#anyway. s4pphoiduser out i guess. time to go back to studying for an exam i couldn't give two fucks about. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

s4pphoiduser · 2 years ago

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everyday i doomscroll my fucking social media sites chasing the taste of internet fame. it's horrible and makes me feel horrible but i can't stop it. girl help i cannot get out of this cage i unknowingly trapped myself in

#like i try to be funny on twitter . i try to be funny here. i try to post pictures on instagram that i think would get likes #i post memes. i make jokes that i know are funny to particular people/ fandoms #i chase this taste of fame and whenever i realize im doing it again i've just dug myself deeper into this grave #i want to come out but i dont want to come out. i wish i could have more followers. i want likes and i want to be famous #i want to be a famous authorbut im too scared to ever post anything #everything i write is tied so fucking deeply into the person i am that the idea that people are going to see ME scare me #i barely have any goals and im not doing anything to pursue them #social media and the loneliness i cant put into words are sucking the soul and life out of me #everyday i wake up and think up five hundred different funny things to say. my jokes never land.#my five seconds of internet fame is always Just out of reach from me and i dont know what to do to have it in my grasp #i know it's all so shallow and superficial but we all like getting likes on our insta posts and we all like people rting/rbing our posts #im kind of a horrible person but im so fully aware of it that it reduces the horribleness so now im just an empty person #i take classes on subjects i dont think i even want to have careers in. i dont really care for the future despite my worrying #theres so much i want to do and yet theres nothing i want to do #theres an inexplicable void in me that makes me feel like im being edgelord3000 but really. its just.#its just that theres a fucking void and nothing i do fills it. i write on ao3 #and sometimes i dont know if i like myself at all or i like the kudos and comments i get.#anyway. s4pphoiduser out i guess. time to go back to studying for an exam i couldn't give two fucks about.

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