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[ofgentleresolve]

early morning thoughts with ferre, but who’s gonna give me the thread ga-ram second verse where ga-ram ( k ) loses their shit and just goes feral. beats the shit out of someone bc they pissed him off and literally nothing’s holding them back, they’ve got no purpose and the one person who had been there for him the entire time is MIA, so literally, they have nothing to lose :|c

[lemotmo]

Good evening, lovely. Ali here. I am done for the night and I am tired. They are BIG mad. Surprisingly though him liking the Ryan picture is still the thing they seem most upset by, they just make no sense at all. I did get a surprising amount saying things like 'we need to start acknowledging the likelihood of what we're seeing' which was a nice change of pace from all the shouting. But I fear Oliver and Ryan will never be able to defuse the rumors now 🤣. I reminded several people that Kenny, not 911, was responsible for most of the content we received today so only one post was official PR. It was a big something though. I can't talk them down from the 911 comment replies though, those were truly surprising. I'm still stunned the Eddie Mercury comment got a reply. That was quite a big wink and nod to queer Eddie.

There are many many more I didn't reply to. Hope your box fared better than mine.

Anyway they both looked incredible today and the powers that be are making it increasingly difficult to not go there so.........💗

Hey Ali, you got through it! YAY! Good for you! Take a break, drink some water, eat something, watch some trash TV and get some rest.

I totally understand the exhaustion after answering so many asks. I cannot begin to tell you just how tired I am at this point. I'm running on fumes. I've been sitting here all evening (and night now), watching everything unfold and replying to as many asks as I could. After this I'm straight off to bed to catch up on some sleep.

I've seen them get so pissed over Lou liking that picture and I still don't get it. It's just a picture. One of my nonnies figured out that Lou knows the photographer, which makes sense since both Lou and Ryan are artists. They probably do know some of the same people.

Glad to see that some of these people are coming back down to Earth from Loupiter. It was about time.

Yeah, Kenny's videos created so much havoc. I have a feeling that he lives for creating messes. Love him so much! His videos, combined with the official promo done by Ryan and Oliver? Those two truly were everywhere today and they looked so FINE! That moustache is doing things to me I didn't know a moustache could do. :b LOL!

As for those comments on the official Instagram account: I talked about that as well in one of my asks. They were so surprising. The 911abc account normally only posts and doesn't interact all that much. But that post got quite a few replies and like you said, the Eddie Mercury one was very much about queer Eddie. It's interesting.

I have a ton of unanswered asks in my inbox, but I can't physically reply to all of them. It's impossible. I would be at it for hours on end each day. I might go back in tomorrow though. I didn't really look at the lasts couple of asks I got. I'm saving that for tomorrow. I'm too tired. I need sleep.

So goodnight. ❤️

I'll have some happy dreams tonight, for sure.

PS: From now on I'm posting all our messages and correspondence under the tag 'Ali's corner'. Makes things a bit more personal than 'anonymous blog I love' and it's easier to find as well. I'm keeping the 'anonymous blog I love' tag purely for the asks I get sent.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3269

nice.

anyway, i went to the school today to work with kendall and catch up with other people at the school. the latter was so i don't have to do it tomorrow and have it take up the time i'm supposed to be working with people. made it easier today too so i could go home.

i am home! because clan sussenberger has returned in its fullness, i am released to the wilds of my own accord. meaning i packed my laundry, grabbed my meds and blooper, and tested myself home after work. it's nice to be home. it's much cooler in this house.

i did get to say goodbye to joel when i left today, and while i wish i'd gotten cuddles last night, i was happy to hear him snoring softly next to me and keep the heat at bay. i just adore him.

it's been a long day, but i figure my exhaustion is just my response to change. a lot has changed in terms of work and schedules, and the stress of having six dollars is getting to me. i didn't have enough money to get lunch today, so i asked my mom to borrow some, and i got to return it a few hours later after my money from joel transferred into my account. i'm grateful that my mom replied because i was hungy. lunch is necessary.

also there was a fire drill today at the school, and it happened while i was working with kendall. we ended up sitting in my car bc air conditioning, and then to get it kickstarted, i decided to take it and drive it in circles in the parking lot. gotta move it to get it going, yknow? after the fire trucks began to leave, when people were finally going back in, kendall and i decided to go get ice cream instead of going back inside. 😂😂😂 we went to dairy queen and headed back to the school where she went back in when she was done to read and study some more. i gave her some tips for her assignment in how to make sure you remember finer details, which is something i've always struggled with, so hopefully as she works further on it she'll be able to get the information she needs, even if she doesn't remember the whole essay. she got a concussion a short while ago, and it's affected her cognition a lot so she's struggling. but hopefully, if she jots down and highlights the important pieces, by going through them she'll be able to get the point of the whole paper.

when i got home, i had a pork chop and rice pilaf and i cannot tell you how nice it was to have a home cooked meal and a cup of ice cold water. if i gotta do the cooking myself, it's never as good as when mom makes it. i can cook. it's gotta be reasonable though, like i gotta be living on my own or responsible for something, and it's gotta be cool enough inside for me to make it. i think i just got a decent incentive to lose weight - it hurts my feet to stand for a long time, probably because i'm so heavy. if i lose some weight, i'll have an easier time standing and therefore cooking. i'll have to think about that some more. it seems like a good idea, but i'm a miserable pain in the ass when i'm hungry, so the reduction of calorie intake needs to still have a high volume of lower calorie foods for it to work. hungy.

i've spent too long eating the wrong things at the wrong times and not eating for long periods that i need a reset. how does one do that. but either way, i need to manage something. i'm 30 years old. i should probably think about my health.

what a weird path this post took. i'm hungry again.

[stevenbasic]

“Hi Dr J, I’m glad we finally get to chat…”

Holy shit.

——

Earlier that day, I’d been told at the front desk that there was a lady from Evolution Pharmaceuticals on the line, and that she’d like to speak with me. Aubrey had always been good about screening out the sales pitches, the irate patients, the people with whom I really never needed to actually talk. So that she was pulling me aside for this call told me that this one might be something I should probably take...

But - ugh. No. I didn’t want to. This had been a long day, a long week so far - and it was only Tuesday! God, the past few months had been more and more exhausting, humiliating and emasculating with each passing hour. And the more I learned, the more it seemed that this company was at the heart of my troubles. Yes, it offered the opportunities of great financial rewards for the practice with this clinical study trial in which we were going to be participating. Since Jeanette, my previous Office Manager, had left, the mismanagement of the business had us in dire straits. Without the money from Evolution’s study and the “Lean In” grant from the women’s advancement group, I’m not sure we’d still be afloat. So, yeah, maybe I should have taken the call.

“I’ll call them later,” I told Aubrey, and grabbed the films I needed for my next patient.

That had been three hours ago, before my little hallway meeting with Melissa. Since then Gianna - some woman who’d wanted to speak to me about the trial - had called two more times. Left messages. Really wanted just fifteen minutes of my afternoon. Needed to speak with me. I refused each call.

Finally done with patients, sitting in my office at the end of the day as darkness crept in from outside, I sighed as Brittni from the desk buzzed me. She said that Gianna was on the line again. “Can I transfer her?”

“No,” I replied on the intercom, noticing that a little green light had blinked to life on the camera I had clipped to my monitor. I hadn’t seen it before, this light. In fact...when did I get a camera on this computer?

