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clubdionysus · 7 months ago

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[BAD DECISION #20] - Park Jimin... Again

warnings: ohh this one hurts my heart! drinking, drunk hook-up, fingering, oral (m receiving), both parties are fully consenting but the OC is having a bit of a hard time mentally (head vs heart kind thing!), it makes me really sad for her reading it back :( anyways, one of the biggest B birds is tackled!!!! kinda!!! the smut isn't he he smutty smut!! more so mechanical! controversial opinion but one of my fave starluvrs chapters!!

soundtrack: seesaw - bts

wc: 6.8k

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

"Hey," Jeongguk says quietly as he comes to stand beside you. You're standing behind the front desk at your work, watching on with subtle pride as Tae's event kicks into gear. Chatter pollutes the air, Tae's chosen choice of jazz music softly humming beneath the conversation.

Jeongguk's dressed well. More formal than you've ever seen him. A dark, silky shirt hangs off his broad shoulders, unbuttoned just enough to give you vivid flashbacks of your hand around his throat, nails scratching ever so gently at his skin. His usual silver chain sits prettily in place, but a second necklace hangs a little lower. As always, his hair is tousled in such a way it screams 'i woke up like this' - but you've seen him in the mornings. Know that he will have spent a solid half an hour perfecting the look.

On his feet are his trusty Chuck Taylors. Makes you laugh when you look down and see them next to your sparkly heels. You nudge against his shoes with your own. He does it back.

If you were to glance in the mirror in the far corner of the room, you'd notice how good you look together. Your dress is tight - a well-structured bodice with a low back and a straight skirt that finishes midway down your thighs - but chiffon billows around your arms. A subtle shimmer runs through the threads of the otherwise black fabric, and Jeongguk thinks it's fitting. Doesn't mention it, though.

Instead, he gently strokes the top of your back where your shoulder blades are far too tense. You're more poised than usual. It's stress, he thinks.

He'd be right in thinking that - but you smile regardless. Won't let anything dampen how well Tae's show is going.

Lights dim, the focus is all on the art pieces. Free champagne (which is really just prosecco but you're hoping no one will notice) is flowing, and appetisers are being eaten. The deli cafe a few floors below had agreed to do the catering, and you're thankful that they agreed to do it for a discount rate. You're barely breaking even with the launch event, but you hope that it will prove to be fruitful for Tae and the other artists in the future.

"Hey," you whisper right back, knocking your shoulder against him tenderly. "You good?"

He nods and hums a pretty little purr of confirmation. "You?"

You do the same back. It's not for a lack of wanting to engage in conversation, it's just that you know your social battery is gonna be worn down to the metal casing by the end of the evening, and so you're preserving your resources.

Jeongguk is aware of this. He always clocks it whenever you reached social capacity in the club - you'll sway instead of dance, and drunkenly walk away from people, favouring the bar instead of the dancefloor. He knows you've maybe got a solid six hours in you, but anything after that? He's not so sure.

"The place looks great," he tells you - and it really does.

For the launch night, you've optimised space and minimised the number of easels that are out. Furniture has been rearranged to create a natural flow for attendees to walk through, in order for each artist to have their work fully admired.

Tae's collection is the focal point, of course, but it's done in such a subtle way that most won't notice. The design of it all is smart - helped by Jimin's expertise in interior staging, brought to life by the brawn of Jeongguk and how he's able to move even the heaviest furniture with ease, and finished off with Tae's carefully crafted artwork.

They make for a great team.

Yoongi's custom-built frames and display units are perfect for the space, and Namjoon is by the entrance greeting critics he knows from other papers. Tae couldn't have surrounded himself with better people.

You think it's deserved. His work is gorgeous. If you had a spare penny, you'd invest in some. Know that he's destined for greatness, and that this is just the start of his professional career. If anything, you feel lucky to be a part of it all, no matter how small.

But see that's the thing - Taehyung always had these resources around him. Had it not been for you pulling them all together and actually using them, he never would have done. Not to the best of his ability, at least. You're just as important to this as the rest of them are.

Jeongguk couldn't be prouder - of you, of Tae, of what you've achieved. It's early and the night is young, but things are heading in the right direction. People are filtering in gradually. Half a dozen people have come off the street just to see what's going on.

"I think it's incredible, Byeol," Jeongguk says softly. "All of this... I just. Wow. Amazing."

"Stop," you laugh quietly. "Was a team effort."

He shakes his head. Thinks you're by far the most important piece of the puzzle.

"Yeah, well," he shrugs. "What's a team without a leader?"

You glance over at him, a little bemused by his appreciation.

He looks down at you and smiles, lip ring flipping ever so slightly in that way you adore so much. In the dull light behind the desk, a small speck of glitter twinkles on his shoulder.

"Here," you say as you reach over to pick it away, before dusting it off your fingers. "I fear I've cursed you with glitter."

Jeongguk shakes his head. Tells you he doesn't mind. He kind of likes the sparkles. Is still finding tiny reminders of you in his sheets. Makes him smile every time.

When he was sleeping with Hayun, it would be her lipstick that would stain his skin. His mugs, his sheets, his shirts, too.

Part of him wonders what permanence Jiyeong will hold.

Part of him kind of doesn't wanna find out.

But speak of the Devil and he doth appear - or think of Jiyeong, and sure enough, there she is by the entrance, speaking with Hoseok, who is handling entry.

She's dressed well - a navy blue dress hugs her enviable figure, which you know she's worked damn hard to achieve. Her hair is down, and her make-up is minimal; a natural beauty. Not a speck of glitter in sight.

"Ah, it does appear your princess has arrived, Prince Charming," you tease him with a little more pomp and poise than is needed, just to echo your point.

"Fuck off," he laughs - but heads on his way regardless.

You watch on as Jeongguk greets her, a hand in his pocket while the other scratches at the back of his head. He laughs, looks to the floor, then back up at her. When he smiles, his lip ring does the thing .

You look away. Find Tae in the crowd. Head for him instead.

Your palms feel a little clammy, and your head doesn't feel like it's screwed on properly, but there's no feasible reason to feel such a way. Belated nerves, maybe? It's a big night. Tae has a lot riding on it. Yeah. That must be it.

As you approach, with an extra champagne flute in hand to top him up, he beams at you.

Smile wide, Taehyung is every bit the schmoozer. He's been talking the ears off a local critic for the past ten minutes, and they've laughed at every joke.

It probably helps that he's dressed like the boy of everyone's fantasies; ivory shirt and dark slacks, lockets around his neck and dark hair pushed back to frame his portrait-worthy face. In a room full of priceless art, Kim Taehyung could be considered a masterpiece himself.

The thought glitters in your mind, illuminating the fact that you think this could apply to Jeongguk, too. You twist ever so slightly to look at him, but stop yourself. Your nosey tendencies can wait.

For now, Tae is babbling on about your contribution to the show, and you're far better off focusing on him. He's without an agent, so you're playing the role for now.

You don't really know what it all entails, but you've read a wikihow page and watched a couple of youtube videos. Know enough to get by. It's just to stop investors from thinking they can take advantage of Tae. You're protection, in a way, which is laughable.

"You've an eye for curation," a critic tells you, after Tae finishes bragging about your dedication to the show - but you shake your head.

"It's all Taehyung's genius," you smile. "He's an artist through and through, and it's his concepts we've brought to life. I'm merely a facilitator of his vision."

It's all so pompous. You hate the bullshit chatter, but know it's needed. So does Tae. You've never seen him so composed. He doesn't even falter when Danbi shows up half an hour later.

Though he does get a little giggly when she approaches him to gush about how beautiful his work is. He grins - and grins, and grins, and grins - and tells her that it's nothing. She tells him he's remarkable, and her words replay in his head for the rest of the night.

Kind of like how Jeongguk's hand on your back, the intrusive scent of his aftershave, and the thought of his lip ring doing the thing whenever he nibbles down on it, plagues yours. It's bizarre.

Realistically, you know it's because you're nervous, and have always sought comfort in him. If he were by your side, maybe you'd worry less about Tae impressing the critics. Maybe he'd joke with you about that one rogue piece of art neither of you really like.

Instead, he stands with Jiyeong, engaged in conversation with the Mins. If you were to be looking in his direction, you'd notice Seoyeon trying to catch your eye. 'Are you okay?' her nuanced gaze would ask, and you'd smile. Nod your head. Assure her that you're grand.

You refuse to let yourself linger. It's not healthy. Jeongguk is your friend. Dependency isn't cute on anyone.

But Jiyeong looks cute on his arm, and Jeongguk looks cute when he explains different art facts he's learnt from you to her. The recycled knowledge is wasted on a mind like Jiyeong's. Her interests lie elsewhere. It's not her kind of thing - but Jeongguk is her kind of man, so she nods along and is ever so pleasant.

When Nabi arrives, you're pleased to see her act just as frosty towards Jiyeong as she had towards you.

"Don't mind her," Jimin grins beside you as you watch the interaction with great curiosity. "Nabi is... Well, she's Nabi."

You smile. Jimin looks dashing as ever. Is wearing a thin knitted sweater with a pair of tight jeans hugging his toned legs. Chelsea boots accent his look, and you find yourself smiling at the predictability of him. His style differs from that of his friends, but you find that you quite like it.

His hair is perfectly permed to fall back off his face, showing off his dark eyes and cute little cheeks. He's paradoxical. Sweet and spicy all in one bite.

"She always like this?" You ask, not really caring if Jimin knows you don't feel so fondly towards her.

"Uh-huh," he nods. "She comes across as rude, but honestly I think she's just shy."

"Shy?" You sneer - but catch the unpleasant look on your face and try to soften it. The stress has made you a little snappy, and you don't like it.

"Shy," he nods again with a laugh. Finds your uncharacteristically sour face rather funny. "She's hot though, so everyone thinks she's being a dick. She'll warm up. She always does - you really think Seoyeon would be friends with her if she didn't?"

He's got a good point. Seoyeon is potentially the sweetest person you've ever met. You can't imagine her being friends with assholes - but then again, even assholes need friends. Seoyeon would always try and see the good in people, if she could.

"She scares me," you tell him. He hands you his champagne flute. It's half empty, but he thinks you need a drink. He's right.

"You scare her, probably. You're some random girl showing up all buddy-buddy with her oldest friends without warning," he says, trying to put it into perspective. "She gets back from visiting family abroad and BOOM . There's some girl riding shotgun in Jeongguk's car and helping with Tae's career in a way she never could. It's intimidating. She doesn't know her place anymore."

When he says it like that, you cringe. Feel guilty for being such a harsh judge towards her. Sure, Nabi had been rude, but you can't go through life expecting everyone to act in the same way you would. It's differences that make us interesting, after all.

"How long had been gone?" You ask quietly, knowing it's really none of your business.

"Six months," Jimin says. "Her grandparents live in Scotland. It's where she's been. You should ask her, yourself. Might be a good chance to get to know her."

You nod. Fold your arms across your chest. Decide you know far too much about this poor girl's personal life already. Anything else you learn, you would like it to be directly from her.

"Would she like to come out with us?" You offer. "After the show?"

Jimin smiles. "Probably. I'll ask."

When she glances over to you a little while later, Jimin clearly mentioning the invite, you smile. You think she smiles back, but it's hard to tell - though you can clearly see her nod.

You sigh a shallow breath of relief and are so focused on the interaction that you almost don't notice Jeongguk coming to stand beside you.

"Clock's not struck midnight yet, Charming," you hum when you smell his aftershave. "Where's your girl?"

He nudges his shoulder against yours and takes your champagne flute from your hand - your fifth of the night and counting - before knocking it all back in one swig.

"Couldn't stay. She's meeting friends, so we'll probably see her out tonight - if that's okay?"

"Yeah, sure," you say without hesitation. "Of course that's fine. It was really nice of her to come along."

Jeongguk nods. "Yeah. I think she enjoyed it."

You nod, too. It's a little awkward. Neither of you know how to navigate conversations about other people. You're coy; don't wanna ask too much.

"That's good," you smile. "Fancy another drink?"

"Please."

One drink turns into three, which turns into six. By the time the show has dwindled down to just the usual suspects, and Tae is popping a champagne bottle in celebration of an exhibition gone well, you're ready to hit the clubs.

Everyone is in good spirits.

There's not a single face without a smile as you head downtown, not to Dionysus, but to a bar just across the road. The boys are regulars here just as much, but it's a quieter vibe - small rooms that allow for a more private setting.

They instantly head towards one of the back coves. The room is tiny. Cramped. Dark. Stinks of beer and cigarette smoke. There are black sofas lining the walls, and you dread to think of what horrors they've seen as you sink down into one beside Jeongguk.

Not much thought is given to your seating arrangement. His legs are stretched out, knees wide apart, one hand over his crotch, the other tucked behind you. Legs pulled up to your chest, your feet are on the sofa, shoes on the floor. One of your arms wraps around your knees, hugging them into you. Your other hand mindlessly rests on his thigh.

It's dangerously close to his hand. So close that he reaches out with his fingers. They delicately toy with yours. You think very little of it. Just finds comfort in it. So does he.

No one notices.

You're wedged between Jeongguk and Danbi, who also has an incredibly giddy Taehyung next to her.

Or at least she does, until he hops up to grab beer pong cups from the bar. He returns with everything he needs for the game, but leaves again, only to return with a tray of shots, too.

