#anyway time to put my character back into the void i guess. it don't mind.

[zecoritheweirdone]

one day i'll do something with the like. 30+ recordings i have of my time on etern1ty smp. one day. that day is not today.

[captzexx]

2025: The Front End

Roleplay. Roleplay never changes.

Actually it changes a lot, who am I kidding? Or maybe I'm just changing? No probably not. I think I've reached an age where I'm kind of stuck where I am and this will be what it will be. So here we are again, another year to go and another (possible) delusion of grandeur to thinking I might put something coherency to writing and playing.

But I'm still here and I'm gonna still make the effort.

But who the hell am I?

Who the hell am I? I'm Zach or Capt Zexx or Mogwai Kraken depending on where or when we may have talked. I'm an older person (40) for sure with the same aspirations (delusions) of being something of a pulp adventure writer a 100 years too late. Swords, sorcery, metal, and nostalgia work well with my constant thirst for decaf coffee (I'm old), protein, and somehow swimming out of the funk that comes with every day. As you might be able to surmise from some of my re-posts, the next four years feel like they're going to be 84 years. But some times we'll succeed and a lot of time we won't.

But we keep going.

I host a couple roleplay blogs and story ideas on here because I have a tendency to not be able to sit on an idea for long enough to make some thing good out of it. That's what this is all about though.

Keep trying.

Keep going.

So if you'd like to collaborate, throw art at each, or critic whatever we're doing in this world or the next feel free to send a message or ask. I try to cover a lot different genres in my work as you'll see in the cut but I am not exclusive to these. Got an idea to share or maybe something I know nothing about, please throw it my way I would love to listen, learn, and explore it.

Anyways, as always, here's my Wonderwall.

THE BLOGS

The majority of these are all based out of the World of Warcraft. It's been my home for over 25 years, I can't get away as much as I might try. We're too entwined and I'm tired of fighting it, so I'm gonna embrace it and be comfortable in it.

Embers of the Order ( @embersoftheorder ) This is my main focus for protagonists for my writing and roleplaying. Can you guess who it involves? I can never get away from that wonderful Witcher inspired group of monster hunters from Kul Tiras, the Order of Embers. I love Drustvar so much and the head canon group I built up are always in the back of my mind when I listen to music or try to come up with something to write. But with the old faces like Eld or Cheryl, gonna try to bring some side characters to the front like Rachel or Beld or non-Ember members who can help like Ganus or Ramses. We'll see what happens but it's kind of nice having a heroic blog that I can store and play with them all.

An Unending Gaze ( @anunendinggaze ) As there is a light side of my roleplaying/writing there has to be a dark side. I've wanted for years to stretch my legs and limits to play more sinister types with a dark agenda or plans, but I guess I'm always more inherit-ably the good guy than a villain. But it doesn't mean I don't dream of firing the death star, forging the ring, or body hopping realities with an obsession for the Old Ones within the vastness of the Void. And I am leaning hard into that last one with Oplisca, my old cultist antagonist to my oldest character who I'm trying to mold into some kind of overarching monster. But I can't just have her as other characters have had their run-ins with so many villains. Alfred Klaudin the murderous zealot, the Fredman a roaming Drust serial killer, Kinowin the misplaced power hungry cultist, or Daesyd the money hungry architect. I'm working on them all and very willing to build more even those that aren't cultists or maniacs, the idea of a Light blinded soldier or a corrupted figure all come to mind. I need to work on it and would love if someone could help me or guide me with this menagerie.

Of Bronze and Sage ( @bronzeandsage ) Went ahead and made new blog for my Horde side life, it has been highly productive. I’ve leaned on a couple of old characters from my multiverse to create a base but I’m happy to report I’ve made up a few new ones to help round it out! Relying on my lack of knowledge to make it as much a journey of discovery as a refresh to playing and roleplaying. So join my orc thief Sevlaz as he learns what it is to be a ward of the Bronze and a champion of The Word. For the Horde.

A Crow Among Sparrows ( @acrowamongsparrows ) I fell in love with the music of the Witcher games and in turn fell in love with the lore that came from it via the books, comics, and to lesser extent the television show. So I had to make up my own kind of head-canon for the Witcher verse with my cast of characters to fill it, but I didn't want to stray from a lot I already built and knew. Enter Eld of Kovir and the other members of this 'Scooby gang'. I recently did a large stint of stories for a writing challenge for them and found I had a lot to say. I would love to keep saying these things and press on with them.

Conduit Dreams ( @conduitdreams ) There is so much rattling in my head in regards to cyberpunk and what I want out of the stories to be told in my world here. I love noir and the idea of a urban future hard boiled stories involving robots, existence, and a smattering of human horror combined with eldritch is just simmering in my brain. I think of a city caught in the middle between two governments where capital gains rules more then moral gains while the people struggle to survive. Midwich and the agents of S.T.O.N. trying to keep the populace safe for human and 'conduit' kind.

With An Emerald Eye ( @withanemeraldeye ) Adventures in the pulp fantasy of swords, sorcery, and adventure. I love old Conan stories or Fafhrd and Gray Mouser tales of swords against devilry, I try to put it into my more higher fantasy stuff in Azeroth when I can but I would love to do more with low/weird fantasy stuff. Give me underground cults, jewel thefts, and brave people facing impossible odds. Plus kick ass art and heavy metal.

These blogs and ideas are not what I am limited to as I have a great interest in post apocalyptic stories or urban fantasy or modern horror. Whatever. I'm open and interested in expanding my horizons as much as a word a document.

[hestzhyen]

Character Investment Advisory Update: End of the Rakuzaichi Arc

Hi void, it's time for lobotomy during the break week. Thank you as always for letting me yap into your gentle, ambivalent ear.

TL;DR: re-read chapters 18, 40, and 44 to be reminded of the set up for the next arc. Invest in Kamunabi characters; Kyoura performed better than expected, opinion changed for Soya. Questions remain about the worthiness of investing in certain types of Azami, Shiba, and Hakuri stock.

Post is quite long due to images and section spacing but individual character blurbs are pretty short (compared to the walls of text I usually post at least (´。＿。｀)).

OG Post - speculation and predictions made as of Ch. 39 (not required or recommended, honestly). Updated status under the cut.

Kunishige: safe (major) | UNCHANGED

Everyone's favorite dead DILF is only getting more and more relevant as time goes on, as expected. Expect a sharp increase in backstory and extra context as Chihiro joins the Kamunabi to learn more about him and the Magatsumi. Invest moderately and pray for disaster trio flashbacks of him, Shiba, and Azami doing some of the dumbest shit possible. At the same time, prepare for more emotional gut-punches because Chihiro's probably going to learn some very unpleasant truths.

Chihiro: safe (major) | UNCHANGED

My boy continues to astound and amaze every week. He's the MC -meaning we're stuck with him no matter what- so thank god he's so refreshing. A stoic critical thinker who adapts and takes calculated risks is a breath of fresh air. I've been reading WSJ series for a long time and while I love me my Ichigos, Dekus, Itadoris, and so on it's great to see something new. Might make a useless long rant about all the reasons why some day, who knows. Anyway I love him to pieces and will keep investing heavily. I trust whatever plan he's got brewing, no matter how half-baked it is as long as it involves keeping Hakuri by his side.

Is this the arc where he gets punished for winging things and trying to make a miracle, I wonder? All of the hope in the narrative is tied to Chihiro succeeding... if he errs it falters, possibly even dies if he screws up badly enough. We're riding high after the end of the Rakuzaichi arc and things will probably work out for the best this time as well, if I had to make a blind guess. But I'm ready and waiting to have my heart crushed into a fine paste too. Invest moderately in a complete success scenario.

Shiba: safe (major) | UNCHANGED

Look at him! We finally see him doing something onscreen and he's being a responsible, kindhearted adult! Still got a lot of mysteries around the exact nature of his sorcery ability but they can wait honestly. I'm way more interested in seeing these insights into his character little by little. Getting pretty strong "regretful adult trying to do right by the kids" vibes from him through the end of this arc and I'm here for them. War criminal or not, I trust you with these traumatized children Mr. Shiba; you're not perfect but you're doing your best. Maybe consider investing in hair dye stocks as well now that he's got two traumatized orphans with self-sacrificing tendencies to look after.

The big question on my mind right now is if he'll join back up with the Kamunabi or not. He could do it for Chihiro's sake I think, but he seems to be much, much happier acting as a free agent. There could also be some bad blood between him and the org that we don't know about yet. The next few chapters will give us a clear idea of what his role will be, so wait to see if Offscreen Sorcery stocks are still a safe investment or not.

To address the baby elephant in the room: yeah, Shiba can die. It's a revenge story and if John Hishaku thinks Chihiro's too soft then guess who's first up to be offed? That's right, the mentor/adoptive uncle figure. But I'm not gonna put stock into that right now. If we see Shiba training Hakuri to take over for him "just in case" followed by a backstory dump that leads into him reminiscing over his regrets then get a little worried. But he's fine for now.

Hishaku Sorcerer: risky (minor) | UNCHANGED

Still waiting for him to show up as more than an ominous scenery detail. He's probably going to be a mid-boss at best for Team Goldfish to put down in epic fashion, but don't discount his potential to dredge up trauma for Chihiro.

Hinao: safe (minor) | UNCHANGED

Still only going to be there for plot convenience and some downtime moments, but at least she's not at risk of dying or being totally written out. Low risk low reward. Hope she's charging a competitive babysitter's rate with hazard pay included.

Char: safe (minor) | UNCHANGED

Nothing bad is ever allowed to happen to her again, so for Char to remain safe in a series like this, the less time she spends on-screen during fights the better. She probably won't have much plot involvement going forward but at least we can count on her for some comic relief and heartfelt moments. Another low risk, low reward investment.

Sojo: inadvisable (minor) | UNCHANGED

He's dead as fuck but invest if you want to, I'm not your dad.

Oni Mask Sorcerer: inadvisable (minor) | UNCHANGED

His few remaining fans are eagerly awaiting him to appear after nearly 20 chapters of absence, but most readers don't expect to see him again. I will acknowledge his potential as a recurring background character or a secret boss but I won't bet on it. Not a lot anyway.

