#anyways I do think that rick making jason die was a bad choice

[bayetea]

thinking about big 3 sibling parallels and sobbing

jason and hazel having so much in common, they both sacrificed so much over and over and both of them "lost" their old lives (jason's memory loss, hazel literally dying) to experience a new one (jason resurfacing at chb, nico bringing hazel back from the dead)

hazel died and gave up eternal paradise for her mother and then got to live a new life and bianca died and chose to live a new life, the children of pluto/hades having such a tense relationship with life and death and rebirth

nico and thalia having to experience the grief of being so close to getting their sibling back (nico trying to bring bianca back from the dead but she's already gone, thalia reconnecting with jason when he comes back) only to lose them again

one has to imagine that percy is somewhat lucky to be an """only""" child because sibling children of the big 3 are doomed to experience heartbreaking tragedy where one of them inevitably disappears and/or dies

[sofiahahaaa]

Demigod Delinquents | Pt. 1 | A New Quest

| MASTERLIST |

Summary: Percy and Annabeth’s calm summer together gets interrupted when Chiron calls in with a quest for him.

Rating: Not really anything... I mean– kissing? Fluff? Lots of Percy and Annabeth being in love. You might die of cuteness?

A/N: Okay so big disclaimer– this blog is not, and will not, become a fanfiction blog, but I was reading some fanfiction and I felt inspired to post this story that I’ve been working on for a while now. 

I got the idea for this fanfiction from this post that you may or may not have seen about the trio of guys (Percy, Jason, Leo) where they go on a quest and are undercover in a prison. There’s really no time frame in which this could’ve happened, but we’re going to pretend there was. :p. Otherwise, could be in canon. 

