#anyway... i unlocked a plot point for my characters development today and i sat there like 😃😃 dear god NO

[girl-bateman]

Deeply disturbing how BOTH my books have ended up being about self discovery through the act of violent selfishness

[thecrappyauthor]

Endless - Part 3

Word Count: 7.4k

Warnings:  Mentions of abuse, violence, depression, swearing

Summary:  Dan is juggling depression, anxiety, eating problems, and abuse. His world is a never ending gray cloud. At least it is until he meets Phil, a popular handsome boy who for some reason will not give up on getting to know Dan.

Author’s note: So this part took a number of months to write, sorry about that. However I’m on summer break now, so it will be much easier to find time to write. I am still very invested in writing this story, and am really enjoying writing it. I actually think about it a lot in terms of developing the plot and characters. Thank you to anyone who reads this chapter and I hope you enjoy! As always any and all feedback is appreciated.

Rating: M (Part 3 does not include smut)

Dan’s POV

I’d like to say that I was excited for tonight, even just a little bit. Excited to maybe possibly have a friend in this godforsaken school from hell. Excited to just have a relaxing movie night with a dare I say it attractive boy. But if I must be completely honest with myself…… I’m fucking terrified, for multiple reasons. First being that I barely even know Phil.  For all I know I could be walking right into a serial killer’s house tonight and never be seen or heard from again, but then again would anyone notice? Second reason is that assuming Phil is as genuine a guy as he seems to be, then I’m going to make a complete pansy of myself in front of a potential b….. Friend a Fucking FRIEND is what I was going to say... I flipping hate horror movies, especially the ones about the fucking supernatural. Third reason tonight is going to be a complete and utter disaster is because I’m afraid of the goddamn dark. I can’t as well just tell this fucking Calvin Klein model that I am afraid of the dark and would gladly request to keep the lights on… I’ve made a twat of myself already as it is. In all honesty Phil seems like the first genuine guy I've met in a while and I don’t want to mess this up.

  Second day of school starts now. I huffed out a long breath of air and took a swig of coffee. When I closed the locker door I was greeted by Anyas face looking up at me. One of her eyebrows was raised and her gaze shifted up to meet mine. I took another swig from my cup with a raised eyebrow of my own.

“So, could I ask you why you wanted to go to the roof yesterday or no?”

I choked on my coffee. “Ok sorry, point taken, you don’t wanna talk about it that’s fine.” She looked up at me concerned grey eyes focused on mine. I couldn’t stop coughing. I hadn’t even asked Phil what he wanted to talk to me about!

“No!” I choked out, “ I….It’s fine, I just remembered something…… I was supposed to meet him on the roof after school… but I never made it there.”

“Who were you supposed to meet?” My stomach turned as my thoughts began to race again. What was it that Phil wanted to talk to me about?

“D...don’t worry about it. Sorry, I’m just thinking out loud.” She looked at me as if she was trying to decipher a foreign alphabet.

“Ok… well then I’ll see you in music later ok Chopin?” Her voice perked up and her smile returned.

“Y….yeah.. see you.” with that she turned quickly and began walking to class, her braid swinging around on her back as she spun. I watched her walk away still lost in my own thoughts. Tonight is going to be an absolute disaster. I am going to have a panic attack if I keep up with this level of anxiety. Phil is a nice guy, and he wouldn’t intentionally hurt you for any reason. But then again that is what I used to think of my dad. A shiver ran up my spine and I shook my head to try to get out of my consuming thoughts. Phil is different.

 I walked into the algebra room in a complete daze. Somehow I ended up in my seat at the back the class. I leaned back in my chair, shut my eyes, and let out a long sigh. I tried my best to clear my thoughts so I’d be able to semi-focus on the schoolwork. The footsteps of the students walking in echoed in my head, and their voices sounded far far away. I forget sometimes that I didn’t always have so much anxiety. I wasn’t always this shy either, in fact I used to be pretty extroverted. I had a nice friend group, and people actually talked to me. All of that changed right after mom passed. I stopped talking, I started dressing different, and I receded into my own shell. People stopped talking to me, and my dad started to get angry.

“Good morning Dan.” The familiar voice echoed in my head, it was Phil. I opened my eyes and leaned forward in my chair.

“Uh… g...good morning.” Jesus christ Dan, get your words together at least. Phil walked over and sat in his seat next to mine. He gave me a concerned look and leaned forward a little in his chair.

“Are you feeling alright Dan?” I looked an utter wreck do to sleep deprivation… Thank you anxiety.

“Yeah I…..”

“Heyy if it ain’t the little runt from yesterday!” My eyes snapped onto the figure walking through the doorway, it was the boy Heath from the day before. He’s the guy that was defending Klein like a guard dog. He shuffled closer, I averted my eyes to the floor.

“I don’t think I quite caught your name before.” His footsteps got closer until I saw his shadow towering over my desk. I didn’t dare look up so I focused my gaze on his right hand.

“Hey, little runt I’m talking to you.” Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and I flinched harshly in my seat. A shiver ran up and down on my spine as I felt him tighten his grip. Then, I watched as slim fingers wrapped around his wrist, and then he was yanked backwards.

“Leave him alone Heath, class is about to start.” Phil’s voice said firmly. Heath glanced back at me and then sat down in his seat next to Phil. Luckily he stayed quiet for the rest of class, meanwhile I got a concerned glance from Phil every five minutes or so. I was lucky a guy like him had decided I was worth sticking up for.

