#anyway. something something continuing the cycle. yeaaah i said it

[fire-in-my-woods]

Why don't we ever talk about Vi hittin Powder on the regular

[shadowflash]

Back to writing about FEW3H you guys. Yaaaay! 🎉

Anyway, going to talk a little bit about the Buddhist vs. Catholic conflict portrayed through the beef Shez + Arval and Byleth + Sothis have with each other. But I mostly want to discuss how the game takes us players through different cycles of life (each playthrough of a route) with a grander goal of escaping it and approaching heaven.

Like, the Yaaay Byllie route (commonly dubbed as the “true” ending for what I think are ultimately uninformed reasons) could actually read as a transcendence from Samsara / escape from the cycle of life and death -> journey towards heaven / Nirvana (Byleth’s unique advanced class) through a very literal companionship with its manifestation, while the Kill Byllie route follows into another turning of the wheel (the next playthrough).

Spoilers will obviously be discussed under the cut -

Let’s preface this discussion with: I admittedly have a very rudimentary understanding of Buddhist and Catholic principles. I know just enough to allow myself to form the connections between these characters. if I’m missing out on something vital or any cool details feel free to let me know.

Let it be said:

Shez + Arval = Representatives of Buddhist concepts

Arval / Epimenides exists as the “Keeper of Cycles” (According to their title in FE:H) and how they often speak of protecting “this cycle” would lend itself to something about protecting the cycle of life and death--”Samsara” if you will.

Given their intertwined being and mirror to Byleth + Sothis, Shez is also, well, a part of the whole thing.

Byleth + Sothis = Representatives of Catholic concepts / Simultaneously a manifestation of Heaven+Nirvana

Do I even need to say anything about the Catholic aspect of their whole thing. No.

The “Enlightened One” class is a localization of Byleth’s unique advanced class name “Nirvana”.

Now that that is out of the way, like, yeah. Buddhism vs. Catholicism ideas plus some. Wooo yeaaah! Now what.

Well I think, depending on how you approach Byleth recruitment, you (the player) are basically committing to reliving the cycle or escaping it / approaching Nirvana. In completely siding with Arval, you reject Nirvana and you perpetuate the cycle of life/death through Samsara. In forming bonds with Byleth, you approach Nirvana through them and reject Samsara.

In this perspective, I think the game does a halfway-decent job of portraying the violent cycle of life through Three Hopes’ inconclusive endings. Like, no matter what you do the war effort basically continues / there is no sort of peace that is comparable to the endings of Three Houses. Like, if we’re meant to see things like that then I’m not as pissed off over the fact that they’re, well, inconclusive. Making friends with Byleth doesn’t really change much either so the cycle might arguably turn again but that whole thing reads as a writing oversight.

All this being said, I want to make it clear that i don’t think this makes Arval/Epimenides bad person? I do think this view makes it easier to understand their role as a companion-turned-enemy by the end of the Yaaay Byllie route. Like, at the end of the day, they’re trying to sustain their and Shez’s lives through the cycle they defend. The fact that you can side with them is pretty neat. Just as you can accept Nirvana (kill Arval), you can reject it (yaaay Arval) and live out a sort of immortality through them without it.. being too bad of a deal honestly. Shez gets sad over killing Byleth but it’s not really that big of a deal in the grander events of each route. the wheel turns once more but we’re already accustomed to it. What if I like living in Samsara huh. Like, honestly yeah the grand goal is to escape Samsara but it’s nice that we, the playerbase, have the choice to do one thing or the other. It’s also kind of metal to decide that you would constantly relive the Hell that is being alive just to hangout with your partner in destiny. I’m biased because I love them. Anyway: D’aww so cutes. Actually it’s not like Arval/Epimenides is dead anyway like they just fuse with Shez in the same way Byleth and Sothis do in Three Houses so -> You, in a sense, liberate both Shez and Arval from the tortures of Samsara. This is how we win.

There could actually be something said about how Byleth keeps Sothis around? But like, they have the same pastel green hair they got from nearly exploding in Zahras / ‘losing’ Sothis back in Three Houses so like..? Hm. Well. Idk. Idk. If Arval is still technically around Post-Zahras then they’re just taking the backseat in supporting Shez like Sothis did in Three Houses. I’ll pick this up later. Maybe.

