#anyways i'm sure people regret wanting me to post more factual posts

[kakarorin]

Defending "The Road to El Dorado" from a couple racist claims, or how I, being so cheeky, like to call it: Covering myself in sugar in order to attract some nasty little bugs🐞

For some reason, 2024 seems to be the year when I can't tolerate "The Road to El Dorado is packed with racism" discourse anymore. A couple days ago, I stumbled across a very colourful gifset which encapsulated perfectly all the objectively wrong arguments (save for half... one... one and a half... It depends) I've ever seen people give out to explain why they don't like the movie (@/neechees: If by some unlikely chance you're reading this, I wish we could have talked about it calmly. I'm a very open-minded person, unlike you seem to be). I've seen them SO many times that I think I hit my limit. Long story short, I got defensive, which I regret, shame on me, told the op they were wrong, as they are, op responded, and I got blocked before I could respond back. I honestly don't know why they blocked me after responding. I don't know if they sensed I know much more about the Aztec Conquest than they do, but well... Occam's razor.

After I calmed down, tried to reach to them because I genuinely wanted to talk about it, and failed, I decided I was going to break their post down as minutely as I could, even if just to get it off my shoulders and toss it into the void, and polished what I told one of the people who reblogged op's post saying they were right into this lengthy post. Purely because I love debating about movies I love. And boy, do I LOVE this movie.

Before starting, I'm letting you know that, as far as I know, I'm 100% white. And I'm also from Spain (Europe. Clarifying this for the Americans), which understandably gives me the advantage of having lived (and living) through the subtle remnants of the wretched Spanish Black Legend. Yet none of these two things stopped me from looking up historical papers, podcasts and documentaries (further than YouTube's video essays, I mean) so I could understand that this sort of... slander was indeed, part of that concept. I don't see how being of a particular race or ethnicity gives you the right to speak about recorded history as objective facts without doing your research and applying your critical thinking to it, either. Does op think that just because they're Native-American, as they say (just in case, can't believe anything you read on the internet these days), a person who has spent hours, days, months educating themselves about Hernán Cortés, poor Malinche and the Aztec Conquest from serious sources can't have more knowledge than them? Smh, op, smh. It does give you right over feelings, and obviously, your own experiences, though. Hope you still understand that factual knowledge is an entirely different thing.

That being said, at the end of the day, save for the very easy-to-check historical facts (which I will provide sources for if asked, although I believe you can very easily research it yourself), this is my opinion about why "The Road to El Dorado" is regarded as much more racist than it actually is. If you want to give me yours or respond to it, please, by all means, do it. Respectfully and with clear and valid reasons, of course. Otherwise, I'll have to ignore you. Understand that what you read below is the limit of my thinking and reading. Enjoy, or hate. Call me a racist. Send a WHITE meme my way. Up to you.

I'd link you to the post, but I don't feel like it. They blocked me, after all. You can search my blog for it. It's tagged as "neechees". And be sure to read their tags on the post as well, for context. Anyway, here go their "objective truths". Debunking time starts... now:

(EDIT: This is filled with edits. See how my opinion can change and I can clarify or rectify? Anyway, stating the obvious, but I believe Spanish colonization is bad. In any part of the world. I won't give you a single good aspect of it, except for that at least it was based on a different mindset than British colonization. Maybe there are fairly good aspects. After all, they say Romans gave us Spaniards roads and sewage systems. We'd have to take a look at an alternative reality where it didn't happen to make an objective claim. But, believe me, if it had been for me, I'd have pushed Cortés off the ship a good bunch of nautical miles before he reached what is now known as Veracruz, whatever good things he ended up doing. Bear that in mind.)

1. The cultures are mashed up in one city, that is true. But there is no explicit racist (implying prejudice, discrimination or antagonism, as I understand racism, or as racism is actually defined) motive behind it. I don't think it's done out of unthoughtfulness, either. I'm pretty sure it's just done to leave the place ambiguous, because (tell you more later), with Cortés involved and what went down with him historically, that place is much more meant to be Tenochtitlán than the legendary city of El Dorado. They didn't want to make that so explicit because this is a retelling, after all (tell you more later). I honestly don't see how anyone could think that the resulting city and culture are portrayed in a negative way. Sometimes, I'm not even sure these people were paying attention when watching the movie (if they ever did). In fact, if it weren't for the title of their post, I wouldn't even understand the point in this.

2. Oh boy, this is exactly what triggered me to say something instead of just putting it on my blog silently. This is how I know the op has ZERO knowledge about the historical event behind it, because they wouldn't say this is right if they did. There is no such thing as a (EDIT:) sufficiently collective "Spanish lie that Native-American (NA) people believed they were gods" (NEVER listen to a Spaniard who claims this. EDIT: Like López de Gómara. They're delulu), this has never had any kind of historical relevance (in the outcome and influence of history, I mean), and the NA people in the movie are not worshipping the white guys because they're white. The whole plot, arriving in a city and being mistaken for a god because your arrival coincided with an ancient premonition in such a precise way that it is fascinating, is exactly what happened to Cortés when he reached the capital of the Aztec Empire, Tenochtitlán. He was believed to be the reincarnation of Quetzalcóatl, and that's why he could enter the city peacefully and live in it for a short amount of time. The concept of the movie seems to be "What if this, instead of happening to a conquistador (in which is implicit the catholic element) who quickly said he was no god when he realised what was happening (because of the sin of idolatry), happened instead to two atheist looters who are ultimately good-hearted (NOT colonizers, because they didn't try to claim the land or control it) who weren't stopped by the fear to sin and took advantage of the situation?" That's it. The premonition happened to fall on a white man hundreds of years ago (who also came from the east, same place Quetzalcóatl left to and said he'd return from) and so does in the movie story because it mirrors real history, and, again, I fail to see the negative portrayal in all of this because it's certainly NOT because they're white. I think the op also took it salty that I said they had zero knowledge about "the very people they're trying to defend", which I still believe, but this is complex and I'll only explain this if asked. What I meant by that, on the surface, is that NA people also enslaved NA people. I seriously hope op doesn't think NA slavery is more acceptable if it comes from other NA people than white people. Who knows, at this point.

3. This is essentially right. It's the only thing I think is mostly right, actually. It's no problem for me, though. I love Chel, she's beautiful and aesthetically pleasing to me. But I can understand why it may put someone off. All good. However, I still wanna say that the Aila test is just a way of assessing indigenous women representation as positive and negative, and not the work in itself as problematic if it doesn't pass it. The Lord of the Rings doesn't pass the Bechdel test and I have never seen anyone calling it problematic because of that, nor do I need positive representation (I'm a woman. Sort of. It fluctuates) on it to enjoy it. Although I figure I'd feel the same if I were NA, I can't and won't speak for one. So I still give you that.

4.1. This is wrong in three ways. First, Tzekel-kan is not "demonized as evil". He is evil. He's not evil because he's NA, he is evil because he killed, he lied, and he abused his power. There are NA people in the movie who are kind and good (everyone but him, I believe), and then there's him. In every race and ethnicity, there are good, neutral and bad people. And people who are sometimes good, and sometimes bad. If all the NA people were painted in a morally white and good way, that special treatment would come off as positive discrimination to me. Why can't he be a sociopathic genocider AND indigenous at the same time without being considered as racist? Does that mean all indigenous people have to be/are morally white? If all the other NA characters were demonized, I'd understand it, but it's the opposite. Also, Tzekel-kan is loosely based off Moctezuma, the (redundant) emperor of an Empire who enslaved other NA people. And, surprise, just like Cortés, I don't think the guy was evil. I think this is probably another reason why they didn't want to make clear the specific culture. I could see the racism if they had tried to directly compare Tzekel-kan with Moctezuma, I would perfectly be able to see the claim that Moctezuma was a sociopathic genocider, and I'd recognise that as racist. But in this case, it's just loose inspiration. Not a parody.