After algebra was music, and luckily it went by quickly, mostly because I was talking to Anya about Phil. She had asked me why I looked so tired and I figured if I was going to tell anyone, I felt most comfortable talking to her.. She told me that I shouldn't worry, Phil seemed like a genuine guy, and he never failed to be kind to her or other students. This eased my thoughts a little, I don't know why but I trust Anya, something about her almost seems familiar.

       When music had ended I found myself in the english room, and what I didn't notice yesterday was that both Heath and Klein are in that class. It was just my luck that I was assigned to sit right next to Klein. I slowly moved over to my seat and sat down next to the boy with the snakebites.

      “Long time no see brat.” His head was turned towards me, lips pulled back in a sickening grin.

      “Daniel is what you’re called huh? Cute name for a little bitch.” I hung my head down letting my hair fall over my eyes. I gripped the desk until my knuckles were white, I wasn't angry, but my hands were shaking from the anxiety. I needed a way to hide the fact I was quaking like a complete wuss. “You know you really need to learn to look at people in the eyes when they talk to you, or at least not completely ignore them…. Maybe I could help teach you to have some respect.” He talked slow and his voice was gravely. I felt his body get closer when he leaned forward. I expected him to say something else to me, something degrading or possessive, but instead he just let out an ominous chuckle close to my ear. I felt his breath skim my neck and I jumped instinctively. “Huh… someone’s a little sensitive are we?”

“Ok class, now that we are all in our seats I ask that you all pay attention. Klein and Faye if you could please face forward, and David the phone should be away.” I’ve never been happier to hear a teacher in my life. Thank you Mr. Currall. He made eye contact with me and gave me a slight nod. I glanced around the room kind of unsure how to react. “Today, we start with our first lesson, so everyone get out your notebooks and a writing utensil, and we’ll begin the notes.” With scattered groans and complaints we began copying the slideshow off the board. After that, the class went by quick, Klein kept to his seat, and seemed pretty focused on his writing. Finally the end bell rang and as I stood up from my seat to leave I heard a voice call my name. “Dan, could I speak to you for a moment before you leave?” It was Mr. Currall, fucking perfect.

“Yeah… Yes, what is it sir?” I stumbled on my words like usual.

“Would you like me to switch your seat for the semester?”

“Oh….. um… I….”

“Don’t overthink it Dan, if you would like to switch seats I won’t ask questions, just a yes or a no.”

“Yes sir, thank you.”

“Yup, have a nice day then.”

“You too.” I walked out of the classroom and into the crowded hall. He must’ve seen me cowering away from Klein at my desk. I let out a relieved breath, thank god I won’t have to sit next to him anymore.

 Little did I know then that he’ll end up sitting diagonally from me next period in history anyway, just my freaking luck. However Phil was also in my history class, Klein and Heath seemed to back off a little more when he was around, it also helped that Phil spent most of that class watching them, and keeping a worried eye on me. What the hell is even happening anymore? It’s my second damn day of school and I already feel so stressed.

The rest of my classes were boring and slow, long lectures and note taking had me exhausted. Klein and Heath didn’t give me any more trouble throughout the day, and I was very grateful. I spent lunch alone on the roof, I was pleasantly surprised when I found out it was left unlocked just like in all those animes. However there weren’t any aesthetic cherry blossom petals or shoujo heroine wind that blows your hair around dramatically. Just the dark grey sky above looking down on the barren trees and bleak emptiness which was the roof. I decided I’d spend my lunch period there for the rest of the year, where it was peaceful and safe.

 I threw myself on my bed when I got home and let out a long sigh. This day was already unbearably long, and I didn’t even leave for Phil’s house yet. By this point I was exhausted, and could feel myself drifting off into sleep. The last thing I remember before sleeping was the thought that maybe this night could be fun.

   Phil’s POV

 Finally after six long hours the school day had ended. It felt like an eternity in hell to be quite honest. I talked to Dan in our classes together, but he seemed to be more on edge than he was yesterday. Which was understandable due to Klein and Heath watching him like hawks. Hopefully he wasn't having second thoughts.

I was lying in bed at about 4:30 when I shot him my first text.

  To: Dan

Hey it’s Phil, was wondering if you were still down for the movie tonight?

  To: Dan

It’s fine if you’re not……. But there will be pizza…..

 What have I come to? I’m literally trying to lure a boy into my house with pizza. No wonder he’s scared of me Jesus. I’m that guy every mom warns their child to stay away from. I watched my clock on the side table as the minutes ticked by. I gave him my address during photography and all the details. He should be here around six, but it’s starting to be unlikely that he’ll show. He seemed uneasy towards the whole idea when we talked. I really hope that he doesn’t change his mind.

 I had closed my eyes  for what I thought was just a moment when I suddenly woke up to a light knocking sound on my door. I opened my eyes groggily, my vision blurry.

“Uh…. Phil?” A voice spoke warily from the other side of the door. I glanced over at the time on my clock. 6:09. “Your mom let me in, she told me you were up here.” Oh shit it’s Dan! I scrambled out of my bed falling onto the floor with a loud thump. I got to my feet and grabbed the doorknob with one hand and swung the door open.

Dans eyes were wide with surprise, and his fist raised in front of him. I guess I stopped him in the process of knocking. Then, he raised his hand up to the back of his neck and rubbed nervously, rocking once back and forth on his heels. He looked down but I still saw the tint of pink on his cheeks he was trying to hide from me.

“Hey, I’m so sorry I must’ve fallen asleep. You weren’t waiting long were you?” The words fell loosely off my lips, I wasn’t entirely awake or aware yet.

