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takes1 · 17 days ago

Note

Hii, I wanted to start off saying that I love your works! You’re writing is impeccable and I’m glad I was able to stumble upon it! 🤍

I wanted to request a Kageyama x reader where they are best friends and there is a lot of mutual pining. I think it would be fun seeing them get jealous and yearn for each other while tension develops around them.

kageyama x reader mutual pining

thank you so so much!!! i'm glad you like it :,) i rlly liked this req!

warnings. none, sfw. minors DNI

details. best friends / mutual pining / jealous!kageyama / distracted!studying / track team!reader / classmate!reader / kageyama teasing you / mutual crushing / tension / questionable touches / 3k words

links. my masterlist. more haikyuu. my request box.

"Are you two dating?"

It was a question you were both used to handling, at this point.

A kind, but curt, "No, we're just friends."

Despite how nice you were to anybody who found the need to ask, you wanted nothing more than to strangle the poor soul who started the official rumor that Tobio was your secret boyfriend. You had been friends for years, but it was only just now a problem.

You liked to think it didn't affect much between you. But that was a half-truth; it didn't affect how much you saw each other, but there was this new, sensitive layer to everything you said and did.

The bell rang for lunch and he was standing at your desk, still trying to shake that incessant question. That was the second time today somebody had asked if you were dating.

Tobio swiped his favorite pencil of yours and twirled it between his fingers. He looked like he wanted to ask you something, but his presence grew quieter, darker at the next unwanted presence.

"(Y/n)!" A couple friends from the guys' track team you hadn't seen since your last practice came into the classroom with a few other students, also looking for their friends for the free period.

You grinned and waved them over, taking to a knee on your seat.

"I didn't get to talk to you Wednesday, but I wanted to say congrats on your record!"

"Yeah, that was sick."

Only you could hear Tobio sigh. It was subtle, through his nose, and impatient.

They were excited about the new record you set for the school in your event, making technical jokes, being a little too sparing with the compliments.

You passed a look to him, grin frozen for a second. He was eyeing your friends, head down toying with all the stuff on your desk, glancing up at them through his brow at times, pissed off. He looked like an asshole. Your track friends were picking up on it, too.

"Thanks, guys," You waved them off, trying to be nice enough to make up for Tobio, "See ya at practice."

It was quiet between you until they were completely out of the room. You tried to stifle your smile at what you could only rationalize as jealousy, or possessiveness.

"You gonna be okay?" You joked and sat back down, just to lighten the mood. He would only get defensive if you were direct.

His gaze softened, eyes gently searching your own face as he crafted a tentative, late reply.

"Yeah," Was all.

The subject changed quick, your shared tension simmering back down, "What's the test over?"

The pencil slipped from his fingers and spun to the floor with a quiet clatter- he dove after it and bumped the back of his head on the way up.

Your hands stifled your amused grin in a flash. He was onto you anyway when he resurfaced, staying in a squat, embarrassment taking the form of a frustrated attempt to flick you in the head-- you slapped his wrist away with an uncovered laugh.

"Stop-," You grabbed the other wrist snaking around to finish the job, eye contact friendly and serious at first, "Stop it."

The look he returned seared into you.

It was too much. Tobio gave up quicker than usual. You let out a sigh, both of you unable to joke around like that for long anymore.

This was commonplace behavior at this point- he liked teasing in the form of physical contact, his specialty being flicks, jabs, soft punches, grabs. You preferred the verbal alternative. Insults to his intelligence of all kinds were your favored choice.

"It should be over chapters six through... ten, I think. All the methods, at least."

"I'm so fucked..." He sighed almost immediately.

You rolled your eyes, "That's your problem, you give up too early and don't study."

His pretty blue irises scanned your open notebook, full of highlighted paragraphs, hand written notes, and graphs he couldn't read.

"You hear me?" Your two finger nudge was ignored. He just let his shoulder be moved, as if a ghost was up to it, "Study?"

"Do you even know what that word means?" You chortled.

"I know what study means," He hissed, only making it funnier.

"I'm sure you do," You teased with a stretch over the back of your chair. You leaned far so you could pop your back, and settled down with a groan.

Tobio was looking at your shirt. You adjusted it, pulling it, fluffing it. When he realized you were aware of his staring, he sighed and looked elsewhere.

"Go eat your lunch," You put your cheek against your fist.

It served as a gentle reminder to leave you alone or people would start talking about you again.

"Why can't I eat it over here?" He squinted at the rest of the room, full of groups of people eating their lunches with their friends.

Why was it only different with you two? He could scope two other guy/girl pairs in this room that weren't dating, to his knowledge. While he was at it, he watched for anybody that might start another rumor.

"Well-," You also eyed the room, "Fine, hurry up though."

Tobio quickly unzipped his bag from two desks over and threw the container to you without warning. You caught it, but it was only thanks to your hand-eye coordination. Good form aside, it could've been disastrous.

"Don't throw shit-," You started, but he was hot on your tail before you could call him a dumbass, equipped with an argument as he swiped a chair and pulled it right next to you.

"You caught it."

"Yeah but-,"

"You caught it-," He shoveled about a third of his lunch in his mouth all at once, "I'knew you woul' catch i'."

He could truly be such an ogre. You tried to act disgusted, but there was something cute about his lack of manners- and your suspicion that he may have actually thought harder about that throw than you wanted to give him credit for.

Through the next half of lunch, you watched a mix of clips on your phone from the last year's Olympics and national level matches of multiple sports. Maybe it was because you ended with volleyball that made him so hesitant to stop watching videos and let you alone so that you could study for the exam.

"I dunno why you're studying now," He used one forearm to wipe his chin, the other hand to flip, disinterested, through the pages in your notebook, "It's Friday."

A moment to digest that. He sat, waiting for you to respond to him with an emptiness behind his eyes.

"And...? The exam is Monday."

He nodded.

"You're going to fail. And I'll have no sympathy for you," You laughed, unable to understand what was clogging up the neurons in his brain to trigger such a severe blockage of learning.

Tobio was quiet and still for so long that you were starting to get some quality time in, reading over your notes, highlighting from your text, making some new notes for later. You thought that there was a possible balance to be struck between how attractive somebody was, and how much intelligence they were allowed. Clearly, he was all pretty face, tiny brain.

You glanced a couple of times across your shoulder to him. He wasn't on his phone, and he wasn't looking at you, you could deduce after a few minutes.

It felt tense anytime you weren't speaking to each other. That's why the two of you made an unacknowledged point to talk often, or do an activity together. It was made of lengthy conversations about your respective sports, talking about your own separate friend groups, or going on a run right after school- not much in between.

"What are you doing this weekend?"

The question was quiet, like he was embarrassed, or mulling over exactly how to ask it the whole time. When you looked at him, you were glad he was avoiding you by staring at your notebook. You didn't want him to see the initial reaction on your face.

Tobio didn't sound too terribly invested, but you considered that he could've been asking it that way on purpose.

You hated when it got weird like this. It was like you were confirming the rumors. It was his fault for being so hot and asking weird questions.

All he wanted to do was study. You blew a long breath into the cold evening air and watched it rise until it spiraled into nothing. All he wanted to do was study.

Your foot was tapping, impatient, focused on the new chill creeping down your neck past your coat. It was ten minutes past when he wanted to meet you after his practice. The walk to the library wasn't long, but it was Friday and you had some shows to watch, some supper to eat. You enjoyed playing the intellectual high ground around him, yes, but you had no real plans to study before Saturday afternoon- until he asked you.

As you shivered outside, squinting at the frosty, dead grass, you realized you wouldn't do this for anyone else. That freaked you out just a little.

"Hey," He was jogging up to you from the gym- you turned to the side to face him in the covered walkway.

You sighed, just to express your disdain, but you were unable to control a vicious, goofy tremble in the process.

Instead of the look you were trying to conjure -apologetic, penitent-, he broke out into a half-cocked smile. But Tobio didn't acknowledge anything. No a smartass comment about your giant puffy coat, no jab at your dramatics, not even a mockery shiver.

All he did was bump your shoulder and walk in the direction of the library.

You lagged behind, all of a sudden warmer than you needed to be, and mulling over how cute he looked when he smiled. A genuine one. Not a sly, ill-intended snicker or the smirk he had when he stole your things and held them over your head.

This creeping fondness had to be shaken out of you.

Your legs carried you stronger, faster, to catch up to him. He hardly had a second to turn and look at you before you gave him a playful shove back, your grin ungovernable in such cheesy conditions.

"What was that look for?" You laughed, dodging a smack to the back of the head for such a big and surprising shove. You usually didn't return his touchiness, which in turn kept it at bay, so he took a minute to decide if he wanted to escalate things. You stayed ready at his side as you walked, just in case.

"What look?" He mumbled, careful not to look at you.

His hands were deep in his pockets. His jacket was zipped open, giving him some room to operate, but it was a sign of surrender. You put your guard down.

"You smiled at me," Was cautious in nature, but not in tone.

It was friendly and not indicative of anything- purely observational- but you wanted to know if there was more.

A tiny sideways glance told you so much.

Tobio's face was redder. You weren't imagining it, because he actively avoided your staring.

Hand still in his pocket, he went to shove your shoulder like usual- you dodged it with a laugh, about to punch his side, but got caught short when he grabbed you.

"I dunno what you're talking about," His voice was dripping in sarcasm.

His arm was wrapping around your side, keeping you from fighting back, grabbing firm at your waist through his pocket and pulling you into his warm body, into his jacket with him.

It knocked you completely off balance. Stumbling, pressed into the side of his chest for a few moments, you were trying to keep up with him before he did you the favor of squeezing you closer, taking most of your weight.

He rubbed his arm real tight along your side; it was all you could feel, aside from the floating sensation. His strength took you by surprise.

"This is why people think we're together!"

You pushed out of his loosening grip at a good time. The joke was starting to feel too intimate. You were at your destination, too.

"Well," His defensiveness was so exaggerated it looked like he was upset you wiggled away from him, "I'm not gonna take my hands outta my pockets. Are you kidding me?" He scoffed, leaving you to spiral in the act all by yourself, "It's cold."

As you entered the building, it dawned on you that it was going to be one of those things that didn't get talked about again. You had a built up quite a few moments like that over the past few years- but lately, they seemed to be a more frequent occurrence.

The table you chose was out of the way and quiet. It was far away from the sports section or any screens so neither of you were tempted by any distractions. Tobio took it upon himself to grab the extra book you needed before you got settled in.

You had time to sit and think about it. His argument made no sense. Many arguments wouldn't have held well to that little move he pulled.

When he put his arm around you, his strong, warm arm-- you were breathing in a little too much cologne, mixed with his sweat that you never seemed to mind the smell of-- the smile in his eyes but not his mouth-- the mint on his breath. Was all that really for a bad joke? Just an embrace between friends?

