#anyways back to our normal schedual

[ozzies-perch]

Lets try this again, merry christler

[bleusidemv]

85 Question Tag

Thank you @neocultvretechs for tagging me I am always so excited to do stuff like this yeay. Thanks honey!

RULES: answer these 85 statements about yourself and tag 20 people

LAST:

1.drink- strawberry smoothie

2. Phone call- my mom so she can pick me up from the trainstation

3. Text message- friend about the dress for our prom night in 3 weeks

4. Song you listened to- Nirvana-Sam Smith

5. Time you cried- about 2 weeks ago

EVER:

6. Dated someone twice- No

7. Kissed someone and regretted it- YES!!!

8. Been cheated on- I dont really know...I suspect one exboyfriend but I dont care about that anymore and another one kinda did something but not really...just kinda

9. Lost someone special- Nope

10. Been depressed- Haha yeah most of my teenage years but luckyly not anymore

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up- No I have a really high tolerance but I dont drink anyways(only like...maybe...5 times a year for special events)

12. Fave colors- (black white gray) pastel pink/babyblue/mint and dark reds and greens

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends- yeees

16. Fallen out of love- idk maybe its hard to put feelings in situations into such a general statement but I think so

17. Laughed until you cried- definitly. I cry sooo easyly while laughing bc of my huge cheeks being pushed agains my eyes so yeah...thats like the only reason I cry for most of the time

18. Found out someone was talking about you -I dont remember but I dont think so since I dont care about that anyways and it mostly does not happen(at least not knowingly)

19. Met someone who changed you- yes

20. Found out who your friends are- BIG FAT YES. Funny story: one of my best friends from primary school and I started talking again after years of not seeing each other and she is the one that helped me get into kpop so much and now we see each other every other week and bc of her I also got back in touch with another friend who I just went on a 3 day trip to berlin with. So yeah soemtimes the real ones are the ones you have not talked to in a while but that does not make it awkward instead shows you how time does not change a real friendship!

21.kissed someone on your facebooks friends list- I dont have fb so no

GENERAL:

22. How many of your fb friends do you know in real life- Still dont have an account

23. Do you have any pets- Yes one Cat

24. Do you want to change your name- No. I am happy my parents gave me 2 names to choose. One "normal/regular" one (Lea(but no one outside the internet calls me that)) and one that is more special(Sharon(also name I wanna be called by everyone since I like being unique))

25. What did you do for your last birthday- Went out to eat chinese with some friends then into a mexican restaurant to get churros

26. What time did you wake up today- 5:00(my sleep schedual is still shit from last week bc if the train we took at 2 in the morning to get to berlin and waking up early bc of excitement on the day the concert was)

27. What were you doing at midnight last night- trying to fall asleep

28. What is something you cant wait for- in general: when I order something online. Right now: going back to berlin for the BTS concert

30. What are you listening to right now- I.L.Y.-The Rose

31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom- yes I have someone in my art class with that name

32. Something that is getting on your nerves- my constant back pain

33. Most visited webside- either h&m since I have to get a prom dress and I dont want to soend much money on it or kpopmart bc like...I am addicted to buying albums and I cant stop myself

34. Hair color- reddish brown

35. Long or short hair- on myself long. On girls I like both but maybe I prefere short a teenytiny bit more and on boys I like a little longer hair

36. Do you have a crush on someone- like famous people yes of course but in real life not that much. I mean I crush on loaaaad of girls but its not something constant like when you slowly fall in love with someone

37. What do you like about yourself- actually a few things. My eyes, my upperbody proportions, most of my personality and my taste in stuff aaaand my tattoos

38. Want any piercings- not right now. Someday maybe a tongue ring or a nose ring but I had my piercings phase already and I dont want to go back to it for now

39. Blood type- I dont know

40. Nicknames- no constant ones that everyonw uses just random ones with some friends that come up from time to time

41. Relationship status- almost single

42. Zodiac- Pisces

43. Pronouns- she/her

44. Fave TV shows- not watching any right now but maybe sense 8,skins,scubs,my name is earl, stranger things, avatar, sailor moon and sherlock

