#anyway. imagine finn is singing like. ocean man or something

[lordofthesillystraws]

hello mirrorbowl enjoyers. nobody in the dandys world fandom is on tumblr. sad.

edit: CLICK FOR BETTER QUALITY IM GONNA JUMP.

[starryeyes-darkestnights]

Gold Rush

Part 5 of We Dance Together Now

An O’Knutzy au where Leo and Logan are still playing for the Lions, but Finn is a musician/grad student they met by chance on a roadie to Montreal.

Here are the first few parts!

Part 1 - Jingle Bell Rock

Part 2 - This City

Part 3 - Shut Up and Drive

Part 4 - Wicked Game

I also stuck this up on AO3, my username there is the same :)

These beautiful characters and their world belong to the incredible @lumosinlove ! Her work is amazing, and I’m so happy to get to play with some of the people and places she’s created <3

The song that Finn is singing in this chapter is Gold Rush, by Taylor Swift. And it’s the song that inspired this entire fic :):) 

I imagined Finn playing it like the version by Travis Atreo! (If you haven’t listened to that you should :) )

I hope you like it!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Logan

It was too early the next morning, or maybe too late from the night before, when Logan finally gave up on the idea of sleep. The sun was just starting to peak over the horizon when stole out onto the balcony, closing the door softly behind him and leaning against it. He stayed there for a moment, still and quiet in the pre-dawn chill, and let the fresh air wash over him. He let his eyes close and breathed in deep- once, twice, three times.

It was better, being out here. He always felt more grounded, more like himself, outside. He pushed away from the door and wandered over to the patio chair in the corner, out of sight from anyone who might wander into the living room.

He wasn’t sure how to talk to the other two after last night. He had been off all night, he knew. Having Finn there to watch them play, seeing Leo get hit on the ice, making it to the play-offs… it had already been a lot. And then that moment in Cap’s kitchen…

He slid down in his chair, scrubbing his face with his palms as he tried unsuccessfully to block out the memory of Finn’s eyes on his, of Leo’s chest flush against his back.

What he should have done was leave with Dumo when he’d offered. But no, of course he wouldn’t do the sensible thing. He had to be cocky and assume he could keep it under control, when clearly he was an idiot who didn’t know what control meant. And by the time he figured that out it had been too late and he had no good excuse to uber back home without making it obvious that he didn’t want to be around them.

So instead he had just walked home with Finn and Leo, like they had planned. And when they had finally gotten inside, just the three of them, alone in the dark apartment, Logan had promptly panicked and bolted off to his room with hardly a word. Clearly the sign of a man with his shit together.

Plus, to add insult to injury, shutting himself in his room hadn’t even helped. In fact, it had made it worse. Because all he had to do was look around to see that the room had clearly been put together for him. It had happened gradually when he had started spending nights there. First, the sheets had been replaced with new ones in his favourite colour after a slightly drunk and very passionate argument with Finn about the importance of having favourite colours (Finn was in favour. Logan was not. At least not out loud. But Finn had figured it out anyway). Then a container of the Tiger Balm he was constantly rubbing on his legs had appeared on his nightstand after a stretch of home games. There were always two towels waiting for him, after Finn had caught him scrounging around the linen closet for an extra one evening. There was a water bottle on his dresser, a phone charger plugged in next to it. He had clothes in the drawers and an extra pillow to hug while he slept—Leo must have shared that detail.

His toothbrush was in the bathroom, his favourite snacks were always in the fridge and a spare blanket had made a new home on the couch for when he inevitably got cold while the other two overheated. He’d had more than one pair of very fluffy socks thrown at his head when Finn caught him shoving his toes between the couch cushions to keep warm, and those socks were sitting on the end of his bed even now. Everything he needed to be comfortable, Finn had provided, without ever saying a word about it.

It had surprised Logan at first, how thoughtful Finn was underneath all that chaos. How observant. Him and Leo were similar that way. They were similar in a lot of ways, actually, and it both warmed and twisted Logan’s heart to watch as the two of them grew closer.

Last night, as he had closed his bedroom door behind him and took it all in, it was the twisting that took over. That room had felt like a safe haven for him for the past four months, but now everything in it reminded him of what he could never have. And so he had just laid there, on top of the blankets, staring at the ceiling and trying to will himself to sleep.

The balcony door creaked open again as the sun finally broke away from the skyline, and Logan didn’t have to look over to know it was Leo.

His tall silhouette moved forward to lean his forearms on the balcony railing. He didn’t look at Logan either, but Logan knew he had come out to keep him company. Just like he had last night. Logan tried not to read too much into it. It was just who Leo was. If Finn was the master of creating a comfortable space, Leo was the master of joining you in it.

