#anyways i won't look like a 12 yo anymore!

[kaq3yma]

𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐘'𝐒 𝐆𝐅 featuring michael kaiser

syn: soft launched on instagram by the infamous prodigy

⸻ cw: slight languages, instagram au, and very short

qeena's brief note: qeena trying an instagram au with kaiser after a whole year not making it?!! 😱 ik it's super short but tumblr won't allow more ten pictures soo i guess i'll have to deal with that for now and so sorry for the pictures, theyre like the best i could find (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ but how about a part two??? i might consider it, i might not lol idk buttt... i guess that's all for now keehee ! tell me how you feel about this one, whether or not should i continue making similar fics like this 🤔 thank you everyone, i love you, reblogs and comments are very much appreciated and happy reading xoxo 🩷💚

yourusername

❤️ 143 💬 12 🚀

Liked by thatgerman.prodigy and others

yourusername my long-awaited princess treatment 💖👸

View all comments

yourfriend me when

yourusername replies sooooonn 🤭

thatgerman.prodigy truly deserved

yourusername replies 💋💋💋

michael_k_fanpage

🤍 74.2K 💬 1,548 🚀 211

michael_k_fans michael kaiser was seen last night hugging with a mysterious woman. Could it be that this unknown woman is the prodigy's plus one?

Click the link to read the article more

View all comments

fan1 we don't know yet, it could be his mom or his sister lol

fan5 replies no shi, his mom not in the pic no more and he's an only child 💀

fan2 ITS SOOO OBVIOUS 😭😭😭 naur my heart is breakingg

fan3 that's me yall fr 💯😎

fan6 replies u wish

fan7 replies delulu is not always the solulu

fan4 if you look at it carefully, u can see me crying on the corner

mchl.kser ☑️

❤️ 1.6M 💬 52.9K 🚀 142K

Liked by lexis_ness, yourusername and others

mchl.kser well fuck it, ive been wanting to soft launch anyway @yourusername ssup mama 😍

View all comments

yourusername hiya!

fan1 replies HELLOOOOO

fan2 replies why is ur acc private 😓

fan15 replies to fan2 cus mind yo own business, that's why

fan3 replies TELL ME HOW U PULL THE KAISER BRO (no actually tell me how kaiser pull THE YOU)

fan15 replies she's living the life wanted by million kaiser glazer 😵‍💫💯🙏🏻🔥

fan192 replies adopt me pls im an aspiring model in dress to impress 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️

"Micha, why the hell you tagged me for bro?!" The weird-haircut boy snickers in amusement, continue typing away on his phone with a huge grin on his face "Shuddup, donkey. I got lots of comments here telling me I'm a lucky man." You thrash yourself beside him on the bed, grunting loudly.

"You are a dork. I got so many friends request and what am I supposed to do about that?" He throw his phone down, spreading his arms to put them around your waist to tug you close "You can make another account like I do. It's not that hard, liebling." You push his face off, murmuring incoherent words beneath your breaths "Idiot. This wouldn't happen if you hadn't tag me at all in the first place." He laughs, grabbing you back to put you beside him on the bed.

"Come on, it's fine right? You're not mad at me are you?" You sighed, not bothered to argue anymore and just lie down beside him.

"du bist süß, schatz..."

𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓 is open. all rights reserved goes to @kaq3yma on tumblr.

[ebonysplendor]

There's Something Wrong With Sunny Day Jack (Demo) Review🌤️

TL;DR: Sunny days, keeping the clouds awaaaaaay~! ... Okay, but like what if our cloud is the "sunny day", and it won't go away? Do we even want it to at this point...?

Game Link: https://snaccpop-studios.itch.io/sunny-day-jack

Game Link (classic): https://snaccpop-studios.itch.io/sdj-classic

Notable Features: Gender Neutral language, Self-Insert, Yandere LI, Voice Acting, Create a cup of froyo ... yo Spiciness: 5.5/5 -- Let me tell you! It's a whole scene going down in this thing, okay?! FULLY delivered. The literal only thing that would've made this any spicier is if you saw it. You kinda do, but it's just out of frame. LI Red Flags: 3/5 -- Manipulation, possessive, lowkey obsessive, implied violence and possession, but like, I'm pretty sure I can fix him, so whatever, ya know?

Wanna know more? Lmao naaah. Not if you aren't at least 18, and I mean that. There is a WHOLE spicy scene in here. This one's for the adulty adults. Anyways, if you don't care about my yapping and/or you're in the 18+ club, let's get into it!

Okay, okay, okay, I know, yeah, I know, but listen...I'm only getting around to making the review now.

Okay, okay, okay, wait, stop, listen. I know that this game is damn near two years old, but I didn't start getting into reading visual novels until last year, and I didn't start taking the plunge to make reviews until this year so... :P

ANYWAYS! I do have news that you may not know yet! When I was looking for exactly how old this game is, I stumbled upon a little news~

As of me typing this (which was on the 28 August at about 9:30pm, but who knows when I'll actually post this review lmao), the game was updated an hour ago. I'm talking this shit is fresh out of the box! So, naturally, I went scouring for a download button...but then it occurred to me that that message said that it was for the $12+ tier of their patreon supporters. Not gonna lie, the spicy scene in that damn game has got a girl tempted, okay? But the way my bills are set up...

Okay, anyways, getting back on track because I've started yappin'. I'm going to go ahead and jump into this thing because, let me tell you, if you're like me, and you're late to this game, you've gotta hear about it! Granted, the download to the version that I'm talking about isn't available anymore (at least for the public/non $12 patrons), but the classic version is! I don't know how different it is though ^^;

Admittedly, because this game is almost two years old and because there's not a download link available currently, I might spoil it just a little so that you're not left too much in the dark about the game, especially since, again, the download link isn't available. That being said, it may still be spoiler friendly because habit lol.

But you get it by this point. Let's stop talking and start summarizing. Let's get into it!

So boom.

Basically, we're being...haunted?, we guess?...by this very attractive, but frankly super cheesy, children's TV show host. How'd it happened? We aren't really sure. We just remembered that we got some weird tape and was like "Huh...okay", watched it, and boom, here he is. Speaking of "he" and "here he is", here he is!

Everyone, this is the bae, Sunny Day Jack, but he doesn't mind being called just "Jack", so refer to him as such.

Jack has kind've been rocking with us for a few months at this point, and admittedly, it was very poor but really great timing. The reason why that is the case is because we had experienced something pretty tragic, and we were having a really hard time getting over it, but honestly? Jack's child-like explanation of working through problems and explaining emotions actually came in clutch, because we were lowkey able to get this far because of him. That being said...our relationship with him is getting a little blurred -- more than a little.

