#anyways I believe two guys can be friends. Bill and Ted are pushing the whole just bros thing. this is my obliterated statement about

[bambeebirdie]

I gotta say I watched Bill and Ted Face the Music for the first time and why can’t they just be a polycule? The entire plot line of the boys needing to individually tell their wives they love them probably wouldn’t have had to be a plot line if they’re all just dating.

[moviesmakethegirl]

BEAUTIFUL GIRLS

Beautiful Girls, directed by Ted Demme and released in 1996, is an American classic romantic comedy that is timeless. It's relateable, funny, sad, kinda creepy, and problematic at times because it was written in the 90's and for some reason writers loved to write words that are totally demeaning and derogatory to LGBTQ+ people and in no way shape or form do I agree with the use of these words in this film. It honestly breaks my heart that they say the F word a couple of times in this movie. I do not use that word, and I do not believe it was necessary to put in the script. Remake this movie in today's time, and there would be none of that shit in it, I know it. I hold this movie in high regard, but I have to point out the major flaws and that is the biggest flaw. So, here I am to talk about this movie that I've watched almost more than any other movie in my life. I'm gonna spoil it for most of you, but hopefully not enough that it deters you from watching it and excusing the bullshit that they got away with cause it was the 90s.

The movie starts with Willie Conway, played by little Timothy Hutton who has the most gorgeous blue eyes I have ever seen on a screen. He's seen playing piano in a smokey bar, grabbing what little tips he makes and buying a bus ticket to who the hell knows. A true testament to the 90s here is smoking in the bar. Something that I would have taken full advantage of if I was in my 20s in the 90s. Now, the whole point of this movie is that friends reunite to go to their 10 year high school reunion. So, Willie goes back to his hometown with a pack of cigarettes and loose one dollar bills while the beginning credits play. During this time, we see a young almost Hulk looking Matt Dillon plowing snow in a fancy as fuck (for the 90s) driveway. He is accompanied by his colleague, Kev who always wears a beanie and is basically always drunk (he's a good character). Now, we see a woman come out with coffee mugs and she thanks them for doing their jobs and tells them she ran out of Styrofoam cups. Matt Dillon aka Birdman aka Birdy aka Tommy (SO MANY NICKNAMES FOR ONE CHARACTER!) tells her he will bring the mugs back. The woman slinks back into her house while Tommy looks at her like a piece of meat (fucking 90s). Now, BLESS KEV'S SOUL cause Kev knows these two are doing the ditty dance and he points out "She's married, Tommy." My voice of reason Kev, forever in my heart. Soon after this, Tommy and Kev meet up at a diner with another plow truck driver named Paul who is played by the amazingly witty Michael Rapaport. Easily the best acted character in the movie, easily the most problematic and sleaziest, but by God if he doesn't move the plot of this story to perfection. Paul is complaining about his girlfriend sleeping with another man because she won't answer his phone call at 5 in the fucking morning. He claims she's sleeping with a butcher which is ironic because his girlfriend, Jan, is a vegetarian. IRONY GUYS, AM I RIGHT? Gotta love some good irony. Anyways, the boys fuck around at the diner until Paul leaves to go start shit with his girlfriend at the crack of dawn cause that's how to get  girl to not be mad at you. We then see Paul using his plow shovel on his truck to push the snow in front of Jan's garage so she can't get out. King of romance here, guys. And that's how they introduce the main male characters. Now we know that Willie, Tommy, and Paul are all connected but how?