It was all you could think about, but you knew you had to get it together when you saw him coming back from across the library.

He got stopped short by a girl you didn't know. She asked him something and pointed at the shelf.

Your nails raked at the lining on your pants. Your eye twitched and you knew you were too far gone. Your eye was twitching at some girl talking to him.

She reached up on her tippy toes for the novel she wanted.

Sure, he was tall and she was short, but was that really necessary to communicate the point?

"Ugh," You spat- you couldn't help it, you hated those girls that acted like babies for attention. It made everyone look bad.

Tobio grabbed the novel and handed it to her like a dirty rag, chin turned towards you with a big frown that said 'Yeah, yikes.'

You were beyond thankful he hadn't fallen under her spell. But, on the downside, he caught you staring. Staring hard.

When he returned to your table and took the seat across from you, he already looked like he was about to address it. That tiny smirk said it all.

"Don't look so upset," He scanned over your unamused face and reeled it back, opting for a softer, candid, "She's not my type."

This was getting weird and stilted. You both understood there had been too many mentions of dating-adjacent topics. It was about 300% more than usual. There stood a decision to make.

To take advantage of the fact that what was on your mind finally held relevance to the conversation, or to switch the subject and risk never getting the opportunity to talk about it, nor entertain it?

You tried to strike a balance between nonchalant and inquisitive, but it wasn't possible. Your fingers tapped a dull eraser onto the table. You thought it might make you feel better, but it didn't.

"Then--," In fact, you realized you couldn't ask anything at all without looking too interested.

At the last second, you pulled back, your expression impossible to read because you felt a million different ways at once, "Let's just- um-... let's start with chapter six."

He frowned, his gaze anywhere but you. The quiet was heavy.

Without a word, he cracked upon the new textbook in a similar way to yours.

You regretted it. It would be long, uphill battle trying to facilitate a conversation like that again.

As your study session passed in mostly silence, you began to gain a sense of growing respect for the newfound presence forming between you. Whatever was changing needed to develop on its own time.

♕VIP♕

@integers @yuchacco

my masterlist. my request box.

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iikatsukii · 2 years ago

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the lost sully

synopsis: there was one rule…

pairings: sully family x sibling!reader

warnings: angst no comfort

word count: 1.3k

a/n: i'm taking a hiatus. Idk for how long but i will not be posting or responding to anyone or anything unless we are mutuals and i’ve told you what happened. Please don't pry all i will say is someone very close to me died today. this will be the last thing i post for a while so sorry if its halfassed.

"now they'll never find me," you said as you laughed, feeling the rush of the wind blowing on your face. you had broken the only rule you and your siblings had when playing hide and seek.

no ikrans

you figured it wouldn't be a problem because you knew the forests like the back of your hand and weren't going far anyway. you spotted a clearing near high camp where neteyam was counting, giving you guys 20 seconds to hide around the nearby area. you, on the other hand, were feeling daring today. you hadn't won a hide-and-seek game in years, and your siblings continuously rubbed it in your face.

of course, as you guys grew up, you had less and less time to play games, but recently, with you finally completing your rites, you were able to hang out with your siblings more. you would find yourself tagging along with lo'ak, kiri, and neteyam when they went to hang out with other na'vi your age.

thinking about your siblings made you laugh as you finally settled into your hiding spot. you were hiding inside a log in the clearing you had found earlier, waiting for your eldest brother to find you. you placed your palms flat on each other, facing the ground, and rested your face on your hands, allowing them to act as a pillow as you drifted off to sleep, knowing you would be the last one found. a little victory nap wouldn't hurt.

you would rest here amongst the flora and fauna of your home. a little fan lizard scampered into the log, snuggling up to you, seemingly joining your nap. then you felt another running up the back of your leg, coming up to cuddle into the small of your back. you giggled as a few more gathered around you, packing into your little hiding spot. you loved moments like this. moments that you could share with the fauna that eywa has blessed your home with.

much like kiri, you were very in touch with the great mother, but while kiri leaned more toward the flora, you were more in tune with the animals of pandora. always being able to steer away an angry mama palulukan rather than having to fight. you sighed as you felt sleep consume you. who knew sleeping in a log would be so comfortable? was the last thought to cross your mind before you allowed your dreams to consume you.

waking at the sound of an ikrans screech was startling, to say the least. unfortunately, you forgot where you fell asleep, so when you jumped up, you hit your head pretty hard against the top of the log.

"OW- ow. oh my god, ow…." you whimpered out, being in so much pain that the only thing you could do was just sit there and process what the actual fuck was happening. so much was happening so fast that you didn't have a moment to collect yourself. your blood was rushing thanks to your little alarm clock, so you slipped your body halfway out the log, looking up at your ikran, txep, with a glare. he returned your look with a mischievous glare of his own.

"oh, you think it's funny." you sneered at your companion. he screeched in response as if he was antagonizing you.

"well, i'm glad you do because now we're both gonna have a headache while flying back, you skxawng." you groaned as you pulled the rest of your body out the log, wincing as you stretched. you brought your hand to the back of your head, which was now a dull pain. you decided to sit down for a second to give yourself a minute to gather.

and then everything came back to you, the hide and seek game, your ikran ride, your "victory nap"...

you looked to the sky, wincing as you noticed it's been eclipse for a while now.

mom and dad are gonna kill me…

you were honestly scared. you were never one to get into huge trouble like your brother lo'ak, but you knew that you would definitely be getting into huge trouble when you got home. you sighed as you stood and looked over at your ikran, still coddling the back of your head.

"come on. let's go home," you said as you made tsaheylu and mounted your saddle. txep made soft noises of uncomfortability as he now felt the effects of your pain through the bond.

"sorry, buddy, but you can only blame yourself here." you managed a laugh in times of grave fear. taking off in the direction of home, you knew you were only 5 minutes away from the scolding of a lifetime. at least, you thought you were until 5 minutes turned into 20. then suddenly, 20 minutes became 40, and 40 minutes became an hour. you felt like you were flying in circles. you couldn't find high camp, your headache worsened, and your vision blurred. txep could barely fly straight.

you decided it would be best to land somewhere to avoid getting hurt while flying around with an injury like this. the time between when you were in the air and landed on the ground was a blur. but as soon as your feet touched the ground, you passed out. the exhaustion and pain was too much.

as you awoke again, you heard strange sounds disrupting your sleep. you groaned, assuming it was your brothers messing with you, but once you opened your eyes, you saw a roof above your head. but the architecture isn't that of the omatikaya, and the air smelled of salt water and sea life. you shielded your eyes as you were met with the sun gazing through a… window?

"oh, thank eywa, you are awake. my mother began worrying when you had not woken up after a week."

A WEEK?!?!

she noticed the panicked look on your face and quickly settled beside you, rubbing your shoulders as a comfort method.

"do not worry. you are safe. your ikran is safe. you had a head injury and were passed out on an island just outside the reefs. i am going to ask you some questions. is that okay?" the girl asked. she had teal skin, and her arm, legs, and tail were thicker than your own.

"what is your name?" she spoke softly like she didn't want to scare you.

"y/n," you replied, barely above a whisper. you didn't even feel your mouth move.

"hi, y/n. my name is tsireya. how old are you?"

"i'm 13. i just got my ikran… i just completed my rites… i–" your voice was shaking.

"hey, y/n, it is okay. i just have one more question for you," she said as she continued to comfort you. you sighed, not wanting to speak anymore as your reality came crashing down on you.

you don't know where you are.

you had broken the only hide-and-seek rule you guys had, and now you're lost. stranded on the islands of pandora, not knowing how to get home

"do you know where you are?" you didn't respond as you felt your tears escape the corners of your eyes. whimpers and sobs creep out of your throat as you shake your head in response to her question. she sighed, her ears pinned to her head as she could only feel sad for you.

she decided to lay down, holding you in her embrace until she felt your breathing even out. she wigged herself out of the cot you were lying on as she left the pod. tsireya assumed that you had fallen asleep, but she was wrong. the second she left, your tears returned tenfold, but you managed to hold in your sobs. your thoughts were loud in your mind, but one sentence silenced them all.

one sentence that had intensified your cries, now having to use the cushion under your head to muffle your cries.

now they'll never find me.

#avatar #avatar x reader #avatar the way of water #avatar x child!reader #atwow imagines #atwotw #atwow #awotw x reader #awotw #tsireya #sully family #jake sully x daughter!reader #jake sully x reader #atwow angst

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serene-faerie · 7 months ago

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Fall of Númenor Dashboard Simulator

🦢 fruitofnimloth Following

I don't know what kind of propaganda everyone's been drinking lately, but some of y'all are really starting to scare me.

So friendly reminder:

We're not. Meant. To be immortal.

We already have a longer lifespan than most normal humans. Stop being so entitled, y'all.

💎 immortal-warrior Follow

How is it entitled to think that it's unfair that we don't get to be immortal? If it weren't for us, Sauron would've conquered all of Middle-earth!

We deserve immortality for kicking Sauron's ass!

🦢 fruitofnimloth Following

This is exactly the kind of entitlement I was talking about.

#my posts #the gift of men

( 23,456 notes )

🔥 priestess-of-melkor Follow

You became Melkor's acolyte to gain immortality.

I became Melkor's acolyte to

✨ fuck Zigûr ✨

We are not the same.

( 560 notes )

🛡️ lordofandunie18 Follow

CALLOUT FOR AR-PHARAZÔN

This will be my very last post.

For the sake of Númenor, I have to try and appeal to the Valar, just as Eärendil did back in the First Age. If I fail to return, I want all of my followers to pack up and prepare to leave. It's only a matter of time before this island comes to ruin.

Before I leave, I must spread the truth about the king. Though it pains me to do this, I cannot stand by and let his cruelty pass anymore. Here's the truth about Ar-Pharazôn, King of Númenor.

TW: rape, incest, domestic abuse, blasphemy against the Valar, violence.

( 36 notes )

🌾 farmgirlofnumenor Following

Okay, anyone else seriously angry about this new temple that the king's building right now???

Before anyone yells at me, I'm not a Faithful, but I'm not one of the King's Men. I'm just sick of the king's overspending on stupid projects and his obsession with becoming immortal.

There are food shortages in the countryside! People are starving to death and all the king cares about is building this temple! But all these nobles care about is immortality, and I'm just so tired of it all.

Oh, and if you come at me about how I should be blaming the Valar or worshiping Melkor, I will block you.

🌿 forest-lover Follow

Well said, my friend!

All the people criticizing you in the notes must be city people feeling so called out for spending their money on cheap makeup and fake treatments. If you feel insulted by this post, then you're part of the problem.

Quit focusing on making yourselves immortal and focus on helping your people for once!