Ya see, things kind've...escalated between us, and we honestly aren't sure if we're glad that we got called into work or if we're pissed about it. Like, the undertones have been there for a while, but it was only today that those undertones became more pronounced and obvious. I mean, the man had his tongue-- ANYWAYS!

So, we go into work where our asshole manager ditches us because apparently the things that he has to do is way more important than us having a day off from babysitting and picking up the slack of our lazy ass co-workers. The only upside to this is that the day is likely to be slow because of the rain and that we're alone, meaning that we can openly talk to Jack.

Oh, now that I think about it, I forgot something super crucial -- we can see and hear Jack. More specifically, we can touch him, feel him, smell him, fuck him, the works, but, for whatever reason, others can't do the same. I guess it's like...medium privileges or being a ghost's host perks or something? Anyways, I'm getting off track. Gonna stop it there before I start spouting some stupid shit.

We kind've flashback to what happened right before our boss called, and whoo boi, does that steamy feeling come back full force. It's weird, because it's like Jack can read our mind about how we felt so comfortable and so safe and so protected and, frankly, so curious about him and what all went down in that moment. Jack basically reassures us that the feelings that we have are okay, and what would be best described as "love". Oh...oh, haha, uh...

"Nah, dawg, it's not love."

"Well...do you love me?"

AYO? I beg your finest pardon, sir!? Like, he's just gonna come out the woodwork with that shit?!

Regardless, he's still reassuring us that, "It's okay if you see me as bae" and we're just "We're roommates, dude, and seeing someone as bae is way more complicated than you're making it sound!" He pretty much just laughs it off and is like "Well, either way, I'll be here. Always. I'm not going anywhere. Ever. I'll be anything and everything that you need". Oof, that is...a bold ass claim, and one that we're not so entirely sure we should trust...but damn does it feel good to hear those words and have some support...anyways.

Our work day continues, we run into this awkwardly cute guy (I'll explain more later), our whore of an ex-boyfriend called and ruined our fucking mood, Jack lays down some more heavy words of reassurance, and the day goes onto the next.

Unfortunately, we land ourselves back at work, but fortunately without the "un-", we are alone and can freely talk to Jack again. Like mentioned, the guy is a ghost, but he's so very real, just not to others, which can be super disorienting sometimes; this is one of those sometimes. Jack wanted us to make him a yogurt and...oof, his reaction was...

...less than thrilled. Disgusted, even. Horrified.

Now, this doesn't sound like a huge detail or issue, but he actually got a bit scary here because, what is this shit that he's spouting about us "not being that type of person anymore" and "being better than that, now"? Like, when I say that this man -- clown? ghost? -- had a full shift in personality, and it was just...fear in his eyes, desperation in his voice? Like, he looked and sounded absolutely haunted and terrified of something. Like, this was beyond the horror in a cup that we apparently made him experience; it only triggered it.

Thankfully, although awkward, he easily moves past this saying that the combination of flavors just threw him off, and a customer walks in to provide a diversion for an extra layer of safety.

Oh! It's that awkward but polite cutie from the other day!

When we see him, or rather when we hear the door, we say our awkward ass, lame ass greeting, and it's kind've an opener for him to start some super brief small talk. He eventually takes the plunge and shoots his shot. Now, personally, I think the guy is damned adorbs, but at the same time, it's just...it's too soon. That mixed with this whole thing we've got going on with Jack...

We're pretty conflicted on how to answer, un-- Wait, huh? What did...?

Did-- Wait, Jack wants us to tell him that we have a boyfriend? And what does he mean that "it doesn't even have to be a lie"? ... He said the thing again, too. That thing about being whatever he wants us to be.

This is so anxiety inducing, too, because it's like, first off, we weren't expecting to hear him talking to us, and second, we can't acknowledge him in any shape, way, or form. Jack is quite literally looming right behind us, whispering in our ear, and we cannot so much as look his way without the guy in front of us thinking that we've completely lost our shit. Even still, our feelings for Jack have been complicated lately. Should we even take that plunge? Something about doing that doesn't seem right, though...

...We tell the guy that we don't have a boyfriend. Before he gets his hopes up too much, though, we tell him that we aren't really looking for anything right now, either. The guy leaves. The store is quiet, and we're left with alone with Jack with that awkwardness from earlier back in the air at full force; he's the first one to speak.

He apologizes and starts asking if he's pushed anything onto us that we didn't want. Before we can really answer though, he apologizes again. He explains that he thought that he was speaking in terms of what we wanted, but he keeps going back and forth like he's trying to find the right words but also figure out where he misunderstood; better yet, and more accurately, he's trying to figure out why he misunderstood in the first place. The poor guy is honestly so pitiful at this point, and we try to stop him from rambling and reach out for him... but our hand falls right through him.

Obviously, we start panicking, and Jack explains to us that he doesn't want to do anything that we don't want him to do nor feel comfortable with, and if it's him that we don't feel comfortable with and it's him that we don't want...this is what happens.

Okay, now, we're past the point of panicking; we're on the verge of tears because had we known us saying "No, I don't have a boyfriend" meant that Jack would start questioning if we actually wanted him around and fading away, we would've never said it. True to his optimistic nature, Jack reassures us that he's not "fading away" or "disappearing", and we're just like "Dude, piss off with that. Now, is not the time" because it's like, bro, this isn't a joke or us not wanting to get up for work; this is serious.

Jack chills with the reassurance and explains that he understands that we're serious, but that this isn't an issue that he can fix himself. Jack basically said that our words -- better yet our acceptance or denial of him -- are very weighted and that the only way to fix what's going on right then and there is to reaffirm that we accept him being there and truly meaning it, and that's only because he doesn't want to do anything that we don't want or need from him.

Even still, do we really trust him fully enough to do this? He's not the kind of guy to hurt us, is he? I mean, it's Sunny Day Jack. Then again, we also thought the same about---

"Hey."

"Yeah, Jack?"

"I know it's scary, I honestly do, but you can trust me. All I want is to be with you, protect you, and make you happy; that's what I'm here for."

All of that sounds so nice, too nice, but...

Can we trust him so easily...?

We really shouldn't...

But that horrible, heartbreaking moment...

That pain that Jack somehow made bearable, took away even...

That companionship he gave us in the place of loneliness...

His comfort...

His gaze...

