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imagines-by-cleo · 4 months ago

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The Smell Of Apples

Part 1 of the Absolution series - part 2

John Ward x Fem!Reader

CW: religious imagery, priest kink/hierophilia, dub con, dirty talk, phone sex, exhibitionism/voyeurism, mutual masturbation, wet dreams, masturbation, corruption, catholic guilt but sexy, we're getting a few years in purgatory for this

I've been getting way too into Faith the unholy trinity lately and this is the result of that.

There's an interview with the creator where he talks about every ending being cannon and John being a much more morally grey character than people realize so I played with that idea. I'm really proud of how this turned out, I would even be so dramatic to call it my magnum opus. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

It starts as all mistakes like this do, innocently enough. One sunday morning after mass John is sitting there alone in a small chapel reading his bible as he's in the habit of doing. Then you come in, smiling sweetly but he can see something troubling behind your eyes. He returns the smile as he greets you, noticing a faint blush creep on your face when he calls your name.

"It's always good to see you." He says as he closes his bible and sets it aside making a place for you. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Actually, there is, Father." You answer, taking a seat beside him on the pew. "There's something I've been struggling with lately."

"Of course, my child." He comforts you, setting a gentle hand on your shoulder. "Tell me all about it."

The blush on your cheeks returns, growing deeper as you take a moment to find the courage to share your heart with him. "I suppose it's the kind of thing you would take to confession, but I'm nervous. I've never confessed before."

The way you describe your troubles so sweetly leads him to believe you had never committed a sin in your life, he almost wants to laugh at the suggestion before he has to remember you were only human. John understands your hesitation though, being a relatively new priest he isn't entirely confident in his ability to hear sins and offer absolution, but he takes comfort in knowing that your inexperience matched his own, meaning any mistakes wouldn't be noticed right away.

"Confession is meant to unburden you of your sins, it can be daunting at first but you'll feel much better when we're done." He reassures you, keeping his hand on your shoulder as he moves closer. "I'll be here to guide you through every step of the way."

"Where do I begin?" You ask, encouraged by his words.

It warms his heart that you're so eager to take part in this cleansing ritual, while he was nervous at first now he was glad that it was him you decided to come to. Normally this was done in a booth, somewhere with more privacy, but it would be more comfortable for them both to stay there and not bar absolution with pointless formality.

"Usually you would begin by saying the words 'bless me, Father, for I have sinned.' Then you would tell me what's been troubling you." He explains, taking it step by step.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." You repeat, your voice a low reverent whisper.

The way you say that sacred phrase makes a chill run up his spine, though he's not sure why just yet.

"I've been struggling with..." You pause, looking for the proper words to describe your feelings. "Lustful thoughts."

John can feel his face go pale when he hears the subject, then he feels his cheeks heat up with a blush that mimics yours. Not even a few minutes into this confession and he realizes the true purpose of the sacred booth and the privacy it offers. He longs for that safety now but it's much too late, so he continues.

"Where are these thoughts coming from?" He asks, before having to clear his throat to correct to pitch of his voice. "And how often do you find yourself struggling with them?"

"There's someone close to me that I've been thinking about." You admit, beginning your story seeming so unassuming but slowly delving into something more sinful as you reveal more information. "It started so innocently, I just liked the way he smiled at me and now I can't stop thinking about him. I even have these thoughts during service now."

This particular bit of knowledge is the most shocking to the priest, before he had no idea that you were even capable of harboring these thoughts, let alone having them during such a sacred time while he was so close to you. As he continues he worries how this may affect how he looks at you in the future.

"How do you feel about this person? Perhaps what you're feeling is just misplaced love." He suggests, still trying to maintain the image of the sweet chaste girl he had spoken to moments ago.

"I think very highly of him, he's actually a very holy man, but I can't help but have these unholy thoughts about him." You explain, a tinge of guilt in your voice at this aspect of your admission.

John takes a deep breath in, trying his best not to look frustrated as he tries to reason with the two opposing images in his head. "Is it the holiness that you find so appealing about this man? If so it could be your desire to be holy yourself."

"Oh no, it's not like that, it's..." You look away from him as the blush deepens on your face, unable to article the details of your thoughts.

He takes your hands in a comforting gesture and feels them trembling in his grasp, you inhale sharply as you both touch but he keeps his hold steady, determined to be the one to help you through this no matter the discomfort at first.

"There's no need to be afraid, anything you share here is just between us." He assures you, your shaking doesn’t cease immediately but it calms slightly at the sound of his voice. "Now tell me, are these thoughts about any specific actions? Or is it just a feeling of longing?"

You seem to think for a moment before answering, glancing down at where your hands met, back up at him, then away again with red cheeks. "It was just longing at first, then I thought about things like how his hands felt when they were holding mine, and how they would feel touching me in other places..."

John should have pulled his own hands away when you said that, but he couldn't bring himself too. Suddenly he felt the need to hear more of the confessions that made him so apprehensive at a few moments ago.

"How do you feel after you have these thoughts? Do you feel guilty? Or maybe even satisfied?" It feels like a different person asking these questions as they flow from his mouth, but they're driven by a need that is entirely his own.

"I feel so guilty, Father, but I don't know how to explain it. The guilt just makes it more tempting." You tell him, your voice quivering in shame.

This strikes a chord with the priest, he knows the exact feeling you're describing all too well. At this point he knows he should stop, offer penance, grant absolution and go separate ways. Though before he can speak up you continue.

"When I 'indulge' these thoughts the guilt makes it more intense." You explain, raising more questions.

"How do you indulge these thoughts, my child?" He inquires, without the chance think of how bad of an idea it is to delve further into this.

"Oh, Father, it's so shameful." You look away and cover your mouth in reluctance to answer, a faint glimmer of forming tears shines in your eyes as the last remnant of your chaste persona disapates.

"It's a very common struggle for young women, there's no need to feel ashamed. Tell me how these desires take hold of you so we can fight your temptation together." In this moment he feels less like the holy man he should be and more like the serpent whispering in your ear, either way your trust is completely in his hands.

"Well sometimes late at night, when praying doesn't work I-" You pause as your breath quickens, admitting your guilt in barely a whisper yet the words seem to echo through the small chapel. "I touch myself..."

John has already anticipated the words before they left your lips, but they still made him shudder with sinful delight. He could pretend this desire inside him didn't have a name or a purpose until now, but it was unmistakably revealed to be the same struggle that you came to him to have forgiven.

"I see..." He replies, tugging at his collar and feeling the sweat begining to dampen it as the air in the small chapel seems to get hotter and fills with a sweet scent that could only be your perfume. "What are your intentions when you 'indulge'? Is it just to relieve your burden or do you let your mind wander?"

"I only wanted to relieve the burden at first, to get it off my mind, but it felt so good to give in, and now I think about him doing all kinds of things to me." The answer comes out between short and shallow breaths, every question answered on the brink of sobbing. "I shouldn't be feeling this way about someone like him, but I can't help it."

Without considering how inappropriate it might be John puts his arm around you, shushing you as he holds you close. From here he can smell your perfume overpowering the chapel incense, creating a sweet aroma that weakened his resolution with every passing breath. His heart races as he wrestles with his own voyeuristic urges while trying to guide you through your own temptation.

"It's alright, I'm here to help, you can trust me." He assures, though the words are more to convince himself than to console you. "The path to absolution is difficult and frightening, but there's no same in walking that road."

With a few deep breaths to collect your emotions you prepare to finish your confession as you wipe the tears from your eyes. "Thank you, Father."

"Now are you ready to tell me more?" He smiles wide, it's meant to be comforting but it stems from the pride he can't help but feel in his ability to make you trust him so easily. "You've tried praying, but when that fails does this indulgence make your thoughts worse, or do you feel too guilty?"

"Well, I suppose it does both." You answer, no less ashamed of your feelings but much more forthcoming with the details he wants to hear. "When finally I give in the guilt makes it so much more intense, then it's so hard to stop. I do it over and over, sometimes for hours at night."

John holds his breath as every secret is shared, the magnitude of this burden is much more than he even could have imagined in his most sinful fantasies. He wants to be there, to watch you writhe, to make you writhe with pleasure and guilt. For a moment he forgets his purpose, having to remind himself that even if he isn't thinking like one that he is still a priest.

"My child, are you familiar with the concept of penance?" He asks as the most perfect plan comes to mind, it is his duty to help and this will benefit both of you.

"Not really." You answer, though unfamiliar you seem relieved to have the end of your burdens in sight.

Excellent.

"I'm determined to help you through this, for your penance I want you to write down every thought you've ever had about this man." He orders, doing his best not to seem too excited to see the results.

A flicker of doubt flashes in your wide eyes, not in his wisdom but in the practicality of this task. "Every one, Father?"

"Yes, and when you've finished bring them to me so I can absolve you." He adds on, hoping the promise of absolution will make your penance easier to accomplish.

"But, Father, what if someone saw what I wrote? What would they think?" You ask, suddenly sounding much more the innocent virgin John thought you were before this.

"I promise to keep everything you write between us and God." His vow is less for your privacy and more for his safety, but he continues to endanger himself in new ways as his intrusive thoughts get the better of him. "And anytime you ever feel the need to 'indulge' again, you have my number. After you pray about it I want you to call me."

"That might be difficult, you see I've been doing it during the day now too." You tell him, your reluctance born from consideration and kindness he no longer deserved. "I wouldn't want to burden you like that, Father."

John shifts in his seat at this revelation, knowing how desperate you are constantly does the opposite of deter him from this task.

"This is your soul at stake, it's my duty to help you any time of the day or night. This is a burden we will bear together." He reassures you as he does his best to hide the eagerness that burns up his entire body. "Can you do this, my child?"

"Yes, Father." You answer, completely unaware of the path he was leading you down.

"I look forward to hearing from you." Perhaps the only honest thing he had said since the begining of this confession.

He rises from the pew, kissing you gently on the forehead before he leaves and letting his lips linger for just a little longer than they should. Leaving you there in the chapel to contemplate the task you're about to undertake, fully believing it would lead to your absolution. You were so easy to convince, the only thing left was for John to convince himself that this was the right thing and not his own indulgence in the same temptation the woman he was supposed to help had battled.

As the day went on, he almost felt regret, and if he would have dwelled on that any longer he would have called you and put an end to this. One thought occupied the forefront of his mind though, the "holy man" you mentioned. It really could have been any member of the church, but it wasn't so farfetched to think it was a priest, why else would you be feeling so much guilt for natural pleasures instead of just persuing them? If it was a priest then it was likely that it was himself you were thinking of, every time you blushed when he smiled at you suddenly made sense.

It's an intoxicating thought that carries him into the night, imagining being the object of your desires. The innocent crush on your priest turning into something far more serious until it consumes you night and day. There was at least one sin he is committing, though he isn't sure if it's pride in himself or lust for you. If he keeps it in the frame of confession he can continue to believe it was neither and he was only guiding this lost lamb into a better understanding of the desires that plagued her.

The hours seem longer, eventually John finds himself alone with nothing to distract him from these thoughts. Staring at his phone across the room long enough that it had felt like it was staring back and judging him. It isn't too late to rectify this. Of course if he stands by the belief that he hadn't made a mistake there's be no need to correct anything, right?

It's pointless going back and forth with himself like this, he's going to be arguing with no one at all for the rest of the night at this rate. He looks around for something to distract him and the second he does the phone rings, the sound of it rattling his very soul.

He picks up the receiver, his voice hardly sounds like his own as he answers sheepishly. "Hello?"

"Father? I'm sorry to call you so late at night, is this a bad time?" Your voice comes like a siren call from the other end of the line.

"Of course not." He answers perhaps a little too cheerfully, he'll have to make an effort to tone his enthusiasm down as he speaks. "How can I help you, my child?"

"It sounds so silly now that I say this out loud, but I was feeling tempted tonight so I started to write down my thoughs like you told me." You begin to explain, building anticipation with every word.

"It's my duty to guide you through your penance no matter how insignificant your troubles seem." He reassures you, those words aren't entirely wrong; that must be why they twist his heart as he says them in this context. "I'm glad to hear you're taking this so seriously, tell me more."

"Well, it's difficult at night, especially when I'm alone with these thoughts." You continue, a slight shaking in your breath that he can almost feel though the phone. "I think writing them down is making it worse."

"You're tempted to 'indulge' again?" He asks, straight to the point."

"Yes, Father." You admit with a sigh of shame. "I'm so sorry."

John shudders at your admission, for a moment he finds himself at a crossroads. One path where he can offer the guidance that you need, that he is vow bound to give you, the other where he can indulge these new intimidating feelings that are brewing deep in his soul. He was so close to either outcome, knowing he's the first person you think of now when you're filled with temptation. Surely it wouldn't hurt his soul or yours if he asked for details. How else would he help you? How else would he help himself?

"There's no need to aplologize." He tells you, his voice low and soft. "You're not alone anymore, I'm here with you. If it's too difficult to write then you can simply tell me now."

"It's just that... I saw him today and I noticed his lips." You begin, bringing images of when he had kissed your forehead after confession to mind. "I thought about how soft they were, and how they would feel on my skin."

"Go on, the more you tell me the more I can absolve." He promises, dangling salvation in front of you like bait.

"I thought of him kissing me, first on my face, then my body, then up my thighs..." You whisper reluctantly at first but slowly getting more comfortable, every word making your confessors head spin.

John takes the phone over to his bed, exhaling deeply as he lays back. Taking a moment to imagine the feel of your thighs, if you would gasp and sigh like this while being kissed in forbidden places, he even swears he can smell your perfume again. He's drowning in these images, fighting to keep himself afloat.

"You're doing great." He praises, knowing exactly how you blush when he compliments you during the day.

A sharp inhale comes from the other line, an indication his manipulations were working. "I wanted his tongue inside me, I wanted him to make me moan and beg..."

With his eyes closed John relishes the sound of your breath as it grows heavier until he can practically feel it warming his ears from over the phone. Doing his best to ignore the tightness growing in his pants as it throbs to the rhythm of your every sweet gasp.

"I just needed him so bad when I wrote this." You confess as the last remnants of your strength waver. "I wanted to touch myself so bad."

For a moment he considers letting you indulge, though he's having trouble coming up with a good excuse for allowing it. What's left of his conscience is telling him to stop, apologize, hang up the phone, take a cold shower, anything to end this while he can. The coiling heat in the pit of his stomach is telling him, begging him to give permission to give in to both your desires, to have them be forgiven after the fact if they're so wrong.

"You need to ease this burden." He tells you as he reaches for the waistband of his pants, trying to hide the tremble in his voice. "It's alright, go ahead."

"Are you sure, Father? Can I?" You ask with no doubt in your voice, only a desperate need for the permission only he can give.

"On one condition," He adds as an involuntary smile creeps on to his face. "You have to tell me every single thought you have while you indulge."

"Yes, Father." You sigh as the sound of rustling fabric comes over the phone. "I can do that."

