#anyway thor still looked sexy as EVER and the opening scene will forever have my brain chemisty altered
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watched infinity war today for the first time in years and all the anger and rage for at least 8 of the men in that movie came flooding back
#liv rambles#fuck tony fuck vision fuck strange fuck quill#fuck rocket!#HATE THEM ALL!#bruce was so mistreated in that movie#bucky’s hair looked so fkin greasy like? take a shower you himbo#anyway thor still looked sexy as EVER and the opening scene will forever have my brain chemisty altered#avengers: infinity war#i miss thorbruce and ranting about marvel
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Essential Avengers: Avengers #236: “I Want to Be an Avenger!”
October, 1983
Spider-Man -- An Avenger -- ?
Y’know, march of time and all that but this doesn’t seem as surprising as it once did.
Not much to say about this cover. It doesn’t have a lot to say about the issue other than ‘SPIDER-MAN INSIDE’ but boy does it say it.
But, oh, the logo changed and its snazzy! I quite like it!
So recent going-onses for the Avengers. Thor and Iron Man quit the team for personal business. Hawkeye broke his leg and is on medical forced-to-leave. Scarlet Witch and Vision were called in as reservists and Vision immediately got damaged by a crossover and has been in a robot-coma ever since. Starfox joined the team.
But in more positive news, they totally kicked the Wizard’s ass last issue and it cheered everyone up.
So the issue starts on a lazy summer day.
Scarlet Witch is on monitor duty, scanning for any ‘this looks like a job for the Avengers’ type calls. And multi-tasking by also thinking of her tubed husband.
Captain America takes his turn standing watch over the comatose synthezoid.
And for some reason, Cap leaning on the tube like that cracks me up.
Starfox spends his downtime trying to hit on Wasp.
His pickup line is so bad.
Wasp finds it charming in its misapprehension although it could also be the sexy beams Starfox emits from his brain.
And She-Hulk is taking a bath in a large barrel in the Avengers’ rec center, which they have. Maybe its the super hot bath?
She(-Hulk)’s also multi-tasking by looking up apartment listings while she soaks but finds that everything on the NY listings is either too small or too ritzy.
It be like that sometimes.
Jarvis comes into the rec center barrel bath area with iced tea for She-Hulk, trying to politely avert his eyes. But the intruder alarm goes off and she(-Hulk) tells Jarvis to hand her a towel and runs off to his flusterment.
Between Tigra and She-Hulk, I think poor Jarvis is getting overwhelmed with rad ladies on the Avengers.
The Avengers assemble in the main foyer and found that someone just barged in the front door and disabled the security tentacles with some sort of odd, artificial webbing.
Who could it be?
Who could possibly break into Avengers Mansion under the mistaken impression that its actually a cool way to impress them while asking for a job, showing that he’s learned nothing in years?
Could it be the person who expressed interest in joining in the previous issue? And who is also on the cover of this issue??
Yes.
Honestly, though, what an amazing splash page!
Also, spectacular and no-adjective.
Spider-Man knows how to make an impression.
Not a good one, certainly. But the Avengers aren’t going to forget the time he was casually chilling above the dining table.
And Pete isn’t going to forget it either. He’s going to wake up in a cold sweat years later still mortified at himself.
I also love it when the title of the issue is something someone said but since it has to be emphasized to make it clear its the title, they suddenly start yelling in the middle of a conversation.
She-Hulk has no patience for Spider-Man’s nonsense and grabs him off his web hammock to yell at him for barging in.
Spider-Man: “Well, I’m not exactly uninvited! Your buddy Thor asked me to join the club just a few months ago. Sure, I’m a little slow in replying, but I’ve had a busy season!”
And then he snarks about She-Hulk just wearing a towel because Spider-Man loves low hanging fruit.
SURELY, Spidey knows that offers usually expire, right? A few months ago is forever in comic time and Thor himself isn’t even on the Avengers right now.
I guess, in fairness, he has his reasons.
Besides his usual perpetual poverty liking the sound of a thousand bucks a week.
As he later muses to himself, Black Cat has been hospitalized because she tried to help him and he feels obligated to pay for her not-cheap medical bills. And he’s already quit grad school to spend more time earning but his freelance paychecks are nothing compared to an Avengers salary.
He’s being an incredibly presumptuous dick... but for a good cause.
And its just like Spidey that he has a good reason for being a jerk that he’d never mention leaving everyone to think he’s just a rude goofus.
What a shame.
