#anyway uh so obvi i've been ill for the past month and can barely exert myself with any physical activity
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#tw for the comments gonna talk about eating / dietary things / weight loss all related to illness not to ED#but just giving the warning bc and some butfer so you don't have to read the tags if you would be triggered#also i said comments i meant tags you get what i mean#anyway uh so obvi i've been ill for the past month and can barely exert myself with any physical activity#and i'm on a bland diet to help ease my symptoms so i can only eat certain foods and have been sticking to it for two and a half weeks now#but between low appetite being a symptom & eating unappetizing foods & having such a low energy level my appetite is in the fcking ground#yesterday i had one packet of apple sauce and half a sleeve of saltines#the appetite just continues to get worse so i have been eating less and less every day#not intentionally#but the gurgling and rumbling is much easier to deal with the pain & nausea i feel every time i eat#or having to run to the bathroom to get sick#or deal with forcing myself to eat something soooo unappealing#my ND food preferences have been a pain in the ASS with this let me tell you#i don't keep scales around so i have to remember to ask to be weighed at the doctor's on friday#not so i know how much i weigh but so i can compare it to when they weighed me three weeks ago#i have rlly bad body dysmorphia so i can't really tell when my weight or body changes#it doesn't affect my sense of body image any more i've just accepted i don't understand how my body looks and define it for myself#but that means like i cannot tell if i have been losing weight or how much or see any of the changes on myself if there are any#it's also really annoying being part of such a diet culture fatphobic family#i was complaining to my parent and sibling about how i'd already lost a chunk of weight after my tonsil surgery#and now i'm potentially losing even more in a short period of time#and they both said 'so?! that's a good thing isn't it?!'#... nno . no it's not#none of my clothes fit and i lost weight by being starved of nutrition during recovery in both cases so ... ?? how is that a GOOD thing?!#ughhhHhh#i just want it to be friday already so i can see my doc and get to next steps#hikey
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