“Tell her I'll call tomorrow...” I finished.

I had set back to finishing some patient notes on my desktop when, suddenly, my screen flashed to black. For a quick moment I thought - oh no, a crash - but then a new, unfamiliar window appeared, and my mouse pointer began moving on its own accord. What the…? The window went full screen and next thing I knew I was in a video chat with-

“If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were avoiding my calls…” the woman onscreen spoke, laughing casually as she tossed her hair...

“oh, uh…” I was immediately agape. This was who’d been trying to call me all day??

“Anyway...Hi Dr J, I’m glad we finally get to chat…”

Holy shit. This girl was gorgeous. Look at those tits.

As I stared, still shell-shocked and speechless from having my computer hijacked out from under me by a bosomy corporate careerist, she went on to introduce herself as Gianna Albertini, from the clinical trials department at Evolution Pharmaceuticals. She explained how excited she and her team was to get the study off the ground at the practice. Things had been fast tracked at the FDA, they were just waiting for some rubber stamps, and everything looked very promising for their product. She apologized for not being able to meet in person, at least for a while. “I’m on some new retroviral treatment, and they have me quarantined at home,” she explained with surprising nonchalance, “yadda yadda yadda…”

Finally, after a good several minutes of watching her talk - and she held my attention easily, her rack possibly rivaling Melissa’s - she let me get a word in edgewise. I was still confused by how in one moment I was working on my patient charts, and then in the next I was in a video chat. “H-how did you…?”

“Sorry,” Gianna laughed, casually waving away any privacy concerns I was currently about to voice, “I had to remote in, take over your desktop. I really needed to speak with you.” Beyond the blatant intrusions tactics she was obviously willing to employ, there was something in this woman’s eyes, her demeanor, that was making me more and more concerned as the conversation - such as it was - continued. She may have been acting relaxed and friendly, decidedly informal, but there was a seriousness just below the surface that even I could see, even through the screen, and even in the face of those enormous tits. “Plus, maybe it’s actually better we do it this way, rather than on the phone,” she said, as she sat up nice and straight, “So we can see one another’s...smiling faces.”

Gahh...

As she got down to brass tacks, this young woman went on to describe to me some of the details of the new wings in our building into which the office would be expanding, how much more space we and Evolution be acquiring to fulfill the needs of the trial, and when it would all be ready. “Construction is ultra-fast tracked,” she said, “should be done within a few weeks.”

Weeks?? I marveled, silently incredulous. I’d seen the plans; it was a huge project. I’d figured months, if it ever really got done at all. But, the teams did seem motivated, and there were a lot of them, working day-in and day-out, all through the night. Maybe, perhaps? Could they pull it off in weeks?

We also talked about the structure of the trial, what it would involve day-to-day, and the long-term forecast. Evolution seemed ready to set up permanent shop with a clinic in the building, by taking over much of the lease of the new space, with the study just the first step in the door.

“You’ll be listed as the lead investigator,” Gianna explained, continuing on to detail the ins-and-outs of the trial, “but don’t worry. We’ll have plenty of people in place. You really won’t have to do too much, or deal with anyone at the main office. You’ll be reporting just to me...”

“r-reporting to you?” I asked, trying to ignore the impressive bosom which filled the screen, cowed me. That had taken me back a bit...'reporting to her'? I had noticed something in this young woman’s tone, through our chat, that led me to believe that she and I possibly had different views as to the, uh, hierarchy of this whole thing. I was the doctor around this place, and had gotten used to expecting a little respect, being top of the food chain. She, on the other hand, maybe had other ideas.

“That's right,” she said, “we’ll do these chats once a week, more if I feel like we need it. I’ll expect a report from you every day, but again don’t worry. It’s basically something you just have to sign, the girls will do it all. Our other providers will be handling most of the work with the patients in the study, entering data, keeping the FDA happy, blah blah blah. Maybe we’ll ask you to go in and talk to, examine a few of the subjects, just to keep things interesting for you.”

If I hadn’t felt totally emasculated and marginalized, my authority crippled by the horde of women who’d apparently taken over my practice recently, this was the clincher. It would appear that for this study I was going to be not much more than a coddled figurehead, a token man of straw, expected to satisfy the whims of some half-rate pharm company and this woman, at her beck and call. No way!

“I’m going to have to insist on directing care for, uh, the trial subjects,” I asserted, finally getting a moment to exert my will, “they will, technically, be my patients.”

“Oh, of course!” Gianna replied, smiling and throwing her hair over her shoulder, “Allowing for some oversight from the other providers we’ll have in place, you’ll have lots of medical-decision-making to keep yourself busy!”

What did she mean, ‘oversight’?

“They’ll be different than your usual patients, the subjects that we’ll be bringing in for the study, but I think you’ll like them,” she continued, trying to reassure me, “maybe a younger crowd, and of course all female. But in general all you’ll have to do is sit back and watch the money coming in.” She sat, looked into the screen for a moment, in thought. “Though I guess we have some people there handling that for you, too, hm?”

That gave me pause, made me rethink the litany of arguments that were beginning to boil up in my throat. I’d seen some of the paperwork, quickly, as it had moved past my desk for my signatures. It involved a lot of money for the practice. Like, a lot of money. I thought of my bills, my expenses, what I still somehow owed on my student loans. If Sheryl wasn’t going to be there to provide for me, help me pay these things…

If any of it remained, there was obviously some pride I was going to need to swallow.

“S-speaking of money,” I began, “what's my compensation going to look like?“

Something about my question, something about how I was holding myself, made Gianna smile again and then sigh, a sigh that told me she knew something I didn’t, I couldn’t help but think. With that she leaned in, her eyes locked on mine through the camera, and a shiver went up my spine. “Oh don’t worry, Dr. J,” she spoke, “you’ll be well taken care of...“

===================================

Muchos Gracias to long-time friend, supporter of the story and behind-the-scenes ninja Antares for helping me assemble these clips.

Newer posts and other goodies at my Patreon

[miss-smutty]

The Destructive Secret

Chapter 3

A/N- The secrets out! Well to you guys anyway 🤫

Summary- You've got a secret to hide and it's going to cause complete and utter destruction. It's only so long until your lies are going to catch up to you.

Word count- 3,258

Warnings- Swearing, lies, deceit, cheating

Pairing- Chris Hemsworth X you / Liam Hemsworth X you

18+ only!

Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.

Posted: 25th May 2021

Taglist-: @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap @mostly-marvel-musings

Chapter 1 + 2

"Morning babe, I tried to let you have a sleep in. I didn't wake you did I?" He asks, preoccupied with the washing up.

"No, I actually had a good sleep for once." You say nonchalantly while searching through the kitchen cupboards for a mug in a half asleep haze. "That's not going to last long when I have to spend the weekend in a hotel bed though."

Finally finding your favourite mug right at the back of the cupboard, you slam it on the counter a little more aggressively than you expected, startling you out of your daziness. Your boyfriend raises his eyebrow at you questioningly and you just shrug your shoulders back at him. It was definitely going to be one of them days, those days where nothing goes right. You would question what you'd done to deserve it but you already know the answer to that.  You were just going to have to put up with karma kicking your ass at any given moment for the rest of your life.