It's just sourz. Has nothing on purple starfuckers - but it serves a purpose. Is exactly what you need as you stand at one end of the beer pong table.

Nabi is on the other end, Jimin by her side.

Tae got distracted by Danbi, well, existing. Put the cups down and haven't thought about them since. The game is yours now.

It's nice seeing Nabi actually smile. Has you supposing that Jimin was right, after all. She cheers when anyone gets shots in, even if it means she has to drink. A good sport. Just wants everyone to have fun. Knows that she sometimes can rub people up the wrong way, so appreciates the fact you made sure she was invited.

She always would have been invited. Taehyung had already mentioned it to her - but the fact that you made Jimin check? She appreciates it. Probably won't tell you so directly, but hopes that you'll see she's trying.

And you do. You're trying, too. It's always weird when someone new enters a dynamic. It's why you're trying to be mindful of Jiyeong, and excuse away Jeongguk for not being totally focused on the evening.

He's torn between his friends and making sure he replies to her drunk messages quickly enough. It doesn't help that he's also drunk and really can't be fucked with being on his phone in a dark room. It's embarrassing. He's here with friends. Doesn't wanna be glued to a screen.

His phone is facedown by the sofa when he comes to stand behind you, while you gear up for your next shot. You're currently a point up, and only have to get three more cups out.

"Easy does it," Jeongguk husks just loud enough for you to hear. If his voice wasn't enough to distract you, his hand on your hip might just be. It's disguised by the shadows of the dark room, but the sensation burns so brightly you're surprised no one else notices.

"I am easy," you tell him, not realising how bad that sounds until it's out of your mouth. The glitter on your cheeks catches in the dim fairy lights as you giggle at yourself.

Jeongguk just smirks. Shakes his head.

"No, you're not."

"Well, what am I then?" you flirt a little. " Hard ?"

Oh God, he's smirking again.

There's a mirror on the far wall behind Nabi and Jimin. You hate it.

Hate how you never used to notice mirrors before Jeongguk came into your life, and hate how you noticed every single one of them now.

Hate how good Jeongguk looks, dark hair waving divinely around his features. His broad shoulders are hidden by his shirt, but he's loosened his buttons to frame his collar bones in silk. Sleeves rolled up, forearms on show, he's a menace.

The kind of guy your mother warned you about, cosplaying as the boy next door. Trouble. Sin. Temptation.

And yet he's just so pretty - doe-eyed and dewy-nosed - that he's impossible to resist.

"Maybe," he sings, taking a swig of his drink before holding it to your lips. You let him tilt it. Drink it down. Tastes like shit, but you don't care. Are too enthralled by the flirt.

"Nah," you laugh softly as you lick the liquor from your lips. "I'm not hard."

Jeongguk's had too much to drink. He knows better than to reply in the way he wants to. Knows he shouldn't grip your waist and pull you back so that your ass is rested against his crotch.

He knows, he knows, he knows.

"Funny," he husks. "You might not be, but me? Well..."

And yet his grip does tighten. He closes the gap. Makes your breath hitch.

"Haven't got all day Disco Ball!" Jimin calls over, blissfully unaware of what's going on in the dark.

Jeongguk loosens his grip. Takes a step back. Walks around to the side of the table and slumps down into the sofa beside Namjoon.

From the corner of your eye, you can see them whispering to each other, but decide to ignore it.

Instead, you line up your shot. Focus. Narrow your eyes and ignore the heckles Jimin is throwing in your direction. Anything to put you off your game. Nabi slaps at his shoulder and tells him to cut it out.

And so you smile at her. Mouth the words 'thank you' in her direction.

Jimin just leans on the table. Tells you that he gets a free shot if you take any longer.

"That's bullshit and you know it," Jeongguk calls over, just to let you all know he's still invested.

Of course he is. He wants you to win.

Just didn't wanna take things too far.

"You've got this, B!"

And you do .

The shot is smooth. Sharp. The tiny white ball knocks against the lip of the most distant cup and falls directly into the small pool of beer it's holding.

Jimin stares at it in disbelief.

"What?" You grin, as Jeongguk cheers you on and Namjoon laughs at Jimin's poor defeated face. "Drink up, Park. Haven't got all day."

The rest of the game continues much like that. Jeongguk sits on the sidelines and lets you take the reins. Doesn't interfere. Just watches on, with a curious sense of pride and something he can't quite place. Just notices that his jaw gets a little tense whenever your start joking around with Jimin.

It's nothing a fresh shot doesn't solve. The liquor eases his jaw. Makes him forget the uncomfortable feeling that comes with watching your glitter sparkle in someone else's eyes.

He brushes the feeling to the side. Ignores it.

But when you've been gone for ten minutes, and he realises he doesn't know where Jimin is either, he pauses. Doesn't want another shot cause he feels a little sick.

Decides the bathroom is the best place for him. It's a bog standard toilet - no gender separation of the stalls. Just a door into a room with a sink in it, and another door that leads to the actual toilet.

"Shit, sorry," Jeongguk mumbles as he opens the door, realising someone's stood by the sink.

"Hey," you chime pleasantly. "It's cool. Come in. No one's in there."

You've just been touching up your makeup. Have no idea where Jimin is. You've not seen him. Assume he's flirting with some random by the bar. Seems like him.

And yet Jeongguk's drunk tongue decides that he'd quite like to just make sure you haven't seen Jimin. It's stupid. He's got no reason to care. Doesn't care. Is just a little too tipsy for his own good.

"If I didn't know any better," Jeongguk says quietly, coming to stand behind you. "I'd say you've been flirting with Jimin."

The bathroom is cramped, graffiti covering the walls. There's no soap and the hand dryer is broken. It's seen better days. Seen a lot of sin. You glance up at him as you wash your hands the best you can. The position is all too familiar.

Mirrors and Jeongguk?

Yeah. A view you know well.

You smirk. Raise your brows. "So what if I have been?"

He shrugs. Looks at your hair, and starts to toy with it. Scoops it together to push it all over a single shoulder.

He leaves your neck exposed, and bites down on his lips to stop himself from doing things he knows he shouldn't. A tiny waft of your perfume intrudes on his senses. God . He really does fucking like your perfume.

"Just curious," he says. "That's all."

You think that will be the end of his interrogation.

Think that Jeongguk is just throwing questions into the void, but that your lack of a clear answer will deter him.

It does. Only for a moment, though. He's still stroking at your hair. Doesn't look at you. Just your damn hair.

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, he asks, "Are you gonna fuck him again?"

You say nothing, just continue washing your hands as you think about what the fuck to say back. You've not been planning on it, but the question sounds a bit like an accusation. Sounds like Jeongguk is probing you. Sounds unlike him. Sounds like he wants a fight.

Shutting the tap off, you rest your palms on the edge of the basin and look at his reflection. You're annoyed to find him still watching his own hands as they stroke through your hair.

"Why?" You question. He's never been one to cast judgement over your choices. Never. You're pissed that it seems like he's doing it now. "Should I fuck him again?"

Jeongguk's the one who falters now.

Only for a split second, but long enough for you to know he's running hurdles in his brain.

He doesn't know why he started the conversation, and doesn't know where the fuck he hopes it ends - he just knows he can't seem to stop it.

The dingy light flickers ever so gently, like morse code. Dash, dot... Dash, dash, dash.

Indifference is feigned well as he shrugs. "If you want."

And you're not sure why, but you ask, "Do you want me to?"

When he looks up and catches your gaze in the aged, desilvered mirror ahead of you both, he's hard to read.

His stare is hard, but his features are soft. Cheeks a little pink. Lips pretty and pouty like they are always are.

"Wasn't that the whole point of the birds?" He asks. "We fuck about, get you comfortable with intimacy... you have better sex?"

You scoff. Shake your head as you look down to where your hands grip the porcelain basin. There are water droplets still on your skin. Sort of look like tears, you think.

"Mhmm," you finally say as your eyes dart up again, with a nod and a smile so fake that even the alcohol can't convince Jeongguk it's genuine. "I'm sure Jimin will be thrilled to have your leftovers."

"What?" he asks, a little confused.

Running your hands through your hair, you disrupt the preening he's been doing and let your hair messily fall into a more natural state. His hands drop from their position by your shoulders. Distance is created.

"Surely it's easier to start off with someone you already know?" He continues. "And the fuck are you on about? Leftovers? You know I hate it when you say shit like that, Byeol. It's not like that."

In Jeongguk's mind, it's really not that dissimilar to your setting him up with Jiyeong. You had started him off easy. Someone he knows won't reject him.

Interesting how he's already convinced there'll be a next; that Jiyeong is a start, not an end.

Longevity isn't something that he sees in her.

A certain guilt lies within him whenever they're together because of this, but he thinks perhaps he's writing it off too soon. Maybe it's his brain self-sabotaging like it always does.

"So what's different?" you say quietly, and turn to face him.

In the mirror, the open back of your dress has your spine on full display, and Jeongguk's reminded of how he traced down it in his kitchen; you bent over his counter, threats of fucking Jimin again acting as foreplay.

He's only got himself to blame.

"How will fucking Jimin now be any different to the last time?"

Jeongguk shrugs. Starts toying with your hair again. You wish he would stop.

And yet you don't make him. He's gentle as he tucks the hair over your ear, mindful of your piercings.

"You know the house layout, now," he smirks, trying to lighten the mood. He really doesn't want to argue with you. "You won't trip up on your way out."

"Shut the fuck up," you smile, not wanting to find humour in his words. "Who knows? Maybe I'll be able to stay the night, now."

He nods. Purses his lips. Looks in your eyes as he whispers, "I'll be so proud of you if you do."

You think he means it.

So does he.

It's not something he's tried with you. Not a bird that's been completed - but one of the ones that means the most, he thinks.

It's sitting on his desk at home.

Had fallen after you'd agreed to stop doing the birds for the time being.

"You would?" You whisper back, and ignore the way his thumb is stroking your hip. Pretend like he isn't so close you can practically taste his drink of choice.

"I would," he says back so quietly it's barely even a breath. The way he nods his head forces his nose to nudge ever so gently against yours. It's nothing new. Nothing that hasn't been done before. "You've done so well, Byeol. Faced so many fears."

Haven't kissed you, though, you think - and it takes everything in you not to close the gap.

"It's still scary," you say, a hand on his chest, the other resting on the crook of his neck.

If anyone were to walk in right now, there'd be a million questions asked - and yet neither of you questions the familiarity of your embrace.

Intimacy has been fostered between the pair of you. Exactly what the birds were trying to prevent. You were supposed to face your fears; untie the acts from any romantic feelings.

It's why you tell yourself this is normal.

It's why you're utterly convinced that this is just a byproduct of the birds, and that it's not actually real.

"I used to be scared of the dark," he tells you with a shy smile, looking down as he laughs ever so gently. You laugh, too. It's cute.

He withdraws a little. Lets you go. Rests his back against the far wall and drinks in the sight of you.

Your lips are blushed. Pouty. Kiss deprived. Glitter shimmers by your eyes and he's so glad of how predictable you always are. Sees stars even on the cloudiest of nights with you.

Jeongguk just runs a hand through his hair and shrugs.

"Still don't like it much," he continues. "Spook myself out sometimes. There's a corner of my room that's a little darker than the rest of the place and... yeah. It freaks me out. But you know what?"

"What?" you enthuse, the smile on your lips definitely the result of a few too many drinks. It matches his.

He reaches over to the light switch. Turns it off. Stumbles a little from his lost balance, and regains it by reaching out for you. You steady him - and you're right back where you started, far too close.

"I'm not scared of it anymore," he whispers. "I don't like it much, and I prefer having a little light to guide me - but I'm not scared ."

"And this is relevant... how?" You giggle, as your hands hold onto the front of his shirt.

It's at this point Jeongguk knows he fucked, for Jeongguk's utterly convinced if he doesn't kiss you, he'll die.

He wants to press his lips down on yours as you giggle. Wants to taste the alcohol on your tongue. Wants to feel your teeth bite down on his bottom lip. Oh, god , he wants it . Wants you . Just once. Just so he knows what it's like.

He knows you kiss. Saw Jimin kiss you that very first night. Sure, you deflected it - but that initial contact? The way your lips looked as they pressed down into someone else's?

God, he just wants to know. Has to know.

Never been into voyeurism, but the more he thinks about you with someone else, the more he knows he'd gladly watch.

Perhaps 'gladly' is the wrong word. He'd fuckin' hate it - but he'd take it just to be blessed with a visual of you doing his favourite thing in the world.

But then he feels guilty, again.

He knows he's not strictly off the market, and that he is still single, but he's always been a one-girl kinda guy. Never fucked around with more than one at any one given time.

Would feel fucking awful if things with Jiyeong progressed, knowing that he'd gotten far too close for comfort with you in the early days.

He wants you in his life.

If he fucks around with you now, then it writes off any chance of that when he and Jiyeong become official.

So he pulls away from you again, and reaches for the light. Can't find it. Gives up. Cracks the door ajar a little. The light that pours in is dusty. Smoke filled. The particles dance in the air; filth in the purity of the one thing that keeps you breathing. His foot holds the door open. He bathes in the dingy lighting of the bar, his features masked by shadows.

