#anyways i sincerely hope this helps you somehow and that everything falls into place for you 💗 i'm rooting for you 💌

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Just Take It | Jeon Jungkook | Part One

Summary: Some of your closest friends betray you and somehow push you into the arms of someone unsuspected. Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 5.7k Warnings: Mentions of cheating resulting in pregnancy and explicit language...I think that's it lol (Barely edited per usual lmao) a/n: You guys seemed really excited for this fic so I'm gonna make it a miniseries since even the poll results were so close so anyways I hope you enjoy! Requested by the lovely @kkusadmirer 💜

"Is everything ready?" I ask my best friend Jina for the hundredth time today. "Yes y/n calm down. This party is going to be perfect don't worry" she says with a smile that doesn't reach her eyes, making me even more apprehensive but decide it's best to just take her for her word instead of digging deeper. 

"You're right, I should probably just go back upstairs and get ready huh?" I say and start heading upstairs to take the curlers out of my hair and finish up my makeup in her old bedroom. "Let me know if you need help, I'll just be putting the finishing touches on everything in the meantime" she calls after me and I respond with a quick 'okay' before running up the rest of the steps I had been ascending.

I walk down the hallway lost in thought and am stopped in my tracks when I find myself bumping into someone, almost falling over but he luckily catches me before I even have a chance to stumble back more than a few steps. 

"Careful there" he teases and I look up and apologize immediately. "I'm sorry Mr. Jeon I wasn't watching where I was going" I say quickly and he smiles at my flustered state. "It's okay darling don't worry about it" he says in a deep tone that has always gotten to me. I take a quick step back to create some much needed distance and to cover up the awkwardness that had settled in. 

"Thank you again for letting us hold our engagement party in your home. Are you sure you still don't mind?" I ask him as well for the hundredth time as if we had time to change things with mine and my fiancé's relatives already on the way. 

"Y/n if I minded I would've said no a long time ago. Don't worry, I'd do anything for you, since you and Jared have been such amazing friends to my daughter. It truly means more to me than you know" he says placing his hand on my bicep to aide in showing his sincerity. 

"Of course Mr. Jeon. Moving to a new state in the middle of your Sophomore year of  college has gotta be difficult for anyone so I'm just happy we could be there for her" I say smiling up at him. He stares at me for a second, studying my features before breaking out of the slight trace he had caught himself in to continue the conversation. 

"I'm sorry you're probably wanting to finish getting ready and I'm holding you up" he says taking his hand off of me and stepping aside so I can walk down the hallway to my intended destination. 

"Don't worry about it. We've got plenty of time as it is so I'm in no rush. Thanks again Mr Jeon" I say, quickly wrapping up the conversation and walk into Jina's room. Before I'm able to close the door though he makes it a point to remind me of something I've always forgotten.

"Haven't we agreed upon calling me Jungkook? Mr. Jeon makes me feel so old" he teases and we both laugh at his words. "Thank you, Jungkook" I say and he smiles, satisfied with the change. "You're welcome" he replies with an heir of sensuality that leaves my brain buzzing and I close the door before either of us has the chance to say another word. 

He's always made me nervous but why does today feel different? It's not like his playful nature is anything new. He's acted like this since the first day I met him and when I had brought it up to Jina she just said he was being friendly so I never really gave it a second thought. 

There's no denying he's a handsome man and from what I can tell him and his ex wife had Jina when they were quite young so he's not anywhere near old enough to make it seem a bit strange but I tend to just deal with the butterflies by ignoring them as much as I can. 

He makes sure to be respectful when Jared's around and he hasn't crossed any lines to my knowledge so I don't mind it. It makes me feel confident more than anything and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. 

I shake off those thoughts and finish getting ready before I start to panic about being late and end up finishing up a lot sooner than I had planned and as I'm putting on my heels I hear a faint knock at the door. 

"Come in" I call out and my fiancé pops his head in from behind the door. "Aw I thought I would catch you while you were changing" he says with a fake pout leaving me smiling and shaking my head at him. "You'll get to do that plenty of times once we're married you pervert" I tease and he scoffs playfully. 

"You know, now that I think about it I kind of am a pervert aren't I?" he says while stalking towards me, making my breath hitch and my adrenaline start pumping but I have to tell myself to calm down before I do anything stupid. "After the wedding I warn and he backs off like he always does.

I smile and get up from the bed I had been sitting on and give him a quick kiss but he holds onto the back of my neck, keeping me there for a little while longer and deepening the kiss. "You look gorgeous" he whispers against my lips and I smile before giving him a quick peck and pulling back to look at him.

"You don't look half bad yourself" I taunt and he scoffs before granting me a sarcastic 'thank you'. "I'm kidding baby you look handsome as always" I say and he smiles at that and places a quick kiss on my cheek before taking my hand and leading me downstairs to where we're met with a few of our family and friends having already arrived. 

"You should've told me they were here sooner" I whisper to him while I wave at them as we walk downstairs. "I didn't want to rush you" he replies, giving my hand a gentle squeeze leaving my heart fluttering at how thoughtful he had been.

"Thank you love" I say looking at him as if he's the only one I need. "For what?" he chuckles, studying my features almost as if he's committing them to memory. "For wanting to marry me" I say and he laughs at my cute sentiment. "Thank you for saying yes" he replies and at that we start mingling together throughout the crowd and thanking everyone for coming. 

~~~~~

We part ways after a few more groups of people come in and around the time we're going to bring out the champagne I start to look around to see if I can find him so we can both be ready to make a toast once everyone's gotten a glass.

As I look around and ask a few people where he might be they point toward the far end of the house where not many people had wandered to and so I curiously make my way over to the room I had assumed he would be in but before I'm even able to put my hand on the door I hear the voices of not only Jared but Jina as well. 

"We have to tell her" I hear her say and stop short, my heartbeat immediately raising as I hold my breath, waiting for the response. "You told me you were on the pill though. How did this happen?" and at that my heart breaks. "I don't know I guess I forgot to take a couple of them and-" "And so what? You decided that screwing me without protection would work out just fine? Fuck Jina" Jared cuts her off and I hold my hand over my mouth to stop the sobs that I know are sure to come. 

"You were the one that said you wanted to stop using them" she defends. "Oh and so now it's my fault. Jina we both agreed to that and you know it" he says and at that the room falls silent for a moment before he speaks up again.

"What are we gonna do?" he mumbles, leaving the choice in her hands. "We need to tell her because I'm not getting rid of this baby. I don't care if you're going to be in our kid's life or not but either way we're telling her" she says, standing firm on what she thinks is right. 'She should've thought about that before she started fucking my boyfriend' I think to myself and wait for the conversation to continue.

"She deserves to know" she says in a hushed tone and they both agree moments later that they'll tell me after the party to avoid both of our families catching wind of it and at that I walk away as quietly as I can, heading to the bathroom across the house to collect myself before I even try to face anyone. 

'How the fuck could they do this to me? How could they do this to us? Did everything the three of us did together really not matter? All of this love that I gave Jared and he gave me made me feel like we were gonna last forever but I guess my wants and needs weren't enough for him. He wanted what he wanted and found that in my best fucking friend. 

I chuckle dryly at that thought and how ironic it sounds at the moment. The wants to avoid the drama of the rest of the family knowing? Well they don't have that kind of luxury anymore. 

I collect myself a few moments later and make my way out of the bathroom to intermingle again until I happen upon my soon to be ex fiancé in the crowd. 

"Hey honey" I say and I can see him trying to hold back the guilt at my words and I hold back from ripping his head off for the sake of what I'm about to do. "Should we go ahead and bring out the champagne and make a toast?" I ask and he nods his head agreeing wordlessly. 

"Great I'll ask Jina to help us out" I say and I can see how stiff his whole body becomes after I mention her name and he laughs it off and walks closer to me and I hold out my hand for him and guide us both over to where we've placed everything for the toasts. 

~~~~

"Does everyone have a glass?" I call out and everyone says yes and Jina makes her way around, filling everyone's glasses but her own. "Okay great Jina go ahead and grab a glass and then if you guys don't mind we'd like to pose a toast!" I say and everyone places their full attention on both Jared and I who are standing side by side. 

I watch as Jina tentatively fills her glass half full knowing full well that she won't be drinking any of that but I singled her out as a way to make her even more uncomfortable. Serves her right honestly but it's only just begun. 

"Okay everyone, firsts things first I would just like to thank all of you for coming. It is just so wonderful we could all gather here together and the fact that you all made the effort to come and celebrate Jared and I is just something that I won't ever forget so thank you again from the bottom of my heart" I say and hear murmurs of 'You're welcome's and 'Thank you for inviting us' throughout the crowd and I continue on after those die down.

"Another person I would like to thank would be my best friend who I couldn't have any of this without her including being able to host this party in her's and her father's wonderful home so thank you both for that" I continue and I look for Jungkook in the crowd and see him raising his glass to me and I turn my attention to Jina moments later and see the forced smile on her face and I smile back at her and take a deep breath before continuing. 

"You know Jina has been such a great friend to both Jared and I and the countless memories we've made together are something that I'll always hold close to my heart. One memory in particular is one that I think we'll all remember for the rest of our lives is one that I would like to share with you all" I say and I watch as Jared and Jina make nervous glances at each other but I hear the room fill with words mentioning how cute our friendship is and how it's nice to have close friends that get along. Oh boy they're about to know just how well we all get along. 

"This one actually just happened not too long ago, in fact it was just today wasn't it guys?" I say making eye contact with the both of them and I can see as both of them realize that they've been caught. 

"Yeah it's funny I was looking for Jared not too long ago to try to find where he had scurried off to and low and behold I found him and Jina having a cute little chat together just over there" I say and motion to the secluded part of the house where they had been and I see the crowd go from happy to confused. 

"They had been talking about how they had a surprise and they needed to tell me after the party but I figured that I would just give them an opportunity to say it now so all of us can hear it together. Would you guys like to share it with everyone?" I ask the two of them and wait a few moments before Jared tries to shut me down. 

"I think that's probably a conversation we should have in private right Jina?" Jared says, pleading with her to back him up. "Oh are you guys too shy? Don't worry I can say it" I counter, brushing him off. "Y/n I don't really think that's necessary" Jina now tries to reason with me but I'm way too far gone by now.

"Why not? Doesn't everyone deserve to know that you're pregnant" I say, pausing for the rest of the family to smile at the surprise and some of them start to congratulate her but before they can get too far I continue on. 

"Yeah she's pregnant with Jared's baby! Isn't that so sweet?" I say and at that point the room goes so silent you would hear a pin drop and I break it by continuing to rub salt into the wound. 

"I know right? It's so crazy isn't it? It was a surprise to me too. Congratulations to the both of you" I say and down my drink while they stand there speechless as does the rest of the crowd. 

"So yeah anyways thank you all so much for coming and get home safe!" I say and make an exit into the backyard while Jared and Jina chase after me. 

"Y/n, y/n wait. Please" Jina calls after me first, following as I make my way over to the clearing behind the house and away from prying eyes. "Why should I wait huh? It's not like you waited and thought 'Hey maybe it's not the best idea to be raw doggin my best friend's boy friend' or were you guys still fucking by the time you asked me to marry you?" I ask the two of them and they both just stand there in silence. 

"You know what, you guys are perfect for each other. The whore I thought was my best friend and the whore who chased after her because neither of you could keep it in your pants. Thanks a lot, have a nice life" I say and storm off into the small clearing behind Jungkook's house, praying they won't follow me. 

"Oh and another thing" I say before walking too far, "I'm keeping the ring to compensate for emotional damage you bastard" I spit at my ex and his jaw drops, never having heard words like that come out of my mouth ever let alone directed at him. 

"Baby wait I can explain" he says trying a pathetic excuse of trying to get me to get him to hear him out. "Pretty sure I heard everything I needed to hear when you were having your little rendezvous earlier" I say, fully admitting to listening in on their conversation. 

"If I never see either of you again it'll be too soon" I say and continue on into the clearing, walking just far enough to be out of their view. "We really fucked up didn't we?" I hear Jina say and soon hear Jared scoff in return. "We fucked up? No you fucked up! You should've been more responsible" he throws back at her and storms off. "What the fuck Jared don't you dare walk away from me" she yells and chases after him, following him back into the house. 

After taking a few deep breaths and convincing myself over and over again that this is for the best and I'm better off without them I slowly make my way back into the yard and sit on the bench that's furthest away from everything, hoping no one finds me out here. Luckily it does the trick and I'm able to avoid facing anyone from the party and soon hear all of their cars leaving and the place falls silent. 

"They're all gone now if you want to come inside" Jungkook says, walking over to me tentatively, making sure he doesn't do something to make me run off. I look up at him with a tear streaked face and try to smile but ultimately end up hanging my head, hiding what little emotions I've let myself show and he walks over and sits on the far side of the bench I'm on. He doesn't say anything, he just sits with me and lets me ride the wave of emotions I'm feeling but also letting me know he's there if I need him.

I let out a few shaky breath after having let a few more tears fall before collecting myself and drying my eyes. "I'm sorry" I whisper and he turns towards me with a confused look on his face. "Whatever for?" he questions, puzzled as to why I could possibly be apologizing. 

"For the show I put on back there. I was just so mad when I overheard them talking and I don't know, I felt like I wanted to humiliate them since they decided to fuck behind my back like how fucked up can you be to sleep with your best friend's boyfriend?" I spout off and then look over and remember who I'm talking to. 

"I- I didn't mean. I'm sorry Mr. Jeon" I apologize again and hang my head in shame. I'm met with a chuckle as a response and when I look up at him I can see that he's clearly very amused. "What's so funny?" I question and he continues to laugh. 

"I'm sorry darling, just seeing how horrified you looked when you remembered that you were talking shit about Jina to her father was kind of hilarious and honestly adorable" he chuckles and I let out a breath and smile at him, happy he wasn't offended by it. 

"I wasn't thinking straight, I'm sorry" I apologize again, feeling so so guilty for bringing all of this drama to his house. "Hey, you have nothing to apologize for" he says softly, placing his hand on top on mine. The one that happens to be sitting on my thigh and I gulp at the sight of his big hand enveloping the sight of my hand and now has his fingers resting high up on the inside of my thigh. 

"It's not your fault that they're both fucked up and you got caught in the crossfire okay? So please don't apologize about that again" he says and I nod my head mindlessly, my eyes still focused on the hand that is now squeezing my thigh in reassurance but I can't get past the feeling of having his hands on me like this. 

He stands up a second later, taking his hand off of me and I look up at him, almost as if questioning why he stopped and he simply smiles at my cute reaction. "Let's head inside alright? It's gonna start getting cold out here soon" he says and I nod my head, wordlessly following him back into his home. 

"Did you want a drink?" he asks and I jump at the opportunity. "Yeah I'll just take this" I say while grabbing one of the barely opened champagne bottles. "Did you want a glass?" he chuckles, watching as I take a big gulp out of the bottle. "No need, this is fine. Might as well not let it go to waste right?" I say and he hums in acknowledgement while poring himself a drink. 

I walk around his living room and take in everything about it, reminiscing about all the memories and shared laughter there had been here over the last couple of years and find my mind wandering a bit. "I'm really gonna miss this place" I say, meaning to keep it to myself but accidentally voicing it loud enough for Jungkook to hear as well. 

"You're welcome to come back here anytime you'd like" he replies, startling me when I realize he's gotten closer and is now sitting on the couch directly behind where I stand, facing the mantle and looking at the various pictures placed on it. Pictures of Jina, Jared and I over the years, ones that no doubt Jungkook had taken. 

"I always hated this picture" I say mindlessly and I hear him get up off the couch so he can see which one I'm referring to. "Oh the one where I took all of you to the beach house a few years ago for your birthday? Why? Didn't you have fun?" Jungkook questions, genuinely surprised with my reaction to it. 

"No it's not that, I had a great time. I just feel like I look like a wet dog in that picture" I admit and I'm granted with a little chuckle beside me. "Hey" I whine and glance over at him, my breath hitching when I realize just how close he's gotten. 

"You know what? Now that I think about it I don't really like that picture either" he says and I turn my body to fully face him, highly offended and demanding he explain himself. "I didn't like the way that Jared was touching you that day. He couldn't keep his hands off you and I know that it was making you uncomfortable" he says, lowering his voice an octave and causing a shiver to run through my body. 

"How did you-" "When a man really pays attention and cares for you he can tell from the slightest change how their woman is feeling. I guess he just never got the memo" he says, glaring at Jared in the picture and how he unashamedly has his hand placed directly on my ass while I'm wearing a swimsuit that I had already felt uncomfortable in in the first place. 

My mind goes into overdrive with what those words could've possibly meant. 'Was he paying that close of attention to me that he noticed something small like that? Has he been jealous of Jared? Does he care for me?' are just some of the questions that start swirling around in my brain and before I can register what had happened next he's gone and sat on the couch and is suggesting I come sit down as well. 

"You've had a long day don't you think?" he asks and I nod my head and sit on the other side of the couch making sure to keep proper distance between us. "Yeah I guess you could say that" I chuckle dryly and take a drink from the champagne bottle I still have in my hand but end up spilling it on myself. 

"Shit" I say and Jungkook quickly grabs a napkin to help clean up having spilled some on the couch as well. "I'm sorry" I apologize, constantly finding more and more reasons to apologize and he shuts me down again. "A little champagne never hurt anybody don't worry about it" he says, brushing it off and leaving me feeling a little less guilty. 

