#anyway this is a somewhat less interesting interview than the other one but it felt bad to do only one of the set.

[fossore]

For completion's sake, the interview with Macklin that followed the one with Rick Celebrini on the Papa & Silver show.

As before, trimmed to remove ads/extraneous content and transcribed below (but the hosts are slightly less obnoxious this time around). Original can be found here.

(TV broadcast call of Macklin Celebrini's first goal plays)

Greg Silver: Yeah, he's had fifteen more since then and we've been teasing this all week Papa, closing out a Friday with the one and only center, number one overall pick for the San Jose Sharks, Macklin Celebrini. Joining us on the Ooma guest line, Macklin, appreciate your time, Greg Silver, Greg Papa here on KNBR in San Francisco, how's it going.

Macklin Celebrini (MC): It's going well, it's going well, thanks for having me.

Silver: Oh, absolutely. So I went out there to the Shark Tank on Monday and I guess I just want to start right there with what's it like for you going up against Sidney Crosby, the all time leader in face-offs (transcriber's note: this is raw wins, winning % wise he's 99th all time on 1Feb25), and he was also the number one pick way back when. He's had a championship filled career. Did you take a moment to kind of process what was happening or is your competitive style more just like block it all out in the moment?

MC: No, a hundred percent, that was a really cool experience. Obviously got to do it earlier in the year in Pittsburgh. To be able to play against him again and get the game winning goal is a really cool experience.

Papa: And you got the game winning goal right after he got the game tying goal and even took a holding penalty against him (laughter) at one point.

MC: Yeah.

Papa: We just had your dad on and there's just so many things we want to get to. First of all, Sid the Kid obviously is one of the greatest players in the history of the game. You're rooming, living, with Jumbo Joe and his family. We had your dad on and wondering why you just don't live at home with the Celebrinis, with your family, it's a hockey thing that's unlike any other sport. So after we talk to you, you get back off a road trip, you go back home and have dinner with the Thornton family? How does that work?

MC: Yeah, I'm living in their guest house and they're kind enough to offer for me to live there this year and after practices and stuff go home and have dinner there and spend time with him and his family.

Papa: You eat every meal there? It's so different! What kind of advice — I mean this is one of the greatest players in the history of the Sharks franchise, of the the greatest players in the history of the NHL, a real playmaker — how much does he actually talk hockey with you?

MC: Yeah, it's little bits here and there. We toss hockey on once every couple nights. Whenever I'm home — usually I'm on the road or River, his boy, has got hockey and stuff, so it's a busy life. But whenever we're watching and stuff we'll talk about some hockey.

Silver: Yeah Macklin Celebrini kind enough to close out the week with us here on Papa & Silver. I asked your father about this not that long ago but I want to get your perspective. What's your experience been in terms of they dynamic between the vets and some of the young players on this team and how that's worked with the overall team chemistry as the Sharks look to build this up into something great here?

MC: Yeah, we have some amazing veteran guys that got brought in and that were already here. They've been amazing for us young guys, obviously we have quite a few younger players on this team, guys who are learning how to navigate this league. So having those guys there, it's really helpful to ask some questions and relay some stuff off them.

Papa: Marc-Edouard Vlasic on the D-line's played over 1300 NHL games, it's incredible. But you've got a good infusion of young guys; tell me about the relationship with your teammate Will Smith, Macklin, if you will. I know you had to walk in recently with the BC Eagles sweater on after you lost a bet to this guy (transcriber's note: on the youtube/twitch live stream Papa holds up his phone with an image of the walk-in to the camera and keeps it there until Macklin starts his answer). So going back to the Beanpot, I know that's a big deal, how was it playing with a guy you played against collegiately?

MC: I think we put it behind us once we became teammates and it's been great to get to know him and hang out with him, and start our careers together.

Silver: So, Macklin, given what your father does we've heard a lot, and discussed a lot on these airwaves, about Klay Thompson and his rehab from injury, and Brandin Podziemski just came back, and now Steph Curry's managing some injury. Do you have a prep routine as far as game days go or practices and is it borderline superstitious with how strict the training regimen can be sometimes?

MC: I think there's definitely some stuff that I want to do and stuff that I need to do to stay healthy and feel good on the ice, but I don't think it's superstitious or something that I really take too much stock in.

