#anyways I have four possible birthstones so. get on my level

[deityofhearts]

sure sagittarius is an under appreciated and slept on sign who only gets the short end of the stick in those “the signs as [blank]” posts and who’s merch is almost always just. Horse. Arrow. But you know what we do have? The most fucking birthstones (if you’re born in december but the november besties also have two and as a december bitch I’m willing to share with y’all, sagittarius solidarity)

[purplesurveys]

431

What EXACTLY are you doing? i have episodes of Good Mythical Morning on autoplay while taking this survey. What's the last funny thing you seen on TV? I don’t watch TV often anymore but it’s probably one of those shows that compiles fail videos. It’s the kind of show my siblings usually land on when we stay over at hotels and we share a room (which is really the only time I get to watch TV). Have you ever felt too low, you thought you wouldn't recover? Yeah I’m always bound to feel like this. The last song you listened to was by? Beyonce. I’m all about HOMECOMING these days. You're more: sane or insane? I think sane. I function okay for the most part; but I do get a little extra when I feel like going insane.

Would the world be different without music? Miserable I bet. Have you ever been to therapy/counseling? We had required routine trips to the guidance counselor in my old school, but I don’t know if that counts. I’ve never signed up for anything beyond that though. Explain an out-of-body experience you've had: I dunno. I’ve had weird sensations before but I don’t want to downplay those who’ve had legit experiences. How old were you when you lost your virginity? 18. Have you ever eaten something while high, that is disgusting to you when you're sober? Nope. But this is mostly because I’ve never been high. Ever watched the sun rise? Yes. The Sagada sunrise was the most beautiful one I’ve seen. Some lyrics off the top of your head: “I’ve been getting to the money / Everybody mad (ayeeeeee) / I think I’m getting too much money / Everybody mad (ayeeeee)” Not a Beyonce original but the dance break on HOMECOMING is the shit. Out of all the people you know, who has the most overprotective father? Probably my girlfriend’s, but he’s overprotective over her younger sisters (not so much on her, since she’s the eldest). I keep telling Gab that her baby sisters need to start doing things on their own because they’re pushing 18 and still don’t know how to go to places on their own and basically don’t know how to do stuff that older teenagers should already be capable of doing, but idk I’m not the parent so I don’t get much of a voting power lol. What is something you and your significant other talk about regarding the future? We mostly talk about possible locations for our first condo, but it’s all at a surface level since we’re both still in school. Do you have any chronic illnesses or a mental diagnosis? Scoliosis. That’s the only one I know of. Name any/all drugs you have ever used? Biogesic. For headaches. Do you blow dry your hair or let it dry naturally? I let it dry on its own. Hair dryers are too loud for me. If you've had stitches, where on your body were they? I don’t have any. Which of your five senses do you think is the best? Probably hearing.  Is there a song that describes how you felt yesterday? What? Absolutely. Beyonce’s Sorry. I was pissed off to the max yesterday and that song is equally as ruthless. The last funny thing a friend said? Probably something Angela said but I don’t really remember at the moment. Describe your number four? What was the last thing you did that made you feel accomplished? Finished my readings. What is the worst drug anyone has ever offered you? A childhood memory off the top of your head: Writing with chalk on the school grounds to play hopscotch. Looking back, I’m surprised we never got scolded because we wrote on the ground sooooooooo much, and not just for hopscotch. We just wasted a lot of chalk and messed up the floor. How many art classes have you had? It was part of the curriculum from 1st to 4th grade, then I took up art studies in one semester so I’ve taken a bunch of art classes. I would have taken a lot more if I pushed through with taking up Art Management in my other university choice. Do you hate the way you feel, or feel the way you hate? I’m just...perpetually pissed this weekend, so I’m definitely feeling the way I hate throughout. What do you think of girls who say they don't fart or poop? POOP??????? Is your whole body okay?? Your zodiac sign and birthstone? Taurus, diamond. What's the worst thing about you when you're angry? I keep it in until I explode. Ever smoked salvia? No. Who do you tell EVERYTHING to? Gab and/or Angela. Have you ever been to a rehab facility of any sort? I haven’t. What are homophones? Words with different spellings but have the same pronunciations. I blew up the blue balloon. Have you ever found something out you wish you hadn't? Yes. Worst feeling. What is your best experience in life so far? Probably seeing Paramore. Graduating high school was also a blast. What is "true love" anyway? Differs for everyone. Your favorite shoes are? My Onitsuka Tiger sneakers. Is there anything you plan on buying soon? I want a dress for the year-end college party, but it will depend on my savings by the end of the month if I’ll still get one. The last family member you kissed/hugged was? An aunt, probably. Ever had surgery? What? Nope. Is makeup sex really all that great? It really is. Do you sleep with anything other than pillows, blankets, etc? I’ll sleep hugging a sweater sometimes, but I usually just go with those two you mentioned.