Anyway, back at the present, Spider-Man asks where he enlists but Cap tells them that unfortunately their roster is full up. The sixth spot is being held open for Hawkeye when his leg stops being broken (and you think he was moany about being sidelined while his leg was broken, imagine him learning that he was replaced, eesh).
Cap does suggest that Spider-Man could join Starfox in the trainee program but Spidey throws a fit.
Spider-Man: “Trainee program?!? Hey, I’m Spider-Man, remember? I was sticking to walls when you guys were still looking for a clubhouse. I’m no green rookie!”
Starfox: “Green -- ? I take offense at your tone, Spider-Man!”
She-Hulk: “There’s nothing wrong with being green.”
Pffft.
As an actual rookie who is physically green, She-Hulk doesn’t care for that phrase, maybe.
She-Hulk and Starfox possibly beating up or more likely being embarrassed by Spider “will punk the entire X-Men in the not too distant future” Man is interrupted by a priority alert that goes ARROOOOOOOO
... Is it the Nixon alarm?
Why haven’t the Avengers fought Nixon’s head on a war mech yet??
Spider-Man offers to give them a hand if their priorities are being alerted but with this particular alarm, Wasp decides its best if they stick to the rules.
And then She-Hulk chases Spidey out by throwing a chair at him.
Spider-Man: Well, that was certainly a wash-out! Maybe I shouldn’t have come on as such a wise guy... Maybe I should have come to the door all humble and contrite. Nah, they wouldn’t have believed it was me!
.... Hah.
But he sees the third-floor of Avenger’s mansion opening up to launch the Quinjet and fount of good decision making that he is, he decides to jump onto the Quinjet as it launches.
Spider-Man: Whew! This baby is really starting to pick up speed! I feel like I’m in a wind tunnel. My sticky fingers can hold onto just about anything under normal circumstances... boy, I wish these were normal circumstances! I wonder if this was such a good idea.
No, Pete, it wasn’t.
But your inner monologues do add a bit more joy to this issue so I forgive you.
Inside the Quinjet, She-Hulk notes that the controls handled a bit sluggish right after take-off but eh whatever the problem disappeared after they went supersonic.
Huh. I wonder if Pete is ok.
Anyway, Captain America, She-Hulk, and Starfox are headed towards Project Pegasus.
Since it hasn’t come up in Avengers yet, Project Pegasus is a government research facility that seeks out new types and sources of energy. And Cap helped organize their security force back in Marvel Two-in-One #42.
The priority alert wasn’t the highest priority. Just a code-five, indicating a low-grade emergency. But it didn’t come with any details so Cap is vexed.
Three Avengers should be enough for a code-five but problems at Project Pegasus tend to balloon into worse problems.
You wouldn’t think a research facility would attract so much negative attention but as Cap points out, there’s a lot of people who have a vested interested in making sure energy stays scarce, expensive, and presumably non-renewable.
And considering that the oil companies like Roxxon are EVEN MORE BLATANTLY EVIL in the Marvel U, yeah, uh, bad shit is going to occur.
Also, Project Pegasus doubles as a place to jail supervillains so their powers can be studied.
So, yeah, Pegasus having a priority alert probably means a headache.
So these three Avengers are going in but Wasp and Scarlet Witch are on stand-by just in case.
The visit to the super secure research station goes off to a bad start when guards rush the Quinjet when it lands because a foreign object was detected on the undercarriage.
Of course it’s Spider-Man.
But before he can be arrested for breaking into a secure facility, his spider-sense buzzed.
It’d be a bit confusing if it wasn’t buzzing before though. He has a bunch of rattled guards pointing guns at him right after some unexplained emergency has happened.
That doesn’t set off the Peter Tingle at all??
Anyway, since the buzz is pretty intense, he figures that its warning him of something “a lot more dangerous than the lecture Cap’s going to give me!”
Hah!
He doesn’t manage to warn anyone before a tremor knocks (almost) everyone off their feet with a THROOM
Spider-Man is still standing because he loves Elton John forewarned is forewarned and he can stick to things. And to his surprise, Cap manages to stay on his feet.
Cap: “It’s just a matter of knowing how to react and how to brace yourself, Spider-Man.”
Hah!
That’s So Cap.
Spider-Man asks if he realio trulio can’t give Cap a hand with this situation. Y’know, since his spider-sense probably will come in handy. Cap isn’t sure because of the question of security but Spider-Man has an idea there.
See, he’s been here before!