45. Tattoos- a heart on my foot but there are more coming in the next days

46. Right or left handed- right

47. Ever had surgery- No

48. Piercings- Multiple earlobes, 30mm tunnle(not wearing them anymore tho), I used to have a septum but I also dont wear it anymore and a smiley also not wearing it anymore aaaand I tried to make a nostril piercing myself but I only got halfway through so noooo but maybe one day Ill get that one profesionally done

49. Sport- I used to dance but I ruined my legs with it so I cant do it anymore as a sport thing

50. Vacation- I will hopefully go to greece or portugal this year. And if I could go anywhere Id go to thailand,korea,japan or anywhere that is close to the ocean and has nice beaches

52. Eating- not right now

53. Drinking- mostly water

54. Im about to watch- the last parts of the last ikon tv episode and then maybe the new kq fellaz episodes

55. Waiting for- my sisters weeding in a month

56. Want- to go back to the got7 concert and tell them all the things I need them to know. Also more albums and maybe new shoes

57. Get married- one day yes but not in the close future

58. Career- something creative hopefully in the music industry as a manager or producer would be nice but Ill take anything that makes me happy

WHICH IS BETTER:

59. Hugs or kisses- HUGS

60. Lips or eyes- both but...a slight bit more eyes

61. Shorter or taller- I am a short baby so taller...almost everyone is and I kinda feel cute for being short

62. Older or younger- older

63. Nice arms or stomach- weird question I mean what is the definition of nice? But lets say they mean conventional nice so like toned and muscular...then its definitly arms. I like strong arms. But I think that nice can mean a lot and to me a nice belly is a soft belly to cuddle with

64. Hookup or relationship- depends. Right now definirly hookups but if the right one comes my way I wont say no to a relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant- lately more hesitant but I used to be more of a trouble maker

HAVE YOU EVER:

66. Kissed a stranger- No

67. Drank hard liquor- Yeeeees

68. Lost glasses- I dont have glasses so I cant lose them

69. Turned someone down- Uhm yes of course

70. Sex on first date- No...I mean practically I had sex at a first meeting but it was not a date so yeah

71. Broken someone heart- Yup

72. Been arrested- Nope

73. Had your heart broken- No not really

74. Cried when someone died- No

75. Fallen for a friend- Nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

76. Yourself- Sometimes

77. Miracles- Yes...I guess...not sure

78. Love at first sight- I want to but also not sure since Ive not experienced it myself

79. Santa- Nooooooohooooooohooooo

80. Kiss on a first date- thats something to believe in? I just do whatever I feel like

81. Angels- like the church ones no but I do believe that humans can be like angels and thats what I am trying to be

OTHER:

82. Best friends name- I have multiple ones

83. Eye color- Green? Blue? Grey? Who knows

84. Fave movie- too many

85. Fave actor- also too many but the first one that came to my mind was Tom Hardy but there are other in this list too

Tagging : (new mutuals I wanna know better and my good ol frens)

@1kenzo @4xiumn @bobahancafe @felixspotato @woojinshairwasblue @orgel-mp3 @leeknowyaknow @straygayz @jiwonidaeyo @hercosmoscomplex @queen-ki @changbinknows @princess-nakamoto @122c @curledlife @daehdream @irrelevantkblog @neoculture-tech @yummyyugyeommie @joshhaogyu @kinodarling @apricotlipgloss

[diaryofsecrecy]

It has been the most exhausting year of my entire life and I will be surprised if I ever top it...

Brent was having a hard time adjusting to the altitude when we 1st came out here, (July 8th 2020) But as time went on he got better as expected. Then suddenly he got worse and worse, Eventually he lost the job that he got because he was calling out so often throwing up and experiencing extreme nausea.  Because of covid, the doctors were booked for weeks (new patient) so it was just kind of a waiting game until we finally decided to just go to the ER.  They did a full blood panel and decided that he needs to see a GI doctor because everything else is normal. So, That was booked 2 weeks out and he was sent home with nausea medication for one week...