"It's okay that you still don't like intimacy, B," he tells you. "What matters is that you still try. Even without me. Even if it scares you. You just gotta try. Just gotta keep trying."

You reach for the door and pull it further open. Let the light pour in.

"Gotta keep trying," you nod. "I should probably-"

"Yeah, yeah, no, of course," Jeongguk nods as you gesture to the door. "Go. Sorry for walking in on you like that."

"It's no bother," you tell him with a small smile.

And you really do mean it. Jeongguk never bothers you. You're always pleased to have his company around.

You're less pleased to realise how fucking wet you are as you walk back to the group. Been in his proximity for all of five minutes and you're a state . Maybe he's got a point. Maybe you do need to get laid.

When Jeongguk rejoins the group, he doesn't look at you. Picks up his jacket, and mumbles something to Jimin. A laugh is shared, before Jeongguk pats his back and heads towards the door without even glancing in your direction.

No explanation.

He's just gone.

"Hey Jimin?" You call over, too drunk to care for playing it cool. "Where'd Gguk go?"

"Jiyeong," he simply says not thinking much of it - and why would he?

From the corner of the group, Yoongi pays attention to the way your shoulders drop a little bit. He's not stupid.

Knows which direction the bathroom is in.

Knows there must have been some overlap.

Knows you've been off talking with Jeongguk.

Doesn't think it would be anything more than a conversation, but think it doesn't matter. As always, Yoongi is right.

Jeongguk had sought you out. Had wanted to speak with you privately. You'd returned with a pleasant smile on your face - once of which faded almost instantly once Jiyeong's name was mentioned.

Yoongi says nothing. It's not his place to interfere - though he does text Seoyeon almost instantly to let her know that there's trouble in paradise.

She's by the bar with Nabi getting another round. Glances over immediately. Frowns when she notices Jeongguk's absence. Sighs when she sees the look on your face.

"Kids," Yoongi mutters under his breath, shaking his head, before knocking down the rest of his whisky. He actually thinks having his own kids would be less stressful than keeping an eye on you all.

You know you shouldn't, but as you finish off your drink, you start feeling petty. Vindictive .

Jeongguk's out with Jiyeong doing fuck knows what. Is fuck knows where. You shouldn't be angry, but you're a little too drunk for your own good. Can't help it.

Maybe you will fuck Jimin.

Maybe you'll fuck him, and realise that sex really is just sex - even the intimate parts of it. Maybe you'll let Jimin make you cum. Maybe you'll let him kiss you. Maybe you'll stay the night, and maybe Jeongguk will have to watch the next morning as you emerge from Jimin's room instead of his.

Maybe he'll have to watch Jimin reap the fruits of his labour, just like you know Jiyeong is reaping the fruits of yours.

But this was always the deal. Always the case.

It isn't Jeongguk's fault. Isn't Jiyeong's. Isn't yours, either.

"Hey," Jimin grins, holding out his drink for you to take a sip. You gladly oblige. "Too pretty to be this mopey. Let's dance."

"Jimin," you pout and whine, really not feeling it. It's one thing to consider fucking Jimin, but a whole different thing to actually act on it.

"Don't gimmie that face," he teases. There's a glint in his eye; mischief . You recognise it. Have seen it before. Have leant into it. Have pushed it away.

You're not sure what you'll do with it tonight.

When you take Jeongguk out of the equation, you probably wouldn't give it a second thought. You know Jimin. Have fooled around with him before. Know you'll be safe. Know it will satisfy a hunger.

And so you take his hand, and let him drag you to the dancefloor.

Just like you let his hands wander. Let his teeth become reacquainted with your neck. His lips are soft. Warm. His hands, too. And his voice, when he says "should we just cut to the chase?"

You laugh. Nod. There's no point in playing coy; not when he knows what he wants, and assumes you want it, too. He doesn't get rejected too often. In fact, the last girl who did? Was you.

He doesn't even try to kiss you. Remembers how little you seemed to be into it the last time, completely unaware of the fact you love it.

At least you won't have to deal with Jeongguk, and how whiney he is about always wanting to ki-

Nope .

Once you realise you're thinking about him, you stop.

This? Now?

This is the first test of the birds. Jeongguk helped you. For this very purpose. He shouldn't hinder you. Not now.

Just like you're sure he's not thinking about you while he's with Jiyeong, you tell yourself you can't think about him, either.

Funny, really.

Jeongguk's across town embroiled in an argument. Can't stop thinking about you, 'cause Jiyeong's insisting on hashing it out with him as to why she gets such weird vibes from the pair of you both.

Jimin also gets those vibes, but is a boy, and is stupid. Pays no attention to it.

And why would he?

Not even half an hour later, you're in his bedroom.

He's the one reclining onto his elbows, legs spread, knees hooked over the end of his bed as you shake your dress off.

You think of the birds. Know that nakedness is one of them. The last time you fucked Jimin, you'd been fully clothed.

This time, you won't be.

It makes you nervous. He can't tell. Not with the way you hold yourself as you slip out of the fabric and let it crumple on his floor.

"You hard?" you ask quietly. The lighting is dim, and it's hard to tell beneath his dark jeans. He palms at himself and smirks.

"Getting there. Wanna see?"

You nod. Watch with bated breath as Jimin undoes his trousers. Pushes them down a little. Lets his white briefs show you exactly how hard he is.

He's definitely firm, but not quite there yet. Needs more than just a half-naked girl. Seen so many of them in his lifetime that he needs something a little more interesting to really get him excited.

"Play with yourself," you tell him. The positioning - you standing in front of him, in control - has him eager.

He remembers how difficult you can be all in the name of a good fuck. Knows he's in for a treat - and so does as he's told. Pulls his cock free. Strokes it. Lets his head fall back for a few pumps, then meets your eyes again as he jerks himself off.

You smirk, now. "Cute."

"Cute?" He laughs a little in disbelief, so you just nod.

There's an air about you. An arrogance. It's the attitude he usually gives women. Quite likes it when it's given back to him.

"Cute," you nod with a sickly sweet smile, as you get to your knees. Hands on his thighs, you stroke tenderly. His grip on his cock tightens as his hips push up into his hand.

"Look at you," you continue teasing. "All needy and playing with yourself because you just can't wait to fuck me. It's really cute."

He slows down, as if he wants to defy you, but you just smirk.

"Did I say stop?"

He laughs. Shakes his head. Continues.

"You just wanna watch?" He asks, a little bemused.

"Mhmm," you hum pleasantly. There's a power trip that comes with watching a man wank over you. It's safe. His problem, not yours.

The proximity of his cock to your face does make it hard to resist. You haven't given head in so long. One of your favourite acts, you've never had issues with it, which is why it was never included in bird-related endeavours - and blessed, fortunate Jimin is gonna be the one to receive your pent-up need for a cock in your mouth.

Not yet, though. You'll let him suffer a little longer, first.

You're quite enjoying it, regardless. Jimin's hands are pretty in a way that Jeongguk's aren't; dainty and petite. Well proportioned, and perfectly kept. What he may lack in length, you know he'll make up for in skill.

Gets you thinking about your birds. Gets you thinking that you need to put them into practice.

You get to your feet and Jimin just watches. Says nothing. You're not entirely steady on your feet thanks to the alcohol, but it doesn't matter. You're not standing for long.

Straddling his lap, Jimin nods. Doesn't make a fucking noise. Not even a hum. He's too busy making sure he doesn't wank himself off too well. Would be embarrassing if he came early.

You reach for his hand. Stop him. Guide him to your underwear, instead.

He needs no instruction. Just says, "take your bra off."

And so you do. Another fear set free by Jeongguk. You're doing it. You're really fucking doing it.

The birds? They fucking work .

You find the annoyance you had with Jeongguk, and this whole new reality you're both now living in, melting away.

Perhaps it was jealousy, but not of Jiyeong; jealousy of Jeongguk, and the fact that he was actually making developments in his life thanks to the birds.

Now, you are, too.

You laugh a little. Jimin thinks you're just giggling because he's pushing your underwear to the side. Must be ticklish or something.

He's sat up straight, a hand on his cock, the other stroking over your pussy. Wetter than he expects, he knows you're game to fuck, and is pleased. Had no doubt you would be, but it's always a nice ego boost. Alcohol can fuck with things, making it a little more challenging.

Sure, Jeongguk might have gotten you wet earlier, but it's Jimin who's gotten you this far.

Jimin, Jimin, Jimin.

Jimin , who sinks a finger into you. Jimin , who reads your body as you gasp and adjust to his touch. Jimin , who latches his plump lips around your nipple as he begins to fuck his finger into you.

"Shit," you husk a little breathlessly, which earns a hum of satisfaction from Jimin. His lips are still wrapped around your nipple, sucking tenderly.

He stops only briefly to tease you. "See how much nicer it is when you just do what I tell you to do?"

You laugh, but quickly find yourself moaning again when he pushes a second finger into you. One of your hands is on his shoulder, but the other drops to his wrist and stops him from playing with himself.

"You wanna try?" He flirts. "Wanna see how hard I am for you, huh?"

You nod. "Please."

He guides your hand to his cock. Tilts his head back as you wrap your fingers around his shaft.

"Shit."

His throat looks gorgeous in this light; thick and tense as he swallows. The sensation of your hand is nothing compared to your pussy, but fuck. He likes it. Likes it so much.

"Faster."

You oblige. Wank him off so well he falters for a second or so, torso tense, finger buried in your pussy. He snaps out of it, and adjusts himself. Grips your waist. Fucks his fingers into you so fast there's absolutely zero chance of you staying quiet.

Your breathing gets deeper. So do his fingers. The sound, the feel, it's fucking euphoric - but it scares you. Scares you so much.

Just gotta keep trying.

Jeongguk's words echo in your mind. The only way to get over a fear is to confront it. You know this. You've proven it to yourself before. There's no need to be scared.

Your breathing gets heavier. Jimin mistakes it for pleasure. Doesn't realise you're panicking.

"Wait, wait," you say a little breathlessly.

"You alright?" He asks, stopping as soon as you say so, but not really thinking much of it. Assumes you were too close. Figures you wanna make it last - which would be fine by him.

You nod. Swallow back a harsh breath.

"Yeah, yeah," you say as you pull away from him, and get to the floor between his legs. Again, there's no opposition from Jimin. You're both probably a little too drunk to be making sensible choices, and in the morning, it'll be a miracle if you even remember.

For the time being, all you can focus on is making sure he doesn't know you were on the edge of a freakout. The last thing you want is to have to explain yourself - and how can you do that with a cock in your mouth?

You stroke him gently in your palm, admiring his cock. It's just as pretty as he is. Slightly curved, and a little more flushed in colour than you thought it would be. Half a dozen small, dark veins run up the underside of his shaft.

Makes you think of Jeongguk, and the single, thick vein that runs up his. Curious how different they are. Jimin is smaller than Jeongguk, granted, but you don't really mind. Will be far easier to take in your mouth.

And as you pepper kisses up his cock, you know that it's exactly what you want to do. He grunts when your tongue licks against it. Pushes his hips up. Edges his trousers off.

You follow the instructions of his body language and get them around his ankles, before adjusting your position.

Tongue flat against him, you lick a stripe up his cock, and swirl around his dark head. He curses. Lets his back fall to his mattress. Lifts his hips. Wants more.

You kitten lick around his tip, just to him get a little moany, then press wet kisses against him. Ignoring his pleas for more, you take it at your own pace. Wank him off as your tongue gets acquainted with his balls.

Jimin makes sure to let you know just how much likes that. Is so moany.

His hands tangle in your hair. He's gentle but a little rough when he needs to be. Pulls you a little further up.

"Suck it."

Teasing a little more, you smirk. Spit. The way he moans is unholy.

"Shit."

You're void of thoughts as you wrap your lips around his shaft, taking his length inside your mouth. Your tongue is wet, mouth hot, just how he likes it. He sounds like heaven, and yet you refuse to listen. Don't want anything intruding. Don't wanna hear him say your name, and get a complex over the fact Jeongguk never calls you by name.

Don't wanna think about the fact you can't say 'chess'. Don't wanna think about how soft Jeongguk is with you. Don't wanna think about him, or his eyes, or the forbidden kisses he presses against your skin.

"That's it. Yeah," Jimin sighs into rhythm you're setting. "That's it. Oh shit, yeah."

Too caught up in an internal battle of the mind, you hadn't noticed your pace increase. Depth, too. He's hitting the back of your throat. Making your eyes water. Creating the lewdest sounds - and he fucking loves it. Wet, sloppy? Ugh . For a man as pristine as Jimin is, he sure loves it filthy.

"Shit. Take my cock so well, don't you? God. Mouth is just as good as your pussy. Yeah, like that. Like that. Oh, fuck."

Jimin's body writhes on top of his sheets, face contorted from the sheer pleasure of your mouth around his cock. Doesn't give a fuck about sex. Wants his cum down your throat. His hands bunch in your hair, as his hips pick up a little momentum. The noises you're making double. Treble. So do his.

"Gonna cum," he rasps. Hisses as he leans his head into his shoulder and bites down on his own skin just to soften his moans. Doesn't help. "Gonna fuckin' cum."

He curses. Whines. Writhes. Stalls his hips, but keeps your head pressed down right to the base of his cock as he begins to shudder beneath you. His balls are tight as they release, his cock already at the back of your throat as he pours his cum down it. The spurts are short, sharp. Hot. Sordid.

