#anyway. enough tag rambling i need to get ready for sleep even if I don't WANT to..........

[panhelleniios]

turns herc into a catboy for halloween

[libraryofneith]

Old Dog, New Tricks (Sandor Clegane x Female Reader)

Summary: After Sandor Clegane is rescued from the Stranger's door, he is forced to consider a future without violence, without abuse, and without servitude. Can he find a new purpose? Can he help more than he has harmed? And can he share a purpose with anyone else?

Fic Tags/Warnings: whole fic is 18+, minors DNI, cursing, violence and gore, eventual smut, some serious smutage, takes place season 6 onwards, canon divergence, last season what last season?, reader has a name, third person POV, grumpy x sunshine reader, sunshine character x sunshine protector, i am a sucker for the "grumpy old man who's mean to everyone except this one special person to whom he is unbelievable sweet" trope

Notes: this is not my first time writing game of thrones fanfic, nor my first time writing for this character, but it is my first time uploading for this character on tumblr. Those of you familiar with my work will know I've got another WIP and don't worry I've not forgotten it! I've already got 12 chapters for this so hopefully won't keep you waiting too long for updates. And won't keep you waiting too long for the smut which let's be real is why most of us are here, smut kicks in at chapter 11 and then we do not stop till dawn, I started this years ago, like pre pandemic years ago. Largely forgot about it until I discovered an old memory stick with a bunch of unfinished stories and now i'm back on my game of thrones bullsh!t. Might even re-upload an old AO3 fic of mine that I deleted years ago because I stopped liking it. Who knows? Anyways, that's enough rambling from me. On with the story, and as per, like and reblog to increase visibility and let me know if you want to be tagged when this story updates.

Fuck. Buggering fucking hell. Buggering shitting seven hells this hurts! I. Hurt. Everywhere. There’s something… something I need to think about. I said I’d watch over it… what is it? Eyes. I can see eyes. Someone’s here with me. Is it that big bitch? Bugger it all I can’t see properly! Who are you? What do you want? I can’t fight. I can’t fight. What the hell am I going to do? Bloody hell! What is it I’m forgetting? They. Whoever they are… they’re giving me something. A drink. Probably poisoned. Fuck I’m thirsty. But I can’t. They want to kill me. Shit I can feel it. I can’t fight them. Leave me alone! I don’t want your poisoned piss. Oh. It’s water. Fuck. Shit me. I feel like lead. I need to sleep. I can’t. They’ll run me through first chance they get. I’m drifting. I can’t stop. Maybe that water was poisoned after all. To hell with it. I’m ready. At least I’ll die in a bed. At least I think this is a bed. If only I could remember what I’m forgetting. Fuck.

---

I know. Eloquent right? Not to worry dearest reader, by the time you're done with this chapter I'll have the next one up which has more content.

[mono-dot-jpeg]

aaitl hcs - zhongli

summary; i ramble about hcs i thought of while writing "another adeptus in the line".

a/n; will i make a series out of this? idk. i would love to don't get it twisted, i strongly enjoy writing found family and child reader bc i lack family affection. however, i just think it would be hard for me to write conflict to keep it interesting.

i thought about making it an open tag for those who like this and wants to write about it. making it like a cute wholesome community thing!

but also i thought just not making the series tbh. idk if my braincell can handle making another series and keep up with my other series.

here's a poll,,, so feel free to help my indecisive ass decide

so,,, you're a dragon hybrid!! you took on a form similar to zhongli's dragon form

you have small horns growing in from the top of your head, once they grow out, they become a really brown to pretty amber orange ombre

you also have a tail! it's sort of wide at the base and then thinner at the end

it looks like an axlotl tail!! it matches the color of your hair and it also has a pretty orange ombre at the end

anyways, the story of how you became a child to zhongli

you were merely just a protector of mingyun village, meant to protect those who mined late into the night to bring riches to their family

you had no physical form but rather a spiritual one. similar to venti and his past form of an wind spirit, you took the form of dust spirit. but you didn't have any sight.

it's not like you needed sight, you could feel and hear the world around you

but it was bitter. you heard everyone in the village be happy but then, the mining village was empty

no one lived in it anymore

you were tied to the village, unable to explore the world.

while you lived as long as some other gods or immortals (though you could be considered very much younger than those gods), you knew nothing of the world you stayed in and longed for knowledge.

you wanted to see the world.

zhongli had remembered your presence in mingyun village even after all these years. he visited you.

you had told him of your struggles and your longing to really see and experience everything

"i can help you with that, little one."

he offered a contract. you would live alongside him as a hybrid, but you would have to protect liyue as you become of age to do so

you were more than happy to accept, one small problem, you didnt know what he meant by living alongside him as a hybrid

and before you knew it, you were a small dragon hybrid, not even close to 1/4 of zhongli's height and with a sudden urge to chew on something.

