#anyway. it's 2am so idk if any thoughts i had were coherent

[chussyracing]

Yes I totally agree with cancelling jkr and I don't support her in any way but i just can't unlike a book/movie i grew up with😭

sure, just keep in mind every bough book and every streamed movie keeps giving her money and platform to hurt more people.

[lady-forest-1142]

I NEED to talk about how chloe or sam or sophia or marcus by taylor swift is a kevjean song, so settle in. I'm kinda running with the idea that the verses are v kevin coded and the chorus & bridge is jean. behold.

Your hologram stumbled into my apartment Hands in the hair of somebody in darkness named Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus And I just watched it happen not to start this off dark but with these two it's kinda hard to avoid - I don't remember if kevin knew about jean's abuse at the hands of the backliners/grayson, but he def knew about jean's reputation as a whore and pretty obviously didn't/couldn't stop it As the decade would play us for fools And you saw my bones out with somebody new Who seemed like he would've bullied you in school And you just watched it happen swap out 'he' for 'she' and you've got kevin leaving jean and dating thea, which I am still dying for more info on - how was thea affected by the nest? what part did she play in jean's treatment? I think it's fair to say that she couldn't have been entirely blameless. what does jean think about her actions in retrospect, and her connection to kevin?

If you want to break my cold, cold heart Just say, 'I loved you the way that you were' If you want to tear my world apart Just say you've always wondered this is v jean coded to me. I could be kinda projecting here, but I feel like it would be easier to imagine that kevin didn't feel as deeply for him as jean did for him (cause regardless of if you view them as romantic or platonic jean felt A Whole Lot), than to think that kevin did care for him, did feel something for that scared little boy whispering french in the darkness, and left him anyway.

You said some things that I can't unabsorb You turned me into an idea of sorts You needed me but you needed drugs more And I couldn't watch it happen okay I'll admit that I can't make the "you needed drugs more" line work, but! "you turned me into an idea of sorts" is a defensive shield a guilty person could throw up - jean turning kevin into an idea and then being hurt when he made the very human decision to run away and never look back I changed into goddesses, villains and fools Changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules All to outrun my desertion of you And you just watched it IF THIS IS NOT THE MOST KEVJEAN THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN HELLO I think it speaks for itself

If the glint in my eye traced the depths of your sigh Down that passage in time Back to the moment I crashed into you Like so many wrecks do Too impaired by my youth To know what to do they were both children in the nest, frightened and hurt, and even though kevin was older than jean he still was too young not to make mistakes, not to hurt him by accident, not to think of anything besides his own needs in his darkest moment

So if I sell my apartment And you have some kids with an internet starlet Will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon like it never happened Could it be enough to just float in your orbit Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses Cooler in theory but not if you force it To be, it just didn't happen here is where the jean perspective comes in again. I have so so many feelings about this but I'll try to be coherent - jean is still haunted by kevin, by his lingering attachment to him, by how he still cannot forgive kevin for leaving him. to see kevin living a relatively normal life outside the nest, while jean still can barely function day to day largely because of the consequences he received from kevin's actions, cuts him deeply. kevin has more concerns now than jean - jean has nothing other than his trauma and kevin (at least at the beginning of trc). if jean moves on, if he lets go of the nest, if he accepts his place on the outskirts of kevin's life, would that be enough? or will he always be pulled back, wondering what could have been?

I almost never write out my song analysis and most of this was thought of at 2am so idk if it makes any sense but I had to get it out

[ohmyjinsus]

i wish you would

choi yeonjun x gender neutral! reader

exes to ??? || 2.3k

I’ve started this new thing where I put all of taylor swift’s songs on shuffle and write a fic based off the first one that comes on (let's see how long this lasts lmao) - this is the first one uwu

summary: after impulsively breaking up with yeonjun, you realize that was the stupidest decision you’ve ever made and spend the rest of your week wishing you could have him back (idk just go listen to the song)

“I can’t do this anymore.” Your voice is so quiet, you aren’t even sure Yeonjun can hear it through the phone.

“Is this because of last night?” He asks. “I’m sorry y/n, I know you’re busy with school. I didn’t think you’d want to come.”

“No.” You don’t mind that he went to a party without you. He’s right, you would have said no anyway. “I heard you were getting a little too friendly with some people.”

“Are you jealous?” He sounds shocked. “We’ve been together for 2 years, you know I would never cheat on you.”