( 150 notes )

👑 jewel-daughter-miriel Following

The storms are growing worse. The ground is shaking beneath my feet, and I can see smoke coming from the Meneltarma.

This will most likely be my last post. Númenor is lost, and there's no hope of saving it.

I can only hope that the end will come quickly.

( 50 notes )

🕊️ pelargirl Mutuals

Istg the King's Men are so entitled.

They all act like they deserve immortality because they happen to have longer lifespans than most humans.

But you're all ready to sacrifice innocent people and wage war in the south, all because you kicked Sauron's ass thousands of years ago.

You're all awful people and I hope that Eru smites you all.

#i'm so glad i fled to pelargir #to all my faithful friends still in romenna #please stay safe #vent posts #do not reblog

( 9 notes )

🦂 harad-traveller Follow

Reblog if you want a giant wave to swallow Númenor

Likes to charge, reblogs to cast!

💠 long-live-westernesse Follow

Wow, this is so rude. We literally introduced so many things to you Haradrim and this is how you thank us???

And y'all wonder why we destroyed your cities.

🏜️ deserts-of-the-south Follow

Anyways, reblog to destroy Númenor!

#entitled numenoreans

( 500,738 notes )

⚔️ soldier-of-armenelos Follow

*kicks down door*

WAKE UP BABES WE'RE INVADING THE UNDYING LANDS

LET'S GOOOOOOOO!!!!

( 5,650 notes )

🐋 nostalgic-numenor Follow

The coastline of Hyarrostar, before the Shadow

#vintage photos #numenor #faithful #elendili #hyarrostar #nostalgia

( 365 notes )

🐚 faithful-and-tired Following

Is it bad that I actually kinda enjoy watching Númenor sink? I mean, it sucks that my home is gone, but after everything that Ar-Pharazôn did, I'm just glad that the trash took itself out.

I hope Sauron also got swept up in that wave.

🌊 maidenofandustar Follow

Bro people are dying wtf is wrong with you???

I say this as someone whose sister was sacrificed by the King's Men. I know we all suffered, but not all of those people were King's Men!

We should never celebrate innocent people dying, or we're no better than Ar-Pharazôn and Sauron.

🐚 faithful-and-tired Following

Girl my entire family was sacrificed in the Temple of Melkor.

I really don't care about 'being the bigger person'.

I just hope Ar-Pharazôn and all of those pathetic King's Men are drowning like rats right now.

( 115 notes )

🗡️ isildur3209 Following

We finally arrived in Middle-earth. It was a rough journey, but we're all safe, if not a little tired.

My brother, wife, and son are safe and sound. However, we got separated from our father's ship thanks to the waves. Don't know what we're gonna do, but for now, I'm gonna take some time to rest and grieve for my home.

#personal #numenor

( 45 notes )

Previous post here

#the silmarillion #silmarillion #the silm fandom #the silm #the fall of numenor #akallabeth #amandil #isildur #tar miriel #sauron #numenor #tolkien #jrr tolkien #middle earth dashboard simulator #dashboard simulator #tw unreality

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blossom-hwa · 1 year ago

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shawna 🥺

some of my fave rbs or asks or comments ive received... thank you all :) - no need for anyone to respond or anything to this, just really wanted to put this together more for myself - i doubt most of your remember these but i do heh [more under the cut, and perhaps lil notes too depending on the comment]

the first three!! major huge moments for me. from sha (@dinoshaur) one of the first comments i received on a work that wasn't fanfic exactly. meant the world to me then, and still does now. | from @redevenir the very very first comment (i believe) i ever ever received on the sea is yours to take,, it's been nearly 4 years since i first posted that piece and people still somehow find it, and it all started with that rb | and from choco ! @chocosvt one of the very first comments/rbs i got when i started properly writing on tumblr in 2020, this got the ball rolling on what became (and still is) such a dear passion/hobby of mine (also also can you believe i still use the mlist banner that choco oh so kindly made for me ages ago LOL its beautiful, i'll never get rid of it as long as this blog exists

and moment of silence for my old url :0

the first one... when another line of mine is quoted in another piece of mine's comments... head in hands forever. 2/3 of these were left by @gracefulweather (one for sure is, and i think the uquiz comment was also left by them but not sure) but thank you either way sherri!! | the second sc tbh i don't remember who left it but it was on tsiytt and it made me feel like i achieved something in crafting that world. although i may never revisit that world in writing, i revisit it often in my mind.

flower anon your comments meant so much to me, i hope youre still out there somewhere doing well :) | and to the other anon that left the second one, i was speechless and honored to reach that ask

@hhjs amal's comments have always made me feel like im doing something otherworldly which isn't true at all but i will forever love rereading their tags. also just amal's mind in general, i wanna pick your brain forever

n! i already made an emo missing n post but here are some comments from them lol. and the last one!!! me and water <3333 when people starting associating me with water/ocean/sea/waves too <333333

@heavenlyhaechan zahra!!! there were so many ones i could have put here but this one seemed to sum it all up. you get me :p if you see this, i hope you've been well :))

@dapingu the first and third one are just ones that make me giggle still LOL and then the second one is one that i hold so so close to me cause i had absolutely no idea if anyone would read that piece but then you did ! and you left this comment even after the fact too! i was so touched. i feel like i should personally apologize for making no moves to continue the series (and probably also for deactivating the gifts and sins blog) BUT thank you nonetheless. and as a added bonus you never failed to make me laugh so thank you also for that

@thepixelelf ursa!!!! the first one is horribly cut off but is prob one of my fave notes you ever left on a fic of mine (battling also with that one sunwoo recovery files style inspired drabble) and then ofc i couldn't not mention the 'boo you whore' comment :D also so glad to have you on this site still and to have your friendship and to look at bees and bears and think of you :) you mean the world to me

@kabira manx i think the fact that there are so many screenshots here speaks for itself like... i just simply could not bring myself to pick one !!! i am so lucky to have found you on here. i think in a way you helped me find out what i was good at and what i liked about my own writing before i even figured it out myself <3

@sagescaffeinemania the first one made me laugh and the second one makes me emo. feels like a declaration of love in way but i don't mean that in a weird way LOL i think your support on oasis singlehandedly introduced so many others to that piece, how can i ever thank you for that? and i apologize if i haven't even attempted a thank you yet

@cuppasunu KYU your bulleted comments on my silly long fics always meant so much to me ,, i know its been a very very long time but i hope you've been well

@blossom-hwa lina! best for last some might say. i mean you must know how much that oasis rb meant to me right? because it means the world. i think you calmed every doubt i had about that piece and lifted even higher everything i loved about it too. and the first sc esp, i couldn't have said it all better myself. that scene felt like i risk when i was writing it and im so glad it played out the way i was hoping it to and not the dreadful other way lol | and as for the second screenshot. really i think i love that comment because of how you wrote it more than what you said about the piece if that makes sense. one can tell from that little paragraph alone what a writer(!) you are. i love rereading that comment but i think i mainly just love reading your writing lol (dont think im not making my way through worn out soles)

#this made my day actually #you're the sweetest and I'm so so honored that the couple of comments of mine have stuck with you until now #(gotta tell you that your tags on the things we lost along the way live rent free in my brain as well)#I'm glad we're mutuals and I'm glad we're here...and it is so good to see you writing again #someday when my brain isn't kicking my ass anymore I will read things clenches fist #but anyway you are wonderful and your writing is wonderful #I hope you have the best day <3

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imagines-by-cleo · 6 months ago

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The Smell Of Apples

Part 1 of the Absolution series - part 2

John Ward x Fem!Reader

CW: religious imagery, priest kink/hierophilia, dub con, dirty talk, phone sex, exhibitionism/voyeurism, mutual masturbation, wet dreams, masturbation, corruption, catholic guilt but sexy, we're getting a few years in purgatory for this

I've been getting way too into Faith the unholy trinity lately and this is the result of that.

There's an interview with the creator where he talks about every ending being cannon and John being a much more morally grey character than people realize so I played with that idea. I'm really proud of how this turned out, I would even be so dramatic to call it my magnum opus. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

It starts as all mistakes like this do, innocently enough. One sunday morning after mass John is sitting there alone in a small chapel reading his bible as he's in the habit of doing. Then you come in, smiling sweetly but he can see something troubling behind your eyes. He returns the smile as he greets you, noticing a faint blush creep on your face when he calls your name.

"It's always good to see you." He says as he closes his bible and sets it aside making a place for you. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"Actually, there is, Father." You answer, taking a seat beside him on the pew. "There's something I've been struggling with lately."

"Of course, my child." He comforts you, setting a gentle hand on your shoulder. "Tell me all about it."

The blush on your cheeks returns, growing deeper as you take a moment to find the courage to share your heart with him. "I suppose it's the kind of thing you would take to confession, but I'm nervous. I've never confessed before."

The way you describe your troubles so sweetly leads him to believe you had never committed a sin in your life, he almost wants to laugh at the suggestion before he has to remember you were only human. John understands your hesitation though, being a relatively new priest he isn't entirely confident in his ability to hear sins and offer absolution, but he takes comfort in knowing that your inexperience matched his own, meaning any mistakes wouldn't be noticed right away.

"Confession is meant to unburden you of your sins, it can be daunting at first but you'll feel much better when we're done." He reassures you, keeping his hand on your shoulder as he moves closer. "I'll be here to guide you through every step of the way."

"Where do I begin?" You ask, encouraged by his words.

It warms his heart that you're so eager to take part in this cleansing ritual, while he was nervous at first now he was glad that it was him you decided to come to. Normally this was done in a booth, somewhere with more privacy, but it would be more comfortable for them both to stay there and not bar absolution with pointless formality.

"Usually you would begin by saying the words 'bless me, Father, for I have sinned.' Then you would tell me what's been troubling you." He explains, taking it step by step.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." You repeat, your voice a low reverent whisper.

The way you say that sacred phrase makes a chill run up his spine, though he's not sure why just yet.

"I've been struggling with..." You pause, looking for the proper words to describe your feelings. "Lustful thoughts."

John can feel his face go pale when he hears the subject, then he feels his cheeks heat up with a blush that mimics yours. Not even a few minutes into this confession and he realizes the true purpose of the sacred booth and the privacy it offers. He longs for that safety now but it's much too late, so he continues.

"Where are these thoughts coming from?" He asks, before having to clear his throat to correct to pitch of his voice. "And how often do you find yourself struggling with them?"

"There's someone close to me that I've been thinking about." You admit, beginning your story seeming so unassuming but slowly delving into something more sinful as you reveal more information. "It started so innocently, I just liked the way he smiled at me and now I can't stop thinking about him. I even have these thoughts during service now."