The touch of his hand on his own skin burns like sweet hellfire, the kind that would strike fear into his heart and make him stray away from any other temptation but this. When he's finally free from the confines of his pants he inhales sharply, facing his own desires head on. There's no denying it now, there's no way out now.

"What are you thinking?" He asks, his breath heavy and voice low.

"I'm- ugh... I'm thinking of... him. Being here, watching me." You whine your confession, struggling to find the words in your sin clouded mind. "Or listening to me..."

That last part makes him shudder, he lets out a long slow exhale away from the receiver to hide his reaction. "And what would 'he' do if he saw you like that?"

"I don't know, but..." Your answer is cut off by a short moan, followed by a few gasping breaths as you regain your composure. "I would be so embarrased, but I think I would like it."

Once again John can't help but cast himself in the role of this mystery man, he almost wants to demand you say his name, to admit that it was him and you were only fulfilling your exibitionist desires. No, he can get more out of you if he continues to be the devoted priest only interested in your soul. He shudders again at the sinful schemes he only now learns he's capable of crafting.

He pulls his mind away from his intentions and focuses on yours. "Is that what you really want? A witness to your sin?"

"I want it so bad." You concede, your moans mix with what sounds like shameful sobs. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

The picture of you with tears streaming down your face, distraught and begging for both attention and absolution is so vivid he can swear it's happening before his eyes. Here he is witnesing you like you wanted, reducing you to a creature of base desires without even touching you. In every way that matters he is this "holy man" you're dreaming of.

"You have nothing to be sorry for anymore." He holds back his own racing breath to instruct you. "Purge these desires as soon as they come."

Wet slopping sounds can be heard over the phone, your moans shift into a higher key before you simply state. "I want more."

The guise of confession is nearly completely stripped away, John can hardly pretend to be the concerned and doting priest as the images conjured up in his head get even more depraved. As he grips the very instrument of his sin tighter he tilts his head up and mouths a silent prayer of forgiveness to the one he hopes isn't watching now.

"You need this, release your burden." He encourages, both you and himself.

"I want him inside me!" You whine, completely undignified as you pour your heart and soul out over the line.

"Good, good..." He pants, your sins merge, making him as much of your victim as you are his. "Tell me all of it."

You immediately obey him without a second thought. "I want him to make me cum... I want him to cum too..."

John groans audibly as your confession gets more and more intense, what's left of his composure is dissolving with every detail revealed. He knows if he were there he could give the real thing to you, and he would let your moans and pleas drag him straight to hell. His hand now seems like a poor alternative to willing body, but he pumps it faster as he chases those forbidden thoughts.

He swallows before simply asking. "Where?"

"Inside me, all over me, anywhere!" You scream deliriously, making it more and more obvious that you're close to the absolution you seek.

With a few whispered curses John lets the images flood his mind, trying to control his movements so he doesn't act that fantasy before you do.

"Ah! I'm almost- Oh! Father!" You call out to him as you fill the receiver with sweet moans he never could have imagined in his most depraved moments.

He waits for the gasps and wet noises to come to a complete halt before he absolves you, but they never stop.

"Are you still there?" He asks with a hint of confusion, waiting with heavy bated breath.

"I made such a mess... if he were here he could clean it up with his tongue..." You tell him with such shameless detail, the confession was not over.

His mouth waters at that thought as he draws in a sharp shaking breath, unable to draw the line between his perverted thoughts and his controlled act he blurts out. "Let your own tongue carry his burden then."

The heavy moans on the other line are muffled, leading John to believe you were licking the sin off your fingers this very moment. He swallows hard and grips his cock tighter with his now shaking hand as he listens closeer.

"More, I want more." You groan desperately into the phone, continuing to indulge.

He sighs your name along with a a few quiet curses. "Is there no end to your cravings?"

"I'm sorry, it just feels so good, I can't stop." You explain, or more accurately whimper.

John can barely hide how he gives in to his own shameful desires, unintentionally letting out noises he had never heard himself make before while he brazenly fucks his own hand. The bed creaks as his hips buck up into the tight grip of his fist, he lulls his head back and wishes it was you.

"Father! Father!" You scream as your second orgasm erupts, loud enough it practically echos through his own bedroom.

"Yes!" He shouts as you both reach the heights of absolute depravity together.

The tension in his body snaps as the sin covers his fingers, he continues to stroke himself until he's too soft and sensitive to indulge anymore. He lays his head back and waits for the weight in his chest to be lifted, but it only weighs heavier with every burst of sacrilegious release.

There is a long pause before either of you speak, it's difficult to find the words, or any words whatsoever. As soon as your breath slows it speeds up again in a panicked realization of what you had done.

"I'm so sorry, I know I should learn to control myself better, I'm so ashamed-" You babble on a long list of regrets that John is far too dazed to listen to now.

"It's alright, it's alright. You're forgiven." He cuts off your hysterical apologies, as soon as the words leave his mouth he feels something twist in the pit of his stomach.

"Thank you, Father." You let out a sigh of relief as you slowly begin to calm down

"Are you going to be okay now?" He asks, showing scraps of genuine compassion he was surprised to find remaining among his selfish desires.

"Yes, Father." You answer, the serenity that comes with absolution apparent in your voice.

He smiles when he hears your reply, finding some solace in the fact that he was able to help in some small way in spite of everything. "Well then, it's getting late. I'll see you on Sunday?"

"Of course." You whisper into the phone before hanging up, the soft words sound like they were meant for a lover and not a man of the cloth. "Goodnight."

When the call ends John holds the phone to his heaving chest, his heart pounding as he sits in silence for what seems like eons with the weight of his actions pressing down on him. He can hardly move just laying there soaking in the stains of his sin, both reveling in the satisfaction and fearing the inevitable consequences.

There were so many times tonight when he could have ended it, so many times this morning when he could have kept this from happening at all. He didn't even know where to begin asking for forgiveness or if he was even sorry.

Sunday. The day couldn't come soon enough and yet it was creeping up on him along with a looming sense of dread knowing he would fail this test of faith again; and again if the opportunity arose. Something dark in his soul hoped that he would get that chance to sin again.

Sleep does not come easily to him that night.

John's dreams are haunted by the vision of a woman, her voice is smooth as she calls out to him, her soft skin burns to the touch but he can't pull his hands away and lets them sear in her embrace. Even in places he had never been touched before the feel of her fingers and her body pressed tightly against his was so real, in such stark contrast to the ever changing fog of the surrounding dream.

Whispering things he had never said, please, more, more. Moving his body in ways he had never tried grinding, writhing, thrusting. It was both liberating and damning, the only other feeling was the sensation of falling, faster and faster even while he was held so tightly. His eyes jolt open when he hits the ground he can't see.

When his body jerks John is thrust into the waking world all at once, longing for a fraction of the warmth he felt seconds ago. His skin is cold, covered in sweat, there's another wetness soaking into the sheets and rapidly cooling under his body.

Grinding his hips forward in a motion he realizes he must have been doing all through his dreams he feels the remnants of desire he did not expect to follow him into the waking world. With an unsteady hand he lifts the covers to inspect the sensation, finding his pants, sheets and even the bottom of his shirt to be marked with several stains made through the night in various stages of drying.

John lets out a shaking gasp as he rolls forward once again, rutting into the soiled mattress and using it as a substitute for the woman in his dream that he now recognizes. He calls her name much quieter than she had called him the night before, whimpering into his pillow like a plea for mercy.

As he reaches into his pajama bottoms he feels the effects of his sin and his cock throbbing for attention, he must have came two or three times in the night and he's still hard as a rock. His face grows hot and he curls up as if to hide while he strokes himself, though there isn't a soul here to witness his indulgence.

It is the shame that makes it more intense, the guilt even more so. Now that John knew you told the truth about this temptation and he had led you again down that path the guilt eats him alive, and he had never felt anything more heavenly. Every little moan he lets out is something between a gasp in surpise at the sensations he feels and a whine of embarrassment as he pumps his fist faster and faster.

The feeling of corruption fills his body and seeps into his bones, it courses through his veins and makes his heart beat like a doom drum, it clouds his mind and stains his very soul like the sheets he's about to ruin completely.

All these conflicting feelings chase each other around like a whirlwind while John races toward the peak of his indulgence, the guilt and the shame follow him wherever his filthy thoughts wander. He thinks of a circle of hell described by Dante meant for those consumed by lust. He thinks of being damned there together with you. He thinks of you. He shudders.

The morning light begins to shine in his room, gently greeting him like an old friend. Staring at the rays of sunlight coming through the window and feeling the full weight of the bags that have formed under his eyes, John is silent in mind and body. There are no racing thoughts, not images of the forbidden, only an all encompassing shame.

His tired gaze turns to the cross hanging above his bed and the feeling grows worse. It's not the image of pure holiness that makes him ashamed, only how near it is. He knows he's not beyond forgiveness, not even now, he just lacks the will to reach out and take it.

John slowly pulls the covers over his body until he can't see it and hides himself between the stained sheets until he finds the will again.

#faith the unholy trinity #faith the game #john ward #john ward faith #john ward x reader #hierophilia #hot priest #faith tut #i found out you could change the text colors and I went a little crazy

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hyunin · 2 months ago

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hiiii everyone, this blog hit 1k followers the other day 🥹 tysm to anyone that has followed me here over the years! i'm sure at least a third of my followers are dead blogs from my suju (🤮) era in 2013 before i returned to gifmaking tumblr in 2020, but so many of you joined me once i returned and i'm so thankful for everyone that has reblogged my content and chatted with me and followed me up until this point! 🫶 i wanted to write some fun lil messages for my mutuals and pals below the cut, as well as shout out some people i don't necessarily speak to but like having on my dash also 💗 if u aren't mentioned on here and we're mutuals that doesn't mean i dislike u it just means i'm stupid and missed you 😭 before i get into the messages i also want to ask anyone who can to consider commissioning me for a gifset or writing by donating at least €10 to this fundraiser and sending me a screenshot of your donation! more info on that via this post. thank u so much again everyone!!! 🥳 (edit: i don't think half the mentions in this post are working so please check to see if you were mentioned even if you weren't notified!)

@redvelvetcult hi ele 🫶 i know we don't speak as often anymore but i'm always so happy to see u around and i love you <3 thank u for running yangjeongin with me even if it has been in spirit for 99% of its run LKJSDLFKJSJLKFD still wouldn't be the same without u @bataranqs hi kid! this is going to sound so lame but it's been rly fun watching u grow up over the years through awoo9, every time u use our weird ass humor it's so much funnier coming from u. thank u for hyping up everything we all do, especially my writing!! i really appreciate it and u @anyujins iwin...whew....LLKSJDKLFJLSKF i'm rly happy that we're a lot closer now than when we were last time i made one of these posts. i think we are anyway?? i forgor...but either way ilysm, thank u for your support when i've been going insane over the years and it would appear both of the stories of our love lives that we've been following for so long will have a tragic ending. LJKSDFJLKSLK but i hope we can be friends for many more moments of insanity to come and that we have more good news than bad news to share w each other soon. in the meantime it's always rly fun to talk to u and i am glad i have u in my life @miyawaki ver. i appreciate u v much if only bc u are a major provider of quality shitposts on my dash, u also being into kpop and giffing is a bonus. u are also so funny even if u are also MEAN!!!! it's funny most of the time. and u have also supported me a lot in ur own ver way over the years, and i can always count on u to give me feedback on giffing and such. i'm so happy for u that u are going to uni again and i hope u have so much fun but also don't forget about us 🔫 🫶 @seulggi gfx queen minya! u deserve a shoutout if ONLY bc u are carrying the gfx side of kpop tumblr on ur back fr. and i love seeing what u make on my dash. but u are also an awoo9er so i will give u a long AWOOOOOOOOO of appreciation ❣️ @meongppangz RI omg idk what account is best to tag u on so i tag u here. i rmr the last one of these i made i was like 'hope to talk more under better circumstances' and now we talk nearly every day LJSDFLKSDF i love that for us. thank u crazy person gc for bringing us together fr....love that we can bond over loving ggs and also hating collecting pcs and any other random shit of the day skz is doing. and giffing ofc. talking to u always makes me happy so i hope we continue talking and being friends for a long time to come 🫶 ily. also i'm going through my follow list for this in order of oldest blogs first and i just discovered y'all were one of the first skz blogs i followed. how cute @curiosityjams hi drea, we haven't spoken ages but i wanted to shout u out individually as well because i still enjoy seeing u on my dash and i still consider us friends 🫶 fellow eunbi stan...i will never forget waiting for the 2020 election results w you LMAO abt to do it all again soon...but i hope you're well and hope good things continue coming to u 🙇‍♀️ @hyunjinz agnes, backbone of stayblr that u are, i love u!! i know we don't Personally speak much at all i still feel like u are a dear friend of mine. you were one of the first ppl to support my skz content and i think you're that for a lot of people on stayblr and i think that is so sweet of u and also important for the community. u are so brave for going through the tags all the time and reblogging everything i do not have that kind of energy but i'm so glad u do!! i miss ur gifs but i'm happy that you're still around even when you don't gif. we're some of the last remaining pre-kingdom era skz ccs left 😱 so i will always appreciate ur company here <3 @innielove hi vi, i just want to say i love that u are giffing skz again. i've probably missed a lot of ur sets bc i'm bad at checking tags and dash but when i DO see them i'm like omg vi's gifs r really looking better than ever. thank u for returning to us 🫶 u have also actually been on stayblr for a long time so i'm always happy to see some of the oldies (can u believe we are oldies now...) back on the dash 😌

@kazuhas MS KALE it always makes me happy to see u on my dash here. ur gifs are so lovely and so are u!! i know we mainly know each other from off cc tumblr 🫣 but i wanted to give u a shoutout among all of my other tumblr beloveds bc ily. it's what u deserve @seo-changbinnies marie...another fellow stayblr hag at this point...u are still one of the funniest people on this site i swear. and i'm so glad u are still here and making gifs and blessing us w your funny tags. i hope u always stay just as insane, i love u for that <3 @seungs HI MIAAA we don't talk that much anymore but i wanted u to know that i still always love seeing u and your gifs on my dash 🫶 @felixies luna, legend of stayblr that u are 🙇‍♀️ i think ur work largely goes unappreciated by the fandom but u are an icon for keeping createskz running for all these years despite everything going on in ur life. tysm for your service 🫡 @huiracha marie huiracha...this is how i refer to u in my head btw. like 'huiracha' is ur last name. LKJSDFKLSKLD we have barely spoken but i want to give u your own shoutout just for surviving and continuing to gif on stayblr as long as u have. veterans' discount fr @hyunsung hi mona 🫶 we haven't spoken in a while either omg but i am still always excited to see u on my dash when u gif something or reblog something from me i'm like omg that's my friend mona :D SDKJFSJKLDF so thank u and i hope you're doing well 🙏 @hyunpic VILMA HYUNPIC...u know i am so glad we are better pals now. u are so funny and fun to talk to but also the sweetest ever!! thank u for always listening to me and being kind to me and also making me laugh. every time i feel like an rper named their hyunjin character something dumb i am glad i get to report it to u. some things only u will understand and appreciate. LKJSDKLJFSKLJFKLFD @sungtaro eri <3 we don't talk much anymore and maybe we NEVER HAVE??? but i have always felt like u are a dear friend and beloved mutual. i love seeing u on dash even if we don't have too many groups in common anymore. ur content is always lovely and so are u so we will always be pals as far as i am concerned 🫶 @exocean hi mo!! i must admit i don't have much to say but i wanted to mention you individually because you are so sweet and i love seeing u around and u deserve to know it <3 @hyumjim i don't even know what to say (positive) u know i am so glad ur squirmy wormy tag on one of my hyunjin sets brought us together. idr if we have ever properly spoken like via dm but bc u follow me on all my accounts i feel Seen by u....nd u haven't unfollowed me yet so god bless u. i always enjoy seeing ur thoughts and the posts u put on my dash whether they be a funny text post or someone's hot take getting dismantled or something Thought Provoking. my dash is definitely a better place because of u so thank uu 🫶