It was something Logan was kind of jealous of. He was always fucking up when people needed support- joking when he should be serious, and being serious when they needed distracting. But Leo always got it right. He always knew when someone was having a bad day, and he’d show up with exactly what you needed. A cup of tea, the channel changed to your favourite show. A closed door and a quiet warning to others to give you space. He always knew when to ask about it and when to let you sit with it, or when to sit with you in it. Everyone loved him for it. Logan loved him for it. Which was half of the reason he was out here hiding in the first place.

Not that it had worked, because apparently Leo also had a knack for finding people when nobody else even knew they were hiding. Logan had closed his door when he came out. Leo shouldn’t have known he wasn’t still sleeping. He let his head roll to look at Leo’s profile against the morning sun.

“How did you know I wasn’t in my room?”

Leo turned to look back at him with a kind smile and shrugged. “I know you find peace outside. I figured you would rather be here than there right now.”

Logan wasn’t sure what he had been expecting exactly, but it certainly wasn’t that. He just blinked back at Leo for a few moments, trying to formulate a response, and thanked the universe when the door slid open again, distracting them both. Finn stepped out with coffee and a tentative smile, handing steaming mugs to Leo and Logan before sitting down next to them and turning to look out over the early morning cityscape.

The three of them stayed there together in awkward silence, watching the city over the balcony railing. Logan was almost reminded of the night they had done the same thing in Ilvermorny, standing shoulder to shoulder at the railing and looking out over the moonlit ocean. But this was different. Because this time, for the first time since the day they had met, nothing about their silence was comfortable. And for the first time since the day they had met, nobody knew how to break it. And Logan knew it was his fault.

---

Finn

Leo and Logan left for their team meeting at 7am, and Finn hadn’t sat still since. His mind was racing, his pulse pounding in his own ears. Everything was wrong, and it was his fault, and he had no idea how to fix it.

He should have known it from the moment he stepped foot in the arena. If he was being honest with himself, he should have known it as soon as he agreed to come to the game. Half of the reason he had avoided it for all this time was because he knew that seeing the boys in their element like that would be difficult to resist.

But he hadn’t expected the way that game would crack him open. He had felt exposed from the instant he saw them on the ice, and if he had been smart, he would have left the party early. Faked a headache. Blamed a school assignment. But he hadn’t been able to bring himself to walk away from them. Instead, he had let his heart overrule his brain, and predictably, he had gotten hurt. And now he was regretting it with every fibre of his being, as the memory kept replaying in his mind.

Last night, he had left the dance floor to go and get a drink. And when he tried to go back out, he had caught sight of Logan, right where he had left him on the edge of the room. And that had stopped him in his tracks.

Because instead of the scheming look Finn had expected to see, Logan’s face had been a stormy expression of pure longing. It had taken Finn less than a second to follow his gaze to where Leo stood, love clear in his concerned eyes as they roamed over Logan’s face.

Finn’s stomach had plunged through the floor even as he looked away. He’d turned on the spot and strode back into the kitchen, pressing his back against the wall and facing resolutely away from the living room, trying to breathe deep and settle the spinning in his head.

He should have expected it. He had noticed it before- the flickering glances and fleeting expressions between them. He had brushed off every one of those instances as just his imagination, and then they had all come back to him in that moment. His brain had felt like it was fighting itself- half of it warm with the thought of them together, the other half cold with the thought of never being with them himself. He’d shut his eyes, trying to block it all out. And then Natalie had come to his rescue. He replayed their conversation in his mind.

“Finn? You ok?”

Her voice cut through the sounds of the party still going on around him.

He’d opened his eyes to see her looking up at him from beside the door, a concerned look on her face. He quickly schooled his face into what he hoped was a convincing smile.

“Ya, of course. Just had one drink too many I think. I need some more water.”

She looked unconvinced, but smiled back anyway and reached out a hand for his cup. “That’s where I was headed too. I’ll fill yours up.”

Finn had stayed put while she went over to the sink, feeling guilty for not helping, but not sure he could move at the moment. When Natalie brought back his cup, he’d been surprised to see her lean back next to him instead of heading back out to the party.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She cut to the point in true Natalie fashion, looking straight into his eyes with a genuine kindness that almost made him want to open up.

But he shook his head. “It’s nothing. I’m good.”

She nodded, still holding his eyes. “Ok. But promise me, if you ever need to talk, that you will? It doesn’t have to be to me, but I want you to know that I’m here. And that whatever you say to me, doesn’t go beyond me.”