What's wrong with feeling good? Why doubt him, and why feel like this unique and irreplicable connection is a bad thing? It's like Jack said: these feelings are okay; it's normal. There's nothing wrong with this.

...Right?

Y'all. You all. Guys. Gays. Theys. People. Friends. MY friends. SQUAD. (all right, enough...)

Hot and bothered, bothered and hot. Like, please allow me like 3 - 5 sentences of degeneracy. Between Jack and Ren (iykyk) ... Ren still laid down the pipe better but Jack?? Jack was a damned close second. Like, did you see the way that man was looking in our eyes and holding us? Then he's so big and masculine looking and ahhhhh~! That is BAE right there!

Anyways, getting back on track, when I had to go back and get those screenshots, what should've taken me like 5 - 10 minutes took me like 30+ minutes because I had to relive these moments. I had to relive this story! Like I mentioned earlier, the game is damn near two years old, but it reads like new, you feel me? The story, the implications, the art style, the scenes, the drama -- ahhh! I LIVE. I ASCEND. Like, when these developers hit the mark, they hit the damned mark with such precision!

I'm pretty sure that it's been mentioned at this point, but do you know what I loved the most about this visual novel (degeneracy aside, of course lol)? The subtle but oddly specific ass details that you're sure to miss or gloss over if you're not paying attention. I'm talking those details that you probably wouldn't catch until you've already read it once, seen how things have panned out, and then read through it again. Like, how it described us feeling cold whenever we thought about Jack leaving or fading away from us, or how the air would feel like syrup or cotton candy whenever he spoke to us, or how we'd get all warm in the most literal sense whenever Jack was near, or feel full, or completed, or -- the list honestly goes on. Like, there's a lot of allusion to being slowly corrupted/possessed by Jack, because this guy is a ghost, remember? Yeah, I had lowkey forgot, too.

Those specifically subtle details really made the story come together, and once I caught onto what was going on, I was just like, bro, the signs were there! I'd have to say that my absolute favorite "subtle" sign was when Jack always seemed to know exactly what we were thinking, almost like he was able to read our thoughts, but as soon as we started to "reject" him, all of a sudden he wasn't exactly sure what we thought. He went from responding to our thoughts to questioning what we may have been thinking about. Like, what? Go the eff off SnaccPop!

I love this visual novel, I love this visual novel, I love this visual novel, I love this frickin visual novel. I could ramble and geek way more but I'm gonna start wrapping it up before I start yappin' too, too much. Just allow me a few more sentences, a paragraph or two, please.

I. Cannot. Wait! For the full and official release! I am so excited to see how the team is going to mold this story and how things are going to pan out. I'm excited to see how and if we're able to get away from Jack because, at this point, he has a damned strong hold on us, but I'm speculating that our horror movie fanatic and director friend is going to come in clutch for this one.

If it was not obvious (and honestly, if you were somehow later to this game than I was) 100/10 would recommend, and I am recommending. It is so good, and I really hope that I'm not over hyping it, because the foundation that has been built for this story is so damned solid. Like I mentioned way earlier, unfortunately, you can't play the (free) updated demo anymore, but you can still play the classic one; I just don't know how different it is compared to the new version. Either way, I'll give you the link to both just in case (Update | OG). If you're able, definitely give them that monetary support and play the updated version. Hell, tell ME how it is because...I really don't want to put off my bills but, at this point, Jack has me in a fucking chokehold all over again. What's an extra, unplanned $12 at this point? Also, if able, visit the game's page and give SnaccPop that ever so encouraging but thirsty "NEED. MOAR. I mean, you take your time because perfection can't be rushed, and I know you all are people with a life and other responsibilities and such, BUT I NEED. MOAR. IT'S SO GOOD. STAND AND DELIEVER. ...please UwU I beg OTL"

Meh, that was highkey three paragraphs, but I'm not gonna split it so it can still be the two paragraphs that I requested. Lol sorry for pushing it there, but I'm done now! Promise. No more yappin'. The yap has been concluded, and I'm gonna go ahead and head out.

Big preesh for getting this far, and please, remember to drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around~!

Something's Wrong with Sunny Day Jack (Updated; download not available to public)

Something's Wrong with Sunny Day Jack (Classic; download available)

[jisungshotfirst]

Levanter anon: sounds like SM Entertainment is having a chaotic time once again.

On a more lighthearted note, if you look at the graph of SM stock prices going down, it looks like a cat now. 'Tis the EXO-dus cat!

But jokes aside: what will happen to EXO now? How many group members would be left in the company (assuming the don't also leave after the first group of members)? Where will the leaving members go?

Also, will this affect other SM groups? I am not the most familiar with them, but I hear SM groups are very interconnected, with NCT and Superm and everything. So will other groups have members leaving?

Hello!! they sure are hahahhaha

omg we love<3 jfjfdj exo's legacy :')

So there currently Chanyeol, Sehun, Kai, Kyungsoo, Suho and Lay are still contracted with SM. Chen, Baekhyun, and Minseok are still in exo of the moment - they've left the company not the group and so unless there's official word after all the legal stuff that they've left the group - they are still in the group! the contracts will be them individually contracted as SM artists, not as members of EXO so they don't lose that when the contracts gone until SM declare it. Sehun... is unpredicatable so i can't say anything for sure 😭 but he is basically sitting back atm with popcorn watching it go down so i imagine that whatever the outcome he will step up and try something himself hahah the others i truly don't know! Kai fucked off to the military right as the drama's happening so we won't get his news for a while 😭 the contracts are kinda frozen/extended over military enlistment periods i've noticed so he won't be doing anything until it's over. The leaving members are very likely going to go get signed to other labels/ set up their own ! i can imagine they have a plan, and considering they're suing together at once i can imagine they have a plan together! it would be great for us fans to have them sign to the same company but you gotta remember this is their first free decision about their career they've prob ever gotten so they should go with what they want individually and find companies that will suit them and work well with them<3

oki so I think there's a lot that could happen if u compare it to other groups! they could definitely do a got7 where they are in different companies focusing on solo stuff but manage to do a full-member comeback by organising it themselves between all their companies (if only once or twice </3). Or you could look at snsd. snsd came back through SM but 3 (?) of the members aren't under SM anymore - it was just something arranged between all companies involved and i can imagine that the non-SM girls got well compensated 😭 but yeah - something like that could happen if there's some relationship between the members and SM... which doesn't seem particularly likely considering the lawsuits but anyways it's a possibility hahaha!