Of course we were going to try to buy or rent so I was freaking out about money and working as much as I possibly could... But then I too had to go to the emergency Room because I had extreme abdominal pain resulting in an emergency appendectomy😖

The day after my surgery, I am home, when my dad comes in with my older sister.

To my knowledge, my older sister was diagnosed paranoid schizofrantic. She has been Homeless for the last 11 years,  And on drugs.  She recently was beaten so badly that she was left with several brain injuries on top of it all, And while she was healing at the hospital somehow they didn't notice her walk out.  We were just about to get her placed somewhere safe...And they lost her.

Anyhow dad walks in with my sister who I guess called him from a coffee shop when they told her that she couldn't sleep there anymore (after a month of being missing again) Dad had to go back to work so then it was me & her for the next 2 days, As you can imagine, not the rest I needed post surgery... then, I had to go back into the hospital because something wasn't right. I was there for 3 more days, 2 days alone because ben was so sick that it was worse with him being there than me sitting by myself in pain and nausea of my own.

Fast forward a few more months, tragic accidents led to 2 separate deaths of my parents dogs. Both events I happen to be present, so get blamed & am no longer welcome at mom & dads.

(Still healing from sugury, brent still very sick)

We get an apartment, and I start working as a nanny for my aunt twice a week while working at Massage Envy the other 5 days.

At this point, I am tired. I am horney, and lonely, and Absolutely. Fucking. Miserable.

I am begging ben to keep up with drs. but he has lost hope of getting better, and I have no way of helping him when I am already worn too thin.

After 9, Long, long months, he eventually, with my consistent pushing, nagging, most likely not always kind remarks, he finds out his hormones are completely off, which I knew would be the case, his dick hadnt worked for the last 3 years properly..

Anyway. He blames his addiction medication rather than continuing dr. Appointments... he gets on testosterone with an outside company(pay out of pocket kind of subscription company...rather than checking insurance, or figuring out what causes low testosterone and fixing that first). I was working and had no influence in any of those choices that effect us both as they have for at least 2 years. He hasnt touched me for so, so, long.

Month 3 of his medication that seems to be working (only reason I know is there was a ton of porn in my google history, he had declined all advances, except the rare, 3 times he allowed a blowjob then left immediately after for the gym or literally anything else rather than make it romantic at all.)

Month 4, he forgets to make a payment at all, so now we owe $250 rather than the normal $100. His meds get sent, then FedEx loses the package all together so, he is sick and I am house sitting in a dream home, alone for 2 weeks straight that originally was going to be our getaway to focus on Us.

At this point, brent and I havnt slept in the same bed for 2 months. At first cause he says I'm mean and he wants to not be near me, but now its cause hes "more comfortable out in the living room..."

A month ago when we last had a conversation about our relationship he said he wants space and a break from me all together. I'm too much.

I am the problem..?

When trying to understand what he means, he shuts down the connvo, saying he cant talk about it anymore. It's been 30 days since we have made any verbal progress. Our fighting has stopped though, and I'll tell you why...

Rewind 1 week before house sitting;

1 week after brent and I had an awful fight where he told me we should take a break, I stay at my parents & My mom offers for me to join them at a graduation party of a kid I used to babysit.

We were sitting in the back of the dining room, out of the way, when I saw someone i slightly recognized in the hallway. Not sure from where, but he was the kind of guy that you couldnt stop looking at. He was clearly into fitness, his shirt couldnt hide the muscular features he had been perfecting either, despite him dressing nothing out of the ordinary. He had beautiful ink crawling up his leg, an artform that would only mean something to someone who is more spiritually awake. But more noticable about anything was that smile.

God that smile. His face was scruffy, as if he had been away, but regardless, the smile he had influenced his entire ora. His eyes smiled, his walk... smiled. He had some kind of thing about him that was a physical draw I had never known for myself before. Dont get me wrong, i have been woo'd by many men so far in my life, from all stages in life, but This one was just, different. He was making his way around the room, & I could hear his voice over my mom who's talking beside me. I had literally been blocked out by my ever wondering thoughts of this random stranger whom felt familiar.