I feel like this goes without saying, but I don’t own any of the Rick Riordan characters or the concept of Camp Half-Blood. You know that... okay. Let's start the story, no?

~~~

Percy’s POV ~

I looked in the mirror, admiring the new outfit Argus had gotten me. Orange jumpsuit, hair messy as ever– and, of course, that grin that everyone said made me look like a criminal. Fitting, for this quest.

Oh yeah, a quest. 

This was a pretty mild quest, just based on the past– you know... saving the world, defeating Kronos and Gaea, all that schist. But it was still a quest, and the boys needed some time alone. Pipes and Annabeth already had their turn, going down to defeat that giant, unleashing Phobos and Deimos. But the war was over, and I had not had any ‘chill time’ with the bros. You could call it bro-withdrawal. (I had to use a thesaurus for withdrawal, but it impressed Annabeth) I mean, sure, it’s a quest, and quests are not typically ‘lax, but I had a feeling this one would, at least for the most part. 

How bad could being a delinquent be? I practically am one… Actually, when I was twelve, my former evil Step-dad, Gabe, made sure to announce it on National TV. 

But he’s dead now. Whoops!

I flicked some dust off of my shoulder. I would be starting college at the end of the summer, so I couldn’t get myself killed or Annabeth would kill me. 

… You get the point. 

Annabeth and I had decided to stay at Camp Half-Blood for the summer, kind of like a break from reality and school. Leo had come back from the dead and everything with Calypso– something I still don’t understand– and Jason was here because he hadn’t started school yet. 

It was only a week ago when I had sent off Magnus Chase, Annabeth’s cuz, to stop Ragnarok. Or rather, the end of the world. Fun! 

He was a weirdo. All this stuff about Norse gods– it gave me a headache. And the fact that the Egyptian gods exist as well– I just couldn’t get my head around it. 

Anyways– I got off-topic. 

Um… oh, right. About a week ago, I got a call from Chiron. I was babysitting Estelle, my adorable, cutie-pie little sister, (half-sister, whatever) since my parents were out of town. They were in Orlando, Florida, having fun at the beach. Paul was excited because he got a bonus and... they totally needed time away from Estelle. Just for a little bit. It was kind of nice to have alone time with my little sister, especially because Annabeth was there, too. 

It was late into the night when Chiron called me about a quest– something about monsters being put into prison, like real people… causing havoc… etc, etc. Pretty basic. He thought that I could go with the boys, Jason and Leo. It was sort of awkward timing because Annabeth was there and I was supposed to be babysitting Estelle, but long story short, I said yes. I hung up and put my phone in my pocket. 

Estelle was napping, so it was silent. 

I kissed Annabeth’s forehead and she rested her head on my shoulder. Annabeth looked up at me. “Who called?” 

“Chiron. It’s a quest." I said. She looked a little pouty.

"It’s supposed to be our vacation.”

"I’m sorry, it’s just a small quest– it won’t take long.” I murmured sheepishly.

“What about Estelle? Don’t you have to babysit her?”

“Oh. Oh yeah… Oh no.” I started freaking out. I hadn’t thought it through. I fished my phone out of my pocket to call Chiron and go back on my plans– but Annabeth touched her hand to mine.

"It’s okay. I’ve got it covered.”

“Really?" I looked at her gratefully and she kissed my cheek. I put my phone back in my pocket, relieved.

“Yeah. Really, Percy.” She smiled up at me, her beautiful gray eyes sparkling. “Let me check on her.” She got up and went to my parents' room, where Estelle was sleeping. 

She came out with a peaceful looking baby and sat next to me. Estelle yawned and Annabeth cooed. She twirled Estelle’s wispy hairs gently and I had to smile. Annabeth would be a great mother. I thought, and then kind of sat in shock. 

“Percy?”

“Huh? What?” She laughed quietly.

“You’re supposed to be the babysitter.”

“Yeah… but... you’re so good with children." I shut my mouth in surprise.

“What?”

“Nothing. Sorry. Nevermind.” I let a small breath out, my throat hitching at the thought of my very own children.

“Here, take her for a moment." I let Annabeth give me Estelle, and she left the room. I couldn’t stop the thought from coming back. Of children. I love them, and Annabeth is so cute with Estelle… 

We could have children. 

The thought startled me. 

I tickled Estelle’s chin. She looked like me– like my mom– but some of her features reminded me of Paul. Her lips were thin and rosy, and drool bubbled out of her mouth. I kissed her forehead. The apartment was silent. 