"Why don't I grab you a glass and give you some of my clothes to wear so if we have another little mishap it won't be as big of a deal" he offers and before I can refuse he's already given me a glass and is halfway up the stairs. Gosh my brain really must be working in slow motion already. 

~~~~~

After Jungkook gives me a big t shirt and sweats I change into them and tie the drawstring tight to aide in keeping the pants up and look in the mirror of the bathroom I had been changing in and realize how much of a mess I look like right now with smudges of mascara under my eyes and my nose all red from all of the crying I had been doing earlier. 

I quickly wash and dry my face and throw my hair up and out of the way since at this point theres no saving this look and just accept defeat, walking out in my now more casual look and find him sporting an almost identical one. 

"Feel better?" he asks and I nod my head and walk towards where he's standing. "Come here" he says holding out his arm and pulling me into a hug. I melt in his embrace and almost start tearing up a bit again, but push back a little and softly break apart from his embrace before the two of us sit down. 

"I don't know how to feel honestly. I feel angry and sad and betrayed and relieved and heart broken and I don't know. I'm just confused" I start and he nods his head, encouraging me to continue and so I do. 

"We've been together since before Jina and I had ever met and things had always been so good between us and then when Jina came along it felt like things had gotten even better if that's makes sense. We had our three amigos group going and whenever we were together it felt like the rest of the world didn't matter. Or I guess at least that's how I felt" I say and take a shaky breath in and out before preparing to say the next part. 

"When Jared and I got together, I told him right off the bat that I wanted to save myself for marriage and he respected that. I will admit that we both had gotten close to breaking that boundary I set  once or twice but he always backed off when I asked him to and I was thankful for that. Guys my age or guys in general don't really respect that sort of outlook anymore so the fact that he was more or less willing to date me after knowing that gave me hope for us" I say, letting everything off my chest.   

I down my glass and pour myself another one before continuing on and I take into account that he's watching my every move. "I figured 'If he had a problem with it and got tired of it then he would've dumped me' or 'He's had really good self control all of these years so that must mean there's something special between us'. So when he asked me to marry him I said yes without thinking twice. I had my knight in shining armor, the one who waited for me and I couldn't be happier" I scoff, taking another gulp of champagne. 

"Looks like he waited to have me but got someone else to fulfill his needs on the side" I mumble and down the rest of my glass before pouring another and I can see the concern in Jungkook's eyes growing but I pay no mind to it. 

"You know after all that I just can't help but wonder 'Was it all worth it? Was saving myself and in the end losing the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with worth it?' At this point my virginity is becoming more of a hassle than anything and honestly I don't want it anymore" I say, finally voicing how I had been feeling about keeping myself pure for a while. 

"I feel like it would be best if I just got it over with and went on with my life you know?" I say, finally looking at Jungkook and I can see how dilated his pupils are and how ragged his breath has gotten, doing a horrible job at concealing it.

"Can I ask you something Mr. Jeon?" I question, leaning towards him, a new gained confidence flowing through me from all the alcohol that I had consumed in such a short time. Downing glass after glass throughout our whole evening. "Jungkook" he rasps and I feel a fluttery feeling building in my stomach. 

"I'm sorry, I always seem to forget. Jungkook, can I ask you something?" I repeat placing my hand on his thigh, feeling the muscle tense up at the contact but he nods nevertheless and waits for me to continue. "How old were you when you lost your virginity?" I question, wondering what his experience might've been like. 

"Um, when I was about eighteen I guess. It was right before I graduated high school" he answers truthfully and I nod my head, mulling over what I plan to say next.

"It seems like a man of your age has had his fair share of sex am I right?" I ask and see him gulp at my assumption. "I guess you could say that" he responds and leans back a bit when I get closer. "Mr. Jeon do you have a girlfriend right now? Someone you might be seeing?" I ask, making sure that in my tipsy state I won't make the same mistake my hopeless excuse of a best friend and ex made. 

"No, I uh I'm not seeing anyone" he says quickly and I nod my head and wait a moment to get my words together. "Do you think you would mind taking my virginity?" I ask and at that his jaw drops, not expecting to be asked something like that straight away but in this state I guess you could say I'm full of surprises. 

"I- What?" he asks, confused and concerned as to if I actually meant what I said and not only that but clarifying to make sure he's heard me right. "I'm asking you if you would take my virginity. You said you'd do anything for me remember?" reminding him of his words from earlier in the day. 

"Y/n I think you might've had a little bit too much to drink" he says scooting back from me to create some distance but I close that distance moments later. "No I'm fine, I haven't even had that much silly" I say, slowly starting to slur my words but still conscious enough to make them coherent. 

"Look I think that's something you should keep until you have a chance to give it to someone special. Someone who you care about and cares about you too" he says, trying to softly reject me but it falls of deff ears.

"I care about you though. Don't you care about me?" I pout and he shakes his head and tries hard to hide a smile but fails. "Of course I care about you darling but I think you're too confused and too drunk to be making this sort of decision" he say holding my shoulders at arms length to keep me from getting any closer to him.

"It's okay Mr. Jeon I know what I'm doing. Oh! I mean Jungkook" I say cutely, leaning in a bit more and his arms give in, letting me get a bit closer so as to not harm either one of us. "Don't worry I won't tell Jina" I say and he clears this throat at the sound of his daughter's name. 

"Y/n I really don't think this is a good idea" he says, watching almost helplessly as I place my hand on his shoulder and use it to anchor myself as I climb onto his lap and although his words have said otherwise, his hands are the ones that guide me by my hips to sit on his lap, giving me a boost of confidence in my decision.

"Can you do this for me?" I ask and his eyes ping pong between mine, seeing how blown out my pupils are and notices how hot my skin has become. He stays silent and just takes in all of my features and waits for my next move. I lean in closer to him and run my fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck. 

"Just take it" I say against his lips and without a seconds hesitation he grabs the back of my head and smashes his lips against mine. 

It's a mess of lips and tongue and teeth, accompanied by the sound of him groaning and pulling me closer and me moaning at the feeling of being desired by someone like him. Someone strong and confident and undeniably sexy. Someone who wants me just as much as I want him but before I can fully grasp what's about to happen I feel myself slipping away and lose control of my body. 

"Y/n?" Jungkook questions feeling my body slump against him after I had broken the kiss and rested my head on his shoulder. He smiles at the realization that I had fallen asleep in the midst of it all and wordlessly stands up, carrying me off into the guest bedroom and laying me down to sleep there for the night.

"Goodnight darling" he says, placing a kiss on my forehead before walking out of the room and slowly closing the door behind him.

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[throughthevenuslookingglass]

Love letter 010123

Dear Jun Keat,

I’ve thought about what happened, and I feel a myriad of emotions every time. Hurt, anger, confusion, disappointment, betrayal..? I kept asking myself. Why did you wait till the new year to break the news? Why didn’t you think you could work on yourself when you were in a relationship? Why didn’t you fight for us to be together? Did that mean that everything you said about our plans for the future were false? I honestly didn’t think I would react the way I did, but when you dropped the bomb, I was in a state of shock. I had absolutely not expected it. Just the day before, you introduced me in person as your girlfriend to 3 new people. We talked about going on more trips, visiting new cafes, meeting my friends. I sincerely and wholeheartedly believed we were going to be together for the longest time, the kind of relationship till death do us part.

But then I realised I was being selfish. Just like how I was so used to being alone, you were not. Somehow I was holding you back. Most people don’t have that kind of self awareness, and I’m proud of you for realising what you have. After all, true growth and healing start from within. I can only imagine the struggle you had to go through growing up without a dad, having to take care of your family, without much guidance, with so much responsibility placed upon your shoulders. You are so selfless to the point of neglecting your own emotional needs. I’ve told you before, it’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes. It’s not the end of the world if you prioritise yourself. Your family, your friends, they will understand. Make them understand. If all else fails, screw them. You’re better off without them anyway. Though from what I can tell, your mum, your brother, the gang, all seem like the kind of people who would not abandon you for any reason.

I’m so sorry you felt that you need to be alone in this journey, that I wouldn’t be able to help you heal, give you comfort and support as a lover and not a friend, or give you a safe space to be open about your feelings. Of course I don’t want to get in the way of your personal evolution. You taught me to be the bigger person. You taught me countless other things and I am so immensely grateful for that.

This past month, in all honesty I kept doubting my feelings. I had to bite my tongue many a time to prevent those 3 little words from slipping out. Was I falling too fast? Was I ready? Still, I wanted to be a hundred percent sure and not say it half-heartedly so instead I said it silently, in my heart, each time our eyes found each other, after every goodnight, slowly getting used to the fact. Till it was in fact, a fact. I didn’t expect something like this to be the final trigger, a last ditch desperate attempt. With you, I am free from ego, I have nothing to lose by being myself around you. As I’ve said before, relationships should be easy as breathing, like I felt mine was with you. So no matter how much I love you, I need to let you go.

There is however, a glimmer of hope in me, that we will find our way back together, that this separation is just temporary. And if it’s truly meant to be, it will be so. Hope is a dangerous thing. It is a lifeline to cling on to, that in a way prevents one from being consumed by the eternal abyss. I hope you find it within yourself to be straight with me if there is none. So I can process it, grieve, heal, and try my best to let it go.

I wish you all the best in the journey of finding peace within yourself. Wong Jun Keat, you deserve a million things and more. I love you

[ghostfaey]

La sparizione - chapter twelve

Summary: Plagued by the ghosts of her past, Riona has hidden away for centuries. That is until the call for help of a certain seer finds her and begs her to save her brother. Not knowing how her life will change, she finds her way to Volterra, directly in front of the leaders of the Volturi.

Trigger Warning: Violence, SA, blood, Death of Children, Murder, just some nasty things

<<<chapter eleven chapter thirteen>>>

"May I ask why you were in the training room anyway? It is no place for you to stay.", Aro asks and I know he is trying to hold back his anger. He does not want to lash out on me and ruin all the trust he has gained throughout the past couple of weeks. 

I was lucky enough to find him alone, without his brothers. Well, I was mostly lucky to find him without Caius because I know he would have overreacted without even knowing the full story.

"Well it was you and your brothers who gave the order for Felix to take over Jane and Alecs job, after you asked for them to be assisting in the trial.", I explain. "But I did not want Felix to neglect the training with the new recruits so I offered to stay there with him. All I wanted was to not be a bother for once."

Aro stops the pacing at once. Taking a deep sight he turns towards me.

"Cara, you are not a bother to anyone. I don't understand why you would even think so." His eyes search for mine and as they met his gaze softens. "Oh but I am. You and your brothers, you feel the need to protect me at all times and I understand that it is because you do not fully trust me yet to not run away. But wasting some of your most talented guards on me?" Aros eyes widen and he takes a step towards me, his hands naturally reaching out but falling the minute he notices. I notice his clenched fists and I want to take his hands into mine and keep them close. Laying gentle kisses upon the pale skin. 

"You really think the reason we do not want you unattended is because we do not trust you?", he asks with a gentle voice, his eyebrows furrowed as he studies me. I try to see through his act, I try to distinguish false from truth. 

"Cara, you have shown us how easy it is for you to vanish right under our very eyes. The only think we can do is to hope that somehow you find your stay with us enjoyable enough to not leave us. To hope that what we do and say is enough for you. We cannot make you stay even if we wished to. The guards are for your protection and your entertainment. Because even in our castle we cannot guarantee your safety, especially if you are alone."

Is he sincere? Aro is manipulative, a master of the spoken word. You may never know if what he says is true or if he is simply twisting words to his liking. But then again would he do that with me? Would he risk losing everything he worked so hard for? Would the bond even allow that? I am sure lying to me would hurt him in a way. 

I look at his hands, stiff against his body, trying hard to fight against the urge of touching me. 

"You think there are immortals who will see through my gift?", I ask, my voice low. "Some that would want to hurt you?"

Aros lips pull into a gentle smile but he seems frustrated with me. 

"You have met the young Isabella, have you not? We can be glad she does not pose a danger to us. Yet."

Of course. Isabella, Edwards human lover. She saw right through my act. Surely if she posesses of a gift like that while still being human, then there surely must be immortal beings with the same or even more powerful talent like her. 

"I admitt, I must have forgotten about her.", I say. Aro sights.

"So I take it you understand then why we want you protected even when we cannot be with you, yes?", he asks and I nod. 

Believing his words is harder than I thought, my mind still running in circles. If protecting me is their wish then my question is why. I want to believe that it is out of liking, out of appreciation, maybe even out of love. But the voice in my head lets me know that the only reason why they want me here is because of the bond. There is nothing else that keeps their interest. And I again do not know what is fake and not, if the relationship we have is in any way true.

Aro has turned around, returning to his desk and letting his hand glide against the polished woodenframe to distract himself in some form. 

"So we come to an understanding that the guards remain." His tone making it seem more like a statement than a question. "And I will take Felix of your guarding list permanently."

My eyes shoot up and I look at Aro in disbelief. He can't be serious. 

"Why?" One simple question but the anger in Aros eyes returns and if it wouldn't be for me knowing I am not in danger then I would almost be scared by the fire in them. 

"Do not ask foolish questions, Riona. You know exactly why I have to do this.", he hisses. How strange to see the collected leader of the Volturi in this state. Normally he is good when it comes to hiding his true feelings but not know. Now I do not even need to try to see what is really going on. I can feel it even. The slow and painful burn in my heart. I must say that I did not think that a simple thing like that would make him so angry. A simple touch that did not even hold on for more than a minute.

"Aro,", I speak, my voice soft to not anger him any further. "It was just a touch. Nothing happend. You know that." 

He groans and I step back surprised. Why is he acting like that? Why does this bother him so much. I would have expected as much from Caius but not from him.

"Just a touch? When it has been this that you have kept from me in those weeks you've been here!", he hisses and I'm taken aback by his sudden outburst. My words getting stuck in my throat.

"Since weeks I have to watch my brothers getting closer to you, touching you, hugging you, feeling your skin against theirs. Now you give what I have been craving for to a mere guard, someone who is not suppose to be nearly as close to you as me."

His explanation makes me understand what I have done to him in the last couple of weeks and my heart hurts for him. I did not mean to treat him different than his brothers. I simply wanted to protect myself. I never meant to make him feel the way he does now. Truly, to be in his presence does make me feel uncomfortable in a certain way but it has nothing to do with him or the way he holds himself near me. It is simply his gift. A gift that I can simply escape from by not being near him. 

"I am deeply sorry Aro, I never meant to make it seem like I'd prefer your brothers presence over yours.", I say and take a step towards him, my body and mind yearning to be closer to him and comfort him. He looks up at me, his temper settling with the release of an unneeded breath.

I am trying to find the right words without giving away too much, without letting him know why I so desperately try to hide my thoughts and memories from him.

"It is not that I do not want to be with you like I am with them.", I start explaining. "It is just that I remember too much. I remember things I so desperetely want to forget. But thousands of years have not made my memories foggy, they're still clear as day." 

My body begins to shake as pictures of blood and death and fire and monsters in the shape of humans flash in front of my eyes. I blink rapidly, wanting them to vanish. 

"They haunt me, day and night, like nightmares I cannot awake from. I do so much want them to be gone, to leave them behind, I fear that if I let you see inside my mind I will bring those memories with me and then I can never forget them. I have never shared them because I want them to die with me." 

To reveal this to Aro hurts me more than I would have though. Spending eternity by yourself, hiding away, it does not give you many chances to talk about your trauma. There have been moments where I though I would trust someone enough to share with them my past. But when the memories flashed before my eyes I never was able to speak. The sudden fear and panic overcame me everytime. As if I was back in the moment.

He looks at me in wonder but there is concern in his eyes, deep sorrow and the step that he takes towards me makes my walls crumble as venoumous tears threatend to spill. This time it is me who reaches out to him with shaking hands.

"Cara mia, smettila di tormentari.", he whispers. "Let me help you carry this burden. You do not have to show me everything, take them from me right after but do share them with me."

Again I catch myself questioning if he truly cares for me or if he simply lures me in so he can finally lay his hands upon my skin, let his mind merge with mine and see what I saw.

But then maybe he is right. I have been carrying this weight with me for many thousand years. Sharing what has been plaguing me with someone could ease the pain. And Aro is perfect for this matter. He can see right inside my mind, no word has to come over my lips. He will know everything with a simple touch.

And there is always the possibility to take away what he had learned. Isn't it worth a try? Besides, my body yearns for him, for his touch, his comfort, his smell enveloping me, his arms holding me safely. Or maybe it is not just my body, but more my entirety. Everything in me pulls me towards him and it hurts to fight against it. 

I need him. Just like I need his brothers. There is nothing that I can do to change that as much as I want to. If I even want to change it.  

A smile lays itself on my lips. My feet move against the marble floor and before I even realize my hands, that have been shakily reaching for his, instead cup his face. Laying themself against his cold cheeks, a slight shiver running through me as I make contact with his skin. 

His eyes widen. He lays his hands softly unto mine, so soft I can almost not feel them. 

"Then take them away, Aro. Take them from me." I am not sure if he can still hear me as his eyes glaze over and I feel a slight prickle in the back of my head. 

In his trance his hands leave mine and instead they find their way around my waist as they pull me against him. I place one of my hands upon his chest, my head safely tucked under his chin and I let myself feel at peace. My senses are surrounded by him. Everything I see and feel and smell, it is all him.

It is easy to tell when he reaches the memories I have been hiding, avoiding and trying to get rid of. He tenses up and pulls me even closer, as if he wants to absorb me into him. I would let him.

A tight feeling in my chest tells me what exactly Aro is feeling and when a soft gasp leaves his lips and fingers try to dig into my skin I know it is done. 

It does take some time before his posture relaxes and I can tell he is back with me. 

Slender fingers brush patterns against my back, to comfort me or to distract himself I do not know.

I feel strange, empty, as if I have given something away from me. As if I have lost something I would not miss.

It feels new, differents and oh so strange.

But through all that I can still feel Aros arms around me and somehow I feel at home.

[bewitchingivy]

Hi. I would like to participate in your valentines game. 🦄 :)

Initials- D.Z

Sun & Moon- Libra

Rising- Gemini

Preferred pronouns for them- he/ him

Your reading-

their first impression of you-

His first impression of you will be that you are a generous soul but you also don’t hesitate to stand up for yourself. You might be enjoying with friends when you first meet him and he would see you as his muse form the start. You might also give him an impression of you being hard working. Song-(Beautiful by 1D)

your first date together-

You guys might go to a coffee place or somewhere there aren’t a lot of people. He will make sure to spend time to get to know you and make you comfortable. I am also getting that you guys might play some games at home by yourself like truth or dare to get to know each other better and have fun in your own way. Song- (Sway by Micheal Bubble)

how would they show their love to you-

They will always have your back no matter what. They will always try to be strong for you and make sure to provide for you and the family. Their love language can be gift giving or spending quality time with you. Song- (Count on me by Bruno Mars)

❛ love again ; entry #002

Hello! Thank you so much for joining my game and for following the rules <3 As promised, here's your reading! I hope you'll enjoy it :)  Remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn't!

his first impression of you: 

I'll Get the Coffee by Kathryn Gallagher He would find you very attractive and endearing, but I get the feeling that when you first meet him, you might be feeling and looking exhausted or stressed, and he can see this but finds it cute somehow. Despite being tired, he'll notice how you keep up and make him feel comfortable to be around you. He will also make the effort to do the same and make you feel more relaxed. He wishes you could just slow down a little bit though.

your first date together:

Hey Stephen by Taylor Swift This is when you're just getting to know each other, I feel like the date will mostly involve just you two talking, I'm getting a picture in my mind of you being in the park. Oh! Another clear vision came to me of you two strolling down a promenade, particularly when the sun had just set and streetlamps are lighting the way. This will happen after being somewhere like getting dinner, and the two of you will enjoy each other's company and talking with each other.

what you should know about him:

Would That I by Hozier He'd really love to get to know you, but then a part of him is scared of falling in love with you. He might have gone through troubled relationships (romantic or platonic), and he's sincerely worried and afraid that what if your relationship will be just the same; he's also afraid of the thought of you leaving his life. (i relate so bad with your person, fam lmfao)

what he loves about you:

Halley's Comet by Billie Eilish OMG. WHAT DID I SAY? PLEASE LISTEN TO THAT SONG. BECAUSE ITS LITERALLY ABOUT BEING SCARED OF FALLING IN LOVE. And oh I love that song so much. Ahem, anyways! Here's what I strongly feel intuitively; despite being scared of falling in love, he would love how you take those fears of his away. It's gonna be terrifying for him, but something about you will reassure him so much that everything's going to be better than the experiences he had before. They love how sincere and honest you are.

how he shows his love to you:

In My Blood by Shawn Mendes He loves to help you out with anything, from the smallest to the big problems you have. He would help you in a heartbeat how to deal and solve any problems. I'm getting acts of service love language from him.

signs you'll see about him:

just like magic by Ariana Grande You know that you've met him or will soon meet him when you or him will be ending a relationship (friendship, romantic, etc.) Are you applying any laws of manifesting into your life? Because I just got the message that you'll know it's him because, like if you scripted what sort of partner you desire, mostly, if not every single thing in your script; it's ticked off. Exactly your ideal type.

a message from him:

Fine On The Outside by Priscilla Ahn "I just wish I could be here for you and comfort you at this time when you're not feeling well, but alas, we haven't met yet. Do me a favor please, take care of yourself, okay? Also let go of other people's expectations of you, stop trying to please others because you will end up losing yourself. Do things for you. Don't be afraid to become your most truest self, ok?"

my feedback:

omg, i've got many times that their love language is either gift giving or quality time 🥹🥹 aside from that, the first meeting where i'm enjoying time with my friends is another validation that i've also heard from pacs and exchanges. cafe is another repeating message, also saw this in a dream twice !! also, the truth or dare is new and i find it really adorable </3 i hope i'll get to play that with him someday, HEHE. Thank you so much for the reading!

Please don't forget to leave a feedback, tell me what resonates and what doesn't, and whatever you want to add! :)

[daydreambelievcr]

"I guess I do come from bigger places. But no... 'fraid I was too busy for any Hallmark moments," Valerie remarked, managing a small grin. She knew it sounded vague, but hoped it was just enough of the truth to get by. "Oh, it's not actual glue. More like a... hairspray kind of thing? Pageant girls and gymnasts use it too. Just keeps everything in place so you don't have to stress about pickin' wedgies in the middle of a routine. Honestly, you don't notice it after a while." Realizing belatedly that she was rambling entirely too much about the topic of "butt glue," voice echoing in the emptier space now that they weren't surrounded by crowds of carnival patrons, she shook her head, a weak laugh escaping her lips. "It's no big deal. Guess I'm just used to it. I'm not sure if those skills translate to savin' anyone's ass, but I'll take the comparison to Jessie anyway." Listening intently at his explanation about the fear surrounding reptiles, the blonde pursed her lips together. The reasoning made sense, she'd just never approached animals with that kind of apprehension herself, nor had she considered that the fear of others might have deeper roots than simple distaste. "That's really interesting. All that college learnin' you're doing comes in handy, huh?" It sounded like a joke, a good-natured jest at his expense, but she meant it with pure sincerity, curious about this mythical life of academics Seojun lead, so entirely foreign to her.

At the quip about her height, Val made an incredulous face, mouth slightly agape and wide brown eyes somehow even wider than usual. "Well, I think 5'5 is a perfectly respectable height. Some of you are just giants," she retorted with a pointed look in his and Vera's directions. "If you ever come by during the day, I can getcha even closer. Vera's real gentle, promise—we put my nephew on her head all the time, and he's only a year old. You could even feed her if you wanted." Sagging against the fence as she turned to face him in defeat, she admitted, "Okay... ya got me there. I stayed far away from the elephants after that. But we're cool now." Groaning at the sight of Seojun's delighted smile and his empty promise to hold the embarrassing story over her head, Val brought her hands up to her eyes, momentarily shielding her face from him. "You're never gonna let me live it down either, are ya? Serves me right for opening my big mouth." Letting her hands fall away, replaced with a look of curiosity, she tilted her head to the side as she attempted to picture his family, highly respected in their community. As a person that grew up on the island of misfit toys, the idea itself was intriguing. "Really? They didn't tease you about it or anything? Then we grew up in two very different communities. Church folks sound a lot more... cordial than carnies. I'm glad it's still a good memory for you, though." Her face lighting up at the sound of a more exaggerated accent on top of his natural one, Valerie couldn't even bring herself to muster mock annoyance, far too charmed by his teasing. "If you're after horseback riding lessons, then I'm your girl. My older brother taught us a bunch of stuff growin' up to help us with life out in the country, so whether you have the sudden urge to go camping or need help dealing with that impending snow apocalypse, you can count on me." Humming thoughtfully, taking his question very seriously, the performer replied, "I don't see why it'd be any different than ridin' a horse. Although, the real question is whether or not a reindeer would let you ride 'em." Returning his proud smile with a wide grin of her own, she straightened, bouncing once on the balls of her feet. "Promise? 'Cause I'd love to meet your dog."

"Well, I did leave the big city for a smaller place, but I don't see myself falling for my best friends anytime soon", Seojun replied with half a smile, the idea of falling into such a trope just seemed felt uncharacteristic of him. "You come from bigger places yourself, don't ya? Ever had a Hallmark movie moment yourself?", he questioned. Seojun shook his head slightly, scrunching his nose after hearing about the butt glue. "I don't think I have sensitivity towards textures, but the idea of getting glue on certain parts of my body gave me a weird feeling", he admitted with a chuckle, "but you have my respect for enduring all that to give an amazing show". Their steps and voices now quite audible since the ruckus of the crowds had been left out of the animal area and he certainly felt lucky to have this VIP pass to the carnival. He'd find the time to thank her properly. "Good thing you're taking it as a compliment, because it was. Jessie a cool character. She saves everybody's asses more than once", Seojun replied and then nodded at her statement about reptiles. "It's genetic fear mostly", Seojun explained, "we learn to fear them ever since we are young since our early ancestors didn't have many defenses against reptiles at their venom. The immune system was not as strong back in the day", he explained, "but I'm also all about relocation instead of elimination if possible".