Papa: So the situation your in, I can't recall anyone ever being in this. With your father having such a prominent role with the Warriors during their dynasty and then you being the number one pick to a team in a different sport. Just how much, when you were growing up — the reaction when you got drafted number one, Draymond and Steph, and they were all just so excited for you, but how much when you were growing up, Macklin, did you interact with Steph and Klay and Draymond and even Kevin Durant and those guys?

MC: It's been quite a bit, just being around. I rehabbed at Chase Center a couple summers ago when I hurt my shoulder and stuff, so I've been around them a little bit. But more so when I was a little bit little and I didn't really remember it, but it's definitely a cool experience kind of hanging around those guys.

Silver: Yeah, we got Macklin Celebrini here on the line for the San Jose Sharks, and Shark Tank aside, do you have a best city to go visit in a season or opposing environments to play in on your list so far?

MC: (Laughs) Vancouver's cool, kind of going home, having a bunch of family there, that was really cool, but other than that they're all different experiences, they're all really unique in their own ways. It's fun going into new buildings and different environments.

Papa: And you were up in Seattle last night, got a goal in the third period (transcriber's note: Primary assist for Toffoli, not goal.), and your dad was on the trip, it was a dad's trip. What was it like having your father on the road trip with you, did he hang with the boys?

MC: Yeah, he hung out with some of the dads. It was great. We had a dinner up there and they came to the game the day before so. That was a great trip, that was my first father's trip and it was great to have them on the trip with us and have them experience what we go through with travel and that sort of stuff.

Silver: What would you say the best moment to your short NHL career has been to this point? I just mentioned going up against Sidney Crosby, he scores a tying goal you score a winning goal, we came in with the highlight of your first ever goal, what are the most vivid memories that you're carrying with you to this point or have you maybe not had so much time to reflect and you're just going going going?

MC: I think I'm just trying to focus on getting ready for the next game. I haven't really reflected too much yet. We have a little break here so I might but it's a pretty busy time with games every other night and just trying to get ready for them, recover, so I can't really say if I have a favorite moment yet.

Papa: Maybe yet to come. We just had your dad on, as we mentioned, and he said he calls you before every game you play. Has he always done that, going back when you were playing junior hockey and collegiate hockey? And what kind of thoughts does he give you before an NHL game, Macklin?

MC: Yeah, I think that's something I've done ever since I was a kid, it's kind of the same message. It's just the routine I have before my games and it's definitely really helpful to talk to him.

Silver: Alright my last one for you Macklin is do you have an all-time starting line?

MC: Like all-time NHL?

Silver: Correct.

Papa: You better put Jumbo at center is all I'm saying.

(Laughter)

MC: I"ll go Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux um... probably... (Transcribers note: it gets a little messy here, I think he left a little too much dead air so they jumped on it and stopped taking turns. If you're just reading this it's at about 8:40 on the recording)

Silver: (interjecting after the um above) Macklin Celebrini

MC: (said beneath the previous) Yeah, Sid.

Papa: The great 8? How 'bout Ovechkin, you played Ovechkin yet?

MC: No he was injure when we played them, so, that was unfortunate but I do look forward to playing against him. I think I'll put Sid in there, that's my forwards, then probably Bobby Orr, Steve Yzerman on the back end. Or, sorry, Nicklas Lidstrom.

Papa: Well I'm impressed. Bobby Orr's my guy, I'm impressed

MC: I'll go Nicklas Lidstrom, and then I'll go in net Patrick Roy.

Papa: Wow, you got five on the ice there? I counted like six or seven there. But I'm with you on all that, Bobby Orr was so good, end-to-end rush man. So your father said, and we said what should we tell Macklin, he said call him after we're done, but more importantly call your mommy, Macklin, right after.

MC: Yeah, yeah.

Papa: Make sure you call her, would you?

MC: Yeah, I will, don't worry.

Papa: (Laughs)

Silver: Hey Macklin, thanks so much for coming by with the Gregs for a short hit and best of luck as you continue on with the Sharks season. I know a lot of people here in the Bay Area are excited to come check it out.

MC: No, thanks for having me on the show, I appreciate it.

Silver: Absolutely (transcriber's note: He continues this senctence to say, along with Papa, that Macklin's a special talent but I'm pretty sure Macklin's not still on the line at that point so I cut it.)

[haikyu-mp4]

Fan behaviour

word count; 2898 – f!reader, manga spoilers

Hoshiumi was looking for the right entrance at nationals when he saw you for the first time. You were dashingly beautiful and looking frankly a bit lost. His stare shamelessly settled on you, already memorising your pretty features. Weirdly enough, they seemed somewhat familiar.

