#anyway. i was having a hella breakdown (/positive) over this last night. but putting in in clean form like this helps me figure things out-

[bricky-brikson]

I am perfectly normal about the Psychonauts timeline

Spoiler warning for...everything.

As I was playing Psychonauts 2, I had a vibe that Ford and the Psychic Seven were active during the late 1920s, early 1930s, mostly because of the Model T Ford in Cruller's Correspondence, but also because of the biplane in the diorama of Ford fighting Maligula from Fatherland Follies. But there were some issues with that - namely the Feel Mobile which resembles more a model of van released around 1964. I feel compelled to mention it looks like the Motherlobe is trapped in the 70s, technology-wise.

So I looked up the timeline on the Psychonauts fandom wiki, as well as the blurb from Psychonauts about the history of Whispering Rock. And while clicking through the wiki, I found a copy of the Li-Po document, which contains the following line:

[...] when [Ford Cruller] was [...] away fighting for the Lincoln Brigade in the Spanish Civil War [...]

Firstly, based.

Secondly, that means Ford had to be at least 16* by 1937 (when American volunteers were sent to Spain). At least if we are to believe that this...very specific part of the Li-Po document is still canon. Which...I mean, we could. We know Ford was already an adult when he assembled the Psychic Seven, but we don't know how old he was. From the looks of him in the mental vaults and illustrations, he was definitely older than 16 (considering the full moustache). Meaning that it is possible Ford spent his younger years fighting in the Lincoln Brigade, then when he matured started looking more into his and others' psychic powers.

Possible? Yes. Plausible? Ehhh...considering the story of Psychonauts 2 is deeply tied to the trauma the Psychic Seven endured surrounding the Grulovian Civil War then the Deluge of Grulovia, I doubt that Ford's previous involvement in a very bloody battalion (22.5% of Lincoln Battalion fighters died in the Spanish Civil War) would have gone unmentioned. Since it makes no appearance in Psychonauts 2, I think it's safe to say it's no longer canon.

So where does that leave us? With the only statement from the devs (specifically Tim Schafer himself) that points us towards a date for the game's events:

"We think of it as taking place in the 80's but not necessarily the 80's, in case we need a piece of technology that we're stealing from the 90's."

So...that leaves us with a year range of 1980 to 1999. However, if technology is an issue (specifically, taking place during the 80s but needing some tech from the 90s), that means the game probably takes place in the late 80s, early 90s. I interpret this as being between 1987 and 1993. So, we've narrowed it down! Based on my arbitrary definition of "late" and "early"!**

Is there any way to narrow it down further? Unfortunately, not from what I can find - the tech we see in the Motherlobe is more reminiscent of the 60s and 70s (the computers we see on peoples' desks and in Sasha's lab look akin to a Xerox Alto, which came out in 1973), and I don't know enough about the history of other technology we see in-game to infer information about the timeline. If someone else has knowledge about things I may have missed that point us towards a date, please reblog and let me know!

Now, before I get into what I see as the timeline, I do want to address Maloof's line when you release him from the GPC.

"Nah, the staff hasn't put any kids in the GPC since the fifties."

Which goes against the timeline written on the log in the parking lot (which states that Whispering Rock Summer Camp was only created 5 years ago). I'm leaning more toward the written lore, since it's entirely possible Maloof is misinformed. After all, this is his first time at the camp. It's entirely possible Bobby (or another camper) has been lying to Maloof about the history of the staff's use of the GPC. For this reason, I'm disregarding this conflicting bit of evidence.

So! On to the actual timeline - at least, what I think it is. Starting from the beginning and working our way to the present day. I will represent the dates as a range, so "1987 - 1993" means "between 1987 and 1993." It doesn't mean that whatever event took place took that long, just that it happened at some point within that range. Good? Good! Let's go.

Brick's Speculative Psychonauts Timeline

1487 - 1493: A psitanium meteor strikes the area that will eventually be known as Whispering Rock, leaving behind a psitanium deposit.

1787 - 1793: A local indigenous group starts working with the psitanium, creating the arrowheads found in the first game, and names the area Whispering Rock (just, in their language, not English)

1887 - 1893: The mining town of Shaky Claim is established as part of the gold rush, except they're mining for psitanium. The psitanium deposit severely worsens the mental health of the people there.

1888 - 1894: The first case of 'Paranormal Hysteria' diagnosed in Shaky Claim.

1912 - 1918: Houston Thorney constructs Thorney Towers Home for the Disturbed. Ford Cruller is born.

1927 - 1933: Houston Thorney commits suicide. The town's population is less than the amount of patients in Thorney Towers.

1932 - 1938: Thorney Towers Home for the Disturbed is closed but some patients still remain. The remaining residents of the valley leave and the area is flooded, resulting in Lake Oblongata.

[At some point, Ford assembles the Psychic Seven]

1967 - 1973: The Psychic Six fight Maligula. Grulovia is flooded then trapped below the frozen floodwaters. Helmut Fullbear is presumed dead. Shortly thereafter, Ford uses the Astralathe to modify the memories of Lucretia and Augustus, then to break his own mind.

[At some point, Charlie Psycho Delta is established then swiftly abandoned]

1982 - 1988: Whispering Rock Summer Camp is established.

1987 - 1993: The events of Psychonauts, Psychonauts: The Rhombus of Ruin, and Psychonauts 2 take place all within about a week (and that's being generous).

So there! That's what I think the timeline is. Again, if you have any feedback or want to point out something I missed, please let me know! I'm new to the games/lore/fandom so 'tis entirely possible!

