#anyway yes im just mad bc i like the Aesthetic of smoking but not the Literally Everything Else About It

[voidimp]

they should invent a smoking that is cold. and also healthy

[theuwuminati]

Shitposts 2.0

"The void is always screaming" "The fuck did I just say with my mouth" "I love this lipstick. It looks like the fuckin blood of my enemies" "I need more hands than this" "I need more lungs than this. A plethora of lungs." "It smells like aggressively fall over here." "I see the dicks are coming along nicely. Ah, yes. freshly cropped penises." "Do you wanna cuddle or not, bitch" "Its not my birthday but I'm enjoying the cake" "what's on your shirt? It's like black" "well sORRY my depressions soaking through" "*gasp* I could fuck a squash" "Oh ok. Loud sobbing" "Did you say 'mild sobbing'?" "No, but that sounds better anyway." " My tea is lukewarm and I am Suffering™" "Oh no he's peeing Please stop I can hear you peeing Oh nooo he pissed on the desk ew its warmm" "Im adding slight accents of crackle" "Person: so, what do you do for a living Me: usually cry. what about you" "I just gotta work through some shit. In a car. Going 80. Down a dead end road." "Woahh it glitched out and there are tWO loading signs! That's my aesthetic." "Have you ever seen liquified baby shit?" "Sometimes you gotta just drop out in the third grade" "uGH people that don't speed make me mad" "This milk is sad" "My paranoia and anxiety are having children and I don't have any condoms to offer them"  "cue witchcraft noises" ". . .and I am profoundly white," "I just had the best idea for a game. You take the game Hungry Hungry Hippos, make all the hippos Bruce Springsteen, and all the marbles are hearts, and you've got I've Got a Hungry Heart." " 'i love maroon 5 so I'm gonna be a music major' " "You have a lot to say about a lot of things" "That's why I'm a political science major, dear" "I told him he was a little bitch. I already knew by how much weed he smoked and how small he was" "Fuck off, bitter bean"  "We can be the gay plant dads. And [Kadie] was our surrogate" "Just fuckin vore my piercings" "Screw the populous, let's go!" "My chimichangas are too big for this bathing suit so I'm uncomfy. I'm telling you this bc I just really wanted to say chimichangas have a nice day." "IN THIS HOUSE WE ARE EMO" "Why is Sharon ever screaming. She was screaming in the car earlier. For no apparent reason." "I'm giving up on life and becoming a nun" "Where's all this energy coming from are you even gonna be able to sleep at 8" "Good question. Here's another question–how hard can you hit?" "I am..I am a trash..monger. Its a thing." "What, are you planning on getting laid in Arkansas?" "Maybe? Were going to a forest. I'll find a way to get wood somehow." "..think my nuts just went up into my body cavity." "Are you about to-" "Yup" "Oh nooo" "Do you wanna try that again once you've swallowed" "(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" "Pacman was the original booty eater" "That's not a bathroom that's a pinball machine" "Tumblr karate - kicked my battery into the fucking stone age" "My hobbies include sleeping with the man who killed my family and rummaging through dead bodies" "I have things to do today no thank you death" "One day I'm not going to be a dumbass. Today is not that day." "Have fun dying in space, assholes." "Only because you're sick I'm gonna let you sleep. DonT thiNk iVE gONE SOFT-" "I just wanna die right now" "You what?" "I said I just wanna die right now but actually I want a taco" "What the fuck" "A quesarito sounds real good right now" -Lue "I'm a slut for tater tots" "Go up to your boss. . set fire to him. .. and take his money." "...spinal paralysis doesn't kill you, but it definitely doesn't make you stronger." "*gasps* I can fuck shit upppp- no wait I take it back I don't like this I wanna delete it"  "You're like seven kinds of broken all wrapped up in one fuckfest. I enjoy you"

Shitposts my friends have said

So this is my first semester of college, and college kid humor is some of the funniest fuckin’ shit. So I started a memo of shit my friends say. (We’ve maxed out the character limit on two memos so far. I don’t foresee us stopping anytime soon. I’ll reblog this with new additions every time a memo gets maxed.)

(Said over lunch) ��Bobcat urine. Its only 20 dollars a bottle”

“I just tune into Nathan and Emily’s convo and I hear Emily go "I just can’t connect the words ‘podunk’ and 'Russian village'–”“

"man i love sleepy time”

“it tastes how beige looks”

“Government is a societal construct”

“tear it down” “the sun?” “yeah. It’s all a social construct anyway.”

*runs into a chair* “ow, my appendages”

“Im taking a mental Saturday”

“if someone’s shooting at me, I’m not gonna be like, "oh, has america oppressed you–” (my professor said this)

"I need space to expand my diaphragm”

“we’re the gay frat boys” *high fives Nathan*

“Who all has a problem with my suffering raise your hand”

“Gay culture is Grindr without the sneeze guard”

 "Gay culture is being nervous to make too much noise in the bathroom"

“Cracking open a warm one with the girls”

“Can we all agree to just shut the fuck up”

“I met god……….and she was..racially ambiguous. Just saying”

“The face noises”

“This kiddo. This buckeroo.”

“The sun is an Illusion. Its just the government shining a big light on us”

“Its half past a freckle, fucker”

“I just astral projected and a white girl took over my body. Her name is Brittany”

“Oh my god. This is the gods’ nectar. ..Listen I haven’t had water in a long time.”