The movie goes back to Willie, who gets picked up at the bus station by his high school bff Mo. Now, before I say anymore, Mo is the best male character in this movie and I will defend Mo with all my breath and then some. Mo is life. Mo is love. Now, back to the movie. Mo has two kids who are useless and dumb and only in the movie to show that time has passed in this town. He drives Willie back to his childhood house where Willie spots an unknown teenager living next door. Willie's home life is sad. His father doesn't say much after having lost his wife, I don't know how that's never explained in the movie. He and his father exchange a cute little convo about watching golf and Willie goes upstairs to unpack. His little brother played by the not so famous yet David Arquette is obviously a little on his hinges stops by to say hello. He tells Willie that the old neighbors moved out and some other humans moved in and doesn't know anything about them cause it's life and no one actually knows their neighbors. And now that he's said his hellos to his family, Willie goes out on the town! He meets up with Paul to grab beers and go hang at the boy's pad. Tommy is sitting on the couch with his girlfriend Sharon who is asleep on his lap when Willie and Paul come in screaming and hooting and hollering. Now, HOW Sharon doesn't wake up from this, I'll never know. It honestly takes me out of the movie, cause this movie is pretty true to real life so what the fuck ever, I'm moving on. Anyways, Willie goes into Paul's room that is covered with naked photos of models. Willie is concerned and asks if Paul has any heads in his freezer that he should look for, which is 100% understandable. But, I was the high school girl who had her walls covered in pictures of famous men, so honestly, who I am really to judge?? Actually, I can judge cause Paul is supposed to be like 28, 29 in this film and his wall looks like mine did when I was 17, so again, beware of heads in the freezers. He then goes on to monologue about how beautiful girls are the last salvation of this world, a "promise of a new tomorrow." It's actually a pretty eloquent speech from an ape of a character and really gives you insight to the fact that Paul is just lonely and truly wants love but is plagued by society telling him what he should deserve by being a man (HEAVY SIGH). But before this, which I forgot to mention, there's a scene where Paul goes to propose to Jan while she's working. He just hands her the ring, which is brown, and she obviously says no cause Paul is just a really tall infant and he gets so goddamn salty like he didn't just block her in his driveway with snow that very morning. So it's even more insight into just how sad Paul truly is and how broken he is inside that he needs to cope with "beautiful girls." Paul reminds me of an onion. And you all know where I'm going with that metaphor.

Then we move on to Willie by himself. He finds himself at Mo's, catching up with his family when he mentions that he might become a traveling salesman instead of being a piano player in smoky bars. Mo's wife thinks it's a great idea, Mo, however, is distraught. Rightfully so, cause the best thing Willie has going for him in hotness is that he's a piano player. Mo gets on his case about not being able to sell anything and it's really a good Mo moment. Willie then goes home to comtemplate, like any piano player would, only to be sidetracked by the quicky teenage girl who lives next door. Everyone, listen to me. This is important. There is a 13 year old girl in this movie who is probably the most important part of this movie and she is played by 13 year old Natalie Portman. I KID YOU THE FUCK NOT. Marty, named after the grandfather she never knew, is a wise beyond her years, old soul teenager who puts Willie's life into perspective. She is mad upfront about his family life, blantanly saying "Your mom is dead, isn't she?" the very first time she meets him. She intrigues him with her vast vocabluary. It's really a shameless conversation between an adult and teenager, but it's lingers in the silences which makes most uneasy upon their first watch of this movie. I, however, love this realtionship. I am not about statutory rape, but I am for philosphoical, tragic love stories so this is kind of up my alley in a weird twisted way.