Azami: safe (minor) | VALUATION INCREASE

Azami's another one that's been absent for nearly 20 chapters now but it's a good time to invest. He's going to be a key player in the upcoming arc, I can feel it in my bones. Azami will most likely be our primary window into the politicking going on in the upper echelons of the organization while Chihiro deals with the rank and file directly. And if we get into Kunishige's backstory, he'll be involved there as well since he's an old friend, same as Shiba. I'm really looking forward for the story to dig into the difference in ethos between him and Shiba; why he stayed while the other was glad to leave.

The most interesting investment opportunity will be in the Traitor stocks- some folks are convinced that he must be the one who tipped off the Hishaku to get Kunishige murdered, but I'm not so sure about that. Hedge bets carefully around this one.

Ikuto: safe (minor) | VALUATION INCREASE

RIP these guys, jobbed too soon. Ikuto is alive at least and can show up. I won't speculate on the specifics of how or when he'll appear but it's fine to invest a little into his well-being. Because losing the lower half of his body is probably the worst thing that will happen to him for the rest of the story. Right?

Kazane: safe (minor) | VALUATION INCREASE

Alright! It's gonna be his time to shine! If Kazane gets the Hakuri treatment, investing in him will yield great emotional enrichment. I can't wait to see him clash with Chihiro to build up the payoff we've been waiting for since he ratted out Chihiro's existence to the Kamunabi. He'll probably play second fiddle to Hiyuki for extended parts, but he will still come back for more development or I'm seven toads in a trench coat.

As to the suffering stonks, while it's unknown if he's been through worse than Hakuri, pain isn't a competition in the first place. He's the one who can best relate to Chihiro's particular brand of trauma between the two of them though. So I'm excited to see a lot of him bouncing off of Chihiro and growing as a result. Even better if he can bounce off of Hakuri too.

There's some Kazane slander going on (in good fun) calling him the next Potential Man to compared to Hakuri's Potential Fulfilled status, but I believe in him. Chihiro's gonna save him too. Invest!

Kamunabi HQ Roundtable: safe (minor) | VALUATION UPGRADE

These guys are going to have different evaluations individually but as a group, they are a safe investment. They will be Doing Things and moving the plot above Chihiro's level while our protagonist tries to use them for his own ends. Some are sympathetic, some are neutral, and some are hostile to him. Very potent brew of personal and professional interests clashing here. Invest if you are a fan of faction politics and corrupt government arcs. (Me, this setup is made for me, and I am putting my whole being into this arc and the maneuvering these guys will be doing while also dealing with the Hishaku and Chihiro.)

Individuals will be evaluated once the arc proper is underway but I'm betting that these three will be the safest investments in terms of entertainment value and screen time:

They seem like the biggest fish in the org. Especially Mr. Beard and Mr. Prince Nez as we've had quite a few shots of them during the Meanwhile, at the Kamunabi HQ segments.

Current Wielders: safe (minor) | NEW

I didn't expect to get to the Kamunabi this quickly so I left them off the list last time. All five of these guys are under the Kamunabi's protection so we're bound to meet them, though Chihiro might not get to see Magatsumi's wielder until later on since he's imprisoned like some kind of malevolent spirit. Once we meet them it'll be easier to give them individual ratings but much like the HQ brass, they're safe to invest in as a group. They seem like an eclectic bunch personality-wise so I'm excited to meet and get to know them.

Hiyuki: safe (major) | UNCHANGED

Her, her, her!!! Lots of Hiyuki on the horizon! Invest freely! I think she'll be the focused Guest Character of this arc like Hakuri was for the Rakuzaichi. Seeing her be moved by Chihiro at the climax of the previous arc really makes me excited for what's next. Her backstory, her reasons for working with the Kamunabi, everything.

She's brash and outspoken but we haven't seen much of her actual thought process yet... what's going on in that gorgeous spaghetti-filled head of hers? Where is she on the sliding scale of friend<-->enemy? Will we get to see Spinal Column? I don't care if it's just as a practice match, I want Hiyuki/Tafuku vs. Chihiro/Hakuri round 2... ah, there's so much I'm excited for. Please don't step on me but do tell me what your deal is. And bicker more with Chihiro; the mid-battle storehouse bit was one of the best interactions he's had with another character so far.

Hakuri: safe (minor) | VALUATION UP

My blorbo! I'm so glad he's staying with Team Goldfish. Hakuri is safe to invest in... with an abundance of caution when it comes to his future prospects as a recurring character.

Hakuri doesn't need further development as a character, sadly, so I'm interested in how he'll be used going forward. It's safe to invest in him as a permanent ally of Chihiro's much like Shiba, Char, and Hinao but I would advise waiting to see what he's set up to do in the next arc before going all-in on his growth. If he's Chihiro's buddy at the Kamunabi HQ then by all means, go wild. But if he's going to be hanging back at the cafe then grab that liquor and down the whole bottle (responsibly). There's no in-between in my opinion; he's either genuinely a color-coded deuteragonist that will keep growing with Chihiro, or he's a Guest Star to be checked in on when he's useful for his abilities. I wish I could just relax and accept whatever comes but I don't have an anxiety disorder for nothing, y'know. So it goes for our favorites with late introductions and few significant ties to the larger narrative.

For now, Hakuri is safe and has the potential to find happiness. I hope he does it at Chihiro's side but I will try to spare myself from disappointment. Invest cautiously for now if you care about him continuing to be developed. And please pat me on the head for not writing a deep analysis on his character arc from start to finish (I'll probably do it anyway, but I really want a headpat).

Tafuku: safe (minor) | UNCHANGED

Wherever Hiyuki is, Tafuku will follow. He's a cool dude and I'm looking forward to seeing more of him. Tafuku is doing a stellar job of being the blue oni for Hiyuki and there's no sign of that changing anytime soon.

Please carry grumpy, tired Chihiro like a kid again I beg of you! Do it to Hiyuki too! And a bratty Kazane! Free piggyback rides for all the problem children!

Kyoura: inadvisable (minor) | VALUATION INCREASED

What a legend of an antagonist. I totally missed the mark by underestimating him in the original post. He's deader than dead (and hopefully rotting in hell) but man, he was absolutely incredible at the very end. It's too late to reap the benefits of investing in him but if dead abusive dads are your thing, go for it. He's not going to have presence in the story any more save to perhaps bother Chihiro and Hakuri in flashbacks, but hey, invest if you don't mind incurring a loss due to his overwhelming superiority as an arc villain.

Tenri: inadvisable (minor) | UNCHANGED

He's donezo but pour one out for this poor kid who never got a chance to live a normal life. Dead at about 16 years old because of his father's shortsightedness and shitty parenting techniques. Don't invest but do mourn who he could have been.

Soya: inadvisable (minor) | VALUATION DECREASED

Stay dead you fucking bastard. In hindsight, my original post wasn't harsh enough on you. I don't care if the wiki lists your status as "unknown"- you're dead to me. I will only accept you coming back via flashbacks to expand on Hakuri's backstory. Thank you for helping endear me to Hakuri but no one needs your "love" any more.

I don't think Soya will be back. At least I fucking hope not. He was in bad shape before Hakuri pressurized his guts, he was acknowledged as dead by Chihiro and Kyoura didn't deny it, and the framing in Ch. 43 leans super duper hard in to the "this guy is dead like his little bro" interpretation. And on top of all that a fucking building collapsed on him.

I hate the "twist" of villains surviving improbable odds... "But we didn't see the body! He didn't explode into giblets and a fine red mist! Someone could have whisked him out with a teleport ability and helped him him recuperate! Revival from beyond the grave with magic!" shouldn't be valid coping mantras, but they are thanks to cheap shock tactics in way too many works. Ugh. Anyway. Don't invest in this guy unless you like dead abusive brocons who only incur massive Ls.

Ice Lady: inadvisable (minor) | VALUATION UPGRADE

Another dead person who still has quite a large impact despite being six feet under.

She's probably going to continue showing up in Hakuri's memories as his motivation to keep saving people. I wouldn't expect to see as much of her now that we're probably done with the lion's share of Hakuri's development into a savior, but it also wouldn't be a surprise if he kept thinking back to her. He's going to be out there trying to prove to her that there's hope outside the cage. Rest in peace.

Mr. Inazuma (Yuu): inadvisable (minor) | UNCHANGED

Go home and live a happy life with your big sister, kid. May nothing bad ever happen to you guys again. But feel free to drop by the cafe to hang out with Char.

John Hishaku: safe (major) | UNCHANGED

The man continues to let his plans simmer and I am sitting here at the dinner table, napkin tucked and utensils in hand, wondering what the fuck is up with him. He's got a lot of work cut out for him to be as iconic as Kyoura or even Sojo but I have no doubts that he'll deliver. Being able to break Chihiro's stoicism without lifting a finger is pretty damn OP! Invest to fund his machinations, whatever they are.

Thank you as always, dear void. I hope your favorites get a ton of screen time and development in this arc or a later one! We'll survive the break weak together, Bachibros.