“I know,” you reassure him. “I’m just worried.”

“Worried about what?” His voice is softer now.

You wish you were having this conversation in person so you could see his facial expressions, but you’re so upset. You had to talk to him as soon as your friend called you. You’d already been insecure about your relationship these past few weeks. When you heard that your boyfriend was flirting with her, your anxiety got even worse.

“I know you love me,” you say slowly, sitting down on your bed. “But we haven’t seen each other in a week, Yeonjun. Maybe you don’t miss me as much as I miss you.”

“I can’t believe you would even think that. I don’t want anyone but you.”

“I’m sorry,” you tell him. “I just miss you.”

“I know baby,” he sounds just as upset as you. “I’m sorry too.”

“What do we do?” You grab the plushie on your bed. He won it for you at some carnival you went to ages ago. You’ve been sleeping with it ever since.

“What do you want to do?” Yeonjun asks. “In my head, I know you’re right. I can’t see you as often as I used to, but I don’t want to leave you.”

The thought of more nights like these makes you want to cry. Just a few months ago, you were spending all your time at his house. Staying up until 2am talking about everything was your normal. Then all of a sudden work and school and countless other things popped up and now everything’s fallen apart. Yeonjun’s been a constant in your life for the past two years, even longer, but the two of you can’t keep up with it anymore.

Not being a part of his day breaks your heart. Hearing about what he’s up to from other people hurts even more. You don’t know if you can handle that. You’ve already drifted apart. Staying together might just make things worse.

“I think we should break up.”

“y/n no,” he whispers. “Please don’t.”

“I can’t-”

“Can I see you? Right now?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Yeonjun only lives a few streets over. It would take him less than 5 minutes to get to your house.

“Why not?” He asks.

“I’ll cry.” Your voice gets even smaller. You hug your plushie tighter, trying to ignore the fact that it smells like him.

“y/n, I just want to give you a hug.”

“No,” you tell him, surprised at how firm you sound. “No,” you say again, softer. “I can’t handle that right now, I might change my mind.”

“I want you to change your mind.”

“Yeonjun, come on,” you sigh. This would be so much easier if he agreed with you. “I don’t want to drag this on any longer than necessary.” He stays quiet for a few seconds.

“Okay,” he says, finally. “If you want to split up, that’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” You ask. Part of you hopes he’ll fight with you and tell you he’s not leaving. Another part of you is relieved.

“No,” he admits. “Are you?”

“No.” That’s when the tears start to fall. You have no idea if you’re doing the right thing. The two of you have had conversations like this before, but none of them have been this serious. You’ve always been able to quickly resolve your issues, but you don’t think that’s possible this time. “But it’s for the best.”

“Sure, y/n.”

“Thanks.” You don’t know what to say. Yeonjun’s your first boyfriend, and this is your first breakup. You hope he can’t hear you crying through the phone.

“I’ll come pick up my things later,” he sounds like he might cry too. “I’ll text you.”

You nod, then realize he can’t see you.

“Okay.”

“I guess there’s nothing else to say then.”

“No, not from me.”

“Me too.”

“Bye Yeonjun.” You don’t even try to hide your sniffles at this point.

“Bye y/n,” he replies. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

You hang up before he can say anything else.

===

You’re sitting on the floor with Yeonjun’s sweater wrapped around you. It’s been a week since you spoke to him. He hasn’t picked his things up yet, which you’re grateful for. That’s when the breakup will be real. You wish it wasn’t. If you could go back in time, you never would have hung up the phone that night.

You’ve been up at 2am countless times, thinking about Yeonjun, being with Yeonjun, but here you are, missing him instead. Every time you see headlights through your window, you pray it’s him. When your phone lights up, you hope you’ll pick up and hear his voice.

You would call him yourself, but you have a strong feeling he hates you. Ending your relationship was a stupid decision. You shouldn’t have done it in the heat of the moment. The two of you have been through so much together, surely you could make it through this rough patch. That’s what you tell yourself.

You can’t help but wonder if he’s thinking the same thing.

===

Yeonjun hasn’t been himself since you broke up. After that phone call, he locks himself in his room for days, refusing to speak to anyone. He ignores all his friends’ messages, unable to bring himself to talk to anyone. The only person he wants to speak to is you.

There are so many things he wishes he had done differently. He should’ve been more affectionate. He should’ve told you he loved you more often. He should’ve tried harder and been better. And he definitely shouldn’t have flirted with everyone. He knows it upset you but it’s just in his nature. He didn’t mean to push your buttons like that. No wonder it’s what broke you.