"Aww I know babe, at least it's only two night's though." He comes up behind you, resting his chin on your shoulder and wrapping his arms around your waist. "You've just reminded me -" He presses carefully, the way he shifts his composure telling you he's uncomfortable with what he's about to say and your heart begins to beat a little faster. " - I know you're going away tomorrow and I really wanted to have the night alone..." He pauses again.

"Just tell me, what is it?" You ask, trying to keep the annoyance from your voice.

"My brother called this morning, he sounds in a bad way so I said he can come over and hang out tonight. You don't mind do you?" Now your heart stops beating completely, what the hell is he playing at? 

 "I'm worried about him, he's not been right lately and he's going away for work tomorrow night too so it's the only time I can see him really." You're angry with him for saying he's going away too, how more fucking obvious can he make it? You're just both suspiciously going to be away with work at the same time. You can't protest about it now, you don't want to raise any more questions.

"No of course not, babe." You agree reluctantly, still seething with anger on the inside. "Right, I'm going for a shower and then I better start packing." You sulk.

"Do you want some help?" He ask as you kiss him on his cheek while you're passing. 

"It's ok babe, you know how meticulous I am with my packing." You say smiling softly at him.

"Gotcha, I am not getting involved with that. Give me a shout if you want a coffee." 

"You're the best." 

                         ****************

Using the tap to muffle the sound of your voice while you make a call. This was starting to become a habit now, the sound of running water in the background whenever you speak to him, a memory that you will never forget. Whenever you run your bath or fill the sink you're going to be reminded of your lying and cheating. Great! Just another thing to add to the list of things to look forward to in the future.

You never thought you'd be a cheater, especially to someone you loved and cared for so deeply. You'd always despised people who cheated, could never understand how people could have multiple lives and cheat multiple times. Naively thinking that if they weren't happy they should just tell the person they are with and stop all the hurt but it doesn't always work that way. You didn't suddenly think 'hey I'm not happy, I'm going to go fuck someone else'. You certainly wouldn't have chosen his brother if that was the case. Over the years it just happened and you hated yourself for it. You weren't even unhappy in your relationship, so that throws all your theories of 'cheaters' completely out of the window. The sound of the dial tone snaps you from your thoughts.

"Hi babe." He answers almost immediately, leaving you with no time to regain your composure. "Hello?" 

"Oh erm.... Don't 'hi babe' me." Not a great start, you have to admit.

"What's wrong?" You can tell that Chris is amused with your tone of voice and it makes that anger resurface.

"You know exactly what's wrong, why the fuck are you coming over here tonight?" 

"Erm to s-" you don't even give him time to speak before you interrupt him. You don't believe that he's just coming to see Liam, you know he's coming to see you no matter what he says.

"As if it's not awkward enough without having you both in the same house together... You have to cancel." The thought of them both being together with you filled you with fear. How were you supposed to act around them both? The idea of it fills you with chills.

"I'm not cancelling. I haven't seen him in a while and he invited me. It'll be fine, I'll be on my best behaviour, I promise. I get you all to myself tomorrow anyway." 

"Exactly so why do you need to come over here and make everything all awkward?"

"Babe I'm coming to see my brother, you get me to yourself tomorrow. Don't be selfish" you could hear the amusement in his voice, you're sure he enjoys this.

"Pfft." A huff is about the only thing you could manage right now.

"You get to have both your favourite people in the same room, at the same time... Hey maybe we can have a threesome?" 

"Fuck off." You murmur, although you have to admit the thought of it does turn you on slightly. In a perfect world that would be the best possible outcome but it's not a perfect world and that most definitely would never happen.

"I'll see you tonight, wear something sexy." He laughs.

"This isn't funny." You reply before hanging up the phone and you're left alone with the tormenting sound of flowing water.

This is going to be a disaster, you can't help but think that tonight is the night it all comes out. Surely this isn't what he has planned, he wouldn't want to hurt his brother in such a viscous way. To announce at dinner that he's fucking his girlfriend and that they've been going behind his back and fucking for years. Surely not?  You're pretty sure you're being paranoid but know you're going to be on the edge of your seat all night, frightened everytime he opens his mouth to speak.

                                 **************

You're sure you've downed almost a full bottle of wine before he's even arrived, you try to remember how many glasses you've had when you finally hear the dreaded chime of the doorbell. Your head is dizzy with bubbles already, your stomach churning at the thought. It wasn't the cleverest of ideas to drink so much already, not when you need to be sharp and aware of what you're doing and saying. Fuck.

The way Chris' eyes light up when he sees you reminds you exactly why this is all worth it. You feel your nerves settle slightly now the first step was over and it wasn't so bad was it? You don't know what you were actually expecting, him to walk through the door and kiss you passionately sounds about right though.

"Chris! Hi, how you doing?" You act, standing on your tiptoes to hug him. It's so hard acting like he's your brother in law and not your... Boyfriend? Lover? You don't even know what to call him.

"Hi, beautiful." He whispers into your ear, making your stomach flip when you feel his lips graze against your neck. "I'm good thank you, how are you guys?" He says louder, moving away from your arms reluctantly and standing against the counter. The glint in his eyes and the smirk on his lips make him look sexy as hell, you bite onto your lip as hard as you can. Hoping to draw blood so you can concentrate on the pain and not the fact you want to rip your boyfriend's brothers clothes off.

"We're great" Liam replies.

"I'm sure you are." Chris says sarcastically under his breath, luckily Liam didn't hear him. You give Chris the glare, reminding him to be on his best behaviour.

"But how are you? You didn't sound too good the other day." Liam asks, opening a bottle of wine.

"I was probably just tired bro, you know how it is. I don't get much sleep nowadays." 

"Oh yeah, is a woman involved by any chance?" Liam asks, laughing to himself.

"Yeah, something like that." Chris subtly grazes your hand as you walk into the kitchen to help Liam. You freeze on the spot, looking into his eyes you see a desperately pleading look. You know this is torture for him, that he just wants to grab you and hold onto you. Even though he tries his best not to, he hates his brother for it, he hates that he gets to have you.

"Anyway, it smells great in here. What you making?" Chris says locked in eye contact with you. 

"I've just thrown together some dinner." You say casually, although deep down your heart is tugging and your hands are shaking.

"Her food is fucking amazing, I probably should have made sure you hadn't eaten first though?" Liam puts his arms around you and kisses your cheek as you carry on stirring the food on the stove. You're glad you have your back to Chris because you dread to think of his reaction. How you have to pretend you don't know each other on that deep level. You had tried to warn him that this was a bad idea.

"Yeah, no that would be awesome. Thanks" You can tell by the way his voice broke that this is causing him pain and there's nothing you can do about it. 

                              **************

"Do you want a beer or are you ok with wine?" Liam asks Chris as you sit down at the table ready to eat.

"I'd love a beer bro" Chris replies. You watch from the corner of your eye as Liam heads to the fridge, your heart beating a little faster now he's out of sight. Looking to Chris nervously.

Chris takes the opportunity while Liams back is turned and grabs your hand under the table. Stroking your palm with his thumb he mouths the words 'love you'. You can't help but feel sorry for him, this horrible situation you're all in. You mouth the words back to him before he lets your hand go when Liam comes back into sight.

