#anyway. enough rambling abt that. its turbulent up here

[astergore]

doing a lot of research into cluster b personality disorders and npd has kind of described everything i've been experiencing for years and it. answers. so many questions . a bit scared of trying to get a professional opinion (for obvious reasons) does anyone have any good resources I could look into?

[steelycunt]

hey!! idk if you have answers this before, but when do you think remus’ and sirius’ realization of their feelings for each other happened? (like, in a magical universe). And do you think they would have dated (or tried to, anyway) other people or would they have been like “It’s always been you and it will always be you, but I will continue to be an idiot for a bit longer for x, y, and z”?

<33

hii!! oo fun question. i saw jude recently give a really good answer to a similar question to this that i definitely agree with here !! (hope u dont mind me linking ur post jude but i just loved ur take on this!!). i also know i sound like a broken record here but i love the moment of sirius' realization in gamesformay's atyd ..that fic is so so special n correct to me so i have to mention it xox under the cut for my rambling !!

i definitely think sirius always knew that he felt differently abt remus than he did the other two, even if he couldnt immediately label those feelings on the train at the ripe old age of 11. i feel like very soon after he sort of sussed out that he was gay, he began to identify what those diff feelings meant, which i'd say wouldve been around 13-15? so at the later end conceivably around one of their first full moons!! but i can also imagine him younger than that just sitting in the hospital wing waiting for remus to wake up after a moon alone n then he does and he looks at sirius and sirius just thinks shit, or something really brief and muted, like being 14 and in class and smiling at each other from opposite ends of the room over some inside joke, and it makes sirius feel hot and jittery and off-kilter except this time he sort of gets why. i remember having this like abandoned drabble id written abt everyone laying about out on the grounds after summer exams together, and remus is sort of half asleep and that's when sirius glances over at him and really realizes, and i definitely picture it as some sort of quiet, young, fragile, slightly mundane moment like that <3

remus id say was a bit older!! but by the time/once the prank happens he's definitely aware that he's in love with sirius and probably always has been. he might've dated other people when he was younger but we're talking like...very modest 13-year-old style 'relationships'--i really dont think either of them would've dated seriously. by fifth year at the latest neither of them are going to date other people, even if they're not with each other yet. the thing with remus is i feel like sirius very much believes that remus isnt drawn in by the cockiness and the charm and the looks the way other people are. but he like...very much absolutely is, lol, although he's also completely deeply in love with the softer, more vulnerable/tender side of sirius that other people don't get to see. he's a dumb teenager and its terrible n predictable but he can't really help being swept away by his pretty, turbulent, incendiary best friend. i can imagine them pulling a prank off in, say, third year and sirius wrenching him into a broom cupboard to hide and big red lurid sirens going off in remus' head like fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. but i also really like what jude said abt him maybe having an idea of how he felt, but finally really placing it after the prank, because he's confronted with this terrible thing sirius has done to him and the most resounding feeling is: but i love him doesn't it matter that i love him. doesn't that count for anything doesn't he realize wasn't that enough to stop him from doing something like this to me? but it obviously wasn't. and remus loves him anyway.

[checkers-dance]

ok so you said i could ramble abt my incest ship so here i GOOO.

so ive been thinking a lot about natsuya and ikuya from free! and HHNNNGH THEY DRIVE ME INSANE. i think they should kiss on the mouth, tongue and everything <3

but anyway, i love this ship a lot and i feel like they have a very interesting relationship that just SCREAMS incest to me. like... they have such a WEIRD dynamic and the easiest way for me to interpret it is "oh they wanna fuck."

So Ikuya and Natsuya were very close growing up, to the point where I might even call it unhealthy. Ikuya was very fixated on his older brother and he didn't seem all that interested in making other friends because to him just having Natsuya was enough. He kinda just... followed Natsuya around and didn't have any other aspirations aside from being with Natsuya and spending time with him.

