#anyways i don’t have copies of these…YET. but hopefully soon.

[shadowofmoths]

marches and maneuvers zine done JUST in time for thursday thursday. 🍊🦋

[bryan360]

Here’s my note before I’ll get started….

(NO COPYING OR PLAGIARIZING FROM ME AND ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIEND’S WORK! THAT INCLUDES OUR CHARACTERS, DESIGNS, STUFF, ETC. IMPOSTERS AND SEXBOTS ARE NOT WELCOME TO FOLLOW MY BLOG WHATSOEVER! 😡 That will be all….I mean it.)

2024 Review - Seagate 2TB Portable Drive (First Half - Unboxing Impressions)

No “On This Day” posting once again, but might be the right time to focus on this instead. It’s been a long waited time for me; especially for what was my most “limited” experience when trying to complete my art trades in time. Though thankfully I’m keeping it cool to get through my friend’s request for January 2024; without having to rush as I’d developed my art skills for sometime. I’m lucky enough to get those done despite giving some multiple details if I wanted to keep it going. Other than that, I’ve been secretly supported my DeviantArt page with two recent fanarts I’d saved. At least that counts for something while I’m not too busy on my friend’s art trade requests this hard. 😅

Just needed to squeeze one more for the last week of January 2024. But for today, I’m now about to bring you my first half review for my Seagate 2TB Portable Drive I was looking forward. Keep in mind, this will be the focus for an unboxing part I’d taken. Do forgive myself that I would’ve like to continue on by installation and progression, but that’s gonna be for February posts hopefully. So anyways, here’s my unboxing impressions for this latest item after my mom ordered from Amazon.com. Link Here

(Dated: Jan. 6th, 2024) (The time I’d recorded myself when unboxing my package)

Let me just say it does bring my excitement regardless this is suppose to be my last year’s Christmas present request. (And the second one which yet to be revealed.) Well, we can’t expect anything to arrived in time for that matter. So as I get into my package, it came with the main item, a USB 3.0 cable, and two other books. Nothing too much, but exactly what it needed like if I wanted more. Besides, this is good enough of having two items to install with my gaming console; which I’ll get to reveal soon.

(Dated: Jan. 25th, 2024) (Just after setting up with my external portable drive. Sorry if I would’ve included from the beginning.)

Here’s a closer look of my portable drive while I’m holding. It seems small enough to fit in your pockets, but best if you don’t do this by accidental breaking. I’d looked up for the product details from Amazon.com that was about “4.6 x 3.15 x 0.58 inches and 6.72 ounces.” Just making sure if it can fit anything other than pockets from your pants. For as the USB 3.0 cable was obviously needed to transfer with. It’s about 18 inches and hopes of high-speed connectivity. If I ever lost it, then preying myself when checking some similar USB 3.0 cables that should work to transfer connection.

My Overall Thoughts (so far):

I’m very happy to unboxed this without some issues. There’s plenty other hard drives to looked from, but the Seagate one is the first way to go. I would imagined if I can planned more on hard drives for other of my devices. Since it didn’t have with my own laptop/computer desktop, my gaming console is the closest way I can get. Either way, this portable drive of mine is something to look forward to.

Hope you guys enjoy this first half review I’d going through, but promised be back for more during February 2024 for free time. I’ll be coming back for another weekdays at the program through Mondays and Fridays as always. What that being said, at least I got this first half review in time….just before going to bed though. ^^* See ya, guys.

Tagged: @murumokirby360 @carmenramcat @alexander1301 @rafacaz4lisam2k4 @paektu

[larcenywrites]

Hey Lars! New here, but I adore your writing!

How do you think Tony would comfort you when you’re upset (whether it be sad, anxious, or overwhelmed) ?

Heya! Always glad to see new followers as well as old, especially since I’ve been in my writing slump for a while now x) I promise I usually write often, my brain just died or something around the end of May and I haven’t recovered yet 😭 but! I’m glad that what’s currently up is still being read and well-received!! Thanks for your kind words 🩵 and I hope I can make more for you soon 🤞

Also this became a lot oops

Tony isn’t a stranger to those kinds of emotions, if anxiety and/or being overwhelmed is the particular issue, but he likely has a different or perhaps even unhealthy way to manage it, or what comforts him might have the opposite effect on you! He’ll be just as stressed to see you upset, especially if you have a specific tic or behavior that lets him know it’s rough, be it pacing or sitting in the bathroom corner for a little while. Or maybe you’re just sad or down and have been laid up in the bed all day. But, he’s surprisingly able to approach the situation with plenty of calm and courage, just as with anything he faces, really!

His first instinct will be to ask what’s wrong, but that question is really more annoying than helpful, and he knows that firsthand :/

He doesn’t ever really leave you alone anyway, so you can guarantee that he’ll do just that, even if you do get standoffish, give him the cold shoulder, or straight up tell him to leave you alone. He wants to help!! He doesn’t wanna let you brood, at least not alone 😅 if he doesn’t think it’s anything too serious, when he comes to sit besides you, he’ll probably be a little dumb and mimic you, maybe you’re arms are crossed for example. If you grumble and turn away, he’ll grumble too and just scoot closer. He’s trying to make you laugh tbh, or maybe annoy you enough to finally have to talk out loud. He may ask what’s wrong, but so that he can also be upset about it! He’s persistent and annoying you is his love language, so eventually he’ll probably just end up on top of you. When he’s sad or anxious, he feels better when you’re on top of him! So maybe it helps when he also manages to twist and turn his way around you into your chest. You can’t ignore him now! If you still don’t wanna talk, he’ll still just lay there, and hopefully it helps that he’s there at all! If you do finally talk, he’ll try it best to talk through it with you, even if you just say “I don’t know” because he’s been there too! Even if you get shy about it, the best few days he’ll be working overtime, meaning: expect anything from silly post-it notes in the bathroom mirror and even in your underwear drawer, to roses left on his pillow or in the kitchen, or even cute little trinkets on the nightstand. He wants to cheer you up! And it still gives you a little space!

If the situation is a little worse, like the pacing or hiding in the bathroom, he’ll still come in and sit next to you, or if it’s pacing he won’t like- stop you, but he will say a few calm heys and hold ons and hold his hands out so you brush against them and maybe it encourages you to stop between them. In this case he will ask what’s wrong, and very tentatively take one of your hands, and try again when you pull away, just to loosely hold your hand. Obviously, you’re pacing here or hiding here because it’s a safe spot, so he won’t try to drag you out of it until he’s managed to talk you down a little, whether he knows the source of stress or not. He’ll play with your fingers and stop in the hopes that you’ll copy him, giving you something else to do that’s not as isolating or unhelpful. Even if you’d still rather sit there in silence, he’ll still walk you out if whatever that safe spot was, and instead offer a new spot, near him! Maybe he’s been in the lab or the office, he’ll keep the noise down, but it’ll probably help to be near a little more life and sound and have things to do and look at! Or maybe you two could hang out in the living room instead! He might be a little annoying in this situation, only because he might be offering various other things to do, like puzzles or games. If it was a lot and you just need to lay down (adrenaline from panic attacks or meltdowns can make for quite the energy crash!) then he’ll lay there with you and probably try to convince you to eat. He’ll even get your favorite treats delivered if you want! And tbh, he might try to immediately plan a vacation away for a few days, especially if you’ve been stressing like this in the same spots like the bedroom for a while now.

If you get anxious/overwhelmed in public, though, it might be a bit if a different story. But tbh it might not happen often? Later on, Tony isn’t much of a fan of crowds and all, so you probably don’t have to worry about that. He gets nervous out in public too! So you probably have little signals, like squeezing his/your hand or arm or something. You both probably can tell what caused the stress by now, from a line of people to dog sitting behind a bush, and can just lead one another away. But if it’s a place you can’t really leave, you’ve probably both scoped out the emptier parts of buildings or hallways beforehand to escape to.

[azrielthedrawer]

Anonymous because.. not yet.

How do you, or do you have any tips on having and writing a storyline?

I’m an animator (tween w AM) who’s learning renpy and soon making a visual novel. I was wondering if you just have writing tips. Thanmnsk

Hi :D (sorry for taking so long to answer)

Considering that my only posted work is the AU, I’ll tell you a bit about my process while writing it, so hopefully you’ll find it useful for your future projects owo

1. The What-If Question: I find that with all or most of my written works, I end up asking myself “what if _____ happened?” For example:

What if Pastor Craig summoned an imp?

However, asking this question once won’t suffice to create a whole plot. So I asked myself more follow-up questions after that:

Why would Pastor Craig summon an imp? What would his motivation be?

What kind of information would Tweek hold? What types of stories would he tell?

Why are we taking the time to hear such stories?

With that, you start to build the scenario in which your story will stem from.

2. Plot First, Characters Last: Though it’s really fun to think about the characters (whether original or predetermined), I find that sometimes it’s easier to craft the plot first, then create/assign characters later. Yes, the characters are important, but the plot is what keeps the characters vivid, so I would suggest working on the plot first.

3. Dynamics: The way in which characters interact with each other is vital to how they are perceived by the audience. This can apply to original or predetermined characters. Some characters will act a certain way around some people and another way with others. Dynamics also extend past singular characters, but also things that are bigger, like power. How do these characters interact with certain aspects of their world? Do they care?

4. Motion: When writing, and also drawing, you have to remember to keep the environment moving based on the scenario. A lot of times, some casual scenes might seem stiff, but this can easily be fixed by observing the way in which you yourself find yourself going about your day. Yes, there are some times in which you are standing face-to-face with someone while having a casual conversation, but that isn’t always going to be the case. A lot of times, people are multitasking, moving around, or sometimes don’t speak as clearly. Consider these little things when observing the situation that you are trying to convey.

5. Get in their shoes: I would say this is more of when you’re writing more emotional scenes, but this can apply anywhere. As a writer, you have to get yourself in whatever headspace you are trying to write. If you feel like you can’t get it right, watching TV or films can help you visualize the type of emotion that you are trying to portray. Aside from how people feel inside, they tend to also have visual reactions, so I would suggest paying attention to those.

6. Where are you going with this?: A lot of times, people get lost on what they’re writing about because they don’t know where the story is going or how it will end. Now, you don’t have to necessarily know how the story will end from the beginning, but it can help to know what the first conflict will be for your characters to overcome. It’s okay if you don’t know how your story will go from the beginning to the conflict, but that’s okay. This space in between is used to get you there. On a similar note, it’s okay to just visualize plot points without knowing how to get there. There’s a reason why filler episodes exist.

7. Think of your favs: I’m sure that there’s a show or movie out there that you might feel inspired by to make your own story, so use it as motivation to write! Now, I’m obviously not telling you to copy the characters or story, but it’s also common for people to take what they observe in other pieces of media and take inspiration from it. Create a little collection of cool things you see from media you like that you’d like to apply to your own story.

Anyway, that’s just my thoughts. Hope you find this helpful and good luck with your work :)

[fremioneshufflepuff]

Paper Rings

Authors note: Not proof read, we just vibin. Reblogs are appreciated!! Asks are always welcome with the fic and in general ☺️☺️

Word Count: 1,515

Warnings: None! Unless you want to count Hermione worrying but it’s not like major

Ch 2

Fred was going about his day as usual when he got the feeling he should send an owl. To whom, well that was escaping him at the moment but he figured that once he got quill to parchment he would figure it out. “It’s only the second day of break, I shouldn’t be writing to anyone yet.” he says under his breath, as Ginny walks past him in the yard. “Were you talking to me Fred?” “No Gin. Sorry.” “Ok! I’m gonna have a fly around the yard and then probably go to Luna’s for a bit in case anyone asks.” she replies as she opens the broom shed.

Fred stops and watches as she mounts the broom, soaring up into the air. When did she get that good? He thinks to himself as she goes into a dive that would rival one of Charlie’s on a good day and pulls up right at the last minute. He whoops and whistles, giving her a thumbs up as she smiles. He heads back inside and up to his room to write a letter to the mysterious person plaguing his brain.

He found a spare piece of parchment, a bottle of ink and a quill on the floor and sat down on his bed cross legged, mindlessly chewing on the top of the quill. Sadly not of the sugar variety, but given where he found it, that was probably for the best. He sat like that for a while until it struck him. Hermione. That’s who’s been on his mind lately. Not that he would admit to anyone but he’s pretty sure he’s fancied her since he heard she punched Malfoy in the face.

“Merlin’s beard. What has gotten into me? Writing to Hermione Granger of all people?” He asks to the empty room. George was in town trying to woo over the girl at the shop, for some reason even though he knew that his twin fancied Angelina.

He stared at the parchment for what felt like forever trying to figure out what to write. He figured it best to not think but just write whatever came to mind.

Hermione,

You might be wondering why I’m writing to you of all people, and not to another friend of mine, and honestly I’m not sure why, but I thought I should because my gut is saying that you need a friend besides Harry and my git of a brother. Don’t get me wrong, Ron is usually good, but sometimes he doesn’t really understand I don’t think.

Anyways, I know its only the second day of break, but hopefully I hear from you soon and we can maybe talk some more and get to know each other better. I think it’s going to be an interesting summer holiday.

Fred

He read and re-read the letter, and decided it was good enough to send. He figured it didn’t need to be a novel, just something to give reason as to why he was writing, and he didn’t care for spelling or grammar at this point, not until they started writing more. If that even happened, maybe Hermione would just toss his letter in the bin and not give him the time of day or maybe she would read his letter and respond and a friendship could flourish and maybe just maybe it could be something more.

”Mum, can I use Errol to send a letter?” He asked, heading downstairs into the living room, where Molly was on the couch knitting. “Yes dear. Just make sure he’s awake.” she replies without looking up from her needles.

Fred makes his way to the kitchen window where the bird perch stood, Errol preening his feathers. “Hey. You up to making a trip to Hermione?” He whispers, not needing his mum hearing him. Errol blinks and clicks his beak in response, sticking out his leg, balancing on the perch as Fred tied the letter to his leg.

Errol waited patiently until he felt a finger run down a wing, Freds way of saying he was good to go and set off to his destination, as Fred watched him disappear from sight, hoping in his heart that this girl wouldn't reject him.

Hermione was curled up on her bed, reading her copy of Death on the Nile when she heard a tapping on the window. She looked up and saw the owl she had sent to McGonagall. She grabbed a spare receipt and placed it in between the pages, closing the book and going across her room to open the window. The owl perched on the sill, as she untied the letter, giving the owl a treat from the jar she kept on her desk. It hooted in response and flew off.

She carefully opened the letter and read the response that McGonagall sent. She was able to help, and Flitwick would assist, the both of them swearing not to tell anyone, and that she need not respond, as they needed time to research how to go about this. Hermione grinned knowing that her plan was able to happen even though she really didn’t want it to.

It wasn’t until she was getting ready for bed that she heard another tap on her window. She went to her room, and found Errol outside her window. She quickly let him in, and he ungracefully flopped onto her desk. “Errol!” She exclaimed, carefully lifting him up, as he clicked his beak, settling on the desk. He softly hooted, as she untied the letter, taking it with her to her bed.

She flipped it over to see who it was from, and saw that there wasn’t a name on the envelope. She was curious to know who this was from, as the only person who would write to her from the Burrow was Ron and she usually had to write to him first.

She carefully opened the envelope and unfolded the parchment that was inside. Fred. Fred Weasley, the boy she had fancied just a little since her second year when he confronted Malfoy for calling her a mudblood, had written to her. She squeaked, startling Crookshanks who was curled in the middle of her bed. “Sorry Crookshanks.” She says as the cat walked out of the room with his tail in the air.

She sat down and read the letter, smiling slightly at Fred’s words. He thought she needed a friend besides Harry and Ron, which all things considered was true. He wanted to be her friend! “He wants to be my friend!” She squeaks again, covering her face with her hands. “Get it together Hermione. It’s Fred. He’s your friend's older brother. He’s just being friendly.” She says again, as her heart rate went back to a steady pulse.

She grabbed a spare piece of notebook paper and a pen and started writing.

Fred,

Thank you for the letter! It was a nice surprise given everything that’s happened recently. I wouldn’t mind having another friend honestly. Harry and Ron are great, but sometimes I think they get tired of me. Well Ron more than Harry but I can tell when I’m rambling about muggle things too much. Harry usually gives me a look, not that he’s being rude or anything but he can read body language very well and I sometimes struggle with that.

I also wrote a letter, to McGonagall, to get some help with something I want to do. I can’t tell you what it is just yet, but you’ll know when it happens. My mum and dad are worried about me, and I didn’t tell them anything that happened this year. I can’t without being told I can’t go back, and I need to go back. I need to learn and help Harry.

I really hope that we can be friends and that we are able to write this summer. I think I might be coming to stay with you all earlier than normal if my plans fall into place. I’m trying not to think too far ahead, but sometimes my brain just can’t stop. It’s gotten to the point that I am sometimes awake for hours at night, just staring at my ceiling wondering what’s going to happen to the wizarding world now that You Know Who is back.

Oh… I’m rambling, you don’t want to hear all my worries. I’ll stop with that now. I hope you write back soon if you can and if not I’ll see you soon.

Hermione.

She scanned over the letter, and tied it to Errol’s leg with a bit of string from Fred’s letter, and watched as the slightly bedraggled owl set off into the night. She closed her window, padding across her room to her bed, throwing back the covers, and grabbing her book so she could read before she called it a night.

It wasn’t until she heard a knock on her door and her dads muffled voice on the other side telling her to turn out her light that she finally went to sleep, a smiling red-headed boy in her dreams.

[sundimus]

Holy fuck tumblr wouldn’t let me answer your ask directly for some reason so I copy-pasted my response and put it under the cut KJLFSDKJLSD good lird ANYWAY ANON IF YOU SEE THIS, HERE YOU GO

ANON!! i am extremely flattered that you asked me this but I have to admit, I am still somewhat new to transformers myself dfsksdkls So far I've only seen Animated, Prime, Earthspark, and all the live action Bayverse movies including Bumblebee Knightverse. I still wanna watch G1 and the Unicron trilogy (i think thats what its called) along with Cyberverse. Plus I wanna read the comics too. Good lird there's a whole lot of 'formers. Most of what I know when it comes to the continuities I haven't seen yet have been from tumblr posts. I dont know how much you've seen or what you watched so I'll answer as though you're brand new BUT in my honest opinion I think I'd start with the G1 cartoon! Most (maybe all) of the episodes are on youtube last time I saw, and I think it's the one that captures the spirit of transformers the best. Like I said I haven't actually seen it yet but it's my favorite just from what I have seen floating around. I myself started with the Bumblebee movie which was very good and I loved it and I'm glad my best friend started with that one for me cause Bumblebee was one of the only transformers I knew (the others being Optimus Prime and Megatron) and I was like ok this is great I wanna see more AND THEN my friend had me watch the Animated series next which I also loved but it also spoiled me a little bit because it has my favorite version of Megatron and so now whenever I see a different continuity Meg i'm like "man i miss animated megan. he was the best. loved his voice." Earthspark Megatron is extremely good tho like he's sailing up to the top for me. So after G1 I'd watch either Earthspark or Bumblebee movie next. BB Movie is just a slight Bumblebee origin story (when it comes to his time on Earth, not his like. actual childhood or anything) and it focuses exclusively on him and Charlie the human girl but it's very fun and if you like Bumblebee you'd love it (hopefully) Earthspark is kinda doing it's own thing. It's post-war and focusing on new characters, but old characters are still pivotal to it and honestly the animation alone is *French Kiss*. Super nice, if you like found family themes then this will be your cake and platter because that's literally the entirety of the show. Animated is extremely good too, I gotta shout it out. Everyone looks different and the plot line is kinda to the left of the normal "Autobot vs Decepticon 4 million year war" plot. Their chins are huge for some reason. BUT IT'S GREAT, I've seen it said that it's a series that ended too soon and LITERALLY YEAH. EVERYONE WHO'S SEEN MOURNS OVER THE CANCELLED SEASON 4 OF IT. INCLUDING ME. I need to rewatch it though now that I know all the characters better from the other continuities. Prime is also good, like it's very popular from what I've seen and I did enjoy it. It's a bit more on the serious side, like the mood and the lighting and plot are all darker compared to other continuities, but the Megatron in it is just so... wacky?? if that's the word I'm looking for, but like he's so strange it's impossible to take the show seriously in my opinion KLJDFSKLDS. The characters are all beautiful even though it's a bit uncanny since in this one the bots don't have noses. I can't stand Prime Starscream tho. But that's just me, don't let what I say bias you. The Michael Bay (Bayverse) directed live action movies are... okay. Like I didn't dislike them particularly, but there's a reason why many people don't like them DSLKJSD they're not that good imo. However, I did love the Age of Extinction movie idk what it was about that movie but I rewatched it like 11-12 times and I forced like 3 of my friends to watch it with me. I loved that movie. It was the only movie out of the Bayverse ones that I liked. The best parts of those movies to me were just the scenes where the actual transformers show up, but it wasn't a lot. And those are just the ones that I have seen personally. I couldn't tell you which comic you should read first, or what other continuity you should dabble in, cause I'm still trying to get through everything myself. I don't even have one of the games yet😔BUT you can probably start anywhere and eventually the more you expose yourself to them, the more everything makes sense! At least that's what's happening with me. I HOPE MY LONG ASS ANSWER SATISFIES YOU, I'VE HONESTLY NEVER BEEN ASKED MY OPINION LIKE THIS BEFORE ON TUMBLR DSKLDSKLS

[jodilin65]

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2019 Tammy left a message at around 3 a.m. her time on our group letting me know she’s been admitted to the hospital for her sarcoidosis. She also has a mystery infection.

40 minutes after I spotted the message, I called her. She sounded terrible. Her voice was raspy and very low-pitched, almost like a guy.

I let her know I’d be around through the night but haven’t heard back from her as to what’s going on. She said her pulmonologist was to be visiting her in the morning. They have her on IVs. She’s being given antibiotics as well as steroids. She started the kidney medication but doesn’t know if it’s going to help yet. Hopefully, they now know the exact location of her infection.

They’re having this limited edition of cotton candy-flavored grapes at Sam’s and they really do taste like cotton candy, as strange as it sounds. It’s a very mild flavor but definitely noticeable.

Couldn’t wait to polish my nails, better or not, so I polished them pink and then with the blue crackle polish I just got. Missed that stuff!

I’m back on Amazon. Wasn’t getting anywhere with Kobo who doesn’t make it easy at all to unpublish your stuff, so I contacted them. I told them I was going to have a professional editor tackle my books when in fact I’m probably not going to use them anymore. I also don’t like how you have to accumulate so much money before they pay you. On Amazon, you get paid for everything you sell each month no matter what you make. There’s no quota you have to meet. I also like how they’ve made publishing easier.

The question is whether or not they’re still ripping some of their unknown authors off. Aly will answer that question soon enough because there are a few titles she’s interested in. Really appreciate her support!

I’m also back on Duolingo. With my memory issues, I’m not learning any new languages right now. Besides, there really isn’t anything I care to learn at the moment. However, I reset the 5 courses that I’ve completed there and am rotating between them just for fun and to keep things fresh in my mind.

We had a fun and unexpected storm. It’s a good thing I was up before it started because I heard the loudest thunderclap since Arizona! The windows rattled in their sills. It started raining when we headed for Rite Aid and I loved it because it kept traffic on the ground and in the sky quiet. The storm is over now so I’ve got my earbud in so I don’t have to listen to the commercial planes until after midnight. The small planes are enough.

I hate that it’s going to get down into the forties tonight! We might actually need to start running the heat in the early mornings.

Anyway, I wanted to pick up some Merlot and we both wanted treats, so off we went to Rite Aid. As the lady at the register was ringing us up, a couple of black people briskly walked out with some booze they stole. The woman reported it to her manager, saying they looked familiar.

Tom later told me he knew they were going to steal something, but I didn’t see them until they were exiting. He also said they were underaged.

This is the Rite Aid where an old lady that lived here got killed, also by a black person. The thug ripped something off and knocked her down on the way out, and because she was old and frail, the fall ended up killing her.

You know, people don’t usually come up with labels out of the blue for no reason. No, they’re not all thugs but many are. So if they’re really as bothered by the way people perceive them as they claim to be, maybe they oughta think before they act. Sometimes our labels really are earned and deserved.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 27, 2019 Decided I’m not going to title entries when it isn’t necessary. The only place I write on that requires titles is PB. Instead of copying from blogs to Word, I’ll just drop each entry into it from Google Docs.

To suddenly list the “okay” hand signal as a hate signal is utterly fucking ridiculous. What’s not going to be okay next that’s been okay for centuries? Hate living in a world full of pussies where everything is oh-so offensive. When they decide that wearing pink is a hate sign, they can go fuck themselves!