@wolfchans lau the Actual backbone of stayblr tysm for ur service fr. without u providing files for us i genuinely believe most of stayblr would be lost. not only do u do that but u are also genuinely very kind and make great content so i appreciate u so much!! thank u for making stayblr (and my dash) a better place @hyunebear hi adri i gotta admit i didn't even realize u were back on tumblr until i was going through my following and saw that u posted recently akljsdflkjdsf goes to show how much i'm on my dash...but i wanted to mention you individually even though it's been so long because you have genuinely touched my heart a lot and i will never forget ur compliments 🙏 ok maybe i did forget some of them word for word. but i will never forget how sweet u were to me. how about that. so thank you and i hope to see u around more!! i probably have to be on my dash more for that tho huh... @romanceuntold hi jen 🫶 i miss u on stayblr i'm ngl but i'm also still glad to see u on my dash through all your phases. you are such a warm and kind person and another person who i will never forget being so sweet to me. thank you and i hope you're doing well ❣️ @wearehappiness sidrah <3 the fact that we were both on stayblr but met properly on pc ig first is still so silly to me. me intending to wait on ur mail to get to me then being like 'stayblr perk i'll send ur mail rn' after i found out u were here LKJSDLKFLJKSF but you are suuuuch a sweet person who makes lovely gifs too. i miss ur gifs also!! and just you in general. wishing u the best in life always 💗 @mybodyfails hi oli 🫶 another person who has been soooo sweet to me, i'm so glad i got to help w leeknoween and i still have all the freebies u sent me from it preserved safely in my freebie photocard binder 😌 you are always lovely to talk to whenever we do, and thank u for reading my fic too despite zombies not being ur thing i appreciate u!! @strayklds / @facethesuns em i just think it's so funny that we like didn't speak before i invited u to the gif streaming server and i just did that on a whim bc u passed the vibe check and now i feel like we are good friends. despite still rarely speaking KSLDFLSDLKF but i love that for us and love ur gifs and seeing u around always 💞 @neohyune hi fae <3 i know us speaking is like a very recent development but i also wanted to mention u individually to thank u for your help 🙏 i need to write more of my fic tbh...but i Will be checking our conversation again for Notes. you also seem like a very sweet person so i would love to talk to u more in the future also 💕 @linoyes another very recent friendship (yes i am calling it that already) in my life, but thank u for your generosity, let's meet that fundraising goal together 💪 i hope we're also able to talk more outside of this context too. i just have a feeling i will have a lot more to say about u once i make another one of these!!

i'm ngl i don't know how many of you actually follow me here and i don't have time to check everyone's username individually so i'm just going to list a bunch of blogs i follow who may or may not follow me JKLSDFLKSDF but y'all make my dash a better place, thank u for all u do! 🫶 feel free to talk to me anytime too

@dazzlingkai @theseulgis @joytual @anyujin @cchuu @cherry-heartss @boynextdoors @hyunchans @ambivartence @minzbins @everglowz @chogiwow @ttathinker @minhosblr @minho-knows @yang-innie @leegahyun @bu99erfly

#*ccarly #please post i'm begging tumblr .#OK I'M EDITING IT BECAUSE IT PSOTED THANK FAWK.#thank u everyone.#i don't think half of the @s in this are working i am at my limit . but whatever.#if we're mutuals pls check this even if u didn't get a notif for it 😭

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katierosefun · 4 months ago

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Hello :))) So, i was today years old when i learned you had a girlfriend (if i’m not mistaken) and somehow it means a lot to me as you’re one of my comfort blog and that i’ve been struggling with my own sexuality for a while. (I hope it does not come off as weird this is really not my intention 😭) So i was wondering if you would mind sharing how you two met as i love hearing about queer love stories coming from real people and not only in fiction (somehow i need to be reminded that yes, it can happen in real life too for me??) If and only if you’re comfortable doing so of course!!!

aww hi anon! first of all, thank you so much for the kind words--i'm so glad to hear that my blog is a source of comfort for you. and also, re: your sexuality--i'm sending you so much love! i know how scary and how overwhelming it can be to still be figuring out your sexuality and navigating your own queerness, so please remember to have some compassion for yourself, and please know that you're not alone.

as for my girlfriend: yes! i do in fact have one, and we've been together for a little over a year and a half now. we'll be going on two years pretty soon, which is all very exciting!

as for how we met: it's all a pretty funny story, because we actually met while we were both in college. and also right during that first covid summer too. we started off as long-distance friends, bonding our love for star wars and writing.

anyways, i totally had a crush on her, although i was trying to play it off most of the time. the fact that we lived in separate cities was another factor too, of course.

fast forward to a few years later, when we've both graduated college. i've just started my first year of law school; she's working at this point. we're still texting and calling each other a bit, and then i tell her, oh yeah, i'm going out on a date with this guy.

and just like something from a kdrama or a movie or something, this ridiculous, lovely woman texts me as i'm boarding the bus for my date. her text? hey, i dreamed about you last night! we were sitting on a park bench together and we were holding hands :)

and of course, at this point, i still have a disastrous crush on her (hence why i spent a lot of time dating all these random guys in my junior and senior year of college, because i was like i gotta just get over this), but anon, that text message was the other shoe dropping on my brain. i decided right then and there that enough is enough, i'm gonna call her tomorrow and tell her i like her, so she can't just say stuff like that anymore because i don't think i can take it anymore.

so we arrange to have a phone call the next day, and we chat, and of course, true to form, i have to have some liquid courage on me (peach soju, btw . . . but turns out, if you're jittery enough, you don't even feel the alcohol, because i still remember every detail). anyways, at some point, we're chatting, and then i blurt out, "i like you."

and she goes, "i like you too."

and i went, "no, i mean i like you more than a friend. as in i like you."

and she goes, "uh, yeah. i like you to do. the feeling's mutual."

and of course, i didn't know what to say to that. like, i swear i was just like "??? what?" because the thing is, i had this whole speech planned out in my head--something like i like you, and you don't like me like that, so i'm sorry that this is awkward, and i can just take care of my own feelings, but i just really needed to say that so that we're both on the same page--

so to say i was pretty stunned would be an understatement! so cue a lot of laughter and flustering, and fast forward to today, with her living with me for the summer (because of course, she'll need to go back to work and i'll have to go back to school once august hits), and we talk about how many pets we're going to have one day (she has this hobby of sending me videos of increasingly exotic animals and going "??? so can we have this as a pet? :)"), and we've talked about what our wedding is going to be like (as well as what our wedding will not be like) . . .

this is just a whole lot of details, but as you might be the first one to ask me about this lovely person on this webbed site, of course i'm going to ramble and gush--but anon, to give you some hope here, queer love is a beautiful thing and it certainly happens.

personally, i would love to go back in time and find my sad high school self and go "hey, hang in there, because you're gonna be lucky enough to finally fall in love with someone who's kind and warm and patient and loving, and she's going to encourage you to be a better person, and she's going to make friends with literally every single stranger on the street (much to your partial exasperation and partial wonder), and she's going to be really bad at staying hydrated, and she's going to take so many photographs of everything, and she's going to make friendship bracelets on your bed, and she's going to almost fight the secretary at a dentist's office for you (while you tug at her sleeve and go come on, i'm fine, let's just go), and she's going to recite and write poetry that you keep both on your walls and also in your head, and her grandma is going to show you the dorkiest photos she has of this silly, lovely, beautiful person who you love."

so: all that to say, anon, i hope that gave you some hope! it's such a long journey for some of us, but i promise that queer love is out there and healthily alive, and yeah, sometimes they're just as good (or even better) than those that you find in fiction :)

#answered #anon #i could talk about my partner literally all day #like how she has a lot of freckles and how loving and lovable she is #and how she's always the one telling strangers how cute their dogs are #and she's also INCREDIBLY organized #and she's really good at parallel parking #and she's also very artistic and so creative and she has a gazillion hobbies that i'm in awe of #when we were installing my air conditioner i was the one swearing and going 'FUCKING hell oh my GOD'#because it was so humid and hot #meanwhile my partner's smiling and laughing and going 'this is gonna be a funny story later'#which is the other thing: she takes all the inconveniences of life and turns it into a funny story whereas i just swear at the whole thing #(which is why i know that in the case we have kids she's gonna be the mommy the kiddos will run to #when they've broken something or if they threw up in bed)#(whereas i will be the mother who goes 'oh for the love of god')#(our kids will have their mother's sense of humor and their eomma's potty mouth)#but anyways. yes. i love her dearly :)

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diorkyeom · 1 year ago

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‘✷’ : CHAPTER ELEVEN “we're destined”

<< prev chapter | ao3 fic | chapter eleven

chapter word count: 7.8k+ (it's a beast of a chapter but i'm not sorry at all)

chapter warnings: curse words, alcohol, kissing, mildly unsafe activites (don't sit on rooftops while kissing y'all)

summary: "lately, seokmin had come to a realisation. joshua hong, seokmin thought, was a little bit of an enigma." - in which seokmin has known joshua for years, but he's always been a bit of a mystery to him. and as the days go by, he finds himself falling further and further for the enigmatic man, wanting to find out who the real Joshua Hong is behind his polite smiles and warm eyes and sweet words.

notes: cries,,, last chapter :'') okok you're all probably eager to read how this ends but i want to take a moment to say thank you so so much. all of your comments and notes mean sooo so much to me and im truly so glad to have had u on this journey! hope to see you again in any more things i might write <3

Joshua was definitely in love with Seokmin.

It was a fact of his life, at this point, something objectively true that Joshua had tucked away in his heart, that he constantly carried around with him but never, ever said out loud.

He never had need to, before. Not when Seokmin hadn’t remembered who he was, when they’d been nothing more than polite friends connected by a mutual friend and nothing more. There would have been no point in admitting his feelings if Seokmin hadn’t seen him with at least a certain degree of fondness first.

But now, they’d gotten closer, and it was getting harder and harder to hide.

It felt uncomfortable to hide something from Seokmin. His heart and mind protested, wondering why on earth he was hiding from the most important person in the world to him. His throat burned, sometimes, burned with the confession aching to leave his lips, with the want to whisper out a soft “I’m in love with you” to relieve the pain in his own heart.

It was a selfish want, though. A want to prevent his own self from hurting. And that was the only reason Joshua held it back: he didn’t want Seokmin to feel uncomfortable. Didn’t want to force his feelings onto him.

But being so close to Seokmin was making it more difficult to keep it in.

Seokmin, with his bright smiles and bright voice and bright heart, with his great capacity for loving and being loved. Seokmin, who was warmer than the Sun’s rays, who was more magnetic than the largest star, who demanded Joshua’s full attention wherever they were and whenever they met—which he always gave, willingly, eagerly.

Seokmin was made to be loved. To be cherished, admired, adored.

And Joshua really, really wanted to be the one to love him.

There was a knock at the music office door, then, and Joshua pulled himself out of his reverie to see Seokmin wavering in the doorway, wearing a neat dress shirt with his blazer hanging over his arm. His hair was done up all nicely, too, soft bangs parted in a way which was both parts dashing and adorable, and Joshua smiled and beckoned him in.

“Hello,” he greeted as Seokmin stepped over to his desk. “Why are you here? The concert’s going to start soon.”

“I know,” Seokmin said, and then beamed. “I came to wish you good luck, of course! Or is it break a leg? Does that apply to music, or is it just theatre?” He pondered for a second, before shaking his head and beaming again. “Anyways, I’m here to wish you good luck!”

Joshua smiled, chuckling a little. “Thank you, Seokmin. You could’ve texted me, though. We have each other’s numbers, you know,” he pointed out, and Seokmin groaned, embarrassed.

“I’m gonna keep apologising until the end of time for that, hyung. I can’t believe I forgot,” Seokmin whined sadly. “But I wanted to come see you! I haven’t seen you since lunch,” he said, pouting a little, “and it’s already evening. So I wanted to see you for a bit before the concert starts.”

“Aw, you missed me that much, did you?” Joshua said teasingly, and then smiled. “Well, thank you for coming. To wish me good luck, and also to the concert. You really didn’t have to.”

Seokmin pffted, shaking his head rapidly. It made his hair fall into his eyes, and he brushed the strands away with a finger, not noticing the way Joshua’s eyes followed the delicate movement. “Wasn’t gonna miss it for the world, hyung. The others would’ve come, too, but who knew that private school music concert tickets are actually expensive?”

He sounded truly baffled by that, and Joshua laughed.

“So I’m here as a substitute for our entire friend group,” Seokmin carried on, beaming. “When you see me in the seats, just imagine that it’s all twelve of us cheering our Shua hyung on.”

“Thank you, Seokmin,” Joshua said, patting Seokmin’s elbow. “It means a lot to me.” You mean a lot to me.

Seokmin blinked, and then smiled, shy and sparkly all at once. “Of course!” he chirped, and then grinned so wide that his eyes turned into little crescents.

It was horribly endearing. God, Joshua was so in love with him.

Seokmin opened his mouth again, looking like he was about to say something else before he promptly changed his mind, snapping his mouth shut and giving Joshua a smile. “Anyways, good luck out there! You’re going to do great.”

Before Joshua had time to say anything else, Seokmin leaned forward and pressed a fast kiss to his forehead before promptly zooming out of the office, leaving the door swinging open on its hinges.

Joshua gaped after him, left reeling as he tried to process what had just happened.

His face was curiously warm, and he touched his head in slight wonder, replaying the faint pressure of Seokmin’s lips over and over again in his mind.

And then, slowly, a smile spread across his face, something bright and golden blooming in his chest.

In all his years that Seokmin had been teaching at this school, he’d never come to see the music concerts before.

Well.

───────────── ‘✷,

He never really had any need to. He was friendly with the music teachers, and he had students who took Music, but he’d never had a truly compelling reason to come to these. They started in the evening and lasted for a good few hours, after all. As much as he loved his students, Seokmin did kind of enjoy his sleep.

But now, here he was, sitting in the front row of seats reserved for teachers, listening to the entire concert and waiting for a certain someone to appear.

