#anyway this is just a little rant im just soo tired of seeing this stuff everywhere lmao

[diancite]

perhaps this is a lukewarm take to some, but i hate the whole "what if volo IS cynthia" headcanon thing. it is far funnier for them to coexist and for volo to be cynthias weird immortal grandparent/uncle figure

[squeiky]

This is kinda a rant about my day and my birthday, moms, and shit so like, ya'll be warned.

I got to hang out with my friend today :)

Its the best before birthday party ever!!

Which is funny, beacuse i usually always enjoy the day before my birthday, and not the day of my birthday xDDD

There was this huge wind that knocked out almost everything on out picnic table xD I BLAME THE PLANES!! THE GIANT METAL BIRDS IN THE SKY! ):O!

And we biked everywhere!! We where so tired xD so we sat down and talked about stuff (but i cant tell you what we said.)

It was a very fun day.

We even watched some tick tocs.

Now tomorrow.. Is my actually birthday. I am not so hyped for that.

I have had a few nice birthday days, but as far as i can remember I only had 2 soo..

Yeah....

I prefer my before birthday days anyways.

Im so tired from all the biking and walking and my mom brought way to much food and drinks...

Ughh and tomorrow i gotta wake up early?! Seriously??! On a birthday?!

Apparently i have to go to church, to pray to god or what not.

The thing is, im not that much of a religious kid. I don't hide it either.

And im pretty sure this is either another one of her get together with her friends or... My one friend that could come over :>

Most likely her friends, and not mine... Not that i dont mind it, but im tired, and my stamina is completely demolished.

And everytime i go to place that has alot of people, indoors, in a place i am unfamilar in..

I get a panic attack. Especially now, during the pandemic and isolation.

My mom made to go to church before, and we had to do all these things, and i dont like it, i panicked untill it was over and most people where gone...

The only thing i like about the whole thing is its lovely echo, and its music(its really a lovely composition, i admire the hard work and talent that's put into these things. A lot of stuff like this gets over looked by many. I don't care if its a gift from God, that shit is a gift and should be appreciated and not overlooked.) Other than that, i wish i just stayed home...

Like, I really don't want to do all these things.

I injured my freaking leg, and im pretty sure im slowly harming myself more and more freuently-

(I had a flipping panic when i didn't hand in a assignment in on the assigned time, despite my teacher giving a heads up that I could chill on it as long as its handed in- what makes you think i can handle 30 people, im a giant ass house of singing and preaching for a few minutez?)

Im super salty about waking up early tho qwq...

I should be happy that I had this cool birthday, but I REEALLY just want alone time.

And i know a little girl is coming tomorrow to my party, and her parents practically just hand em too me, cause im good with kids..

But like, im drained. Super drained. Im probably gonna be hella sore too.

God i hate my birthday day, so im just gonna rant/vent about it here.

I know im going to get distracted, or excited, and the adrenalin kicks in and i end up not feeling a single pain or ache in my body.

But I swear, adrenalin will not heal my mental/emotional health that is slowly depleting. And i have fun yeah, but like im growing tired in the end.

Its fun, but I don't get anything out of it.

And the more i think about it, the more i dislike a lot of things.

My mom sucks, she sucks alot.

Man, shes quite the abusive person. But you can never tell. The only way you can is by how i turned out, or what my dad would tell you. (My dad is a good man. I love my dad he is the best. Mom just uses him as a way to "send me away" when im "too much for her.")

And im always panicking when she's near the little girl, that i play with. (She wonderful, and very sweet.)

My mom has told her the terrible things she told me when i was little. The things that made me so anxious and shifty.. Depressive and well... Not in a good state of mind. (I'll just sugar coat that one.)

One of the reasons why i hate my birthdays so much.

It started getting worse the more i grew older, and the more i started to learn about her. And i really dont like her, but if she knew that, we'd argue the same way we have been doing for years of my life. And she would kick me out.

So you see why i hate my birthday days.

Every birthday i dont spend with her? Well its the best time of my life. And im not even kidding on this one.

Im still salty on that one birthday, she invited all her friends, and they ordered a cake i couldn't eat. And kept pestering me to eat it. I moved on from it, i dont bring it up anymore. But im still fucking salty.

And i probably would have ate it too. But the flavor was just..not for me. And the texture?! Come on. Im pretty sure i was just picky that day, or it was an accident but i swear-

I dont even know the diffrence between friendly "check ups" and un friendly "check ups".

Y'know, the ones where its like "aww they are sleeping how cute i love them! "

And

" im gonna bust this door open and slap your ass beacuse you where awake for too long."

I remeber when I was little, she pulled my hair, and fucking smashed my goddamn phone cause she was "mad at me for staying up late"

She had fucking sex in the bed RIGHT NEXT TO MINE- and then lied about it. Bro i was tramutized.

It was with the fucking landlord, where the hell was my mom's mind set when i was younger?! That dude was a total creep, and he smelled like shit! Sex is stinky and i don't like it. (I was fucking 12, what do you expect? I had pillows to block my back so i couldn't look back and see that. But i woke up to this shit, like man im still tramatized. WE ARE IN THE SAME BEDROOM MOM, WTF?! IM FUCKING 12!)

I hate the house now. I don't like walking there either. Im glad we moved. (Bad memories. Always bad memories there. I don't know what the fuck my mom was going through, but she sure as hell took it all on me, i was messed up every since then. Man, i wasn't even emo, i was just some 12 yr old kid would looks out windows dramatically crying beacuse it was my only coping mechanism, and it made me feel better watching the sunsets and looking at trees.)

