#anyway this seems to be a writing mode week which is a good and lately too-rare thing but when I'm in writing mode very little gets read SO

[callsign-mayhem]

too sweet (part 1)

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Female!Reader Word count: 6.4k CW: Use of Y/N, occasional swears

As Natasha's lifelong best friend, you've always known her crew was off-limits, especially one cocky aviator with a killer smile: Jake "Hangman" Seresin. But when you take a writing retreat to sunny San Diego, a break that was supposed to help you escape distractions, you find yourself sharing late-night conversations, beach bonfires, and undeniable chemistry with the one person you've been strictly forbidden to date.

This is a multi-part fic.

As soon as your plane touched down in San Diego, you were switching flight mode off and texting your best friend. It had been almost six months since the last time you saw her, and your patience had worn thin not long after the second week of her being gone. Now, you were practically bursting with excitement. As a result, you’d become one of those annoying people who got up as soon as the seatbelt sign went off, standing in the aisle with your carry-on even though the steps for the plane hadn’t even been brought onto the runway yet. 

Once you eventually got off the aircraft, you ran as fast as possible with a backpack and a carry-on suitcase, not stopping until you reached passport control. Once past that particular hurdle, it was onto baggage claim. Being a full-time writer afforded you much more flexibility and freedom than most other people, especially your best friend. This was why you usually visited her and not the other way around. Since it had been so long since you last spent time together, your ticket to San Diego was one way. It seemed as though Nat was setting up shop in Fighter Town for a while, and with your latest manuscript almost ready to be sent to your editor, you were taking the opportunity for a much-needed change in pace and scenery. 

The airport was busy, and you were swarmed by people from your flight trying to spot their bags on the carousel. This included the screaming set of twins and their dishevelled parents seated two rows behind you. 

They were still screaming, and you were briefly reminded why you didn’t want to have any children yet. Not that there was any chance of that happening, anyway. You’d been single for so long that it was a basically a personality trait at this point. 

When you spotted your suitcase, you ran to meet it and hauled it off the conveyor belt less than gracefully. The arrivals lounge was an assault on your already overloaded senses, and dragging two suitcases wasn’t making it any easier. But when you got closer to the exit, you saw Nat’s black Suburban parked right out front, and all the stress dissipated. 

When you barelled out of the doors and onto the sidewalk, she jumped out of the car with a huge, uncontainable grin. Her hair was freshly cut and styled, and her skin glowed beneath the Californian sun. 

North Island looked good on her. 

Bags be damned, you ran into her arms, almost knocking her over. She still smelled of citrus and vanilla, which was to say that she still smelled like her family home where you’d spent most of your childhood. You’d had a couple of boyfriends in and just after college, but their hugs had never lived up to Natasha’s. There was nothing more comforting to you in the entire world.

‘Lieutenant Trace in the flesh!’ You squeaked. 

‘Y/N Y/L/N, bestselling author. It truly is an honour.’

Reluctantly, you let go so you could take her in. ‘Those FaceTime calls just weren’t cutting it anymore.’ You told her, smiling. ‘You look good, Nat. Better than good.’

‘I think this place agrees with me.’ She replied. ‘You look like you need a holiday.’

‘Wow, thanks.’

She laughed. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘I know.’

She glanced at your luggage with a raised brow. ‘Let’s get what appears to be everything you own in the trunk, and then we’ll get on the road. ‘Kay?’

‘I know it looks like a lot, but you know I like to be prepared.’

You took the smaller case, and she took the bigger one. ‘For what? Moving states?’

‘My ticket is open-ended.’ You explained. ‘Once I get my manuscript in next week, I’ll be free as a bird until my editor is ready to shatter all my hopes and dreams.’

Natasha eyed you somewhat disbelievingly. ‘You’re saying you might be staying a while?’

‘If that’s okay with you, yeah.’

‘Let’s see how long it takes me to get sick of you.’ She jibed.

‘How do you know I won’t get sick of you first?’

‘Because I’m a delight.’

On the way to Nat’s apartment complex, she pointed out landmarks and told you about the latest happenings. You were mostly caught up since you spent every other evening on FaceTime, but it was always different when you caught up in person. The two of you always remembered other details you’d forgotten about. 

The drive from the airport to Nat’s apartment on Island Avenue took just over fifteen minutes, and before you knew it, you were being shown to the guest room. She’d moved in a little over a month ago, after being told she was being stationed in Fighter Town indefinitely along with some of her crew from a super secret mission she’d been involved in. Nat told you more details about her work than she probably should because even if you had someone to tell, you wouldn’t. Your friendship wasn’t like most other female friendships, where you think your secret is safe until it’s not. The two of you trusted one another wholeheartedly because there genuinely wasn’t any reason not to. 

The guest room was as tidy and organised as the rest of the apartment. With Autumn just around the corner, she’d adorned the double bed with pumpkin throw pillows and a dark red teddy blanket you immediately wanted to crawl under. You were thoroughly exhausted, but you knew neither of you would be going to sleep anytime soon.

‘I put my desk in here,’ she told you. ‘Since I knew it would be your room. That way, you can write while I’m on base.’

Even after all these years, things like this still warmed you. ‘Thanks, Natty.’ You said, reverting to your childhood nickname for her. ‘I appreciate it.’

‘You hungry?’

‘Practically wasting away over here.’

‘I thought you might say that. Wanna go out or order in? I can take you to this amazing restaurant I went to with some of my team a few weeks ago. It’s right by the beach.’

‘Sold.’

An hour later, you were sitting in the outside area of a trendy new steakhouse. You were so hungry after your flight that you doubted you’d have noticed if the food had been awful. Nat enjoyed her brisket immensely, so it couldn’t have been bad. 

‘So,’ you said, around a mouthful of food. ‘Tell me more about this new squad. Better than the Black Aces?’

‘They’re so different, they aren’t comparable. But they’re pretty awesome.’

‘Any of them particularly awesome?’ You asked, waggling your eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes playfully. ‘No, no, and no. Even if there were, I wouldn’t do anything about it. I don’t date navy guys.’

‘I still don’t understand that.’

‘I don’t like to shit where I eat,’ she said simply. ‘Or rather, I don’t like to let men shit where I eat since usually they’re the ones doing the shitting.’

You nodded in understanding. ‘Am I gonna get to meet any of the famous Daggers?’ 

‘Yup. Tonight.’

Your stomach dropped. While you were definitely up for meeting them, you were a little nervous, especially since it was happening so soon.

‘Tonight?’ You echoed.

‘Friday nights, we always go to The Hard Deck after work. I’ll come back to the apartment first, change and then we can head over together.’ 

You hoped you were doing a good job of hiding your nerves. Nat would never let you live them down. 

‘So not only am I meeting the famous Dagger Squad, but I’m also gonna experience the highly acclaimed Hard Deck on the same night.’

‘Don’t bother wearing socks, ‘cause they’re gonna be knocked right off.’ Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

‘The novelty might have worn off for you, but this is big for me. I listen to you talk about these people and that bar day in and day out without understanding. I’m finally getting to put faces to names my best friend doesn’t shut up about. It would be like you stepping into one of my books and meeting all the characters.’

‘Okay, when you put it that way, I understand why you’re excited. But you gotta promise me one thing.’

She was suddenly all serious. ‘Anything.’ You replied earnestly.

‘Do not let Hangman charm you. I’ve already told him you’re off limits, and I’m saying the same to you. He’s bad news.’

You knew all about Hangman from Nat’s stories. There were only a few where he was one of the good guys. As a writer, you were all too familiar with the good girl falls in love with the bad guy trope, and as tantalising as it was to read about, you knew better than to fall for it in real life.

At least, you’d like to think so.

‘You don’t have to worry about that. He sounds like an asshole.’

‘You say this now, but he’s a charmer, and you’re vulnerable.’

You threw a chip at her. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘I mean no offence when I say this, but it’s been a while since you dated anyone, Y/N. I’m not saying you’re naive, but I know he’ll lay it on real thick just to mess with me, and I don’t want you to fall into his trap and get hurt.’

‘You think he’d pretend to hit on me just to get under your skin? This guy sounds even worse than I thought.’

‘You can never be too sure what his intentions are. Safer to assume that he has an ulterior motive.’

‘Well, thanks, Nat. Now I’m really nervous.’

‘You’ll be fine. I’ll be there to yank on his leash if he starts barking too loudly. And Rooster is always looking for an excuse to take him down a peg.’

In true best friend style, Natasha had emptied your suitcase in search of the perfect outfit for you to wear to The Hard Deck. Thankfully, she’d settled on one of your favourites: a black velvet romper with bell sleeves covered in little silver moons and stars. You didn’t have to debate whether to wear your hair up or down because Nat had already decided for you and was almost done curling it. You applied a thin layer of lip gloss in front of her vanity mirror while she worked her magic. You’d gone easy on the makeup since you often felt self-conscious when wearing a lot. 

‘Okay, done.’ She announced, running her fingers through the curls. 

She’d done a great job, better than when you did it yourself.

‘Thanks, Nat.’

‘You’re welcome. You look drop-dead gorgeous.’

In her skinny jeans, white tank and leather jacket, you thought Nat looked like a sexy biker chick, and you told her so. 

‘Anyone would think you’re in love with me.’

‘So what if I am?’

You decided to get an Uber since neither of you wanted to stay sober to drive the other home. You spent the whole journey fretting that the Daggers wouldn’t like you. Maybe they’d think you were boring because you weren’t in the Navy. Perhaps they’d think being a writer wasn’t a real job (it wouldn’t be the first time someone had told you that). Or worse, maybe they’d think you weren’t good enough to be friends with the highly decorated fighter pilot who was your best friend. 

By the time the Uber driver pulled up in front of The Hard Deck, your stomach was tied in knots, and you were gasping for a shot of something strong to give you a confidence boost. Despite your overwhelming sense of anxiety, you were able to appreciate how incredible The Hard Deck was. Adorned with lights and overflowing with all different kinds of people, it was the kind of place that felt almost dreamlike. Music spilled out through the open doors and windows, and the surrounding area thrummed with a near-tangible electric current. 

Natasha looped her arm through yours as you headed into the bar, and you were grateful for the physical and moral support. Inside, it was a hubbub of activity. The wraparound bar—which had at least five people behind it—was surrounded by people. The crowd was at least three people deep; as soon as a bartender finished serving someone, there was another to take their place. You’d done a brief stint as a bartender just after college, and while you’d never worked somewhere quite this busy, you had a pretty good idea of how they were feeling. 

A Bon Jovi song blared from a jukebox you couldn't locate. A large pool table and a mounted dart board stood in the far corner of the bustling bar. This appeared to be where Nat was leading you. A group of aviators—some still in uniform from the day, some not—stood around the pool table. 

Your heart was in the base of your throat. It was beating erratically. 

‘Ready?’ Nat asked, flashing you an encouraging grin.

‘Ready as I’ll ever be.’

When you reached them, those who had been immersed in their game stopped, and the others let their conversations die out. All eyes were on you, and you briefly wondered if something was on your face. 

‘Guys, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is my squad.’ Each one beamed at you as they swarmed around you to shake your hand or hug you. ‘For better or worse.’ Nat said.

The tall, handsome one with the moustache and the Hawaiian shirt you knew to be Rooster playfully poked Nat in the ribs. ‘Hey, you know it’s for better.’

‘Depends on the day.’ She shrugged.

‘Y/N,’ Rooster smirked. ‘I’ve heard a lot about you.’

He had to reach down to wrap his arms around your shoulders. He smelled of sandalwood and sun lotion, and you’d already forgotten Nat’s reasons for not wanting to sleep with her squad members. 

‘All good things, I hope.’

Before Rooster could respond, a strapping blonde guy with a movie-star smile cut in. ‘Better than good,’ he said with a southern drawl. ‘I feel like I’m meeting a celebrity.’

The squad collectively rolled their eyes. ‘This is Hangman.’ Nat sighed. 

He held out his hand, and you took it. ‘Jake Seresin.’

‘Pleasure.’ You replied. 

When you finally worked up the courage to look into his eyes, you saw chaos swimming in the blue depths. He smiled at you as if he knew what colour underwear you had on, as well as all your darkest secrets. He was disarming, and you’d always made a point to steer clear of men like that.

‘Oh, the pleasure’s all mine, darlin’.’

‘Alright, Bagman, that’s enough.’ This voice belonged to one of the shorter guys with a buzzed head and a much nicer vibe. ‘You’re gonna scare her off.’ Instead of hugging you or shaking your hand, he kissed your cheek, and you felt a surprised blush creep across your cheeks. ‘I’m Mickey, callsign Fanboy. Welcome to North Island.’

‘Thanks, Mickey. It’s nice to meet you.’

‘This here is Payback, but you can call him Reuben. I’m his backseater.’

‘Hi,’ you grinned, starting to find your feet and your confidence. ‘I hear you’re quite the pilot.’ 

Reuben glanced at Nat, apparently pleasantly surprised. ‘Damn, you say nice things about us behind our backs?’

‘Not all of you.’ Nat shot a pointed look at Jake. ‘But yeah. Don’t sound so surprised.’ 

Coyote—AKA Javy—was less intimidating than Jake, but you could tell they were privy to something you weren’t. Your mind flicked back to the conversation you’d had with Nat earlier, and you were starting to understand what she meant. Maybe they had some kind of awful bet on who could bed you first. Either way, you planned to be cordial but not engage with them any more than you had to. 

Last but not least, you were introduced to Bob, Nat’s backseater and perhaps the team member she spoke most highly of. You’d been desperate to meet him for months, partly because Nat had told you he had a really funny side to him once he came out of his shell and partly because you wanted to thank him for keeping your best friend alive.

‘Y/N, this is Bob Floyd. My WSO.’

In one hand, he held a half-empty cup of peanuts. The other, he held out to you.

‘Bob, it’s an honour to meet you. Thank you for looking after Natty. I didn’t need to meet you to know that there’s nobody else I’d rather be in the sky with my best friend.’

Bob blinked at you behind his wireframes, dumbfounded by your kind words.

‘Uh, thanks, Y/N. I’m just a Weapons Systems Officer. Phoenix is the hero, not me.’

‘Don’t put yourself down. Your job is just as important, if not more so. I know she won’t mind me saying that.’

‘I agree,’ Nat said. ‘I’ve told you before, Bobby; you gotta give yourself more credit.’

Bob flushed. His eyes remained fixed on his peanuts. ‘Well, thank you. It sure means a lot.’ 

With the initial introductions out of the way, you could relax. Payback and Fanboy headed to the bar to get a round of drinks in while you made yourself comfortable at one of the tall tables. Rooster and Bob joined you and Nat while Coyote and Hangman resumed their game of pool. They’d been playing doubles with Payback and Fanboy, and it was their turn. 

You found yourself staring at Hangman as he leaned over the table and expertly sank three balls—one after the other—into the pockets. Not that you’d ever admit it out loud, but he was gorgeous. Walking, talking Texan Ken dolls weren’t usually your type, but it was impossible to deny Jake’s appeal. Maybe it was because Nat had explicitly told you not to look that you found your eyes wandering back to him, even as Rooster launched into a story about a recent mission. Didn’t something always feel more endearing when you weren’t allowed to do it?

When Payback and Fanboy reappeared, each with a tray of drinks in hand, you could finally refocus your attention. 

‘Tequila shots!’ Fanboy gestured with bravado.

‘And some beers to chase them with.’ Payback finished.

You giggled, reaching for your shot. There was enough for everyone to have two, and you made a mental note to get them both back. Hangman and Coyote sauntered over at the mention of hard liquor. It was difficult to ignore Jake when he came to your side of the table and reached over you for his shot. Was he making a point, or were you hyperaware of him after your warning from Nat?

‘What’re we toasting?’ You asked.

Rooster’s eyes twinkled as he raised his near-overflowing shot glass in your direction. ‘To old friends and new.’

The whole squad echoed his toast and downed their shots. Bob coughed and sputtered, and Fanboy smacked him on the back encouragingly, only making him cough more. Your stomach ached from laughing, and you weren’t even drunk yet. 

One shot of tequila, and you were already wondering if there were any apartments for rent close to North Island. 

As the night progressed and you got tipsier, you found yourself playing some kind of game with Hangman. The rest of the squad seemed totally unaware of it, for which you were incredibly grateful. If Nat or Rooster caught so much as a whiff of attraction between the two of you, you were sure they’d haul your ass home and sit you on the naughty step. You’d only known Bradley for a few hours, but you’d hit it off immediately. You understood why he and Nat were so close. He’d already adopted some kind of brotherly responsibility for you, and apparently—before your arrival—he and Nat had made a pact to protect you from Hangman at all costs. Super dramatic, but you were sure it was warranted. 

Of course, this approach had the opposite effect. You found yourself drawn to him for reasons known only to the almighty. Nat and Bradley had said (not in so many words, but still) ‘fuck around and find out.’

And here you were, fucking around and finding out. 

He was standing at the dart board nursing a whiskey on the rocks. Payback was taking his shot while Fanboy egged him on from the sidelines. It seemed that the two pairs had a mission to thrash each other at various bar games, and you sincerely hoped that Payback and Fanboy won at least one round of something by the end of the night just to see the smug grin wiped off Jake’s pretty face. 

As for the game the two of you were playing… Well, you’d started that. He’d caught you staring at him after the second round of shots, and the look he’d given you in response had been incendiary. More for something to do with your hands and mouth, you’d taken a sip of your cocktail (courtesy of Bobby Floyd) and looked away again. You’d looked up again a little while later and caught him staring. You’d raised your eyebrows, and in response, he took a long drink of his whiskey before mouthing ‘bet.’ Thus, your little drinking game was born, and you hadn’t even had to speak to each other.

Whenever one caught the other staring, the guilty one had to take a drink. 

You were more than tipsy now, so you silently promised not to look at him for a while lest you end up on the floor before 10 pm. 

‘So, Phoenix tells us you’re about to finish another book.’ Bradley said, bringing you back to Earth.

‘Yeah, I’ve just gotta mess around with the ending, and then it’ll be good to go. That is until my editor tears it to shreds.’

‘Did you always want to be a writer?’ Bob asked.

He’d come out of his shell significantly since you walked into The Hard Deck earlier that evening. The two shots had helped since he wasn’t a big drinker. They’d gone right to his head, and his cheeks were stained pink. Bob was sweet and kindhearted and had a knack for making you feel seen and heard in the conversation. You’d never met a man who was so attentive before, and you got the feeling that Nat and Bradley had an agenda, what with the knowing glances they shared whenever you went off on tangents about music and different novels you’d both read. 

Bob was perfect. Bob wouldn’t break your heart. Out of all the guys in The Hard Deck, he was the one who made the most sense to you. 

But Bob didn’t have you shifting in your stool whenever he looked at you as warmth pooled in the bottom of your tummy. 

‘For as long as I can remember, yeah.’ You responded. ‘Most people thought I was insane for choosing a liberal arts major in college. They’re notorious for leading you absolutely nowhere, but I was persistent, and now here I am.’ 

‘Not many people are successful enough to live off their writing, even if they get published.’ Nat added proudly. ‘She’s a one-percenter in the writer world.’

‘You know, I’ve actually read one of your books.’ Bob said, smiling down at his Corona Light, suddenly shy. 

This was the kind of moment you always dreamed about as a kid: meeting someone and finding out they already knew your name because they had a copy of one of your books at home. 

‘Seriously?’ You leaned forward. ‘Which one?’ 

‘Fourth of July.’ 

You were taken aback. Fourth of July wasn’t the book you were best known for, but it had been your favourite to write. It was literary fiction, and few people had the stomach for it. After publishing it, your agent practically forced you to write something on the opposite end of the spectrum, more for sales than anything else. 

‘What did you think?’ 

‘I thought it was extremely provocative. You know the kinds of books you think about for months when you’re finished?’

Your smile was so big, your face ached with it. ‘Yeah, I know the ones you mean. You really think that?’

‘I do.’ 

‘I don’t even know how to respond to that. I’m so happy.’ You gushed. ‘So I’m just gonna buy you another drink.’

Bob chuckled. Nat and Bradley shared another knowing look. ‘You don’t need to do that.’

‘I want to. Besides, it’s my turn to get a round in.’