Turned out to be a quiet night last night and so far tonight. Can’t even hear the freeway. The wind must have shifted. The only thing I heard after midnight was a small plane playing the circle game.

I’m Amazed to say I slept through trash and recyclables pickup, but glad I did and that I’m feeling more refreshed today. Went on a quick 15-minute walk while there was still enough light to keep the skunks away. No loose German Shepherd or other dogs. Doing my strength training and stretching exercises, as well as sprinting bursts that will total 10-15 minutes, giving me about a half-hour of cardio.

Lost the other pound I gained, and my hips feel great today. Just a little light-headed.

Requested a refill on my poison and if they don’t have Sandoz, we’ll go elsewhere. Still feeling calm and loving that I’m just about 9 days from menopause! :-)

Hate the eyeshadow guards I got that you stick on your face. They’re way too sticky and it hurt to pull them off of the delicate skin under my eye. Plus, they’re kind of wide, so one end sticks to the hair by my temple.

Again I saw the gold SUV at Ralph’s place and heard some hammering. We really can’t go long without doing something around here, can we? However, I can’t swear that the hammering was coming from there. It probably was but I don’t know for sure.

Tom is still waiting for Google to approve his app and has already begun the next one.

Looking forward to the newest season of Law & Order SVU.

I’m not worried about it because it didn’t leave me with that ominous feeling that dream premonitions sometimes leave me with, but I had a dream I was told by a doctor to get an MRI. I don’t know why, though.

I swear I have a faint reddish stripe forming on my thumb and that my nails, for the most part, aren’t getting better. That’s okay, I’m not going to anyone other than the eye doctor until March!

The pre-cancerous spot on my back that she sprayed did something weird. A small raised patch of dry skin like a scab formed over it but I was able to scratch it off. Didn’t even bleed. I’m just surprised that after all this time It would do that. Shortly after she sprayed it, it went flat and became pretty invisible.

As I was lying on a gurney in the hall of the hospital waiting to be wheeled into a room somewhere in another dream, a healthcare worker came up and started massaging my feet which I could feel a little through my shoes.

“Feel good?” she asked.

I said yes and wished I didn’t have shoes on.

In the last dream, I remember well enough to put into words, Tom and I had just moved into some house somewhere and the bedroom had a very odd design. The walls were at odd angles, but it was a large room that I seemed excited to set up. I decided on what wall to place the bed on because I didn’t want to block the floor heater that ran along one wall which is common in the Northeast.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2019 Because no one’s been staying there at night, I’m thinking Ralph’s house went to a flipper. Saw that gold SUV parked there earlier and heard the whirring of a saw that definitely wasn’t in back or coming from next door.

Woke up surprisingly tired even though I slept well. As expected, my hips are stiff and sore so I’m going to take today off. I still don’t have to exercise every single day. 4-5 days a week is enough.

Today’s sounds in the circus called Lakeview…Santa’s dog and someone running and gunning a motorcycle before they turned it off completely. Don’t know that the motorcycle was in the park, but it was probably down the street by Dixie. Some people just love attention. rolls eyes

No planes yet, but it’s after 8 so they should soon be a noticeable nuisance until after midnight.

As my thyroid levels go up, I find myself getting warm easily, especially in this hot weather. But when I’m low on thyroid, I’m horribly cold and tired. It seems I have to be either too warm or too cold. At least it hasn’t caused me to be anxious…yet.

Kobo confirmed I wasn’t doing anything wrong when I asked why I haven’t gotten any sales and they said it appeared that my covers weren’t professionally designed, and gave me a link to a designer and a marketing company. What’s the point of being self-published if you’ve got to go through all these agencies that are going to cost you a shitload of money with no guarantees in the end? And how does Kobo know my covers aren’t professionally designed? By their file name or something? Something in their appearance? I thought most of them looked quite professional but again, it doesn’t matter if something isn’t meant to be. I don’t know if it’s by design or by happenstance, but I really do have a feeling it isn’t meant to be. It seems that whether it’s something simple or far out, no matter how good I may get at it and no matter how much I may deserve it, I’m just not one of those who’s meant to realize her dreams. This used to bother me a lot when I was younger, but now that I’m older, I’m okay with this “fate,” “plan” or whatever it is because there’s more to life than making money and I still enjoy writing regardless. Writing is very competitive and a very black-and-white world where you either don’t make shit or you get rich and famous, and I definitely don’t want fame.

I’m still going to take Tom up on his suggestion and do more research on self-publishing companies before we consider spending money promoting me to see what the best money-making places are. Even though Amazon was ripping me and many other authors off, there were some sales there. Still, it’s too much of a gamble and we could use our money for more important things. I’m not going to be an author and that’s okay.

Okay, it’s great that my running shorts are already looser, and I lost one of the two pounds I gained, but I’m DONE for nighttime walking. Right as I was rounding the corner heading toward the office, that fucking German Shepherd was walking around the parking lot. I don’t know if it’s a stray or if someone just lets it run loose but it’s somehow getting into the park. There must be a gap in the fence somewhere. I hate to think it’s a service dog living in the park and the owner is letting it run around loose, but anything is possible. This is the second or third time I’ve seen the damn thing. It’s probably harmless, as by now I would think it would have been caught and put down if it wasn’t, but I don’t feel comfortable with a dog nearly as big as me running around. I didn’t come here for that shit. I’d rather just go out in the daytime when I can and have to listen to landscaping and people’s dogs barking at me when I jog by.

Anyway, I turned and walked away briskly, trying to remain calm and not run, knowing they can sense fear. Once I got around the bend, I ran most of the way home. So yeah, you could say I met my exercise goal for the day. Ended up doing about 15 minutes of running over 4 MPH, plus about 10 of walking, and then I did some strength training and stretching exercises.

No cardio for me today but I think I’ll do some upper body work, after all, even if I’m naturally strong while not naturally thin.

Found Aly’s newest account on Twitter, although it’s an account she’s actually had for a while but deactivated. She calls it her writing account. I’m a little surprised she hasn’t blocked me from it.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 2019 I was last anxious on the 26th of last month, so any time now it’s going to return. Sandoz makes me better but not perfect. So far, 4-8 weeks is as long as I can go taking a full dose daily without issue. I would be truly surprised and delighted if I made it past the end of next month without being anxious, but I know that’s just a dream. No problem, though. I’ll just cut my dose back till I get close to my next round of labs. I got this now. Yes, I really do. :) :) :)

Poor Dixie and Diane. Dixie said Diane fell at her program yesterday morning on her face, had to go to the ER for X-rays of her face and upper body, and the doctor was adamant about her “boarding” Diane, saying that one person can’t care for her. Dixie is obviously heartbroken, although she knew this day would come. Sadly, it makes sense since Dixie’s really getting on in age and barely able to remember things and how to take care of her own self.

I hate to think of how horribly lonely she’d be without Diane. I feel so bad for her and I worry for her for the same reasons I worry about us getting old and to the point where we can’t be self-sufficient. Dixie and I both know all too well that the places that take people like Diane, as well as nursing homes, can often be abusive. There’s always at least one person there who’s going to treat the residents like they’re a burden instead of people who need help living their day-to-day lives. There is a Donna A in all these places and that one Donna A can make the dozen Michelle Ss seem pretty powerless. That was the math teacher that took my roommate Denise in and almost took me in as well before my bitch of a mother decided to give me the privilege of letting me come home.

Almost done watching the Simone Biles story on Hulu and it’s pretty inspiring. Not to get into gymnastics, of course, but just to get back in better shape. When I went out last night, my little red running shorts were tighter than ever, and I felt a bit breathless and out of shape. Too many days off really makes a difference, so energetic or not, I’ve got to make a point of being more consistent. I can build my stamina back up and lose the 2 lbs. I gained quickly and easily enough. Can’t lose any more than that, but I can certainly lose inches and get myself in better shape and that’s what I intend to do. I’ve put together a strict regimen, but I’ve spaced it out in a way that won’t seem so overwhelming. This means sprinting on the treadmill for 1 minute every half hour, walking for at least a half-hour be it indoors, on the treadmill, or a mix of both, and then alternating between a half a dozen or so Bowflex exercises every other day.

Even brushing my teeth means not standing still. No reason I can’t do some squats and leg raises while brushing. I get that I’m in pretty good shape for one who’s almost 54 and wouldn’t be considered heavy by most people, but that doesn’t matter. The point is that this is good for anyone to do and I know it will make me feel better. :) So just a little cushy or not, I’m determined to be more active. I just may have to ease into this routine over the next few days rather than jump right in if I don’t want my hips to be killing me. I still have some joint issues to consider.

Tom is working from home this evening, but probably not for long.

Finally, a detailed dream I remember. I was able to keep a schedule and therefore a job as well. I work second shift, though I don’t know what I did. One of my coworkers was Margaret M from Valleyhead of all people. I hated her. She was a mean evil witch like her sister Donna. Yet Margaret was sweet and kind to me in the dream. I ended up going to her place after work one night. Since it was late, I expected the others she lived with to be in bed and for us to have to be as quiet as possible. But the large house was lit up with several people milling about as she went to fix us sandwiches. After that, she offered me a watermelon-flavored drink and I said I’d love to try it since I usually stuck to the same boring brand to save money or something like that.

Then she disappeared to talk to some others and left me searching the various cans of drinks that were sitting on the table and countertops in search of the one that was for me. I couldn’t find anything, so I had to ask her about it.

I also asked what time she was planning to get up in the morning. She said she was “ahead of schedule” and would sleep until 7.

“Then once we’re awake enough, you’ll drive me home since I don’t have money for a cab?” I asked her.

“Mmm-hmm,” she said, even though I could have used my card to pay for an Uber or something.

Then I went upstairs where it was quieter, realizing I should call Tom and let him know where I was so he wouldn’t worry about me. I thought maybe he wouldn’t notice that I hadn’t gotten in if he crashed earlier but realized he would definitely be worried if he didn’t see me in the morning. So, I pulled out my phone which didn’t look anything like my phone and it began “warming up” and searching for contacts.

Then I had some vague dream about sleeping in a large bed with Kim and Aly in a large room, although I don’t know where we were. Aly was in the middle. Kim and I both had sound machines running, each playing a different nature sound, while Aly remembered that she had to go give some paper to someone in an office (in a hotel?).

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2019 Waiting until 9 when it should be cooler to go out walking. It was a hot day of 99°. This should be the grand finale of the heat, though.

My dentist appointment went well. Just a little plaque build-up along the lower gum line, so I’ll be sure to start flossing more. Also, they’re not selling my special fluoride toothpaste anymore because I can get it cheaper online.

On the way out, that white van was working in front of Lawrence’s again, but I never heard anything inside our house and it was gone when we got back.

Whoever bought Ralph’s house has a large dark blue SUV, but it must not be too loud because I saw it parked there when we got in, then noticed it was gone later on and that I hadn’t heard anything loud go by.

Wish we could move where Holly lives! She’s not in an adult community but it’s a gated community and super quiet. Probably not manufactured homes either. No loud sounds are allowed on Sundays. There are no planes or anything there. She just hears a coyote howling every now and then. I don’t think she’s in the city, though. More like a small town like Auburn. She said it was almost too quiet when she first moved there and it took time to get used to but now she can’t imagine it any other way. I personally can’t imagine living anywhere quiet. This is definitely what I’m used to.

The planes were annoying last night but not tonight, which I’m guessing may have something to do with the heat.

We stopped at Jack-in-the-Box on the way home and I got some chicken strips.

Aside from whenever we get around to getting our eyes examined, it’s great to be appointment-free for half a year! I couldn’t make my next appointment the same day I see Dr. A, but I was able to get it for the next day.

A little later…

Wasn’t out long. Too warm. Damn, though! My red shorts are tighter than ever. I’ve got to be more consistent with working out regardless of energy levels and temps after today. Can’t wait to get my new PC, whatever it will be, but I’ll just have to deal with unplugging and replugging my Macbook Air whenever I work out indoors until then. Might even resume the Bowflex too. My muscles stay when I get lazy but any lost inches don’t. No more rice either. Fast food may not help but the Chinese rice I sometimes get from Sam’s is bad for fatties.

Forgot to mention that Tom and Holly talked about our electric car. Guess she’s interested in switching over too, so she was curious about milage and range and all that.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2019 Tammy hasn’t checked in on Facebook or my last group post and I’m hoping nothing’s wrong. Hopefully, she just has a lot going on. Even more so, I hope she began the medication without any problems and that it’s helping to reverse her kidney issues.

Talked about it with Tom who is amazingly supportive and decided that if Tammy does go before I do, and I would think so since she’s not only older but unhealthy, I’m going to make whatever plausible excuse I can come up with not to go to the funeral. This is for a few reasons. First of all, I can’t even guarantee I’ll be able to go. There’s only so much control I have over my schedule. Most importantly, I don’t want to see her narcissistic brats. And besides, if she’s dead she isn’t going to know it, and if she lives on somehow, then she’s not there; only her body is.

I found a couple of accounts of Paula’s on Facebook. One I’m sure is hers and the other probably is. It’s funny because the one where she shows herself, she’s listed as being a nurse’s aide. Yeah right. She may be incredibly dumb, but if she could shut her trap long enough to listen, she definitely could do menial tasks that were simple and didn’t require a lot of thinking. She can keep a schedule. Can’t see her as a nurse’s aide, though, so that’s probably something she just made up.

I let her know just what I thought of her for dumping me despite all I did for her for so many years, not that she’ll ever see the messages. These accounts haven’t been used in years.

I decided that since I’m having this horrible writer’s block despite my wonderful writing tools, I would take my other PB account and share Roomies there which is basically a continuous story with no real beginning, middle or end as it’s told through the main character’s journal. They reminisce about the past, as well as the present and future, so there’s no real “story” other than the experiences they write about.

Dixie’s niece from Hawaii visited her and they had a good time. I won’t be seeing her this week because of the railing installment.

Tomorrow I get my teeth cleaned and hope I don’t have any cavities or anything, and I don’t think I do. I just have to remember to get more of the fluoride paste. I’m also going to try to schedule my next cleaning the same day I see Dr. A so Tom only has to take one day off for both appointments.

I decided to block Molly on Twitter since I’m using my main account again to tweet pics when I wake up because I simply don’t want to hear from her. She must not check my account as much as I thought she did because she hasn’t mentioned being blocked. Maybe she doesn’t follow me as much as I thought and maybe those Texas hits on my tracker weren’t her, even though it’s pretty likely that it was. Texas is a big state, though, so as unlikely as It is, just maybe she really has moved on and doesn’t even think of me. After all, the comment she left on Aly’s reply to me would have been flagged in her home feed. Maybe that’s the only reason she responded then was because I was practically right in front of her face. Or maybe she just won’t admit in a tweet that I blocked her, not that she can’t see my tweets if she logs out.

We decided to make a day trip of our San Francisco getaway rather than overnight since it would save a lot of money if we didn’t stay at a hotel, though we don’t yet know when. I hate motels and hotels anyway. Too noisy. And then I have to try to sleep through his snoring and all that, so it’s not worth it unless we were going out of state for a longer period.

It should only take us about three hours to get there, counting the times we have to stop and charge the car, then we’ll spend about three hours on the island, and then another three working our way back home.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 2019 Watching Two Sentence Horror Stories on Netflix and it’s pretty good. Like most series these days, there are only a few episodes and just one season, but it’s a US show and interesting so far. Couldn’t get into Quicksand or Elementary on Hulu, which is what Tom’s watching. I need a break from the crime docs because they’re not only depressing but I get tired of so many violent criminals getting off with barely a slap on the wrist while I lost half a year of life and thousands of dollars for nothing.

I absolutely love the ease of having short hair, although I think most people wouldn’t exactly consider it short but more like shoulder-length. Barely shoulder-length, anyway. Before it was cut it was creeping just past my shoulders. Do I think it looks better than long hair on me? I don’t know. I think style matters more than length, but even if it looked horrible, comfort is my thing these days as opposed to looks. If it wasn’t, I’d be starving myself silly.

This flu shot went over easier than expected. The soreness in my arm only lasted a few hours and I didn’t wake up with extreme fatigue the next day.

I am kind of tired today even though I slept a long time last night. I’m now getting to the point where my sleep is going to be hit or miss. It’s been a surprisingly quiet day today, although not as quiet as some other places I’ve lived, of course. Tomorrow it’s back to the zoo. Lots of landscaping, more loud traffic, planes galore.

Tammy has been on my mind a lot. She said she’ll let me know how the experimental medication goes after she talks to a pharmacist. She’s afraid to start it because of the warnings on it. If it warns you about asthma, then what do you do if you have sarcoidosis which is much worse? She said there are a few different possible cures for sarcoidosis but all of them would kill her, so that’s out of the question, and of course, autoimmune diseases can’t be cured.

Following her health has been sad and scary but definitely educational. I’ve learned a lot more than I ever wanted to learn between both our health problems, but am glad I did. I miss the days when I thought thyroids were just teeny little pea-sized glands at the nape of our necks that only controlled weight and wasn’t the least bit important, LOL. I suspected the problem was my thyroid long before I was diagnosed and put off doctors until it was a little more convenient to get officially diagnosed with a wave of my hand saying, “It’s only a thyroid. No big deal.”

Goes to show how little I knew!

With her kidneys failing and my thyroid half-dead, it has made me all the more grateful for the things that do work. No longer do I take body parts that function well for granted. So I mentally patted my kidneys and liver which I was told work great with a smile on my face thinking, “Good job guys, good job. Keep up the good work!”

Nowadays I want all the details Tammy’s able to give me and then some. I’m arming myself with as much information as I can. As I learned the hard way, what you don’t know really can hurt you. Had I known what I know now about the law, I could have prevented myself from losing thousands of dollars, months of freedom, and a whole lot of grief. Easily.

Had I done my research upfront, I probably could have spared myself from a lot of the medical drama I’ve gone through on account of a finicky medication that has a very fine line between being helpful and hurtful as many Black Box drugs do.

So now I’m determined to do as much homework as I can, even though I’ve never had any interest in legal or medical stuff. Never wanted to be a lawyer. Never wanted to be a nurse or a doctor. But if I should ever be as unfortunate as to have my own kidney issues in the future, at least this will jump-start me on what I should know. As one who loves to learn things anyway, I’m determined to study various diseases and illnesses one body part at a time, as time permits. Like I said, who needs medical school when you’ve got the internet? :-)

Forgot to mention my own medication plans and it’s really quite simple. As I told my doctor, I’m back to taking a full dose every day. I’m going to keep doing that until I get anxious again and then drop back to the hypo dose, as I call it, and stay on that most days until 6 weeks before my next lab visit. Then I can bring both my TSH and cholesterol numbers down for the record. I’m hoping not to get anxious this month, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I was sometime next month, even if it was mild.

We went to Petco earlier where I decided to spoil the rats and pigs. I got the rats these fur-lined tubes and everybody got new chew toys. Of course the fur wasn’t real. The pigs got some food as well, but only because we had a coupon. We get the best deals on their food on Amazon and I get rat blocks at Walmart.

Several people have asked if rats and guinea pigs are different. For the most part, yes, very much so. Different habits, different diets, different behavior, different lifespans… Rats are much smarter as well. The only real similarity is that they both have two upper teeth and two lower teeth that are always growing, which is why they chew a lot.

My MacBook Air is getting old, so I definitely need to upgrade to something new, which I’ll do when they start having holiday deals. The question is whether or not I want to stick with Mac or climb back into Windows. I would prefer to stick with a Mac because that’s what I’m used to and that’s safer, but I don’t know that we could afford exactly what I want. My MacBook Air is causing issues with both the monitor it’s connected to and my keyboard. Sometimes I have a hard time waking up my monitor and have to reboot. My wireless keyboard has delays here and there, so I’m now using a wired Windows keyboard that used to be my favorite. When they first came out with flat keys, I hated it because it just felt so weird. Now the raised keys feel weird. But this keyboard is functional until I know what I’m going to do. Can’t use a smaller monitor as I’m blind even with glasses.

Once I do get something new, I can use the MacBook Air for puzzles while I’m on the treadmill. Don’t know if I’m going to get a large laptop for my work computer or a desktop with a larger monitor, but probably the latter at this point. The question is which operating system I’ll go with.

The most important thing is getting as much memory as I can because that’s part of what’s causing my problems with my rapidly aging MacBook Air is lack of memory.

Not much in the way of dreams other than bits and pieces of things that don’t make enough sense to put into words. I just remember a quick dream where Tammy was cooking something. Dad was alive and in the room with us. Tammy was saying she didn’t want to add salt because it wasn’t good for her and I was remembering the days when we were all young/younger and didn’t have to worry so much about ingredients.

Then there was one that I hope doesn’t mean anything though I don’t think it does. Tom and I were in this room somewhere and I think they were doing some kind of medical procedure on me. The lady there was saying something about something in 20 years. My dream self thought that in 20 years I would be 78. I hope it doesn’t mean I’ll need some kind of procedure at 58 since that’s just over 4 years from now! I don’t think it meant anything, though. This dream didn’t leave me with that feeling I get when something does have meaning.

Then I had a fun dream where I was outside somewhere and this super friendly squirrel wanted to be my friend. It kept hopping onto me and climbing all over me. I was afraid to handle it too much, though, not knowing if it would freak out and bite me if I took hold of it.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2019 Tom is setting up his website and I’m going to help him with the creativity part of it since I’m more artistic in that sense. He’s hoping to have his next app out this weekend but there are no guarantees.

I chatted live with Tammy yesterday (until I had to pee) because she hates to type or leave voice messages via phone, Facebook, whatever.

Anyway, it wasn’t good news at all. In a post to my group, she said her health was failing and her kidneys weren’t functioning well. The first thing that came to mind was that strong nagging feeling I’ve had these last 4-5 years about something bad happening to her when she’s 62. I just never knew what or how bad it would be. I don’t get to pick and choose what I sense or dream. If I could, I’d be picking winning lottery numbers for sure.

Since I’m not always by my phone, we played a little phone tag and then finally got to talk, and I’m not sure what to think. Before we spoke, I gave myself a quick crash course on kidney disease. Yeah, who needs medical school when you’ve got the internet these days? What I did learn was that there are stages of kidney disease, 4 being the worst and the point where they put you on dialysis.

I also found a chart that lists the life expectancy by age, gender and GFR. According to a woman her age, you have between 3-18 years. I’m hoping that they will turn things around and that even if she doesn’t exactly make it well past 80, she still has many more years ahead. I read they don’t put you on dialysis until you’ve lost 85% of your kidney function.

I don’t know what to think. She says the doctor says she’s “done,” and she has taken the house off the market but still plans to eventually move. When she said this, it gave me hope that this could be turned around. She really wants to live in the mountains, unlike me who’s had enough of the damn mountains. I want to be in a tropical climate and on flat ground after being inland since 1992 and in mountainous terrain since 2004. The mountains in the West are a lot bigger than in the East, though.

As I said, I don’t know what to think. I just don’t know. I just know that unfortunately, when I have such a vibe, I’m never wrong. That doesn’t mean she’ll be checking out of Hotel Earth anytime soon, though. :) So hopefully the worst this will be is just a serious inconvenience. People with the most horrible prognoses have turned out to beat some pretty amazing odds, so we’ll see.

She has been known to be quite a hypochondriac and I can’t always tell if she’s really in serious trouble or she just feels like she is. God knows I sure thought I was going to die a few times in the past. But there is a big difference between feeling like you’re going to die and actually having one foot in the grave.

It isn’t just her kidneys, though. She has other problems, but she says her heart and arteries are doing well and her sarcoidosis is stable.

Not at all surprisingly, she lectured me about not taking statins, LOL. I knew the medical assistant in her would, and I will consider it sooner or later. She says not to wait too long because of the way heart disease runs wild in the family. My doctor just listened to my heart yesterday and says it sounded good, so I don’t think there’s any imminent danger. I’m much more worried about her right now. I wish I knew more about the situation and what she could expect from it, but I don’t think even she can have any idea of that until they try this special medication. I’m not sure if it’s new or experimental but it isn’t something you can just run to the pharmacist and get. It has to be delivered to you.

Appreciate the fact that she didn’t get into the girls but she might have had we talked longer.

Aly’s dumped her Twitter account again, ironically enough, after I dumped mine. Although she more than likely changed handles trying to lose me than anything else. I should know soon enough. As soon as she and Molly tweet to each other.

Pretty sure Molly looked in on me this morning, which was within 15 minutes of her tweeting about the usual obsessions.

I was discussing with Tom whether or not it would be worth attacking someone who simply threatened us versus actually striking us first. In the past, I would have said that I would only act if I were forced into a fight, but these days I think I would definitely go after anyone who attacked me for sure. I know actions speak louder than words and that threats don’t mean shit without the actions to back them up, but I think that in that case, not doing anything would send the wrong message and actually get myself taken advantage of even more and maybe worse. Plus, with my temper being worse in some ways than in the past, I don’t think I could hold back if I wanted to. So yes, I would definitely pounce. I may get my ass beat but at least the message that would be sent would be that no, I’m not going to just stand there and take it unless you’re safely tucked away somewhere out of reach making your threats by phone/internet or something like that.