“Hedgehogs are mood.”

“He did not account for the fact that I have no idea what I’m doing”

“You ain’t even a christian” “You don’t know that. I might be. I could be sucking the lords dick, you don’t know.”

 "If you liked beer you could turn the saying from “sugar and spice and everything nice” to “sarcasm, beer and everything queer”“

"Spit on me daddy”

“Turn! ThiS WEEK, DEBRAH”

“You don’t get ants in a moving vehicle, Sharon”

“Eyes roll back so far they pop out, roll off the table, and win the Kentucky Derby”

“That shit snatched my pussy’s wig”

“I want like, 90s goth. But for you I want like, 2011 scene goth. And you others are pastel goth.” (Courtesy of my band director)

“Oh man I wanna live for this motherfucking cheese”

“Pancake. Pancake. PaNCAKE PANCAKE”

“I have a fuckiiing headache. Eeeeuuhhhh”

“I love big scarfing. God I love saying things out loud with my mouth.”

“I feel like I have shit on my legs; jk that’s my skin”

“When you want to wipe your hands on your pants but you can’t because you’ll get fuzz in the cracks of your fingers”

“Today I said suspishy instead of suspicious”

“My dick is gonna have heels”

“I could be 10% tea 90% creamer if you want”

“The pillow is half off the bed and just as sad as I am.”

“If i saw me…I would mug me.”

“I always felt that was what my penis was missing. A second penis.”

“What the fuck! What the fuck! Is that a vagina?! Is that a prolapsed vagina?!”

“If you think a human is bad, here’s some cow photos.” “…have you ever seen those frogs that like..throw up their stomachs?” “I can’t wait for dementia.”

“You would have more fun if you were less selective about what you put in your mouth”

“Personally I’d like it better with alcohol”

“I’m emotionally done with Monday”

“I’ll just walk up to my boss and proceed to bawl.”

“This is the real flavor of Jesus Christ”

“That’s the purpose of college now. To own goats.”

“I love those compilation videos of goats screaming.” (My professor said this)

“The begonias will have robotic armor.” (Same professor)

“Can we fistfight.”

“Since its October have any of you all seen Get Out? Its really good; it’s basically a movie about how creepy white people are.” (This one was again said by the same professor and I’m still dying)

“I spent time on this. Time spent with my neurons firing—wasted.”

“Pennywise couldn’t kill me. Wanna know why? Because my biggest fear is staying alive.”

“But I know its like, a dark black-” “"Dark black”“ "Listen bitch”

“You say you’re not poly, but I feel like siri is the third person in this relationship.”

[mayaestudia]

what do you want to achieve this month? get on track with the uni (i’m new this year) favourite time of day to study mornings, bc i feel full of energy, the sun makes me feel good favourite book/book series Viaje al fin de a noche by Cèline (lol im chilean so idk the translation) your desk its like a rlly shitty desk, like, in ny country the cool stationery stuff its SUPER expensive n there’s a little variety, unless of course u ship it from china #studyblrsgetreal i’m new on this so idk what is it sciences or humanities? humanities lml library yes??? your notes i’m not currently studiyng so.. favourite font mmm this is a hard one, but maybe times new roman coz that’s the one the teachers always tell me to use, handwriting ??? lol idk future goals being the best, like truly overcome everyday and being kind and full of love in the way of improvment favourite quote “"lo único constante es el cambio”“ idk, i just feel that there can’t be a perpetual state of things, everything transforms so we should get used to it and embrace the change best school memory lol i miss so much school, it was kinda hippie, and we used to smoke cigars or weed an then play ping pong, i miss that blue or black ink? black lml stationery store of choice :( too expensive for me music or silence? silence, music distracts me hmm maybe some classical music, i ussualy hear wagner lol some hitler style everything in your pencil case, aesthetic or not am i supposed to take a picture?? i dont even have a pencilcase yet favourite productivity apps i dont use. im a old school kind of girl ultimate study break? lol last year poetry OMG!!!! hell yeaaah i fucking LOVE nicanor parra he was like an mad teacher (he studied physics in london i think) and so accurate and creative with words!!! but not like in a baudelaire beautiful way, but like a fucking rock star!!! he is rlly famous in latininoamerica, and i feel that the younges populationlikes him better than pablo neruda (the one chilean poet u probably know lol) anyway my fav poem is called "yo pecador” idk if its ever been translated but now that i think about it, probaby its kinda lame lol one 2017 study resolution mm to study lol (last year i didnt study so..) but trully its to get good grades, above the average favourite soundtrack mmmmmm syd barret ,, here i go what’s in your backpack? lol like trash and a water bottle skdk i need to get my shit together one exciting thing you did today i went to a capacitation(? to work at a censo (idk if thats an english word lol) favourite study youtube channel hmm i dont use that one hidden study tip hmmm i suck at studying favourite book you’ve studied for school WOWOW pierre bordieu, about the television MINDBLOWING 90's POSMODERN SHIT wooowowow coffee, tea or hot chocolate? tea, green bookshelf ?!?! good study website recs hmm nope what did you achieve this month? im waking up earlier YAYYYY (now im on vacation so normal ppl wake up at noon lol but i at 8 am)

ANYWAY i kinda did this out of boredom and bc i would LOVE if u maybe or anyone else could point me my grammar mistakes!!!!!! and of course, so u get to known nicanor parra’s work 😍 (he is trully a genious, and his like a hundred years XD i love him)