Seojun grinned looking at the elephant, he kept his voice low as if afraid of causing distress to the big animal. "For being twins, she definitely left you behind height wise", he teased her. "This is the closest I've ever seen an elephant before; growing up with one is certainly a flex". He continued laughing about her anecdote, his smile big as he tried to contain himself with pursed lips. "I'm guessing you were more careful about where you were going from then on", he replied fully turning to her as he leaned on the fence of the pen, "oh, I'm so tempted to bring up this story about you and the elephant poop now that I know it as well", but it was an empty threat, nothing more annoying than being reminded about your most embarrassing moments out of the blue. "My experience might have been a bit worse, but I think my community was a bit too stuck up to keep bringing it up publicly", he recalled, "and my family was highly respected in church so I doubt people would have even tried to mention it", Seojun shrugged and smiled a little more once again. "It was embarrassing, but still a good memory now that I look back". He squinted his eyes at her terrible accent imitation and shook his head; still, his expression didn't show any real resentment, but the whole opposite. "We certainly don't need horses in N'awlins," he added imitating the way she had spoken, "so a lesson or two would come in handy. One never knows when snow might finally swallow this city and make vehicles completely useless." Seojun then went into deep thought, "do you think riding a reindeer would be similar to riding a horse?" he wondered. "Okay, so then I'll come to you whenever I feel like camping. Sounds like you've done it many times before", he resolved. At the comment about the dog, Seojun just shook his head again with a proud smile. "Not at all. She's still a large dog, but nothing I cannot handle. I should introduce you to her next time we meet".

[cheekblush]

if you dont mind me asking, (if you do mind, you don't have to answer!) how do you deal or cope with not being sure about yourself especially with the pressure of being in an immigrant family and ending up having to take an unconventional route of life compared to the one they wanted for you/want to live through you sort of ?.... i've been feeling my family's projection of their insecurities which i understand but it's so emotionally exhausting for me i'm having a weird time mannnn sometimes i feel like i should just give in to their requests of career routes they want me to take but it makes me want to kermit soupcider lolll

oh boy... where do i even begin.. this is a topic that is very personal to me and triggers a lot of emotions but i'll try to reply to the best of my abilities. i already know this will get way too long so i'll put it under a read more..

firstly of course - hello dear! 🌸  i'm sorry to hear that your family is projecting their insecurities on you and is pressuring you to choose a career path that is not to your liking (smth very common in immigrant families i believe unfortunately 🙃) right off the bet my advice is to not just give in to their requests in order to please them! you should really take some time for yourself to think what it is you're genuinely interested in and passionate about and try to pursue a career that you can actually imagine yourself working in for the majority of your life - much easier said than done i know. but if the mere thought of taking on the career paths your family is suggesting brings you so much discomfort then imagine how much more miserable you'll be actually pursuing those careers just to make them happy! as difficult as it is, sometimes your own wellbeing and happiness should be your priority bc at the end of the day this is YOUR life and you have to be content with it. and sadly we live in a society where a job makes out a huge portion of our lives, so it only makes sense to pursue one that actually brings you some kind of joy or at least doesn't make you want to "kermit soupcider" (i should start using this shahajka) as you pointed out yourself. so please take your own interests into consideration and what you want out of life in general - maybe a prestigious career is just not what you desire and that's okay! and don't neglect or compromise your own happiness for your family's sake! your decision will most likely not be met with excitement or support but again this is your life and you are responsible for your own happiness 💛

as to how i deal with my family's projections on and expectations of me... i honestly don't even know.. i think i've just gotten used to being a disappointment to them at this point (sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.. i don't really have good coping mechanisms to offer 😔) there is just so much guilt and shame in letting them down and not living up to their expectations. in my case it's even worse bc on top of not pursuing the career they wanted me to, i am no longer pursuing the career path i chose myself either bc it impaired both my mental and physical health severely. and i'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that something i worked so hard and long for and that my parents invested a lot of money in essentially didn't work out.. and that's a huge burden i carry around all of the time (tbh i need therapy just for this issue 🤡) so on top of going against their wishes, i failed to successfully pursue my chosen career and ultimately am left with nothing.. no respectable job, no income and i have to restart at square 0. so you can probably imagine the guilt, shame, embarrassment and humiliation i feel constantly... and i think with immigrant families especially there is even more guilt bc your parents made so many sacrifices in order to provide you with a better life so it always feels like you owe them something.. like you need to earn your right to simply live and be... like you need to prove your worthiness bc you need to pay them back for all the sacrifices they've made. like you need to show them it wasn't in vain and that you can provide for them. this actually reminds me of this screenshot from this post :

(i go more in depth about my personal situation in the tags of that post in case you're interested or might relate)

i think that's what hurts me the most bc i so desperately wanted to prove that i'm worth it. i so desperately wanted to be able to provide for them, to take care of them, to give them everything they deserve and need and it's so heartbreaking to realize and accept that i won't be able to do that... and if i would've pursued my career further, worked myself to the ground, neglected my own wellbeing and health even further i might've been able to do that. i probably would've gotten a well paid job at some point but at the cost of my own health and wellbeing. and would that be worth it? as guilty as i feel for letting them down and as disappointed as i am in myself, ultimately i did what was best for my own wellbeing. and that's what i suggest you should do as well. as selfish as thay may sound, we do not need to own our right to live even if our parents did make a lot of sacrifices for us (this reminds me of another great post ) obviously i do not know what relationship you have with your family or your dynamics and i don't want to discuss mine further as i've already overshared waaaaay too much 🙃 but we need to put our own needs and wishes first sometimes without beating ourselves up and blaming ourselves - again easier said than done bc i still frequently blame myself and just feel crushing guilt but we have to forgive ourselves very, very, very frequently! and i realize that our situations aren't entirely similar as you are still in the midst of choosing a career path and i already did and unfortunately it didn't work out as planned (but that's life.. also smth i'm trying to come to terms with) but i hope that this (way too lengthy) reply is at least a little helpful or reassuring for you. this probably isn't the reply you were hoping for... i'm sorry i can't provide you with any concrete suggestions or advice on how to cope with your family's demands while being insecure about yourself and your life bc i pretty much still deal with the exact same thing and it's still affecting me very much and causing me a lot of distress. but i do believe the key is to unapologetically create the life you want despite your family's objections, discard all guilt and shame, forgive yourself often and accept things for what they are, especially if you can't change/control them. once again much easier said than done (i know i keep repeating myself please bear with me 😭) but that's what i'm trying to live by as of now and i hope it helps you somehow 💌

finally, i wish you the very best for all your future endeavors and sincerely hope that you receive your family's support even if you choose a path that they are not thrilled with. i hope you have the strength to forgive yourself when faced with failure and that you'll be able to abandon any shame or guilt that might arise. most of all i wish you an abundance of happiness, serenity, prosperity, love, health and peace of mind 🤍🕊🎐 take care of yourself and don't be afraid to put yourself first! may the remaining year treat you gently and bring many blessings your way 💗🌟🦋🍀🥠🧿🏮

[dilf-whore]

my kind of girl (part 7)

previous || next

pairing: billy hargrove x f!reader

genre: friends to lovers! , angst, fluff

summary: you grow closer and closer with the redhead you tutor… and maybe with her stepbrother too

A/N: the second to the last chapter! thank you for continuing to read this series 💗 let me know your thoughts and if you want to be added to the taglist for the finale!

requested: no

requests are OPEN

masterlist

・°☆

You made the two some dinner and bring them to your room afterwards. You lend Max some clothes and your Dad’s for Billy to wear. You give Billy some spare blankets and pillows and he arranges them on the floor beside your bed. You lay down beside Max and gently rub her shoulder, trying to comfort her. You reach for your lamp and look down at Billy, “goodnight” you say quietly. 

“Goodnight” he reply.

It wasn't long until you and Max fall asleep, her arm wrapped around your waist. Meanwhile Billy’s staring at your ceiling, his mind filled with so many thoughts. He sits up and rubs his face, he looks over the two of you who’s peacefully sleeping and lets out a tired sigh. 

His eyes then fall on you, you look so delicate under the twilight. You opened a side of him he didn’t know existed. Despite the shitty things he goes through at home - somehow, you make him forget those things when you’re together. You make him feel things he can’t comprehend.

Is this how liking someone feels? like sincerely liking someone - like falling in love?

He shakes off his thoughts and lays back down. His eyelids starts to turn heavy and sleep eventually comes to him.

The next morning, you woke up first and start making breakfast for the three of you. Billy follows soon after and neatly folded the blankets he used. He carefully wakes up Max and helps her make the bed. They both head downstairs and see the table already filled with freshly cooked food. “Let’s eat” you say.

After eating, you collect the dishes and put them on the sink. You turn the faucet on and start cleaning them. Billy approaches your side and leans on the counter, looking down. “Uh I wanted to say thank you Y/N, for letting us in for the night and honestly for everything really. Thank you’s not even enough to show my gratitude”.

You look at him and smile, “it’s all good Billy, I’m always here for the both of you alright?”

“And I was serious about last night, if it happens again I’ll tell the cops. I’ll go to Hopper” you add.

 After you and Billy clean up, they start to get ready and head back home. Max then hugs you and says thank you before they go.

You watch them on your porch as their car disappears from your sight.

・°☆

Monday rolls over again and you spot Billy at the parking lot, you approach him and greet him with a hug. He hands you the clothes you lend them the other night and go inside the school together. “Your face is healing pretty well” you say. He chuckles and places a hand on his face, “yeah, thanks to you. You’d make a great nurse” he teases.

“I have a game later, I hope you can come by and watch. Max is staying in school anyways, she has this science project to work on with her groupmates”

You lightly smack his arm, “no you won’t play, look at you! you need to rest for a while” you scold.

“Relax, I can handle it. Besides I have you to patch me up if I get hit by a ball or something anyways” he snickers. You playfully roll your eyes and go to your locker.

・°☆

The ball was passed to Billy, the air was getting tighter as everyone is anticipating wether the ball shoots or not - there was so much suspense. If the ball goes in, Hawkins win. 15 seconds on the clock and Billy runs closer to the hoop, he looks at where you’re seated and winks, making you blush. He shoots the ball and it goes in.

“And there you have it! Hawkins High takes home the championship!” the commentator exclaims.

The group of boys jumps in happiness and cheers for Billy. The gym starts to get disorganized as the people are heading home. You struggle to approach Billy but as soon as you finally manage to get through the crowd, a girl was already with him - smiling and touching his healing bruises.

Your heart suddenly shatters at the sight and quickly walk away.

・°☆

“You’re so good!” the girl compliments Billy. He quickly glances at her and turn away, searching for you. “Uh thanks” he replies. He suddenly feels fingers go through his sweaty cheekbone - making him cringe, he faces the girl and quickly puts her hand down - annoyed.

The girl gasps, “what the fuck?! thought you wanted to talk to me or something, winking at me for nothing”

“I wasn’t winking at you. Now, if you excuse me I’m gonna go to who I was really winking at” He leaves the girl behind and grab his bag, walking out of the gym to look for you.

He spots you outside heading towards your car, he runs after you and he notices a gloomy look on your face once you turn around. “Hey are you alright?” he asks, worried.

“I-I’m okay, just have a headache. C-can you tell Max I have to cancel our session tonight? I feel like I’m gonna get a fever or something”

He nods but his worry never leaves him. He does know you’re lying, he recognizes your face and habits when you lie and when you feel sick. He decides to let it slide and open your door for you.

・°☆

You arrive home and tears started to stream down your face. You rest your head on the steering wheel, They’ll probably go out on a date tonight. The thought makes you sob even more, you don’t even understand why you’re crying over something so small and petty. You shake your head and try to clear your mind. Why were you even hurt? It doesn’t make sense.

You let out a few more sobs and step out of the car.

Entering your home, you take off your shoes and lock the door. The house was quiet, so quiet you can hear your loud thoughts having a plague in your mind. You let out a huff, trying to remove the tension in your body even just a little.

You go straight to your bedroom and suddenly froze.

I’m in love with Billy Hargrove.

That’s why you’re hurt, why you feel shivers down your spine, why you get butterflies in your stomach, why you get so giddy at just simply thinking of him.

You fell for him, hard.  

・°☆

 taglist:  @shatfairy @ribyourtoplip @1950schick @stephhevring @uglynuggy45 @sincerelii @jelly-donuts @eddiemunsonsbitch86 @mess-in-side @ineedtherapypleaseomg @koroktsuya @anitatvd @piizzaprincesss @cherriebat @gloryekaterina @younxii @angelbbygrl @inprixssss13 @variety-fangirl @loudbluepancake @xcallmetaniax @ainhoamunson @fanatics30 @daddysfavoritesexkitten @mochamori @squishiejiminiee @yellenabelovaa @glxwingrxse @xxx-wounded-angel-xxx @ronnieissupermegafoxyawesomehot @dobbythehotelf @bakugouswh0r3 @beomkihao @finelineskies @chocolatepizzatyrant @plk-18 @roguemetalmaster13 @vvanteffect

[itsdanii]

Hello. I loved the rejecting then regretting it scenario with Sakusa and Tsukki. 💞💞 Would you be open to doing one with Inarizaki boys as well? If it's too much, Atsumu would do because I think he is the one most likely to have this happen. Angst to fluff, please. 👉👈 Thank you!

Rejecting you and Regretting it pt. 2

a/n: hey, bub. as much as i wanted to input all inarizaki boys, i only take 1-2 characters per request. the reason for this is for me to avoid being repetitive with the scenes. i hope you understand. that being said, here's your request for the part 2 with atsumu. this was supposed to be short but i kind of got carried away with this, 'm sorry😭

genre: angst to fluff

warnings: cursing, rude behavior (resolved), please do remind me if i missed anything else

ft. atsumu miya

Atsumu Miya

You met Atsumu during your first year

It was exactly the first day when you bumped into him on the hallways and ended up being in the same class

From there on, the both of you formed a good friendship since you have the same tastes in things

Along the way, you managed to fall for him

It wasn't impossible to fall for him after all

He was fun to be with, that it felt as if there were no dull moments when you're with him

But you were afraid of confessing to him because you didn't want to ruin your friendship

However, that all changed when somebody entered the picture

"Another one?" you asked Atsumu as he sat on your usual table at the school's cafeteria.

Looking at the two boxes of chocolates given to him by a fangirl, Atsumu nodded. "Mhmm. They just keep on coming every single day."

You can't help but laugh at what he said. You took one of the boxes and stared at the familiar name written on it. "Yuki again? Isn't she that girl from the other section? The one who kept on giving you stuff every day?" you asked and the smile you had awhile ago completely disappeared from your face.

"The one and only. She's kind of cute though," he said as if it wasn't a big deal.

Maybe for him, it wasn't, but it's a different case for you. You were aware of what you're getting into the moment you realized that you have feelings for Atsumu. At first, his fangirls didn't bother you since you knew that he doesn't really pay attention to them but hearing what Atsumu said just now sparked a feeling of jealousy inside of you.

You knew that what you're feeling right now is selfish. He isn't your boyfriend. Sure, you might've been in love with him for 2 years now but that doesn't mean that you have the right to tell him who he should and shouldn't date, right? After all, you're just his friend.

In fact, you've thought of confessing several times already but fear always overtook you. Afraid of ruining the bond the two of you have, you disregarded the idea and settled on keeping your feelings a secret.

But that might change today. Seeing Atsumu smiling at the chocolates right now made you think that if you don't do something about it now, you might just lose him to another girl.

And you'd rather lose him by getting rejected than lose him to another girl, knowing that you didn't do something.

"You think she's cute?"

Atsumu nodded as he swallowed the whole onigiri Osamu packed for him. "Mhmm. Kind of my type actually."

You tilted your head a bit to the side and rested your cheek on your palm with your elbows placed on top of the table. "So cute girls are your type of girls... What about me, 'Tsumu? Do you think I'm cute?"

Atsumu placed his chopsticks down and stared at you intently, a small grin now forming on his lips. "Of course."

"Cute enough to be your type?"

You knew that you were playing a dangerous game but it was now or never. This time you wouldn't let fear win over you, now that Atsumu mentioned that his attention was caught by someone.

You know Yuki. She's pretty and kind of popular for being a member of the cheerleading team, and the more you thought about it, the more your confidence wavered.

A volleyball player and a cheerleader? What a good match.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard Atsumu laughing. "What are ya saying, y/n? Did ya hit yer head or something?"

Crossing your arms over your chest to fake confidence, you frowned at him. "Just answer the question, Miya."

"Of course yer cute but to be my type?" He shook his head and scratched the back of his head. "Sorry, angel, but I don't date my friends, let alone someone whom I consider my best friend."

You took a deep breath before finally letting the words out. Your heart was beating erratically as cold sweat started forming on your nape out of nervousness.

"I like you, Atsumu. I tried to hold myself back because I didn't want to ruin our friendship but hearing you talk about how someone finally managed to catch your attention just..." You sighed and looked down at your lap. "I don't think I can hide it anymore knowing that I could lose you anytime."

Silence enveloped the two of you and the anticipation made you more anxious than you already was.

"Was this yer plan all along?"

You turned your gaze towards him upon hearing his words. "What do you mean? I don't know what you're talking about.."

You felt yourself freeze when Atsumu chuckled before answering. "Ya really think I'd fall for the same trick? C'mon y/n. I'm not as stupid as what people say."

"I don't understand-"

"Did'ya think that two years of friendship will let ya accomplish yer goal? I didn't expect ya to be like the other girls. Ya don't like me. Ya just like the idea of dating me for my popularity." 

Your lips parted at his words. You wanted to reason out and defend yourself but the way he was looking at you made you almost cower in fear.

He's looking at you the way he looks at his fangirls when they shout during his services.

"Tsumu, that's not true. I really like you." You gave him a pleading look, hoping that he'd see your sincerity but he only glared at you.

"Pathetic. Get out of my sight," he said without any sympathy.

"You could've just rejected me like a normal person would, instead of insulting me." You wiped your tears with the back of your hand as you stood up but before you left, you looked at him straight in the eyes once more. "You know what? Out of the two of us, I'm not the one who's pathetic. It's you. Goodluck on your game tomorrow, Atsumu."

You walked away without turning back, knowing that once you spared him another glance, you'd go back and fight for your feelings.

But what's the point of fighting when you're the only one who's willing to fight?

-

A week later, you were back to your usual attitude or at least that's what you wanted yourself to believe. At least you're trying, right?

There were times that your eyes would drift towards Atsumu's direction but you kept on reminding yourself that you won't be able to move on unless you really put effort on throwing away your feelings.

When classes ended, you were left alone in your classroom due to cleaning duties. While you were sweeping the part near the door, you managed to catch Atsumu's back and saw that he was talking to someone - it was Yuki.

You stared at his back longingly and let out a sigh because you knew that despite how much you're trying to disregard your feelings, you miss the feeling of being beside him.

You missed his voice, his goofiness, everything.

"Bestfriends, huh?" you whispered to yourself and chuckled at how pathetic you must've been, pining over someone you knew who'd never look at you.

After doing your cleaning duties, you exit the room and decided to walk on the opposite direction since Atsumu and Yuki were still talking on the direction where the exit was supposed to be.

Who would want to hear their crush talking to their girlfriend anyway? Certainly not you.

The only downside of going in the direction you chose was that you weren't familiar with it. Even though you've been studying here for three years now, there were still places you weren't familiar of.

It was now getting dark and you brought out your phone to use the flashlight. You noticed that you're already out of the building, however, the surroundings weren't familiar to you.

You decided to continue walking, realizing that you somehow made it to the back of the school. Trees surrounded you and only a few lights were there to guide your way.

"Shit," you whispered to yourself as you realized that you were getting nowhere.

You decided to go back to the direction you came from but you only seemed to confuse yourself even more. Tears were now starting to well up in your eyes as you nervously tried to find your way back.

You sqealed as something rustled behind you. You immediately ran out of panic and fumbled with your phone, dialing the first number you could click.

"Y/n?"

It's him.

"'Tsumu, I-" you paused for a moment to catch your breath and sat down on the ground, your back resting against a tree. "Help me."

You hear some shouting and some wooshing sounds from the other side of the phone before Atsumu's voice filled your ears. "Where are you, angel?" he asked with concern lacing his voice.

"I don't know. I was just looking for the exit and the next thing I know I'm surrounded with trees and there's this sound of rustling so I ran away," you said without pausing. "Tsumu, I'm scared."

"I'll go find ya, okay? But first calm down. Can ya do that for me? Just breathe and tell me the directions ya can  remember."

After explaining all the things you could remember, Atsumu didn't drop the call. Instead, he stayed on the line and comforted you with his words.

It wasn't long then when Atsumu appeared on your line of vision and the first thing you did was wrap your arms around him. You were quickly enveloped in his warmth as he rubbed your back soothingly.

"It's okay now, y/n. I'm here," he whispered as he kept on rubbing your back.

After having a few moments to calm you down, Atsumu instructed you to climb on his back. You wanted to decline but due to how tired your legs felt because of running, you had no choice but to agree.

"I'm sorry for calling you. You must've been busy," you mumbled while resting your head on his shoulder.

"I was actually still around school when ya called. I saw ya cleaning and decided to wait for ya but Yuki wanted to talk to me. The next moment I know, ya were gone but I still waited because I knew that if ya went home already, you would've passed by but ya didn't," Atsumu explained, his grip on your thighs tightening as he spoke.

"I guess Yuki and you are now-"

"I spoke to her to tell her to stop giving me random stuff." Atsumu licked his lips nervously before continuing, "When you left, I realized how much I messed up. I spouted some offensive words to ya and rejected ya without thinking of the consequences."

"Tsumu..."

"Let me finish, okay? This is the only chance I'm getting and there's no way I'm going to waste it. I already wasted a lot of time."

You gave a small nod as the memories of what happened all came flooding back to you. You fisted your hands and bit your lower lip to stop yourself from crying.

"I was scared. Ya were the only one who was genuine to me. Everytime I'm around you, I'm just me. I'm just Atsumu. Not the setter of the volleyball team nor the noisy twin of 'Samu," he said, followed be a chuckle.

"I was used to girl fawning over me. I have this mentality that girls are just after my reputation and when ya confessed to me, the first thing that entered my mind was that you were the same as them, that you were only going to use me. In the end, I didn't only lost my bestfriend but also the person I love. I'm sorry for hurting for you, angel."

Atsumu placed you down once you both made it infront of the school gate. He was looking you intensely and you didn't fail to notice that his eyes were glossed with tears as well. "I like you, and if this time, ya realized that yer feelings for me are no longer there, I'd respect it."

He took your hands in his and squeezed them tightly, not enough to hurt you but just enough to let you know that he was afraid to let you go.

"It's always been here. My feelings for you never faded despite how much I wanted them to disappear," you said as you stared at him lovingly, tears of happiness now flowing freely down your cheeks. "I still like you, 'Tsumu."

"Fuck. You don't know how much hearing ya say that makes me happy right now." Atsumu let go of your hand and wrapped his arms around you. His scent filled your nose and you couldn't stop yourself from burrying your face to the side of his neck.

"I love ya."

"And I love you too, 'Tsumu."

likes and reblogs are appreciated ♥️

[procrastinatingsapphictrash]

I came back for you

Word count: 2123

Genre: Angst but happy end

Pairing: Natasha x gn!reader

Warnings: Abusive prison/government (let me know if I need to add any)

Request: Hey, so this is kind of a weird request, but could you do a Nattie x Powered! Reader during Civil War, where Nat, of course, is on Tony's team, and the Reader is trying to keep the peace between the two teams. Maybe the government takes (Y/n) and puts her in a shock collar like Wanda's because they think she was on Steve's team? Sorry this is so weird . . .

Summary: You are neutral in the fight, or so you think before you are told you can't be and are taken away with the rest of Cap's team.

A/n: Thanks @thewidowsghost for requesting this! Honestly I didn't plan on writing anything or posting anything today but I saw that I had a little bit of this done and to be honest my day has sucked so I needed a distraction and this worked perfectly. Also I could someone tell me how the formatting looks? I'm trying the new beta editor and I think I'm doing things right but idk. Anyways I hope you all enjoy!

As you take in the scene that surrounds you you can’t believe that you once considered everybody to be a big weird family. Certainly none of them are acting like it now. It breaks your heart to see them on opposite sides, throwing themselves at each other because apparently their personal beliefs are more important than their friends.

Neither of them are right or wrong in your opinion. There’s too many factors and both options suck, it’s the government’s fault for placing the team in this situation. However you are not happy with the way anyone is handling it, especially Steve, Tony and Natasha. Both Tony and Steve are acting based on what they think is right without considering the other sides to the story, although you can’t say that’s surprising coming from them. You do know that they genuinely do care for others but they can be very hard headed and neither of them like to be wrong.

It’s Natasha who you’re most disappointed in though, you thought that she would be a better negotiation, helping ease the tension but she’s out there fighting like the rest of the idiots. You thought that she would agree with you and try to bring together the two sides.

You narrow your eyes and zoom in your vision to the far side of the airport where you see Spiderman. You have no idea who he is but you can tell just by looking at him that he’s only a kid and it was irresponsible of everyone to let him be here and to fight him. You use your superspeed to get to him quickly and take him out of the way of flying cars and leave him by the side where it should be relatively safe.

“Stay here.” you tell him.

“But-”

You glare. “Stay here.”

You rush off before you can make sure he listens because you can hear a grunt of pain from Rhodney. He’s lying on the ground with Tony standing over him and Sam a few meters back. The fight seems to be ending now, you see the plane leaving and the rest of the avengers start to gather but it doesn’t matter because the damage is already done. You don’t know exactly what happened but it looks like a freak accident, somehow nobody’s fault and yet everybody’s fault for getting into this situation in the first place.

The mood is weird, as if everybody is holding their breath and taking in what they’ve done. In the background you can hear trucks pulling up and footsteps follow soon after. The first man grabs Wanda and she blasts him back lightly so he falls down. Immediately a circle forms around her, everyone pointing their guns. Clint takes a step in, raising his arms and trying to calm the situation down but the guns shift to him and one agent steps forward and roughly grabs him, forcing his wrists into cuffs.

They go for Sam next and he looks pissed but lets them cuff him without comment. Scott looks completely confused and out of his depth. You don’t know him but it’s obvious that he is not trained for these types of situations and is in over his head.

It’s Wanda that makes your heart break the most though. She’s like a little sister to you so seeing the tears in her eyes and the terror on her face as the agents move in to cuff her makes you want to wrap your arms around her and promise it will all be okay. But you can’t, that would be a lie because everything is not okay and trying to hug her would only make things worse.