Finn nodded back with a smile, small but genuine. “I promise.” He meant it.

She took a drink of her water then, looking satisfied. And Finn was beyond grateful for her when she started her next sentence:

“So… you can only listen to one album for the rest of your life. What do you choose?”

---

Finn checked the time on microwave. 8:30. It was still early, but it was going to have to do, because he couldn’t handle this on his own anymore. He was going to keep that promise to Natalie sooner than he had expected. He picked up his phone and dialed the familiar number, turning on speaker and dropping it back onto the table.

“Please pick up, please pick up” he muttered to himself as he circled the dining room.

“…hello?” His best friend’s sleep-filled voice filled the room. Finn snatched the phone back up.

Finn: June. Thank God. I’m sorry for waking you up. Are you awake? Can you talk? Do you want me to let you sleep?”

June: Finn? What the fuck. It’s so early. Why do you sound like that? What’s wrong?”

Finn heard her shuffle around in the blankets, heard her whisper to Heather to go back to sleep. Suddenly he realized he didn’t know what to say. How to explain it.

             June: Finn? Dude, what’s up??

             Finn: I… I just need your help. I don’t know how to do this anymore.

             June: What? Do what anymore?

             Finn: Be around them, June.

June: Be around who? Finn, you don’t make sense, can you like, start from the beginning? I just woke up.

Finn dropped the phone back to the table and brought his hands up to his hair. This was not working. He squeezed his head for a second, trying to organize his thoughts before he tried again.

Finn: It’s Leo and Logan. I thought I had it under control but then I watched them play hockey last night and then I was completely NOT in control, and then I watched them dance together and that… that hurt. And now everything is completely out of the box and I don’t know how to shove it back in.

June was quiet for a moment, before letting out a sympathetic sigh.

             June: Finn…

             Finn: I know, June. I know it’s stupid. Just tell me how to fix it. I’m going out of my mind.

             June: That’s not what I was going to say.

             Finn: … Oh. What were you going to say then?

             June: I was going to tell you to not shove it back in the box.

Finn: Excuse me?? Are you still sleeping? That is not what I called you for. You’re supposed to be helping!

June: I am helping. Finn, you clearly care about each other. Everything you’ve told me about them… it’s obvious. So why are you boxing things up? Let love happen.

Finn stopped pacing and stared at the phone incredulously.

Finn: Let love HAPPEN?! June, they are LITERALLY professional athletes! They are gorgeous. Every time we go out they’ve got, like, hordes of girls following them around. You should see them June. They think they’re subtle but they’ll sneak behind them on the dance floor and crash into them just so they can talk to them. So they can touch them. And I can’t even blame them! And they’re always so fucking annoyingly beautiful. It’s like- it’s like a contest for these girls, and I can’t compete. I don’t want to compete. It’s impossible, June. I’m a grad student with a guitar. I stand less than zero chance here. Plus…

Finn cut himself off with a sharp intake of air. He was working himself up nearly to the point of tears, and he was not interested in crying right now. He let out a steadying breath and forced himself to sit down. June waited a second before prodding him gently.

             June: Plus what, Finn?

Finn: Plus… I don’t know, June. Last night… you should have seen it. The way they were looking at each other, I just... I think, even if they ever were to be willing to get into a relationship with a guy, one they would have to hide… it would be with each other. Not with me.

             June: Ok, well… actually wait, is it Logan or Leo that you’re into?

Finn dropped his face into his hands, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. This was another thing he wasn’t sure he knew how to deal with.

Finn: That’s… another thing. I don’t- I don’t even know. I. Don’t. Even. Know. Isn’t that insane? How is that even possible?? They’re completely different from one another and I… I know it doesn’t make any sense to be equally into both of them, and I have tried, God, believe me I have tried to turn it off. For both of them. But apparently I can’t, June. Not for either one. So, in all honesty, even if, let’s just go completely hypothetical here for a second, even IF I thought it was a possibility that either of them could be interested back, I couldn’t do it anyway. Because there would always be someone else too.

             June: I see…

Finn: I just— UGH! This is insane. This is so stupid. This is the stupidest thing that I’ve ever done. June. Help.

He dropped his head to the table as he felt all the energy drain from him.

Finn: Help me turn it off. Please. I need to turn it off.

He was going to cry. Goddammit. He tilted his head back and stared unblinking at the ceiling, breathing deeply, willing it away. He could hear June on the other end of the line, just waiting, giving him time. After a moment, he continued.

Finn: Why am I like this? Make my feelings go away. I don’t want them.

