#anyways guess who had to confirm my attendance for a head meeting so people dont go all facist state on them 😀

[verytendou]

Do you ever watch an email go out and go oh my god you are going to get into so much trouble.

[witchyspell]

Fear of Losing You

pairing: Jimmy Darling x gender neutral!reader

summary/request: Jimmy darling x male reader: dandy and reader both meet at a show and hit it off...spending more time with dandy ment less with jimmy...jimmy being jealous decides to get your attention 💖 requested by @kingreidx

word count: 2.5k+

warnings: swearing, alcohol abuse (very drunk jimmy), angst and fluff ofc, dandy’s god complex

A/N: i’m sorry this took so long! i’ve just been overwhelmed lately and suffering from, you guessed it, writer’s block. this made me want to watch freak show for the third time, i love that season so much...anyway, i hope you enjoy! :)

IMPORTANT NOTE: this request originally asked for a male!reader’s perspective. however, more than half way through, i realized i hadn’t mentioned any specific pronouns to designate the reader and that there were no details that implied their gender. i decided to change it to a gender neutral perspective so anyone (including a male reader) could read it. i hope you understand!

[full credit to the owner of this gif!]

Eight months ago, you met the most caring and thoughtful person, Jimmy Darling. Never in your entire life had you ever encountered such a selfless and considerate soul. His laughter was unbelievably contagious and his charm so strong. His sole presence lit up any room instantly.

You first saw him when you attended Fräulein Elsa’s Cabinet of Curiosities or in other words, the town’s freak show. The idea of spending actual money to watch people perform and be treated like circus animals made you sick. They were still human no matter how they looked or what deformities they possessed, but your parents thought otherwise. They insisted it would be amusing and a ‘nice outing’.

You went anyway, the idea of defying your parents way too risky. Little did you know, that that evening, you’d meet the person who would soon become the light of your life.

From the moment he stepped on stage, you were immediately captivated. His chestnut curls drooped down over his forehead. And his eyes, despite being dark, shone under the stage lights. You didn’t notice anything unusual about him until he removed his hands from behind his back.

“These pinchers dont hold me back,” he exclaimed cheerfully. “Watch me juggle!”

The ‘pinchers’ in question resembled exactly that. They were quite large and his index and middle finger fused together as well as his ring and little finger.

The crowd oohed and aahed but you remained mostly unfazed. You studied his face a little longer, sensing something was off. Behind that joyful, cheery facade he looked unhappy, almost embarrassed.

His gaze caught yours as he wrapped up his performance, offering a smile to the audience (which you now knew wasn’t genuine) and showing off his abnormal hands one last time. Later that night, you introduced yourself to Jimmy Darling and entered his atypical, curious world.

✾ ✾ ✾

Sitting on one of the squeaky wooden chairs, you watched and absentmindedly listened as Bette and Dot practiced their singing for the upcoming show. Rehearsals had eventually become tedious and repetitive, since you never participated in the performances.

Your job was to sell tickets, and sell tickets you did. You also welcomed the spectators as they entered the show’s grounds, plastering on the biggest grin you could possibly muster.

You loved spending time and bonding with everyone but it was getting old. So old, you’d sometimes miss the show and wait in the makeup tent until you had to escort the audience out.

A quick peck to your cheek pulled you out of your thoughts and you blinked, your eyes readjusting to the intense show lights. You looked up and saw Jimmy watching you intently, waiting for you to react to his presence. He looked concerned when you didn’t respond and sat down next to you, wrapping his arms around your frame.

“Everythin’ alright, sweetheart?” Jimmy asked, cocking his head to the side.

You didn’t want to worry him so you simply nodded. What would you even tell him? That you were unhappy? That was false. You just craved something exciting...new.

“I’m fine, Jimmy. Really, I was just lost in thought that’s all,” you reassured him.

“Will you come to the show tonight, then?” Jimmy asked, pouting at you. He knew you couldn’t possibly refuse him, especially when he made that adorable face. You paused, feigning considering his offer before assuring him you were only teasing. “If you insist.”

He opened his mouth, most likely to make a witty comment, but you shut him up. You brushed your thumb over his cheek and leaned in, ever so softly kissing his pouty lips. He pulled you in even closer and you rested your head on his shoulder, watching the lights flicker as Dot’s voice echoed through the tent’s walls.

✾ ✾ ✾

Great amounts of people were rapidly flooding in, creating a large crowd. By the looks of it, tonight was going to be very busy and you were certainly not complaining. Lots of people meant lots of tips, which meant lots of publicity and propaganda for the show.