I think we went about trying to soundproof the bedroom all wrong. I think we should’ve gotten plain basic king-size foam toppers and hit as much wall space as possible, including the ceiling to dampen the rumbling of planes. They’ve been HORRIBLE. Yesterday it wasn’t just early morning and evening. It was all fucking day long. The foam would look ridiculous, but at least I could sleep better and not have to go about my routine to so much vehicle noise on the ground or in the sky. Soft surfaces absorb sound much better than hard.

Tammy says with the exception of a guy that leaves to work and returns on a motorcycle, it’s still quiet there. Now that I’ve seen that state map and know that you can’t have loud exhausts there in cars and trucks and that landscaping is different there, I can see where it would be more peaceful, if not literally “quiet.” Almost any place has to be better than this place. The second noisiest place I ever lived (the NHA) was comatose compared to this for fuck’s sake.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2019 Written yesterday:

I wish I was deaf, I swear! Was it Landscaping? Nope. Was it traffic? Not really. Just one commercial plane after another after another after another… I can’t believe for the life of me that I’m the only one bothered by this. It’s horrible. Oh, I heard plenty of small planes but they’re easier to drown out. I had the music cranked up, but I could still hear the roar of commercials overhead. I couldn’t stand to sit out in a nice comfy lanai if we had one.

And then I couldn’t help but think of how Becky said she didn’t have noise in Connecticut, and she wasn’t about to have it in New Mexico. That’s so not fair! Why can’t I say that… and be able to get it? I think things will change for her soon enough, though. She doesn’t know Western culture as I do. Give it time and the barking will escalate and then the dirt bikes, hunters, and perhaps sonic booms will enter the picture, too.

I’ll settle for getting off the road, out of a flight path, and into warmer weather (I dread the cooling temps) but this article I read is proof that flight paths can change and yes, they can start flying lower. So it’d be my shit luck to move and get bombarded with planes a few years later. I am so noise-cursed. Just so, so noise cursed!

But WHY??? WHY???

Written today:

My appointment went great! My weight wasn’t up and my BP wasn’t too horribly bad at 140/80. HR was in the 80s. The nurse gave me a flu shot and I refused the usual things like the boob squeeze, butt poker, and statins.

Two hours later my arm was sore from the shot and tomorrow I’ll probably have fatigue, but at least he’ll be here, and I won’t have anything to do. Getting the laundry and all the household and pet chores done today.

Decided to let her take a look at my nails and she does think it’s from excessive nail polish and says even she has to give her own nails a break from polish for a few months every now and then, and recommends I do the same. So boring bare nails it is till the end of the year. I’ll just wear the fake kiddy nails I sometimes get to my dentist appointment because they’re kinda ugly looking.

As expected, she said there wasn’t anything I could do for the ridges. I don’t mind those as much as this discoloration but she’s pretty sure it’s not a fungus or anything to worry about. I figured as much but I wanted to hear it from her. It definitely explains the striped nail dream, though, as I’ve never had this much discoloration before.

Got my hair trimmed a few inches, stopped at McDonald’s for breakfast platters, then at Rite Aid for some Merlot and some treats. I’m in an awesome mood now that this appointment is done and over with. I always hate going to the doctor no matter how many times I’ve been there before and no matter how comfortable I may be with the doctor. Dentists don’t usually bother me, though, as long as they’re not going to do much more than a cleaning. So, after Tuesday’s cleaning with Holly and then an eye exam within the next month or so, I’m appointment-free until March! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Since I’m in a good mood I won’t bitch about all the car stereos we could hear at nearly every light (including the black chick and her own thumping bass while sitting in the parking lot waiting till it was closer to my appointment time), the screaming kids in McDonald’s, or the church next to the salon blasting their own music. Fortunately, that did stop shortly after we got there. Not even going to sweat the 3-hour trash/green waste pickup or the 18-hour plane spree.

Going to enjoy not having to worry about having to get to bed at a certain time. It will be great to sleep as long as I need to. I did beat the alarm, though, so it worked out well. Tomorrow’s Saturday, so traffic shouldn’t be an issue since I’ll probably be up by 8.

Just when I was thinking how nice it’s been not to have Robo or scam calls in a while, I’ve had 4 messageless calls the last couple of days from the San Francisco area.

Dixie tried to call twice yesterday, and I started to wish I hadn’t befriended her if all she’s going to do is pester me. I figured she probably wanted something. Yet when I emailed her later on about it, she said she couldn’t remember why she called, LOL

Again I shut down the Twitter account that was connected to Kim and Aly. I just don’t need it. Plus, it sort of bothered me that Aly blocked it from the account we were never connected on, even though I’ve blocked her before. So one less account to exist that’s been blocked by her. Noticed she’s protected her tweets again too, and I know it’s cuz of me.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2019 Rainstorm is now live and available on Kobo! Next up for publication will be Renting Ginny. Will start editing soon.

Yesterday I felt great, but today I’m feeling a bit lightheaded and sometimes I feel short of breath even though I’m plenty oxygenated enough. Not much energy either. The muscle injury in my leg definitely isn’t 100% healed so I’m taking it easy today. It actually feels a little worse today. I was on my knees rinsing something in the tub and when I went to stand up, ouch!

Tom got to do an hour of OT from the comfort of home (a conference call on Skype). So, more money while he just kicked back, listened and provided input when needed.

Tomorrow I see my PCP. I was just sitting there thinking about what the best day would be to call and reschedule my dental check-up, knowing I wasn’t going to make it on the first, when Holly called having to reschedule anyway, saving me the trouble. Sometimes things really do work out well in life! Seeing her next Tuesday. :-) Then, with the exception of our eye exams, I will be appointment-free for half a year! Yes! It’s about fucking time.

Perhaps it’s mean of me to say so and perhaps I’ve just grown to be a very impatient and intolerant person, but damn am I getting sick of all the motormouths out there that can’t shut up and let others talk, too. I was picking up the mail when Santa spotted me and came across the street to chat. On and on it went. He seems like a nice enough guy, but it just wouldn’t stop and I could barely get a word in edgewise. I had to laugh when Dixie told me that they hit it right off. But how? They both can’t shut up for two seconds so how could they possibly communicate, LOL? I’ve always found people who talk non-stop to be a bit on the selfish side. Everything’s all about, and when they ask you a question occasionally or you do get a word in edgewise, they take your answer and run with it in whatever way it relates to them. It took me three tries before I could get it across to him that I had other things to do and was in a bit of a hurry. It wasn’t just that, but I had a hard time understanding him. He didn’t talk too fast, but he talked softly and was changing subjects rapidly while some fucker was sawing.

I can’t believe how much sawing these old people do here. They really gotta limit this shit. I mean really. Enough is enough! If it’s an emergency, that’s one thing. But I don’t annoy people with my hobbies so it would be nice if I could get the same respect and consideration.

As I told Aly earlier, I’m pretty much done with the emotionally/mentally ill, not that Santa is “ill.” I’ve simply run out of patience and tolerance for their unpredictability. I’m not expecting people to be all fluff and sunshine and I’m not talking about those who get anxious or depressed like we all do at times but those in which their problems affect their behavior in a way that’s not normal or at least very questionable. Anything toxic, destructive or one-sided I can do without! :-) Aly, however, seems drawn to people with problems.

Ralph’s house has sold and if the blue SUV is the one that lives there, it’s kind of loud. Not motorcycle loud but definitely noticeable. You know, you would think that by the time one got in their fifties, they would be over their need for random attention. I thought the need to be heard, noticed and acknowledged was more of a young people thing. I could be wrong, though, as far as what vehicle lives there. I at least think that’s the one I saw deep in the carport and then there was a gold SUV parked behind them that I’m pretty sure belongs to the realtor. No one spent the night last night from what I could see. I just hope they don’t have motorcycles or dogs! Santa’s dogs are annoying enough at times. They bark when they’re being walked and they have a screened-in porch they let them bark from, so I’m glad I’m not further down the street. When they’re not right in front of the window, they’re easy enough to drown out with just the everyday household things I have running like air cleaners and whatnot.

We were surprised by some rain again yesterday, but it is warming back up and drying out.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 2019 Yesterday I was a bit light-headed, so I took a lower dose just for today as I ease my way back up to 75. At least this particular side effect does go away. It’s just going to take a few weeks.

My muscle injury is better too, so I was out there walking for about a half-hour. I did a light jog but only for a few minutes because I didn’t want to aggravate my leg. I want it to heal completely before I pick up speed.

Dixie’s bugging me to stop by even though she just saw me the other day. I like her and all that, but I do get tired of her chatting non-stop and not allowing me a word in edgewise. Even so, I offered to come down before Diane leaves tomorrow morning for a photo shoot since she wants pictures of them taken. I don’t know if she’s lonely or what, but she does keep busy most of the time. She has plenty of errands of her own to run. She’s dealing with unreliable gardeners right now and the railing still needs to be put in front, too.

Really liking the miniseries Unbelievable, especially Merritt Wever. There’s just something about her even though she’s a little heavy and not my usual type. She’s a very talented actress as well.

How the hell someone as ugly as Dale Dickey can get on TV, is beyond me. Her face reminds me of dried and cracked leather. But the show having people of all shapes, sizes and levels of attractiveness on it is more realistic than shows where everyone is slim and beautiful.

Still not remembering much in the way of my dreams lately, but the other night I did have a dream where Tammy was still in her 50s. She and Mark were excited to have a baby through IVF, LOL.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2019 Dixie called yesterday morning at 9:45 to say she was heading out, so I jumped out and into her SUV and off we went to the Social Security building. Because she’s been so forgetful and even said she’s been forgetting the way to places she’s been going for 30 years, I worried she may get lost on me, but she didn’t. We also didn’t have to wait a century either.

She had told me not to worry if I couldn’t go along, but I assured her I was available and happy to be of help. She sent me a message this morning thanking me for being such a big help. She said she didn’t realize how much help she truly needed and was grateful for my assistance. Yeah, she uses a walking stick and has a hard time just getting up out of a chair that I had to kind of tug on her arm. Plus, she was dropping things like important papers as well.

The room wasn’t that big and there were about 30 or 40 people. After the uniform guard checked our handbags, she went to one of these little computers that you input info on. She had to put in Diane’s social security number because she was there to get proof that she’s still getting Social Security in order to keep Medi-Cal going. It’s a complicated and screwed-up system but that’s just the way it works. They’re not illegals. She and Diane have to fight for basic rights and benefits.

The woman never shuts up, I swear! LOL, not even I talked nearly as much on my chattiest of days. She even loves to chat with strangers. There was a couple there that she knew too, and they got to talking. She kept apologizing for talking to them and I said it was no problem at all.

Not only has she been forgetful, but she often has to stop and think of the words she wants to use and all that. Oh, she’s forgetful all right. We were chatting with the guy sitting across from us whose mother was with him. She was pretty old, too. I asked Dixie how she managed to see without glasses and said I needed them for everything.

“So get them,” she says, and the guy and I burst out laughing. It’s like, hello, duh!

Then she looks at me and sees I’m wearing glasses and goes, “Well, I never pay attention to people’s faces,”

Haha, but she noticed my makeup right away and complimented me on it. I was a glitter whore. Gold glitter eyeshadow, pink glitter mascara, and blue eyeliner.

Anyway, it was good to get out and to help her and we even enjoyed the change of weather which brought cooler temps and some actual rain. But now I’m ready to have summer back. I was freezing my ass off this morning and I had to put my big bulky robe on which I always hate since I hate long sleeves. It’s supposed to be in the upper 80s today, so that will warm things back up. It was 84% humid yesterday.

It was weird because it was the first time anyone else other than Tom drove me anywhere since Eddy, his former coworker in Oregon, drove Blondie and me from the duplex to the house when we were moving while Tom took care of the truck with the expired plate.

Again Molly peaked in on my blog and again I asked myself why it bothered me and again I came up with the same answer… I don’t know, it just does. If she’s reading my blog then she’s reading my tweets. Therefore, I’m back to FO with my blog and I’ve protected my tweets unless I want to tweet to someone I’m not connected to. Created a bogus account so I can blog publicly without her or Aly seeing it unless they somehow find it. In that case, they would have to stumble upon it accidentally since I signed up with a temporary email.

Took care of the pigs’ liner and now I’m going to clean the master bedroom and bath before I start copying entries again and do some story editing.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2019 Still watching crime docs on Hulu and started watching Unbelievable on Netflix as well. It’s a pretty interesting miniseries. Sad and scary but interesting. It’s based on a true story.

Going to be picked up by Dixie later in the morning to accompany her to the Social Security building where she has an errand to run as an assistant of sorts because of her limited walking abilities. This should take around an hour depending on how crowded it is. This is California. Everything is crowded here.

It was a pleasant weekend and yesterday was surprisingly peaceful. We might actually get our first rain of the season today too, but if we do, I’m sure it will be just a quick drizzle. We don’t really enter the rainy season until next month.

Haven’t heard from Tammy in a while. Don’t know why she’s slipped back into silent mode. I hope my email messages haven’t ended up in her spam box. Must not have anything new to update me on, I guess.

Took care of the animals earlier and soon I’m going to do a little cleaning. Carefully, though, so that I don’t end up with my own limited walking abilities. I re-injured my quad muscle running really fast this morning.

Three weeks till menopause!

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2019 Warming the cooked chicken I got from Sam’s yesterday. I used both levels in my steamer yesterday for the first time, cooking broccoli and cauliflower on the bottom and sugar snap peas up top.

I got a blue eyeliner stick along with Caribbean coconut rum and vodka cherry soda from Rite Aid yesterday. The Caribbean coconut rum has a pleasant taste, but the cherry vodka is boring.

Bob celebrated his 90th birthday yesterday. I wonder if he ever thought he’d get that old? I know that there was once a time I didn’t think I’d even make it to 30. I just hope he and Virginia are still alive when we leave.

It may not be even remotely close to time to start looking, but rural is definitely out. Not just because I’m used to the hustle and bustle of the city but because I’d rather be annoyed with noise than inconvenienced just because people can’t shut up. In the country, there’s the shitty internet connection to consider and the fact that you can’t get things delivered there so easily like groceries and packages. Plus, the near-hour drive to the nearest city. No thanks! This is what I’m used to, and quiet, if there really is such a thing, would seem way too weird at this point.

I only want to change the distance between the street and the bedroom and get out of a flight path. Of course, I didn’t think we were in one before a year ago as far as commercials go. I don’t know why they changed paths. It would still be worth checking flight paths and seeing how close we are to small-plane airports as well. Not much we can do about helicopters. It’s only quiet here from midnight to 6 a.m. There can be some small planes and helicopters during these hours, though. Yes, you do grow accustomed to it somewhat, believe it or not.

Went out walking in the full moon just after 2 a.m. It was a peaceful walk save for one plane or helicopter and one skunk but this time I didn’t run and it stayed on the other side of the street.

Tom put new keyboard tray arms on my desk so now I can put my keyboard there.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2019 Finished watching Cold Valley and now I’m watching another docuseries, Blood Runs Cold.

Second time in a row nothing woke me up, but I don’t feel as energized as I did yesterday. Going to make this one of my two days a week off from exercise. My quad muscles are a little sore anyway from yesterday’s hard run where I nearly spilled.

Most days I didn’t notice hypo symptoms when cutting my dose, but it sure caught up to me with the fatigue I was having. It’s a different kind of fatigue too, as opposed to simply being tired from not sleeping well. It sucks. You feel like a downed airplane with engine failure. And oh, the brain fog and non-stop pissing!

So 50 is the hypo dose and 75 is the side effect dose. I took the hypo dose today to ease back into the side effect dose more gradually and hopefully reduce those nasty effects.

My nails are a bit clearer but still oddly discolored. Still not sure whether or not I’ll ask the doc about it or not.

Bracing myself for Tammy’s inevitable reminders on FB that it’s her darling narcissistic daughter’s birthday today. Why do people wish their friends a happy birthday to so and so anyway? It’s Sarah’s birthday. Wish it to HER.

It’s Nurse Kim’s birthday, too. She’s 50. Bad age. 48-52 is true hell.

I told Aly that the editing of Rainstorm was taking longer than expected. She told me to take my time since she couldn’t buy it till October since some unexpected expenses came up.

I knew it. I just knew it. She’s been getting bad with following through on things. I’m sure she’ll take forever to buy it since saving $3 is oh so hard, and good luck to myself on getting an actual review from her on it.

Despite this, I feel so bad for her right now. Her dog Leo died. She said he was struggling to breathe and they were about to take him to the vet when he died. Wonder if my poison had anything to do with it. The dog had just been started on it for a bad thyroid.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 13, 2019 My cholesterol numbers are in and shitty as ever. I totally forgot that low thyroid means high cholesterol, no matter what you eat, ACV shots or not, LOL.

I couldn’t figure out why I was light-headed and then remembered that it was because I was increasing my dose. Whenever I switch back to Sandoz from the more “anxious” brands or increase my dose, I’m initially light-headed. It will go away eventually. I just hope the anxiety doesn’t feel it has to replace it! I’m still worried about that. I would really have to see myself take 75s every single day for over 6 months without issue to finally think I may have fully beaten the anxiety. For now, only 50s can avoid it but of course, that leaves me pretty hypo. I’m gonna cut tomorrow’s pill so I can climb back up more gradually. 75s is always where I feel the side effects. Always. Lightheadedness, anxiety, etc. At least, as I can tell Dr. A, I never skip anymore.

It seems that adding the Alexa with too much bass in it playing brown noise may help keep traffic from waking me up, but I don’t want to get my hopes up too high just yet.

The skunk I saw when out on my walk proves I still have pretty good balance overall. When I saw it on the other side of the street, I decided I would start moving quickly to get further away from it faster in case I decided to take a shot at me. I started running fast downhill while keeping my head turned in its direction and veered off the road and onto the bumpy grassy area that’s definitely not the stable ground the pavement is. I almost took a tumble in this poorly lit area and it took me a few seconds to get back on the road. The first thing I thought of was Aly and Tom. Tom doesn’t have great balance and Aly’s is worse. She falls on a flat floor, she told me.

In Aly’s copy of this entry, I told her I had a dream about Molly and was glad she and her mom stopped harassing me and hoped it stayed that way. Just curious to see if she then points out that Mommy Dearest is dead. If not, then I’ll think even more that she knows I’m following her and Molly.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2019 Slept better and took a full dose when I got up, then did my tapping. Still woke up a few times but I have more energy than yesterday. Enough to go on a walk-jog. Hell, I’m even praying for the anxiety not to return even though that’s never really been effective for me and I still don’t know that there’s anything up there to hear me.

If I’m supposed to be an influencer who can sometimes influence the outcome of things with her mind/mood, well, I’m thinking of those who can take this poison with no problem, trying to be positive and say, “By God, I’m going to do the exact same thing for once and for all no matter what!” Sort of like a girl who watches all her girlfriends land a man she hasn’t been able to land herself and is finally pissed off and determined enough to do so. Wanting something doesn’t always mean you’ll get it, of course. But I’m going to do my best to influence things in my favor so I can have more energy and not feel like I’m forced to play a twisted game of Would You Rather?

Would you rather be drop-dead exhausted? Or would you rather be batshit anxious?

I’d rather have my cake and eat it too. :-)

The freeway is getting louder as it does this time of year and the planes are back in full annoyance mode, especially at night and early morning. I’ve given up on complaining because I know how much that can backfire. In this case, it’s simply done me no good at all. I’m completely ignored on Twitter and all I got when I filled out an official complaint form was told that they’d pass it along. Not, “We’re working on doing something about the problem.”

Added my Bluetooth with brown noise to my sleeping regime in place of the earbud and it started making an old-fashioned busy signal sound when it ran out of juice as it does when the battery craps out. I thought it was part of a dream at first where a few of those fat-nosed, woolly-headed bitches were verbally beating the crap out of me for who knows what.

What’s weird is that when I plug it into the charger, I first see a red light as I should. But instead of the light staying red until it turns green, it goes out and I have to unplug and replug it. Really hope I can get it to last throughout my entire sleep because it seems like it might be helpful. Worst case scenario I could bring the newest Alexa in here because that one has bass, unlike the one I have in here. This one is good for audiobooks but not music because it’s tinnier.

Would be so great to live somewhere where I could retire the stereo and simply tell Alexa to play brown noise on loop mode!

Meanwhile, since I can’t sleep with the earbuds without irritation, I’m using them during prime plane time. It’s only when I lie on them that it’s an issue. Going to have to take it to the hotel when we go to Alcatraz, though.

Wondering why the top of what’s left of my bad ear has been more sensitive lately, especially when I lie on it. Dismantling the fucking frame was supposed to eliminate that!

Scorned: Love Kills and Murder on the Internet was too predictable, so right now I’m watching a miniseries called Killer Unknown that covers a couple of cold cases from 1998 and 1973.

I was surprised to learn that less than 60% of murders ever get solved. I thought nowadays it was around 75%. I can’t imagine getting away with murder, not that I’d want to kill anyone who wasn’t trying to kill me, no matter how well I tried to pull it off. I have no doubt, however, that if I were ever murdered, the killer would never be caught. Just my shit luck, you could say, since no one who has ever screwed me over in any way has ever been made to pay for it. Don’t tell me they’ll get theirs in the afterlife. No one can know this for sure or even if there even is an afterlife, and personally, I hope there isn’t. The actual dying process doesn’t just scare me, but so does the endless possibilities of what may lay beyond if there is a beyond. To me, it’s akin to being a lost child left abandoned on the street in which anyone can come along to take wherever and do whatever to. It could be anything from a caring, motherly woman to an outright deadly pervert. One can never know.

The only thing I don’t like about the show is that they keep saying the same damn things over and over again.

If this map I found that shows the laws by state as far as loud engines go means anything at all, then Florida just became more appealing even though loud car stereos and motorcycles are an issue there. I’d also choose New Mexico over Nevada if we didn’t go straight to Florida. California is one of the six or seven states where you can do anything you want and to hell with who it may affect. There are a lot of gray states, but Florida seems to be one of the toughest as far as muscle cars and all that attention-getting shit goes. Of course, with my shit luck, the laws would change the day we got there just like they started letting motorcycles in here as soon as we got here. eye-roll

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2019 Not the least bit surprisingly, I didn’t sleep well at all. Woke up several times, once or twice to pee, and I’m pretty sure traffic got in on the wake-up calls as well. I’m experimenting with having Alexa play different sounds along with the main sound machine, but I’m not sure that’s going to help. My fatigue is too extreme to be just traffic and having to pee, and I know it’s low thyroid as well.

Also, I’m now thinking my nails do have a fungus but more likely some kind of disease. The purplish-brown spot on the thumb is the same but It seems the tannish-colored spots are “moving” around at random. I’m a pretty observant person and I did not have that spot on the right side of my left middle finger yesterday that I’m now seeing which means part of the problem is the nail bed. I haven’t been doing anything different or putting anything on my nails that could do that, and I gloved up doing the incense.

I want to question whether or not I really do have polycythemia because that’s not something that should be on my record if I don’t. I agree with Tom that even though I do have a few of the symptoms I read can be associated with that disease, I was probably just dehydrated and that elevated my RBC. Polycythemia is a rare blood cancer for fuck’s sake. It’s not dire like breast or cervical cancer, but I don’t want something like that on my record if my numbers were elevated due to a little dehydration. No, I don’t want to get a second opinion if she says that is what it is, but I’ve always believed that it’s important that things you don’t have not be on your record and things you do have be on your record so that in the event of an emergency, not that I expect any, doctors are as up-to-date as possible.

Read more on PV and the right upper ab pain I sometimes get isn’t likely connected if I do have it because it’s not only too low, but PV is on the other side. PV patients’ spleens sometimes enlarge, so that’s why they can get pain there.

Made the incense, and it’s a good thing I saved the cutter because I had to cut the oil in order to completely coat the sticks. The 4-oz bottles weren’t quite enough, so I took each scent and poured half a bottle on the sticks, which are in tin pans, then I filled the rest of the bottle with cutter and poured the whole thing on the sticks. Let’s just say it smells damn good in here and I don’t smell any trace of rodents!

The Buttered Rum, Cedarwood and Suntan Lotion smell right on. The Coffee Caramel and Creamy Chocolate Cupcake also smell as they should. The Blueberry almost smells sugary and I would never know that the Merlot was Merlot. It almost smells like cherry candy. The Mayan Musk is absolutely beautiful, and the Earl Grey Tea is good but has a hint of lemon in it which I don’t usually care for. Still has a nice refreshing smell to it. I’m Too Sexy is hard to describe. It almost has hints of Mecca or Majmua in it. Fortunately, it’s all good. There isn’t anything here that smells bad.