at first your mind was much more mature than it was in the present, but you succumbed to the child urges within you and now here you are as small child with bonking urges

yeah, when your mind was much more mature, he explained how he had transferred your age into much more simplified human years

turns out you were only 300 in spirit years, soon changing to 3 years old once the deal was made

your love language is bonks, i do not take any criticism

you just bonk your forehead against whatever you want

it gets zhongli very concerned when you just keep bonking your head against his chest sometimes

like do you want his attention? do you have a headache? he never knows

when you grow up, you become as tall as zhongli, maybe a little bit taller and it makes xiao so mad bc you tease him for it

when you first you met azhdaha and you both have this weird staring contest before you shout "big puppy!" both him and zhongli are very much confused until you start trying to climb him

please give the old man a break, he lost his gnosis, that's enough for him 😔

you get zoomies like a cat or dog and you just run around the house, trying to sound like a scary dragon yelling "roar!!" in like tiny font bc you lack the ability to be loud

not only bc you're a child, but bc you never learned how to talk as a spirit, you're really bad at speaking or articulating your words

it's really cute to zhongli when you try to say some words

hutao fucking LOVES YOU SO MUCH

she always tries to make it bring your kid to work day, just to make zhongli bring you over but he doesn't do it often

he dreads having you learn the concept of death

you never knew much about it when you were a spirit, but even if you did know, your mind was regressed into that of a child, so you barely remember your memories as a spirit.

xiao is always ready to square up with you. pls he does not care if you're a child

he calls you brat, demon, troublemaker all affectionately

you always love playing with his necklace but you have really sharp teeth once you get past the terrible twos phase, and xiao keeps a close eye on you in hopes to have you not break any beads or the blunt arrowhead on the necklace

zhongli has bite marks on his clothes bc of you

he does have some bites on his ankles too bc of you

people think he has a dog, no it's just you

ganyu can never say no to you

you want to play with her? she has the toys ready. you want her to read a bedtime story? which one, she'll even make one up if you want.

ganyu best sister. send tweet.

you have the biggest fear of the dark. child mind you doesn't understand why, but zhongli understands. you can remember the feeling of loneliness and emptiness of not having eyes to see. but of course human you has not connected those dots

you literally speed run to zhongli the moment you get scared

he's always glad to help you during those times, letting you sleep on his bed with him, telling you a story, humming a lullaby even.

you and qiqi are best friends

when you meet childe, you are like an abrasive cat to him

you literally hiss at him

he is completely scared of you

"they don't bite."

"YES THEY DO-"

childe was right on that.

anyways, eventually you bond with childe. he starts to see you as his own kin often buying you some presents whenever he can

overall there's a lot sweet hcs i could talk about all day if i wanted to, but alas, this is all i could think of

[heresathreebee]

Brackish and Briny Waters (five)

[Ralph Lamont x Female Reader]

Summary: Ralph apologizes and you've got baby brains, but sometimes life does nothing but kick you down. Previous Masterlist Next

Tag(s): 16+ | 1.7k words | more angst, baby fever, alcoholism, ghostly vibes

AN: GODDAMN Part 5 took me a lifetime to finish. As always no beta readers just poorly side eyeing this by myself and hoping it makes sense

THE NEXT MORNING

You barely stir when you hear the door open. You've all but forgotten last night, and yet you flinch when Ralphie tries to cuddle with you. He sighs somewhere near your ear and hugs you from behind anyways, lips brushing the nape of your neck and breath fanning over your back as he simply lies there, quiet as the grave. 

There's no bruise but you can still feel his hand gripping your arm from last night. "You're being a huge dick…" 

"... I know." 

That is not good enough. You roll over to face him and watch his face twist when he notices the tract marks of dry tears on your face. He swallows and almost unconsciously takes your hand, smoothing his thumb over the back of your palm in a way that was meant to comfort him rather than you. 

"I'm sorry." He opens his mouth again but he flounders for words. After a deep breath he continues. "We can't call Reagan. Because he won't do anything for us…" 

You wait impatiently for him to explain. 

"Sweetheart, if we called Reagan last night, he would have fucking laughed at us. It is step one down that slippery slope to the couple who cried wolf." He put a hand on your shoulder and looked you in the eye, "do you really think he would have done something?" 

You think about it. If Ralph hadn't stopped you from calling him, what would you have said to Reagan? 

I smelled exhaust fumes. Not an emergency, he would say. 

I think he found us. What do you want me to do about it, too late now, he would ask.  

We're in danger. I'll send a squad upstate, they should be there in 4 hours, he would joke. 

"It was real," you insist. "I smelled fumes." 

"I know. I believe you." 

You squint at him threateningly and he doesn't give an inch. He doesn't seem like he's mocking you. 

Ralph could be an asshole, but Reagan was infinitely worse. At least one of them gave a shit about your safety. The realization Ralph was right scared you more than anything. You were alone in this… 

Well, alone together. 