This particular bit of knowledge is the most shocking to the priest, before he had no idea that you were even capable of harboring these thoughts, let alone having them during such a sacred time while he was so close to you. As he continues he worries how this may affect how he looks at you in the future.

"How do you feel about this person? Perhaps what you're feeling is just misplaced love." He suggests, still trying to maintain the image of the sweet chaste girl he had spoken to moments ago.

"I think very highly of him, he's actually a very holy man, but I can't help but have these unholy thoughts about him." You explain, a tinge of guilt in your voice at this aspect of your admission.

John takes a deep breath in, trying his best not to look frustrated as he tries to reason with the two opposing images in his head. "Is it the holiness that you find so appealing about this man? If so it could be your desire to be holy yourself."

"Oh no, it's not like that, it's..." You look away from him as the blush deepens on your face, unable to article the details of your thoughts.

He takes your hands in a comforting gesture and feels them trembling in his grasp, you inhale sharply as you both touch but he keeps his hold steady, determined to be the one to help you through this no matter the discomfort at first.

"There's no need to be afraid, anything you share here is just between us." He assures you, your shaking doesn’t cease immediately but it calms slightly at the sound of his voice. "Now tell me, are these thoughts about any specific actions? Or is it just a feeling of longing?"

You seem to think for a moment before answering, glancing down at where your hands met, back up at him, then away again with red cheeks. "It was just longing at first, then I thought about things like how his hands felt when they were holding mine, and how they would feel touching me in other places..."

John should have pulled his own hands away when you said that, but he couldn't bring himself too. Suddenly he felt the need to hear more of the confessions that made him so apprehensive at a few moments ago.

"How do you feel after you have these thoughts? Do you feel guilty? Or maybe even satisfied?" It feels like a different person asking these questions as they flow from his mouth, but they're driven by a need that is entirely his own.

"I feel so guilty, Father, but I don't know how to explain it. The guilt just makes it more tempting." You tell him, your voice quivering in shame.

This strikes a chord with the priest, he knows the exact feeling you're describing all too well. At this point he knows he should stop, offer penance, grant absolution and go separate ways. Though before he can speak up you continue.

"When I 'indulge' these thoughts the guilt makes it more intense." You explain, raising more questions.

"How do you indulge these thoughts, my child?" He inquires, without the chance think of how bad of an idea it is to delve further into this.

"Oh, Father, it's so shameful." You look away and cover your mouth in reluctance to answer, a faint glimmer of forming tears shines in your eyes as the last remnant of your chaste persona disapates.

"It's a very common struggle for young women, there's no need to feel ashamed. Tell me how these desires take hold of you so we can fight your temptation together." In this moment he feels less like the holy man he should be and more like the serpent whispering in your ear, either way your trust is completely in his hands.

"Well sometimes late at night, when praying doesn't work I-" You pause as your breath quickens, admitting your guilt in barely a whisper yet the words seem to echo through the small chapel. "I touch myself..."

John has already anticipated the words before they left your lips, but they still made him shudder with sinful delight. He could pretend this desire inside him didn't have a name or a purpose until now, but it was unmistakably revealed to be the same struggle that you came to him to have forgiven.

"I see..." He replies, tugging at his collar and feeling the sweat begining to dampen it as the air in the small chapel seems to get hotter and fills with a sweet scent that could only be your perfume. "What are your intentions when you 'indulge'? Is it just to relieve your burden or do you let your mind wander?"

"I only wanted to relieve the burden at first, to get it off my mind, but it felt so good to give in, and now I think about him doing all kinds of things to me." The answer comes out between short and shallow breaths, every question answered on the brink of sobbing. "I shouldn't be feeling this way about someone like him, but I can't help it."

Without considering how inappropriate it might be John puts his arm around you, shushing you as he holds you close. From here he can smell your perfume overpowering the chapel incense, creating a sweet aroma that weakened his resolution with every passing breath. His heart races as he wrestles with his own voyeuristic urges while trying to guide you through your own temptation.

"It's alright, I'm here to help, you can trust me." He assures, though the words are more to convince himself than to console you. "The path to absolution is difficult and frightening, but there's no same in walking that road."

With a few deep breaths to collect your emotions you prepare to finish your confession as you wipe the tears from your eyes. "Thank you, Father."

"Now are you ready to tell me more?" He smiles wide, it's meant to be comforting but it stems from the pride he can't help but feel in his ability to make you trust him so easily. "You've tried praying, but when that fails does this indulgence make your thoughts worse, or do you feel too guilty?"

"Well, I suppose it does both." You answer, no less ashamed of your feelings but much more forthcoming with the details he wants to hear. "When finally I give in the guilt makes it so much more intense, then it's so hard to stop. I do it over and over, sometimes for hours at night."

John holds his breath as every secret is shared, the magnitude of this burden is much more than he even could have imagined in his most sinful fantasies. He wants to be there, to watch you writhe, to make you writhe with pleasure and guilt. For a moment he forgets his purpose, having to remind himself that even if he isn't thinking like one that he is still a priest.

"My child, are you familiar with the concept of penance?" He asks as the most perfect plan comes to mind, it is his duty to help and this will benefit both of you.

"Not really." You answer, though unfamiliar you seem relieved to have the end of your burdens in sight.

Excellent.

"I'm determined to help you through this, for your penance I want you to write down every thought you've ever had about this man." He orders, doing his best not to seem too excited to see the results.

A flicker of doubt flashes in your wide eyes, not in his wisdom but in the practicality of this task. "Every one, Father?"

"Yes, and when you've finished bring them to me so I can absolve you." He adds on, hoping the promise of absolution will make your penance easier to accomplish.

"But, Father, what if someone saw what I wrote? What would they think?" You ask, suddenly sounding much more the innocent virgin John thought you were before this.

"I promise to keep everything you write between us and God." His vow is less for your privacy and more for his safety, but he continues to endanger himself in new ways as his intrusive thoughts get the better of him. "And anytime you ever feel the need to 'indulge' again, you have my number. After you pray about it I want you to call me."

"That might be difficult, you see I've been doing it during the day now too." You tell him, your reluctance born from consideration and kindness he no longer deserved. "I wouldn't want to burden you like that, Father."

John shifts in his seat at this revelation, knowing how desperate you are constantly does the opposite of deter him from this task.

"This is your soul at stake, it's my duty to help you any time of the day or night. This is a burden we will bear together." He reassures you as he does his best to hide the eagerness that burns up his entire body. "Can you do this, my child?"

"Yes, Father." You answer, completely unaware of the path he was leading you down.

"I look forward to hearing from you." Perhaps the only honest thing he had said since the begining of this confession.

He rises from the pew, kissing you gently on the forehead before he leaves and letting his lips linger for just a little longer than they should. Leaving you there in the chapel to contemplate the task you're about to undertake, fully believing it would lead to your absolution. You were so easy to convince, the only thing left was for John to convince himself that this was the right thing and not his own indulgence in the same temptation the woman he was supposed to help had battled.

As the day went on, he almost felt regret, and if he would have dwelled on that any longer he would have called you and put an end to this. One thought occupied the forefront of his mind though, the "holy man" you mentioned. It really could have been any member of the church, but it wasn't so farfetched to think it was a priest, why else would you be feeling so much guilt for natural pleasures instead of just persuing them? If it was a priest then it was likely that it was himself you were thinking of, every time you blushed when he smiled at you suddenly made sense.

It's an intoxicating thought that carries him into the night, imagining being the object of your desires. The innocent crush on your priest turning into something far more serious until it consumes you night and day. There was at least one sin he is committing, though he isn't sure if it's pride in himself or lust for you. If he keeps it in the frame of confession he can continue to believe it was neither and he was only guiding this lost lamb into a better understanding of the desires that plagued her.

The hours seem longer, eventually John finds himself alone with nothing to distract him from these thoughts. Staring at his phone across the room long enough that it had felt like it was staring back and judging him. It isn't too late to rectify this. Of course if he stands by the belief that he hadn't made a mistake there's be no need to correct anything, right?

It's pointless going back and forth with himself like this, he's going to be arguing with no one at all for the rest of the night at this rate. He looks around for something to distract him and the second he does the phone rings, the sound of it rattling his very soul.

He picks up the receiver, his voice hardly sounds like his own as he answers sheepishly. "Hello?"

"Father? I'm sorry to call you so late at night, is this a bad time?" Your voice comes like a siren call from the other end of the line.

"Of course not." He answers perhaps a little too cheerfully, he'll have to make an effort to tone his enthusiasm down as he speaks. "How can I help you, my child?"

"It sounds so silly now that I say this out loud, but I was feeling tempted tonight so I started to write down my thoughs like you told me." You begin to explain, building anticipation with every word.

"It's my duty to guide you through your penance no matter how insignificant your troubles seem." He reassures you, those words aren't entirely wrong; that must be why they twist his heart as he says them in this context. "I'm glad to hear you're taking this so seriously, tell me more."

"Well, it's difficult at night, especially when I'm alone with these thoughts." You continue, a slight shaking in your breath that he can almost feel though the phone. "I think writing them down is making it worse."

"You're tempted to 'indulge' again?" He asks, straight to the point."

"Yes, Father." You admit with a sigh of shame. "I'm so sorry."

John shudders at your admission, for a moment he finds himself at a crossroads. One path where he can offer the guidance that you need, that he is vow bound to give you, the other where he can indulge these new intimidating feelings that are brewing deep in his soul. He was so close to either outcome, knowing he's the first person you think of now when you're filled with temptation. Surely it wouldn't hurt his soul or yours if he asked for details. How else would he help you? How else would he help himself?

"There's no need to aplologize." He tells you, his voice low and soft. "You're not alone anymore, I'm here with you. If it's too difficult to write then you can simply tell me now."

"It's just that... I saw him today and I noticed his lips." You begin, bringing images of when he had kissed your forehead after confession to mind. "I thought about how soft they were, and how they would feel on my skin."

"Go on, the more you tell me the more I can absolve." He promises, dangling salvation in front of you like bait.

"I thought of him kissing me, first on my face, then my body, then up my thighs..." You whisper reluctantly at first but slowly getting more comfortable, every word making your confessors head spin.

John takes the phone over to his bed, exhaling deeply as he lays back. Taking a moment to imagine the feel of your thighs, if you would gasp and sigh like this while being kissed in forbidden places, he even swears he can smell your perfume again. He's drowning in these images, fighting to keep himself afloat.

"You're doing great." He praises, knowing exactly how you blush when he compliments you during the day.

A sharp inhale comes from the other line, an indication his manipulations were working. "I wanted his tongue inside me, I wanted him to make me moan and beg..."

With his eyes closed John relishes the sound of your breath as it grows heavier until he can practically feel it warming his ears from over the phone. Doing his best to ignore the tightness growing in his pants as it throbs to the rhythm of your every sweet gasp.