about other SM groups! it will be affecting poor taeyong trying to promote his solo atm thru all this drama 😭 and as you said about the stock prices - that does inhibit the other groups. However, if they win the lawsuit, one can only hope that would encourage better artist treatment and fairer payout around the whole company!! and if SM don't do it themselves, the other artists would have tonnes of info on how to beat SM in a lawsuit 😭 so we can hope they use it well<3 but yeah - the icky thing about companies is that although they are all artists with similar contracts, the treatment and payout could be extremely different between all the groups :(( and within the same group (read: luhan and tao lol). and good old misogyny when it comes to rv<3 so each SM artist could have a different experience and some could have it much worse than others.

okay so i just read some articles and it's so funny djfgjjdfgj what i'm understanding is.. cbx were like 'yo can u provide us with the info on how we've been paid for 12-13 years' and sm are like 'no. i don't want to.' and sm are CONVINCED that some other evil company leaders have been talking to exo and getting them to sign with them and illegally go against their SM contracts. which very much could be true but it's not illegal to have discussions with other employers jgjdfg and SM are still like 'we have your best interests at heart, not those evil outsiders!'. ... they r so funny fkgkd. also their contracts were literally 12-13 years long... not the usual 7 recommended by the government.... and the contracts they r terminating were written in nov/dec 2022 and were extending them another 5/6 years...and SM's current defence is "no ur lawyer doesn't know the law properly we aren't in the wrong".. so .... unless some miracle is pulled I don't see SM coming out of this well since they're not rly cooperating at all.

but yeah.. i don't see a swarm of artists leaving SM happening, mostly because a lot of them won't have the luxury as EXO have to do that. And especially if they're also stuck in 13 year contracts... which is ridiculous. so yeah :(( but we can hope they get better treament!! and soz to any superm fans if there are any of you 😭 superm is a done thing i'm afraid</3 lucas flopped, baekhyun's suing and then it'd just be taemin in an Nct unit KJFGKFJGK. so yeah no more superm. but nct will prob truck on - they are SM's priority there's no denying it so they'll prob be fine. tho they are tragically suffering with the loss of sungtaro so like... </3 rip to them but infinite Nct flopped to me the second sungtaro left, like no one else matters</3

[triforceguide-archive]

okay i'm going to grow out my bangs see you in like a year lmao

[shiftingparadise]

I absolutely adore your levi x novle reader!!! Would it be okay to ask for another part where reader is pregnant with baby n 2 and Nowa is scared that they won't love him the same? Don't feel pressured! 💗

Aaah, thank you so much :3 I really hope you like this one too 🤍✨

Hope you guys have had a great day and that life's treating everyone well. Enjoy reading!

Word Count: 1664

‘I don’t want a little sister or brother!’, ‘Nowa-‘. 

You hated this, to see him upset like this. It wasn’t what you expected, nor did Levi, but this wasn’t planned. You… getting pregnant again. You were just as shocked as Nowa when you found out. 

‘No, I don’t want to be a brother. I barely spend time with you, you won’t even bother to look at me anymore’. 

Tears were streaming down his cheeks, his sad eyes fixed on Levi. 

‘You know I try to spend as much time as possible with you and your mom’, Levi slowly put down his fork, his appetite was gone anyway. ‘It’s not enough!’. ‘Nowa’, you widened your eyes when he pushed his chair back. A tantrum of a 12-year-old was something you’d rather avoid. ‘Don’t start to defend him! It’s like we don’t exist!’. 

If it was possible, you would’ve heard Levi’s heart break into pieces. It was written all over his face. The way his crescent-shaped eyes were hanging low, his hands balled into fists… This wasn’t fair. He did his best, he tried to be there for Nowa, as much as possible. He would give it all up in a second if the Corps didn’t need him so badly. 

‘Enough Nowa. I can’t believe you're being this selfish. Your father and I have done everything we could to raise you right, to give you a good life. Why do you think your father works so much? He wants you to grow up in a world without war’. 

Your whole body was shaking. This was the first time you got angry with him. You never raised your voice, you never punished him for something, but you’ve had enough. 

Levi didn’t respond, seeing you like this was something new to him. You ignored the surprised look in his eyes, waiting patiently for Nowa to respond. 

He didn’t, however. He just looked at you with a betrayed look in his eyes before storming off. 

‘N-nowa wait!’, you quickly stood up, wanting to follow him. ‘Let’s give him some space’, Levi’s soft hand wrapped around your wrist, holding you back, ‘He’ll come around. Sit down, you can’t get worked up over something like this’. ‘Like this? You don’t think it’s important for him to be excited?’. ‘What did you expect?’, Levi slowly stood up, a tired look in his eyes, ‘He’ll come around, don’t worry. I’m going to my offi-‘. 

Not again. You wouldn’t let this happen again. 

‘The last thing I need right now is for my husband to distance himself again’, you smiled before wrapping your arms around his waist, nestling your head against his chest, ‘Nowa is just scared, don’t let it get to you’. ‘It seems like he’s always angry with me’, Levi let his cheek rest on the top of your head, his arm tightly wrapped around you. ‘He’s just scared, that’s all… I’m scared too’. ‘Scared? What for?’, Levi immediately pushed you away from him, concerning eyes gliding to your stomach, ‘I’ll protect us, I won’t let anyone touch yo-‘. 

You couldn’t help but let out a small giggle, leaving Levi confused. 

‘What? Why are you laughing like that?’, an annoyed sigh left his lungs. ‘You’re so cute when you’re being protective’. ‘Tch’, he rolled his eyes, not bothering to answer you, ‘I’m going to Hange, let me know if you need anything’. 

---

‘He still doesn’t talk to me’, a lump in your throat. It’s been days since your little outburst, but Nowa didn’t even look at you, no matter what you said. ‘So that’s why he came to my office today’, a soft smile on Levi’s face, ‘He normally hates it there, but today he was fairly talkative’. ‘See?’, you closed the book that was resting on your lap, ‘He hates me!’. ‘He’s just as stubborn as you are, it’ll pass, and then you can be the favorite parent again’. 

Levi softly wiped the tears from your cheeks before placing a swift kiss on the tip of your nose. 

‘Let me enjoy this for as long as it lasts’. ‘Stop smirking like that!’, you playfully pushed him away, ‘She’ll probably cling onto you like a little monkey’. You placed your hand on your stomach, ‘Girls always like their dad more than their mom. She’ll probably idolize you or something’. 

‘S-she?’, Levi’s eyes went round in surprise, his lips slightly parted. 

‘Hm, I’m almost certain we’re having a little girl’. 