You must have felt the burning stare, eyes finally meeting his and just barely startling him. He opened his mouth, about to make some smart comment that would be one of his first attempts at flirting, but he wasn’t given the chance. “Hoshiumi Korai,” you said, crossing your arms. You were interesting and spoke confidently. He watched in awe as a small smile fell on your face. She knows me?

“Have we met?” he asked, sounding annoyed even if he didn’t mean to. He wished he knew your name too, if only so that you wouldn’t have the upper hand on the conversation.

“They say you’re the new little giant,” you say, stepping closer slowly and not exactly answering him. As you came closer, Korai could see that you were slightly taller than him.

“So you’re a fan.” he teased, raising his chin as if it made him taller.

“You might face Karasuno on the court soon, I’d rather you see me as competition,” you say, not backing up and sticking to your sweet, bordering on smug, smile.

“Karasuno… Then I look forward to beating you,” he said, already knowing that it was a match he was dying to play. No less now that the mystery girl was involved.

“Good luck.”

Unfortunately, Kamomedai defeated Karasuno after Hinata was benched with a fever. You almost felt out of breath watching Hoshiumi call out to Hinata that he would be waiting for him as the little tangerine was escorted off the court. Hoshiumi’s stature and voice had you wrapped around his finger from the sidelines.

Korai celebrated with his teammates after their win, and he was only spared a few three seconds to meet your eyes through the crowd before getting scooped up in celebrations again. You had more important things to do anyway, like support your younger brother through his first loss of the season.

You two didn’t see Hoshiumi much for your third year. You came to cheer for some of Tobio’s games when they got to nationals again and purposefully looked for the white-haired boy but didn’t find yourself lucky. Sometimes you wondered if he looked for you too and the two of you just missed each other. Then it was off to university, leaving that silly crush behind.

Kageyama Tobio, your younger brother by one year, told you about Hoshiumi Korai when he went to the All-Japan training camp in his first year. You simply had to research this guy who thought he was all that. There wasn’t much to find, he didn’t enjoy interviews, but that’s how you knew his name when you two first met. Tobio had called you in the evening one day while at the camp, saying that some guys were trying to pick fights with him even though he couldn’t quite understand it. You adored your clueless brother and just told him to keep being himself and make the most out of his time there. His skillset would speak for itself. He eventually left the camp with a good experience and new inspiration, and you welcomed him home to hear him talk about what the floor was made of. However, your mind kept going back to this little guy with white hair that made Tobio think that Hinata could fly even higher. If you hadn’t been so distracted by that, maybe you would have noticed how bothered Tobio was with Atsumu’s comment about his playstyle.

When said dear little brother got accepted to join the Schweiden Adlers, you were thrilled! Not just because it was a team you used to watch on television, but because that also happened to be where Hoshiumi ended up. Call it silly, but your little crush on him hadn’t exactly worn off as he just got a bit taller and more handsome every year. He was eventually forced to start doing some interviews, and who could blame you for watching them? It’s not fan behaviour, you just.. like.. him?

It might be impossible to believe, but you finally met him again without meaning to. You barely let Tobio open his front door before pushing your way inside, a huge bowl of food that your older sister made you bring from her place settled in your arms. “Tobio, hii. Miwa told me to bring you some food so I’ll just stuff this in the fridge,” you rambled as you toed off your shoes and strolled into his living room. “Oh.. sorry…”

There sat Tobio’s new friends, Hoshiumi and Ushijima. Your brother came up beside you and complained about you just walking in as if you lived in his apartment, so you fired back by complaining about his ungratefulness. Poor visitors didn’t know what they should do and ended up just awkwardly waiting for you two to stop bickering. Ushiwaka tried to share a look with Hoshiumi, but the shorter man was stuck looking at you with his mouth slightly open in awe.

“Well if it isn’t my greatest competitor.” he interrupted, leaning forward in his seat with an incredibly charming, lop-sided grin.

And as you and Kageyama both faced him with incredulous looks that were nearly identical, it clicked. They’re siblings. Tobio had no idea what his teammate was talking about, but you finally fell into a smile at the fond memory, tucking some hair behind your ear. “Little giant, you remember me?”

“How could I forget that sweet look of defeat when we beat you.” he countered, standing up even though there was a whole coffee table between you two. Let’s just say he never worked on his flirting techniques as much as his volleyball techniques. Kageyama watched with a frown but didn’t want to interrupt Korai.