The agents start to move away, leading Cap's team to their trucks to be taken away. One of them turns back and notices you, murmuring something to the agents beside them. Before you can even understand what is happening they are right back and grabbing at your arms roughly. Naturally you try to pull away but they are strong and once you realize what is happening you stop struggling.

“I didn’t pick a side,” you try to explain, “I was just trying to make sure everyone was okay.”

“You didn’t sign the accords and therefore have no right to be here.” one of the men tells you. You look towards Tony’s team for help but they all seem to be busy. Tony and Vision are trying to make sure Rhodney is okay and the kid is luckily back where you left him. T’challa is shaking hands with one of the agents and although it makes you sick because of the way they are treating some of the others you understand, he does have a country to run and his people must come first after all.

Natasha is the only one not doing anything and she meets your eyes. You silently beg her to do something, anything against what is happening. She stares you straight in the eye and shakes her head. You actually shiver at how cold her look is because you never thought that would be directed at you, you thought that the two of you were close.

“I’m not going to help you Y/n, you made your own choice and I made mine.” Is all she says before turning away. You watch her back as long as you can as you are led into the trucks, wondering how everything went wrong so quickly.

---

Nobody talks. You aren’t even sure if you’re allowed to. There is no way what they are doing is legal but who is going to argue with the government. A secret prison built just for enhanced individuals and imprisoning people without trial isn’t right. You were neutral before but the more you see of how the government operates the more you start to lean towards supporting Steve and the rest of his “team”.

You shift slightly because the shock collar is getting even more uncomfortable. Wanda is wearing one too, probably since the two of you are the only ones that have powers unrelated to technology and suits. She looks smaller than ever in her cell and you close your eyes because if you continue to look at her you know you’ll end up crying.

Nothing changes throughout the day until you hear the door creak open. Everyone glares when they see it’s Tony and he and Clint share a few words before Tony practically begs Sam for information. Sam’s reluctant but gives in, seeing that Tony is sincere and knowing that although he disagrees with Tony it’s not really his fault that you’re all here, it’s the government’s.

When Tony leaves things go silent again for a few hours. You haven’t been fed since you’ve gotten here, you realize, but you aren’t hungry anyways, your mind can’t stop picturing the fight, being arrested and most of all Natasha’s attitude towards you. It hurts even more than you would like to admit. You considered her your best friend but you also had feelings for her and you were dumb enough to think that just maybe she felt the same things about you. Obviously that is completely untrue and you wonder if even your friendship was a lie.

“How long do you think we’ll be stuck here for?” Wanda asks finally and although her voice is quiet you wince at how it breaks the silence.

“I don’t know kid.” Clint responds. “Too long. My wife is going to kill me and my kids-”

He stops himself, getting a little choked up which surprises you. You’ve never seen him this emotional before.

“I already miss my daughter.” Scott adds on and there is a moment of understanding that passes between the two of them.

“I don’t have my own family but I’m going to miss my sister.” Sam says. “She probably won’t even find out what’s happening until it’s on the news, if the news even covers it.”

“I miss the team.” you add. “Before this fight, we weren’t perfect but I considered everyone family.”

“So did I.” Wanda says and you all take a moment to miss what used to be.

“I miss pizza.” Sam jokes, trying to lighten the mood. It works and soon everyone is adding on ridiculous things they miss and things they want to do when you get out (you can’t even think about the fact that the “when” might actually be “if”).

Your eyes snap to the door when it opens and everyone shuts up immediately. You look warily at Natasha, unsure of why she’s here. Maybe the government sent her in to interrogate, god knows she is amazing at that and you honestly wouldn’t be able to not talk to her, as much as you’re mad at her right now.

She doesn’t speak, going straight towards Sam’s door and kneeling down, fiddling with the lock. After a few seconds it clicks and the door swings open.

“When did you switch sides?” He asks, raising his eyebrows, impressed.

“I don’t pick sides, I do what makes the most sense and right now breaking you out is the right thing to do. Besides I’m wanted now too, apparently the government doesn’t like it when you aid fugitives in escaping.” she responds smoothly, moving onto Wanda’s cell and repeating her actions until it opens.

“Do you know how to take the collar off?” she asks and Sam nods. He gets to work while Natasha moves on. Both Clint and Scott pass at her offer of freeing them. They both look like they’re itching to escape but you respect that they’re putting their families first.

You’re surprised by how emotional you get when she unlocks your cell. You thought she didn’t care about you so to have her here now is amazing and makes you feel bad you ever doubted that she would do the right thing.

“Y/n, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” she tells you as she undoes your shock collar carefully, doing her best to not hurt you.

“I-I thought you didn’t care about me anymore.” you admit, a single tear dripping down your face.

She wipes it away with her thumb. “Oh sweetheart I care about you so much, more than you could ever know and I want you to always remember that, promise me.”

You nod, sniffing. “I promise Tasha.”

“Good because I came back for you and I will always come back for you.” she says, leaning in closer. You look down at her lips as she continues to lean in because she is so close and it seems like she’s going to kiss you.

“Glad to know Y/n was the only reason you came back.” Sam says, smirking. You love him but you also want to strangle him right now, that bastard could totally see what was happening and ruined the moment on purpose.

Natasha flips him the finger but otherwise ignores him. “Steve and Bucky are waiting in the jet outside, I was able to dismantle alarms and cameras but we only have a few minutes left so follow me and be quiet.”

She grabs your hand as she moves out of your cell and you walk with her, the others trailing behind slightly. The halls are clear and it’s only a few turns before she ushers everyone into a vent. It’s a tight squeeze but you make it through and you pop out to find sturdy wires attached to the side of the raft coming from a nearby jet. Wanda and Sam each take one and their wires retract, pulling them into the jet. You gulp nervously, heights are definitely not one of your favourite things.

“We have to go Y/n.” Natasha whispers just as alarms start to sound, the noises loud with flashing lights.

You take a deep breath and grab the remaining wire and once you’re secure Natasha grabs it too. Closing your eyes tightly so you don’t look down you feel a strange whooshing sensation before it disappears and your feet touch down on the jet floor.

“So what next?” Sam asks once you’ve all collected yourselves, directing his question at Steve.

“We lie low and try to help as best we can.” he responds, sighing heavily. “We’ll figure out the details as we go, what matters is that everybody is safe.”

Natasha holds your hand again and squeezes it tightly. “And that we are together.” she whispers into your ear so only you hear.

You squeeze her hand tightly back. Your relationship with her has gone through a rollercoaster of a day and is mostly undefined but she’s right, all that matters is that you’re together now and you wouldn’t rather be with anyone else.

---

Taglist: @fayhar @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @acertainredhead @madamevirgo @megaqueenmaeve @cherryblossomskye @aaron-despair @chickenhavewisdom @emril-osvigne @nyankitty987 @agathaharkness-simp @thewidowsghost @nyx-aira @stephanieromanoff @satxnsupreme @likefirenrain @wlwlovesreading @stop-drop-and-drumroll @peggycarter-steverogers @casperlikej @redswing @mochamoff @king-star @blackbat2020

[cafeacademia]

Snowdrops

George Weasley x Reader (SMUT)

Summary: Being snowed in isn’t all bad when it’s your best friend that you’re stuck indoors with, that is until you unintentionally let your feelings slip, which leads to something more than you expected with George.

Warnings: Lots of fluff, kissing, gentle sex, sweet and charming George (yes that’s a warning)

Word count: Approx 2600

Masterlist

A/N: Hi my loves! I honestly kind of struggled with this one, I really loved writing this, but bridging the gap between the fluff to the smut was very difficult to navigate for some reason. Anyway, I listened to a romantic classical playlist and somehow it fixed it? Enjoy some Georgie smut 💕

Also apologies for some of the mistakes, I think I missed a few while editing!

Snow came down in a heavy drift and what had been a visible pathway and fence at the end of the garden was now barely visible with only the slightest hint of a fence and trees in the distance through the thick white flurry of snow.

The blizzard had already set in for the night hours ago and it didn’t look as if it was going to stop any time soon. You were glad too for the healthy pile of firewood you had collected and for the copious amounts of blankets Molly Weasley had made and given to you throughout the years.

You sighed, idly circling the spoon around in your mug of hot chocolate. You were perched on the front windowsill, peering out through the wobbly, single paned glass windows and you shivered as a particularly icy draft swept through your home.

George had only come over for what was meant to be a quick visit, he wasn’t supposed to stay too long, only for lunch and maybe for mid afternoon tea and then he was meant to go back home. But the snow had come down, seemingly out of nowhere and the winds picked up, whistling through every little crack and sending heavy shivers through you both. But you were thankful at least, that it was George Weasley that you were snowed in with for the night and not alone or with someone you did not do well around for long periods of time.

Glancing back over your shoulder, you watched as George slept on the sofa, curled up in front of the fire with a thick blanket draped over him, though in his sleep, he had pushed part of it off. Taking the last sip of your hot drink and placing your mug down before you stood and made your way over towards him, reaching out to gently pull the blanket back over him.

You supposed George had been right when he said it would be just like those nights together at the Burrow or when you’d sneak off to spend the night with the twins at Hogwarts, but it wasn’t the same as those times. The truth was, the two of you had never spent a night alone together like this before and as much as you adored his attention, George had the wonderful ability to make you feel hundreds of butterflies fluttering through you just by smiling at you and you were sure that he didn’t even know. He could just say your name in that sweet tone he reserves just for you and your heart melts. And Merlin help you if he calls you sweetheart or princess as he sometimes does.

Was he even aware of what he did to you? You weren’t sure.

It was rare to be able to see George up this close, to see him so peaceful. And of course, you’d had moments with him, some of the best that you’d never forget, but you wondered if you’d ever pluck up the courage to tell him exactly how you felt.

You had been friends with the twins almost from the moment you had met them both in your first year at Hogwarts. A lot had changed since then, you supposed, but one thing that hadn’t was your crush on the quieter twin.

You had met both Fred and George on the Hogwarts Express before your first year had even officially started at school and you had quite literally bumped straight into Fred or George, though to this day you weren’t entirely sure who you had bumped into, because you had been far too flustered and shy to pay full attention and every time you asked the twins, they switched their answer.

You just knew that George had been the one to calmly help you back up and ask if you were alright and if you wanted to sit with them.

How was someone supposed to tell their best friend they were in love with them? Other people around you made it seem so easy, but you had seen enough muggle tv shows and films to know that it doesn’t always work out the way you hope it does and you had a worry that sat firmly in the back of your mind, reminding you nearly every time you wanted to admit it, that it could ruin everything.

If only you could go back and tell your past self that the little school girl crush you began to develop on George that day would turn into something much more meaningful as the years went by.

And by your third year at Hogwarts, you were as thick as thieves with the twins. They were your closest friends and it was very uncommon to see you at a distance from them both. You had always stuck together, especially you and George.

Fred had always said it was because George liked that you were easy to spend time with, it helped being shy you supposed.

But you wondered, you always had, if there wasn’t another reason there too.

You sighed as you reached up, gently brushing his hair out of his face as he lay against the spare pillow you had given him. You’d expect, after all of those years that it might be easier now to admit your feelings. But it wasn’t and you wondered if it ever would be.

There had been so many moments when you had almost told him, that ultimately led to you redirecting the conversation and continuing to hide the feelings you had kept well guarded for years.

Arranging a comfortable bed of cushions to lay on in front of the warmth of the fire, you pulled a blanket around you. But before you settled down to get some sleep, you reached over and gently tucked some of his hair behind his ear so that it was out of his face.

It happened one Christmas at the Burrow, when you and George spent a good few hours up in a little room at the very top of the house, dancing and messing around and joking with each other. You had almost kissed too, had it not been from Percy coming to tell you that dinner was ready.

It happened before the Yule Ball when you had intended to ask him, but George let slip before you could say anything that he was going with Alicia Spinnet.

And it happened once more in the room of requirement when mistletoe had blossomed above you both.

But it never ended up happening because at that exact moment, Fred and Neville had practically burst into the room together.

“I love you, George.” You said it, barely above a whisper. “I wish I could tell you that.” You sighed, pulling away from him before you curled up on your bed of cushions and attempted to get to sleep.

A moment of silence passed as you listened to the gentle pop of the wood in the low fire.

“I love you too.” George finally broke the silence.

“What?” It was whisper as you turned over to face him, the Weasley twin looking down at you from the sofa with a rather smug smile on his lips, eyes dreamy and half lidded. “I love you too.” He repeated. “That is what you said, wasn’t it? That you love me?” George asked, though you both knew that he full well knew the answer to that question.

With your lips parted, a look of embarrassment and shock crossed your features, worrying George as he carefully slid off the sofa, landing not-so-gracefully on the cushions below him.

“How long?” He asked softly as he got comfortable, reaching up to gently caress your cheek with the backs of his fingers. “Because I can tell you exactly when I fell for you, sweetheart.” He told you.

“You feel the same?” You asked, voice cracking a little mid sentence as it slowly sank in. You had just unintentionally told your best friend that you were in love with him and now you were stunned, almost to silence by his confession.

George gave you a sweet smile, one that held sincerity, the kind that told you every angle of truth in his words without him having to say a single one.

“Darling, of course. I always loved you, but I think I started to realise I was really in love with you on that first Christmas that you spent at the Burrow.” George explained, his eyes looking off into the fire as he went deep into thought, a soft smile forming on his lips. “Christmas seems to always make me fall more and more for you though, funny that.” He smirked.

“Yes, funny that.” You mumbled, trailing off as you began to think about that first Christmas. The Christmas when you had almost shared your first kiss with George at the top of the Burrow. And you realised that nearly every year, when the snow came and the festivities seemed to be the only thing that everyone was thinking about, you did always seem to fall a little harder for George.

Even if Christmas had already passed, there was nearly always a moment in the wintery bliss, one that would make your heart melt and ache for him and yet it never seemed to blossom into anything.

“But,” George said, smiling as he turned towards you and propped himself up on his elbow so that he was looking down at you. “I can still kiss you even if there is no mistletoe.” He gave you a lopsided grin, effortless charm and you found yourself a giggly mess as he leaned in, gently brushing his thumb against your cheek, lips softly grazing yours and he paused as your light touch trailed up his arm, resting your fingers on his shoulder before he closed the gap.

But perhaps, like the beautiful Snowdrops that blossomed through the mounds of snow that covered the front lawn of the Burrow at this time of year, perhaps you were both ready to let it bloom into something more.

“It was the same Christmas that I fell for you too,” You finally spoke. “When we spent those hours messing about and dancing and talking until the sun went down. And the Christmas after that when we practiced dancing for the ball together.” You told him, George grinning brightly as he leaned back against the cushions, staring up at the ceiling.

“And that time under the mistletoe.” George added. “It’s a shame we never got to, you know-.” You trailed off, shyness taking over for a moment.

“I would’ve if Fred hadn’t come in.” George sighed, hoping that at the very least it would tell you that he was disappointed too.

George kissed you, his lips soft and warm against yours, moving slowly with you as he cradled you in his hands. It was more than you had ever imagined and the love that had lingered for so long deep in your heart became a bright flame, one that made your heart flutter, the warmth of your love for George finally blooming, filling you with a beautiful sense of wonder.

You moved against him, your lips parting only to meet his again within a second. It was breathtaking as he leaned over you, pouring every emotion, every unsaid feeling into the kiss. George kissed you breathless, until you were fully entranced by him, almost dazed by the pure, overwhelming love you felt for him.

Pulling away, just enough to see you, eyes deep with want, lips parted and glistening from your kiss. He wanted nothing more than you kiss you again, he wanted to kiss you all night and do anything you let him.

You were tentative with your touch as you undressed each other, but as George pulled you further into the loving haze the two of you had created, you became a little more brave. While shy to be bare in front of him, part of you craved it, you wanted to see how he looked at you, the way his eyes hooded slightly in lust as he looked you over.

“Please Georgie, I need you.” You whispered it before you even knew what you’d said, and while you were shy about the words that had passed your lips, they were true. You did need him, you desperately wanted him to make you his and the smirk that rested on his lips was enough to tell you that he wanted the same.

“I’ve got you, princess.” George spoke deeply, his warm breath brushing against you softly as he leaned down, pressing gently kisses to your neck.

“George,” His name passed your lips in a soft moan as he took you and while the snow came down and the wind blew against the side of the house, the fire crackling beside you both, all you could sense was him. George’s weight above you was comforting, yet intense as he thrust into you so deep, so gentle but with such a desperate need that you couldn’t help the breathy whine that escaped you. “That’s it sweetheart.” He groaned softly against you.

“I love you.” It came out as a soft sigh and he spoke the words as if they were too delicate to be said any other way. “I love you too.” Your voice airy and light, trailing off as he rocked into you, his hips flush against you for a moment as he reached deep.

You were gorgeous in the light of the fire, your features practically glowed in the gentle warmth of the hearth and George couldn’t help but explore your body, fingers trailing over your chest, thumbs gently teasing your nipples and you arched your back into him, lips parted with pure pleasure.

George could get used to this, he could get used to the way you looked when he brought you closer and closer to your release, the way you whined his name out and how perfectly you reacted to his touch with your lips parted and eyes deep with passion, they way you leaned into him, moved against him so perfectly like you were supposed to be together.

George brought you both closer, a loving, warm haze capturing you both as you looked into his eyes, sharing with him the emotions that played so beautifully in your expressions. Your fingers deep in his ginger hair, tugging gently as he leaned in, pressing kisses down your jaw, tipping your head back as his lips gently trailed down your neck, leaving messy, open mouthed kisses as you gasped, reaching your climax, the heavy wave of your release rolling through you and taking George with you as the fluttering of your walls around him brought him to his own bliss too.

“I love you, sweetheart.” George whispered to you as he looked down at you, taking in your blissed out features, the way you looked beneath him, beautiful and perfect in every way to George Weasley.

“Always remember that, darling.” He spoke softly, not wanting to disturb the peace between you as he carefully lowered himself down onto the cushions beside you.

Turning to lean against him you rest your head on his shoulder as George pulled a blanket from the sofa and tucked it around you both.

“I love you too, Georgie.” You mumbled sleepily against him.

He hugged you to his side, embracing you in his loving warmth as the blizzard continued and the wind blew hard against the house.

But it was a perfect winter’s night and your love had finally been able to bloom, just like Snowdrops.

Taglist (OPEN):

@kitkatd7 ​​@paintballkid711 ​​ @thesewaywardskies ​​ @coldlilheart​​ @victorialynn7​​ @pandaxnienke​​ @megantje123​​ @loving-life-my-way​​ @chaotic-fae-queen​​ @theweasleyslut​​​

[sunlightwoo]

Run With Hell | Ride Along Prequel

☀︎ pairing: bad boy!sunwoo x fem!reader

☀︎ genre: summer fling au, angst, squints of fluff, bad boy au, lovers to exes au warning: suggestive/sexual language and content, mentions of alcohol and partying

☀︎ wc: 4.1k

☀︎ plot: summer hues may bring in the summer blues, but this one person you spend your summer with just so happens to be the one person that you needed in that moment. instead of the place that he needed to end up being in, he lets you take him back to your place and see where it goes from there, thinking that maybe it might just be a summer bet and nothing more than that. 

☀︎ a/n: this was originally a scrapped idea back from like 2018 and i never brought it back up to surface until recently these last few months actually from when i started planning ride along and then sunwoo’s verse in hate came out, which sparked more ideas!! so i hope you guys enjoy the prequel to it, in which you learn more about the history between Sunflower and Sunwoo’s relationship, even though this is not one of my best oneshots im sorry :( it can be read as a standalone, but it’d be cool if you read this and then ride along if you haven’t read it yet!!

read ride along here!

track one: moonlight | i never knew, you could hold moonlight in your hands

The soft breeze of the summer winds blew past your hair, your arms wrapped around yourself as your eyes were trained on the scenery in front of you. Comforts of the beach seem to have always made you calmer than you have been, and you think that these last two years of your life had been a fever dream considering the roller coaster of events that you have been through. 

You remember waking up in a hospital the night that your brother, Jacob, had an important race to compete in, and because of that, you didn’t want to break his winning streak by being bad luck. The moments prior to that were unable to be recalled for as the only reliable information you can get was from the doctor, explaining that you had consumed something before you had blacked out that had made you almost comatose, if it weren’t for someone that had saved you that night. 

There were often times where you thought about what had happened at that exact moment, but it didn’t distract you from where your mind had been leading you the following day when you were discharged already because of Jacob. You weren’t sure where he had gone that moment, but all you could remember was reading a note with his scribbles that mentioned where he had left it.

A final decision that he had to decide on with a gig that he had gotten for his music career was what he had been working on, and you couldn’t be happier for him. That following morning, you found yourself at the cafe that was across from where you were staying temporarily, eyes darting across the beautiful cursive chalk that was written on a board for the menu, and you couldn’t help but feel like there were a pair of eyes that were stuck onto you. 

With a quick glance around the shop, even if there wasn’t a line behind you, you noticed a guy that sat by the window with his eyes trained onto yours. An accidental eye contact, you might’ve thought to yourself as the handsome stranger had given you a small smirk across his lips, but you have already turned back around to quickly place an order for a tea that was taken to go. 

You had known who he was, considering his name was already spread among the city that you lived despite it being your summer before your first year of college. How it had easily slipped from your own tongue if anybody were to ask you, who is the biggest playboy that is known in your graduating class, and it had to be him. If it weren’t for the fact that he had an overpowering aura that radiated from him, then maybe you would’ve gotten to know him more.

But you didn’t want to, because you knew what guys like him were like.

It was guys like him that made you want to hide away into the comforts of your personal safety net because you knew he was too beautiful and confident to be good. A chaotic driven force that you think was meant to be encountered with was what he had seemed like, ready to clash into your lawful good that the more that you thought about it, you wondered what more of him was like if you were to say hello. 

Now it was a little over a year later in the summer before your junior year of college and you think that it’s comical that somehow the same stranger had caught your heart. After a semester and a half of trying to win you over as a friend throughout your first year, he was able to convince you that maybe hanging out one spring night at the beach wouldn’t be too bad, right?

“Sorry I’m late, Sunflower. Got stuck trying to find a way to park the car without dealing with some asshole again.” 

Your eyes look up to meet the same warm ones that welcomed you as the red hair he had coated this time around seemed to have blended in with the night sky. He takes a seat next to you and wraps his arms around his knees that were being hugged close to his chest, until he takes a look over to you once more with a soft smile on his face. 

“It’s okay, Sunwoo. I haven’t been here that long anyways.” You reply quietly, giving him a smile back as you bit back everything that was on your tongue. 

You had already been there for almost two hours waiting for him, collecting your thoughts as you wondered what the two of you were in that exact timing. There were times where you wanted to just kiss him as a way to shut him up whenever he rambled or said something dumb, but there were also the mixed signs that made you wonder if he had ever thought about you the same way that you did in the past two years.

One too many shared secrets and kisses were often exchanged, but the two of you had always remained friends with too many benefits as you found your way back to the other. It was almost as if you were magnets, opposites that attracted to another and now you were trying to find a way for it to make sense under the moonlight that was brightly shining tonight above you.

“Can you sing me a song, bubs?”

His eyes turn to look at you, who had been staring at him after breaking away from your own thoughts, as he nods in response and opens his arms for you to find your place in them. He wraps his arms around you securely, holding you close to his chest as the soft voice that came from his throat produced a sweet song that you easily recognized as one that he had told you about for a while. 

It felt like you were being put under a sleeping spell as you looked at him, wondering how even under the moonlight, he was almost the most ethereal being in the world. It was as though he was carrying that luminescence in his hands and placed it above his head at all times, making sure that whenever you needed to just be held, he was there to do so for you; another reason why you were so conflicted with what you both had.

However, maybe it was after a confession or two after that soft lullaby that it ended up being enough for you. Maybe being with him was enough for you, and for that you had also regretted it at the same time, because you knew that you were in for a ride with hell’s spawn.

track two: sometimes | cause we’re collecting moments, tattoos on my mind

“Are you ready for our getaway?” You hear someone say behind you and turn to look at Sunwoo, who had been standing at your front door for a moment now. 

It was the hot morning of July first after a long night being with him, and it was a spontaneous decision to head out on a little road trip away from the city. You wanted to go to the seaside, you had told him just hours prior, and he had told you about a little place that he used to stay whenever he was in a mood to go on vacation and escape the realities of the world.

So you packed your bags and were ready to go as you walked up to him with a big smile on your face, one that mirrored his own as he pulled you close. By placing his hand against your lower back, the space between you both becomes almost invisible as he pecked your lips in just a quick second, and you couldn’t help but giggle at the sudden action that came from him.

Even after a month or so of dating, it still felt like you were floating on cloud nine despite the fact that you had been doing this for two years or so already. Being with him felt like you were able to conquer on the world, and you knew that might not stay long despite the shared whispers of the cursed eight letters that were often said when you spent nights together.

You wanted to tattoo every moment that you were with him into your mind, because from then until now it had only felt like you were living in a daydream. He had given you nothing but love and made you happier than you would’ve imagined making yourself, but you were okay with also accepting the fact that it might not last long considering there were often times where you might clash thoughts and argue.

By the time that you both made it to where you were staying, you were amazed with how elegant it looked on the inside, despite the fact that it seemed smaller on the outside. You think that maybe you were in a movie as you looked around, but it wasn’t until you turned around to see Sunwoo being busy on his phone that you wondered if this mini getaway was going to be worth it.

“Everything okay, bubs?” You ask while putting down your stuff, sitting on top of your bag as he gives you a small smile before nodding in response. 