“It’s okay, I just got here.”

“Okay good, well then come on in.” I stepped to the side and gestured my hand to the room.  Dan looked up at me briefly and took a hesitant step in. I don’t remember being aware of much at this point, but I do remember being aware of how lost I had gotten in his chocolate eyes right then. I had zoned out on them for who knows how long.

“Ph...Phil?”

“Huh? Oh sorry… uh you can sit on the bed, sorry if it’s weird or something but it’s the only furniture I’ve got in here besides the desk chair.” Dan looked at me blankly for a second before sitting down hesitantly on the edge of the bed. “So, I’ll get the order in for pizza, what do you like?” I gave Dan my most welcoming smile. He shook his head slightly and blinked quickly before responding like he was trying to push a thought out of his head. What was he just thinking?

“Anything is fine with me.”

“Well personally I like hawaiian pizza… like pineapple and ham and instead of tomato sauce there's barbeque.” I spoke quickly, to be honest I was nervous too.

“Ok. I was wrong anything is not fine with me…. Pineapple on pizza? What the flippin’ heck is wrong with you?”

“Wha… It’s good!” My voice got high pitched in defense. “H..have you ever even tried it?”

“No, because it’s weird! Next thing you’re going to tell me is that you eat ranch dressing on your pizza too.” well that’s awkward.

“I kinda do.”

Dan looked at me with the most deadpanned expression I’ve ever seen.

“What the actual hell is wrong with you.” Silence filled the air as we just stared at each other straight faced. Then his lip quivered slightly and the corners of his mouth began to widen. Soon enough we were both laughing hysterically. His brown eyes crinkled up and his mouth opened wide. The sound he made came from his chest, and it was loud, but nonetheless it was fantastic. It came from a place of pure joy, like a carefree child.

“Will you at least try it?” I asked still giggling a little, smile wide across my face.

“.......Alright whatever.” He said with an eyeroll, a grin still visible on his lips.

       After that I stepped out into the hallway telling Dan I was ordering the food. This of course was true but I also needed a few minutes to appreciate what I just experienced. His expression when he laughed was nothing but pure. He usually wore a sad frown or scared eyes, but this time he wore a bright smile and had eyes that basically emitted light. All I knew was that I wanted to see it again. I prayed to god I would see it again, and it takes a lot to pray to a god you don't believe in.

        I stepped back into the room, finding Dan sitting on the edge of the bed looking down at his hands. Not a trace of the smile still lingered on his face, instead he moved his fingers nervously and looked up at me.

   “Pizza is on the way.” I said with a smile on my way over to the tv.  I took the DVD out of the case and inserted it in the DVD player. Then I turned on the tv and grabbed the remote.

  “You ready to watch?” I said as I made my way over to the bed where he sat.

  “I guess.” His response lacked enthusiasm, and overall emotion in general. I climbed onto the bed and propped my long body pillow against the headboard. I leaned my back into the pillow and looked over at Dan who still sat awkwardly at the edge of the bed. I smiled warmly his way hoping to calm him a bit. He slowly moved next to me and leaned his back against the pillow. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye and hugged his knees into his chest. I reached over to the lamp on my side table next to me and stopped with my hand hovering next to the switch. Maybe keeping the lights on would be a better idea, I'm sure Dan would feel more comfortable with them on. I pulled my hand back and felt a shift in the bed. Dan had tensed up when I reached for the switch, and just now when I pulled away he relaxed. Good, I praised myself for my decision. I grabbed the remote from my side and pressed play.

    The movie started off with two girls having a typical sleepover, the perfect setting for any horror movie. Having already seen the movie before it was getting hard for me to pay attention. I glanced over at Dan who was still curled up in a ball. If circumstances were different I'd say he looked cute. It would be bad to think he looked cute when he was uncomfortable and terrified right? Just then I heard the sound on the TV jump and Dan let out a fairly loud whimper. His eyes shut tight instinctively and his body tense. To hell with that, he was freaking adorable. That sound he made sounded so small it was kind of …… no Phil that's bad. My gaze was stuck on Dan’s face, his eyes slowly opened again and he looked at me out of the corner of his eye. Then his head shot down and he stared at his knees, once again failing to conceal the pink that crept on his cheeks.

   “Shut up.” He whispered pitifully. I could tell he was frustrated.

   “But I didn't…”

   “Yeah but you were thinking it.” He cut in quickly, his voice trailing off at the end.

   “I knew it was coming, that's why I didn't jump.. but man you should've seen me the first time.” I tried to comfort him a little, but I don't think it worked.

   “Yeah, whatever let's just watch.” He said sounding a little calmer, maybe it was almost playful? He settled himself in again, and nuzzled his chin back on his knees.

   After the initial jump scare the movie gave some time to calm down and instill a feeling of false security. Once again I found it hard to focus my attention on the movie. I glanced at Dan a lot, I couldn't help watching the reflection of the movie in his eyes. His feathery brown hair was strewn about his face and forehead. I watched his long eyelashes as he blinked slowly, his brown eyes fixated on the screen. It was entrancing just sitting here watching him. I focused my eyes back on the TV and let out a hopefully inaudible sigh. I was being a total creep.

  I spent the next twenty or so minutes watching the movie. We made it to the part with the tape, and I forgot how unsettling it is. Black and white images of severed fingers, a burning tree, and a woman wearing white who stares at you for too long. The TV also emitted an awful ringing noise that makes your hair stand on end. I began to shift slightly when a picture of maggots appeared all squirming and wriggling about danced on the screen. They then turned into people, bodies clawing and thrashing around in a pile. The ringing of the video suddenly turned into screams in my head. I glanced over at Dan to make sure he was ok. His body was tense and his eyes were blown wide. That’s when the doorbell rang.