The implications of this timeline are...interesting. The fact that during the fight with Maligula, something that was supported by multiple countries, they're using planes from the 1910s when it's at least 1967...the world of the Psychonauts isn't less technologically advanced - they have a jet that rivals ones from 2024! So I have no clue what that biplane is doing in Gristol's memory of the fight with Maligula. Unless we consider Gristol an unreliable narrator for that detail - but even then I'm unsure why he wouldn't have assumed they were using modern technology...? IDK. It's weird.

Anyways, if you got this far, thanks for reading! I'm flattered. I always love picking apart lore and timeline details like this, no matter the fandom I'm in. So consider this my hello to the Psychonauts fandom :-)

*According to the Wikipedia page for the Lincoln Battalion, that's probably the youngest any American volunteers were. ** The way I see it: if it ends in 1/2/3, it's early. If it ends in 4/5/6, it's mid. if it ends in 7/8/9, it's late.

[hwascripts]

What Izuku would be like in a relationship: The positive traits, the toxic traits, his love language, my own personal headcanons and an overall conclusion

WC: unknown

TW// POTENTIAL SPOILERS, No smut but Izuku is aged up, Toxic traits aren’t necessarily toxic...more so just bad traits, Teeny tiny little bit of angst, I think that’s it!

Masterlist

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming the following headcanons are true. You are 100% free to disagree with me but please DO NOT send me hateful comments or asks. I am simply writing what I think Deku would be like in a relationship

a/n: Just to let you know, your nickname for him is Zuku just so you don’t think I kept spelling his name wrong.

-Deku is literally the kindest soul ever and it makes me want to cry. He’d give you his umbrella if you ever forgot yours, he’d literally carry you to first aid if you ever injure yourself- this man will legitimately do everything for you

-He’s incredibly observant. If he catches you looking at a pretty ring then he’ll literally show up at your door days later with that very same ring in his hands

“I saw you looking at it a few days ago and I wanted to surprise you!”

“Zuku baby oh my god how much did you spend?!”

“You don’t need to worry about it sunshine”

I wholeheartedly believe Izuku would call you his sunshine or something along those lines

-I have this one headcanon of him drawing you all the time as an excuse to “observe you and your quirk” but it’s really just because he wants to admire the way you shine underneath the sun- and that’s how he came up with the name Sunshine for you

-Deku has a heart of gold oh my god, this guy cares so much about you it’s unreal. Imagine trying to hide the fact that you’ve been crying while on a phone call- mission failed because he heard your shaky voice and now he’s on your doorstep with your favourite hoodie of his and your favourite snacks

-His memory is insanely good, like it’s freaky how good it is. Like you mentioned to him ONCE that you liked a certain drink and now he pulls up to your dates with that drink all the time (not like I’d complain if Deku brought me my favourite drink)

-Just like Bakugou, Deku is incredibly smart and he literally always comes up with a solution. You could literally vent to him about a problem you’re having at work and he’s come up with at least 73 solutions within 6 hours

-He’s determined and hardworking. Again, he’s just like Bakugou in the sense that he’ll put his blood, sweat and tears into whatever he’s doing- no matter if it’s a serious high stake mission or something like planning your weekly date. The second he puts his mind to something, he makes sure to give it his all.

-Izuku is your own personal cheerleader, this dude will hype you up no matter what. Training after work? he’s cheering for you. You completed a really difficult task? you better believe he’s gonna pat you on the back for it.

-He’s very protective of you. Remember when the LOV attacked the training camp and he rushed to find Kota? yeah he’s 10x more protective of you.

-And it’s not because he thinks you’re weak and can’t defend yourself, it’s because he genuinely worries about you all the time and just wants to make sure your always safe

-He’s an inspirational person, he makes you hella motivated to do even the most boring chores around the house

-Deku isn’t afraid to show his emotions. Unlike Bakugou, he’s often seen showing his emotions. Deku said “toxic masculinity who?”. He definitely gives 0 fucks if someone sees him crying/upset because I feel like Pro-Hero Deku would stop the stupid mindset of “Hero’s can’t show their genuine emotions”

-Izuku is the type of person to analyze all his losses, figure out what he did wrong and then learn from it to make sure he doesn’t make the same mistake again. He’s the complete opposite of Bakugou who gets bitter over his losses due to his superiority complex.

-He’s so good at comforting you that it’s unbelievable. Deku gives the warmest hugs that make you feel so safe- you literally cannot change my mind about this

-You know those hugs where the other person lightly rubs your back and lightly sways side to side with you? Yeah those are the hugs that Deku gives (he’d definitely give you a sweet little kiss on the forehead/cheek)

“Sunshine come here, let me hold you while you let out all your frustrations. I’ve got you, nothing can hurt you while you’re here with me”

-Can you tell I want some comforting Izuku hugs? He wouldn’t let go of you until he put a smile back on your face and GAHH oh my god I need Izuku hugs

-As much as I hate to do this, it needs to be done 😔✊🏻

-Izuku is such an over thinker, this guy worries about EVERYTHING under the sun. Your eyes didnt crinkle when you smiled? he’ll think you’re upset with him. You gave him a side hug rather than a normal hug? he’ll think he did something wrong.

-He’s self aware that he overthinks things but he just can’t seem to stop his thoughts. No matter how many times you reassure him that you aren’t upset with him, he’s subconsciously thinking about how to make it up to you

-He constantly pushes himself past his limits. You guys saw how many times he’s broken his bones. Deku may be intelligent but when it comes to his own self he can be completely hopeless

-The amount of times you’ve scolded him while you clean up his scrapes and cuts is insane. He just sits on the toilet lid and bites his lip nervously while you wave your finger angrily at him

“Sunshine please, I said I was sorry and that it won’t happen again!”