He contemplates showing up at your door every day, every hour even. But he’s scared you won’t answer, or that you’ll slam the door in his face. Maybe you’d yell and cuss him out for bothering you. He doesn’t know if it’s smarter to try and win you back or to just move on and forget you.

Yeonjun can’t sleep tonight, too consumed with all the memories of you. Earlier, he found a birthday card you wrote him early on in your relationship. You signed it with “love, y/n.” Although he’d never admit it, it made him cry then. It makes him cry even more now.

All he knows is that he needs fresh air. He runs downstairs, grabs his car keys and leaves. He doesn’t know where he’s going, he just needs to get out.

Now it’s 2am and he’s driving past your house.

He’s spent countless days there, in your room, falling in love with you over and over again. Since you split up, he’s been driving by your house every day. He doesn’t have the courage to walk up to your door. He can’t even find it in himself to call you.

He puts his foot down, speeding up to get past your house quicker. He’s going 70 in a 40 but he doesn’t care. This is the last time he’ll do this, he tells himself.

But as Yeonjun pulls onto his own driveway, he hesitates. Maybe it was the card, he’s not sure. He can’t get your smile out of his head.

Something makes him put the car into reverse.

===

You know it’s late, but you need fresh air. Whenever you felt this way before, Yeonjun would take you for a walk around the block. He said it would help clear your head. He was right.

All the reminders of him are still in your room. You don’t have the energy to put everything away. It scares you to imagine life without him. But sitting alone with those memories feels just as terrible.

Stuffing your phone in your pocket, you sneak down the stairs and outside, hoping no one will hear you.

It’s weird being out here without him. You miss holding his hand and making him laugh. If you’re being honest, you miss everything about him. He’s everywhere you look, constantly in your mind.

While you think, a car comes speeding by, making you jump. Your immediate thought is to call Yeonjun. Whenever you were out by yourself, he would always come pick you up right away. You wish he would do that now. You felt so safe with him. Now, you just feel alone.

Checking your phone, you see it’s 2:15. You pull your sweater tighter around you. Yeonjun will probably come get it soon. It’s one of his favourites.

As you turn around and start walking back to your house, your phone rings. You glance at it, expecting it to be a random number.

When you see Yeonjun’s name, you almost drop your phone. Once you answer, you don’t even know what to say.

“y/n.” You almost start crying. It’s only been a week, but it feels like a lifetime since you’ve heard his voice. “Why are you out so late?”

“What do you mean?” You stop walking, wondering how he knows you’re out.

“I can see you by the stop sign.” Your head whips around, scanning the area, looking for him. “I’m on your left.”

You spot him, a few metres away, standing right by his car. When he notices you looking, he starts walking in your direction. You can’t move. Part of you thinks this might just be a dream.

Once he’s in front of you, it takes all your strength not to throw yourself into his arms. You end the call, putting your phone back in your pocket.

“You didn’t answer my question,” he says.

“Hm?” You can’t form a coherent though, you’re just so shocked to see him again.

“Why are you out right now?”

“Why are you out?” He laughs at how you avoid the question.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

You have to kiss him. Right now. The second your lips are on his, his arms wrap around you, pulling you closer. You missed this. You missed him.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you either,” you whisper when you pull away. Yeonjun’s still holding you tight.

“It’s been a terrible week,” you admit.

“I know, right?” He kisses you again. “I’m sorry, y/n.”

“Why are you sorry? I should be apologizing.” He shakes his head.

“I’m such a terrible boyfriend, I should have-”

“You came back.” You cut him off right away. “I pushed you away, but you came back.”

“I did.”

“Thank you,” you say quietly.

“I missed you too much.” You nod, agreeing with him.

Another car speeds past as the two of you stand there, in each other’s arms. That’s when you remember how late it is.

“What do we do now?”

“Let me take you home.” He unwraps himself from you, taking your hand instead. Once your fingers are interlaced, you give him a squeeze. He smiles.

“y/n, promise me something,” Yeonjun says as you walk over to his car.

“Sure.”

“Never leave me again.” You roll your eyes as he opens the passenger side door for you, but you still give him a kiss.

“Don’t worry,” you tell him. “I won’t.”

He holds your hand the entire way back to your house. Normally you would scold him, telling him how unsafe that is, even if it is a short trip. You don’t mind it today.

