#anyway when the a rank villain crashes the heist

[crusty-chronicles]

Airheaded S/O Headcannons #8: Giovanni (Epithet Erased)

An: This has been me writing for obscure characters bc I want more of them out there. Enjoy.

Giovanni would die for you

This man already loves his minions so much, so with you, he's absolutely smitten

What's that? You're rank Senpai in the Bonzi Blasters?

He's in love.

Hmm? You also can't tell your right from your left?

Don't worry, if Car Crash can figure it out, so can you.

You have one of the highest bounties he's ever seen, but not one functioning brain cell.

How you managed to do it, he'd never know.

But he's so goddamn supportive anyway.

You broke into a museum during the day?

"That's it baby, catch em' by surprise!!!"

You throw PeaShooters instead of firing them?

"You still knocked down the enemy! And bonus points for creativity!!!"

You lost the loot helping one of your minions?

"What's a cheap treasure to Bad Guy Street Cred? Minions always come first!"

If Giovanni is ever in any trouble, you're his solution.

Caught by the police?

You're using your own Epithet to get him out.

The higher ups are upset with him?

You just walking by and asking 'what's going on' is enough for them to drop it.

Nobody wants to mess with a person who even Zora couldn't catch.

He needs a new knife because his mom won't lend him one anymore?

You lend him yours and buy him his own set.

He totally finds a way to combine his Soup Epithet with yours so you guys have couple coordinated attacks.

Does not and will not ever take advantage of your ranking to better himself.

If he wants to move up a level, (on this pyramid scheme) he'll do it himself through hard work.

Plus he loves bragging about how cool you are.

This dork is exactly the type to confess to you during a heist when you're about to die.

The "If we don't make it out of here, there's something I want you to know" type.

And you don't realize he's trying to confess so your response is the typical "We are going to make it out of here!"

Even when you and his underlings have already defeated the enemy, he's still convinced you two won't make it out.

"I just want you to know, I love and admire you!"

"Giovanni, we're at the base????" (The base is your house.)

And he's 🤨🤨🤨

"Oh, then nevermind."

Screaming because after that both groups of minions are trying so damn hard to get you guys together.

They try setting up a date and Giovanni is so embarrassed when he realizes what's happening.

And you have no damn clue, so it embarrasses him further because he has to come up with an excuse for 'inviting' you to a nice dinner.

Flowers show up at your door signed 'Captain Gio ❤️'

And he's absolutely terrified because 'Guys!!! That was a little too forward!!!😡😡'

But still you have no clue and are just happy he got you something that wasn't stolen. Well, probably not stolen

It does work out, eventually.

This bad not-so-bad guy will call you the sweetest names.

And he totally gets ragged on by his boys if he uses one in front of them.

Babe, honey, Senpai, love of his life, sunshine.

Might even slip in 'the baddest of villains' if he's feeling spicy.

He let's you pick out the seasonings for his Epithet, but shhhh! That's a secret!!!

He tells you about Molly and you suggest a 'surprise adoption.'

And he's all on board until he realizes he's way too young for kids. That and you two can't afford one. 😞😞😞

So you settle for stopping by the toy store every once and a while to say hi.

She's very appreciative and also confused.

Because it's always the day after you visit that all the toys at the store are bought by an anonymous customer.

And the week after that a hospital is gifted a generous amount of toys for the kids staying there.

But yeah, you and Giovanni are totally bad guys. 🙄🙄🙄

Although she does wonder where you get all that money from to buy from the store.

Giovanni does worry that the Head Bonzi Blasters are taking advantage of your stupidity.

So he always makes sure to go with you when you have a meeting

He just wants the best for his S/O, okay. 🥺

And he's right because you're being scammed big time. And it's extremely obvious.

He shuts that down right away, even if he won't be in the higher-ups good graces.

His mom loves you and begs for you to take Giovanni with you everytime you leave.

But you two can't exactly afford a stable apartment for two people. 😬😬😬😬

She still holds out hope though.

Does Giovanni get jealous?

How dare you ask!

The Great Giovanni Potage is never jealous!!!

Nope, not one bit.

Not even as the sales clerk slips you their number, only to find out they're being accused of tax fraud by an anonymous source the next day

Nope, totally not jealous 😤😤😤

He also totally does not hold your hand when another Banzai Captain is flirting with you so they get the message that you're taken.

Couldn't be him.

It is him please don't find somebody cooler with a better Epithet

Goldfish brain or not, he loves you and will support you through even the worst of blunders.