This is where I make it clear that I got tired of writing this. I had more to say about how Arval, through their moments of insight to Shez, could possibly be interpreted as having vague memories of previous cycles and that’s a whole thing that fits in this discussion but I don’t have too much to say about it beyond pointing it out. Hopefully the point was made. Look at this picture that reminds me of Arval/Epimenides now:

If you’re familiar with my other essays ramblings here, you will probably notice that with this, I’ve gotten over my hang-ups re: Byleth as a character in fandom contexts / Shezleth as a pairing (#ShezToppings I smile for you). We’re cool now. Yay Byllie. I love mercenary SEX. It’s really true: Without love, the truth cannot be seen.

The writers of these games are ass at their job btw but now I have closure.

And I still think 3Hopes > 3Houses because Shez and Arval are here and I love them to bits. And you can kill Rhea in Golden Wildfire which is cool.

[satorilovebot]

a little help? [ atsumu x reader ]

pair : miya atsumu x reader

words count : 1650

warning : none

You are curled in your bed, clutching your pillow and biting it hard enough so your sob wouldn’t be heard by others. Honestly, you don’t like crying, but your sibling’s words echoed into your brain, and it weighs you down, making your sob harder as time goes by.

*

“I don’t know what I want to do in the future … ” you said softly, looking at the paper on your hand with a frown on your forehead.

“What do you think you are good at?” your sibling replied, eyes still glued to their smartphone. You stare at them, tilting your head slightly before answering.

“… nothing?”

With voice flat as ever, eyes doesn’t leave the screen either, your sibling replied coldly, “Then don’t ask people to help you, you don’t even want to help yourself.”

Your heart drops at their answer, yet you managed to let out a soft chuckle and whisper, “Ahaha, you are right.”

*                

You are the first born of your family. It is only natural that your parents expect a lot from you.  At first it wasn’t a problem. You are doing fine in your study, not always on top of the class, yes, but still not bad either. You won some competitions too. But as you get older, the burden starts to weigh you. Especially when you see that your sibling is doing lots better than you. Better grades, better achievements, even better manner, if that make sense.                 

To be honest, you were satisfied with how you live your life until now. A moment ago, at least. You are always the type that goes with the flow; it is easier to blend in, to face problems with ‘present’ mindset rather than planning for the future. But maybe it wasn’t a wise choice. Maybe you should’ve thought about your future more seriously. Finding things that you can be good at, or working hard on things you like so you can master it. But no. You had choose to live in the present, enjoying things too much and never really master anything. Just jumping into one hobby to another before you can master it.                

“y/n.”                

You chocked on your own spit, you didn’t expect anyone, especially this person to come into your dorm room and find you in the most pitiful state, “N-no.. hik.. ‘Tsu.. ‘Tsumu please leave.” You managed to say between your sobbing.

Atsumu Miya decided to ignore your words, closing the door, and sit on the edge of the bed instead. You can hear him sigh, “Is it about that stupid ‘future plan’ shit again?” golden orbs catches on the paper that laying on the floor. It was a form from school, every student obliged to fill it with their plan for the future, like do they want to continue to college or working. It supposed to be harmless, but apparently, not for everyone.                

“Look, y/n, I said it yesterday, that it’s okay to not know what do you want. Just take your time, you would know, as always.” He tried, rough palm softly reaching for [h/c] locks and stroking it as gentle as he could. But it didn’t stop your sobbing or trembling.

“But apparently our teacher think the otherwise. They want it tomorrow,” Breathed, you try to calm yourself “And then someone said I don’t deserve any help from other people cause I don’t want to help myself.” voice laced with anger, and heavy disappointment. It was addressed to yourself though.

His eyebrows furrow together, “Who said such thing?” and your sibling name slipping through your lips. Atsumu only clicked his tongue and pinching your ear, practically pulling you to face him, “You know that they meant no harm right?”

“IT HUUUURTSSS!” you whine, both hands now holding your boyfriend’s wrist, trying to get his hand away from your ear. “Of course I know. It just makes me hate myself more… like, why I can’t be a decent human being, and know what I want to do in the future. Like you with volleyball… I… don’t master anything.”