[dudence-blog]

Dear Dudence for 25 September 2017

As I read the latest advice I can’t help but remember Newdie advised a person to stay with someone cheating on on their spouse because those errands needed running.  Anyway, through the miracle of fermentation I’m off to provide possibly better answers to questions strangers don’t even known I’m answering!

My husband’s best friend, the repentant wife beater: A month ago, my husband Ben’s lifelong best friend Matt sent his estranged wife Claudia to the hospital. Despite our husbands’ closeness, Claudia and I never clicked, but I’m horrified by how badly Matt hurt her. Since we found out, Ben and I have argued about our relationship with Matt. I want nothing to do with him; Ben believes we need to support him now more than ever.

Dear Best Friend; Wife Beater, let me go ahead and suggest that a viable middle ground for the short term for you two is Ben continues to be Matt’s friend and you don’t spend any time with Matt.  Set whatever boundaries you wish to set about times and locations where Ben sees his friend (”He’s not going to come to our house Ben,” for example).  Giving your husband, with whom you have an “amazing” marriage, the benefit of the doubt something to consider is that right now he’s in a bit of grief and shock.  His best friend, someone he’s known longer than his amazing wife, just committed a shocking act of violence against his intimate partner.  Your husband is probably, internally, grappling with the idea of “Just how bad does Matt need to be for me to end this relationship?” since this is probably something he didn’t know about his friend.  You’re not “out of your mind” to consider leaving your amazing husband because of his friendship with a wife beater.  However it is incredibly controlling for you to consider an ultimatum of “End your friendship with Matt or I’m going to divorce you”.  You should give your husband some support and help him work through his emotions as he deals with the fallout of Matt’s actions on both of you.  Believe me, your husband will be far more open to your point of view on the situation if you go into it as his friend and partner than as the moral scold who is demanding he end a lifelong friendship with his best friend due to something where the consequences and any rehabilitation could have possibly begun.

Instagram insecurity: About a year ago my boyfriend mentioned to me that he thought his Instagram use was “weird.” When I asked him what he meant, he said that he uses it mostly to look at pictures of women he finds attractive. I was surprised he confided this in me and asked him to delete it, and he complied. Since then, I’ve found him using Instagram again to look at women on three separate occasions. Each time we had a huge fight and he would promise not to do it again. This time, when I once again found him on the site (after he lied about whether he used it), he apologized but said he couldn’t promise not to use it again because it was just a “thought crime.”

Dear Instagram Insecurity, your boyfriend is an idiot.  Now with that out the way let’s move on to the rest.  I’m going to assume he’s not just going to Instagram sites which are reposting the porn with which you are “fine”.  That this is more like he’s finding the IG of attractive women and kind of creeping on the more intimate parts of their lives which they share.  This is bothering you more than his porn use because it’s putting him in a more emotionally connected web.  He’s not doing it just so he can see “EggPlantTaker” do her thing, he’s doing it because he likes the way “SweetieBootieCakes” talks about her day and he is ‘shipping himself into her life.  On top of it he has lied to you, broken a promise he made, hid his actions, and is now saying it’s your fault he won’t uphold his word.  At this point you’re going to need to decide for yourself if this is an issue you’re willing to break up over.  Personally I don’t think the Instaporngram is a deal breaker per se, but his actions to lie about it repeatedly and then gaslight (I think I’m using it right) you by implying you’re the “thought police” are not a good look.  NuPru’s advice about possible compromises is good as far as it goes.

Too smart for something like that: Growing up, I’ve always been praised for how intellectual I am. I feel like this is a humble brag, but to give you an idea I read at a college reading level before middle school and was in calculus my sophomore year of high school. My grandmother, who is very overbearing, would brag to everyone about how smart I am. My parents, too, would stress the importance of keeping up so I could go to a good school and be more or less set for life. Now I’m in college in a very rigorous major, and I despise it. The work is fine, and even when I’m challenged I don’t feel overwhelmed, but being forced into this major has made me overwhelmingly apathetic to anything requiring more than basic algebra.