To him, he thinks that you are one of the most beautiful things as the sun was practically shining on your face as it seeped through the large glass windows of the house. It’s almost amazing that he found himself falling for you quickly, but he wonders how much of that smile will last on your face before he does something to mess it all up. 

He wants to tattoo the moments where he’s able to make those smiles on your face with his sincerity, the him that he wants to be with you rather than the person that he decides to be to everyone else. Yet somehow, there was something about your innocence to him that made him want more than just what you had then and now, but he was scared of what he might become if had actually gotten it all for himself.

“Yeah, everything’s okay. Let’s go sleep for a bit before we spend the night having fun, hmm?”

track three: bad decisions | You've become my favorite sin so let 'em keep on talking

He knows that he isn’t good for you.

His reputation of being the residential bad boy was no match for your heart, and you both knew that. After spending the first two weeks getting to know the ins and outs of the bay, you made some quick friends even though you spent a majority of your time back at where you were staying with Sunwoo. The way that his hands had always felt like fire on your skin was exhilarating as every kiss you shared was more intoxicating than the last. 

You could tell that he was getting tired of it already, because you’ve noticed that the fire that was once in his eyes was dying out, and you were scared of it. Even his words of reassurance of loving you and for not leaving your side by then was made, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to trust his words every time that he spoke of them. 

“Are you sure that you’re in love with me?” You whisper after the highs and frustrations that were spent into what you had done earlier had been let out. 

The two of you had argued about how he never seemed to have paid more attention to what you were doing when the two of you were out at the street markets today, his phone seeming more important than exploring the depths of shops that were opened by small businesses. You confronted him about it, thinking that maybe he was involved with someone else and that you were just wasting your time putting your love into a relationship that was one sided. 

However that wasn’t the case, as he told you that one of his friends was updating him on a situation that involved their family.

“Why wouldn’t I love you?”

Those toxic eight letters felt so foreign at the tip of his tongue as he looked at you, who laid your head on top of his chest. He didn’t know what love was, and he felt like the biggest jerk for also leading you on knowing that in the end, he was going to leave. He wasn’t sure when he was going to do it, but he knew that you were slowly catching onto his plan, and he hated himself for making you feel as though you weren’t enough for him to stay. 

He wants to give you the pain that he had felt once in the past, and ruin the sweet innocence that you held in your eyes. He’s heard stories about you as well, the same way that you had heard stories about him, and he knew then that there was something about the way you talked and expressed your beliefs that made him want to be indulged into you more. 

“We don’t feel the same anymore.” You whisper, eyes meeting him as the moonlight that used to capture his eyes so perfectly seemed as though it was dying out. 

Your heart was pounding in your chest as you watched him stay silent for a moment, his eyes still looking into yours but he still held you close to his heart. He doesn’t know what to say at all and he regrets it a little more for dragging you into this game that he started playing with his own heart on his sleeve, but he doesn’t know when he should stop, because to him, it feels like this game that he made was still not done yet. 

But he can’t find the heart to tell you to run, before he can do it.

“I promise I’ll love you more than I should be loving you. You’re my sunflower, the same way that I’m your sunshine, and it’ll stay that way.” 

track four: leave me lonely | you’re a dangerous love, maybe you’re no good for me

It was a little over a month into your getaway, and it feels emptier than it was when you first started the entire trip.

The nights that you shared together were less filled with meaningful words and actions, but more filled with moments that were there to make the empty void that was present full with whatever you two had wanted to do. You could tell that he was on the verge of just walking out the front door and leaving you because of how the increasing arguments that were made continued to be more present, and you could’ve sworn that if he wasn’t going to be the first to leave, then you would. 

It was another occurrence tonight where you had gone out to eat as a date, since you wanted to fix what might’ve been missing these last few weeks of summer that you might’ve not done. However, it didn’t happen to work as you noticed how Sunwoo was already preoccupied on his phone almost the entire time, and you were fed up by the end of the night as he was driving you both back home and he had taken the time to text back whoever it was that seemed more important than you, who had been nothing but patient the entire night.

“Am I seriously not fun anymore, that you’ve spent the entire date texting whoever it is on the other end?” You half jokingly asked while turning to him, watching as he had given you a confused look on his face while the two of you were waiting for the traffic light to turn green to go. 

“I haven’t been texting someone the entire time-”

“Then what did we do today, besides eat at the restaurant because we sure as hell didn’t talk the entire time that we were there.” You retort, the joking tone that was previously in your tone no longer there as he looks at you for a split second before putting his phone into the cup holder that was between you both in silence. 

The green light finally switches and he drives again as you could tell that he knew you were right, the silence overbearing you both as neither of you spoke afterwards. You wanted him to bite back, but you couldn’t help but be impatient this time around with what he had to say, because he always seemed to brush it off these days about what he has been doing when he wasn’t with you, or when he leaves mid-argument and comes back the next morning making it up.

“You’re just overreacting, don’t worry about it, Y/N.” 

He hasn’t called you by your name in a while considering he had only been calling you by Sunflower for a long time now. It was almost like whiplash as you stared at him, who was now driving back to your place with the night sky behind him and you wondered what you had even done wrong when you were just wondering who he would keep texting. 

Maybe he was cheating on you and he didn’t want to admit it, you think to yourself as you curled up into a ball in your seat and looked outside your window to hide the pain that was present in your heart. Was there could’ve been something that you might’ve done wrong that could just made him bored throughout the last two years that you’ve known each other, where it was you that might’ve been in the mess up stance?

That night, you couldn’t even remember whether or not you have slept properly considering he didn’t sleep with you, but rather slept on the couch in the living room. 

Was this what the start of heartbreak was like?

track five: touch it | Why do you say you want me, then tell me you're not coming in?

“How long have you been lying to me about everything?” 

Tears were pricking the corners of your eyes as you stared at the individual in front of you with your heart on your sleeve, wondering what his next move was. Your throat was raspy from how much you were yelling out of anger and frustration earlier, and you wanted to know how long you had been playing his game.

“Two years.” He replies, his facial expression never faltering as his hands were in his pockets and eyes boring into your own. 

His phone was placed on the couch beside you as you had found his texts with his best friend about how being with you was all for a bet of money; and he had won. All he had to do was to make you play his game and purposely break your heart, only to win some sort of prize that he would win at the end, but at what cost.

“I didn’t mean anything to you, did I?” You whisper as you cross your arms in front of your chest, waiting to hear whatever else he had to say, but you couldn’t help but wipe away the stray tears that were already falling down the apples of your cheeks. 

Yes, you meant everything to me, he wants to say as he looks into your heartbroken eyes, and he was willing to give up everything to walk over to where you were to wipe your tears for you. But there was also the thrill in his blood that made him feel a bit prideful that he succeeded in being the asshole that he made himself out to be to everyone but you. 

He had won the game, he acknowledged and it was over for him but he also knew that there was just a little bit of guilt that still lied inside of him. He doesn’t know what to say as he watches you start to crumble in front of him internally, and he knows you’re tired of all the lies that he had been feeding you since the first day. 

So he had decided on running away after he said his last words, because like you had predicted, he was hell’s spawn that loved creating a chaotic masterpiece. As much as you hated him in the moment, he knew that you wouldn’t be able to let go for a bit, and maybe this was his chance to leave so that he doesn’t have to think about you anymore. 

And he does as he walks away with the wind as he closes the door on you both, leaving with the sounds of his car already leaving and you know that he wasn’t coming back. 

You think that it’s your fault anyways for wanting to believe in what you had was genuine, with every time that he had said it was true. But like you thought in the first place, where guys like him wouldn’t last, was true, because now you were in the place that held everything that reminded you of him. You wanted to trash the beautiful pain that was in front of you, but you also felt numb at the same time, not wanting to do anything but to just mourn the stained heart that was on the sleeve of your arm. 

It was there for the world to see; tainted with toxic love that only you had for him, and it was now spilling out with his last words echoing in your head.

“I never loved you in the first place, because you were only just a game to win.”

bonus track: lovesick girls

The loud silence of the crackling fire resonates in your ears as you stare at the burning car that was less than 50 feet in front of you. Your knees were tucked into your chest as you stared at it, wondering where it all began to go wrong as the numbness of your heart continued to stay there. He had been gone for weeks, as you had expected him to run away for that long, and you hated yourself for falling for a guy like him in the first place. 

He was intoxicating, addicting; the one person that you had given your entity to, only to have it crumble up in the palm of his hands. 

You hated him and knew that this would be the last time you’d ever want to see him, since you were going to start going back on track with your goals and dreams. Starting next week you were set to start the fall semester into your junior year of college as it was now almost mid September and ready to run for the life that you wanted to have from the start of the summer before you had met him. 

You think to yourself that maybe it was him that had ruined it all, or maybe a piece of you didn’t want to admit that it was also your own for not being cautious enough. The entire summer felt like you were running with the devil himself, and that the air you were breathing in now, the very one that you can finally collect your thoughts in, were your moments of freedom as you blinked back the tears of the memories that had played in your mind of last night that ended it all. 

“All you ever did was run away from us in the first place, Sunwoo-”

“And I was wrong for doing it, that day that I walked out and left,” He says and you could see his eyes glimmer with what seemed like sincerity in the form of tears, just as the sun that was setting around you both began to make your skies darker than they were before. 

“But that doesn’t mean that I regretted walking out, because I knew that we would’ve only hurt each other more if I had stayed.”

The silence that was overtaking you both was faster than that as your eyes continued to lock onto one another’s. You weren’t sure what you wanted to do in this situation, because you very much so loved him and all his imperfect beauties. However it felt like he was the constant fire that was burning your skin with every touch that he was able to make, and you didn’t want to be a part of that cycle that would continue with him, especially after finding out about his bet with his best friend at the most. 

So in retaliation, you did what you should’ve done in the first place, resent and ignore him, as you knew that this should be the last time that you see him again in this life. 

“Then I think you should just leave for good then, Sunwoo. Don’t ever try to find me again, and if you do... we will never do us again.”

[gladerscake]

Since Always

(Gally x Reader)

So, this was originally intended as a oneshot, but then I got in the zone, and it started getting way too long right before my eyes, so I’ve decided to split it into two parts. Anyways, here’s part one, hope you enjoy!

If you had to make a list of the most crushingly awkward situations you’ve ever been put in, this one would easily make it into the top three.

You had to stop yourself from wincing as you watched Ben fidget and shuffle between his two feet while he awaited your reaction to the question he’d been wanting to ask you for a few weeks now.

Sadly for him, he wasn’t going to get the reaction he was hoping for.

“So... What do you think, Y/N? Come on, say something? Please?” He released a light but palpably nervous laugh as you stared at him, completely taken aback and lost on how to respond.

You knew what you wanted to say, but you had no idea how to go about it. How do you tell someone you don’t want to go out with them, without hurting their feelings? There had to be a way, right? Well, if there was one, you couldn’t think of it at the moment.

“Ben, I... Wow, you really caught me off guard there, uhm... I don’t know what to say...” You attempted a lighthearted chuckle, yet the tension underlying it was clearly detectable, your faulty smile adding to it.

Ben’s face fell at the uneasiness that radiated off of you in waves, and he immediately knew your answer. He winced, as if someone had just kicked him in the shins, quickly taking a step back and putting his hands up.

“Ohhh my god. Oh no. I’m sorry! Y-You don’t have to say it! I can see it on your.. your face, oh my god, I’m such an idiot-“

“No! Ben, don’t say that! You’re not an idiot! It’s okay!” You hurried to reassure him, swiftly interrupting his ramblings of rejection. This was exactly what you didn’t want. You liked Ben, he was a good guy, you just didn’t like him the way he wanted you to. You hated making him feel so embarrassed, but what choice did you have? You couldn’t say yes to going out with him out of pity.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I don’t know why I thought this would be a good idea-“

“Hey! Don’t worry about it! Alright? I’m the one who should be sorry, I just.. can’t, I don’t... “ You took a deep breath, giving him a look as sincere as you could. “Point is, you have nothing to apologize for, I promise!”

Ben grimaced, still, biting the inside of his cheek as he looked over you, clearly having something on his mind, but not saying it out loud.

“What?” You questioned under his inquisitive stare.

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?”

You went rigid, your muscles freezing at the half-question, half-statement.

As reluctant as you were to admit it, there was, in fact, someone else. Has been, for as long as you could remember. You’ve been in the glade for almost a year, and ever since you were helped out of the Box, one particular boy has been on your mind a lot more frequently than anyone else.

Taller than most, with a thick muscular build, short sandy-brown hair that almost looked blonde in the sun, piercing bluish-green eyes, and an array of freckles peppering his chiseled face.

Gally.

The Keeper of the Builders was in no way someone you would have expected to fall for, but some things just can’t be helped. It was never a carefully weighed-out choice - your heart had made that decision for you, and you just had to go along for the ride.

You and Gally had a pretty warm relationship. You got on surprisingly easy, with your shared sense of responsibility and mutual interest in making the glade a better place for people. You sometimes worked with him and the other builders, and not once could you say that you didn’t have a good time. You and Gally even had quite a few inside jokes that would often raise many confused eyebrows, but it was all good fun. You definitely enjoyed being around him, and given the way you truly felt about him... The way his closeness would make your heart skip, his intense gaze would make you weak in the knees, his deep voice would send a shiver down your spine... You wished it would somehow, some time, turn into something more than friendship.

You gave Ben an apologetic smile, silently shrugging your shoulders as your eyes averted to the ground.

You didn’t need to say it out loud for him to understand.

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck in apprehension while swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat “Is there any way things won’t be horribly weird from now on?”

“Of course! We’re still friends! Really, it’s all good. We can pretend this never happened, okay?”

“Y-Yeah, cool, that sounds... perfect.” Ben mumbled the last part, giving you a sad smile as he adjusted his Runner’s vest, beginning to turn away. “Well, I’ll just... see you around, yeah?”

“Yeah! Definitely! See you out there...” You half-heartedly waved at his already retreating form, exhaling heavily as soon as you looked away. You couldn’t believe what had just happened, but you really hoped you could forget about it and that Ben could find a way to move past it sooner rather than later. The thought of him being unable to talk to you after this did not sit well with you.

You didn’t get a chance to be alone with your thoughts for too long, though, as it was at that moment that Newt has returned from the Deadheads, carrying two buckets of fertilizer.

“You don’t look too cheery. Everything alright, love?”

He cocked a brow upwards, percepting your slightly jumpy state as he put the buckets down on the grass.

“I’m fine, Newt, thanks...” You attempted a smile, but being one of your good friends, Newt saw right through it, immediately not buying it.

“Come on, now. What happened? I’ve only been gone for ten minutes...” He prodded, gently, but firmly. You had no reason not to trust Newt, so you decided to tell him.

“Ben just tried to ask me out.”

Newt whistled at that, following it with a sardonic scoff “Let me guess - the poor shank’s already off, crying in the Map Room?”

Despite not wanting to, you couldn’t help chuckling at Newt’s response as you lightly swatted his arm in playful chastising.

“Not funny! You know I hate it when someone’s upset, especially because of me.”

The dirty-blonde boy merely shook his head, leaning against his shovel in a laid-back manner “Well, what the hell were you supposed to do about it? You don’t like him like that. He’ll get over it.” He patted your shoulder, the friendly gesture doing a quick job of making you relax “Don’t beat yourself up.”

You were thankful for Newt’s words, nodding your agreement as you fiddled with the gardening fork in your hands.

“Ben is a really good guy. You would think I’d at least give him a chance, but I just... can’t. I can’t even picture it.”

“Oh, really now? I wonder why that is.” Newt huffed, a weirdly knowing glint in his eyes. “Any chance that a certain builder you won’t stop ogling might have something to do with it?”

That insinuation, as well as the casual tone he used to lace it, like it was the most natural thing in the world, instantly brought a burgeoning blush to your cheeks. Yet, you found yourself unable to deny it. There was no point - clearly Newt already knew exactly who occupied your thoughts, who would stand unmatched in a competition for your affections, if there ever was one.

“That obvious?”

“Painfully so.” He stated, simply, whilst snickering under his breath.

Your eyes widened as a panicked thought flash through them “Well, do you think it’s obvious to anyone else? To him??”

Newt laughed at the rapid change in your expression but nonetheless shook his head “Probably not, I just happen to know you a little better than most. And I definitely wouldn’t worry about Gally. Trust me, he’s as clueless as a slopper in the kitchen.”

You breathed out a sigh of relief, the rising nervousness in you simmering down. You tried to get back to work when Newt’s next words reached your ears.

“Remind me again, why do you refuse to talk to him about it? What are you so afraid of? It’s just Gally.”

Just Gally... Right. Newt may have been one of the people who understood you better than others, but he really had no clue what you were dealing with here.

“I just can’t, okay?” Your frustrated sigh and the dejected frown on your face were clear indicators of how you felt about the idea. “We’re so good as friends - he most likely sees me as just that, and if I tell him, it might ruin everything! I can’t take that risk.”

Newt listened, mirroring your frown. In his mind, there was no way Gally would reject you. He’d seen the way the tough builder looked at you when you couldn’t catch him doing it, and it was not the way someone would look at a “friend”. He didn’t believe you had anything to worry about in that department, but he was at a loss of what it would take to convince you.

“Your optimism is truly an inspiration to us all, Y/N.” He joked, nonchalantly, causing you to let out a hushed chuckle.

“Shut up... Pass me one of those buckets, will you?”

Thank you for reading! Part two coming soon.

[aries-writingblog]

Detonation

Summary: As an FBI agent, YN deals with bad guys all day long. So does Bucky as an Avenger. When their worlds collide, it’s never pretty. Especially not when they are the targets.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 4620

Warnings: language, violence, bombs and explosions, bomb threats, hostage situation

AN: This was another request from @cherry-season and if you can’t tell by reading this I’ve been watching criminal minds again so I hope you guys like this one. GIF is not my own credit to original creator.

YN leaned back in the desk chair, spinning it halfway back and forth. Boring a hole into the scattered papers of the police department. She was exhausted. Their team had been after this same guy for a week now. A real piece of work: planting bombs in DC banks. Leaving cryptic messages with them. Fortunately, their bomb squad made it in time to dismantle the charge before it blew. But they were no closer to catching the guy than before.

“Shitty coffee?” A deep, masculine voice approached her side. Placing a coffee cup in front of her. YN smiled, gratefully accepting the beverage. She glanced up to the provider, one of her teammates, Alex Knowles. “Look like you could use it.”

“That a way of telling me I look worse than the coffee?” YN teased, chugging the lukewarm drink down. So accustomed to cheap, watery coffee, she barely even gagged at the bitter taste as it went down. “No leads?”

Alex shook his head, pulling up a chair and plopping beside her. He sighed, gazing out over the bustling police station. Watching the beat cops go in and out of the doors, suspects and victims all being questioned or held in the same room. A Mecca of activity unfolding before their eyes. Progress. Just not the progress they needed.

“Kinda hoping Bryant would bring something back in- he went to question a couple witnesses that were around the bank at the time the guy dropped the bomb off.” He reported, sitting forward to shuffle through the papers on the desk. “What’s all this?”

“Those are previous reports…” YN explained, brushing stray hair back from her face. “I thought he could’ve had a previous record… he built these bombs with some kind of knowledge- whether it be academic or street smarts, I’m not sure yet. Besides, not doing anything else.”

Alex nodded, letting the paper slip through his fingers and back to the desktop. He watched his teammate reorganize the stacks- the glittering diamond on her finger catching his eye. A devilish grin cracked his lips, whistling appreciatively.

“Barnes finally asked that question, did he?” He asked, putting his cup down and gesturing for her hand. YN rolled her eyes, suppressing a smile as she complied. Alex studied the rock more closely, examining the quality. “Got good taste for somebody as old as he is.”

“Oh shut up.” YN laughed, yanking her hand back.

She and Bucky met on a case. Their FBI team had been invited into a local investigation of suspicious activity. Turns out, the Avengers were also looking into it. Well, a team of four Avengers anyways. Bucky Barnes being one of them. He was smooth, a sweet talker. Managed to wriggle his way into her phone, later he would swing a date. Two years later, Bucky was down on a knee in her bedroom. Asking one of those life altering questions.

That had been three weeks ago. They barely had time to see each other after that night. She was pulled back into work, he was pulled halfway across the globe on a mission. He did call every night, checking in. Asking about her day. Making outrageous, silly promises about the wedding and their new home, their future. Making her smile, distracting her from her day. At the same time, allowing himself to dissociate from the mission he was on as well.

“I’m happy for you.” Alex’s tone turned sober, serious. YN glanced over to him. He leaned his elbows on his knees, smiling broadly. “You both deserve someone like the other… you deserve each other. I mean it in the best, possible way.”

“Thank you, Alex.” YN replied, reflecting her sincere gratitude as best she could. Alex was always in her corner. No matter what- he trusted her. In their world, that meant everything and more.

“Hey, LN- Knowles!” Ricky Bryant came rushing into their area, flushed and out of breath. “Listen, I think we might’ve found the bomber’s identity: Casey Griffin. ”

“What?” YN leaned forward, staring up at him. Her eyebrows furrowed, a faint pin struck the back of her head. “Griffin… Casey Griffin- that sounds familiar. Why is that familiar?”

Ricky opened his mouth, ready to spill all the information he had gathered about the man. A woman interrupted their circle, a panicked look in her eyes.

“Agent LN- there’s a call on line six for you. He claims to be responsible for the bombings and he’s demanding to speak with you.” She interjected, nodding to the desk phone. YN glanced from Ricky to Alex.

“Get Robbie on the phone- tell her we need to trace this call immediately.” She instructed, rolling to the desk to pick up the phone. She waited a moment, allowing Ricky to call Robbie, the fourth member of their team. Their tech analyst. “Ready?”

“Yeah- go ahead.”

YN took a deep, calming breath. Her fingers tightened around the phone anxiously. Swallowing back her creeping nerves, she pulled the phone off the receiver.

“Agent LN, may I ask who’s calling?” She began slowly, giving Robbie a chance to snag the call’s location. There was heavy breathing on the other end, as if he had been running.

“You know who’s calling, YN. Don’t play coy- it isn’t a good look on you.”

Recognition struck her like lightning as she heard his voice. He had been one of the hostages in the first emergency scene. YN had taken down his statement herself. She ground her teeth together, anger flooding her system. She had been played.

“You’ve got me there, Casey.” She chuckled, her free hand wiping down the thigh of her tactical pants. “This is the first time you’ve called- why are you just now contacting us?”

The sound Griffin made was far from a laugh- the dark, slow noise was bone chilling. Nauseating. She could feel it deep into her clothes, settling like frost against her skin. She bit her cheek, staving off the urge to shiver through the discomfort.

“I’ve decided I want to give you front row tickets to the show, of course.” He crowed, voice leaping in octaves. “Corner of West and Fifth. You have half an hour, unless you want all these lovely people to end up blood splatters and burn marks on the floors.” YN winced, clenching her jaw. “Oh, and YN? Come in alone.”

The telltale click and beep ended the call, leaving YN to stare blankly at the desk before her. Clenching the phone in her grasp so tightly the plastic creaked. Knuckles lightening. She swallowed, something was clutching her throat. Restricting her lung capacity. Her shaking fingers pressed the phone into the receiver. Pushing her chair back, she stumbled to her feet.

“YN- “

“I just need a minute, okay?” She snapped, snagging her jacket from the chair across from the desk. YN shoved past the incoming traffic of people, fumbling her way outside.

The city was full of noise; Blaring car horns, shouting, a low murmur of pedestrian conversations. Sirens. The thrum of the city’s heartbeat under her feet. Taking a left into the alleyway, YN dug through her pockets, fingers brushing against the carton of cigarettes and lighter.

Hands trembling, she put a stick between her lips. Blowing smoke as soon as she lit it. Tilting her head back against the weathered brick of the station. A shaky exhale following the wavering grey smoke. She clenched her jaw, bowing her head.

She knew it was a trap- Casey was asking to meet alone. But he was holding hostages in a bank loaded down with explosives. And who knew what he wanted, why only her? Why alone? And why was that name familiar? None it made sense- facts blurring together. Shrouding him from her senses.

A sudden buzz against her abdomen sent her reeling back into consciousness. Her cigarette was gone- flicking the filter to the ground. Pushing it into the cement with her boot. Her fingers scuttled through her pocket, retrieving her phone.

Bucky’s contact photo- one of him fast asleep with fridge magnets on his arm. She smiled- somehow Bucky always knew right when she needed him. Like he had a sensor on her emotions, giving him timely reports. Updating him constantly.

“Hey, Buck.” She greeted, begging her voice to not crack. It sounded normal. Or at least enough that she hoped Bucky didn’t question it. Tucking the phone between her shoulder and ear, she lit another cigarette. Blowing the stress away from the speaker.

“Hey, sugar,” She could hear his smile through the phone. That excited one he always got when he first saw her. Wide, showing off his teeth. Stretching his face so much she wondered if it hurt. “I’m just callin’ to tell you I’m home. And I know you’re busy but, I wanted to hear your voice again.”

YN laughed, falling into the regular rhythm with him. Allowing herself to feel the stress melt from her bones. Bucky always had that affect on her. Something she couldn’t quite understand. Why the man was such an addictive drug.

“Well, you’re in luck- I’m on a break right now.” She wanted nothing more than to sit and talk with him, listen to his baritone drawl. Lulling her into a state of comfort and security. But she knew she couldn’t- she had limited time. She had to make a decision. And soon.

“Are you smoking again?” Bucky asked. YN smiled, biting down on her lip. She made a noncommittal noise, neither agreeing or disagreeing with his statement. He had been after her for their entire relationship to make her quit the habit. Trying to help her kick it. Nothing ever really helped. “YN…”

“I know… I’ve only had two. I just… I needed a break.” She admitted, bowing her head. She shifted her eyes to the alleyway opening, seeing Alex and Ricky approaching her. “I’ve got to get back. I’ll see you at home?”

“Yes, I’m making that soup you like for dinner. Don’t let it go cold.” He warned.

“I won’t. Love you.”

“Love you too.” She shoved her phone into her back pocket, meeting her partner’s halfway. Their faces drawn with concern and hesitancy.

“Gear me up.” She pushed between them, not looking back. She feared if she looked at them again, she would lose her nerve. Holding her shoulders back, chin tilted with her head held high. She had to keep the air of confidence around her. If she didn’t- they would never believe her. YN needed full backup for her plan. “I’m going in.”