I thought about Carter and Sadie Kane. I had thought about them a lot, recently. Maybe it was because of the sudden influx of deities that I wish didn’t exist. Greek came first. I got used to it. Then, all of a sudden, bam, my memory is gone and I’m shoved into a Roman reality of the world. And when I finally got used to that, I met Carter and Sadie, two magicians who kept the Egyptian gods in check. And without further warning, I met Magnus, Annabeth’s weird cousin. Now my mind was whirring, and I didn’t understand anything. Sadie… she had also made me think of children, and the thought hadn’t left my head yet. I stroked Estelle’s plump little cheek, hoping that she wouldn’t get involved in the craziness of my world. Maybe she would be immune to the gods like almost all other mortals.

Annabeth returned to the living room with a small package in her hand. It looked hastily wrapped, brown butcher paper crinkled around it in an odd shape, and a simple yellow string tied around it. “What’s in the package?”

“Birthday present,” Annabeth stated. I blushed. Had I forgotten my birthday again? I didn’t think it was already August… Annabeth seemed to read my face. “Don’t worry. It’s early. I just couldn’t wait– and I guess you might be away this year on the quest.” She handed me the package. I bounced Estelle on my knee, my left hand cradling her tiny head, and looked at the package.

To Seaweed Brain

From Annabeth

I love you.

I smiled. Annabeth played with a strand of her hair. I pulled the string, and the paper came loose. Inside of it was… pictures. I smiled wider as I flipped through them. Each one was of either Annabeth, me, or both of us. I wondered how she got so many. “Annabeth…" I gasped as I saw the last picture. It was the picture of her she had sent me, of her in front of the Lincoln Memorial, bandana around her forehead, looking pleased, as if she had designed the place herself. “You found this one?”

"I sent it by email, Seaweed Brain.” She smirked. As a 13-year-old kid, I had kept a picture– this picture, in my binder, to remind me that Camp Half-Blood was real, and not a dream. I wondered if Annabeth knew that. She locked eyes with me, a knowing smile playing at her lips. She probably knew.

“Thanks.”

“You’re very welcome, Perseus Jackson." I wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her. Then my eyes traveled to baby Estelle. She was so peaceful, sleeping there. 

But, as if I had jinxed it, her eyelids fluttered open and she sniffled, starting to cry. “Oh no, what happened, cutie?” Annabeth took Estelle from my arms, leaning against me. Her hair tickled my neck. I snaked my arm over her shoulder, holding her hand, and I put my other arm on Estelle’s belly. Estelle calmed down, her big brown eyes staring up at Annabeth, and I recognized the look. It was the look Annabeth gave my mom. Like another mother. Annabeth had told me. That was so cute, I felt my head throbbing like it was about to explode–

I snapped back to attention as a knock came from the door. “Percy? Let me in! I’ve been knocking for a while… you’re worrying me!" I frowned and rushed to open the door. Annabeth put her hands on her hips. " I came straight from archery. You should’ve been at the sword arena!” She paused, tucking a strand of her hair into her ponytail. She seemed to take in my ensemble. “What took you so long? And what’s with the outfit?” She looked a little disgusted with the fashion choice, to say the least.

"I was daydreaming.” She gave me a Look™. “And the outfit is for the quest. I think I look pretty awesome.”

"I don’t.” I moved to kiss her, but she planted her hand on my face. “Not in that outfit, Seaweed Brain.” I laughed and backed away playfully.

“Why’d you come?”

"I guess to see you off before you go on that quest… but maybe also to make sure you don’t get any ideas on the quest.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Like staying, you weirdo.” She kissed me softly. I pulled away, raising an eyebrow.

“What, you’re not proud of the essence I have? I’m practically a natural delinquent, don’t you think?”

“No. I don't.” She tugged on my collar. I gave up. I wanted to pick her up and tickle her, but I knew she would not appreciate that. She looked at me pointedly. I glanced at her, making sure not to catch her eye, and ran a hand through my hair. "I don’t think I want to know what’s going through your mind right now, Perseus Jackson.”

“Probably not.”

“Oh?” She teased. I tried to change the topic.

“Where’s Pipes?" I said with a moment of hesitation.

“Oh, she’s doing some serious renovation to the Aphrodite Cabin.” Annabeth scrunched up her nose. It made her look cuter if that was possible. I chuckled.

“What, trying to remove the permanent glitter Drew let loose while she was a counselor?" I tried to snake my arm around her waist, but she grabbed my arm. “Alright, fine.” I raised my hands over my head in submission. Annabeth pushed my shoulder and walked past me into my cabin, sitting down on my bed.

“That wasn’t as funny as you tried to make it. Don’t push yourself." I rolled my eyes. She pretended not to notice me, and instead eyed my untidy and unkempt room. “When was the last time you cleaned?” She asked, already starting to clean.