The a cappella group finished, and Seokmin clapped politely, looking down at the concert programme in his lap. The senior choir would be appearing in just three more acts. The last performance before the interval.

“They’re good, aren’t they?” a voice said in Seokmin’s ear, and he turned to look at the teacher sitting next to him.

“I’m sorry?” Seokmin blinked, before realising that the teacher was referring to the a cappella group. “Oh, yes. They’re very talented.”

The teacher regarded him for a moment, before smiling. The next performance (a string quartet?) walked onto the stage and began to set up to a round of applause. “You’re here for someone specific,” the teacher observed wisely, still smiling.

Seokmin smiled back, not sure whether to admit it or not. There were a decent amount of teachers here: the headmaster and deputy head had an obligation to come, of course, but the entire first row had been reserved for any other teachers that wanted to come, and it was decently filled. He was sure that most of them were here simply to support all the students, and he could group himself with them too.

Before he had a chance to say so, however, the teacher’s smile turned knowing.

“Mr. Hong, I presume?” he said, and Seokmin flushed so fast that it had the teacher laughing. The string quartet started playing, then, and any protest that Seokmin was attempting to form promptly melted away.

Because, well. He really was only here for Joshua.

Joshua, who he was in love with.

Joshua, who loved him too.

The string quartet soon finished, and then there was a flute solo, and then was the symphony orchestra before finally, finally, it was time for the senior choir, and Seokmin was well aware of how he visibly perked up as Joshua and the choir walked out on stage.

He raised his head, wide eyes hopefully following Joshua’s movements, hoping to catch his eye and show him that Seokmin was here, that he was watching, that he was so, so proud of Joshua even though they hadn’t even done anything yet.

And, to his utmost joy, Joshua’s eyes flicked down to meet his own for a brief second, smiling slightly before he promptly turned back to his choir. Seokmin beamed, delighted, relaxing back into his seat. Even the slightest glance was enough for him.

He watched with comfortable excitement as the applause died down, as Joshua raised his baton, and the opening notes of the piece rang through the air.

It was something in Spanish—a love song, if Seokmin was to believe the information printed into his concert programme—filled with rich harmonies and dramatic swells in volume that had Seokmin’s heart leaping wonderfully in his chest. He didn’t understand a word, but it was beautiful all the same, and the music washed over him as waves and waves of warmth and love.

As he watched Joshua, however, those waves smoothed into rosy pink silk, spinning tendrils of silver threads into the air and threading delicately around Joshua’s form, sparkling and soft all at once. The music teacher was fully immersed in the music, focused on bringing in the various voices whenever they were needed, keeping the pulse and helping the music flow smoothly.

And as Joshua conducted, the silk waved more enthrallingly around him, like a rippling, gentle aura of notes and music and sounds, completely entrancing Seokmin's very soul.

They sang three pieces, and then came the interval, and the auditorium abruptly became so filled with parents attempting to leave to get refreshments and children coming barreling in to ramble about their performances, so Seokmin thought it would be best to stay in his seat until the stampede subsided.

When the choir finished, he clapped the loudest out of the entire audience.

───────────── ‘✷,

After the choir’s performance, the rest of the night was a blur to Seokmin.

He wanted to see Joshua, to tell him how well he did, how beautiful Seokmin had thought the entire thing was.

His ears burned as he remembered how Joshua had looked up on the stage, like the master painter of the most beautifully coloured sounds in the world, and he grinned giddily.

As it was, however, by the time the crowd died down, it was time for the second half of the concert to begin, and so Seokmin didn’t get to see Joshua until right at the end, once all the parents were filing out of the auditorium, collecting their children in the foyer before finally exiting the school, leaving the exhausted music teachers behind.

“Shua hyung!”

The moment Joshua emerged from the auditorium doors, stepping into the hallway, Seokmin came bounding up to him and engulfed him in a hug.

Joshua’s eyes widened in surprise at the sudden hug, before his face melted into a laugh, arms automatically reaching around Seokmin to balance him even as he stumbled back a little, while Seokmin continued to bounce happily in his hold.

“You did so, so well!” Seokmin gushed as he pulled away, arms still slung over Joshua’s neck. “Oh, it was so gorgeous, hyung. I loved the entire performance.”

“I’m glad you did,” Joshua said, eyes crinkling, hands resting comfortably around Seokmin’s back. “The children worked so hard.”

“You worked so hard too,” Seokmin said earnestly. Then his eyes widened. “I should’ve brought a bouquet of flowers, or something!” He pouted, disappointed at his lack of forethought. “Damn. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before.”

Joshua chuckled, gently extricating himself from Seokmin’s embrace before linking their fingers together instead, walking down the hallway and out into the foyer.

“Next time,” Joshua said, smiling. “You can do that next time.”

The head of the Music department was lingering in the foyer, helping tidying everything up, and when she caught sight of Joshua, she nodded in greeting, straightening.

“Joshua-ssi! Well done for tonight,” she said, walking over and shaking Joshua’s hand. “You did well with the choir.”

“Thank you,” he said, laughing. “It’s nothing compared to everything that you’ve done tonight. Thank you for organising this event for the school.”

“Oh, it’s all part of my job,” she said, waving a hand. She looked over at Seokmin and finally seemed to take note of their interlocked hands, her smile turning knowing. “Well, I won’t keep you. Have a safe trip home, you two.”

With one last smile at the two teachers, she turned around and resumed wheeling the standing chimes back to the Music department.

Seokmin watched her, tilting his head. “Why do I get the feeling she thinks we live together?”

Joshua chuckled. “She probably does,” he said, tugging Seokmin’s hand gently, leading them out of the school and into the cool night air. “I leave work with you every day, so it’s a reasonable conclusion.”

Seokmin looked over at Joshua, took in the relaxed, calm expression on his face, the way his hair ruffled slightly in the breeze. Joshua automatically pulled their intertwined hands into his coat pocket, keeping Seokmin's easily-frozen fingers protected from the cold.

Seokmin smiled, facing forward again. “I guess so.”

He didn’t know how he hadn’t seen this before, how Joshua had been in love with him for so long. Now he could see how endearingly obvious it was, and it made it hard to keep his face from breaking out into a ridiculous grin every time he remembered.

How many times had Joshua caught his eye over a crowd of students? How many times had Joshua casually interlaced their fingers as they walked? How many times had Joshua watched him with gentle eyes while Seokmin rambled to him?

For how long had Joshua been loving him quietly, softly, sweetly, just like this?

It was kind of insane, Seokmin mused, feeling himself flushing shyly at the mere memories. Insane that he was loved in such a way, by someone he loved just as much too. And to think, he’d been loved like this all this time, and he’d only just realised it now.

“I really liked the first piece the choir sang, hyung,” Seokmin chirped as they walked to the bus stop. “The Spanish one?”

“Oh, really?” Joshua said, smiling. “You liked it?”

“Yeah!” Seokmin hummed the melody, singing part of the refrain that repeated over and over. “That part where they all split into those different harmonies and they did that thing where the high part sang really high?” He attempted to imitate what he remembered, voice warbling and echoing in the quiet of the evening, high pitched and a little squeaky.

Joshua laughed, squeezing Seokmin’s hand slightly. “Yeah, I get what you mean. It’s a really nice piece. Did you know, the composer wrote it for someone special?”

Seokmin stopped his warbling to tilt his head as they neared the stop, automatically sitting down as they waited for the bus. It was routine, simple and natural, for him to press closer into Joshua’s side, like he belonged there.

“Let me guess, his wife?” Seokmin suggested, but Joshua shook his head.

“His best friend,” Joshua said, smiling. “He said that the love he held for his best friend went beyond mere words, and could only be captured in something more abstract and… fervent. Like a song.”

Seokmin’s mouth fell open, and he awwed. “That’s so sweet.” He laughed a little, bumping Joshua’s side. “Hey, you should write a song for Jeonghan hyung.”

Joshua scrunched his nose playfully. “That brat? Never. He’s nothing but a nuisance.”

That made Seokmin laugh, head falling against Joshua’s shoulder, and above him, Joshua's smile widened.

“Oh, the bus is here,” Joshua said, and Seokmin lifted his head up.

They stood up, and Joshua let go of his hand to reach for his card. It was decently empty in the bus, which was to be expected since it was rather late in the evening, and Seokmin shuffled into a seat by the window, Joshua next to him. Once they were seated, their fingers interlaced once more, and Seokmin desperately tried to dampen the flush that spread across his cheeks as Joshua’s warm palm pressed against his own.

“Anyway, hyung,” Seokmin said as the bus began moving again, “tell me what you were up to! What were you doing the entire afternoon?”

Joshua shrugged. “Nothing interesting, really.”

“Tell me still,” Seokmin said, squeezing Joshua’s hand. “I wanna know!”

Joshua glanced over at him, and his eyes softened, positively glowing under the bright lights of the bus. “Okay.”

And he did, and Seokmin listened attentively, paying such fervent attention to every word that fell from Joshua’s lips. He liked hearing him talk, liked listening to Joshua recount his day’s events in that satin soft voice of his. It was captivating, almost, like Joshua had this ability to entrance his very soul with his warm eyes and warm voice and warm smiles. Make Seokmin fall more and more in love with him with each passing second.

Like a real Aphrodite.

Before long, Joshua finished telling Seokmin about his day, and the conversation deviated from there, their animated conversation filling the otherwise cold silence of the bus until they finally reached their stop, getting off and beginning to walk.

“—and she’s been climbing the stairs in crutches the entire time,” Seokmin said, shaking his head. “I was horrified. I told her that we have, like, three different elevators in this school that she could use instead, and she looked at me like she was the one who was most horrified.”

Joshua chuckled as they turned a corner and began walking down the street to his and Jeonghan’s house. “I admire her and her iron will to get up those stairs. It’s hard.”

“And really dangerous,” Seokmin said, eyebrows furrowing with worry. “I don’t know how she did it. It’s a miracle she hadn't injured herself more.”

“Well, I’m glad you pointed her in the direction of the elevators,” Joshua said. “That could have been disastrous if she’d kept going.”

Seokmin nodded vigorously. “It really could have.”

They had reached Joshua’s house now, the lights in the windows indicating that Jeonghan was still up and about. Joshua stood in front of the gate, and his hand was still in Seokmin’s. They’d held hands the entire way home. A record, Seokmin noticed with a slight smile. Neither of them had shied away halfway through.

“Well, this is me,” Joshua said with a smile. He lightly brushed his thumb over Seokmin’s knuckles before letting go of his hand, stepping back. “Thank you for coming today, Seokmin. It means a lot to me.”

Seokmin beamed. “Of course, hyung! I told you, I wasn’t gonna miss it for the world.” He smiled again, softer this time. “You were amazing, too. You did so well.”

“Thank you,” Joshua said, and then ducked his head, almost shy. “I’m glad you think so.”

“Of course I think so. You’re the most amazing person in the world to me.”

Seokmin blinked, surprised at the way his inner thoughts had somehow managed to make their way past his lips. Nevertheless, he just grinned, because it didn’t make his words any less true.

“Anyways, off you go,” Seokmin said before Joshua could say anything else. “Shoo, hyung. Go and get your sleep. It’s a Friday tomorrow, and we still have work.”

Joshua pulled a face at that. “I can’t believe we still have work.” He pushed the gate open, giving a small wave to Seokmin. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Seokmin nodded with a big smile, and Joshua gave him a big, sweet smile in return, full of lilac fondness and silvery, satiny love.

Wow.

Joshua really did love him.

“Shua hyung,” Seokmin called out suddenly, leaning against the gate. Joshua, walking down the path to his front door, stopped and turned around at Seokmin’s voice, walking a few steps back towards him.

It was dark, but Joshua’s eyes were bright, attentive. “Seokmin?”

Seokmin swallowed, heart hammering in his throat.

I like you.

The words were on the tip of his tongue, sugary soft and melting, sweetening his entire being, and Joshua was looking at him with such a warm gaze, gilded gold and open and real and he wanted nothing more than to give Joshua the entirety of his heart.

But… no. It didn’t feel quite right to say those words. Not yet, at least.

So Seokmin shook his head, smiling.

“Nothing,” he said. “Just well done for tonight, hyung. I’m so glad I came.”

And it really was dark, but Seokmin could see how Joshua both softened and brightened at his words.

“I’m glad you came too,” he returned, giving another smile before waving. “Goodnight, Seokmin. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You ditched us,” Seungkwan accused, standing with his arms crossed in the hallway as Seokmin opened the door, making the apartment owner yelp.

Seokmin watched him go, still clutching onto the gate, his head and heart spinning in delighted circles, three words and eight letters echoing in his mind.

───────────── ‘✷,

“What are you doing here?” Seokmin asked, clutching his chest, having genuinely gotten a fright from seeing Seungkwan looming like a foreboding shadow in his hall.

Seungkwan shook his head, arms still crossed, but the frown on his face had melted into a pout that was more adorable than intimidating. “Cause you ditched us!”

Seokmin laughed, albeit a little confusedly, taking off his shoes and coat and gently holding Seungkwan’s shoulders, manoeuvring the younger man so he could walk past him. “Where’s hyung?” Seokmin asked as Seungkwan trailed after him into the kitchen, still grumbling about how Seokmin had abandoned them.

“Soonyoung hyung’s in his room,” Seungkwan said. “He’s moping ‘cause you ditched us.”

“I went to my school’s concert to support my students,” Seokmin corrected, downing a glass of water before walking out of the kitchen, Seungkwan still following him like a little puppy. “Plus, I only ditched Soonyoung, didn’t I? How did I ditch you too?”

He knocked on Soonyoung’s bedroom door and opened it to find the elder sitting on the floor, bent over one of their 1000+ piece puzzles that they kept buying and regretting after because both of them were terrible at puzzles. He’d never seen Soonyoung actually try completing them before.

“You ditched both of us,” Soonyoung said, frowning intensely down at the jigsaw pieces. “Seungkwan was due to come over tonight, remember?”

“Yeah,” Seungkwan said, pouting as he bounced onto Soonyoung’s bed. “But you ditched us for some guy.”

Seokmin shook his head, crouching down next to Soonyoung to look down at his puzzle too. “I didn’t ditch you for some guy, though,” he pointed out, picking up a puzzle piece and trying and failing to fit it into the meagre section that Soonyoung had successfully filled. “Shua hyung’s our friend, not just some guy.”

From Soonyoung’s bed came a muffled huff. Seungkwan had wrapped himself up in Soonyoung’s blankets, almost suffocating himself in the amount of tiger plushies on the elder’s bed.

“We were still ditched.”

“I apologise,” Seokmin said, tilting his head in confusion as he looked at the puzzle pieces and the picture on the back of the box. “The concert went well, by the way. I had fun. Thanks for asking.”

“Right, how did your boyfriend’s concert go?” Soonyoung asked flatly, before abruptly pushing away the puzzle pieces, grumbling in annoyance at how difficult it was before flopping onto his bed, squashing Seungkwan’s legs and making the younger man yelp.