4.2. There was NO genocide in the Spanish NA colonies. There was NO legal slavery, save for a few unfortunate loopholes (tell you more later). (EDIT: careful, I'm NOT defending his monumental fuck-ups or justifying him in any way, just so you know. In my opinion, he was a fair lot more bad than good, but not 100% bad. If you get me) Hernán Cortés did a lot of undeniably wrong things, but he did good things too. I don't think you can say he was a good person, no person who'd say that would be a friend of mine, but I don't think he was a 100% evil person. Just a person, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Still, when he was bad, he was bad. And what op said about that they didn't care enough about him to write his name properly, BOY how that ticked me off. People, for all you hold dear, you have to CARE to know about such important historical figures in order to understand the history behind them and the outcomes of their actions. Especially within such a sensitive topic. It's when stories like this are ignored or forgotten, that history tends to repeat itself. The fact that I care to spell Hernán Cortés well has not the respectful positive connotation they think, either. And despite what you may believe, we Spaniards do NOT think he did everything right and much less that he was a hero. I think some Mexicans think we all do, but I don't know why. Only the most idiotic "fachas" (ultraright people) do.

4.3. One, he was not enslaved (tell you more later). Two, well, since he tried to mass-murder the inhabitants of the city, I... I do reckon putting him away was a good ending. Jesus, he tried to purge the city of citizens HE deemed unworthy in the name of a divine power (=on a religious basis) with the clear intention to wipe them out. It's clearly stated more than once throughout the movie. If you didn't know, by objective definition, the name of that starts with 'G' and ends with 'ENOCIDE'. And when that failed, he actively tried to drive the colonizers to them. Only because of that, he was technically much more of a genocider than the historical Cortés ever was. Are his actions really justified just because he's indigenous? Doesn't he deserve a punishment just because of it? I see "slavery" (if it were. Since enslaving NA in Spanish colonies was illegal at the time, I'd say he was kidnapped, in the strict sense of the word. Bit funny to word it like that) as a punishment more than fitting for his crimes. I think you all should drill this into your head: ANY abusive leader involved in (I can't believe I'm going to say this, but socially unacceptable) murder deserves to be punished in some way independently of his race, ethnicity or religion. This is something I believe firmly, so you have very little room to debate with me on this one. Do try, if you want.

By the way, I LOVE Tzekel-kan to death. Just the way he is. A charismatic, fanatical, sociopathic fictional high priest who tried to cleanse his city in the name of his gods through murder and human sacrifice, a practice that the other NA inhabitants very obviously did NOT enjoy (well, that definitely rings a historical bell). If you hadn't noticed, or perhaps thought it was impossible, let me tell you this: you can actually love evil characters without justifying their actions. It's legal. 100%. Unlike slavery in NA Spanish colonies at the time.

5. I don't see exactly how spirituality is portrayed as evil. More specifically, I don't see how the movie's actual magic is considered Aztec spirituality. Not a fan nor a hater of Hazbin Hotel, but I've seen one of the demon characters around Twitter using literal voodoo in a very unthoughtfully wrong way. That's a big no-no, in my opinion. And I see a clear difference with this because there is nothing in the stone jaguar magic that single-handedly resembles what Aztec religion actually was. I'm not saying this can't be done in a wrong way with indigenous NA spirituality, nor that they didn't take elements from it (they did), I just think that with all the context behind the movie, here it's just magic that serves a plot function. Aesthetic Aztec/Maya patterns appear here and there, arguably because those are the "places" where it's geographically based (and because Tzekel-kan is loosely based off Moctezuma, who was the religious spiritual leader who received the Quetzalcóatl premonition), but at the end of the day, I don't think it's much more than the fantasy you typically find in a kids' movie. No specific religion was portrayed as evil, no specific gods were portrayed as evil, the magic in itself wasn't portrayed as evil. In the movie, it was black magic because Tzekel-kan, who was evil, used it for evil. Who says that a giant stone cat can ONLY serve evil purposes? I'd use it for good, personally. Maybe transportation. Maybe architecture. Decoration. Festivities. (CW: 26-year-old making a boomer joke) Maybe to instill cordial fear among my neighbours.

EDIT: I've been thinking about this these days and I realised that in the specific stone jaguar "spell", Tzekel-kan needs to toss his poor aide into the mix for it to "activate". That is much more evil than neutral, so maybe I can kind of see this point now. And human sacrifice was part of some of these religions, after all, so maybe it does point towards Aztec spirituality. Still, as it didn't come off as evil to me until I've THOROUGHLY thought about it, I feel like questioning things. Does the "spell" need a human body, or an animal body would have served? The "recipe" doesn't state anything. It's Tzekel-kan who pushes him in. Do ALL the "spells" need a body to "activate"? Maybe not. I feel like maybe I can give you a part of this argument. But still... Hmm. I don't know. We were stuck with an evil religious high priest, but that doesn't necessarily mean ONLY he could use magic. Nor that ALL the magic was evil. But yeah, alright. I can sort of see this now... a bit.

6. I can give you this... for the most part. Knowing it mirrors history, and that historically, it was white men who rid the NA people enslaved by the Aztec Empire (which I believe is what the people of El Dorado ended up portraying, somehow oppressed by Tzekel-kan's sacrifices) of the Aztec Empire (even if woefully just to take their place), I'm not sure it's so simple. I still don't fully see it as plain white saviour narrative with that background info. In any case, I think my mind can be changed about this with the right argumentation. Surely not by a person who has no knowledge about history. Sorry, op.

7.1. For my next trick, I'll blow your mind: Cortés was no big bad evil genocider. He wasn't a golden-hearted saint or saviour either. Frankly, I believe most people think he was similar to Christopher Columbus (of whom I don't know as much, but sounds pretty 100% evil to me with what I have) by default. I'm also very certain they watched the movie and took that version of him as a faithful representation, but in reality he was very different. He was short, he was slender, he was way more charismatic, way less solemn and serious, and he had the reputation of a womanizer. He committed atrocities, like torturing and murdering the last Huey Tlatoani for rumours (Jesus, the Cholula massacre), but he also treated most indigenous people with respect (when he wasn't pathologically obsessed with gold), he talked with Moctezuma as if he were his kin, he always tried to negotiate before grabbing his arms, he listened to and followed the advice of an indigenous woman (Malinche). And once he had done the deed, his reputation was sunk, he was stripped of most of his titles and compensation for what he had done (karma? Possibly), and he had practically no say in the new territories. He went there for the gold above all, and all the crimes he committed were in its name. But unlike Miguel and Tulio (this is the reason why they're not colonizers, only looters), he ALSO wanted to seize control of the land for the Spanish Empire. As an anti-colonialist Spaniard, I can't help boiling up in anger every time I see someone call Miguel and Tulio colonizers. They are NOT coloziners, just like we are NOT colonizers. Our country was, hundreds of years ago. The people who claimed that land as theirs and believed that gave them the right to exploit it for centuries were. And believe me, if we're still here and have descended from humble families for more than 5 centuries, none of our ancestors saw a single piece of gold.

7.2. This is part of a broader topic but Cortés acted in the name of the Spanish Empire, who, thanks to Queen Isabella the Catholic and the laws she passed, considered NA people as citizens of the Crown and therefore could not be enslaved (legally), not to mention genocided. Physically genocided, I mean, because the cultural genocide is undeniable. And still, while so many parts of so many different cultures disappeared, some things like the Maya and Nahua languages were kept. Even if little, that means something. I find some comfort in that, especially when you take a look at what happened to indigenous people in British colonies. In relation to this, there's this something that's been haunting Spain since a thousand years ago that gains relevance when talking about this, called the Spanish Black Legend. Basically anti-Spain propaganda coming from other European countries demonizing everything the country had done/does. It started out of rivalry and envy. Nowadays, it's hard to say. This is why Hernán Cortés is always seen as an evil genocider, but not other colonizers like Julius Caesar from the Roman Empire. It also makes my blood curdle because it sticks with us in the most annoying ways possible. While American people tend to think Spain is part of Latin America, European people tend to think we're dumb, don't know other languages apart from Spanish and only like partying, and our collective international sentiment, especially facing other Europeans, is often shame. Ashamed to say you're from Spain, because there's only so many "España mucho fiesta and siesta" a sane person can take from people who only come to your country to raise the living costs, drink, sunbathe and throw themselves off balconies to jump in hotel pools. Look "balconing" up. God I HATE British people. In any case, to wrap this up, this Black Legend is also why everyone believes the Spanish colonization was the same as the British colonization. By norm, the British predated, but the Spanish generated (in America, because the Spanish DID enslave African people), despite all the horrible things it did. Because it did them.