You floated up to the bar on cloud nine and made the order in such a daze that you didn’t notice Hangman slide up next to you. 

‘I’ll be paying for this round, Penny.’ He drawled. 

Your head snapped up. He still had that shit-eating grin on his face, and you couldn’t decide whether you wanted to slap it or kiss it off. 

‘I can pay. It’s my turn.’ You insisted.

Jake waved you off. ‘You’re the honoured guest.’

‘And it’s my turn.’ You repeated sternly. ‘Plus, I’m buying Bob an extra drink as a thank you.’

Jake recoiled slightly, a bemused grin on his face. ‘For what?’

‘He gave me some great feedback on one of my books. The one I’m the least proud of. Nothing in the world beats that feeling, so I want to thank him.’

‘Trust Bobby to have read your work before knowing who you are. I bet he’s mighty pleased with himself.’ Jake ruminated. ‘He’s not the one trailing behind for once.’

You frowned deeply. ‘That’s not very nice. Bob seems like a great guy. He probably doesn’t seem like it to you because his ego isn’t the size of North Island.’

Jake laughed. ‘And you think mine is?’ 

Penny was smirking to herself as she poured all the drinks, and you had a feeling she’d probably back you up. 

‘I think it’s probably quite close. You and Bob don’t speak the same language, so you think he’s beneath you.’

‘Come on, I don’t think he’s beneath me. You’re making me sound like a dick.’

No, actually, I think you manage that quite well on your own.’ You quipped.

Jake staggered back, clutching his chest, feigning hurt. You laughed despite yourself. His energy was contagious like that.

‘So, are you gonna let me pay for my round?’

‘How about I pay for the round, you just pay for Lieutenant Bookworm. You know, to save your conscience.’ 

‘Fine,’ you said, rolling your eyes. ‘But I’m gonna get the next one. I’ll just wait until you aren’t paying attention.’ 

Jake glanced at your lips so quickly that you would’ve missed it if you’d blinked. 

‘Good luck with that, sweetheart.’ 

You opened your mouth to respond, but no sound came out. He’d disarmed you yet again, and you disliked feeling so helpless. It was almost as if you were at his mercy, and he knew it. Jake Seresin didn’t need any more power than he already had. 

He paid Penny and took the tray of drinks over to the table. You hadn’t ordered any shots because you wanted to remember some of this night, and it was probably a good idea because you could no longer walk in a straight line. Jake went right back to the dart board, and you took your seat at the table.

‘What was that about?’ Nat asked, voice laced with concern.

‘He paid for the round, even though I asked him not to.’ You took Bob’s beers off the tray and set them before him. ‘I got these, though.’

‘Thanks, Y/N.’

Bradley’s eyes were boring holes into Jake’s back. ‘It’s rare for him to do something nice without an ulterior motive.’

‘Well, that’s easy. His ulterior motive is getting in Y/N’s pants.’ Nat growled.

‘Okay,’ you said with a sigh. ‘Let’s change the subject. I’m sick of talking about him already.’

Although Bob didn’t speak as much as everyone else, you felt he noticed more than they did. You could tell he saw right through you. You just hoped he wouldn’t say anything to your best friend. 

You felt truly alive, as if the electrical current surrounding The Hard Deck had been injected directly into your veins. Your first meeting with The Dagger Squad had gone incredibly well, and they’d exceeded your expectations tenfold. It had only been one day, and you already felt like you’d made some friends for life. You were beginning to understand why Nat looked so healthy, why she seemed to be glowing from the inside out, the amazing people, the energy of North Island, the beautiful weather. These things separately were better than any multivitamin, but together? You felt as though you’d drunk some kind of magical elixir that would permit you to live forever. 

You wouldn’t mind living forever if you got to stay here permanently. 

Was it too soon to be thinking this? Did you care? 

Penny had called last orders, but nobody was ready for the night to end. Your exhaustion had worn off long ago, and thankfully, you were experiencing a rather mighty second wind. Somebody had suggested going back to Nat’s for some more drinks. Reuben’s place was the biggest—a three-bed detached house right on the outskirts of North Island—but nobody wanted to Uber that far, so you settled for Nat’s. Her apartment was the second biggest, spanning two stories. You knew she’d received a considerable inheritance a few years ago, and paired with her Navy money, she was well-off. It helped that her finance-managing skills were impeccable. She’d been the one to help you invest and save money from your first book deal when you’d wanted to blow it all on an expensive trip to New Zealand. 

It took two Ubers to get you all to Island Avenue. You carpooled with Nat, Bob, Bradley and Reuben. Mickey pulled the short straw and had to jump in with Jake and Javy. To be fair, they weren’t bad guys; you just knew their type and weren’t accustomed to it. 

Back at Nat’s, everyone was assigned a job. You and Nat set about turning all the fairy lights on, putting more chairs out on the generously sized balcony and finding throw blankets for those who got chilly. Bradley was connecting his phone to the Bluetooth speaker and queuing songs since he insisted he had the authority in that particular department. Bob was hovering, suggesting more songs for him to queue, arguing that he had just as much authority as Bradley did since they had similar taste in music. Reuben and Mickey went through Nat’s drinking/board game selection, picking out a few to keep everyone occupied. Dangerously, Javy and Jake had declared themselves bartenders. On the way back, they’d stopped at an off-license and grabbed a wide selection of booze to add to what Nat already had stocked in her kitchen. They’d set themselves up on the kitchen island and were attempting to make homemade cocktails. 

You and Nat found a moment of solitude in her room when she was searching for some sweats to give Mickey, who was still in his uniform. 

‘So it’s going pretty well, huh?’ She smiled. ‘You like the squad?’ 

‘Hell yeah, I do, they’re a riot.’

She opened her wardrobe door, smirking knowingly. ‘Who’s your favourite?’

‘Don’t have one.’ You said, a little too quickly.

‘I know you’re lying. Just tell me.’

While she rooted around in her wardrobe, you gave it some thought. You didn’t have a favourite because you liked them for different reasons. Bob was genuine and intelligent, and he understood your writing almost as well as you did. Bradley was vibrant and interesting, and he made you feel safe, as if you could be yourself unapologetically. Same with Mickey and Reuben. You liked the fact that Javy was sure of himself without coming across too cocky (mostly).

And as for Jake. Well, you didn’t have the words to describe how you felt about him. 

Nat poked her head out of the walk-wardrobe. ‘Well?’

‘I like them all, Nat. But if I had to choose, it’d be Bob.’

She smiled. ‘I knew it.’ 

‘Knew what?’

‘You have a thing for Floyd. And he has a thing for you.’

‘Jesus Christ, Natty. No. Not like that.’

She’d finally found sweatpants and a T-shirt that she didn’t mind lending to Mickey. When she came out of the wardrobe, she wore a cunning expression.

‘You wouldn’t date him? I think he’s perfect for you.’

How were you supposed to tell her that the reason you wouldn’t date him was because Jake caused a swarm of butterflies in your stomach? How were you supposed to tell her you were crushing on the only guy from her whole crew she’d warned you off? 

There was only one answer to that: you couldn’t. 

‘I didn’t come here to date. Why would I start something here that I can’t finish? I’ll be back in New England before the leaves change.’

‘Everything is always so poetic with you. But you’re right,’ she relented. ‘Bobby is someone you have a quick fling with, anyway. He’s too nice, and I don’t think that’s his thing.’

You gestured as if to say, ‘there you go.’ 

‘Shall we get back out there and see what havoc those two dickheads are wreaking in my kitchen?’

‘Let’s do it.’

It turned out that they were wreaking a lot of havoc. There were open spirit bottles everywhere, and the kitchen island was lined with shots. Not only that, but a selection of cocktails surrounded the bottles. You didn’t know what any of them contained, and honestly, you were scared to ask. 

‘Ladies,’ Javy said. ‘What’ll it be?’

‘Something that’s not gonna put me on my ass after two sips?’ You offered.

He looked at the selection of drinks with a pained expression, and you laughed. 

‘I’m guessing that’s not on the menu?’

‘Er, no…’

‘Okay, give me something sweet.’

Jake stepped around the island and came right up to you. He was so cocksure that it should have been cringe, but it was just incredibly sexy.

‘Here you go, darlin’.’

Natasha and Javy laughed, but you couldn’t stop looking at him. He was drunk, but there wasn’t a hair out of place. If you hadn’t watched him throw drinks back all night, you would think he was sober. 

‘Nice. Does that work on all the girls?’

‘I haven’t tried this one before.’ He winked.

‘I’ll take whatever concoction that has the most vodka in it. No whiskey.’ 

Your swift change of subject didn’t phase him in the slightest. ‘Anything you want.’ 

When he handed you a drink and your hands brushed, you had to glance around to see if Nat noticed. Because if she had, she’d have seen you linger for a moment before you turned around and walked away. 

After a few particularly vicious rounds of Cards Against Humanity that had you all creasing on the floor, you took yourself off to the bathroom. Bob and Javy were talking about heading home. Bradley and Mickey had called dibs on Nat’s huge, L-shaped sofa for the night, and Reuben was trying to convince Nat to let him top-and-tail in her bed. While they were arguing, you headed inside and up the spiral staircase to use your bathroom without worrying about a drunken aviator trying to get in.

Or at least, that had been your plan. 

You reached out to grab the door handle, and someone’s hand closed over your own.

‘Jake?’

You turned around, your back against the closed door, and he moved in front of you, his chest flush against yours. 

‘What’re you doing?’ You breathed.

‘You’ve been givin’ me those come-to-bed eyes all night. I assumed that’s where you were headed.’

He leaned in closer, but not so close that you thought he was going to kiss you. 

‘I thought you were suspiciously quiet when everyone was talking about sleeping arrangements.’

‘Mhm, so you were thinkin’ the same thing?’

You shook your head, but your smile was a dead giveaway. ‘Even if I wanted you to, you couldn’t spend the night here. Nat would crucify both of us.’

He leaned even closer. You could smell the liquor on his lips now. ‘Who says she has to find out?’

‘I can’t do that to her. It’s disrespectful.’

He regarded you thoughtfully. ‘Come on, Y/N. Take that halo off for one night.’ 

Bravely, you nudged his nose with yours. When he tried to kiss you, you pulled back. His expression was a mix between hurt and challenged. 

‘I’ve been warned to stay away from you, in case I get hurt.’

‘Well, that’s funny,’ he responded, closing the space between you. ‘Because I’ve been warned to stay away from you so I don’t wake up and find my balls missing.’

You laughed. ‘Nat threatened to castrate you?’

‘That she did.’

‘I suggest you go home and sleep in your own bed then.’

His lips were basically touching yours now. ‘You don’t really want that.’

You reached up and put a hand on the back of his neck. The first kiss you shared with Jake Seresin was exactly how you imagined it would be. There was no softness, no easing you into it. One minute, you were talking, the next, you were tasting the whiskey sour he’d just finished. He had both hands on either side of your face and was kissing you more intensely than you’d ever been kissed in your entire life. It was raw passion and desire—you could feel how needy he was. 

When he pushed against you, you felt his hard-on through his Levis, and a small whimper escaped your lips. You found yourself grinding against him, hoping for any kind of friction to ease the tightness in your stomach. 

When he pulled away, you followed his mouth and kissed him again, but he stopped you soon after.

‘What was that about me going home and sleeping in my own bed?’

You groaned. ‘Don’t make this hard for me.’

‘You’re the one making things hard, sweetheart.’ He smirked. 

‘I’m gonna go down first, and you’re gonna follow me a couple minutes later. That way, nobody will be suspicious.’

He shook his head in disbelief, but he was grinning like a fool. ‘You’re seriously not gonna let me stay?’ 

‘I told you, it’s disrespectful.’

‘So what, then? That’s all I get?’

You flashed him a devilish grin of your own. ‘For now.’ 

A/N: This is the first part of this series. There shouldn't be more than two or three parts. For some reason, I struggle to write one-shots; it always turns into a series...

[crimswnred]

I've just gotten back home from work so I'm a little late to the party, however...

LITG SEASON 8: TEMPTING FATE — VOLUME 2: thoughts, concerns and prayers

first of all yesss more hair booooo paywall, fusebox get it together??? (at least they are pretty but again that's the bare minimum)

anyway, here's my girl with her new hair

why do all of the girls' nightwear look like I'm on a strip club and they're asking me if I want something to drink

it's so over for you Theo

honestly she's too good for him anyway

okay kiss challenge!!!! let me snog everyone

I don't want any more of that "peck" crap we want FULL ON SNOGS, TONGUE AND CHAOS

Jin: "Nap, then results?" Hamish would be so proud of him

okay, so you rate me EIGHT just so I feel like I have to pay to have one extra kiss, your game is a dirty as ever Fusebox

date time!!!! going with Jin ❤️

LMAO Jack is kinda funny

so sad to see a baddie doing too much to keep a man in love island 💔 Luna I'm so sorry you didn't deserve it your only crime was being coupled up with the one guy I want

oh. so about the terrace scene...

first of all, super sweet gem scene. it seemed like a super important one for it to be a gem scene though. so idk I'm a bit lost.

Jin is a walking red flag 😭 this boy is soooo gonna flip on me when the next hot girl shows up!! but let's enjoy the ride

and Luna... girl... was it ever that serious?

the award for worst outfit design goes to 👇

and the one for BEST outfit design goes to 👇

like wow wowza mmmhmm yeah! this man is hot hot HOT 🔥🔥🔥

I had to kiss him HE IS SO FINEEEEEEEEEEE

oh, Jack is kinda sweet... if he looked more like Lewie/Alex he would be favourite boy of the season for sureeee

keep the compliments coming, darling

I had to kiss him too. you know, to be polite.

but it was just a peck, tho

okay, NOW JIN!!!

having a spicy conversation with the guy I want to fuck and his currently girl isn't how I planned to spend my afternoon but here we go

"You're adventurous. You're fun to be around. And you'd make every sight even more beautiful", "Okay. Where's the punch line?", "There isn't one :)" OKAY GAG ME WITH THE WRITING

FUNNY BOY WHO'S A HISYORY NERD? OH OKAY!!!! BIG T??? NO IT'S BIG J!!!!!! JIMOTHY!!!

lmao Sophie mixing the boys up she's so me

Claudia is a real one let me tell you that

she's nice, she doesn't force herself upon us, she's polite, she give us all the tea, and she even help us to graft on the boys behind their girls' backs. like, THAT'S MY GIRL

and if Theo doesn't step up she will DEFINITELY be mine

TIME TO PICK MY BOY LET'S GOOOOOOOO

so sad to see Luna go, I really like her :/

lmao???????????

I TAKE BACK EVERY GOOD THING I SAID ABOUT JACK WTFFFF 😭😭😭😭

he was so out of pocket ?? what's your deal man, are you jealous I picked Jin instead of you? we kissed ONCE. be sooooooooo for real rn

okay Sophie you can join your boy in this bullshit he still cheated on you with me when you weren't looking (and he probably would do it again)

no. I won't forgive you?? you were basically calling me a whore back then and now you are SORRY? don't say something you'll regret later that's not cute.

and he's supposed to be serious?

anyway, stressful night over. time to go to bed with my babygirl Jin

BITS BITS BITS BITS

29 gems to go all the way? what is this?

they could've make the scene a little longer but they have gotten way better ever since the writers dropped the word crescendo

MR TYLER WHO ARE YOU?

still not 100% sure if I'm going with Jin or Oakley but I'm leaning towards Jin, I'm not gonna lie 😁 I did some stuff that will fuck me over on movie night if fusebox finally learnt how to code (which they prolly didn't so I guess I'm safe)

I really enjoyed this episode except for the part when Jack and Sophie went full on villain mode but if the narrative made sense all of the time it wouldn't be LITG, right?

anyway, let's see what this Tyler guy is about... see you all next week 🫶

[eksentrismi]

Felt like writing some headcanons and fun facts for some of my beloved Disney-OC's, since I haven't talked about them in a really long while + I love them a ton, they deserve more attention from me anyway 🥺

This post will get long, so lol, sorry in advance! I ramble a lot <3

Miles (McLeach's son):

Miles might now be a much more calmer and patient adult... but as a kid, he was an absolute menace. Always loving to pull some pranks on his father and anybody else unfortunate in his close vicinity. He was mischievous and quite hyper too, climbing onto anything and anyone. Or breaking furniture by climbing on surfaces, lamps etc and knocking them down. He basically had near never-ending zoomies, lmao /j

Miles's second name is Ronnie. Though he only ever uses it as a name for his disguises, if he needs to hide his identity from the authorities.

Miles hates 'Mother's day'-holidays, though for a good reason. As he deeply dislikes his mother for various reasons. He hasn't had an easy childhood

Miles loves playing the guitar or singing sometimes (much like his father), even if he's not good at it.

Miles and Alice didn't get along well after they first met, and they still do bicker from time to time. Fighting or pranking each other a lot. Which causes people often to mistakenly think that they're siblings, when they're actually not. Though yeah, they still do act like they're siblings. Miles can be pretty protective over Alice and defends her from dangers if ever necessary, meanwhile Alice often helps him out too if ever needed. Despite seeming like rivals, they actually deeply care about each other.

Miles would probably be in his late 60's now in 2024 (as during RDU's events, he's 35).... yeah, terrifying, isn't it? My guy is so old, he's ancient- /j

Alice (McLeach's henchman / sort-of adoptive daughter):

Alice is a rude loudmouth, who cusses and curses a ton. She's the type of person, who will let her opinions be known and she doesn't respect the law. She's one heck of a fighter too, able to defend herself if ever necessary.

Alice loves 1980's music, especially 80's pop and rock! Her favorite bands are Depeche Mode and Tears For Fears.

Alice is terrible at cooking... when in all honesty, everybody in the McLeach household is terrible at cooking any foods. There's a kitchen fire at least once or twice a week. /j

Alice is bisexual, but prefers women.

Alice is skilled in shoplifting, pickpocketing and vandalism.

Alice is rather secretive when it comes to her past and she doesn't like talking about it, due to various reasons; one being that she's had a rough tragic past. And other being that she's actually a fugitive in another country, which she had to flee from some years ago before meeting McLeach.

One of Alice's favorite pastime hobbies is fixing old computers and other electronics. She often helps McLeach out gladly, whenever it comes to any mechanical work or modifying electronics.

Alice also likes to collect different kinds of knives, just for fun mainly.

Ophelia (Sykes's daughter):

Ophelia doesn't have many friends, in fact she's never really had any. She often spent time in various dinner parties etc held by her father's rich influential friends, but she never got along well with the other children there. She was teased in school, when she was little. But even after telling about it to her protective father; she was completely left alone by the bullies and teachers afterwards, but because of everyone becoming extremely afraid of both her and her father. Thus avoiding her altogether or acting cautious around her.

Ophelia used to wear ribbons on her hair nearly all the time in her childhood. And now she likes to have a typical big 1980's hairstyle, because she can <3

Ophelia can be quite charismatic. But not exactly a very sociable person, often preferring to spend time either alone or with her father only.

Ophelia loves her father's dogs. She spoils them rotten often with expensive meat or treats (much to her father's dismay), or takes them on walks. She's the type of person who would get the dogs those really itchy-looking dog sweaters for Christmas, lmao

Ophelia is good at playing the piano, playing the violin, playing tennis, dancing ballet, boxing and also acting. She had lots of hobbies as a kid and overall she had lots of after-school activities. She also had excellent grades in every school she attended.

Before she turned to the criminal lifestyle, she used to work as a secretary at a highly regarded unnamed company. She grew bored of the mundane office work though and eventually got laid off too, due to some issues within the company. Incredibly bitter by this, she decided to turn to life of crime, as she found it quite natural to herself. It just seemed much more fascinating and thrilling than boring paperworks.

Zachary (Rourke's son):

Zachary might look intimidating with his tall height (as he's around 190 centimeters tall, much like his father) and muscular large build. He's however a kind gentle guy, quite sensitive and a bit shy too.

Zachary is quite strong too, but has never been fond of fighting or combat. Much to his father's dismay though, as he then is a combative argumentative person. Meanwhile Zachary does everything to avoid arguments or conflict.

Zachary is a very artistic person, as he's always loved arts and painting. Drawing and doodling all sorts of things, and admiring the creative beauty in nearly everything. He enjoys things that are aesthetically pleasing to him and he often gets inspired easily by his surroundings.