You sigh and bury your face in his neck. Your hair is tangled as shit and probably tickling his face, but your husband simply wraps you up in a tight embrace and holds you against him. It's all the apology you need. 

END OF THE FIRST MONTH

Adjusting to your new life hit you like a sack of bricks early on a Monday morning. You woke up from a dream where you still lived in your tiny little apartment two minutes walk from everything. In a reality which felt more like a fever dream, Ralph was late for work, donning a tie and tweed jacket and kissing you goodbye for the day. 

You never realized how much space there was in the new master bedroom. In the apartment, a queen sized bed nearly touched the walls and barely left room to creep around two night stands and a dresser, but in the new house you had room to lay on the floor and stretch, maybe put another piece of furniture in here like a bookshelf or something. 

And the whole damn house was like that. You had an entire second floor to claim as your own! There is almost too much space… too much space for just the two of you. 

God there's that thought again drifting into your mind unbidden, unfurling like a fern at the first droplet of sunshine. How many people does it take to turn a house into a home? Three should be plenty, your mind offers. 

You busy yourself with measurements, regrouting the loose tiles in the kitchen floor, and scrubbing the blackened hell out of that downstairs bathroom. It seems to come to life beneath your hands and you can feel yourself getting excited to show guests the improvement. 

The thoughts of turning your little twosome family into three persist over and over until you can't stand it any longer. Maybe it's finally time… 

Ralph's late getting home by 5 minutes instead of 5 hours but he still looks tired. No mud tracks on his pants or hard set eyes. He's halfway up the stairs before you realize he's probably going to bed early. 

"Hey!" 

Ralph stops like it pains him. His head sags and his hold on the railing is tight like he'll fall if he lets go. The way he's wobbling he might. He is barely able to meet your eyes as he glances over his shoulder and when he does he simply grunts. 

"I made dinner," you squeeze your hands together behind your back, "angel hair pasta and that sauce you love." 

Ralph's eyes flicker in thought. "Be down in a second." 

You wait nervously to see if he does come down. What if this is a bad idea? What if he doesn't take you seriously? Oh god what if he hates it, what if he calls you an idiot for even considering it? 

Ralph does come back downstairs, hair wild from running his fingers through it. He seems to gain a small amount of energy while eating, not wanting to talk himself but asking how your day has been going. 

You're definitely rambling right now. Ralph listens and listens, chuckling along but at some point he grows concerned and envelopes your hand with a worried expression on his face. "Jesus, I've never heard so many words come out of your mouth at once, it's like you're writing a dissertation over there. Are you OK, baby?" 

You snap your mouth shut. God, you hadn't even come close to talk about kids for all your rambling. And then there was that weird smell… 

Your blood runs cold as you recognize it. You lean a little closer to Ralph and he almost instinctively flinches away. If there's one thing you are sure of, one thing you could swear on god– Ralph Lamont has never flinched away from a kiss before. So he has something to hide. And that something has a sharp scent and explains his slow reactions and tired eyes better than anything else could. 

"Have you… have you been drinking?" 

It's the way he can't meet your eyes when you ask him. You know. It's beyond out of character, so much so that it's confusing and a little frightening for you. 

A little drink here and there is, to you, to be expected especially considering the wealth of your new company. So why hide it? Is there something else he's not telling you?

You suddenly feel sick and too hot, ripping your hand away from his and getting up to leave the table. 

He knows you get in your head sometimes and practically yells your name to stop you. "I'm… I don't know why I…" 

Ralph sighs and buries his face into his hands, ashamed. All this suspense is twisting knots in your stomach. You sit back down gingerly, taking deep breaths to calm yourself down. 

"Ralph," you warn, "you had better start explaining yourself right now before I lose it." 

Ralph stares a hole into the table and worries his lip. The truth is he doesn't know what to say because he doesn't know why he did it. The students are easy, you are easy. Even in the toughest of times, at his lowest, he didn't drink so… what the fuck was coming over him?, he asked himself. 

Something clicked. It rolled like fire in his belly given dry wood, smoking curling to the top of his throat and out of his ears. "They hate me." 

"Who? Who hates you?" 

"Everyone." 

You looked him in the eye for the first time tonight and saw something dark looking in there. It makes you uneasy. "What makes you think they hate you, baby?" 

Ralph's grip on his fork tightens until his knuckles are white before he gingerly sets the dishware down and deflates. He clicks his tongue and shakes his head with a sardonic grin. 

"You wouldn't understand… and how could you? You never leave the house." He looks at you and there's a growing instability rising in his movements. "You… you don't see it. It started out as little nothings that I could ignore because it didn't matter that they didn't like me: I was new.  