Then, he was there, at our table?

He was so easy to talk to, not even sure how we started now, but all I know is I was not nervous despite my very physical attraction to him.

He spoke of traveling, and adventures hes been on. This guy had a whole other life in the military at one point and now was traveling, working for a company that sends him around the US.

This guy had Hope's and dreams and somehow we got to talking about that kind of thing at a graduation party?

When I left that day, I thought about him. Not just him specifically, but men like him. Had I chosen Brent wrongfully? Does brent even like who I am anymore, what does he want going forward in his own life? How do I even fit into that? He understands my need for adventure but his actions say that he doesnt want to come along. My mind was loopy after that because for the first real time I questioned, what if there was someone who wanted to see the world,  Who liked my sad music, and my emotions being in everything I do? What if there was a women more interested in the simple home life, having a couple dogs and living a small, comfortable life? Are we doing one another a disservice by occupying oneanother's lives? How could I ever bring that up with Brent at all without making him feel so inadiquite after a year of terrible sickness and defeat?

Well, when I went to that big, gorgeous dream home the following week to house sit for 2 weeks... begging him to come see me, I grew weak from overthinking. I cried, I cried so much the first 3 days.

I cried from a place of such sadness, anger, bitterness, defeat, they were so strong. My mind was cloudy, drunk, stoned, tired.... I found myself writing a suicide letter.

My plan was to disappear, I knew I'd find a firearm in the home & allow someone to find my remains eventually in the hills where I'd walk far enough.

I prepared by cleaning the litterbox, laying out several bowls of water for the dog and cat, and watered all the plants heavily. I transfered brent all the money in my bank accounts, and as I waited for the sheets to come out of the dryer I balled my eyes out, reading the last conversations I had had with my family members. I thought to myself how the kids would take it, what different life choices they would make having been close with someone before their passing. At this point, I needed something, but I needed it from someone who doesnt know me in my life right now, but the me that was worth saving. The me I still recognized.

I called an old friend from 2nd grade. Hadnt talked to her in years and years, didnt known her life, her schedual, her name(which had been changed). But she talked me down. She saved my fucking life. It took a person who knew my soul years ago, to remind me I am not alone.

I dont blame my parents, or who I thought would be my future husband. I had talked with my aunt earlier that day and she couldnt see it either. I had become this fake shell of a person and it took considering an actual murder of myself to make me see that if I continued this path, I would die eventually and nobody in my life would ever see me preparing for it.

That night, I invited a complete stranger over and we fucked like rabbits. 4 times. He got to do things he'd never done before, and I begged him to. Sounds cold, sounds unapologetically disgusting that I'd do something like that, but quite frankly, I FUCKING needed it. I needed someone to see me, even if he didnt see my current life nor care about me as a person... he saw, touched, kissed, sucked and ate me up. For the first time in at least 2 years, i felt satisfaction when I walked him to the door and watched his car drive away.

It was like a sigh of relief, an inch I could not reach for the longest time, gone. Finally.

The following days, brent began putting in more effort. It has been 3 weeks and I'd say he has been kinder to me than he had in a while (probably the lack of testosterone) but also, I havnt seen much of him in general. From his point of view, it is all fine. Hes getting the space he needed, I'm being nicer since I quit massage Envy, and things are looking up....

But that is because he doesnt See Me.

My suisidal thoughts subsided after my long conversation with Scout. & that night I called my cousin as well, and learned he too had been in my shoes before. He said something that stuck with me.

If everyone has an expiration date on their life already, and we don't know when it is, you're to the point that you're life is so invaluable that youd kill yourself than flee your life and make one you want. Dont care about the people youd hurt, because suicide is just as careless as abandoning them all indefinitely.

He was so right, it put things into perspective, gave me a freedom I felt I was waiting to gain permission for.

Five days later, I noticed He had written me 5 before, on the day I had truly planned to end my current life..

He had written me at 12am, what would someone like him, a gorgeous, beefed out, big thinker, high energy, go getter be doing messaging me, a tired women who was 300lbs a year ago, (still working on getting to a normal size) and completely at a crossroads with existance.