Lastly, and just because it was also part of op's response, I want to say that I have no opinion about what negative impact this movie could have in terms of being a version of the Colombian legend of El Dorado. I don't know anything about that. I don't understand it, either. If someone wants to explain to me in which specific ways making a movie like this about it could be harmful to anyone (not the legend in itself, I think you can see I know as much), please tell me so I can think critically about it and contrast it. But please, specify the harm and consequences so I can understand them.

Jesus, I'm tired, but I want to say you CAN dislike the movie. I don't give two floating specks of dust whether you do or don't. What I do care about is that most arguments people use to say so are wrong, or rather, lack historical knowledge to support them. Or rather, there is historical knowledge which flat-out cancels them out. There IS negative portrayal on the basis of unthoughtfulness (like Chel and the Aila test), but NEVER in a mean way. On the whole, it's not the unsalvageable blatantly racist skeleton that has to be kept in the closet under lock and key that some people think it is. And, by the way, I'm very curious about why I have yet to see the same discourse about Inca portrayal in "The Emperor's New Groove". Feel free to toss it my way in case it exists and it's just I haven't seen it yet.

If you've reached this point, congratulations. Here's a disturbing little fact about me as a reward: this whole fixation that I have started because in 2020 I had a dream about this Hernán Cortés and Tzekel-kan having sex.

[charles-leclerc-official]

I was talking to my psych teacher about biases in experiments and the importance of planning procedures around them when I started telling them about what I'd noticed in journalism and stuff and I finally put words to the thoughts I'd been having:

Biases are inherent to people, like people will be biased it's not something we can change, people can make efforts to be objective but I feel that some amount of bias will always seep through, which is fine! But what I find really really annoying is when people claim to be unbiased and then VERY CLEARLY have biases, which again is pretty common if not annoying, but the thing that pisses me off is when these people expect their audiences to believe that their very biased opinions are fact instead of what they actually are

Like I know its a lot to expect from people nowadays to be able to critically process things without letting their personal feelings cloud any information but it's still irritating

Like I myself am biased towards things but I don't pretend my opinions are anything but opinions unless there's factual data to prove my point

I really appreciate your blog because even when your analysis is pretty fucking filled with actual solid data to back you up your still pretty clear that you have preferences, and that's something I rlly respect

I used to have problems bc I used to take everything too seriously and if I saw even one negative thing someone said I'd start spiralling and internalising shit, like the f1 fandom doom posting would have honest to god actually affected my mental health, but I worked and am still working on it and I regret getting into sports a little but I've loved it soo much for so long I'm like ill just cope fuck it

Blogs like yours and brakeboosted and umm ackshually on twt are super lovely and I really appreciate all you guys so much

Anyways sorry for ranting I just have a lot of feelings about this stuff

Hi, yes I completely agree. One of the reasons for the name of this blog is to hold myself accountable for bias, and also to advertise to anyone who comes upon it exactly where my bias lands. My frustration with the clear bias under the guise of objective reporting in F1 is one of the reasons for this blog to begin with. Got very tired of the way Ferrari and Charles were being reported on. But also just to have a source where is bias is clear and people can choose to take it or leave it. If that makes sense.

I can't get rid of bias, it's a sport we all have favorites. What I can do is try to be aware of it as much as possible and be open about that fact. I do go to a lot of trouble to make sure I am being fair, I always look at what the other perspective is, what the other driver and their fans are saying, how they are interpreting things(naturally through their own bias as well)

I like the facts and data because I can't really lie. Especially with the raw data. I can't make Charles look faster if he wasn't faster etc. It helps ground my own opinions as well to see if what I think I saw is actually reflected in data.

Biases are normal to have, and I think it's important and healthy to reflect on them, try to be aware of the ones we have and take it into account when presenting information and sharing perspectives and opinions. I am naturally always going to be inclined to give Charles the benefit of the doubt. I try to see if that is warranted and see what the other side is saying and if they have a point.

And this issue goes beyond F1. Journalists for other areas often have clear bias but try to present themselves as neutral. It's frustrating and isn't helpful. I'm just doing what I want journalists to do, just come out and admit your bias and we can go from there. It's healthier and more informative that way. It's not possible to have a fully objective opinion with no preferences one way or another. So to combat that I try to make my stance clear. Sometimes I think I could do better, so it's an area I am always working on.

Thank you anon, this is a good topic to bring up and a good thing for people to think about when reading reports and the like.

[songbirdspells]

Local Cultus, One of Many Introspections

There is no singular Greek religion.

Instead, what we think of as the “Greek religion” is a mishmash of multiple city state’s local cultus that share overarching themes and deities. Mingled with the panhellenic ideals of manhood we come up with a generalized idea of a religion that we can all claim to share, even if individual practices vary widely and wildly. The idea of one person worshiping all the aspects of a deity as listed in a place like theoi.com is antithetical to how the ancient society of Hellenes (ancient Greece) would have considered. Instead, each city-state developed rituals, aspects, epithets, and cults that suited themselves and their needs. I will be answering the questions: what is local cultus? How did the Greeks utilize local cultus in their own practice? How can we take that knowledge and use it when building our own practices?

What is local cultus?

Local cultus is the idea and ideal that an area develops practices and beliefs that make sense for that area. Local cultus can be found in multiple areas but there is an origin point. The mystery cults--especially Eleusinian Mysteries--are a great example of this phenomenon. The Eleusinian Mysteries were celebrated by many ancient Greeks all across of the ancient colonies but the epicenter and where the cult developed is in Eleusis. This is why part of the rituals often involved traveling to Eleusis itself. While there were satellite temples (so to speak) who could perform the ritual it was considered best, if possible, to travel to the original site.

Delphi is another example of local cultus that spread beyond its own city-state borders to influence the rest of Greece. “Apollo could be consulted in so many places that the Greeks called him the wandering god. Interestingly, Apollo’s temples as a rule used men as oracles. Only in Delphi did women speak on his behalf” (The Oracle, pg 19, Broad) In a more typical Apollo oracle temple the priests would use less dramatic methods of receiving the divine guidance from Apollo and they functioned in more typical priestly manners, as explained by Broad, “In ancient Greece, priests tended to be symbolic intermediaries between the human and the divine. By contrast, the Oracle merged with the most illustrious of the gods in a holy marriage. She became Apollo’s mouthpiece and her words were the incarnation of his authority”(The Oracle, Broad, pg 11).

Also, they would not limit the types of questions received from the worshipers. Just like Dodona is the only Zeus oracle temple to use the rustle of doves’ wings and the sighing of the trees to hear the god--Delphi is the only oracle temple we know of to use the local landscape. Delphi could not be replicated in another location. In addition, Delphi is the one of the only known locations in which Dionysus and Apollo co inhabited the same temple. During Apollo’s fallow times and at night time, the temple was a celebration of Dionysus, not Apollo.

Instead, in one of antiquity’s most psychologically arresting twists, Apollo’s rowdy younger brother, Dionysus, took control of Delphi, and his devotees joined him in orgiastic rites. Exactly when such worship began is unclear. But certainly by the time of Clea, Plutarch’s friend, Dionysus had held sway at Delphi for at least a half dozen centuries” (The Oracle, Broad, pg 40).

Local cultus is why the historical books and papers will often broach a topic--like priestly duties--but then list many examples of how various locations differed from each other.

But in a cult of many manifestations, which varied according to the sanctuary and the god, the role of the sacrificer was not the only duty of the priest. At Eleusis one of his essential functions was to reveal the sacred objects to the initiated in the course of the ceremony of the epopteia, or the initiation of the second degree. At Ephesus the high priest, later to be known by the persian name of Megabyxus, went at the head of the annual procession in honour of Artemis, and for this he was apparelled in purple and gold, with all his priestly and royal decorations. It was his task to represent the goddess at games and festivals outside the shrine. At Claros the priest might on occasion assume the duties of the prophet.