Zachary is basically the total opposite personality than that of his father's, lmao. They're complete opposites, despite having similar appearances. Thus their relationship has never been exactly the best, but rather distant instead.

[outeremissary]

3 and 4 from the ask list? or any that'd you'd be excited to answer?

Thank you Alistair!!! I have done my best but this has made me remember I am. Highly incoherent trying to explain why music sticks to things in my brain. I hope. Something gets through here.

[prompt list]

This went under a cut because I, writing this late at night, also got out of control wordy. Not my best stringing thoughts together

3) What song describes your OC?

I have many ungodly OC playlists but because this is dealer's choice I need to show you the song that has been RUINING MY LIFE over Kasander for the past week and a half, the week and a half it has been out there, sorry

(if the spotify thing turns out fucked up sorry I'm not fixing it I do Not understand that website)

At the very least, paladin DUrge is clear cut here I think. Kasander has this bright spark of hope to them, this optimism about the world and joy in existing in it, that's constantly at war with the reality that they actually exist in- the skin they live in, the person they are.

You can see it. It is clear.

The song just conveys a whole arc (which is of course for the character of Don Quixote, amnesiac vampire, in the game it's actually from) that for me really really maps onto Kasander's over the course of BG3. Especially recovering the understanding of their actual reality, because Kasander starts the game certain from what little information they have that they are a paladin and must be a Hero and a Good Person and it does break them a little to know that they were the furthest thing from that and parts of them still cling to that existence. But there's also that movement towards acceptance, assimilating the harsh truth and still maintaining a sense of identity. And this repeated line near the end stands out to me as well.

To me the real character breakthrough they have post-amnesia isn't really that they become a Good Person, it's that for the first time in their life they become able to see themself in their entirety, with all their conflicting desires and experiences. There are parts of them they don't understand and which frighten them, and also some of those initially incomprehensible parts have given them the ability to move forward in a life of hardship. Asperia could never accept those paradoxes, was too afraid of them to begin to untangle them. And that's why Asperia could never see herself completely- it was too terrifying to imagine that a part of him was "Kasander" and held so many forbidden desires and urges. To see themself and embrace themself- the parts of them that are Kasander, that are Asperia, that are neither- that's the self-actualization baby!!!!!! Or the beginning, at least. This is such a waving my hands wildly Understand My Vision but like. Understand my vision. If you do not know Kasander that's okay the song is perfect it all makes sense here just listen to the song it will all be clear

(kas quixote to back my words)

4) What song describes your OC and their partner/love interest?

Okay back to Kingmaker. Although Sarenrae it's hard to actually narrow this down because 1) the playlist is Long and 2) in 2020 it seemed like a great idea to organize it chronologically and that makes it Weird to pick out any one thing as the Definitive Song. Genius move, past me.

Anyway this might be an Insane Pick vibes wise out of everything but it's a good one for pulling lyrics without having to endlessly contextualize in timeline

yes I know it's seven minutes long.

*points* understand my vision. you know. it's like. you know.

But more importantly, this chorus

Like there's really a big like. Core of it to me. That they aren't really alike in a lot of ways, but that they kind of come to see each other and for each to understand the precarious position the other stands in. The unbalanced sense of self, the pull of so many obligations, so many masks. And I guess to me there's something very precious about having someone who releases you from the obligation to have the right desires, even if you don't share them.

I guess a lot of that also comes to my read on Tristian, which I know not everyone shares- I see Tristian as strongly driven by a need to align sense of ideal self with actual self. As we meet them, Tristian is a failed angel in the most literal sense, having lost their supernatural status entirely. But like... before that, Tristian still had a sense of needing to be someone/being owed recognition as something that they were not. The desire for recognition as an exceptional person and as a hero and as something above their station- it's both striving higher than they stood and also sinking beneath what they're meant to be, because that hubris has an impurity to it. Being an angel, being an angel in a particular way, feeling like they exist in the world wrong, and then having that snatched away again and being confronted with the starkest ways they fail to exist as an "angel" in any way.... I'm compelled by the way humanity clings to Tristian. Human ambitions, human follies, human failures, human desperations for safety and glory and acknowledgement. The release from the need to pretend at humanity or to exist as a perfect angel. That's what I mean.

I feel like I do so much Balthazar posting that the opposite is probably pretty obvious, but like- and this is some story arc thing- also in reverse, the understanding that Balthazar is not, never has been, and does not desire to be an angel, something that many people have refused to see in him. That he clings desperately to what is petty and mortal and flawed in himself and makes a shield out of his ugliest pieces, and also that the need to define himself against his heritage has slowly carved away at what he feels he can be, whether he realizes it or not. He has a brightness that's his own, a vivacity that peeks through the layers of performance and sometimes makes them real. And there's not any reason to change to nurture that. It's always there, it's always been there. It just goes unseen.

Anyway this stuff about hidden pieces and the public eye vs. the private self, this is what I mean with it. The not changing. Not becoming someone else. That it's enough to see and accept and see again. Thumbs up

I was going to put a more fun and tonally appropriate song at the end as the extra thing but actually I saw this out of the corner of my eye and needed to be Deeply Unserious instead

This is. Not representative of the playlist I think. Good god

[girlmodepod]

Episode Number Blog

Robin: Hello and welcome to Girl Mode. 

Willa: THE BLOG.

Robin: Yes, the blog. As you may have noticed, we haven’t had a new episode in two weeks. That’s because I’ve been sick and I can’t finish a sentence without coughing. So we have decided to try a little experiment instead. Think of it like a podcast that you don’t listen to with your ears, but with your eyes. We’re calling it a blog. We made that term up.

Willa: Kind of like how Hideo Kojima made up the term “movies”

Robin: Basically exactly like that. We’re the Hideo Kojima of podcasts. Does Hideo Kojima still have a podcast?

Willa: That’s a good question. Look it up while I talk… or write rather. So just running through the motions like we do on the pod, should we talk about some news that’s been happening lately in the industry? Because a lot has been done in the two weeks we’ve been off.

Robin: The last episode of Hideo Kojima presents Brain Structure was in March 2023. So I guess he gave that up.

Willa: He should bring it back to have Hunter Schaefer on. 

Robin: We should have Hunter Schaefer on.

Willa: So. News. 

Robin: Yeah, it’s been a fucked up couple of weeks. Or, honestly, there’s just been one fucked up thing sort of dominating news for the past couple of weeks, which we’ve planned to talk about for two weeks in a row now but couldn’t. We kind of missed the boat on it, which is actually a good thing I guess because it shows just how short-lived this sad little attempt at launching Gamergate 2.0 was that it seems to be on its last legs now.

Willa: Yeah if you want to know the details of it, there are several good articles on it, but honestly my favorite take is Ash Parrish’s which just calls the whole attempt at a movement “smaller and sadder.”

Robin: Yes! I actually wanted to talk about Ash’s take too, and it’s fortunate that it just came out. I think if we had talked about this two weeks ago, I would have said “here’s how I wish people were approaching this,” and last week I would have said “people are starting to approach it the way I hoped we would” and now it seems like Ash have kind of wrapped up the whole conversation perfectly. Which is, in short, the people going after Sweet Baby Inc and diversity in gaming are doing it in an incredibly pathetic attempt at feeling important. She’d probably put it a nicer way, but that’s how I see it.

Willa: For me, the thing that I keep coming back to and want to remind people of is that these groups are just such a vocal minority in the industry anyways. Like the industry is getting more diverse naturally and most players want that. GLAAD released its first gaming report this year and overwhelmingly players said queer characters in a game wouldn’t dissuade them from buying a title. 

Robin: Totally! I think that’s an important thing to keep in mind. No matter how loud these people are, they are essentially trying to shout loud enough to stop the seasons from changing and it’s just not gonna happen. 

Which isn’t to say that it’s nothing! Like, yes they’re a small and annoying buzzing in our ears, but they’re also trying their hardest to be something more than that. So while they’ll never achieve their stated aims of making gaming less diverse, they can be a real pain in the ass in the process! I had my own little taste of that this week when I tweeted something critical of Capcom using one of the biggest instigators of this whole mess to market Dragon’s Dogma 2 and it’s been nonstop bullshit since then. I just checked and I have 704 comments on that post. They’re probably not ALL shitheads, but most of them are! So I do just want to acknowledge that being on the receiving end of that kind of sucks, and I do think it’s important to call that behavior out and also be aware when someone you know is being brigaded and make sure they’re ok.

Willa: All very true. Should I let you monologue a bit longer?

Robin: Shut up. Yes. I really just want to add how weird of an experience it was to have this much shit thrown at me by like the most incompetent people in the world. You got some of this when you wrote about the shitty Harry Potter game, and I’d always kind of been afraid of it, since being a trans person in public seems to be enough to incite mobs. But I’ve got to say, and this is maybe a weird comment to make, but these people are fucking corny! There’s sort of that thing about transphobes only having one joke, and it’s true! They have like three maybe. But before I stopped paying attention, it was shocking how much people were just repeating literally the same message, sending the same shitty memes and all that. It just lays bare how much all this behavior is about trying to impress each other in this really sad way.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got I think, except to say, it’s a good idea to read up on everything that’s gone down and keep informed about it, but it’s also a totally valid personal reaction at that point just to say, “These people seem like assholes. Diversity is a good goal to aim for so I don’t really need to pay any more attention to people who want to stand in the way of that.” Like, the worst-case scenario for the people pushing this harassment campaign is that more marginalized people get hired to write more marginalized characters in games, so just saying that that's actually a good thing and that fighting against it is incredibly stupid is enough, I think.

Willa: Can we talk about how cool Unicorn Overlord is now… please?

Robin: Your transitions are just as smooth in text I see.

Willa: Ok. So, Unicorn Overlord rocks! 

Robin: It does.

Willa: For those who don’t know, Unicorn Overlord is Vanillware’s latest game and it's a tactics RPG that’s also kind of an RTS game. It has a medieval fantasy story that doesn’t matter at all. The main attraction is the combat, which is fantastic and has a lot of crunchy systems and numbers to fiddle with. We both reviewed it, and both liked it a lot.

Robin: Yeah it rules. I think the whole time we were playing it, we were texting each other like five times a day about how good it is.

Willa: It’s definitely one of the best games the genre has seen in recent years. Hell, even Yasumi Matsuno can’t stop talking about how good this game is. And while I agree with him that this game is amazing to play, the one thing it lacks when compared to Matsuno’s games is the story. It doesn’t need a good story with combat this good, but god I wish it did have one, 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim showed they could do a great narrative and that would have really made this a home run. But again, that’s a nitpick. The game still rocks.

Robin: I’m watching you type so I saw you say something like “one of the best games in this genre” and then delete it, but I don’t think you need to restrict it to “recent years.” I really think it’s one of the best strategy RPGs ever. Everything about it just goes so unbelievably hard. Except the story, yeah. Do you want to talk about the story a bit? It’s something we both critiqued even coming out of the preview and I didn’t have the room to really fit much about it into my review.

Willa: I mean I barely even touch on it in my review just because there is truly so little. You are a prince building an army to take back his throne, which was taken from his family by an evil guy. That’s it! 

Robin: They really should have known he was evil from his armor even before he overthrew the queen.

Willa: The thing that I was more interested in picking at was how the mechanics intertwine with what little narrative there is in weird ways. Like the game has no interest in investigating what makes Prince Alain a good ruler, and the literal handwavey magic explanation for why the game’s bad guys are bad but not actually and don’t have culpability for their actions is a big head scratcher for me. But the game just isn’t interested in investigating those potential themes.

Robin: Yeah, it really is just about getting the good king back and throwing out the bad one. The thing that really sticks out to me is, like you said, the handwavey magic bit. So in the game, the evil bad guy just like casts a spell on a bunch of people and turns them into the leaders of his army, then Prince Alain uses his own handwavey magic to free them. It just seems so odd to me that they would choose what must be the least dramatic way of telling this story. All the major enemies are just mind-controlled, so they can become your friends after you beat them in battle. It’s so strange to me that they sidestep any potentially interesting political intrigue in favor of a plot that feels ripped out of a saturday morning cartoon.

Willa: Basically I think if you want a great tactics/strategy game you should pick this up. But if you need a story, then this will not spark joy in you. I am surprised by how much buzz this game is getting though, just in my office I’ve had a bunch of non-gaming writers come up to me to say how they have bought the game. You love to see it. Like Yoko Taro said, everybody should be buying Vanillaware games!

Robin: Yeah that’s actually surprising! It feels like such a niche thing that would only appeal to real sickos, but somehow it’s getting tons of attention. It’s well deserved, just surprising. And I do love seeing all the Vanillaware appreciation. I’ve followed this developer for so long and it’s honestly shocking that this is the game that’s finally getting them this much press when it feels like one of their least accessible. I mean, it is just that good though. Even now when we’re both spending all our time playing [REDACTED], I still want to go back and play more Unicorn Overlord if I can ever find the time. 

Willa: All I want to do is spend all day talking about [REDACTED], but with that teaser, should we run through what we’ve been doing for the past two weeks?

Robin: Sure, everyone has probably stopped reading by now anyway. So, as I said I’ve been sick for a couple weeks, which is taking up pretty much all of my time. Shoutout to eating chicken noodle soup on the couch. Otherwise, just playing a couple things for work that I’ll be able to share soon enough. I guess I’ve been watching a lot of Deep Space 9? It’s kind of a comfort show for me, so I can put it on when my brain is too fuzzy to watch anything new and just be soothed by… horrible interstellar conflict I guess? 

Willa: Sounds relaxing. 

Robin: Yeah it’s got some hot aliens in there too, so that’s nice. What have you been up to?

Willa: Well I haven’t been sick in bed for a week, so I’ve been doing stuff. Outside of games, I’ve really been enjoying the show Shogun lately. I also started reading the new Ultimate X-Men comic by Peach Momoko, which rocks and you should read the article I wrote about it.

I think with that we can wrap up here. I’m excited to record another episode this week but also we should do this again. Maybe we will get the hang of it one of these times. Though that hasn’t been true of podcasting so…

Robin: Yeah but we have a lot more practice with written words than spoken ones. But yeah, I’m finally on the mend so we should be back to the normal schedule next week. If you’ve somehow made it this far though, and even more unlikely, enjoyed it and want more stuff like this, let us know! If you don’t like it, keep it to yourself.

Willa: You can find us on socials and any podcast provider, that’s all in our linktree that you can just click on here. 

Robin: Yeah I guess that wraps up the first Girl Mode Blog Edition, and maybe the last if no one reads this. If you do want to see more, maybe like this post so we know that anyone bothered to read it!

Willa: Normally I just let the fade to music cover our bad endings, but we don’t have that here. Bye.

Robin: I’ll try to find a way to make this just fade out so it feels the same and people can just imagine we said something interesting afterward. Bye!

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 5/30/2023

I feel like I worked really hard last week, and yet I don't actually have much to show for it. I guess a lot of it is little stuff that piled up. I mean, I very much do still have a bit pile of dumb little tasks to do, but it's smaller than it was last week. I feel like I've had to do a lot of driving and socializing lately, too, which not only take up time, but wipes me out both before and after.

If you like extra features, I did finish up my go places addenda post last week. I have a lot of ao3 comments to reply to, but aside from that, I guess I'm pretty much done with that one. It gave me a lot of grief while I was writing it, but in the end, I think I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, and I have some good feelings about the end stages of sitting with it.

Onward and upward!! Sorry if this is old hat to my regular followers, but just to get everyone up to date, the new project is Ductwork, the next part of Heart is a Muscle. The preview summary I slapped on the end of What We Do with Our Hearts reads "Renji tries to not make it a big deal when he gets his long-damaged kidou ducts fixed; Rukia is having none of it. Byakuya would like to be removed from this narrative and yet can't seem to manage it."

I started it about a year ago, immediately finishing Hearts, and knocked out about 7700 words of it at the time. I'm kinda gun-shy, because last summer I really really wanted to finish a little in love and I tried and failed (tried and died, basically), a thing that has not been made better by the fact that people have started sending sad little messages like "i hope you finish this someday..." That being said, I am trying to be more realistic about my capabilities, especially because I have a lot more Mom-duties in the summertime. My goal is to make 20,000 words of progress before I fizzle out this time. I mean, if I do finish it, that would be great! I'm not gonna stop dead if I hit 20k. I do hope to participate in the Bleach Returns event this July, but whether that consists of a small break or a big break, I don't know. We'll see.

So, I already have a significant chunk of the first act done, but I'm having trouble moving forward, because I don't have a great idea of how the second act is gonna go. For now, it's two acts, it's evolving, and I'm letting it. I'm trying to let myself exist in creative mode and have some fun with that. In that vein, I just went ahead and let myself write The Big Scene, the scene that is the entire reason I am writing this fanfic. I wrote 3500 words on it this week. It's not done yet, but I am having fun. I've also been having little bursts of inspiration for scenes that follow and other things I want to do, so overall, I am in a good place. It's nice. This is good.

The overall document length at the moment is 12,617, which means I've done about 5k words since I started working on it, which is a quarter of the way there! That's distinctly Not Bad!!

In other news, I've been increasingly dissatisfied with Google Docs, so I am experimenting with writing this one in Microsoft Word. I don't deal with change well, so for now, I hate it, but I'm figuring out ways to make it more the way I like, and at least it doesn't constantly reload back to the top of the page. I will keep you updated. It's not like I can't just cut and paste it back into the other program, which I would end up doing anyway, because GDocs works pretty well for beta-reading and the AO3 auto-html script is handy.

[thegirlwholied]

I feel like talking about books! but "book I'm currently reading" does not accurately reflect the situation so uh

book I am technically in the middle of but suddenly it's been a couple weeks since I actually opened it: Ruthless Ladies' Guide to Wizardry (it's not that I don't like it! It's that I hit a scene with a dead cat and went "nope not before bed we're not" and the dead cats are in fact a plot point so momentum has not been regained. Also while a standalone I loved Unnatural Magic, the previous book in this world, so much, the different mood of this one has an uphill climb in my heart)

book I've been reading super slowly because it's short stories and I'm savoring each one but I'll also then forget I'm reading it and it'll wind up buried in my to-be-read: Dying with Her Cheer Pants On (I mean to finish this month as tis the spooky season and delaying a read for the right season is also a thing I do)

series reread I started for a new release & petered out on: somehow i still haven't read Rule of Wolves (I was overdue for a complete Grishaverse reread to appreciate it properly but my copy of the 3rd book in the original trilogy is on ye olde nearly-defunct first gen Nook plus I had loaned my copy of Six of Crows at the time, and... oh boy that was April 2021 when the show was first coming out, wasn't it, whoops)

book I thought I finished and then realized at Barnes & Noble honestly can't remember if I did so I better check before I pick up the sequel: The Ex Hex

book I keep meaning to read because 'everyone's read it' but I haven't made it past page 3 yet: Where the Crawdads Sing (haven't seen the movie either because I'm theoretically? going to read the book first)

last book I finished: The Atlas Six (finally got around to it just in time for the sequel to hit soon so will be reading that soon enough)

last book I bought and still haven't started because this is what I let happen when not under a library deadline: Her Majesty's Royal Coven

book I almost just bought because I want to read it immediately but I already have a hold on it at the library and realistically, would I get around to it before that hold omes through: The Golden Enclaves (I will ultimately buy this in paperback as I own the first two, but can I resist until my library hold or will I pull the lever on the e-book purchase for that instant gratification? tbd)

book sequel I almost bought because I own the first one and they'll look pretty together but I should be watching $ this month and also I already have a hold at the library: For the Throne

book that comes out today that I will have to acquire ASAP: Greywaren (I was listening to its playlist already last night but will need to invest some time & likely *emotions* here so may not start it quite as ASAP)

...this is not comprehensive, nor would it be even if I listed the books I've just checked out of the library that may get read before any of the above, but for the sake of assuring myself of my own sanity ahhhhh I think I'm stopping here.

[el-yon]

speaking is not communication - but sometimes it helps

or

“Inoue, are you ok?!” and “He’s so nice!”: the origin.  IchiHime Month 2022, day 5: He’s so Nice, and (late) Day 2: Inoue, are you ok? Read on Ao3.  This was originally a drabble that got cut off from the bigger project, but since IHMonth is on and the prompts were right there, I revisited it. It’s fluff, it’s silly, it has some lingering sadness to it, and very short, but I hope you enjoy -- because we’re all gonna need some fluff as TYBW rages on. 