“Zuku you and I both know that’s a damn lie, I’ve had to patch you up 3 times this week! When are you going to start being more considerate of your limits?”

-I’m sorry but I picture him being so nervous to initiate anything with you. This guy would be so fidgety just by THINKING about holding your hand

-And deep down he knows he’s being ridiculous because come on, you’re his S/O and he’s been dating you for years now- why does he still get shaken up just by holding your hand?

-At first you think it’s cute, he’s just being respectful of your boundaries- but as time goes on you kind of get a little annoyed because he always asks you a bunch of times if you’re okay with him being affectionate.

“Zuku...sweetheart you know you don’t need to ask me a million times if I want to cuddle, right? I love cuddling with you!”

*cue sweating* “I’ll keep that in mind, Sunshine”

-He eventually gets a lot more comfortable with affection...more often than not you wake up with him nuzzled into your side like a cat

(Side note PLEASE wake him up with a bunch of kisses, he’ll literally melt)

-He’s very insecure about his scars because they make him feel like he’s “ugly” and sometimes he doesn’t even want you to look at them

-Do me a favour and please kiss along his scars/ trace them with your fingers while you compliment him- he’ll start crying because the scars he thought made him ugly are now starting to look beautiful to him

-This isn’t necessarily a toxic trait, more like a bad habit. Whenever Izuku gets stressed he’ll train himself to the brink of exhaustion just so he can try to focus on something other than how stressed he is

-Again, not a toxic trait but a bad one...Deku puts everyone else before himself. Which isn’t a bad thing if it’s done in a healthy amount, but Izuku goes to the extreme. I feel like he’d neglect his own needs just to satisfy everyone else and you’d have to intervene before it gets worse

“Sunshine I said I was fine, you don’t need to worry about me! Your Zuku is perfectly energized and ready to go”

“Zuku don’t lie to me, you know I can read you like a book. You’re coming with me and I’m putting you to bed”

-I hate to say it but this guy hates confrontation so much that sometimes he’ll suffer in silence for MONTHS before he even hints at being upset with something

-I honestly think your biggest argument with him would be about his lack of communication in terms of him not being completely honest about how he feels and he just breaks down-

-Like he has a really bad breakdown because he’s been bottling everything up for so long because he hates the idea of fighting with you.

-And now he’s sobbing because he’s so frustrated that he doesn’t know what else to do

-Anyways, the two of you just silently comfort each other until you’ve both calmed down enough to talk properly. This is the night Izuku finally starts opening up to you rather than bottling up every negative emotion he feels

-I honestly think his love language is a mixture of giving you gifts and words of praise

-He’s a little shy when it comes to showing you how he feels through affection, so giving you gifts and his praise get his point across

-He’s totally the type to send you cute messages throughout the day, send cute selfies when he misses you, or he just sends you a random bouquet of flowers because he saw them and thought of you

-Also the type of guy to have photos of the two of you displayed around his office. His most prized one being the photo of your first mission together

-Just warning you now that if you ever mention that your suit ripped or a certain item isn’t functioning properly then he’ll literally buy 10 replacements- each one better than the last

“Zuku I said that the sole of my BOOT ripped off, not my entire suit!”

“Well now you have 10 new upgraded suits to make sure it won’t happen again! Isn’t it great, Sunshine?”

(Someone take his credit card away from him)

I definitely think Izuku would be an amazing S/O! He’s caring, kind and comforting- and he does his very best to try and work on the bad habits he has.

Overall, I would say Izuku definitely would win a “S/O of the year award” (sorry Bakugou)

[starryjyrus]

What Jyrus Means Too Me and Why I’ll Never Be Fully Won Over By Tyrus:

!!TW OF ATTEMPTED SUICIDE AND DISCUSSION OF MENTAL HEALTH!!

The Summer of 2017 was by far the best Summer I’ve ever had, it’s kind of a shame it was followed by the worst Summer I’ve ever had..

Anyway, back at that time I had been really into SmurfVlogs (still am, I’ve been watching him since about 2015-16 I’d say) anyway, everyone had been mourning the loss of Girl Meets World and he had announced on his channel that Disney planned on making a show similar to GMW and that the pilot had been released on YouTube, I became hella curious especially when I had heard the rumor that there was a possibility of a gay main character and that there was supposedly going to be a gay love triangle between Cyrus/Andi/Jonah, this definitely peaked my interest considering Disney, outside of Good Luck Charlie and a few other cameo like characters/relationships spotted in different movies/series, like Finding Dory, hadn’t really had that. And a MAIN character? Possibly TWO main characters being LGBT? I obviously had to watch. I of course heard other things that made the series look good, ie the Teenage Pregnancy storyline, the diversity in casting and more, but this is what sold me. Thus started my obsession.

Anyway, I watched the show. I watched the first episode on YouTube and continued watching after that, I remember the break in between the middle of season 1 that was only like two weeks, I remember seeing missing scenes in the show that wasn’t in the original promo (their was a shot of the coming out scene in the season one promo, if it wasn’t obvious to some episode 1 of season 2, or at least the first half, was originally the episode 13 of season 1) and I remember the speculation around that and the reasoning as to why they had cut that scene out.

I was in love with it. The whole storyline was just so pure and the relationship between Jonah and Cyrus was the single best thing I’ve ever witnessed. I made a fan account on Insta for it, a Tumblr, edits and so much more. The whole community was so beautiful and it was so much fun and wholesome. I’d watch the show and remember how amazing the world could be, how something like the ‘friendom’ could exist haha. I was getting older and I know it seemed weird (I was going into my Sophomore year, possibly just ending my Freshman year of school when I started watching) to be so invested in a CHILDS show but I couldn’t help it. It was an escape from reality. A place with positivity and happiness which at that time I desperately needed.