-Daily Life in the Time of Homer by Emile Mireaux, pg 82-83

I know the quote is rather long but in that one paragraph the author has mentioned three different practices, despite the fact the basic underlying duties remain the same for priests across ancient Greece. Panhellenic (all of Greece) practices do occur--the basics of libations and offerings, the idea of regular social ritual and festivals. But the interpretations of it and why it was done tends to vary from place to place.

So what is local cultus? It is rituals that are localized to your area and your own practice. In Delphi, they grew close to Apollo (and Dionysus) by breathing in mind-altering fumes. In Dodona they listened to the wind and the birds sacred to Zeus. In Athens they honored the great statue of Athena by draping her in the finest work the city could offer. In Eleusis, they found through ritual a way to their own enlightenment and salvation.

How did the Greeks utilize local cultus in their own practice?

“The religion of the Homeric Greek, of all of ancient Greece for that matter, was essentially official. Each city had its gods. It selected them as a rule from the Pantheon of the great deities common to the Hellenic world; but it frequently also had secondary gods of its own. It was bound to these divine deities by a sort of pact which created reciprocal obligations. These deities were in truth members of the city. They had their dwellings there, they had land--a temenos, which was a veritable concession, granted by the state--and they maintained servants. By reason of the services they rendered the community, they had a right to a collective tax, or grant, in the form of sacrifices and ceremonies.

-Daily Life in the Time of Homer by Emile Mireaux, pg 227

Nevertheless, the hard core of Greek religion is to be found in its observances: these took their shape among men whose focus was first the hearth and then the city-state, men moreover whose life and livelihood were tied to crops and herds and the annual cycle of nature. Urbanization brought changes, but we must not make too much of them, for in Greece proper there never was a cosmopolitan city like Alexandria and even the Athenians did not wholly lose touch with the good brown earth.

-Greek Folk Religion by Martin P. Nilsson

Long quotes but all state the same idea which can be found over and over again in historical literature about Greek religious practices; that individual practices were used in the ceremonies both public and private and that they differed from region to region both through necessity and tradition. Just as not everyone celebrates the international duck calling contest every year, not every city state or even town would celebrate the same festivals or use the same observances for shared festivals.

Some examples would include Athens, and the Greater Panathenaea. While all city states who celebrated Athena would come together for typical ritual and festivities, only Athens would spend the better part of the year before the festival with its best weavers carefully putting together a saffron robe to adorn the great statue of Athena. It was their own local way of honoring Athena that was not shared in other city states. While other city states might clothe their statues (a trait shared with other religions of the time), only Athens invested the time and money into providing for the weavers to make the truly gargantuan outfit and would include the drapery in their parade towards the temple.

How and why did local cultus form instead of a country-wide and/or culture-wide religion?

The short, sweet answer is the unique geography of Greece lent itself to small, focused communities. Each city state was often separated by either mountains, sea, or otherwise inhospitable terrain. Travel was common, absolutely, but it was difficult outside of designated paths. Few city states could boast rich soil for good agriculture (part of why olives flourished and flourish in Greece is its poor soil quality is perfect for olives) which further divided the city-states between those who could roughly sustain their own populations and those that required trade to stave off starvation.

Examples of how strongly the local geography can affect the worship practice and religious thoughts of the people we can turn to actually five of the great temples and known worship centers: Delphi for Apollo, Olympia and Dodona for Zeus, Athens for Athena and Sparta for Ares.

Delphi exists high in the mountains in an easy to defend and difficult to find region of Greece. This geographical isolation allowed the temple there to flourish mostly untouched for many of its years. Before it overtook Dodona as the center of prophecy for Greece it was still a place of prophecy with its unique geography allowing it a relatively unknown form of rapture--the steam vent that was uncovered during tectonic shifts that produced an altered mental status. Through this unique geological feature Apollo’s fame as an oracular god spread and Delphi became known as the place to go for grander and less personal prophecies. Because of its eventual fame and staggering wealth, Delphi became a hotspot for statesmen, philosophers and ambitious countrymen alike to mingle--which led to such things as the Delphic Maxims, which were carved on the side of the temple itself and said to come from either Apollo himself or the Seven Sages. However because Delphi was elevated to such a high status in the lore of the time it did not function at all like other Apollo temples.

Olympia--the city-state is mostly known now for the Olympics. But in its heyday it was a hive for oracles, trade and, yes, sports. The flat land surrounding the temple lent itself to truly massive playing fields including a track that could allow up to 40 chariot teams to race at once. Sports of all kinds were widely practiced and celebrated across Greece--to perfect one’s body was seen as a virtue--but the mixing of sports with an oracle temple was unique to Olympia, especially on the scale seen at the temple. Only in one of the few flat plains of Greece could such a temple exist and it lent itself to large, over the top celebrations versus more private and intimate festivals.

Dodona: a study in juxtaposition. When one thinks of Zeus what image is conjured is often big, brash, loud. Dodona reveals in near silence. The true heart of Zeus’ oracle tradition--in Dodona they listened to Zeus’ answers in the soft cooing of the doves or the rustle of the sacred oak leaves. After some time someone introduced singing brass bowls and gongs to Dodona and if the leaves and the doves would not speak the priests would consult the bowls instead.

After a long, arduous trek through the mountains to the quiet valley, visitors would wait their turn to ask Zeus whatever they wished. Some came to thank him. Some came to ask favors. Many came to complain to Zeus about unfair treatment or beg for the proper weather for their crops. While Dodona did have a few peaks of lavish decorations and festivals--it continually returned to its humble roots. Dodona is different from the other temples of Zeus due to both its location and the fact it was originally the sacred place of a different sky-god--of the people who were there before the Greeks. Just like the double-headed axe was added to Zeus’ sacred objects from another sky-god, Dodona became Zeus’ sanctuary only after the Greeks successfully colonized the area. To this day, Dodona remains a quiet place, given to reflection and contemplation.

Athens is the city-state that we know the most about so I will be fairly brief. However, Athens won for both the land it had to use (a decent amount of arable land, a well-sized port, slightly less mountain than most of Greece) and the centralized location to most of Greece. Because of where it was situated it naturally developed a strong line with surrounding city-states as well as a steady back-and-forth with nearby countries like Egypt. And because of this constant flow in and out of the city what Athens truly excelled in was trade, diplomacy and culture. It relied on imports to support itself but that wasn’t a problem for the city that controlled most of the foreign trade market inside Greece.

Due to its location and place within the League, Athens needed a god or goddess that reflected its values of careful thought, witty speeches and bravery. So while Poseidon would have exemplified Athens’ bravery and trade as well bolstered its reputation of a strong, sheltered port, only Athena would do as a patron goddess. Especially since Athens was known for its braggadocio when it came to relations with other city-states and often found the need to defend itself--either through counsels or war. And Athens is a fantastic example of how even one city could have multiple local cults about one goddess with distinct epithets, customs and fulfill different worship needs. In the Pantheon complex alone you can find temples to three different cults of Athena.

Sparta is one of the few city-states that venerated Ares above all others. While all soldiers would participate in rituals honoring Ares, only in Sparta were numerous temples found devoted to the god of war. The Spartans were noted for sacrificing dogs on his altar and participating in various festivals throughout the year that were not noted anywhere else. While the other deities were worshipped in Sparta--there is one particularly barbaric yearly ritual of young boys being whipped on a festival day for Artemis--Ares ruled supreme in a way he did not in other city-states.

The reason for his unusual popularity goes beyond the obvious answer of the fact that Spartans molded their entire society around war. And that reason is found in the Spartan history. No other city state forewent trade and cultural development to the extreme that Sparta did and yet Sparta worked when other city-states would be forced during war time to return to their normal pursuits to sustain the damage and strain that fighting troops can bring to resources and the surrounding landscape.