Even though it’s not like I ignore them, I sometimes feel guilty for getting pets. Not the fish but the rats and pigs. I feel like I’m too tired to give them much attention, and on days I’m not, I’m in a hurry to catch up on things I know I’ll soon be too tired to deal with once again.

Tom’s up now and we chatted some. We both agree a lot of the fatigue is low thyroid and that while traffic doesn’t help, it’s not all that. My joints are getting stiff too, and oh, the brain fog. :-( I’m thinking of taking full doses until I feel the anxiety setting in since fatigue is still better than that, and I now have a better sense of how to control it by lowering my dose a touch. Since I’ve gone weeks in the past on full daily doses without issue, why deprive myself until and if I get anxious? I’ll take full doses, make sure to do my EFT daily, then back down to 50s when I start getting bad until the spell passes.

It’s now been 3 years since I had all-out panic attacks. If that can improve, hopefully the “stabbers” can too. I’m less than a month from menopause, so that should help as well as my lady hormones finally make their way home and settle in for the remainder of my life.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2019 Slept much better, though I did wake up twice to pee and a few other times for no reason. No traffic or planes woke me up. Excited to be more awake so I can do more things! A little sad that I have to be excited about what should be a basic right and not a rare treat, but I’m gonna take advantage of it because the next time around will probably be like yesterday. I seem to go back and forth with that.

Went out walking for about half an hour and I mixed some jogging in as I always do. It was slightly warm, but I didn’t see any skunks. Still feeling good but I’ve got that head buzz again where it’s almost like my head is vibrating.

My oils are coming tomorrow so I’m looking forward to making more incense.

Made egg salad for the first time ever and it came out weird but edible enough. The chopper I used to chop the eggs and onions is so utterly worthless I’m going to dump it. It’s that bad. Much easier to take the paring knife we got at Sam’s and chop things with that, and much easier to clean as well. So I’m not going to be looking for a better chopper. Just an egg slicer. I do still have high cholesterol, and strokes and heart attacks do still run in my family, so I’m not going to have eggs very often at all. Maybe only every two or three months.

After I ate my first homemade egg salad sandwich, I felt like I hadn’t eaten a thing and had to add nine pieces of shrimp to feel satisfied. I was reminded again of the importance and benefits of the potato diet. That’s more than twice as many calories to fill me up as a potato would have been. So when the variety is gone, back on the potato/avocado diet I go! This way I can get my protein from the avocado and vitamins, minerals and some carbs from the potato. No sodium, cholesterol and fat. my sugar intake is also very minimal.

Can’t believe I’ve learned to cook as much as I have! Yes, the former frozen dinner queen has retired.

Still no cholesterol numbers posted yet, so I don’t know if they screwed that up or what. The nail dream explains what numbers I have seen as I said in my last entry.

I was thinking about the dream I had where I told someone I figured out the main cause of my anxiety and would figure out how to lose weight and how both these things have happened. I’m not 100% anxiety-free and I haven’t lost that much weight, but that dream wasn’t just a dream. So, when am I going to have a dream where I smile and come out and say that I’ve been able to take full doses of my medication without anxiety for quite a while? I wish!

Gave up on the latest season of Scream. I really wish these fucking producers would stop bringing politics into entertainment. Barely 10 minutes into the show and blacks are whining about how much Trump hates them. That may be so but when has he ever taken any of their rights away as he has with gays? Hell, a black guy has more rights than a white woman who wants an abortion in the wrong state.

The rat and fish were so funny last night. Bettas are pretty brave and intelligent. When I put Fuzzy on the counter, he curiously swam up to where he was to check him out. Then Fuzzy stops and stares as if to say, what the fuck is that?

Rats have red-green blindness, but he should have been able to see his blueness, just maybe not as vividly. They have shitty vision overall. Like 20/600.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2019 Aly left me 6 messages throughout the day so I don’t think it’s me she’s cutting back on communicating with. I’m thinking it’s Kim she’s pulling away from because of the way she gets carried away non-stop about June which annoys her. The ghost icon now makes sense when I think about it because Kim is into the paranormal. Earlier she tweeted that she reached out to someone depressed and their reply made her feel worse. Not sure who that could have been. She also told Molly she was in pain because she fell twice today (she’s anemic and sometimes gets dizzy, plus she bruises easily). But she didn’t mention any of these things in her messages.

The only thing about the ghost icon is that she tweeted this on an account she’s connected to Kim on. did she think Kim wouldn’t be smart enough to get it or that she wouldn’t see it?

This time around I was woken up by a loud plane instead of traffic, so I’m a little tired…as usual. Now it’s intermittent small planes I have to listen to in the wee hours of this boring night.

Anyway, I got to wake up to a bunch of shitty numbers and now I know why I had the dream of finding stripes on my nails. The dream was saying what I figured it was saying… you ain’t dying but shit’s ahead.

I was right about my TSH being in the 20s. It’s 20.93, the high end of moderate. My white blood cell count was fine, but my red blood cell count, hematocrit, and glucose numbers are slightly high. I don’t remember the blood cell numbers but this is the first time my glucose was high at 101. I think that one was my fault, though. I don’t sleep well when I’m on nights and therefore I don’t have as much energy to exercise so that could be why. I’ve been too tired to exercise more than once or twice this last week or so and that’s the way it’s likely always going to deed until and if I can ever find a place where traffic will let me sleep. For reasons I don’t know, planes have been flying lower lately, so now they’re waking me up, too. Tell me my sleep isn’t cursed and I’ll assure you you’re full of shit. The only good thing is that after those couple of days that I heard the insanely loud car visiting about a week or so ago, it hasn’t been around since.

What was weird was that my lipid panel wasn’t posted yet.

Although I have been diagnosed with polycythemia vera, I may have been slightly dehydrated at the time they drew blood which could explain the slight elevation in red blood cell and hematocrit numbers.

The PV can cause darkening in the nails, so I read. The yellowing could also be something called diabetes mellitus, but I sure hope not. I’ve never had either color in my nails before. Just a yellowy right index finger when I used to smoke. It seems to be connected to hormonal and metabolic issues, and I guess that’s why under “Conditions,” they also have Erythrocytosis listed, a secondary PV.

I do have some but not all PV symptoms. Rib and hip pain are listed, and every now and then I get this cramp-like feeling in my very upper right stomach. I jokingly tell Tom it’s a “broken liver” day. Could there be a connection to the PV, though? And how about my right hip? I suppose the hip could just be me getting older, but it makes me wonder.

I feel like I’m never going to be able to get my health on track without killing myself while I’m at it. It’s like my only choice is to either take enough medication so that I’m healthier but anxious or vice versa. Starting to feel trapped, frustrated, and kind of hopeless. I know I’m not going to drop dead tomorrow or the next day but still. I’m frustrated! I’m still pretty certain that the medication brand and something in the filler are the key to my anxiety. It’s almost like something up there doesn’t want me fully treating my thyroid. Anxiety is the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life. I would still rather give myself half-assed treatment and be a little less healthy than be anxious. But yeah, I’m stressing right now. I’m worried I may never get things right and if we’ll ever have a place I can sleep. I’ve definitely given up hope of ever being a sounder sleeper or at least getting used to being tired. I really thought UPS would be the worst of what we’d hear here as far as traffic goes. I just didn’t know there would be so many loud cars and trucks and I certainly wasn’t counting on motorcycles.

Volume makes up for distance so that’s why we need to get a place as far from the street as possible. Things are louder than they were 20 years ago so we need to get further away. But going rural presents its own set of problems, so both country and city have their share of pros and cons, you could say. Even if all the sleep disturbances aren’t literally damaging my health, it’s making my life harder than it needs to be. I could be more active and do more things if I didn’t have to spend so much time taking it easy due to being tired.

Made two eggs in the new cooker and the thing shut off before the time expired in which the two medium-boiled eggs were supposed to be in there. I probably took them out a little too soon but after I cooled them and broke them open, the yolk was runny as if I made over-easy eggs. I’ll never fry them again and have to deal with sticky frying pans ever again! I love this cooker and it was well worth the money even though I’ll use it for veggies a lot more than for eggs. The veggies take longer and are a little more work this way than zapping them but they come out so much better that it’s worth it.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 7, 2019 The KFC brought on a bounding pulse, so I’ll seldom return there are eat much else in the way of fried, unhealthy, or salty things.

My numbers are pending till 10:35 tomorrow morning. I’ll be asleep then. I made the comment to Tom about wishing I could tweak the numbers.

“Why lie to a doctor we pay hundreds to?” he said.

He’s got a point. I’d only want to change the TSH. I was hoping my TSH wouldn’t be over 16 until I realized that’s not possible. The first time I took 50, I was pushed down from 32 to 16. The first time I went on 75, I dropped to 3. Nowadays, 75 gets it around 6-7. Therefore, 50 would now bring me to the low 20s. So yeah, despite my repeated requests to be contacted via the portal instead of by phone, I’m sure her nurse is going to be calling me as if I’ve got stage 4 cancer.

Speaking of that evil number which I totally believe without a doubt is the unluckiest number on earth, I really want to skip this next birthday. Any age or year with a 4 in it, I want to be put in a coma and not woken up until it’s over! Seriously, I told Tom we’re not celebrating, we’re not doing anything.

Taking advantage of having slept well and having energy, I went on a half-hour walk. I was probably the only one walking to someone singing, “Snapchat me that pussy.” Yeah, I like rap music even if a lot of it is pretty hateful and sexist.

It was cooler out and windy, too. Saw a loose German Shepherd toward the gate and turned around and headed the other way. I know it probably wouldn’t have done anything to me but I don’t like big dogs.

Aly, how the hell are you aware of my every fucking digital move??? It can’t be a coincidence that just two or three days after I found your newest account you changed handles, protected your tweets, and blocked me. You’re tracking Twitter somehow, aren’t you? Or did you somehow manage to get into my computer and somehow install something through a link you had me click that tracks my every move?

More than likely, you get tweets sent to your phone, and before I deleted it, you saw my vague tweet about accidentally learning someone “youngish” died… Karma! You knew who I was referring to, though I’m going to try to throw you off by making up a story in part of my journal I’ll be sending you about someone’s stalker dying youngish and make you think I was talking about him instead.

Meanwhile, I’ve deactivated 2 of my 3 accounts. The one I used with Kim and Aly and the one I’d log wake-up times on. I can log my wakeups on the one private account I have left. Kim and Aly know it’s down and that we keep in touch elsewhere anyway, which we all prefer.

I understand her wanting some privacy on some accounts. I know I do at times. Sometimes I just want certain accounts not to include those I know or know well.

But after I deactivated, she ran and made that account public and I saw a tweet to someone else saying she was cutting way down on how much she talks to (inserts ghost emoji), writing regularly again, and eating healthier.

I know damn well I’m the one she’s referring to. You know, it’s funny too, because she preaches about accepting others as they are yet she sure seems to be “brought down” by those who don’t share her views and whatnot, and I’d be willing to bet that’s what it’s all about. Yeah, I can’t stand most Muslims in the Middle East, Aly, and I don’t support illegals. You better not talk to me much then!

That’s okay. She won’t be hearing from me as much either. In fact, I think I’ll skip tomorrow. Not gonna give her the slightest hint that I’m onto her, though, unless she really has a way of knowing when I look in on her. This way I can see what’s really on her mind and what she really thinks of me.

She also tweeted that while she loves her job, other things are still bringing her down. Big changes to come.

Like dumping me? Some people are truly toxic, yes, but I don’t think she realizes that she has clinical depression and that sometimes we just get depressed. Period. Instead, it seems to be easier for her to blame it on others as a man often blames his sexual problems on others that no doubt existed long before the woman (or guy) they’re with entered the picture.

But how do I bring her down? By not agreeing with everything she says? By complaining about noise? My God, how the hell can she stand Molly and all her whining and negativity then? She’s always got a problem with someone. Always. Yet after telling me a while back they don’t talk much and that’s okay with her, she tweeted to her that they should talk more. It isn’t just about us being different. I really think she’s always had a thing for the unstable. I did notice she’d been checking in less most days and for a split second, I wondered if it was me. Then I said, naw, she just started a new job and Cam’s been needing help with his medical issues. But it was me after all. Well, I do hope she sticks around, but I’m fine with swapping messages just once or twice a day because that’s enough for me anyway.

She’s dumped me before so I wouldn’t be surprised if she did it again. I wasn’t kidding, though, when I said that if she does, that’s the way it stays. I’m not going to go back and forth every few years or so. If I was smart I would tell her I saw the tweet and if that’s the way she feels, then maybe we should disconnect since she’s obviously not very happy with me, and then I just won’t make any new friends. But I think instead I’ll sit back silently for now. Especially on the off-chance I’m wrong. Why lose a decent friend if she could be talking about someone else even though I’m 99% sure she isn’t? She would probably say it was someone else she was referring to if I confronted her anyway, so silence is golden. I’ll quietly observe as long as it’s public and see just how true a friend (or not) she really is.

Tom is coding now. We ran out to Rite Aid earlier and I’m trying Tequila. Well, it’s not straight Tequila. It’s mango sparkling water spiked with Sauza tequila. It’s only 5% alcohol. How’s it taste? Weird, weird, and just plain weird. Not sure it’s anything I’ll ever get again, but it definitely has a very unique taste.

Feeling just a teeny touch off today. Because of my pending numbers? Because of Aly? IDK, maybe I’m not good enough for others.

No, that’s not true. I’m just not always what they want me to be. I’m not a bad person. Not a perfect person, but not bad. We can’t please everyone. I get that. I also get that people come and go in our lives. I’ll just enjoy her presence as long as she’s around. I think it’s just the stress of the numbers, but as Tom loves to say, they are what they are.

His inability to handle my complaints, (old ones or new ones) and lack of willingness to defend me really gets to me more and more these days. I really need to keep things to myself and just unload in my journal. Not on him.

Still, knowing someone could call me every name in the book and cut me down in every way right in front of him and that he would remain absolutely silent, hurts. It angers me, too.

As we were leaving the park today, a creeper was in front of us. As they were crawling along, I said, “Can they just do the speed limit.”

“We’re not going to run over an old lady,” he said.

Yeah, well, the old lady wasn’t in the street. They could’ve sped up without hitting anyone. It’s like he’s always gotta disagree, play down, make excuses for others, and be the opposite of me and it gets old. It really does.

Last night I had a dream that I was in a house somewhere with Tammy and some others. There was a blackout. I was in a large room and saw the silhouette of what I thought was someone sitting on a couch and asked if it was Tammy. I thought I heard a faint reply but couldn’t make out anything for sure. To see who, if anyone, was really sitting there, I went to reach for the light when the alarm went off.

Tammy’s cell phone was sitting nearby and without thinking I grabbed it when it rang, still in the dark. A guy asked if everything was okay because the alarm was going off. My first instinct was to assume it was someone from a security company asking if it was a false alarm or not and I said, “I don’t know. It started going off and I can’t find my sister.”

The dream ended with me realizing that no security company would call her phone when the house belonged to someone else.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 2019 A new season of Scream just hit Netflix. Damn! Stuff is coming out on both Netflix and Hulu faster than I can watch it, but it’s better than waiting for weeks or months for new stuff I like.

Not at all surprisingly, the fucking garbage or green waste truck woke me up and it took nearly an hour before I could doze back off, so I’m tired today. Sick of this shit. Really sick of it. Haven’t been woken up this much since I lived in apartments. I won’t get into all the shit I have to listen to when I’m awake, like motorcycles tearing in and out.

Turns out they weren’t working on the roof of a garage a few houses down but putting up a carport. I’m sure there will be something else around here soon enough. I’m tired of living with people with money. I don’t want to go back to living with the welfare bums, of course, but those with money are the ones who can afford to do all these annoying projects.

I know part of why I’m having trouble sleeping now is the stress of my blood work and appointments, but I disagree with Tom when he says the reason I’ve been waking up so easily from noise is due to perimenopause. First of all, I’ve been a light sleeper for 30 years now. Secondly, that’s virtually over. Not saying that hasn’t been part of it but I think I’m just a light sleeper who’s too close to a busy street in a time when so many vehicles are loud. Sound also goes through wooden walls better than brick.

One of the things to determine when we can escape this circus is who gets elected as the next president. Really hope to hell my vibes are correct and that it isn’t Trump, not just because of the shit he’s putting women, gays, and plenty of other people through, but because he’s so anti-insurance that it wouldn’t be wise to leave Cali with him in charge. I don’t understand why any human being on earth would want people to be uninsured but he’s obviously very much against insurance.

I’m sorry, you subhuman slimeball, but healthcare should be a human right and not a privilege. Healthcare should be provided at no cost for everyone, rich or poor, through our taxes just like so many other things are. But it’s never going to be that way in this country. I get that. But it would be a little better if a Democrat got elected because then we could probably find a more affordable insurance plan, get out of here, and live off the sale of this house and hopefully apps too, while we decide where we want to ultimately end up. My vibe says Trump will not be re-elected, but my shit luck says otherwise.

Anyway, I went to the lab and you could say I’m very worried about my TSH, moderately worried about my cholesterol, and mildly worried about my red and white blood cell count.

My nails still look worse than I’ve ever seen them. Some have a purplish tinge and they all have a faint yellow hue. Some have lifting as well. I think it’s a fungus and he thinks my nails are just dried out. Whatever it is, I’m not worried about it. I’ll leave them unpolished as much as that’s like walking around naked for me and see if they clear up. Thyroid issues are listed as one possible cause, but I don’t have lung issues, diabetes, psoriasis, or an iron deficiency.

After the lab, it was off to KFC where I got a 4-piece combo. I was going to get a 3-piece but got a 4-piece because the pieces were kind of puny. Ah, the unhealthy treat was so good! I was so hungry by then since I had to fast that I ate all the chicken, every bite of mac and cheese, and the entire biscuit. Adding a little variety for the next week, then it’s back to mostly potatoes and avocados.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2019 “I wonder if the receptionist at the sperm bank has ever used the phrase, thanks for coming.”

ROTFL!!!

Unfuckingbelievable. Only in LV will you find people working on projects at nearly 8 o’clock at night when it’s almost dark. People are working on a garage roof a few houses down. Fortunately, I can’t hear it in the bedroom. Only when I go in the bathroom.

I’m still hoping this is nothing despite the dream I had, but my nails look worse. Also, this is the first time that when I went to remove my polish as I did a little while ago, my left thumb, which has the most discoloration, actually burned. I still feel a slight tingling sensation too. Starting to think this isn’t just nail polish discoloration. I’ve been polishing my nails religiously for years and I never had this before. Discoloration shouldn’t burn or tingle either, should it? But nothing else makes sense either. Fungus, infection, cancer…just doesn’t make sense. Definitely not going to repolish them for a while. Got a bit of a white streak on one of them too, but nothing like a stripe, and the dream stripes were dark, too.

The cooker came today and it’s great. I won’t have any eggs until Sunday but I steamed some broccoli and cauliflower and it came out better than when I zap them in the microwave. They had a bit of crunchiness to them but were still soft. The microwave damages the fibers in the veggies so much that they’re almost too soft.

Can’t wait for the KFC we’ll be stopping at on the way home from the lab tomorrow! Looked up an egg salad recipe to make this weekend where I can omit celery which I can’t stand. I’m definitely going to be indulging in variety until Monday the 16th, even though my weight is still down.

I took a walk down to Dixie yesterday evening at 8 and it was still hot. We sat inside, but I wasn’t much cooler in there because this woman doesn’t believe in air conditioners, so it seems. She gave me some watermelon and we chatted for nearly two hours. She told me all kinds of things about her past and the present. How her daughter got pregnant as a teenager, got an abortion, and no one regretted it. Then she told me about her time in these nearby condos that she lived in for 30 years and thought was the best place she ever lived.

Plus, she told me some scary stories from when her kids were young and Diane had recently come to live with her. I guess there were a lot of peeping Toms in the area because one time when she was coming home with some guy, she saw this shadow of a guy running from her backyard. This was in Sacramento.

An even scarier time was when she and Diane were home alone and she heard this weird sound. She went and looked and found someone rattling the kitchen doorknob. She screamed for Diane to call the police while she put pressure on the door. Fortunately, he was picked up after being found hiding in a bush outside her place and before he could harm anyone. Some famous serial rapist was on the loose at this time, too.

She too struggled with Levothyroxine when she first went on it and even gave up on it for a while. She also said something about a drug called Cipro nearly killing her. I guess that’s an antibiotic of some kind.

She said she wouldn’t mind company tagging along to the doctor since it’s hard for her to walk, and I told her that as long as I’m available, I wouldn’t mind helping.

We’ve been exchanging jokes via email, the above being one of them, and after remembering her gorgeous nails which she showed me last night that look long, strong, and healthy, I offered to polish her nails for her if she ever wants.

Diane isn’t autistic. In her words, she’s severely retarded. I know some people don’t like the R-word but deal with it, okay? We all have our ways of expressing ourselves. If you’re that sensitive, then the Internet isn’t for you.

One of the funny things she told me that Diane’s been doing lately is telling her bus driver to go to different places instead of taking her home. Not that she isn’t happy here and not that she hasn’t enjoyed the 47 years she’s lived with Dixie, but if an idea hits her all of a sudden, she jumps to it.

Dixie said she went with a group of people to a Japanese steakhouse and did fine.

She mentioned hearing Santa’s whining dog while sitting by her open dining room window where she was doing email. I figured it was his dog, and if I lived further down the street it would be hard not to say anything. Pretty damn annoying the way they leave it barking out of the screen porch door and rude, too. Do they not realize others can hear it? Or do they just not care?

The planes are back to being an annoyance but it’s almost like they’re less often but louder. Earlier in the afternoon one flew over so low, and I was like WTF? They haven’t built another airport or brought the existing one closer, so why are they flying so low??? It just sucks because sometimes I can’t even look forward to getting peace at least at night.

Been fine for the last 10 days or so, so I’m starting to think that yeah, the dose was probably as much of an issue as the brand. So to finally have figured out how to kick my anxiety and to be 31 days from officially menopausal is pretty damn exciting! :-)

I can’t afford to let my schedule jump too far too fast these next couple of weeks so I’m taking a few days here and there where I slow it or hold it and then catch up on sleep the next day. That kind of thing. I love being able to use Alexa for an alarm. It’s so easy and so convenient!

I had some weird dream that I set up my office in the small bedroom and a younger woman was with me telling me I should check out her journal. I asked when she started it and she said 1910. I figured she was either crazy or in a time warp.

I went to the address she gave me but couldn’t read the fancy font so I said I would copy and paste it somewhere where I could change the font and read it after I had a bag of chips.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 2019 Tom’s been summoned for jury duty. He doesn’t try to get out of it like I do (since it gets him out of work), but they usually dismiss him anyway. Other than some high-profile, scandalous murder trial, I’ve never had any interest in doing jury duty and I won’t get into my lack of faith and trust in our corrupt “justice” system that gives rapists a few months in prison and years to kiters.

I suppose I’m going to get summoned next and that’s where I wish I wasn’t vindicated in Arizona or that the prank phone calls I made when I was young weren’t expunged from my record, although those were just misdemeanors. So, I have to come up with some reasonable-sounding excuse to get out of it with my squeaky-clean record. Eh, courts, cops, judges, lawyers…they can all go fuck themselves. My only use for them is an occasional role in some of my stories. Hey, nothing like a hottie in uniform, right? ;)

Maybe I won’t get summoned, though, since I don’t have a license. I use my passport when I need to show my ID because that’s all I really need since I don’t drive.

Okay, this can’t be a coincidence. It just can’t. Aly deleted her “secret” protected account. I swear she knows my every move and she somehow knows I found her account. But how? Has she hacked my computer to follow my activity or did she have a tracker on Twitter? To the best of my knowledge, Twitter can’t be tracked any more than Facebook or Ask. I just asked her on WhatsApp if there’s a way to track Twitter just to see what she says. Oh, she just said she doesn’t think so. I’d still like to know how she knows so much.

I’m not sure Molly looks in on me as often as she used to, but I think every now and then she looks at my tweets, plus PB. I’m MO now so that means she has another account I don’t know about. I keep up on the newbies, but she might have finally caught on that she needs to be a lot less obvious than she used to be when it comes to usernames. The visits I think are from her always happen to match up with times she’s on Twitter, so that’s why I think she looks in on my blog at least occasionally.

Not wanting to waste the blank incense sticks I got a couple of years ago that are left over from when I last made my own incense, I ordered 10 1-oz. bottles in the following scents.

