeptical.  Somepony should tell her she’s in a fantasy series.

* Had no idea AJ was that strong.  Oh well, Shovel Get!

* Rarity’s problem to overcome is crappy gardening?  I can’t say I think much of Mist Mane’s descendant if it never occurred to her to, you know, perform upkeep.  Or hire others to do it.  Heck, just apply for a government grant if money’s the problem, that place has got to be a historical site, and once you attract tourists you can get money for, you know, upkeep.  Flower Get.

* Actually Flash Magnus’ shield being in the Dragon Lands makes quite a bit of sense.  It was made to combat dragons after all.  Makes sense that either it would accidentally get left behind after an expedition, or stolen by the dragons to keep it from being used.

* Also, neat to see a Spike/RD teamup, even if it’s likely gonna last a minute or two of screentime.

* Ugh, seriously, Garble has it?  Somepony just kick that idiot in the face so this can be over with.

* Garble is stupidest dragon.  Seriously, he just got outwitted by Rainbow Dash.  Well regardless, Shield Get.

* Fluttershy… just help to move the zap bee hive, and didn’t even need to do that to get the mask. She just felt like it.  But then arguably her trial was a few episodes ago anyway.  Mask Get.

* Pinkie’s trail… was very Pinkie.  And that ooze was a lot less dangerous then they made it out to be.  Um, Blindfold get?

* How is Starlight the voice of reason with regards to the risk involved in this plan?

* Why didn’t Pinkie wash that thing before bringing it >P

* Oh, gee, Starswirl is horrified that somepony broke the seal what are the odds?

* Way to summon the ancient evil, Twilight.

 And there’s the end of episode 1.  Time for a stretch and snack I think.  Let’s all go to the lobby, let’s all go to the lobby…

 * Yeah, having a backup plan in case the ancient evil escaped as well would have been a great idea, Twilight.  You still have that slap coming.

* Twilight and Starlight are able to hold the PoS back with a double tech… but can’t stop him from escaping at the speed of dark.  Nice going, Twilight.

* On one hoof, having the person you’ve revered all your life give you the dirtiest look for your incompetence must suck.  On the other, she really has this coming.

* Heh, Pinkie pointing out all of the other threats they’ve had to save Equestria from is a good one. And I like how Magnus is totally down for teaming up with the modern heroes to beat PoS into submission.  But Starswirl is going to be an absolute grumpy gus about this.

* Yay, source of Tree of Harmony, and the Elements, confirmed!

* And now Starswirl is planning on sacrificing the Elements to seal PoS again.  Despite the cost to Equestria.  Yeah, getting Outer Senshi vibes from this guy.  Which is a shame, because all of the other Pillars seem to be perfectly nice and affable ponies willing to work together.

* And Twilight’s search for a different solution… just has keeping the Pillars around while still sacrificing the Elements.  And yeah, the Pillars made the elements, but did so over a long incubation period. Try following Starlight’s advice and look for a non-banishment solution, stupid.

* Kinda funny how the heroes are having trouble tracking PoS down because Equestria is a better place, so all of the old dens of darkness are just fine these days.

* Starswirl needs to get his head outta his flank.

* I think some offense was taken.

* Yeah, the narrative is leaning pretty hard against Starswirl and towards Starlight here. Especially with the whole “Once a villain, always a villain” bit.

* Thank you, Starlight, for actually asking what happened all those years ago.

* Huh, Sirens confirmed as series canon.  Odd. Mind you I don’t know that much about them as I’ve never watched the movies, but some things are unavoidable knowledge if you hang out online in the fanbase.

* The PoS’s name was Stygian?  Man, it’s like his parents wanted him to go supervillain.

* So Stygian gathered them together to fight evil, but got jealous.  At one point he stole their artifacts to work some spell or another, but was discovered before actually finishing and was cast out.  And when he came back he did so as Dark Death Evil Man. But as Starlight helps to point out, they don’t know what exactly he had been trying to accomplish with his spell, though their guess is stealing their power.

* Yeah, Starlight has had enough of Starswirl’s crap.

* Now I’m wondering who build the temple to the Shadows, as apparently it already existed before Stygian came upon it.  Also, never listen to the mythos spoken from the depths of the Earth, dude.

* Oh look, there’s more to the story than meets the eye, who could have guessed.

* Well, Twilight’s been holding the idiot ball all finale thus far, but at least she noticed the pony of Stygian within the Pony of Shadows.  Not sure diving in was the right idea though.

* OK, Stygian’s side comes out, he wanted to make copies of their artifacts in the hope it would make him a Pillar and he could join the battles.  That’s still something you really need to talk about before you go stealing stuff.