[hazelplaysgames]

uuuuh since the SD card port went and just stopped, i really haven't felt like uploading clips. so. bleck. i think i can already chalk it up as a mixed year for me.

that said, i feel like i should make at least something now that the queue is unquestionably emptying, so. how about them phone games? i'll just make it one big one under a Keep Reading because, fair warning, they're all gacha games. on that front alone, i can't advocate for anyone getting in all willy nilly. keep in mind, i haven't spent anything on any of them. i got "luck" in my usual username for a reason.

let me start with the only one i've played since... ah, last august, actually, Blue Archive! it's going well, i just hit level 87, the level cap for the time being, a couple days ago.

i'm still having fun with that one, so. nine months of fun with that one, story that kicked me like a mule, definitely more out of my time with it than i thought i was gonna get. we're in the middle of new stories now, and to fill in the event void, we're getting this mini-event featuring a girl named Aoi, who basically just shows up for that event. been a while. as you might guess by me bringing her up unprompted: a minor character who doesn't show up often? she stole my heart. it's honestly kinda impressive. something about her voice, mainly.

also, good news from the JP servers: they're putting the twin catgirl gamers in maid outfits! well, i mean, that event is a repeat, those two already were, but we'll be able to take them home this time!

additionally, a few months back, they started this system that grants a 10 pull ticket that's good for a month.

it has been working out for me. didn't get any bunny girls for the collab after Cunifest, so i missed out on comedy, but i at least got the two collab girls in a pity pull's worth. the actual bunny event is coming up just after my birthday in June, and. well, i won't argue with bunnies for my birthday. probably post about that tuesday/thursday if it's REALLY good, or split it 100 pulls per those days?

nah, at most it's 20 screenshots, lets not drag that out. it can be done in 1 post.

next, i got into Nikke far more recently- a couple months is accurate- and like. i get a lot of sniper rifle users in that one. Frima was the first, Red Hood(who is widely considered by the userbase as one of if not THE strongest unit. i can believe it), Alice(who is still considered damn good with Red here. the loaned version makes me believe it), Trony, D: Killer Wife(i actually pulled D and her alt costume at the same time), Harran, Maxwell- why am i a sniper rifle magnet? is it 'cause i like to play Heavy? am i just an easy mark?

you know i just realized neither of those pages show the girls names. be amazed i got Kasumi and Hiyori in the BA ones, please please. at the very least, the numbers on the bottom left can tell you those were actually the first pulls of those two banners.

anyways. since it was after i got through the final chapter in BA, i kinda figured it'd have a good story as well, and, yeah, absolutely better than i first thought. but the story is gated behind levelling, and while this was a point against BA too, it's far more prominent here. like, i got through all of BA's plot once i hit the 60s back in like, January or so, the grind to get into the story is practically constant with Nikke. also, the main story is 30 chapters in, and they're now calling it the prologue. i don't really want to witness that unchecked growth.

that all said, the main reason i got into either in the first place was because of the music: lotta good stuff in these two. no one set style, no one set tone, sum of it all is great. it is hard to suggest a place to start.

uh, as for the only gun gacha game i dropped right now, Arknights. just never meshed even after a few months, and if i remember right, the story has a similar issue as Nikke in being levelling locked. that all said, Nikke is probably the one i'll drop once phone space gets scarce. i enjoy it, but for the fact it's still the largest of the lot, eh... sadly, the best choice.

oh, and speaking of bunny girls, looks like that's also gonna be the next event for Nikke. hilarious. Alice is finally gettin' a proper alt!

in any case, i don't wanna go ditchin' the two rhythm games! i'll talk about the two side by side, kinda, if you wanna call it that. the first of which, Bang Dream! Girls Band Party!, commonly just called Bandori, and the second, D4DJ Groovy Mix. they both got a good selection of songs, though i do have to admit that if Bandori didn't have Butterfly, the song from Digimon, i probably would not have got into it these two as much as i did. here's two pages for that one:

they recently made a push for 500 songs in it, so i'm only missing about 80. i feel quite proud for clearing all those Hard songs, i was barely kicking past medium when i first started in December. unfortunately for me, this kinda also stems the flow of free stars, i think i'll get at best, one or two more pity pulls within the year. for birthday banners. those are like, 1/3 of normal banners. it's a harsh star economy here. anyways, D4DJ:

it throws a lot more currency types around, and the story... it might be timing about the whole xross wars arc, but what it is now ain't hitting what i'm looking for. ain't saying bad, just that i was kinda expecting more mundane. the gems in this one are also fairly consistent, so unless i want a lot ASAP, i feel like i can get a good, healthy enough amount within the rest of the year, even if the pulls are pricier than Bandori. might be going a little harder than i need to for some birthday banners.

if i could give shorthand preferences, i'd say: i give D4DJ props for the gameplay and modes that can be played, as well as overall difficulty curve and even accessibility, while Bandori i'll give the characters and story. while i like Rika(the redhead in the bunny suit up there) and Rinku of D4, i can fill out several lines of characters i like from Bandori, so. most of them, actually.

above the rest, easily, Kokoro, the blond one up there, she's just so happy like a ray of sunshine, i adore her. whenever a Hello, Happy World! song demo starts playing, it's usually her on vocals, and like a moth to a flame, i wanna play it.

i feel like both have great song selections, but what they each encompass is a bit different: Bandori only has originals and cover songs, all lyrics, all the way, and i think most of them are good. meanwhile, D4DJ, while obviously having ori's and covers, also has some original songs from other artists, instrumentals, and game music straight from either the source or a remixer like Camellia, who made a few songs in Mad Rat Dead, and i really appreciate having those as well.

ok, i am underplaying Camellia's full efforts there, fella does a lot of good remixes and originals. i mean, a lot a lot. you can't go two rhythm games without seeing his name, and for good reason: he's that good.

also, i know both series have youtube channels with animated seasons to them, but i haven't given either a watch yet. i learned those channels existed like a week ago, never considered the possibility before.

also.

love these birthday banners! D4DJ even gives you a few free pulls once a day while the banner is up to celebrate, which i find nice.

i guess i did also try Love Live 2, but, by download size, that was actually bigger than Nikke, and it relied entirely on its original songs. it felt hard to get into, aaaand... it is shutting down in a couple days now. still, got Snow Halation in, Rin was cute, Nico Nico Ni, Nozomi Tojo, David Schwimmer, guest starring the "SKULLS" parasite unit. to explain the joke, Triple-Q's Friends Halation. i like most Snow Halation mashes.

all right, anything else i want to mention here and now... nah. i think that's good, i feel talked out.

[callioope]

I want to scream into the void and rant about offline stuff, but I also feel this huge hesitation of posting too much detail on the internet, so, here's as short and vague as I could pare it down to:

just basically feeling super overwhelmed by "adulting" offline stuff including: buying a new house, moving but taking several months to actually pack/move/unpack, selling the old house, shopping for more furniture to fill the new house, being constantly ill since early October, researching and choosing new doctors (including primary care and OBGYN), having a rough stretch of OCD and anxiety ickiness, having to stop fencing for medical reasons (not related to fencing, i did not get injured, i just have Other stuff going on), and experiencing the general holiday fatigue of gift shopping and event hopping

I spend my free time handling the above items, on top of the usual daily chores of, you know, laundry and cleaning and "what do you mean i have to make another meal again i just ate"

and i haven't really had any time to connect with my creative outlets -- posting on tumblr, writing, playing the uke, even DND to a small extent (not enough time to put into character building between sessions) although DND has been like the ONE thing still happening

and it just sucks and I want to write but when I finally do get time I'm just so tired, so i just ended up scrolling mindlessly on tumblr or watching dumb youtube videos -- if I'm lucky instead I'll watch an actual play show but for a bit I was caught up on CR and Fantasy High and didn't know what to watch next because the next season comes out so soon so I don't want to get caught up in something else

[side bar: been working my way through one-shots, finished the amazing Escape from the Bloodkeep and I'm almost done with Mice and Murder. Mice and Murder has been super fun and entertaining and I kinda want to play a clue style rpg now -- side side bar but i collect clue variations -- and with the RO anniversary on my mind I've been wanting to read like a clue or sherlock holmes style AU but i have been having trouble finding one? like it can't have been 7 years with no sherlock holmes type rebelcaptain AU? maybe i need to try different AUs or search terms or filters? anyways. would also read a shadowgast murder mystery AU too, still mostly reading shadowgast fic anyways although EVEN FIC I haven't been reading as much either, but the RO anniversary had me thinking about Them again a little bit]

anyways i kinda felt like posting here would help me feel a little bit more connected, i guess, to the creative side of myself? since this is sort of my primary creative outlet, or used to be, if that makes sense.

also i saw a post about something called get your words out, which had some writing goals that looked attainable even for me with all the Stuff happening, and that has felt a little bit like -- something to maybe look forward to, to maybe help me get back into things... I don't know if I'll pledge yet and maybe I'd just do something for myself in that vein but yeah. something more interesting to think about than searching my insurance website or shopping for shelving or chairs or sofas...

gonna go back to watching Mice and Murder. thanks for reading this rant.

[undead-potatoes]

I wanna ask that question right back! Which of your OCs is most like you? I'm curious!

I thought about this question for like an hour while trying to sleep last night, and all I'll say is don't do deep self reflection exercises in the dark before bed kids

Also this got kinda long, ops 🙈

Much like you (and I'm sure everyone else) I put pieces of myself into all my OCs, intentionally or otherwise, and so they all have bits of me.

I don't know if it's because he's so fresh in my mind, or if it's because I didn't have too much of a plan going in so he just became a natural reflection of me, but Jay is really high up there on the list.

Loud, talkative, jovial, happiest when he's of help to others, solution oriented and takes most unforeseen problems in his stride. But he's also incredibly self-conscious, and terrified of taking up space or being a bother to someone else, often forgoing his own needs bc it's not THAT important, it's fine. Sorry for existing.

He naturally gravitates towards other people's problems and a wish to help them (whether that's welcome or not), but prefers to stick his head in the sand when it comes to dealing with his own shit. When things get bad emotionally he goes into himself, and can become borderline dissociative, just lost to the void.

He's extremely good at finding stuff other people need but can't find, feeding into this need to be helpful. He's bit of a control freak and perfectionist too, and has to stop himself and call it good enough or he'll go on forever (wow look how topical)

I could honestly keep going but this is long enough as it is 🙈 I have no idea how we ended up here but I guess he's my emotional support self-insert blorbo now, bye.

Still, he's his own character. He's much better with people than I am, especially children, and doesn't have Retsuko-levels of rage bubbling right under the surface at all times. He's more manipulative and mischievous, and small grievances bounce off him easier. I only ignore my problems until I have to deal with them, he actively runs away from his. He's more extroverted than me, and doesn't mind big crowds, while they're the bane of my existence. And so on and so forth.

ANYWAYS this somehow turned into the a Jay post, I'm sorry lmao. His character wasn't really planned at all, I just let him grow naturally from the way I played (kinda like with you and your Aeducan), and once I took a step back and looked at him I was like "hold on a minute, this is just me if I was cool and had extra trauma, what the fuck".

Honorable mentions of pillars of my own personality shoved into other characters go to;

Courier May (F3/NV) - So damn angry all the time about everything, much of it useless and a waste of energy, but it's really hard to turn it off.

Nimri Brosca DA:O) - This applied more to younger me, but I can get REALLY ride or die for someone, like to the point where it becomes a major character flaw.

Pomona Hawke (DA2) - Did you eat? Yes? Are you sure? Are you wearing enough layers? When did you last apply sunscreen? Did you remember to drink enough today? [The mother hen questions goes on for another 5 minutes]. Also everything is always my fault somehow.