~~~~~~

The building seemed to loom over her, taunting her as she stood before it. The large windows were gaping at her, a threat to her minuscule presence. YN swallowed back the terror she felt, pushing it down and locking it away. Out of reach.

“We’ll be talking with you through the comms unit the whole time.” Ricky explained, securing the equipment over her ear. He carefully tightened the straps on her vest, glancing to meet her eyes. His brows dipped. “You don’t have to do this you know? We can raid the building or get a sniper down here. This isn’t the only option.”

YN shook her head, clipping her holster over her belt, around her waist. She sighed, the exhale was shaky. Biting down on her bottom lip to keep it from trembling, she clipped extra ammunition to the side.

“It’s the one where everyone makes it out. Those hostages are the main priority right now.”

“Hey.” Ricky stopped her nervous movement, hands on both of her shoulders. Forcing her to look up at his face. “Don’t do that. Don’t make it seem like some small bust… this is serious. We’re worried about you. About this. It’s dangerous. Give a little of that focus to yourself.”

“Okay.” YN agreed. She inhaled again, this time a little more steady. Giving a final affirmative nod, she squared her shoulders and backed away. She turned, facing the group of DC police officers and FBI squads. “Alright, these comms go both ways. I’m negotiating for hostages first. If anything goes wrong, clear the site. We don’t know how many explosives he has in there.”

YN watched the groups follow her orders, setting up to accept hostages. Loading guns for a raid if needed. Both ambulance and fire department had been called in. The companies were also preemptively preparing for the worst. She began walking toward the bank, eyes forward. What felt like thousands of eyes followed her to the door, fire burning against her back.

As she approached, she could see a woman standing at the glass door. She had been crying- her face stained with tears. YN stopped at the glass door, standing face to face with the woman. After several moments of staring, the order was finally given to open the door. The woman’s shaking fingers unlocked it, pushing it open.

“You’ve served your purpose.” A quiet voice spoke across the lobby, echoing on the tiled floors. “You may go.” The woman burst into tears, shoving past YN and onto the street. “Agent LN… how courteous of you to take her place.”

YN entered the lobby tentatively, keeping her head on a swivel. She turned the corner, coming face to face with the bomber. Casey Griffin stood behind the group of hostages, hands tucked behind his back. A twisted, sacrilegious grin on his lips. The group at his feet were huddled together, most were sobbing quietly. Holding people they most likely didn’t know. She knew from experience that tense situations erased all lines between humans. Everything begins to blur when terrified panic sets in.

“I’m here, Griffin. What do you want?” She demanded, her hand resting on her weapon. There was a buzz of static in her ear, the line opening.

“We don’t have a visual of you anymore, LN. Get back into sight.”

Griffin took a step forward, around his subjects. A small, black remote in his hand. Eyes steady on her face. Studying her. He exhaled sharply, coming to a stop right before her.

“I was hoping you’d be more… well, more.” He frowned, disappointed. YN’s eyebrow lifted, unable to follow his thoughts. “Such a shame… I’ve read all these great things about you. Every case you’ve solved, every step you’ve made to get here. You’re much more impressive on paper.”

“Get to the point.” YN sneered, her jaw clenched. Griffin smirked, eyes scanning down her face again. He sighed, rolling his eyes.

“All you feds- no taste for the theatrical. I much rather prefer the Avengers.” He grinned, eyes sparkling dangerously. YN felt her heartbeat pick up It’s pace. Heart threatening to burst out of her chest. “Oh, that’s right… congratulations, by the way. What’s it like- being engaged to a fossil? Are his brains still scrambled?”

“Shut up.” She hissed, fingers itching to reach out and wrap around his throat. He only tilted his head, pouting. He began pacing, orbiting around her slowly. Her shoulders tensed, defenses began raising even further. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, you see, I’m very well acquainted with Sergeant Barnes.” Griffin slowed to a stop again, on her right. He leaned in, close enough she could feel his breath against her skin. “He murdered my husband.”

The pounding in her chest seemed to have leapt into her throat. Breathing was much harder now, her skin crawled as her brain went into overdrive. Something was wrong… what was going on?

“He doesn’t do that anymore.” YN admitted, her voice lower than she thought it would be. Threatening to crack.

“But he does.” He hissed, gripping her arm tightly. Yanking her to his chest. His free hand came up to her ear, ripping the unit out and flinging it into the wall. His fingers fluttered down to her chin, grasping it tightly and forcing her face to his. He stared down at her. Anger burning in his irises, the dark circles under his eyes. His nostrils flared. “What makes it even worse is that he chose to do it. With Hydra, he had no choice. But with the Avengers? He had every decision laid out before him and he chose.”

YN flinched, flecks of saliva landing on her cheek. Her jaw clenched down tighter, eyes closing momentarily. Griffin’s hand crept down from her face, into the pocket of her pants. His fingers grasped the device, pulling it out. He held the device to her face, unlocking it then shoving her away.

“So now,” Griffin gave her a maniacal grin. YN was beginning to get whiplash from his mood swings. He was unpredictable. Unstable. Devolving before her eyes. She glanced back to the group of hostages. “He gets to flex that autonomy again. Oh, how lovely- he was your last call.”

“Why do you have me here, Griffin?” YN demanded, attempting to take control of the situation. If he was distracted, she could maneuver and gain the upper hand. “If you wanted to go after Bucky you would’ve done it. Why do any of this? Why do you need them?”

Griffin spared a quick glance to the group of shivering civilians. He hummed quietly, pressing dial for Bucky’s number. YN felt a drop of sweat bead down her neck. Rolling to meet the bulletproof fabric over her torso. She was alone in here, responsible for the lives of those petrified people. Staring and waiting for her to do something. Help them.

Her eyes fell to the remote in his hand. She could snatch it. The bomb was his power move. His leverage. Then again, the hostages were bargaining chips. He had to give something up. She had to remove variables.

“Let them go.” YN urged, holding her hands out in surrender. “You’ve got me, you’ve got my attention. Let them go.” He sighed dramatically, eyes rolling as he pressed the button for speakerphone.

“It’s no fun without an audience.” He whined, shrugging as he turned to the hostage group. “And to think- we were just getting to the good part. Fine! Leave, all of you.”

The group all scrambled to their feet, taking their leave before he changed his mind. The stampede rushed the door, cramming themselves out into the street. YN’s heart slowed, the adrenaline fading in her veins slightly. Her priority was taken care of- they all made it out alive.

“Hello?” YN never thought she would be nervous to hear Bucky’s voice. Casey smiled at the phone, eyes boring into her skull. “YN? Hello?”

“She can’t make it to the phone right now.” Griffin responded, giving her a mocking pout. The other end fell silent. YN could almost feel the paranoia settle over his body. “I would ask you to leave a message but I’m afraid she won’t be around much longer to hear it.”