And once they're done? He laughs like a fucking angel. Makes you smile. Feels like a job well done.

"Shit," he murmurs.

Eyes closed, he stays in the exact same position as his chest heaves, a small trail of evidence leaking onto his abdomen. He's breathless as he tries to speak.

"Sorry. That was... Just... gimmie a minute. Shit. You good?"

"Good," you nod, sitting back on your heels.

You know Jimin. Have been here before. You know this is where the night ends. Know that he'll be out cold within five minutes.

"C'mon," you tap his knee. "Bed. Don't wanna fall asleep like this."

He nods. "Yeah, yeah. Just... a minute."

"No," you laugh, moving his ankles to take his trousers off fully, before getting to your feet. "Get into bed, you mess."

"Already in bed," he says, still grinning from his orgasm.

"You know what I mean."

"You gonna join? I'll make it up to you in the morning."

You don't reply. Just head to the kitchen to get him some water. Glance at the door to see if Jeongguk's shoes are there, but there's no evidence of his Chuck Taylors. You purse your lips and nod. Sigh so deeply it feels like you've not taken a breath for days.

The clock on the oven reads 04:32. It doesn't take a genius to work out where he is.

He's where he should be , your mind berates you. Wouldn't be there had it not been for you.

And so when you return to Jimin's room, pleased to find him tucked up into bed now, you crawl in beside him.

Sure, you failed at one thing already tonight, but sharing a bed is something you never do. You never stay the night. You never wake up with the people you fuck about with. It's too intimate.

The prospect of Jimin actually making it up to you in the morning? It terrifies you.

Just gotta keep trying.

You can never succeed if you don't.

"Welcome," Jimin mumbles, ready to say goodbye to the world for a few hours.

He reaches out to check the distance between you both. You're a little further than he'd like, but isn't gonna pull you closer. Is too tired. He enjoys that you're still wearing just your underwear. Will make it easier in the morning for a lazy hangover fuck.

"Thanks for having me," you whisper back in good humour.

Yet when Jimin does drift off, all you can do is lie on your back and stare at the ceiling, hands flat against your stomach. There's no clock in his room, so all you hear is silence. It's maddening. The darkness consumes you. Reminds you of Jeongguk. His childhood fear. Makes you all the more aware of your own fears.

You can feel your chest begin to heave again. Jimin doesn't stir. If you just pretend like you're fine, you'll be fine. Just pretend. Just keep trying. Ignore the warmth of his body, and your eyes as tears begin to prick at them. Ignore, dismiss, forget. You don't have to let this fear get the better of you.

But the pressure is too heavy and you can feel the weight of it imploding on your chest. His duvet feels like an iron blanket, and you need to get out before it suffocates you entirely.

Slow as you do so, in a bid not to wake him, you slip out from his bed.

Jimin wouldn't have stirred either way. He's always out like a light after nights out.

The fear manifests in so many different ways, though. Feels like you're scared of everything . Of leaving, of getting caught, of having to answer for yourself.

You know, deep down, in your heart of hearts, that Jimin could not care less if you leave or stay. You know there are no consequences to this. You know this.

And still, you're silent as you tiptoe around his bed, and slip back into your dress. You don't worry about your bra - will just tuck it into your coat pocket. You know it's hooked over the arm of the sofa, so you waste no time.

Just need to get out. Need to get away. Get away from the guilt that you feel, and from the residual ache in your chest. It's been there all evening. You think if you get fresh air, get out of the apartment, that it will ease.

But as you're sneaking out of Jimin's room, feet bare, bra in hand, Jeongguk is sneaking back home.

He's quiet as a mouse, but your eyes are on the door the second he clicks it open. You say nothing. Think that maybe he'll go straight into his room without glancing into the living area - but he's fucking parched and needs water before he can even think about sleeping. Half thinks he might hop straight into the shower.

Stops dead in his tracks when he sees you. The only light in the room is coming from the hob light left on in the kitchen. Your glitter catches in it. So do your tears.

"Hey," he whispers so quietly it sort of croaks out of his throat.

There's an air of caution about him, fearful of coming too close. The look on your face... he knows it. Doesn't like it. Doesn't know what the fuck to do. Just knows that as you start to sob, he sees red.

"Hey, hey, hey," he coos as he tosses his phone and wallet on the sofa and rushes towards you. Put his palms on the sides of your arms and bows his neck to look you in the eye. His face is warped with concern as you struggle to get your breathing straight.

"What's up? Hey?" he coos again, stroking up your arms. The chiffon of your dress bunches beneath his hands, and he detests it. Feels like it's grating off a layer of his skin. Funny. He'd liked it earlier. Hates it now. Wishes your skin was bare. "B?"

You just shake your head. Can't form words. Are so disappointed in yourself. So furious that you just can't just be fucking normal. All you can do is try and sniff back your tears, but it's redundant.

"What is it?" Jeongguk looks at you with crazed eyes, dark and foreboding, desperate to see inside your mind. He's only seen you like this once - after Seokjin had fucked you over the last time - and so his mind jumps. He stands up straighter. Looks over your shoulder to the room you've just left. "Where is he? What the fuck did he do?!"

The rage that swells inside Jeongguks chest is lethal. He has to loosen his grip on you because he can't stop himself from balling his fists up.

"No, no, no!" You panic, grabbing onto him before he can lunge for Jimin's room. He almost shakes you off. Almost doesn't wanna listen. Almost lets the fury get the better of him - but then your voice shakes and he knows that he needs to pay attention to you. "Gguk, no. Please. Wasn't him. Was me ."

He doesn't understand what the fuck is going on. Is still drunk. Swallows back his rage, and looks down at you. Tilts your head up with his forefinger. Gets a read on your eyes.

You're covered in glitter, even despite your wet cheeks. You look so fucking sad, yet painfully beautiful. Jeongguk can't understand what the fuck is going on with his head.

He knows he's pissed off.

Knows that if Jimin came out of his room he'd probably smack him regardless of whatever's happened.

Knows he's drunk, so knows he'd regret it in the morning.

Knows he hates how fucking upset you look.

Knows he hates how much he wants to kiss you, still.

Knows that it's the last thing he can do. Hates that, too.

"The fuck happened, B?" He whispers, and lets his thumb wipe at your cheek. Doesn't care that he'll end up covered in glitter. "Hey?"

You just shake your head. Sob again because it's all so pathetic.

"I can't do it. I thought that I could, and I tried, and I thought it would be fine but I just-" you laugh pitifully. Shrug. Sob harder when Jeongguk pulls you into his chest for a hug.

His shirt muffles the short, sharp breaths you take for air, his strong arms tight around your shoulders.

"This shit isn't linear, B," he whispers, pressing a kiss into the crown of your head. "This shit's complicated. We're not gonna get it right every time."

He says all the right things, and it just makes it even worse. He is getting it right. He is facing his fears in a way that feels linear. Feels like he's doing okay, while you're stuck in this state of limbo.

"C'mon," he says, pulling away from you and reaching over for your coat from the sofa. Holds out his hand. Waits for you to take it. When you do, he holds it just as tightly as he had hugged you. Leads you out of the sitting area, and towards his room.

And you just go. No hesitation.

The truth of the matter is that you would follow Jeongguk into darkness - even if he was scared. You trust him. Trust that you're safe with him.

There's nothing you can say, nothing you can do that will make him run for the hills. See, Jeongguk cares in a way that doesn't feel entirely normal. Would bend over backwards for you even if it broke his back.

You'd never ask him to, but you'd never need to. He'd just simply do it.

He's never discussed it with anyone. Never explained the way he feels so inclined to keep you sparkling. Just does it as if it's his life's quest. Thinks that maybe he was an astronomer in a past life or something.

But he's drunk, and these thoughts are all frivolous. He won't remember any of them in the morning.

As you enter the room, you immediately notice a bird on his bed. Jeongguk drops your hand. Picks it up. Doesn't look at it, not even to assess who it belongs to. Just tosses it to a small pile on his desk.

There are three of them, now. All unchecked, because he's supposed to be being 'good'.

He took things too far in the bathroom of the club earlier. Was too flirty. Felt guilty. It's why he left so abruptly - but was met with an argument almost as soon as he made it to the club Jiyeong was in. Had to defend your friendship, and felt like a piece of shit doing so.

Felt shitty for the way he'd been with you; felt shitty for both of the girls he wronged in the process; felt shitty for the attack on his character.

Yeah, he knew he fucked up - but Jiyeong didn't know that. After a few drinks, she decided that she wanted to fight and apparently he was the easiest target. Lucky for her, she found his weak spot pretty early on: you .

Jeongguk doesn't say anything. Doesn't know what to say. Pulls a shirt from the clothes rail, and tosses it on his bed.

"Here. Get changed. I'm just gonna grab some water. Want some?"

You shake your head. Tell him it's fine.

He brings a pint glass regardless. Knows you'll need some.

You're stood by his window, watching the early morning traffic make its way through town. It's still dark outside, and it's quiet, so there's not much to look at - but in all honesty, you're trying to avoid looking at Jeongguk. Don't wanna leave, but know you really shouldn't stay, either.

Lungs still stuttering a little in your chest, you dab at your cheeks with the back of your hand. Feel quite embarrassed about it all.

His shirt fits you like a dress, and your actual dress is folded over his desk chair. You've stolen the hairband of yours that had been left on his bedside table a few weeks ago and have put your hair up into a bun. Loose strands wisp around your neck, and it just reminds him of the bathroom, and how close he was to just fucking everything up.

"Hey," he says softly, and waits for you to turn and face him before he continues.

Your mascara is all smudged, and your cheeks are rosy, but the small smile you present him is sweet. Fake as fuck, and he knows it, but he appreciates you're trying not to look sad. Still doesn't know what went wrong, but he's not gonna force it out of you.

"Bathroom. Teeth, then bed. Okay?"

You nod.

Assume he means alone, but say nothing as he follows you to the bathroom. Rummages in the cupboard for the packet of spare toothbrushes, and is silent as he passes you the toothpaste.

It's curious how at ease you both seem to be as you brush your teeth together, avoiding eye contact in the mirror ahead of you.

He finishes first, but it's only because you get in this weird competition mode whenever you brush your teeth around other people. Never wanna be the first to wash it all away.

Jeongguk doesn't care. He's drunk, and he wants to fuckin' sleep. Still, he waits for you by the door of the bathroom. Turns the light off, and rests his hand on the small of your back as he guides you through the apartment.

You set about throwing a couple of pillows off his bed and onto the floor - but he just follows their trajectory and picks them up. Tosses them back on his bed.

"Not yet. In," he nods to his bed. "You're gonna talk to me first. Then you can make your little nest, okay? Gotta talk first."

You don't understand why. Figure you can talk from your blanket haven on his floor - but he wants quiet. Doesn't wanna have strain his fuckin' ears trying to hear you. God, his mood is foul .

And yet he's so gentle. So soft in how he directs you. Calm, and comforting in the way he gets into his bed beside you. Doesn't give a shit about what you may or may not have done across the hallway in Jimin's room as he pulls you in for a hug. Couldn't care less.

All he cares about is the fact that you were in fucking tears when he arrived home. His pride? Nothing compared to how protective he feels over you.

"There's nothing really to talk about," you say before he can get any questions in. His nose nestles into your hair. You tighten your grip around his slim waist. He's warm to the touch, and it soothes the chill notion of failure that resides in your heart.

"I find that hard to believe."

"Just had too much to drink," you deflect. It's not entirely a lie. Not entirely the truth either, but that's neither here nor there.

"I've seen you drunk more times than I can remember," he whispers. "You're not a crier. Not really."

Not like Jiyeong is. God. So many tears. So many tears over fucking nothing.

Perhaps it's shitty of him to think so. Perhaps it's shitty of him to view your tears as more worthy than hers.

"Was the rum," you whisper with a little humour. "Never normally drink rum."

"Bullshit, Byeol," he says. Hugs you even tighter. "What are we gonna do with you, huh?"

You shrug. Laugh. Hold back a sob.

"Hey," he coos. "C'mon. You don't need to cry. It's okay."

"I don't even know why I am," you half laugh but it's cut off but your throat choking on yet another sob. It's fucking mortifying by this point.

"I just," you sniff. "Just don't think I'm ready, yet. No one's fault."

Jeongguk says nothing. Holds his tongue. The anger he felt earlier returns, but it's directed at no one but himself. He's the one who told you to hook up with Jimin. He's the one who said you'd be fine. It's his fault.

If you knew he thought this, you'd be just as annoyed as he is.

You're a big girl. You make your own decisions. You make your own mistakes.

"I shouldn't have pushed you," he whispers. You can hear the thud, thud, thud of his heart in his chest. It's soft. The scent of his aftershave acts like a sleep remedy. May as well be lavender. Has you forgetting your woes.

"You were trying to be a good friend," you shake your head against his chest. The movement lets his nose nestle even further into your hair.

"I should have stayed."

Again, you protest. "You've got a life to live, Koo. Can't always be checking up on me."

You pause. Think he's about to respond, so get a final word in. "You should have said goodbye, though. That was rude."

"I know it was," he admits. It had been deliberate. Hates that he left, now. Maybe if he had stayed, you wouldn't have ended your night in tears. "I'm sorry."