"I just needed him so bad when I wrote this." You confess as the last remnants of your strength waver. "I wanted to touch myself so bad."

For a moment he considers letting you indulge, though he's having trouble coming up with a good excuse for allowing it. What's left of his conscience is telling him to stop, apologize, hang up the phone, take a cold shower, anything to end this while he can. The coiling heat in the pit of his stomach is telling him, begging him to give permission to give in to both your desires, to have them be forgiven after the fact if they're so wrong.

"You need to ease this burden." He tells you as he reaches for the waistband of his pants, trying to hide the tremble in his voice. "It's alright, go ahead."

"Are you sure, Father? Can I?" You ask with no doubt in your voice, only a desperate need for the permission only he can give.

"On one condition," He adds as an involuntary smile creeps on to his face. "You have to tell me every single thought you have while you indulge."

"Yes, Father." You sigh as the sound of rustling fabric comes over the phone. "I can do that."

The touch of his hand on his own skin burns like sweet hellfire, the kind that would strike fear into his heart and make him stray away from any other temptation but this. When he's finally free from the confines of his pants he inhales sharply, facing his own desires head on. There's no denying it now, there's no way out now.

"What are you thinking?" He asks, his breath heavy and voice low.

"I'm- ugh... I'm thinking of... him. Being here, watching me." You whine your confession, struggling to find the words in your sin clouded mind. "Or listening to me..."

That last part makes him shudder, he lets out a long slow exhale away from the receiver to hide his reaction. "And what would 'he' do if he saw you like that?"

"I don't know, but..." Your answer is cut off by a short moan, followed by a few gasping breaths as you regain your composure. "I would be so embarrased, but I think I would like it."

Once again John can't help but cast himself in the role of this mystery man, he almost wants to demand you say his name, to admit that it was him and you were only fulfilling your exibitionist desires. No, he can get more out of you if he continues to be the devoted priest only interested in your soul. He shudders again at the sinful schemes he only now learns he's capable of crafting.

He pulls his mind away from his intentions and focuses on yours. "Is that what you really want? A witness to your sin?"

"I want it so bad." You concede, your moans mix with what sounds like shameful sobs. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

The picture of you with tears streaming down your face, distraught and begging for both attention and absolution is so vivid he can swear it's happening before his eyes. Here he is witnesing you like you wanted, reducing you to a creature of base desires without even touching you. In every way that matters he is this "holy man" you're dreaming of.

"You have nothing to be sorry for anymore." He holds back his own racing breath to instruct you. "Purge these desires as soon as they come."

Wet slopping sounds can be heard over the phone, your moans shift into a higher key before you simply state. "I want more."

The guise of confession is nearly completely stripped away, John can hardly pretend to be the concerned and doting priest as the images conjured up in his head get even more depraved. As he grips the very instrument of his sin tighter he tilts his head up and mouths a silent prayer of forgiveness to the one he hopes isn't watching now.

"You need this, release your burden." He encourages, both you and himself.

"I want him inside me!" You whine, completely undignified as you pour your heart and soul out over the line.

"Good, good..." He pants, your sins merge, making him as much of your victim as you are his. "Tell me all of it."

You immediately obey him without a second thought. "I want him to make me cum... I want him to cum too..."

John groans audibly as your confession gets more and more intense, what's left of his composure is dissolving with every detail revealed. He knows if he were there he could give the real thing to you, and he would let your moans and pleas drag him straight to hell. His hand now seems like a poor alternative to willing body, but he pumps it faster as he chases those forbidden thoughts.

He swallows before simply asking. "Where?"

"Inside me, all over me, anywhere!" You scream deliriously, making it more and more obvious that you're close to the absolution you seek.

With a few whispered curses John lets the images flood his mind, trying to control his movements so he doesn't act that fantasy before you do.

"Ah! I'm almost- Oh! Father!" You call out to him as you fill the receiver with sweet moans he never could have imagined in his most depraved moments.

He waits for the gasps and wet noises to come to a complete halt before he absolves you, but they never stop.

"Are you still there?" He asks with a hint of confusion, waiting with heavy bated breath.

"I made such a mess... if he were here he could clean it up with his tongue..." You tell him with such shameless detail, the confession was not over.

His mouth waters at that thought as he draws in a sharp shaking breath, unable to draw the line between his perverted thoughts and his controlled act he blurts out. "Let your own tongue carry his burden then."

The heavy moans on the other line are muffled, leading John to believe you were licking the sin off your fingers this very moment. He swallows hard and grips his cock tighter with his now shaking hand as he listens closeer.

"More, I want more." You groan desperately into the phone, continuing to indulge.

He sighs your name along with a a few quiet curses. "Is there no end to your cravings?"

"I'm sorry, it just feels so good, I can't stop." You explain, or more accurately whimper.

John can barely hide how he gives in to his own shameful desires, unintentionally letting out noises he had never heard himself make before while he brazenly fucks his own hand. The bed creaks as his hips buck up into the tight grip of his fist, he lulls his head back and wishes it was you.

"Father! Father!" You scream as your second orgasm erupts, loud enough it practically echos through his own bedroom.

"Yes!" He shouts as you both reach the heights of absolute depravity together.

The tension in his body snaps as the sin covers his fingers, he continues to stroke himself until he's too soft and sensitive to indulge anymore. He lays his head back and waits for the weight in his chest to be lifted, but it only weighs heavier with every burst of sacrilegious release.

There is a long pause before either of you speak, it's difficult to find the words, or any words whatsoever. As soon as your breath slows it speeds up again in a panicked realization of what you had done.

"I'm so sorry, I know I should learn to control myself better, I'm so ashamed-" You babble on a long list of regrets that John is far too dazed to listen to now.

"It's alright, it's alright. You're forgiven." He cuts off your hysterical apologies, as soon as the words leave his mouth he feels something twist in the pit of his stomach.

"Thank you, Father." You let out a sigh of relief as you slowly begin to calm down

"Are you going to be okay now?" He asks, showing scraps of genuine compassion he was surprised to find remaining among his selfish desires.

"Yes, Father." You answer, the serenity that comes with absolution apparent in your voice.

He smiles when he hears your reply, finding some solace in the fact that he was able to help in some small way in spite of everything. "Well then, it's getting late. I'll see you on Sunday?"

"Of course." You whisper into the phone before hanging up, the soft words sound like they were meant for a lover and not a man of the cloth. "Goodnight."

When the call ends John holds the phone to his heaving chest, his heart pounding as he sits in silence for what seems like eons with the weight of his actions pressing down on him. He can hardly move just laying there soaking in the stains of his sin, both reveling in the satisfaction and fearing the inevitable consequences.

There were so many times tonight when he could have ended it, so many times this morning when he could have kept this from happening at all. He didn't even know where to begin asking for forgiveness or if he was even sorry.

Sunday. The day couldn't come soon enough and yet it was creeping up on him along with a looming sense of dread knowing he would fail this test of faith again; and again if the opportunity arose. Something dark in his soul hoped that he would get that chance to sin again.

Sleep does not come easily to him that night.

John's dreams are haunted by the vision of a woman, her voice is smooth as she calls out to him, her soft skin burns to the touch but he can't pull his hands away and lets them sear in her embrace. Even in places he had never been touched before the feel of her fingers and her body pressed tightly against his was so real, in such stark contrast to the ever changing fog of the surrounding dream.

Whispering things he had never said, please, more, more. Moving his body in ways he had never tried grinding, writhing, thrusting. It was both liberating and damning, the only other feeling was the sensation of falling, faster and faster even while he was held so tightly. His eyes jolt open when he hits the ground he can't see.

When his body jerks John is thrust into the waking world all at once, longing for a fraction of the warmth he felt seconds ago. His skin is cold, covered in sweat, there's another wetness soaking into the sheets and rapidly cooling under his body.

Grinding his hips forward in a motion he realizes he must have been doing all through his dreams he feels the remnants of desire he did not expect to follow him into the waking world. With an unsteady hand he lifts the covers to inspect the sensation, finding his pants, sheets and even the bottom of his shirt to be marked with several stains made through the night in various stages of drying.

John lets out a shaking gasp as he rolls forward once again, rutting into the soiled mattress and using it as a substitute for the woman in his dream that he now recognizes. He calls her name much quieter than she had called him the night before, whimpering into his pillow like a plea for mercy.

As he reaches into his pajama bottoms he feels the effects of his sin and his cock throbbing for attention, he must have came two or three times in the night and he's still hard as a rock. His face grows hot and he curls up as if to hide while he strokes himself, though there isn't a soul here to witness his indulgence.

It is the shame that makes it more intense, the guilt even more so. Now that John knew you told the truth about this temptation and he had led you again down that path the guilt eats him alive, and he had never felt anything more heavenly. Every little moan he lets out is something between a gasp in surpise at the sensations he feels and a whine of embarrassment as he pumps his fist faster and faster.

The feeling of corruption fills his body and seeps into his bones, it courses through his veins and makes his heart beat like a doom drum, it clouds his mind and stains his very soul like the sheets he's about to ruin completely.

All these conflicting feelings chase each other around like a whirlwind while John races toward the peak of his indulgence, the guilt and the shame follow him wherever his filthy thoughts wander. He thinks of a circle of hell described by Dante meant for those consumed by lust. He thinks of being damned there together with you. He thinks of you. He shudders.

The morning light begins to shine in his room, gently greeting him like an old friend. Staring at the rays of sunlight coming through the window and feeling the full weight of the bags that have formed under his eyes, John is silent in mind and body. There are no racing thoughts, not images of the forbidden, only an all encompassing shame.

His tired gaze turns to the cross hanging above his bed and the feeling grows worse. It's not the image of pure holiness that makes him ashamed, only how near it is. He knows he's not beyond forgiveness, not even now, he just lacks the will to reach out and take it.

John slowly pulls the covers over his body until he can't see it and hides himself between the stained sheets until he finds the will again.

#faith the unholy trinity #faith the game #john ward #john ward faith #john ward x reader #hierophilia #hot priest #faith tut #i found out you could change the text colors and I went a little crazy

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captainjacklyn · 1 year ago

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Love, Love, Love Part 1-ish

A/N : a small fic made from this incorrect quote which I promised a part 2 and here it is just- longer.

Context : Rollo gets transferred to NRC for a few months, The Headmaster decides that he would be staying at Ramshackle Dorm much to Malleus' dismay (along with grim and the first years who are aware of the truth). Yuu doesn't find it nice either but with time they allow the third year to open up to them, eventually growing mutual respect for one another, perhaps some friendship..and a bit more.

Warning(s) : fluff, hints of rollo liking Yuu, this is a continuation of some sort to my joke so pls understand that it isn't from the beginning, Rollo might be OOC he's just scared of Yuu, they/them pronouns for Prefect !