NEXT UP: Hiei Jaganshi

An: On an unrelated note, I would let Thorn from the Hex Girls break my spine like a toothpick.

MASTERLIST

[professoruber]

Epithet Erased Role Swap AU FanFic: A swapped place in Sweet Jazz City Prologue

Hi, This is just a quick Fanfiction I've written up based on the amazing Role Swap AU made by @spliinkles. I actually did have a somewhat similar idea before (which was what if some epithet related event caused characters to switch ages) but I really love the ideas of this AU and wanted to write about it.

Sorry first of all if there are any errors. I wrote this up kind of quickly and if I do find errors I will be willing to fix them if  I get around to it.

Am posting this fanfiction here because the Epithet Erased fandom seems biggest on Tumblr and also that's where this AU is from.

Prologue: You're reading it

Chapter 1: https://professoruber.tumblr.com/post/189841325568/a-swapped-place-in-sweet-jazz-city-chapter-1

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Giovanni Potage was what some might call a variety of unflattering yet undeniably accurate descriptors. Such things included ‘problem child’ and ‘wannabe delinquent’, both titles he wore with pride.

With the exception of the ‘wannabe’ part of course, if you were to ask him, he would insist he was the most feared delinquent in his school’s history and most definitely not an adorable little soup child.

His reign of delinquency was joined by his friends, his ‘boys’ as he called them. Two of these aforementioned boys were now accompanying him on the most boring field trip ever.

“-and that’s when I smash that ball right into the principle’s office, and everyone cheered” Giovanni finishes accounting his latest most definitely truthful anecdote about his misadventures as a dangerous criminal delinquent.  His squeaky twelve-year-old vocal cords pushed to their deepest potential level in order to attempt to put on a wave of coolness on top of what he considers his amazing storytelling ability.

 “WOW GIOVANNI. YOU’RE SO AMAZING! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH” Screams one of his friends, known most often as Crusher for rather self-explanatory reasons. The high volume of his sudden outburst eliciting a glare from one of the museum guides who were currently giving a tour to their class.

The young guide turns away from the crowd of youths briefly to pop another pain pill before taking a deep breath and snapping back towards the kids with a forced smile.

“As I was saying before I was… interrupted…” she began, briefly pausing to once again glare at Crusher, who blessed with embarrassment and hid behind the protection of Giovanni as she continues “Epithets are rare and amazing powers gifted to just a one in five of the population. Wow, so cool. Anyway, moving on…” she begins to keep walking before being lightly nudged by her older bearded co-guide.

“Come now my apprentice Mera. It is important to show enthusiasm for this thing. It’s important to always do your best in every situation” the man says the last sentence with such sheer power that he flexes for emphasis, prompting a array of awed stares bystanders at his muscular build.

Mera even admires it for a moment before turning back to the children and sighing “You’re right Indus… I’ll try to spice up the tour a bit” she gives a somewhat more genuine smile this time, as Indus pats her on the back.

“Now that’s the spirit! Why don’t we tell them about the Arsene Amulet, that will certainly spice things up” Indus suggests with large genuine smile aimed at his young apprentice.

Mera goes wide eyed at the mention of the amulet before whispering to Indus “Uh… Indus I’m not sure if telling these kids about the amulet is a good idea”

Indus looks thoughtful but nevertheless was still in proud teacher mode “Do not worry apprentice Mera. No harm should come from granting these children some of the wonder of this museum”

Mera eventually relents and soon launches into a somewhat less half-hearted explanation of the amulet as well as other cool and interesting exhibits, Indus sometimes dropping in to suggest topics, such as the Dinosaur exhibition which he insists is amazing.

However, these were quickly drowned out Giovanni’s criminal mind as it’s focus settled firmly on the fact a mysterious cool amulet was hidden within these halls. An awesomely evil formed from the dark confines of his self-proclaimed delinquent mind.

“Car Crash, Crusher, come with me” he whispers in his best covert voice before snatching his pair of friends away from the tour. The former blushed at the close contact to his crush while the latter looked annoyed.

“Hey, my name’s Fred. All I did was crash Ben’s go-kart five times and now everyone just won’t let it go!” He complains and throws up his hands in annoyance.

“Shush, will you? Whatever. I have an awesome plan to show the whole entire world my awesome criminal skills so no one will deny that Giovanni Potage is the most awesome supervillain of all time!” He exclaims quietly with clenched fist.

Crusher loved every moment of It and even ‘Fred’ was captivated by the intensity if nothing else.  