I entertained the connvo a tad, and honestly forgot about it for a few days as I figured no way he could be serious.

He triple messaged me, and asked for my personal contact info to have real conversation?

Hesitantly, and wildly excited to even just flirt for a moment with someone who is literally everything I fantasize when I'm alone everynight....

Our conversation immediately took off. In directions I hadnt expected at all what so ever. He told me he had to admit he felt drawn to me, like he had known me in another life. That he doesnt expect me to get it, but I did. We talked about things that only my sister and I can relate to on a spirituality standard and it changed me in that instant. Suddenly i realize, I wasn't broken, I was just misunderstood. & that there are people in this world that See Me even when I am not trying. Not many, and it takes a specific Kind of person, but they do exist and when you meet them, you cant ignore it. It is as if they stain you with remembrance.

As the sexually hungry humans we are, not only did we find that morality, values, future goals coexist, but also our importance of intimacy. Not just lust and sex, well, yes that too, uff did those conversations get so, fucking, hot, but the interactions of intimacy and how they make a person whole.

I opened up to him about Brent, and where I am at in life, asking he please oversee my unfaithfulness, but that I am loyal at heart. He says with such pain in his voice how he too in a parallel position simultaneously, however, he married her 7 years ago.

Ugh.

So now I get to choose. Do I chose mortality, say no, brent and the other women deserve to understand the severity of sex, love and passion, and if they chose not to then we will leave before we act on our mutual attraction....? Or, do we say hell with it and give in to serendipity moments that our hearts crave so badly, take on the consequences and move forward. Sigh. If only there was a guideline for complicated.

Last night, as the 5 nights before, we talked for hours on the phone. His voice makes me smile every, damn, time. Perhaps because it's new and exciting, or maybe I just love to hear him go on his tangents of loving yourself despite the bad in life. I Want him. I want him when I wake, &when I go to sleep. I do not want a life without him& it saddens me to know our timing is incorrect. He asked her for a divorce a year ago, but has sat comfortably as I have despite the horror because weve both been too busy, too tired, too... afraid that life will always be lonely. Last night, he said to me, Elise, I love you. I avoided it several times but when he said it two more times, I couldnt keep it any longer to myself, Jackson, I really do Love you as well. It's scary, and faster than I'd ever say it to anyone. But I know it to be true because I Feel it. I want his love so badly. I want him to live life along side of me because with a person like him, I'd be a better me.

I am absolutely terrified. My life, my home, my family, dogs, my 5 year relationship, the unborn children brent and I have named, and the houses we'd have... all gone?

Running away with a man who says hes going to leave his wife is absolutely stupid. I'd be an idiot to think I am enough to get him through that fear of change, yet he gives me strength to want to try, so maybe I do, Him?

Ugh my brain being pulled in many ways. My heart having been in pieces so many times now doesnt know who to go to or why. I know for certain I love Brent, is this a self gratifying moment To push me back to him? Is this the devil bringing two lost people together to ruin four people at once?or is this Fate. Fate that has seen both of us individually loosing ourselves in a life we didnt want and has brought us together to lean on one another, temporarily not?

Suppose time will tell.

Last two days he has been working a ton, and told me that tomorrow he has something he needs to talk to me about.

I assume it isnt good. I assume it is the first put off of many, because, I know I want to do the same. Part of me says I should block him right now, because lust, and attraction, both mentally and physically like that couldnt make a women addicted and that's a no good addiction when he has a women in his house with his last name. 😔

[thedappleddragon]