  I felt my body jump and I let out a small yelping sound, but I’d like to think it was too quiet to hear over Dan. He also jumped a mile, and let out a long string of curses. When I had jumped I had instinctively moved closer to Dan, accidentally making it so there were only a few inches of space between us.

“Jesus, that must be the pizza.” I said as I paused the movie with the remote. “You good up here if I go downstairs and get it?” I asked Dan, looking straight into his eyes, which were unusually close to mine. So close I could see flecks of golden brown like autumn leaves. His smell overcame my senses. Something beach like, and kind of like trees. The best way to describe his scent was simply that he smelled like warm. He looked very on edge. To be fair I probably looked the same due to that unexpected pizza jump scare. I smiled to try to comfort Dan a little, while also trying to settle my own nerves. He looked at me in the eyes, and then his cheeks flushed, and he leaned back quickly. This creating distance between us once again, and to be honest I felt like there was an absence of something now. His close presence was gone, and left an empty feeling in the air. He nodded in response to my earlier question, so I climbed out of bed and opened my door. I glanced one more time his way before noticing his head whip up to look at me.

“What is that sound?” He said with his eyebrows furrowed.

“Huh?” I sat still and listened but everything sounded alright to me. I could hear my mom talking to the pizza guy, and the sound of their tv downstairs making noise. Then I realized what he meant. Buffy was at the bottom of the stairs barking at the stranger at the front door.

“Oh, you mean the dog? Yeah, she’s kind of annoying I know, she never stops barking. Literally every person who walks by the house.” I said said scratching my head nervously, hopefully he isn’t allergic to dogs or anything. Dan’s expression lit up suddenly, and I felt my cheeks heat up.

“Um, do you like dogs?” I said hesitantly, scared to say the wrong thing and have that expression go away.

“Yeah I do, a lot.” he said nodding slowly.

“Thats cool, do you have any?” as soon as I asked I regretted it. Dan’s happy expression altered to one that looked disappointed. He shook his head once from side to side.

“I used to.” He looked down at his lap with eyes full of pain, and in that moment I wanted nothing more than to make it stop.

“Phil honey, come down and get your food!” I snapped out of my daze, I had been so focused on Dan I forgot what I got up to do.

“I….. I’ll be right back.” Those words were my first selfish act that night. I should’ve asked if he was okay or wanted to talk about something else, but instead I ran. I left because I didn’t know what to say or how to fix it. I left because I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing those broken eyes for another moment.

  After I made it back up the stairs with the pizza I went to open the door but noticed it was already open. Then I realized that there was an amazingly familiar sound resonating through the upstairs. Dan was laughing. A very loud and happy sound, I’m surprised I hadn’t heard it before. I stepped into my bedroom to find Dan lying on his back on the bed smile wide and laugh bellowing. Buffy was standing on his chest licking his face. I would’ve been concerned about Buffy crushing Dan’s skinny body if it weren’t for his obvious joy. The brown haired boy didn’t seem to notice me, so yes, I stood and watched him laugh like a stalker. Dan looked like a little boy. I took another step to see better but as soon as I did the floor creaked and Dan’s head snapped over to look at me, and so did Buffy’s. They both looked extremely guilty like I caught them stealing my stuff or something. Dan sat up and looked at me, his hair was a mess, and his red face glistened with dog slobber. He let out another small giggle as he wiped his face with his arm. He kept with a half smirk on his face, hair tousled and cheeks flushed most likely from being crushed.

“S...sorry about Buffy.” I let out a nervous laugh in between words. “ She doesn’t know the concept of personal space.”

“No… She’s fine, she’s not bothering me………….Actually uh, do you think she could stay?” He looked up at me with almost pleading eyes. How am I supposed to say no to that?

“Sure.” I  said tilting my head and smiling brightly. To my surprise, Dan gave a half smile back.

“Ok, scooch I need to put this stuff down, my arms are killing me.”

“Oh… sorry.” Dan moved back up to where he sat before, back against the pillow and legs crossed pretzel style. On the pizza box I had balanced two glasses with ice, plates, napkins, and two bottles of water. I called Buffy off the bed and carefully placed the box down. I sat down in my spot next to dan and picked up the glasses.

“Would you mind holding these for a second?” Dan nodded as he took the glasses from me. Our hands touched when he grabbed the glasses, and I felt him jump slightly. I pretended like I hadn’t noticed it as I pushed all the other stuff off the box and opened it. Why was he so afraid of physical touch? Something as simple as him accidentally touching my finger made him flinch. I was starting to sense something was very wrong. Maybe he wasn’t just anxious, maybe there was a reason bigger than what I was understanding. I decided from then on that I would pay more attention to things when I came to Dan.

I fixed us both a plate and then traded dan’s plate for the two glasses. I placed them on the pizza box and filled them with water. I hadn’t asked what he wanted to drink so I just grabbed what I had in the fridge. He didn’t seem to mind, as when I finished pouring the glasses he gulped half of his down. I guess I should’ve offered him a drink when he got here, he must've been too nervous to ask me. He pulled the glass away from his mouth and licked the remaining liquid from his lips. Don’t watch him like a perv Phil, just eat your damn pizza.