“I will sneak inside the museum; spray paint my name on the exhibits. And then for the finale I will steal that amulet thingy and leave a pool of boiling lava and… uh… acid! In its place. These history nerds will never no one hit them” he gives a smug smile, proud of himself for having come up with such a villainous plan.

Crusher fell to the floor as he clenches his heart, overwhelmed by the sheer continued amazingness of Giovanni. Fred meanwhile was somewhat confused on What Giovanni’s plan was.

“So, you want to get an amulet which steals Epithets?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

Giovanni looks confused for a moment before putting two and two together “oh is that what that thing does? Nah that’s totally lame. What I want is the street cred. If I pull this off then all the greatest criminal gangs will be begging to have me join them. Maybe I might be able to join the Bushido Blasters… or even the Banzai Blasters!” He exclaims with enthusiasm.

As Crusher continued to be amazed, Fred scratched the back of his head “I don’t know man, this seems kind of dangerous even compared to what we usually get up to. And me and ‘Crusher’ can’t be out after dark, so you’ll be alone for this”

Crusher cries manly boy tears at the thought of having to abandon Giovanni. But Giovanni simply dramatically holds his hand to his chest and begins to reassure them.

“Don’t worry my boys! I have the greatest- hey what’s that over there!” He suddenly shouts pointing to the left, and grinning as Crusher and Fred look to in that direction. While his friends are distracting, Giovanni quickly dashes behind them and yells “Teleports behind!”, startling both boys.

“As you can see my stealth skills and unmatched. And after tonight no one will able to deny the supervillainy of Giovanni Potage!”

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Across the city in the backroom of a family owned toy store sat a young barely adult woman wearing a dark green dress and a yellow apron and boots, her dark brown hair tied up to prevent it getting in her face.

The woman was working stoically on toys which would be sold in the Blyndeff Toy Emporium, her family’s store.

“Police are still baffled at the recent theft of expensive several statues from a local art gallery, all of which were replaced by teddy bears. Despite the absurdity of this case police have still found no leads on the criminals responsible, although reports suggest Banzai Blasters may have been involved- “ the noise drowns out in the woman’s mind as her lips slip into an evil grin as she recalls the recent caper which led to her promotion from Blaster to Captain in the Banzai ranks.

In the monotonous world of manufacturing and retail she was glad to have an outlet to cut loose when she could, keeping up appearances in front of customers and not hitting the many who deserved it was tiring, and she’s been doing this for around a decade at this point.

Taking a deep breath, she got back to work, turning off the news livestream playing on her phone just had it had begun talking about how a Detective Ashling had been assigned to the case. She had bigger things to concern herself with right now.

Namely that of her first heist as a Banzai Captain. Her crew of minions were ready and a location had been mapped out. Now all she needed to do was complete the final workings of her special criminal helper toys, as well as the toys which need to be sold.

“Molly! Mum wants to know if the new toys are ready yet!” The bratty voice of the woman’s little sister comes through the door of the workshop as the young girl in question walks into take a look herself.

Molly feels like grimacing but instead effortlessly donned a smile as hollow as her soul.

“Almost done Lorelai. Tell mum I’ll have these out on the shelves soon” she said with a mask of cheerfulness, to which Lorelai simply rolled her eyes at and gave a quick “Whatever” before leaving back to the rest of the building, shutting the door behind her.

Molly got back to work, only stopping at one point to take out a small picture of the Sweet Jazz Museum, causing her to gain a much more genuine, and evil smile “tonight” she simply says, as she returns to work.

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Later in the dead of night, Giovanni’s head raises up above from a bin. He leaps out and whisper shouts “Teleports inside!” to himself as he looks around.

He proceeds to run carelessly around the now empty halls of the museum, slipping and knocking some stuff over a few times before arriving in the entrance.

“Uh hu! This shall be a great place to begin the reign of terror of Giovanni Potage” the twelve year out super-criminal announces as he walks up to the desk.

“I should call my boys, to let them know I got it, not that they would be surprised of course” He picks up the phone and dials Car Crash’s number, only for it to fail to go through. Confused, Giovanni looks at the phone only to find an explanation of its true nature.

“Internal and emergency calls only? Pfft, lame” he comments as he slams down the receiver. He then proceeds to duck down under the desk and take out some items from his bag. First a whoopy cushion which he fashions to the chair and then a canister of spray paint.

He begins spray painting a message about how lame their phone system is. Meanwhile as the young delinquent writes, a hole in the roof is silently made and a group of Banzai Blaster begin slowly coming in from above, going unheard from anyone who might be within earshot thanks to their leader’s Epithet.