Levi hoped with all his heart that it would be a girl. He loved Nowa, but something deep down inside him always wanted a daughter. He always imagined how amazing it would be to have a little you run around. She’d probably have your big and curious eyes; she would carry the same kindness in her heart as you … 

‘I can’t wait to see Nowa hold her. If he’s anything like me, he’ll be far too protective over his little sister’, Levi chuckled, gently placing his hand on your stomach.

---

‘Where’s your mom?’, Levi frowned at Nowa, who was eagerly flipping through the pages of his book. ‘Hange told me they were going to the market’. ‘Want to surprise her today?’, Levi slowly stood up from his desk, studying the expression on Nowa’s face. ‘No’, Nowa frowned, his lips pressed together. 

Ah. Levi knew that expression like the back of his hand. Too stubborn. He was just too stubborn to back down. 

‘She misses you, you know that, right?’. ‘She was the one who yelled at me’. ‘Because you’, Levi paused to stroke through his son’s hair, ‘Were acting like a brat.  Besides, you need a haircut’. 

‘S-sorry for yelling at you. I guess I can spend some more time with you in your office’. 

Just like her. He’s just like her. The way he can’t look me in the eyes, the way his arms are folded, his little nose slightly wrinkled… 

‘Come on, let’s get your mom some flowers’, Levi signaled Nowa to follow him, ‘We’ll talk about it along the way’.

--- 

‘Levi, have you seen Nowa? He isn’t with the cadets’, you sighed while hanging your wet coat on the wall, not bothering to look across the room. ‘I’m soaked. I didn’t expect it to rain so much today’. 

Levi took a sip from his tea, a content smile on his face, ‘Go on, show your mom what you got’. 

‘H-huh?’, you widened your eyes when you saw Nowa walking towards you. ‘Sorry I behaved like a brat’, a stubborn expression on your son’s face, ‘I got you these’. 

Nowa reluctantly held out the flowers he got you, his head turned towards the wall next to him. 

‘A brat?’, you smiled while looking at Levi who shrugged his shoulders in response, a smug look on his face while he sipped from his tea. ‘Asked your dad to help with your apology?’. 

‘M-Maybe’. 

‘Come here’, you opened your arms, waiting for the familiar feeling of his embrace. ‘I was never mad at you, Nowa. I was hurt, but that doesn’t justify the fact that I yelled at you. I’m sorry’. 

Nowa didn��t respond, but the way he nestled his head against your stomach, his hands tugging at the back of your shirt… You knew he wasn’t mad anymore. 

‘I-I just don't want you to love me any less when the baby is born’. You frowned when you heard him sob against you. ‘Oh Nowa’, you frowned while looking at Levi, hoping he was going to say something to calm him down. 

Naturally, you couldn’t count on your husband. Feelings weren’t exactly his forte. So, he just sipped some more from his tea while pretending to read his newspaper.

‘We’re not going to love you any less, are you crazy?’, you gently stroked the back of his head, ‘We’ll still read together, your dad will still take you to his garden… Nothing’s going to change, except that over time, someone else will be joining us’. ‘Promise?’. ‘Promise’, you smiled while holding him tighter, ‘No one’s going to take your place, Nowa’. 

--- 

‘Want to hold her?’, you looked at your son who seemed too stunned to speak or move, his eyes fixed on Levi. ‘Hm’, he nodded with wide eyes. ‘Careful, okay?’, you whispered when Levi handed her to him. 

Levi would lie if he said he didn’t have to hold back tears when he saw her in his Nowa’s arms. The way his son softened his eyes once he held his little sister, the way he held out his finger for her to grab… He thought his life was complete when Nowa was born, but he was wrong. This. This was it. His son holding his sister as if it is the most important thing in the world. He knew Nowa would protect her, no matter what, he could see it in his eyes. No matter how scared he was that he needed to share his parents' love, no matter how much he vowed to hate his sibling … All that fear and anger disappeared when he held her, Levi could see it in his son’s eyes. 

‘So tiny’, Nowa whispered, ‘S-she looks like you, Mama’. ‘Told you’, Levi smiled while sitting down on the bed next to you. ‘My looks, but your character’, you stared at the ceiling, ‘She barely sleeps, just like you’. 

‘Tch’. 

Levi chuckled at your remark. It was true, Nowa never had any difficulties with sleeping. He slept through everything, like you… But she was something else. Ever since she was born, she barely slept. Often driving the two of you crazy. 

‘H-huh?’, Nowa widened his eyes when his little sister started to cry, ‘H-here Mama’. 

Nowa slowly stood up, wanting to give her to you. 

‘Don’t bother’, you sighed, ‘Give her to your dad. He’s the only one that can stop her from crying’. ‘Just like you…’, Levi gently took her away from Nowa, ‘Only stopped crying when your mom held you’. 

[angeloroki]

something more — s. todoroki

you wanted to stop this relationship of friends with benefits, with shoto. before your feelings towards him destroyed you.

— character ; aged up!shoto todoroki x gn!reader

— request ; @tyunsworld angst college au where shoto and yn used to be friends with benefits but yn is trying to stol this fwb but shoto refuses (no smut pls just some indications)

— genre ; angst, au college

— warnings ; suggestive content, curses

— a/n ; i decided to change the ending a bit, i hope it's ok for you and that you like it anyway :)

you were sitting on your bed, in the room you shared with your roommate. she wasn't there, gone to her weekly dance class.

every thursday and tuesday, at 6pm until 8pm sharp. your friend was very punctual, and that suited you perfectly.

because usually, at that time, during those two short hours that you shoto would come and spend some time with you in that room.

it was never anything serious, just a good time that the two of you would give each other. kisses that were worthless, soft caresses yet devoid of feeling, sighs and i love you's that were deprived of love echoed and echoed between the walls of the university room.

it had started only 6 months ago, at a mutual friend's party. todoroki was the rich boy in business school. classy, elegant, handsome, and a smooth talker, he had absolutely every girl on campus at his feet.

so, you could say you were slightly surprised when you saw him accost you in the kitchen, where you were trying to relax a bit. you had hooked up, the discussion was not forced, one thing led to another - and especially under the effect of the euphoria felt at the very moment - you had ended up in bed together. you could remember that it was the best sex of your life. and yet you had had quite a few.

a bitter taste stuck in your mouth.

the day after that night, he had found your number and offered to continue. nothing serious of course, just something where you would both enjoy each other. no empty feelings. he had used a phrase,... friends with benefits, that's the term he had used.

stupidly, you didn't hesitate. because after all, you were young, and you needed to unwind with classes and all. and it's not like you could fall in love with a guy like that.

only you were so wrong.

you slowly came out of your thoughts to look at the time. 6:01 p.m. Your friend had gone out ten minutes ago, so Shoto should be back any minute.

a sigh escaped your lips at the scenario that was about to unfold.

and yet you were the only one to blame, or rather your stupid heart. or maybe your stupid ease of attachment to people who couldn't care less about you.

you lay down and stared at the ceiling.

you knew his weaknesses, what he liked to do on a sunday afternoon, the things that made him angry, just as you knew every inch of his body.

and how the fuck could you not fall in love with him?

a salty taste comes to your lips, tears. you bite your upper lip, silently. and yet you knew it wouldn't be mutual. and it never would be. because he was simply shoto todoroki.