June’s voice was soft coming through the phone.

June: Yes, you do, Finn. Your heart is what makes you, you. I would never- never- do anything to take it away. You’re the best person I know, and I know this is hard for you right now, but it’s going to work out. I promise. You’ve always got me to talk to when it gets too much, but please don’t ever think it’s better to change who you are.

Finn didn’t think she was right. He was tired of his heart being always on his sleeve. Tired of feeling so vulnerable. Tired of feeling like he was going to implode every time Leo and Logan were near. There was a line he hadn’t known was there that had been crossed last night, and he didn’t know if he could turn back now. If he could go back to pretending. He hated feeling like this, and he hated the tension it was causing between them. But he didn’t want to argue with June right now.

Finn: Ya. You’re right. I’m kind of tired now though, I think I’m going to go back to bed. Thanks for listening, June.

             June: Ok… any time.

Finn could hear that she didn’t sound convinced, but she let out a resigned sigh.

June: Seriously, Finn. Call me any time, ok? I’ll pick up, any time of day or night. You know that. And I sent you my flight itinerary right? I’m coming to see you soon. I’ll be there to hug you in person.

Finn: Ya, I got the itinerary.

June: Good. And please don’t forget, I don’t care if these boys are professional bajillionaires, you’re the only Finn O’Hara in the world and they are the ones who are lucky to have you. I love you.

             Finn: Love you too, June. I’ll talk to you soon.

Finn hit the End Call button on his phone and just sat still for a moment, unsure if he was feeling better or worse. His eyes locked on a mug on the other side of the table and he pulled it toward himself, hoping it was his coffee from earlier that morning. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be his tea from last night. He sighed. Leo was always making fun of him for leaving half-drank cups of tea all around the apartment and he supposed this was why. It was a very disappointing find.

He dropped his head into his hands and stared straight down at the dull surface of the old tea. The last of its ripples faded away as memories of the past few months started to roll through his mind like a film reel.

He thought of the day they met, up on that stage in Montreal. The trip they had taken to Ilvermorny to watch the stars. The team dinners he’d joined and the club nights they’d danced through. All the times he’d looked out from the stage to see them in crowd at his shows.

He thought back to that first show they had come to in Gryffindor, at the Burrow. The way he had felt when he saw Logan flirting with that girl. He hadn’t ever wanted to feel that way again. He had promised himself that night that he would turn whatever feelings he had for them off, keep it friends only.

And even though he wasn’t perfect, he really thought he had been doing a good job of it. But now, sitting here feeling that exact same feeling amplified a thousand times, he knew that he had never turned anything off. That that hope had stayed there, growing in the back of his mind whether he’d been willing to admit it or not. And last night had exposed it. And now that Finn knew, like really knew, that what he hoped for would never be, it was coming back around to crush him.

Finn tried to shake the thought away, tilting his head back to get some air. He was getting in his head, and he knew it. He just needed to catch his breath. He needed to get his thoughts out.

He needed his guitar.

He stood abruptly, grabbing the mug from in front of him and dumping it in the sink on his way out of the kitchen. For his entire life, music had been the way that Finn worked through his feelings. No matter what tangled mess was crowding his mind, pulling at the heart he could not for the life of him keep off of his sleeve, music calmed him. It brought him back to earth, centered him and let him start again. So now, just like he had done a million times before, Finn sat on the edge of his bed, closed his eyes, and let his emotions bleed out through the strings of his guitar.

---

Leo

That afternoon, Leo let himself into the apartment quietly. Finn hadn’t responded to his messages letting him know that Coach had let them go early, and Leo thought maybe he was napping after the late night and early morning they’d had.

He screwed up his face at the thought of their morning. Leo had hoped that sleep would help with whatever weird tension had appeared between them last night, but it seemed to have done the opposite. In the bright morning light, everything had seemed even more awkward, and they had spent the morning like strangers- unsure of how to act or what to say. It hadn’t stayed in the apartment either. Leo had shared an Uber with Logan to the arena, and Lo hadn’t looked at him a single time. He had also, impressively, managed to avoid him for nearly the entire day despite being in pretty close quarters in the locker room. But Leo had finally cornered him for a few seconds on their way out the door. Just long enough to make sure he was still planning to come to Finn’s show tonight. He was anxious for them to work through whatever this mess was. And Logan had, in the end, agreed to come, so Leo hoped that meant he wanted to as well.