All the way through the meal Chris can't take his eyes off of you, you're worried Liam will notice but he's paying no attention. Obviously he has no reason to doubt his loyal girlfriend and protective big brother, why would he? Which makes your betrayal even more unbearable.

"This is great Y/N." Chris says after tasting your food and moving your dress a little higher so he can place his hand on the top of your bare thigh under the table. The shock makes you jump and you hit your knee on the top of the table.

"Are you alright?" Liam asks looking slightly confused.

"Sorry, yeah. I just burnt my mouth." There's a slight hint of amusement in your words, you're a bad person but the situation is just too much not to find it slightly funny. The feel of Chris' hand on your thigh makes you feel butterflies in your stomach at the same time as the deep sick feeling of dread, your mind in a giant conflicted turmoil of feelings.

You can see Chris is also trying to hide his laugh as he takes a sip from his beer, one hand still on your thigh. Why the fuck am I sat in the middle? You hadn't thought about it when you'd sat down but now realise it was a massive mistake and also subconsciously the perfect place for you. The playing piece in a match against brothers, only one player is unaware there is any contest at all.

Chris finishes his beer and puts it down on the table loudly, filling the awkward silence between you all. You can understand the awkwardness between you and Chris but why is Liam not speaking? He wanted to see Chris to figure out what was wrong with him but he's not asking any questions. Has he figured it out? Did he see Chris touch your hand earlier? Had he seen you both whispering? You wriggle in your chair, feeling deadly uncomfortable and hoping Chris would move his hand. He didn't take the hint.

"Do you want another?" Liam asks Chris, already getting up from his chair and not waiting for an answer. Something is definitely wrong. Chris's hand moves further up your thigh, grazing the lace of your panties with the tip of his long finger. He's also completely oblivious to your awkwardness, drinking too much is numbing his senses and becoming dangerous. He's playing with fire. 

You fling your chair back from the table, standing abruptly, your cheeks flushed red with embarrassment and nervousness.

"I'm just gunna get some more beers from the basement." Liam announces, Chris sat cooly in his chair with not an ounce of nervousness.

"It's ok I'll go, you guys have a chat." You say, desperately needing to escape for a minute to catch your breath.

"Don't be silly, it'll only take me a minute." Liam says, already walking towards the door.

Chris takes his cue again, standing from his chair and moving over to you. Standing closely so he can whisper in your ear, his arm pressed to the small of your back while he holds you against him.

"I can't wait to have you in my bed again tomorrow Y/N. I've waited too long." 

"Chris, shh." 

"No, you shh. I wish I had you now, right here. I could just sit you up on this counter and fuck you right here -" He moves his hand up your skirt, gripping your ass in his big hands. "- You want that don't you? Tell me." His teeth graze the skin on your neck, making your head hang back loosely. You want it so bad, all your tension melts away as your muscles relax in his arms.

"We've got all weekend Chris, we can't do this here. It's too risky." You sigh, carefully wrapping your arms around his neck and listening for any sign of Liam.

"Fuck I know but it's so hard being here with you and not being able to fucking touch you." He moves away from you, running his hand though his hair in frustration.

"I told you how hard it'd be." You say.

"How hard what would be?" Liam asks breathlessly. Fuck. You hadn't heard him coming back, how much more had he heard? 

You're lost for words, completely frozen in shock. If he hadn't heard or seen anything it was still way too close for your liking.

"To shoot this ball of foil into that bin from all the way over here." Chris replies hastily, you're incredibly impressed with his quick thinking.

"Let me have a go then." Liam says, taking the foil from Chris. Typical competive brothers. Chris turns to you and winks devilishly, you're perfectly aware of how desirable he looks but you try to push that thought aside. You can't be thinking about that, the things he had just been saying and the thrill of almost being caught, all at once. 

"My turn." You say raising your eyebrows at them both as you swing your hips, confidently over to the fridge. Chris bites his lip as he watches you walk over. "Watch and learn boys." This is quite possibly the strangest situation you've ever been in but you might as well make the most of it.

You shoot your shot and land the foil ball straight into the bin. Turning around and bowing, you're wide eyed when you straighten back up. They both moved towards you as if they were going to kiss you, luckily Chris stopped himself in time.

"Only you could've landed that shot." Liam says, picking you up in his arms, leaving you with no choice but to wrap your legs around him while he kisses your lips deeply. 

You risk a glance at Chris over Liam's shoulder and he's seething with anger, you can see it written all over his face. 

"I'm gunna go outside for some air." Chris announces blankly while Liam sets you back on the ground, a look of concern on his face.

"You alright bro?" Liam asks with no reply from Chris as he walks out of the door.

You get on with the cleaning up, distracting yourself and hoping Liam hadn't noticed Chris' reaction. You can sense Liam behind you, stood on the spot thinking. He's working it out, he's putting together all the pieces and finally working it out.

"I've worked out what's wrong with Chris." He comes up behind you, emptying the plates into the trash. Fuck, here we go.

"What do you mean?" You ask gently, not really wanting to hear his conclusion.

"You know, the reason why he's been moping about all the time." You don't turn around, you just listen, hiding your face and any reaction you're showing. "Well he's quite obviously jealous of us." He adds. There we go, he's worked it out or he's definitely worked out Chris' part in it all.

You felt your stomach drop, Chris was so obvious it wouldn't take a genius to see something was wrong.

"What makes you say that?" You press, carefully. Your back still turned to Liam while you clean the surfaces.

"Don't tell me you didn't notice how he just acted when I kissed you." Of course you noticed, you just hoped Liam hadn't. It won't be long until he puts all the pieces together and figures this all out, if he hasn't already. You pour the last of the bottle of wine into your glass, gulping it greedily. Lord knows you're going to need it.

"He needs a girlfriend, can't you fix him up with one of your friends?" You can't describe the relief you feel right now and a small twang of jealousy at the thought of Chris with one of your friends.

"I'm sure your brother isn't short of admirers Liam, he doesn't need me to fix him up" Your tone of voice was a little too short. Pull it together.

"I suppose you're right but he doesn't have the best taste in women does he?" You can feel your cheeks burning, you're fighting the urge to defend yourself. Telling Liam his brother had the same taste in women when it came to you, wouldn't go down quite so well would it? 

"I'm seeing someone actually Liam." Chris says, overhearing your conversation as he came back in after finally composing himself.

"Oh really? You never said." Liam asks curiously.

"Yeah, we're keeping it to ourselves for now... Until she tells her boyfriend." What the actual fuck? You can't believe he's just said that, he looks at you defiantly, completely over this whole thing.

Liam nearly spat his drink out and you're sure your cheeks are beetroot red, you don't have a clue what to do in this situation. 

"Is she married? Do I know her?" Liam questions further. You're hoping and praying he stops with the questions, Chris is ready and willing to come clean, you can tell by his expression.

"No not married but you do know her. You know her really well actually." Chris says while avoiding your gaze purposefully...

[sparkleswritings]

Been procrastinating for this one but I've finally finished it!!

This piece if part of a server collab I'm a part of, the masterlink containing other works from other amazing writers will be posted soon so I will reblog it on 17/11. Make sure to visit them all!

And to the requests I've put off because of this, I'm so sorry and thank you for being patient! They'll be out soon I promise ^^

Solace

Word count: 1,209

Prompt: "This is why I fell in love with you."