The last to go down is their new Captain, Bear Trap, who under the silence of her Epithet begins handing out instructions to her minions.

“There all done” Giovanni says proudly as he finishes his villainous vandalism, popping back up from behind the desk her suddenly comes eye to eye with Bear Trap.

All parties present simply fall back, startled due to not expecting to encounter anyone else. For a few moments silence reigns even without the assistance of Bear Trap’s Epithet.

The silence isn’t broken until the shock face of Giovanni suddenly shifts into one of wonder and excitement.

“Wow criminals! Awesome!”

[robininthelabyrinth]

here are some keywords about a fic (idk if it’s 200 words or 20k i’d read it anyway) if you wrote it: coldflash/coldflashwave kidnapped!tiedup!gagged!barry and some insane villain who enjoys driving len and/or mick mad.

A fill for Coldflash Weeks Day 2: Hostage Situation/Kidnap

Anon: I’m sorry. I tried. It came out as crack despite my best efforts.

Ao3 link

Summary: Leonard Snart joins the Legion of Doom as Team Flash’s inside spy, except then Barry gets captured and tied up by the leader of the group. Luckily for Barry, Len’s terrible sense of humor comes to the rescue.

——————————————-

It’d seemed like a good idea at the time.

“Our known enemies are forming a new League of Evil People Doing Bad Things, but they’re being super secretive about it this time – clearly the best way to figure out what they’re up to is to have one of our allies, someone no one will ever suspect, infiltrate it!”

Now, who do does Team Flash possibly know who could pull that delicate balance of ‘evil but not actually that evil’ off?

Unlike Mick, Len has the advantage of having spent a few years dead for tax reasons instead of running around saving the world, and his only famous exploits before that were as the Flash’s enemy rather than his ally. So, naturally, he’s the obvious pick for the job, even if he had originally planned on laying low for a while, recover from the whole death thing, maybe running a few heists to stay in shape, that sort of thing.

Despite Len’s best intentions regarding that, Barry tracked him down and asked Len to join the Loathsome Legion of Darkness. For his sake.

He even said please.

One day, Len will figure out how to say no to Barry when he’s doing that big wide-eyed “it’s for the good of the city!” pleading expression.

That particular day, alas, was not the day.

So Len took himself over to the villains they knew were involved and crashed their party, doing the whole smirking and innuendo and intimidation thing that basically counts as a supervillain’s resume submission, and he got himself a nomination for the Confederacy of Criminals.

It wasn’t all that easy, of course. They demanded a show of good faith first.

A demonstration of Len’s criminal credentials and his general villainous disposition.

Len robbed them while they weren’t looking and offered to give them back their weapons as their sign of good faith, with an added helping of his boot up their ass.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, that actually worked, and before you know it, Len’s a full-fledged member of the Malicious Mob.

Naturally, they don’t trust him at first, giving him little jobs that are more about appeasing him and keeping him in the group long enough to use him as cannon fodder in someone else’s plans, but Len’s nobody’s henchmen. He starts working his way up the ranks of the Network of Nefarious No-Gooders, making himself useful to one person, then another.

Of course, usually he’s helping people with backstabbing other members of the Society of Sociopaths, and the superheroes don’t really object to those - and, of course, the villains treat it as de rigeur. Sometimes, however, it’s pulling jobs against superheroes he’d never even known existed and has no particularly good ways of countering.

Luckily, Len is very good at his job.

Every once in a while, though, he’s forced to help with…less savory things.

For instance, today, the leader of the Band of Blackguards and Bad Guys had apparently managed to capture a superhero (how he avoided letting his overwhelming incompetence stop him from successfully doing so is a mystery) and wants Len to help torture him, or at least help keep watch while said superhero gets tortured.

Len never likes those jobs in the best of times, and he usually finds some way to avoid them, but in this case, he got a very special personal invitation to the torture session.

And the reason for that invitation is because the kidnapped superhero in question is the Flash.

“I knew you’d enjoy this one,” the leader of the Club of Convicts and Criminal Masterminds crows. “At last, Cold, your membership in our little group has paid off.”

Please. Like Len would ever need the help of the Atrocious Alliance to capture Barry.

Len could probably bait a cardboard box with some pizza and that would work.

Or maybe he’d just pop over to STAR Labs, where there is still no security system, and say “I need you for a kidnapping, please come this way” and Barry probably would.

Len loves the guy, but they really need to work on his gullibility.

As it is, however, Barry is currently a prisoner of the Order of Offended and Offensive Outlaws.