A bit of background..

"I'm back from dealing with the principal's casual destruction ! How are you boys holding up ?" The prefect announced their arrival back at Ramshackle the moment they got in. A smile, half glad it was over while the other half expressed their passive aggressive bitterness from when taking care of other people's jobs. Grim was laying on the couch looking at one of his notebooks to try and study for an upcoming assessment. Rollo flamm, a new temporary resident of the manor was reading a book of his own next to the fiery raccoon, his attention turned to Yuu when he heard their voice.

"Ah. Welcome back Prefect, are you alright ?" He asked, placing his volume on the side and getting up from his seat to take their bag. Yuu thanked him and stretched their arms before walking over to Grim and patting his head. The feline let out a hum as his henchman did so and once the bedroom door closed, the two occupants glared at each other.

"Weasel."

"Simp"

Since it was the weekend, most students had the option to rest their minds or do the opposite of relax because of a test. "Hey guys what are you doing ?" This current scene happened a few days after the first, Yuu was once again returning to Ramshackle. Though this time, they stopped at the small gates when they noticed their first year friend group staring at Rollo from a distance.

When the Prefect called out to them, Ace quickly turned around and shushed them. "We're observing the enemy." Deuce explained in a hushed tone, They only chuckled at their antics and Epel attempted to defend their choice of pass-time. "We don't what he could be planning this time ! I mean he's gardening right now, you know what that means.." The way his tone of voice changed towards the end of his sentenced made Deuce frown in remembrance of that incident.

Yuu shook their head with a knowing smile as they approached them and ruffled Epel's hair. "Don't worry, I'm making sure he doesn't make the same mistake. He's getting better, I promise." They didn't buy it but Ace nodded along with a shrug, possibly considering the option since he wasn't there when it all happened.

To reassure them, Yuu continued as they all looked back at Rollo who was watering the plants at the entrance. (he stated that it would look nice because of how dried the yard was, Yuu only agreed as long as he did the work) "I'm sure he'll change into becoming a nice normal man...very normal." then Rollo started to spin around as he watered the flora. The collective all narrowed their eyes, "That's not very normal." Yuu commented.

In a minute he changed his stance completely and went back to his original position. "That's normal." The prefect spoke while pointing at him to prove their judgement, Adeuce and Epel nodded their heads at the same time. However they all scrunched up their faces and tilted their head to the side a second after Rollo sprayed fertilizer in his eyes.

Yuu ignored it and gave Deuce a pat on the shoulder. "Anyways- It's gonna be exciting to have someone new around. Nobody is born bad, I promise you that. I'll get to know him and we can all share our lands...even though I feel like contradicting my own words." they muttered under their breath as they walked away from the group and pass the gates, to go speak to their tenant who was..performing strange water rituals. "Flamm !"

Their voice was firm enough to have the eyebag silver-haired individual look their way the instance they spoke. Mostly because they made it very clear that they were the boss around this area, by using threats that is..brutal ones to say the least.

"Oh hello Prefect, I was just taking care of the plants-" "Yes I know you were performing your bizarre holy water ceremony." They cut him off halfway and right when he was about to say something, the not-so-genuine smile on their face made him change his mind. "Uh Yes..that was it." he accepted their statement, learned a while ago that saying no to someone who could force him to sleep in mud wasn't the best option.

Then Yuu suddendly perked up. "Oh right I came back from Sam's shop to bring you these, just like you requested." Reaching into their satchel, the magicless student handed him a few bags of flower seeds. He offered a small smile as he took them, "Thank you." Rollo responded, they answered with another smile and although they were serious, it was much more for setting something straight rather than intimidating him. "I trust you, Rollo..And I really hope that your brief stay with us helps you with whatever you're..going through I guess." Yuu carried on, Rollo looked at them for a while as he took in their words, he then gave them another small smile.

"Thank you..I appreciate it." They chuckled as he spoke softly. "Just looking out for my non-non magic user !" they joked.

A little further off was the trio of freshman watching the scene unfold in disbelief.

"He has to go."

"Agreed."

hope you liked reading this, part 2/3

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genderqueerdykes · 21 days ago

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i think that certain parts of the community are starting to become more and more exclusionist. like im starting to see a lot more pro-lesboy spaces say "lesboy doesnt mean trans man/cis man! full men cant be lesboys!" or pro-mspec monospec spaces say "mspec monospec doesnt mean being both things for the same attraction! it means being mspec for sex/romance and monospec for the other!! no one is a romantic mspec AND monospec at the same time!" or just. Things like that.

i did not see this ask until now and am i glad you sent it

short answer: yes, agreed, it's petty queer infighting that doesn't need to be happening

so from what i've noticed is most of online queer discourse really at the end of the day is about what an individual person thinks that queer label isn't, and not what it is. people are very nihilistic right now, and really love to take everything in bad faith. we're seeing a rash of reactionary content in general where people take their knee jerk reaction as their stance on an entire complex concept that requires time to digest and process. like literally the most farfetched dogshit take you've ever seen because they just found out about a concept and bullshitted and answer.

certain people wanna think they're experts on queerness overnight because they just realized they're [xyz] or whatever other reason they want to be the expert on queerness. really what it is is people who want to tell other people what it is, but not listen. like it really just is people who want to say "this is how queerness works. shut up because i'm the only one who knows why. don't ask me for a reason". like it's about control. it's about people who have never done any research into queer history in any country on any continent, has not interacted with their local queer community who still want to have a captive audience about what queerness "really is". so instead of learning history and talking to other people they tell you how they feel and spin it as the truth.

other people just send the most bizarre angry posts, asks, DMs, whatever, about how they hate this 1 really specific kind of person that they've never actually met, but hypothetically they would hate. it's mind games. people get caught up in their own thoughts long enough to believe the hypothetical guy they made up isn't real. it's the strawman argument. i don't know what compels humans to do this but for whatever reason, people really love making up a fictional guy to get offended at. it's really bizarre. if cishet men wanted to identify as lesbians, they would literally already be doing it

if you know what logical fallacies are to some extend and have been around internet discussions in general for a long time, you start to recognize the patterns. it's a type of entitled attitude that leads a person to not be in a community for very long. it's a certain kind of person who gets a rise out of being a jackass. like i've tried to word that better. no. that's what it is. like people are aware of the fact that they're being a jackass and continue to do it anyway. people are getting a kick out of this. like. people are chasing the rush you get from fucking with someone. that's all it is. when people say "how can they be so cruel?" they're chasing a mental high that fades extremely quickly, so they have to keep doing it over, and over, and over.

it's like how do i put it. now that social media is so widespread, just about everyone has one on at least a few platforms at this point. people are being exposed to these conversations. and you're gonna have some complete noobs who come in thinking they can define lesbianism because they realized they were a lesbian yesterday and it's like. people will keep fighting the same tired old argument about how trans men can't be lesbians for the 9439030985th time and meanwhile they're ignoring the 50 trans male dykes interacting with one of their mutuals like i think it's literally dumb as hell that there are people on this website mentally abusing strangers on the internet because they refuse to crack open a book, read a zine or open a pdf and read the biographies of real world trans male lesbians, or even just read an article about one. like it's easier and more fun for them to pretend it's not happening it's wild as hell to me

anyway, yes. it's really stupid. people are getting caught up in all the wrong parts of what separates identities. it's the compulsion to draw lines in the sand that is forced upon us in our binary obsessed society. it is likely tied to black and white thinking, and catastrophizing, which both can happen when someone is stressed and looking at a situation in a maladaptive way, either due to perspective or neurotype. sometimes this legitimately can be due to someone's mental health, so it's not an excuse, but it's an explanation for why people get so riled up. those headspaces get you very heated and it's difficult to come down from. it requires a lot of time learning emotional coping skills to walk backwards from those types of episodes

#asks #answers #queer infighting #lesboy

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hangingslothcentral · 2 months ago

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Today is the fourth anniversary of the day I launched Spirit Box Radio, and it's also the last day of trans awareness week.

I have a lot of big feelings about SBR. If you've listened to the show, you'll know that I was medically transitioning through its release. I went on T at the show's midpoint, in the middle of S2, and my voice was changing throughout the rest of the show's run. I got top surgery two months after the show ended, almost exactly to the day.

Now. We're all big enough and daft enough to be able to have a grown up conversation about this, I think. So here's some stuff about that experience I haven't really talked about before.

1. I wish there had been media which had trans creators transitioning alongside a character who is transitioning when I was younger. The main reason for this is that it would have been representation of trans people, but honestly? The main thing I wanted was to see someone transitioning over a long period of time. So often, transition seems to happen behind closed doors. Unless you are lucky enough to have lots of trans people around you (I grew up in semi-rural Wales so no luck for me there) you just do not see it happening. People, understandably, want to hide the length of the process, the messy in between stages.

2. Transitioning and playing Sam transitioning simultaneous to me was one of the most mentally challenging and emotionally vulnerable things I've ever done. I do not say this lightly; I'm a survivor of abuse and I've seen a lot of shit in my life. I've come out as nonbinary at a corporate job and argued with a university about changing my name on my graduation certificate. As much as I loved it, and still love it, and I'm intensely proud of it and SO glad it exists, making SBR was fucking brutal. Hours of editing my own voice through a period where it sounded different on a near-weekly basis. Having no idea how I sounded anymore and posting episodes anyway. Dealing with the emotional fallout of people responding weirdly to me in my real, actual life whilst portraying a character who is outcast, isolated, and terrified of himself? Challenging as fuck.

3. Many people need to examine the way they're talking about trans men. The conversations around Sam shifted very violently as my voice dropped. This is in part due to the arc this character follows, but it's hard not to notice a shift in language as dramatic as this. It started as soon as the show came back from its S2 midseason break and my voice had shifted down a bit. People talked less about Sam being cute, and for the first time, I started to see people talking about him like he was sexy. These things aren't mutually exclusive, but it was very noticeable to me, especially in contrast to conversations about Oliver, Sam's hot, cis gender, florist boyfriend, who was categorised as sexy from the off. Before my voice dropped, even though they were using the right pronouns for them, people talked about Sam with very feminine, infantilising language, and this almost entirely stopped when my voice dropped.

4. I am so fucking glad I did this. Yes, it was brutal, emotional, and I really struggled through a lot of this process, and I am so glad I did this. I will have the immense privilege of medically transitioning in the way I have over the last few years exactly once in my life. I am glad I took that vulnerable moment and made art with it. I'm glad that my transition is captured and mirrored by this thing I was making at the time it was happening. I'm glad that thousands of other trans people have listened to the show and have heard me doing this as they are doing it, or before they do it, or after, or as they're deciding not to, or finding out they can't, or realising they'll never have the chance, or any one of the myriad experiences of transness that exist. I am, frankly, honoured to have been a part of such a vulnerable aspect in the lives of so many people.