He gently cups your cheeks, wiping the tears with his calloused thumbs and looks straight into your puffy eyes. His skin felt rough against your soft one, but it calms you down somehow. “They are right though. You always chickened out when you doesn’t do well in something, trying other things right away. It’s a vicious cycle. Y/n, when we start things we are not obliged to be perfect. No one does … ” 

“My sibling did, they manage-” 

“SHUSH! Let me, would you?” he frowns, practically pinching your lips so you would shut up. You only whine and pouts even more, letting him continue his words. “Okay maybe they did things perfect in one try, so what? Most people don’t. I didn’t. Do you think I able to set that perfect in one try? Receive those balls? Serve? No. But what makes me different from you is I don’t give up and I give my fucking everything to volleyball.”

“It’s because you like it,” this time, it is you that sighed. Slowly pulling yourself up to sit in front of him, who now already crossed his legs on your bed. “I don’t particularly like anything…” you whisper, avoiding his stares and looking at your own fingers while you fiddle on your shirt.

“You and your commitment issue are really scary. You need to fix it ASAP or I feel like I am getting dumped after three months, like you and those clubs you constantly in and out. ” he roll his eyes and you huff.

“That was because I don’t like those that much!!” you try to argue and he only raised his eyebrows.

“You said you liked taekwondo before tap out three months later saying you can’t remember their moves,”

“That wa--”

“You quit swimming club because you said it makes your skin darker and you don’t like getting tanner, even when you won second place in prefecture,”

“Swimming was tir-”

“I wonder who said that they like baking but quit three months after started and saying that, ’I can’t do frosting. I shouldn’t even start’?”

At this you only raise your both hands in defeat, your shoulder slumped and you rest your head on Atsumu’s broad shoulder. Nuzzling onto his hoodie, filling your lungs with this masculine scent before breathe out, “Fine, I’m at fault. Sorry for being so pathetic.”

“I never said you are pathetic, honey,” he pulls you closer. Resting his chin against your head and caressing your back, “I just said maybe, if you are not chickened out and try harder you might achieve something big. You said it yourself; failure is just a postponed victory. But you need patience, and work hard to achieve it.”

You hug him tightly, letting his warmth gives you the comfort you’ve been seeking. “Just kiss me and I might find what I want to do in the future right now.”  

“Have you seen yourself? Kiss those tears and snot covered face? Ew never!” he said jokingly, making a disgusted face. You can only laugh, hit him on the chest and look up.

“You mean!” but you smiled anyway. “Thanks ‘Tsumu, I still need to short my thoughts but maybe, just maybe, I can come up with something tomorrow.” His gaze was tender when you stare into those golden orbs, his thumb stroking your cheek lovingly.

“That’s better. You don’t suit gloomy mood anyway. So, dinner? You must be hungry after cry your eyeballs out.” 

“Yeaaah! Can we get pizza? With pineapple on it!” you jump down your bed, run toward bathroom to clean your messy face.

“Ew, I still don’t get it. Your taste in food is awful.” He winched at the thought of pineapple on his pizza. Only psychopath does that, he thoughts.

“At least my taste in man isn’t,” you step out of the bathroom with freshly washed face, putting on your hoodie and untangling your hair, you hug his arm “Let’s get some pizza!!!”

Atsumu smiles, he kiss the top of your head and give you a quick hug. “Now, this is the girl I am dating. I love you, y/n.”

Atsumu may not the sweetest boyfriend in the world, definitely not the softest, nor the kindest. He is just a boyfriend that y/n needs. Know when to praise, when to scolds, and when to slap some sense into them. After all we need to stand with our feet, we can’t always rely on the others. Because the one who can help us, is us. 

Hello! this is a mere test post? like, i’m giving you a quick look about how i write stuff ashdashda. honestly i’m not really satisfied with how this turn out but, I wrote it like just in an hour so please bear with me. however if you have critics and (please) request do send me some message! thank you!