You handed the food over to your brother before rolling up your sleeves like you were squaring up, squinting at the white-haired man for a moment before acknowledging the other one as well. “Sorry, hi. Kageyama y/n, nice to finally meet you,” you said calmly, bowing to Ushiwaka who sharply bowed back with a short answer of his name and a greeting.

Tobio walked to the kitchen to put away the food while you turned your attention back to the shortest man. Hoshiumi hadn’t heard your name before, but now he quite liked it. Like he couldn’t wait for it to roll off his tongue.

“You should come to our game next week.” Hoshiumi blurted out confidently, sitting back down in his seat and glancing to his side where there was space for you to sit down. Not that he dared to ask if you were staying.

“Right, I brought your ticket,” Tobio mumbled, as if suddenly remembering that he had invited you to that one too. You were still quite interested in the sport, helping Tobio practice when you weren’t out with your own friends while growing up. “Here.”

“Thanks,” you said while putting your shoes back on. You playfully ruffled your brother’s hair before waving at the rest of the crowd, letting your eyes linger for a second longer on Korai. “I’ll be there as your fan this time, play well,” you said before leaving so none of the men could see the light blush that covered your cheeks. Hoshiumi was left feeling breathless from the interaction. When you know, you know.

The visit became rather short as you had to move on with other errands, but now you had something exciting to tell your friends while sitting down for coffee tomorrow.

Game day arrived and you put on some of the Adlers merch that Tobio got you before heading to the stadium. You went with Hinata and the two of you enjoyed catching up in the best seats, ready for the teams to come out and play. You sent a couple of snaps of the crowd to your brother as well as a couple of selfies with his friend, hoping to hype him up and show him where your seats were. The number on your shirt said 16, which you just assumed was Tobio’s number since he was the one you should be cheering on, but Hinata had given it a curious look when he sat down. He didn’t know you were so close to Hoshiumi but he didn’t want to intrude and ask.

The game started and everyone around you quickly learnt that you and Hinata could make up a whole cheering squad on your own. Whenever there was anything you could react to, you two would be on your feet and cheering or booing the loudest out of everyone. After a particularly nice kill from Hoshiumi, set up by Tobio, you pointed to the white-haired man and yelled with joy. “Nice kill, little giant!”

Hoshiumi looked at you in surprised glee that suddenly turned into a shock that he had to quickly shake off so they could continue the game. His eyes had gone from your face down to your shirt before he quickly turned away, making you finally sit down and rethink your life choices.

“This is Hoshiumi’s number, huh?” you asked Hinata rhetorically, already feeling the embarrassment and planning out how to destroy the one who gave it to you. You finally noticed the number on the original owner’s shirt and covered your red face with your hands. Now you certainly looked like a fan.

After the match, you and Hinata made your way down and to the back, showing VIP passes to the guards so you could wait in the closest hallway outside the locker rooms. The two of you had gotten into the hype again after your embarrassment and were now on cloud nine after the win. Both reenacting your favourite moments and talking over each other.

Hoshiumi found you very beautiful the first time you two crossed paths, and that never changed. He got so flustered seeing you with his number, but it also boosted his morale for sure. Tobio smirked sideways at him when they were changing, finding himself pretty clever. And it only got better when Ushijima got involved.

“Are you and Kageyama’s sister romantically involved, Hoshiumi?” he asked, ever so formal and making Kageyama crack up. The shortest boy was sputtering in disbelief, face tomato red.

“No! We’re not!” he denied as if the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. It had.

“Oh. Okay.”

When they exited the locker rooms, Hoshiumi and Kageyama found you and Hinata outside, excitedly jumping around and not seeming to notice anyone outside your bubble. Hoshiumi felt this old pride bubble in his stomach, wondering how tall Hinata had gotten now and if you ever went to a black jackals game with his number on your shirt.

So he cleared his throat, making you quickly turn around, flustered by how you could suddenly see his face up close. He was thinking the same thing, and the other two guys were in disbelief at how neither of you decided to start the conversation.

“Nice jersey, y/n.” your brother teased childishly, making you move your stare to glare at him.

“You-“ you started saying before jumping at him and pulling his hair angrily. That was always the best way to get him to surrender his towering height so you could rub the top of his head until he gave up. The older sibling always wins.

“Let go! You said you were a fan so I got you his jersey!” he complained, embarrassed that some more teammates might see this. You did as he asked, dusting your hands off and stepping back beside Hinata. Hoshiumi found you entertaining and even chuckled a little, finally out of the stupor your pretty face left him in earlier.