Blueberry Cafe Caramel Cedar Wood Creamy Chocolate Cupcake Earl Grey Tea Hot Buttered Rum I’m Too Sexy Mayan Musk Merlot Wine Suntan Lotion

We’re also going to be getting this really cool egg cooker I found by accident. Great thing for one listed as a “cardiac risk” to get, huh? Hey, I’d still rather feel great and be happy and die in 10 years than suffer and be miserable for another 30. This thing is really cool because it’s cheap and can cook eggs in different ways while allowing me to steam vegetables on its upper tier as well.

Heard from Dixie a little while ago who said she was proud of herself for talking her car insurance down $150. Also, Diane will be with her sitter until tomorrow night. Therefore, she wanted to know if I could come by tonight and help her enjoy some watermelon.

Sure, I told her. I’m sleeping in late enough for evening visits, and like her, I’ve been keeping indoors due to the heat. I hate being cold and I do love summer and wearing summer clothes, but walking and jogging in near 100-degree temps isn’t my thing.

Decided that since I can’t lose weight without starving and am comfortable where I’m at anyway, I’m going to indulge in more variety next week (including meat). I’ve got the lab on Friday so I’m eating as little cholesterol as possible.

The week after next I’m going to eat as little as possible no matter what it is to ensure my weight isn’t up when I see my doctor on the 20th. Pretty much all women gain a few pounds going into menopause, but I would prefer not to. A few days of eating 1000 calories or less (my pigs are screaming for me in the other room, LOL) is one thing, but doing it every day for months is another. Plus, there would still be no guarantees that my body would drop the weight.

Now watch…every fucking show I see and book I read will have food in it to make me hungrier. They already do, but I’m sure it will be more often and much more noticeable, of course. Aly’s almost as bad as Andy was with the food talk, even if it’s just a small reference like spilling sauce on her skirt.

Out of poor, fair, good, and excellent, I’d say my sleep was good. I’m a little tired but not too bad. Traffic did wake me up as usual, and while I am getting somewhat used to being woken up, I still wish it wasn’t so damn hard to sleep here. But if it wasn’t traffic it would just be something else, even though I have in fact lived in places where I slept better, cursed overall in the sleep department or not. Really gotta crash with the earbud, even if it’s not as comfortable, rather than wait to be woken up as this is just ridiculous.

Had a dream Aly and Cam came to visit. Only Cam wasn’t a bald black guy. Instead, he was just your average white guy with thick dark wavy hair. At one point he wanted to go jogging but Aly didn’t want to go, so he asked if I would. I said I would as long as we went slow because I hadn’t been doing it in a while.

Then Aly told me she forgot to pack shorts so I loaned her a pair of mine, not that I can imagine size 10-12 fitting her. She’d probably be swimming in them.

Hoping we’ll not only always be friends but that they really do get to visit someday!

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2019 Found Aly’s newest Twitter account on which she’s connected to both Kim and Molly. Her 12 tweets are protected. I found the account when I finally found Molly through my notifications. She changed handles and wasn’t tweeting for a while because her mother died.

Bitch was 70 years old. Kind of youngish for a woman. Imagine working for so many years, retiring, and then dying a few years later? She was a horrible person, though, so it’s hard to feel sorry for her. She was a bigot in the wrong kind of way, a control freak, and even though I didn’t know her well, she showed me enough of her true colors when she teamed up with her daughter to bully, stalk and harass me. Her legal threats really got to me too, even if I could kick myself for letting them. But just like after going through a medical scare can cause medical things to become scarier, when you get legally screwed over in the name of spite and revenge, you don’t take legal threats lightly.

She just seemed like a very nasty, domineering, judgmental person who was a lot like my mother, only this one was a bible thumper.

I wonder how much longer Molly is going to remain at Marbridge and who will pay for it, especially after her father dies. If she doesn’t stay there forever, I wonder where she’ll go. I’m guessing with one of her sisters.

Anyway, the fact that Aly disclosed this account of hers to Molly and Kim but not to me, tells me something. I asked her if she had given up on Twitter or what, and she said we could just keep in touch on WhatsApp. Yeah, but she keeps in touch with Molly and Kim on WhatsApp too, so I’m thinking she doesn’t want to actively follow me on Twitter because she doesn’t always agree with my tweets. Like most of the country, she has a bleeding heart for the country’s illegals and immigrants and thinks they should be left alone to do what they want and to indulge in all the free healthcare they’re granted at our tax dollars’ expense. The only thing we agree on is when it comes to abortion and gays. But like it or not, many illegals hurt Americans, most blacks really are thugs, most Hispanics really are lazy, and most Middle Easterners really are dangerous. If not most, then at least far too many for comfort. People don’t come up with this shit for no reason.

I really hate how one can simply look up our address online. It used to be that you could opt out of having your name, number, and address in the phonebook. But now all this information is thrown online for anyone to see, like it or not. Although no one’s ever abused our address yet, how do I know someone’s not going to get pissed off at me, look up my address and call my local police department insisting I threatened to kill them or myself? They’d lose in the end when it was found out that they were full of shit, but not before I had to go through quite a headache. I guess it’s good that I’ve gotten less sociable online.

As expected, the mama’s boy has returned as of yesterday. I was lying down, and at first, I thought it was either him or a motorcycle that came zooming in, then wasn’t sure if I was hearing him leave or not. But today I saw him come and go with my own eyes. Yesterday I made the comment to Tom about a motorcycle zooming in to see if he would say no, it was that car, but he didn’t. Because he couldn’t tell? Or because he didn’t want me to know it was really that car?

Either way, today left no doubt that he’s back, as I said. What was weird, though, was that he drove out really slow, almost as if he was sneaking out, since the faster he goes, the louder that piece of shit is. That explains why I wasn’t sure if that was him I was hearing when he left yesterday.

Bastard was probably vacationing somewhere but now it’s back to listening to him every day until we move. Actually, I’ve lived in enough places to know better by now. It’s back to listening to him every day until we move. Then it will just be someone else.

I’m sure he’ll be back again today as he no doubt can’t wait to make up for lost quality Mommy and Daddy time. I’m guessing he’ll be back between 3 and 4 and will leave between 6 and 7.

I slept through most of the morning but it will be interesting to see if the planes are an issue again tonight now that it’s after Labor Day.

Yesterday, the lack of variety in my diet got to me, so I had Tom take me to Safeway. I love potatoes but after nothing but potatoes, potatoes, potatoes…it gets old. I didn’t want to get anything with that much cholesterol in it, so I avoided meat. Instead, I got mac and cheese. Multi-flavored jellybeans, too.

Only thing I remember for dreams was calling my mom about Dad picking me up from some job or something I helped someone with.

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2019 Found out I won $210.00 off any Tungsten ring and accommodations for 3 days and 2 nights at one of their chosen hotels/locations, and while that in itself may be a substantial discount, it would still cost us for things we’re not interested in. The part of the ring cost that exceeds the discount, and the warranty I’d be required to purchase would be $100 or more, and sure we could stand to stay in San Diego, but we couldn’t charge the car for free that far away. Lastly, we would have to sit through a presentation so they could try to sell us shit we’re not interested in. We’d rather go to Alcatraz for one night as planned. We just don’t know exactly when.

Finished watching Deadly Women and have begun Scorned: Love Kills on Hulu. On Netflix, I’m watching S3 of 13 Reasons Why. Nice to see Chloe go through with her abortion as I get sick of women always happening to keep the kid on TV and making like it’s their only option. There ARE choices! And that choice should always be the woman’s and the woman’s only.

Now can we stop always having to end up on the subject of racism? Even if it’s just a quick mention or example, I’m tired of race having to be brought up in every single fucking episode. Enough is enough! Millions of other topics out there.

Weird got weirder where my maternal grandmother is concerned. No, she didn’t visit me again in my dreams, but after reading back in my 2012 journal (or blog, I guess I’m supposed to call it if it’s digital?), I found something I’d totally forgotten. My paternal great-grandmother, Sylvia, was married to a guy named Joseph. So at least 3 Josephs in the family.

No nightmares or traffic woke me up but I’m even more tired today due to not sleeping as long as I needed to. Couldn’t crash till around 2 a.m. and since my mind was preoccupied with not sleeping too late since I have to go to the lab at the end of the week, I got up at 9. I could have used another hour or two of sleep.

Tom added sound to his app yesterday and he’s getting closer to releasing it. :-)

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2019 So if it isn’t nightmares waking me up at night, it’s traffic. Yeah, the paramedics blew through here at 2 a.m. and woke me up. Damn. Just damn. You know, I’m sorry if someone’s having a medical crisis, but what does that have to do with me? A person should be able to sleep in their own damn home. This shit never would have woken me up in Phoenix and a part of me wishes we fought to get the destructive and disruptive welfare bums next to us removed and just stayed put. It would’ve been a long hard fight in a state that protects, promotes, and favors its minorities, but it would’ve been worth it in the end.

Because of being woken up last night and all the shit I have to listen to in the daytime, especially during the week, it makes me think that a country detour on the way to Florida would be nice. This way I could get better sleep for a few years, and while I may love Florida’s climate, I don’t expect to sleep much better there even in a quieter location due to all the storms. I don’t see that happening, though. I still think we’ll be here another five years and then head for Florida. At least Dorian isn’t heading for Florida last I heard. Looks like Tammy should get some wind and rain but probably not evacuated.

I haven’t lost any more weight on my diet, not surprisingly. It shows that getting the band would do me no good at all. If dieting on my own can’t make me lose weight, a band wouldn’t do it either unless they damn near closed my stomach up completely. No problem, though. :) I didn’t do this diet for weight loss. I did it to be healthier. It saves money, too. 1000-1200 calories is reasonable for one my height and age.

I went from nightmares to strange dreams last night. Last night was the first time in ages that the other bitch showed up in my dreams. My mother’s mother, Shirley, who died in 1985. Only she wasn’t being a bitch at all. She was actually pretty nice, even if I don’t remember a single thing we talked about in that dream.

In one dream, I entered the house she died in through the backdoor, but she was still alive, of course. I went through the kitchen and down the hall and could see far enough into her bedroom to see that she was taking a nap. Not wanting to startle her, I slowly turned around and left.

The weird dream was when I found her sobbing and asked her what was wrong.

“Joe’s going to marry her again,” she said.

When I woke up, I had a feeling it meant something but I couldn’t figure out what. The only Joe I knew I’d been related to was my paternal grandfather who died before I was born. I remembered reading that my maternal grandfather’s mother’s name was Sarah but never knew his father’s name. I only knew they came from Russia. So I looked on Ancestry and was surprised to find his name was guess what? Yeah, Joseph.

But what does it mean??? I don’t believe in reincarnation and I’m not even sure I believe in the afterlife where your spirit simply lives on and does whatever, so I have no idea what to think other than that it sure is a weird coincidence, alright!

[m1ckeyb3rry]

LMAOOOO I LOWK FORGOT MEGUMI HAS AN OLDER SISTER wait you really actually just set yourself for karasuism like jjk you KNEW you were cooking was just paving the way for Karasu…wait this is actually crazy down to the details of the accent too and MEDIOCRE this was actually just a sign from the universe there’s no other explanation

OH YEAH those people who are consistently on the chigiri reo bff girlies agenda yeah i agree chigiris definitely closer to nagi imo it’s especially apparent in episode nagi and he DEFINITELY thinks reo is a freak based on BOTH of those additional times i never understood why people decided to put chigiri on the reo defender side exclusively

I constantly forget his name so you’re probably right LOLL also YESS if Shidou can help me get Karasu ill gladly go along with his shenanigans also wait Bachira helping otoya would be so funny because imagine Bachira tells him to do some crazy shit except it’s like a the complete opposite of typical otoya in the sense that it’s all just Bachira’s imagine of what he thinks is sweet and nice and since he was friendless growing up (oops) he’s very inexperienced so it’s on the complete opposite side of the spectrum from otoyas usual rizz shenanigans

Yeahhhh I wonder if a hiatus would’ve served gege better long run but it is what it is…and fr there was no sense of like achievement or the battle finally ending like what happened

LMAOA nagi in freaky Friday would be so funny because nothing would happen and I bet he’d think dealing with it is such a hassle so y/n is busting her ass trying to look for him to solve the issue (actually this would be kinda entertaining just to see everyone being like wtf why’s nagi actually speaking) anyways YEAH it was one of my gateway works into the bllk scene lowk still one of the better ones imo (also like one of the only ones er)

Yeahhhh the title just gives off that whole vibe and I’m immediately like yeah I don’t think I’d watch this but FR the birth of tullirin (??) so goated and OHHHHHHHHHH OK LMAOAAO ok yeah nvm wait actually do you remember the idea we talked about of rin getting second leaded by nagi or Karasu…I feel like those tropes kinda fit back in here and make both nagi and Karasu make sense in a way…I’m a Karasu glazer but I lowk feel like he could work too especially since it’s you writing LOL based off the whole kinda older more mature vs younger immature tropes plus their bickering vs acknowledgement (well this part is more on Karasu acknowledging Rin’s skills but anyways) but YEAH iirc someone just copy pasted the same prompt verbatim and mass blasted it to a bunch of writers I saw so many of those floating around and it had me like damn ok but also yeah im not typically an avid enjoyer of the love triangle with siblings trope either because of the same reason like at least if you’re not related it’s a lot easier to move on and never cross paths but imagine being forced to attend family reunions with that eek I like your take on it though since the source of the triangle is more so inline with their characters and motivations like sae with soccer and Rin’s rivalry as opposed to them really just fighting over a girl yk….anyways NAGI AND KARASU SUPREMACY REAL also that’s so funny Tullia being this aus pursuit yayoi kinda LMAOA

cries I think I really just need a new computer but it’s not at the point where it’s non functional so I don’t want to swap it out quite yet…I usually have to do like an annual storage clean out so I can catch up on any software updates that I haven’t done which hasn’t happened yet this year but hopefully soon

FR omg I had to haul a bunch of brainpower to remember but KUROO yeah the one people keep comparing Karasu to LOL but yeah anyways

LMAO THE POTATO CHIP ANALOGY IS SENDING ME BUT REAL I love finding little hints and Easter eggs so I’m all for the complex stories

Pause idk what you’re on about because this is really good??? Side profiles especially are hard to get right I genuinely think you should be in charge of episode Karasu he looks so good also THE LITTLE CHICK AHAJSJSHSKSJSJS

Cries yeahhhh this entire ship scene is just exhausting like if you can make claims about your popular ship and like “bring evidence” to back it up why do you hate on people doing that with other ships that are considered rare too?? Fr convinced it’s also that people just go with the easiest narrative that also fits their aesthetic values without actually deep reading but WHATEVER I’ll just keep my distance

I REMEMBER PEOPLE HATING ON GOJOHIME SM but I HATE how hypocritical those people are?? Like they were defending their stance with their life saying Utahime hates gojo as if they don’t ship a bunch of other people who were clearly rivals or not on friendly terms just because they thought they looked good (coughcoughkaiserisagivibescough) like hello just let people live gosh and I’m not even a shipper myself HELLO??? Wait did you actually get hate for reblogging that wtf that’s actually insane it’s not even a pair to be considered that rare because Isagi and Nagi interacted so much and have an established dynamic too??? BRO I LAUGH WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE THOSE COMMENTS like what compels you to emphasize the fact that you don’t ship it just say it looks nice and get out of here I was literally about to say Isagi lowk glazes Nagi LMFAO but yeah ANYWAYS

LAMAOAO BAROU HATER MOOD my fav I can so see him saying that about Aiku OTOYA CALLING DARAI STUPID HAD ME FOLDING the bit of hype and like frustration in his voice really came through nicely

SODHAKS DONT WORRY ILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR SANE NORMAL CONVERSATIONS (if you consider Karasu glazing sane) LMAOAOA but seriously like on every platform too it’s just swarming with insane fans like damn this is why I closet this fact irl too like do NOT associate me with those people!!! Ok wait I think…..I know….but I’m ngl I rarely check notes I think I’ve seen one on your page once??? I can definitely imagine them though I’ll keep my eyes peeled in the future I think I only really ever read the notes for your posts and jeirins oops I also (as you know) have been basically just lurking so wasn’t fully aware of the whole group divide LMAOA I DO know there’s probably a raging faction of middle schoolers somewhere lowk sounds like a drama fest though….maybe I’ll do some research to stay aware but LMAOAOA REAL WAIT feel free to delete this one too after you’ve read and responded or wtv I’ll keep a copy of it in my notes so I know wtf I said

SHSHEHSHS ATAY SAFEEE getting sick is actually the worst experience in the entire world im like constantly washing my nose with saline spray to try to prevent anything

LMAAOOA i remember vividly the octopus but not the full context oops but that convo was SOOOO funny i love bullying miraverse Karasu and Yukimiya becoming his one sided opp is actually one of the best ideas to ever be conceived

LMAOAOA ok considering i know about your horse girl era/actual horse riding activities i feel like it’s not as out of pocket but for people surfing the tags maybe LMAO I actually love your takes on the fantasy genre because I find the cliches boring and usually a little too naive…? I don’t think that fully encapsulates it but it’s usually all the typical happy rainbow stories ykwim

LDMOAOS TY FOR THE OFFER I lowk don’t have any concrete ideas of how id want to pair fantasy but i will let you know if I change my mind!!! But omg I forgot people can deactivate and just disappear wait lowk isn’t that kinda scary like they just fall off the grid never to be seen again um anyways wait im crying that’s such an interesting combo?? LMAO talk about kinda niche but I bet you’ll put some magic into that

Also wait scrolling through your blog again and 1) WTF YOU CONVERTED TO ITOSHISM????? Ngl the moment you started wavering I had a feeling it was inevitable….does that mean it’s my turn too…… also 2) I CANT BELEIVE I FORGOT TO MENTION THE AIKU MEME IS SO FUCKING FUNNY LMFOWOAOSODJSOSKDJSKAIAOAO “wait that’s me” LMFAOSOSOAH sorry that was truly peak comedy also this should not have taken me like 1.5 hours to type wtf

- Karasu anon

HAHA to be fair gege did NOT do her justice like she was mentioned a lot in season one and also was like half of the reason the students got involved in the culling games?? but she was never really an active character or anything until the whole yorozu thing but that wasn’t even actually her so yeah very minor character (i mean at least she has a name which is more than yayoi can actually canonically say but yayoi is like miraverse canon so it’s different SDJFH) but yeah i was looking back and i was like ??? because okay sassy dark haired asshole is one thing that’s common enough there’s multiple characters even within blue lock who could fit that trope (like rin for example) but the single older sister?? the ACCENT?? calling someone MEDIOCRE (it only happens once that i remember but even that is crazy)?? i fr wrote this in 2022 so i was actually looking into the future or smth…maybe karasu and i are actually just meant to be like i love him so much that i influenced my past self somehow

I HAVE SEEN SO MANY POSTS SAYING THAT CHIGIRI AND REO ARE GIVING BFF VIBES IN THE ADDITIONAL TIME i feel like i’m being gaslit or smth like do we not all see chigiri’s face bro simultaneously dgaf and is mildly concerned for reo but they are not giving besties i think it’s time we reevaluate some of our friendships 😭 not making an actual post about this because 100% i’ll get jumped but putting it here for you and possibly jeirin (she sometimes reads our convos i think HAHA) to see

chigiri with reo:

chigiri with nagi:

LIKE I’M CRYING THE DIFFERENCE IN HIS EXPRESSION ALONE SPEAKS VOLUMESSS actually i think part of the reo x chigiri bff agenda is because (perhaps subconsciously) people associate them as being the “feminine” counterparts of their duos?? whereas nagi and kunigami are the “masculine” counterparts so like by that logic chigiri and reo should be bffs in a #girlboss way but that’s inherently flawed because all four of them are guys in the same age group LMAOO like that doesn’t mean you should or shouldn’t ship them but it just means that they’re all on the same level socially?? i think i’m explaining this weirdly but like…chigiri and nagi don’t have a disconnect in any way (how you might expect a 16/17 year old girl and 17 year old guy to have) because they’re both dudes in bllk so there’s no actual default grouping that would connect chigiri and reo over chigiri and nagi the way “oh we’re both girls” might 🧐 i actually think the chigiri and reo bff agenda also plays into what we know about FANON chigiri more than CANON chigiri — we see both in canon and in headcanons that with reo, chigiri is very ‘sassy’ and giving advice and doing his hair and whatnot like it’s all very stereotypical 2000s romcom bff vibes?? whereas in epinagi and the main manga alike chigiri is very obviously a chaotic gremlin of a boy LMAOO like yeah he’s high maintenance but considering he’s on a team with BAROU it doesn’t feel out of place and he’s just very energetic and excited and hype?? for lack of a better word…like the teenage boy energy really comes through there and i think that’s another reason why to me chigiri and nagi just feel like sm better friends — chigiri is actually himself with nagi whereas he’s not really with reo (oops also this ended up being really long i actually went on a similar rant w jeirin earlier so my thoughts are collected and ready this time but anyways you know me always ready to defend nagi even if it’s only tangentially)

OKAY I WAS RIGHT IT IS IN FACT KEVIN LMAOAOA lowkey niko kinda gives kevin vibes actually like his americasona (?) would be kevin no idea why though LKSDHJFS but SO REAL if shidou’s methods work they work!! i lowkey would trust him to get me with karasu with my LIFE like i think bro would work some magic or smth to make it happen so i think you’re in good hands…okay wait that’s actually what i was thinking with bachira too like he actually makes otoya become rizzless but like personally i LOVE men w 0 rizz so i think it would actually 100% work on me even more than usual flirting 😭 also bachira is kinda childish right so i feel like his advice would be like “bake cookies for her 😄” or smth and otoya would be like hmm okay…ig…and then he’d do it and i would actually be in love with him because i think that’s so cute and sweet and so it all works out in the end (bachira actually has to do overtime keeping me away from the manshine city wing because as soon as i see nagi i am dumping otoya LMAOO…abt to show blue lock a REAL break up)

the saddest thing is like one of my mutuals is playing phantom parade rn and they’re just talking about how there’s so much content and so many scenes expanding on the characters that they wish would’ve been in the main manga and i agree!! i think jjk overall would’ve benefitted soo much from having time to breathe and allow the characters to actually interact/like each other 😩 but oh well it is what it is atp

lowkey nagi freaky friday would be really really funny now that i’m thinking about it especially if reader is like fwtkac reader?? how she’s super smart and sassy and popular and outgoing and whatnot (freaky friday reader is a bit more nagi coded so it wouldn’t be as funny)…i imagine nagi would just make up some “i’m sick” bs to skip school and ofc reader NEVER misses school unless absolutely necessary so no one questions it (they’re just worried about her for the most part meanwhile nagi is at “home” [aka reader’s room] appalled by how low leveled she is in every video game [she never plays]) but then she pulls up as nagi and everyone is like WTF because she’s like dapping people up, absolutely crushing it in PE class, talking and befriending literally everyone, accidentally rizzing people up (since nagi is canonically cute but just kinda weird?? so i imagine if he shows up acting like reader people would be attracted to him) but then literally the next day nagi is back to being a loner except now he kinda follows reader around and nobody understands how that happened because she missed the day that he was actually #chilllikethat but somehow they’re like. in love now. and everyone has to accept that. bonus points if the body switch happens AFTER nagi and reo start playing soccer together so for one precious day reo is like WHAT THE FUCK because nagi is going OFF on the field and then the next day when nagi’s back to normal reo’s like “lmao were you possessed or smth” and nagi’s just like “yeah :x by y/n :x” and reo has no idea what he’s talking about so he just decides to never question it again or smth

okay see i think that would work if they’re both going for the same girl?? because then that dichotomy makes sense but if they have separate love interests i feel like it almost makes it feel a little awkward like oh one of us has a super mature cool love interest and the other…doesn’t…LMAOAO also i think people would think i’m just throwing rin in there because i like him when NO i just want him to be with tullia because it would be funny 😭 so i think nagi might be the only way to go (i think it’s so funny how we’ve had like multiple conversations about completely different stories and i’m like hmm who should i make reader’s love interest be and every time the answer is nagi like atp why am i even questioning it) actually wait lowkey if reader is with karasu i think that could be a good chance to do tullia x yukimiya i was thinking of her and otoya (because bff in fwtkac is meant to be a tullia variant and everyone loves fwtkac bff x otoya) but yukimiya would also work…wait copy and pasting is lowkey crazy work i feel like that would stress me as a writer out ngl because i wouldn’t want someone to think i’m plagiarizing them?? never gotten plagiarism accusations thankfully (i don’t think i ever will hopefully) but yeah that just feels like a sticky situation/drama waiting to happen 😰 and agreed can you imagine your new sister-in-law was almost your gf i would NEVER recover but yeah all of the love interests in that au are very purposefully done!! in the sense that it’s meant to reveal their characters more so than it is just simple wish fulfillment ☝🏻 like sae only understanding soccer, rin’s rivalry and desire to catch up to sae, otoya’s love of picking up bitches (/hj he’s not really a love interest…he tries rizzing up reader when they first meet but otherwise he respects karasu and is his wingman [karasu does not want a wingman but otoya is on it regardless]), how karasu takes the time to understand people (hence why he’s one of the actual love interests — he’s one of the only people who actually listens to and respects reader as a player instead of just being like “ooh girl”), and how nagi is really just kinda searching for someone who cares about him and for how his method of existing in the world (which is why he really just is like “wow nice pretty girl 🙂” for the most part like bro does NOT know what a crush is or anything he just thinks reader is cool but that’s what warms reader to him?? she’s like “damn a man with 0 romantic intentions…#needthat” and then she manifests it and ends up successful) LMAOOO PLEASE tullia is like reverse pursuit yayoi went from isagi to barou instead of vice versa honestly that’s the superior way to go though lbr 🤩 except i think isagi would still be her endgame (barou is kind of like her karasu ig you could say) but the barou arc is real true and valid

LDSKFJD I FEEL THAT like you don’t want to get around replacing it because it TECHNICALLY is working but it’ll be sm better once you finally do…i’m kinda in a similar spot with my headphones they don’t work half of the time but then half of the time they do so i’m like okay it’s fineeee but tbh they do in fact piss me off 99% of the time

LMAOO YES THAT’S THE ONE karasu is better though i think i’ve mentioned this to you before but like the hq characters just have such round heads you could literally use pi * r^2 to find the area and shit so i do not find them appealing in the slightest…one of my mutuals just got into hq so she’s been posting a lot and i’m like nah you could not pay me to find any of these men attractive also i can barely do the sports animanga life with bllk idt i’m built for watching any more and hq is like the most sports animanga to ever sports animanga so yeah you won’t catch me watching i fear!!