Seokmin didn’t even bat an eye, used to their antics, and scratched his head, mildly confused. “Shua hyung’s not my boyfriend.”

“He should be,” Soonyoung responded from where he was still lying on Seungkwan. “Hey, Kwan, don’t you think they fit together so well?”

“What, those jigsaw pieces?” Seungkwan said, struggling to kick Soonyoung off him. “No. I didn’t wanna say anything, but you suck at puzzles, hyung.”

“What? No. I meant Seokmin and Joshua hyung.”

“Oh!” Seungkwan’s eyes lit up at that, and he finally managed to shove Soonyoung away, sitting up. His eyes gleamed as he grinned at Seokmin, who was still crouching next to the failed jigsaw puzzle, looking up at them confusedly.

He tilted his head, looking Seokmin up and down, before nodding his head resolutely.

“They kinda look like they’re destined.”

Seokmin let out a surprised laugh. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Soonyoung didn’t seem confused by Seungkwan’s statement, and just nodded vigorously. “Totally agreed. They kinda balance each other out, you know?”

“Yeah! But they’re both really lovely and infuriating.”

“Exactly! The lovely hyung and the lovely dongsaeng.”

“They’re perfect.”

“Literally meant to be.”

“Divined by the fates.”

Seokmin shook his head, standing up and holding a hand out to stop them. “Wha—what are you talking about?” His cheeks were red, and it was actually kind of embarrassing how flustered he became at the mere idea of him and Shua hyung even though they were teasing. “You guys are literally the worst, you know.”

Seungkwan tsked, wagging a finger. “Look at this, you’re lashing out. We’re just telling you the truth.”

“We are,” Soonyoung agreed, nodding gravely. “This is why you should stop being a chicken and confess.”

“Alas, he can’t do that,” Seungkwan added on with faux sadness, and Seokmin wondered yet again why he was friends with them. They still hadn’t asked him properly how the concert went, either. Seokmin was planning to sulk extravagantly over that later. “If only he knew that his beloved Shua hyung is in l—”

A hand shot out and slapped over Seungkwan’s mouth, muffling his next words, and Soonyoung not-so subtly glared over at the younger. Seokmin paused, tilting his head, the cogs turning in his mind as a slow smile spread over his face.

“That my beloved Shua hyung is in love with me too?” Seokmin finished, smiling wider. He stood up and leapt onto Soonyoung’s bed, making them all bounce up and down. “I knew that already.”

Soonyoung’s eyes grew comically wide. Seungkwan’s mouth fell open, getting saliva all over Soonyoung’s hand and making the elder snatch back his hand in disgust.

“You knew?” Seungkwan said, voice shaky.

“Yeah?” Seokmin adjusted himself on the bed, crossing his legs comfortably. “I’m not as dumb as you think.”

A grin spread across Seungkwan’s face, and he slapped Soonyoung’s knee while crowing delightedly, loud and triumphant. “I didn’t think you were dumb, but hyung did! Gimme all your money, Soonyoung hyung, I told you he’d be able to figure it out.”

Seokmin’s eyes widened. “You made another bet?” he asked, as Soonyoung grumbled at Seungkwan and promised to get his wallet later. He put a hand over his chest, dramatically hurt. “I can’t believe you’d make such hurtful assumptions about my intelligence. Did you forget that I have a master’s degree?”

“Soonyoung hyung forgot. I didn’t,” Seungkwan declared proudly, while Soonyoung huffed and shoved the younger’s shoulder.

“Yeah, but you also had too much faith in how long it’d take Seok to realise his own feelings,” Soonyoung pointed out. “He was more than a year later than your prediction.”

“Oh yeah, about that,” Seokmin interjected before they started arguing again. “Why did you make that bet in the first place? Shua hyung and I weren't even close friends over a year ago.”

Instantly, Seungkwan’s head whipped upwards, and his eyes were a light with mischief as he leaned forward. “My dearest Seokmin hyung, if only you knew how much evidence there was. Whenever we have Game Night, when you get drunk enough, you'll spend half an hour just staring at Joshua hyung in the corner. You always ask Jeonghan hyung where Joshua hyung is when the guy comes to your apartment ‘cause he's bored. And Soonyoung hyung said that you've admitted that you think Joshua hyung is the prettiest out of our friend group more than a hundred times.”

Soonyoung mouthed along to the end of Seungkwan's mini speech, nodding at Seokmin's speechless face. “It's true. I think you've always had this small crush on him.”

“No I haven't,” Seokmin said, reddening. “I—Don't you think Shua hyung's really pretty? And I don't stare at him,” he added, frowning. “I just—he's just… pretty.”

Soonyoung and Seungkwan blinked up at him.

“Look at him, you've made him defensive,” Soonyoung said in Seungkwan's direction.

“Me? You joined in too!”

“Oh, so it's my fault?”

“Hey! Why are you placing blame in the first place?”

Seokmin shook his head as the two of them descended into bickering again, massaging his temples. The tiredness was catching up with him, having spent a full day at work and most of his evening at the concert only to come back to his two friends arguing about who had or hadn’t underestimated his intelligence. Sometimes, he felt like the mother to two unruly children.

“Alright, kids, I’m going to bed,” he said, getting up from Soonyoung’s bed. “Don’t stay up too late ‘cause we all have work tomorrow. Brush your teeth properly. I also almost confessed to Shua hyung today. Goodnight.”

With that, he zoomed out to his own bedroom as Soonyoung’s room exploded into a cacophony of noise, both of them crying out in outrage.

“What do you mean almost?”

“Get back out there and confess to him properly!”

Seokmin laughed as there was the thundering sound of footsteps, hurriedly shutting his bedroom door. It wouldn’t stave them off for long, and within seconds they’d be bursting into his room, demanding an explanation for what he’d just said, but he took a few seconds to smile widely to himself, giddy and delighted at how fervently (and kind of aggressively) his friends supported him.

“And then Jeonghan hyung said—very politely, very professionally—‘Sir, what the fuck is wrong with you?’” Seungkwan was saying, exaggerated accent and all, and everyone descended into shrieks of laughter, falling into each other across the floor of Jeonghan and Joshua's living room.

It sure was nice to be in love.

───────────── ‘✷,

Seokmin laughed too, head tilted back, because even though the story had been told countless times over the years, it never failed to make him laugh.

“And then he shortened the deadline,” Seokmin added in through his own snorts of laughter, and mimicked the look of utter horror that had been on Jeonghan's face when they received the email.

Jeonghan, pink with laughter, had his mug of beer precariously in one hand and when he shrugged, it spilled onto the armrest of the couch he was perched on. “Our professor was crazy as shit,” he said, laughing. “Who gives their students only five days to write a four-page analysis paper on Frankenstein?”

“And because of hyung's comment, we ended up only having three,” Seungkwan squeaked, barely able to breathe, and everyone descended into laughter again.

It was Game Night once more, and Seokmin always found himself marvelling at how quickly everything devolved away from the night's original purpose of, well, playing games.

Seokmin’s head was pounding a little, but his mind was clear, having had merely a mug of beer when he'd arrived at Jeonghan's house some hours ago. His own voice rang in his ears as he yelled additional details for the new story Seungkwan was telling. The younger then accidentally slapped Soonyoung across the face with his hands and Seokmin roared with laughter, slumping back against the couch, the floor cold underneath him, Chan’s knee digging into his back.

That was when he looked over at Joshua, sitting there on the floor a little ways opposite him, smiling.

Huh.

Seokmin felt a strange sense of deja vu, reminded of one Game Night many, many months ago, much like the one he was living through right now. The one where he'd first realised the enigma that was their Joshua hyung.

The one that started it all.

“Shua hyung,” Seokmin called out, and almost instantly, Joshua looked up at him, as if he'd attuned himself to the specific sound of Seokmin's voice.

With a smile, the elder beckoned him over, and it took a bit of awkward butt-shuffling on Seokmin's part, but soon he was sitting comfortably next to Joshua, the two of them watching the chaos unfold before them in the living room.

“Hello,” Joshua said, smiling. “How are you?”

The echoing of Joshua's words from long ago made Seokmin chuckle, nudging his shoulder against Joshua's. “You don't sound very drunk, hyung.”

He chuckled. “Well, Jeonghan looks absolutely wasted, and we need at least one sober person to clean the mess after you guys leave.”

“Ah.” Seokmin grinned at Joshua's words, almost an exact copy from that one Game Night long ago. He could feel his face stretching into a smile, big and wide and he just thought it was so cool that they both understood that this was a situation they'd lived through before. That makes sense.”

There was a brief respite in conversation between the two, and Soonyoung’s voice filtered through. He looked like he was trying some sort of interpretive dance in the middle of the room again, and Hansol was lying dead on the floor, again, and Seokmin wanted to laugh at the craziness of how everything was exactly the same as that first Game Night.

He yelled out to them, hands cupped over his mouth that someone was gonna get hurt, adding to the general cacophony.

“You don’t sound like you’re going to help them, though,” Joshua said, teasing and soft all at the same time, once Seokmin took his hands away from his mouth.

Seokmin beamed. “Nope! Why would I?”

That made Joshua laugh, and the room was so noisy, but his laugh was clear, transparent and twinkling in Seokmin's ears.

They sat there comfortably side by side, neither of them saying a word. Joshua sipped water from his wine glass, and Seokmin's eyes couldn't help but flick over to him from time to time, marvelling at just how effortlessly pretty Joshua was at all times.

It had always been obvious, even before Seokmin had realised he was in love with him. Joshua had been someone untouchable, elusive and enigmatic and endlessly pretty. Seokmin had always thought he was pretty, thought he was someone that people would definitely fall in love with.

Like an Aphrodite. Like a Venus.

Huh. Maybe he'd been destined to love Joshua all along.

So as he looked over at Joshua, he took in the soft curl of his lips, the gentle slope of his nose, the fondness in his eyes at he gazed out at the rest of their friend group, before Joshua turned his head to look at him, and that fondness melted, dissolving into something warmer, sweeter.

Oh.

Seokmin had almost forgotten that Joshua loved him too.

“Hey, Seokmin,” Joshua said softly, and suddenly he was all up in Seokmin’s personal space, lips close to his ear so he could hear him properly. Yet again, Seokmin had a strange sense of deja vu at this scenario.

Only, Joshua's next words were different.

Seokmin poked his head above the open skyline window, blinking wide-eyed as Joshua sat down on the roof tiles.

Joshua smiled, eyes sparkling. “It’s too noisy here. Do you wanna join me on the roof?”

───────────── ‘✷,

“Hello,” Joshua said, when Seokmin didn’t move and continued to stare over at him. He patted the tiles next to him, beckoning Seokmin to come sit next to him. “What are you doing over there?”

“I’ve never seen your roof before,” Seokmin said, and his tone was so earnest that Joshua smiled at the oddity of it.

“I would’ve been a little concerned if you’ve seen my roof before,” he replied, as Seokmin swung his legs over the window frame, shuffling awkwardly across the roof tiles to where he was sitting.

Seokmin laughed, settling at Joshua’s side, wordlessly reaching over and holding his hand. “I guess so.” He craned his neck upwards, looking up at the sky. It was a peaceful night, and the faint echoes of their friends screaming downstairs were almost nonexistent. “So, this is where you always disappear to?”

Joshua looked down at their intertwined fingers, Seokmin’s thumb absentmindedly rubbing circles over his knuckles. “Most of the time, yeah.”

“Huh.” Seokmin looked up at the cloudy night sky, and then looked over at Joshua, only to find the elder already smiling at him, eyes glowing a gentle silver. He smiled back, lips curling upwards. “It’s so pretty.”

Joshua smiled wider, before ducking his head and looking away.

They sat in comfortable silence for several moments longer, the echoes of their friends screeching at each other sounding distant, like they were aeons away from anyone else. Seokmin watched as the wispy clouds drifted by and slowly, slowly revealed the silver glow of the moon.

He looked over at Joshua again, observed the silvery prettiness of Joshua’s irises before looking back at the moon, smiling.

“Exactly the same,” he murmured to himself.

“Hm?” Joshua turned to him questioningly, but Seokmin just shook his head.

“Don’t worry about it.” He nudged Joshua gently. “Hey, hyung, doesn’t this remind you of the first time that we met? You, know, at that party that Mingyu busted us into and I found you on the roof and—”

“—I cried my eyes out in front of you and gave you my number but didn’t give you my name?” Joshua said, smiling. “Yeah. I remember.”

Seokmin’s eyes crinkled. “You didn’t cry that hard. And you still looked really pretty anyway.”

That made Joshua laugh, the corners of his lips lifting upwards and Seokmin’s heart lifted along with them. Somewhere below them, Chan screamed.

“Well, thank you.” Still smiling, Joshua turned back to look up at the moon. “Wow, that feels so long ago, though. It’s been so many years since we first met.”

“It really has,” Seokmin agreed, squeezing Joshua’s hand gently. “I’m so glad we met again. I’m glad that we managed to become… close.”

Joshua glanced over at him, and their eyes met for the briefest moment, then Joshua chuckled and looked back up at the moon. “I’m glad too,” he said. “You’re a wonderful person, Seokmin. And to have had the privilege of knowing you this well, of being able to spend so much time with you…” He looked over at him again, soft like clouds and silver like the moon. “You’ve become someone who’s really, really important to me.”

Oh… Seokmin bit his lips in a futile attempt to prevent the flush rapidly rising up his cheeks. Goodness, it was impossible not to fall in love with Joshua when he kept saying things like that.

“You’re someone incredibly important to me, too,” Seokmin managed to say through his intense blushing. He grinned, nudging Joshua in the side. “You’re my Aphrodite, aren’t you? The person who’ll treat me gently for all time. And I’m gonna treat my Aphrodite like the most precious person in the entire world.”

Joshua’s smile only widened at that, eyes crinkling into the prettiest crescents, and Seokmin marvelled at how someone’s smile managed to make his heart feel so full.

“Anyways, hyung,” he said, squeezing Joshua’s hand once. “You never finished telling me that story at lunch. The one about your first years and the broken guitars?”

“Oh!” Joshua’s eyes lit up. “Did I not?”

And from there, the conversation flowed endlessly, with them discussing everything and anything out there on the rooftop, hands intertwined, the wind ruffling Joshua’s hair and Seokmin staring at him, mesmerised, being reminded again and again just how much he loved him.

It was just… Joshua’s entire being that did it for Seokmin. The way he was so gentle and loving at all times, and the rooftop was kind of cold but Joshua was always so warm by his side and his heart felt so incredibly full of love for everything that Joshua was and everything he made him feel.

Joshua was always so pretty. Seokmin knew that. But now, the silver light of the moon illuminated one side of his face, and his pretty lips were curled into an endeared smile as he looked at Seokmin like he was the brightest star in the entire universe, recounting a fond memory of the children from a few years ago at his church, and Seokmin didn’t think that Joshua had ever looked more beautiful than right now.

A real Aphrodite, indeed.