"Please don't say sorry," you mumble quietly.

"But I am."

"But you needn't be."

"Doesn't matter. Still am."

"Gguk," you sigh, and push yourself against his chest so you can look at him. He just shakes his head. Pulls you back in.

"It's late, B," he murmurs drowzily. Really does not have the energy to bicker with you. The sun's gonna rise soon. "Let's forget it, okay? Talk about it in the morning."

And so you just nod. Tell him okay. Indulge in the feeling of safety that Jeongguk offers you in the refuge of his arms for a little while longer. Just for a second or so.

Somewhere between the crying and the comfort found in your friend, your brain gets things a little muddled. Tells you that it'll be okay if you close your eyes for a moment. Not for long. Just long enough to feel better.

Thing is, you've both had too much to drink. Are both tired. Are both perfectly content as your legs curl up, and your feet rest against his thighs. Pay it no mind when his legs part for yours to tangle with his.

In fact, you both pretend to be asleep so that you don't have to address the fact that Jeongguk's got a fucking semi again. Just can't bloody help himself.

Except it only takes just a matter of minutes for make-believe to turn into reality.

Jeongguk sleeps.

So do you.

It's easy. Not a single tear. Your heart rate is perfectly normal. In fact, it stays at a calm level through the night, as if you've been lulled into sleep by you're very own metronome.

In a way, you have been - it's just the beating of Jeongguk's heart, and the warmth of his body that have you pacified.

On his desk lies a slipshod bird with your handwriting scrawled inside it. As the sun rises, it watches on. Is pleased. The words inscribed in its wings are rendered useless, for you're already doing it.

You're sharing a bed. Sure maybe it's not as conventional or straight forward as it should be, but since when have any of the birds been entirely normal?

It's apt. Just right. As it should be.

You wake first.

Stare at the birds.

Try not to think too hard about, well, anything from the night before.

When Jeongguk wakes, he does the exact same thing. Is pleased you haven't left.

You can do it.

No words are spoken. No small talk exchanged. No admittance of failure from either of you. No cheer of success. Just the heavy silence of confusion.

He'll chalk it up to the comedown of an adrenaline rush. Had spent a good couple of hours fighting with a girl who he barely fucking knows, trying to reassure her that you're nothing to worry about.

As he realises he's holding your hand beneath the duvet, he becomes aware that maybe he'd been lying the entire time.

Not intentionally. God, it's all so fucked.

Jeongguk doesn't want to be a liar.

But he also doesn't want to stop holding your hand.

"I should go," you tell him, and he knows you're right. Knows if Jimin has woken up to find no trace of you, but your shoes by the sofa, you're both fucked. Have no idea how he'd explain it away.

His chest tightens. Face contorts. Thinking about Jimin makes him feel hot beneath his skin. Irate.

This is not fucking normal.

"Let me check the coast is clear, first," he says, slipping out of the duvet and into the cold, harsh reality of day.

Jeongguk's always enjoyed how much a cocoon his room becomes with you in it; a sanctuary, in a way. Somewhere to seek refuge.

Feels claustrophobic, now. You both have a vague awareness of how uncomfortable it's become.

"Out like a light," Jeongguk says as he returns. You're back in your party dress, his shirt hung up again on his clothing rail. "I can call a cab-"

"No," you shake your head. "It's cool. I need to be off."

The goodbye is awkward. Neither of you know what the fuck to do. You take the stairs, because the elevator will make you feel queasy, and order your own taxi instead. Just wanna be out of Jeongguk's hair. Out of their apartment block.

"The fuck are you doing?" Jeongguk hisses at himself in the mirror. Rubs his hand over his face, and pushes it back into his hair. Shakes his head. Softly taps the wall with a closed fist. "This is not who you fuckin' are. Shit ."

All he knows is that you're gone, and he hates it even more than he hates knowing he wrecked everything the night before.

Jiyeong's fucking mental after a few drinks, he thinks, which doesn't bode well for the future of their relationship. He knows it dead in the water. Was fucked the second she started saying shit about you that he was never gonna let fly. Was doubly fucked when he arrived home and found you in a sorry fuckin' state, and decided that you meant more to him than she did.

Of course you do, though. You're friends .

Friends who fall asleep with their legs tangled together, and wake up holding hands.

He's had a friend like that before.

Ended in tears, granted, but he still considers her his best friend.

Know he can't let it happen again .

Yet he finds himself pulling a pair of shoes over his heels and ignoring a sleepy Jimin wandering into the sitting room, as he charges out of the apartment door. Presses the elevator button, but doesn't wanna wait for it.

It's on the ground floor, according the the small screen above it. He assumes you've just reached it. So, instead, he hurtles down the stairs. Runs so fucking fast he's practically flying and is in the lobby within a matter of minutes.

Just in time to watch you get in a taxi, and head back home.

"Fuck," he shouts, now as the cab disappears around the corner. Lets his head hang back, crown resting between his shoulder blades.

" Fuck."

He regains his posture, and kicks out at the decorative pillar, before crouching to floor. What a sorry state he's in. Doesn't even know why. Didn't have a plan for what he'd say if he caught up with you. Has no idea why he was so hellbent on keeping you close.

"Fuck!"

The elevator dings. Jeongguk stands. Looks over towards it. There's no one in there - but there is a box of recycling that he recognises from his apartment, that Jimin must have put there in the hopes that Jeongguk would take it to the trash pile by the entryway.

He sighs. Shakes his head. Grabs the recycling, and puts it in the designated area - then sulks all the way up to his floor.

When he returns, Jimin's eating a bowl of dry cornflakes. "The fuck was that about?"

Jeongguk says nothing. Slams his bedroom door shut. Faceplants his bed. Smells your perfume. Yells into his duvet.

This is not good.

In fact, this is very very bad.

Catastrophic, some would say.

It's the product of his own bad decisions, and that's what pisses him off the most.

What pisses him off even more?

The teeny tiny origami bird that decides now is the perfect time to fall. It lands on his head and bounces down to curve of his spine. Resides there happily. Really fuckin' pisses Jeongguk off.

"Oh, get fucked," he whines into his sheets. Reaches around for it. Opens it up. Reads it. Scowls. ' Admit your feelings'. He screws it up. Chucks it across his bedroom floor. Feels bad immediately. It's one of his, which lessens the guilt, but doesn't alleviate it entirely.

"So," Jimin comes to stand by Jeongguk's door as he crunches down on his cornflakes. "The fuck is going on with you?"

"Nothing," Jeongguk huffs into his duvet.

"Alright," Jimin smirks.

He's known Jeongguk long enough to know behaviours like this are never normal. He's composed to a fault at all times, even when he's annoyed.

This? Yeah, this is giving Hayun-induced-meltdown-era energy.

There's one significant change, though. One that Jimin finds all rather amusing.

"Let me rephrase," he taunts his friend. Fucking idiot. It's so obvious, now. Jimin's amazed he didn't realise sooner. "What's Disco Ball's bra doing over the back of your chair?"

Jeongguk's blood runs cold.

"Fuck."

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jadeazora · 5 months ago

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I feel like some of us have that region that isn't "for them", and Galar was DEFINITELY that region to me:

Like, the story was pretty boring thanks to the hyperfixation it had on Gyms. And then when something interesting would happen, Leon would show up and redirect you. I get what they're going for, he's their unbeatable Champion and it's nice he's getting involved with the affairs of his region, but it came at a downside. (I feel like Alder was better since the player still felt relevant to the plot, even tho he was pretty active and involved too.)

Most of the major characters just weren't utilized well, fell flat, or annoyed me (tho there's some I liked, like Sonia, Piers, and Raihan) Like, we FINALLY have a jerk rival after two decades, and he's forced out of the plot midway in (due to his own decisions, but still wanted more with Bede), and I think Marnie only really got as popular as she did because of her design, because she's kinda forgettable personality-wise. 🤷‍♀️ There's way more going on with Piers imo. Hop was ok, but I think they could have done a bit more with him. (Maybe if they had explored him growing up in Leon's shadow more?)

I feel like this is gonna be an unpopular opinion, but I just never vibed with Leon and the way the games and anime shilled him just always rubbed me the wrong way. He's not the worst Champion, that still goes to Diantha, but between how the games just use him to redirect the player and the character-shilling, I just kinda found him annoying. 😔 (I tend to not really like showboaty characters most of the time, tho there's a few exceptions like Alastor. I feel like if they got the charisma to back it up, I might end up liking them, but sometimes, it just comes off as kinda lame instead. Imo, the charisma is there more for anime Leon over the games version.)

The idea of minor League Gyms was neat, but we never really got anything with them until Klara and Avery. Like, we can assume Allister/Melony and Bea/Gordie were minor League depending on what game you play, but in the games they're not Gym Leaders, they don't even appear.

I also hated them forcing me into a Gym Uniform in-game for those battles/League fights. (Let me keep my drip, dammit.)

The villain plots ticked me off. I've already gone after Rose a couple times in this blog, but if the energy crisis had been a few decades away, I could understand the rush and frustration with Leon, but 1000yrs was way too big a window. The Royal Brothers are meant to be annoying and ridiculous, and they definitely hit their mark there.

The box Legendaries were the most boring duo for me (They're not Pokemon I dislike, they're fine. The other box Legends were just cooler. I like the more eldritch Mons tho, so I really loved Eternatus.)

The base game's wild area felt really limited and small once you find your way around. The Crown Tundra's was way better, not to mention Paldea's.

I didn't really care for the Dynamax gimmick. (I've always been a Mega Evolution guy tho. Gigantamax could be cool, I think I just like the alternate forms.)

I will say that the DLC improved quite a bit imo. I liked characters like Peony and Mustard, the exploration was an improvement and the quests were fun, and it was cool seeing the interactions between Gym Leaders and such in the Galarian Star tournament. They also get bonus points for bringing back two of my favorite Pokemon, Volcarona and Magnezone. (I also feel like the Galar-original Mons were pretty good overall, and same with the clothing options.)

But like, by the time we got out of Gen8 and into Paldea for everything (well, the games and the anime anyway, wasn't the biggest JN fan either, I still have to catch up on Adventures), I was so happy. Technical issues with SV aside, I've enjoyed Gen9 a lot more overall.

#pokemon sword and shield #pokemon swsh #galar #champion leon

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maniculum · 11 months ago

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Bestiaryposting Results -- Gligglae

Sorry this is later than usual; traveling for the holidays makes it difficult to keep up with this sort of thing. The smart move would have been to write it up a couple days ahead of time, then on Monday just update it with anything new that had been posted since, but see, what happened was that I did not do that. Instead, I tried to type this up Monday evening in between various family obligations, realized I didn't have time to do it properly, and just shoved it in my drafts. Then all of Tuesday was taken up with the long drive back home from where my family lives, and now you're getting it on Wednesday.

(Also, don't worry, I followed all CDC guidelines appropriate for someone who had recently had covid, and wouldn't have traveled for the holidays at all if I hadn't been without a fever for 48 hours prior to departing. Plus I drove instead of flying, didn't visit anyone but immediate family, and had a mask the whole time, so even if I am still contagious somehow, exposure was pretty minimal.)

Anyway, the entry that our artists are working from is here:

And, of course, all previous material on this matter can be found at https://maniculum.tumblr.com/bestiaryposting.

I think a larger number of people than usual identified the animal in question right off the proverbial bat, because this one has some pretty blatant tells, but as always I appreciate everyone trying to put it out of their minds.

So, anyway, in rough chronological order:

@coolest-capybara (link to post here) (thank you for providing your own alt text, I really appreciate it) brings us her usual impeccably medieval-stylized rendition -- the swirls and curves in this one give it a really interesting vibe, I think. We can see the Gligglae in full-body profile on the left there, and a group of them doing their cluster behavior on the right. The, like, griffin/cockatrice/vampire look is pretty great, also. I enjoy the overall design, which you can find some discussion of in the linked post. Gold foil also a nice touch.

Coolest-capybara also notes that the entry is very interested in the ways in which the creature is "almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a bird," and I can explain why that is. It is because this entry is in the Bird section of the bestiary, so officially this is a bird -- I mean, it flies, what else can it be -- but it's sufficiently un-bird-like that it really sticks out to the authors, so they need to explain the ways in which it's Doing Bird Wrong. Everything else in this section does X, so we need to point out that this one does Y, kind of thing.

@silverhart-makes-art (link to post here) has drawn an absolutely adorable little Gligglae. (Adorable if you have my sense of aesthetics, that is -- I suspect if you're among the portion of the population that finds aye-ayes more creepy-looking than cute, that might apply here as well.) There's an explanation of design decisions in the linked post, including a number of references to real animals that provided inspiration. I like the decision to play up the "lowly" and "mean" part of the description by making it small and kind of scruffy. And the general concept of blending "gliding rodent" with "nocturnal primate" to make an arboreal mammal with elements of both really worked out well here, in my opinion.

@aethereaii (link to post here) has done this beautiful piece in a style that kind of gives "19th-century naturalist" vibes. (Actually, it makes me think of James Gurney, but I suspect that association says more about my childhood reading habits than anything else.) This is a great design in my opinion, and you can find some brief discussion on design decisions as well as an earlier version of the Gligglae in the linked post. The earlier design is also very good, but I agree with Aethereaii that this one is a step up, particularly with the Anomalocaris-inspired faux-wings. I also really like the inclusion of the juvenile Gligglae (Gligglings?) clinging to their parent's back in the corner there.