Natsuya loves Ikuya too, but he's a little concerned about the way Ikuya behaves and in an attempt to protect him ends up pushing him away and essentially tells him that they cant always be together and he should go make friends his age. Ikuya doesn't take this very well. He's so upset by what he perceives as Natsuya rejecting him that he ends up isolating himself completely and after that their relationship becomes very tense. Ikuya stars acting really hostile towards Natsuya and as a result they just... stop getting along and this continues for a really long time.

Eventually, our little prodigy boy Haruka joins Natsuya's swimming club. Natsuya is impressed by him and starts giving Haru a lot of attention, which makes sense because he's the captain. But Ikuya is acting really, really weird. He eventually becomes friends with Haru and some other guys but at least initially his attitude towards Haru was REALLY creepy. He kept staring at him and imitating his EVERY movement and no one really knew why, he just kinda did it.

Eventually Ikuya reveals to them that the reason why he was acting like that was because he thought if he could imitate the way Haru acted, then his brother would look at him the way he looked at Haru.... AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS LIKE THIS IS A BIZARRE WAY TO WRITE SIBLINGS.... Ikuya and Natsuya's relationship is not what it used to be, but after all those years Ikuya still craves his brother's attention just as much as he did when they were kids.

Fast forward a few years. A bunch of unrelated drama is going on, but Natsuya has been esentially running away from his responsabilities and that includes taking care of Ikuya as his older sibling. After having a realization Natsuya stops doing that shit and gets back into racing, and he ends up going against Ikuya.

I cannot stress how fucking gay for Ikuya he is the entirety of season 3. Whenever Ikuya gets brought up Natsuya just smiles with pride and keeps talking about how much of an amazing little brother he has. When he eventually races against him, its a very emotional moment for the both of them that ends with them hugging each other close. Natsuya and Ikuya love each other SO MUCH, but they also have a very turbulent dynamic. Ikuya's desire for Natsuya's attention was downright unhealthy, while Natsuya is a bit of an irresponsible sibling. But they love each other so, so much and it makes me MELT.

I love to think that part of the reason Natsuya seems to consistently push Ikuya away its because he knows their relationship is fucked up and borderline incestuous but hes afraid of accepting that so instead he just runs away from it. I think its very cute that theyre so obsessed with each other <3

Ok so I've only seen like 1 season of free and that was almost 4 years ago (I think??), so the only name I recognize here is haru BUT. These brothers' dynamic is so codependent, I love it. My 2 biggest weaknesses when it comes to incest ships are twincest and big brother/younger brother (obvs their dynamic fits into the second one). The vibe I get from them is that they have unresolved issues which means they're 0.2 seconds from straight up making out w each other, and I 100% support that. Also the bit abt the younger brother imitating someone the older brother seems to care abt bc he wants that attention for himself but doesn't know how to get it....👀👀

[gotatext]

                   hllo ! i’m nora ( she / her, 24, gmt ) crawling back to this rp once more like the dirty sewer slug i am !! i just can’t get enough, baybeyyy ! u may remember me frm such roles as alma putnam, rory bergstrom, bridget matusiak or greta o’driscoll 2 name jst a few.... sure there were more over these long years, bt the show must go on.... this is mimi, she’s dogmatic, tenacious n single-minded 2 the point of recklessness, she doesn’t like handouts n she’s funding her degree through her onlyfans account n moaning abt shit on tiktok. we love 2 see it !!  slam that like button n i’ll creep into ur DMs like the slippery worm i am   OR u can discord me at that bitch carole baskin#8664.   a humble pinterest.