HEHEHE THANK YOUUU i feel like side profiles (specifically right side profile because that’s what i tend to sketch fsr) are the easiest for me to draw maybe because i don’t have to worry about the eyes being even and the proportions just make more sense to me or smth idk LMAOAO but i’m glad you liked it!! and YESS THE CHICK i like including silly little notes on my character doodles and at first i had written “he’s literally a baby chick” and drew the chick emoji but then i was like actually wait it’s cuter without the arrow and writing so i erased it and just gave the chick his hair and called it a day KLSDFJ

no because i think the obsession with ships needing to be canon MUST be stopped like yeah i recognize that your ship has xyz canon moments but why would i care?? i want this character to be in love with this other character who they have never interacted with and you’ll just have to deal with it…people use the “well MY ship is implied in canon so it’s OBVIOUSLY the ONLY ship possible” as this like moral superiority thing with shipping which i think is so stupid like this is all fandom stuff nothing is that serious ship what you want you’re not doing a disservice to anything or anyone by doing so

people do the MOST to hate on gojohime like yeah i don’t ship it either but i can see why people would?? like it’s a fairly common dynamic even in anime too and people are always like “no it’s problematic because she actually hates him and so we’re normalizing that girls should be with men they hate and that teasing someone is a valid form of liking them” and i’m just like okay so this is not in fact real life…you don’t see people saying liking toji means that you’re condoning murder right?? same premise (kind of) like at the end of the day it’s not that serious!! and no HAHA i did not get hate for reblogging but i wouldn’t have been surprised if i did yk DHKJDSF YEAHHH ISAGI IS LOWKEY NAGI’S BIGGEST GLAZER i would say behind reo but honestly isagi’s out here calling nagi the “god of soccer” and shit so i do think isagi kinda has reo beat JSFLSJKD

BAROU IN HIS HATER ERA WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS unrelated (well kind of related) but i love how the studio has been drawing barou this season i think he’s been promoted to fav status as well as otoya which i am ABSOLUTELY hype about because barou is soooooo 🤤

LMAOOO REAL THIS IS WHY NO ONE I KNOW IRL IS AWARE OF MY FANDOM ACTIVITIES okay but actually once you start noticing it it is SO funny like each group has their own dialect atp too like i can read a comment and tell which group someone is a part of (if any) it’s lowkey hilarious to me none of it is real it’s literally all just people 16/17 and under for the most part (and that does in fact come with drama and silliness as expected…at least from what i see as on onlooker and based on things i see on my dash) LMAOAOA that’s why jeirin is the only mutual i talk to consistently nowadays #adultsunite anyways if any of them happen to be reading this uhhh sorry don’t let me yuck your yums or anything like that 🙏🏻 please continue to have fun amongst yourselves and stay in school and whatnot

BEING SICK IS THE WORST FOR SURE but sometimes i like it because then i can boss my brother around extra and i have an excuse to be super lazy…pros and cons to everything ig but yeah fingers crossed i’ve not been hit with anything too horrible yet so hopefully it stays that way

okay so erm…development…i can now proudly say that i have written a 2k word carnivorous pegasus birth scene LMAOAOOA this is the most insane answer to a request probably ever like i’m still crying over the fact that those words can be strung together and mean something 😭 people who just are browsing the sae tag are abt to be in for a WILD ride if they happen to click on this one LMAOAO horse girl mira truly shining through rn (or imagine someone reads seabird and goes to read this thinking that because i wrote him all cutesy and normal in seabird that’s what the vibes will be again but then they’re hit with. uh. well. 2k word carnivorous pegasus birth scene) but yeah ikwym like people can have a very narrow imagine in their mind for what fantasy is and so it ends up being very cliche feeling and just not really deep in storytelling or characterization or anything?? the worldbuilding also suffers for it because people will rely on genre conventions and general knowledge to write a generic medieval/renaissance europe fusion thing and call it fantasy but the genre is sooo broad honestly that there’s sm more to explore which ends up being so much more fun and rich and enjoyable (if not to read then at least to write) i wish more people would do alternative takes on fantasy but i also get why they don’t…i’m lucky in that both of my fantasy reqs have been from mutuals who trust me and my vision completely and also have read previous insane fics of mine so i don’t have to worry as much about disappointing them but i do think i’d be more hesitant to let loose if it was a req from someone anonymous or who i didn’t know well or anything

LMAOO KEEP ME POSTED there’s a lot of tropes that also just weren’t used at all so if any of those strike your fancy def go ahead and #senditover…yeah mutuals of mine will deactivate every now and again and i always hope they’re doing well wherever they are 🥹 sometimes i contemplate deleting tumblr when i’m stressed out by people being silly but a) i probably/definitely won’t and b) if i do i’ll definitely give you some other place to talk to me like discord or smth so that i don’t entirely lose the people i actually enjoy talking to?? since the few mutuals i talk to consistently all have me on instagram or discord or something along those lines so if i do ever deactivate i’ll still be able to talk to them

HELP I WAS LOWKEY SURPRISED basically they sent in an ask asking for charizard (fire/flying) with hiori and i was like ok…gave it a bit to see if anyone else would say anything and then i was like okay charizard hiori anon if you can tell me who you want as a second lead before someone else sends a req in i’ll add it to the last!! now i was fully expecting like isagi or karasu or maybe rin or something and then they whipped out YUKIMIYA and i was like ??? because me personally i would never choose hiori over yuki…sorry hiori fans but yuki is simply that guy!! but according to them they just like the bm boys’ dorm dynamics and they didn’t want kurona so they were between yukimiya and isagi and just went with yukimiya i was like huh cool ig 😭 i’m sure i’ll figure smth out though even if some suspension of disbelief may be required (because again…why would i go for hiori is KENYU MF YUKIMIYA IS INTO ME)

STOP YES I DID I THINK HE KICKED REO OUT OF MY TOP FIVE it’s nagi karasu barou yukimiya sae in that order now LSKDJFS but i’m still reluctant to admit that i’m a true fan of him…the process of writing the request for him and getting comments on seabird made me realize that he’s actually really fun to write/do requests for (which good thing i think that because i have quite a few requests for him i fear) and then i saw an edit on tik tok and he just looks so SINISTER in it somehow?? and i was like ok i have to admit it i like him…i think i predicted way back in my “finally finished season one” post in the spring that this would happen LMOAO i literally said in the tags iirc that we were in an enemies to lovers arc so ig we’re finally nearing the finish line 😓 dw though i mean i’ll gladly drag you down with me but i will forever be a nagi glazer first a karasu glazer second a barou glazer third and everything else last so like don’t expect me to make a sae theme or anything like that HAHAHAH and PLEASEEEE OMG I WAS CRACKING UP MAKING THOSE MEMES the oaeu one with barou responding to aiku’s comment and niko saying he looks like tyler the creator as well as the nagi + zantetsu ones are my favs i think also i’m annoyed because the otoya and yukimiya one cut the funniest part out but you can’t tell it did LMAO the bottom part says “edit: nvm you can just talk to them” which is so otoya to me somehow LMAOOO like the meme without that part is also funny but that’s the best part #fucktumblrformatting anyways i think a lot of the bllk memes tend to be either very brain rot based or like heavy on the fanon characterization plus they always do the same couples of duos (chigiri + reo, nagi + reo, shidou + sae, isagi + whoever they ship him with) so i tried to switch it up, include some diff pairs as well (like karasu + hiori, oaeu trio, and nagi + zantetsu), and picked less common memes HAHAH OKAY WAIT ALSO THE KAISER ONE IS MY FAV I WAS SOOOO SCARED TO INCLUDE THAT ONE I THOUGHT I’D BE CANCELLED FOR NOT TAKING ABUSE SERIOUSLY BUT IT WAS SO ISAGI AND KAISER like the “my mom’s hitting me i’ll text you when we’re done” “kk no worries” is PEAK kaisagi dynamic sorry not sorry anyways i’ll probably make more at some point because i was literally dying making them but it’ll probably be a bit before my meme stores a replenished enough for another post so that’ll be something that i don’t do again for a bit i think ☝🏻

OOH wait speaking of edits it’s been a while here are a couple more (that AREN’T of sae like the one from the prev paragraph)

NAGI AND RIN WE ALL CHEERED

christmas nagi (sound is fr me)

nanami edit which i’m only including because i need the sound as reference (i’m a nanami hater i think he’s goofy looking tbh) anyways i NEED someone to edit karasu to this sound it just would fit him SO WELL KSDHDH

glorious boyfriend nagi doing his thing i actually have SO many edits of literally the same scene saved it’s just so peak

okay wait actually speaking of audios i need characters to be edited to…idk who this guy is i literally just looked up the audio and picked the first video that came up LMAOO but imagine the audio from this american football player edit used in a ness edit if/when he gets hype panels FJDHHDS LIKE DO YOU SEE VISION…ABRACADABRA…BECAUSE HE’S THE MAGICIAN…anyways

ignore rin anyways KARASU AND SHIDOU MENTIONED

CHIGIRI CLUTCH AS USUAL

canon oaeu moment

this is the shidou and karasu dynamic TO ME LMAAOAO

sigh i’m still not over him in this episode he’s so dreamyyyy

[8lood8ath-8irthday]

Jerry’s story;

A familiar screech sounded through his dreams, and in an instant he was jerked into the real world, he quickly silenced the alarm, and heaved himself from the bed stumbling into the bathroom to freshen up. He gazed into the mirror to see nothing occupying the space he took up. He groaned “Ugh it’s the same thing everyday, maybe I want something different to happen just once…” he slipped on his socks and shoes and touched up his eyeshadow. Running down stairs he grabbed his backpack and sun hat then he sluggishly walked out the door, putting on his headphones smiling to himself.

Jerry spotted a familiar figure far ahead of him,  he sighed muttering “what a nuisance.” It was Jerry’s biggest “fan” a scrawny freshman nearly half the size of all his regular sized peers; with sleek black hair shaped to lazily copy his own haircut. He looked as if someone tried to draw him completely by memory, yet somehow ten times worse. As he caught up to him he painfully grinned “Hey how’s it going” he said in a cold tone, jack smiled with his entire face “Hi!, hey remember the time me and you-“ he continued to drone on with conversation until they reached the school doors “hey I have to use the restroom real quick” he walked a few steps then turned around and snapped  “Alone… please” as he went into the bathroom.  He emerged a few minutes later and slipped into the crowd of upcoming people. He scanned the hall and sighed with relief, hopefully if he was lucky he’d get to class without seeing jack again. He sat in his seat right as the bell rung lazily, face resting in his hands

Mr wretch scrawled upon the board some stupid crap idk man I wasn’t paying attention anyways 

The bell sounded indicating lunch for the upperclassman 

I anxiously twirled my pencil unfortunately I didn’t have much friends in this class, not that I wasn’t able to make some just that everyone in the class was extremely boring or surprisingly creepy this class was my scheduled “quiet time” and my grades reflected that to a certain extent.

It was also one of my throwaway classes 

A shrill beep sounded through the air signaling the long awaited end of the day most of it was uneventful and quite annoying 

I walked home peacefully since I ditched 

Jack by cutting through the woods to my house arriving same time as usual 

A sudden shiver dispersed through my body I continued walking towards the hatch as usual and ignored it thinking the cause was the stray strand of hair on my nape.

A dark fluorescent purple light cut through the air slightly singing my ear

Startled and quite honestly pissed I reared back and shouted a plethora of curses “what the heck” I rubbed my ear as it quickly started to heal

I jerked my head towards the source and what I saw can only be described as inane and alarming.. even for a vampire 

A man clothed in dark bleach washed  pants and an ill-fitting black leather jacket paired with worn boots,the cherry on top was the ominous black haired deer mask.

In a different scenario I may have been stoked but after a long day at school I was not moved 

“Who are you” I said shouting out to him 

He conjured another orb of purple light and rushed out to touch me, I swiftly blocked his attack and jumped creating distance between us

A muffled chuckle erupted from his mask and with one quick movement his face was exposed, my face frowned in utter confusion he smirked and something about his face irked me down to my soul 

“So you really don’t know who I am huh?” He asked and ran his fingers through his long jagged black hair.

Upon seeing my dumbfounded face he brushed his fingertips across a heavy set scar cutting through his left eye and along his lips “Still not a single reaction.. well I’d like to jog your memory.”

Just as soon as the words left his lips his fingers brushed my forehead injecting a sharp cold, a small guttural gasp left my throat and I descended into darkness 

I awoke with my feet submerged in stark black waters the mysterious man stood in front of me laughing as he sunk deep into the water I blinked and suddenly I was smack in the middle of a large sandy landscape.

[pinkymoone]

🌼 Pokémon! …unsolicited reviews - SPOILERS AHEAD! 🌼

So far, I’ve only played 3 Pokémon games: Pokémon Ultra Sun, Pokémon X and Pokémon Black.

Pokémon Ultra Sun: My first Pokémon game. I got this when it came out (2017-18ish) and to be quite frankly honest, I never finished it. Don’t really remember much of it. My only lasting impression of this game was too much Pokémon battles, my Pokémon were weak, and the story wasn’t very interesting. But before you attack me, listen, I was a very nanoscopic Pokémon fan back then that even calling myself a fan during the age of 13/14 is almost a lie.

So, wasn’t rly into Pokémon franchise.

Pokemon X: Bought a copy off of Amazon earlier this year for my b-day (Feb 2024). After ignoring my 2ds xl for about five years I decided to get a game, and I got onto the trustworthy tool of Reddit and saw a post detailing the best Pokémon 3ds games. I saw OR/AS and X/Y. Ppl seemed to say X was too easy, brainless, but it’s what had gotten them back into Pokémon games. So yeah, I got X (I also watched the anime for this one). And let me tell you, I was obsessed. It really was brainless and easy b/c of the exp. share, but I was having a lot of fun. The characters were pretty memorable, although Lysandre, the villain—his motive sucked, kept yapping on about preserving the beauty of this world, but b/c the world was already too late for that he turned to destruction? Ye… makes sense. The story was pretty good in the beginning, loved the events like seeing the fireworks at the castle with Shauna. It was so cute?! Loved the setting, too! Rly open. Near the end it went kind of dry, but the legendary Pokémon is pretty cool— fairly weak, however, I didn’t use Xerneas at all. Also that scientist man reunited with his flabebe or whatever, I honestly felt he was integral to the story but at the same time absolutely useless.

I can’t speak to the post-game content b/c I’ve yet to return to Pokemon X, but overall 7.9/10. (Don’t attack me for giving it a fairly low rating, Pokémon X isn’t one of the absolute GREATEST games I’ve played so I’m just basing it off the fact that I did have fun and that’s that)

Pokémon Black: So I liked Pokémon X, but I know there are better Pokémon games. I kept seeing Soulsilver/Heartgold and Pokémon black/black2 (vice versa). I was gonna buy them but they’re hella expensive now. I managed to buy Pokémon black/black2 for over 200 😭 but it’s ok, cuz I like the fact that I have them (I have a secret collector’s heart but no money).

So, I played Pokémon Black, I finished it in about two weeks. The story wasn’t very interesting nor were the characters as impactful to me as Pokémon X for like 2/3 of the game. Like Bianca and Cheren were dryyy. But the villain, N and Ghetsis, are insane. I never knew Pokémon actually explored the idea of Pokémon liberation, and there was a lot of philosophical themes like ideal vs truth and I was like is this rly a children’s game?! The ending was rly good! I love N! Also the legendary Pokémon’s are so cute!

This game was a lot more challenging than Pokémon X, it took me like four tries to beat Ghetsis and that Electric Gym kicked my arse. The battles were a lot more frequent and tedious in this game (got me having flashbacks to Pokémon Ultra Sun) but honestly the ending rly made it for me and also I learned a lot more about Pokémon strategy… lmao.

I can’t speak to the post-game content yet but to my knowledge there is a lot to explore after? I really want to start Pokémon black 2 but I’m going to try to get post-game content for X and Black b4.

Anyways, experience was overall 8/10.

Hopefully I can create an updated post soon (cuz I recently modded my 2ds xl (hallelujah for never having thrown away this device) and am going to play Soulsilver soon) but I want to hear your opinions on the games (spoiler-free for ones I haven’t played)! Pokémon fans are welcomed!!

[freyayuki]

Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia Neon Banners

The Act 3 Interlude: In a Godless World story chapter event just started in the Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia (DFFOO) mobile game. This event came with 2 banners.

Act 3 Interlude: In a Godless World Banner 1

The Act 3 Interlude: In a Godless World banner 1 features the following chars and their weapons:

Neon from Stranger of Paradise Final Fantasy Origin - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, LD, Force or FR, and Burst or BT

Cait Sith from Final Fantasy VII - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD

Nine from Final Fantasy Type-0 - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD

Cloud of Darkness from Final Fantasy III - Force only

Have everything on this banner except for all of Neon’s weapons, Cait Sith’s LD, and the Cloud of Darkness’s FR.

This is Neon’s debut banner. She’s the latest playable char to be introduced in Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia.

Act 3 Interlude: In a Godless World Banner 2

The Act 3 Interlude: In a Godless World banner 2 features the following chars and their weapons:

Cloud of Darkness from Final Fantasy III - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, LD, BT, and FR

Neon from Stranger of Paradise Final Fantasy Origin - Force only

Fran from Final Fantasy XII - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD

Oerba Dia Vanille from Final Fantasy XIII - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD

Have everything on this banner except for the Cloud of Darkness’s FR and Neon’s FR.

Thoughts about Neon from Stranger of Paradise Final Fantasy Origin

I like Neon from Stranger of Paradise Final Fantasy Origin (#ad) well enough, I suppose, but wouldn’t call her a fave or anything.

Primarily interested in her because I heard she’s a really good DPS slash support in DFFOO. IIRC, she has some gimmick with being able to provide the party with a true fire elemental enchant effect via her BT.

Honestly, didn’t really pay much attention to exactly what she can do, at least not yet. After all, this was back when she first showed up in the Japanese version of the game so it wasn’t like I could pull for her or try her out then anyway.

Just heard that she can hit hard and was really good. So just took note of that and planned to pull for her when she finally showed up in the Global version of DFFOO.

Also interested in using Neon in some of the quests in Dimensions’ End: Transcendence Tier 14. This Tier will be coming soon to the English version of the game.

As aforementioned, Neon is the newest char to be introduced as playable here in Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia. We don’t always get new chars.

I think we only get them about once a month now or something, so it’s always interesting whenever we get someone new to play with, especially if the char in question is actually good.

That’s another reason why I want to pull for Neon. Not only is she a new char, she’s also good so she should be able to help me clear a lot of endgame content.

Plus I already have a Level 5 of 5 Short Sword Ultima Weapon so I can equip this to Neon to further boost her damage output.

Also, it feels like it’s been quite a while since I last pulled with gems. And I have all the resources and such needed to go for Neon and fully build her and max her out.

Act 3 Interlude: In a Godless World Banner 1 Free First Multi-Draw Results

As part of the FR Board Release Celebration, we get a free multi-draw on both of the Act 3 Interlude: In a Godless World banners.

Banner 1′s free pull gave me a gold orb which gave me dupes of Nine’s Ex and my first copy of Neon’s 15cp and 35cp weapons.

Haven’t played through the Act 3 Interlude story chapter yet so getting copies of Neon’s 15cp and 35cp weapons automatically recruited or added her to my party.

Act 3 Interlude: In a Godless World Banner 2 Free First Multi-Draw Results

My free multi-draw on the Act 3 Interlude: In a Godless World banner 2 gave me a gold orb which gave me dupes of the Cloud of Darkness’s LD, Fran’s Ex, and Vanille’s 15cp. Meh.

Act 3 Interlude: In a Godless World Banner 1 Multi-Draws Results

Currently have 1345470 gems on hand. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get all of Neon’s weapons without having to pity any of them.

Have the weapon tokens needed to exchange for more copies of Neon’s 15cp and 35cp weapons so I can fully MLB the ones that I just got. So now I just need her Ex, LD, BT, and FR.

Anyway, so here are the results of my multi-draws on the Act 3 Interlude: In a Godless World banner 1:

1/11 - dupe of Nine’s Ex, came from a gold orb

2/11 - 2 dupes of Cait Sith’s 35cp

2/11 - 2 dupes of Cait Sith’s Ex, came from a gold orb

Meh. Wish I could have gotten Cait Sith’s LD instead. This is one of the few LD weapons that I’m still missing.

Cait Sith’s outdated by now so don’t have any plans of using him anytime soon but his LD Call is still good so would love to have his LD.

My next multi-draw gave me yet another gold orb.

Thought that I was all set to get a dupe or 2 as usual and - well, I did get 1 dupe. This turned out to be a dupe of Nine’s LD. Ugh. If only that had been Cait Sith’s LD instead.

Aside from that dupe LD though, to my complete and utter surprise, also ended up with -

My very first copy of Neon’s Burst weapon! Hell, yes! Super pleased to see this.

Now I just need Neon’s FR, LD, and Ex then I can be done with this banner already. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get those 2 weapons and even a copy of Cait Sith’s LD soon.

1/11 - dupe of Nine’s 35cp

1/11 - dupe of Neon’s Burst weapon

It was a surprise to see another copy of Neon’s BT, especially since this came from a regular blue orb.

My next multi-draw gave me my first copy of Neon’s LD and a dupe of her 35cp.

Super pleased to see Neon’s LD. Even the 35cp dupe is useful since I haven’t fully limit broken any of Neon’s weapons yet.

Now I just need Neon’s FR and Ex then I can be done with this banner.

My next multi-draw gave me a gold orb. This turned into dupes of Nine’s 15cp and Cait Sith’s LD.

This draw also gave me my very first copy of Neon’s Ex weapon. Yay!

Super pleased to see this. Now just need Neon’s FR then I can be done with this banner.

2/11 - dupes of Cait Sith’s 35cp and Neon’s 15cp

My next multi-draw gave me a dupe of Nine’s LD and a dupe of Cait Sith’s Ex.

Also got my very first copy of Cait Sith’s LD from this pull. Hell, yes! Super pleased to see this.

5/11 - dupes of Neon’s 15cp, Cait Sith’s 15cp, Nine’s 15cp, Cait Sith’s 35cp, and Cait Sith’s Ex, came from a gold orb

2/11 - dupes of Nine’s LD and Cait Sith’s 15cp, came from a gold orb

Ugh. It feels like I keep getting dupes of Nine’s LD. If I’m gonna get a dupe LD, I wish it would be either Neon’s or Cait Sith’s LDs instead since I haven’t fully limit broken those weapons yet. Also, Neon FR, doko da?

4/11 - dupes of Cait Sith’s 15cp, Neon’s Ex, Neon’s LD, and Neon’s Ex, came from a gold orb

1/11 - dupe of Neon’s 35cp

3/11 - dupes of Nine’s 15cp, Cait Sith’s 35cp, and Neon’s 35cp

2/11 - dupes of Neon’s 35cp and Nine’s LD, came from a gold orb

2/11 - dupes of Nine’s LD and Neon’s Ex

1/11 - dupe of Cait Sith’s Ex

1/11 - dupe of Nine’s 15cp

And that’s it. Down to 1251170 gems, and I now have 400 G-Tokens from pulling on this banner.