Tags: Fluff

It had been a long day. A very long, tiring day. The mission you had been assigned to dragged on longer than expected, leaving you and your team utterly exhausted. Physically, mentally--and emotionally.

Your four man cell, now down to three, passed through the Konoha gates with heavy limbs and heavy hearts.

You wanted to be anything but alone tonight. Afraid that, if you had the silence and time to think, you might just go crazy.

So the best thing to do, after reporting your duties done to the hokage, was to trudge your way to your lover's door. He always knew how to handle you whenever your emotional heart was bursting at its limits. He was rational, level headed. Someone who could compliment your emotion driven self quite well.

The streets were currently calm, a mocking peacefulness to the turmoil your body was  currently containing. A loss of a comrade, a friend, never got any easier. 

Your steps slowed as you neared the destination. Now that you arrived you started to regret it, what if you were bothering him? You retracted the hand you raised to knock, but before you could even turn away, the door slid open. Pale, lilac eyes stared into your own, as if understanding why you were here before you even said a word.

"You look awful."

Was the first thing he said.

"Tell me about it," you gave the Hyuga a sarcastic smile. 

"How did you know I was at the doorstep?"

"Strong emotions of your caliber could be sensed from miles away. If you were in enemy territory you'd be spotted and dead."

"Touché haha," you shifted your weight from one foot to another. "And uh-- I'm sorry if I interrupted you or something I just-"

You didn't get the chance to finish your sentence, because Neji had wrapped his arms around you, pulling your head to his chest.

Startled, your body was stiff at first, but god you didn't know how much you needed this. You couldn't hold it in much longer.

"W-we lost him…" you let the tears flow freely. "I couldn't even retrieve his body."

Neji didn't say anything, making sure to listen to every word you had to say before calming you down. His gentle caresses to your hair were the only 'words of comfort' you needed.

Once your sobs were reduced to sniffling, he led you inside, still in between his arms since you refused to let go. 

The mellow fragrance of tea soon wafted around the room. Your cheek was to him, the whole of your body pressed into his back as if you needed him to stay upright.

"You can stay the night. I don't want you to be alone at a time like this," Neji said once he was able to pry yourself off him to sit down, coaxing you to drink the warm beverage.

"You're...alright with that?" 

He nodded slowly, as if contemplating on his words right after he said them. You felt your cheeks burn at the offer. Everyone knew that Neji was a traditional man, even if the two of you were in a long term relationship, he still refused to do anything past hugs, hand holding and kisses on the forehead. All of them done in private, of course. And you were alright with that. Love was more than just being physical, after all.

To have him step out of his comfort zone, so to speak, for your sake made you feel touched. You restrained yourself from glomping onto him and peppering his face with kisses, because that would certainly make him change his mind.

"Thank you, Neji," you looked up at him and smiled shyly. 

"It's only natural that I take care of you. Now please wash up, you smell of blood and dirt."

"Aye aye captain," you teased, poking him on the cheek on your way to the bathroom, to which he frowned at.

After a rather long shower (you didn't mean to sound weird, but now you smelled like him and it was driving you crazy), Neji leant you the smallest pair of clothing he had and insisted you go to bed immediately.

"Where will you be sleeping?" you asked, pulling the covers as close to your face as possible. His scent was just so calming, you couldn't help it!

"I have a spare futon in my closet, I'll sleep on the floor beside you."

"Sounds good to me," you rolled over to the furthest side of the bed to be as close to him as possible. 

Neji looked at you, "And Y/N, don't...stare at my sleeping face."

"Wh-what! I wasn't planning to!" you spluttered, fully aware that you were lying.

He gave you an amused look before pecking your forehead and bidding you goodnight. 

You thought for sure that if you stayed here, with him, you would be able to sleep peacefully. But just like any other night where you had just lost someone, the nightmares came without fail. You could still see them, their faces, the ones you couldn't save. The ones you had to sacrifice in turn to complete missions. They all say that shinobi must remain emotionless in the face of these things, after all, bloodshed was common in the business. 

Though your skills were exceptional, that was one area in which you lack. 

You are an absolute failure.

"Gah!" you awoke with a gasp. Heart pounding, mind racing. The nightmare just felt all too real. Probably because it technically was. 

You tried to calm yourself quietly, afraid that you'd wake Neji up and make him worried. But of course, it didn't go to plan. 

"Nightmares?" he asked in a low tone.

"Mhm." You replied, giving him a sheepish smile, "sorry for waking you up, love."

He shook his head and sat down beside you, running his palm up and down your back. Neji was silent, giving you some time to steady your breathing before:

"If I hold you, would that help you sleep better?"

"Huh-?" 

Your head turned sideways so fast you were afraid you'd snap your neck. Even though it was dim, you could see that his cheeks were reddening. Thank god for the moonlight. 

"You've gotten...bold today," you grinned.

"Don't like it?" 

"Quite the opposite actually," you leaned to rest your cheek on his shoulder. "Who knew you could get so adorable."

"Adorable you say?" He raised an eyebrow at you, "we'll see who's adorable tomorrow during training."

You winced. Neji and his training regimens always made you want to flop to the ground and sink into the dirt afterwards. But you have to admit, they were pretty effective. You had to get better anyways, you had to increase your chances at protecting your comrades better.

A few more moments of solace, and you were once again surrounded by him. This time you were sure, you were going to sleep peacefully all the way through the morning.

Neji just had that effect on you.

"This is why I fell in love with you," you mumbled, mouth half hidden in his chest.

The remnants of your conscious mind recalled a low hum and a kiss to the crown of your head before slowly drifting off to sleep.

[dyker-farmer]

Ok this was supposed to be a quick draw and a description to go with, that blew into a full chapter and now it's also on Ao3 SO happy reading ig idk

I never see Shane works that don't go all in for romance nor explore the more realistic ugly parts of recovery, and I kind of crave That TM. So let me have at it too with the self-insert whump mumbo jumbo; no romo version.

Set post-8 hearts event, Farmer Uidelsib is two years or so in, full house built and married to Emily. They/them pronouns, same as me.

Diverges from then on, Shane-centric from an outside POV for the most part.

[[MORE]]

Take that can away if you can.

Gulp it down. Chapter 1/2/3/4

There's a few to-know to survive life in society, in the valley; there's no good way to comment on the age nor weight of both resident housewives, you can't say no to Evelyn's homemade cookies- and why would you, you fool-, you do not fight at the Saloon or you'll get no cheese anymore on your pizza and only sparkling water for drinks, and-

And you don't mess with Shane's alcohol related ritual.

Except I did, that night, because you do that, when your two-years long friendship with the guy taught you better than letting his impulses overcome yours, when your buddy is trying to recover from teenage long-lasting into early adulthood, trauma-enhanced heavy addiction, and you know, you know tomorrow he'll feel like absolute shit and question his right to therapy the moment he'll stop his pounding skull from splitting. Wonders what a three-dosage paracetamol can do. 

At least he doesn't drink it out anymore.

So yeah, when you're in my shoes, you get that Joja store-bought crap out of Shane's hand, and you brace yourself for the incoming lash out.

The first fractions of seconds are always those to look closely into most. It's only a glimpse, but before the scowl slips on like a well-worn boxing glove ready to strike, there is always this open page I learned I needed to decipher as quick as I could.