“Shua hyung,” Seokmin said, as Joshua took a brief pause in the middle of his tale. Joshua gave a small smile, eyebrows raising slightly in acknowledgement, attentive.

“Hm?”

His gaze was open, expression golden and content, willing to listen to whatever Seokmin had wanted to say, even if it interrupted what he was talking about before. This was the real Joshua, Seokmin thought. The one open with himself, with Seokmin, with all the love he held. The one true Joshua.

Seokmin loved him so, so much.

“I love you,” Seokmin said, and the words fell from his lips before he even realised what was happening, threading through the air between them, pink silk ribbons brushing against his lips and Joshua’s cheeks. “I love you, Shua hyung.”

Joshua paused, eyes widening, and for one, horrible second, Seokmin feared that he was going to be rejected.

Instead, though, Joshua’s face softened and he grinned. “I know.” And then he carried on talking. “And I had to carry her up the stairs to the pulpit, but of course, she’s so small that I also had to lift her so she could see over the top—”

The dread in Seokmin’s stomach turned into bewilderment so fast that he felt a little queasy.

“Wh—You do?”

Joshua ceased talking again, raising an eyebrow in amusement. “I do.”

Seokmin blinked, and gently untangled their hands to sit up properly. Joshua let him, though a small pout formed on his lips before he too sat up straight. Seokmin scratched his head, lost. Everything was… weird. He hadn’t meant to confess, but he certainly hadn’t expected Joshua’s reaction either.

“Are you… are you sure?” he checked. “Cause, uh, Jeonghan hyung said that there was no way you knew.”

Joshua laughed. “Jeonghan underestimates me sometimes. I've spent my whole life observing people. I know how to be observant.” He nudged Seokmin in the side. “Especially if I'm observing you.” Joshua smiled again, and it was that fluffy soft smile that never failed to make Seokmin want to melt into his arms and never do anything else ever again.

“W—When did you figure it out?” Seokmin asked, a little dazed, eyes wide. “Am I really that obvious with my feelings?”

“Kind of,” Joshua said, a little teasingly, and laughed again when Seokmin pouted. “No, it’s just because I’ve been in love with you for years. Since the day we met, in fact,” he added, and his smile widened when Seokmin looked at him in amazement. “And I just… hoped that maybe you could like me too.”

“Oh,” Seokmin breathed, warmth spreading in his chest.

Joshua smiled, all pink silk and white roses and golden skies. “You’re my Sun, Seokmin,” he said. “My light. I see you in everything, and I’m drawn to you wherever you go. But I guess it was only… that night, where you sang for the first time, and you called me an Aphrodite.” His smile turned shy. “That’s when I started to hope you’d like me back.”

“Oh, wow,” Seokmin said, a hushed whisper. “That’s when I realised I loved you too.”

They shared twin smiles at that, giddy, cream clouds and cerulean blue skies.

Joshua leaned forwards, gaze endlessly soft, and gently tucked a stray hair out of Seokmin’s eyes. “Seokmin,” he began, and it sent a warm thrill through him yet again, marvelling at how Joshua managed to say his name so reverently, like something to be cherished. “Can… Can I kiss you?”

Distantly, Seokmin thought he could hear Mingyu getting attacked by their friends downstairs. But he barely registered it, more focused on how Joshua’s face was closer to his than before, eyes an endless brown that he could drown into, lips curling into a smile when Seokmin’s gaze flicked down towards them.

“Of course,” Seokmin whispered, and his eyes fluttered shut in bliss when Joshua smiled, delighted, and closed the distance between them to softly press his lips against his own.

And, oh, it was the most beautiful thing in the world, to be kissed by Joshua. His hands, big and warm and gentle, came up to cup his face, painting blossom pinks across his cheekbone every time his thumb brushed against it. Seokmin all but melted, hands reaching up to cling to his shirt, needing something to hold onto to prevent himself from floating away.

Joshua kissed him so delicately, like he was made of spun glass, gently pulling him impossibly closer like he was something to be cherished, and Seokmin could hear his own pulse singing in his ears as he kissed him back, eyelashes fluttering against his cheek as he tilted his head, pressing his mouth more firmly against Joshua’s, smiling in complete and utter joy because goodness, how was it possible that Joshua’s lips were even softer and sweeter than they looked?

Seokmin had nowhere nearly gotten his fill of Joshua’s mouth on his own when a thought occurred to him, pulling away with some reluctance. Joshua hummed in mild discontent, trying to chase his lips again, and Seokmin’s heart almost exploded at how endearing the sound was.

“Mm, wait a minute, hyung,” Seokmin smiled, giggling as Joshua slowly opened his eyes, pouting his kissed-pink lips.

Joshua nudged his nose against Seokmin’s, fond. “What’s wrong, sunshine?”

Seokmin was going to need to have a word with Joshua about dropping pet names out of the blue if he didn’t want Seokmin to combust on the spot.

“You forgot something,” Seokmin said, after taking a few seconds to compose himself. “You didn’t say ‘I love you’ back.”

Joshua paused. He leaned back a little, hands resting on Seokmin’s shoulders. “I called you my Sun, my light, my everything, and you don’t think I love you?” he asked, tilting his head. “You’re the brightest star in my skies, Seokmin.”

“Well, yeah,” Seokmin said, valiantly ignoring his own blush, “But I want you to say the words.” He ducked his head, suddenly shy. “I just… I wanna hear you say you love me.”

That made Joshua laugh, and he nudged his nose against Seokmin’s again, making the younger look up, golden adoration making his next words sparkle against the cool night air.

“Seokmin,” Joshua said softly, and his eyes crinkled into those adoring crescents. “I love you too.”

Seokmin beamed, beamed brighter than a thousand stars and he surged forwards, hands threading through Joshua’s hair as he pulled him close so their lips connected once more. Joshua laughed into his mouth, one hand steadying them on the rooftop tiles, the other holding onto Seokmin’s waist as they kissed under the moonlight.

It was kind of incredible, Seokmin thought, smiling into the kiss when Joshua nipped playfully at his bottom lip. Incredible that he'd managed to find his own Venus. Someone to love greatly, with all his heart. Who loved him greatly back.

Seokmin pulled away slightly, gazing into Joshua's eyes and finding himself speechless at how much love practically glowed within Joshua's irises, before his eyes crinkled and he leaned in to press their lips together again.

It was also incredible how that Venus had ended up being his beloved Shua hyung.

Maybe the Venus really had always meant to love the Sun.

And perhaps the Sun had always been destined to love the Venus too.

taglist: @fairyhaos @atinytinaa @my-moarmy-heart @weird-bookworm @weird-life-of-a-closet-fangirl @lilsafsafbooyah @stqrrgirle @bittersweet-folder @ultrara-re @tianakings @bangantokchy @tiinkerbell @ahuiahoe @leigh-darling

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clever-and-unique-name · 20 days ago

Text

It's funny how memory works sometimes. I've been dealing with some pretty strong disorganized attachment the last week or so, and while there are some present-day things I'm dealing with in that area, my emotional reactions have been wildly disproportionate. In other words, I'm dealing with emotional flashbacks.

Out of curiosity, I went back in my post history from last year, and found out I was dealing with [a pretty significant social event] almost exactly a year ago. It's too much backstory to hash out here, but tl;dr is I got really close to my now-housemate B and that made our mutual friendgroup big mad. (I'm too tired for nuance, fucking bite me.)

Anyway, it got me thinking about some stuff. Like I said, I've been dealing with a lot of really rough attachment feelings the past week or so. I've been trying to stay grounded in the present, but I'm not always successful. I don't like talking about "my emotional shit" generally, but I've had to lean on both husband and B for reassurances and such. I've been really, really worried about them secretly resenting me (a big theme with the friend group thing mentioned above.)

But the thing is, with these people--my chosen family, the people I am spending each day of my life with, the people I willingly practice vulnerability with--I may still be dealing with my attachment trauma and general PTSD issues because of course I am, but like. They're here with me through it. I chose them because they've proven that I can trust them with the messiest parts of me. We're sharing our lives because we love each other, and want to support each other through it all. I am secure in my relationships with them, even on the nights I hide in my room panicking about "I think they hate me."

They're really fucking important to me, and I am so, so, so beyond thankful to have them in my life.

I guess I'm just thinking about how much I'd be missing out on if I had let some jealous people dictate my relationship with B. If I had been willing to cut back on my emotional intimacy with her in order to make those people more comfortable. I'm so glad I chose her. I'm so glad our lives are intertwined now. I'm glad the people who had a problem with that are gone.

#personal #this marks a year since I stopped routinely posting on this blog too #since I kept getting really anxious every time I saw the URLs of those people in reblogs and such. the CDD community is pretty insular #now I'm in a way better place mentally but I still feel Off posting on this blog #like I just don't feel as connected to it anymore #(that could be a DID thing. probably. whatever)#anyway. I love her more than ever #I'm bitter over the way those people treated us but life goes on and I hope they just leave us alone forever

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dwobbitfromtheshire · 7 months ago

Text

Revelations at a Slumber Party

Summary: Nancy goes over to Steve’s house and inadvertently joins them on their regularly scheduled slumber party, where Steve reveals his biggest secret to both Nancy and Robin. What, pray tell, is the secret? Read to find out.

Nancy sighed as she pulled up to Steve’s house. She tried not to think about her breakup with Jonathan. It was the easiest breakup in the world. Should it have been that easy, and should they have been that relieved? Shouldn't she feel something other than relief? Maybe she was overthinking it. Maybe she should be glad that it ended the way it did and that Jonathan had someone else. Nancy couldn't help but smile as she thought about the way Jonathan looked at Argyle. Even on their best days, Jonathan never looked at her like that.

Nancy got out of the car and stared at the sun sinking down behind Steve’s house for a moment. Maybe she should have given it another day, but then something else could have happened. . .Vecna could rise from the dead and come after them all. Why wait for something you really want when you could be dead and leaving everything left unsaid? Nancy walked towards the door, squaring her shoulders. When she got closer, she noticed that the door was open. Nancy reached into her purse and pulled out her pistol. She closed and locked the door behind her as quietly as she could. She didn't call out. That would be stupid. She scanned the living room. Empty. She went into the kitchen and then the downstairs bathrooms before moving upstairs. The first two rooms were empty, as well as the upstairs bathroom. That's when she heard it. Steve’s scream. She ran towards his room and burst in, holding out her gun. Steve screamed again and, for some reason, covered up his exposed chest. Meanwhile, Robin froze behind him. She was kneeling behind him on the bed, hands on his back, and she was wearing only her pants and bra.

"We have to stop meeting like this, Nancy," Steve said dryly. "And with the same gun?"

"Yeah, if you keep pointing that gun at him like that, he's going to develop a kink," Robin said.

"Robin!" Steve exclaimed, dropping his hands.

"I thought you were platonic with a capital P," Nancy said as she put her gun back in her purse.

"What? Oh, yeah, I see how this might look strange to you," Robin said. "I was rubbing ointment on his road rashes as well as his bat bites, and I didn't want to get any on my shirt."

"So, you're really just friends?" Nancy asked.

"My boobs are platonic to him as his dick is platonic to me. As are our souls," Robin said and then frowned. "Are our. . .why do those asshole words have to sound so similar? Anyway. . .also, I'm a huge lesbian."

"Oh, thank God!" Nancy exclaimed and then blushed. "I mean, thank you for telling me."

"Isn't it cute how jealous of me she was?" Robin asked, smirking.

"Totally," Steve said as he smirked as well.

"Shut up," Nancy said with a smile. "Don't you know not to tease a woman who has a gun?"

"I clearly don't," Steve grinned.

Robin moved off the bed and went to wash her hands. Steve reached for his shirt and struggled to put it on. Nancy smiled and helped him put it on. Robin came back wearing pajamas and pushed Steve gently back against the pillows before climbing into bed next to him.

"We're having a slumber party. You missed the junk food part of the evening. Now, we're going to curl up in bed and talk about girls," Robin said.

"You two talk about everything, huh?" Nancy asked.

"Well, join us and find out. Although, you have to promise not to get handsy with Steve," Robin said.

"Robin!" Steve exclaimed.

"Can't make any promises that I can't keep," Nancy smiled.

"What about - ?" Steve asked hopefully.

"Oh, I broke up with him. Well, it was mutual, actually," Nancy said and sat down next to him. "He has his eye on someone else, and I have my eye on someone else."

"Is the someone Jonathan has his eye on who I think it is?" Robin asked.

"What do you know?" Nancy asked.

"What do you know?" Robin repeated.

"I asked first," Nancy said.

"And I asked second," Robin said.

"How do you know?" She asked.

"It was about as obvious as Steve is when he looks at you," she replied, and Nancy laughed.

"Hmm, he was very obvious," she said and looked down at him.

Nancy was leaning against the headboard while Steve was slumped against the pillows, so he was looking up at her. She cupped his cheek and leaned down to place a kiss on his lips. She pulled back and he smiled sweetly at her.

"Hi," Steve said breathlessly.

"Hi," Nancy said. "Is my favorite shirt still in the drawer?"

"Yeah," Steve said.

Nancy shuffled over to the dresser and grabbed the blue t-shirt before heading to the bathroom.

"Oh, Steve, you're done for. She's finished you. There's no going back," Robin said.

"Fuck off, Robin," Steve said.

Nancy laughed as she came out of the bathroom. She crawled in next to Steve and let him lean his head on her stomach.

"So, how do you guys start this off?" Nancy asked as she ran her hand through his hair.

"Well, I usually start off with talking about Vickie for an hour," Robin said. "And then we talk about Steve’s lack of a sex life."

"Yours is more lacking than I am. At least I'm not a virgin," Steve replied.

"And then I ask him once again how he lost it," Robin said.

"Yeah, he never told me about that either," Nancy said.

"Come on, fess up, Steve, who was the girl?" Robin asked.

Steve stared at Robin before sighing heavily as he played with the blankets.

"I mean, I guess I should be honest here," Steve said. "I'm not going to tell you who it is. I can tell you that it wasn't a girl."

"Are you telling us you slept with a boy?" Robin asked and paused. "Oh my God, you slept with a boy."

"Sorry, I never told you," Steve said, looking sheepish.

"I mean, you don't have to apologize for that. You needed to be ready to tell us, and I get why you wouldn't be. Can I ask why you didn't? Is that why? You weren't ready?" Robin asked.

Nancy continued to stroke his hair as they waited for an answer. She already guessed who it was that he had slept with. It suddenly made sense why Tommy had seemed to hate her now that she thought about it. He had been jealous.

"I never thought - I didn't think - not until, you know - ," Steve said nervously.

"It's okay, you don't have to say, babe," Robin said.

Nancy couldn't stop the question that spilled out of her mouth once she connected the dots.

"Was I the first woman you've ever been with?" Nancy blurted out.

Robin couldn't stop the gasp that slipped out as she gaped at Steve.

"Yeah," Steve said.

"What about all those women you said you had been with?" Nancy asked.