『ALEXA DEMIE ❙ CIS-FEMALE 』 ⟿ looks like MIMI MARTÍNEZ is here for HER SOPHOMORE year as an ARCHITECTURE AND SOCIAL ANTHROPOLOGY student. SHE is 22 years old & known to be STRONG-WILLED, GOAL-ORIENTED, ARROGANT & EASILY BORED. They’re living in MORIS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ nora. 24. gmt. she/her.

this is p embarassing but i actually originally wrote mimi for a discord rp based around love island asgjag dont laugh at me but it was so chaotic n someone deleted it w-out telling any of us so i lost her bio.... all her threads....e verythin.... it was mad. but anyway we startin from scratch w this intro so bare with

mimi is a really extra character so when trying to flesh her out i thot of the most extra thing i could do n made a colour coded mindmap with watercolour paints detailing her values, aesthetics and early life. shoot me

background: she grew up in a trailer home in boulder city, abt half an hour from vegas. her mom had worked in a vegas casino for most of her 20s but relocated to boulder city for a slower pace of life / lower crime rate when she started having kids. mimi has 2 older brothers n she’s the youngest. has that invulnerable younger sibling complex n basically thinks nothing can touch her. very confident in her own intelligence and her ability to get shit done 

has mexican ancestry on her mom’s side. doesn’t know her dad. was raised with spanish catholic principals n found it all very stained glass windows and extra n that’s why she was kinda drawn to the decadence of vegas and all these massively high key aesthetics, like dia de les muertos was her fave thing growin up just bcos the pure feel of the festival and painting a sugar skull on her face n being able to party on the streets in a flower crown where everyone was kinda anonymous but together in this celebration

in boulder city her mom worked as a carer as there’s a lot of retirees there. mimi really resented the slow pace of life, longed for some fucking energy n life. she was a cheerleader in school but outside of school there wsn’t much to do except practise stunts and go on bike rides.  occasionally they’d get dressed up and catch a bus to henderson, the next biggest city for them to get tht sweet night life

her teenage years consisted mostly of hanging around the renovated motel blocks used as housing projects n tanning by the pool. very florida project if you’ve seen that. she reminds me a lot of the mum in that. also she started working as an avon rep going door-to-door when she was 16 bcos she wanted to have her own income. like as young as 14 she’d decided she was smart enough to go to college but she didn’t have the money n her family didn’t really see it as a worthwhile thing, her mom was very like the mom from matilda “you chose books.... i chose looks!” which i think is where a lot of mimi’s more shallow / appearance-driven traits come from

wasn’t really ‘cool’ until high school. before that she was a bit of a lisa simpson type. won a spelling bee when she was 9. was in the mathletes squad in middle school. when she went from middle school to high school she started cheer and tried to reinvent herself basically. always been very concerned with social mobility and keen to socially climb, like when she enters a new situation she’ll find out who the alphas are and quickly try n befriend them

when she turned 18 she moved out and went to vegas despite her mom hating the idea bcos it was everything she’d tried to get her kids away from. she worked in the clubs there for several years as a shot girl, a table dancer, n eventually she started workin behind the bar in a strip club. in the club it ws really hard to resist becoming a dancer bcos of the sheer amount they made in tips. no one really pressured her into it she just eventually decided tht it was way more logical to do it while she was young n fit and had the stamina and ppl were willing to pay to see her body so she started taking pole fitness lessons. she also started working as a cam girl around this time

working in vegas strip clubs is basically whats paid for uni. like she didn’t go at 18 like most of her friends did bcos she didn’t have the money and she didn’t want to feel indebted to a college like she had to compete for her place and not put a toe out of line bcos she was on a scholarship. she was determined to pay her own way and it took 4 years of working really hard and saving n even tho she was working in vegas she basically never went out bcos every penny she had needed to go on uni n thts how we get to radcliffe baybeeyy

part 2  - interior / values / personality

values: the aesthetic !! literally loves the aesthetic so much. everything she owns is super embellished, she’s a pop socket gal, her dell laptop is covered in glitzy stickers, she always has acrylics n probs makes nail art videos on tiktok. really tuned into tiny details like painting a little hello kitty above her eye which translates into her degree when she’s doing small-scale mockups of town plans n stuff... she jst puts so much detail into them. ppl often get surprised when she tells them she does architecture but it makes so much sense bcos she grew up in a trailer park n was always thinking about ways the space could be more efficiently used, like she loves re-conceptualising neighbourhoods, definitely spent hours on sims as a kid. she also grew up near hoover dam n so loads of school trips they just took them there n she was like.... this is tight but it could be cooler.... where’s the passion....