Tonight, it's heartbreaking. When I peck his forehead- doting big sibling habits die hard, even when you're actually the youngest of the pair- the eyes I catch looking at me are so confused and bare of any emotion, except for the sorrow that goes beer-soaked tears, it pangs. I get used to the breakdowns, working in the fields I do when I'm off the farm's, but it's not the same when it's a friend.

When I straighten back, offensive beverage in hand, it's already gone in a flinch, away from the empty space behind the chair and onto the table, as he snarls.

"Wha- giv'me back- 's mine!" I don't know how much he drunk before he met up with me, but from the slurring, it's a Lot. A season and a half into sobriety. That's harsh.

I ignore him and walk behind him, pondering where to put the beer for now.

"Y-you can't just do that! It's my booze I got with m'money, not some- who d'you think you are?-" He sputters indignantly, angry tears fewer than the sad ones but still there. He tries to turn around and grab behind his back, but the wild movement is way off and only gets the chair to nearly topples down. I rush in time to stabilize it, and profit off the moment to set a strong hand on his shoulder.

"I can just do that, 'cus it's my house I got with my money, and I think I'm your pal who knows when you've had enough. Dude, I trust you to be an adult, but minutes before, you were already so torched I had to keep your neck upright so you didn't faceplant into the table, and you nearly just kissed my floor good evening. Not to mention you clung to my arms the whole way from the little entry stairs to the kitchen because, quoting, 'If I don't I'll fall in the hole and won't get up'."

I turn to the fridge again, going to open it, before I think better of it. Likely enough, we'll both forget it was there in the first place, it'll stink up my fridge- it's Joja's- and it'll be money out of Shane's pocket for nothing. I set it on the counter, with the rest of the pack. He'll put it to cool down when he's back to Marnie's. Or he won't, probably. 

That's not a worry for now.

When I caught up with him, it was a few feet below my doorstep; he'd probably slipped up trying to climb the three steps up to it, and settled for it. He was nursing that same can, muttering to himself, head down, curled up on himself. Except for that leg sticked out, he probably hurt it when he fell, I'll have to look at that and work on it if it's too swollen. Hopefully that'll spare us from a visit to Harvey's.

Bad memories. Not mine, and it's warm and not raining outside, but. Déjà-vu.

Anyways, he looked the picture of "help I've fallen and I can't get up- and even if I can I won't because Fuck You", and it's been a hassle to have him cooperate. But when I asked if he wanted to leave, he shook his head with a fervor no somnolent drunk should have. That resulted in a lovely streak of vomit down the wall right next to the door. That's also for later. If Eryza doesn't lap it up. Ew. This cat's never predictable.

Now, he's staring at his hands, sitting at my table, contemplating something too far down for me to see- or maybe just zoning out with a sleeping brain. Then he mumbles. "Sorry."

I get back to the table and sit at arm's length across of him. "Nah, 's okay. I don't mind being a helping hand or touchy-feely, must be the frog-eater in me. Not for the helping part." I'd chuckle but my quip falls on deaf ears.

I go to put my hand over his. When he doesn't blink at it, I try and shake a reply out of him, gently. He startles and hawkeyes our joined fingers. When he's finally looking at me, I raise a single eyebrow. He doesn't say anything, but when he pulls back his arm, I let him. We both straighten up, and it's hard to keep up the eye contact.

"So…" There's a heavy air on us. Suddenly, like the last year didn't happen, we're sitting a stride away of each other, and yet it feels like he's all the way back to the forest, looking down at waves.

"Do you want me to do something?" I bend myself a little closer to him, not moving otherwise.

He puts his head in his hands, shivering. Can't tell if it's the AC or his system kicking the alcohol out, or itself, in stress. I think I hear something, but it might as just be his shuddering breath.

"Shane" I insist, voice level, not pressing. "I need words. I want to help, I truly don't mind, but I need words to know what to do." He's never shown signs of going nonverbal before. If he does, I'll improvise. Until then… I need words.

Time ticks slowly as we wait. Then, with great effort and deep fatigue, he drags his palms up from under his nose to his temple, spreading some snot and wet tears across his face from his scrunched shut eyes. Lips trembling but finally showing, that attempt to let out a sound that's not too garbled. He coughs, sniffles a bit, breathe in again, sounding like a sick dog, and blows through gritted teeth before his jaws go slack. Eyes still closed, he whispers, and I have to lower myself some more toward his crouched form to catch it.

"Can I get something to drink…?" His voice is hoarse.

The demand could be comical, if we were into sour humor. And we usually are. But right now, we're not finding the joke in the lines. I stand silently, and as I walk to the fridge again, I let my hand brush his shoulder- same spot as before.

I take a minute to choose, look into the pantry. When I'm back at the table with my items of choice, he's still sitting there, his cheek is cushioned on his arms, face hidden from view. His shoulder, except for the occasional tremor, rise and fall in rythm with his snores. Breaks my heart to interrupt that, but not really. Hangovers are mean bitches with the sharpest nail art on the blackest of boards.

"Psst, dude. C'mon." I rustle his hair backward. He hates when I do that, says it tickles, and it makes him sneeze. So I obligatory do it once a day if I can. Let's say today's my late quota for the last four days I haven't seen him.

He gruffly tells me to kindly refrain from such pleasantries, and raise bleary eyes back up at the table. I can also guess he tried to bat a hand at me, but his coordination is off and he slaps himself lightly on the ear. Then he glares bewildered at his hand for a few seconds, obviously insulted. I profit of this moment to grab a small basin from under the sink, on second thought.

When he brings his attention back to me, I'm sitting again. Between us, a jug of fresh milk from this morning, a small sack of peppers, and a juice carafe sit aside a green glass bottle. There's also some bread, mostly for me to munch on. Because, hmmm dough. He squints at it all, especially at the bottle. Probably trying to read the label.

"Yeah no, didn't get you one of my best wine, not sorry."

"Hot pepper… juice?" He looks at the actual peppers next to it. "With actual peppers?" And then I get the squint too.

"Hmph, I know you like your elongated hell tomatoes, man, what can i say."

At that, a feeble snort.

I decide that it is the highlight victory of my soirée.

"Welp, have at it." I gesture to the half-liter liquor glass right by his left.

He fumbles with the drinks and some splashes around, but I lay back on my chair, arms crossed, letting him do his thing. While I don't hold back from growing downright doting on him when I got to- or even when I don't- I don't see how more devotion right now would be not smothering. He can break my fancy glass cups if he wants and spill my milk, so long he doesn't cut himself or cry over it.

Now, you could be thinking that plain water would have done the trick just fine, if not better, in rehydrating him. Here's the thing, though; going from booze to tasteless liquid, for Shane, that's a sure way to puking his heart out. And I'd rather not have us deal with an acid bile throat burn on top of near alcohol poisoning. Sorry to not spare you the squeamish details, but his oesophagus is pretty sensitive ever since that stomach pumping back at the clinic. Hot fiery hell fruits he can do just fine, with relative moderation and hydratation- hence the milk and juice- but liquor bursting its way back from his guts? Nuh uh. 

It had taken lots of coaxing, but he'd explained the plain tastes, or lackthereof, were very hard for him to deal with, especially when contrasting with strong ones like beers and whiskeys. I'd shackle it to gustative hypostimulation, but I don't know enough about him that way to say. He'd said sparkling water was a good compromise.