And why is that? Well, the Spartans had a dirty not-secret. The Spartan region was colonized by the Greeks well after another group of people had settled there for thousands of years. The colonizing Greeks in that region chose not to live side by side with their original settlers (as some other city-states, such as Olbia, did) but chose to subjugate the native peoples. We know them now as “helots”. Helots existed in an odd in-between state between true slave and a free people. They were not bought and sold as slaves were but they were forced to work their family’s plots as sharecroppers and were given meager to no rations by the Spartans who took over their family land.

In addition, they were conscripted into the Spartan army and forced to fight for Sparta. They dressed either like poor people or were forced to wear ridiculous clothing, depending on who you asked, as an outward mark of their social standing. And while not “slaves” they could win their freedom on the battlefield (usually from protecting Spartans). As anyone in logistics knows--at most only about 10% of a fighting force actually fights at any given time. The rest is resources and support. The Spartans maintained their extreme war-like culture, attitude and behavior only by using the helots as their “logistics” while they then spent their time preparing for battle.

Rhodes was the bringing together of two distinct city states, “In 408/7 BCE the old Rhodian city states of Ialysus, Camirus and Lindus united to form one polis and create a joint capital called Rhodes at the northern tip of the island” (Schipporeit). In doing so the people of the region were forced to bring together their cultures and customs as well in order to create a new way of doing things. And so in doing so, despite the fact that Helios was by far the “patron god” of Rhodes--with a distinct local cult, statues, temples, shrines, festivals--all devoted to Helios--there also existed a thriving and evolving local pantheon. While several deities enjoyed local cults within Rhodes, Athena in particular was a particularly strong presence since she had a famous temple at Lindos before the unification.

Rhodes is an interesting case of local myth being shaped by the events of a particular area since there is some proof of why Helios, a relatively minor god outside of Rhodes was chosen as the patron. “Diodorus Siculus (XV 56), quoted above, narrates how the god dried the earth after a flood and fathered a new generation of inhabitants. A slightly different version of the myth is told by Pindar in his seventh Olympian, where he praises the athlete Diagoras of Rhodes after his boxing victory at the Olympic Games in 464 BCE. After the gods divided the world among themselves, they realized that they had forgotten to include Helios in the process. Although Zeus offered to start all over, Helios refused: he had spotted an island still covered by the sea, made it rise and claimed it as his share. Then he coupled with the nymph Rhodos, and from this union were born seven men, the Heliadai.” (Paul) The story of the flood landed can be seen in almost (possibly all?) ancient civilizations speaking to a global event, but Rhodes in particular used it as part of the creation myth of both their island and their people. From there it was a natural choice to choose the god that made their island possible, rather than a ‘more powerful’ deity that already had shown favor to other places.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, I would like to highlight what brings all these examples I examined together. FIrst, the idea that one must embrace the entire deity--with all their aspects--is a very modern idea. I believe it is one brought over by the Christian mythos since it is an idea I myself succumbed too. But as those in the city states outside the cult centers did not worship Demeter as a judge or Aphrodite as an abstract being of lust or Posideon as an oracle god; if we are being true to historical accuracy we do not necessarily need to embrace all aspects of a god. After all, as R.P. Lister mentions in the introduction to The Travels of Herodotus, “The Greeks originated two revolutionary concepts that affected human history and have affected it ever since. [...] THe other was the idea of philosophical and scientific enquiries made in a free spirit, with the sole desire to ascertain the truth.” (pg 27) By using this philosophy we can turn to ourselves, our deities and also our observations of our nearby areas to discern if the deities are present in our lives or our local living spaces in a way that is not historically attested. The deities were living, growing creatures at their height but there is no reason they cannot live and grow the same now. Perhaps in an urban city Demeter is the goddess of the local mediation courts or the goddess of the cottage industries. Artemis could be the goddess of the local CPS.

While we always should strive to be respectful to the gods, it is clear that the ancient Greeks desired their pantheon to be in every aspect of their daily lives and invited the deities into areas they were not typically rulers of. And most of these cults and worship centers stayed for quite some time, implying that the deities welcomed the worship even if it wasn’t technically their normal patronage; and/or that the worshipers received some measure of satisfaction and fulfillment from worshiping a deity outside their normal spheres.. And by using the ancient local cultus as a guide I believe we can invite the gods into our local areas--even if that means that we “ignore” another one of their aspects or worship them for something that perhaps isn’t on their Theoi.com list of patron areas. Our local cultus practices should reflect our unique areas and their struggles and triumphs and, as in ancient Greece, that means our local worship practices may be similar to others but should not be carbon copies of each other.

Sources:

Books: Daily Life in the Time of Homer by Emile Mireaux The Oracle, by William J Broad Hellenisms: Culture, Identity, and Ethnicity from Antiquity to Modernity, Katerina Zacharia (ed.) Greek Identity in the Hellenistic Period, Stanley Burstein Greek Folk Religion by Martin P. Nilsson Historical Atlas of Ancient Greece by Angus Constam The Travels of Herodotus by R.P. Lister The Traveler’s Guide to Ancient Greece: A Guide to Sacred Places by Richard G. Geldard

Articles: Mystery Cults in the Greek and Roman World by Kiki Karoglou The New Order of Time and Cult in Synoecized Poleis by Sven Schipporeit Local Pantheons in Motion: Synoecism and Patron Deities in Hellenistic Rhodes by Stephanie Paul Personal protection and tailor-made deities: the use of individual epithets by Jenny Wallensten Religious Innovation in the Ancient Mediterranean by Greg Woolf

Articles reference but not directly quoted: Dedications to Double Deities: Syncretism or simply syntax? by Jenny Wallensten Objects and Ancient Religions by Jay Johnston Visiting the Oracle Shrine at Dodona by Visiting Greece (the website)

Podcasts: Myth and History of Greece and Rome by Paul Vincent, particularly episode “Chapter Thirty: Men of the Polis” The History of Ancient Greece by Ryan Stitt, particularly episode 10 “Panhellenism”

[yaboylevi]

Hi vivi, I'm not ereri shipper but I care about the characters relationships so I used to read your ereri metas, anyway I noticed ereri's moments are mostly from Levi side, he cares, understands, guides, protects, etc. But Eren side idk it seems have almost nothing special. how do you see their relationship from Eren's side?

Hello, I have answered a similar question here!

You're definitely not the only one under the impression that Levi is the one that cares more explicitly about Eren, than viceversa. I feel it is exactly that way.

But there are some rare moments like the ones I posted in the link above that show Eren isn't indifferent to Levi as a person (vs just seeing Levi as a superior officer in a detached kind of way). For example, Eren worrying about Levi first and foremost in the Reiss cave, which I find hard to just dismiss as "he's worried about his superior officer because of the mission", because we know that Eren cares most about his friends and the people he loves personally (as everyone does, really). As soon as Eren regains consciousness, he thinks of Levi, then Armin, then the corps in general. I think it is pretty telling. You can't force your brain to wonder about someone's safety when you're mostly out of it, if you don't really care about them. 

Eren cares about Levi in a very down-to-earth way (Eren is very conscious that Levi can still get hurt both physically and emotionally) and also in a very respectful way (he wants Levi to be shown respect from other people). I find it very sweet. A different person might feel like Levi doesn't need or require this special care or worry. But for Eren, it's just there, naturally. It's something that surely developed through their intense experiences in the story and became part of Eren's character.

And also, I am now 100% sure that that moment in chapter 105, was really Eren feeling something - surprise? regret? - at being the one to have let Levi down and made Levi make such a sorrowful and distressed face.

So yeah, I'm sure Eren does care about Levi, even now. It simply is not the main focus of his character arc. On the other hand, Levi's care for Eren is part of Levi's character arc. That's why the attention given to their respective feelings for the other is different.

And one last thing: I don't write about Eren and Levi merely because I ship them. It's my love for their canonical platonic relationship that pushes me to talk about them and that made me ship them in the first place. Most ereri shippers do care about their relationship and characterization. I understand that sometimes a shipping preference might twist the perception of canon, but this is something that happens in every ship's community. A shipper talking about a relationship that just so happens to be their otp doesn't lessen their authority or voice on the matter, if their opinion is expressed in a logical, factual, respectful and honest way. Just wanted to put it out there. It surely wasn't your intention to say so! I am glad that you would ask for my opinion on this topic even if you may not like them romantically together.