« you spend a lot of time with that boy, what's his name again ? your roommate yells at you from the bathroom. is there something going on between you or something ? »

the heat came flooding in on your cheeks.

« no... no! it's just that we have mutual friends, that's all. »

« yeah sure ! but be careful though, he's known to break hearts this guy [..]. »

that talk you had three months ago echoed ironically in your head. breaking hearts. and yours, by the way.

you go over the plan in your head. before things get hot, you tell him. all at once, well almost all. you just tell him you want out of this relationship.

and so you say everything without pauses, at the risk of crying in front of him. the best thing is that you remain insensitive.

someone knocked on the door. 6:12 pm, he's here.

« y/n, it's me. » he said in his deep voice, which always made you shiver.

you got up and opened the door for him. a small smile lit up his usually stoic face. as you spent more time together, shoto had managed to get more and more comfortable with you, and that could only warm your heart.

« sorry for the delay, the traffic was heavy. »

he went to sit on your bed after taking off his shoes. a worried expression grew on his face when he saw that you said nothing.

« if you're tired, we can meet again next week. i know it's tiring with exams right now. » he said in a kind voice.

could he stop being an angel, just thirty seconds, you said to yourself silently. in just a few steps, you crossed the room and placed a long passionate kiss on his lips, and it was with great pleasure that you felt him respond with the same ardor. you had to feel it one more time before you put an end to this whole mess.

his lips tasted minty, and they were angelically sweet. addictive, that's what his kisses were like. you felt his tongue asking for permission to find yours. and for a few seconds, a feverish waltz settled between your two mouths.

you felt as if long hours had already passed. and you still wanted more to be added, or for time to stand still. but you wouldn't let him go.

and yet.

you shifted from him. he was a mess, his hair untidy from your hands that had to find a support, his face was a dark red.

a small laugh escaped his lips.

« what's this ? a goodbye kiss ? »

you looked away from him. and that's how he understood.

« what ? tell me something. »

« i want to stop this. I'm not interested in our evenings together anymore. »

you didn't need to see him to understand that he was sad now.

« did i do something wrong ? »

his hand came to yours, its warmth melting you.

« no, not at all. i just want to stop this. »

you knew him now, and you knew he'd try to figure out what the problem was. you just needed him to be angry with you, so your feelings for him, the first to be touched, could surely fade. at least you hoped so.

« it's gotten boring with you. you faced him, your gaze now cold. i've grown tired of you, so find someone else to satisfy you. »

his eyes reflected a melancholy that you had never seen in him before.

« y/n, i didn't stay 6 months with you just for sex... i like talking to you. »

your heart skipped a beat. of course, shoto, as a friend.

« that's not my case, todoroki. you were a good lay in bed, and you helped me forget the stress of college. but that's over now, get your shoes and get out. »

despite your command, he didn't make a move. his eyes analyzed you carefully, before his sigh echoed in the room.

« you found someone, didn't you ? you thought you could hear a little regret in his voice, but why ? sorry, i won't bother you anymore then. i'm happy for you. »

he got up and walked to the entrance, where his shoes were.

« i- no... »

how could he not see that you only had eyes for him ? that the other people who were just accosting you, were immediately raked ? a sincere anger went through your body now. you were angry at him now that he didn't notice your love for him.

« i love you. » you said in a quiet voice.

you saw him stop, his back was to you. fuck, that wasn't part of the plan.

« i don't want to see you anymore because i love you. because i know it will never be reciprocated. so please leave. »

he turned around just enough for you to meet his eyes, full of sorrow. a stranger might have thought it was you who had just broken his heart. or maybe you had really broken it ? you'll never know.

« no, y/n. i can try, we can try. it doesn't have to end like this. you're not like the others, i don't want to let you go. »

« i know you can't love me like i love you. don't make promises to me. »

« but i don't want to leave yo- »

the fact that he refused to leave you, to end the relationship, only gave you false hope.

« get the fuck out ! »

your sudden irritation startled him slightly. but he knew you were right.

« i-... i'm sorry y/n.- »

« stop apologizing, it's not your fault. »

« i wish it had ended differently. »

and silently he left your room, leaving you alone with your tears.

your old discussion with your roommate came back to you

« [...] he's known to break hearts this guy. but i have to admit that he's charming, anyway i care too much about my heart and my feelings to make love to him. » said your friend from the bathroom.

« i don't fall so easily, f/n. and stop it, you sound like my parents. you say laughing. »

i wish you would have told me i love you too, shoto todoroki.