Thank you for reading this. Thank you for listening to the show, if indeed you already have. If you enjoy my work, I would love to be able to pay my bills and be able to keep making it. I have never made even minimum wage for the work I do on my shows. Please consider becoming a member.

#audio drama #spirit box radio #spirit box radio podcast #sbr #podcast #horror podcast #audiodrama #audio fiction #eira speaks #trans masc #trans pride #transgender #trans awareness

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wordsmithic · 2 months ago

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Hi, sorry if this comes out as a ramble, but your Troy ask made me rewatch the movie (for the umpteenth time, lol), and it brought a lot of old feelings back, both good and bad. The good is how much I adored the Iliad as a child and that's something that still thrives today—since I was a kid, I loved Greek mythology in general, partly because I'm Palestinian/a fellow Eastern Mediterranean, so there is a lot of overlap in our histories, cultures, customs and myths, but the Iliad has always been a favorite. Hektor is my favorite character (and I love him and Andromache), but I also have an immense soft spot for Briseis... and now to get to the bad, rewatching Troy reminded me how a lot of people erase her and her role—and her romance—to Achilles in modern retellings. Now, I'm not going to argue which Achilles ship is the best (especially because that man is a hoe, if we're being honest), I don't care. My problem is the modern erasure of Briseis and the other women in Achilles's life that are romantically entangled with him being reduced to, "He's gay, actually." It reads biphobic if you believe him queer (Patroclus too, who had many named women concubines/slaves), first off, misogynist second. He has a son with his foster "sister," Deidamia, and in some versions even married. In the Iliad especially, Patroclus tells Briseis Achilles will marry her and Achilles himself refers to her as his wife/bride, stopping a whole war when she's taken, and she's even allowed to aid in Patroclus's funeral rights. In some versions, Achilles falls for Polyxena, and tries to make peace with Troy so he can marry her. In the afterlife, Achilles chooses Helen as his wife for some reason. Just... all these women, with complex situations and feelings, are all reduced or erased in modern tellings (and usually for a man/Patroclus), and it makes me want to scream. People use the excuse of, "We don't like the romantic situation they're in," but then claim to "better" it by... erasing or reducing these women and their complex roles and feelings from the story overall? Brieseis, for example, mutually loved Achilles and saw him as a husband... he also killed her first husband and brothers, and you can argue part of her love is out of the need for survival. Yet, she greatly mourned him when he was killed, too. And if exploring this complexity is still not your yum, what about Polyxena? Wouldn't she fit the girlboss archetype of using Achilles' affections to gain his trust, before stabbing him in the back (literally)? Or Deidamia, who's young and left at home, bereft of her husband and son? Heck, try and fill in the gaps how Achilles x Hellen happened, if you must. All these women have an important role in the story, and to Achilles, that could be explored—but people don't because they dismiss what's already there or don't know anything about The Iliad outside modern retellings (mainly The Song of Achilles). So, we get people claiming things that are untrue ("Achilles and Patroclus are exclusively gay!"... in some myths, they're actually relatives/distant cousins, fun fact 😭), and acting like they fixed something by "adding" onto "flat female characters" in a way that reads inauthentic and ignorant to the source material. I get wanting to prop up one's chosen ship, it's just the hypocrisy of promising to be more progressive in one area, but diminishing the progressiveness of another, that kills me. Anyway! Sorry for the rant, I just have a lot of feelings I wanted to share because of the movie and I know you've talked about all this before—it's just something hard to discuss on the internet without people coming down your throat 🥲. Anyhow, justice for Briseis, is my rallying cry, I love her so much, queen made a whole war stop for her and managed to escape from Agamemnon unscathed. Queen who launched a thousand ships to my heart 🫶🏻.

I'm glad you re-watched it! It's a beloved of many Greeks since the movie is quite epic and makes you understand some of the original's glory. Hector, Andromache and Briseis are some of my fave characters in the movie, and it made me also look out for those characters when they appear in the text.

Btw, I would love to know a Palestinian's pov on our shared traditions and myths, how do you guys learn the Greek myths, what parts of them have had perhaps an affect on your heritage and since when, etc! 😍

Briseis' situation is complicated one because many people won't catch the nuance of her living in a patriarchal society as a war captive and thus developing a strange co-dependence to her captors. In addition, the Homeric Epics are a work changed by time in the Greek society, as people added and altered stuff, so many storylines have been affected by other layers of patriarchal societies. So of course the notion of "slave girl mourning her captor's friend" would seem natural, because they probably don't consider a slave woman's POV. Or perhaps she was in the mourning because she had to be there as a woman "belonging" to the Greeks, and the text does not mention it explicitly because it a given for the era. (I don't recall the whole relevant text sorry)

I am not sure if the average author - judging by what is published in the Anglophone market - can handle the complexity of Briseis and other women in the Trojan war. For Briseis one could go for a romance there but they'd have to depict all of her psychosynthesis properly, so it doesn't come off as "Achilles killed my family but he is hot so I love him". To be fair, it is a challenging task but I am still sad that I haven't heard retellings that do this well. Such a retelling done well would be chef's kiss!

As you said, unfortunately, the writers for now focus on the couple Achilles x Patroclus which, ok, let's accept it since it's a ship and there is some background to it (although those guys are most likely 1) cousins 2) very close to each other like brethren in a way westerners misinterpret). I've enjoyed Song of Achilles and I am surely not against such works, but you are right that the female heroines are reduced to flat characters. A fandom full of women manages to be misogynistic - again. We shouldn't be surprised because misogynistic influences are very strong in our societies still, although many don't see it 😕

#answered #retellings #the iliad #Achilles #Briseis

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hyunin · 4 months ago

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hiiii everyone, this blog hit 1k followers the other day 🥹 tysm to anyone that has followed me here over the years! i'm sure at least a third of my followers are dead blogs from my suju (🤮) era in 2013 before i returned to gifmaking tumblr in 2020, but so many of you joined me once i returned and i'm so thankful for everyone that has reblogged my content and chatted with me and followed me up until this point! 🫶 i wanted to write some fun lil messages for my mutuals and pals below the cut, as well as shout out some people i don't necessarily speak to but like having on my dash also 💗 if u aren't mentioned on here and we're mutuals that doesn't mean i dislike u it just means i'm stupid and missed you 😭 before i get into the messages i also want to ask anyone who can to consider commissioning me for a gifset or writing by donating at least €10 to this fundraiser and sending me a screenshot of your donation! more info on that via this post. thank u so much again everyone!!! 🥳 (edit: i don't think half the mentions in this post are working so please check to see if you were mentioned even if you weren't notified!)

@redvelvetcult hi ele 🫶 i know we don't speak as often anymore but i'm always so happy to see u around and i love you <3 thank u for running yangjeongin with me even if it has been in spirit for 99% of its run LKJSDLFKJSJLKFD still wouldn't be the same without u @bataranqs hi kid! this is going to sound so lame but it's been rly fun watching u grow up over the years through awoo9, every time u use our weird ass humor it's so much funnier coming from u. thank u for hyping up everything we all do, especially my writing!! i really appreciate it and u @anyujins iwin...whew....LLKSJDKLFJLSKF i'm rly happy that we're a lot closer now than when we were last time i made one of these posts. i think we are anyway?? i forgor...but either way ilysm, thank u for your support when i've been going insane over the years and it would appear both of the stories of our love lives that we've been following for so long will have a tragic ending. LJKSDFJLKSLK but i hope we can be friends for many more moments of insanity to come and that we have more good news than bad news to share w each other soon. in the meantime it's always rly fun to talk to u and i am glad i have u in my life @miyawaki ver. i appreciate u v much if only bc u are a major provider of quality shitposts on my dash, u also being into kpop and giffing is a bonus. u are also so funny even if u are also MEAN!!!! it's funny most of the time. and u have also supported me a lot in ur own ver way over the years, and i can always count on u to give me feedback on giffing and such. i'm so happy for u that u are going to uni again and i hope u have so much fun but also don't forget about us 🔫 🫶 @seulggi gfx queen minya! u deserve a shoutout if ONLY bc u are carrying the gfx side of kpop tumblr on ur back fr. and i love seeing what u make on my dash. but u are also an awoo9er so i will give u a long AWOOOOOOOOO of appreciation ❣️ @meongppangz RI omg idk what account is best to tag u on so i tag u here. i rmr the last one of these i made i was like 'hope to talk more under better circumstances' and now we talk nearly every day LJSDFLKSDF i love that for us. thank u crazy person gc for bringing us together fr....love that we can bond over loving ggs and also hating collecting pcs and any other random shit of the day skz is doing. and giffing ofc. talking to u always makes me happy so i hope we continue talking and being friends for a long time to come 🫶 ily. also i'm going through my follow list for this in order of oldest blogs first and i just discovered y'all were one of the first skz blogs i followed. how cute @curiosityjams hi drea, we haven't spoken ages but i wanted to shout u out individually as well because i still enjoy seeing u on my dash and i still consider us friends 🫶 fellow eunbi stan...i will never forget waiting for the 2020 election results w you LMAO abt to do it all again soon...but i hope you're well and hope good things continue coming to u 🙇‍♀️ @hyunjinz agnes, backbone of stayblr that u are, i love u!! i know we don't Personally speak much at all i still feel like u are a dear friend of mine. you were one of the first ppl to support my skz content and i think you're that for a lot of people on stayblr and i think that is so sweet of u and also important for the community. u are so brave for going through the tags all the time and reblogging everything i do not have that kind of energy but i'm so glad u do!! i miss ur gifs but i'm happy that you're still around even when you don't gif. we're some of the last remaining pre-kingdom era skz ccs left 😱 so i will always appreciate ur company here <3 @innielove hi vi, i just want to say i love that u are giffing skz again. i've probably missed a lot of ur sets bc i'm bad at checking tags and dash but when i DO see them i'm like omg vi's gifs r really looking better than ever. thank u for returning to us 🫶 u have also actually been on stayblr for a long time so i'm always happy to see some of the oldies (can u believe we are oldies now...) back on the dash 😌