Karakura Town Karakura High School, April 30th, 2001

Damn my old man, that freak…

Ichigo curses to himself as he enters the classroom later than he had planned due to Isshin’s insistent banter.

It had been a month since he started High School and, so far, things were going…

as well as they could be.

He was keeping up with schoolwork, their sensei was a bit whacked, but mostly alright, and there was this odd thing that happened when he entered the room, where he felt slightly better than how he would usually feel walking on the streets, or even on other corridors and grounds at that same building.

If Ichigo were to exaggerate, he would almost say that it felt good.

Somehow, the duo named Mizuiro and Keigo became a constant in his day-to-day activities, and even though the latter was definitely a hyper character, he was getting somewhat accustomed to their company. From what he gathered from their first interaction, it felt like a good thing.

Also, if he would admit to himself, it felt comforting to have Chad always close by, and he was glad to have Tatsuki around again – even though there was this lingering sensation of something being a bit off.

Ah, well... guess it can't be helped.

“Oh! Good-morning, Kurosaki-kun!”

And there was also that.

The first day she greeted him in such a cheerful manner on their entrance day, he thought she might have been over-excited about the beginning of the school year. Or she was being polite – Tatsuki did introduce the two of them just a couple of weeks before.

Maybe it was both.

But for some reason, he was greeted with the same “Good Morning” ever since, and while he was certainly thrown off by seeing someone who had been through what she had, and drew so much unwanted attention like she did bearing such a positive attitude, and he could not explain why she kept happily welcoming everyday… Ichigo appreciated it.

Sometimes he wondered if she had remembered him.

What was there to say, anyway.

... And he would never know how to approach her.

Gradually, the good morning greetings turned into brief conversations, usually with Tatsuki and the others about daily, mundane things.

He never really talked much, but he’d try to answer and participate every now and then. He did gather she liked some odd food combinations, different sorts of music, and she let her imagination run wild.

“… good morning, Inoue…”

He answered back, watching her hum happily to herself with flushed cheeks, and as soon as class started, jump into focus-mode and avidly write on her notebook.

It seemed she finished their assignment earlier, because when he glanced back at her, she was zoning out, gazing at the window.

That was another information he quickly learned about her.

Tatsuki would constantly snap at her for daydreaming, and he couldn’t help but agree with her – not with her methods, though. There have been too many days Orihime showed up for class with band-aids and bandages from bumps and small-accidents, which was bad in itself, but Ichigo felt this intense sense of concern thinking about her happy-go-luck, distracted-self walking around a world that was... unkind.

And to make matters worse, she was a nice, helpful person.

It was a good virtue – it just wasn’t a safe one.

Often, he’d notice her volunteering to help out after school hours, stock and clean things when she wasn’t supposed to, and never turning down a request.

That was probably why he caught her struggling with the cleaning-supply closet alone later that day, trying to reach a higher shelf by supporting herself on a chair.

Tsc, there she goes…

“… Inoue?... Do you need any help…?”

“Oh! Hi, Kurosaki-kun!” She greets, tilting her body back and turning to face him – and he instantly regretted calling out to her, because the second she turned, the teenager lost her balance.

Ichigo was fast, but the chair was faster, and Orihime fell alongside a bunch of cleaning supplies

– at the very least, he managed to prevent the mop from falling on top of her.

“Inoue, are you ok?!”

He asks, a bit panicked, instantly trying to help her get back on her feet – and just as quickly getting his hands back to himself the second she is standing.

“oh dear.... I made a mess…”

“… wha- forget about the mess… did you get hurt?!”

“Oh… hehe, no, no more than usual…” she waves him off, but as she brushes her bangs of her face, her eyes freeze

“… oh, no… oh…”

“What is it…?” He asks, concerned

“… my hairpin… I’m missing one….” She mumbles, checking the floor around them “I can’t lose it…!”

"... o-ok, don't worry, it's gotta be here somewhere...."

Ichigo notices the shape of the blue hairpin over her left ear, and helps her find the missing pair.

He can’t help but smile a bit as he notices the utter relief in her face when they find it.

A few minutes later, everything is safely stored again.

“… sorry that I startled you…” He blurts out - awkwardly - as they walk back, but she smiles

“No, no, you wanted to help… I was the one who lost my balance, hehe... I’m just happy my hairpin didn’t break… they’re very special to me…”

He wants to ask why, and in that particular moment, Ichigo resents the fact that his writing skills don’t make him good at expressing himself out loud.

Thankfully, she seems to read his eyes.

“… they were a gift from my brother, before… he passed away…"

She takes a breath

"... so… I wear them everyday”

Her brother.

“… I see…” His throat itches, and he wants to say more

I am so sorry for what happened, Inoue. I… I know how you feel.

“… I’m sorry about your brother”

Orihime softly thanks him, and he doesn’t know what to say next.

“… are you sure you’re ok? Are you not hurt?”

It comes out of him naturally, after a few seconds.

She lets out a small laugh, blushing a bit.

“Yes, Kurosaki-kun, thank you… but I’m more than fine, you don’t have to worry about me!”

He gruntles something, and soon they part ways as she heads towards Tatsuki’s Judo practice to meet the girl.

He watches as she walks away, and Ichigo is certain that not worrying about her was not an option.

Still worried, he did find himself feeling somewhat close to glad again.

... he managed to approach her.

___________________________________________________________

When she gets home, Orihime rushes to talk to Sora.

“… and I'm so sorry, Onii-chan, I know I should be more careful... but here, you see, they’re intact, shiny as always! And Kurosaki-kun helped me today… he had his scowling face again, but then he helped me and he was really nice!” She comments, grinning to herself, a weird tingling sensation rushing to her cheeks “… really nice…”

The feeling sticks to her as she bathes and cooks – she treats herself with extra-buttery potatoes, since the butter was on sale today (“Ya-ho! Lucky me!”) – up until when she tucks herself in and snuzzles under her covers.

Scenarios pile-up in her head about Ichigo as his concerned – yet gentle – voice echoes, again and again.

She had now picked up on the fact that he was probably the boy present on the worst day of her life, since Tatsuki told her his family ran the clinic, and she did remember – vaguely – that a boy had opened the door.

He probably didn’t remember her.

And there was not much be said, anyway.

Orihime turns around.

… he really was nice…

… so, so nice…

She hugs her pillow closer as the thought wraps her up in comfort, and she drifts into her sleep and enters her realm of dreams, where all imagination ran freely.

[svnflowervol666]

hey! can you write one where harry invites y/n and his band mates out for drinks and they try to hand her a drink but she reveals she previously by saying like “you can’t drink when your pregnant” ...

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: I combined this one with a request for where Harry constantly refers to Y/N as his “ex-girlfriend,” because they’re engaged now. ((Super cute. Super corny. Makes my heart mush. Anyway.)) Kinda short but still sweet. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! Take care and TPWK.

“There she is!” 

His voice is drowned out by clanking glasses and the heavy bass of whatever rock song was playing through the shitty speakers in the corner of the room, but it was unmistakable nonetheless. Followed by his “greeting” were the shouts and howls of the rest of the bunch, most of them raising their glass in honor of her (late) arrival.

“My ex-girlfriend!”

Harry, despite his inebriated state, smiled widely and welcomed her as protectively as he always had in the past few weeks - relieving her person of any bags or extra weight, this time being her coat and purse which he hung on the brass hooks underneath the bar table, and inspecting her facial expression for any signs of discontent or worry. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when he kicked his “dad-mode,” tendencies into overdrive, but it certainly began on that rainy, Thursday night in their shared bathroom as they sat against the wall of the bathtub with four positive pregnancy tests in both of their hands.

“Really wish you’d stop calling me that, Har,” she sneered as he helped her shake her arms loose from her coat.

“One of these days you’re gonna cause a scene.”

“'S true, though,” the drunken boy giggled.

“You’re not m’ girlfriend anymore. You’re my fiance.”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes at his antics, intending to pull him in for a quick hug and kiss when her attention was drawn away from her curly-headed brunette and towards the man of the hour.

“Y/N!” 

“Hello, birthday boy,” her voice was mellow against the drunken slur that had started to take over her friend, Mitch’s.

“‘S not very nice of you to be late to my party,” he slurred as he pulled her in rather harshly for a bone-crushing hug.

“Sorry, got caught up with some work stuff,” Y/N managed to get out through a chuckle in between Mitch’s squeezing.

She saw Harry stiffen out of the corner of her eye, like he was torn between yelling something akin to, “Take it easy on her, mate. She’s pregnant for christ’s sake,” or letting the interaction play out. He knew he wasn’t allowed to do the former, as they’d agreed to wait until they could have all of their friends and family over at the same time to tell them the good great news, so Harry opted to let Mitch hug her extra tight despite his unrealistic, dramatic worries that he’d crush her fragile frame or hurt the baby in some way. She made sure to send a reassuring smile Harry’s way when Mitch let her go from his grasp.

Short and sweet was her greeting to Sarah, both of them opting to kiss one another on the cheek.

“Let me see it one more time,” her voice was quiet amongst the chatter of the bar, almost sounding like a whisper.

Y/N felt the heat climbing to her cheeks as she let Sarah take her hand in hers to examine the ring on her fourth finger. The band was gold and slim, adorned with a dainty yet sizeable single diamond in the very center. 

“So pretty,” she gushed, admiring the way the gem flittered, even in the dim, tungsten-glow of the bar.

Y/N muttered a quiet “thank you,” before making her away back to the other side of the table where Harry was waiting for her with an outstretched arm, yearning to get back to what they had been doing before Y/N had to make her rounds.

As he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, Y/N caught wind of the tequila on his breath. She tasted it too, when she pecked his lips quickly and - oh god, did she taste stout as well? Maybe she’d end up taking care of him later tonight when his head was stuck in the toilet, but that seemed plenty fair considering how often Harry had been doing the same exact thing for her here lately.

“Yeh alright? Had me all worried when ya said you’d be late,” Harry’s question was asked lowly so that only she could hear.

Harry had been with Mitch and Sarah all day celebrating, hence this was the first time he’d seen Y/N since this morning when he kissed her and sent her off to work.

Y/N nodded and smiled, though her face led Harry to believe differently.

“Got sick when I got home from the office. Just took me a little bit longer to get out the door,” she shrugged, insinuating that it wasn’t a big deal, but that she wasn’t feeling one hundred percent ready-to-party either.

“Baby,” Harry half-scolded her, feeling a good portion of his buzz leave his body when Y/N mentioned that she hadn’t felt well.

“Why didn’t yeh just tell me you were sick? Coulda came home and sat with you.”

“I wasn’t going to ask you to ditch your best friend’s birthday dinner just because I was throwing up for the fifteenth time this week,” she was stern in her words and made it clear that she was fine.

“I’m alright. I promise.”

Harry’s jaw softened at her proclamation, the muscles in his torso easing up from their tense position.

“Oi! Will you two stop whispering and get drunk with me?!” Mitch shouted across the table, bursting the bubble that had temporarily surrounded the couple whilst they talked about their sweet little secret that they were dying to tell everyone about.

“You,” Mitch pointed his finger towards Y/N’s head.

“Shots. Now,” he gestured to the bartender making drinks on the opposite end of where their table was.

Both Y/N and Harry chuckled nervously, unsure of how to work around the fact that Y/N couldn’t drink without spilling the beans.

“Think I need to get some food in my stomach before I do that. Why don’t you take Harry,” Y/N urged Harry forward by his shoulder and prayed it would be enough to entertain the drunk boy.

“Fine,” Mitch glared.

“It’ll just make it hard for you to catch up later then!”

He grabbed Harry by the bicep and cleared through the crowd of people in order to get his liquor he was so keen about.

The conversation with Sarah was light, mostly about what all they’d done today and bets on if Mitch would end up needing to be babied for the rest of the night. Y/N successfully dodged Sarah’s questions about the wedding and how planning was going along, chalking it up to busy work schedules and failing to come to an agreement on a venue and date.

“Harry’s dead set on a summer wedding, but I’m fighting for a winter date,” she dismissed through a nervous chuckle when the reality was that they were unsure how to navigate planning a wedding around the arrival of their baby to make any more decisions.

It seemed like ages passed before the two men returned. Y/N was picking at the fries and sipping on the ginger ale Harry had ordered her before she’d gotten there but was interrupted when Harry and Mitch came barrelling back to the table.

He was drunk. Quite drunk. And Y/N knew that because his body felt even warmer and his eyes looked even hazier than before he’d left. She imagined they definitely had more than once shot at the bar, but she didn’t have much time to ponder that before she felt his hands snake around her waist and rest on her hips. She reciprocated his touch, looping her arms around his shoulders and laying her head against his chest.

“Love you,” Harry muttered into the soft spot between her jaw and ear, then his hands wormed their way under her shirt to rest on the underside of her tummy.

“Love you too,” he said again.

She could feel him smile against her skin as he cradled her almost non-existent baby bump from underneath her oversized sweater. Harry was the only one who saw her regularly enough to notice the minute changes her body had been going through. To everyone else, she still looked like plain, old Y/N.

“We love you more, but if you don’t stop canoodling me in the middle of this bar,” Y/N began, speaking light-heartedly and quietly in his ear, “Everyone’s going to find out and you won’t get to have that announcement party you’ve been planning for weeks now.”

Harry sighed, knowing she was right, and loosened his hold on her tummy and opting to sling an arm over her shoulder to at least keep her close instead.

“I know what you’re up to,” Mitch glared at the two of them from across the table.

This gained the attention of not only Y/N and Harry but Sarah as well. Everyone turned to look at Mitch, anticipating what he was going to say next.

“And what would that be, Mitchy?” Y/N toyed.

A pout formed on his face, arms quickly crossed his chest as he huffed.

“You’re trying to get out of here and leave me all alone on my birthday.”

“Guess I’m not even here then. I’m a hallucination,” Sarah baited with a roll of her eyes.

“We’re not trying t’ leave ya, mate. Promise,” Harry stuck his pinky out across the table as a gesture of sincerity.

“Are too.”

Mitch’s drunken rambles were beginning to sound quite childish now and became more amusing by the second.

“Are not, honey bun,” Y/N requited.

“Liars. Both of you.”

Mitch launched a bunched up straw wrapper in Harry’s direction that bounced off of his most prominent curl and landed somewhere near his feet.

“Where would we even go, hmm?” Harry taunted, resting his chin on the knuckles of his free hand that was leaned against the table.

“What could we possibly planned tha’ would be better than spending time with you lot on your birthday?”

They watched as Mitch’s remaining sobriety fought hard for an answer, but ultimately giving into his drunkness and murmuring, “Don’t know! Probably going off to screw each other or something!”

The table burst into laughter, and Y/N hid her face in Harry’s chest out of embarrassment. 

“Wouldn’t surprise me actually,” Sarah quipped before taking a huge sip of her cocktail.

“Look. Here’s the deal,” Mitch tried his best in his drunken stupor to be serious.

“Prove to me that you’re not gonna leave me and take another shot.”

“Fine,” Harry shrugged.

“Let’s go back t’ the bar then.”

He started to pull Mitch along but was stopped suddenly.

“No,” Mitch was quick to intervene.

“Y/N too. If you both drink, you can’t drive home and leave me,” he said proudly as if his idea was the smartest thing he’d ever come up with.

She knew it was only Mitch being sloppy drunk and acting like the idiot he always was, but Y/N couldn’t help but feel her palms begin to sweat. They couldn’t tell Mitch the real reason why she couldn’t drink with the group tonight, so she was quickly wracking her brain for another excuse now that she’d filled her belly with french fries since giving her last one.

But there was no need to think any further, as Harry stepped in for her.

“She can’t do tha’, mate. Now, c’mon. Let’s get some more tequila. Looks like Sarah needs another drink as well, hmm?”

Harry pinched his nose in annoyance. He was trying his hardest to keep this all under wraps, but Mitch was making it extremely difficult.

“Who are you? Her keeper? Telling her what she can and can’t do?” Mitch yelled.

“No, you nunce. She can’t drink because yeh can’t drink when you’re pregn-”

Fuck.

Harry clapped his hand over his mouth before he finished his sentence, but it was too late. He wasn’t sure what he was thinking when he said it. Wasn’t even sure if he was thinking at all, to be completely honest. He silently prayed that neither Mitch nor Sarah heard him, but he quickly realized that was untrue when they both stared between him and Y/N with wide eyes.

“Y/N L/N. Are you pregnant?” Sarah was the first to speak up.

Y/N felt like she was stuck in place, only able to look at Harry with a racing chest and her mouth agape. 

“I, um, I - yes?” It came out as more of a question due to her state of shock.

“I’m so fuckin’ sorry. Holy shit,” Harry exclaimed as he went back to Y/N’s side to console her.

He was spiraling in fear that Y/N was angry with him, but it was mostly the alcohol making him think so.

“You’re having a baby?” Mitch’s voice was unusually quiet for how loudly he had been yelling just moments ago.

“Yeah. We are,” she was laughing nervously as she spoke.

“Sorry that Harry ruined the surprise. We wanted to have a big party and tell everyone at the same time, but I guess the cat’s out of the bag for you guys.”

She rubbed Harry’s back with her palm, a silent reassurance for Harry that she wasn’t upset with him. Mitch and Sarah, however, they couldn’t read.

Mitch said nothing, only leaving his position beside Sarah to go stand in between Y/N and Harry. He looked at them both with an expression that resembled both anger and confusion, which only added to their discomfort.

In a split second, he had his arms around both of them, hugging them tightly.

“Holy shit! This is the best birthday present ever. Uncle Mitch and Aunt Sarah. What the fuck?!” he was rambling now, beaming from ear to ear as he ran over to pull Sarah, who was also losing her shit, just in her own seat and not on top of Harry and Y/N, into the group hug.

Their eyes caught each other in the midst of the friend-sandwich they were being forced to be a part of. A smile and knowing look were exchanged between them and they knew, despite it not coming out in the most fashionable way, their precious little bub would be surrounded by people that loved them dearly.

[sleepy-dreamers-inc]

MORE DAD WILBUR!!! IT WAS SOO FREAKING CUTE!!!

Wilbur as a Dad! Pt. 2 💫||

irl / in-game

Genre| fluff

h e a d-c a n n o ns||

Sypnosis|

Y/N and Wilbur have finally had they’re baby, so have some nice Dadbur <3

Artist| jillybeanie01 on twitter!

warnings| hospitals, swearing

Key|| [C/N] - child’s name

- There C/N was, laying in they’re parents arms, as Y/N hugged them close, cradling they’re new born baby. Y/N stared in adoration, they we’re finally going to be a parent, the journey had been rough, and still will be, but for now, it was worth it.

- Wilbur had quietly sneaked in, cracking open the door and sneakily slipping into the room. He quietly walked over to the bed, staring at the two most beloved people in his life. Y/N softly cradled C/N in they’re arms, softly nuzzling them as C/N softly snored.

“Oh god...- oh now i have two beautiful people to adore..” Wilbur giggled, grabbing his partners attention. “Why hello, Mr. Soot, would you like to meet Soot Jr?” Y/N giggled softly as to not disturb the precious infant in they’re arms.

Wilbur giggled, and slowly made his way to his lover and child.

He’s never loved two people so much in his life.

- The few days you and your baby had to stay there he felt like he couldn’t function, usually he would go on ‘auto-pilot mode’ or be totally normal, but he practically sulked around until you and C/N were discharged

- Speaking of leaving the hospital, when all of you could leave that day he was SO EXCITED. Cradling his baby in his arms bouncing them up and down ever so gently. He was so happy to finally be able to be with his kid, with no boundaries. He was truly the happiest man in the world

- He’d walk around with C/N in his arms, showing them the house whilst he had a big goofy grin on his face. Especially when showing the kid they’re nursery

(just an example but still)

- You know he’s missed streams becyhe was spending time with C/N. Which in return causes him to stream at like 2-3 AM, but then C/N starts crying, so theres just these like 10-15 minute periods in his stream of just him not being there.