[aliceslantern]

Beyond this Existence: Atonement, chapter 5

Ansem always had a penchant for strays, so it's not at all surprising when he takes in the orphaned child Ienzo. The boy's presence changes everything, far more than Even is willing to admit. Ienzo's brilliance seems promising, but the arrival of a young Xehanort pushes the apprentices onto a dark, cruel, inhumane path which will affect the future of the World. And even once it's all over with--once Xehanort is dead--they still must pick up the pieces, forgive one another, find a way to atone for their atrocities, and struggle to accept the humanity which has been thrust upon them.

Or: Even's journey from BBS through post-KH3

Read it on FF.net/on AO3

---

“How is he? Has he yet stabilized?” He recognizes the deep voice almost instantly. Lexeaus. Ah. So I lived.

He can’t open his eyes, can’t, in fact, move at all. But the moment he’s conscious pain invades, his innards feeling vaguely liquified.

A second voice, hoarse, almost inaudible--”No. Not yet.”

“You needn’t speak, Ienzo. I know it’s still painful.”

Ienzo?

“I’m fine,” the second voice mumbles. He doesn’t sound fine; he sounds very ill, or worse. “You should--” A cough, one not full of phlegm but inflammation.

“You’ve been taking good care of me. I’m back on my feet. You, on the other hand, need to rest. And to avoid talking for a little while.”

“Okay.”

A warm hand grasps his wrist, taking his pulse. A pen scribbles numbers. He must've been given painkillers; he sleeps.

This time he's able to open his eyes.

He recognizes the space instantly; it's his old med bay, in Radiant Garden. Why on earth is he here, not in his sterile, pristine facilities at the castle?

Lexeaus had called Zexion Ienzo.

Oh dear.

Was it possible? Had they--regained hearts somehow? Had they found the answers in Kingdom Hearts? And how was he still so injured if it's been that long?

He hears the door creak and slits open his eyes.

He sees the boy--the young man--rummaging in his cabinets. He looks much the same as he ever did, though, he notes, the boy (Ienzo?) Is dressed in white, apprentice garb. The boy turns and Vexen quickly shuts his eyes again.

The boy clears his throat. "I'm not sure if you can hear me," he says, haltingly. His voice is much clearer, and certainly the same timbre as Zexion's, but it carries something soft and alive in it Vexen's never heard. "Even… it's me, Ienzo. I'm sure the old names are a shock to hear."

Old?

"We're human again. We found out… once a person’s Heartless and Nobody have been vanquished, they reform in the place they were split, whole. But with our Nobody's injuries. Which is why you're so hurt. I… I've no idea what truly happened to you, but you're rather unstable. You and Dilan both. But I'm tending to you."

Human?

"If you could speak… open your eyes… twitch your fingers… the EEG machines are broken and I've no magic. I'm not even sure you're in there."

Human and powerless.

"I--" He exhales thickly, and Even (the name fits again like a glove) realizes he's upset. Twelve years of emotion battering him, he presumes, child to adult in one instant. The concern wells up in him, consumes him; the pain sears him, and he's no idea whether or not it's physical.

---

Again, Even wakes. He can feel motion returning to him bit by bit, and he can close his fingers into weak fists. The physical pain is less potent now, but instead one thing floods him, sickly and constant.

Guilt. Rivers of shame, streams of remorse. Guilt for the way he stopped caring about Ienzo, guilt for all he did to the people of their experiments, agony about Ansem. Darkness can only excuse so much.

"Hi, Even."

Ienzo's back. Even can't bear to speak to him, though he's sure he can. He feigns unconsciousness, slitting his eyes open for glances of the young man.

Ienzo looks pale, thin, the boyishness gone from his face, but the change makes him look unhealthy. His hands, when they feel Even's pulse, are clammy, oddly warm without gloves. Even can't remember the last time he's actually seen them. He's aching to look the boy in the eyes. He chances it, once, while Ienzo fusses with the bandages on his chest; gone are Zexion's steely, empty blue eyes. The humanity is back, soft, opening.

He can tell from a glance that Ienzo is in agony.

More horrifying yet, he can just see below Ienzo's collar when he leans over--thick bruises surround his windpipe, along with an angry red scar.

He'd had difficulty speaking.

Who dared do this to him?

Unconsciously, the boy pulls his collar up. Even forces his eyes shut. "I'm afraid there's a lot to catch you up on," Ienzo says in that same frighteningly gentle tone. He explains about Xehanort, about the time travel, about the vessels, the hearts the Nobodies are regrowing, the Organization's real goal, the Keyblade War from the old times. "I… I could really use your help, Even. I know I was so dreadfully cold to you. I… I am sorry. You were always kind to me when I was small. You were there when Master Ansem was not--" His voice catches. "Excuse me, I am feeling unwell."

Even hears him sit and chances another look. Ienzo sits with his head in his hands, rocking slowly, trying not to cry.

No, boy, cry. It's alright.

"I… forgot how much this hurts," he says, with a dark laugh. "I am… so unsure of who I am… you'd doubtless find it fascinating. Can you imagine the psychological journals, Even? What happens when you try to give a twenty-year-old man an eight-year-old's heart?" A sob. "I'm so sorry. I… am trying to pull myself together. They need me. But I could never let them see me like this."

Cry it out, little one.

For a time, Ienzo does just that, a sound that makes Even's heart (heart) ache, triggering another vein of remorse.

I should have protected you.

"I'm sorry," he repeats. Even shuts his eyes again. He feels Ienzo take his hand. "This is most unbecoming, isn't it? I bet you'd say I'm making a disgrace of myself. I have to… check on some things. Get some rest."

For a long while Even lies reeling. His physical pain lessens  into a throb, while his heart seems to grow heavier and heavier with regret, the I should'ves and that's my faults. Ienzo and Ansem take center stage, his abuse and dishonesty towards them pounding in time with his heart.

Ienzo comes and goes every few hours. Even is too much of a coward to talk to him.

"It's… bizarre," the boy says. "Your body… is healed. Why aren't you awake?" Even hears a click, sees bright light; he wills himself to flinch as little as possible as the boy forces his eyes open. "Even, if you're pretending, it's alright. We can work through this."

Don't move. Don't move.

"If only we had a replica for you… or one in general…"

Why do they need one?

"I miss my old friend. Come back soon."

He's gone again, and Even aches for him. The loneliness is nearly as potent as the guilt.

He can't lie like this forever. He needs to make a decision, needs to talk to the boy, needs to begin to figure out where to go from here--

"You're so full of shit."

It's the voice that startles him. Braig. Of course the man is back too. He opens his eyes. Unlike Ienzo, he's in the Organization coat still.

The true vessels.

The fool.

Even stares at him. "Is there a reason you're here?" His voice is hoarse from disuse, but clearer than he thought. "Perhaps to put an old man out of his misery?"

Braig smirks. "You wish," he says. "I've been watching these tender scenes play out between the two of you. Who thought Ienzo would be such a softie? To think, he was wanted."

"By Xehanort, I presume?" He spits.

"Who else?" Xigbar shrugs. “He's good. So quickly. A heart and instantly everything changes. But there's no point getting rid of him. Xemnas is sentimental. Who would’ve thought?"

So callous. Even scowls.

"How's humanity feel?" he asks, with a smirk. "You look like death. Bet you feel like it too."

"Is there a reason you're here?" he repeats.

"Let's just say I have a proposition for you." He scowls a little. "We could use you. He could use you."

A spark, an idea. "Why should I? What do you have to offer me?"

"We're closer than ever to Kingdom Hearts. If that doesn't intrigue you, I don't know what will." Xigbar comes closer, his footsteps almost silent. "Would you rather stay here? Crappy place, overworked and underappreciated… reminders of the past everywhere. Doesn't it just hurt. "

He has to restrain himself from rolling his eyes.