For now, though, Leo just wanted to make some tea and retreat to his bed to sort through his own thoughts. Last night had messed with his head too. Knowing Finn had been at the game, watching, and then the excitement of the win. He’d been on an adrenaline high, and then watching Finn and Logan doing… whatever that had been in the kitchen. That had hurt. He’d tried to act normal, but he wasn’t sure he’d done a very good job.

He was pretty sure that what he had seen between the two of them was what was up with Logan as well, but he wasn’t sure about Finn. He’d been weird even before that, from the time they’d met up after the game.

He dropped his keys on the table beside the door, and was just about to head to the kitchen for his tea when he heard the sounds of Finn’s guitar coming from down the hall, quietly playing a song he didn’t recognize. His interest piqued immediately—Finn was always singing quietly around the house, but he NEVER played guitar when Leo was home, unless it was to dick around to karaoke songs in the living room. He always rehearsed for shows in the practise rooms on campus, and when he worked on his own stuff at home it was always on the keyboard, with headphones plugged in to stay quiet. He always insisted it was not pleasant to listen to the songwriting process, but Leo was pretty sure he would be happy to listen to Finn play anything for hours if he did it on his guitar. He was good on the keyboard, but the way he played guitar… it was like it was a part of him. Leo could never look away when he picked it up on stage.

On second thought, maybe it was for the best that Finn did refrain from playing around him.

He made his way down to where Finn’s bedroom door was open and leaned quietly against the doorframe. Finn didn’t seem to notice him, and Leo took advantage of the rare moment, being able to study him unseen.

Finn was sitting on the edge of his bed, eyes closed and guitar propped on his knees. His fingers danced along the strings as sunlight filtered into the room, casting shadows below long eyelashes and playing across the freckles Leo loved, high on Finn’s cheekbones. There was never a time when Leo didn’t want to reach out and touch those freckles, let his fingertips trail across Finn’s skin- soft and gentle, connecting the dots. It was a daydream he kept close to his chest, never letting anyone else see.

Leo let himself be lost in that moment, watching, until the boy in front of him started to sing and his admiration turned to awe.  

Leo was used to the Finn he saw playing music on stage, at parties, even messing around in their living room. That Finn was always larger than life, full of mischief and chaos, working hard to make sure everyone was having a good time. Leo had assumed that’s what he was always like as a musician.

But here, alone in his room without an audience to entertain, Finn was playing for himself. And Leo realized he’d been wrong. Maybe that was who Finn was as performer, but this- this was Finn as a musician. As an artist. Open, unguarded, his heart in every note. It was utterly captivating. It felt like he was intruding on something private.

The realization that he was intruding on something private, and had been for several minutes longer than he should have been, finally snapped Leo out of it. He cleared his throat just as Finn started to sing a little louder.

“What must it be like to grow up that beautif—” Finn turned his head at the sound and caught sight of Leo in the doorway. He slammed his palm down on the strings as his voice cut out, ending all of the sound in the room at once. He jumped up, eyes going wide as he stood, his body tense. Leo lifted his hands in a show of peace, and watched Finn let out a relieved huff, relaxing as he realized who was there.

“Jesus, Leo. Dude. Once again: learn to make noise when you enter a space. You’re going to give me a heart attack one of these days.” Finn’s tone was joking, but Leo noticed his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Leo suddenly realized he was nervous, a feeling he wasn’t used to around Finn. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I tried to message you, Coach let us go early, I know you weren’t expecting me back yet…”

“It’s ok.” Finn stepped in when Leo trailed off.  “I didn’t have my phone. And you never have to be sorry about coming home, ok? Just… try not to scare me when you do?”

Leo huffed out a small laugh at that, relieved that Finn didn’t appear to be upset with him. “I didn’t mean to. I just didn’t recognize the song you were playing. I wanted to come and see what it was. Are you practising for tonight?”

He watched the long lines of Finn’s throat as he swallowed before answering- a nervous tick of his that Leo had picked up on.

“Oh. Um, no, it’s not for tonight. It’s a… it’s a new one.”

“You wrote it?”

“Ya. I did.”

Leo considered Finn for a second before asking, “… Can I listen?”

Finn hesitated, starting to look uncomfortable as he shifted the guitar across his chest.

Leo immediately regretted the request, worried he had crossed a boundary. He had heard Finn play original music at shows, but this was his personal space, and he had just waltzed in and invaded it. He tried to backtrack. “Oh my god, I’m sorry Finn, I shouldn’t have asked that. I didn’t mean to make you—”

Finn cut him off. “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s ok.” He looked up at Leo, a new spark in his expression. “I want to play it for you.”