An idea began to form, tingling at the base of her skull. YN gulped nervously. She had to keep him distracted- keep him focused on Bucky. But that also meant she had to stay focused on Casey. She couldn’t say a word to Bucky. Not yet.

“Who the fuck are you and what do you want?” Bucky hissed. YN closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. She could pull her weapon. But could she pull it fast enough? Griffin could blow the place to smithereens. She could try to get the remote- every solution seemed to fall back to the same outcome. She grit her teeth- he had the upper hand. She could do nothing but wait it out.

“Joshua Rivers.” Casey replied. While his voice was smooth and unrestrained, his eyes told a different story. Seething, red hot rage burned in his veins. “Does that name ring any bells to you, Sargeant? Let me give you a hint anyways- I know how fragile the mind can be in the older years. He was a lead operative for Hydra. Four months ago, you raided his warehouse and instead of arresting him, you put a bullet through his skull.”

“He deserved more.” Bucky hissed, his voice crackling through the speaker. Echoing in the empty building. Casey scowled, his nose scrunching in anger. “That warehouse housed human experimentation projects.”

“That doesn’t matter!” Casey screamed, veins in his neck popping out against his skin. Pumping adrenaline in time with his heart. “He was a person- he had people who loved him, cared for him. You took that away from me. I can’t help but wonder… how you’ll feel about the same circumstances.”

“Where is YN?” Bucky demanded, keeping his voice level. YN began to creep her fingers up, toward the gun in her holster. She had one chance. He was distracted- she could gain the upper hand.

“Well, that’s a tricky question. It’s only a matter of time before she’s… everywhere.” Griffin shrugged, swinging his gaze back to YN. Her fingers faltered, halting at her hip. She was close, her thumb brushed the cold metal of the gun. “So now… now I think I’ll return the favor. You took something from me. The only person that ever mattered. You destroyed my world.”

“If you touch her, I swear to-“

“You don’t believe in God, Sergeant.” Griffin’s slow drawl interrupted the threat. His tongue ran over his lips, taking a deep breath. “He’s not real. If he were, don’t you believe that none of this suffering would happen?” There was a ruckus of noise on the other end of the phone, Bucky panting heavily. A door slamming. “This is your repentance, James Barnes.”

YN’s fingers wrapped around the metal plating, her nerves settling. She could make this draw. It would be fast enough. It would be accurate. She could end it once and for all. She exhaled slowly, counting down.

Three…

Two…

One…

In a flash, YN pulled her gun from her side. Aiming it at Casey’s chest and pulling the trigger. The loud gunfire echoed- ringing in her ears. Her heart sank. Stomach plummeting to her feet.

She missed.

Casey’s expression settled into one of contempt. Disappointment. The hell fire turned to her, his focus shifting from Bucky to YN. Surging toward her, his hand swung out, shoving the muzzle to the ceiling as she fired again. Casey’s fist tightened around her phone, a strong punch to her kidney sending her to her knees, wheezing for air. YN grunted, her hand swinging at a wide angle, but it was only deflected as the heel of his hand connected with her nose. Releasing a sharp cry, YN cradled her nose carefully. Eyes watering and face stinging. Bucky’s frantic shouts barely audible as she knelt, gasping in pain. Her thoughts muddled and slow.

Casey sighed dramatically, ripping the weapon from Yn’s hand. She groaned, disoriented as a fresh wave of pain throbbed from her face. Blood seeped from between her fingers, dripping down into a puddle on the tile floor.