[atopearth]

Final Fantasy X HD Remaster Part 8 - Someday the Dream will End

(Thought it’d be a great title since the above is my favourite soundtrack and this is my last post on FFX! XD)

Yay! I got Lulu’s Venus sigil! I was hesitant to start the dodging lightning thing since you have to dodge 200 in a row, but omg, after going on YouTube and knowing that there’s a ditch where you can easily gather the rhythm to do it 200 times, it only surprisingly took me like an hour and a half after getting distracted a few times and failing lmao. Gotta say though, much easier than the stupid Chocobo race for Tidus!🙄 Next thing you know, I try the butterfly catching game for the Saturn sigil and start to contemplate whether I really want to be a perfectionist lmao. I totally forgot that I hate the butterfly game the most, like THE MOST. It’s literally frustrating me more than the Chocobo and lightning combined, I don’t know why everyone on the internet says it’s the easiest of the mini games😣😣 Okay, fine, after another half an hour with trial and error, I finally got the Saturn sigil too, not that bad I guess….

Finally got all the celestial weapons too yeee~ I’ve never gotten everything before so I’m pretty happy right now hahaha! So Yu Yevon is the one that’s been constantly causing this all for a thousand years, hiding within Sin using him as an armour, and then when people defeat Sin with the powers Yunalesca tells them about, he merges with the Final Aeon to continue this cycle of life and death. I guess when everything works out, it’ll be good, but once they defeat Sin, the Fayth will stop dreaming and Tidus will disappear… It’s kinda funny how you used to be all concerned about Yuna dying and now near the end of the game, you instead have to be concerned over Tidus disappearing instead. Why can’t they just be happy together sigh..

Well! I legit spent a day farming sphere levels for Rikku and Tidus to finish off the sphere grid getting all the strength and agility nodes but omggg, can I just say that having triple AP instead of double AP is like the biggest difference ever? LOL. And omg overdrive -> AP is like the best thing ever. So easy to level lol. Funniest thing was when Don Tonberry did 83k damage on my Tidus though hahahaah, did I really kill that many monsters with him🤣 But yeah, it’s cool that I’m progressing with my sphere grid but I’m kinda sad that I’m one hit KOing everything lol. I mean, this is the first time I’ve ever gotten so far in FFX so I feel like I’m killing my experience haha! But I really want to fight nemesis and penance and all the dark aeons so oh well. Btw, it’s because I OHKO Seymour in Sin and didn’t get to see him do anything with his cool music hahaha. At least Yuna finally sent him to the farplane lol. Anyway, back to farming monsters, just need to finish Sin and Omega Ruins and I’m doneeee!

GG though, Omega Ruins took sooo long (I guess Sin did too) but dang was it annoying lol. So anyway, after much leveling with Don Tonberry again, and getting all the strength, defence, magic, magic defence, agility, luck and fortune spheres, I am legit done with the whole sphere grid! I’m honestly not dedicated enough to do 255 everything, so since 255 luck = 255 accuracy and evasion, I am not going to bother lolll. Agility maxes out at 170 as well so yayyy, don’t need to farm moreeee. I’ve legit been spending my week doing all this lmao, watching TVB and farming, that’s been my life hahaha. It’s kinda crazy seeing myself finish all this though. It was super time consuming but it’s nice to see my characters deal 99,999 damage haha. Coolest thing was defeating all the creations by the Monster Arena guy and then beating up Nemesis! Yesssss! It could have been easier if I set my overdrive mode to Comrade (charges overdrive when allies are hit) since he dealt so much damage lol, but silly me left it on Warrior (charges overdrive every time I attack), so yeaaaah, that took longer than I wanted hahaha. Btw, Nemesis is ugly but yay! I’ve completed another goal of mine! Oh yeah, I also beat Omega Weapon, of which, he was so underwhelming, especially with the random monsters you have to fight along the way, FFVIII was so much more annoying and challenging imo with the Ultima Weapon and other guys. I guess we’ll see how I feel once I defeat all the Dark Aeons and fight Penance hahaha.