“Are y…. Is everything ok?” I heard Dan’s soft voice next to me. I looked over and met his concerned eyes with mine. When I looked at him his breath caught, but I don’t think it was in a good way. Then I became eminently aware of the scowl I was wearing on my face, and began to vaguely recall sighing when I turned away from Dan.

“Oh! …...y yes sorry everything is fine. I was just deep in thought is all. I have an awful case of RBF.” I rubbed the back of my neck nervously and smiled at him. “What do you say we keep going with the movie?” Dan nodded at me and picked up his pizza. I played the movie and picked up mine.

For the next 20 minutes Dan and I ravaged the food like vultures. Honestly I don’t think either of us were paying much attention to the movie.

“So your dog’s name is Buffy.” Dan said as more of a statement than a question. He had a mouth full of pizza and kept his eyes on the screen. “Like the vampire slayer?” He then turned to look at me swallowing the food in his mouth. Crap, he’s going to find out that I’m actually a helpless dork.

“......Maybe.” I took a nervous sip of water and looked at him sheepishly out of the corner of my eye. Dan just looked at me and chuckled. I choked a little on my water. “Ok before you judge me for my Buffy obsession don’t think I didn’t notice your Attack on Titan jumper.” This time it was Dan who choked on his drink.

“I… I didn’t think you were into anime.”

“Yup, but i’m closet fan so don’t tell.” I said grinning. “And don’t look in the wardrobe either that’s where I keep the sexy body pillows.” He chuckled and shook his head, smiling down at his plate. I watched as his smirk slowly faded into a more blank expression as he looked up and seemed to focus back on the movie. The reflection of the screen in his eyes made them dance with beautiful colors, framed in long black lashes. I looked down at his plate and at mine. We ate the entire 8 slice pizza. I’m pretty sure I had three which means Dan ate a whole five slices, which was hard to believe based on his skinny frame. He also devoured it quickly like he hadn’t eaten in days. I picked up our plates and put them in the empty box along with the water bottles. Then I grabbed the glasses and placed them on my side table. I smiled, looking back up at Dan. He liked the pineapple pizza, even though he was so skeptical about it before. He also didn’t admit to me that he liked it, stubborn kid. Dan glanced over at me and caught me staring at him with the most embarrassing smile on my face. He must’ve felt my eyes on him. Alright Phil, that is enough of creepily watching Dan, you need to pull yourself together. I called Buffy on the bed, and she laid down right between Dan and I. I reached out and stroked along her back. I got her the summer before my freshman year at a kennel nearby. I originally went there to get a husky, but the people at the kennel told me they had a German Shepherd puppy that was sick, and likely to die without proper care. The kennel didn’t want to waste the money on helping it if it were easier to just bring in another dog. It was one less dog that they had to put down. When I saw her there in the cage I knew I had to do something. Everyone was about to give up on her, and I understood the pain of feeling like you’re not enough. All these feelings were probably too complex for a dog to feel, but I felt for her nonetheless. So I begged my parents for the sick german shepherd puppy instead, and here she is. Many years and vet visits later, and she is perfectly healthy. She’s been my best friend ever since. At the moment she lied between Dan and I, her head nuzzled in behind Dan. I turned to the movie and finally was able to focus on it.

 We watched the movie for what seemed like hours. With each jump scare or creepy moment Dan moved just a tad bit closer. However he could only get so close with Buffy sat right in between us. Also as the movie continued we both naturally began to slide down the bed until we were both basically lying down. Every time the music picked up or spiked Dan would let out a different sort of yelp. Sometimes he got mad at me for giggling and crossed his arms like an angry child, and other times he just glanced at me sheepishly then looked away. I had to admit that he was cute, like adorably cute, but it’s important that we stay friends at least for now, because I believe a friend is what Dan needs most. I frowned slightly and looked up at the ceiling. I have to focus simply on making a friend, and being a good one to him.

Finally the movie ended, and although I didn’t pay the most attention to it, I didn’t want it to be over yet. I had become fond of the funny yelps that Dan let out, and our back and forth banter about who was more scared. Dan was funny when he was angry, he just looked like a little boy who got told no. Same as when he laughs. But then when he is serious and quiet, it looks like he thinks with a mind well beyond his years. The screen went to black and I looked over to Dan, who had been awfully quiet considering the end was pretty scary.

Then I had realized why, he had fallen asleep who knows how long ago. He laid there silent and peaceful on his side. One of his arms was wrapped around Buffy, who was asleep pressed up against Dan’s chest. His brown hair looked so soft, laid lightly on his face. I watched his chest move up and down slowly as he breathed. He looked so peaceful, and so perfect. He looked like he belonged there, snuggling closely with buffy, breathing slow and hair tousled. I couldn’t wake him up. Not yet.

I carefully picked up the pizza box and balanced the glasses on top of it. I quietly tiptoed out of the room as to not wake up sleeping beauty over there. Honestly how can someone look so perfect when asleep I mean really. I’m glad this isn’t the other way around because I’d probably drool all over myself. I brought the pizza box downstairs and placed it on the counter, and put the glasses in the sink. He fell asleep. Dan fell asleep in my bed, snuggling my dog. In a way I was kind of happy he felt safe enough to fall asleep in my presence. Or maybe he was just REALLY tired. I decided to go with the latter.