I made some of my best memories of my life during that time of the show premiering and during the hiatus. And the majority was because of things in relation to Jyrus. I’ll never forget those times and what being connected into a fandom like that was like.

The friends, the edits, the Insta live-streams from casts, it was insane too see how happy they got from it all and how much of a new experience it was. Other things like the Asher ‘be you’ memes and Josh on here with his ‘persongoingfast’ tumblr made it great as well. Even if I’m not a big fan of Josh as a person now, due to reasons, (mainly with him seemingly making fun of or mocking Jyrus and stuff like that, considering I used to really look up to him and be a big fan to see belittle something I cared so deeply about hurt me on a level l cannot describe) him being so interactive then was still an amazing thing and helped make things so much more fun at that time, so thank you @joshua-rush for that. Sincerely.

Everything was so beautiful during that..until it lwasn’t.

My mental health got really bad due to some losses and such in my family around November of 2017 and I had to be hospitalized in a mental health facility for a few weeks. It was extremely scary but I found comfort in the place, mainly due to some fellow people inside that watched Andi Mack, relating to them and being able to talk about the show with people who actually watched it? It was incredible. No one up to that point (aside from my mom who I forced to watch with me) watched the show and could talk with me about it.

I got out and the support and concern I get from friends online was overwhelming, so many people cared about me while I was gone and worried about me. No one ever really did that, at least my friends didn’t, I remember opening my phone for the first time on the way back home when we stopped at a McDonalds and the amount of messages put me into tears. There were people online who I’ve never met and we only really knew each other through a ship and a show genuinely CARED about me? It was breathtaking. I have much more friends now that would be concerned and care about me, but at that time irl I really didn’t. And the fact so many did was unbelievable.

Everything slowly but surely was getting better and worse in some areas, my overall depression state was getting better, due to medication and such, but I had relapses a few times in bad areas like self harming as well. It was pretty back and forth for a while.

Then, the worst thing that could’ve happened, happened. A quick backstory is that I don’t live with my mom, I haven’t since 7th grade and instead have lived with my Great Aunt and Great Uncle. I was always very close to them for my entire life, especially my Great Uncle, he was for a long time the most important person in my life, he was like a father too me. Hell, he WAS my father for the majority of my life. And last year on July 11th, he had unfortunately passed away.

This was absolutely devastating and considering I already was struggling with mental health and depression in the first place..ya can probably guess the spiral that ensured.

For a while I was doing okay, and then one day I broke, it had been around the time of Cyrus confirming he no longer had a crush on Jonah and when everyone started to switch from Jyrus to Tyrus and Jyrus shipper hatred became pretty popular. People were sending a specific Jyrus shipper anons of saying they wished they’d die just because they shipped Jyrus, you couldn’t go on YouTube comment sections on videos about Jyrus because you had people shitting on it everywhere, people started commenting under Jyrus edits on Instagram about how Tyrus was better and how gross it was to ship Jyrus, I got DMs of people genuinely upset because I didn’t like Tyrus, I had friends leave the sites due to the bullying they were receiving, we had some Tyrus account going around saying Jyrus shippers were ped*philes, It was insane. Now, I of course was NO saint and I know I’ve done and said some messed up shit too and if I ever hurt anyone I am deeply sorry for that, it was not my intention. And I know Jyrus shippers are not all saints either but this was just out of control. Especially whenever it was hurting a lot of people who were innocent and making them feel wrong about something as little as shipping something.

And I had a mental breakdown. I had just lost the most important person in my life and now the place that I considered my safe haven was crumbling before my eyes and all I could do was watch. It was too much. I had people saying they wanted shippers like me dead, and finally I just couldn’t handle it and completely had a melt down. If you are already having thoughts like these and you have people reinforcing what you already thought and not making you feel like you belong, well, anywhere, it really does get too you.

I of course, came out alright. Thank you to the Tumblr creator that called the police that night for a lot of that.

I’m sorry this is so long but I’ve been holding this in for so long so please bare with me.

Anyway, I am doing much better now and I’m thankful to be here still. I’m learning to fight against the haters rather then take shit and bottle things up like I used too. I still have a lot of issues but since that awful night, I haven’t had any plans of suicide or many thoughts of it.

I’m going into my last year of high school and soon I’ll be a legal adult. It’s been such a ride to get here and honestly I never thought I would but I finally think I’m getting past all of the shit in my past and am moving on.

My main reason to make this post and to be so open about everything here was to try to explain a lot of why I’m always going to be for Jyrus and not so much for Tyrus. I have other issues then the fans when it comes to Tyrus, but it has always been a main one when it comes to me not wanting to ship it.

When I look at Jyrus, despite them being pure and amazing on their own, I see some of my last good memories, I see the best time of my life, I see a point where I felt the best and where everything was going really right too me, I see long lasting friends, I see beautiful edits, I see a community, I see love, I see loyalty and so much more.

But when I look at Tyrus, all I see is the bad memories I have associated with them and the shippers, in a lot of ways, Tyrus has been a huge source of my personal pain in life, I know it seems silly and it probably is, but I have such an emotional dependence on Jyrus and Tyrus messed me up in a lot of ways in regards to that. I lost the majority of my safe haven when they emerged as more then just a crack ship. All I see when I look at them is sadness and that’s all I’m probably going ever going to see.

I tried in numerous areas to get fully on board with the ship but I just can’t. I have no love for it in a way I do for Jyrus. It’s not a terrible ship, I know that, but throughout everything that has happened even if it had no flaws I don’t think I’d ever ship it a lot.