The Dark Aeons were relatively easy! Especially if you have ribbon/stoneproof, not being petrified and shattered is like the most important thing imo lol. Dark Bahamut kept killing me and pissing me off because he kept petrifying my guys and killing them lol, I had to put stoneproof on my armour to survive, worked out well since I needed it for the Magus Sisters too haha. And yes, I was lazy to fight them altogether so I separated them and fought the sisters one by one to save myself from the agony lol. And what do you know? Dark Yojimbo was actually the one to bring the most trouble! It’s not even because he was hard, it was because I had to fight him 5 times to defeat him and initially, I didn’t know and just defeated him four times and was like wth, why isn’t Penance appearing?! So then, I googled and realised that I had kept missing the true third battle in the green room, so yeah, that frustrated the hell out of me because I legit defeated him 10+ times because I went to the wrong place, didn’t understand etc, yeaaah I was raging lol. I really wanted to finish the game and defeat Penance in the same day with the Dark Aeons so yeah, I was annoyed that I was not on schedule lolol. Oh well, more time to prepare for Penance I guess.

So…. I tried Penance and I died hahahah. Gotta revise my armour lolol. I think ribbon, auto-potion (with only x-potion), auto-haste and auto-protect might be the best combo. I’ll try that and see. Or not lolll! My biggest problem with Penance was not surviving his immolation attack that does a lot of HP damage and sucks all your MP too. Well, anyway, after much googling etc, I revised my armour again, luckily I had 6 million to spend bribing monsters for stuff lmao. I used auto-potion, auto-haste, auto-protect and defence +20%. This accompanied with Rikku’s Ultra NullAll mix (lasts the whole battle as long as you don’t die!) gave me enough defence to survive the whole battle (yay!). After that, it was really rinse and repeat of destroying the arms and then hitting the main body whenever I could. It probably legit took 20-30 minutes. Crazy for sure. Not sure whether it’s really worth it since I didn’t feel very accomplished LOL, I just felt like a robot constantly using quick hit (throwing a three stars so it doesn’t cost MP), dispelling after every immolation attack and thankfully, I had auto-potion because it would have killed me if I had to heal myself every turn. So yeah, after that, it was really just a waiting game where I just kept doing the same thing for 30 minutes, yeah it was pretty boring. I liked the optional bosses from previous games more.

And now I can finally fight Sin! Honestly, seeing Tidus finally open up to Jecht a bit more and be a bit more honest, I felt happy for Jecht. He’s always loved Tidus. Too bad it wasn’t meant to be for them to ever be able to hang out together like buddies. Since I maxed out my stats, last boss was so easy, I barely did anything. Kinda feel like I should have let him do something so I could see it lol, but I was too fast hahaha. Pretty devastating to see Yuna summoning every single summon for Yu Yevon to take over and then we kill it to stop Yu Yevon from having anything to take over anymore. It was heartbreaking to see all the Fayth go like that. But at least, as they said, they can now stop dreaming… Auron always has to be cool doesn’t he lolll, even when Yuna sends him to the Farplane. It hurt when he told Yuna that it was okay to send him. I really liked Auron. It was also saddening when Tidus was like, this is his last battle with them because he’s going to disappear, I guess at least he told them. Slack to Yuna when she wanted to hug him but he was disappearing. Especially when at the end, she kept whistling, waiting for him to come back.

Never even know the Eternal Calm video or whatever existed. Kinda feels weird though because it’s set two years later where all Yuna has been doing is being something like a counsellor to people until a sphere of someone who looks like Tidus (Shuyin~) is found by Kimahri, given to Rikku and then shown to Yuna and then she decides to go look for other spheres like it and soon becomes a sphere hunter. Considering that FFX-2 is set two years later which I assume is not long after this, her personality sure changed quite a bit after getting some freedom haha. I guess it’s true that Yuna has never truly lived for herself until now so it is nice that she can do that now, but how did she learn to use a gun so fast? Lol.

Overall, I enjoyed FFX, but honestly, it’s not one of my favourites haha. It’s one of the first I played as an adult probably but yeah, if I had to really choose, I prefer the previous much more. But I do like FFX because of how much more, simple it is? It’s simple, straightforward and emotional. Rikku and Yuna will always be my favourites. Wakka being silly is also a highlight. Cool Auron will always be the dream guy though hahaha. Happy that I can finally say I’ve finished it completely! Now on to getting 100% completion for FFX-2! I got like 98 or 99 on my first playthrough with the help of a guide every now and then but now I’m gonna use a guide for the whole thing and hope I get the 100% this time around hahaha, wish me luck~