@karthara (link to post here) decided to go in a reptilian direction with this one, which (a) works well and (b) caused me to spend a chunk of time reading about flying snakes on Wikipedia just now. So in this version, the "rowing motion with its skin" is a description of the Gligglae flaring its ribs and undulating through the air -- which I genuinely think really makes sense. The entry seems to legitimately disagree with itself about whether this critter has wings (or, taking it entirely literally, it has wings but flies through a completely separate method that specifically does not involve said wings, which I think we're justified in deciding is Wrong), so I think going with such a non-wing-like flight method works here. Also like the concept of making these very cuddly (and apparently loving, according to our bestiary author) creatures into a type of animal that usually isn't seen that way. The linked post also contains some brief notes on design decisions.

@strixcattus (link to post here) has, as per usual, provided a really excellent modern-naturalistic description of the creature they've designed in the linked post, and you should definitely go check it out right now. I'll wait.

... back? Okay good. I particularly like their interpretation of the "grape-cluster" behavior as a social group that's specifically not a kin group; and also the fact that said group is officially referred to as a "cuddle". The choice to make it a whole genus and show us several different wild and domesticated species, also very good, love it. As with several of these drawings, Strixcattus's Gligglae (Gligglaes?) are extremely cute -- which, really, does also fit the description provided in the entry. They're like tadpoles crossed with sugar gliders.

@cheapsweets (link to post here) credits Ken Sugimori's Pokemon illustrations as a stylistic inspiration, which I suppose explains why the Gligglae cluster seems to be hanging from a Sudowoodo. The linked post also draws certain parallels between medieval bestiaries and the Pokedex, which I think is actually pretty insightful. There's also a breakdown of their design decisions there, go read it. I think this is a pretty good rendering of something that is like a flying squirrel but distinctly not a flying squirrel, and I like the shaggy look of the fur.

Also, thank you for providing your own alt text.

@pomrania (link to post here) is, I think, the only person to take the bestiary author at their word that this animal has wings but flies through some other, non-wing-related method. You can see the tiny useless wings at the shoulder there. I really think that's fascinating as a concept: what evolutionary pressures would produce an animal that (a) has wings and (b) flies but (c) those two things are unrelated? Although this many appendages on a fur-bearing creature puts us firmly in the "alien biology" territory, so maybe it's silly to expect it to make sense by the standards of terrestrial biology. Regardless, I like it, and I think the decision to run with the "rowing" description by giving it those oar-shaped appendages is a good & creative one. The post linked above contains a fair bit of information on design decisions and the drawing process here -- there are sketches and everything.

@vindikat (link to post here) has interpreted this in a way I find really charming. The art is of course excellent, very well drawn, and I appreciate the effort that went into doing these different poses. However, I really like it from a worldbuilding perspective: this gives me the impression of a small species of griffin that's adapted to urban living, more pigeon/cat than eagle/lion. (Come to think, both pigeons and cats are examples of feral populations finding a successful niche, rather than wild ones that adapt to a city, so maybe we can speculate that these guys are also descended from domestic ancestors.) Also the Gligglae under the eaves there remind me of pictures of chimney swifts that have made the rounds on Tumblr.

The design is also generally very appealing; I think the extra wings and the long tail really work here. The linked post includes an explanation of the design decisions that I think is worth taking a look at.

@moustawott (link to post here) has given us another very cuddly version of the Gligglae. I particularly like the wing design here, how it's kind of a mammalian version of a pterosaur -- Moustawott indicates that they were specifically trying not to draw the animal that they're sure this is, and I think the pterosaur-squirrel design here is a great way to make something that could fill kind of the same niche while being an unmistakably distinct creature. The little round head and eye markings remind me of a chipmunk, also, which is cute.

@rautavaara (link to post here) continues to do interesting stylistic stuff with their contributions. I like how the limited color palette here makes this look kind of like a single-block woodcut or similar relief printing. Like, you could plausibly see this as a design someone's carved into a wood block, then printed on mustard-yellow paper with purple ink. (I'm actually not 100% sure that's not what it is; I would just be surprised if someone actually went the extra mile of breaking out the engraving tools for my little bestiaryposting thing.) Very dynamic scene, also, and a charming creature design; love the huge mouths with pointy little fangs.

All right, these are all the ones that come up on the search; if I missed yours, let me know please.

(I have to apologize here for another delay that's absolutely my fault -- I would have had this out a few hours ago, but I got derailed by impulsively deciding to check out that Hbomberguy plagiarism video everyone's talking out, and... yeah.)

Anyway, as a number of this week's artists indicated, this one was really easy to guess, so the reveal seems a little pointless, but we have a format, so:

Obviously, this was the sheep.

What? Look, you can't make assumptions with these things. Some of these medieval bestiary entries are really counterintuitive. Medieval Europeans believed there was a species of small, highly-social, flying nocturnal sheep native to Ethiopia.

Really, it's in Pliny the Elder.

...

Yes, fine, I'm just lying to you for fun. It's the animal you all think it is, there are no flying sheep to my knowledge. Here's the Aberdeen Bestiary illustration.

Yep, it's the bat. Oddly human face on that one, and generally I don't think this was drawn from life, but it's definitely a bat.

I do kind of find the way it's described in this entry kind of interesting, though. The confusion about whether bats count as having wings (even after having been placed in the "bird" category) is kind of odd, and the "rowing" description is not one I would have ever thought of. I very much like the declaration that the way bats huddle together is "an act of love of a sort which is difficult to find among men"; it's a sweet way to talk about a creature with a generally negative reputation, which contrasts interestingly with the fact that the author also thinks of them as "lowly" and "mean". You kind of get the idea of a creature that's a bit wretched but in a sympathetic way. "Scrungly", one might say.

#maniculum bestiaryposting #gligglae

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that-ari-blogger · 7 months ago

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A Discussion Of LavenderTowne and Hazbin Hotel

So, a little while ago, a YouTube channel called LavenderTowne ventured into the Hazbin Hotel fan space to propose some criticisms and fan redesigns of the characters.

I had thoughts on the original video, but those are irrelevant because its reception was… tumultuous, and in my opinion disproportionate. The video has since been taken down, and LavenderTowne uploaded a follow up to it (link). In which she stated that her experience with the Hazbin Hotel fandom wasn’t the most pleasant, something I would like to address.

So, this post will be an academic discussion of the designs from the second video. Because I think her criticisms were interesting and because I want to show that it is possible to disagree with someone without being unpleasent.

Also, I want to give LavenderTowne a more welcoming experience with the fandom, and try to make up for some other members of the community.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (Hazbin Hotel)

I'm going to start with something that needs to be said. You can disagree with the rest of my post, but this is non negotiable:

It is never, under any circumstances, acceptable to harass someone for their opinions, especially about art. I don't care if you take issue with conclusions or perceived motivations, actions like I observed are not ok, and are not welcome in this fandom.

I hope I made that clear.

Anyway, I am going to be addressing the second video, because LavenderTowne took the first down, and I'm not about to intrude where I'm not wanted.

LavenderTowne mentioned the overarching stylistic choices, and I think that is a good place to start with this post, because they are good source of difference. Several of LavenderTowne’s criticisms are leveled at the Hazbin Hotel visual style itself, discussing what specific elements didn’t work for her and how she would personally draw things differently.

That is what I want to discuss here. Rather than the specifics of artistic technique, I am going to talk about the character design decisions brought about by the difference in style. This isn’t a question of skill, but an examination of the ideas presented.

Both LavenderTowne’s style and that of the Hazbin Hotel team range on the scale of realism, as is the nature of art, and that has caused a few of the design decisions that they have made. But it has also had a weird effect on the implied plot that is worth discussing.

Hazbin Hotel is more cartoony, for example, which means its logic is a bit more fluid. Vaggie's eye scar, for example, is shown over her hair, which isn’t how scars work in the real world.

This is a way of getting the tone across. Sir Pentious, at one point in the series, gets caught in the blast of an explosion and sent flying across the city. The design style lets you know that this is being played for a laugh and that he will probably be fine. If LavenderTowne had drawn Sir Pentious in her style, I guarantee that version of him would not survive the event, because hers is grittier (that’s the wrong word, but you get the point).

I do, however, really like the colour palette shift in LavenderTowne’s designs. Don’t get me wrong, I like the limited palette of the actual show, and I think it suits the setting more than the pastel aesthetic of LavenderTowne’s style.

But, those pastel colours are gorgeous and they are a really neat way of solving one of the problems that LavenderTowne identified and I agree with, that being how difficult character differentiation is when everyone has the same colouration as each other and their background.

Now, neither of the two options are implicitly better, there is just a different design sensibility going on.

As for the designs themselves, I actually prefer LavenderTowne’s Alastor over the original. I would like to see how it interacts with Alastor animation and transformation, but I think the design overall works better for the character. I like the horns being more pronounced, and I like that neat hairstyle. I think it's much more suited to an overly refined character who revolves around appearances.

“Just because you see a smile, don’t think you know what’s going on underneath. A smile is a valuable tool, my dear! It inspires your friends, keeps your enemies guessing, and ensures that no matter what comes your way, you’re the one in control.”

I think that Alastors original hair style is more about looking cool than looking refined. The shorter style, combined with the more prominent antlers, gives that air of someone actively concealing their more wild undercurrents.

That being said, I'm not as sold on Alastor's expression in LavenderTowne's design. This is a stylistic choice, but I don't think that the Cheshire Cat smile translates over to the alternate design as smoothly as his concept. In the original, that smile was the thing that denoted him as malicious, but LavenderTowne's design seems more huggable, at least to me.

LavenderTowne did raise an interesting point about the voodoo symbolism, a point that others have raised, and I think is worth noting. Incorporating that aesthetic as synonymous with dark magic in a setting based heavily off Christianity is funky, thematically. It's a use of stereotypes as shorthand, which carries the baggage of those stereotypes, intentionally or not. However, I am about as far from qualified to talk about this in detail as possible. I recommend that you listen to the opinions of people who know more about this than me, and who's case this is to make.

Husk’s design is another that I like, but this one I have slightly mixed feelings about. The body type change addresses another of LavenderTowne's criticisms of the series, again in relation to character differentiation. That is a strength of the video, LavenderTowne gives criticisms, and explains what she means and how she would go about doing it.

Interestingly, that body type issue is something I disagree with. I think the way that LavenderTowne has handled the issue she identified is fascinating, and one of the best parts of her process. But this is simply an issue I don’t see as a problem.

The criticism is that the silhouettes of the characters are exceedingly similar, meaning that identifying them is difficult, as well as limiting in terms of variety of proportions. I could point out Sir Pentious or Husk here, but that is arguing in bad faith because Husk is very clearly the exception to the rule, and Pentious actually conforms to her observation. Without his hood out, Pentious’ silhouette difference is in his tail, which is rarely onscreen.

The reason I am ok with this, is that Hazbin Hotel has a thing for transforming character designs. Charlie, Valentino, Emily and Serah, Lucifer, even Adam, Vaggie, and Lute, as well as a ton of others. All of these character designs shift as the story progresses, revealing aspects of them that they have kept secret. I like having the baseline similarities if everyone gets a moment where they show off how different they are from that baseline. I think that is a cool story beat that, for me at least, outweighs the problem of similarity. I’m sure LavenderTowne would disagree with me here, and that is more than fine.

Back to the point, Husk is a character who is surprisingly acrobatic and martially competent, and the slight shift in the alternative design switches him into more of a bar brawl type character. This feels like the guy who would just deck you and tell you to cool off, rather than throw something at you. He looks like the type of bartender he is, cool and calm, and ready to offer advice when needed.

The removal of the wings is an interesting choice. On the one hand, it clears up his design and makes him look more down to earth. On the other hand, it leads into my main bugbear with this design. I don't think this version of Husk looks like an overlord.

This is subjective, and I am struggling to quite explain it. But the wings, as well as his voice, give a sense of gravitas to Husk. Without that, Husk looks relatively unremarkable.

The outfit plays into this. While I prefer it and its subtlety, there is little that marks this version of Husk out as higher ranking.

Again, this isn't a case of the original designs being objectively better. This is a different design that communicates different things. LavenderTowne’s Husk is a humble bartender rather than an overlord playing pretend. I simply like the story that the original offers more.

Vaggie’s new design is both my favourite design of the four, and the one that is the furthest from the story of the show.

I love the quieter eye scar, I love the silhouette, and I think moving the ribbons to her back is a genius bit of visual storytelling.

The outfit is cool (I especially like those boots), but there's an asterisk to that, because I don't think it entirely suits Vaggie as she is presented in the show.

At the risk of oversimplifying, Vaggie is a fairly uncomplicated character. Not because she's written to be shallow, but because the show doesn't have time to explore her personality.

So, you get her past, which is fascinating, and it leaves some interesting things on the table.

For example, Vaggie has zero self preservation instinct and will burn herself to the ground for Charlie. This isn't complex, but it's remarkable how much the writers (and animators if you’re looking for that kind of thing) get out of this one detail.