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: UM okay Nancy: You've succeeded in making me speechless so what do you wanna say Rio: Usually I'd take that as a compliment Rio: I didn't know how to say it without sounding like a total self-absorbed bitch Rio: 'cos all you went through at yours and everything but Rio: I just can't do it anymore, Nance Nancy: Wow, that makes ME sound like a total self-absorbed bitch Nancy: but I get it, of course I do Rio: Ugh, no, so not how I meant that Rio: not like you were giving out 'do not talk about this' vibes, it was just me pussying out, lbr Rio: but you do? thank God Nancy: I kind of always give out those vibes lbr & I kind of am a self-absorbed bitch so like ?? Rio: If you wanna own that then I will say we've talked about you way more than me already so Rio: go off Nancy: Ugh Nancy: I have to own it 👑 Rio: Works for me, babe Rio: regardless of how self-obsessed my socials have me looking, I'm not my favourite topic of conversation Rio: never mind I'm sort of avoiding my parents rn so Nancy: Me either but everyone wants me to talk about it Nancy: all like who are you? or worse, how are you? Rio: Reckon 'what are you gonna do with your life?' trumps 'em both though Nancy: oh, I get that too honey, every time my parents call me Nancy: Sorry I'm not in America being your poster child for success Rio: You're doing it again 😏 Rio: Ah well, I got plans Rio: School ain't necessary for them Nancy: What can I say? He brings out the worst in me Nancy: so what are you gonna do besides leave me 💔? Rio: Awh, don't 😖 Rio: I've got lots of plans, not gonna jinx 'em before I've even started but trust Rio: I can go full-time at the bar I was doing weekends in so that's a start Nancy: is one of them make June let me copy his homework now I won't have yours 'cause I'll cry if not Nancy: but seriously, I believe in you with or without an insta post power move Rio: but of course Rio: you'll be well better off for it Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Nancy: I reckon I still hate this for me but I love it for you Rio: You're gonna be better than fine Rio: I ain't dying Nancy: everyone needs that to be true so I'll have to Nancy: You'll be thriving who needs essays or irish in their future, good lord Rio: I mean Rio: not to rub it in but Rio: 🙌💃🍾🎊 Nancy: 😭🏫😢🎒🍀💔 Rio: 😂 Rio: At least none of the kids should care too much Rio: end of the world when I moved in with Indie, as if I'm never coming back, or don't live like 5 minutes away 🙄 Nancy: Granddad will be so happy that you're following in his 👣 though you might get that party actually Nancy: You're already his fave Rio: Nancy McKenna, are you actually ASKING for a party right now? Rio: Oh my God, now we HAVE to have one, haters be damned Nancy: We aren't talking about me so shhh Nancy: But you literally have to Nancy: 🧡🧡🧡 Rio: Alright Rio: sexy schoolgirl uniform NOT optional though Rio: not sorry Nancy: It's your party you can objectify me if you want to Nancy: I still have my posh one so Rio: 😏👌 Rio: top totty babe Nancy: I'll make it fashion Nancy: We can burn it after, pretend like I don't have another to go back to Rio: Yeah, we'll stop before burning the books Rio: even if it'd be very cathartic Nancy: Just the 🍀 ones Nancy: Pretty please Rio: No one's expecting you to pass, like Rio: even your 'rents no doubt Rio: literally zero pressure on that one Nancy: my dad is, he thinks it's hilarious Rio: Only got the complexion, like Nancy: the men in our little section of the family are such pricks Nancy: 🙄 Rio: Like that you specified, just in case Junie reads these and is like fuck yo homework Nancy: he's a babe Nancy: even when he's being unhelpful Nancy: which is mostly but that's men for you, like Rio: 😂😂 Rio: ain't gonna put him in charge of party-planning, let's put it that way Nancy: I'll do it Rio: Really? Nancy: I know HOW okay?! I just don't Nancy: usually Rio: Okay, okay! Rio: I don't doubt you Rio: go ahead Nancy: You shouldn't 'cause sexy schoolgirls is my entire coming out so the theme is easy Nancy: Gay origin story Rio: Such a perv, McKenna 😉 Nancy: I was like 12 what else would you have liked me to perv on at the time? Rio: Schlebs and porn like everyone else Rio: duh Nancy: Duh, I'd done that already Nancy: I've been gay since 👶 Rio: not on the 💻 though, I hope Nancy: 😏 Rio: Like I said, filth Nancy: didn't realise moving here meant I had to become a nun by default Nancy: awkward Rio: Someone shoulda told you Rio: churches run this country, babe Nancy: If god was a hot older lady I'd consider devoting myself 😍🙏 but Nancy: worship a man, no thanks Rio: He's not a man, heathen Nancy: depicted like one though WHAT A SURPRISE Rio: Well Jesus was defs not a ginger either so - 1  for you Nancy: Did he look like a beautiful woman or is that just art being 🌈 ? Rio: You've got the weirdest taste Nancy: excuse me I didn't 🎨 it Rio: You're into it Nancy: I've just noticed Rio: Mhmm Nancy: I've been single forever, fight me Rio: That's no excuse to sexualize our lord and saviour Rio: behave yourself Nancy: He isn't mine, that was the point Rio: He's the worlds Nancy: not my world, babe Rio: 🙄 Nancy: when are you working 'cause this party needs to be ASAP Rio: tonight Rio: but I'm working the day sunday so maybe we could do something in the evening? Nancy: Okay Nancy: I'll get it all arranged Rio: 🤞 I don't get murdered before then Rio: but I'm sure the fam will keep you posted Nancy: I'll hear your mum from here Nancy: but you're a babe with a plan, yeah? Rio: Obvs Rio: soz I ain't a babe with a genius IQ, like Rio: what can you do Nancy: Me either but if I can convince my parents, who are WAY scarier that I have to move you can definitely reassure yours you don't need exams Rio: Alright, bitch, it ain't a competition 😉 Rio: Wish me 🍀 Nancy: Doesn't mean you should let me win really easily Nancy: Or that you need luck for this Nancy: Just tell them what you told me, minus the part about my perversions and bad taste, thank you Rio: But I feel that will really soften the blow, like Rio: Yeah, I'm a dropout but Nancy is a MASSIVE creep, so, win some you lose some lads Nancy: 😂 okay okay you can out me Nancy: But genuinely you just need to prove it to them Nancy: Let them see you working for what you want, making it happen, you know Nancy: they'll worry anyway, its the parental standard Nancy: but they'll see where you're coming from too 🤞 eventually Nancy: or they won't and you get to be like look how wrong you are Nancy: either way  🙌💃🍾🎊 Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Rio: Yeah, you're right Rio: it's happening regardless so they'll have to get used to it Nancy: Gay culture Rio: 😂 Rio: Right, I've got to go get ready Rio: plan my party, bitch Nancy: I've already begun, bitch Nancy: I approve of the enthusiasm Rio: I'd call it keen Rio: 😘 Nancy: We've both been called worse 😚 Nancy: and you should be pleased I'm getting into the spirit Rio: You've read the comments? 😏 Nancy: Have you seen how many there are? I don't have time Nancy: No need though, I can guess Rio: 😂 Rio: Fair, it's more like a 70-30 split in my favour so Rio: not bad Nancy: Keep me posted Rio: 👍

[winds--of--change]

No.561

Me: If everything happens for a reason, tell me, what is this for? Been over 3 months unemployed now... am I that unemployable? Or should I be meant to go back to Vietnam now... TELL ME

Me2: Happy Birthday btw lol must be fun having such turbulence first few days of age 29. Hallelujah

Me: 30-crisis =_=

Me2: Hey I think things are just going the way YOU wanted it, that's why no job yet BECAUSE what you desire the most FIRST is a new house, your style back. And you got it! First.