Sam Jones (VtM:B) - Just absolutely insufferable about social justice, and the other half of my rage that's an answer to injustice. You've not seen me angry until I've had a whiff of something cruelly unfair.

And because I feel like I've been too negative here;

Ridley (Coral Island) - Hard-working and generous :)c

[cheelduh]

How to strike your way into someone’s heart (Highschool AU)

Part 2 to this. Can be read alone!

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Warnings: A lot of swearing I mean what do you expect they’re all teenagers. Lots of brick slapping. Childe clowns Scaramouche. OH YES this isn’t edited at all lmfao have fun.

Synopsis: It’s your big date with Childe after you lost the bet miserably. You decide to pay the occult club a visit in hopes of finding something that can...ease your concerns. Childe on the other hand has Signora give him a friendly piece of advice, believe it or not. 

Note: SRY THIS TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH

For as long as you can remember, you've never believed in ghosts, demons, or souls that lose their way in the endless void, forced to roam the earth in repentance.

Believing in the unknown takes creativity, adventure, maybe even a little sense of fear. Scratch that—a shitton of fear, because humans love to weave in their insecurities and inability to explain something into something of a phenomenon.

Bad luck lies in this category. Bad luck is simply a way to justify the catastrophe that one cannot admit they have fabricated themselves. Everyone wants a reason as to why shit hits the fan, and it can be anything but their own fault.

Bad luck is nothing but a load of bull to you. That's totally why you're standing outside the calculus classroom during lunch break, which happens to be the official meet spot for the occult club.

You raise a fist to knock, but then falter, thinking over your options once again. Is this what it has come to? Putting your faith into the weird kids that once tried to summon Schrödinger's cat for the physics final.

Fischl kicks the door wide open, a smirk playing at her lips once she spots you. "One cannot refrain from the song of your cogitation. The feline for which thou dwell on—"

A squeak leaves your throat and you flinch back, cutting her off. "You can read my mind?"

"Fischl," An icy eyed boy shows up from behind her and points a thumb back. "Mona needs your help."

Fischl squints at you for a brief moment, and then spins onto her heel to go back into the room.

The blue haired lower class man, Chongyun you guess, narrows his eyes at you. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Finally you manage to speak, palms all sweaty. "Yeah uh, I need your help. You know, with occulty things." You use your hands to articulate your thoughts, but ultimately give up.

You're not sure if it's pity towards your pathetic explanation or simply annoyance, but Chongyun widens the opening. He silently gestures for you to follow.

Stumbling on your feet and putting on your big girl pants, you hurry inside of the room, hoping you aren't seen by Beidou. She wouldn't let you hear the end of this.

The temperature instantly drops, and you have to adjust your sight to navigate. There's heavy incense in the air as well as a a few lighted candles from the dollar store, you guess.

Sitting smack dab in the middle of all the demonic markings is Mona, with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Chongyun has made his way next to her, crossing his arms with a sigh, and Fischl is busy cooing at her bird.

"Well well well..." Mona's amused, eyes almost twinkling as she gets up from the poor desk that had to suffer the wrath of her ass. "If it isn't Y/N."

Mona is a glorified dick wiper in your books. One time, she partnered up with you in chemistry last year and refused to do any work because apparently her "star sign" said she was incompatible with science. You haven't forgiven her since.

"I need your help." You barely manage to choke out the words, reigning yourself in by clenching your fists instead. It'll be unethical to claw her face, especially since you're the one who's come to her.

"Oh?" She smiles wickedly, revelling in every moment of this no doubt. "Why would the high and mighty Y/N need help from the 'Whoroscope whore'?"

Fischl nearly slips out a laugh, trying with her upmost ability to refrain from rolling all over the floor.

You blink away your tears of almost-laughter, casually sliding in twenty mora across the table dividing you two. If she's a whoroscope whore like you say she is, she'll definitely put it in her bra.

Mona raises a brow, but her eyes linger on the bill for a second too much. "What makes you think I'll do it for money?"

"That's simple," You say, rolling your eyes. "When you see mora, you cling to it like a baby clings to a tit. Now just take it and solve my issues."

She fumes a litany of curses but snatches the money up anyways.

"What do you want?"

You breathe in, then out. "I need a talisman."

Mona raises a brow, hand on her hip. "I'm sorry. Did I get that right?"

How dare she. You will your eye into not twitching, the beginnings of fire thrumming through your veins, scalding hot. How dare she make me repeat myself.

"You know, the thing to fend off evil spirits," Your statement hangs heavy in the air as the cogs in their brains click into place. "I need one that can remove the most evilest thing times ten to the power of twenty five on this planet."

Everyone immediately thinks of Hu Tao.

Chongyun is the first to speak from an area of expertise, seemingly shocked at your words. "Are you sure you want a talisman that powerful? How bad is the evil spirit you've come across?"

You glance out the window, through the semi-open blinds. The apprehension curls in your stomach once you spot Childe chasing Aether with safety scissors, and you've never been more sure of than anything in your life.

Gulping, you turn back to the exorcist. "I'm 110% sure."

He doesn't ask any more questions and goes to fetch the talisman.

Mona clears her throat. "So I hear you have a date with Childe today. Quite the character you've taken to."

"Oh please," You hiss through your teeth, your blood pressure going up tenfold, "you're the one that told him our star signs were intertwined and that we're fated lovers."

She shrugs innocently, stance casual unlike your own that is ready to lunge an attack.

"Here you are," Chongyun hands you a talisman, a colourful mix of some charms, some kind of liquid in a bottle, and about a shitton of other things. "You'll need these if you're going to face the most demonic of all evils."

You think of Childe's stupidly handsome smirk, the playful life of his eyes, and how gentle and considerate he is with you. You think about how cruel he is to others, but how loving he can be to you.

"Oh, I will be."

—

Childe is getting his ass handed to him by Scaramouche on the switch. It's just that he can't seem to focus, not with the forthcoming date all over his mind.

He hasn't experienced these kind of jitters in a long time. Has to endure that foolish smile that's about to plaster all over his face.

Scaramouche may be a son of a bitch with an agenda, but he doesn't appreciate his acquaintances safeguarding their personal crap when it starts to leak onto him. Especially when it comes to video games.

"Okay," The short boy sighs, stretching over the staff room sofa to drop his controller on the cushions. "Let's hear it." He can't even properly enjoy his victories when Childe isn't giving it his all.

"Hear what?" Childe lays his head back, relaxing from all the strain of endless gaming during the lunch hour. He seems too relaxed for someone who's broken into the teacher's lounge.

"Why you're so distracted." Scaramouche points out. "Not that I care—hey! I'm serious here!"

Childe's cracking up for absolutely no reason, rudely cutting him off. "I'm sorry—sorry it's just so hard to take you seriously when you're wearing that stupid fucking hat."

"Don't question the drip." The older moves his head to glare at him, but the thin stripe of silk on his hat swooshes with him, and it's enough to have Childe clutching his stomach in pain as he barks out in laughter.

"Grow the fuck up." Scaramouche says, no doubt exasperated from the constant shit he gets.

"Ok—ok I'm sorry."

There's a knock on the door before Scaramouche gets the chance to intimidate him again.

"Fuck shit fuck who is that? Wasn't there a staff meeting?" Childe whisper yells, panic clear in the ocean of his eyes.

Scaramouche shrugs and downs a can of soda with no care in the world.

Childe would be nonchalant too. If it were a normal day, he wouldn't give two shits about getting caught.

However, he's looking forward to that date he has with you today. Detention is going foil all his lecherous plans.

"It's me." The feminine sound of a threat calls out from the other side. "Open the door." The clicks and clacks of her toes tapping the floor indicating her impatience.

The two sigh in relief, Childe getting up to open the door. It's way too early in the afternoon to deal with this crap.

"Surprised to see me?" Signora greets sweetly, and if not for the murderous glint in her eyes, he would smile back.

"Yeah, I didn't say Bloody Mary three times." The ginger replies, keeping a steady eye on the upperclassman in case she pulls a fast one.

The blonde shoves him aside in offence, and prances in like she owns the goddamn place. Scaramouche greets her with the bird.

"There's this rumour going around—I'm sure you've heard..."

"Oh?" Childe pockets his keys, ready for an attack, not even remotely interested in the topic.

"Something about how Y/N gave Mona a visit today" Signora muses, elegantly taking a seat on the arm of the couch, "with your date and all, I just thought you should know."

"Hah!" Scaramouche bursts out in laughter, tears in the corner of his eyes. "I can't believe she went to get a horoscope reading on how shitty your date's gonna be."

"Get castrated." Childe growls, flipping him off on both hands.

"Now now boys," Signora's lips curl, and she clasps both manicured hands together, prepared to break the fight if it ever reaches its peak. "Settle down. You two are comrades."

"As if I'm comrades with this SIMP!" Scaramouche has to wheeze out the words.

The youngest clenches his fists, unclenches, and then lets a smirk grow. "Oh? I'm the simp? What about that time Mona pantsed you in-front of all the freshmen and you fell in love with her."

Scaramouche glares at him, a glare strong enough to have anyone shaking in their shoes. "I'm attracted at her sheer audacity of trying to fuck I, Scaramouche, the 8th harbinger, over. It takes balls."

"Mad respect." Signora leans forward to place her phone on the coffee table, then approaches Childe. "Moving on, the reason I've decided to bestow my precious intel on you is because I have a favour to ask of you."

"What?" He says blankly, confused that she has a request for him out of all people.

"I need you to let me get you ready for this date of yours." She gives him a gaze that is enough to wither away any arguments.

Childe shares a look with Scaramouche as if to say "am I fucking deaf because I sure as shit didn't just hear that."

"You sure as hell did, boys." Signora intercepts the connection of their two brainwaves with a dreaded sigh. "I hate Y/N. This is the only way I can get back at her."

"Hey!" Childe exclaims loudly, waving his hands in the air incessantly. "What makes you think I'll let you shit on my future girlfriend."

"I'll be doing nothing of the sorts." She points out, giving him a sly smile. "I just know she's terrified of what's coming. The better the date is, the more she's gonna hate herself. What more do I need but to sprinkle some inner conflict within her airtight resolve?"

As favorable as the proposal is, Childe  contemplates for a second. Signora...helping him? This could work to his advantage if he plays his cards right.