I walked back up the stairs to my room and just looked at Dan from the doorway. I contemplated waking him up, but I figured I’d let him sleep awhile. It should only be about eight, maybe eight thirty. Hopefully there wasn’t a certain time his parents were expecting him home. I let out a sigh as I was about to close the door, but then I caught my eye on something. Dans sleeve had been pushed up a little on his arm revealing the skin on his wrist. A part of his wrist looked dark, like a bruise, but I couldn’t see clearly, his sleeve was in the way. Oh god Phil are we really gonna do this? I walked quietly back into the room and stood over the bed. Luckily since this is my room, I know where all the creaks in the floor are and was able to avoid them. I could see more clearly the mark on his wrist that was poking out from under his jumper. It was definitely a bruise. I reached out and froze with my hand hovering over his arm. Then I took a deep breath and lifted his sleeve slowly. It felt wrong, but I had to know. As I lifted the material carefully my breath caught and I held it. I had lifted the sleeve up to his elbow and already I could see at least three different bruises. What the hell happened to him. It wasn’t my place yet to ask him, it was never my place to even check in the first place. But now that I saw this I knew I wasn’t going to be able to let it go, but for now i’ll have to keep it to myself.  He can’t know I was messing with him when he trusted me enough to fall asleep with me here. I carefully pulled his sleeve back down so all his bruises were covered again, this time with slightly shakier hands. I felt a flood of emotions, fear, anger, sadness. I backed away from the bed and out of the room. I left with the door just a crack open, and sat on the top step.

  I sat on the stairs thinking for almost an hour. Was there a time that Klein got to him when I wasn’t there? Or is that not the right Idea at all. Maybe he plays volleyball or something, and I’m just overreacting. I shouldn’t have looked anyway, it wasn’t my business. But I can’t help but feel nervous. I decided to keep a closer eye on him than before, and if I happened to see anymore bruises to ask him about it then. For now I’ll keep my mouth shut. I stood up from my spot on the stairs and stepped into the bathroom. I flicked on the light and stood in front of the mirror and looked myself in the eyes. It’s not even my place to worry about him this much. I mean I only met the guy yesterday. Yeah we talked, and I stopped some assholes from beating him up, but that doesn’t mean I get the right to mess with him when he’s asleep just because i’m curious. I let out a long sigh and then turned the sink on. I’ll get ready for bed and then wake him up. Honestly I wouldn’t mind if he stayed there all night curled up with Buffy, sleeping soundly. Honestly today he looked like he needed the sleep, but I don’t want to get him in trouble with his parents or anything. I finished washing my face in the sink, and then took my contacts out. I put them safely in their case and put on my stereotypical pair of nerd glasses. Why must I be cursed with this depressingly poor vision. I opened the mirror and took my toothbrush out and squeezed some toothpaste on the bristles. Just as I put the toothbrush in my mouth and started brushing I heard a creak on my left. I jumped, at the unexpected sound and turned quickly, toothbrush hanging out of my mouth. Dan stood in the doorway, looking more disheveled then I did. His hair was tousled and sticking up in places, and  he used both his hands to rub over his tired eyes. Then he looked up and our eyes met, and I felt my cheeks heat up. Dan then looked a little surprised and turned his face away. His cheeks were red.

“I um…. I’m sorry for falling asleep.” He leaned his hip against the doorframe and fiddled with his jumper sleeve.

“das ok.” I said suddenly remembering I have a mouth full of toothpaste and a toothbrush hanging out my mouth. When I spoke some toothpaste dribbled from my lip and I leaned over the sink and spit it all out. Jesus I’m a mess.

“Aagh sorry about that. Don’t worry about falling asleep, I was about to wake you up when I was done. Wasn’t sure If there was a certain time your parents wanted you home.” Dan shook his head. We stood in silence for a moment. I stared at him, and he stared down still fumbling with his sleeves. I leaned backwards and rested my butt on the counter, and leaned back slightly on my hands.

“Ph...Phil.” Dan stuttered out looking more nervous by the second.

“What’s up.” I replied calmly, hoping to ease his nerves.

“W… What was it that you wanted to talk about..o...on the roof.” Oh, I completely forgot about that, please don’t tell me that’s what he’s so worried about.

“Oh, Dan that wasn’t that important. I just wanted to talk about what I saw in music class. I mean your playing was absolutely amazing. And I well…. I wanted to know if you were alright too. I don’t think anyone else saw, but I noticed you crying when you played…... b…..because if you were nervous because of the people I could teach you a few tricks to make them seem not so scary. I mean my mom always said to picture them all in their underwear, but that is just something that would scar me for life so what always works for me is-”

“Phil it’s fine, that’s not why I was crying.” 

“Oh, sorry.” I apologized realizing I was being too pushy. Dan just nodded at me and we stood in silence once more. “I.. I also wanted to warn you too. Just because in Algebra I saw that Heath was giving you the stare down which meant he was likely to tell Klein. It just made me nervous is all.” I tried to search Dan’s eyes, but he hid them from me. “Do you have any other classes with them?”

“I uh….. Heath is in my Algebra, English, History, and gym classes, and Klein is in Music, English, History, Chemistry, and gym.”

“Ugh damn.” I sighed loudly, obviously frustrated. I looked up at the ceiling, deep in thought. I wasn’t even in half those classes. “Just uh…. Tell me if they give you any more trouble okay? Don’t hesitate to come and find me either.” Dan looked up at me and gave me a slight nod, which is better than nothing I guess. Than he took a step back out of the doorway.

“I, should probably go.”