“Say goodbye to your fiancée, Sergeant.”

~~~~~~

Bucky all but tossed the motorcycle onto the curb as he skidded to a stop. A blazing inferno consumed the building, scorching the blackened trees that once surrounded it. The hand gripping his throat squeezed tighter as he stumbled toward the police line. Shoving his way through bystanders.

He felt sick- choking back the nausea bubbling from his stomach. Fire bellowed from the gaping, blown out glassless windows. Portions of the building were collapsed, the rest soon to follow. He barreled through shouting police officers, desperate to reach the building.

“Barnes!” He didn’t turn- even though the voice was familiar. He had to get to her- she was still alive, he knew she was. She had to be. “Barnes- man, you can’t go in there!”

Hands grasped his metallic shoulder, pulling him back roughly. Bucky grunted, swinging his arm around, taking hold of the man’s bulletproof vest. He clenched his jaw, staring down at Alex Knowles. One of her partners. Knowles’ eyes were puffy and rimmed with red. His skin was irritated, probably from wiping tears away.

“She’s still in there.” Bucky stated, without asking if she had been pulled out yet. He knew the process of these kinds of situations. The fire chief had to clear it and the area was nowhere near safe enough. But his girl was in there, in danger. Dying slowly, the longer he stood around. It had already been too long.

“Teams haven’t been sent in yet… I know you’re scared but you could make it worse if you go in there guns blazing. It could collapse the rest of the way.” Knowles warned, his eyes begging Bucky to stay put. Bucky shoved him away. Stripping off his jacket, Bucky scowled at the man.

“I will be the something worse if she’s not alive. Don’t test me, Knowles.” He growled, tying the jacket sleeves around his waist. Bucky turned on his heel, sprinting for the blown out doors of the bank. Ignoring the shouts of the firemen and police officers on the scene.

Inside, the flames locked the walls, staying maintained. It seemed the only thing the department had been doing since the explosion was clearing the fire. They had been prepared somewhat.

Bucky stumbled through the rubble, boots tripping over chunks of concrete and twisted metal. He had to find YN, she was somewhere. He had to keep himself from thinking the worst- she was alive. She would be okay. He just had to find her first.

He turned what would’ve been a corner of the bank, his heart rocketing through his chest. The beat thumping wildly.

Two bodies. Lying side by side.

“YN!” He picked his way through rubble, skidding to his knees beside her. Deep cuts laced her dirtied features, trapped under a chunk of concrete from the waist down. For now, he didn’t care of the implications that could lie beneath the rock. His trembling fingers found the pulse point in her neck, bowing his head and stifling a sharp sob as he felt a faint, slow thrum. He brushed the hair from her face gently, biting his lip to keep himself together. “Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ve got you.”

Bucky shuffled down to her waist, hooking his fingers into the rock. Just as he began lifting, a sharp gasp startled him, almost dropping the rubble. He glanced back at YN- wide awake and sobbing. Carefully, Bucky spared a glance under the concrete. A metal rod went directly through her thigh, blood seeping from the wound.

“Shit…” It had been contained until he lifted it- now she was going to bleed out. He had to move fast. “YN, doll, I’ve got you. This is gonna hurt but it’ll be okay.”

She didn’t respond, sobs ripping from her chest as he stilled. Bucky took a deep breath, collecting his nerves. He moved quickly, throwing the concrete across the room with a loud grunt. An ear piercing shriek fell from Yn’s lips, her fist pounding the ground at her side. Bucky untied his jacket, wrapping it tightly around her injured thigh.

“Okay, sweetheart. We’re gonna get out of here.” Bucky’s chest tightened as he gathered her in his arms. She was shivering, huddling close to his body as best she could. Her skin was filthy, covered in soot, dirt, and blood. “Try to talk with me, sweet girl. Stay awake.”

“Ja- James…” YN’s fingers twisted into his shirt, tears soaking into his fabric. His heart clenched. It was his fault- that idiot had gone after her because of him. He held her closer, tighter, as he picked his way back to the doors. “I… I think I’m done- done smoking.”

Bucky almost laughed, forgetting his location. The situation fading as he spared a glance down to her face. She was grimacing, lips pulled and forehead wrinkled. But here she was- trying to joke with him.

“Why’s that, doll?” He questioned, emerging from the collapsed bank. The sunlight was strong, glaring down into his eyes. He hunched slightly, trying to block the intense light from her sensitive eyes. YN groaned, tugging weakly at his shirt. “We’re almost there, doll. Keep talking. Why’re you quittin’?”

“I’ve had enough smoke for one lifetime.” She replied, eyes fluttering. Paramedics rushed toward them, a gurney wheeled to their side. Bucky carefully lay her back, grasping her hand tightly as they rushed toward the ambulance.

Bucky didn’t reply, lips pressed together. Concern running rampant as they moved. His eyes caught Knowles and Bryant’s, averting his as soon as they landed. Loading into the ambulance.

“Bucky?” He quickly stepped up, sitting down in the back. Squeezing her hand tightly. YN gave a half- hearted return. Her fingers tangling with his, eyes closed. “Stay… please…”

“I’m here, sweetheart.” Bucky smiled, hoping his face could mask the desperate panic he felt in the pit of his stomach. “I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

[amiedala]

Something More (the mandalorian x reader)

CHAPTER 1: INTO THE STARS

Rated: Explicit (not this chapter, but future chapters will be)

Warnings: light descriptions of violence

Summary: Meeting the Mandalorian was like colliding into the rest of your life at a moment’s notice. Like oh, there you are. It was both jarring and familiar at the same time, like stepping into a minute with no intentions and stepping out of it in deja-vu. You had always been told you made too much out of everything, that you blew up every circumstance to fit some kind of grand destiny, some huge significance. If anyone asked, you’d swear up and down this was different. It was different. The Mandalorian sweeping you off your feet and out of your back alley haunts and narrow escapes was something kismet. Something cosmic. Something more.

Or, a slow burn love story across the stars featuring you, Din, and your little green baby. With love, angst, lust, and everything in between following you across the galaxy.*this deviates from canon for the most part, the plot begins at the very end of season 1 and will deviate for about half of season 2! there is LOTS planned for this (i already have 19k words written & will be posting regularly) so i hope you all enjoy!! <3 muah*

this is 1000000% completely inspired by the incredible behemoth SUPREME Mandalorian fic Rough Day by our lord & savior @no-droids but it will have its entire own plot & more of a slowburn in both love & smut, specifically for suffering long haul romance lovers like myself!

i already have 19k words written & will be ATTEMPTING to post updates regularly (and if i get excited about getting new chapters up, they might come early. i'm gonna try to post Saturday evenings every week, extenuating circumstances notwithstanding <3

hope you enjoy!!! more to come VERY SOON!!!

Meeting the Mandalorian was like colliding into the rest of your life at a moment’s notice. Like oh, there you are. It was both jarring and familiar at the same time, like stepping into a minute with no intentions and stepping out of it in deja-vu. You had always been told you made too much out of everything, that you blew up every circumstance to fit some kind of grand destiny, some huge significance. If anyone asked, you’d swear up and down this was different. It was different. The Mandalorian sweeping you off your feet and out of your back alley haunts and narrow escapes was something kismet. Something cosmic. Something more.

You met him on Nevarro. You weren’t even supposed to be there. You were supposed to be back in the Mid Rim by that point, long gone from your last mission gone sour. Your ship had broken down and you narrowly escaped a crash landing, and you’d hiked for hours through the unyielding lava fields for the closest town, with nothing but a handful of credits and the clothes on your back. Somehow, miraculously, you were able to grab the last of your water and your mother’s necklace from where it was hanging on the dashboard before the magma had bubbled up and claimed the better half of the old X-wing before you could go back in for more.

“Dank ferrik,” you seethed, and the curse felt alien under your tongue. There was no one out here to hear it but yourself, the lava, and the sulfuric air, anyways, so you grumbled out a few more before the ship fully sank into the magma in front of you.

The ship itself wasn’t a big loss—you’d only gotten it because it was the cheapest after you lost your own to that smuggler, but being stranded on a planet that was so aggressive towards any sort of survival wasn’t the best circumstance in the galaxy. But here you were, stuck, unmoored, anchorless, on a planet not known for anything except its rivers of lava and a bounty hunters’ guild you’d heard about and tried your best to stay away from. That town was the only landmark you had, though, so you begrudgingly trekked across Nevarro’s molten surface in search for any form of civilization.

The sky had started to slip off into darkness, and the small flecks of the other Outer Rim planets glistened lightyears away from where you were hiking when you stumbled over something and nearly fell into what you assumed was a dormant vat of lava. It was only when you scrambled away from the hot pocket of ground that you realized it was a stormtrooper helmet. A stormtrooper helmet with a head still in it. You gasped and skittered away, pushing off the heels of your hands to get upward as fast as you can, not even registering the heat eating through the skin of your palms. You didn’t have a weapon—the old blaster you’d carried for the last few years had been eaten up with the X-Wing—and as your eyes adjusted to a collection of white armor and bodies on the ground, you kicked yourself from not prioritizing the gun over getting out unscathed.

You didn’t scare easy. You grew up on a slowly abandoned Rebel base back on Yavin, and even after your parents’ deaths, you were surrounded by a legion of people who took care of you and taught you how to fight. Really, you were good at getting out of sticky situations that looked too dire to survive—take the crash landing an hour back for example—but you had a giant blind spot of earnestness to believe the people you went into business with were being sincere. That’s how the ship had crashed in the first place, you exchanged a repair of your original starship with providing Alderaanian liquor to a smuggler and his droid back on Dantooine who had both cut and run with it before fully repairing the vitally broken control panel. It was a rookie mistake, which you definitely weren’t, but he had just seemed so earnest in his need for the alcohol, and your fatal flaw was that you always trusted people who needed help. Even to your own detriment.

It had been your downfall back home, and at least twice when you were adventuring through the Outer Rim, and when you narrowly escaped a Deveronian when you had first started out on your own, because you were too close to a scumbag in friend’s clothing who fumbled the bag and left you for dead. He even stole your ship, then, and you had to make a series of sordid deals to get off Polis Massa, let alone find a place where you could crash safely for weeks before you could work up enough credits to get the X-Wing, which was, quite ceremoniously, dead now.

You shivered with the realization that you might be in danger, too. There were so many bodies scattered across this ridge and the next, and a handful of crashed TIE fighters. The sight of them didn’t strike fear into you—they never really had, you were raised in the Alliance and you could outfly the Empire since you were six years old—but they made you feel uneasy. Nevarro didn’t have a Rebel base, and you had never met someone in the Alliance who was from the planet. With the obvious show of Imperial affiliation and the bounty hunters’ guild, Nevarro was seedy enough that it kept you on edge as you walked, hopefully towards a town with people who didn’t want anything more from you than an easy job.

It must have been near dawn when you finally made it to the edge of the town. It was at best shot to all hell and at worst absolutely obliterated. Your heart sank. There were more dead suits of white armor scattered across the dirt and sand. There were helmets on pikes that looked far too fresh. Your hand twitched near your thigh where your blaster was usually strapped. All of this was a bad idea. You shouldn’t have left the blaster in the ship. If you were really playing the game of regrets, though, you never should have helped the smuggler. You should have paid the fifteen more credits to get the X-Wing fixed on Tatooine instead. You should have stayed on Yavin after your parents died and shouldn’t have been so earnest to make it on your own and—

“Hey.” The voice came from behind you, and you whipped around so fast your hair fell from where the clasp had been hanging on to nothing but a prayer since your crash landing. You shook it away from your face, eyes squinted at the figure that seemed to materialize behind you. “Where are you from, pretty thing?”

“Coruscant,” you lied through your teeth. The name of the planet you’ve been trying to avoid for years burns a hole through your belly.

“You don’t belong in a place like this.” He stepped into the light, and he wasn’t human. You didn’t know what he was, exactly, but his tone made your skin crawl. You held your ground.

“You’re right. I don’t. I’m looking for a mechanic.”

“I’m a mechanic.” Like hell he was. You clenched your jaw, trying to look menacing. The grease and sweat from the hike there was smeared on your face, your pants had gotten ripped while climbing out of the crash. You didn’t like how his eyes fixated hungrily on the flesh of your exposed thigh, and you had to shake the thought away while you walked into a voice much more brazen than your own.

“Do you know how to fix an X-Wing?” You stepped forward, and the Rebel insignia on your necklace glinted in the low light. Around these parts, after the fall of the Empire, you’ve heard Rebels strike fear into the local folk. Suddenly, the guy took a step backward, and you reveled in your menace for a split second before you realized someone was standing behind you.

He didn’t speak again before he took off. You stuttered, the sudden appearance of the figure behind you catching in your chest, and it rose to a cut off yelp when a red blast knocked the one who had hit on you off his feet, spiraling over a stormtrooper body, falling to the rocky floor. Dead. He was dead. You spun, praying that your heart hammering in your chest was just leftover adrenaline and not a signifier of a new threat.

Standing behind you, outfitted entirely in silver reflective armor, was a Mandalorian. “Nevarro doesn’t have mechanics.”

You squinted. You were completely taken aback by his presence, his hulking realness, but suddenly his statement overpowered your revelry. “I find that hard to believe.”

“That X-Wing crashed out there is yours.” It isn’t a question. His voice is deep, a baritone that spreads warmth even blocked by the modulator in his helmet. You’d only heard of Mandalorians in stories, legends, around the campfires growing up. You didn’t expect one to ever materialize in anything other than myth, let alone stand in front of you, electric.

You nod. Did he follow you all the way to town?

“You aren’t looking for a mechanic.” His voice is so sure, so big. Your world spins on its axis, the feeling foreign and familiar all at once. He had spoken three sentences to you, and already, you felt that dizzy, magnetic pull that you tried to convince yourself was there much more often than it was.

“I…” You trail off, staring up at his visor. He seems larger than life, much larger than you, at least, and for some reason, the hugeness is cutting off all of your words before they can fully form. “No. I need a way off this planet, though.”

“Can you fly?”

You balk at his question, annoyed—obviously, you could fly—and then remember the only track record you have in the Mandalorian’s eyes is your ship, crash landed and then immediately swallowed by lava. “I’m a pilot. A runner. I’ve been flying since I was six years old.”

He takes a minute, completely silent. The noise of the scattered stormtrooper bodies around you suddenly seems deafening. You aren’t scared of him. You think. Your heart is still hammering, but it’s nothing like the fear that rushed through you when the alien talked to you a few minutes ago. It’s different—not adrenaline, exactly, and not fear. You place the feeling when it washes over you again, warm and unexpected—Excitement.

“Okay.” He moves, and you startle. You didn’t realize the conversation was over.

“Uh,” you stammer, “Do you… do you need a pilot?”

“No,” he says, over his shoulder. His strides are long. You step forward, almost pulled after him, then stuttered to a stop. “But I might be your only ride out of here.”

“Oh,” you manage, and then follow him. The dim light spreads over the horizon as you walk, stunned into silence by his own, trying to mimic his step, his quiet. It doesn’t happen. You’re clunking along beside him, the noise made even louder by the silence in his gait. “I’m not picky, where we go, you know—I was heading away from the Outer Rim, so I’m in no rush to get back there, but—I mean, I’m thankful that you’re taking me anywhere—”

“I can’t pay you. But you don’t have to pay me, either.”

You blink, feet stuttering to a near stop, buffering before you remember to keep following him. “I’m sorry?”

“You can fly, right?”

You blink, eyes darting up to the back of his helmet. It might just be the modulator, but there’s no air in his voice, no struggle to cross the hard, hot terrain. It’s impressive. “I can, but you thought you didn’t need a pilot—?”

“You were a rebel.” His voice is curt. Quick.

Your eyebrows furrow, looking down at the insignia on your necklace and then back up at him. There’s a dry breeze over the molten moors, and his cape catches in the wind. It flutters. It’s the first sign of something gentle about him. It’s the memory you take with you for months later, savoring it for when he’s leaving you on the ship while he goes and catches his bounties, one by one. You cling to it in the long lapses of time where he doesn’t offer you anything but silence. You’ll hold onto it, a butterfly of a memory, for weeks—until he offers you something softer, something warmer. Something real.

You don’t know that in the moment, though. Right now, he’s asked a question, and you’re struggling to answer it honestly. “I was.”

“You don’t scare easily.”

It’s like he’s putting together these impossible puzzle pieces of your life. How is he guessing this? He’s known you for maybe ten whole minutes. It swells in your chest, a thunderbird of a thing, and you don’t know why.

“I’d like to think so,” you manage, as he tilts his helmet back to search you for your answer. Your breath hitches in your throat at the thought of his eyes on you, and you wonder what color they are. Maker. Where did that come from?

“Good.”

A ship seems to materialize out of nowhere, but it seems more likely that you were so caught up in the mystery of the Mandalorian and keeping your gaze locked on him that his ship was in the periphery of your vision. You follow him, still confused, up the descended gangplank. Sitting in the middle of the ship is a tiny green baby, with eyes ten times the size of its nose, with peach fuzz lazily dusting the top of its head. It’s holding a tiny silver ball in its three-fingered hands, looking up at the Mandalorian with outstretched arms.

You watch, in stunned silence, as the giant hulking silver figure crouches down to pick up the baby, meeting its little coos with soft words right back. It’s as soft as his cape fluttering in the wind, an unexpected, fleeting feeling of warmth. You don’t know what to do with yourself. The warm breeze buffets the small of your back, ruffles your loose hair. You just stand there, entirely enamored with this tiny green baby in the Mandalorian’s arms, speechless.

“You don’t scare easily,” the Mandalorian repeats.

You shake your head. “Nope.”

He holds the baby up to you. “How about now?”

You blink, confused. “Am I supposed to be scared of it?”

“Him.”

You take a tentative step forward, gaze flickering between the two of them, wondering what would have happened if you had crash landed literally anywhere else, at literally any other time. Something big and ceremonious swells somewhere deep in your chest.

“I’m not scared,” you finally say, and when your eyes find his visor again, you hope he knows you mean you’re not scared of either of them. You could be—most people with common sense are struck with fear at the sight of meeting a Mandalorian, especially one associated with such a widespread bounty hunters’ guild—but fear just keeps getting pushed away as the seconds pass. A small voice in the back of your head whispers that this is another mistake of being too trustful, but the larger half of you knows how to handle yourself if you find trouble. Besides, he has a tiny alien kid, and something tells you the Mandalorian wouldn’t put the baby in a situation that he deemed unsafe. As the door zips shut behind you, you step forward into the ship—into the place you’ll eventually make your home—heart still hammering on and on, thrumming as the three of you lift off of Nevarro’s surface and into the stars.

[satoruvt]

for a moment i forget to worry

pairing → xu minghao x reader

word count → 3196

genre → fluff + angst, college au ↳ tags: strangers to friends to lovers </3, college kinda sux, ROOMMATE CHAN MAKES AN APPEARANCE OR TWO, dance major minghao, reader is completely lost but its ok who isnt, lots of cute couple stuff, pov ur entire relationship with minghao. thats it, a sad break up scene, a solid amount of crying

summary → there’s something about minghao. maybe it’s the way he dances, vibrant and youthful, or maybe it’s the way he loves you. based off of hunger by florence + the machine.

warnings → i hint at sex but its pretty vague, i also mention a breakdown type deal (revolving around school/life after school)

a/n → first of all this was NOT supposed to be 3k words i dont know how it happened. second of all i’m only kind of happy with this HAHA i feel like the story itself isnt bad but i wanted it to match the song more ... idk :/ i hope u guys like it regardless !!!

pieces of you masterlist

The first time you see him is by accident.

Really - all you’re doing is trying to find Chan. You’re passing by the practice rooms, looking into them in hope he’ll be there, stopping to gaze at decorations and medals and trophies lined up on the walls. It’s when you approach a room that music plays from that you think you’ve found Chan, but when you gaze in, it’s definitely not him.

You don’t know who it is, but he moves like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

It’s hypnotizing, almost makes you want to drop your things and dance with him. There’s a sense of youth that comes from him and it’s almost overwhelming - but it’s not in energy, necessarily, but rather from the precision of his movements, the technicalities that he seems to both follow and break at the same time. Something vibrant seeps out between the seams of his body, colors you can barely recognize as they splash against anything they can reach. It’s almost tangible. 

You watch him long enough for him to finish his performance (an unknowing one) with the last notes of a song you forgot was even playing. His eyes meet with yours, slow as he completes an eloquent turn, and at the same time, a hand meets your shoulder.

A small wave of embarrassment washes over you, and you turn towards whoever touched you, effectively breaking eye contact. “What are you doing here?” Chan asks, hair still wet from what you assume was a shower.

“Looking for you,” you tell him, following as he starts to walk towards the exit. “I wanted lunch, and you owe me for that time I took your British literature quiz for you.”

Chan groans but agrees to pay, and you laugh, though the world seems a little paler than it did a few moments ago.

The second time you see him is by chance.

(Maybe.)

You’re waiting for a lecture to start, tapping your fingers against your laptop idly as you watch students trickle in last minute. It’s not a strict course, but it does start at nine in the morning, and most everyone shows up with a coffee.

You look down to brush a stray hair off of your table, and when you look up again, the dancer from before walks through the door, then looks right at you.

You feel a blush heat your face and it’s like he wants to make sure that you know that he knows, because he almost refuses to look away. You break eye contact first (like the last time, you remember for no reason) but still watch as his figure moves up the stairs, past the rows, and you hope he’ll just move past you too…

He doesn’t. He takes the empty seat right next to yours, and you don’t say anything, instead finding the peeling sticker on your laptop incredibly interesting. The professor comes in and decides that today he’ll take extra long to set everything up, apparently, and you want to scream.

“So,” the dancer says, voice quiet. It takes your breath away, the way he sounds. “Mind if I ask why you were watching me the other day?”

You cast a glance at him - not too long, you don’t think you could handle more than five seconds tops - and finally open your laptop so it makes you look busy. “I was waiting for a friend.”

“And?”

The smile in his voice is palpable. You’re already exasperated.

“You…” you start, finally deciding to look at him as some sort of subconscious power move. “You’re a beautiful dancer. It was hard not to watch.”

Beautiful doesn’t even cover half of it, but you figure he already thinks you’re weird for watching him, so you hold back the thoughts of youth and vibrancy and color. The dancer looks at you, almost blank for a moment, before a soft smile draws itself on his face. It makes your heart beat a little faster. He says “thank you” with a gentle tone, sincerely felt.

The class starts, and the two of you don’t speak throughout the next hour and a half. You type out notes on your laptop and you see him write down names of the paintings being shown on the projector, little thoughts and notes written afterwards.

By the end of class, your professor assigns an optional partnered project, and you’re more than prepared to head back to your apartment and start on it yourself. The dancer stops you before you leave, however, asks if you’d like to be his partner.

(And he says it like that, would you like to be my partner, polite and somehow sweet.)

You know your answer. “I don’t even know your name,” you stall, standing from your chair. 

“Minghao,” he tells you. “I’m Minghao, and I’d like for you to be my partner.”

You say yes easily, put your number into his contacts even easier. The sky is blue when you leave the lecture hall, trees dotted with pink and purple flowers, and it is all so bright that you forget it wasn’t this way in the first place.

The third time you see him is for school.

Underneath the excitement of giving Minghao your number, there is the knowledge that it’s for the sake of an assignment. He texts you the day after to ask if you’re free to meet up to work and you tell him sure.

(Sure is what you send back, but he doesn’t have to know that you burst into Chan’s room immediately after, plunging face first into his bed just to scream into his pillows. Chan had sighed, turned around in his desk chair to look at you, then asked what happened. He gave you two minutes to rant and then kicked you out, back to your own room.)

You and Minghao agreed to meet at the library on a day that neither of you had any afternoon classes, and you get there early, spend some time working on other classes. You have somewhere around thirty minutes to freak out to yourself before you see Minghao come in, dressed like he knows what he’s doing to you (which is really just a hoodie and jeans, but you think it’s the cap that really pulls the whole boyfriend look together), smiling when he finds you at a table in the corner.

“How are you?” is the first thing he says when he sits down, and you pull down your laptop screen a little to see him better.

“I’m good,” you say, feeling your heart pound. “What about you?”

Minghao sends you a kind smile. “Really good. Should we get started?”

You lose count of how many times you see him after that.

Meeting up to work on the project soon becomes just meeting up, and after the project’s done and turned in, it happens even more. You hang out and get lunch, send each other texts and stupid videos, take walks around campus together. The weeks pass, summer mellows into fall, then into the early days of winter. You develop a genuine friendship with him, finding comfort in his presence, looking for him wherever you go. 

(Although the crush is still there, potent and patient, stubborn in a way you’ve never experienced before. You wonder if it’s a sign of some sort.)

You’re in one of the practice rooms with him, sitting in the corner. You had a class nearby and he’d wanted to practice a little more, so you told him you’d work on your own stuff while he finished up and then the two of you could grab something to eat.

But you made a small error on your part - the dancing. You’d forgotten the way he moves (you haven’t seen him dance since that first time) and in no time at all you’re letting your screen go dark in front of you and watching him. Honestly, it’s not your fault, you really can’t help it. 

But of course he notices.

Minghao meets your eyes through the mirror and raises his eyebrows at you, and all you can do is look away, desperately try to get your laptop up and running again so at least it seems like you weren’t watching him for too long.

“You’re staring,” he says, long after you’ve looked away.

“Sorry,” you tell him anyways, immediate, quick. 

Then he says, “I never said anything about stopping.”

In a second, you look up from your laptop and up at him. He moves closer, crouches in front of you. His eyes are kind - they’re never not - but you think you see something a little more in them. “Sorry, I think I missed that last part,” you respond, blinking. Minghao smiles like you’re endearing.

“I said I want you to keep looking at me.”

You think you’re barely breathing when he shuts your laptop for you, slides it off of your lap and onto the floor (gently, with care, and it’s a wonder to you how he can focus on that right now). He practically crawls over you, one of his hands eventually reaching the junction of your jaw and neck and holding there. “I’m gonna kiss you now, if that’s okay,” he says, but doesn’t move. You nod as soon as his words reach your brain, eager and quick.

And the next few hours get a little wound up in your head, a little mixed in with the feeling of his body - that moves so youthfully, with so much vibrancy that it reaches everything around you - melting into yours and the sound of him asking you to tell me what you need, honey, and the still-playing slow jam music he was practicing to.

You watch him sleep next to you, hand curled around yours against his pillows, and think that nothing bad could ever touch him.

The two of you… come together, after that.

Neither you nor Minghao use any proper labels, but you both seem to know. No labels are needed, really. You have each other and that’s all there is to it. And everything is really good.

You work together and laugh together like you’ve always known each other. He tries to teach you to dance with him when you’re in the practice room with him, pulls you up by your hands and guides you through your giggles. He was the first person you called when you realized that you had no idea what you were working towards, didn’t have a clue what you actually wanted to do with your life. He gets along well with your friends and you text his because they’re basically yours, now, too.

Winter turns back into spring, slow and easy. Vibrant and youthful. You’re not able to meet Minghao’s parents, but he meets yours (and you’re sure a quick introduction to his mom over a FaceTime call has to count for something). The two of you take advantage of the newfound warmth of the season and try to get out as much as you’re able to, with picnics and city dates and anything you can think of. A drawer in his dresser is reserved for your things, you bought an extra toothbrush for him to use when he stays over.

You watch him dance. It still feels like the first time, like color and breathlessness. You tell him he’s beautiful every time, feel yourself fall a little deeper when he still gets bashful amidst his comedown. You tell him you love him for the first time after he gets done with a performance - a proper one, for a showcase of the dance club he’s in. He says it back.

You think he put all the stars in the sky just for the two of you to gaze at them together.

Things shift the beginning of your junior year.

Minghao tells you about a program he’s applying to, a proper dance academy in New York that could really kickstart his career. Training under some of the best choreographers and performers in the world.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask him after he tells you, and he shrugs, leaning back in his chair. You’re studying at his apartment tonight.

“It’s just…” he frowns. “It’s so far away, you know?”

Oh. You hadn’t even thought about that, too caught up in the excitement of him being able to apply at all. A quick sigh leaves your lips, and then you reach for his hand, hold it between both of your own.

“That’s okay,” you tell him, though now that you’re thinking about it, you feel nervousness in the pit of your stomach. “We can work something out, though, when we get that far. We’ll figure it out.”

Minghao nods, a fond look in his eyes. He pulls one of your hands to his lips. “We’ll think about it if I even get accepted,” he says.

It’s bittersweet, but a promise nonetheless.

Fifteen minutes after you get a call from Minghao, there’s a knock on your door. 

You wouldn’t necessarily say you’re worried, but, well. Everyone’s experienced the jump of anxiety when they get hit with the “I want to talk to you about something” line. Nonetheless, you stand from the couch to open the door, mentally preparing yourself for any and everything. 

“Hey,” you greet when you see Minghao, opening the door to let him in. His face is unreadable. “Everything okay?”

He walks a few steps into your apartment, waits for you to close the door before turning back around to face you. Then he holds up a piece of paper, the creases from where it was folded still bending. You send him a confused look.

“I got in,” he says, a grin breaking on his face, and you blink, then feel your jaw practically hit the floor. Minghao only nods like he understands, and before you know what you’re doing, you launch yourself at him, holding him close.

“Oh my god, Hao, that’s amazing,” you say into his sweater, then step back to get a proper look at him. Youthful, vibrant. “I’m so proud of you.”

He seems to soften at your words, pulls you back into him again with a gentle kiss to your head. “Thank you for believing in me,” he tells you, tenderness palpable in his voice. All you can do is squeeze him tighter.

Minghao spends a lot of time away from you after that.

You’re not really hurt in any way - even though he got into the academy in New York, he still has to practice. You get it, this is important. He doesn’t text you as often, isn’t able to stop by as much, and you miss him, but you know how much this means for him. But it gets… weird, almost, after a while. Strange, even for him. It feels weird that he’s set to leave at the end of January and it’s December and he’s distant.

Both of you are laying in your bed, looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling, when you decide to bring it up. “You’ve been… kinda far away lately,” you start, nudging him with your shoulder gently. “Everything okay?”

His eyes stay on your ceiling, but you feel the way he sighs. “It’s about the program,” he says.

“Okay.”

“And about… you and me.”

Oh. That doesn’t… sound the best. “About, like… what we’re gonna do?”

Minghao nods.

You say, “I wouldn’t mind visiting every so often. It’d be hard, but I’m sure we could find something to work.”

Minghao shakes his head, says, “no.”

You pause, and when you look at him he’s already looking at you. What does he mean by no? Does he want you to move with him? Or does he -

He reaches for your hand and you think oh.

His eyes are a little glassy. You feel the tears come, too.

“Oh,” you say out loud. Minghao squeezes your hand. “So this is… this is it?”

Your room is suddenly cold, and you want to crawl under the covers and stay there. The person in front of you is blurred into something unrecognizable, but you can’t be bothered to blink away your tears.

“I think so, love,” he whispers back to you. “I think it has to be.”

The two of you cry like that for a while. In your bed, loosely intertwined and broken. Even the way Minghao cries carries a kind of vibrancy that’s overwhelming, makes you think of the first time you saw him so long ago, and now -

When you manage to get a better grip on yourself, you ask him if you can still see him off at the airport. He says, “I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t.”

Then you ask if you can kiss him again. He responds by kissing you first. 

And it’s sad, it tastes like salt and sorrow and you feel like the promises you never got the chance to make are broken. It feels like the most beautiful blue you’ve ever seen, and you know it’s only a branch of Minghao’s color.

He leaves soon after that, pulls on his shoes and his coat and turns around at the door to give you a tired smile. After he’s gone, you drag yourself to Chan’s bedroom, and once he sees the state you’re in, he offers up one side of his bed. Neither of you say anything, but the friendly reassurance of his hand in yours says enough.

You don’t fail to notice that everything seems to be washed out, a blandness you’re not used to.

The last time you see him is at the airport.

It’s a cold day, despite being sunny. The airport offers little warmth, but you figure it doesn’t matter. You won’t be here for long. 

It doesn’t take you very long to find Minghao - you still look for him wherever you go, even if you’re not looking for him. Even then, it’s still so easy for you to find him, to pinpoint that vibrancy, that youth. He’s talking to a few others, you think you met them. Soonyoung and Jun.

Minghao meets your eyes and you freeze, but then he waves you over with a gentle smile. You follow like you think you always will. 

You greet Soonyoung and Jun and the four of you talk, albeit a little awkwardly, even when Soonyoung tries his hardest to lighten the mood. Eventually he has to leave, and Jun follows with a shy goodbye. They both hug Minghao before they go.

You’re not sure what to say, but after a minute, you find words. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” you tell him, a little selfishly. 

Minghao says, “you’ll do good. I know you will. I’m not worried about you.”

He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time, and you think he’ll give you a stiff and sad goodbye, but he steps a little closer to you. Looks at you the way he used to.

“Maybe…” he starts, then pauses. “Maybe we’ll meet again.”

Maybe, you think. Maybe.

“I hope so,” you tell him, then watch as he leaves.

[animeyanderelover]

Hey! Finally caught the box while it was open! Could I plz have headcannons for lau being yandere for Vincent Phantomhives eldest daughter and ciels oldest sister? The only problem is she’s already betrothed with edward as her fiancé and she loves him. As you can tell this takes place before ciels parents died and before he made his deal. Thank you!

I get to write something about Lau again! Hope this is fine.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsessiveness, stalking, manipulation, sabotage, bribing, blackmailing

Phantomhives eldest daughter

🚢Lau became friends with Ciel around 1887 if I recall that right, to be specific a penfriend of his and that's how he would probably meet his darling for the first time. He as a talent for popping up unannounced every once in a while, including in the Phantomhive manor. Lau in general is mainly interested in Ciel since that guy helps him and his business and since Lau is mercenary, he listens to him a lot.

🚢But he finds himself still curious about Ciel's older sister, the only person who Ciel still seems to be truly attached too and it is not often to see him being that respectful and open as when around her which fascinates the chinese man a lot, knowing how Ciel usually is. Of course he knows from the very beginning that she is already betrothed to Edward which makes sense since her little brother is engaged with Elizabeth Midford. Though with you it is easier to tell that you're happy with the decision of your father, when with your fiancé always looking happy whilst your litte brother struggles a bit with Lizzy, but you definitely try to bring both of them closer.

🚢Whilst you might not be directly the guard dog, it is mostly not like you just sit around and play the obedient and brave housewife which Lau admires on you. You have the brains as well, help Ciel in his cases and just like your husband and brother, you also possess the art of swordplay, Edward probably teaching you a bit. So you might be a mix of your mother and father, you can be shy and very gentle when around people you trust, but are also smart and manipulative, charming your way into people's heart if it is for the tasks, a business woman through and through. This is what iterests Lau so much and since he is assossciated with Ciel and a part of Aristocrats of Evil, just like his darling is.

🚢So whilst you are very nice and friendly, you are also not easy to fool, seeing behind that eternal smile of his and knowing why he is so interested in Ciel, ready to work for the person who entertains him and helps him getting profit and also being aware of his propensity for violence and the excessive amount he is ready to use it which might be tasteless in your opinion.

🚢Lau in general is pretty hard to read and predict which might make you more warily around him, something he definitely notices and whilst he is a bit amused to see you being overly suspicious, liking to mess with you a bit, he also wants you to trust him which is why he tries to be closer to you and befriending you. He is good in fooling people and with his more goofy personality it might be hard to tell where exactly he crosses the platonic line to a romantic one. He is not really shocked nor disappointed or embarrassed when realizing his feelings, he has strong nerves and will just take it the way it is. He can't do anything about his feelings anyways, so why bother?

🚢But no matter from where you look it, Lau mostly only acts in what he thinks will be for his personal best iterest which is why he decides to break the whole engagement somehow off, though knowing he has to be careful since his darling's little brother, someone he is allied with, has a tight connection witht he Midford's and would want to avoid raising tension between his and their family. He knows it won't be easy, you're smart and you and Edward love each other, but there is always a crack, even in the most happiest lve stories. And all he has to do is find that little flaw and stir it up until everything falls apart. Lau has patience and doesn't waver, not acting bothered when seeing you and your fiancé being all lovely together, he keeps that smile because he has indeed a will made out of steel. He knows that eventually his time will come.

🚢Killing Edward would of course also be an option and afterwards he could use the chance to court you and be your shoulder to cry on, but that idea bears a lot of risks because his death would cause a commotion with everyone being dead set on finding the murderer and he would be finished when he is exposed, all his money and his business would be shattered mercilessly and he might risk getting killed himself. There are too many unknown factors and the fast road is not always the best, the longer one works in most of the cases better which is why he chooses to wait for longer and plan everything better.

🚢He has to become a close person of yours at first, fightng his way slowly into your heart. It doesn't have to be love for now, a friend should be fine, preferably a really good one as well since Lau likes spending time with you, you're funny to be with and he sincerely enjoys your company a lot. Additionally he often brings you presents, hair ornaments with expensive patterns, ointments for skin and alos many clothes, somewhat spoiling you. This is a sign that he likes you and is probably the reason why you refuse, not wanting to awaken in Edward the wrong impression by accepting presents of another way, but Lau insists, guaranteeing it's merely a sign of his respect for you as a good friend and daughter of the Phantomhive's. He has his ways with words which is why he somehow manages to convince you to reluctantly accept them.

🚢Ciel might be more protective despite you being the older one and also being protective of him. But Ciel kind of does not know what to feel when seeing Lau growing so close to you, not being able to tell if he truly likes you or just wants to test him a bit which is why he as well is a bit more warily with him when around you. He just can't tell what Lau is really up to and whilst that guy follows his demands and works together with him, that doesn't mean that he has to trust that guy around you. Kind of tries to seperate you two, with both of you noticing what he is up to.

🚢 And it is not like Lau doesn't keep an eye on you even when he isn't physically present, he has Ran Mao stalking you a bit, though she has to be careful with Sebastian being around and additionally she also spies on the Midford's in an attempt to find something out which he might be able to use against them and the engagement. It is not like Lau doubts Edward will treat the s/o good, it's just that the only person he would be truly able to share with without having to work on plans to eliminate the other person is Ran Mao herself since he sees her as his sister and has faith in her, though he is ready to share when the stakes are against him. But as long as he knows there is a chance, he grabs it, just like he always does.

🚢In the end it comes all honestly down to whether or not his darling knew about "Ciel" and Ciel because that will ultimately decide how good of a chance he has. Because if she knew and kept quiet about it, it might hint that she would later on decide to flee alongside with the rest of the servants, although she might have been shaken up when seeing her brother who she had thought of dead. Because that would put her herself in a tight spot and there might be a bounty on her as well which might lead the Midford's to declaring the engagement is broken off. So whilst she fully understands why they made that decision, it doesn't keep her from breaking down which is somewhat the cueword for Lau to become active when saving his darling and her brother. It's literally his opportunity to shine without even having to do anything.

🚢If she didn't know and would feel betrayed by her little brother who kept it a secret from her as well as absolutely devastated that she never realized this despite being their older sister, she might be too confused to really do anything and stay which makes things for Lau more complicated since he didn't see this coming at all. He needs to change his plans afterwards and if "Ciel" has a similar sense of possession over his sis like he has over his little brother, this will get complicated since he won't let her off the hook easily.