His inner turmoil takes him into the future, where you two are happily married with eight and a half kids. If you ever managed to find out Signora was the culprit that was finally able to set you two up, you'd never forgive him.

"Nah I'll take a hard pass." He doesn't want to think about divorce and custody battles this early on. He'd rather face the brunt of Signora's wrath.

Scaramouche chooses right then to make a tactical withdrawal out through the window since he doesn't want to be a witness to a murder he hasn't caused.

Surprisingly— "Fine then." Signora shrugs, unbothered when summoning out a minty juul from no where. She's disappointed nonetheless.

Childe tilts his head, perplexed, but decides against mulling over it for too long. Instead, he strides off to the door, wanting to get the last two periods over with so he can run home and freshen up for this date.

"Oh and Childe?" Signora calls out to him, but he barely acknowledges her, only pausing momentarily without looking back. "A piece of friendly advice. A diligent student like Y/N, there's no way she'd be into rash things like fighting. So try and control yourself, hmm?"

He flashes the senior a sheepish smile, the front row tickets to the illegal underground fight-club burning in the back pocket of his pants.

—

Childe conceals near the bushes by the gate, expertly hiding his shaking hands by pretending to look for something in his back. His goal isn't to seem desperate, even though he's raced out here at the speed of light after Havria's dismissal.

It's not like he's trying to eavesdrop or anything. He just wants a little insight on how you're feeling about this, in case the rumors of you visiting the occult club wasn't a farce.

From his peripheral, he spots you and a familiar figure that is Lisa, leisurely walking side by side as you approach the main side walk.

"Ready for your date, Y/N? You've been daydreaming all afternoon." Lisa winks, and dodges the shove you send her way with experience like no other.

"Yes, daydreaming about punching you in the face." Your left eye twitches in annoyance as you fix your hold on your skateboard.

"Well then, I'll be off—ah!"

The gorilla grip you have on her sleeve takes away all the time she has to get on the last bus she's about to miss.

Your utter strength is enough to make Childe's knees weak. How pathetic he thinks.

"Oh no you don't," You say in a sing-song voice, "you got me into this, so you're going to help."

"Help with what?" Lisa fakes a hard pout as she bats her lashes, trying to collect pity points.

"I—" You inhale, loosening your grip on her and averting your eyes nervously to see if anyone's watching. "Don't make me say it."

The older girl motions for you to continue, and you're sure you've suffered more for less at this point.

"I've never...been on a..." The sentence ends in a trailed murmur.

Childe doesn't think he's ever seen you so flustered. He's about to snap a picture for later, but decides against it. They'll be plenty of moments later on to see your cute expressions.

Lisa's grin is both seductive and terrifying, Childe notices. "You've never been on a date?"

"Shut up!" You hiss, dropping your board so you can cover her lips with your palm, eyes darting around your surroundings frantically. "Not so loud."

He has to bite at his fist to hide his amusement.

As if she has a sixth sense, Lisa's eyes somehow find Childe's through the abundance of leaves, and there's a glint in her eyes that nearly makes him shart his pants.

"Of course Y/N," She replies sweetly to you, who is currently unaware of the staring match going on. "I'll teach you everything you need to know...and more."

Childe doesn't know if that's a good or bad thing. Nor does he want to find out.

—

You ponder on what's taking him so long, more on edge than you usually are. Thankfully, Lisa basically pried your hair down from its usual up-do. Said something about how you can hide your lack of shits given as to not offend him.

Except you think you're giving more shits that you expected to. Why else would your heart be pounding so hard?

"What took you so long?" You sense him creeping up on you, ceasing his chance to pounce.

Childe groans playfully and slaps a hand over his face as he comes into view. "How'd you know?"

"You have a douche-styled gait." You reply as you remove your gaze off your phone to approach him.

He's prepared to shoot a witty reply, but it dies halfway through his throat when he procures a good look at you. Your hair frames your face elegantly, eyes shining despite the tiredness that's so clear, all complete with a cooling spring dress that hugs you just right.

Mouth going dry, he forgets how to speak the common tongue, unable to tear his gaze off your form.

You shift in place awkwardly. "Uh are you okay? Looking a little...blank."

"Sorry—sorry just thinking." Childe stumbles over his words like the complete idiot and a half he is, berating himself countlessly on the inside. He regains his confidence once he spots the light dust on your cheeks. "You ready for the best date ever?"

"The best date huh?" It's the first time you smile today, and he swears his heart leaps in his rib cage. You're the prettiest thing he's ever laid his eyes on. "I'm ready. I better not be disappointed."

"I wouldn't dare disappoint, girlie." He feigns mock offence as dramatically as possible. "I'll show you how to have some real fun. Cool keychain by the way, for good luck?"

It's one of the charms Chongyun urged you to carry with you at all times to keep all forms of evil away.

"Yeah...something like that."

The two of you ease into the walk in a relatively comfortable fashion, contributing with lively chatter and a few jabs here and there. It's not awkward at all, not like you thought it would be. Your nerves loosen up, mind diverting from the roots of the stress of high school.

"—And you won't believe what Kaeya did the other day. I'm telling you there's something wrong with him because that SoundCloud rapper wannabe Venti goaded him into birdboxing through the hallways at lunch."

"And the son of a bitch did it?"

"The son of a bitch did it." Childe confirmed, gasping through his laughs as the two of you converse in psychobabble. "And guess who he bumped into?"

You're choking in laughter, tears in your eyes as you hunch over and shake. "He didn't. Childe—no he didn't."

"Straightttt into Diluc. And he had the balls to feel him up because he thought he bumped into a hot bab—"

Childe crashes into a sturdy chest and stumbles backwards towards you, but manages to catch his balance midway. Both of you freeze when faced with a buff guy from another school, bandages on his fist and a crooked smirk on his face.

Fuck. You think. Classic high school cliché.

Realizing he can't risk the remainder of this date when it hasn't even begun, Childe raises a hand in apology, aiming to be the bigger person instead of socking the kid in the face.

"Sorry. I wasn't looking." He offers to the guy, but you can tell he isn't buying any of it. There are about four more kids who group, a setup that isn't going to end in your favour.

"Hey punk. You don't remember me?" The upperclassmen barks out, glaring holes into your date.

You deadpan towards Childe, but he's too is racking his brain to remember. Ends up shrugging with no recollection.

"I have a list of names but they're in my other pants." Shit, what an a-grade reply. Now you know you're done for. "Listen dude, I'm kind of on a date and the vibe is going great. Don't ruin it."

"It's a good thing she's here to watch then!" The guy yells, stomping so that he's right in-front of Childe, ready to pounce. "You humiliated me in front of my gang last week. I'm here to rip you a new one."

Childe blinks, tries to remember, and when he doesn't, he grabs a wad full of cash from the his Fanny pack and throws it at the guy's feet.

Everyone's eyes bulge out of their sockets, including yours at the amount of money placed there casually on the crack of the dirty sidewalk.

"Hopefully this is enough for the damages." Childe offers, aiming to not further escalate the situation albeit how pissed he is right now. If you weren't here...well that would be another, much more violent story.

With a soft tug, Childe brings you close and begins to pass the guy, until he's abruptly stopped by a hand gripping his shoulder tightly.

"I don't think so!" The guys barks, and his lackeys move to surround you two. "You gotta pay taxes too buddy." Oh he's getting way too comfortable now.

A feral smile grows on Childe's face as he looks over his shoulder. "Oh?"

"Yeah shithead." The guy seethes, puffing out his chest to size him up.

Childe itches for a fight. He can no longer keep in the urge and is just about ready to raise a heavy fist, but is beaten by the sound of a loud thwack, and then a painful groan following.

There you are, standing in front of the trembling asshole, spinning your crossbody bag in circles like it's a nunchuck in all it's glory. There's a deadly glint in your eyes, pure, unadulterated vexation in your features.

If Childe could fall for you any harder, it's probably happening now. In that exact moment, his heart beats in his ears uncontrollably, and there's nothing but raw adoration that piles up all at once.

You're an angel of destruction, a force not to be reckoned with, and shit, you're the eye of the fucking storm.

Fire courses through your veins as you pulverize the guy with your bag, swinging with such expertise it has Childe in awe. "He may be an absolute idiot for not remembering—"

"Hey girlie you're killing me here!" Your date snaps out of his astonishment temporarily.

"—but you don't get to call him a shithead, you asshole!" You snarl angrily, gripping the handle of your bag tightly, decking everyone that lunges at you, letting out strings of curses with every hit. Every hit sends a flock of them either stumbling back in pain, or knocked out completely.

Childe doesn't even get a chance to lift a finger by the time you're done violating them with your heavy ass pink bag. Stands there like an absolute loser.

"Apologize." You pant, prepared to send another flurry of attacks at the leader, who is crawling away with a battered face. "Apologize or I'll—I'll fucking Russian neck tie your ass."

"S-sorry!" The guy whimpers out and tries not to piss his pants at the threat.

Childe is still in too much shock at the whole ordeal to reply, short circuiting.

Another thirty seconds pass until he registers the smaller hand waving in front of his face. He catches your cold hand through his haze, brings it closer.

Running a free hand through his locks, he doesn't hide his astonishment. "You're fucking gorgeous, girlie." He whistles lowly, eyeing you with a new kind of regard.

"I-I uh." Your face is all shades of red by now, the adrenaline from kicking ass wearing down. "Let's go."

"How is that bag so heavy?" One of the fallen gasps out in pain, clutching his ribs as he trembles on the floor. "Like a buh-brick."

A part of your zipper in open, and Childe briefly peeks out of morbid curiosity. His jaw slackens. "Is that a...no, it can't be."

"It's a brick." You murmur guiltily, gnawing at your bottom lip. "Just in case." Fingers tentatively play with the straps.

Childe is head over heels by now, all smitten as a foreign warmth bubbles up in his throat, and he's just about sure he'll puke his heart out.

His next words are picked out carefully. "There's an underground fight club going on—"

You lock and aim for his right kidney.

Worth a try, Childe thinks.

"SIKE. Joking—joking. Just a joke." He insists, gloved hands raised by his ears in defence.

Clicking your tongue, you scowl and rush past him.

It hasn't even been an hour and it's been the most exciting date Childe's ever experienced. When he sees your lips twitch, he knows it's the same for you as well.