This is the exact amount that I need in order to pity Neon’s Force weapon. Ahh, it really sucks that it never showed up in any of my multi-draws. Didn’t even get a single copy of the Cloud of Darkness’s FR either. Sigh.

On the other hand, ended up with 2 copies of Neon’s BT, 1 copy of Cait Sith’s LD, 5 copies of Nine’s LD, 2 copies of Neon’s LD, 9 copies of Cait Sith’s Ex, 6 copies of Nine’s Ex, and 4 copies of Neon’s Ex.

Oh, wait, I think I already have like 1 or 2 copies of Cait Sith’s and Nine’s Ex weapons before pulling on this banner.

Anyway, exchanged 400 of my G-Tokens for 1 copy of Neon’s Force weapon.

Now I have all of Neon’s weapons. Still missing the Cloud of Darkness’s FR but it’s fine. Done with this banner now.

Neon from Stranger of Paradise Final Fantasy Origin

Got Neon to Level 90 and Crystal Level 90. Got her Bloom Stone. Fully max limit broke all of her weapons. Bought all of her armors and leveled them all up to the max.

Spent the Book and 3 Ingots needed to Purple Neon’s Ex or get it to Ex+ 3/3.

Also spent the 12 High Power Stones needed to fully MLB Neon’s FR.

Then spent the Book and 3 Ingots needed to Green Neon’s BT or get it to BT+ 3/3.

Bought Neon’s High Armor and spent the Book and 3 Ingots needed to Blue it.

Completed all of Neon’s Summon Boards, Character Enhancement Boards, and Force Enhancements.

Equipped Neon with the following real Spheres:

Kadaj’s (from Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children) Debuff Attack Boost Up A Sphere

While debuffed enemy present: • Raises own MAX BRV, ATK by 5％

Jack Garland’s (from Stranger of Paradise Final Fantasy Origin) Break Hit Raging Attack Boost Up A Sphere

When inflicting Break or attacking target afflicted with Break: • Raises own MAX BRV, ATK by 1％ up to 5 times, once per turn

Paine’s (from Final Fantasy X) Weak Attack Up Down All E Sphere

Raises party's ATK by 5%, lowers all enemies' ATK by 10% for 3 turns when attacking target's weakness *Does not stack with same sphere

After a bit of farming, also managed to get Neon the following Artifacts:

3 MAX BRV 330 with Warrior Enveloped in Rage Up★★ (While special effect Fiend of Fire active: Raises own MAX BRV, ATK by 5%)

2 ATK 108 with Warrior Enveloped in Rage Up★★

1 ATK 108 with Warrior Enveloped in Rage Up★

1 ATK 108 with MAX BRV 330

Now my Neon is fully built and maxed out.

Also equipped her with a Level 5 of 5 Sword Ultima Weapon which will help to further increase her damage output. Can’t wait to try her out in a Shinryu (level 300) quest.

Conclusion

So, what about you? Did you pull on either of the Act 3 Interlude: In a Godless World banners? What do you think about Neon, Cait Sith, and all the other chars featured on these banners? Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions by leaving a comment below or by reblogging or replying to this post.

Notes:

screenshots are from my Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia game account

[blu-joons]

When You Pull Another Member’s Photocard ~ The Boyz Reaction

Sangyeon:

“Look at how cute Chanhee looks in this photo,” you smiled as you pulled the photocard out of the album, turning it round so that Sangyeon could see.

“Did you not get me?” He frowned, taking the photo out of your hand and inspecting it closely, “they said they were giving you my version of the album.

Your shoulders shrugged as you looked for another photo, only to find nothing. “I’m happy with a Chanhee photocard anyway, I don’t think I have one of him yet.”

“You’re not supposed to have any of anyone else,” Sangyeon continued to vent, “I swear they’ve done this on purpose to wind me up.”

Your head shook as you took the photo back from him, “maybe they decided to give albums with you in to the fans seeing as I get to be with you in real life.”

“You’re not making me feel better,” he warned you.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

Sangyeon shot a glare across to you, “it is that big of a deal, and you shouldn’t be looking so pleased to have got a Chanhee photocard anyway.”

“I can’t help it, he just looks really good in this photo,” you defended, “but I promise it will go to the back of my pile, behind your photocards.”

“I better be your number one.”

Jacob:

“That’s not me,” Jacob huffed as soon as he watched you pull out the photocard that you had in the back of your signed album from the boys.

“It’s Kevin,” you acknowledged, looking across at Jacob in confusion, “don’t look too disappointed, I think I did quite well managing to get a Kevin card.

A heavy sigh came from the figure beside you, “you weren’t supposed to get a Kevin photocard, this wasn’t how it was supposed to be, you were meant to get me instead.”

“It’s not the end of the world, I’ve got other photocards of you,” you tried to reason, but Jacob wasn’t interested, staring at Kevin’s card.

The sound of you laughing beside him didn’t help his mood either, “I told them that I wanted you to get me in your album, how did they manage to mess this up?”

“Maybe they ran out of your photos,” you suggested.

“We’ve got thousands of copies.”

You placed the photocard down so that it was out of Jacob’s sight, “I can go and get one of your photocards anyway, I don’t need it now.”

“It’s a part of the magic of pulling a card though,” he tried to defend, “to be able to look down and see that you’ve got me in your album.”

“Don’t worry, there’s always next time.”

Younghoon:

“Please tell me that that is not Juyeon,” Younghoon panicked as he looked at the photocard that was held tightly in your hands to show him.

“I got it out of the album that I bought this afternoon,” you grinned, keeping your eyes on the photo as you admired the smile on Juyeon’s face.

A hand pushing against your waist ended up pulling you out of your trance, “why are you smiling like that? That’s an even bigger smile then the time that you pulled me out.”

“That’s not true,” you smirked, turning your eyes up to look across at Younghoon, “I think this is my first Juyeon photocard though.”

His eyes rolled at the excitement in your voice, “hopefully it’s the last Juyeon photocard that you pull too, or in fact any other member of the group too.”

“What’s gotten into you today?” You chuckled.

“You should have got me.”

Your shoulders shrugged, unsure as to what to do, “I didn’t mean to get a Juyeon card, you know these things are just luck of the draw.”

“Next time I’m going to make sure that you only get an album with my photocard in,” Younghoon promised, unsure quite as to how.

“Maybe I’ll hold you to that one too.”

Hyunjae:

“Whose photocard did you get?” Jaehyun asked, catching you in the corner of the room placing your new album on the shelf that you had up.

“Oh,” you stuttered, hoping that you would have been able to get away with him not catching you, “it wasn’t yours, put it that way.”

Jaehyun stood up from the sofa, walking across to where you were, “you can show me whose photocard you got, I’m not going to be mad, they’re not that big of a deal.”

“If you’re sure,” you frowned, grabbing your photocard of Haknyeon, sliding it across so that Jaehyun could take a look as he wanted.

His smile dropped when he saw just how good the photocard looked too, “no, this is fine,” he lied, trying his best to force a smile onto his face, “no issue.”

“Really? Where’s your smile gone?” You quizzed.

“It’s definitely still there.”

Your head shook as you poked into his chest, “I knew that you’d be annoyed that I got Haknyeon, that’s why I didn’t say.”

“I mean aside from me, he’s your favourite, it’s like the world is against me,” he pouted, “there’s ten others, why did it have to be him?”

“It doesn’t matter, you’re still my favourite.”

Juyeon:

“The big reveal,” Juyeon grinned as he came up behind you, making you jump as he noticed you unpackaging the album that you had received.

“Where did you come from?” You frowned, keen to open it by yourself, just in case you ended up not getting anything of Juyeon.

He failed to answer as he nudged you, encouraging you to hurry up and open the album. “I want to see whose photocard you got, I’m pretty hopeful for one member.”

“I’m going,” you smiled, reaching into the album pocket to pull out the photocard, glancing down to see a photo of Changmin looking back.

Juyeon quickly took a couple of steps away from you in disappointment, “you’ve had so many albums and not once have you pulled me out yet.”

“Maybe it’s saving for something special,” you smiled.

“Or maybe it’s just bad luck.”

You quickly placed Changmin’s photocard back down and reached to take a hold of Juyeon’s hand, “I’ll get your photocard one day.”

“That day better come soon,” he huffed, “do you know how much I’m going to get teased for you not picking up my photocard again?”

“Don’t tell them, they don’t need to know.”

Kevin:

“Bin it,” was all that Kevin could say as he looked down and watched you pull out Jaehyun’s photocard from the album that you had picked up.

“He’s your fellow member, you can’t say something like that,” you scolded, striking gently against Kevin’s leg, “I’m not going to bin something like this.”

Kevin glanced questionably back across at you, “why would you want to keep the card when it’s not of me? I’m your favourite member, you should want my photocards.”

“Careful, you almost sound a little bit jealous there,” you teased, placing the card down beside your album, “are you jealous of Jaehyun.”

His head shook, but the expression on Kevin’s face had already given him away. “Do what you want with it then if you don’t want to bin it, I don’t want to see it.”

“I was thinking of framing it actually,” you teased.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

Your head nodded as his jaw hit the ground, “of course, you’re just too easy to get a reaction out of when you’re pouty and jealous.”

“I’m not pouty and jealous,” he continued to vent, “I would have just much preferred this if you ended up pulling out my photocard.”

“This is a good excuse to get another album then.”

New:

“What’s that smile for?” Chanhee questioned as he walked through the front door, noticing that your album had finally arrived on the coffee table.

“Look who I got,” you grinned, holding your Sunwoo photocard out for him to take a look at, “I bet so many of your fans are jealous of me right now.”

The smile on Chanhee’s face disappeared as he admired how good Sunwoo looked in the photo, “of the eleven members you could have got, of course, you end up getting him.”

“I could sell this or something, I bet I’d make a fortune,” you joked, trying your best to encourage Chanhee’s smile to reappear.

His shoulders shrugged as he walked past you, “I bet you’d get a lot more for it then you would selling any of my photocards anyway, might as well.”

“I wouldn’t sell any of you though,” you grinned.

“You don’t need a photocard.”

Your head nodded in agreement as you walked around to wrap your arms around him, “I’d rather have the actual you then a photo of you.”

“As long as I’m not second best to your Sunwoo photocard,” he responded, allowing the corners of his mouth to turn up once again.

“Nothing ever compares to you.”

Q:

“Now I see why you snuck your album away without me seeing it earlier,” Changmin spoke as you joined him upstairs in your bedroom for the night.

“I didn’t sneak it from you, “ you tried to argue as you looked across and saw your Jacob photocard being twirled around in Changmin’s hand.

Changmin’s eyebrows raised questionably back across at you, “I’ve got a feeling this might have had something to do with this, because you didn’t get me in there.”

“I don’t mind getting a Jacob photocard though,” you responded, knowing that it was the perfect thing to say in order to push Jacob’s buttons.

His eyes went wide, shaking his head across at you in disbelief, “I thought you’d be disappointed that you didn’t manage to pull my photocard out of the album.”

“Why? When I have you here instead?” You asked.

“But photocards are cool too.”

Your shoulders shrugged, failing to see the big deal, “maybe I’ll have the rest of the members as photocards, but keep you all to myself properly.”

“I know you’re trying to find the right things to say right now to make me feel better,” Changmin sighed, reading you just like a book.

“It seems to me that it’s working too.”

Juhaknyeon:

“Shall I do the big reveal?” You smirked, glancing back to see if Haknyeon was still watching as you began to unbox your newest album from the group.

“If I’m not the one you pull out, someone at work is going to be in huge trouble,” he joked, watching as you reached into the plastic, feeling for the card.

You watched anxiously, lifting the card up slowly as you felt eyes staring back at you. “I’ve got Youngjae,” you announced, recognising the eyes as soon as they were revealed.

“Stop smiling about it,” a voice warned as soon as Haknyeon’s eyes landed on you, “why are you looking pleased about pulling Youngjae?”

You glanced back to him, feeling his eyes shoot a glare to you. “It’s quite a nice photo of Youngjae, you can’t not smile when looking at it, he’s got a great smile.”

“I’ve got a great smile too,” he reminded you.

“I know, your smile is adorable.”

The expression on Haknyeon’s face remained disappointed, “just so you know, my photocard is a lot cuter than Youngjae’s is, I look great.”

“Hopefully, I’ll be able to get my hands on one too then,” you encouraged, “but for now I’m happy with getting my Youngjae photocard.”

“I hate how happy you are about this.”

Sunwoo:

“Who did you get?” Sunwoo asked as he came back down the stairs and noticed the packaging of your album stretched across the living room floor.

“It doesn’t matter,” you smiled, trying your best to hide the photocard behind your back, “I want to listen to the album instead of anything else.”

Straight away Sunwoo knew that you were up to something, creeping across to you. “Well, at least I know you didn’t get my photocard, so you might as well spill.”

“Don’t be mad,” you smirked, bringing your hand around to reveal the Sangyeon photocard that you had managed to pull from the album.

An exasperated sigh came from Sunwoo as soon as he looked at it, “the one person that I didn’t want you to get, of course you end up pulling him out.”

“Maybe this was just meant to be,” you joked.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

Your head shook in reply to him, “the member of staff who gave me my copy must have just known that Sangyeon is my secret bias.”

“You better keep that card somewhere safe because I’ll be keeping an eye on it,” he smiled, “if you don’t see it one day, don’t ask questions.”

“I might sleep with it, what do you reckon?”

Eric:

“Where did this come from?” Youngjae questioned as he picked up the photocard that you placed on the table, taking it out of your handbag.

“I got it today when I picked up the album for my mum, she prefers Haknyeon, so I swapped the cards and kept the Younghoon one,” you explained.

Youngjae’s brows furrowed as he inspected the photo, “why did you decide to keep this card? Why didn’t you swap it so that you got one of me instead of Younghoon?”

“I’ve got plenty of you, one of someone else isn’t going to do any harm,” you tried to justify, but Youngjae wasn’t impressed at all.

You let go of a sigh as Youngjae moved the photocard out of your way, “you could have treated your mum even more with a photocard of me instead of Haknyeon.”

“But she likes him, he’s her favourite,” you laughed.

“I’m not even her favourite member?”

Your head shook as he let go of a groan, “I think you’re her favourite, but everyone expects her to pick you, so she just doesn’t say you.”

“You’re digging yourself a bigger hole,” Youngjae warned you, “now I know I’m not your mum’s favourite, and no one likes my photocards too.”

“You really are so dramatic sometimes.”

---

Masterlist

[meetmymouth]

ooh I think #7 and #17 from the blurb list would fit very well together! if you want!

THANK YOU LINDS <3<3

prompt list here, send a number!!

#7 If we both want to fit, we’ll have to cuddle

#17 Sleeping in the same bed for the first time

THIS IS 3K IM SORRY I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF SO PLEASE REBLOG LMAOOOOOO!!!!!

"This is my room," comes a gruff voice behind you as you keep looking out the window, taking in the greenery and the beautiful ocean.

See, you knew he would be here.

You knew, because Harry and Mitch were attached at the hip, and you didn't mind. You didn't mind seeing your ex every time you were invited to hang out with MitchandSarah & co, except when said ex decided to be an evil arsehole.

Perhaps, calling him an "ex" was weird, seeing how your time alone only consisted of you both getting high, mostly naked as he whispered the filthiest things in your ear and promised to make you feel good, be the best you've ever had. Other than that, though, he was an insufferable bastard. Since you never hung out with the man without your friends around–getting rat-arsed and high... and the activities that followed aside–, you didn't know if he was always this annoying.

He seemed to be getting along just fine with the others, especially Sarah and the other girls, so you had no problems scratching off the "women hater" off your list. And you can't ever recall him being this insufferable while you both were fucking which was, in his case, miserable. So, it was definitely annoying. You weren't that interested in him to think that he was being mean because he was secretly in love with you. That was a myth, a pathetic myth, wasn't it? No, you wouldn't steep that low. He was just an arse, full stop.

You turn around with an eye-roll, and within seeing his face, you nearly clench your fists like a ten-year-old. "Do you live here?" You ask, hoping the boring expression on your face is also detectable in your tone.

It's certainly not a surprise when Harry scoffs.

"I don't, but I picked this room first. Since, you know," he looks around, and walks further into the room, finally stopping at the feet of the bed. "You were late. As per."

"Oh fuck off. This isn't summer camp. Besides, I don't see any of your shit around. The room was empty when I arrived."

"If you bothered to look inside the wardrobe..."

Seriously, you find yourself thinking, how the fuck did you ever end up with this man. Naked.

There's a commotion downstairs, so you both turn to the door, but much to your dismay, there's no one coming to check up on you and hopefully, save you from Harry Styles' pathetic gob.

You turn towards the window again, eyes squinting briefly at the last bits of sunshine that's glinting from between the branches.

"Well. You shouldn't have left then. You weren't here when I arrived."

Harry shakes his head, and you swear you can see his nostrils flaring if you look carefully. Though, you just watch him with a smug smile on your face as he walks to the wardrobe and pulls open the white doors. True to his word, his clothes are there, perfectly folded, and for a moment you feel a pang of guilt before you look back up at his face and see the furrowed eyebrows.

"See. My clothes. I'm sure Sarah will sort it out for you, find you another room or summat."

"There's only three bedrooms. Can't sleep with a pregnant woman and her boyfriend, can I?"

"What about Rachel and David? Aren't you best friend's with her?"

"Harry, you're ridiculous. Just–" you wipe the sweat off of your forehead, feeling yourself grow hotter and hotter each passing minute. "–just sleep on the sofa. This is my first vacation this year. You go on holidays every week or so. Let us commoners have this."

"Oh, please. Didn't you have a girls weekend getaway or whatever the fuck in Soho Farmhouse two weeks ago?"

You can't help the scoff that leaves your mouth, and a raised eyebrow follows. "How do you know about that?"

"Because," he rolls his eyes, and slams the wardrobe shut. "You post seven hundred stories every day."

"You're a stalker."

"You sleep on the sofa."

You smirk, noticing how he avoided your previous statement.

To be fair, you hated posting on your story. Though, knowing Harry followed you on Instagram made posting on there fun, and seeing his username on the list of who watched your stories pop up at the very top every single time whenever you posted a story almost made you let out a mingy little laugh and rub your hands together, and scream "gotcha!".

"I won't."

"You're getting on my nerves."

"What a coincidence," you ignore the stare he's sending your way and walk towards your carry on, and start taking the contents out one by one, laying everything on the bed.

He watches with a scowl on his face, arms crossed across his chest, and a satisfied smile paints your features as you take out the toiletries bag next.

"Are you seriously unpacking right now?" Harry cranes his neck so he can see better. He looks ridiculous, standing in the middle of the room with arms crossed, but you refrain from saying anything.

In fact, you don't even answer him. Perhaps, you find yourself thinking, it was silly to unpack your underwear first. It wasn't as if you brought super "sexy" shit or lace everything. You can definitely feel his gaze watching your every movement as you take everything out carefully and place them on top of each other. With most of your underwear in hand, you get on one knee in front of the bedside table and open the drawer, placing everything inside and it's surprising how he hasn't claimed the bedside table yet.

"Look," he sighs. "I'll talk to Sarah, maybe you can sleep with her and Mitch–"

"–don't be stupid we're not making them sleep with other people because you can't be a gentleman and sleep on the sofa."

"Oh for fuck's sake," he growls, and you finally look at him, eyebrows raised in hopes of making him feel as stupid as he sounds right now. Unfortunately, though, he continues, "Okay, damn it, I'll sleep on the floor."

Fool.

"Common sense, Harry. Always pick sofa. No matter what."

"Were you born to make my life a living hell?"

"Look," you sit on the bed, and look around. "This is boring me to death. I'm sleeping on the bed. If you shut your gob, you can sleep with me on the bed."

Harry lets out an obnoxious laugh. "Just admit I was here first and you didn't bother checking the–"

"Yes, I didn't and what about it? I'm here now, aren't I? I'm on the bed, babes. Anyway," you get on your feet, and with one last look at him, you start walking towards the door. "I'll see you in a bit. I guess."

You both manage to avoid each other as much as you can throughout the day, and really, it wasn't that hard considering the good company of your friends, good food and good alcohol. You mainly helped Sarah and Rachel in the kitchen as the men lounged on the sun loungers, Mitch handling the grill and David helping you guys with the drinks that came in and out of the house pretty quickly with the way you lot consumed them like water.

You spend the night eating, laughing and drinking, sometimes singing along to whatever song played on David's fancy Bluetooth speaker, and everyone begins ushering inside with full bellies and most of them–except the very pregnant Sarah–with a tipsy smile on their faces.

You leave before Harry though, leaving him smoking his last cigarette by the pool while you run up the stairs and into the room, closing the door behind you. You quickly get rid of the romper and get your favourite pyjamas on, eyes searching for the orange makeup bag so you can take off the remaining makeup before bed. You knew it was silly not to do your night routine, but you still zip the bag closed with a sad expression on your face, not wanting to see your toner and night cream any more than you needed to as you throw it on the floor next to your bags. It's pathetic really, how determined you are to get in the bed before Harry can that you forego your whole routine and stick to some cotton pads. Though, plugging your charger and getting between the cool sheets make you forget all about it as you let out a sigh, and unlock your phone to do your nightly scroll before falling asleep.

As you double tap on a selfie, the door opens, and you hear him scoff, again. You keep scrolling though, and try to sneak a few glances at him as he makes a beeline for the wardrobe, and to your surprise, begins to undress. You try to stay calm, and not to think about how domestic this whole thing seems; being in the same room as him as he gets ready for bed.

Right, getting ready for bed.

You keep your eyes on your phone as his clothes hit the floor one by one, and when you look up briefly, he's got a pair of joggers on, and he's throwing the clothes he had on in the wardrobe.

He turns around, and find your gaze, and he rolls his eyes.

"I knew you'd be in bed, here, as soon as I heard someone running. Forgot you were a literal five-year-old," he mutters under his breath, loud enough so you can still hear him. "I'm not sleeping on the sofa."

"I love how you're basically arguing with yourself."

"Like I said, I'm not sleeping on the sofa. I didn't come all the way to sleep on a bloody sofa."

"Suit yourself. I guess we're sharing. Unless," you lock your phone, and place it on the bedside table. "You want to share," you shrug, adjusting your pillow and sigh at the cool fabric against your hot cheeks.

You can feel him thinking, the wheels turning in his head, and you finally hear the floorboards creek underneath his feet as he walks closer to the bed, and pushes the sheets off of you. The whole thing.

You blink in surprise. "Stop it, dude! What the fuck."

"I'm getting in! Fuck's sake, be quiet."

"You did that just to annoy me."

You're both quiet for a minute, Harry taking his rings off and then comes his socks, and he finally copies you, laying on his back on the bed. He covers the both of you, though you know it's not intentional since he couldn't do it without covering his own body with the duvet, and then he lets out a strangled sigh.

"The bed's too small."

"Are you calling me fat?"

"What?" He turns his face to you, and perhaps it's the first time he's looking at you– really looking.

His brows are furrowed, and lips turned downwards in a pout.

"I'm taking the piss, Harry. I know you're not calling me fat."

"Good," he says, though his voice isn't exactly soft. "I wouldn't."

"Good."

Silence.

It's unbearable.

Despite the hot weather, you feel yourself shiver, and you wish you were the only one in bed so you could do the whole burrito technique with the duvet. Alas... you stay where you are. You both do.

A dog barks in the distance, the high-pitched bark coming through the open window, and you can feel Harry breathing too fast beside you. You want to shout at him, tell him to fuck off and... not breathe too fast, though it sounds a bit too rude even for you, so you stay silent and wait for the dog to pipe the fuck down.

You try to turn on your side, because you could never see yourself fall asleep laying on your back like a vampire, but you almost fall, not anticipating the tiny space you've got going on. It's bad, and you know you're not going to get a good sleep. So, you find yourself contemplating about getting up and sleeping on the sofa because honestly, fuck him.

Harry shuffles next to you, presumably trying to find a good position to sleep in himself, but he lets out a groan and it startles you.

"What's wrong with you!"

"The bed's too fucking small."

"We've established that."

He sniffs, hands clenching the sheets around his body. "I don't sleep on my back. My back hurts."

You don't say anything, hoping for him to just get up and leave, go sleep on the sofa. He doesn't, though. It's another fifteen minutes before you let out another sigh, trying to get comfortable on the bed, and Harry copies you. You both turn on your sides, facing each other and Harry groans when your knee makes contact with his thigh, making you cringe in embarrassment. A quiet sorry leaves your mouth and he shakes his head, then turns the other way, facing the door.