- Him having shopping trips with C/N and going buying them clothes, toys, plushies, ect.

- Again, he’d totally buy sweaters and beanies for them. They’re is no escaping this thought.

- Techno travelling to the UK so he can meet C/N with Tommy and Philza. And them all of then internalky crying because ‘holy shit this baby cute but WILBUR IS SO HAPPY— BUT FAMILY TIME AND LATE NIGHT TALKS-‘

- Niki? She’d be a great babysitter change my mind. She’s like the only one you two trust besides SBI & Tubbo. Like thats the group. Thats it.

- Philza would be a great grandfather this is CANNON. That man was made to be a fatherly figure, okay? Him and Kristin would be so happy to spend time with C/N

- Like yeah they wouldn’t act like 80 year olds and want porridge or like prunes but you know they’d take your kid out to the park, play with them, like i swear they’d probably have a routine schedule

- Tommy and Tubbo would just. Vibe with them if im being honest. They probably dont know how to take care of babies but that doesn’t mean they’d look after C/N and try they’re best.

- Although you and me both know they’d get into some trouble while C/N was there, i can totally see them sprinting down a sidewalk with C/N in Tommy’s arms as Tubbo is looking behind them.

- Wilbur having to be pryed off of the duo after he found out that incident happened.

- Wilbur is a protective dad, not suffocating and wouldn’t let his kid do anything, but more of just wanting them to be safe. He would die if his baby got hurt

- He’d miss a lot of streams... which caused his chat to ask what was happening. This in turn led him to walking out the room and returning with a bundled up baby in his arms.

“This is C/N, chat. This is my baby! They’re the reason I’ve been missing so much... but i can’t complain, they mean everything to me.” He whispered, pecking his baby on the forehead as he read his chat. It seemed everyone was supportive, and he knew Twitter would blow up.

- He’d make so many songs about his kid. It’s ridiculous. You could hear him humming a new tune and peek into the next room, only to see him rocking C/N back and forth.

- He’d sit C/N in his lap and play Minecraft on stream every once and awhile, C/N would try to grab the mouse and chat sweared he started crying

- Monthly streams with C/N pog??

- When C/N spoke they’re first words Wilbur got SO EXCITED. Especially if it was “dad” or “dada”. He would SOB GUYS.

- Wilbur hates being soft in front of other people that isnt you or SBI but C/N could do anything in front of anyone and ges smiling, giggling, clapping his hands.

- When C/N took they’re first steps it was because Wilbur was strumming his guitar, making a new song. He felt a tug on his pants and looked down to see C/N standing, angry and wanting attention. Oh boy they got attention all right. He ran to his phone and called Philza

“PLIL!!! PHIL!! PHILZA! DADZA-“

“WILL WHAT IS IT???”

“C/N JUST TOOK THEYRE FIRST STEPS I THINK I MIGHT BE CRYING-“

“OH MY GOD YOUR JOKING?? REALLY?”

“YEAH!! PHIL MY BABY IS SO SMART-“

“POG-“

- Y/N and Wilbur would have to take a trip somewhere, and this time Techno is the one who gets to take care of C/N!!! You guys would only be gone for like 3 days, but still.

- But when you two got home to a Techno sleeping in a chair, C/N in one arm as a Greek Mythology book was in another, Wilbur snapped a picture because thats what brothers do, guys.

- You finding Will asleep on the couch, C/N napping on his chest. You’d probably join in the cuddles to (dont lie-)

- I have no idea what being a parent is like lololol im the youngest in my family so i hope this wasn’t SHIT-

a/n: Dadbur pog. I had no idea what to do for this post since all my ideas just left my brain.

Also sorry for not posting sooner!! Life has been super busy and a struggle for me for like,, the past week but lets hope i have more chances to write so my posts are actually good sjdbjd

Anyways ughhh sorry if this was bad but ughhh im making a discord? So pog? :D

[annieharkness]

Glimpses: Part 9 (Kathryn Hahn x Fem!Reader)

Part 1 // previous chapter <<< >>> next chapter 

Summary: Are you... finally having a date?

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: Hey y’all! Again, I apologize for the delay but uni didn’t allow for me to have some free time to write. I’ll try to upload something earlier next week and hope you enjoy the new chapter until then! xxx

_____________________________________________________________________________

“Wish I could've seen your beautiful face on my screen tonight, sweetheart.“ You stare at your phone. Is she… flirting? By now it’s too late, so you can’t ask Alex for help since she is already sound asleep on her side of the world. You ruffle your hair and let your head fall to the back to look at the ceiling. Taking in a deep breath, you close your eyes and consider your options. Tonight, it’s only you, your phone and Kathryn. 

Unsure of what to do, you opt for the safer way and start a conversation rather than flirt with her right away, because honestly, you don’t even know what to do. “You know, we all actually hoped you guys would be able to see us, too.“

You are not sure if you blew it with that, but then again it’s not like you and Kathryn haven’t talked about things the fans think before, not that you are not one of them, but that’s a different story. She takes a while to respond and you throw your phone on the bed before lying down on your back.

Looking up at the stars on your ceiling, you reflect on what happened within the last week until your phone lights up again. You lie there for a short while waiting for Kathryn to respond and think about what plans you have for the rest of the week. You train of thought gets stopped when your phone lights up. You turn to your side to look at it and realize it lit up, yes, but this time there is no new message. Instead, additionally to lighting up, your phone starts to vibrate as hold it in your hand - a familiar face looking right at you. Yours. She is calling you. KATHRYN. On Facetime. 

Shocked as you are, you throw your phone across the room and as you try to catch it you hit it again, which only makes it fly further away. You immediately jump after it and fall from your bed in the process, taking a tumble before rolling off on the floor. Typical you and you would roll your eyes at yourself right now, if only you weren’t so busy reaching out for your phone.

For a moment, you think about how you could’ve hit your head pretty hard just a second ago, but somehow your body went into god mode and you managed to roll off pretty quickly. Phone in hand you are lying on the floor, all sprawled out as the time runs out to pick up the call. Gladly, you remember you should and take it as you still lie on the floor.

“Kathryn?“, you try to catch your breath. “Sweetheart, HEY!“, you catch a glimpse of her as you’re getting up to sit on your chair and hear her laugh. “What exactly are you doing, Y/N? You look… You are a mess, honey! WHAT HAPPENED?“

You immediately stop in your motion and look at her while running a hand through your hair trying to look more presentable. “I…“, you stutter. “I… I.. My phone… Floor. I had to… It’s…“

“Sweetheart you gotta take a breath for me now.“, she looks at you concerned.

“Yes, thank you Kathryn, yes. Hello there! I’m sorry. I might’ve hit my head actually. I’m not sure.“ She smiles once again while she is looking at you with her warm, blue eyes, as she gives you another minute to calm down after you ramble. “Well, I’m glad I get to see you now. I hate those one sided video things, especially since I’ve missed your face.“ She winks.

“You saw me like… 5 days ago. You’ll live.“ You can’t help but laugh at her antics once again and the both of you sit in comfortable silence for a moment until she breaks it. “Anyway, I am calling because I wanted to know if you will come and spend some time in my garden again this weekend.“ The words leave her mouth and you hear her but your brain seems unable to comprehend what is being said. How can this be your life right now?

While you are caught up in your thoughts Kathryn continues talking. “I promise this time we’ll stay at my place. No surprise gigs or anything to attend. Just the gals hanging out.“ You want to ask her if this is a date, you really do, but you can’t get yourself to be bold like that. Instead you just shoot her a wide smile as she waits for your answer and nod. “Yes! Absolutely! I mean… We never got to finish that bottle of wine we opened, so…“

Now it’s her turn to nod and you both fall silent again. Even though you are fully comfortable sitting in silence and just spending time with her in real life, it feels different on Facetime. Kathryn seems to notice rather quickly and breaks the silence again.

“Well, Sweetheart. I’ll let you go because I’m sure you’ve got other things to do. I will send you details for the weekend as soon as I know what my schedule looks like and then I’ll have Peter pick you up again?“

“That sounds amazing!…“ And you should've stopped there but at the same time you feel  a little adventurous, so you throw a common phrase in there that Alex uses any chance she gets. Realizing you could always say you don’t mean it that way makes it even easier - after all Kathryn doesn’t know you actually do. “It’s a date!“

Her smile turns into a wide grin. “It’s a date. I’ll see you on Saturday then.“

“Not if I see you first.“

—

You don’t see her first. Kathryn would never admit it, but she is in fact very nervous and paces up and down the house waiting for you. She fully cleaned all of it last night already, knowing that you would come over today. 

When she hears Peter and you arrive with the car, she walks up to the front door immediately and opens it right as you exit the car. You're wearing a flow-y summer dress again and your hair falls your shoulders in beautiful curls. A pair of sunglasses is propped up on top of your head and she can see you squinting your eyes against the sun.

Kathryn is leaning against the door frame as Peter sees you off and the two of you laugh about a dad joke he makes. She likes how you get along with everyone around her so well and her heart skips a beat as you turn around and your eyes meet. She is beautiful. A dark green pantsuit, that Kathryn combined with a white shirt (including the rolled up sleeves, of course), is hanging loosely off her shoulder. Her hair is in its usual curly mess and slowly moves in the wind as a fresh breeze hits her face.

Faster than anticipated you make your way up to her and wrap her up into a hug that, according to your consideration, is a little bit longer than a usual hug. She holds onto you just as tight and her hand wanders up to the back of your neck. When you finally let go of earth other you forget to put distance between your bodies again, so you find yourself just a couple inches away from her face once again.

“You look… stunning.“ She says as her hand softly pushes back a strand of hair behind your right ear.

“THANK YOU!“, you say in a high pitched voice as your eyes widen because of how embarrassing that voice raise was. “You look beautiful as always yourself, Kathryn.“

The smile on her face tells you that the compliment is sitting very well with her and you decide to keep a bit of the mystery, so you brush against her as you walk inside the house and make your way to the door thats leading to the garden.

Stunned, Kathryn stays in the doorframe for a moment before following you out onto the patio. She reaches you before you can reach the seating area because you purposefully strolled a little and appreciated the beauty of her backyard.

“I love your dress! That color and fit is just… you look beautiful, Y/N.“ You blush and it doesn’t go unnoticed by her as she has just caught up to you. The two of you have reached the couch and she offers you to sit first and makes sure you have a drink and everything you need before she makes herself comfortable. Just like last time, she sits down across from you first, keeping the mystery and all. 

The Kathryn you get to meet now is not that much different from the Kathryn you met within the last two weeks. She is funny and open and, if anything has changed, then it is the fact that she is much more relaxed without all the other people around.

As she tells you about her latest interview fails and gives you inside on her life, you can’t help but fall for her a little more, especially whenever she throws her head back as she laughs wholeheartedly. 

When it’s your turn to tell stories, you tell her about your childhood hobbies and how does might effect your future. She is very interested in arts and you immediately agree to meet up again to create something together. Talking about how you spend your free time, you finally mention Alex and talk about how fast she became your best friend. Just as always, she makes you feel like you are the most important person on the planet as you talk and somehow you feel like Alex becomes important to her as well, the moment you talk about how important she is to you.

With every glass she pours, Kathryn scooches a little closer to you until your knees nearly touch. Whenever you laugh about a joke, she reaches out to put her right hand on your leg and as you finish the first bottle of wine and she decides to order pizza as the sun starts to set, she plops down right next to you after getting the menu off the kitchen table.

Being fully comfortable with her now, you let yourself sink into her shoulder as the two of you browse the pizza names to see what you want to order. Luckily, you make a decision rather quickly while Kathryn needs some time, so you can enjoy the moment of closeness for a little while longer.

For the very first time, you realize how good her hair smells and how calming her aura is. You close your eyes to take it all in and smile to yourself about the sheer happiness that you are feeling in this very moment. 

Kathryn notices how calm you have gotten and leans back as her left arm sneakily finds its way across your shoulder to hold you close to her. Leaning back into the couch, she pulls you with her and the both of you sit in silence as you listen to her heartbeat. 

After a while, you hear a deep growl and Kathryn gets startled out of her meditational state. “Oh I’m sorry! I must be hungrier than I thought I am.“

She takes out her arm from behind you again and reaches for the menu and her phone to call the delivery service. When the pizza arrives and she comes back from the front door, she sits down on the other side of the couch once again and you immediately miss being by her side.

The pizza is nice, maybe even the best pizza you’ve had from any delivery service before, and by the time you finished eating, the sun has fully set. Not sure how she is going to react, you fiddle with your fingers for a moment before making a proposal.

“I.. actually arranged something. I looked up Peter’s agency and asked for his number and asked him if he could take us somewhere tonight. I mean.. If you’d wanna go?“

Once again speechless, Kathryn looks at you with wide eyes and raised eyebrows as her face is beaming from excitement. “Absolutely! Do we… need anything or are we good to go right away?“ It’s nice that she wants to help, but she doesn’t have to. Alex and you have planned for this very moment all week and talked it all through several times, so that Peter and you could arrange the surprise for Kathryn.

You help her up from the couch and lead her back into the house, where a filled basket, that has magically appeared, is waiting at the front door. Peter is already waiting in the car ready to take you to the stars.

It’s a rather short drive as he takes you to a little meadow on a hill where you can look over Los Angeles in between rocks and trees and actually see the stars as well. Naturally, he stays in the car and ready a book as the two of you walk up to the corner of the hill, where a small spot suggests that lots of couples have spent some time there. 

“This is perfect, Y/N. I….“ She looks at you before looking up at the night sky and stops talking as she feels your eyes on her. Your fingers on the blanket are close enough to hers that you can feel her warmth and you slowly move them closer. Neither of you breaks eye contact as your hands touch and a tingles move through all of your body.

You bite the inside of your lower lip in anticipation as you cup her hand with yours completely. Giving it one last squeeze, you let go and cup her face instead. Slowly, you move closer until you can feel her breath on your lips. Looking into her eyes for one last time, you overcome the remaining inches and capture her lips in a longing kiss as your hands find their way into her long hair.

Leaning into the kiss with a little too much force, combined with the fact that she is so focused on the way you make her feel, makes her lose balance and she falls backwards onto the blanket. Before you can do anything about it, you find yourself on top of Kathryn who is grinning and goes in for yet another kiss. Now she is the one who is holding onto you and her hands glide all over your body as she takes no measures to get you off of her.

You make out with her in that position for a short moment, before she stops in her tracks. “We can’t. Not like that. Not out here. I’m sorry, Sweetheart.“

“Oh no, don’t be sorry. You are absolutely right.“ You smile and kiss her shortly for one last time before getting off of her. “Let’s go back home? It’s getting rather cold anyway.“

“Home? Are you… Staying over tonight?“ She looks at you, unsure of what to expect.

For a moment you consider if you should play it save, but thinking about everything that happened tonight, you decide to go into full offense and shoot your shot while you wink at her. “Well, Ms. Hahn. Seems like you are asking me to stay, so I might as well.“

She looks at you and you can tell she is biting her lip before she looks back at the lights in front of her as she grabs your hand. “Please stay, Y/N. I would love that.“

[jaehyunfirstlove]

It’s senior year and you have no time for distractions, so you make a pact with your best friend, Jaehyun, that you both won’t date and just help each other make it through the year. You weren’t prepared for your brother’s friend to show up and throw your world into chaos. Will you make it out unscathed, or will you gain a boyfriend and lose a friend in the process? (More importantly, will you graduate from college :)

Pairing: college!Jaehyun x f. reader, Lucas x f. reader (briefly)

Special appearances: Lucas, Mark

Genre: best friends to lovers, college au, fluff, angst, smut (18+ only)

Warnings: pining, love triangle, unprotected sex, Lucas is irresistible, Mark is annoying, Y/N is clueless, Jaehyun is jealous

Word count: 7.9k

Taglist: @jaehyunnie77, @nctsworld​ (send me a message if you want to be tagged in future fics)

A/N: This has been living in my head for a while, not sure it turned out the way I wanted it to but I wanted to get it out before Dear.M came out (edit: since Dear.M has been postponed I guess it doesn’t matter).  Also my contribution to @nctsworld writing challenge :)

You’ll never forget that day.

It was already a few weeks into the semester and someone was still moving in, boxes and other miscellaneous belongings stacked beside the elevator. You found it odd that someone would start school so late but you just shrugged your shoulders, thinking it had nothing to do with you and just waited patiently for the next elevator.

“Noona!” you turned at the sound of your brother’s voice, knowing he would be the only one who would call you that in public.

“I told you to stop calling me that when we’re at school,” you rolled your eyes at him but he just laughed, completely ignoring you.

“Look who it is!” he smacked your shoulder and pointed excitedly behind him. You craned your head to look around him, and met eyes with a familiar face. Only it was much handsomer and more grown up than you remembered.

“Hi noona,” he shyly waved with one hand, holding a box handily with the other.

“Lucas?” you recognized him but at the same time you were shocked at the change. You only remembered a grubby and chubby little kid who wreaked havoc with your younger brother, the two of them together a swirling tornado of flailing limbs and piercing shrieks, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake. The very memory of it made your eye twitch.

Yet here he was standing in front of you, much taller than you, that cute face from childhood transformed into the chiseled features that made people swoon. Indeed you felt your knees weak at the sight of him, noticing how the muscles in his arm bulged as he held the box.

He blushed as you stared, and you metaphorically picked your jaw up off the floor as your brother went on chattering.

“... came back from abroad and he was lucky to get in! And since I didn’t have a roommate they paired him with me! Everything works out in the end, isn’t that cool?” Mark was talking animatedly, practically vibrating with excitement at the prospect of tearing it up again with his childhood friend.

“Yeah, that’s awesome,” you replied, swallowing thickly. This would not do. You had no time to be attracted to anyone, let alone your brother’s friend.

“Well, it was nice to see you again, noona,” Lucas smiled at you. The elevator doors had opened and they had both stepped in.

“Y-yeah, nice to see you too, Lucas,” you stuttered, and his smile grew until it reached his eyes, “and you can call me Y/N!” you called out, but the elevator doors were already closing.

“Shit.” You muttered under your breath, your brain already swirling with thoughts of this new complication.

“What’s up?”

“Hm?” you turned to see your best friend, Jaehyun, come up to stand beside you.

“You look like you just saw a ghost,” he chuckled, elbowing you playfully.

“Not a ghost,” you replied thoughtfully, “just Mark’s friend, but he’s grown up.”

Jaehyun laughed at you. “Well duh, that’s what people do? Grow?”

“No, I mean he’s grown. Like ‘holy shit he’s a man’ type of grown.” You shook your head at the thought of it, eyes glazed over, completely missing how Jaehyun frowned as he watched your reaction.

“Ah,” was all he said, before he suddenly smacked you in the arm, jolting you out of your reverie. “Hey, but remember our pact. No dating!” he stated firmly.

“Pfft,” you scoffed, “I’m not attracted to him at all,” you said, a bit too loudly. Jaehyun eyed you, completely unconvinced, especially since you could feel your cheeks heating up.

“Well, whatever,” he shrugged, turning away from you so you couldn’t see the disappointment in his face. “Let’s go to class.”

---

For the next few weeks you avoided Lucas as much as you could, which wasn’t too hard since he was a sophomore and had no classes anywhere near you. But that also meant you had to avoid your brother, since they were roommates.

[Noona, why can’t you just drop it off? I need it so bad!!]

[I can’t go all the way to your dorm today, just meet me outside the cafe and I’ll give it to you]

You put your phone down on the table, sighing at Mark’s less than enthusiastic text in response.

“What’s wrong?” Jaehyun asked, looking up from his books.

“Oh Mark needed this fan,” you pointed to the bag at your feet, “I just told him to come here and pick it up.”

“I was wondering why you were lugging that thing all over campus,” Jaehyun peeked underneath the table at the fan tucked messily into a battered Trader Joe's reusable shopping bag. “Why didn’t you just bring it to his dorm?”

You shook your head vehemently. “Oh no no no, I am not going there. Can’t do it. Won’t do it.”

Jaehyun watched you carefully as you nervously played with your hair. “Is it because of him?” he finally asked.

You nodded absentmindedly, “I can’t afford any distractions right now, right? No dating, like you said!” You slammed your fist onto the table forcefully, but Jaehyun didn’t flinch. He just stared at you.