"Are we going or not?" You mumble, avoiding eye contact, a tinge of red still decorating your cheeks.

Childe crumbles into his hands at your deadly duality. One that comes for his enemies and one that comes straight for his heart.

[flowerbloom-arts]

A 2434 word long fic about Fuddler talking to a maybe not actually real version of his father after trying to escape from a recent event in his life and failing. Now I would've written a 50s sitcom episode of Fuddler's family that would've lead up to this point if I had the motivation, but I didn't, so here you go. I hope you enjoy this!

---

The set of the show had become undone and the fourth wall was nothing but a non-existent window into the stage, the Muddler, tear stained and tired of his child's shenanigans, went up from the table he was crying at and walked to the empty director's chair with 'The Fuddler' embroidered on the back and sat on it. The Muddler grabbed the megaphone that sat on one of the armrests and spoke into it in a very clearly annoyed tone of voice: 'Cut. Take 2. Excuse me! That wasn't a bad first take but all of you really fell apart at scene 15.'

But the rest of the cast had been frozen in place, basically mannequins, all except Fuddler, who was in fact the mastermind behind this mess. The small and fuddly creature looked around in a slight bit of confusion and decided to walk up to his father on his director's chair, it did have his name on it afterall. 'Excuse me, aren't I supposed to be sitting there?' he asked rather sheepishly, there was a thought in the back of his head that knows exactly why but he's too afraid to make that thought even slightly tangible.

'Well, yes,' answered the Muddler matter-of-factly 'but due to poor management someone else had to take over.' he added, he spun the megaphone around and inspecting it in a rather disinterested manner. If it's anyone, it really didn't seem to be the father that Fuddler knew, even if he was stained with dark brown tears on his face and wore ragged feminine attire indicative of a mental breakdown, which was a sight that would only be familiar as the Muddler.

'Maybe. Though we should probably take a break, that breakdown didn't look all that... The breakdown seemed very exhausting to act out,' Said the Fuddler, trying to avoid going over this episode another time.

'Sure,' Muddler said, he didn't even care to glance at his child, he put down the megaphone on the floor and rested his face on his paw resting on the armrest, looking off to the black void beyond the set or nearby part of the studio.

Fuddler sighed with relief and a tinge of discomfort, he decided it was best to sit down next to his father and look back at the scene that was frozen in time. It was not even the slightest bit amusing to say the least, it's just everyone looking concerned over Muddler having a breakdown but Muddler isn't even there, you could see the Fuzzy, Fuddler's mother, placing a hand on what was Muddler's back, great uncle Hodgkins and Sniff are looking on confused and concerned, and Moomintroll had just walked in with not even the slightest idea of what's going on. The Fuddler stared at it for a few moments before saying what was on his mind while the scene was happening 'That... That breakdown... It wasn't in the script.'

'What script?' Muddler asked as if Fuddler was too dumb to even remember he didn't even make one. Of course there wasn't any script to speak of.

'I- I dunno!' Fuddler blurted out with the realization 'You guys were basically reading my mind anyway! I thought that was something like reading a script-!'

'Were we reading your mind or were you controlling us?' Muddler asked, almost cutting him off.

Fuddler was a bit surprised at the sudden interruption, it's really unlike his father to act anything close to this, is this even his father? Fuddler started to actually question everything about this, as if it wasn't a very obvious thing he should've questioned at the start. He looked down and curled up into a more fetus-like sitting position, kind of avoiding answering the question.

'Now tell me, child, why this?' Muddler gestures vaguely toward the set.

'What do you mean?' Fuddler looked up at Muddler and asked innocently.

'Why the television show?' he clarified, he lowered his resting paw and finally looked at Fuddler for once, though he did look very... unpleasant.

Fuddler felt very uncomfortable at the question and simply answered with an 'I dunno...' like a small child, he certainly looked and acted like one either way despite being an adult.

Muddler sighed disappointedly and went back to staring at the set 'Is this really how you're gonna deal with what happened? What even did happen, anyway?' he asked, even he was unsure of the origins of this.

'I... I actually don't remember... Excuse me, sorry, oh dear... What was I thinking?' Fuddler asked, he was mostly asking himself that.

'That's right, what were you thinking?' Muddler repeated Fuddler with annoyance 'Did you really think you could reduce your own family into cheap tropes and live like that?'

'I wasn't trying to do that!' Fuddler cried 'I just thought...! I thought if I could live just one happy day after 10 years of nonstop misery-!'

'And you did that by retreating into some ideal version of reality the city gave you through a light box?'

'Yes!' Fuddler blurted out, he realised what he said outloud and slowly went back into a balled up position on the floor 'Just... Atleast those people on TV seemed happier... Happier than we ever could've been when we moved to the city,' Fuddler argued with a quieter but ultimately defeated tone, this wasn't how things were supposed to go in his mind.

'Is that why you wanted to move away so badly?' Muddler asked in a more sincere and worried tone of voice, much more like his regular self and what Fuddler would be used to.

'Maybe,' Fuddler answered simply 'Or I guess there were other things too...' he added.

'Oh I could definitely list them off for you,' Muddler suddenly went back to a menacing tone.

Fuddler suddenly felt a great shock to his system and did not want anything Muddler could be implying 'Please don't-'

'Well first of all,' Muddler didn't let his child finish and he didn't seem to care in the slightest 'you didn't like other creatures shoehorning you into their ideas of what you should be, you didn't like the boring concrete buildings, you hated the constant noisiness of that wretched city, you couldn't bare the constant mockery from your own peers, they kept thinking you were a twelve year old - which you never grew out of being one after all these years by the way - and kept thinking you were lying when you said you weren't, you didn't like the lack of frogs or swamps or free things to collect off the street, you were being discriminated against for being a clumsy little mut, and most of all-'

'Please stop!' Fuddler cried.

'MOST OF ALL,' Muddler repeated louder to talk over Fuddler 'You hated me. Your own father. Simply because he couldn't land a simple job and was too feminine for anyone's liking!'

'NO!' Fuddler jumped up and tried to hold onto his dad's arm, but Muddler quickly got it away from him.

'YES! You kept having the same negative comments and jokes repeated to you over and over and you thought they were making fun of you by association! You don't want anything to do with the way I am and yet you keep chugging along the same way I did!' Muddler cried 'You were happy enough to tell my dear old friend mr. Moomin that people said you took after me and leave it at that! What if he asked you even further? Would you have talked about me in a good way!?'

'STOP! PLEASE!' Fuddler was almost in tears at this.

'Oh I see how it is! Just admit it! You hate me! Why else would you shove me in as the comic relief? Why else would I break out of character if you didn't know it'd be completely out of line for who I actually am!? I am anything BUT happy and you know this! No matter how hard you try I will cry eventually because I'm that dumb and sensitive about everything! The only things that you got right about me is that I'm clumsy and that I love you!' Muddler started tearing up through all the yelling 'You know deep down I love you... It's not your fault... right?'

Fuddler wanted to cover his face in his saucepan but unfortunately he was in his sitcom costume which lacked it completely, all he could really do was bury his face in his paws and try not to cry, muddler tears are much like that of a dog's, mixed in with blood waste and it stains your face, you'd need some cloth and water to clean it. Very inconvenient for a man, they aren't supposed to cry, and the stains make it very obvious you did.

'Fuddler... Did you really think this was going to solve anything?' Muddler got up from the director's chair to kneel down and lowered Fuddler's paws away from his face, Muddler's face was... trying to be comforting but that got ruined by the tear stains, which was being added onto by him crying at this very moment, he looked down at Fuddler's paws, looked back up at his face and added '... At all?'

Fuddler didn't make an attempt to make eye contact with his father, those strange 'u' shaped pupils were familiar but the idea of them not being normal at all still brought him some form of discomfort '... I just... Excuse me. I just thought that maybe... If I could feel better, somehow, maybe the problem would be less of a problem...'

'Fuddler, you don't even remember what the problem was,' Muddler said, he held his child's chin up to make him look at him directly 'You know this.'

'I know...' Fuddler admitted 'I think the cause is starting to come back to me... I think... It's still a little foggy...'

Muddler sighed 'How many times have you done something like this?'

'I...' Fuddler started thinking 'I don't know... I never bothered counting.'

'So this clearly isn't the first time.'

'It definitely doesn't feel like the first time... say for the addition of a few cast members,' Fuddler added the last part as a sly attempt at humor, he was referring to Moomintroll, Jumble and Sniff.

'Of course,' Muddler said with a touch of melancholy and sat on the floor beside Fuddler, Fuddler followed suit 'Do you think this is normal?'

'Dad, I moved to Moominvalley to get away from 'normal'!'

'You moved to Moominvalley to feel normal, there's a difference. And that's an important difference to realise,' said the Muddler, the black and white studio faded into a sepia tone as it seemed to transition into a lake sort of scene, almost unnoticeably to the Fuddler.

'Why's that?' Fuddler asked.

Muddler picked up a flower that happened to be next him, well- not actually, a sort of ethereal copy of the flower formed which left the real one untouched, Muddler looked thoughtfully at the flower in his hands 'If you know the difference, then maybe you can appreciate the specific thing that makes this place feel like you feel normal.'

Fuddler stared at the flower and glanced up at his father '... You're not really my dad, are you?'

'You think that now?' Muddler questioned with an amused undertone.

Fuddler felt almost silly about it, of course this Muddler isn't real, why would he think otherwise? 'I dunno... I guess I got cought up in the all the acting that... I forgot I'm just talking to myself...'

'Does it really matter, though?' Muddler raised an eyebrow with a slight smile on his face 'Atleast you got it out of your system, you twelve year old.'

'Don't call me a twelve year old!' Fuddler cried in defense.

'Then why do you act like one?'

'How can I not act like one if I look like one?' he said, slightly furious at the subject being brought up.

'People can turn invisible if they're abused enough, maybe this is something similar?' Muddler suggested.

'Tsch, magic, sure.' Fuddler waved off dismissively.

'You stayed as the same Fuddler that you were when we lost Sniff, excuse me but you really don't think there's something connected here?' Muddler asked rather rhetorically 'You graduated college with a degree in biology and live by yourself in the coffee tin you inherited from me and yet you still chase after a woman like you have a preteen crush on her with absolutely no clue as to how to talk to a girl.'

Fuddler cringed at the memory of his attempted courtship of the Mymble and recoiled back into a ball position.