"If you can barely look at Ienzo…" He clucks his tongue. "Why don't you think about it? I got the impression you never liked humanity anyway."

"Nor you," Even says softly. "This life just doesn't suit creatures like us."

Xigbar smirks and disappears into a dark corridor.

---

An idea comes to him slowly, fettered by guilt and headaches, and Ienzo's surprisingly loose tongue. Zexion was verbose but careful; Ienzo talks almost constantly, with little ability to stop himself.

"I'm… almost at my wit's end," the boy admits. "I'm inundated by what we did… I knew it, factually, but Zexion made my memories so cold. To feel it…" He rumples the curtain at the window. Even's glad he doesn't look at him; it means he can watch him. "How could we? I… I don't understand how we made the leap. Was it all the influence of Xehanort, or darkness? Why did they let me--do this?"

The weight of it might just choke him. They'd started this darkness, made it spread faster than it would've naturally; they upended a balance just to see what would happen, with little care who or what was lost.

I took an oath.

Even's a bloody hypocrite.

"I've been trying to help them," Ienzo says. "Sora, the restoration committee. They've been so terribly gracious about it. It truly is the least I can do. I've given them everything that I had, but you classified and encrypted so much. They have a right to know what really happened. Maybe if they know… their outside perspective can help us put a stop to it. I… wish you were here, Even. There's so much you never told me, things that could be of use. We… need a light. I don't understand a whit of your research, the small bits I've managed to decrypt. I wonder if this reformation process has given me some form of brain damage." A wry laugh. "These emotions do make me feel… much clumsier. Doesn't help I've been using you as a captive audience. But the others… truly cannot understand what it is I'm going through. I wish I were able to find it fascinating. Mostly it is hampering my ability to be of use."

He's silent a long time. When he speaks again, it's much more quietly, to himself. But Even's always had good hearing.

"If I can break the code… find Roxas… it could change everything. But the bodies… I need to know what Even knew."

He hears Ienzo leave. Slowly, Even sits up. He feels weak from being so still for so long, but otherwise functional.

It all makes sense. Everything.

Yes. This would be how he can atone.

---

Xigbar returns soon after. Even's already sitting waiting for him. "I'll go," he says tiredly. "Seems to be the only way to further my research. I've no need for such... paltry emotions."

Xigbar's grin is killer.

---

The transformative process is just as painful the second time. Again the emptiness. He feels his mind wander, tempted again by darkness, by the ability to set bonds aside, but he reigns himself in each time. Thinking of Ienzo, his devastation, of his betrayal of Ansem's trust. He doesn't feel quite hurt anymore, but it weighs heavily on his conscience. No matter.

He can fix this. He will fix this. No matter the cost.

He acquiesces to the New Organization’s demands, because they, too, need replicas. All the more excuse to perfect what he knows, to leave the most flawless in stock for Roxas and for Xion--though he can barely remember the latter. All he has of it-- her --are his own reports. But if she were with Roxas long enough, she’ll be important. More convenient yet, Xemnas wants her, her easy mimicry of power.

There are too many familiar faces in this New Organization--Organization Rehash, Larxene calls it, and Vexen can’t help but agree. Xigbar, Saïx, Xemnas, the four neophytes.

Saïx is initially welcoming to him, and visits him again.

“To what do I owe the pleasure,” Vexen says evenly.

“I wonder if you feel it too,” the man says.

“Feel what, nostalgia? That’s all this Organization is.”

“You gave up your new life. That says a lot about you. Was this truly about research?”

Vexen turns, sorting the lies he could tell.

Saïx knots his hands. “I gave mine up too.”

Vexen rolls his eyes, turning back to the new replicas, still forming in their chambers. “Yes. And?”

“I wish to… put an end to this nonsense. I sense you may feel the same.”

Vexen looks at him, his gold eyes (so like Vexen’s own, now--he tries not to think about it more than necessary) somewhat unreadable. Is this a trick? Are they trying to lure him out?

Saïx leans in a little, drops his voice. “Let me help you,” he says softly. “Together, we can put an end to this Organization.”

Vexen feels the gut punch; caught. Yet, he reads earnestness in Saïx’s tone.

“You were once my teacher,” he continues. “I know what you’re capable of, and vice versa. I think--if we’re careful and clever--we can give the other side what they need.”

“How am I to know you won’t merely turn me in to Xehanort?”

“It matters not to him whether you fill out the ranks so long as he gets his bodies. Not since you and Demyx have been… ah… retired. He’s spread himself too thin, shattering his heart so. He wouldn’t notice a thing.”

Vexen inhales.

“I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want this to be my legacy. I’m sure you feel the same. We must end this suffering.”

“And how do you propose we do that?”

Saïx smiles. “Simple,” he says. “We do what he asks--and have a third party ferry a replica over to Radiant Garden. One whose movements are hardly ever noticed--because that’s the way he likes it.”

Vexen has an idea where this is going. “...Do I even want to know who you have in mind?”

The smile becomes even larger.

---

Demyx agrees to meet him in Radiant Garden. To be so close to Ienzo but unable to contact him is a sensation that sits oddly in his breast. Vexen explains it as simply as possible, but Demyx’s reaction is relatively theatrical.

“What? ” He’s making much too much noise--Vexen clamps a hand over his mouth.

“Quiet, you dunce,” he hisses.

Demyx swats his hand away. “But dude, why would you pick me?”

“I cannot let the chosen catch wind of this, understand?”

Immediately he gets defensive. “Oh, I see, it’s because I got benched.”

This is more frustrating than he could have hoped. His tone is much shorter, and louder, than he intended. “I got “benched” too.”

“What! Hey, quiet.” Now it’s Demyx’s turn to try to silence him.

They both look around and see nothing, though admittedly this is meaningless. Vexen turns away, trying to think.

“Okay, man, look. Real talk? Backstabbing those guys would be stupid.”

Vexen rolls his eyes. As if this life is truly worth anything.

“If they find out, we’re yesterday’s toast. I mean, what’s in it for me?”

Vexen wonders if this angle is the right one. “Forgiveness.”

He seems genuinely surprised. “Huh? For what?”

“Men like us--in the pursuit of science, we sometimes make terrible mistakes. Lose sight of our mission to help people. But now I can help someone with my research. Now, I can atone.”

The boy’s been listening with interest, a calculating gleam in his eyes. But what he says next is only further disappointment. “I’m not a scientist.” He turns to leave, with a dismissive wave.

Something very like panic overtakes him--if the chosen heard of this--”Wait, wait, wait!” He grabs Demyx’s shoulder. The younger man shrugs him off with ease.

“C’mon, dude. I’m useless, I’m chicken, we’re not friends. I can count the amount of times we’ve hung out on one hand--less than one hand. I didn’t even know you in the old life!”

Enough of this. For a moment, Vexen wishes he had more patience with Demyx in the past, if only to make this encounter easier. “Fine, fine. But listen.” He pulls the boy close. “This is Saïx’s doing.”

Demyx’s eyes widen almost comically. “Huh? No way.”

Good. He has his interest. “It’s true. The whole thing was his idea.”

“Huh… no fucking way…”

“He wants to atone too. But, he is one of the chosen, so his hands are tied. Hence my actions on his behalf, hence my need for you to act on my behalf should all go awry.” He’s listening intently, Vexen notes. He could use Xehanort’s callousness towards Demyx to his advantage. “As you said, we are far from friends. No one would ever suspect you.”

“So I’m not doing any fighting?”

“Correct. And more importantly, no benchwarming.”

He smiles, and Vexen knows he’s won. “Yeah baby! Sign me up! Yes! Demyx time.”

Vexen sighs heavily. This certainly would be interesting.

---

He’s more than a little alarmed when he catches wind that the “chosen” are seeking Ansem. Apparently, the man’s been spotted in Twilight Town. Xehanort’s Heartless intends on intercepting him. The man is too dangerous.

Vexen doesn’t hesitate. He’s abandoned Ansem once; never again.