“You like him that much.” It was meant to be a question but came out more like a statement, and in a tone you’d never heard from your best friend. It sounded almost accusatory.

“Hey! Can you blame me? Have you seen him?” you went into defense mode, completely misinterpreting his tone of voice. He just turned his face away from you, unable to hide the hurt he was feeling. You just thought he was upset that you might be threatening the pact you both had made so you tried to smooth things over. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to date him. But it’s better that I don’t see him too much, you know?”

“Good idea,” was all Jaehyun said, before he turned his attention back to his books.

“Noona!” you looked up to see Mark walking towards you, and you were about to rebuke him for calling you that when you saw who was with him.

“Hi noona,” Lucas smiled, coming to stand beside Mark. Your heart was beating out of your chest at the sight of him, your throat suddenly dry.

“H-hi guys,” you managed, before turning to Mark, “I told you to meet me outside?”

“Sorry we wanted a drink,” he turned to Jaehyun, “hey hyung, you remember my friend, Lucas?” he gestured towards Lucas excitedly.

“Of course,” Jaehyun said politely, “Nice to see you again, man,” he held out his hand and Lucas shook it enthusiastically.

“I heard you were at this school too, this is so cool!” Lucas exclaimed, “We’re all back together again!”

Despite Lucas and Mark’s bright demeanors you felt a tension in the air so thick you could cut it with a knife. You were puzzled as to where it could be coming from, looking from your brother to Lucas to Jaehyun. No one seemed to be giving anything away, until Jaehyun locked eyes with you and you saw something flash for a split second.

It was a look you’d never seen before, that you couldn’t quite place. Was he angry? Did he not like Lucas? You went back through your memories but you couldn’t remember them not getting along, Jaehyun had no siblings so Mark and Lucas were like little brothers to him. So what was this feeling?

“Anyway here’s the fan,” you shoved the bag into Mark’s hands, not caring that you had rudely interrupted whatever small talk was happening between the three of them. You just wanted them to leave, especially Lucas.

“Okay, okay, I get it, you two want to be alone,” Mark winked, giggling at his own joke, but you just rolled your eyes.

“Very funny, you know it’s not like that, now get lost,” you grumbled, turning your attention away from them and towards your books. Mark only shrugged, turning to walk away. Jaehyun dropped his gaze, hoping no one saw the hurt in his eyes.

“Bye, noona,” Lucas lightly touched your arm as he walked past you. You felt a shiver go up your spine at the contact, but you resolutely composed yourself.

“I told you to call me Y/N,” you responded firmly.

He only turned back to look at you, smiling widely. “I just like calling you ‘noona’,” he said, before walking away to join Mark.

You must have had the dumbest look on your face because Jaehyun just laughed, almost bitterly.

“Wow,” was all he said, shaking his head, no trace of his usual good spirits. He suddenly started packing up his books.

“Where are you going?” you asked, surprised at his sudden movements, “We’re not done with this chapter!”

“I suddenly lost my appetite,” he responded, not looking at you at all, “you got this, just call me if you have any problems.”

You watched his retreating back, wondering what had happened to put him in such a mood.

---

The rest of the semester was tough, your professors were a lot harder on you and all of your courses were kicking your ass. Worst of all, your best friend and trusty study partner had ghosted you.

[How about tonight? Can you come by]

[Can’t, sorry]

[Come on I’m dying! I need help with this so bad!]

[You got this]

You pulled your hair in frustration, wanting to scream at Jaehyun’s sudden reticence. You’d confronted him about it in the one class you shared but he just shrugged, making some lame excuse about how the coursework was so much harder than he thought it was so he needed to concentrate. You had scoffed, knowing full well that was not the case for the ace student that he was. For as long as you’d known him he had always been the one who’d gotten the highest grades in every class he was in. You had persisted, trying to get it out of him but the professor had started speaking, and as soon as class had finished he’d left to talk to some other friends.

Maybe you two were drifting apart, and you hadn’t noticed, too busy with school and trying to avoid your feelings for Lucas. You shook your head at the thought of Lucas, but as if your thoughts could conjure him he suddenly appeared in front of you.

“Hi noona,” he whispered, cognizant of the bent over backs of the other students studying at the library around you. You gaped at him as he pulled out the chair across from you at the table you were at. “Is it okay if I sit here?” he asked innocently.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, fully aware that you should say no, but your head betrayed you and nodded at him. He smiled widely and your heart thumped in your chest.

“Thanks,” he said, taking a seat and spreading out his books, “the other tables were full, you really saved my life.”

You just nodded, trying to look anywhere but at his face, but he just kept smiling so charmingly you couldn’t help it. You’d sneak a look up at him now and then, and every time he would catch you and smile. The two of you didn’t talk very much, mostly because you didn’t want to disturb the quiet but also because you didn’t want whatever was happening to go any further. Lucas, however, had different expectations.

“Hey, if you’re not busy after this, maybe we can go for a coffee? Catch up? I feel like I haven’t really spent any time with you.” The smile he leveled at you this time was so dazzling you were momentarily blinded.

“Um,” you started, your brain short-circuiting, “I… uh… don’t think-”

“Aww, come on, noona! I haven’t seen you in so long! Please, just one coffee?” he made a face that resembled that one emoji you used so often that Jaehyun had it saved in his phone instead of your name.

You opened your mouth to say no, you had really meant to, your lips even forming the word, but he kept looking at you with that face and you knew you were done for.

“Sure,” you said in defeat, “just one, though.”

“Great!” he clapped his hands in glee, forgetting where he was, and when the people around him shot him dirty looks he slapped his hand over his mouth in a comically over-dramatic display. You couldn’t help but laugh, looking up just in time to see Jaehyun walking past your table. He stared between the two of you, not saying a word. You stood up to call him over but he turned away from you abruptly and walked away.

“Let’s go, noona,” Lucas called you, and you looked between him and your best friend, torn as to who to follow. You had to admit Jaehyun’s coldness towards you was hurting you, but you had reached out to him and he had shut you down. You packed up your stuff and followed Lucas to the cafe.

Later that night you got a text from Jaehyun:

[Remember our pact]

You wanted to throw your phone and scream at him for being so frustrating. You decided to ignore him, since that’s what he had been doing to you. You didn’t bother answering his text, and for the first time in your decade-long friendship you didn’t text him ‘good night’.

---

“Hey, we have room, wanna ride home with us?”

It was winter break, and everyone who was going home was standing on the curb waiting for their pickup. You spotted Jaehyun, and even though the two of you still hadn’t spoken, you couldn’t help but offer. He started at the sound of your voice, almost smiled, before he shook his head.

“Thanks, but my dad is on his way,” he kicked at the ground with the toe of his shoe when you didn’t say anything in response, then finally looked away.

Truth be told, you were hurt. You’d been hurt since the day you two stopped talking, the day you went for coffee with Lucas. You had tried to keep your attention on Lucas, which wouldn’t have been too hard because he talked so animatedly, but your mind kept going over Jaehyun’s reaction when he saw the two of you. You couldn’t make sense of it, and you couldn’t make sense of his sudden disinterest. You had been friends for most of your lives, and he had never acted that way before. You finally settled on the fact that he probably didn’t want to be your friend anymore, college changes people after all, and his plans for after graduation were so grandiose and involved and probably definitely didn’t include you. A sadness had washed over you then, the two of you had been inseparable since middle school, you hadn’t gone a day without seeing him or speaking to him. The prospect of him not being in your life hurt you more than you would ever admit.

Turning away from him you loaded your bags into the trunk of your mom’s car, while Mark climbed into the passenger’s seat, excitedly relaying the details of his day-to-day to your ever-patient mom. You got into the backseat and closed your eyes, wanting to forget your college experience for a while.

---

Four days into your break you couldn’t escape it.

“Honey, set three more places for dinner, the Jeongs are coming over.”

Your hand froze midway to placing the silverware on the table at your mom’s statement.

“Are you serious?” you asked in shock.

“What are you so surprised for? We always have them over during your breaks. Besides, I haven’t seen Jaehyun in months, I want to know how he’s doing in senior year.”

Your mom had unofficially adopted Jaehyun, when you were kids his parents had been busy with work, so he had spent a lot of time at your house. Your mom loved doting on him because he was so polite and well-mannered, almost an antithesis to the hellraiser that was your younger brother.

Dinner had been a calm affair, the parents speaking amongst themselves, while you picked at your food and Mark occasionally would start talking at breaks in the conversation. Jaehyun sat across from you, looking much more relaxed than he did at school. He was always polite around your parents, but you noticed he seemed lighter, freer, smiled and joked more. He even spared you a glance here and there, the corners of his mouth almost turning up into a smile.

“Oh mom, guess who’s going to our school now?” Mark suddenly burst out.

“Lucas is back, right? I spoke to his mom. That’s wonderful that you’re back together.” Your mom smiled fondly at your brother. At the mention of Lucas’ name you looked over at Jaehyun, who dropped his gaze, suddenly intensely preoccupied with his broccoli.

“Yeah! And I think he likes noona!” Mark looked at you while he said this, waggling his eyebrows. You smacked him hard in the arm.

“Not at all, that is not happening,” you protested, shooting daggers with your eyes at your brother. He only shrugged, rubbing his arm where you had hit him.

“Whatever, I know you guys go on coffee dates and he texts you all the time! I see that stupid look on his face when he’s texting,” he screwed up his face and mimicked Lucas texting on his phone and everyone laughed. 

Everyone, except Jaehyun. He looked at you, with something like hurt in his eyes, before he looked away quickly.

“That is not true, we went on one coffee date, one!” you emphasized the word by putting up your index finger, “and it is not me he is texting all the time, trust me,” you added firmly.

Your mom just smiled. “I’m not opposed to Lucas, he’s a sweet boy,” she stated, “the only other boy I’d be happy about you dating is Jaehyun.” She smiled sweetly at him while his parents smiled at you, both nodding in approval.

Normally when she said things like this you would just roll your eyes at her, reminding her that you and Jaehyun were just friends, but this time you felt your palms get sweaty and your face felt warm. You looked over at Jaehyun and he still hadn’t looked up from his plate, but his ears were as red as the tomato sauce on the pasta.

“Am I the only one here who would be happy with no one dating?” your dad finally spoke up. “Not that I don’t approve of any of you, I just think senior year is hard enough as it is.” He shrugged, taking a sip of his wine while your mom patted him soothingly on the shoulder.

“Yes, yes, we’re not suggesting anything, merely stating our preferences.” She looked over at Jaehyun’s mom, the two of them sharing a conspiratorial smile.

---

After dinner you and Jaehyun were tasked with doing the dishes, while the parents relaxed in the living room and Mark cleaned off the table.

“You, uh, missed a spot,” you held up the plate to Jaehyun, indicating the still soapy area with a sweep of your finger. He nodded and took it from you, passing it under the running water and handing it back. You dried it carefully, watching him as you did, the silence between you so heavy it felt like a weight on your chest.

“It’s nice being home, isn’t it?” you attempted conversation hesitantly.

He nodded, thankfully not ignoring you, and actually smiled to himself. “Yeah, really nice.”

You brightened at those three words, and at the fairly pleasant conversation you were having, the first in such a long time.

“Right? It feels so nice.” You agreed, unable to stop the wide smile forming on your face. He finally looked over at you and couldn’t help smiling himself.

“It feels good to be away from the pressures of-” he cleared his throat, “-uh, school.”

“Mm,” you nodded, feeling there was something in his tone you couldn’t place. Determined to ignore it and mend the rift in your friendship, you elbowed him lightly in the arm, “Hey, bet you can’t beat me in Mario Kart!”

He laughed, turning off the water and wiping his hands. “We’ll see.”

---

You spent the rest of the break almost inseparable again, your friendship back to what it had been. The happiness you felt was indescribable, sometimes you even surprised yourself at the giddiness you would feel when you could spend time with him. You just figured it was the hurt you’d felt all those months finally being soothed away. Jaehyun was an important person in your life so naturally it would make sense that you would be happy that he was back in it.

On the last night of your break the two of you were sitting on the floor in your bedroom, laughing over old photos. After flipping through a few more, he came across a photo of you with one arm around Lucas and the other around Mark. The smile instantly left his face, and he quickly shoved the photo back in the box.

When you saw his reaction you suddenly felt defensive. “You know it really was just one coffee, it’s not like I was dating him so I didn’t break our pact.”

“Technically still a date.” He responded without looking at you, just shuffling photos around in the box haphazardly.

“Ugh! Fine! It was a stupid date, are you happy?” you threw the photos you were holding across the floor in exasperation. You felt your face heating up, an irrational anger overtaking you. In all the years you’d known him you didn’t remember being this upset at him and it surprised you.

He stayed silent, picking up the photos you had thrown and arranging them back in the box. In your anger you probably weren’t seeing things clearly, but when you looked at his face you thought he might have looked sad.

“It didn’t continue though, I can tell you that.” You don’t know why you felt the urge to be so defensive, why you felt the burning need to convince him there was nothing going on between you and Lucas. But when he finally nodded and looked at you, a small smile adorning his face, your heart suddenly felt lighter.

“Alright, you get off on a technicality,” he smiled, almost shyly, when he saw your face brighten.

“Good! Now are you gonna start helping me study again? I think I failed my midterms because of you,” you grumbled good-naturedly.

“I doubt that,” he chuckled, “you’re a lot better at studying than you think you are.”

---

The second semester started where the first had left off, with a grueling workload that left your brain a mushy mess by the end of each day. You felt you handled it a lot better with your best friend by your side again, but when you got the results of your midterms you were shocked to see you had done better than you thought.

“I don’t want to say I told you so, but-” Jaehyun was looking over your shoulder as you saw your results, “I told you so.”

“Huh,” was all you could say. So all those late nights buried in your books, those solitary back-breaking hours in the library, they all paid off. You looked over at Jaehyun, who was smiling smugly at you. You realized that he had helped you, even though he hadn’t been around. Sometimes when your brain had enough you would think of him, how he would always encourage you when you were frustrated, how he would tell you silly stories and make you laugh when you needed a break.

“Thanks,” you said sincerely, starting to realize just what an effect your best friend had on your life. He shrugged, glancing away momentarily before he looked you in the eye.

“I didn’t really do anything, and actually I’m sorry for ghosting you when I did,” he shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down at the ground, “that was really dumb of me.”

You were about to ask him what that was all about when you saw Mark and Lucas walking towards you.

“Hi noona!” they said in unison, accidentally it seemed as they both looked at each other in shock before dissolving into a fit of giggles. They nodded at Jaehyun who nodded back, ever polite, except he’d crossed his arms and puffed out his chest a little, looking almost intimidating.

“Hey guys,” you responded, irked at being interrupted since you were about to interrogate Jaehyun, “don’t you have class right now?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re on our way,” Mark rolled his eyes at you and tugged at Lucas’ arm, “let’s go dude.”

Lucas hadn’t taken his eyes off of you the entire time you were all standing there, and hesitated as Mark pulled at him.

“Hey, noona, can we meet up later?” he asked, and you had to admire him for his boldness and dedication, despite the fact that you had pretty much avoided him since your last coffee date.

“Uh, I’m kinda busy today,” you responded quickly, but he didn’t back down.

“Aw, how about tomorrow then? Please?”

You didn’t have to look at him to know that Jaehyun was burning a hole in your face with his eyes, and you could feel the sweat forming on your palms at the situation you were in. You wanted to curse Lucas out for doing this in front of an audience. As it was, Mark was watching the entire scene unfold with unbridled glee.

“Come on, noona, give him a chance!” Mark piped up, deciding to add to your agony. Lucas made that puppy-dog face that had swayed you the last time.

“Sorry, guys, but she’ll be busy for the rest of the semester,” Jaehyun suddenly spoke up, his tone broached no debate, “I’ll be making sure she’s studying.”

It was the last straw, you’d had enough with the three of them. “Ugh!” you exclaimed, balling your hands into fists, “I’ve had it!”

The three of them recoiled in shock at your outburst, a trio of wide eyes and open mouths that was almost comical if you weren’t so angry.

“You!” you pointed at Lucas, “I told you I’m busy so you need to accept my answer! And you!” you pointed in turn at your brother, “Mind your goddamn business!” He just shrugged and made a face, mimicking you yelling at him.

“And you!” you finally turned to Jaehyun, who was watching you with a mixture of admiration and fear, “I can speak for myself so stay out of it!”

You didn’t bother to stick around to see any of their reactions, just turning on your heel and walking away.

---

You’d gotten texts for the rest of the day from both Lucas and Jaehyun apologizing but you weren’t in the mood to discuss the situation with either of them. Radio silence from your brother though, as expected. You were looking forward to spending some time alone anyway, so you trudged back to your dorm after a long day of classes. Walking towards your room you saw Lucas standing outside your door.

“Noona, don’t get mad,” he raised his hands up in supplication as you approached, “I just wanted to apologize and you weren’t responding to my texts.”

You sighed, too exhausted to be mad anymore. “It’s okay, Lucas. Thanks for coming by.” You walked by him to unlock your door, wanting to just collapse on your bed, but he stopped you, putting his six foot tall frame between you and your door. “Lucas, please, I’m tired.”

He bent his head towards you, eyes searching your face, eyebrows furrowed. “Noona,” he started, his voice soft, “do you like me?”

You were taken aback by the sudden question, and by his face now so close to yours.

“I mean, I hope you don’t still think of me as a kid,” he continued, eyes roaming towards your lips, “because I’m a man now.”

The line should have made you laugh, at any other time you would have, but something was drawing you towards him, and before you could stop yourself your lips met his.

It was only a brief touch, because you realized in that moment that you felt nothing, so you broke away quickly. The sound of the stairwell door opening broke the silence between you, and you turned to see Jaehyun standing in the open doorway. You’ll never forget the look on his face.

Sadness. Hurt.

“Jaehyun!” you called out, but he had already turned, his back to you as he disappeared down the stairs. Without a thought you ran after him, your heart beating out of your chest.

“Jaehyun! Please stop!” you yelled frantically as you raced down the stairs, but he was too far ahead of you and out the door before you could stop him. When you finally got down you opened the door to a downpour, and realizing you had no umbrella you stopped short. You could see Jaehyun walking away through the sheeting rain, and once again you called out to him.

“Jaehyun!” you shouted, your voice strained, “Please come back inside!”

He stopped at the sound of your voice and turned around, but made no move to come back. You couldn’t see his face from this distance but the dejected set of his shoulders told you all you needed to know. You stepped forward into the rain, determined to bring him back inside.

“Y/N, stop! You’ll get wet!” he ran towards you, arms outstretched, but you wouldn’t be deterred. When you reached him your emotions finally overcame you and you shoved him hard in the chest. It barely moved him, but he still looked at you in shock.

“Tell me why!” you yelled, unable to hold yourself back, “Why does it bother you so much? If he likes me or I like him? Huh?” you shoved him again, your anger and frustration taking over your rational mind, “It’s not just because of our stupid pact, so tell me what’s going on!”

He hadn’t said a thing, hadn’t even looked at you, had barely reacted when you pushed him. He just kept his head down, the rain running in rivulets down his hair.

“Jaehyun,” you tried again, pleading this time, your anger dissipating at the sight of him looking so defeated, drenched in rain, “Please, talk to me.”

He finally looked up, but not at you. Staring at something far in the distance he finally spoke, in a voice so low you had to strain to hear him over the patter of the rain, and a tone so despondent it made your heart ache.

“I like you, Y/N,” he sighed, “actually, screw it, I’m in love with you. I’ll admit it.” He dropped his head again, unwilling to look at you or see your reaction.

You, however, were glad he wasn’t looking at you, because your jaw dropped open in shock. But your brain took a little longer to catch up with your heart, because while you were putting the pieces together in your head, you felt a lightness in your chest, like a heavy weight had been lifted.

“Jaehyun?” you whispered, the puzzle pieces finally coming together. His actions finally made sense, but what had been even more enlightening was that your own feelings were starting to make sense as well.

“Come on, let’s go inside, you’ll get sick,” he put his hands over your head in a feeble attempt to protect you from the rain, and ushered you back inside the dorm. You walked back up the stairs in silence, and when you opened the door to your floor you were relieved to see Lucas was gone.