'But atleast it seems like you learned from it, just... Don't let things paint your views so easily, sir,' Muddler placed the flower on Fuddler's head.

'Don't use 'sir' on me...' Fuddler muttered quietly.

'Well, what do you want me to refer to you as? Ma'am?'

'That's even worse!' Fuddler shut down the idea almost immediately, he grabbed the flower from his head and looked at it 'Neither of them feel all that right...'

'Right,' Muddler said 'It's fine if you don't want to be referred to as either of those.'

'It's not just that... I don't really feel like a... A man. Atleast not how the world seems to think of one.'

'You're a button collector, Fuddler. Maybe you should start calling yourself that instead.'

'You can do that?' Fuddler seems to be almost bewildered but not totally against the idea.

'Fuddler, I'm a half woman who calls itself a man, anyone can be anything, especially in places like this valley. You don't have to define yourself by those standards anymore.' Muddler explained.

Fuddler stared at his father with a thoughtful expression on his face 'Like I don't have to define my family by any of those standards...' he looks back down at the flower in his paw.

'That's the spirit!' Muddler punches his child lightly on the shoulder 'And whatever the problem was... I hope you can fix it, it's not easy but... It'll be better for the long run.'

'Right...' Fuddler flicked the flower into the lake, it simply dissolves in mid-air rather than land into the water or anything 'I'm sorry about... Everything. I'm still very, very dumb.'

The Muddler laughed ever so slightly 'You'll get it in time, I promise.'

'... Maybe.' Fuddler said rather hopefully. The Muddler seemed to dissolve away like the flower did and the world faded into full color. It looks like that episode was a wrap, one might say. Now it's time to figure out why it had to be made.

[lonelyfujoshi]

Errink

Ink left again. He left Error all alone again and Error wasn't happy.

Error was in the living room watching his favorite series. Crying his nonexistent eyes out.

"Asgorooo!" He yelled, reaching for the TV screen when the scene of Asgoro having a heart attack played.

The pillow he clutched in his arms was wet with tears. Looking at him was laughable. Seeing the former destroyer cry easily like this.

In all honesty, the film wasn't the only thing he was crying about. He just decided to watch Undernovela to express his emotions while Ink was away.

Ahh, yes. Ink, the God of Creation.

He and Error had been dating for six years now. Almost seven. Two weeks from now will be their anniversary and Error couldn't help but be nervous of that.

Why?

He's been thinking that Ink is loosing interest in him. Error is scared.

He loved Ink with all of his life. He gave up destroying for the God of creation. He left the anti-void to live in their house for him. He tried doing good things out of his character for him.

He just loved Ink dearly.

And it all started ten years ago during Giftmas.

It was a special holiday for all monsters in the multiverse and the light and dark side has an untold treaty that no fight or attacks during this holiday.

No one established the rule, no one wrote it, no one spoke about it. It was just there. Monsters understanding the importance of the holiday.

Error sat on the cliff of Outertale where the stars shone to its brightest. His glasses on with his new galaxy scarf.

He sat there, enjoying the silence even when you can still hear the distant jingle in the town.

And Ink appeared.

Error scowled when the creator made his way to where he sat. He glared at Ink.

The creator however ignored the mean glare telling him to fuck off and sat down beside Error with a large grin. To close for the black skeleton's liking.

"What in the hell you doing here skittles?" Error grumbled harshly.

"Nothing much glitchy~. Just wanted to see the stars in this lovely night."

"Then go sit somewhere else. Don't ruin my night."

The smaller skeleton summoned his strings and began to play with it. Waiting for Ink's retort but it never came.

He looked up to see Ink staring at him with a thoughtful expression.

"... Nah." He finally said and Error wanted to hit the Ink blob with the brush he always had.

"But you know Error, tonight's Giftmas. I've given every monster I've encountered a gift to be traditional." Ink continued, looking up the sky.

Error glared at the string that somehow became tangled in his fingers and mumbled stuff like; "Who the hell asked?", "I don't give a fuck.", "Go do more of that and leave me alone."

Ink ignored his rude comments and summoned a window to his subspace. "So I thought... maybe I should give you a gift too."

"Hah! Did you really think that I'd want a gift from you?"

Again he was ignored as Ink continued to look for something in his subspace.

Error's socket twitched with annoyance. Watching Ink's body halfway through the window portal already, digging deeper into his pile of garbage as Error liked to call it.

The dark skeleton was about to push the lighter skeleton into wherever the window led because of his annoyance but Ink pulled back with a victorious laugh.

"Found it!"

Before Error could react, Ink placed the thing he got in front of the destroyer with a great big smile in his handsome face.

Error stared at it... Ink waiting for his reaction patiently.

In front of them was a pair of slippers. Red fluffy slippers that hugged your feet like socks and it had strings on the hole to tighten the hold if needed.

"Really?" Was all that Error could say. He didn't know what to feel about it. Ink, his supposedly mortal enemy, had just given him a 'gift' for some reason.

A pair of slippers no less. Error could tell that these were top quality and made for comfort. And how he loves comfortable things. The little sparkle in his eyes didn't go unnoticed by Ink.

"Well go on! Try it!" Ink encouraged.

Error grumbled but complied nonetheless. He threw his strings away carelessly and grabbed the red slippers, put it on and stilled.

"Ehh? What do you think?"

The darker ignored Ink's teasing tone and wiggled his toes.

"It's okay I guess." He said.

And that was a fucking lie.

'Oh my GOD! THEY ARE SO COMFORTABLE! I'M IN LOVE!' He screamed in his mind.

Unknown to him, the creator could see his softened look and the brightening of his eyes. The destroyer even unconsciously smiled.

Error looked up to see Ink staring at him with another one of those unreadable look.

"What?" He narrowed his eyes at him.

"Don't tell me you expect something in return cuz I ain't giving you anything. And you can't take these back!" He hissed.

Blinking, as if snapping out of trance, Ink made a confused noise before laughing.

"What the fuck? What is it rainbow asshole?!"

"Hahahaha haha.. hahhh... I-It's nothing Error. I just realized something."

"Tell me what is it."

"I like your smile."

Even with his fucked up memory, Error remembered this.

He remembered that the next day after that night, he anonymously sent Ink a puppet version of the creator. Ink soon found out it was from him.

Since then the lighter skeleton never initiated a fight. He acted all buddy buddy with Error which pissed off the darker to no end. It frustrated him greater than his frustration with the 90's parasite.

Ink messed with his emotions. The creator popped up in his mind in random times that he thought he was finally becoming insane. He thought he was.

Three giftmas holidays passed and Ink surprised Error with a confession. The glitch outright crashed the moment the words that Ink said, I like you, was processed by his 'brain'.

Error fled the moment he came to, in Ink's arms. He thought he was gonna die because of how loud his soul pounded. It actually hurt his ribs.

For a month he couldn't stop thinking of Ink and he didn't even realize ha had fallen for the creator. He also locked himself in the anti-void. Time passed and he decided to go out and destroy. Maybe to let some steam out.

Ink was there. Wherever he go, Ink was always there, wooing him.

Every sanses and their counterpart in every universe knew about Ink chasing Error, courting the destroyer, asking for his love.

Ink was very sweet in those times. Always giving Error presents even when the glitch thought it was weird because it's not even Giftmas.

The next giftmas came and Ink knelt in front of Error. They were surrounded by the bright stars of Outertale.

"Will you be my boyfriend?" Ink said and Error was looking sick at how blue his face was.

His soul pounding. Emotions overflowing even though he was extremely confused with himself. He didn't know what he is feeling or what he was supposed to feel but everything felt right.

Even his inner voice telling him to say yes. 'It's not like people are lining up to hang with me anyway.' Was there as an excuse.

"Fine."

He never regretted agreeing.

Now though, Error was really worried.

It's because of the event that happened two weeks ago.

Since Error lived in the same house as Ink, the taller had always made time for him. His schedule was simple enough.

Leave for work in the council every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Leave the house by nine am and come back at around seven pm. Sunday is their special day as they usually go on dates.

Error usually stays in the house or visit Blue while Ink is away. Other times he goes AU hopping and going to Nightmare's castle.

Until this peaceful cycle was disturbed.

"Where are you going?" Error asked softly. He just woke up from his nap on the couch and he was rubbing on his sockets to help him wake quicker.

Ink was putting on his scarf and fixing his shoes by the mirror making Error confused.

"I'm just going on a meeting babe." Ink simply said with a smile.

"But... it's Thursday."

"Yeah, I just got called. Said it was an emergency."

After seeing the worried look on Error's face, Ink went up to the smalled and kissed his lover's face.

"Don't worry, it's nothing I can't handle. I'll be back before four so have lunch without me."

Error nods. "But wait." He holds Ink's arm.

"Let me prepare your lunch."

"No need babe. And I'm in a hurry so I gotta go." Ink said with a wave before he jumped into a portal.

By Saturday, Ink left again saying that he had to meet up with Reaper.

Error thought nothing of it because Reaper, being a God, sometimes meet up with other gods to see how the multivers is going.

And he thought, 'Oh, it's been a long time since I've been able to visit Geno. Maybe I should now that he's finally alone.'

Error planned to stay there for at least three hours so he got some chocolates, ketchup for Geno, blankets and puppets.

He puts them in a handmade bag before jumping into a portal.

"Hey, Geno! Thought it might be a good time to visit since Reaper-... Reaper?"

"Hey Error. What's up?" Geno greets him.

"Uh... the ceiling?" Error was still very confused that he couldn't come up with a proper reply.

"That would've been good pal, it's just that this place doesn't really have a ceiling." The cloaked skeleton beside Geno chuckled.

"Why are you here?" The dark skeleton asked.

"Job's slow today so I decided to visit my bea. What are you doing here?"

"Visiting Geno too."

"Great, the more the merrier." Reaper said unenthusiastically. Clearly he wants some alone time with his 'boyfriend'. Well soon to be anyway.

"Uh heh, nice to see you again then, Error." Geno said awkwardly while Error stood there still.

"Aren't you supposed to be in a meeting with Ink?" The former destroyer finally asked.

"A meeting? Wha- Shit! We have a meeting?!" Reaper abruptly stood up, startling Geno.

"You forgot." His 'boyfriend' deadpanned.