In Marvel Team-Up Annual #5 he helped save the dang place! They can ask chief of security Wendell Vaughn (who is also known as Quasar but probably not to all the people in this scene?).
Unfortunately, Vaughn quit a couple months back. Oops.
But since Cap vouches for him the guard driving them to the lower levels is like ���eh whatever.’
The power of a Cap vouch is not to be underestimate and never to be used for evil.
They’re headed to the thermal research dome because its the last known location of new security chief O’Brien. And where he sent the alert from. AND where the recent quake came from.
That’s good multitasking.
They reach the blast doors sealing off the entire level.
Because yes, not only did O’Brien send an alert, he also sealed off the entire level and now something’s jammed the lock.
They have no idea what could be locked behind there but they do have a Spider-Man and Starfox asks him if he’s getting a bad feeling about anything.
Spider-Man isn’t getting any bad vibes, deeming it safe to go inside.
Y’know, this is an amazing way to use Spider-Sense that they could do more with. I always love it when Spidey basically exploits the sense for things other than combat dodging.
Like when trying to figure out how to turn off a device he didn’t understand in Avengers EMH, he just went around almost yanking wires until he found one that didn’t set off the ‘OH MY GOD YOU’LL DEFINITELY EXPLODE IF YOU DO THAT’ buzz.
Anyway, it being probably safe, Cap tells She-Hulk and Starfox to open the door.
Which they do, with gusto.
And a GRU-U-UNNG
Inside the ruins of the thermal research dome, a bunch of semi-conscious technicians lie about in heaps.
Some Project Pegasus security personnel fan out to do administer first aid while the Avengers look for O’Brien.
Makes sense. The nameless extras help the nameless extras so we don’t go ‘hey are the Avengers dicks for only talking to people with names?’
O’Brien is pinned under an arc of steaming rock which Cap starts chipping in half with his shield while She-Hulk, Spider-Man, and Starfox - all people who could lift that rock - just stand and watch.
Or heck, maybe its not supposed to be a random rock arc. Maybe its attached to the floor. Still though, She-Hulk, Spider-Man, and Starfox could probably break it more easily than Cap does.
Teamwork makes the dream work, guys and She-Hulk.
Spider-Man recognizes O’Brien’s green and also green Not-Iron Man armor from newspapers and realizes that he’s the Guardsman.
That just makes O’Brien sad.
Guardsman: “Aye, I am... or I was. The state this armor’s in, no one’ll ever be callin’ himself the Guardsman again! As of now, I’m just plain Michael O’Brien.”
The Michael Formerly Known as Guardsman starts to Explain It All.
He had come down to the thermal dome to watch the thermal dome researchers sink a new magma tap.
But molten rock came shooting up from the tap hole, which is a thing that’s definitely not supposed to happen.
Oh, and some molten men (but not Molten Man) climbed out of the hole and started trashing the joint.
Plain Michael O’Brien realized pretty quickly that he was the only one who could stand up to these hot men so he signaled for help, hit the evacuation alarm, and sealed off the level from the rest of the project so the problem was contained.
And then he got mobbed by the hot men and got his ass kicked. Turns out that his armor was pretty useless against lava men.
Oh, yeah, Cap recognizes them as lava men from his description.
Spider-Man: “Lava men? You have to be kidding, Cap! Lava men? I don’t believe in lava men!”
Cap: “Belay that, mister! I’ve been up against lava men -- and they’re nothing to joke about! You’d better thank your stars that they left -- !”
You might also remember that Cap has been up against lava men allllllll the way back in Avengers #5. Technically the first adventure he had with the Avengers after officially joining them.
It was also the issue where Thor stoically sank into lava without changing his expression from his default vaguely annoyed one.
Anyway, O’Brien tells the Avengers that the lava men battered their way into the maintenance section since they couldn’t escape to the rest of the facility.
It’s a real good news bad news situation because there’s no one for them to hurt in there and also its a straight shot into the nuclear research dome.
And we don’t want any kind of meltdown there.
Cap decides that this looks like a job for AVENGERS to ASSEMBLE towards. And more than the three plus special guest star they already have.
MEANWHILE, over in New Orleans at an important meeting that definitely would be bad to interrupt, Monica Rambeau (secretly the Avenger known as Captain Marvel but not the dead guy version, true believers) is applying for a small business loan.
And then she gets a bzzt on her radio watch for an Avengers emergency.
Oh no, what of her small business loan!