Most notably, her character grows into realising that love means living for someone rather than dying to keep them safe. This culminates in the defeat of Lute, the embodiment of her past, who doesn't think to move out of the way of a collapsing building.

Similarly, Vaggie was an angel and wants to hide that aspect of herself. This makes her multifaceted in backstory, but the reveal doesn't have time to dwell on her characterisation, so it just feeds into what I said before.

I think that with another season of time to develop, Vaggie’s characterisation will become as complex as her backstory. But that doesn’t come quickly.

The point I am making is that I don't think this version of Vaggie would wear armour until the end. She doesn't think she can get killed, so why would she need to protect herself?

Which means that LavenderTowne's design would work for the last episode of the show, if it had wings, which is sacrificing the single best piece of foreshadowing I have seen in a long time. Seriously, I cannot stop gushing about those ribbons.

What we have, then, is a version of Vaggie with a slightly different story and personality. To me, LavenderTowne's Vaggie looks like a character who craves safety. She seeks Charlie because she offers emotional stability and kindness, the one person in hell who Vaggie doesn't think is against her. But she would wear the armour and outfit because of the injury. She realises she can be wounded and grabs the heaviest set she can find, the twin coloured trousers come from that desperation, and add to the imbalanced aspect of her design.

This version of Vaggie is defensive rather than offensive, and though it renders Out For Love obsolete, I find it more interesting than the original.

Charlie's design, however, I'm not such a big fan of. I'm sorry LavenderTowne, I really am. But this design really doesn't sit right with me.

Hazbin Hotel has a circus theme going on. The main foyer has a circus tent affectation, for example, and Charlie gives off the aesthetic of the ringmaster.

Charlie is very overtly the antithesis of a Disney princess, and that comes across in her design. Instead of wearing a floaty dress, she wears a suit and suspenders.

Yes, the hooves and horns being more prominent is a cool alteration that I appreciate, but the alternate outfit really doesn't feel like Charlie.

I think the difference is in the framing. To me, LavenderTowne's Charlie comes across as naive and optimistic, where the original design is more relentlessly hopeful, and that second one matches how she is in the series.

Charlie in Hazbin Hotel showcases true hope. Not optimism, hope. The type of emotion that keeps getting knocked down, but picks itself off the floor ever single time, and gets ready to try again. Charlie has no proof of her philosophy, no basis. She's not trying to recreate phenomena, she doesn't even know she can succeed. That's why she needs the hope.

I don't think that LavenderTowne's design has that vibe. Instead, this Charlie seems younger, which contributes to the naivety. It feels like it leans into her regular design, so the more fearsome transformation comes as a shock, mostly.

On the other hand, the three horn tiara element is genuinely really cool. It gives that air of reality, and hints at the transformation without giving it away. They round out the design and make the “this is a demon princess” clear.

Interactions between this Charlie and Adam, Lute, or Sarah would be interesting, as this version seems designed to foil off them, rather than the other way around. Especially Emily, this design seems genetically engineered to mirror her and make her question her ideals just through existing in the same place.

In short, this Charlie seems more gentle than the original, which might help in some aspects, but I prefer the original.

One again, this is my opinion, and not objective by any stretch of the imagination. If you disagree with me, good, that's the bread and butter of how analysis and discussion exists. But I hope I have shown that disagreement is possible without aggression.

Which brings me to my conclusion, and I have something here that I hope you will like.

LavenderTowne's designs feel like they are made for the same story, but paced differently. They feel like a different style of musical. They feel like they were made for a version of Hazbin Hotel that had more episodes and has time for subtlety, something that the original show unfortunately didn't have.

The story feels the same, but the minour changes make it seem more drawn out. The tone is different, and that effects the entirety of the rest of the story.

In other words, she is designing an AU, something she makes explicitly clear at least five times in her video.

LavenderTowne mentioned in her video that she might do a follow up with a few more characters. I would be intrigued to see this, because I want to know what Angel Dust would look like in this version of the story, as well as the actual angels and even the Vees.

I also am fascinated by how the art style affects the tone of the story. And with LavenderTowne's permission, I might have a crack at writing some of the key scenes from the show to fit this aesthetic and tone. I think that would be an interesting thought experiment.

Final Thoughts

LavenderTowne’s designs were dope as all hell, and the points she raised were worth discussing.

I love the series, but I understand that it's not everyone’s cup of tea. Content warnings should get that across, but also some people just won't like elements of it for any number of reasons, and that is ok.

I think @ohnoitstbskyen put it best in his discussion of the finale of the series. (Link). In his closing remarks, he spoke at length about people who will discover the show and the effect that it will have on them. That sentiment, boiled down, became the title of that video, and concisely says what I have taken just under 3000 words to talk around.

“This show will save someone’s life, but it isn’t for everyone.”

But let me be clear about why I wrote this.

I saw some of the shit that people wrote about LavenderTowne's original video, and though a lot of it was positive, a fair chunk was not, and I want to put my foot down. Disagreement about art is healthy, but if you think that involves harassment at all, then tell Husk he still owes me a drink.

On a lighter note, this is my first post about Hazbin Hotel, so for those who are reading my stuff for the first time, hello. I am Ari, I do media analysis, and I plan on doing a series on Hazbin Hotel, going through each song with lyrical and musical analysis once I finish my current one on Wicked. So, if that interests you, maybe stick around.

#rants #literary analysis #literature analysis #what's so special about...?#character analysis #hazbin fanart #hazbin hotel fanart #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin charlie #hazbin vaggie #hazbin husk #lavendertowne #I will write for this AU if LavenderTowne lets me #meta #meta analysis

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leescoresbies · 9 days ago

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if it's of interest to anybody at all, here's my big picture review of veilguard after my first playthrough! it's not all negative - i think there's a lot of gameplay reasons to really love the game but it also lands overall as a weirdly disjointed, sanitized, and at times soulless followup to a game series that's known for being kind of messy, polarizing and opening doors to argue about inherent contradictions and bad decisions.

i'm a dai HATER so the things i loathed about that game i loathed here too, including a very hateful and lazy engagement with oppression, history, religion & cultural connection, & everything to do with modern elves engaging with their past.

good things: combat! maps, just pure enjoyable playability, scenery, the home base setup, companion banter and some of their relationships, at times the protagonist.

things i hated: immersion, commitment to the bit, an almost dismissive attitude about previous lore and worldbuilding, how all the lore reveals are pulled off, a fear of anything challenging or crunchy that ultimately just pissed off players who love the "argue about inane nonsense" part of da games!

under the cut for spoilers

the good stuff is GENUINELY good. i can tell a lot of focus and time went into elevating some of the clunky parts of previous da games. the character creator! the HAIR! it's so genuinely beautiful and at times breathtaking in its design (realizing that mountain is a titan??) and deeply enjoyable to look at. i LOVED the combat playing as a mage, and loved being able to respec any time to try things and experiment. flexible, entertaining, flashy and fun. inquisition's actual gameplay was such a slog for me as someone who isn't motivated by minmaxing combat strategy in any way, so i loved this.

a lot of people are comparing it to the two new god of war games - for good reason! i think it took a lot of positive notes from them, which is one of the reasons why it's so darned fun to play. it moved away from the party mangement rpg setup of previous da games and, while i do miss that and also understand why people might be frustrated by the change, i think it resulted in a game with compulsively playable combat and a navigable world that's a lot more constrained and exciting - both bigger than origins and da2, and more locked down and specific than dai. this was all a major win, with a few art design things i did struggle with (like the outfits? why? and the fact that you can't preview fits when you buy them from vendors?) i think this let the environments shine, and exploring them was so exciting.

however -- the comparisons to god of war reveal what my fundamental biggest problem with the game is. the GoW games are beautiful, thrilling to play, full of epic fights -- but for me anyway, at their core they're so good because they're a deep dive into a really complicated relationship between two people. they focus on a very specific story, and let that story unspool as you move through the world. the environment supports the story, not the other way around. characters fight and scream with each other, and have friction in their worldviews, and make decisions they regret badly. and the story is linear enough that there's nothing ambiguous or loose about any of it. sure, mainlining those valkyrie fights is fun but the games are incredible because they let the characters really have space to develop their points of view, make hard decisions, get pissed at each other!

DAV does none of this. offers no friction that isn't surface level, gives its characters no space to have contradictory or complex political opinions, and does not touch its own thorny and convoluted worldbuilding that's built on fictional oppressive systems (that are allegorical for real oppressive systems!) there is no discussion of slavery, even though the companions include a tevinter mage and two elves and your character can be an elf, a freedom fighter, or an ex-slave (which i discovered in one-off banter between laidir and taash?????? what?). there is no religious friction between people of different backgrounds. there is no depth or history or context.

the only time the game tries to think about its oppressive systems is when its telling the story of the ancient elves (powerful elf mages oppressing other elves), and has its elven characters (marginalized in the world they live in! they are forced to live in slums and work as servants or be enslaved, or else abandon society to hold onto their fractured history! hello!) APOLOGIZE for the decisions of their ancestors. the moments where bellara or davrin or the veil jumpers discuss how their people's lost deities returning (people who, again, have been slaughtered over and over and over by fantasy catholics for believing in them) and, surprise!, being power-wielding evil aristocrats who enslaved them are few and far between. it's disrespectful and dry and so, so, so boring.

as an example: lace harding (red head, white, grew up on a farm, follows fantasy catholicism) gets a whole moment where the player can lament in her feeling her religion's truths have been turned upside down. you can also say you're a fantasy catholic! bellara and davrin (both a fictional minority in the game, both represented by real-life minorities) are never given that space. and neither is rook.

there's no space for any of the characters to wrestle with those contradictions! to draw connections between themselves and solas, for good or bad! to hold him accountable! there's a reason so many people were expecting a game about a slave revolt in tevinter in the last ten years, because at some point we expected these things to come to a head and explode, changing the rules of the world. that would have been satisfying! leveling a city for no reason with no narrative impact is not.

at the end of the day, i wasn't convinced by the elven god lore reveals -- this is true about DAI too, and i hated it at the time. i wasn't convinced that anything world-shaking was actually world-shaking. i'm a serial RPG character repeater (i've played every background for dao at some point but have settled into a character i love and will play her over and over and over again) and it took me hours and hours to connect with rook because i was so disconnected from her background.

essentially i feel that: this group of writers have inherited a universe with a TON of baggage (racism, sexism even though they say there is no sexism, confusing lore, many worldstates, etc etc) and a ton of possibility. rather than embracing any of these things and trying to commit to saying something, even imperfectly, they ended up saying very little. being scrappy and caring for your friends is good! being evil is bad! there's nothing along a sliding scale of those two opinions that might present itself, and no space where somebody good might also hold opinions that harm somebody else.

the thing that makes da2 so beloved, even though it's repetitive and kind of ugly and at times a bit half-baked, is that the characters hold their own, dig into their opinions, evolve as their circumstances evolve. and so does hawke! i actually wish DAV had just given us a true background for rook and let us play their story, because trying to do everything has resulted in a game that says almost nothing, and seems almost disinterested in the fact that it's a dragon age game at all.

#lots of other worldbuilding problems i didn't touch but WHEW that was long enough #you're surprised that fans of the messy politics and dramatic romance series miss the messy politics and dramatic romance?#there's NO asine discourse about whether or not wizard bigbly mcgee was right or wrong which is a hallmark of dragon age games #but nobody is polarizing enough for anything to care.#do i miss the days of insane dragon age opinions???? am i thinking that???#to be clear: i hated inquisition for both similar and different reasons than this game so i don't even know if this is about work crunch #so much as it's just bioware... not knowing what to do with lore #dragon age #dragon age veilguard #dragon age veilguard spoilers #dav

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aphverse-confessions · 2 months ago

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OK- I'm gonna be honest. I like MyStreet, but not as a show. More as a minecraft story series in general if that makes sense. (not comparing it to MCD in this bc its been waaay too long since ive watched MCD for me to actually write abt it like this)

srry if this is annoying lol, long post.

Some disclaimers!! A lot of these r assumptions btw! Pls do not take these things as 100% fact, this is just how i saw things/"theories". This is also not an attack on Jess, i dont have the authority to judge someone as a person and I dont claim to. these are very strictly my opinions on Mystreet, not Jess as a person. It's hard to take the early seasons very seriously considering its origins as essentially a tropey, slice-of-life version of MCD, and these tropes continue on throughout the series until (i can only assume) Jess went "oh, we're making this more serious, and if the series is more serious, these tropes (Travis being an anime perv, Katelyn being an anime tsundere, Nana's whole thing..) make certain characters unlikeable/weird/problematic/whatever else so we'll just write them out" (Travis confronting Katelyn, the whole Nana Ashida reveal).