"I didn't forget, I just didn't know." Reaper frowned.

"Uh maybe you should hurry, he left.. like an hour ago." Error said.

"Crap. I guess I'll see you later babe. Have fun with Error." Reaper left with a wave.

"Wow." Error and Geno said at the same time. They looked at eachother and laughed.

Half an hour later, there was a blanket fortress in the save screen. Two skeletons inside it, eating condiments and chocolates.

The 'screen' was blocked by Error's massive one way window portal and the watched Undernovela.

A portal opened and Error quickly lift the blanket up a little to see who it is.

It was Reaper.

"Oh hey Death, you finished your meeting with the creator?" Geno asked. He helped Error lift up the blanket.

"... Uh. No. I couldn't find Ink."

"WhAt?"

To be continued

[evilblot]

Hi, Just came to say I love your content abt the blot! It is 👌😭 (I kinda entered the topolino fandom late but y'know it be like that) Besides him, which villain do you think deserves to be in the spotlight more? (I hope you don't mind answering that, but I've developed a liking for a few characters that rarely appear in any of the modern comics at all rip)

First and foremost thanks anon, you’re too kind offering me such validation aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAA 🖤

Secondly, it’s never too late to join the mickey club, so hop on board and come have fun with us! Also you came to the right place since in this house we mostly stan only forgotten/ignored by both canon and fandom kinda characters lol

So, to answer your question. I’d really like to see more of Plottigat (aka Portis) since lately I realized that I’d developed a certain, uh.,,.,. “fondness” for him (blame it on Turconi & Radice with their Goofy Reporter lmao) thus I’d like to have more material, but above all of the same caliber of GR as I didn’t appreciate the post-Scarpa caricature trend towards him, in order to decide whether or not give rope to this fixation or file it before I consider having a polyam relationship with my canon man or smth like that kslksks.

Always from equally dense sagas, pass me the term, and as already said in another ask, I’d’ve liked to see more of the Dominator from Wizards of Mickey - Magicraft because come on ya’ll can't throw a villain with such a nice looking armor at me and then yote him into the void after 6 shots, it's illegal and immoral to say the least... Anyway.

Last but not the least, Don Alonso Gutierrez from Mickey Mouse and the Holidays on the Run. I don’t really know what it is about him that attracts me so much (ok no, I’m lying, it's actually because I fell in love with the version I put together to spice him up according to my horny terato ass rather than the canon one, and no I won’t elaborate unless directly asked), but god I’d let him blow my back out any time sskklaljdklkajalk

And that’s on that I guess... Wbu oh dearest anon? Let’s do hot girl shit and talk about our fave bois, shall we? ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

[mamashitty]

Dear Sirena

Character: Hamilton B. Jefferson Playby: Hugh Dancy Thread: Characters & Characters & Characters Ship: Sirham — in friendship now. Brief mention of Gavilton. Post/One Shot: One Shot...ish? Date Posted: 8.19.2018 Blurb: Ham received a letter from his ex, Sirena, in the middle of the night. Oh, their relationship is long and complicated. Anyway, they have a lot of history. She can’t sleep. It is August, a rough month for them both. This is Hamilton’s reply to her.

It was nearly midnight when Hamilton’s box glowed. Ever since the attack on the Cerulean House, Hamilton had had a difficult time sleeping. He was in his own apartment for the evening, Gavin being out of the country on work. Hamilton had half the mind to sneak into Gavin’s place even without his husband being there because he slept better in Gavin’s bed than he did in the bed of his new apartment. His temporary apartment. He missed the Cerulean House. He missed the noises the old place made, the creaks in the boards as Washington explored the house at night, as Billings or Leslie moved about. He missed sleeping in a library—the smell of the books—and the fact if his mind was restless he had access to more books than he could name or count. His apartment, nice was it was, felt a little sterile to him. It was only temporary lodgings, a place to stay while the Cerulean House was repaired and newer, better wards, placed on it. He would have much rather not be renting this apartment and just living with Gav, but there would have been questions.

Having a secret marriage was the pits sometimes(see: all the time), especially lately, with the state of mind he was in ever since the attack on the Cerulean House. His brother and Billings had survived, but a part of Hamilton felt forever changed. More changed than the attacks on himself or the kidnapping. Something about almost losing his brother, of possibly even almost losing Gavin because Gavin had been there that night, of the thought of Billings or Leslie or even Lexa getting hurt or worse. The thoughts and worries played in his mind constantly and really the only time he got decent sleep was when Gavin was with him, arms around him. Or his arms around Gavin. He stared at the box. He always kept it somewhere he could see, and in this new apartment, it was at his new desk. A piece of furniture he was renting, something that lacked all the character and history of the desk in his library bedroom. No other Presidents had sat at this desk, and he realized his thoughts were petulant at best. He moved to his desk and took a seat. He removed the letter from Sirena. It was August. The Month of Lincoln, on top of the shit from the summer, no wonder he could not sleep. So he read, and reached for his own notebook and a pen because he knew would reply as soon as he finished reading. He could tell from the way the words looked on the page that Sirena was upset, he did not even need the clue of the tear spots. He could read it in her writing. He and Sirena, they had been writing to each other since Sirena was fourteen and Ham sixteen, he knew the sweep of her letters. He knew how to read excitement in them and despair. He could read in the strokes when she was trying to be brave and when she was angry. She had a peculiar way that she wrote certain letters, ways he had tried to replicate when they were younger and he never managed to quite match them. Sirena, he could tell before he even read the words, was a mess. And his heart went out to her because… August was hard. Sirena, I am awake. Ever since the attack on the Cerulean House, I have not been able to sleep as well as I once would. I am alone tonight which makes sleep even harder to come by, and it is August. We both know what August means. I wish you were sleeping, it is no longer late where you are at, but quite soundly morning. Three days (or as I write this reply is it really four?) without sleep, Sirena… you can’t do that to yourself, to your body. It will give out one day. I know, I know. If you could sleep—you would. I am going to stop lecturing you. Are the potions no longer working for you? Though, you never did take anything for actual sleep, did you?  Just potions to keep the nightmares at bay. Are those potions no longer working? For what it is worth, I doubt that Theo thinks you are unstable all the time. Maybe just a tiny bit at this moment, but you have so much on your shoulders, Sirena. You always put so much on your shoulders. You block yourself off, throwing shields and barriers up, at the times when you need people the most. August is a hard month and it will never be easy. I think I am glad that you let your guard down, that you yelled to Theo about Lincoln, that your sadness about Lincoln slipped out without you meaning it to. Because, I think Theo is in it for the long haul, Sirena. I see the way he looks at you. I don’t think you can push him away so easily. Not that I think you are intentionally pushing him away. You just have such a hard time opening yourself up. You always have, ever since your Mom. Your Dad closed off to you then, and you did the same. Except, you had us Jeffersons constantly poking at your shields. Did I ever tell you that I thought I hated your father for awhile? Your Mom had just died and I could not find it in me to be empathetic to the grief your father was feeling, to the way he handled that grief. I only saw him pushing his daughter away, keeping her locked out, effectively making it like she had lost both her parents instead of one. You were the love of my life at the time, and I hated anyone who hurt you. My parents told me to be respectful, to not tell you what I was really feeling towards your father, to give him time. It was always give him time. And, they did their best to step into the void left by your parents, and I loved them so much more for that. But always I would want to grab your father by his shoulders and scream into his face that he was pushing you away, that he was losing you, and that you too were closing off. I definitely do not hate your father now, and I don't’ think it was ever really hate—just—a strong dislike and anger. Fuck, I am rambling. I’ll just pretend that I hope my rambling will lull you to sleep. Did I tell you that I am seeing Dr. Maeve Connolly again? It has only been a few weeks, really. I started going to her back in July, once things started to settle down a little. It all became too much after the attack, after seeing Madison like that. Probably, I would have benefited going back to her long before that, maybe after the kidnapping. But I always had an excuse, you know?  Bullshit things like, what if word got out that the President of MACUSA was seeing a therapist? Worries about patient and healer confidentiality, but… all of that was stupid of me to think. I got to thinking of how much she helped me after we lost Lincoln… Sirena, you need to stop blaming yourself for what happened with Lincoln. It was not your fault. It was NEVER your fault and it will never be your fault. It was just the cruelty of life. You did everything absolutely right when you found out you were pregnant. I think that is one thing about myself that I will never forgive myself for—that I did try to blame you—but I was foolish and stupid and awful for that. It was easier turning my own grief over like that. The men in your life, we fucking suck with how we handle our grief, don’t we? Hopefully, Theo will be a much better man than your father and I ever were in that department. I guess I am just trying to say, that seeing someone helped me with Lincoln, and is helping me now. Therapy is more than just a band-aid solution. And you don’t have to talk about everything that haunts you, you do not have to bring up Lincoln or your time in Azkaban if you are not ready. You don’t have to talk about the war. You can talk about how you can’t sleep, the fear you get from sleeping because of the nightmares. You can talk about absolutely anything you want, and save the bigger stuff until the healer is no longer a stranger to you. Therapy, it does not fix things in one meeting or even a hundred—it is a constant process, always evolving and changing as you and your needs change and evolve. Just… think about it, Sirena. Don’t write it off because you think it is a lost cause. I know how hard it is for you to open up to someone. Even someone you love and care for, let alone a person you do not even know or trust. But… they are trained to help you. Just like you help people with your potions and research. Think about it. I know you picture your life and what it would be like if Lincoln had been born if we had been able to raise our son. It is painful and magical all at once, because I think about it all the time, especially in August. Think about the example you would want to set him. I know, I would not want him to think it was shameful to seek help. Not that I think you think it is shameful to go to therapy, just… I don’t know. I am going to force myself to stop writing this letter. I want you to sleep, but I will tell you that, I doubt I will be going to sleep anytime soon myself. My box is always open for you, and Merlin that would sound a lot dirtier if I were a female. - Hamilton p.s. I think if Lincoln went to Hogwarts instead of Ilvermorny, he would be a Ravenclaw, from what I have heard of their houses. It is less painful for me to imagine him at Hogwarts than Ilvermorny. Hamilton stared at the letter he had finished writing. Then he folded it neatly and placed it in the box. He tapped the box with his wand, and then stood up and went to get a drink. He figured he would camp at his shitty rented desk for a little awhile longer, and a drink would help.