Me: True. It feels so good having a private room again, not a narrow bunk bed shared with 12 girls. Man I was down to a cold just last week or before because when living with too many people in one single space, the cold just goes around. And the moment I moved to the new place, no more cold! And I feel super fresh and healthy, probably thanks to the natural park closed by and more greens in this area with so few people.

Me2: See. You wanted this first. And that is why you got a house and all your belongings back, having all clothes (btw you have LOADS! I can't believe it, even if you wear something new every single day you can't even finish wearing all in a month because you have more than, like, 40 outfits! WTF)

Me: I am girl. What do you expect! And I am so proud of my wardrobe, which is handpicked by me by the way. None of the clothes are what is left over of my mother's belongings like what happened in the past, let's say I finally have my own identity lol I am not Mom anymore.

Me2: Yeah right =.= good luck with wearing all of those at least once in a year lol or best of luck packing all again in case you are leaving lol

Me: I am not leaving Japan! I am staying in Tokyo.

Me2: Well yeah, you have only a month left....

Me: A whole month!!!! And everything could change everything could happen! And see, I just noticed 10:10 o'clock on Emily's computer and when I checked the hour meaning for it, it means I'm undeniably super lucky! And success in career and financial future would be at my door! See, it's a sign. I am gonna find a job in Tokyo, stay and achieve my saving goals!

Me2: Work hard for it then.

Me: I will!

Me2: For now you don't, that's why I am concerned.

Me: =.= yeah...

Me2: See! You are always so full of shits.

Me: Ouch! That fucking hurts! And you are RUDE.

Me2: Can't make you face reality if I don't do so.

Me: I know reality. Have some faith in me yo.

Me2: All the time.... and yet you still crawl back here asking for my help.

Me: I didn't ask for your help.... Just want some... chit chat LOL

Me2: the time of which you should spend on job hunting if you wanna stay in Tokyo that bad under only one month deadline.

Me: Hey everyone needs a break sometimes. And I need to know what I am doing wrong during this whole job hunting.

Me2: You don't have Japanese, not even confident in Japanese, lack of work experiences too, which clearly shows in interviews and...

Me: Stop.

Me2: I thought you said you know reality. YOUR reality, to be exact lol

Me: Common I must have something...that's employable!

Me2: Like... ?

Me: Hmm.... cute and fashionable!!!!

Me2: ... ... ... ... ... ...You serious????

Me: LOL sorry I need to make myself laugh away job hunting stress lol Common... don't be serious.... it's just a job. I will find something.

Me2: Hand claps for such..... optimism.

Me: Man.... I need a job, I truly have too much time to think lol

Me2: No kidding.

Me: But on the bright side! I am so free and so free yet I don't bother him again! Maybe Love's gone. Hmm...

Me2: You said you are still happy as fuck when he just sent you a message wishing you happy birthday. And hardly believe it if he really cares or remembers, it might just be Facebook notification so he ended up sending a message out of courtesy.

Me: And so do I, send him Thank You message out of courtesy, and nothing more! I didn't go overboard or whatever. Man I was even thinking (for a mili-second only) of asking him to hire me LOL GOSH I am glad I control my lameness =.=

Me2: Mannnn don't ever talk to me again if you ever do that. We are no longer even acquaintances, I would be ashamed to have an acquaintance like that.

Me: Hey! I didn't do it! I just had a thought for a very very short time!

Me2: Might as well prepare everything, including the possibility you are leaving Japan in August no?

Me:.... that's why I prepared ticket money in my bank account today. BUUUUUT just for worst case scenario that's why I did so, like to so I'm fully prepared for whatever ahead and ready for ...whatever. It doesn't mean I won't get something in Tokyo you know! As I said, the angel said I'm undeniably lucky! I will find a job and enter visa renewal process before my current visa expires. That's for sure.

Me2: You are not young anymore dear, 29 is something, that you should think of about... long term future.

Me: Like what, marriage and kids? Look I talked to Hakun today and she is thinking of divorce because her husband likes gambling. But she feels stuck because she cannot afford to rent a new house for herself and the kid.

Me2: You are saying you have no confidence whatsoever that you will find a GOOD husband?! And all men shall end up like that?! Because if you think of other's situation and don't marry because of that, I think it just means you are "making what you see into your reality" as well, so that you could have a chance to say "I knew it! Told ya. Men are just like that!!"

Me:.... true. Matter of consciousness and mindset again, which in turn shapes thoughts and actions and then, the very reality of one's own.

Me2: Duh!

Me: Anyway.... all I am trying to say is.... I belong to Japan. Vietnam is still my home too, whenever for visits. But I would like to live in Japan. I can't find myself fit back in Vietnam anymore, I HAVE CHOSEN THIS PATH, being international being more than just... a Vietnamese, a Goldsmiths follower, a Japan-lover. Now I am all of those and MORE. And Tokyo offers me to be who I am, who I have always wanted to be and NOW being.

Me2: ...

Me: Look I have changed a lot dear. Even when I was in England, in one of the most amazing cities in the world like London, and being in Goldsmiths I was still just a small girl, not confident with English, not even speaking it, lack everything, especially self-confidence and taste, wearing Mom's clothes and so on. Yet I learnt how to make self and I applied it the moment I set foot on Japan! And I have identified this self of mine all along since then. I HAVE BUILT UP EVERYTHING, even from minus dear, yet I come to zero, and now, a PLUS. Leaving is like, smashing the whole empire I built! You don't know how hard it is, being from someone who can't even speak well a mother tongue, to someone who now speaks THREE languages. You don't know, the price I paid, from being introvert, someone quiet by nature and plain, to someone with a style, with the ability to attract interesting people, get along more easily and make friends along the way! I HAVE PAINED MYSELF A LOT TO BUILD UP AN IDENTITY SUCH THAT, I look like someone travel a lot, have a lot of friends, doing cool stuffs, having cool friends and all, to be able to move socially upwards, to break away from the countryside girl who has no opinion, who "lives to eat" lol and, who, is, MOM. I was MOM 100% remember? And she didn't know who she is even till now! But I know who I am now. I MAKE WHO I AM NOW. Yes my professor was right that 'you can never get away from yourself', time after time I am still my mother, sometime even more, sometime even less. But you know what, you can never get away from yourself BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS TRANSFORM THAT SELF OF YOURS. And I did it!

Look dear, I AM NOT GIVING UP. Till the last day of my visa, everything could change! Miracles could happen! Like how I made it to who I am now! So I will continue on this path, on building who I want to be.

And I know I will be successful.