---

Finn

This was his opportunity. He could play the song and either Leo would recognize it was about them or he wouldn’t. He would be upset by it or he wouldn’t. All he knew for certain was that he couldn’t keep it to himself anymore. He wasn’t deluding himself, he knew it wouldn’t work out. He had realized that last night. Reaffirmed it this morning. And he was aware that it didn’t make any sense, the feelings he had for the two of them, but he was so tired of bottling it up. All he could do was share the best way he knew how and hope they could work through it. They were worth that.

Before he had a chance to talk himself out of it, he cleared his throat and brushed his fingers across the strings. As soon as he played the first notes, the song took over. It always felt like magic, the way the sounds of the guitar wrapped around him, calmed him, pulled him together. He looked down, away from Leo as he started to sing.

             “Gleaming, twinkling, eyes like sinking ships on waters, so inviting I almost jump in”

He kept his gaze down as he moved through lyrics he had finished this morning. The words he had pulled out of himself to try and make sense of it all. To tell the story of the past few months with these two incredible, indescribable boys. This first verse was vague enough that if he didn’t already know, Leo wouldn’t guess it was about him.

But the one that followed… Finn forced himself to look up, to connect with that familiar blue-eyed gaze and watch his reaction. There was no way Leo wouldn’t realize what he was singing about now. Memories swirled behind Finn’s eyes as he played.

“What must it be like to grow up that beautiful

With your hair falling into place like dominos”

Dark curls falling over emerald eyes; blonde over cerulean. Finn wanting to reach out and touch so badly that his hands shook.

             “I see me padding across, your wooden floors,

              With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door”

Every time Finn had walked across Leo’s room to take back the shirt that Leo was constantly stealing and leaving hanging on his closet door, where he knew Finn would be able to find it if he ever came looking. He watched as Leo’s small smile turned into a look of recognition.

             “At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit”

The first time Finn had caught on to Logan’s game, at dinner with Talker. The countless times since that he and Leo had called him out for stirring the pot. The grumpy look on Logan’s face when he realized he was caught.

             “And the coastal town we wandered around,

Had never seen a love as pure as it”

The day they drove out to Ilvermorny and spent one of the best days of Finn’s life playing tourist and looking at the stars. The burning heat he had felt as Logan flirted with him from the side of the balcony railing. The pull in his heart when he realized how much Leo missed the open skies. He knew now what those feelings meant.

             “And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea,

              ‘Cause you know it could never be.”

This morning, at the table, reliving all of these moments as the hope he had been harbouring slowly slipped away.

Leo’s face was unreadable now, and Finn closed his eyes to the sight as he kept singing.

“Cause I don't like a gold rush, gold rush I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch Everybody wants you”

Girls lining up, pushing for their chance to make a move on them. The heat crawling up the back of his neck as he fought to not let it get under his skin. He’d told June this morning that he couldn’t compete. That he didn’t want to have to compete.

“Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you Walk past, quick brush I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush”

Watching them touch the boys, running fingers down their arms, laying palms on their chests as they danced by. Pretending that it would turn into something more. His world spinning as he was reminded time and time again that he could never do the same.

“I don't like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush Everybody wants you And I don't like a gold rush”

The boys made him better. Everything was so easy when they were together. So good. And that made it so much worse to see the longing in Logan’s eyes when he looked at Leo, to see the love in Leo’s when he smiled at Logan. To watch everybody else want these two boys who so clearly wanted each other.

He slid into the final verse, trying to keep it together as he repeated the first few lines. And then,

“My mind turns your lives into folklore

I can’t dare to dream about you anymore”

There was something there between Leo and Logan. Finn knew he wasn’t imagining it. The vision of their future together had been running through his mind on a loop since last night, and it was perfect. They were perfect, together. He knew that the only thing he could do now was rewrite the ending of this story. Write himself out of it. So, lyrically at least, he had.

“I can’t dare to dream about you anymore.

At dinner parties I won’t call you out on your contrarian shit,

And the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it,

Cause it fades into the gray of my day old tea,

Cause it will never be.”

Finn’s voice cracked on the word never, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to sing the final lines. He forced his hands to finish playing anyway, to give him time to take a few steadying breaths so he could at least look at Leo.

When he’d dragged it out as long as he could, Finn let the final note fade out across the room and sat perfectly still for a few moments. Hoping it would be ok.

When Leo didn’t speak into the quiet, his heart sank. He lifted his head, intending to look at Leo, but his eyes stayed glued to the frets under his fingers. The burst of confidence he had felt when he started the song was a distant memory now.

He tried to laugh, but it sounded fake even to himself. His knees wouldn’t stop bouncing. He needed to break this silence.