massively into photography, has such a neat instagram feed like everything just compliments the tones in the next post like mMMM. idk if any of u know any architecture students but this is literally the one constant i can find…. like they all have super good instagrams feeds. is that bitch that will take 40 fake candids of u in a row at different angles to get u the perfect profile picture cos she understands the importance of marketing urself and having an online #brand

has wire rimmed glasses that she doesn’t need to see BUT they r like a magnifying glass for when she’s working with really small materials to do a mock up of an urban plan, and also just sometimes wears them for the aesthetic bc she’s such a pinterest bitch

assassination nation is such a big mood. literally the aesthetics of that and lily colson’s whole brand of feminism and nudity not being inherently sexual but at the same time wanting to profit off that bcos why the fuck shouldnt she use a corrupt system to her advantage is incredibly mimi

literally a human personification of a bratz doll both in attitude and fashion sense

somehow simultaneously gansey in the raven cycle AND elle woods in legally blonde? the two genders 

values cont bc i started rambling: her independence and freedom. being the best at any given task she sets her mind to accomplish because she is unable to accept failure. social mobility. sexual liberation. interested in the psychology of sub-cultures and how ppl form groups and interact w each other and cult identities which is why she minors in anthropology. pro-choice. pro-weed legalisation. pro-sex worker rights. very activist.

aesthetics tht remind me of her: von dutch. a strappy cami top that says ‘please do not do coke in the bathroom’. low-waisted jeans that show off her belly button piercing. acrylic nails tapping against a heavily embellished second-hand dell laptop. heart shaped sunglasses in every colour. translucent stripper heels with barbie doll heads and plastic spiders in the heel. spraying champagne you cant afford all over the walls. narcotics in a heart shaped locket. an amazon wishlist full of lingerie linked on your tinder profile. sex tapes recorded on VCR. a religious devotion to waxing clinics. necking shots like you were born to do it.

she’s an enfj type which makes her pretty charismatic and confidence, like she has a fierce kind of energy to her, but she’s also super unwilling to accept criticism, dogmatic and can only really see her own way of thinking, quite ruthless when it comes 2 other ppls emotions despite having a poor control of her own and being prone to turbulence / throwin a bitch fit in the craft lab. easily bored. competitive. self-assured to the point of arrogance. forceful. adaptable. usually more rational than emotional but occasionally loses the ability to make rational decisions when blinded by a need for perfectionism.

very goal-oriented. money motivates her. money and clothes. she wants to look bomb while earning big bucks. when she gets her mind set on a project it literally consumes her she will forget to eat and sleep? i don’t know her.  like when a final design project is due for architecture she’ll be up all night doing adderall and speed to keep her awake working on the placement of a single tree for ages cos its gotta be perfect

loves chaos. will spill your secrets and pretend it was an accident. will always be that gif of kim kardashian sipping her tea while drama unfolds around her. lives for the drama like that gifset of bratz when she comes running and gets her phone out to record a fight.

im makin her sound like a really bad person but hopefully she’ll be somewhat likeable she can be very charismatic and endearing and she’s naturally quite funny. also now she’s finally in college and doesn’t have to worry so much about money she actually allows herself to party n bcos she denied herself of it for so long she kinda makes up for it by going p wild like will be the girl climbing on to stage to crowd surf at gigs or doing a summersault off the bar and being escorted out by bouncers, thats the energy were looking at, pure dionysian hedonistic impulse

really gd at talking her way out of shit like parking fines. so good at being an ‘im baby’ girl and often dumbs herself down to figures of authority to appear less like a threatening ball-breaker and more like a confused fiat 500 girl who didn’t know red meant stop she thought it meant slow down

listens almost exclusively to female artists. has fergalicious on repeat when she does squats infront of the mirror n just the biggest fergie stan. also lana del rey’s whole vibe is massive mimi energy

ok ya thats all i have for now..... hopefully this is somewhat coherent and not just garbage.