* Rainbow Friendship Lasso Beam go!

* So The Shadows are banished, but Stygian remains.  Happy end!

* Aw, Starswirl commenting on how tall Celestia got is cute!  And Luna asking not to have to turn in the essays they were supposed to 1000 years ago is just funny.

* Can’t blame the Pillars for wanting to see what’s changed over the course of a millennia.  Of course there’s the problem of nopony’s gonna believe who they are.

 And that’s the end of the season.  It was pretty good all things considered.  Although this ending does make one question how things are going to work out with the non-reformed villains.  OK, Sombra isn’t likely to be a problem, but he is still awkward in that they killed him all kinds of dead.  But the new characters introduced seem decent enough now that we actually get to see them in something other than tales.  And I’m still curious about who built the shrine to the Shadows.  Evil cultist ponies!

Also, I may not care much about shipping debates and all that, but I can definitely see Rainbow Dash/Flash Magnus being a thing.  At the very least they’re certainly chummy with each other.

[ninetytwotechnology-blog]

ESTIMATES IN SOFTWARE DEVELOPMENT. NEW FRONTIERS.

There’s more and more buzz around estimates and #noestimates in software program development. People like to write bold statements and pass severe about things in blogs. Generally, private dialogues are an awful lot greater balanced. A few hate estimates and consider it’s a useless interest. Some shield it with arguments of controversial fact.

I need to dig into intrinsic estimates headaches, what humans imply through “estimate” and what future directions we may additionally assault.

ESTIMATE IS A DISTRIBUTION

It’s impossible to provide a hundred% precise estimate to nearly some thing. Using is a totally, very commonplace interest without innovative (i am hoping) decisions. Appears like we can estimate how long it'll take to get from factor a to factor z with a superb accuracy.

I used to pick up my buddy recently each day. I called him before the pressure to reconcile the advent time and choose him up without delays. The distance and the route are exactly the equal and certainly i discovered to estimate timing nearly perfectly — thirteen mins. Still someday it became 12 mins and someday it was 15 mins. Once it took simply 10 minutes (sorry, i drove too rapid and all lights had been inexperienced).

The factor is trivial, you can’t give specific estimate to simplest responsibilities. Estimate is a distribution. Perhaps ordinary, maybe slender, however nevertheless it’s not a single wide variety.

 If we communicate about software program development, you don't have any luxurious to have a slender distribution. Hell no. You've got a wide positively skewed distribution with pretty full-size chance to be 50% off the expected estimate. Why is that?

 SOFTWARE PROGRAM IMPROVEMENT IS COMPLICATED

You've got a function to estimate. There are numerous situations from there. You may have treated a similar characteristic previously, and you’re quite confident now. Or, perhaps, you don’t have a clue how to assault this selection in any respect. In any case, you don’t know a hundred% of information about this feature. It's miles almost impossible.

Permit’s take a completely simple feature like “as a user i need to login into the gadget”. Most of you already remember some photos inner your brain with login and password fields, check in button and recollect me checkbox. That is pleasant. Now we’re ready to check some info. What we want to provide the precise estimate? We need to recognize the scope. Here is the checklist:

 FINALIZED GRAPHICAL LAYOUT

·         Fields specification (max period, allowed characters, and many others).

·         Error coping with (with all feasible mistakes copyrighted)

·         Listing of supported web browsers (opera cell perhaps?)

·         List of supported locales (jap?)

·         Password electricity requirements

·         Keep in mind me spec (for how long should we hold this info?)

·         Transitions (what takes place once i click check in?)

·         Protection protections (brute pressure, various injections)

This list is related to practical specification best. Sadly, different matters affect scope as properly:

·         Need to we write purposeful automated assessments?

·         Have to us replace consumer manual or another documentation?

·         Must we test different features that can be affected?

Are there extra questions to ask? Oh, yes! Forestall there. It’s a very exciting moment. We described the scope and we ought to estimate scope. Very, very often humans do precisely that. However, there are many, many things (sorry for repetitions) that have an effect on length. Funny sufficient, managers ask for “scope estimate”, but then update them with “length estimate” of their heads in some way. I don’t know what type of mind trick is that, but it’s so commonplace.

If you hear that an assignment will take four hours to finish and developer begins running on it right now, you count on it'll be completed in five-6 hours (you are clever enough to assume interruptions and got used to developers’ optimism). But, you may be pretty amazed if it’ll take 2 days to get the mission executed. You (and that i) unconsciously deliver this marvel feeling via all lifestyles. But need to we? Perhaps 2 days is a traditional duration for tasks predicted with four hours. You have to accumulate the records to differentiate standard and uncommon activities, to recognize the duration distribution as nicely.