“Erm… about two weeks ago.”

“Disgusting. I don't understand how you can do this to yourself. And your cabin is so dark. When is Tyson visiting?”

“Come on, Annabeth. I’ll be leaving for the quest in…" I checked my watch. “Two hours. Tyson will visit sometime.” Annabeth glared at me. “And it’s not that dark.”

“You couldn’t even possibly read in here.”

"I don’t read.” She rolled her eyes, but a smile might’ve tugged at the corner of her mouth. The smile disappeared when she looked at the floor. Annabeth picked up a dirty pair of boxer shorts with one finger, holding her nose.

“Really?”

“Sorry, that was a mistake. I didn't remember those were there." I blushed.

“Uh-huh. Yuck.” She dropped them in the laundry pile, gagging audibly. “You are going to clean your room before you leave.” She commanded, and I looked at her, trying to do the puppy eyes. “Not going to work, Percy." I tried a different approach. I kissed her on the temple and then moved to kiss her on the mouth. She sighed and gave in, but when she pulled away, she still looked like she meant business.

“Fine. I’ll do it.”

“Thank you.” She shut the door behind her, and I sat on my bed. I hadn't gone on a quest without Annabeth in ages, but I was a little excited, too. Like maybe she could use a break from me, too. I knew I would miss her, but then again, I wanted her to have free time. And Estelle. She would get to be with Estelle. Maybe it wasn’t so bad.

I started by opening the shades to windows I forgot existed. My cabin was pretty outdated, built a century or two ago, and the all-blue walls made Annabeth cringe, but I still thought it was homey. 

The floor had been replaced by Tyson– once ugly faux-tiles, Tyson had gone hay while I was gone and replaced it with dark, hardwood flooring. I couldn't see the floor right now, due to the trash littering it, but it was beautiful when it showed. 

The light flooding from the newfound windows made the cabin brighter than I thought possible, especially since there were no light fixtures besides my reading lamp in the whole room. (I did mention that it was built two centuries ago, right? So no fixtures. And not many people had occupied it since, so there had never been a change.)

I started to pick up candy wrappers and dirty clothing. Annabeth was right. These were not great living conditions. The difference was that I didn’t live with anyone, and therefore had no one to complain. (Besides Annabeth, but she didn’t technically live with me.) 

I made my bed and put all of the dirty laundry (a lot) into a big bag. Maybe I could take it to the communal laundromat. I hadn’t cleaned my laundry since I got here three or four weeks ago. 

I took a broom out from a small closet in the back of the cabin. Finally, when the trash had been cleared, you could see the floor. And the cabin looked nice– like it did when I arrived at camp. 

Every time Tyson came to camp, he would spruce up the cabin just a little bit more. Rainbows reflected off of the hippocampi dangling from the ceiling.

A new fixture on the wall was now noticeable, thanks to the light flooding through the windows. I hadn’t noticed it before.

A scene made of metal showed the Argo II, swooping through the sky. I noticed a knob on the far side of the piece. When I turned it, the oars on the Argo II rotated slowly, and the birds flew through the sky. It was beautiful.

I was really impressed with what Tyson had been working on. One of his prized swords hung over his bed, glittering, and the fountain had been fixed. (I had destroyed it a while ago, but that’s another story.) My cabin actually looked partially habitable. 

Yay! 

I moved to where my desk was and looked up to the pictures on the wall. I lightly touched the one of Annabeth and I, laughing in a canoe on the Canoe Lake. 

I shook my shoulders, loosening up, and walked outside.

I passed by some people on my way to the tree– Calypso was upset again, claiming she hadn’t come to the real world to hear about a stupid nymphs’ problems and not get paid. She was ranting to Piper especially, who just sat and listened– a trait of Pipers’ I appreciated myself. 

“Hey Lester!" I said to Apollo. (Who was in mortal form, thanks to Zeus) He scowled at me, trying to look intimidating, but it looked more like he was trying not to cry with his new pimply, no longer chiseled face. He had not yet mastered facial expressions. I felt a twinge of guilt. But only a twinge. "I’m sorry, I meant Apollo." I tried not to laugh.

“Bah.” He walked away, annoyed. Nyssa came out of the woods looking baffled. I decided not to get involved. Lou Ellen was cursing at a statue, for a reason unknown to me. Leo was nowhere to be seen, and the same for Jason. I wondered if they were already at the tree, waiting for the no-show. With that thought, I picked up my pace and ran to the top of Half-Blood Hill.