“Uh, yeah sure.” I stepped out of the bathroom and walked Dan down the stairs to the front door. I felt myself wanting him to stay, and talk all night about anything. There was still so much I wanted to talk about, but I guess there’s no fun in learning everything at once. That would ruin the journey. I did enjoy my night, and I really hope he enjoyed his. “Thanks for coming Dan, I had fun, sorry about my psychotic clingy dog.” I opened the door and stepped to the side, watching as Dan walked out onto the porch and turned to look at me.  

“Thanks for having me, I-” Dan stopped and looked down at his shoes. ”I..I had fun too.” He looked up and gave me a small smile, then turned and began walking down the steps. Although the view of him walking away was a nice one, I knew I already was not very fond of it.

“Oh and Dan.” I called out to him at which point he stopped and turned around to look at me. “Don’t let Samara get you when you sleep tonight.” I watched him nervously, hoping I didn't actually scare him too much. He stood silently on the step, features illuminated by the moon’s light. His hair was blowing delicately in the cool night breeze, with a peaceful silence in the air. He smirked and then rolled his eyes as he turned back around to the dark street. His quiet chuckle filled the night air.

“Piss off Lester.” He called out as he walked away, street light carving out his silhouette. I giggled quietly to myself as I closed the door.

Additional Author’s note: So fun fact about how Dan is supposed to smell. He smells like the yankee candle called Beach Wood, he said in one of his videos that it was his favorite candle and like a creep I then purchased it curious as to how it smells. Also I couldn’t figure out how to describe the smell so I literally laid on my couch for an hour sniffing this dang candle trying to think of good words to describe it..... the only word that my mind supplied me with was warm.. hence Phil’s odd description... also sorry mom for running around the house screaming about a candle that smells like warm.  

[thesassybooskter]

THIEF’S MARK by Carla Neggers: Excerpt & Giveaway

AVAILABLE AUGUST 29TH 2017

A murder in a quiet English village, long-buried secrets and a man’s search for answers about his traumatic past entangle FBI agents Emma Sharpe and Colin Donovan in the latest edge-of-your-seat Sharpe & Donovan novel 

As a young boy, Oliver York witnessed the murder of his wealthy parents in their London apartment. The killers kidnapped him and held him in an isolated Scottish ruin, but he escaped, thwarting their plans for ransom. Now, after thirty years on the run, one of the two men Oliver identified as his tormentors may have surfaced.

Emma Sharpe and Colin Donovan are enjoying the final day of their Irish honeymoon when a break-in at the home of Emma’s grandfather, private art detective Wendell Sharpe, points to Oliver. The Sharpes have a complicated relationship with the likable, reclusive Englishman, an expert in Celtic mythology and international art thief who taunted Wendell for years. Emma and Colin postpone meetings in London with their elite FBI team and head straight to Oliver. But when they arrive at York’s country home, a man is dead and Oliver has vanished.

As the danger mounts, new questions arise about Oliver’s account of his boyhood trauma. Do Emma and Colin dare trust him? With the trail leading beyond Oliver’s small village to Ireland, Scotland and their own turf in the US, the stakes are high, and Emma and Colin must unravel the decades-old tangle of secrets and lies before a killer strikes again.

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  Excerpt

“Granddad could be overdramatizing and the break-in isn’t a big deal,” Emma said as she and Colin approached her grandfather’s town house near Merrion Square. They’d decided to walk after checking in to the hotel. Wendell had staked them to an elegant, third-floor room with a view of St. Stephen’s Green. “It’s still possible we can have a good last night of our honeymoon.”

“We will no matter what,” Colin said.

She smiled. “You’ve turned into a romantic.”

“The Ireland effect.”

“Not being with me?”

He winked. “We’ll see what happens when we get home.”

Home was her tiny apartment in Boston and his house in his hometown of Rock Point, Maine. Now their apartment and house. She loved being married to him and had relished every second of their time together in Ireland. She looked at him now, her broad-shouldered, dark-haired undercover-agent husband with his ocean-gray eyes and sexy smile.

But her mind was on her grandfather. “I don’t like the coincidence of a break-in and our arrival in Dublin,” she said.

Colin gave a curt nod. “I don’t, either. Do you think he has a suspect in mind?”

“I don’t know. He’s being slippery, that’s for sure.”

“I’m not touching that one.”

“Best we stay on our toes when Granddad is in full obfuscation mode.”

“Not regretting joining the family business instead of the FBI at the moment, are you?”

“Not at the moment, no. Not ever, actually.” She sighed. “Granddad didn’t look hurt or freaked out to you, did he?”

“No, but he never does.”

True enough, she thought.

When they reached her grandfather’s redbrick building, he pulled open the door before she could knock or ring the bell. “I suppose you want to go straight to the crime scene,” he said. “Come on in.”

Without waiting for an answer, he led them through the entry and front room back to a ground-floor bedroom. He moved aside, and Emma stood on the threshold, Colin to her left and a bit behind her. The room was small and square, with two twin beds, a nightstand, a dresser and photographs of Skellig Michael on the wall opposite the window, which looked onto a terrace at the back of the house. The only sign of a problem was a spiderweb of cracked glass emanating from a fist-size hole in the window.

“Bastard unlocked the window and came right in,” her grandfather said behind them. “Used a gnome statue on the terrace to break the glass. You remember it, Emma. It belonged to your grandmother. Otherwise I’d have left it in Maine. It’s a homely little thing. Anyway, I think he went out through the back door. I don’t know if it was a man. Could have been a woman.”

Colin pointed at the bare tile floor in the bedroom. “No glass.”

Wendell shrugged. “I swept it up. There wasn’t much.”

“You shouldn’t have touched anything,” Emma said.