"Then it became lots of these little nothings. Staring and whispering and hushed silences. Tip toeing language and poking and prodding and testing me and my limits and it just… it just… it never got better…" 

Rumors. It dawned on you that his frustration seemed intimately familiar to you as you had had to change schools once or twice due to a few terrible rumors that snowballed and got way out of hand. And you can imagine the sort of rumors that accompany a man with little interest in making friends who has a wife nobody knows anything about. 

If you wanted to stay here long, you would need to change a few minds. You set aside your fear for a moment and make him look at you. You can see the unshed tears in his eyes and feel pity for him. 

"I want to do that dinner party," you announce. "With all that's gone on, you probably didn't have the grand introduction you deserve. Let me show them how much you mean to me." 

Ralph's shaking his head but he already knows you'll win this fight. For him it feels like begging for something he doesn't even want. He agrees because he already promised you could when you were ready and you needed to find new friends asap. 

His sleep that night is fitful and the room's shadows seem to reach out like claws seeking his immortal soul. When the haze of whiskey finally dies down in his system he sleeps dreamless and wakes to feel somehow more hollow with despair than before. 

Ralph Lamont has the distinct feeling things are going to get a hell of a lot worse before anything gets better…

@werwulfy @fundamentally-lazy @escape-your-grape @mimiscappinisideblog @go-commander-kim

[mallowstep]

(I came up with this au while in debate class so I'm calling it the Debate AU if you don't mind)

Tigerstar absolutely misread everything about Riverclan and fucked up so bad by keeping Stonefur, Mistyfoot Featherpaw, and Stormpaw alive and well and healthy but basically doing everything to Leopardstar that he does to Mistyfoot and Feathertail and Leopardstar in the Misty and Leopard AUs that Stone pulls a Scourge in front of all the clans and everyone looks at Stonefur in terror but Stonefur only has eyes for Leopardstar, who is leaning heavily on Mistyfoot. (Like Leopard is beat down, she's loosing hair, and she has deeply infected scratches on her shoulders.Stone and Misty fucking Hate Tigerstar for what he's done to this cat they've known all their lives.) Stonefur kicks Shadowclan the fuck out of Riverclan territory, Mistyfoot doesn't let Mudfur near Leopardstar (neither does Featherpaw, for that matter. She wasn't abused and she's healthy, but she was traumatized in-Tigerstar had her watch Mudfur abuse Leopardstar and Tigerstar himself told Featherpaw Greystripe thought the same things about her.) Featherpaw won't let any warriors in Leopardstar's den unless she's in there with Leopardstar ---so Featherpaw can protect Leopardstar. The silver furred apprentice curls around her leader, "I'm right here, Leopardstar. Stonefur and Mistyfoot are talking to the other clans and then they'll be back. Stonefur said he'd bring back your favorite." Featherpaw added, purring as she groomed Leopardstar's head. "Stormpaw said he went and got the best trinket for your new den though, and he thinks it's going to be your choice over uncle Stonefur's."

damn anon. thank you. hold on i'm going to engage.

also fair like. i'm. i'm out of the haze and not good at keeping track of au tags so. the only ones i'm really tagging for are the ones i'm like. still thinking about. stone au atm. just didn't want like. u to be. think it was a thing. i'm just tired 100% of the time. anyway.

cw: sexual assault, physical abuse, a few more detailed cws immediately under the cut

cws: parent being involved in sexual assault of child, child sexual abuse (via exposure)

cool. sometimes it's like. i dunno. anyway. sorry i said i'm tired but also very into this.

anyway /nm but also reminder to everyone that i have adhd and would prefer if you included paragraph breaks. obviously i just copy it into a document and add my own but. i appreciate when you save me the step. like i get it y'all've seen me ramble at Length in one paragraph before i just. appreciate it.

okay back on topic.

i'm going to sidestep riverclan related concerns for the sake of "angst good," lmao. riverclan related concerns being if i wasn't tired i could easily come up with a justification i'm just tired and lazy.

but like yeah like. uh. dammit i'm already opening up tpb books left and right. let me just.

"But common sense says there’ll be a battle, Firestar. I don’t need an omen from StarClan to tell me that."

oh my god can cinderpelt like. go and talk to all of the modern medicine cats so that they stop flipping out because starclan isn't answering their texts or whatever.

Remembering the wounded and devastated cats in the WindClan camp the day before, he had expected only a small group to come to Fourtrees. Instead practically every warrior must have been there.

i mean windclan has like five warriors but-

Firestar waved his tail to signal to the two united Clans—LionClan, he thought with a rush of pride. This was his destiny.

this is mostly for jace (assuming u see this) bc it's the whole "importance of lionclan existing" thing i was referring to. didn't bother to pull quotes on my dotc rant, but here u go.

so. point of canon divergence* is:

“Greetings, Tigerstar,” he meowed coolly. “You came, then. Not still looking for those prisoners you lost from RiverClan territory?” Tigerstar let out a snarl. “You’ll regret that day’s work, Firestar.” “Try and make me,” Firestar retorted.