"Rumors that Tommy spread so no would think I was gay," Steve said. "They weren't even real women. Just made up names."

"So, you like women now?" Nancy asked.

"And men, still. When I realized that I also like women T - someone told me that it wasn't a thing and I was just confusing myself," Steve said. "I thought there was something wrong with me for the longest time."

"Oh, Steve," Robin and Nancy said.

Robin sobbed and wrapped her arms around Steve’s neck.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with you," Robin said. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Steve sniffled.

Oh my God, Nancy thought, the first time they had sex. . .it made sense why Steve had been so excited, so eager but he had also been willing to wait. He realized he was attracted to women, and she had called him bullshit. She had told him that it was their fault that Barb had died. It didn't matter that she had been drunk. She had still hurt Steve. They had both been hurt, and instead of it bringing them closer, their trauma had pulled them apart. While Barb had been her best friend, she knew that Steve felt his own guilt over her. Why else would he keep going with her to Barb's parents for dinner? It had been so hard for both of them, and Steve just let her go because he knew that's what she needed. . .because he loved her. An overwhelming amount of love for Steve clenched her heart, and she just wanted to hold him forever. She wasn't going to let him walk away from her this time.

"I love you, Steve," Nancy whispered as she sank down and laid her head over his heart.

"I love you, too," Steve whispered and kissed the top of her head.

"You want to talk about it some more, buddy?" Robin asked.

"I just want to enjoy this moment," Steve replied. "But Nancy probably doesn't know a thing about Vickie."

"Oh, that's right," Robin said with a gasp and started telling her everything.

Nancy could feel his eyes watching them as they talked over his chest. She could feel the love and affection for both of them radiating from his eyes. It was different kinds of love, though. One side platonic, the other side romantic, and both of them equally important to him. She hoped he felt so loved right now. He deserved it. She wanted to get to know Robin more as well because judging by the way they acted with each other, Robin was going to be an integral part of his life forever. Nancy wanted a part of what they had, even if it was just a sliver. Nancy blinked at Robin.

"Vickie Fisher?" Nancy asked her.

"Yeah, do you know her?" Robin asked.

"Sort of. We met when I did an article on band," Nancy said.

"When was this?" Robin asked.

"It was a few weeks back. You were sick. Vickie had been the one to tell me," Nancy said. "I really didn't think anything of it when I overheard her talking about how she wished her boyfriend was more like this guy she knew. Tall, pretty blue eyes, a thing for taking in lost boys like Peter Pan, and his name was Rob. He also liked to wear ties."

"Oh, great," Robin said bitterly.

"Oh, come on, Robin!" Steve laughed. "Can't you tell who she was talking about?"

"A really nice guy, it sounds like," Robin said.

"She also mentioned something about him getting caught up in the Starcourt fire, and she went on about how brave he must have been," Nancy said, her eyes twinkling with mirth.

"I can't compete!" Robin groaned as she flopped on her back.

"Robin, you were in Starcourt," Steve frowned.

"Yes, I know," she sighed.

"Robin, what do I call you sometimes?" Steve asked.

"Robbie," she replied.

"And?"

"Rob," she said and rolled her eyes. "It's also short for Robert."

"Or. . . ?" Steve asked.

"Roberta!" Robin exclaimed and sat up with a gasp. "Maybe she is into girls, but not me!"

Steve sighed and threw his arms up in the air.

"I can't believe you call me the dingus," he said and Nancy giggled.

"I just don't want to get my hopes up," Robin pouted as she laid back down again.

"Well, you know, we all almost died recently," Nancy pointed.

"We were there," Robin and Steve said.

"Imagine if you had died, and you never told her how you felt. If you can risk your life saving Eddie, someone you barely know, then I think you can risk believing in the possibility of Vickie liking you. I also think you can risk asking her out. Life is short, and you could get hit by a car tomorrow," Nancy said.

"Or in Robin's case, slip on a banana peel. It's moments like that that make me wonder if my platonic soulmate really is a cartoon character," Steve said.

"It was one time!" She exclaimed, and Nancy laughed. "Alright, alright. Nancy might be right."

"No, no, Nancy is right, and don't you forget it," Steve said.

They fell silent for a moment until Robin sighed and started humming: "I got you, babe." Soon, she started singing, and then Steve joined in before Nancy knew it she was singing along as well. They sang a couple of renditions. The last one was just Steve and Robin singing it in terrible British accents that caused all three of them to dissolve into giggles. They talked well into the night, and the first one to fall asleep had been Robin. She, course, snored loudly, facing away from them. Steve sat up, leaning against the headboard to glare down at Robin.

"Oh my God, she's like a fog horn," Nancy giggled.

"She's also a heavy sleeper. You can't wake her up for anything," Steve said.

"Are we going to get any sleep tonight?" She asked.

"Yeah, no, I don't think so," Steve replied.

Nancy smiled and threw a leg over him as she settled herself carefully into his lap.

"Is this okay?" Nancy asked. "I just wanted to look at you."

"Yeah, this is okay," he said softly.

Nancy smiled and ran her hands over his face. She smiled as he closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. She cupped his face, and he opened his eyes. God, she loved his hazel eyes. They were a perfect mixture of brown and dark green, like leaves turning into autumn. Steve’s eyes always reminded her of what she loved about the woods when it was on the cusp of turning into fall, turning from green to warm golden brown. It was worth more than all of the money in the world. She could sit here now and fully appreciate them, appreciate him. He always told her that hers reminded him of the ocean. . .The forest and the ocean, two different spaces, both of them vast, but so intertwined. Too much water and the forest drowns but just enough, and it can make the forest beautifully vibrant. Like most things, the forest and the ocean needed balance. Nancy hoped to find the perfect balance with Steve.

"Do you think she'd notice if we started having sex against her back?" Nancy asked.

"Nancy Wheeler!" Steve exclaimed with a gasp as he laughed.

"Do it, and die," Robin said.

"Oh, yeah, every so often, she wakes up," Steve said.

"The rule is that if I don't have someone who I can have sex with in bed, then no one in this bed can have sex," Robin said and then fell back asleep.

"Did you know that was a rule?" Nancy giggled.

"I did not," Steve said as he rubbed her back.

Nancy stared at him quietly again and sighed in contentment.

"I missed you," she whispered.

"I missed you too," Steve whispered back.

Before she knew it, her bottom lip was trembling, and the tears were coming out.

"I really missed you," she sobbed.

"Hey, what's this about, huh? I'm right here," Steve said.

"You almost weren't," Nancy said, touching the scar around his neck. "It's so stupid how sometimes people don't realize how much someone means to them until they're almost gone. You could have died, and I should have realized before then. Steve, I love you. I love you now, just as I loved you then. . .I just didn't know how to say it. It got stuck in my throat, and I wanted to say then when you asked."

"I know how difficult it is to talk about something. There were so many times that I wanted to tell you about myself, and it really did get caught in my throat. I was afraid you wouldn't love me anymore like the way my parents did, when they stopped spending time at home with me. I shouldn't have pushed you to tell me in that alleway. I was upset, and I didn't want you to tell me that you didn't love me when you came back with Jonathan, so I backed away. I also knew we both needed time away from each other because of the shitty situation we were put in by that fucking doctor who decided to play god. Barb would be alive if it weren't for him and it took me a long time to realize that it was Brenner's fault, not ours. I would kill him a thousand times over if I could. I don't blame you for any of it, so you have nothing to apologize for," Steve said softly. "I'm glad we got the time away we needed. We were dealing with something that not even adults could handle. You're here now, and that's what matters."

"I do need to tell you that you were never a shitty boyfriend. You were the best boyfriend ever, and I really wish we could have figured out how to work through our emotions together," Nancy cried. "You're a good man, Steve Harrington. I should have told you that more."

Steve smiled softly, his own tears spilling over.

"And you're amazing, Nancy Wheeler," Steve said. "We're here now and we can figure it out together."

"I love you," Nancy whispered.

"I love you too," Steve whispered.

Nancy crashed her lips to his, kissing him harshly and enjoying the way his lips fit against hers. God, she missed kissing him. She missed everything about him, but it all felt new and familiar at the same time. Maybe it was because they were both almost in the same place emotionally now. Nancy broke the kiss and slid off of him before she gave him a problem. She laid down next to him, turning on her side. He carefully did the same, leaving his hand up. She smiled and slid her palm into his.

"Next time you throw a sleepover, only invite me," Nancy said as she wrapped her arms around him and snuggled into him, moving her hand as she did so.

"Deal," Steve said and kissed her forehead.

"Is it so you can plan my surprise birthday party?" Robin asked sleepily.

"Yeah, Robin, that's it," Nancy said in amusement.

"Fucking knew it," she said and paused. "Happy for you, my pretty little dinguses."

She turned over, throwing her arms and legs over both of them. Nancy knew they still needed to talk more, but for now, she could sleep in the safety of their arms, hoping that Steve knew how much he was loved.

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moshieee · 7 months ago

Note

Hello it is I, random anon who does not know you and has never interacted with you before, what is your opinion of your mutuals?

Oh hi @bixell-pixell I'll include you even if we're not mutuals I think you're pretty chill all things considered

That's kinda it idk you that well

Anyways

You didn't specify so I'm going to list all my mutuals in the order of oldest to newest on my following page that I remember sorry of I missed anyone and for the @ s

*inhales*

@e-the-village-cryptid (I don't have a tag for e yet but it would probably just be E)

Not only the first person who I became friends with here but also the first one I ever started sharing my stories with, even if we don't talk too much I'm glad Every time we do and I see them on my dash, (they bring some of my favorite posts and when I do send posts sometimes I mix up and send them their own reblogs) I'm so glad we're still friends, thanks for letting me ramble about stuff for 6 hours hehe

@jaqofallgenders (no tag for jaq yet either)

my in person friend and the longest friendship I've ever had with someone, love you 🫶. I'll be more specific on Monday if our ADHD doesn't kick in and make us both forget

@strawberry-seal77 (seal-berry!!!)

Hi hi hi yellows my friend 👋 the person I consider to be the second ever friend I made on here, a lovely person as well and wait waaa and an amazing artist too 👀??? Love you silly goofball and the amazing posts and jokes you have we should chat more often I thinkith.

@rabid-mercenary16 (Rabid jumpscare)

Hey hey hey .... BWAMP! Hope you feel better soon

I probably have the most to say about Rabid but all try to make it a bit shorter. besides being the first artist to do art jokes and include me, with we also became mutuals and interacting around a time when my life started to get a lot better. Even if she's not the only factor in that I definitely associate her with stuff improving, and she did play a big factor in it (I already explained a lot on my Valentine's Day gift to her and the others). Also she's just an awesome person to spend time with and be goofy, amazing sense of humor and I just love being friends with such an awesome person and artist.

@dia-smthidk (Dia fren)

I'm assuming you don't want a bowl of soup

I also said a lot about them in my Valentine's Day gift, but we've become closer friends sense then even if we don't get to chat as much as I'd like to. I relate a lot and am surprised how we have so much in common. Amazing artist and person as well and I wish we could hang out more, idc if they think they're bringing down the mood when/if they bring stuff up about irl, and maybe I won't figure out their timezone but oh well, please take care of yourself gender sibling.

@bunnybunnsowo (BUN BUN BROTHER!!)

little brother 🫶🫶💝💞🫶✨👋❤️!!!

(I could have sworn we became mutuals before Dia?)

another person I shared a lot about with the Valentine's Day gift, I love you my little brother! Seriously one of the kindest people I've met and I'm so glad they have bug in his life. Bun deserves the world and they keep sending me opposum images!!! Gona die from cuteness and his kindness one of these days istg

@spookykittyzzz (greaah why don't I have a tag for you???)

A very kind person and artist I don't know too much sense we're not that close yet but love the few chats we have had so far. Hope we get to hang out more even if I'm awful at reaching out to others and saying hi.

@glitchyk (goop buddies)!!

Nooo the parallels

One of the first people who was interested to deep dive into my creations and ask about my stories and worlds They're probably competing with Rabid with how much I have to say about her/silly. Seriously it's incredible how much we have in common and now I get to share and collaborate our sonas stories together it's amazing. And as someone once said "you can yap for hours". I love how creative and clever they are, I just wish they would be kinder to herself. One day I'll make glichy see how awesome she is.

@unfunnyaceartist (Floridian disadvantage) I feel like I should change that

When I say I was shookith when ace asked to be friends I mean I was shookith first person so show up and ask that (the others kinda just happened). Amazing artist and don't believe her lies she is funny. I'm so heckn glad we're friends., love the goofy and silly idc if she's a bit of a simp they've helped me a lot start to understand slang and references I'm supposed to understand shhshsh (such is the curse of how I grew up) we need to make our mafia sonas interact at some point I can already imagine the chaos /silly

@neptunestoast (plushy slime)

Hugs hugs hugs*

Trying my best not to baby talk I swear. amazing person first person to show up and be like "hey I Wana do something for you and your friends". Love their humor and another gender sibling!!! Hugs for ever for as long as they're ok with it. I love their creativity as well and Noodle is so adorable. I just want to pick them up in a hug so much. Kibbity/silly

@ner5y (no tag woops ill figure something out)

What are you doing here??? How are we friends???

I was absolutely confused and startled when they followed me especially since it was during a spoons argument . Amazing artist like holy heck I wish I was allowed to curse on this blog. Their humor also took me by surprise when I got invited to the discord, and even if they doubt how well they're running it I think they're doing amazing. And I love our silly interactions like this one

@vexation-816 (chaotic ADHD buddy!!!)

Why did it take me so long to follow you istg

ADHD ADHD ADHD my buddy oh pal we both got that and it's driving us insane/silly. Love how creative he is and the ideas for his sona and character lore. Also one of the first people who shared a character they added to my nightlight au. This is getting twords the end and I'm tired of whiting so much and am on a timer oh no. But your amazing dude don't ever forget thag

@butlerbugbunny (anxiety bunny buddy)

This is why I didn't respond to the DM yet hshsh

New friend who I feel anxious talking to sometimes but a wonderful kind bunny who I'm also incredibly happy to be friends with. Love his art so much it's amazing (shoot shoot timer is going off) I'm glad he's their for bun and wish them the best I possibly can 🫶.

@lilithloves-you (lillith my be-loathed?) need to change that

Don't you dare bring up grilled cheese

Glitchys friendo who I'm also friends with now. We don't interact too much but I've sent her on missions to go hug glitchy (to help both of them feel better but shhh). I hope we become closer friends in the future.

#god this is a lot anyways im off to the store now #mutuals #E #seal-berry #Rabid jumpscare #bun bun brother #dia fren #goop buddies #Floridian disadvantage #plushy slime #anxiety bunny buddy #Lilith my be-loathed?

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elizabethwritesmen · 1 year ago

Text

Notice - Part 4

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Curvy!Reader

Warnings: Smut 18+, Mature Themes, Self deprecation on both sides, Body image issues, Self hatred, Angst (That's basically all this chapter is sorry love you guys), Slow burn, Mutual Pining

Summary: Dean is gone. Until he's not.