“So… ya. Um. I’m sorry. That wasn’t a song that I ever intended for anyone to hear, and…” he stopped as his voice caught in his throat again.

It was quiet for another moment before Leo’s voice, kind and gentle, spoke up.

“I think they should.”

Finn’s heart was pounding in his throat as he heard Leo take a step toward him.

Leo spoke again, softer this time. Cautious. “I think Logan should.”

Finn’s knees finally stopped moving. His entire body froze in place. On a hypothetical level, he had known this was what was going to happen when he decided to play this stupid song. But he always had been better at jumping than at dealing with the fall, and experiencing it was turning out to be much worse than imagining it. It would seem he had failed to factor in how much panic would be involved. What had possessed him to think it was a good idea??

He was suddenly desperate to take it all back.

“Logan?” He croaked out. “No, Logan doesn’t—”

“Finn.” Leo cut him off. He was closer now, standing beside him. “You wrote that song about him. About me. About us.”” Leo’s voice was steady. It wasn’t a question.

Well, fuck. There was no taking it back now. Dealing with the fall it was. He took a deep breath, tried to steel himself for whatever was about to happen, and finally looked up into Leo’s eyes.

His face was still giving nothing away. Which was horrifically unfair because Finn knew that every single thing he was feeling was written across his own. Goddamn goalie face.

Finn whispered then, his voice full of apology. “Leo…”

Leo’s mask finally disappeared.

“Don’t apologize, Finn. Not now. Please.” His expression was suddenly open, vulnerable. Finn wasn’t sure what to do then, so he just pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and sat still, giving Leo the space to make the next move. He took it.

Leo’s eyes flickered between Finn’s, unguarded, and searching- always searching.

He started slowly. “I thought it was just me. I thought I was going crazy—these feelings, I didn’t know what to do with them. I just wanted to pretend it wasn’t there.” He shook his head a little, his gaze shifting away from Finn as he continued.

“I promised myself when I came to Gryffindor that I wouldn’t get attached to anyone. Not anyone on my team or anywhere else. I just wanted to keep my head down and focus on my career. But then…” he paused for a moment, and Finn could see him debating how to proceed. All of a sudden he turned those ocean blue eyes back on Finn, and the look in them made Finn forget how to breathe.

“But then there was Logan… and then there was you, and I just… I don’t know.”

Finn’s heart skipped several beats as he blinked up at Leo. He had long suspected Leo’s feelings for Logan, had almost expected that confession, but…

“Wait. Me?” His voice was laced with confusion.  

Leo nodded back.

“Ya. You.” he breathed out. He looked away then, his cheeks flushed and confidence faltering as he continued.

“But I thought… you and Logan. I see how you watch each other. I saw the way he looked at you last night. Oh my God, Finn, the way he was looking at you last night. I knew he had feelings for you and I never thought… I thought I would just have to back away and watch the two of you.”

What? Finn’s head was reeling.

“Leo… Logan. I’ve been watching how he looks at you, Leo. That’s what the whole song…” he stopped, not sure he was making sense. But Leo was nodding.

“I know that now. Now that I’ve heard you sing that, I know.” He smiled reassuringly at Finn, then leaned against the windowsill as his expression turned hesitant. Finn watched some kind of internal debate play out over his features before Leo connected their gaze once more.

“Finn, in your song, you said you don’t dare to dream about us anymore. That it could never be.”

Finn nodded slowly. He had written that this morning. When he thought he needed to back away. Now though… something had sparked inside him as he listened to Leo speak.

“And maybe... maybe you’re right. Maybe it never can be, the way you were thinking about it before. The way I was thinking about it before. It’s impossible, to feel this way about two people.”

Finn felt the spark go out. He was familiar with this moment. Too familiar. He pushed the flickering reminders of his first years in Gryffindor back out of his mind. He didn’t need them to know he was about to be let down gently.

But Leo’s voice was shaky, nervous as he continued. “But maybe—maybe if I stopped dreaming about you separately. If WE start dreaming about us together, all three of us. Maybe… maybe then it could be.”

That… was not what he had expected.

Finn felt something connect inside of him as he considered Leo’s words. It felt right. He looked up at the boy beside him, usually so calm and collected, now looking just as freaked out and vulnerable as he felt.

Finn felt a surge of protectiveness over him. Leo had put himself on the line here, for Finn. So that Finn wouldn’t be out there alone. He knew how big of a risk that was for Leo, with the job he had and the scrutiny it came with. If Leo was willing to take that risk, Finn knew he would do whatever it took to make it worth it.

“Yes.” His voice cracked. He tried again. “Yes.”