"Fuck," he spits after a minute. "If we both want to fit, we'll have to cuddle."

"Cuddle? Fuck no."

"Just," he turns to you again, but the bed is too small for you both so his knees touch yours. "Just come closer. Either that, or go sleep on the sofa."

"Why don't you–"

"You're so stubborn! Come closer, I won't eat you or fall in love with you. Fuck."

You groan, but oblige for some reason, feeling your heart beginning to beat faster for some ridiculous reason.

It's been a long time, you find yourself trying to convince your heart. It's been a long, long time since you've been this close to a human being. Too long since you've cuddled with someone, so obviously you were going to feel a little excited, and weird. Yes, definitely weird.

You get closer and he lifts up his arm, you both sharing a look before you roll your eyes and place your hand on his wrist, placing it on your hip. He's quiet, eyes searching yours, and the crease between his brows are gone, and you want to laugh, because who knew it only took your skin against his to wipe that stupid grimace off of his face.

"I still think you're annoying," Harry mumbles, clearly sleepy. His hold on your hip becomes tighter as his thumb strokes your skin over the fabric.

"I know. Just shut up and sleep."

[amywritesthings]

fic writer interview.

found this in the tags while I was browsing & thought it could be a fun way to end 2022! i am not tagging anyone, but if you'd like to fill it out, then feel free to copy + paste it to a new post!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Eleven, soon to be twelve!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

113,915

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Marvel (The Avengers, Moon Knight), Star Wars (The Mandalorian, Andor), The Last of Us, The Bubble, and Stranger Things

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Point A to Point B (493)

Where Shadows Meet Spaces (356)

Meet Me at the Usual (277)

A First for Breathing (226)

Meet Me On the Other Side (118)

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Every single one, no matter how long or how short! Reblogs on tumblr and replies/comments under the posts are literally my life source to keep me going through the day. I try to make sure I don't miss a single response if I can help it.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It isn't finished yet, but I have the finale outlined for Famous Last Words as I only have two more parts to go. (That I intend to finish some day I promise!) Same Old Mistakes will have the angstiest ending out of all of my fics.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I do not. I totally could one day, though. Just has to have the right mood.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No! Luckily I am fortunate enough to say that I have been given only constructive criticism to my fics, which is not equivalent to hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! I actually really get nervous about writing smut. Like it'll take me eons to write smut chapters versus normal chapters because they're the pieces of writing I'm most self conscious about. (Even if... nearly all of my works constitute as smut-based fics.) I primarily write f/m smut just because... well, it just happens that way? And I write smut for me, so I don't primarily write things that I don't find hot. Because fic-writing it's about self-indulging, baybeeee.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No! Not that I am aware of, anyway. Hopefully not, because stealing fics is lame.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of, no.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I'm actually more well-versed in roleplay writing than I am with fanfics, so I want to say... yes? Because I've written collaborative stories with friends that I've just never published to the public, but it's a long-winded way of say yes and also no.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I don't know if I have one? I write mainly reader insert because I would be writing original character x canon fic, but they don't typically sell well, so I adopted 2nd person writing to get with the times.

In terms of readership, I loved Buffy/Spike from BtVS as a kid, Garrus x Sheppard from Mass Effect 3, Zutara from ATLA, Jack & Elizabeth from POTC, Obidala, Dramione, Reylo... I'm typically a big proponent of enemies to lovers, if that hasn't been obvious yet, lol.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have a Succession fanfiction that is extremely dark and 'dead dove don't eat' territory that I've had sitting in my google docs for over a year now. I think it's some of my best writing, but I know that it's extremely taboo and very much not safe for work, so I struggle with posting it despite how I go back to read it all the time lol. I write a really good Kendall Roy, guys!

15. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. I went to school and have a degree in pre-production motion picture and television writing, so screenwriting is my niche little hobby that I wanted to turn into a career and never did. That being said, I think that I can really pick up on dialect of characters and actors very well in order to translate them into original pieces / fanfiction, so I think most of my strengths lie within my verbal writing.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Description. I absolutely loathe writing long paragraphs and descriptors and tend to gloss over when others write very long paragraph writing. My attention span just cannot handle non-quippy and whippy writing, and that goes for myself as well. I'd rather just write the dialogue and the drama going on between interpersonal relationships, and tend to struggle with setting up locations and atmospheres in a broader, descriptive sense vs. abstract.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't do it because I would have to use Google Translator and that's a total gamble, but I admire those who can and do fluently. I can read Spanish, but I cannot write it. The closest we get is me writing Din speaking in Mando'a and quite honestly I do not know if those translations are even real / up to Wookiepedia code lol.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Y'all are going to lose. your. shit over this.

Jimmy Neutron. I was nine years old. A 12-part story I still say is my best work 😂

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Point A to Point B will likely be my favorite. I have put so much of my heart and soul in that storytelling and world crafting that I'd be remiss to suggest anything else.

[n0bamak1s]

lazy days - maki zenin x reader

request: “Could you maybe do a maki x reader fluff? Like maybe just a lazy day playing video games or something like that.” - @mvddison99

summary: after you shut off her alarm clock so she can get some rest, maki reluctantly agrees to a lazy day with you, and ends up enjoying it much more than expected. (genre: domestic-ish fluff, slice of life)

warnings: some swearing but it’s mostly just pure fluff!

word count: 2.7k

a/n: i did NOT plan to make it this long lol i’m just a sucker for writing maki! i didn’t really explicitly state what the reader and maki’s relationship is so it can be read as an established relationship or not depending on what you like! i had a ton of fun writing this so hopefully y’all like it! :)

maki zenin doesn’t do ‘lazy days’. not willingly, at least.

when you’d told inumaki of your plan to shut off her alarm clock to get her to sleep in and take a day off, he couldn’t help thinking you must have some kind of death wish to do that. you’d argue that you were staging an intervention in the name of self care. he knew the reason you’d gone to him with your idea was because he couldn’t talk any sense into you.

he also knew that you actually just wanted maki to take a day off so you’d have an excuse to hang out with her in your pajamas all day.

despite the countless times gojo would use a day off as an incentive during your missions, when you finished you’d always be greeted by the same sheepish smile and excuse as to why your day off would be pushed back. for a grown man, he sure was childish when it came to planning stuff. in contrast to the groans of disappointment that came in response from you, inumaki and panda, maki never seemed phased by the extra days you’d spend sparring in the blistering sun. while gojo moved his hands wildly as he apologized, she’d simply shrug and swing her weapon of choice over her shoulder with a bored expression on her face. gojo always seemed relieved when she’d interrupt his plea for forgiveness to a group of teenagers to ask him when the next mission was.

over the past two weeks or so, you’d begun to notice the semblance of exhaustion around maki, one you weren’t even sure she was aware of. her glasses emphasized the purple tinted bags lining her eyes, and her nose was dusted with a sunburn that was oddly reminiscent of that momo girl from kyoto. they were subtle changes in the way she carried herself as well, in the way her shoulders slumped ever so slightly when she rested the wooden ends of her weapons on them. it was such a slight difference that it seemed only you could know so quickly.

so it’s not hard to imagine the joy that flashed across your face when you realized your plan in unplugging her school issued alarm clock had been successful. before then, you’d only woken up before maki once, due to an early morning mission with inumaki. that day, when surprise flashed across your face at the sight of maki awake at just 6 a.m on a saturday, now seemed a contrast to your current state. the clock read 10 a.m as you were interrupted from mulling over your breakfast with inumaki and paves with the sound of steps shuffling against the floor, followed not soon after by maki, clad in baggy plaid pants and a loose fitting tee shirt. you watched as she stretched her arms above her head, making her shirt ride up slightly from the waistband of her pants. a part of you felt as if you’d gotten lucky to see her in that moment, with her green hair cascading past her shoulders, and her yet to be brushed bangs messy as they slightly masqueraded her eyes like a sheepdog overdue for a trim. as she rubbed her eyes into focus, her gaze landed on you, clearly trying to stifle a smile for whatever reason.

“what’re you so happy about?” her voice was raspy as she straightened her posture.

oh, you were definitely lucky to see her like this.

“sleep well?” you raised an eyebrow with a teasing tone. she could practically hear the smug grin threatening to stretch across your face. had it not already been obvious who the culprit was, that would’ve been a dead giveaway of the way her stolen batteries from her alarm clock were collecting dust on your bedside table. she sent a lazy glare your way, but there was clearly no malice behind it.

“if i say i did, will you leave me alone?” her tone was almost playful as she stepped towards you, bending her knees to be at eye level with you while you sat. she probably didn’t notice that she wasn’t nearly as intimidating with her old pajamas and messy hair.

“no can do.” you no longer held shame in the catlike grin on your face. “gojo is finally letting us have that day off he always promises, and i’m not letting you use some excuse about being ‘too busy with training.’” those last few words were spoken with a monotone infliction in a weak attempt to poke fun at her almost robotic training schedule.

a roll of her eyes, but she made no point to move from her position. when she crouched down to your sitting form, her eyes remained focused on you despite the sleepiness still swimming in them. your noses were mere inches apart.

“and if i do?”

“i already told gojo to lock up the weapons, plus everyone else is occupied with relaxation.” you feigned sheepishness.

“oh noooo, i’m sure it’d be impossible to make it past his advanced security system.” her voice oozed of sarcasm and her head tilted slightly, a smirk daring to sneak past her lips.

the staring match you were unaware you’d been putting so much effort into was interrupted by a groan from inumaki. he made a face of disgust in your direction as you both turned to face him. if he could, you were sure he’d mutter something annoyedly about you two needing to get a room. your face contorted to send some sort of distorted glare his way as he got up to leave the room.

maki cleared her throat awkwardly, now acutely aware of the distance (or lack thereof) between your faces, courtesy of inumaki.

“by the way, if you don’t take a break, gojo says he’ll just make you take one during our next mission!” the grin on your face stretched almost cartoonishly at the dejected look in response to your declaration.

she was standing now. “i’ll do it, but only because you’ve already set my day back by a few hours, and so i don’t miss anything important later.” though you didn’t miss the corners of her mouth turning up as she averted her gaze.

to her surprise, you let out a soft sigh of relief in response. “thank god, my last resort would have been to make you go to training with the kyoto students instead.” she cringed wordlessly in response as she pulled a cup of yogurt from the fridge.

“what do you want to do so bad that’s got you so pushy anyways?” she sat with her legs spread apart as she ate her breakfast.

a mischievous gleam danced across your face. “well i was cleaning out my dorm the other day, and i may or may not have found my copy of mario kart.” your voice was triumphant, as if you’d just found the cure to a disease.

she looked thoroughly unimpressed in contrast to you holding down heaps of excitement. “never played it.”

your gasp of shock felt as if it could have woken up the whole school.

“maki…” your voice sounded accusatory, like a parent saying that they’re not mad, ‘just disappointed.’

“well it’s not like the zenin clan is exactly known for their expertise on video games, are they now?” she spoke matter-of-factly.

“and they’re clearly not known for having fun either, now you’d better eat up so i can beat your ass.” your competitive tone seemed to awaken a rivalry within maki, whose eyes suddenly became sharper with determination. you stifled a chuckle at the drive that came from your simple teasing.

“i wouldn’t get so confident just yet, no offense but i don’t think you’d be that hard to beat.” she teased, matching the mischievousness in your eyes, as she finished her cup of yogurt.

“oh it’s on maki!”

as you bounced down the hall to your dorm with maki in tow following breakfast, you took note of panda walking by, who seemed to do a double take of maki. she met his gaze, once again trying to look threatening despite her cozy attire. panda seemed unaffected by her glare, simply sending you a sneaky thumbs up, not going unnoticed by her.

“did everyone know about your little plan?”

“not everyone, per say. if i told megumi he’d have been a total buzzkill and told you.”

“oh how tragic that would have been.” without looking over your shoulder, you could tell she was rolling her eyes, but she did a bad job at concealing the smile that was evident in her voice.

“i know, where would you be without me?” you wiped fake tears from your eyes dramatically as you swung open the door to your dorm.

“not playing mario kart, that’s for sure.” she shrugged, feigning exasperation as she slumped on your bed. it was oddly domestic, this side of maki. it was the side of her with her hair undone, with her usual stiff uniform swapped for baggy pajamas, with her back flat against your rock solid dorm bed as she stared at the ceiling, eyes glazed over. it crossed your mind that you’d like to see her like this more.

but in case you didn’t get that chance, you were determined to make this moment last.

after a few moments of annoyance at how slow your wii loaded, and annoyance from maki at your complaining about it, considering that thing was clearly on its last legs, you were met with the flashing of the mario kart title screen. maki sat up to be met with your face brightening into a smile, making it hard for her to stop the matching one on her face. she found it hard not to get excited from the enthusiasm you had about this game, it gave her a sense of comfort that made her feel like she’d never have to worry about battling a curse again.

you handed her a controller, your fingertips brushing against her hand as you did so. her eyes flickered to yours with an impish delight to them.

“you’re going down.”

“oh?” you raised an eyebrow as you turned to click through character selections, shamelessly feeding into her competitive streak. after scrolling through the characters just long enough to annoy maki, you decided you’d play yoshi. she let out an over exaggerated sigh of relief when you’d finally decided, before turning her attention to do the exact same thing.

“rosalina, huh?”

maki glanced at you, before averting her eyes back to the screen. “what can i say? she’s hot.”

you put a hand to your heart dramatically. “oh maki, how you wound me. sorry i can't be her.” your little act was eerily similar to how the first years would act whenever there was even the possibility of megumi interacting with a girl.

“you’ve been spending too much time around gojo.” she scoffed at your antics while you waited for the crappy old wii to load the selection screen for tracks.

should i choose rainbow road just to fuck with her?

spoiler alert: you absolutely did choose rainbow road just to fuck with her.

you knew she’d never played before, so even if you did win, it’s mostly because you chose the most difficult track. but the competitive side of you didn’t seem to care. before starting the game, you moved so you sat next to maki on the bed, parallel to the tv screen. you guys sat shoulder to shoulder, yet maki still seemed totally relaxed.

“you’re going down.” she smirked, turning to face you, the second time that day her face was just inches from yours.

“i’d like to see you try and beat me, newbie.” you tilted your head towards her, a smug look painting your face as you leaned over to place your hands over hers, instructing her of the basics as you guided them over the buttons and joysticks of the controller. after all, it would be just cruel to make her go in completely clueless.

“thanks.” her eyes remained focused on her hands a few seconds after you’d removed yours from atop them, before her gaze travelled to meet yours. there was an uncharacteristically soft look on her face for just a moment, before she looked back to the screen. “but you’re gonna regret this when you eat my dust.”

“whatever you say, maki.” you muttered as the screen began to flash a countdown.

3…

2…

1…

START!!!

forget all that soft shit, you were gonna beat her ass.

your dorm room was filled with the sounds of the wii controller buttons being mashed, along with the background music of the game.

“SHIT!” you didn’t have to glance at her screen to know she’d swerved off the road and fallen, so you just smiled triumphantly in response.

when she was on the road again, you could feel her lean against your shoulder slightly as she turned. in your peripheral, you noticed how a few strands of green hair brushed against your shoulder as if it were yours. maki, on the other hand, seemed completely focused on winning the game, making her ignorant to how she practically leaned into you.

you were confident enough to know that you pretty much had this game in the bag as you kept your lead peacefully for quite a bit, that was until a certain smug looking girl next to you managed to score a blue shell.

“DAMN IT.” you watched as yoshi spun helplessly after being hit. “look at how sad he looks, you monster.” you glared ludicrously at her, to which she just snickered, but your feigned anger was quickly interrupted by the sound of the music speeding up.

FINAL LAP.

“already?” you were exasperated to see how close maki had gotten to you. looking to her, she remained with a determined look on her face, funnily enough, it was similar to the one she’d have while sparring.

you didn’t want to have to play dirty but…

ah, who were you kidding, you totally wanted to play dirty!

“hey, maki.” your voice was husky from strain of your cries of distress when you fell behind. you leaned into maki the same way she had earlier, with your leg practically on top of hers, and your head leaning oh so casually on her shoulder. she seemed to stiffen for a moment.

“what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

jackpot.

swerving with your controller, you’d managed to knock her rosalina straight off the track, giving you a clear path to the finish line. you knew that making her all flustered just to get ahead had to be some kind of cheating, but you couldn’t deny it was so worth it to see the way her face flushed from a mix of embarrassment and anger at losing.

when you reached the finish line, it was hard to contain the laughter that came bubbling up out of you. before you could help it, the repressed giggles turned into a full on belly laugh as you leaned onto her shoulder for support.

“you should’ve seen your face maki!” you managed to get out between laughs. she simply pushed you off of her, though it was clearly as soft as possible. she held onto your shoulder so you were forced to be at eye level with her.

she opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, you lifted your head to make eye contact, your mouth in a tight line as you tried to hold back more laughs.

“you’re pretty good for a newbie though, you know.” you leaned into her touch, too focused on her to tease her over the animation of yoshi with his gold trophy playing on the screen.

“yeah and you’re pretty good for a cheater.” she scoffed, but it only elicited more laughter from you, gripping on the hands she had on your shoulder for support.

she wanted to keep up her front of mock seriousness, but the way you melted into her in this moment left her no room for her mock anger.

it was rare that you saw maki zenin laugh, but in this moment, it just felt so natural to you. it seemed to rise up out of her, like a soda can being shaken up before opening, it came out unrestrained as her shoulders shook ever so slightly.

you’d have to make a note to get maki to laugh more often.

“so…” you finally composed yourself, leaning your head on her shoulder, she looked at you without an ounce of the surprise she held earlier, as if you guys did this all the time. “do you wanna play again?”

she grinned wolfishly. “hell yeah.”

[aminiatureworld]

Interest

Characters: Albedo, gn!reader

Word Count: 1,508

Warnings: None

Premise: Sometimes emotions can be confusing. In those times it can be easier to shut down. After all, wouldn’t finding the truth out be scarier?

In which the reader assumes their character is disinterested, and pulls away.

Author’s Note: It’s only been a week but it feels like ages! Too bad I only had time for one character tonight. I can’t wait to write for multiple characters again (hopefully tomorrow haha).

Anyways Albedo, you’re such a comfort character it was so wonderful to write you again!

Albedo

You didn’t become friends with Albedo in the “traditional” way. There was no moment when you two sat down and had a chat, neither one of you offered to go to the other’s house, and certainly there was no “want to be friends?” It was more that you had stayed and Albedo, in return, hadn’t chased you away. Eventually the idea of friendship just sort of became an implication. After all, if you hadn’t gotten kicked out already, safe to say Albedo didn’t dislike you, right?

No, you were quite sure Albedo didn’t dislike you. But did he like you? That question was a completely different one. And you were well aware of that fact.

At first you tried to find out the answer to the question. Observation: Albedo appeared neither to hold any particular affection for you, or any particular disdain. Hypothesis: Albedo doesn’t like being particularly affectionate towards anyone, so the fact that he’s let you stay on this long means he probably likes you at least as a friend, and might be open to more. Experiment: Try your best.

And you did try your best, looking back you really couldn’t say that you didn’t. Whether it was bringing flowers for him to study – then mash into paints – or making your way painstakingly through the papers he let you read – which usually flew half over your head – so that you could ask him questions about it the next day. You really did try. You were early to every meeting the two of you had, something Albedo seemed to copy after a while, and you were quick to offer your help in any way possible. Making yourself useful and always being there, surely Albedo would notice that. You even snuck in the occasional compliment, the occasional comment about how you were so happy to have someone like him in your life. Still, your experiment didn’t seem too successful.

Shouldn’t you just stop at this point? I mean, you probably could come to some conclusions after the weeks of “experimenting” you’d done. Albedo didn’t dislike you, he definitely didn’t. He thanked you when you brought him stuff and made sure to show up as early as you did to your rendezvous. He sometimes let you keep the flowers you brought him to sketch you instead of using them in his experiments, he even let you bring one of his paintings home. But how much of this really signified anything beyond friendship? It was hard to tell. Albedo certainly never dropped hints that he preferred your company especially. It was simply that you were there and that he didn’t have the want or the energy to send you away. Surely there were many other people who could say the same. Maybe it was time to move on.

Though your emotions certainly weren’t on board with this suggestion – the torch that you held for Albedo was not ready to burn out anytime soon – you did at least manage to rein in your actions a little bit. First it was no longer bringing this and that with you. The particularly small buds of lamp grass remained on their stalks, or pressed into books in your house, the fireflies that you had managed to awkwardly sketch on a piece of cardboard never made their likeness towards the alchemist. Then it was meeting a little less often, not that you didn’t retain the habit of going early when those meetings did happen. It was just, surely you didn’t want to annoy Albedo too much. He might end up kicking you out after a while. Then it was asking him less and less questions while you were there, when you were there.

The affect was more depressing than you cared to admit, before you knew it the idea of going off to find Albedo became almost painful, something that would involve crossing a gulf that somehow grew wider every day. Days turned into a week, turned into two, turned into three. Every day you’d wake up, the idea of going to see Albedo at the forefront of your mind, and every night you lay in bed, scolding yourself for avoiding the person you most wanted to see. And every day the gulf widened a little more.

Perhaps things would’ve continued on like that indefinitely, a never ending circle of guilt and dissonance and going to bed feeling like you’d somehow failed something, like now certainly Albedo wouldn’t want to talk to you. Yet somehow fate had a different idea. Whether or not you were grateful for its interference, you couldn’t tell over the apprehension at the beginning, the relief after the fact.

There was a commission on your list: Pick up salve from alchemist’s lab and deliver it to Sonja before the end of the day. At first you had considered trying to pawn it off onto someone else. After all, this was a rather easy commission, and surely some of the less experience Guild members would be grateful for easy legwork. Still as you were rationalizing all this away in your head, wondering what sort of commission you might get in return, you found that your legs were already moving onto the familiar route you had walked so recently before unsurety and dejection had clouded your actions.

Standing in front of the alchemy lab you felt your legs still as Albedo appeared in front of you. At first you wondered if you might be able to duck somewhere else, to evade detection. Yet your legs which had been so happy to move before suddenly felt leaden and incredibly useless, and all you could do was stare as Albedo glanced up from his papers, his eyes landing on you, the placing blue of his irises widening slightly.

“I hadn’t expected to see you here.”

“I’m here to pick something up.”

It was a bit lame in terms of opening lines, but it was a start.

“Ah, I see,” Albedo replied, looking down at his papers. Stepping towards you slightly he tilted his head. “I thought you might want to see me again.”

“I do! I mean, well, yes,” you coughed awkwardly, feeling as if you had just verbally fallen flat on your face. Still Albedo did nothing but smile, something which eased your nerves slightly.

“I’m glad. I thought I might have done something, and that you no longer wished to talk to me.”

“You didn’t! It was my fault, I’m really sorry I went so long without contacting you. Really, really sorry.”

“There’s no reason to apologize. But are you sure that it’s only you? Are you sure I didn’t do something to make this happen?”

“Well,” you paused. What was the correct answer? Yes didn’t seem right, but no also stuck in your throat. “I, I don’t know.”

“Oh?”

“It’s just, I don’t, I sometimes, I have a hard time knowing what you think of me Albedo.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, am I a friend? Do you like me? I know that you don’t dislike me, or at least I hope you don’t since you let me trail along so often. But still… I don’t know, I don’t know if it’s because you like me, or because I’m not enough of a bother to send home.” It was close enough to the truth.

“I’m sorry if I ever made you confused,” Albedo’s voice was warm, but there was an urgency to it that broke the usual calm. Looking up into Albedo’s face, having been examining the ground previously, you watched as flashes of emotions crossed the alchemist’s face. “I didn’t realize that I didn’t make my feelings clear. I don’t dislike you. I very much like when you’re around me. I, I think you’re my friend.”

“You think?” How come everything was so confusing?

“In truth, I find classifying relationships difficult. It’s not like alchemy, it’s too messy. So, sometimes I don’t even know how to classify my own relationships. But if there are people in this world who would consider me a friend, who I would consider a friend, you are certainly one of them.”

It was all you could’ve asked for in the moment. Letting a smile erupt across your face, you closed the space left between the two of you. “Thank you for telling me! I’m sorry I was being so selfish by hiding away.

“You weren’t being selfish,” Albedo replied. “You were completely within your rights.”

“Thank you,” you murmured. Gazing up at Albedo you found the words coming out of your mouth before you could stop them. “May I say something that might be selfish?”

“What is it?”

“I’ve fallen in love with you, a little bit.”

You watched as Albedo’s eyes widened in surprise. At first you thought you might’ve made a mistake, leapt and fallen into the gulf. However before you could continue that train of thought a smile bloomed on the alchemist’s face in front of you. Taking your hand Albedo leaned over and whispered into your ear.

“Und ich auch.”