After gathering everyone and selling an impressive amount of tickets, it was nearly show time. You rushed to the makeup tent and made sure everyone was ready to perform, the perfectionist side of you definitely spilling out a little.

Elsa was the opening act, her voice never ceasing to amaze you. As you entered the tent, you spotted Jimmy pacing back in forth, seemingly nervous.

You walked over to him. “Jimmy, love...Is everything okay?” Concern laced your voice and you furrowed your eyebrows. He wasn’t a stranger to stage fright, on the contrary, it was a regular occurrence for him but it was rarely that bad.

“There’s- God, there’s so many people out there, Y/N! I don’t know if I can do it,” he shakily spoke, looking pale as a ghost.

“You’ve done this countless times, Jimmy! It’s just a few more people than usual, you can do it,” you soothed, your words only mildly reassuring him.

He shook his head and closed his eyes, the anxiety becoming overbearing. “No, it’s not the same-“

“I know it isn’t but there is absolutely nothing to worry about, okay? You always do great, tonight won’t be any different,” you engulfed him in a tight embrace and spoke in his ear. “Now, go show ‘em what you got.”

He smiled at you, whispered a quick ‘I love you’ and darted out of the tent. You followed him, confirmed every single performer was all set to go and sat in the audience. The lights dimmed, plunging the room in complete darkness and the curtains were drawn to reveal Elsa in beautiful makeup and a just as beautiful dress. Her graceful voice deeply moved you, feeling almost transported by it.

You subtly glanced around towards the end of her performance, trying to discern the look on people’s faces. Most of them looked disappointed, but you weren’t surprised. They were here for the ‘freaks’, not the real talent after all.

As your eyes scanned the crowd, a particular someone caught your eye.

He appeared to be in his mid twenties and was the textbook definition of ‘tall, dark and handsome’. He had slicked back seemingly black hair, perfectly parted down the middle. His baby blue irises, although adverted towards the stage, were still visible and bright. He wore an elegant, unique striped suit that probably cost ten times more than the most expensive item you owned.

Next to him sat an older, strawberry blonde woman who you assumed was his mother. It was clear they were significantly wealthy from their luxurious clothing.

Your attention was still fixated on the young man. Something about him was intriguing, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. Elsa had long left the stage by now and it was time for the others to shine. He looked mesmerized by everyone on stage. The fascination in his eyes was blatantly obvious, like a child in a candy shop.

He must have felt someone staring because his gaze met yours rather abruptly. You quickly spun your head back around, caught off guard. Slightly embarrassed, you shyly peered at him from the corner of your eye to make sure he was no longer paying attention to you.

Much to your surprise, he was now staring at you, an unreadable expression plastered on his face. He didn’t smile or nod, just stared. Jimmy appeared on stage just as you were beginning to get slightly anxious. You beamed at him, mouthing a silent ‘you got this’ and he flashed you his signature alluring grin in return.

The stranger still rumbled through your mind as you watched your boyfriend juggle four, five...six bowling pins. As soon as the show ended, you were about to make your way backstage to congratulate Jimmy, when a foreign male voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Excuse me?”

You hesitantly turned around and found yourself face to face with no other than the dapper young man. “Yes?” you answered skeptically.

“I noticed you speaking with one of the freaks earlier. Do you, perhaps, happen to work here?” he asked. You cringed at his choice of words but knowing correcting him wouldn’t get you anywhere, you ignored it.

“Uh, yes I do.” The awkward tension in the air was undeniably present and you slightly stuttered.

“Fascinating! You aren’t one of them I presume. You seem perfectly attractive...” he started. “Tell me, how is it living with freaks?” Your face, once again, twisted in disgust at his poor wording but you stayed calm. Jimmy on the other hand would have been fuming. The man before you had a posh way of speaking, his voice matching his wealth. It was drastically different from what you heard on a day to day basis.

“I didn’t even introduce myself! How foolish of me! Forgive me, my name is Dandy Mott,” he exclaimed, disregarding his previous question and holding his hand out.

You hesitantly took it. “Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.” Dandy’s grip was strong as you shook his hand. He gave you a heartfelt, closed mouthed smile and bid you goodbye.

“I’ll certainly be looking forward to seeing you again, Y/N.”

✾ ✾ ✾

Ever since your first encounter with Dandy, he attended every single show with no exception. You had grown to enjoy his company even though he was strange at times. Both of you would often go on picnics and walks through town. You, of course, made sure he understood it was purely platonic. You might have been spending less time with Jimmy, but you still remained faithful. He respected your boundaries and didn’t make any advances.