* from firestar's pov

bc obviously that didn't happen.

no, what happens is firestar sees -- blackfoot and darkstripe and.

leopardstar.

firestar harbours no affection for riverclan's leader. but. even from a distance, he can see her ribs. he'd be surprised she was standing on her own, if he wasn't processing everything else going on.

he doesn't see this part.

Mistyfoot's tail flicks to Stonefur's shoulder, and he nods. They've only exchanged a few words, only had a brief moment, but they're ready.

Stonefur glances back. Featherpaw and Stormpaw are out of the way. He hopes, if this goes wrong, they have the sense to run. If they had the chance, he would have told them to skirt the edge of TigerClan and try to make it as deep into ThunderClan's territory as they could.

He hopes they have the sense to figure that out for themselves.

Firestar is exposing Tigerstar's plans. RiverClan doesn't react. There's not much they'd be surprised by, Stonefur muses. If Firestar told them Tigerstar killed his own kit, he doesn't think he'd be shocked.

Mistyfoot slips towards the front of the crowd. Leopardstar doesn't know, of course. Stonefur has barely had the chance to say two words to her in the past moon. He slinks around to the space between the Clans.

Firestar finishes his speech. No one says anything. Firestar looks takenaback. He glances towards Leopardstar; Stonefur does too. Mistyfoot is watching him, but she's looking at the ground.

A part of Stonefur wants to say, "That's not all." Because, as he starts to run, preparing to leap at Tigerstar, he wants them to know why. He wants them to know what Tigerstar has done. He wants them to revel in Tigerstar's death.

But he doesn't.

Tigerstar sees him, of course. Stonefur isn't trying to be subtle.

"You," Tigerstar growls.

Say it, Stonefur thinks. Tell them what you've done.

But Tigerstar doesn't.

The actual fight is a blur. He doesn't think he is himself again, until Tigerstar's corpse twitches and stills, and he looks towards Leopardstar. Mistyfoot has inserted herself between Leopardstar and Blackfoot, and Stonefur nods minutely.

It's over now.

the clans, of course, are...shocked. riverclan has no complaints, and while...everyone (more or less) is happy tigerstar is dead, but...for thunderclan and windclan, stonefur just murdered him without direct provocation. and the fact that he killed him nine times? direct violation of a warrior doesn't need to kill.

like. if they Knew, they would think stonefur just. but they don't know.

and riverclan doesn't want to explain and shadowclan doesn't want to explain and no i'm not at this moment figuring out what happens wrt bloodclan and so forth. i just wanted to set that scene.

yeah. no idea what happens next in a lot of places here. but.

everyone goes home.

("Your territory," Stonefur growls.

"Obviously," Blackfoot says.)

mistyfoot takes leopardstar to her den. stonefur tells stormpaw to run to thunderclan and ask for their medicine cat. tells him to say it's urgent and he can't explain here. tells him that if they want to send her with a warrior or two, don't argue. just get her here.

featherpaw stations herself outside leopardstar's den.

stonefur feels like he should say something. he's still covered in tigerstar's blood.

"we're taking this down," he says, "now."

they dismantle the bonehill.

once the process has been started, stonefur lets the rest of the warriors finish, and grooms himself and washes in the river until he's satisfied every trace of blood has been taken care of.

he's about to see her when stormpaw arrives with cinderpelt and...hm. sandstorm.

(cinderpelt was there. she saw leopardstar. she can start to put pieces together.)

stonefur greets them, and featherpaw goes to tell mistyfoot and leopardstar, and the adrenaline is fading, his limbs starting to tremble. when's the last time he got any real sleep?

"Stormpaw said you needed a medicine cat," Cinderpelt says.

"We do."

"Did something happen to Mudfur?"

"He can't do this." Stonefur's tail flicks. "We need someone to look at Leopardstar -- you can use our herbs, of course, whatever you need."

Cinderpelt blinks. She's a young cat, Stonefur thinks, too young to be looking at him like she understands. Maybe it's part of being a medicine cat.

"Right then. Does Leopardstar know I'm coming?"

"Featherpaw is telling her."

and stonefur isn't going to follow cinderpelt into leopardstar's den.

for one, it's crowded enough, and he'd probably just get kicked out. for another, he doesn't know what leopardstar and cinderpelt will talk about, but -- he doesn't want to force himself into it.

cinderpelt stays for a while. sandstorm runs proxy, taking some herbs to her, but then she stays with cinderpelt. stonefur has probably been up for over a day when cinderpelt and sandstorm nod.

"take some prey before you leave," he says. "riverclan won't forget this."

"i went over some things with mistyfoot," cinderpelt says. "always good to have some basic herb knowledge."

cats don't have a direct analogue for kissing, but stonefur could kiss cinderpelt for having the grace to say that without letting on why. it's not like riverclan doesn't know. everyone knows.

but.

it's still appreciated.