Next up, we get the beautiful girls. Sharon and Tommy are seen post coital which Sharon not too happy. She accuses Tommy of having an affair with his old high school girlfriend, Darian (fucking really? Couldn't pick a better name? Whatever). Now, Darian is the chick who gave Tommy and Kev the coffee mugs in the first scene. I forgot to mention that, excuse me. Tommy then gets on Sharon's case about having an eating disorder cause it was the 90s and people could just say WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANTED RIGHT NO CONSEQUENCESSSSKLDFKL;DFKLJGDFJKH. Anyways, Sharon then leaves to go be with her girls cause fuck guys. Her girls are Mo's wife and the hilarious Rosie O'Donnell. They tell her that Tommy is horrible and she should leave (fucking DUH). Sharon then gets all moody and defensive and is like "isn't it my fault?" and NO BITCH NOTHING IS YOUR FAULT! Tommy is a fucking DOUCHE BAG WHO DOESN'T DESERVE YOUUUUUUUU! I scream that literally everytime I see that scene. BUT THANK GOD FOR ROSIE cause the next scene is her talking to Tommy and Willie. She basically just screams at them while she is running errands and telling them that their fantasy girls don't exist. That men rely too much on outer beauty that they are gonna get sick of these models after a couple nights of knowing them. She goes into detail about the nasty things that real women have to deal with like boobs sagging and pubic hair, all while saying hello to old friends in the supermarket. It's humerous to say the least, it's real, and it's just outstanding writing, in my opinion. It's totally undercut by Tommy and Willie not grasping what she has to say, but you know that deep down they truly understand her, they're just being little bitches cause THEY'RE BOYS AND BOYS ARE BITCHES.

So now that we've had the girls talk about the boys, the boys all meet up at a bar. Now here's the fun part, cause the bar owner is an old friend of the crew and he lets the boys do whatever they want. It's a cool place. So when the boys, who are all children in my opinion besides Mo and Kev, see that the owner's cousin is in town, they try to act all cool and shit which fails miserably because the cousin in question is none other than the number one bombshell herself, UMA FUCKING THURMAN! I have a terribly huge obsession with Uma and it all started with her in this movie. She has been bae for a lot of my life. Sorry, I'm just here to rave about how much I love Uma Thurman and she deserves the world. Now, she's the "cool girl" from Chicago who was "born with a boyfriend." She gets the boys shots and asks about them. She finds out Willie plays the piano and asks him to play. He then starts playing "Sweet Caroline" lead by a drunk Kev, bless his heart. Mo, also wasted, really gets into the song and it makes me happy. This is the only time I'm happy to hear a Neil Diamond song, honestly. It's a feel good scene and it has Uma in it, I love it.

So, Sharon, little lovely Sharon, has planned a surprise birthday for the worst boyfriend in history. She goes all out and everyone is involved and while she is trying to surprise Tommy, he AGAIN mentions her eating disorder and makes me want to punch in the face but it's all ok because she surprised him for his birthday and he loves her again and all is well YAY! There's fucking lobster at this party, like a lobster bar and everyone is drinking beer and eating lobster and dancing and having the time of their lives. Honestly, where the fuck was my invite? Why does no one I know have surprise birthday parties with a lobster bar??? We are slacking. Then, horror strikes. A drunk Darian shows up and casts the biggest dark cloud I've ever seen. Like I feel akward just watching it.  She then walks straight up to Tommy and tries to give him a present and kiss him IN FRONT OF EVERYONE INCLUDING SHARON! WOOOOOOOOW DARIANNNNN. So, Sharon leaves and Tommy feels bad. Oh poor Tommy, cheating on a girl who loves you with a girl who's fucking married and now your birthday is ruined woe is fucking you. Tommy tries to make amends by going to Sharon's mom's house and asking for forgiveness which SHE SHUTS THE DOOR ON HIM! YAAAASS SHAROONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!

Back at the party though, Willie and Mo are drunk and have outstayed everyone. They start talking about shit and Willie brings up 13 year old Marty. Mo, obivously grossed out cause DUH, says some great words of wisdom. He even points out that "when you were in the 7th grade, she was a zygote." Points to Mo for keeping it real this entire film. Willie understands, but you know deep down inside he wants to wait for this bitch which like YEAH ME TOO I WOULD WAIT FOR NATALIE PORTMAN but also dude....come on. Willie, in a drunken state, proclaims "I just want something beautiful." To which Mo responds, "We all want something beautiful." AND THAT IS THE MOMENT IN THIS FILM THAT I LIVE FOR. I FUCKING LOVE THAT LINE SAID BY MO JUST YES YES YES! It's so true but it's so subjective and so vague and when I round out this post, I will go deeper into that.