~~~

A/N: Oh dude I hope everyone likes the story... I’ll admit the wording feels a bit rushed and all over the place, but I hope it gets better! I’m going to upload the second part like... right now. :) I know I said this wouldn’t turn into a fanfiction blog, but please send me asks if you want to see something specific written. AHHH! Love y’all.

edit: grammar and sPeLLing

[bewitchthequeen]

Caleo Makes Me Cringe And Here’s Why

Yet another Heroes of Olympus anti list for your asses so prepare your butts because I’m about to blow ‘em clean off.

Note: Usually things apply. If you like Caleo and don’t care to hear counter opinions and that makes you aggressive and mean then this isn’t something you’re interested in, I’m going to have to ask you to move along :D I’m entitled to my opinions as you are yours. Any aggression targeted at me because I don’t ship what you ship will be treated with demeaning responses

You have been warned

Side Note: I have nothing but love for Rick Riordan, these are solely my opinions, which I’m entitled to have.

If you have anything to include, feel free to add your own thoughts.

I’m putting this under a Read More so people who don’t want to see this doesn’t have to.

1. To the people who say that Caleo is the best ship because “it’s not incest”. You are wrong. Calypso is Atlas’ daughter, Leo is Hephaestus’ son.  In Riordan verse, Atlas is Iapetus’ son, Iapetus is Kronos/Cronus’ brother, Kronos/Cronus is Zeus and Hera’s father, Hera is Hephaestus’ mother (and in some myths Zeus is his “biological” dad but we’ll ignore this for the riordan verse). If you’re using the incest card, it’s still incest as all gods and titans are related in some way as they all came from Gaea in some way, shape, or form. So kissing cousins apply here and that makes your argument invalid. Claiming it’s the only “healthy” or not gross ship is a lie or you could go along with Rick and his “genetics are a human thing”. The choice is yours.

2. They started out hating each other but skipped the whole tolerating/friendship stage and basically went straight into romance which doesn’t work for the short amount of time they were together. It was a weak build up and even now Leo looks like a lovestruck little boy while Calypso seems to be rather aloof and disengaged from the relationship. Kind of like now that people are around to see them she doesn’t want to be seen romantically with him? At least, that’s how it looks to me. This is my perception.

3. Calypso seems very angry still and I feel like it would be better for her to work on that solo rather than be in a relationship where she needs to kind of take it a lot slower than she would if she was alone. She has to take another person’s feelings into account so that’s not the best for someone with so much pent up anger. Take it from someone who has had something like that.

4. What would have been a more powerful story line for both of them would have been Leo realizing he doesn’t need to be in a relationship to feel validated and cared for. That being the 7th wheel isn’t a bad thing unless you perceive it that way. It’s a flaw with most books like this and young adult books. All the main characters simply have to be in a relationship. It seems like it’s a must and it’s not. A fair amount of people go through high school without dating. I had two boyfriends, one that lasted for a month (and he gave me fucking panic attacks) and then one that lasted about six months (before a tragedy), but I had friends who had been dating their S.O. since freshman year, some who chewed through boyfriends like no tomorrow, some who didn’t want to date, and some who just never dated. For what seems to be every young adult book ever, there are couples even if feelings don’t bloom until the very end of the book. So imagine my disappointment at how unrealistic these are becoming? It seems literally everyone in PJO/HoO/ToA are in a relationship even background and minor characters. I feel like it’s because people suspect this out of Rick now, and it makes me feel bad that he feels he needs to pair everyone up. I can’t imagine how stressful that must be. He shouldn’t have to do that. There’s this wonderful thing called fan fiction; you can read it, write it, and explore it. You don’t need to make that poor man feels like everyone needs to be in a relationship. It has negative affects/effects on people that age who reads them because then they feel like they need to be in a relationship to feel validated (like Leo) and could possibly end up in a bad relationship or feel like there’s something wrong with them for not being in one.

5. For Calypso because #4 was so long. Calypso’s story would have been a lot more powerful had she learned to love herself and the boat come for her. It would have been a real strong hit like “You don’t need someone to save you” and “You can save yourself” and self love promotion. (Honestly, both of their storylines could have done that but those opportunities were missed unless it gets horrendously retconned). In this day and age, I definitely feel like promoting self love is more powerful than Caleo unless you’re looking at it through rose colored glasses, like most shippers do. I’m guilty of this myself. I love Leo and I love Calypso, I just feel like there was a missed opportunity here.