HUZZAH 3 FOR ONE BECAUSE I KEPT GETTING TOO SLEPPY TO GET OUT MY LAPTOP

’m very sleepy and will not get out my laptop 

Woke up to my shoulder hurting more than yesterday, probably from going ham on the arm circles and sleeping on my arm. Did jack shit for a while, took a shower at noon, waited around and played harvest moon until 4 to get moms groceries, dropped them off at home, and went to work. They had me move plants out of the open to under an awning so they wouldn’t get covered in snow and ice from the SNOWSTORM were having in the MIDDLE OF APRIL?? Whatever. After all the plants were moved my gloves were soaked and I couldn’t see anything from my goofy glasses so I went inside and spent the rest of my shift very slowly stocking shelves until 8. I thought I was going until 9, so stopping at 8 was a nice surprise. I had to pull out the snow brush ice scraper and brush off my car before heading home. I took some pictures of the snow covered trees which were very pretty. When I pulled into the driveway I thought a branch had already fallen, but it was just a small tree flopped over entirely because of all of the snow. My sister came home so I made noodles and we ate together and I went to hang out in my room. A while later the power went out, came back for a second, then went again. Dad knocked on my door telling me to use blankets and have candles at the ready. I looked around and found some triple a batteries for my cat lamp so I could still have fun lights during the power outage. Dad mentioned there was already a branch in the street and I wanted to see it. I followed him outside and wouldn’t you know it 70% of my neighbors tree was in the street. Dad and I looked around the garage for chain or something to move it so my mom could pull into the driveway after her night shift, but when we went out to try it, a tree removal crew was already at the end of the street taking care of a smaller fallen branch. Dad waved them down with his flashlight and soon enough 4 different vehicles were on our street and about 5 bald, burly, bearded white men were chopping up and pulling aside the tree. I watched as the bulldozer ran over the branches to break them up and shove them aside, and it was all really fun to watch as they made a huge racket. They finished pretty quickly, about half an hour. It’s a little sad that like 80% of that tree was now gone and the neighbors are probably going to have to chop down the rest of it. Then again I’d rather they chop it down than leave just that awkward one remaining branch and big cracked trunk. I bet the tree guys were busy tonight with all the trees holding so much snow and ice on their leaves. Dad and I went back inside and the power came back on quickly after that, and I promptly turned off most of the lights lol. Now I’m sleepy in bed good night. Oh wat my drawfee mug arrived!! And I love him!!! I walked into the kitchen and saw him sitting there and it made me so happy :)

Ho hum I really didn’t do much today. Ate a bagel and cream cheese in my room, played harvest moon, took a shower, started laundry but never finished, played more harvest moon, went to dollar tree and Arby’s, stubbed 2 of my toes really bad, FaceTimed my eldest brother to talk about what we’ve all been up to and scheduale flights out to Seattle Washington where he lives, and now I’m in bed ready to go to sleep but my cat is on my hip and au can’t turn off my lamp. my brother is planning on flying us all out to Seattle mid July, so I gotta research some stuff that we might want to do together. My only suggestion so far is eating a hotpot together lmao. It was super fuckin cold in the house today because of the snow and later hail and my mom usually having the heat off. It got down to about 60 before I finally turned the heat on. On my way to/from my dollar tree run, I had to weave around people and cars all around the block because there was a gathering for someone on my street. She has cancer and is apparently VERY popular because there were cars all around the block and approximately a billion people at the end of the cul-de-sac. I thought about going over there, but I have no idea who she is and didn’t know anyone visiting her so instead I just brought my groceries inside. I was in the middle of making myself some ramen noodles when my groupchat was talking about someone’s oc which is just a dude with a fish head and big tiddies, so I made fanart and it was spicy enough to be embarrassed about it but I ended up sharing it anyway aarrjfasfsf