I know everyone has their own version of things and reasons why they ship what they ship or don’t ship what they ship or like some shippers but hate others, this is just my personal story on the matter and I hope it clears up some of why I act the way I do online sometimes and why I’m so defensive of the ship and shippers.

Sorry this was so weird, I just needed to get this off of my chest cause I’ve had it in there for so long and I needed to talk about it.

[rachywritessomething]

My “brick and mortar” MLM horror story

So, I figure a lot of my subs and mutuals are younger folks who will be looking for a solid source of income this summer and if you are looking for a marketing position, you could be sucked into something you really don’t want to do.

In San Diego, there are A LOT of these multi level marketing type companies that prey (yes, prey) upon young, energetic people. I have been sucked into one and the resulting stress of working 60+ hours a week of that utter bs made me so sick that I was going into the urgent care clinic before work every other week. Ulcers, UTIs, ear infections... just a lot of shit that I’ve not dealt with on such a substantial level since I was very young.

I’ll tell you the story of how I got sucked in.

tl;dr I was so caught up in this MLM that I didn’t get to see my grandpa before he died.

The summer after my JR year of college, I was late in finding an internship because I had been studying abroad and a lot of places ignored my requests for phone interviews. It was not a huge deal because I had already planned on taking the fall semester off to work anyway. The week before I flew out to Cali, I got a call requesting an interview. The receptionist who called me (a sweet gal who left the company shortly after I did) told me that my resume looked solid and that they would love to interview me. I informed her I would be in Cali by the end of the week to which she responded:

“We’ll get you in for an interview as soon as possible. Our hiring window is closing and we only have a limited number of spaces.”

This is a sales tactic I would soon learn. It’s called “fear of loss” and by making something seem limited, you create a sense of urgency in the person you’re trying to sell to.

Now, this job was advertised as “sports marketing” which seemed kind of jocky to me, but I had marketing experience and I was in excellent shape so I figured it would be easy to step into a workplace dominated by men.

I was so wrong.

So, the first thing I discovered when I went into my first interview is that this marketing company took up one small office. Most of it consisted of a lobby like section with a TV and a pool table. They were also playing up-beat electronic music. It wasn’t quite what I expected from a professional work setting, but I didn’t mind.

My first “interview” was a five minute conversation with the boss, a man I would grow to resent. He asked me about what I liked, he asked me if I played sports, he asked me about a “team mentality” and I told him what he wanted to hear because I really wanted a paid job. When he talked about the job itself, he skirted around the details and focused mostly on compensation.

They won’t tell you exactly what you’re going to be doing right off the bat. They want to make you feel like it’s an exclusive opportunity.

I was invited back for a second interview which got into more detail about the sales. We were told we only needed to sell to one lead a day to be able to make the big bucks which “sounds easy, right?” Right.

The one thing they mentioned that struck me as a red flag was that we would be working 11:00-8:00 6 days a week. But I brushed it off because it’s all about the grind, right?

Wrong. This job was not some cushy office job even though we were required to show up to work wearing suits. It was direct marketing, which is door to door sales. From 11:00-20:00, we were at the office in out business professional clothing for the morning meeting, during which we were indoctrinated.

Yes. Indoctrinated. 

These meetings were about how this job would make you the most money out of any job. My boss would sometimes have us throw out our “greatest desires” which always translated to something flashy from my coworkers. On one occasion, I was nearly driven to tears because my boss kept telling me to list what I wanted. Now, I’m not going to say I’m not material, but I honestly want to just live comfortably, not buy a mansion and a boat. I wanted contentment with my living situation but that was NOT an answer.

The main ideas that these meetings pushed were that you had to grind and suffer now so that in ten years you could live in the lap of luxury. You could make hella money without raising a finger. Anyone who worked in anything else didn’t know how to live because they would not be able to retire at 30. It was all about hustling and having a good attitude.

From 12:00-1:00, we had an hour off which was actually spent driving to some fast food place for lunch, changing into our field clothes, and then driving to the field itself. 

We were in the field from 1:00 - 8:00 with no individual vehicle. We had no means of leaving and in many cases we were in very residential areas which means there was no place to use the restroom. We were supposed to ask when we made a sale.

Now, what I’d like to impress is that I was the only sales woman in the office for a while and when we went to the field, we were alone in the field. So the first thing I realized was that even in uniform, men whistled, watched, and followed me. The first few weeks were not so bad because it was summer and it was light out until 8:00 p.m. which was when I was picked up from my neighborhood, but that did not last. Being alone in the dark was NOT something I was comfortable with, and requesting that I get picked up earlier was out of the question.

It’s about the grind after all.

 There was one instance in particular when I told one of my managers that I had been followed for several blocks and was forced out of my area so I could try to shake this guy. He laughed like it was just a funny thing to happen at work.

I didn’t even bother to try to point out that being without access to a restroom for 7+ hours a day was not practical for me. I took to wearing black pants when I was on my period and walking to gas stations or stores if I was so lucky to be within a mile of them. Thankfully I was never caught walking out of my territory because that’s a big no-no.

As were taking breaks.

We could sit down when we made a sale.

Now, I want you to picture someone coming up to your door, knocking, and striking up a conversation with you. They want to sell you AT&T. Yes. Fucking AT&T. You’re obviously going to slam the door in their face and honestly, I don’t blame you.

I would get a sale about every other day. I actually wasn’t too bad at it. But I was starting to get sick from all this. Like, can’t sleep kind of sick. So my attitude isn’t as great, I’m lethargic, I’m wandering onto hiking paths because I’m in enough pain or I’m nauseous enough that I can’t open my mouth. Then the sales stop.