As the sun rises, Stonefur stands, facing into Leopardstar's den.

"Can I come in?"

Her eyes are watching him. Even they have been changed: no longer the brilliant gold he remembers, but something brassy and dull.

"Of course."

Featherpaw slips past him, taking his place as sentry. She needs to sleep, Stonefur thinks, but it might be best to wait until she's too exhausted to keep her eyes open. He's not above carrying her back to her den like a kit.

Leopardstar starts to stand.

"Don't," Stonefur says. "It's alright."

He hates that seeing her like this is not foreign to him.

Mistyfoot curls up, her eyes closed, a compromise. Stonefur sinks to the ground. "Can I -- do anything?"

Leopardstar looks at the empty space in her nest. "Would you stay with me?"

"Of course." (Anything.)

yeah. uh. i think like. i dunno. it's not like tigerstar ever showed leopardstar a single ounce of kindness. so. uh. am i using that as an excuse to sidestep angst? no. no i am not. well. not entirely. but Damn leopardstar needs a hug.

that she can initiate and control.

but still. she's desperately deprived of positive human contact and as someone who cried once because someone put their hand on my shoulder and i hadn't touched another human being in like six months. i think she needs it.

ohh boy yeah. i think y'all know me well enough to know where i'd go with that angle.

so let me turn my attention to featherpaw. i started answering this ask like an hour ago. anon i love you.

featherpaw has. uh. she's got a Lot of problems. as you can probably understand.

i'd say let's start at the top, but i'm not sure where that is, so let's start with her relationship to stormpaw, because i think that should get fucked up. i think...you know how stormpaw says, "i won't let him kill us"? and. yeah.

but there's never One Moment here and stormpaw realizes way too late and featherpaw feels like...you know like. everyone who is supposed to help her is failing her. she can't really blame leopardstar, and mistyfoot clearly feels bad, and stonefur like. idk what he was doing but she's solidly neutral on him.

could tigerstar try to fuck all of that up? of course he could. do i want to write featherpaw and stonefur arguing about leopardstar? i've already written a lot of something blindingly similar, so not at the moment.

anyway. the relationship i will freely fuck with is stormpaw. i think not because of anything specific, i think tigerstar just gets in her head and she looks like her mother (something tigerstar brings up) and stormpaw takes after their father and he keeps acting like everything is normal and.

at the end of the day, there's this gulf between them that he keeps stepping into.

so yeah. not to mention greystripe. like. fuck.

"Featherpaw!" Greystripe waves his tail at his daughter, and she flinches.

oh hey i hit the grammar cut off again. let me. i learned how to do this okay i'm going to insert some kind of dummy image or something to reset the counter.

there it's a link to my tumblr but i've got grammar checking again xd

moving on.

featherpaw doesn't want to talk to greystripe. it's not Strictly that she thinks what tigerstar said was true (although she's not sure it isn't), but that. just looking at him sets off a loop in her head.

uh. does anyone explain this to greystripe? no. because the cats who could are:

leopardstar (doesn't want to talk about it)

mudfur (doesn't want to talk about it)

mistyfoot (but only by inference, and doesn't consider explaining things to greystripe a priority)

featherpaw (doesn't want to talk about it and doesn't want to talk to greystripe)

so yeah. no. he's in the Dark.

one of the first priorities is building leopardstar a new den. and decorating it. that's part of building a den i just wanted to clarify and.

featherpaw takes it seriously. because. you know. beauty begets beauty.

she doesn't want...stormpaw is ready to jump straight into sharing a den with old apprentice friend dawnpaw. maybe they never stopped.

but featherpaw? doesn't feel safe there. (doesn't feel safe anywhere.)

especially as she's getting older and tigerstar certainly implied and-

she's not sleeping very well.

mistyfoot and stonefur are trying to help her but they're not therapists! they don't know what to do! featherpaw clearly is dealing with shit but how do they help her??? they have no idea!!! how would they?

in a very strange inverse of canon, leopardstar and featherpaw develop a close relationship. leopardstar feels like she failed to protect featherpaw. featherpaw just. doesn't know. she doesn't know what she feels or thinks or knows and like: leopardstar doesn't. she doesn't need to explain herself to leopardstar.

she's in a big sister role to the kits, i think.

uh. yeah. featherpaw. she is not taking any of this well.

sooner or later greystripe corners her (because he doesn't know) and she's having a panic attack and leopardstar is like "you are never allowed to talk to her ever again" and greystripe is like "what the fuck did i do" and someone (mistyfoot?) finally explains.

uh. what else.

stonefur + leopardstar + featherpaw cuddle pile? leopardstar is in the centre. she feels kind of weird about that because she can tell featherpaw is like. going through this whole. uh. whats the. fuck.

like. featherpaw feels like she needs to protect her and leopardstar doesn't really want to encourage that but on the otherhand it's kind of nice that featherpaw is right here because tigerstar 100% used to threaten her to leopardstar and-

yeah.

uh.

i started writing two hours ago so i'm just going to post.