While these are occasionally done well, to me it just seems like Jess trying to write out the tropey or bad things that came from the earliest versions of the characters without actually IRL addressing the initial issue with their design (with Nana even dating back as far as MCD, with her first appearance being 5 months before the the start of MyStreet. I'm counting the whole "Kawaii-chan" thing as problematic here bc to me it's.. weird.. but idk, im willing to be educated on that if im wrong!) maybe she doesnt NEED to address some of the character design choices irl but I feel like itd be better to clarify things (I could be wrong). There's a lot of earlier creative decisions (especially with things played as jokes) that don't help with the tone as the series became more and more serious, and even some things in those more serious seasons that were really questionable, and I often feel like I have to just decide which parts of certain episodes are canon or non canon because of things like that. Don't get me wrong, it's very good for something that started out with the technology that it did, but in my opinion it just doesn't really reach "show" quality to me. It leaves a lot to wish for. (I know that there are TV shows that have the same problems, but i wouldnt even bother watching them normally because they dont have the saving grace that is the fact that this is in Minecraft, a charming style of storytelling that kept me interested even when I had these major criticisms about the actual content of the story.) Anyways sorry for incoherent babbling! ^^; Just had to get that onto paper to see if I'm just being crazy or something. I know I might not be right about all (or even most) of the things I said here but thats just how it came across to me. Of course this might not fully convey what i mean to say or even say it in the right way, maybe eventually ill talk more abt this somewhere(I had other things I wanted to talk abt but was scared to) but im too nervous to say it without the safety of anonymity rn haha. I'm open to other opinions, learning, etc. especially if i said something in this post that was problematic or already disproven! /genuine A/N: srry abt forgetting that The Big Move came out before MyStreet (i never watched it unfortunately, probably wouldve mentioned it in the main part if I knew but I dont think it subtracts too much from what im trying to say) & for the overuse of the word problematic, I literally did not know how else to put it :,]

#I do think I generally agree with ur point here (tho I only skimmed so I may be misinterpreting)#but I do think a lot of early jokes and tropes end up problematic because of the tonal shift #aphmau confessions #aphmau #aphblr #aphverse #aphmau mystreet #mystreet #jesson tag #🤭

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heyclickadee · 2 years ago

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I've had this sitting in my drafts for a few days and just forgot to post it. Anyway! Thoughts on "Entombed" (sorry, this got long):

1. There's an ancient mechanical creature hidden under a mountain on an uncharted world activated by a mysterious crystal and implied to have razed its entire planet. Why? How does this technology work? Is the mechanical creature alive or sentient in some way? What is it about the crystal that activates the creature? Is this just technology, or is it force weirdness, or both? Why did somebody (potentially the Zeffo) build a planet destroying giraffe of terror? Why was it in the mountain? Did someone hide it there? Did the engineer who designed it base its appearance off of a real animal? Did it hide itself? I have questions.

2. I had to watch this one twice to decide what I thought. I enjoyed it the first time, but I was so thrown by how completely different it was than what I was expecting that I had to give it another shot. Second time around? I loved it. Sometimes Star Wars is profound and serious. Sometimes it's silly Indiana Jones shenanigans in space, and I love it for that.

3. I'll talk about the whole "filler" discussion lower down, but one of the throughlines that's been carried through to this episode from the very beginning of the season is the idea of these characters exploring life outside Kamino, the army, and even the "hunker down and survive" mode they were all in last season, along with the choices they are or could be making as individuals regarding what kind of lives they want to live. Echo, for example, wants to go back to being a soldier, but this time in a fight against the empire; Crosshair is still choosing to be a soldier (for now), and he's miserable about it but having to live with the choice he made to stay; Tech's gotten to explore a bit of what he wants and likes through the riot racing episode but, more than that, he's being presented with the idea that the galaxy is broader and deeper than he considered and that he maybe has more to offer it than just what he was designed to offer; Wrecker...honestly needs an episode where he's in focus because he seems to be the most content of any of them and I'm not sure what Wrecker wants, besides being with the people he loves; and then this week was Omega's (and sort of but not quite) Hunter's turn. I'm an adult, so I tend to focus on the adult characters, but Omega's such a good character and it's great that she's also getting a chance to explore what kind of person she wants to be. This is the second episode we've seen that really focuses on her being a bit of an adrenaline junky with an interest in treasure hunting. And given what Romar said to her about how happiness is worth all the treasure in the galaxy, that's probably going to be a theme for her this season, and I'm curious to see where it goes.

4. Theres. An inexplicable megazord. Just. Out there. On a dead planet.

5. Hunter's...Hunter's not okay. And not even in just a "tired dad" sense, I mean that Hunter's probably been crying under his helmet since "Aftermath" and that he's getting to the point where he can't hide how bone-tired and sad he actually is. It's almost shocking going back and watching the first half of season one and comparing Hunter there to how he's been in his season so far, because he was so much more open back then. He was exploring options, asking questions, trying to find a new life for all of them, and came across as pretty confident in his decisions, but after the one-two-three punch of encountering Crosshair on Bracca, getting shot by Cad Bane, and losing Omega? The man shuts down. And he only shut down more after what happened with Crosshair on Kamino. I actually suspect that Hunter agrees more with Echo about what they should be doing than he lets on, even taking his opinion that Omega shouldn't be forced into become a soldier the way they were into account. He's not happy about what they're doing, he doesn't like going on dangerous missions for someone else, and he really only got involved with Cid because they were broke and desperate and because she kind of blackmailed them into doing it, but he keeps digging his heels in and refusing to move. It seems like he feels like he's a failure as a leader, a brother, and maybe even as a father, because he hasn't really been proactively leading the group since episode nine of last season. He isn't really making decisions about what they should or shouldn't do--he's mostly letting other people decide on their missions and then letting them guilt, blackmail, or push him into it because he's so scared of making a decision that get's another one of them hurt or results in them losing another person the way they lost Crosshair (or worse) that he's mentally and emotionally paralyzed AND emotionally isolating himself from everyone else. And that paralysis is starting--more than starting--to cause friction on the team, and I'm curious to see how that's going to affect the story moving forward.

6. Seriously, someone get this beautiful bandana man some therapy.

7. Likewise, the vibe between Echo and Hunter this episode was interesting. As much as they're (at least outwardly) disagreeing on what their next steps should be, there doesn't seem to be any animosity between them, at least not yet. All those silently exchanged glances? They disagree, but they trust each other, and I kind of think they both think that they other one is going to come around to their point of view. Eventually.

8. Omega is me if someone sets me loose on a scavanger hunt.

9. They gave me the space archaeology (kind of) and I am VIBRATING

10. I WISH archaeology was this fun. I spent an entire season walking surveys up in Wyoming, and did I ever come across a map to an ancient mecha-beast? No. No I did not. (I kid, real life archaeology is very fun and I have absolutely cried about lithic debitage and fingerprints on potsherds because someone it means someone lived and breathed and died and that stuff might seem boring but it's evidence of a human life and that's beautiful.)

11. Phee! All hail our pirate queen!

12. Phee is fun and her fashion sense is impeccable. And she has a sword. She's got a vibro-cutlass. Or something like unto a sword. But in space. And regardless of how anyone interprets them, I really liked the scenes with her and Tech at the beginning (characters being a bit snarky towards each other? I'm going to have fun), and Omega imprinting on her like a little baby duck was adorable. It's similar to the vibe Ezra had with Hondo, but where Ezra was a bit of a little shit (and I mean that affectionately) with a tendency to give Hondo chances he knew Hondo didn't deserve because he thought Hondo was a fun dude to have around (and maybe because he saw in Hondo a lot of the kind of person he would have turned into if the ghost crew hadn't picked him up and given him a chance), Omega's just all starry eyes with Phee. Is Phee trustworthy? Probably not. Is she fun for now? Oh yeah.

13. It would be hilarious if Phee turned out to be a former jedi who worked in the archives but left the order well before the war or order 66 because she wanted to go treasure hunting. This is the crackiest of crack theories and I do not expect it to happen. But it would be funny.

14. I loved how into the treasure hunt Tech started to get. Asking questions? About the puzzles? Doing his own investigation on the age of the site? Yes.

15. "I suspect that this is not, in fact, a treasure vault," as the aforementioned inexplicable megazord shambles to life once again proving that Tech, with his deadpan one-liners, is the funniest damn character on this show.

16. Not much Echo this episode, which was a little disappointing, but I liked what little we got. Hopefully there's more in the next one!

17. There's a MAP to an TECHNOLOGICAL MONSTER that PREDATES THE REPUBLIC just OUT in SPACE and I am HERE FOR IT.

18. I didn't think it was possible to make something that vaguely resembles an ankylosaur look scary. I've been corrected. I'm glad Wrecker was able to throw the ankylosaur from hell out the window. (But also I feel a little sorry for it).

19. Mel??? Running from the death ray??? And not making it??? Corbett and Rau I AM IN YOUR WALLS WHAT THE HELL??? But no, actually, that was a pretty good way to up tension without taking out one of the regular characters.

20. So...I'm not saying that spite is low-key a good motivator, but spite might low-key be a good motivator. I'll just leave it at that.

21. No one calls the clone characters by their names. I didn't think this was anything at first, but the more of this season I see, the more I think it definitely is. No one who isn't a clone addresses a clone by their name. And it's not just the villianous or morally ambiguous non-clone characters, no one does it. Not Phee, who has a couple different nicknames for everyone in the batch (including Tech, even though she asked what his name was), not Cid, not Rampart, not even Romar, and Romar was definitely a good guy. The only exception was the announcer and the crowd using Tech's name in "Faster," because that's the name he gave when he signed up (and there's a pretty good chance no one suspected he was a clone) and even then the announcer had to comment on how weird it was and questioned whether or not that was even a name. It's an interesting trend and is probably playing into the idea of how clones were viewed by most of the galaxy during the war--basically as non-people--but I also want to see where it goes before I come down on any hard conclusions. Apart from the overall trend, I do think that every character we're meeting is doing it for a different reason. Rampart pointedly calls clones by their CT numbers as a sign of disrespect. They are not people to him and he doesn't care if they know that. Cid? I think it's so she doesn't get attached. She doesn't want to like them too much. It might be the same for Phee, buuuuuut I'm not sure. And then with Romar...I kind of wonder if he kept calling Tech "Ace" partly because he didn't realize that Tech's name was Tech. Same with the announcer in "Faster" scratching his head over "Tech" being a name. Romar could have thought that "Tech" was a codename or a squad designation, because...I mean...clone names are unusual. Even within the galaxy far far away with the exceedingly silly names, clone names are often etymologically weird. And every person in the batch is named after their job. It'd be like going to the store and finding out that the person loading the shelves is just named "Stocker." And--hey, sad thought about clones--I kind of wonder if most people in the galaxy just assumed that clones didn't have names. After all, they're manufactured people, people who didn't--from what people could tell from the outside--have families. Who would name them? is probably what a lot of people who didn't know the clones would ask. The only people who called the clones by their names were the jedi and other clones; now the jedi are gone and most of the clones aren't in a position to even use their own names right now.

22. I just made myself sad about clones.

23. I LOVED the look of...well, of everything in this episode. It honestly felt like half the purpose of this one was to allow the art and effects teams to flex and flex they did.

24. This whole episode is like if someone decided that Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Castle in the Sky, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, and Godzilla: King of Monsters were the same movie, and I appreciate that energy.

25. I love that the batch's reaction at the end was basically just, "Well. That just happened." I need Crosshair to come back so they can tell him this story. Them just saying, "While you were off with the Empire we were awakening the ancient horrors," and him jokingly threatening to leave again because there's no way he's believing that this happened.

26. What is the kingdom of Elweys? I need it. I need to know. (For real, though, I'm actually glad that none of the crazy ancient technology stuff in this episode was explained. It gives the GFFA a bit of temporal depth that it doesn't always have and I'm here for it.)

27. Regarding the filler discussion: Not every story has to be serialized. It's okay for some shows to just be a series of putting characters in different combinations and scenarios and seeing what they do. In fact, that used to be the norm. For decades. That was how television worked. It's only in the last decade or so that serialized television has become more of a regular thing.

Furthermore, there's a spectrum of ways to serialize something. On one end of that spectrum you have your eight-hour movies--things like Kenobi and Moon Knight, where pretty much every episode begins where the previous episode ended, and where no episode is complete without the overall structure of the entire show. On the other end of that spectrum you have your tentpole episode shows--think something like the first season of the Ducktales reboot--where you can mostly watch the episodes in any order you want because most of the episodes are the characters getting into various shenanigans while most of the plot is reserved for big event episodes, usually mid-season or season finales. And then elsewhere on that spectrum you'll have shows that are written a little more like a novel. Every single episode or chapter will have its own story, its own miniature inciting incident, rising action, climax, falling action, and its own mix of plot, character development, and worldbuilding (sometimes focusing a little more on one than the others), but the successive episodes or chapters build up to an overarching story and overall structure, and it can be hard to see how or what that overarching story is until you get to the end of the whole story. That's what The Bad Batch is. It's that kind of serialized story.

And--just a last thought--if we're going to say that an episode is filler and doesn't contribute to the plot, we've got to one, consider that maybe story is more than plot, and two, ask ourselves what the "plot" actually is. Anyway, this is just me being a little bit salty, but the unending "filler" discourse whenever The Bad Batch isn't Crosshair's Agony Half-Hour got old last season, and this will probably be the last thing I say about it. (Also, this is just me and my two cents, so take it with a grain of salt).

28. Jumping off of that, this kind of episode does make me suspect that we are getting at least a third season, because it feels like the writers are taking their time taking us we're they're going. I am more than okay with this.

29. DID I MENTION THE INEXPLICABLE MEGAZORD???

#the bad batch #tbbspoilers #tbb spoilers #the bad batch season two #the bad batch spoilers #omega bad batch #hunter bad batch #tech bad batch #phee genoa #wrecker bad batch #echo bad batch #this episode was fun

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