It’s 100% commission so I’m not making any money. I am, however, losing $60/week in gas to drive 30 minutes to and from this place. Oh, and remember what I said about this job running from 11:00-8:00? Yea, that’s a lie. We often wouldn’t get back from the field until 9:00, and then we had to do daily breakdowns which never lasted less than a half hour. Thursday nights were team bonding nights because why the fuck not. We played sports, video games, and we even went to Dave&Busters a few times. I liked the “away” team nights because I could cry in my car for a little bit before going.

Skipping team night was a big no-no too. 

Here I was, getting sicker and sicker, worrying over my ability to make any money at all, and trying to justify taking time off work because I wanted to fly back to Indiana to see my grandpa one last time.

Did I mention he was dying? 

Yes, I kept putting off this trip because I felt this irrational desire to get back on the horse and make something for myself first. It wasn’t even a matter of buying tickets because my mom said she would buy them for me. She knew I wasn’t making any money. She knew I was getting sick. 

My whole family wanted me to stop. I was working six days a week and on the one day I had off, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything because I was so socially exhausted. No going to the beach, no hiking, no nothing. I just sat in my parents’ apartment and tried to will myself to go to the pool.

My last day of work was my final straw. My boss was getting angry because I wasn’t making any sales and I had a bad attitude. My homework for the weekend then was to send in proof that I had been “networking” in with my weekly goals (because we actually had to submit weekly goals every Sunday anyway) I went home, I did nothing that Sunday.

Monday rolled around and I was up early and dressed to go to work, but I was writing because it was November and it was the only thing I could enjoy. My older sister worked not too far from my parents’ place and she came over for breakfast. 

She told me she would pay me $500 to paint her boyfriend’s rental. 

“You like painting, you’re good at it, and you’ll actually make money.”

I called my boss then to tell him I was quitting, but he didn’t pick up the phone and he didn’t have an empty mailbox. I called the receptionist to tell her and she begged me to come in to tell them in person. 

I didn’t. I wasn’t about to relive the shame of begging my boss for a day off after I had already driven to the office because I was so sick. No. That’s just a waste of gas.

I put on sweats, I hopped in my car, and I drove to the rental to paint. It was the happiest I had been in months. For a week, I worked on my own time, almost completely isolated from other people. For lunch, my sister and her boyfriend would take me out to eat, or they’d bring me food, and there was no rush to finish. 

In that week, I did more than paint because I was able to get so much done in a day. I sanded, stained, and finished the railings. I cleaned the entire house top to bottom. I scrubbed grout and filled in every single ding and dent in the walls. 

And I made more that week than I had in two months of misery.

My mom bought the tickets to Indiana because we had no conflict. I finished my NaNo novel. My sister, my brother, and I went out to the bars and actually hung out. I went to the beach with my dogs which I am so grateful for because my sweet Ellie ended up dying a few months later after I had returned to school.

My grandpa died the day before we flew to Indiana. Before I moved to Cali, he told me that of his 20 grandkids, he saw me the most. I could have been there sooner if I would have had the courage to push back against the shame and indoctrination that this company had thrown on me. That is the thing I regret the most.

So please, if you find yourself in one of these companies, GET OUT. Whether they’re online or d2d, your mental health, physical health, and your social well-being are not worth these ridiculous, materialistic ideas they throw on you.

[deadlyflovrish-blog]

medieval au info dump

obviously contains death, underage marriage/pregnancy, homophobia and more bad stuff. it’s also not historically accurate we just called everything a kingdom, it’s our own au

alright welcome to game of thrones 2.0

it all started with Camille and Viktor’s engagement. her father wanted to marry her to Lukas since he was the king of Lithuania but he... never showed interest towards her so instead they gave her to Viktor who’s the prince. Cam got sent to Lithuania when she was 15 and married Vik a month or two after. Of course neither of them actually loved each other because first off - Viktor is the gayest man alive, and two, Cam likes Lukas. They made it seem like they actually loved each other though they were good actors. Only Lukas and the king of Italy knew about them not being into one another. They are best friends though. At first it was so awkward but they became friends and bonded over the fact that they hate the whole thing. 

The next year suspicion rised though because surprise surprise Camille still isn’t pregnant and there’s no heir. Now that forced the two of them to actually have sex which was awful to say the least...it took them half an year to do it. And the whole time Viktor was sending letter to our favorite boy - Yeoung (aka Tate). And BOY ARE THEY GAY. Yeoung is married to 4 and they already have a kid which made Yeoung the king of Korea horay!! But being gay in this au is kinda NAAAY so you know, it was a secret. Whenever they met it always got spicy and of course Camille knew! Vik always tells her how much he loves Yeoung.

Haha time skip again, 8 months later. Camille is a pregnant 16th year old that has a huge crush on the king. Over the two years she’s been there they got really close so her crush only grew more and more. Lukas was obviously oblivious to that which made things worse. One night when she was helping him with documents she got a bit close and kissed him. He pushed her away and whew... things got spicy real quick.

Cheating is punishable by death. And she just cheated.

“I thought...I thought you liked me too!”

“That’s against the law. And i’m simply uninterested. You have a husband, Lady Sforza.”

“I have never loved him. I’ve always been yours!”

“Not in my eyes.”

“...Just kill me then! I HATE my life!”

“I’ll consider your request. Have a good night, Lady Sforza.”

So haha Camille is left crying and in fear of what’s to come. Lukas is merciless and she knows he wouldn’t hesitate cutting her head off. The worst part is that he knows of Viktor’s secret affairs with Yeoung which would put both Vik and Yeoung in bad positions.  The next week though... Viktor was put on trial. And executed by his own brother. Camille had to watch her best friend die in front of her and she knew that she was next. Lukas is only waiting for her to give birth and there’s only one month left. She had to push all her feelings away and call for help. Over a week she sent letters to her family in Italy and they managed to sneak her out luckily.