[littleliv1]

I Was Born To Love You- Ben Hardy fanfic- Part Three

Hello, loves! Loving the feed back in getting on this series! It’s for sure a long one, but I hope you guys are enjoying it!

Summary: Leah and the crew flew to London to film the Live Aid performance. She opens up to Brian about her life.

Warnings: sadness, death, angst

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Soon enough, Monday rolled around. It was 4 am. I grabbed my packed bags, pretty much filled with half my wardrobe and all of the make up and face/hair products I could take on the plane. I grabbed my passport, keys, purse, and phone and left for the guys' house. They were all staying in one big frat house that they had rented. After picking them up, I also picked up Bryan, Brian, and Roger.

'Austin has barely spoken to me since Tuesdasy.'

I drove to the airport. Everyone was asleep, after all, the flight left at 5 am. It was a long flight to say the least. I sat in between Ben and Gwilym. I connected with the two better anyways. Gwilym slept the whole time, and Ben complained that his back hurt and he was so tired that he couldn't sleep. I felt more like a babysitter at that moment. I comforted him and played with his hair until he fell asleep. I also fell asleep. I felt myself starting to dream.

There he was. My beautiful girl. I carried her with me for 9 months, she was 12 days early. She was so eager to get here. She loves playimg dress up. She was so outgoing. She had my eyes. I loved her so much more than I could imagine. I felt the love of my life behind me, holding me, kissing my neck. "We made that," I said, cradling his arms in mine. "We sure did." That wasn't Austin's voice. Who was this? I turned around to the familiar blonde who was currently next to me. I gasped.

I gasped so hard, I woke up. I woke up to my phone going crazy. Joe had tagged me in a picture on Instagram. It was a picture of the three of us; Gwil with his mouth wide open, dead asleep and mine and Bens heads against each other's sleeping as well. I smiled at the cuteness of the two, until I saw the comments.

'Who the hell is she?'

'Does he know she's married?'

'Her poor husband :('

They all assumed we were an item. I don't understand. "Um, Joe?" I said quietly. "What's up?" He said. "I really adore this picture, but would you mind taking it down? It's he comments," I said. He looked at it, and he looked shocked. "I'm so sorry, yes of course." He said. And with that, the picture was gone. Out of sight out of mind.

Hours later, we arrived in London. I had booked the hotel in advance, making sure the top floor of the nicest hotel in the area was reserved for them. The cast stayed in the rooms upstairs, the crew in the floor below. I figured it'd help with keeping the pap and crazy fans out. I made sure security was at its finest so the cast could from one place to another, safely. Once we arrived at the hotel, I showed everyone to their rooms. The guys requested to share a room, so I made sure they got the biggest room. It had two king sized beds. The guys, Bryan, Brian, Roger, and I had a quick meeting. I explained to all of them the plan, where everything was, and how transportation needed to go.

Rami raised his hand. "You don't have to raise your hand, Ram." I said. "Where are you sleeping?" He asked, the other guys responding with "yeah?" I laughed a bit. "I'm a few doors down. I've got the second biggest room." I said point to the direction of your room and flipping your hair. "Mmmm, no you need to sleep here with us." Gwilym said. "Who else will protect us?" Joe chimed in. "I'm your assistant, not your body guard." I said giggling a bit. I really was their babysitter. "Please, Leah? Pretty pretty please?" Ben whined. "I'll stay in here for as long as you want but I'm sleeping in my room, end of discussion. I'm married, remember?" I said, showing my beautiful ring. Ben looked at me, raising his eye brows. Only he knew what had happened. "I'm starving," Roger said. "Where can we eat?" "You guys can stay in my room and eat. My bags are unpacked and my room is ready, someone else is coming up here with your bags. I would unpack them for you but those are your personal belongings and I wouldn't feel comfortable with touching them. I've ordered some room service, I already know what you all like, so you guys can head over to my room," I said handing Bryan my key. "And chill out there for a bit. Just don't go through my stuff." I said. Everyone got up, Ben was the last out. Before he left, it was just us two in the room.

"How are things?" He said looking at my arm, the bruises had gone away. I nodded my head. "Okay. Could be better. Hasn't really talked to me. He's only come home before 3 am once last week." He could tell I had been holding these feelings in. "It sounds like to me you need to talk to someone about it. Get a second opinion." He said crossing his arms. I shrugged my shoulders. "Not much to talk about, really. He started to get really possessive and jealous when I took the job as assistant to Bryan. He's convinced that you all won't respect me. He didn't even care that I was leaving for a month or more. He only makes love to me when he's drunk, and it's not even passionate anymore. Just drunk, messy, and to be blunt, short. It's like he doesn't love me anymore but I know that's not true, I don't think." I said. I realized I had been rambling on for a while, I rambled myself near to tears.