PROPERLY, WHAT AFFECTS DURATION?

·         Who will implement this selection?

·         Will developer work on his productive or unproductive hours?

·         Are there any refactoring’s developer makes a decision to do before the challenge simply starts?

·         What's a chance that dressmaker will exchange his mind and ask for giant re-work?

·         How many funny pictures developer’s friends will put up on Fb these days?

You can preserve the list. Anyway, there’re many factors that make duration predictions not possible difficult.

SOFTWARE IMPROVEMENT IS A DISCOVERY

With each characteristic we analyze. We learn how to code, how to design, how to test. We make bigger the gadget and find out new opportunities, new improvements and new usage styles.

 What if we start implementation and suppose that login thru twitter might be tremendous? What if you acquire additional statistics and discover that your target audience definitely doesn’t use twitter, however nearly absolutely everyone has google account? Nicely, this could sound like a brand new consumer tale and it's miles new certainly. However remember how commonly did you perform a little little tweaks right here and there? Re-wrote error message right here, brought some extra assessments right here, changed design of that area, and so on. There are many small adjustments you can’t expect from the beginning.

YOU FIND OUT IMPROVEMENTS ON THE PASS.

These discoveries change scope. We’re very awful at predicting scope adjustments. We are particularly horrific at predicting accumulation of many small modifications. Ironically, those changes are right! Believe you usually observe the original layout and authentic choices. It may enhance estimates and forecasts, but it's going to kill creativity and race to perfection. Every body will stick to spec all of the time, and in maximum contexts this will result in mediocre solutions at nice.

You ought to encourage re-paintings to make matters higher, however it’s quite hard to discover a accurate balance between re-paintings inside the context of present day user story and creation of a brand new person story that will be implemented later.

There's a threat you'll find out new dimensions for the product. Perhaps, human beings begin using it in a completely unexpected way. This opens even extra possibilities. Good enough, that is another story.

A WAY TO STAY WITH THAT?

One option is to stop estimating. Assume carefully. How are you going to use those estimates? To impose sprint dedication? To speak about group’s velocity versions on the subsequent retrospective? To degree development? To reduce scope creep? Those are fake dreams.

Estimate is just one extra metric that enables us make choices, forecast and version the destiny.

You can collect this metric and use it wisely (each things aren’t smooth even though).

One idea i've is that we are able to look for similar patterns in functions and responsibilities. We can also gather numerous attributes like generation, builders and their skills, area information, teams, development practices, method practices, and many others. To set a context.

It could take place that we can apply statistic and gadget studying to locate those styles. Or we are able to go difficult way and invent a respectable model that describes a majority of these styles. Consequently we’ll be able to examine a brand new function with a library of current patterns and have the estimate distribution for this new, estimated characteristic. Humans suck at estimating, perhaps machines will no longer ultimately.

 Together with estimate distribution, we can have “some other thrilling statistics” like anticipated bugs, predicted period, anticipated liquidity (something david anderson is digging into), predicted re-paintings, etc. This may assist us to offer aggregated probabilistic forecasts for entire groups and initiatives.

Yes, it sounds complex, however i suppose it’s practicable in the long run. Maximum possibly this will be relevant inside the context of strong teams running on similar tasks, however who is aware of, perhaps we’ll locate a few general legal guidelines and models.

We can accumulate data approximately many initiatives in various industries and contexts (hot subject matter, large records, ). This initiative is large, but useful to all. I know noam chomsky doesn’t like this approach, but nonetheless probabilistic statistical models can offer sensible effects. And our younger industry wishes as a minimum a few practical matters to depend on.

The most complex factor is a way to define those patterns to compare functions. It seems it will be required to split paintings into quite small chunks (responsibilities with less than an afternoon anticipated estimate), offer numerous statistics about those tasks and use hierarchical systems to find similarities. I’m curious to listen any recommendations.

Every other trivial concept is to narrow down the estimate distribution. This idea looks tempting. We can try and lessen or control all viable factors that affect estimate distribution, for that reason increasing estimates accuracy.

 Permit’s suppose how we are able to acquire that. We need to have 100% specific specifications up-the front, ban re-work, lessen context variant (change improvement technique hardly ever)… forestall. Wtf? This rings a bell in my memory of a terrific vintage waterfall! I hope this concept isn’t attractive to you now.

I assume we should embody estimate distribution and invent new approaches to version and use it. We shouldn’t combat it. This will be a conflict against our allies. This will be a struggle towards creativity, perfectionism, mastering and team spirit. I’d higher surrender.