He’s still in his costume with his mask intact, which is good and means that Len won’t have to murder the leader of the Gang of Gruesome Gangsters to protect Barry’s identity, but he’s also, as Len likes to put it, a little tied up at the moment.

Barry’s on his knees, his body draped with silvery ropes that glimmer blue and look like something that just came out of the laboratories. His hands are tied behind his back and his knees are spread, and he’s been gagged with an equally silvery ball gag that makes his lips look even redder in contrast.

Len’s going to rescue him.

Totally.

He just, uh, needs a few seconds to fix this image in his head for posterity.

And possibly take a few pictures first.

Oh, now Barry’s glaring at Len. Specifically, at Len’s stolen iPhone that he’s using to take photos. But that’s okay! Len’s cool with it. It gives the pictures a very sexy implied non-con effect.

“Now, Flash, you are at our non-existent mercy! We have captured – are you quite done taking pictures, Cold?” the leader of the Syndicate of Sinister Scoundrels asks, scowling at Len.

“No,” Len says. “Hold up, I want to get a different angle.”

“Cold, stop that at once. You’re not helping create the appropriately intimidating effect,” the leader snarls.

“Don’t let me interfere with your monologue, O Glorious Leader,” Len says. “Hey, Flasher, gimme a smile.”

Barry glares death.

He must really not be able to get out of those ropes.

Len goes to get a picture from the back (Barry has such excellent assets, it’d be a crime to overlook them) and Barry flips him off from where his hands are tied together.

“Nice,” Len says appreciatively. “Very nice. You know I like it when you’re feisty for me.”

The leader of the Coterie of Conniving Crooks coughs pointedly. “Do you want me to let you have some…alone time with your superhero?”

“Yeah, boss,” Len says. “That’d be great. You can leave now.”

“The question was rhetorical,” the leader says flatly.

“And the answer wasn’t,” Len says. “What’s your point?”

“Are you sleeping with your superhero?” the leader of the Hookup of Hateful Hooligans demands. He sounds appalled, which is just offensive. He’s the bad guy here! He has no place to judge!

“I mean,” Len says, “not at the moment, no.”

“I don’t know if we allow that sort of thing,” the leader of the Association of Absolute Assholes sniffs.

“What if it was entirely non-consensual?” Len asks. It’s important to know where they draw the line.

“I wasn’t suggesting that it was consensual!”

Seriously?

Gross.

“Listen, are you going to let me torture him or not?” Len asks, putting away his phone and crossing his arms. “I thought that’s why you called me here, so I could get some of my kicks in before he’s inevitably rescued by the good guys.”

“Rescue is not inevitable,” the leader of the Institute of Incurable Idiots objects.

“It kind of is,” Len says. “Since they’ve done it every other time we’ve successfully kidnapped a good guy or done something else like this. Now shoo.”

“I want to torture him too!”

“You don’t get to,” Len says sternly. “He’s mine. I’m very possessive -“

"Since when?!”

“It’s a new development. Anyway, you don’t want to cross a possessive supervillain. Remember Gotham?”

The leader of the Circle of Craven Cowards winces. He does remember Gotham.

“Fine,” he says sulkily. “You can have him.”

“I’ll be sure to monologue before I do anything untoward,” Len promises. "I’ll follow your wonderful example.”

The leader of the Federation of Fugitive Felons scowls at him and flounces away.

He’d probably think of it as a menacing glide, but really, it’s a flounce.

Len turns back to Barry and removes the gag at once.

“Were the pictures really necessary?” Barry hisses.

“Entirely,” Len lies. “I definitely wasn’t taking them for my own amusement. Not at all.”

Barry tries to maintain a glare and ends up sniggering.

“But seriously, what are you doing here? Are these ropes actually enough to keep you back?”

“They’re problematic,” Barry allows, which means yes. “But actually, thanks to your intel, we’ve figured out what the doomsday device they’re working on and we’re planning a big attack on it tomorrow, so we’re here to pull you out. Ideally with your cover intact in case the Legion reforms after we take them down.”

It’s not like Len won’t leap at any chance to escape the Wicked Wrongdoers of the World here, he’s been dying of boredom for weeks, but an escape that keeps his cover intact means…

“You’re going to kidnap me?” Len says, starting to grin. “Oh, good. Will I be tied up? Will you use the gag?”

Barry rolls his eyes at him.

“What if I ask really nicely?”

“I’ve told you once, I’ll tell you again,” Barry says. “Not in public.”

“Spoilsport.”