#anyways I rememver that I was really proud of how the skin turned out I actualy felt good after painting this

[kyoupann]

From almost a year ago; what multiple scoliosis looks on me

So, my hip is a lil bit slanted and that makes one of my legs longer than the other; and so my spine tried to balance things out by turning into an S-shape. I never really considered it a disability because I can go on with my day most days without pain, even when the doctor who diagnosed me was like "yup, if you have kids you're gonna suffer even more and by 40 you'll probs need a wheelchair";

however, there are moments after walking for long periods (or really just bad days) where my hips hurt so bad I just wanna pass out, trying to walk real fast makes my right hip make a popping sound and it's painful, like a cramp. When I am with people that walk faster than my top speed (most of my friends rip) I either gotta try to keep up and bear the pain or stay behind watching the distance between us grow. It's really isolating in that sense. I can't lift more than 15k without my back resenting it later (I can't carry one of my dogs :( ) and let's not talk about sports that involve running 😂 I used to dance and that in of itself was a challenge for me; I'd be so sore after each routine, even after warming up. Wearing a back-brace(? Support thingy helps when sitting down for long periods but other than stretching exercises, there isn't much I can do about my fucked up back

Sometime all September and October last year I was going through a very hard time dealing with body image issues. Tbh, I'm still am. So I did the very logical thing of taking some pics and painting them. This was the first time I had ever done some sort of portrait and it was cathartic in a way; I encountered the idea that my body will never look a certain way because of my back issues. I have always had "love handles" more noticeable on one side than the other. I'd think that if my back was a bit straighter, I'd probably not have them at all. The amount of times I've tried to stand as straight as possible, trying to get them to disappear... yeah, that's embarrassing. But oh well, surgery isn't really an option for me so I gotta work on making peace with them🫠. Which is something I want to work on, so here's to that!

Anyways, I spent a good chunk of this month thinking if I should post in this so here it goes aaa