And also: what small business is she starting? I think I heard at one point that she ran a fishing business with her father?
But what of her small business loan!
Well, Monica agrees with her bank guy Mr. Hillbee that its an alarm watch and that its reminding her of another pressing engagement so hey is there a lot more that they have to do here?
Luckily, all that’s left is for her to sign the documents.
Phew, I’m very used to superhero stuff interrupting a superhero’s civilian life and then them angsting about it. It’s actually a relief that Monica was able to finish up at the bank before dashing off to a phone booth to take a radio watch call with Scarlet Witch.
Wanda tells Monica that they just received a call from Cap(tain America) telling them to get to Project Pegasus. Wanda tells Monica that they’re in transit now and asks if she can join them.
And then the line goes dead before Wanda can give coordinates.
Because Monica just followed the radio signal back to the Quinjet.
She apologizes that it took her so long (!!) because she had to stop at home first to pick up her costume.
Wanda marvels captainly “And I thought my brother, Pietro, was fast!”
Ha ha amazing.
I love Captain Monica Marvel’s ridiculous powerset.
She’s even talking right into their radio so she can communicate from outside the Quinjet.
Wasp, Scarlet Witch, and Captain Marvel arrive at Project Pegasus where they’re briefed of the lava men situation by some of the security staff.
Captain Marvel nyooms ahead lightspeed dash style while Wasp and Scarlet Witch lag behind by taking a high-speed railcar.
Dang, Project Pegasus is big.
I just flipped ahead pages to see how long it takes Captain Marvel to join Cap(tain America)’s group and its a bit.
I guess maybe there’s some overlapped time going on though.
Meanwhile, two technicians in research dome D-2 (called the Compound for some dang reason) ignore all the various alarms and such that have been happening because they’re super into their project. And are possibly mad scientists.
They have the intensity.
But they’re working on... Dr. Croit’s stabilizer? And apparently its vibratory pitch was changed by the tremor that happened? Unbeknowst to them, Captain Marvel just nyoomed by outside and the proximity of her energy form activates the device and the silhouette of some guy leaps out proclaiming FREE!!
Back at the Avengers side of the plot, Cap(tain America)’s group has encountered some lava men.
Spider-Man: “Hey, Cap... I take it all back! I do believe in lava men! I really do!”
Hah.
The lava men are between the Avengers and the nuclear dome so Cap starts thinking of ways to flank them so they can keep them away from it.
She-Hulk starts trying to plow a hole through their forces and... uh.... ok. Cap has Starfox just fly around and annoy the lava men because they’ve never seen a flying man before and its just freaking them out.
Really.
Cap asks Spider-Man to use his webbing to throw up some barriers in the lava men’s path.
Spider-Man: “Heck, I can do better than that, Cappy! Just a couple spritzes of webbing, and these little hotheads won’t be going anywhere for hours!”
Cap: “No, you young fool! Don’t you see what you’ve done!”
Throwing web on the lava men makes them panic because it seems like there’s a lot of stuff that they’re not familiar with and all of it alarms them. When they’re alarmed, their body temperature raises and can get up thousands of degrees.
So they just melt loose of the webbing and now they’ve learned not to be afraid of the webbing at all and they can’t use it to corral them.
Spider-Man: “Would it help if I said I’m sorry?”
Cap: “It would help if you’d follow orders! The Avengers is a team! If you want to be part of the team, act like it! Otherwise, stay out of our way!”
Yeahhhhh. I mean, most of the time. You have your fair share of idiots doing their own thing in the Avengers because all of these guys have egos you wouldn’t believe. But generally they can agree to work as a team.
And Spider-Man, of this era, isn’t much of a team player. Not like Wolverine or Batman ‘i work best alone, bub’ type of not a team player where they’re lying about not being good at teamwork because they like being surly and dour because they think it makes them more interesting. But Spider-Man mostly works alone and is used to just doing whatever he thinks the best idea is. And he has the proportionate speed and reflexes of a spider so he can do whatever he thinks the best idea is way before you can tell him its a bad idea.
That’s why Spider-Man makes so many bad decisions, because he can make them faster than good sense can catch up [citation needed].
Anyway, as he is NOW, he’s not a good fit for the Avengers.
Then again, neither was Hawkeye and they let him join. Makes ya think.
Back over at surprise man out of a box lab, the surprise man was Blackout.
He looks like he’d be an electricity themed villain but apparently his element is darkness. Annd he debuted in Nova annnd this is his second appearance?