“Yeah, I know. It would have been easier if I’d left the doors unlocked and he walked in and out again. Less of a mess to clean up and I might never have known anyone had been here. I’d never have looked if…” Wendell stopped abruptly. “Never mind. Doesn’t matter now.”

“If what, Granddad?” Emma asked.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I spotted a piece of broken glass on the kitchen table when I got back from the pub. That’s why I checked in here. The intruder must have taken the glass with him after he climbed through the window. If I’d been here and put up a fuss—well, you know. He could have threatened me or slit my throat.”

Colin angled a look at him. “But you didn’t see anyone?”

“No one, in here or outside. I wasn’t here when he broke in and I didn’t get my throat slit. And,” he added emphatically, “the glass could have been a practical consideration. A tool rather than a weapon, in case he needed to cut something.”

Emma frowned. “Cut something?”

He motioned with one hand. “Come.”

Emma felt Colin’s tension as they followed her grandfather to his study, now his home office and where he spent most of his time. When the weather was dank and chilly, he’d have a fire going, but not today, given the lingering warm, dry June weather. It had rained only a few times during her and Colin’s stay in Ireland, but the occasional lazy, drizzly day hadn’t gone to waste.

“I turned over most of my physical files to Lucas when I shut down my outside office,” her grandfather said. “He went through them when he was here last fall and took what he wanted back to Maine with him.”

Lucas, Emma’s older brother, had taken over the reins of Sharpe Fine Art Recovery and worked out of its offices in Heron’s Cove, a picturesque village on the southern Maine coast. He’d just completed a massive revamp of the offices, located in the same Victorian house where a young Portland security guard had launched his career as a private art detective. Six decades later, Wendell Sharpe was world-renowned, and Sharpe Fine Art Recovery was a thriving business, but still small in terms of staff. His only son—Emma and Lucas’s father—had cut back on his role with the company after a fall on the ice had left him in chronic, often debilitating pain.

“Lucas is considering reopening a Dublin office now that I’ve retired.” Wendell shrugged, waved a hand. “More-or-less retired, anyway. I work when he needs me or I land on something interesting on my own. The rest of my files are here.” He tapped his right temple. “I told Lucas what he needs to know for the business. Everything else can go to the grave with me.”

“The stuff you want to hide,” Colin said.

Wendell snorted. “Damn right but not from the FBI. You and your lot wouldn’t be interested. Neither would my family. Most of it’s memories, ideas, suppositions, speculations, conspiracy theories…mistakes I’ve made, people whose reputations might be harmed unfairly because of their association with me. I’m an old man. I’ve done a lot.”

Emma sat on the couch. She’d spent countless hours here in her grandfather’s study when she’d worked for him before she’d left Dublin for the FBI. She’d wanted to learn everything—about the business, art crimes, his contacts, his methods, his resources. She’d been a sponge. But she eyed him with measures of skepticism, anticipation, curiosity—the usual mix when she was dealing with her grandfather. “What do your files and memories have to do with the break-in?”

He hesitated. “Maybe I jumped the gun.”

“Granddad, just tell us everything, okay? Don’t make me pry it out of you.”

“Rusty after your honeymoon?”

Colin took in an audible breath. “Quit stalling, Wendell.”

“All right, all right. It’s tricky timing, dealing with a break-in and having your FBI granddaughter and her FBI husband show up. It looks as if my intruder had a look around in here. He didn’t toss the place, but there are signs.” He pointed to a small, dark wood box on a shelf by the fireplace. “He got in there. It doesn’t have a lock but there’s no label saying what’s inside. Never occurred to me anyone…” He didn’t finish, instead plopping onto a chair across from Emma.

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  About Carla Neggers

Carla Neggers is the New York Times bestselling author of more than 60 novels, including her popular Sharpe & Donovan and Swift River Valley series. Her books have been translated into 24 languages and sold in over 35 countries. Whether creating stories of friendship, family and love or razor-sharp suspense, Carla always takes readers on a captivating journey. Her books have been called “smart and satisfying” (Kirkus), “extraordinarily memorable” (RT Book Reviews) and “highly entertaining” (Publishers Weekly), and she has been praised for her “unerring knack for creating compelling, sympathetic characters and vivid, realistic settings” (Library Journal).

Growing up in a small town in western Massachusetts, Carla developed an eye for detail and a love of a good story. Her father, a former Dutch merchant marine, and her mother, raised in the Florida Panhandle, arrived in New England just before Carla was born. Her parents’ stories and the many adventures Carla had with her six siblings honed her imagination and curiosity, key to the complex relationships, fast-paced plots and deep sense of place in her books.

Carla landed her first book sale not long after graduating magna cum laude from Boston University with a degree in journalism. An accomplished musician, she studied with members of the Boston Symphony Orchestra and freelanced as an arts-and-entertainment reporter—always with a novel in the works.

Active in the writing community, Carla is a founding member of the New England Chapter of Romance Writers of America and has served as vice president of International Thriller Writers and president of Novelists, Inc. She has received multiple awards for her writing and is a recipient of the RT Book Reviews Career Achievement Award for romantic suspense.

In addition to writing, Carla is a dedicated runner, recently completing the Covered Bridges Half-Marathon in Vermont, a whiskey enthusiast and avid traveler. She and her husband are frequent visitors to Ireland and divide their time between Boston, home to their two grown children and three young grandchildren, and their hilltop home in Vermont.

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    THIEF’S MARK by Carla Neggers: Excerpt & Giveaway was originally published on The Sassy Bookster