Dear Too Smart, here, let me help you with this; I’ve read a lot of college student writing; reading at their level in the 5th grade isn’t that impressive.  And Doogie Howser was a doctor before you were even taking calculus.  Sorry, that was petty of me.  You are burned out.  You have been going hard at a course of action you weren’t completely sold on for most of your life.  I will take a chance though and assume that, if you’re intending to make 6 figures, shifting to massage therapy is going to be costing you tens of thousands of dollars (so you’re off by at least a factor of one; not looking good for your mathing.  I kid, I kid because I love!).  I say this not to dissuade you but so you have a bit clearer idea what you’re choosing between.  While the money is important the saying “Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” is a platitude, but a useful one.

The necklace: My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now, and we have a wonderful 2.5-year-old daughter. Last year, for Mother’s Day, he bought me a necklace with her birthstone. In the entire span of our relationship I have never worn a necklace, or really any jewelry, to the point of making the statement “I don’t like jewelry.” It’s inconvenient to take on and off every night, every morning, and when I exercise.

Dear The Necklace, I’m old so I read “4 years together and we have a 2.5 year old” and I think “why is he getting you a necklace and not a ring?” but that is none of my business (Googles insert Kermit meme into Tumblr...).  There is something going on beyond the wearing or not wearing of a necklace.  You’ve been together 4 years and have been through 3ish years of parenting.  How on Earth have you two not managed to get to this point without resolving issues of “I want a small act but my partner doesn’t, what compromise can we come to.”  This is some basic couples communication which seems to have broken down for you two in this instance.  For whatever reason your boyfriend has decided that this necklace is a physical token of his love, and your eminently reasonable sartorial choice is being viewed as you denying his love.  There is no reason this needs to break into a fight, but there is probably a fight-having issue percolating in here somewhere.  Be prepared.

Nosy neighbor: A few months ago, I moved into a new apartment. My neighbor across the hall, Jeff, has taken a large interest in me. The first week I moved in, he came by with a platter of cookies and asked me a few normal neighborly questions. Three days later, as I came home from work, he approached me and asked about my job.

Dear Nosy Neighbor, “I gotta go, have a nice day.”  When he doesn’t get the hint escalate to “I’m not going to talk about this.  Good day”  If it continues you’ll eventually reach *pointedly ignoring him as you range-walk down the hall*.  Finally a letter will be sent by the property manager about his harassing fellow tenants.  

Cat fight: For months, my 17-year-old sister has been begging for a cat. Our parents caved and she received a kitten, so long as she was the only one responsible for it. She’s been good at keeping up with the responsibility and absolutely adores the cat, but has recently fallen behind in school and got a speeding ticket. My mother is furious, and decided she wasn’t “deserving” of the cat anymore, and will be rehoming it by the end of the month.

It’s a cat, not a toy.  Whatever “war” is going to be started by “Hey mom, rather than emotionally torturing her daughter by taking away her cat, while also teaching her a valuable lesson about the transactional nature of caring, love, and relationships, why don’t I look after it until she gets back on track?” is probably one that is either worth fighting, or will be over so fast it will become a topic people google (googles “briefest war in history” and loses the next 3 hours to a trek prompted by the Anglo-Zanzibar War).  

And that is how the Legion of Honour was established.

Too empathetic?: I’m naturally a very empathetic person. However, lately I’ve been finding it to have a very negative impact on my life and quite debilitating. Seeing panhandlers on the street always makes me feel bad—but recently, after being asked for change as I was getting into my car, I ended up feeling so bad I cried the entire way home. Yesterday, reading one-star product reviews for a potential purchase sent me into a tailspin: “Someone came up with an idea for a product, and got it made, and it sucks. How horrible for them!” Little things set me off because I go through a worst-case scenario thought process, which always leads to me crying and feeling terrible for hours.

Dear Too Empathetic, in the Army we call this “Catastrophizing” and it’s part of resiliency training.  Granted, you’re thinking this about other people, but it’s close enough.  There’s probably not a whole lot of “good” thinking about someone panhandling, but for your one-star product, sure it got a bad review, and the creator probably isn’t thrilled about it, but they did actually get it made, and that it didn’t meet a customer’s expectation is something they might use to improve it.  Being exposed to someone’s bad experience ruining your day sounds a bit of an outlier, but it’s something in your mind and you can take steps to stop it.  Give some of the many techniques available online a go, but if it keeps being a debilitating problem it might be something you want to consider speaking with a real professional about.