He’s been mostly ambivalent to his status as a Nobody, but it does grant him a certain strength he didn’t have before. He’s able to stop Xehanort’s Heartless, to let Ansem escape. It comes to him, in a flash--the chosen hardly ever watch him, now that they’ve gotten their bodies--perhaps he could let Ansem know, to get the word back to Ienzo and the others. Perhaps he and Demyx could rendezvous, with the replica. Ienzo would need his help. Doubtless the reunion would be… dramatic, but he knows the boy is capable of completing the task at hand.

It’s time to shore up. Time to stop being a coward. Time to apologize.

But he is glad that, as a Nobody, he cannot feel much.

Ansem looks as though he’s aged much, much more than twelve years, despite the fact that he could not age in the realm of darkness; it seems as though there are many more years between them than merely five. He’s with some teenagers, those friends of Roxas, those assisting, albeit in a very tertiary manner.

Even struggles to find the words, to assuage them all he means no ill will. “My dear Master,” he says slowly. “You are safe.” It’s a lame, tone-deaf beginning. Because they are anything but.

“Who’s there?” one of the teenagers yells.

In a shockingly even-keeled voice, Ansem asks, “Even, is that you?” A beat. His expression barely changes, all coldness and indifference--not that Vexen anticipated anything more. “So, those Nobodies were your doing.”

Vexen lets the Dusks appear. Then, very deliberately, he bows. “I have been waiting for this,” he admits. “Gave up a normal life in order to plant myself in the Organization. And when I heard Xehanort had gone looking for you, I realized it was my chance to find you as well.” And keep you safe. “For you see, I, too, wish to atone.”

Ansem’s expression is closely guarded, but he very nearly smiles. “Is that so?” he asks slowly.

“How could I not? To be human for those days again… made it all so real.”

The teenager who’d yelled gave him a once over. “You’re one of them, aren’t you,” he spits. “Sora told us about you.”

Vexen ignores him. “I wish to help. I… realize you have no reason to trust me.” He chances taking a few steps forward. “I also realize any apology I offer could never possibly be enough.”

Ansem is silent for several moments. “Am I not at fault, as well?” he asks.

“You…” He wants nothing more for these teenagers to disappear. “You still didn’t deserve the fate you received.”

His eyes are empty--so empty. He turns to the children. “Thank you for all your help, but this man will not harm me. Come, Even. Apparently we have much to discuss.”

Vexen wills the Dusks to disappear. They walk for a long time in silence, the two of them, in this perpetual sort of twilight.

“We cannot return to the mansion. It’s being watched for now,” Ansem says. “Keep your voice low.”

“We seek to take down the new Organization,” he says. It’s beyond odd to be this close to him.

“We?”

“Myself. The man you knew as Isa.”

Ansem smirks. “And how do you propose to do this?”

“In these intervening years… I did perfect the replica program. More or less.” He doesn’t feel pride any longer. “We have a… third party willing to deliver one directly to Radiant Garden, for Roxas’s heart. To Ienzo.”

Ansem’s calm exterior slips, for just a moment. “How… is my boy?”

“I did not see him for very long,” Vexen says. “He is… well. Whole again.”

“You hesitate.”

“Of course I do.” He takes a breath. “He’s received his humanity after years of numbness. The adjustment… I fear it’s not been easy. But I have faith. His brilliance has only grown with him.” He sighs. “With this replica, and our ally, I wish that you, Master, will go to him.” Ansem says nothing; his face is stony. “I realize the feelings you have are complicated. But he needs someone to help him, and I must keep my cover.”

“...Yes. Quite.” He nods. “However could I face that poor boy?”

“With the warmth and grace you’ve always had,” Vexen says softly. “Once this is all over… humbly, I would like to return as well.” If he survives the process. “That is, if you’ll have me. I wish to do nothing more than to ease the pain I’ve caused. I should like to regain your trust.”

Ansem nods once. “This is a good start.”

---

It pains him, to not be present for all this, but his own feelings and notions are irrelevant. He dresses the replica in a coat to protect it, wraps it up further in a blue blanket--almost like an infant.

Demyx arrives--on time, for the first instance that Vexen’s ever witnessed. “So, here we go, right?” He’s smiling.

“...Quite.” He touches Demyx’s shoulder. “I must… thank you for doing this.”

He shrugs. “I’ve been thinking about it. It’s not right for Xehanort to use us for his own stuff, you know? It kinda bites.”

Vexen chuckles. “Indeed. I’m afraid I must ask one more thing of you.”

He rolls his eyes, but his tone is affable when he says. “For pete’s sake, what now?”

“You and I must lie low, once this is through. We must wait and hope for Xehanort’s defeat.”

Demyx glances down at the replica, in its swaddling. “...And then what?”

“Whatever you like, I suppose.”

He bites his lip. “Yeah… that might be nice.” He hefts the replica over one shoulder. “This thing is hollow, huh?”

“Not for long. You know where to go?”

“Yeah, get the old man. I hear you.”

Vexen sighs. “Good luck, Demyx.”

For just a moment, before he disappears into darkness, Demyx smiles, and it’s the most genuine expression Vexen’s ever seen him wear. “You, too.”

---

He can’t be certain that Ienzo receives the replica, can’t chance checking. He goes to an anonymous world, hides in the wilderness. He waits, and to a degree he prays. Weeks pass. He wonders if he should chance contact, should see how things have gone--between Ienzo and Ansem, and along with Dilan and Aeleus, there shouldn’t be any issues with the procedure.

Then he feels an ache in his heart--the heart he doesn’t quite have. The piece of Xehanort. Without hesitating, he returns to Radiant Garden, knowing that he will not have the ability to travel for long.

Because it’s withering, and dying; he can feel the sickly pain, the feverishness, inexplicable agony in his whole body. It must’ve worked. They must’ve beat Xehanort.

It’s all over. At last.

[theangryjikooker]

People must be lacking reading comprehension. Sure your blog name can be triggering at first glance and you did come off really angry in your first post, but I decided to wait and look a bit further and now I'm just wondering what's your mainblog, because your answers to some of these asks are so intelligent and put together that I'm curious (obviously you don't need to reveal it). I can't say I agree with you on everything, but I'm interested to see what you have to say. Personally I'm in the crowd who thinks JIkook has enough sus moments that I can't completely say a romantic relationship isn't a possibility. But then I often see moments that just don't fit that in my head. I love them, it's fun to see what shenanigans they have in store and the only thing I know for sure is that I don't really know much about their relationship at all. I share your annoyance towards bloggers who give no room to uncertainty and blame anyone not agreeing their view for being insecure or not having enough life experience (to be honest the insults skirt around being a bit ableist at times, but that's a topic for another time). I think I'm losing my plot now and I can't entirely remember what you've written already, but just saying I kind of get it. (Also, if I didn't get it, then please correct me).

Hi, anon!

Lol, yes, I suppose my name can be triggering for people, but a person would have to be the type to take things personally for it to be triggering. If anything, my intro page can take people aback if they're not taking the time to read how I generally interact with others. Could I have been a bit nicer? Probably, but that was my honest reaction to the crap I'd been seeing lately. I don't regret it, and if a person has enough sense to learn about me, they can. They can also ignore me and, as a follower pointed out, block my blog and never see my blog again. Win-win for everyone!

As much as I would love to share my main(s), it would be to my detriment lmao. There's a lot of stuff I posted that I would hate to lose there, but there's no substantial content here in the way of images/gifs/etc. that would bother me enough if I lost/abandoned this account.

I agree with you completely on every point you brought up, though! I don't rule out romance entirely, but I interpret things as far as reality allows. My issue with fan theory--and this isn't a dig at anyone, but rather my feelings on the concept itself--is that it often ties with fantasy. I don't mean that in a derogative way, just that fantasy is what it is: it's what you want to happen, what you're hoping is real, things that you conjure in your own mind without factual representation. The more insidious version of this is when toxic Jkkrs meld their fanfiction reality over reality itself (e.g., the Jeonlous narrative, which I find disgusting and disrespectful not just to Jikook but to the other members).

Anyway, I think I veered too much from the topic, but thank you for your thoughts and sharing something about who you are as a Jkkr. Agree to disagree is the name of the game here, so feel free to chime in anytime!