At the end of his debut story Nova #19, Blackout was apparently sucked into the Darkforce dimension, a fate that Dr. Croit’s stabilizer had been invented to prevent.
So I guesss.... the stabilizer’s settings were altered by an earthquake and then it was powered by ambient energy from Captain Marvel zipping past and it managed to stabilize Blackout, yanking him free of the Darkforce dimension?
I guess??
As far as villain returns go, its not the most ridiculous but it is a bit contrived.
Blackout has no idea where he is and rants about how he’ll level the place if that’s what it takes to find his way out and in a more acceptable contrivance, he happens to be passing Moonstone’s cell when he says this out loud to nobody in particular and she likes the cut of his jib.
Moonstone: “Sounds like you’re a man after my own heart!”
Moonstone tells Blackout that she’s been locked up here so Project Pegasus could study her powers and that they want to use her the way they would have used Blackout but hey what if they join forces and get some comeuppance.
Blackout: I don’t know if I should trust her... But something about her voice is so reassuring.
Yeah, that’s what we call a red flag, you dingus.
Are we back to the days where some dudes will just villain because a lady bats her eyes?
Anyway, the locking mechanism is too complicated to figure out so Blackout just squeezes it until it explodes.
Um. Okay.
-checks wiki-
The wiki says he’s only supposed to have normal human strength but Blackout himself claims that his body is a living generator of black star energies.
Which apparently means he can squeeze an electronic lock to death. I dunno.
Freed from her cell, Moonstone leads Blackout to what they can do next.
Meanwhile, the Avengers are still struggling with the lava men two levels below. And the fracas has reached the corridor to the nuclear dome. Its now or never but the numbers are too overwhelming even for She-Hulk.
Spider-Man manages to leap above the fray and get forgotten in the confusion but doesn’t find that he can do much. He tries webbing the door to the nuclear dome shut but the lava men don’t even bother opening it when they can melt through.
Hmmmmm not a good showing for a guest starring so far...
When the lava men succeed in melting through the door, a blinding light shines through and the lava men kneel down and start bowing to it.
Ohhhhhh, I get it! They’re not trying to cause a meltdown! They just want to worship nuclear light!
... No? I don’t got it? Okay.
The bright light is actually Captain Marvel who took a shortcut to the nuclear dome to reach the Avengers.
And the lava men are really enamored with her, proclaiming her the lady of light foretold in legends.
Captain Marvel just kinda rolls with this and asks them whats the deal with all the rampaging and destroying.
Lava man: “We did but strike back, radiant one! Our village, deep beneath the Earth, knew peace -- until the surface men bored into our midst with their machines. We could not allow this attack to go unanswered. We only used our powers to stop the invasion!”
Wait, isn’t this the plot of the Jetsons movie?
Cap(tain America) smoothly slides in, diplomatically, to announce that then the surface people beg forgiveness and that this has all been an unfortunate misunderstanding that he pledges shall be put right.
And like how Cap’s clout got Spider-Man into this story, Cap borrows Captain Marvel’s clout to back up his diplomacy roll, saying “The Lady-of-Light will tell you that I speak the truth!”
It’s a good thing that Monica wouldn’t go mad with power.
Also, Scarlet Witch and Wasp show up, while Spider-Man snarks that they “missed the end of the movie.”
But since we can’t have pat resolutions given the subplot that was happening while the Avengers were distracted elsewhere, in the Compound, it turns out that Blackout and Moonstone have freed Electro and Rhino. And Moonstone has a Big Evil Plan.
Blackout: “Pay them back? Yes... yes, we must. But how?”
Moonstone: “In the best way possible! We’re going to bring this place to its knees -- by seizing the nuclear research dome!”
But that’s where the Avengers are! Silly villains, you’ve double booked!
Also, I wonder if the universe cosmically influenced Moonstone to get two Spider-villains involved on the one day that Spider-Man was tagging along.
I also wonder what Moonstone is thinking. She’s the ‘know when to fold ‘em’ villain.
Hmmm... Putting Electro and Blackout side by side makes Blackout look like Electro’s grumpy younger brother.
All kinds of good decisions have been made!
Follow @essential-avengers for more thoughts on villain couture. Also like and reblog so I can feel like I did a good job.
#avengers#lava men#Spider Man#Captain America#She Hulk#Starfox#the Wasp#Scarlet Witch#Captain Marvel#Monica Rambeau#essential avengers#essential marvel liveblogging
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