Word Count:

AN: Hey guys! I'm so sorry it took so long for me to put this out. This past (almost) year has been ridiculous, and I haven't had much time to even think about writing. But I'm back at it now with lots of fresh ideas and chapters! And I snuck in a little something as an official apology (;.

The next chapter will be the last, and I might do a short epilogue.

Thanks so much for the continued support and enjoy!

╔══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╗

She pined after Dean left, just as she knew she would.

Every time she saw a man that looked like him at a bar, or a store, or anywhere, she fought the urge to say something. She knew deep down, though, that if Dean ever came back, she's the first person that would find out. He would knock on her door and let her know how long he was staying for, and maybe he would even spare her a kiss this time before disappearing.

She waited for that knock. A month passed and she waited, then two, then three. Eventually she grew cynical, her inner demons possessing her and her insecurities winning.

"Come on, Y/N. Please. If you want to wait forever for that guy to come back, more power to you, but can you at least rejoin the human race in the mean time?" Evelyn asked, her voice heavy through the phone speaker.

"I don't know, Evvy. I don't really like the whole bar scene anyway, I never have fun like you guys do."

"Yes, we've been over this. Ashley and I have tons of men all over us and you never have anybody. Did you ever stop to think that maybe that has nothing to do with how you look? Seriously, Y/N. You're hot. But you're quiet, and reserved, and you hang out in corners and read or peel labels off bottles. It's intimidating and off putting. What you need is to come out with us tonight and let your hair down! Have a good time!"

"I like corners and books and peeling labels," Y/N huffed.

"I know you do, but why don't you just take a break from the norm? You might have a good time, and it'll get your mind off of Dean."

The mention of his name was enough to make her second guess her decision. She did want to forget about him, at least for the night. She wanted to remember what it felt like to be human.

"Okay, fine. But you're driving. Come get me."

Evelyn cheered on the other line and hung up, leaving Y/N to wonder if she'd made the right decision. She shrugged off her doubt and wandered to her closet, picking through clothes until she found an outfit she was happy with.

An hour later, there was a knock on her door. Evelyn and Ashley stood on the other side, both with giddy smiles plastered onto their faces.

"Stop looking at me like that," Y/N furrowed her brows, letting them in and shutting the door behind them.

"Like what?"

"All smiley and weird. You look like the doodle bops. You're creeping me out."

The girls giggled, and Ashley explained, "We're just so happy to see you. It's been so long! It's like you forgot that we're all best friends."

"It hasn't been that long. Besides, I'm sure you guys have more fun without me, I am the lame one."

Evelyn huffed, "No you're not. You're like the coolest of all three of us. You're the funniest, and the smartest. It's not the same without you. We don't even really go out much anymore since you stopped coming with us."

"It's true," Ashley nodded, "You make us whole. I'm glad to have you back."

Y/N was taken aback. She always thought she was extra. She never realized how much she mattered to them.

"And by the way," Evenlyn raised her brows and blatantly checked her out, "You look hot."

Y/N blushed, smoothing out her yellow mini dress. Her white heels complimented it perfectly, and she paired the outfit with assorted gold jewelry and curled hair.

They walked into the bar, and Y/N let out a sigh when she noticed how packed it was.

"There are so many people here," she cringed.

"And you're about to flirt with one of them!" Ashley exclaimed, much to her dismay.

"I don't think she's gonna have to make the first move, either, with that dress on," Evelyn smirked.

They found a booth and Y/N volunteered to go to the bar and order them all drinks. Three beers.

"I love a girl in a good sundress," a voice came from behind her. She turned around to see a man, tall and handsome, but not quite Dean.

"Oh," she awkwardly spoke, "Thank you?"

"You're welcome," he laughed, "Why don't you let me buy you a drink?"

"I already ordered one, but thanks."

"Okay, then why don't you hang out with me while until you finish it and I'll buy your next one?"

He was persistent, she had to give him that.

"Okay," she sighed, figuring she had nothing to lose. At least it would be a short-lived distraction.

"Here you go, ma'am," the bartender handed her three bottles.

"Thanks," she smiled, grabbing them and turning to the man she'd been talking to, "I'll be right back."

She brought Evelyn and Ashley the beer and told them about him.

"Go for it, girl! He's been staring at you since we walked in, he totally wants some," Ashley spurred her on.

"Yeah, but I don't want some," she frowned.

"Okay, but he doesn't know that yet, so there's no harm in flirting. Just something to get over Dean and boost your self confidence," Evelyn inputted.

Y/N let out yet another exasperated sigh and silently agreed, walking back over to the man.

"There you are, hot stuff!" he smiled at her, all teeth.

"Yeah, sorry, I just had to bring my friends their drinks."

"No problem at all, sweetness, I knew you'd come back for more."

Internally, she was cringing. This dude was disgustingly cocky. He looked like a former frat boy who peaked in college.

They talked for a while, but she really wasn't interested at all. Even a conversation with him was a chore, and her energy levels weren't high enough to inflate his ego further.

"Listen, Jordan, I'm gonna go back to my friends but it was nice to meet you," she interrupted him in the middle of his sentence, not caring what he had to say.

"Excuse me?" his confusion showed all over his face.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I'd just rather be hanging out with them. There are a lot of other girls here you could talk to," she smiled politely, ejecting herself by turning away from him.

He grabbed her arm and pulled her back into him, growling through gritted teeth, "But I'm talking to you. You know, you big girls are good in bed but you're really all fucking bitches."

She tried to yank herself away from him, but it was to no avail. She yelled, "Let go of me!" He didn't listen, holding tighter and reaching down to her ass, giving it a squeeze.

"It's ok, hot stuff, I can take care of that. This ass needs me behind it, huh? Get rid of your attitude real quick."

She didn't even have time to respond, or spit on him, or punch him, or whatever else she planned to do because she was ripped from his grasp. It was a whirlwind, and she felt like she was spinning, but when she grounded herself, she was behind a solid wall of leather.

She recognized him by his smell alone. It was Dean. Her Dean.

"She told you to let her god damn go," he deadpanned, his voice low and deadly.

"Who the fuck are you, her dad? Get the fuck out of here, she's just some whore," Jordan huffed.

That was all it took for Dean to swing, sharp and quick, his fist landing square in the center of the other man's face. Jordan's nose instantly started leaking blood behind the hand he'd put over it.

"She is not a whore. She just doesn't fucking want you, asshole."

He grabbed her hand and lead her out of the bar before the owner even had a chance to kick them out. Evelyn and Ashley followed closely behind.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" Evelyn asked, concern written on her face like a book.

"I am," the girl meekly assured, rubbing her arm where the creep had grabbed her.

"Um," Ashley started, glancing between Y/N and Dean pointedly, "We're gonna go. We'll call you later to check on you."

"Yeah," Evelyn agreed, sensing the mood. She turned to Dean as they walked to her car, "Get her home safe."

"Always," he promised, waving goodbye to the girls and turning to his favorite. "What the hell were you doing, talking to a guy like that, sweetheart?"

"I..." she stuttered. She didn't want to lay all her cards out on the table just yet. "I don't know. I liked him."

Dean cocked a brow, "Him? Really? See, I just don't believe that."

She rolled her eyes and stomped her foot petulantly, "I thought it would be a distraction, Dean."

"From what?" he asked, as if he really didn't know. Her eyes averted to the ground and she pursed her lips awkwardly. That told him everything. "From me?"

"I think about you more than I should. I just knew you would come back, so I've been waiting for you, but I didn't know when, so I wanted a distraction."

"How many distractions have you looked for?"

"He was the first one. And I didn't plan to sleep with him or anything. I just thought the conversation would be good for me. Turns out it wasn't."

"Well you don't have to answer to me, sweetheart. But you should know, I've been thinking about you, too."

"Really?"

"I've been trying to get back. It's just been impossible. We've been so busy with hunt after hunt, and there haven't been any here."

"If there's not a hunt here, then why are you here?"

"There was an easy one close to home. I sent Sam on it alone for a couple days and I drove here."

Her eyes met his, and she saw how worn down he was. The innocence in his eyes was dwindling every day. Her heart ached for him, wishing she could lighten the load. Wishing she could take some of it away for him.

"Take me home," she demanded, her voice sweeter than her words. He nodded, leading her to the impala and opening the passenger side door for her.

The car ride was silent. As was the walk up to her apartment. Neither of them knew what to say. All of the feelings from before were still there, in fact they were stronger than they'd been the first time.

They stood awkwardly at her door for a moment, and she cleared her throat to ease it, "You can stay here tonight, Dean. You don't have to find a cheap motel."

"I actually already have one. But I'd still rather stay here, if you're sure it's okay."

She let him in and he sat on her couch as she walked to her bedroom to change. She threw on a tank top and a pair of spandex shorts, rushing back to his side. She didn't want to be away from him for too long. Really, she didn't want to waste a moment of the time she had with him.

"How long are you here for?" she asked.

"Until tomorrow afternoon."

She couldn't stop the sorrow from creeping into her smile, "Well at least we have a little bit of time."

"I need more with you."

"I know," she sighed, "But this will do. Are you hungry? I'm gonna make something to eat."

"I'll help you," he offered, following her into the kitchen.

They threw together some burgers and fries, and she handed him the remote, instructing him to find a movie. He did, The Untouchables, mumbling something about it being his favorite of all time.

Before they knew it, they were sitting next to each other on the couch, plates empty and discarded, movie almost over.

"You were right. The movie was good," she mused as the credits began to roll.

"I’m always right,” he smirked, turning the TV off and carrying the plates to the kitchen, washing them before she could protest.

A loud yawn burst from her lips as she joined him, placing the newly clean plates in her cabinet.

“You should get some sleep, sweetheart. I’ll still be here in the morning,” he told her.

“I’m not ready to go to bed yet, I don’t want to let you out of my sight,” she whined in protest.

He chuckled, pulling her into his chest and squeezing. She took the moment to breathe him in,

“Hey Dean, why’d you go to the bar when you got to town instead of to my apartment?” she’d been wondering for hours but hadn’t had the chance to ask yet. Finally, she said fuck it and went for it.

“I came here first. You weren’t home, and it’s a Saturday night. I figured the bar was a good place to start looking for you.”

Her heart warmed, swelling in her chest.

“Let’s just have a living room sleepover and watch movies til we fall asleep,” she suggested, pulling just far enough away to look at him.

“Or, and feel free to say no or slap me or whatever you think is appropriate, I could sleep with you tonight? We don’t have to do anything. I just want to be next to you.”

And he meant it. He’d never been so eager to simply sleep in the company of a woman in his life. He wanted more, sure, but he was fine with just holding her. She was warm, and she smelled of vanilla and strawberries. She was comfort and she felt like he’d found a home. Hunting didn’t really allow him one of those, so he savored her.

“Come on,” her voice was barely over a whisper as she pulled him by his hand to her room.

He had to fight the urge to inhale as he walked in. Her scent was so heavy in the room he could wrap up in it like a blanket. He felt like he was becoming addicted, and he dreaded leaving the next day. She was just as perfect, if not more so, than he remembered, and he didn’t understand how she came so easily to him when nobody else ever had.

“You’re welcome to shower before you go to sleep. I have some extra boxers that I think might fit you,” she hummed as she flitted about, cleaning up as much as she could. She wasn’t expecting him, and her stomach was in knots, butterflies fluttering in there like she’d never felt.

“Why do you have boxers laying around?” he asked, brows furrowed, a twinge of jealousy tainting his voice.

“Evelyn stayed over a few months ago with her ex boyfriend and they forgot to bring his boxers, so they went to the store and got some. He only used one pair out of the pack, the other two are still in there. I’m pretty sure he left a T shirt too, but I’d have to look for it,” she explained. She felt empowered by his slight jealousy; it made her feel wanted.

“Just the boxers will do,” he smiled, and she reached into one of her dresser drawers to fish the package out for him.

He went to shower and while he was gone, her nerves got the best of her. She paced, almost frantic, heart beating out of her chest. What if he made a move? What if he didn’t make a move? She hadn’t become less insecure since he’d last been there, and she worried about whether or not he even liked her. Maybe it was just a friendship thing for him. Maybe it was a pity thing. Maybe he didn’t want to see her at all, and just stumbled into her at the bar by accident.

“You okay, sweetheart?” he asked, drawing her out of her panicked state. She stood frozen when she laid eyes on him, his hair wet and his chest bare. The boxers fit perfectly and her eyes widened when she noticed what they were hiding. It was…. intimidating, to say the least.

“Yes!” she squeaked out, jumping under the covers, willing the flush to leave her cheeks.

He climbed in beside her as she turned on her bedroom TV, putting on an old movie and turning the volume down for background noise.

“I can go to the couch if you’re uncomfortable,” he offered. His concern for her was evident.

“I’m not,” she said, all too quickly. “I just… I can’t believe you came back. Why did you come back?”

He sighed, heavy and thoughtful, “You’re all I’ve thought about since I met you. I talk about you all the time. I didn’t send Sammy on that hunt alone, he went without telling me and called me on the way. Told me to drive here and see you before he goes crazy.”

“Why are you so interested in me?”

“I guess for the same reason you’re so interested in me. It’s not something I can explain. It’s just something I feel.”

“Yeah,” she paused, “Tonight is the first night I’ve gone out since you left. I’ve been waiting for a knock at my door like an idiot. You’ve.. you’ve vexed me.”

“You vexed me first.”

She met his eyes, startled by how close he was to her.

“Close your eyes,” he whispered.

“Why?”

“Trust me. Close your eyes.”

She did as he asked. She hoped he’d kiss her, but she was only half expecting him to, doubt gnawing at her like a dog with a bone.

It let go of her, though, the second his lips met hers.

It was the kind of kiss a girl doesn’t forget. Heavy, and soft, and passionate, and desperate. And sweet. So sweet. His taste was burned into her memory and if she was ruined before, she was much worse for wear now.

He slipped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest, embracing her like he’d wanted to since the moment they met. She whined, needy and pliant, and he had to fight the urge to groan. He’d never felt want like he did with her. She made him feel like he could do anything.

She arched her back into him, wanting to be closer. She thought she’d die without more of him right that second. His bare skin taunted her, warm and hard and inviting. Her nipples hardened through her thin tank top, pushing against him, creating the most beautiful friction. She couldn’t hold back her moan when his tongue brushed against hers, and her leg found it’s way over his hip, her core meeting his in a fit of need.

The groan he’d been saving came out full force, his hand sliding over the curve of her ass, pulling her closer, wanting…. wanting…. wanting. Only then did the kiss slow, coming to a sweet and breathless end.

“Maybe we should wait,” he suggested.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked.

“I’d rather work for you, sweetheart. I don’t want this to be something you regret. I want it to be perfect, like you deserve. And I just don’t think I deserve you quite yet.”

“Dean..” she breathed out, unsure of what to say. He was so… careful with her. It turned her into a puddle. “We can wait. But you deserve everything.”

“You are everything.”

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

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