6. Leo saving Calypso kind of made Percy look bad. This is a no-no. Making one character look bad for a relationship is a no-no. Percy usually keeps his promises. The only one I’ve seen him not keep was Bianca and even then I’m not 100% that was a promise? I don’t know. I just don’t like that Percy just “forgot” and basically made him like the other heroes that landed on Calypso’s island. I’m confident that’s not something that Percy would just “forget” but whatever. There’s a lot with HoO that I don’t like when it comes to Percy but that’s a post for another time.

7. Okay this is just because I seen a post from a pro caleo blog (and I’m not going to tag cause I don’t want to start a fight since this is a personal opinion and they made it clear they’re going to “defend caleo till they die”. I’m not trying to talk anyone out of anything. I’m stating my opinions, but claiming things about other ships without acknowledging your own ships faults is a no-no. (that’s the reasoning for the first reason on here). Here’s my defense (despite the fact I don’t really ship any of the canon ships but unfair attacks are unfair attacks) alright so here we go.      a. “ Percabeth = Incest.” See #1 because Caleo is also incest and I explained it above making this a useless excuse to ship Caleo.      b. “Tysella = Furry.” Okay, but Ella is a harpy and Tyson is a cyclopes. I don’t understand why furry is being claimed here but okay. You’re entitled to your opinion, but harpies were never considered animals as they are mythical creatures and I, personally, don’t include mythical creatures as furries but aiight. Furries have fur, not feathers. I haven’t seen any furries/fursonas with feathers. If I’m wrong all I ask is that you prove it without being vulgar.       c. “Grover/Juniper = Furry” Okay. Grover is a satyr which doesn’t really strike me as Furry since it’s humanoid, same with Ella, so it’s not furry as furry are completely animals? And anyways Juniper is basically a fucking nature spirit? It’s basically similar to how a dog likes rolling around in the grass? Whatever though       d. “Jason and Piper = Incest” again so is Caleo. skip Frank and Hazel because nothing was really said on this.       e. “Paul and Sally = Sally’s probably traumatized by Gabe beating the shit out of her” Okay, what does that have to do with Paul and Sally? That’s completely irrelevant to Paul and Sally’s relationship especially since there’s no hint at Paul being abusive to Sally? Sure, Sally is probably traumatized, but I would think she’s working through that since she seems to have a functioning relationship. But what does Sally’s trauma have to do with Paul? Weak excuse.       f. “Solangelo = Not only is Nico 85 while Will 14 but he’s possessive etc, etc”. Okay, but Nico is technically 14 himself? I mean, yes, he was born way back, but if we’re looking at age here Calypso is thousands of years older than Leo. And with possessive, I’m pretty sure Leo got mad at Percy about Calypso and was even kind of mad/jealous of Jason while he was trapped on the island because of Calypso not being interested in him and basically calling him scrawny or something like that. And Nico is in the body of a fourteen year old, he has the mind of a fourteen year old. He is a fourteen year old. He is in the mental state of a fourteen year old. Do you know how unsettling that would be if he dated someone “his own age���? His growth, mentally and physically, have been stunted thanks to the Lotus Hotel, so Nico di Angelo is a fucking fourteen year old. Let’s be clear that I don’t ship Solangelo, but after the shit that kid has been through he deserves to be happy. He lost all of his family, was forcibly outed by his sexuality by an asshole god, went through Tartarus by himself, and had to deal with feeling lost in a world that he didn’t feel accept him even among his peers/the people who should have understood him the most. If anyone deserves to be happy. It’s him. Fucking drop it.       g. “Chris/Clarisse” we’re back at incest and I’m back at Caleo being incest.       h. “Charles and Selena” again with incest because their parents are married. Atlas is Hephaestus’ great uncle so that’s seriously your kid dating your cousin. But Caleo isn’t creepy or incest. Okay thanks. Beckendorf and Silena are a ship that I actually enjoyed because they gave a shit about each other and loved each other despite parentage and then they died and it broke my heart. Honestly, if you find this creepy, a mother and daughter dated a police officer and his son in the Scream TV Series. That I found weird especially since that was all biological. Rick already said that genetics and gods aren’t a thing. The fact that I’m saying this more that once is exhausting. Just because your parents are married doesn’t mean it’s incest. To make this less creepy, Hephaestus and Aphrodite never had children and it’s a bullshit marriage anyways so. Whatever.