today was pretty productive, I'd say. I texted my boss last night and this morning, asking if she would need my help at work today, and she responded that yes she wanted my help this afternoon. before then I made a roast upon my mom’s request/instructions, played some harvest moon, ate the roast when it was done, and left for work. I moved plants around outside for 4 hours until I was hungry and my back hurt. it was actually kind of fun, and I could tell I was comfortable and having a good time because I was able to joke around with my boss and later the high school girl who came in to hep move plants around. I felt MUCH more comfortable sorting plants outside than I did trying to stock hardware inside on my last shift, even if I don't know all that much about flowers. a ton of blooms fell off during my shift, so whatever I found on the ground I placed on the concrete base of one of he pillars around the garden center so I could take them home at the end of my shift to press in a book. I finished my shift part way through organizing the hydrangeas. I dont feel too bad about leaving when I did, since a couple other people clocked in to help right before then. my boss is out on vacation for the week so the head of the garden center who I was working with all day brought me into her office and handed me some paperwork to let me legally work there and get on the payroll. I still have to fill that out. il do it in the morning. when I got home I brought my sister half of a Twix twin pack, ate some leftovers, did some dishes, and waited for my dad to get home from mcallisters with food. normally I get a pick 2 with a teaser salad wrap and a soup, but the last 2 times I got the wrap they’ve been SO dissapeointng :( not enough fillings at all. it was great the first few times I got it, maybe they just hate me now >:( lmao. next time maybe I'll just get the normal salad or sandwich instead of the wrap. damn talking about food is making me hungry agaiinnnnnnnn. anyway I also tried getting a new security card, so I made an account and gave them the info, but when I placed the order and tried to give my address, it didn't work 3 times and logged my out until tomorrow :/ bleh. I guess ill have to try again later. I drew more titty fish. 

[thedappleddragon]

Day 63 (Thursday May 14)

I woke up from a wierd dream an just hung out in bed for a it. I did a few loose sketches for fun, and I want to try drawing more than I have been, which is not at all. I watered my plants and noticed that the flower seeds I sprinkled in were doing nicely. My other 3 “flowers” aren’t doing great, I’ve had them for months and not a single bud, just stems and a few leaves. I think the biggest one is dying and I don’t know why. The tomato plants in our front yard are also dying, even tho we’re getting a ton of rain. My potato plant is wilting, so maybe I need to water it more?? I don’t know. I’m not great with plants but they’re a fun pass time. I even started a bean experiment with a wet paper towel, a plastic baggie, and about 10 different types of beans I took from a 15-bean mix that you’re supposed to put in soup. The first time, I didn’t have them in a baggie, and I think my cat ate them lol. I haven’t checked if any of them are sprouting yet, and I think it’s been 3-ish days. The strawberry plant out front is doing great though!! There’s even 3 tiiiiiiny green strawberries forming! It rained today, so I opened up my window to listen to it while I worked. I was very productive today. I finished my extra credit English assignment, did 2 weeks worth of assignments for band class, filled out an end-of-the-year review/exam for art, and completed a lesson for my digital applications class. I’m low key proud of myself >:) none of it was too stressful because I placed it out and listened to music/mbmbam when the task didn’t require a lot of brainpower. I also helped my sister print stuff out for her classes that she’s super stressed out over. I’m only a little nervous about a a couple of things I still have to do, but I brush it off because I know they’ll be easy and I can finish them soon. Anyway, after working for a few hours, I ate and took my new laptop back to my room and played webkinz for a bit. It was wierdly stressful, because that laptop has a higher frame rate and brighter saturation and the desktop app has a wider view of the screen, and everything seemed harsher and faster. Normally, the shitty slow frame rate of my school laptop makes things easier to look at, and I didn’t appreciate it until I saw all the animations playing at their normal speed on the new laptop. The weight lifting class was especially stressful because the bar was moving so fast lol. I think I’m gonna stick to my school laptop for that for as long as I can lol. But after my Stressful webkinz experience I played stardew valley for hours. I was more attentive about giving gifts to the townsfolk this time and was able to get Haley to dance with me at the flower festival >:) I had like 5 hearts with her at the end of spring year 1 because I gave her daffodils every chance I got. Its so much easier to give gifts and stuff because I have my school laptop open right beside my while I play on my new one so I can pull up each characters schedual and fave items whenever I want and it’s great lol. instead of selling all my crops I’ve accidentally been hoarding them and only selling the silver and gold quality ones. I gues I’m doing it mostly for gifts and recipes even though I’ve never done a lot of cooking in that game. I chose the forest farm layout, and didn’t discover that foragables spawned in the left side until like 13 days in when the salmonberry season started and I realized there were berry bushes on my farm!

TLDR this was just a lot of me raving about video games