When he drops you off on your porch, you beg him to come inside. He laughs and tells you no.

“I’ll see you tomorrow y/n.”

“For sure?” He holds out his pinky so you do the same. Once he pinky swears, you smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that-”

“Don’t make me break up with you again.” His eyes go wide. “What?”

“So we’re back together then?”

“Um,” you hesitate. “Yes?”

“Good.” He kisses your cheek. “That’s what I wanted.” You smile up at him, glad to have him back. You really meant it when you said you wouldn’t leave him again.

“Me too.”

[lewis-winters]

idea i felt u would want to know. so yknow trans george right. amazing perfect great fantastic love it. this isn’t super creative or ground breaking but: sort of mulan au where george is trans and joins the army as a man by fabricating certain documents and all as a chance to get away from family although he loves them so he can live as a man (under the guise of volunteering as a nurse or something is what he tells them) but yeah thought of this brushing my teeth last night

GREAT MINDS ANON!! GREAT MINDS!!!!!! tho i can't take all the credit. @hellofanidea has definitely played a major role in all this-- i want to shout him out bc i love him but also like. he and i talked about trans!George in the canon timeline before, too!

more rambling under the cut bc it's 2am and i am slightly TOO excited about this ask and a bit too delirious.

god ok like this shit isn't what you sent an ask for but like just to give context-- jem and I have been developing two trans OCs since june 2021, both of whom were created to subvert the Mulan Trope. like, one is a trans woman (my oc, named Natalie Morse) who, prior to enlisting, knew that she was trans and was already half-way to living as a woman (this is an oversimplification of this character but whatever that's the general gist), but has had to stuff all that back in (to the detriment of her mental health and sense of identity) in order to enlist!

the other OC (who was created by @hellofanidea) is a trans man named Arthur Benjamin Foster who does EXACTLY this. GOD i want so badly for all of you to see him and read his story because! because!!! i just love Arthur so much, he's like. the best male character in my heart and his backstory continues to poke me in the feels constantly!!!!!! i curse how slow i write because GUH i have so many feels for these two and their situation and honestly? playing with gender fuckery with these characters has been so SO lovely like. i learned so much of myself and my gender with these two. and just. they're great. i love them.

BUT ANYWAY there's your context for the next thing i'm about to say: jem and I have spent many hours discussing the logistics of how a trans man might enlist for the army and how he might manage to stay relatively unsuspected and 'twas truly a situation that is the source of many shenanigans and UGH the GENDER FUCKERY of it all because on top of the logistics of going relatively un-clocked in the army as a trans person, we've also discussed so much the paradox of being "in the closet" but simultaneously also being "out" in that any trans man must now keep their body a secret, but also, outwardly, and amongst everybody, they are men. like. there's no contest. there's no deadname to call them-- none of their peers know what the deadname is. and that's such an interesting thing to me, ya know?

furthermore, the logistics of the binder. and showers. and relatively staying clean. of course, we've talked about this and come to the conclusion that some people have to know at least in order to offer help! and that always melted my heart a bit because! not only are your peers encouraging and aggressively validating your gender by calling you your name instead of your deadname, but they are also validating you by protecting you from a system that aims to strip you of your identity. and like. that always made me so happy?

like, one of my favorite things to write about Arthur and trans!george in the canon timeline is that, at some point? people know and those same people love them enough to hide them and help them. and that's my favorite part of it.

a;kgalkhflksklfhslfkldlsa ok im sorry anon i have so many thoughts about this but no braincells at the moment to make them sound pretty?

pls send me another ask when I'm more coherent to answer HAHAHAH idk idk i love trans characters i love gender fuckery i would LOVE to talk about it more with you. thank you! you're greatly appreciated!!! MWAH!!!!!!!!!!

[aces-drew]

SCARS + SPIDEYCHELLE

hello everyone, i think the last time i wrote anything was about about a year ago when infinity war came out and i was angsty lol. i am back, and severely out of practice but i read this trope post and i could practically see this one shot map itself out so i wrote it at like 2AM, please be kind and leave a like/reblog/comment i’m a literal hoe for validation thanks!! 

author : marvelspeterparker (previously: michellejonessparker)

fandom : spideychelle; peter and MJ (mcu)

word count : 998 words

tags : angst, fluff, they kiss and stuff lol (maybe ultra light smut??? idts but idk imma put it anyway), wholesome imo, set in the future (like 20/21 years old)

warnings : none

Peter had always been the funniest guy MJ knew. For as long as she could remember, Ned and Peter had been hilarious, but Peter was something else. Somehow, he had always carried it with him. It was a weird goofiness that made MJ feel warm whenever she was around him, it made her feel safe. And to MJ, that was so unbelievably and irrevocably calming.