SO YOU GUYS NEXT IS THE ICE SKATING SCENE. WOW OK LEMME CALM DOWN QUICK CAUSE THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SCENE IN THE MOVIE TO ME CAUSE I'M A TRAGIC ROMANTIC AT HEART. So, Mo takes Willie ice skating with his kids. Willie leaves to go hang out in the ice house where Paul and Kev are in. He then leaves to go have a cigarette only to see Marty ice skating with her friends. He goes over to her, which causes Mo to side eye him the entire time YAS MO. Willie and Marty start talking about Willie's girlfriend back in the city, which causes Marty to say that she "broke up" with her boyfriend. She then says that she wants Willie to be her boyfriend and he hits the breaks realllll hard. He then says one of the most poetic and saddest things I've heard in a film and he looks her in the eyes and says that she's gonna outgrow him like Christopher Robin outgrew Pooh. HE SAYS TO A FUCKING 13 YEAR OLD THAT HE CANNOT BE THE POOH TO HER CHRISTOPHER ROBIN AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES. One, poor Marty cause she's gonna live with that the rest of her life. Two, omfg. Three, I love that Willie understands what it's like to be a teenager and what it's like to grow up and not want what you wanted from the past. Like as easy as it sounds to grasp that, I have found that most people haven't. And he served it to this 13 year old chick who has never met anyone who can match her mental capacity until Willie and she skates away all sad but totally understanding. LIKE JFC THE RESPECT IN THAT SCENE IS WHAT GETS ME. Both acting like true adults, both accepting the truth like two adults even though one is an adult in a 13 year old body and the other is a 13 year old trapped in an adults body.

So Paul asks out Uma's character named Andera (AN-DEER-UH) to make his old gf Jan jealous. OH DOES IT WORK, who wouldn't get jealous if their ex brought Uma with them to a bar? Andera gets up to leave since Paul is being a douche, what's new, but he comes clean and says he is trying to make an ex jealous so she totally plays along. She gets all up on him and grinds her little body against his like she's getting paid to. Jan leaves and Paul, being the ever so smart and classsy dude he always has been, tries to kiss Andera which then results in her slapping him and leaving as well. She walks home by herself on a snowy night only to run into prince charming number 2, Tommy. He asks if she needs and ride and she says no and he asks her what does it take to be with a girl? She replies with something so simple, yet so romantic omfg. She says, "I'm easy. A guy's gotta say 4 words to me. 'Good-night, sweet girl.'" LIKE BITCH, THAT'S NOT MUCH, BUT I FUCKING GET IT. She then leaves Tommy and he's all smitten in his truck cause Uma has that affect on everyone. She then goes to the bar, to find Willie drunk at the piano. She starts to talk to him and he's trying to get her to go home with him and she says no until he asks her to go ice fishing to which she says YES! Cause who wouldn't, right?? Anyways, he takes her to the ice shed and they talk about how Willie is afraid for his longtime gf to meet his family and how he feels the pressure of asking her to marry him. He then asks Andera what could be more perfect than having sex with a stranger in a ice house to which she replies, A RAINY SUNDAY MORNING WITH HER BOYFRIEND, READING THE NEW YORK TIMES, DRINKING MARTINIS, AND LISTENING TO VAN MORRISON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you guys see why I'm so obsessed with her character yet? Willie nods his head, he understands, WE ALL UNDERSTAND! That literally sounds like the most perfect day in the world! I would switch martini's to margaritas and the NYT to Stranger Things but still, come the fuck on. Andera leaves him in the shed, telling him he needs to have a conversation with his girlfriend.