Now after Camille escaped Lithuania she visited Korea to make an alliance with Yeoung, then went to France to talk about an alliance with the king of France who’s her oldest sister’s husband. Eventually Italy, Korea, France and Bulgaria teamed up and SURPRISE! They attacked Lithuania to got revenge. Yeoung especially was really mad because he couldn’t even say goodbye to his lover. Secret or no they both loved each other and if they weren’t in such positions they’d actually ditch everything and date but it’s too late.

We meet on the battlefield, Lithuania’s army is huge despite being only one kingdom.  Still no match to the other side though. Lukas’ army is trained for almost everything, it’s hard to say there was no bloodshed. Before the battle started Cam was in the frontline with the other kings so she can see Lukas. She felt awful honestly, she had to kill the person she loved. Yeah, he didn’t love her back but it still hurt.

“Princess! Fancy seeing you again! How’s my nephew?”

“...He’s not born yet. It’s too late to kill me now. My son will be king.”

*slow clapping as Lukas laughs*

“I’d love to see that! Except you’ll be dead before that happens, Sforza.”

“You’ll die tomorrow, Lord Noreika. Sleep well.”

And thus the war was on! The battle is tomorrow. And to nobody’s surprise Lithuania lost. Camille had ordered them to not kill Lukas but to capture him so she can kill him herself. It was her revenge after all. Once everything was done he was chained under the castle where he met his beloved redhead. She brought a small knife with her since she’s too weak and way too pregnant to lift up an actual sword. 

“So, this is how it ends? I was supposed to kill you and that little monster you have.”

“I told you. You’re going to die today.”

She walked over behind him so he couldn’t see her and took out the blade. Placed her hands on his face, caressing his cheeks one last time, slitting his throat. Camille felt awful about this too, but it was the only right thing. She’s always wanted to be a queen anyway. His body fell in her arms, she decided to hold him. A few tears fell on his pale face as he was gasping for air, the blood not letting him breathe. Her dress was all bloody too, so were her hands. 

“I loved you. I really did...”

And now the king of Lithuania was dead. Who’s going to rule it now?

You guessed it. CAMILLE.

“BUT LILY WHY CAMILLE SHE’S NOBODY?”

Look she was married to the prince and is gonna have his baby in like, a week. There is no other close relatives to the king so it only leaves her in the radar. She’ll be queen until her son is 18 and able to rule. She was proclaimed queen of Lithuania (yeah. it’s just Italy under her rule) after she traveled back and gave birth to Isaac a day after. Keep in mind she’s currently barely 17.

“well ok i guess this makes sense. kind of. what the fuck happened to Tate though”

Yeoung felt absolutely awful. When he got the news that Viktor got executed he almost had a breakdown in front of everybody in the castle. He fell into a huge hole of depression and couldn’t say a thing because well...He’s married, has a kid and he’s the king! It won’t only be weird but also against the laws???? to say that you were the lover of the dead prince of Lithuania! When Camille told him there’ll be war he didn’t even hesitate joining so haha. get rekt Lukas

And that’s how the main thing goes i guess. Camille ends up raising her son and 3 years after that she met a blacksmith called Marcus (yes it’s the Marcus you’re thinking about. Sorrel’s jailor) and eventually things got hella nice and they married. But Marcus is actually a royal bastard... His dad is the king of Germany... Which lead to ANOTHER war....but enough for now

god i love these aus

[adventures-in-transmania]

This doesn’t have anything to do with being trans. This has everything to do with living in a goddamned trailer park for my entire life.

I don’t remember much from my childhood. I remember helping out with home repair by getting tools/supplies. I remember being 10+ and worrying about how we’re going to fix something, how we’re going to afford to fix something. I remember being anxious about hearing water leaking, about hearing my parent cuss under their breath and worrying what it was now. At 23, I still have anxiety revolving around my parent cussing under their breath because it did and still does quickly turn into them yelling. It wasn’t usually *at* me, but it could easily turn to me if they were irritated enough, which I understand now. I didn’t at the time.

I remember my worst day. I worked at a coffee shop, oftentimes for long hours with usually no breaks. At the time, I was a shift leader. I had little experience with managerial stuff, but knew my way around the other areas, one of the reasons they made me a shift leader. I digress, though (kind of, context after all). At the time, we didn’t have a car, but I don’t recall why. We also didn’t have hot water. Our hot water tank had broken a while ago and I had been taking showers for college on the college campus in the fitness center. It was awful. It had been 8-10 months at the time that we didn’t have hot water. It was frustrating because we had the new water heater but couldn’t get rid of the old one to install the new one. Neither of us were strong enough to pull the old one out.

So, no car, no hot water. I biked to work at 3am to get there by 5 am. I worked a 12 hour shift, no break, no manager on duty (it was Sunday), and I had to figure out price/ad changes on my goddamned own. I had to do things that weren’t part of my job (so, same as usual, jfc). Then I had to bike home. I got about half way, and I remember to this day, that I came really fucking close to just giving up on everything. I broke down crying but somehow I made it home (thanks Ayden). I probably had to be back at work at 5am. I don’t think I ever told anyone, considering it was the middle of summer, so of course I wasn’t in contact with anyone from college, nor was I close enough to anyone to talk to them about it. It’s also not something you broadcast. Even when I was in school, talking to people every day, I didn’t tell them we didn’t have hot water, I didn’t tell them I was showering on campus in the middle of winter when it was too cold to shower at home.