But as Peter was standing in front of her right now, in the apartment they shared, MJ couldn't find the hilarity that had always upheld him. It shifted her insides uncomfortably. His face was illuminated by the bedside lamp they now shared, beside the bed they had recently purchased. His eyes hung heavy and the circles underneath his eyes, to MJ's knowledge and memory, had never been worse. He grunted in pain as she helped him readjust onto the pillow. He tried to force a smile to calm MJ down, but like most days, it didn't work. She was too worried about the hit he took saving the city. His city. Her city. Their city.

Sometimes she wished that he could be normal, that she didn't have to control her tears every week when she patched him up. That she didn't have a dull ache in her head every morning after, and that Peter looked more peaceful when he was awake, rather than when he was asleep next to her. But when she caught herself going down that path, she remembered everything he'd lost, and how much more love he deserved to have. She breathed and found herself again.

She looked at him and intertwined their hands, with her other, she felt his heartbeat. 'He's alive MJ, he's still here, he's right here, he's alive!' She kept saying to herself. 'But for how much longer?' She fought.

She felt numb. She couldn't look at the love of her life like this, half dead and unable to breath without being in pain.

'MJ, hey, MJ, look at me. Hey, look at me love look! I'm still here babe, I'm still kickin', look at me love!' He's spoken softly as his hands enveloped her face, readily reading her mind. He cupped her cheeks and stared intently at her.

Despite all of the pain, Peter's glistening eyes were the same comforting ones they'd always been, it seemed to ground her. She gently placed her lips on his, careful not to hurt him. They were taking it slow, but at the feel of Peter's lips, she had no idea why they weren't skin on skin yet. Everything about him enveloped her, and she couldn't really fathom the amount of love she had for this boy.

Peter moaned, and MJ's relief set in as she realized that it was not of pain. He carefully hoisted her onto him and trailed his arms underneath her shirt. The newfound intensity at his touch drove MJ wild, she knew that this wasn't the right time, but no part of her brain could bring herself to stop it. He took off her shirt and kissed her neck, MJ's head was buzzing, becoming murkier by the second. She was unable to form coherent thought. Peter had changed the pace of their kiss; it became more and more longing, more and more desperate. MJ knew that he was telling her that he was there, that he was alive and that he was with her. She gave in. She took the suit off him and opened her eyes.

MJ had seen him shirtless before, heck she'd seen all his scars, but today, she realized that there were way more than she had thought. Every inch of him was covered in an old or new scar, a different cut, varying in direction, varying in shape and in size, in intensity and color. It pained her that he was a battlefield, that he was chosen to carry the burden on everyone's behalf.

Peter looked up at her, ironically they weren't in any rush. Peter wanted to hold on this moment forever, watching MJ observing him, gaining the complete and utter confidence that she was with him, and that she wouldn't leave his side.

'Could you tell me about them?' She asked.

'You wanna know about my scars?' He asked in response, it was odd to him. MJ nodded intently. She had always wanted to put his mask aside when he got home from his night job, but tonight was different. Tonight she wanted to know more than that he was alive and that he was going to wake up next to her tomorrow morning as Peter and not Spiderman.

Peter smiled at the thought of it, he didn’t really talk about it much. He may have had accelerated healing, but the scars took longer to cure, they always had a small reminiscence on his skin. Now, a part of him was glad about it, that he had a token to prove his effort.

He felt, suddenly, very content that she had asked. The two of them readjusted on their bed, with MJ on Peter's laid out arm, head on his chest like she usually had, trying not to stress his fresh wounds, and Peter resting on a pillow.

After a few moments of their breaths mingling rhythmically, he began telling her everything, from his very first scratch to his very recent slash. Peter lent his soul to her; how he believed it was worth it, how he believed that everything he endured was enough if it saved one more life. One more Uncle Ben, one more Tony.

MJ fell more and more in love with him with each story, with every experience he was letting her relive with him. Finally, at the early hours of the morning, when the sun began to rise and painted the skies pink and orange, when they could no longer keep their eyes open, tiredness inevitably overcoming them, they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms. Together and wholly in love.