Honestly, if you’re going to be biased, at least know your facts. 

That’s all I got now, feel free to start a discussion.

[powerranks]

Power Rankings: Week 0

We’re back boys! I’m ready to stress out and get my heart broken again. I know I say this every year, but I’m gonna try to be more consistent this year because there’s no more school and I’m currently unemployed with all the time in the world and I know you guys like them. The rankings are gonna be numbered as always, but they’re also gonna be tiered. I don’t see a massive difference in teams in the same tier, despite the actual number rank. Small differences make the rank. 

Side note: I think with Dan out and Jack in, this season really has the potential to be the most fun of all the ones we’ve had. The thing I hated the most was having Dan in the league, and I think most of us are gonna consistently be at Anthony’s on Sundays based on where we each are in life. 

Side note 2: The league is 100% paid before the season starts, which also breaks a record! We did it!

Weekly Reminder: this is all my own half assed thought process when it comes to ranking these teams, don’t be mad if you’re ranked lower than you want to....wait, Dan’s not in the league, nobody’s gonna give me shit anymore

HEAD OF SCOTT’S PENIS DIVISION

1. Rick and Jordy (Chris “same team as last year” Gatzow)

So I actually went back and looked, and it’s a super similar team as last year...exact same QB, exact same TE, exact same K, a hyped second year runningback (Gurley last year, Howard this year), a fat NFC East second RB (Kelley-Blount), a raider receiver (Crabtree-Cooper) and a NFC south alpha receiver (Evans-Julio). You’re running it back with pretty much the same team that made the postseason last year, added Doug Baldwin, and your depth is WAY better than the garbage pile you had on the bench last year. Book the playoffs for Chris Gatzow. 

2. Free Zeke (Beshoy “didn’t make a single good choice round 12 onward” Halim)

The more and more I look at your team, the more I think that starting week 3 you have a super set top 4 + QB and a tight end with super high upside in Henry. Your bench is very rough, this team is super top heavy, but none of your guys are injury risk anyways. Aaron Rodgers is a fucking fire breathing dragon. I don’t think you expected the ranking but I can’t see holes in the lineup other than depth, which can be figured out on the waiver wire.

3. Aegon Targaryen M’FVCKA (Alex “definitely saw Danny Woodhead before the draft” Ahn)

So I REALLY like your team. I think your top 3 RB’s are locks to start every week, all your receivers have tons of upside (Jeffery could really be the steal of the draft, dude is fucking GOOD when he’s healthy, Tyreek might be scarier than OBJ on a single play basis, and Decker has been a top 20 guy every year he’s been healthy), you have two top 10 TE’s, but is it weird that despite having two big name QB’s. I think that’s where you’re weak? I think that both Derek Carr and Matt Ryan had the best possible seasons they could have had last year, and regression to the mean is the undefeated GOAT of fantasy football. I think if you start the right one every week that’d be your best option, but I’ve lived owning both of these dudes and I hated it so much. I still think you’re one of the best rosters in the league, but that’s something you have to figure out (Update as i write this, Alex is already tryna trade matt ryan lmao)

4. Scott’s Penis (David “Kush Throne” Chinchilla)

I didn’t realize I liked my team till I kept looking at it and ranking myself higher...I hate hyping my own team up, but Andrew Luck is a 20 point a week dude if healthy, my three RB’s should all finish in the top 15 at their position, I REALLY like Keenan Allen (suck my ass dylan) and all my receivers are at least potentially serviceable. Reed will die at some point, but he’s so good when he plays...and I play the better of the two matchups with my elite defenses. Idk, there’s risks (Allen, Luck and Reed’s health, no real second receiver) but I like my team a lot. I can root for MY president, Kush King. And I can’t get scored on as much as I did last year...right?