Anyway, 11 months (almost an entire year of not having a hot water tank), we finally got it installed. There have been several instances where we had to turn the water completely off (of course not for 11 months). It got so bad that my parent put a turn-off valve on anything they could, so if the kitchen sink was fucked up, we could turn those faucets off without turning the rest off. We had issues with the toilet seal a while back but we got it fixed within a month. It was hell, lemme tell you (especially with the parent yelling to high hell impressive swears), but we survived. Context I want you to get from this is that I am super fucking sensitive when it comes to the sound of water spraying/leaking against plywood and I am super fucking anxious when it comes to water leaks or anything regarding water leaks when it comes to this place.

SO. Last Thursday, after a shitty day for the parent, they come home and our sewage line is acting up. They try to fix it the same way I did about four hours before. They break the seal on our toilet. We’ve been having issues with backup in the bathroom sink, the shower drain, and the kitchen sink. Not a surprise, I guess, but still a pain the dick. So begins the long fucking week of finding creative ways to get rid of sewage.

They’re so frustrated and tired that they’re at the point “it doesn’t matter.” Of course, I know better. It may not matter today, but it will tomorrow, especially when it comes to our elderly grandmother who has the most inconvenient timing for literally everything. So, I resort to prior experience. I go into problem-solving mode, which works for a day and a half. They still have to deal with some difficult stuff while we try to fix it. Obviously, we’re at the point where this is getting fucking ridiculous to deal with. I realize that I make enough (or could, if I work a certain number of hours a week that I could potentially do) to get us out, so I start looking for an apartment. They get hope that we can get out, so they start looking, too. We’ve lived here for 23+ years, a mobile home that is clearly past its prime and I am able to get rid of it, so we’re looking into that, but it’s not instantaneous, so we’re fixing what we can to live here while we look, right. So, it’s a week long process of effort, money (that could be put into a new apartment), and stress into fixing a problem in the short-term (as long as it lasts a few months, we’ll be fine). As long as we have a working toilet for the next 1-3 months, right?

So, we get the PVC, we get the couplings, we get what we need to fix it. We end up fucking it up, fixing it again, fucking it up, fixing it again. WE FIX IT. 5-6 trips to Home Depot, another 2-3 to a local hardware store. Meanwhile, I’m spending my days off dealing with this. I’ve already been stressed to the point of almost breaking down in front of several supervisors (”do you feel better?” “I hope you feel better than you look.”). I’d had several breakdowns prior to this, based primarily on work. But, yeah, I had the capacity to deal with this, too. It was the first time I asked to leave early from work in the 5 years of working. So, I was looking forward to having A SINGLE FUCKING DAY OFF, right?

Yeah, no. I get not a single day off. I have to say, college was fucking tiring. I worked 20-35 hours on top of college, right? When our manager when out, I was there to cover a lot of her shifts. I didn’t complain because she couldn’t help it. I was able to do it, I guess. It was hard, but it was nothing compared to what I’ve had to do. I stayed up some nights. It wasn’t an issue, I don’t know why. Apparently class wasn’t as difficult as I thought it was? That was a break compared to “real life.”

I have my job now. I have a hard time not sleeping between jobs. I have a hard time not sleeping for 24 hours. I have a hard time having jobs for 18-24 hours straight. Perhaps it’s more physically demanding? I think I’ve reached a new low and I don’t know what to do. I’m so tired, I’m fucking exhausted and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t think there is a ‘fix.’ Sleep doesn’t help. Even when I get decent sleep, I’m still miserable. In the last 2-3 weeks, I’ve reached an all-time low several times.

I broke down for some reason about 3 weeks ago. I want to blame it on being tired, being exhausted. I talked to someone about stepping down from a position of responsibility, someone I thought I’d disappoint that it turned out I wouldn’t. It was a long day, I guess, a lot of energy drinks, a lot of emotions. I was vulnerable. I had a great breakdown. It was my breaking point, but I had to keep going.

Work kept me responsible. What I mean by that is, I had a shift that I was expected to know what I was doing, then was expected to know what I was doing at the next shift (”just ask Riley, they know all about this account”) on top of being sensory overloaded and having people on top of me and it being warm and the account itself being tedious. It didn’t help, I was supposed to be back there again the next morning. It was just a tiring day all around and to have there be scheduling changes...Anxiety was a thing.

The next day brought a store that I guess was my ‘break.’ I didn’t really have to be responsible for anything, but I didn’t really think of it as such, given that there were 3 people scheduled and it was a travel store. The next store after that (a store I thought I’d get a nap for, that I didn’t) I knew I’d have hella responsibility for, give that I was granted an email about what responsibility I’d have. I broke down during that store and asked to leave early, knowing I had two stores the next day. It was the first time I asked to leave early in my entire career. I cried the entire way home and texted a friend to come see them instead of going home. I wasn’t okay. It wasn’t the worst day I had, but a very close second.

The next morning, these same assholes decided “hm, he left early because he couldn’t handle shit the night before” then put me on to lead a flow the next fucking morning. I legit thought the people saying “yep, you’re flow lead,” were joking because of the night before. I almost cried right then and there. I just wanted to count. Especially when another lead came by and changed the game plan entirely. It was due to my area manager being highly understanding that I stayed. That same day, I had another shift that they put me as flow lead. It was hard to fuck up, but it was still tiring, emotionally draining, considering the morning I had.

Basically since the one day, the day I ran Tops (6-12) I haven’t really had a day off, that RGIS hasn’t decided training was necessary, or that life hasn’t fucked me completely over. I’m fucking exhausted. I have no support system and I’m exhausted.