“Come inside,” you grabbed his hand since he had turned to leave, “you should dry off.”

He nodded, still not meeting your eyes, and followed you into your room. You grabbed a towel and handed it to him, grabbing one for yourself and squeezing the rain out of your hair.

“Thanks,” he said, rubbing the towel one last time over his head before handing it back to you, “I should go.”

You were about to answer him, but you were suddenly overcome by a violent shiver, your entire body shuddering from the damp cold of your rain-soaked clothes.

“Y/N!” he stepped towards you, eyes wide with alarm, “I told you not to come out in the rain!” he reprimanded you, taking the towel from you and rubbing it vigorously over your arms.

“I-I’m f-fine,” you tried to talk but your teeth were chattering too much so you just closed your mouth.

“You need to take off your wet clothes,” he grabbed a fluffy blanket from your bed, wrapped it around your shoulders and turned his head away, “I won’t look, I promise.”

At any other time you would be embarrassed, or throw him out of the room, but you knew he was right, and somehow you felt good about him being there for you. You stripped out of your clothes down to your bra and panties, as he held the blanket over you, finally feeling warmer as you wrapped the blanket around yourself.

“Better?” he asked, still not looking your way.

“Yes, thank you,” you said quietly, tugging at his arm to indicate he could turn around again. When he did, you noticed he was shivering.

“Oh Jaehyun! You need to get out of your wet clothes too!” you immediately ran to your closet and pulled out another warm blanket and draped it over him. You turned away to give him some privacy but he was struggling so much you ended up helping him, peeling away his water-logged hoodie and jeans. When he was down to his boxers you finally turned away, your cheeks flushed and heart pounding from the image of his bare chest and abs. You’d known him your entire life and had no idea he was hiding that.

Not the time to be thinking about that, you scolded yourself internally.

“Better?” you asked, not turning around because you felt your face was still hot and you didn’t want him to see.

“Uh, y-yeah,” he tried to lie but the stuttering betrayed him, and when you turned around you saw that he was still shivering, tugging the blanket tightly around himself, smiling weakly at you in a lame attempt to convince you that he was fine.

“Oh my god,” you immediately went into first-aid mode, recalling what you needed to do, “come here.” You opened your blanket and walked towards him.

“W-what are you d-doing?” his eyes grew wide and he actually pulled the blanket tighter around himself, like you were some kind of pervert coming to take his innocence.

“Relax, you need body heat,” you pulled at his blanket and he finally relented, opening it up to you and you stepped into his embrace.

It wasn’t supposed to feel good, you were only supplying him with much needed body heat, if anything it should have been embarrassing because you were both in your underwear, but you relaxed in his arms and it felt good. Really good.

You stood there in silence for a while, just the sound of his heart beating against your ear as you rested against his chest. You noticed he wasn’t shivering as much, but his skin was still really cold.

“Jaehyun, I think we need to get under the covers, you’re not warming up fast enough,” you didn’t look at him when you said it, you knew it would be awkward but it had to be done. He didn’t say anything for so long that you thought he hadn’t heard you, but he finally nodded and moved towards the bed. He got under the covers and you followed, wrapping your arms and legs around him and piling all the blankets on top of the both of you. It was hot and stuffy but you endured it, too worried about your best friend to care about anything else. Finally his teeth stopped chattering, his skin feeling less cold and clammy against yours.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he said softly, staring up at the ceiling.

“I know, next time don’t go out in the rain like I told you!” you said sternly.

“No, not about that,” he sighed, “well, yeah that too. I just- I should have said something when I knew how I felt about you, save us from all this trouble, and- you know, me acting like a jerk.”

“Why didn’t you tell me then?” you turned your face to look at him, but he still wouldn’t meet your eyes, continuing to stare at the ceiling.

“I was scared, I guess. Scared you didn’t feel the same way, that you’d hate me, and then our friendship would be ruined and I didn’t want to lose you that way,” he blew out a long breath, “But I guess I ruined it anyway.”

“Nothing’s ruined, Jaehyun,” you said in a quiet voice, so low maybe he didn’t hear you. Except he had. He finally turned his head to look at you, but this time it was you who couldn’t meet his eyes.

“I wondered why I was so upset and angry, and hurt, when you stopped talking to me, I mean, I’ve lost friends before and never felt like that. And then over winter break when we started talking again, I felt so happy? You know? And so whole. Like I’d gotten back a part of me that I’d lost.” 

You stopped talking, relieved to have worked through your feelings and gotten it out in the open, but you suddenly became aware of how cringey everything you had said sounded. “Ugh, sorry, that was a lot.”

“Y/N, look at me,” his voice was still soft, but why had you never noticed how low his voice was? When you didn’t move, he gently tipped your chin so you were facing him. He looked at you like you’d hung the stars in the sky.

“Does this mean you like m-” he stopped mid-sentence, because you were drawn towards him, your face getting closer and closer to his. He stared wide-eyed for a moment, before he closed the distance and kissed you.

The stars and fireworks and weakened knees, and that heart-racing feeling you had expected when you kissed Lucas (and didn’t happen) actually happened this time. And then some. When his lips met yours you felt an electricity that spread throughout your entire body, all the way down to your toes. You felt a tenderness in the way his lips moved, an almost reverent form of adulation that made you crave more. Suddenly you were very aware of your near nakedness, as his now warm hand snaked around your bare back and pulled you closer to him. Everywhere your bare skin touched his felt like it was on fire, and it wasn’t from all of the blankets still stacked on top of you. When he pulled away you were panting, chest heaving, heat burning in your core.

“Y/N, I didn’t mean for this to happen,” his eyes searched yours, seemingly ready to give in if you decided to kick him out right then and there.

“You mean this wasn’t your plan? To go out and get drenched in the rain so we’d have to strip down to our underwear and cuddle for warmth?” you asked cheekily.

“Hmm, that did work out perfectly, didn’t it?” he laughed, and the deep rumble of it reverberated in your chest all the way down to your core.

“Jaehyun,” your breathing quickened, your body reacting to him almost involuntarily, “come here,” you pulled him so that he was on top of you, and he braced his arms on either side of you so that he didn’t rest his entire weight on you. You spread your legs so that he could nestle in between them, and when you felt him, already half-hard, against you, you bit your lip. He watched you, eyes dark, but still didn’t make a move.

“Y/N, are you sure?” he brushed strands of hair away from your face, eyebrows furrowed as he looked at you.

“I like you, Jaehyun. More than a friend. And right now I just want you.” To prove your point you wrapped your legs around him and squeezed, and it was his turn to inhale sharply as he felt you rub up against him. He dropped his head to your shoulder, kissing along your collarbone to your neck, and when you threaded your fingers through his hair, he sucked harshly on your skin. You moaned and he bucked his hips, your hands roamed his body until you reached the waistband of his boxers, which you tugged at until they were off. You reached around, wanting to feel his cock in your hand, your fingers wrapping around the hot, velvety skin.

“Y/N,” he groaned, pulling away from your neck to rest his forehead on your shoulder. You pumped his cock in your hand a few times, rubbing the pad of your thumb over the tip, spreading the precum around the head. He was breathing heavily as you worked your hand on him, before he reached down and yanked your panties off in one go. You squeaked a little at the sudden movement, but before you knew what was happening he was taking your hand off his cock, positioning the tip of it at your entrance.

“Jaehyun,” your voice cut off into a strangled cry as he entered you, tears pricking your eyes at the stretch and the intense pleasure you were feeling from it.

“Y/N,” he groaned again, pausing when he was all the way inside you, attacking your neck and jawline with kisses. He pulled back to look at you, eyes full of a mixture of adoration and lust. You touched his cheek, heart full at the sight of the boy you’d loved your entire life, pulling him down for a passionate kiss.

He returned your fervor with his own, with every movement of his lips you could feel his want, his need for you, his devotion. When you moaned into his mouth he bucked his hips, and you broke from his lips to gasp loudly as he began to thrust inside you.

“Jaehyun,” you moaned his name, biting your lip, slightly self-conscious at the needy whines that were escaping your mouth. But they seemed to encourage him, and with every sound of pleasure you made his intensity ramped up, until you could feel your orgasm building.

“Mm, I’m gonna c-” you couldn’t even finish your sentence, could barely warn him because your orgasm overtook you, after a particularly deep thrust that had pressed you hard into the mattress. He groaned loudly as you clenched around him, still thrusting, until he suddenly pulled you flush against him, holding you tightly as he came inside you.

You were both sweating, breathing heavily, but you knew in that moment that everything was as it should be. You turned your face towards his, currently buried in your shoulder, and kissed his cheek and along his jawline until he was smiling, causing his dimples to emerge. You kissed those too.

“You okay?” he asked, voice soft, pushing strands of damp hair away from your face.

“Very much okay,” you nodded, your heart and mind at peace.

---

Epilogue

“Mm, Jae, we should get outside and join everyone...”

“Not yet, you smell too good, taste too good too.”

You stifled a moan as he sucked lightly on your neck, “No marks!” you smacked him on the chest, “I don’t want hickies in my grad photos!”

He laughed, nuzzling his nose in your neck instead, his hands on your hips under your gown. You’d been on your way to the graduation ceremony when you passed an empty classroom and he’d pulled you in for a quick makeout session. Except it hadn’t been quick, and now you were running late.

“Alright,” he sighed dramatically, “let’s go, wouldn’t want you to miss this important ceremony.” If it had been up to Jaehyun you would’ve both skipped the ceremony and gone to the beach instead, or just stayed in bed watching netflix. He didn’t care for ceremonies, he’d done his work and graduated, but he knew how important it was for you. You’d worked hard and wanted to celebrate it, with all of your friends and family by your side, especially Jaehyun. 

He adjusted the cap on your head, smiling fondly at you as you fiddled with your gown nervously. “You look great,” he reassured you, “perfect, I’d say.”

“Thanks,” you smiled at him, forgetting about your lip gloss and reaching up on your tiptoes for a kiss. “Oops!” you tried to wipe as much of it off with the pad of your thumb but he just laughed.

“Can’t be helped, let’s go,” he grabbed you by the hand and led you into the quad where the ceremony would be held. As you made your way to your seats you saw your brother and Lucas approaching.

“Hey guys, congrats, this is so cool!” as usual Mark was excited, looking around at everything with awe. Lucas stood beside him, smiling widely at the two of you.

“Hi noo- Y/N,” he corrected himself, then nodded at Jaehyun, “hyung,”

“Hi Lucas,” you smiled back at him.

“Congratulations on graduating,” he continued, looking between you and Jaehyun, “you guys worked hard.”

“Thanks Lucas,” you were genuinely thankful to him, he’d been really chill when you ended up telling him about you and Jaehyun, even winking at you and saying he’d had a suspicion about you and Jaehyun liking each other all along. You had just rolled your eyes at your own stupidity, how did everyone else see it except you?

“Yeah, thanks man,” Jaehyun seemed grateful too, shaking his hand and pulling him in for a bro hug. When they pulled away from each other you gave Lucas a hug as well, before you all took your seats for the ceremony.

---

Later, long after the ceremony ended, you and Jaehyun sat in the empty bleachers as the sun began to set. He kept his arms around you as the early evening breeze began to pick up.

“So this is it,” you mused, looking around at the campus you’d spent four years of your life at. “The end.”

“Hm,” Jaehyun hummed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“I guess we broke our pact,” you couldn’t help but smile at the irony.

“I guess so,” he laughed, “who’s stupid idea was that pact anyway?”

“Hey!” you smacked him on the knee, “it was a good idea at the time!”

He just laughed again, pulling you closer to him so that your back was flush against his chest. You settled like that for a moment, just content in his arms as he played with strands of your hair. “It all worked out in the end, though, didn’t it?”

You smiled, turning in his arms to face him. “It sure did.”

[animeangsteng]

Floyd with a s/o with ophidiophobia

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ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Floyd with a s/o that has ophidiophobia

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⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎... ⋙

Warnings: swearing. Floyd not thinking things through. Ophidiophobia.

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N.f.A:

Hope I got that damn word right.

I had to spell it and respell it so many times I think I’m getting the phobia of writing this word again.

Seriously though… why such a long and difficult name?

Couldn’t it be… I don’t know… Snake-phobia?

Too easy?

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I don’t know how it was but I did my best.

If someone with this phobia (I’m not writing the name again) can give me some feedback I’d appreciate it and try fix it.

Since I don't have any kind of phobia I hope I made it justice.

I know it is very difficult to transcribe a feeling, especially if you never felt it, so I hope I did it well.

I’m not trying to belittle this or any other phobia.

And btw: I’m alive.

Yeah.

Big news.

Sorry if it is a bit short.

Not my best work but, if you want a second part (fluff or angst) do ask!

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Thanks to starrycrimsongalaxy for making me notice that I wrote leech instead of eel.

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Anyway enjoy (or not. None of my business)

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N.f.Eng:

Thanks for your kindness!

It made absolutely sense!

Have a great night/day!

.

█ █ █ █ █ 100% *Tuning complete*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Floyd never thought things through.

Like at all.

You were scared shitless of snakes.

And it was a fear that wasn’t normal.

In fact it had a name in your world.

Ophidiophobia.

The abnormal fear of snakes.

That was pretty sure a good description and despite your attempted explanation Floyd seemed to think yours was only a little fear.

A stupid one, at that.

Still you never thought he’d go as far as to prank you like that.

You had never seen his marine form, given the similarities between a  eel and a snake.

One night you went to the pool for a date with him.

As you were waiting for him you saw a shadow behind you.

So similar to a snake’s that you fainted from the fear and the shock.

Luckily he got you just in time, wrapping his eel-like body around you.

Few hours after you wake up in the infirmary, Floyd looking at you still in his eel-form.

-Don’t worry, Shrimp-Chan! It was just me!-

Instinctively you retreated rapidly, closing yourself away from him, the image of his snake-like form.

Luckily Azul, who arrived few minutes before, understood vaguely the situation and brought the whining leech eel away.

Ever since his horrible prank you avoided him in any way possible, scared of him.

The rare times when he found you or you met you avoided his gaze, trying to get out of the situation as soon as possible.

The first times he tried to hug you shivered in fear and one time you let out a small scared: -Please, don’t!-.

And after a week Floyd started to get conscious about what he’d done.

And as always it was a bit too late.

He had tried to regain your trust but he just couldn’t get you to even look at him.

All you could see was a snake, trying to capture and hurt you.

And the situation was getting unbearable for him.

He even thought about erasing part of your memories.

Luckily his fellow Octavinelle’s members persuaded him not to but he really was running out of ideas.

And his mood became more stable, for once.

It was always set on Angry/pissed mode, which made life for those around him very difficult.

To put it easily the situation was that of stall.

You couldn’t face him, too scared to even stay in the same room for too long, and he couldn’t see your frightened face, therefore you.

So everyone wondered: how would this end?

Because one of you had to do something about it.

It was only a matter of time.

And the main unknown factor was who would bend first.

.

[bobohu4eva]

Pink Lace - Chapter 5

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: College AU, stripper AU, fluff, smut, slow burn

Summary: Baekhyun, a philosophy professor with mysterious wealth, got himself completely fucked over a girl who can’t let him into her life.

Word count: 4k

Warnings: sex work, mentions of sexual assault, adult themes/situations, eventual smut

Tag list: @smolbeanmika @leave-me-in-the-summertime @totallynerdstuff @bbhmystar @nana-banana @kimyhappy @thegreatandi @geniusloey @deligxt @baekswifey @bbhyun506 @lovebuginlove @bellamendoza @baekyeonoreo @bobohumyonlyboo

Masterlist

After your conversation with Baekhyun Monday evening Tuesday was spent desperately trying to get Baekhyun off your mind, with little success. He’d asked you if you liked him like that, and you couldn’t tell him no. Hell, you knew in the back of your mind that the answer was definitely yes, you just couldn’t bring yourself to say it to his face. 

As much as you did like him, the prospect of starting something with a customer who was also your professor was still terrifying. What if you two got together and people found out? Or what if things started to go south and you were still stuck with him as your teacher? 

Despite your other schoolwork, and cleaning basically everything you possibly could, your mind just kept racing with every different possible scenario for if you did tell Baekhyun how you felt. And most of them were quite unpleasant. He could lose his job, you could make class absolute hell for yourself if things didn’t go well, and so on. Different possibilities played themselves out in your mind over and over, and there was little you could do to stop it. 

However the thoughts that stuck with you the most were the ones where things didn’t end badly. Thoughts of his arms around you, his comforting words whispered in your ear, and the gentle touches of his pretty hands on your skin. As much as you fought it, the attraction was there. 

The way your mind bounced between thoughts was stressful to no end. Every time you tried reasoning with yourself, you just thought about how good he made you feel when you were alone together. 

Baekhyun was always so willing to be vulnerable with you, it made you feel appreciated. He was so open about his feelings, and honest with his intentions towards you that it made it difficult to push him away. You wanted to be able to show him the same kind of vulnerability as well, but the possibilities if you did still frightened you too much. 

You knew you wouldn’t be able to go on like this forever, sooner or later you had to figure out what to say to him. 

Your essay was plaguing you as well. You’d tried to start it on several occasions, but Plato’s writing was so old timey and incomprehensible you didn’t even know where to start. It also didn’t help that every time you tried to start writing, all you could think about was what Baekhyun would think. The idea of turning a shitty paper in for him to read and grade made you feel sick. You knew you were shooting yourself in the foot putting it off but you just couldn’t bring yourself to start it either. 

“You’ve cleaned everything in the apartment. Twice. What’s with you today y/n?” Mia asked as she walked out of her bedroom and into the common area, finding you once again wiping down all the surfaces in the kitchen. 

“I’m trying to distract myself, was that not obvious?” You knew what was coming next. 

“Baekhyun still on your mind?” 

Yes. He was. In every possible way, good and bad, and you couldn’t stop it. 

“I think I do like him.” 

“See! I knew it!” You rolled your eyes at her. “Anything exciting happen yesterday? Did you decide to keep the money?” She asked, sitting down at the dining room table, you sitting down across from her. 

 “I’m keeping it, I tried giving it back but he told me some stuff and turns out he doesn’t need it after all.” 

“So he IS rich?!” 

“Yeah... although not from anything cool or fun. His rich parents died recently.” 

“Oh shit, that sucks. That must’ve been an awkward conversation.” 

“Not really. I don’t know why but talking to him is getting easier and easier. I even stayed after he told me I could go.”

“You really must like him then, damn. Can’t blame you though, he is hot.” You shot her an angry look but you both knew she was right. “So what are you gonna do about it?” 

“Do about what?” 

“You liking him. He obviously likes you a lot too, so what happens next?” 

“Nothing. He’s my professor.” 

The look she shot you next said something reminiscent of ‘are you fucking serious’.

 “Oh come on y/n this guy is hot, and rich, and super into you. Even if he is your professor you can’t pass up a fling at least.” 

“And when it ends? What then? Or if someone finds out he’s fucking a student? He’d lose his job and it would be my fault.” 

“No, it would be his fault, and he’s rich anyway so it wouldn’t even matter.” 

You thought back to your last conversation with Baekhyun, and what he said about his parents. Even if he did choose to risk it for you, the thought of him losing a job that meant so much to him still didn’t sit right with you. 

“It would matter to me. Either way I don’t want other students shit talking me either. If my classmates found out there was something between us it would be hell.” 

“All I'm hearing right now, is that you just need to not get caught. The semester is only 16 weeks, as long as nothing gets out while you’re in his class nothing too bad can happen. You just have to be careful.”  

You thought about it, and she wasn’t exactly wrong. As long as nothing got out while you were his student, nothing too bad could happen. 

“He won’t lose his job if people find out we’re together later on when I’m not his student anymore, right?” 

Mia shrugged. “He doesn’t hold any power over you anymore then so I don’t see why he’d get in any trouble. People might just think it’s weird since he’s older. How old is he anyway? He looks young.” 

“I’m not exactly sure... Somewhere around 30? Late 20s maybe? I should ask him.” 

“Yeah you should. I still have homework I need to do, I should get back to that.” She said before getting herself a glass of water and retreating back to her bedroom. 

~

The next morning you were exhausted. You hadn’t gotten much sleep because of everything that was going through your head. You wanted Baekhyun, and he wanted you, but there was still too much risk involved. But part of you kept thinking about what Mia had said as well. Could a fling really be that bad? 