I looked up at him and he seemed genuinely hurt by that fact that I'm hurting. I opened my mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a knock at the door and it opened slowly. "Bags, ma'am." A man said. "It's okay, come on in, leave them out infront if the beds, the boys can choose where they sleep." I said to him. He obeyed, and left to deliver more bags. "Sorry. I just can't really deal with this right now. It's best that we have this break, maybe this is just what we needed right now, a break. I don't want to focus on it, I want to focus on the movie." I said. I nodded at your comment. "Yeah." I said walking out of the room, into my room.

"Leah, you're a genius. How'd you know what we all liked?" Brian said. I laughed a bit. "It's my job to know." I said. I hadn't finished unpacking my bathroom bag, so I grabbed that and start to unpack it. "Hey, where's Ben?" Rami asked. "Probably still in your all's room. Your bags are in there, he might just be unpacking his. You all need to pick your beds." I said from the bathroom. Joe jumped up, running out the door. "I call next to Ben!" He yelled running to his room. The others followed. As I was unpacking, I saw some feminine hygiene things, which reminded me. I hadn't started yet. What day was it? I forgot when I started, but my period was never regular. I just knew I hadn't had one yet this month, and the month was almost over. 'Oh god please no...'  I thought to myself. I couldn't have a baby, not right now at least. Not until he was better. Because he was sick. That's why he hurts me. He's just sick. While I was staring at it, Brian came to the door, knocking quietly. He smiled nicely at me. "Everything alright?" He asked, leaning against the door. "Oh, uh, yeah." I said, throwing them in your bathroom box, it was three drawers on wheels to keep things in when I'm away for long periods of time. "Anything I can do you for, sir?" I asked, making eye contact. The way he looked reminded me of my parents. It was hard to look at him but harder to look away. He shook his head. "No, not at the moment. You don't have to call me sir, love. Just Brian will be okay." He said smiling again. I nodded your head. I didn't mean to seem tense, but I couldn't help it.

"It's just you and me in here right now, but I want to get to know you, if that's alright." He said. "Alright, what would you like to know?" I said leaving the bathroom, sitting at the small table provided in my room. He sat across from me, facing the door. "Tell me about when you first listened to Queen." He said. "Hmm," I hummed, I don't really remember Queen becoming part of my life, they just were. "I can't say I remember, no. My parents," I choked at that word. "My parents, really enjoyed the music. Went to concerts all over the world, followed your A Night At The Opera tour, even. You all were part of our family. When Freddie died, it felt like they lost someone. It was very personal to them." I explained, chewing at my lip, praying he wouldn't ask what he was about to ask. "How did they react when you told them about this movie?" He asked curiously. I couldn't help but to get mad, but I couldn't show it at all, the man didn't know they were gone, it wasn't his fault.

'They were gone,' I thought.

I laughed to myself a bit. Not because it was funny, just ironic. I looked down, trying hard to not shed the tears that were already coming. "They, uh," I started. He grabbed my hand, he could tell this was hard for me. "They're no longer here." I said, wiping away the tears to keep my make up from running. He squeezed my hand, looking shocked and feeling the pain I felt. "They passed away in this crazy train wreck, it'll be two years next week actually. It happened about three hours south of here." I said trying not to lose control. "I haven't tried avoiding you or Roger by any means. It's just so painful still, but getting to know you two, two people who I've considered family my entire life, it's been incredible. Unreal. I'm so honored to assist you both." I said, looking in his eyes, with salty tears in mine. Right now, I just wanted Lola.

I felt a bond with him. Obviously not in a romantic, gross type of way. But I haven't felt a connection, a family connection, with someone in a while and I knew my body ached for it again.

"I'm so sorry, my love." He said. I shook my head. "No it's okay, I'm fine. It's still just so hard. I didn't have siblings, my parents, who were both only child's, are gone. My only family now is my husband and he comes home smelling like alcohol and uses me as a punching bag and a sex toy and-" I stopped myself when that came out. Brian grabbed my hand with his other hand. "You need to leave him, Leah. We're your family now." He said so genuinely. I shook my head. "No I'm just your assistant. That's all I'm good at is doing stuff for others. Not that I don't want to, I love helping you guys do things when you need help!" I said correcting myself, not wanting to sound ungrateful. I couldn't help but to break down. "I'm sorry." I said, I couldn't help but sob.

With that, my phone went off. The touring manager calls. I think it's about the set, there's been a lot of issues with that. "I'm sorry." I repeated. I felt bad because my problems weren't his and I know that, I just couldn't help telling him. And I left the room.

Ahh! So exciting finally getting to share this series! I might post part four later today. Hope you all are enjoying! Xx