Leo looked at him carefully, searching, Finn knew, for confirmation that he meant what he was saying. “Are you sure?”

Finn’s mind was still reeling, but the one thing he felt sure of right now, was this. “I’m sure.”

Leo quirked up one side of his mouth then, his smile warming up the room like the sun peaking out from the clouds. “Ok.”

“Ok.” Finn repeated, starting to smile back. “So, what do we do next?”

Leo’s expression turned serious again. “I think next, we need to talk to Logan. When he gets here. But right now,” he took a step toward Finn, “do you think you could put down your guitar?”

Finn looked down at the instrument he now realized he was clutching to himself like a lifeline. He pulled it over his head and slowly set it down on the bed behind him. Leo held out a hand, his eyes cautious as he watched Finn grab his wrist and stand up.

The two boys were face to face then, and Finn slowly let his fingers slide to twine between the taller boy’s. He had touched Leo hundreds of times before, been closer to him even on the first day they met. But this- the feeling of Leo’s calloused palm against his own, of his thumb tracing gentle circles across his knuckles- was something completely new.

He watched as Leo looked down at their connected hands and used the grip to pull Finn closer, until Finn could feel the heat from his body coming through his shirt. Finn wondered vaguely if Leo could feel the way his own heart was beating through his skin. His eyes traveled up to lock onto Leo’s. He would never get over Leo’s eyes. They were so blue, like the ocean in the sunlight. So inviting.

Those eyes flickered back and forth across Finn’s face, and Finn let Leo be the one to voice what he was sure they were both thinking.

“Finn.” His voice was a whisper.

“Ya?” Finn replied just as softly.

“Will you kiss me?”

Finn’s skin erupted in goosebumps as he felt Leo’s other hand slide gently across the back of his neck. He didn’t know if he even had a heartbeat anymore.

He brought his own hand up, tracing his fingertips delicately under Leo’s jaw and running a thumb along his cheekbone, before tangling his fingers into his hair and pulling him the rest of the way forward.

“Yes.” He was barely able to breathe the word out before their lips met in an impossible kiss.

Finn’s whole body was electrified. He leaned in closer and felt Leo do the same, tilting their heads in unison. Finn felt himself slipping away, his brain drowning out everything but the feel of Leo under his fingertips, against his lips, nothing but Leo’s name running through his mind.

Until another name joined it. Logan. Finn took the moment to slowly pull back from Leo, who was panting slightly as he leaned his forehead against Finn’s, his hands coming up to trace lightly along Finn’s cheekbones. Finn opened his eyes to look at the beautiful man in front of him and said, simply, “Logan.”

Leo nodded, not letting go of Finn. “He’ll be here in a few hours. We’ll talk to him?”

Finn just nodded his agreement, closing his eyes again and moving to rest his forehead against Leo’s shoulder.

“I should let go of you now,” he murmured, “or I’ll never be able to again.”

Leo chuckled, the sound warm where their bodies were touching. “That doesn’t sound half bad to me.” He ran a hand through Finn’s hair and kissed the top of his head. Finn melted into it. “But you’re right,” he hummed against the red curls, “we need to talk to Logan.”

Reluctantly, they backed apart from one another, keeping their hands laced together.

Finn watched Leo’s chest rise and fall evenly, always so composed. Finn’s heart was still racing through his bones.

“How are you so calm right now?”

Leo laughed at that. “It just looks that way. Believe me, my mind is freaking out right now. I was just kissing one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever known.”

Finn cocked his head, lifting an eyebrow. “One of them?” He teased.

Leo just smiled back softly, meeting Finn’s gaze with affection.

“Yeah”

Finn couldn’t help himself; he leaned into Leo again, wrapping his arm around his waist and resting his head where he could feel the steady rhythm of his heart.

“Hmmm” he hummed, listening. “Logan.”

Leo nodded and rested his chin on top of Finn’s head. “Logan.”

“Let’s make some dinner?” Finn asked after a few seconds.

Leo actually snorted at that, finally breaking the spell that had fallen over the room.

Finn grinned back in response. “Ok fine. Will you make some dinner, and I can finally watch you without pretending that’s not what I’m doing?”

Leo smiled softly, looking surprised at that admission.

“I didn’t know you liked watching me cook.”

It was Finn’s turn to snort. “Leo, I like watching you do everything. But yes, I love watching you cook. You care about it so much. I’m surprised you’ve never caught on to that.”

Leo laughed as he pulled Finn toward the door. “After today, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that there are a lot of things I’ve been oblivious about. Let’s go. I’ll make you something you like.”