But I don't have sparkling water, because I do not like suffering.

I might buy a pack for when he visits though.

And I do know a handful about him already. Shackle that to perceptiveness and a stubborn streak on top of a year and so long camaraderie.

And having a certain uncontrollable fear of failing to act quick the next time coped with by accumulating information and patterns compulsively.

I shake my head to focus on the present again. He's switched from juices to soaking bread in milk to eat it small portion after small portion. He pauses in mid-bite when he catches me staring. He's still hunched on himself and red-faced and a tad bloated. His cheeks are drying and he's blown his nose. I smile calmly. Worst of the storm passed, unless I screw up and blow it.

"Ywou wan' chom'?" He offers a dripping piece of bread. In moments like this, when he's sobering but not quite, the resemblance with Jas are unmistakable. The glint in his reddened eyes that open wide, and his blank-but-not-quite wondering expression, it's all here to paint a scrutinizing but vulnerable picture of tired but bright minds.

"Nah thanks. You done with that milk?"

"...Sure." He eyes it, wary. He knows where this is going, and he doesn't like it. I take the drink off the table, and his gaze follows my movement until I bring it to my lips.

He frowns. A silent warning. 

And as I lock onto him with a dead stare, not blinking a millisecond, I down the rest of the 2 liters jug in three, five gulps. I even take the time to lick my new mustache away, and close my mouth with a click of my tongue.

His expression is the macabre marriage of beffudled horror and pure affliction, disgust if you will. The face of someone who doesn't hate milk, but has grown out of it enough to not be able to live off the stuff like the brave souls I'm apart of. And probably with reason, as I actually can't, like most 20+ years old, digest the liquid in large amount. But I smile like a smug cat, perfectly content.

Cats really can't digest milk once adults, it's all social mythos.

We silently judge and fuck with each other like that for a while more, as more time passes, until the room's elephant gets it all humid with its prancing around. Enough that tears and nervous sweats start again, for no apparent reasons but the residual anxiety from the whole chain of events that led to this.

"I think we should talk about this."

--- to be continued.

[tellmevarric]

If you're taking prompts, I'll take being forced to share a bed (any au!) for SniperPilot? Especially with a side of "how am I going to hide my GIANT CRUSH ON YOU while sharing a bed tonight?"

Here we go, I hope you enjoy it! This is a post-Scarif, everybody lives AU.

Cassian was going to blame Jyn. He wasn’t sure if she’d really had anything to do with this but it seemed like the sort of thing she’d do, probably with the full and enthusiastic connivance of Chirrut and sighing, resigned compliance of Baze. He should never have allowed her to poke at him until he spilled the beans about his feelings for Bodhi. Because this… this was exactly the sort of thing Jyn would do.

“Cassian? What’s wrong?”

Cassian turned to find Bodhi standing behind him. He looked tired and a little uncomfortable and miserable, not surprising given they’d ended up burrowed into a snow drift that they’d had to stay in for ten freezing minutes before the people chasing them had moved on and they could double back to the tiny excuse for a town where the contact had been supposed to meet them. Cassian was used to the snowy cold but for all that Bodhi said Jedha was a cold planet, he wasn’t used to snow and how it made you cold and wet.

Since their contact still hadn’t made themselves known and Bodhi was looking distinctly miserable, Cassian had contacted Jyn and asked her to find them some place to rest for the night. He’d been a little suspicious at the amused tone of her voice when she’d given him the directions to the little hotel she’d found but Bodhi had sneezed and coughed a little at that point and he’d been successfully distracted. And he knew there was no point trying to make any changes to the arrangements Jyn had made for them because this town was too small to support more than one hotel and the woman at the front desk had already told them how lucky they were to get the hotel’s one remaining room for the night.

…which did kind of rule out Jyn doing this deliberately but Cassian was going to blame her anyway since it made for a distraction from other thoughts that were clamouring for attention in his mind.

He sighed and tried not to scowl. Bodhi always looked worried and uncertain when he scowled and he hated making Bodhi look like that. Also, this wasn’t Bodhi’s fault and he didn’t deserve to be the recipient of Cassian’s discomfort and subsequent grouchiness.

He stepped into the room to allow Bodhi to enter as well. He didn’t say anything but he knew when Bodhi saw what the problem was by the way the man made a soft ‘oh’ sound.

“There’s only one bed.”

Cassian nodded and shut the door before walking further into the tiny room so he could dump their packs under the window. There was only one bed and no couch so…

“I’ll sleep on the floor,” he said gruffly, hiding his expression by rummaging around in their packs to dig out a change of clothes for both of them.

“Don’t be stupid,” Bodhi said with a hint of a shiver in his voice that made Cassian stop dawdling and stand up to hand over Bodhi’s clothes. Bodhi accepted them with a grateful smile. “We can share. The bed’s big enough.”

Cassian wanted to find an excuse to not do that but he couldn’t, not without being obvious and probably making Bodhi think he hated him. The bed was huge, part of the reason why the room seemed so small, and Cassian definitely didn’t hate Bodhi. Far from it. The exact opposite, in fact.

“You take the bathroom first,” he said, unable to control his gruffness this time and just as he’d expected, Bodhi winced and hunched in on himself before scurrying into the bathroom and closing the door.

“Oh, well done, Cassian,” he growled to himself. “Keep this up and he’s going to request a transfer. You know that damn Skywalker kid watches him like he hung the sun and the stars.”

Before he could continue scolding himself, his comm unit beeped at him. “What?” he snapped.

“Did we interrupt you?” Jyn asked, laughter rippling through her voice.

“No,” Cassian bit off. “What do you want?”

Amusement was still plain in Jyn’s voice when she answered. “Our contact sent a message to the Rebellion. They can’t make it. They’ve offered a new meeting point on another planet.”

“Wonderful,” Cassian grouched. “What are our orders?”

“We won’t be able to make the new rendezvous in time so we’re being ordered back home,” Jyn replied and he caught the wondrous way she said ‘home’ even though he knew she was trying to hide it. He decided not to tease her about it this time since she already had the upper hand right now. “We can’t move the ship any closer without the townspeople seeing it and they were right about the wildlife on this place getting active at night. I’m afraid you’re stuck there for the night.”

“Of course we are,” Cassian said sarcastically. “We’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

He managed to make that last sentence sound like a threat and he turned his comm unit off to the sound of Jyn’s laughter. He’d like to think that one of these days he was going to be able to intimidate her again but they were really too much alike now that they were friends and teammates instead of vaguely adversarial allies.

“Is everything alright?”

He turned around and nearly swallowed his tongue. Bodhi had clearly had a shower and his skin was flushed from the hot water. He was wearing an oversized shirt and a pair of soft pants and he looked sleepy and tired. Cassian wanted to sweep him into his arms, kiss him and then cuddle him for the rest of the night. He firmly squashed down that urge and tossed his comm unit into his bag in an attempt to look normal.

“Our contact’s a no show and another team is going to meet them but we won’t be able to get back to the ship until tomorrow morning.” Bodhi gave him a quizzical look so he elaborated. “Jyn says the intel about the animals here being more active at night is correct.”