Man, I hate a lot of things don't i? I have this unrelenting anger, and im so glad i dont use it as horribly as my mom does, and instead used it too better myself and use it like an extra power source beacuse anger is a fuel that is uncontrollable but under the right circumstances can be be used wisely and become very nicely controlled. And i learned to control it. :) well, as good as i can of course.

I forget that I've been arguing my whole life.. So thats why im so good at having *intellegent* arguements.

Fucking expirence.

God damit mom.

I have to show u goddamn books in order for you too understand why black lives matter, or how to not scare tiny 3 or 4 yr olds about how the man down stairs will cut their tounges or how you make deals that never benefit me and i just get manipulated over and over again untill i find a way out of the loop, or why i need privacy and space in my life-

So yeah basically, im done.

I gotta sleep or else shes gonna bust in here and do shit.

[darenimoshiranai-blog]

DAY6 FANMEETING RANTS<3

taking holiday fangirling over dcmk hehehe SOO I JUST ATTENDED DAY6 FANMEETING + LIVE also here’s abit about my photo op experience with day6.........................lol if u want to read;;;;

i arrived at venue 12.30 PM, getting my ticket, member card and bought the lightband. it finished quite quickly, probably only 15-20 minutes. I had time until photo session (which is around 04.00 PM) and I still waiting my friend to arrive so I decided to wait at carl’s. nearing 04.00 PM i met my friend shortly, and get in to get my photopass and continue to queue for photosession. I think around 150-200 persons get the photo pass so tbh i didn’t expect the photo will be exclusive ;;;;; (I WAS WRONG OFC)

anyway, after around 45 minutes waiting we finally told to get into the venue and do another queue. i think we were the first ticket package who get into the venue???? the venue is not really big but really comfortable. we waited around 30 minutes (LIFE SPENT FOR WAITING) until we are told to get in 15 persons each. 15 PERSONS. WE WERE SO HAPPY BECAUSE IT IS NOT CROWDED AS WE THOUGHT!!!

so nearing my turn my LEGS STARTING TO TREMBLING. I ALMOST WANT TO PUKE FOR GOD SAKE. tbh even happy things like this reminds me with a waiting a turn for exam. ANYWAY. MY TURN ARRIVED AND WE TOLD TO ENTER A ROOM BEHIND A STAGE.

THE FIRST THING WE SAW IS MIRROR. THEY?? KNOW?? WE ARE GOING TO TAKE PHOTO AND NEED TO CHECK OURSELF  FIRST??? the staff told us to tidying up everything before we have regret (HA) and also they keep telling us to not touching or screaming. TBH I KEEP SCREAMING IN MY OUR MIND and all what i did was covering my mouth with my own hands;;; IDK MY HEAD JUST CAN’T THINK CLEARY

SO NEXT WE PROCEED TO A ROOM BEHIND THE MIRROR. THAT WAS WHERE WE ARE GOING TO TAKE PHOTO WITH DAY6.  also the room is really small. probably around 6x6m??????????? THEY ARE REALLY CLOSE. we are told that earliest 8 persons will sit in front of day6 members the rest will be squat. IM SO LUCKY IM IN THE EARLIEST 8 PERSONS <3 <3

OKAY!!! THE DAY6 MEMBERS!!!! um what can i tell..........THEY ARE REALLY GOOD LOOKING. EVERYTHING. THEY LOOKING LIKE A MANNEQUIN ...... honestly because of the seating i couldn’t take a look to the whole member so only 3 members who really leave big impressions:

JAE: HE DOESN’T LOOK REAL. HE LOOKS ETHEREAL. i think he is really eye catching so my eyes kept glued on him. HE JUST...LOOKING GREAT OKAY.

SUNGJIN: HIS FACE IS REALLY ...........CUTE ????? he keeps waving and little bit bowed ah oppa with great manner (maybe bcs we are girls in the room were mostly short compared to them)

DOWOON: BECAUSE HE IS MY FAVORITE MEMBER!!!! I TRIED TO TAKE A GLANCE AT HIM WHENEVER I WAS ABLE TOO I T WAS SADLY REALLY SHORT. i tried to say happy birthday to him but he was busy waving and say thank you so I ended up just saying thank you and waving

i sadly dont remember wonpil or young k :( :( :( i think they are right behind me but i d k i think the disadvantage of photo pass is all you can get and satisfied for is only for the photo, not for looking at the artists as much as you wanted. 

after we finished photo pass we were told to leave the room immediately.  i almost wanted to cry because such experience and a staff who probably seeing me yelled “don’t cry” :”( 

photosession finished in 1 hour probably?? anyway, we waited other sections to get in. show finally started in 06.30/07.00 PM. AND I T WAS HELLA GOOD. you know i’m not ultimately a myday but i do really appreciate their music. THEIR LIVE WERE TOTALLY TOP NOTCH & NOT DISAPPOINTING. EVERYONE’S VOICE DIDN’T CRACK, MISS. it’s really full live. AND MY DAY!!! YOU GUYS DID A GREAT JOB FOR MAKING THE SHOW LIT. i don’t know the fanchant for most of songs but you guys chanting it very clearly so i can follow them. IT WAS REALLY A GREAT EXPERIENCE. even the day6 member keeps telling that the audience is really ‘hot’ like even they told that to every place they go, the AUDIENCE INDEED HELLA WILD. 

there was also talk and game section which is filled with fanservices and stuffs. 

nearing the end, they gave a encore setlist songs which was mostly upbeat songs. i was in seating section for most of time and i really tempted to stand....but you know there’s regulation to stay seated. but during the last songs most of seated audience wanted to stand so everyone decided to stand. we could still saw the stage clearly so everyone could still enjoyed the moment. IT WAS REALLY FUN.

that’s my experience and im deadass tired im going to sleep first. thank you for such wild night day6<3