SCOTT’S SHAFT DIVISION

5. Hammer (Tony “strangest tony team in a long time” Mendola)

much like Dylan and Beshoy were saying at the draft, this doesn’t feel like a typical Tony team. Where’s the three insane receivers? Where’s the second proven RB? I don’t doubt tony for a second, ever, and he’ll make the playoffs as he always does but this doesn’t seem like a tony team (this was all hypotheticals and stupid ramblings and i’m sorry)

6. don’t trust a younghoe (Dylan “caffeine” Jessop)

Your team reminds me a lot of Alex’s team, good starting RB’s, good starting receivers, our lord and savior Younghoe, Seahawks D...but a HUGE question mark at TE (although I think Doyle is the last fringe starter worthy guy to draft) and another QB who had a banner year last year and should regress at least a little bit. You have a lot of the guys that could have breakout years (Gillislee, Cooks, Davis) and I think you need one of those to hit to make the postseason.

7. Scott’s Balls (Anthony “handcuff boi” Mendola)

You’d be higher if you had ANY RECEIVER I WAS EVEN REMOTELY CONFIDENT IN. Snead is a good pick, but not when you probably could’ve gotten someone that you’d feel good about starting week one (Ted Ginn was definitely there). You’re starting Chris Hogan! Anyways, enough with the shit talk...Cam Newton is a huge bounceback candidate based on positive regression to the mean, you have the best runningbacks in the league (by FAR), and Gronk. This is a really good team! It deserves better receivers. Trade Gore or Montgomery or both for even one decent WR, please. I hear Scott and Alec have your same problem but the opposite. 

SCOTT’S BALLS DIVISION

8. Mixon it Up (Alec “venmo” Bernstein)

I don’t actually think your team is bad, I just see a roster with exactly ONE running back that is the definite, guaranteed number one (Miller, who is the most boring starting RB to root for), a bunch of receivers that are either 20 or 5, and a tight end that might be even more injury prone than Jordan Reed in Eifert. I don’t like the three Bengals you’ll always have to start, because I think it’ll guarantee that one will play well, but will mean that two don’t in most weeks. I want absolutely nothing to do with Allen Robinson, but I will at least concede he definitely can break out. I like Martavis, Sanders, and Maclin a LOT, and I think it signals you should package some receivers for another RB. 

9. Scott’s Jizz (Scott “blew Jason Garrett one time” Felgenhauer)

Dak-Dez should be good this year, but they do have a first place schedule which would make me temper my expectations for them. I like your tight ends and Mike Thomas, but the rest of your team is a massive question mark in my opinion. Powell as my RB2 would worry me, I can’t trust Demariyus with the Denver QB’s, the rest of the WR’s are just darts. This team will depend on average players to be REALLY good, which means you’re gonna be more touchdown dependent as opposed to yards. This ranking is gonna look stupid as hell when David Johnson scores 40 a game and you’re 3-1. 

10. Fournette About It (Jack “rookie” Cleek)

So before I start this, I’m just gonna say that the person I’ve picked as the last place person in the season’s initial power ranking has made the postseason 2 out of 3 times I’ve written these. I’m ass at evaluating these things, so don’t listen to me. Anyways, whew, this team isn’t great. Two rapists as QB’s, two rookie RB’s, Todd Gurley (who I love irrationally, but who’s life is a living hell in that offense), two WAY past their prime RB’s, DeAndre Hopkins (See: Todd Gurley), and the one defense I didn’t wanna touch because they were the regression to the mean candidate with pick sixes and return scores. Antonio Brown, Rudolph, and Davante aren’t enough to save this.

PICKS 

side note: your power rank doesn’t determine how I pick, your weekly matchups do

Free Zeke (shoy) over Scott’s Jizz (Scott)

If zeke plays: Aegon Targaryen (Alex) over Fournette About it (Jack)  if not, flip it Rick and Jordy (Chris) over Hammer (Tony)

- both of your matchups are CRAZY, this might finish in the 150′s

don’t trust a younghoe (dylan) over Scott’s Balls (Anthony)

Mixon it up (alec) over Scott’s Penis (David) -strictly based on week 1 matchups, mine are all pretty much brutal