“Oh,” Bodhi said, rubbing the part of his arm where the prosthetic joined absently. “Well, that’s okay, isn’t it? I mean, we’ve already paid for the room.”

Cassian did his best to eke out a fairly genuine smile. He knew he’d succeeded when Bodhi relaxed. “Yeah, it’s fine.” He jerked a thumb towards the bathroom. “I’m going to…”

“Oh! Right!”

Bodhi scurried out of the way and Cassian grabbed his change of clothes and edged past him into the bathroom. He closed the door and leaned against it as he tried to wrap his composure around himself again. He was one of the Rebellion’s best spies and agents. He’d walked coolly past Stormtroopers without betraying his hatred of them or the fact that he was carrying valuable intel. He was a professional who could do whatever was needed. Unfortunately, despite all of that he still wasn’t sure he could lie beside Bodhi all night and not give away how he felt. And he had to keep it to himself. He knew Bodhi didn’t feel the same way and he didn’t want to do anything that might make the skittish pilot run away as fast as he could.

He sighed and scrubbed his face with one hand then tossed his clothes onto the bench. It wasn’t until he stripped off and climbed into the shower that he realised he’d made a tactical error. Even with the hot water pounding down on him, he could still smell Bodhi in the room. He shuddered and braced his hands against the shower wall and very firmly did not think about that. And when his body betrayed him, he ignored it. He didn’t want to resort to a cold shower but there was no way in hell he was going to jerk off with Bodhi in the next room. Despite his every effort, he wasn’t silent and these walls were too thin.

He closed his eyes and started summoning up the worst, most horrible things he’d seen in his long career as an insurgent and spy and finally managed to distract himself. He then quickly scrubbed himself down and got out of the shower. He dried off and got dressed in his clean clothes then he drew in a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom to face his fate.

His composure nearly took another hit when he found that Bodhi had turned off all but the bedside light closest to the bathroom and had climbed into the bed. Bodhi was curled up under the blankets, looking warm and comfortable and half-asleep. Cassian was grateful for the last because it gave him enough time to compose his face into an appropriately neutral expression before Bodhi blinked blearily at him.

“Come to bed,” Bodhi muttered and Cassian had to speak very severely to himself to stop himself from reacting to words he’d always wanted to hear from Bodhi.

He tossed his dirty clothes in the direction of their packs then slid into the bed and turned out the light. Despite the dark, he was almost hyper aware of the man in the bed with him and he lay there stiffly as Bodhi shifted into a more comfortable position.

“Night, Cassian,” Bodhi said around a yawn.

Cassian hesitated for a moment before finally managing a not at all strangled. “Night.”

He lay there and listened as Bodhi’s breathing settled into a rhythm that indicated he was asleep. He wasn’t surprised Bodhi had fallen asleep so easily even though he knew that wasn’t always the case for the pilot. Bodhi had not liked slogging through the snow and after their trip into the snow drift, he’d fallen into the snow a couple of times more. He’d been drooping by the time they’d reached the town again so the fact that he’d fallen asleep so easily was no surprise.

Cassian sighed and turned on his side, facing Bodhi. The pilot was curled up facing away from him and as he slid towards a sleep he was faintly surprised to achieve, he couldn’t take his eyes off Bodhi’s long hair, hair he desperately wanted to run his hands through.

Cassian woke up to the feeling of being deliciously warm. He hadn’t been this warm for far too long. Hoth was a great place for a rebel base but even at the best of times it was damned cold. He should be used to it, being from Fest, but he still hated waking up cold as he always seemed to do, no matter how many blankets he had. So he wallowed in the warmth and very determinedly avoided waking up properly, happy to drift along half-asleep and barely aware of his surroundings.

Right up until someone shifted and muttered behind him and the arm that he hadn’t realised was thrown over his waist tightened its grip on him. His eyes flew open and he turned his head just enough to see Bodhi plastered against his back. It was his arm thrown over his waist and he was burrowing his face into the back of Cassian’s neck as best as he could. Cassian let out a startled breath and went very still as his heart pounded.

He closed his eyes and tried not to make a sound. This was everything he’d ever wanted and yet it was also somewhat like torture. Because Bodhi had curled up to him unknowingly in his sleep, probably because he was a source of warmth and nothing more. He really needed to crawl out of the bed before Bodhi woke up and everything became excruciatingly embarrassing.

Bodhi hummed behind him and nuzzled against his neck. “Cassian,” he murmured.

Cassian drew in a sharp breath and bit his lip. That couldn’t possibly mean what he thought it did. It wasn’t possible.

Bodhi shifted again and this time it was too deliberate to be anything other than a waking movement. But Bodhi didn’t move his arm or himself and Cassian didn’t know what that meant.

“You think too much,” Bodhi murmured in a sleepy slur.

Cassian managed to find his voice. “What?”

Bodhi snuggled a bit closer to him, if that was even possible given how the he was plastered to his back. “You think too much,” he repeated.

Cassian scarcely knew what to say. “Bodhi…”

“Turn over.”

Not really knowing what else to do, Cassian turned over and then realised what that did. They were now snugged quite nicely together and Bodhi responded to that with a smile and happy noise as he settled himself in Cassian’s embrace.

“Bodhi,” Cassian said again. He knew he sounded confused and plaintive but he couldn’t help it, something not at all helped by the way Bodhi was nuzzling at his neck.

“Were you ever going to make a move?” Bodhi asked and just to make sure Cassian didn’t confuse his meaning, he pressed a kiss to Cassian’s chin.

Cassian felt like his brain had gone on the fritz. “I… uh, didn’t think you’d be… interested.”

“Then either you’re oblivious or I’m too subtle,” Bodhi replied with a small snort.

“You kept flinching away from me!” Cassian yelped.

Bodhi raised his head and gave him a dry look. “Because you kept scowling at me. Or rather you’d smile at me or be concerned or anything that gave me hope that you cared and then you’d scowl at me.”

“I…” Cassian began then he deflated. “I’m sorry.”

“I mean, I know grumpy scowl is sort of your default setting but it was still a bit disconcerting,” Bodhi said.

Cassian wanted to protest that but as it was more or less the truth, he didn’t really have a leg to stand on. “You’re very chatty first thing in the morning,” he said rather grouchily.

“I know,” Bodhi replied. “I’m not really awake yet. Helps with this.”

Cassian snorted with amusement then he sobered and swallowed. “So you…?”

“Cassian,” Bodhi said as he nuzzled into Cassian’s neck again. “Please don’t make me wake up properly and have a serious conversation. I hate that. I get all self-conscious.”

“What did you want to do?” Cassian asked, still feeling off-balance.

“We could kiss and snuggle until Jyn yells at us to get moving,” Bodhi suggested.

Cassian jolted a little then he slowly smiled. He was still confused and baffled and wanted to have a long talk but he had to admit that Bodhi’s suggestion sounded much better. And maybe it would make things make more sense too. “…okay.”

The smile Bodhi gave him was sleepy and utterly beautiful. Cassian didn’t know what was going on but he did know that he’d fight hard to make sure he saw that smile as often as possible. He didn’t get a chance to contemplate that any more when Bodhi surged up and kissed him. As Cassian kissed Bodhi back and pulled him tight against him, he made a note to maybe, possibly, just sort of think about thanking Jyn. If nothing else, it would confuse the hell out of her.