So the girlfriend, played by Annabeth Gish, comes into town the night of the high school reunion. You probably forgot this was about a high school reunion cause I always forget that until the end. Anyways, she gets along famously with his family and they get ready for the reunion. They pregame at Mo's cause why not? Tommy, however, decides to skip the reunion. Darian told her eariler on that her husband was gonna be out of town that night so Tommy could come over but he said NO WAY JOSE! Which, ok cool, but still fuck Tommy. So, he is at the bar by himself when he runs into Darian's husband!! Who isn't out of town and is at the bar with three of his dude friends and they, of course, beat the shit out of Tommy. So of course, the friends back at Mo's get a call saying that Tommy is in the hospital and Mo gets fucking crazy. He jumps into the car with Willie and Paul and they drive to Darian's house and Mo starts beating the shit out of Darian's husband. It's a lot, honestly cause Mo goes full on Hulk but stops when he sees Darian's daughter at the front door, asking if her daddy is alright. Mo settles the fuck down and gets back into the car and they drive to the hospital to see Tommy. There is so much testosterone in that scene, it's almost as if i have to shower after it.

So the next day, Willie and his girlfriend are packing their bags to go home. He has decided to go back to the city and not become a salesman. His girlfriend convinces him that sales men aren't sexy, but piano players are like YAASS GIRL SPEAK THE TRUTH! During their goodbyes, Marty comes out to say her final words to Willie and I always cry cause deep down inside I wish they could be together. Like I wish he was younger or she was older. Shit. Anyways, he tells her that she's gonna do great things with her life and she's like duh I know. It's amazing. They stop at the hospital to say goodbye to Tommy, who has Sharon sleeping on his lap again in a very uncomfortable looking position and again SHE DOESN'T WAKE UP TO THEM TALKING AT FULL VOLUME! Willie says goodbye to his longtime, problematic friend and then almost as if on cue, Sharon wakes up. Willie meets Mo outside in the hallway who brought his kids who then jump on an injured Tommy and I think that's poetic justice. It ends with Willie leaving town, Kev is back on the street plowing it, Paul is unhappy and single cause he's an asshole who needs to grow the fuck up THOUGH I didn't mention this but after the Tommy fight, Paul goes to Jan's house and takes all the snow away from her garage cause he knows he acted a fool to her and that's his way of apologizing which isn't amazing but it's a start and I can respect him for that. Mo ends up good. Tommy and Sharon end up together which kinda grinds my gears but whatever. Everyone seems to be in a good place at the end of the movie and I love it.

So to me, this movie is about the subjective nature of beauty. Yes, beauty is important but it's the inner beauty that matters. The beauty of growing up and going through life's ups and downs. The beauty of friendship and how no matter what shitty things you friends do, there's a bond that exists and you have to help them find a way through the bad shit. The beauty of being in love, in having a family, in being a musician, in being a snow plower, in being confused about what you want. Life is beautiful, and it's real. The whole "everyone wants something beautiful" line speaks to me so much cause Mo is the one who said it, and to Mo, beauty is his family. To me, beauty is the love that surrounds me from my friends and family. Everyone is searching for something they can have and hold, but the truth is that beauty is omnipresent, for lack of a better word. Beauty is subjective. Beauty isn't a beautiful girl, it's life. There's beauty in the lessons you learn from abtaining something you held in high regard and learning that it isn't what it's all jacked up to be. The monologue that Rosie has where she says the boys would get tired of models after a couple months is what this movie is about. It's the whole loving what you got philosphy. I related so much to this movie as a teenager because I held celebrities in very hig regards. I had posters all over my room and doors and even in my hallway. I was so into the idea of a hot celebrity boy being my boyfriend because I didn't know them, I could make them the perfect man in my mind. Only to wake the fuck up and realize that in real life, these men aren't like that. I was living in a fantasy world but here I was putting beautiful people on a pedastal and not really grapsing the true beauty in life. That's what I get out of this movie and that's why it's my favorite romantic comedy of all time. It's my favorite movie of all time, behind Fight Club which I will write about some other day.

Thank you for reading this, if you did. I hope to do many more of these with your support. I hope I made you laugh, I hope I made you think, I hope I gave you a good movie recommendation!

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