You were nervous to see him too. You still hadn’t given him an answer to his question, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to dodge it forever. Lying seemed like a decent option, but you knew with how honest and vulnerable Baekhyun always was with you, you wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to lie to him. Especially when you did want something more with him, you were just scared. 

As philosophy class drew closer and closer you felt uneasy. You felt bad seeing Baekhyun again without giving him an answer, but you didn’t know how or what to say. You only hoped he wouldn’t press you for it. 

Class went by and you didn’t speak to him. He didn’t keep you after either, which was a relief. You had been hoping he’d at least go over some stuff that would help you on your essay, but you had no such luck, and you needed it done by midnight if you wanted any credit. 

When you got home you cursed yourself for procrastinating so much, but you had other homework too and you knew you’d be able to focus on that better, so you started it first. 

Eventually your mind got sucked into your physics assignment, and you forgot about Baekhyun and the essay, too focused on the task at hand. 

By the time you were done with your other assignments it was 8pm. Four hours until you had to submit your essay. One hour went by just reading and rereading the text you were supposed to write about. Another was wasted on an intro paragraph you kept deleting, because you still couldn’t understand the text. When 10pm hit, and you started to panic.  

You realized that you weren’t going to be able to do it. Your mind was now in freak out mode and you couldn’t concentrate anyway. Either the paper wasn’t getting turned in at all, or you needed to do something fast. In any other class you would’ve BS-ed  your way through it to turn at least something in, but you just couldn’t do that knowing Baekhyun was going to read it. You weren’t going to be able to submit it that night, but you needed to at least contact him and explain so he wouldn’t think you were stupid. 

By 10:30 you found yourself scrolling through your contacts, staring at his name. You’d thought about emailing him, but he probably wouldn’t see until morning and you didn’t have that much time. 

In hindsight you probably would’ve been fine to just send an email and try to get an extension, but the combination of anxiety over your grade and wanting to talk to him had his name in your phone looking better and better. 

So you called. 

Your nerves were on fire as you waited for him to hopefully pick up. Was this stupid? Would he even answer? Worst of all, what if he was disappointed in you for not being able to do the assignment?

After a few rings, he picked up. “Hello?” 

“Hi Baekhyun, it’s y/n.” 

“Y/n? Are you alright what’s going on?” You could hear the concern in his voice even over the phone, and you remembered why he gave you his number in the first place. 

“I- I can’t do the essay.” You felt your voice shake, before unloading all your grievances in one breath “I read the thing a million times and I still have no idea what it’s about and I put it off until tonight cause it was making me so anxious but I still can’t focus and now it’s too late and I don’t know what to do and I’m freaking out.” 

You heard him sigh. “Slow down, It’s okay, I know it’s a difficult assignment. Have you at least started?” 

“No..” You felt tears swelling in your eyes, threatening to spill and you’re sure he can hear it in your voice even over the phone. “Can I just skip this one? I tried to start it so many times but I don’t know how to analyze something I can’t even understand.” You choked out. 

“Y/n...” You could tell he was thinking of what to do. He probably shouldn’t give you special treatment, and you knew that but right now you hoped he would just give in. Unfortunately you had no such luck. “I’m sorry but I can’t let you just not do it. It would make it too obvious that I’m treating you differently than other students.”

“Then can you at least help me? Or give me more time? Please?” You begged.

“I’m still in my office. I can help you if you meet me here.” 

You felt your palms get sweaty and your heart beat faster at the idea of going to his office again after what had happened last time, especially this late at night and in such a fragile state. 

“O-okay. I’ll be there in 10. Bye.” You said, hanging up before he could respond.

Quickly you got on some shoes and drove yourself to the building his office was located in. Last time you’d been in there he’d asked you about your feelings for him, and now you had to go back. You told yourself to just focus on getting the essay done, but the thought still hung around in the back of your mind as you walked down the hall towards Baekhyun’s office. You felt jittery and embarrassed, but you needed to do this for your grade.

After taking a few deep breaths to ready yourself, you knocked on the door, and heard a muffled “Come in” from the other side, so you let yourself in. Baekhyun was sitting at his desk, which was covered in papers you assumed he’d been grading. Instead of the nicer clothes he would usually wear during lecture, he was just wearing a black t shirt and sweats now. 

“You know you scared the shit out of me when you called. I thought you were in danger or something.” He said to you as you sat down in front of him. “I really didn’t think you’d call me over school work.” 

“I’m sorry..” 

“It’s okay! I’m not mad or anything, just surprised. What part of the text are you having trouble with?” 

“All of it...” You felt your lip starting to quiver. “I’m sorry I know this sounds so stupid and you probably think I’m just trying to take advantage of how you like me but I promise it’s not like that.” You said, looking down and fidgeting with your hands, trying to hide the frustration on your face.

Baekhyun crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, smiling. “I never said I thought that. I told you it’s not an easy assignment, it’s ok if you’re having trouble. Plato can be difficult especially for people who aren’t used to reading things that old.” 

“I should’ve at least started earlier...” 

“Probably, but it’s too late to dwell on that now. Let’s just try to go over the reading together, yeah?” You nodded. 

He moved his chair to your side of the desk before opening your textbook to the reading for the essay. 

“So the first thing that makes The Ring of Gyges so confusing is that you don’t really know who’s talking. Basically it’s a conversation between Plato and his brother Glaucon where they’re discussing justice, and it’s actually Glaucon speaking for most of it, not Plato.” 

You were listening to what he was saying of course, but you were still distracted by the proximity. Baekhyun was sitting right next to you now, arms almost touching. The only other time the two of you got that close was at the club. And you did not need to be thinking about that while he was explaining your assignment to you. 

“Are you following me so far?” 

Your eyes immediately shot up from the book to meet his, and you quickly nodded. Having him look you in the eyes again like that made your face feel hot.

“Glaucon argues that people only peruse justice for the benefits of it, and not because they actually want to be good people. He uses the example of a ring that grants it’s user invisibility, therefore allowing them to do unjust things like steal without being caught. He tells Plato a story about a man who finds such a ring and uses it do overthrow the king.”

You groaned. “It still doesn’t make sense though, what does some story about a stupid ring have to do with justice?” 

“Well, if you were given the ability to steal and deceive people for your own benefit, without ever having to worry about getting caught, wouldn’t you do it too?” You stayed silent. “Basically, what you need to understand is what Glaucon is arguing. He’s saying that doing good deeds isn’t a part of human nature, and everyone would behave unjustly if they knew they would never get caught. Therefore, justice is something people pursue not out of want, but out of fear of the consequences if they don’t.”  

All you could do was stare at him. It was infuriating how attractive he sounded while explaining it to you. 

“Do you have a bit of a better idea what to write about now? Remember it’s only two pages, so don’t stress too much.” 

You snapped yourself out of your thoughts. “Yeah, it makes a bit more sense now... do I still need to finish it tonight or?” 

“Friday. Just email it to me by midnight on Friday and I won’t count it late.” He said, smiling again. 

“Thank you for doing this, I’m sorry it was so late and everything.”

Baekhyun just chucked, “You know if it’s you I don’t mind. You could keep me here all night with questions and I wouldn’t stop you. But you understand now, right?” 

The way he was smiling at you now along with the closeness was making you slightly dizzy. 

“I think so, Glaucon is basically saying that injustice is better than justice then right? Because everyone would do unjust things if they’d always get away with it.” 

Baekhyun nodded. 

“So according to him the best way to live life would be to do things you know are wrong, but without being caught.” 

“Exactly. See, I knew you were smart, y/n.” A smirk had made its way onto his face as he spoke. 

You couldn’t help connecting what he was saying to what you were feeling inside towards him. You wanted him, and you knew it was wrong, but how could you deny it to yourself when it felt so right? 

“Baekhyun...” You asked, hesitantly. “D-do you think it’s okay to do things you know are wrong, as long as no one finds out?”

“I think it depends what you’re talking about.” He answered, now looking you in the eyes again with intensity. “I would never kill anyone, for any reason, even if I knew I could get away with it. But, if I really wanted something, I think I would take it.” 

You were hyperaware of how his eyes were now scanning your face, lingering on your lips. “Take what?”

A hand made contact with your thigh, slowly moving up until he stopped, right below the hem of your shorts. His thumb drew soft circles on the sensitive inner flesh, giving you goosebumps. 

“I know you feel it too, you want this, don’t you?” Baekhyun asked, now moving a stand of hair out of your face. He let his hand rest on the back of your neck, keeping you facing towards him. 

Your heart felt like it was about to short circuit from how fast it was beating. Your palms were sweaty and you could feel yourself shaking slightly. The way his thumb stroked your neck beneath your ear made you shiver, and you knew he saw. All you could do was stare back at him, dumbfounded. Any words you tried to get out stuck in your throat. He was right, you did want it. Now more than ever. 

“Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you don’t want me to kiss you right now. I dare you.” He said, running his thumb over your bottom lip, eyes fixed on how it trembled beneath his touch. He was slowly moving your face closer his, but you didn’t stop him. 

Your silence told Baekhyun all he needed to know, and his lips quickly found yours. Immediately you let yourself melt into the kiss. You felt your whole body buzzing, finally getting what it had wanted for so long. His lips felt unbelievably soft against yours, moving in a slow rhythm as his other hand came up from your thigh to cup your face as well. You wrapped your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, letting it become messier and more desperate. 

“I like you” you pulled away just enough to whisper “so fucking much.” You felt him grin into the kiss as your lips met again. 

He tasted like strawberries, and you felt high as your lips kept crashing together with more and more need. Your whole body felt like it was set on fire and simultaneously dunked in an ice bath, every nerve vibrating with want.    

When Baekhyun pulled your bottom lip gently between his teeth you let out a soft moan, and he started to lose it. He broke the kiss, standing up and pulling with him, before backing you up against the wall, a hand on either side of your head. 

“Sweetheart, don’t push me” He breathed, and started peppering kisses along the side of your neck, from under your ear down to your collarbone, sucking and biting on the way. 

Trapped between him and the wall, you felt weak and breathless. Your brain was in overdrive and you gasped at his ministrations, hands burying themselves in his soft hair.  His hands had traveled down to your waist, holding you against him tightly.

“Baekhyun” You breathed out, rubbing your thighs together as he sucked on a particularly sensitive spot. 

“Fuck, y/n. Don’t say that.” He forced the words out through gritted teeth.

His body pressed you into the wall, and your arms wrapped around him pulling him into you even tighter. He was completely consuming your senses and your knees felt wobbly from the intensity of it all. He was already smothering your entire front, but you tried to pull him even closer regardless.

You felt something hard press into your hip as his mouth covered yours again, and this time you shamelessly moaned his name into his open mouth. 

Much to your disappointment, Baekhyun immediately detatched himself from you, backing up until his back hit the opposite wall of the office. You could see how turned on he was by the outline of his dick through his pants and the pained look in his face. 

“Fucking christ...” He said, leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes. You just watched from the other side of the room. He kept his eyes closed and you observed as his jaw clenched and unclenched before you heard him continue. “You have to go. If you don’t I’m gonna fuck you on my desk and I won’t be gentle.” 

Your throat went dry at his crude words, but you couldn’t deny your own arousal. You walked back towards him, reaching out to touch his chest which was now rising and falling rapidly, but he grabbed you before you could make contact. His grip on your wrist was so tight it was almost painful. His knuckles were white, and you could see a drop of sweat trickle down the side of his face. 

His eyes bore into your own with a stare that warned you not to try anything more. 

“I’m sorry y/n but you have to leave. Not tonight. Not like this.” With his free hand he grabbed your belongings off his desk, shoving them into your arms. 

Still speechless, he opened the door and pulled you outside before going back in and closing the door behind him. You stood and stared at his office door for a minute, recollecting yourself and processing what the hell had just happened. 

Eventually your shaky legs began making their way down the hallway, back towards your car. You were pretty sure a janitor saw you as you turned the corner just down the hall from Baekhyun’s office. You kept your head down, trying to hide your face best you could while hurrying past. 

Once you were sitting in your car, you slumped into the seat, mind still in a daze after what happened in Baekhyun’s office. You waited for your breathing and heartrate to slow down before you drove away. 

Baekhyun left shorty after you as well, unable to concentrate on anything but the sound of you moaning his name. He felt terrible for throwing you out of his office but he’d meant what he said. He didn’t want his first time to have you to be in his office, purely fueled by pent up lust. He wanted to give you more than that. 

More than anything, he just couldn’t believe he’d gotten what he’d wanted for the entire summer. It didn’t seem possible, but now it had happened. And you actually kissed him back. It felt too good to be true. He felt himself once again struggling to sleep, but this time because he was too excited. This time, he didn’t have to keep himself up wondering, he knew he had you. He just couldn’t wait to see what would happed now.

You on the other hand couldn’t stop worrying about that exact thing as you stared at the ceiling above your bed. What would happen now? The thoughts weren’t fearful anymore, there was just too many of them to shut your mind down enough to sleep. 

You’d finally allowed yourself to give into him, and there was no more turning back. 

Next Chapter

[lookninjas]

Sad Bangers for Your Commute Home

So I realized yesterday morning that my current driving playlist is like 94% sad bangers and then the rest of it is mostly Ginger Root (not sad, catchy as hell).  Naturally, I then set about trying to classify each artist (except Ginger Root) as a particular type of Sad Banger.  A taxonomy of Sad Bangers, if you will.  Some of you seemed interested in hearing more about this, so here you go.  I am including a song rec for each one, as @itsmevickyb seemed to want recs and the playlist itself is seriously 17 hours long so you can’t just listen to it (unless you spread it out over the course of a week’s worth of driving, as I do).

Anyway.  Here we go, in no particular order:

Tears for Fears:  Undisputed Kings of the Sad Bangers.  Foundation for the entire playlist.  Chunky knitwear for life.  Song rec: The Tipping Point.  Can’t wait to cry over this album in February.

Dessa: Queen of the Sad Bangers (at least in my opinion).  Apparently her mom once accused her of writing “songs to bleed out to.”  Seems kinda harsh.  Hyperverbal polymath singer/rapper who will never break out the way she should (but she really should).  Glad she’s finally over that X.  Song rec:  Good Grief.

Chvrches: Proud owners of the Robert Smith Sad Banger Seal of Approval.  When I put this on the playlist at first, I didn’t like it.  A couple spins through and now I have no idea what I was thinking because they’re awesome.  Scottish as fuck and it’s amazing.  Song rec: How Not to Drown.

Roger O’Donnell:  Sad Bangers, but Make Them Classical.  Sometimes I just need to hear some cello, okay?  Song rec: Don’t Tell Me...

Japanese Breakfast: Nominated for the Grammy for Best New Sad Bangers, (despite already having three albums out).  This album is apparently actually supposed to be about joy.  It was also written after she lost her mom, so.  Fits squarely in the space between Tears for Fears and Wilco, which makes sense because she covered one and recently joined an all-star team to play “California Stars” at the Austin City Limits Hall of Fame induction for the other.  Love her.  Love her.  Song rec: In Hell.

Depeche Mode: Horny Sad Bangers about God and also Capitalism.  Is that a sample of a ping-pong ball?  Pretty sure it is.  Look, just go with it.  Everyone was more experimental in the 80s.  Song rec: Lie to Me

Chairlift: Sad Bangers That I Should’ve Gotten Into Like a Decade Ago (but better late than never).  Honestly some of it’s more cheerful, but Caroline Polachek’s voice lends everything the highest of drama, and her Kate Bush moves don’t hurt either.  Can I hit these notes? No.  Am I still trying?  Yep.  Song rec: Crying in Public

Curt Smith: Sad Bangers Gone Solo.  Like Chvrches, this album was one that had to grow on me a bit.  Unlike Chvrches, I’m pretty sure half the album is about Curt Smith’s daughters, and that’s pretty adorable, I won’t lie.  “Wild” has a fun, mid-eighties Putamayo World Music Hour vibe to it, but since we’re focusing on Sad Bangers here, the actual rec is Some Secrets and its gorgeous acoustic intro.

Fiona Apple: Sad Bangers Learned to Embrace the Chaos and Got a Perfect Pitchfork Review Because of It.  Also, Sad Bangers Came Back Vengeful with a Baseball Bat, and I For One Am Okay With It.  (Seriously, I don’t think Fiona Apple would actually beat someone to death with her bare hands.  I’m just saying that if she did, I would assume she had her reasons and I would support her choices).  Song rec: Heavy Balloon.

Phoebe Bridgers: This one’s just kinda obvious, isn’t it?  Song rec: Halloween.

Christine and the Queens: Sad French Bangers That Are Oddly Appropriate to These Pandemic Times.  Also, the only thing sadder than some of these bangers is me attempting to sing along in French.  Except for “La Vita Nuova,” which is in Italian.  (Can’t sing along in Italian, either.  Still try though.)  The full La Vita Nuova video is stunning and well worth the watch, but if you really can’t spare the time for it (it’s not even fifteen minutes!), just put People I’ve Been Sad on repeat for a while.

Aldous Harding: These Sad Bangers are So Weird and I LOVE THEM.  Folky, hypnotic, deeply strange.  Her voice is astonishing.  The instrumentation is generally simple but deeply captivating.  Her lyrics are weird as fuck and completely comprehensible in the strangest ways and just the best thing since toast.  Song rec: Damn.

Wilco: Sad is not the word for these Bangers.  There is not a word for these Bangers, in fact, unless there is a word somewhere for That Feeling You Get in February When You’re Looking at Lake Michigan and Everything is Gray and You Realize You Haven’t Had a Real Emotion Since The Week After New Year’s and You Probably Won’t Have a Real Emotion Again Until Sometime in May When the Color Returns.  Which might be a word, probably in German.  Song rec: Please Be Patient With Me

Oh, and then there’s Ginger Root, which is not Sad, only Bangers.  Loungey, disco-ey, strong seventies vibes.  Catchy as fuck.  You gotta dance sometimes, right?  Song rec: Neighbor, because I got so distracted by the “Doo doo doo doo doo!” chorus yesterday that I almost hit a deer, and I still can’t manage to be mad at it.

[pebblysand]

Hi! For the ask challenge thing, I'd like to ask questions 3, 26, 39, and 44. Also 12! my favorite title of yours is "watch (the minutes tick, tick, tick and we couldn’t save you)", cause it says so much without giving away what exactly it means!! Anyway, have a nice week!

Hello!! Okay, I meant to answer this yesterday, then didn't have time. Here it goes!

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do?

Oh, jesus. So many. Dirgewithoutmusic's character studies (ROAR as a series is literally plagiarism), anything by orbythesea (she was also my beta for a few years so I guess she had the most influence on my writing), Six Months by Violet Hills, we only make tsumanis by dis0rdely... Those are just the ones that come to mind off the top of my head. Literally all the fics I read and enjoy inspire me in some way.

12. Tell the author your favorite fic title of theirs (not the fic, strictly title). Author: what’s your favorite title you’ve come up with and why?

Thank you! I'm glad you like it! I'm a bit of a cheater, I have to admit, because apart from watch (which you quoted) and the rare firing of wild canons, most of my titles are song-related, at the moment. Basically, I take a lyric from a song I like, and steal it, haha. I used to be a "one-word title" kind of person for a very long time, then I decided: you know what, maybe I should try something different. It's been fun coming up with longer titles lately, though I still think that if I ever write a proper book, it'll have a one word title. I like the idea of choose just one word to symbolise a story. It's ambitious, but it's fun when it works.

On that note, I think my fave title is probably "castles." There's just so much meaning and symbolism in that one word. It's rebuilding after the war, both literally and figuratively, and I like it :).

26. What’s your biggest distraction when writing?

UGH. My phone. It gets put on flight mode and locked away in my bedroom when I need to focus. 🙄. Though I did notice that sometimes mindless scrolling isn't necessarily as mindless as it seems. Sometimes I reach for my phone because my mind needs those five minutes of shutting off to come up with new stuff. It's an interesting balance.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I've said this before, I think I'm good at character. Like, knowing who people are, what they think, how they function. It's my favourite part, anyway.

44. Rant about something writing related.

Babe, I have a whole podcast and list of tumblr posts to share my writing rants. I think you've heard enough 🤣.