Dandy was different and you liked that about him. You needed something different. Before him, every day felt the exact same and it was painfully exhausting.

Everything was going smoothly until one night, Dandy shared his beliefs about him being ‘a supreme being’. He had hinted at it before, but you brushed it off, thinking it was nothing more than an eccentric pleasantry. You were both standing in front of the freak show’s gates and its frightening entrance when he unveiled that side of himself.

“I am a god!” he had cried out. You were at a loss for words, not believing he truly felt that way at first.

“Is this some kind of joke?” you asked.

“No, this isn’t a joke! This is what I was destined to be. Don’t you get it?” Dandy was becoming more and more agitated by the second, stepping dangerously closer to you. “I would have preferred to tell you this somewhere more...formal. But here we are.”

“Dandy-”

“I thought you of all people would understand, Y/N. Why do you always have to make things so painfully complicated?” he sighed, sounding exasperated.

“Please Dandy...” Your voice trembled. “Leave, I just n-need you to leave.”

He shook his head and rolled his eyes, sighing dramatically once again. “You really are insufferable, aren’t you?” Right as he was reaching for you arm, Eve appeared.

“Y/N, there you are! There’s- uh, you see Jimmy-“ she fumbled over her words and you took it as an opportunity to flee the scene. You trusted Eve would take care of Dandy and send him home.

You entered the show’s campus and were immediately stunned by what you saw. A small, familiar crowd of people gathered around Jimmy as he flailed his arms around, nearly dropping and smashing the whiskey bottle in his right hand. His shirt was stained with what appeared to be sweat and vomit, from drinking all night. You immediately rushed over to him.

“Oh, look who finally showed up! Have fun with that prick? You manage to remove that stick up his ass yet?” he slurred, sarcastically tipping his hat at you.

“Are you insane? What the fuck are you doing?” You whisper-yelled, grabbing his arm and dragging him over to his caravan.

“Come on, Y/N! You’re no fun! I was just explaining to them how you ditched me for some rich jerk,” Jimmy blabbered on, nearly tripping over himself.

He dragged his feet in the dirt, ruining his already worn out shoes and dropped the bottle to the ground, completely shattering it. He muttered a simple ‘oops’, chuckling to himself. You practically shoved him inside the caravan and he stumbled onto the bed.

“Get up, you’re filthy,” you demanded, the stench of his clothes unbearable.

“So, this is what I have to do for you to notice me? Get shit-faced?” He sat up, a now hurt expression on his face.

“You know that’s not true,” you settled beside him and he raised his arms, a whiff of sweat hitting your nose instantly. You peeled off the dirty garment from his skin and threw it on the floor, at the foot of the bed. You gently tilted his chin up, forcing him to look at you. His breath reeked of booze but you ignored it.

“I thought I lost you,” Jimmy whispered, tears pricked at his eyes and threatened to fall down.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to distance myself from you, I just-“ you paused, contemplating your words. “I can’t live like this anymore, Jimmy. Not here. And I know it sounds selfish because it hasn’t even been a year, but it’s the truth. I just can’t.” Your voice cracked as a tight knot formed in your throat, and you desperately searched Jimmy’s face for anything that could indicate how he was feeling.

“Come here.”

You leaped into his arms as your tears wet his bare chest. Sobs racked your body as you finally let go of everything you kept bottled in and hidden deep within yourself. Jimmy’s calloused fingers soothingly rubbed circles on the exposed skin of your back while you cried, before slowly pulling away. You peered up at him with glassy eyes, your lower lip trembling.

“I’m so sorry for everything, Jimmy. Dandy he-“ you shakily started but Jimmy was quick to shush you.

“Shh...it’s okay, baby. I forgive you,” he warmly smiled. His eyes suddenly lit up, an imaginary lightbulb shining over his head. “Now, what do you say we run away together?”

Your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets at his outrageous proposition. So many questions ran through your mind but you chose the obvious one.

“Are you serious?” you asked, utterly baffled. Jimmy burst in a fit of laughter, his adoration for you clearer than ever.

“Of course I am! All I want is a shot at a normal life...with you.” He grinned from ear to ear, his beautiful face radiating with joy causing your heart to flutter.

“Then yes, without a doubt,” you said, tearing up once more. “I love you. ”

“And I love you,” Jimmy murmured, softly pressing his lips to the top of your head and laying down, lulling you both to sleep.