@kazuhas MS KALE it always makes me happy to see u on my dash here. ur gifs are so lovely and so are u!! i know we mainly know each other from off cc tumblr 🫣 but i wanted to give u a shoutout among all of my other tumblr beloveds bc ily. it's what u deserve @seo-changbinnies marie...another fellow stayblr hag at this point...u are still one of the funniest people on this site i swear. and i'm so glad u are still here and making gifs and blessing us w your funny tags. i hope u always stay just as insane, i love u for that <3 @seungs HI MIAAA we don't talk that much anymore but i wanted u to know that i still always love seeing u and your gifs on my dash 🫶 @felixies luna, legend of stayblr that u are 🙇‍♀️ i think ur work largely goes unappreciated by the fandom but u are an icon for keeping createskz running for all these years despite everything going on in ur life. tysm for your service 🫡 @huiracha marie huiracha...this is how i refer to u in my head btw. like 'huiracha' is ur last name. LKJSDFKLSKLD we have barely spoken but i want to give u your own shoutout just for surviving and continuing to gif on stayblr as long as u have. veterans' discount fr @hyunsung hi mona 🫶 we haven't spoken in a while either omg but i am still always excited to see u on my dash when u gif something or reblog something from me i'm like omg that's my friend mona :D SDKJFSJKLDF so thank u and i hope you're doing well 🙏 @hyunpic VILMA HYUNPIC...u know i am so glad we are better pals now. u are so funny and fun to talk to but also the sweetest ever!! thank u for always listening to me and being kind to me and also making me laugh. every time i feel like an rper named their hyunjin character something dumb i am glad i get to report it to u. some things only u will understand and appreciate. LKJSDKLJFSKLJFKLFD @sungtaro eri <3 we don't talk much anymore and maybe we NEVER HAVE??? but i have always felt like u are a dear friend and beloved mutual. i love seeing u on dash even if we don't have too many groups in common anymore. ur content is always lovely and so are u so we will always be pals as far as i am concerned 🫶 @exocean hi mo!! i must admit i don't have much to say but i wanted to mention you individually because you are so sweet and i love seeing u around and u deserve to know it <3 @hyumjim i don't even know what to say (positive) u know i am so glad ur squirmy wormy tag on one of my hyunjin sets brought us together. idr if we have ever properly spoken like via dm but bc u follow me on all my accounts i feel Seen by u....nd u haven't unfollowed me yet so god bless u. i always enjoy seeing ur thoughts and the posts u put on my dash whether they be a funny text post or someone's hot take getting dismantled or something Thought Provoking. my dash is definitely a better place because of u so thank uu 🫶

@wolfchans lau the Actual backbone of stayblr tysm for ur service fr. without u providing files for us i genuinely believe most of stayblr would be lost. not only do u do that but u are also genuinely very kind and make great content so i appreciate u so much!! thank u for making stayblr (and my dash) a better place @hyunebear hi adri i gotta admit i didn't even realize u were back on tumblr until i was going through my following and saw that u posted recently akljsdflkjdsf goes to show how much i'm on my dash...but i wanted to mention you individually even though it's been so long because you have genuinely touched my heart a lot and i will never forget ur compliments 🙏 ok maybe i did forget some of them word for word. but i will never forget how sweet u were to me. how about that. so thank you and i hope to see u around more!! i probably have to be on my dash more for that tho huh... @romanceuntold hi jen 🫶 i miss u on stayblr i'm ngl but i'm also still glad to see u on my dash through all your phases. you are such a warm and kind person and another person who i will never forget being so sweet to me. thank you and i hope you're doing well ❣️ @wearehappiness sidrah <3 the fact that we were both on stayblr but met properly on pc ig first is still so silly to me. me intending to wait on ur mail to get to me then being like 'stayblr perk i'll send ur mail rn' after i found out u were here LKJSDLKFLJKSF but you are suuuuch a sweet person who makes lovely gifs too. i miss ur gifs also!! and just you in general. wishing u the best in life always 💗 @mybodyfails hi oli 🫶 another person who has been soooo sweet to me, i'm so glad i got to help w leeknoween and i still have all the freebies u sent me from it preserved safely in my freebie photocard binder 😌 you are always lovely to talk to whenever we do, and thank u for reading my fic too despite zombies not being ur thing i appreciate u!! @strayklds / @facethesuns em i just think it's so funny that we like didn't speak before i invited u to the gif streaming server and i just did that on a whim bc u passed the vibe check and now i feel like we are good friends. despite still rarely speaking KSLDFLSDLKF but i love that for us and love ur gifs and seeing u around always 💞 @neohyune hi fae <3 i know us speaking is like a very recent development but i also wanted to mention u individually to thank u for your help 🙏 i need to write more of my fic tbh...but i Will be checking our conversation again for Notes. you also seem like a very sweet person so i would love to talk to u more in the future also 💕 @linoyes another very recent friendship (yes i am calling it that already) in my life, but thank u for your generosity, let's meet that fundraising goal together 💪 i hope we're also able to talk more outside of this context too. i just have a feeling i will have a lot more to say about u once i make another one of these!!

i'm ngl i don't know how many of you actually follow me here and i don't have time to check everyone's username individually so i'm just going to list a bunch of blogs i follow who may or may not follow me JKLSDFLKSDF but y'all make my dash a better place, thank u for all u do! 🫶 feel free to talk to me anytime too

@dazzlingkai @theseulgis @joytual @anyujin @cchuu @cherry-heartss @boynextdoors @hyunchans @ambivartence @minzbins @everglowz @chogiwow @ttathinker @minhosblr @minho-knows @yang-innie @leegahyun @bu99erfly

#*ccarly #please post i'm begging tumblr .#OK I'M EDITING IT BECAUSE IT PSOTED THANK FAWK.#thank u everyone.#i don't think half of the @s in this are working i am at my limit . but whatever.#if we're mutuals pls check this even if u didn't get a notif for it 😭

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katierosefun · 5 months ago

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Hello :))) So, i was today years old when i learned you had a girlfriend (if i’m not mistaken) and somehow it means a lot to me as you’re one of my comfort blog and that i’ve been struggling with my own sexuality for a while. (I hope it does not come off as weird this is really not my intention 😭) So i was wondering if you would mind sharing how you two met as i love hearing about queer love stories coming from real people and not only in fiction (somehow i need to be reminded that yes, it can happen in real life too for me??) If and only if you’re comfortable doing so of course!!!

aww hi anon! first of all, thank you so much for the kind words--i'm so glad to hear that my blog is a source of comfort for you. and also, re: your sexuality--i'm sending you so much love! i know how scary and how overwhelming it can be to still be figuring out your sexuality and navigating your own queerness, so please remember to have some compassion for yourself, and please know that you're not alone.

as for my girlfriend: yes! i do in fact have one, and we've been together for a little over a year and a half now. we'll be going on two years pretty soon, which is all very exciting!

as for how we met: it's all a pretty funny story, because we actually met while we were both in college. and also right during that first covid summer too. we started off as long-distance friends, bonding our love for star wars and writing.

anyways, i totally had a crush on her, although i was trying to play it off most of the time. the fact that we lived in separate cities was another factor too, of course.

fast forward to a few years later, when we've both graduated college. i've just started my first year of law school; she's working at this point. we're still texting and calling each other a bit, and then i tell her, oh yeah, i'm going out on a date with this guy.

and just like something from a kdrama or a movie or something, this ridiculous, lovely woman texts me as i'm boarding the bus for my date. her text? hey, i dreamed about you last night! we were sitting on a park bench together and we were holding hands :)

and of course, at this point, i still have a disastrous crush on her (hence why i spent a lot of time dating all these random guys in my junior and senior year of college, because i was like i gotta just get over this), but anon, that text message was the other shoe dropping on my brain. i decided right then and there that enough is enough, i'm gonna call her tomorrow and tell her i like her, so she can't just say stuff like that anymore because i don't think i can take it anymore.

so we arrange to have a phone call the next day, and we chat, and of course, true to form, i have to have some liquid courage on me (peach soju, btw . . . but turns out, if you're jittery enough, you don't even feel the alcohol, because i still remember every detail). anyways, at some point, we're chatting, and then i blurt out, "i like you."

and she goes, "i like you too."

and i went, "no, i mean i like you more than a friend. as in i like you."

and she goes, "uh, yeah. i like you to do. the feeling's mutual."

and of course, i didn't know what to say to that. like, i swear i was just like "??? what?" because the thing is, i had this whole speech planned out in my head--something like i like you, and you don't like me like that, so i'm sorry that this is awkward, and i can just take care of my own feelings, but i just really needed to say that so that we're both on the same page--

so to say i was pretty stunned would be an understatement! so cue a lot of laughter and flustering, and fast forward to today, with her living with me for the summer (because of course, she'll need to go back to work and i'll have to go back to school once august hits), and we talk about how many pets we're going to have one day (she has this hobby of sending me videos of increasingly exotic animals and going "??? so can we have this as a pet? :)"), and we've talked about what our wedding is going to be like (as well as what our wedding will not be like) . . .

this is just a whole lot of details, but as you might be the first one to ask me about this lovely person on this webbed site, of course i'm going to ramble and gush--but anon, to give you some hope here, queer love is a beautiful thing and it certainly happens.

personally, i would love to go back in time and find my sad high school self and go "hey, hang in there, because you're gonna be lucky enough to finally fall in love with someone who's kind and warm and patient and loving, and she's going to encourage you to be a better person, and she's going to make friends with literally every single stranger on the street (much to your partial exasperation and partial wonder), and she's going to be really bad at staying hydrated, and she's going to take so many photographs of everything, and she's going to make friendship bracelets on your bed, and she's going to almost fight the secretary at a dentist's office for you (while you tug at her sleeve and go come on, i'm fine, let's just go), and she's going to recite and write poetry that you keep both on your walls and also in your head, and her grandma is going to show you the dorkiest photos she has of this silly, lovely, beautiful person who you love."

so: all that to say, anon, i hope that gave you some hope! it's such a long journey for some of us, but i promise that queer love is out there and healthily alive, and yeah, sometimes they're just as good (or even better) than those that you find in fiction :)

#answered #anon #i could talk about my partner literally all day #like how she has a lot of freckles and how loving and lovable she is #and how she's always the one telling strangers how cute their dogs are #and she's also INCREDIBLY organized #and she's really good at parallel parking #and she's also very artistic and so creative and she has a gazillion hobbies that i'm in awe of #when we were installing my air conditioner i was the one swearing and going 'FUCKING hell oh my GOD'#because it was so humid and hot #meanwhile my partner's smiling and laughing and going 'this is gonna be a funny story later'#which is the other thing: she takes all the inconveniences of life and turns it into a funny story whereas i just swear at the whole thing #(which is why i know that in the case we have kids she's gonna be the mommy the kiddos will run to #when they've broken something or if they threw up in bed)#(whereas i will be the mother who goes 'oh for the love of god')#(our kids will have their mother's sense of humor and their eomma's potty mouth)#but anyways. yes. i love her dearly :)

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riddle-me-fear · 1 day ago

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Hi Riddler! Big fan, love the riddles and the murders etc. I was wondering if you have any friends besides Crane, or does your big brain, ego, and obsessive compulsive swagger make friendship unnecessary? Or maybe just not viable ? Maybe you should ask Joker out for coffee, he seems like a reasonable guy.