“I am flattered,” Korai said, making you look back at him and trying to contain your blush. Now he’s all cocky about it, and you wish you didn’t find it so attractive. “Truly.”

“Careful or I’ll beat you up just the same,” you mumbled, biting back a smile. Now, you might think all Hoshiumi could see in that sentence was a challenge, but he was already trying to win another competition.

“I bet you’d look good doing that too,” he said cheekily, cheering on the inside when you turned away first and started walking towards the exit. That’s a win.

“Are we going out to eat or not?”

After getting out into fresh air, you cooled off from your flustered state and fell into more normal conversation. The atmosphere was nice and mostly filled with friendly bickering, but only the two in question seemed to notice their eyes drifting to each other every so often when Hinata and Kageyama were busy yelling at each other.

The dinner was nice, like a group of friends who had very obvious, growing crushes on each other. You sat beside Hinata, across from Korai, and to say it annoyed Korai was an understatement. This was the one thing he absolutely wouldn’t lose to Hinata. He wanted his fingers to accidentally brush against your thigh.

So after everyone went their separate ways, he texted the orange-haired man. Something blunt along the lines of are you interested in Kageyama?

Shoyo: which one?

Korai stared at the message for a moment before chuckling. The girl?

Shoyo: not like you are;)

Korai put a thumbs-up reaction to the message, laughing to himself at how he didn’t even realise Hinata might have a thing for Tobio. Guess it’s a competition, first to ask their Kageyama out. This is just how his brain works.

Hoshiumi is sitting in front of the TV in his apartment and does what he finds to be the most tactical next step. He calls Hirugami and updates him on everything.

“Your heart skipped a beat? Who are you and what did you do to Korai?”

“Shut up,” he said, clearly not angry at all but rather embarrassed that his best friend was calling him out on his uncharacteristic heart palpitations. “It’s so weird, I even imagined her meeting my mom. And you. You’d get along, I bet. She’s like me but sweeter.”

“That’s exactly what I always thought you were missing. A little sweetness.” Hirugami said. It was very clearly supposed to be teasing but Korai got a little stuck on it, a small dazed smile falling on his face as he thought about you rambling on by the dinner table earlier. He looked around his relatively boring apartment, at how there was perfect space for another person cuddled up to his side on the couch. “Korai?”

“Sorry. I just think you had a point,” he admitted. “I have her number now, is it rude to ask her out over text?”

Hoshiumi stared at the message he wanted to send you and for the first time in a long while, he felt a little extra insecure. What if you didn’t actually like him? You could probably get someone like Ushijima. Someone taller.

No. He will be whatever he needs to be to deserve your attention. If only he knew he already was the object of all your desires.

Just like the first time you met, you got ahead of him. He saw your name pop up on his screen and he let out an audible gasp. You played really well today, I was proud to wear your number:)

Korai wrote and rewrote about ten different responses, even requesting some help from his aforementioned friend. Thank you! I appreciated seeing you there.

It was a stale and basic answer and made him subconsciously bite at the tip of his fingernail as he watched your chat. He should have said you looked good in it or something, damn it. Nonetheless, you didn’t disappoint. Would you like to call? I’m bored.

And so he spent the rest of the evening listening to you talk and laughing with you. He moved around his apartment, played with a volleyball he had lying around and held the weirdest poses on the sofa because all his attention was on your voice. By the time you hesitantly thanked each other for the time spent, it was the middle of the night and he didn’t have any other choice but to go to sleep if he wanted to make it to practice in the morning. As he tossed and turned in his bed that night, he couldn’t stop berating himself for not securing a date.

Instead, you and Hoshiumi got into the habit of calling each other almost every evening. It made him happy and built up his confidence enough that he eventually dared ask if he could take you out, just the two of you.

Your first date was fantastic. He took you to play laser tag and the other teams didn’t stand a chance against the two of you. After getting the gear off, you were laughing on your way out and he led you to a restaurant close by. Well planned, of course. You shared two different dishes and it really just felt like you were catching up on years of not being friends.

And what better way to finish catching up on your friendship than ending said friendship with a sweet kiss?

masterlist

[cartoonistcoop]

ShortBox Comics Member Interview: Otava Heikkilä

Throughout the month of October, the Cartoonist Cooperative will be sharing interviews with members of the Co-op who have a new comic available at the ShortBox Comics Fair 2024! 

NOTE: The Cartoonist Cooperative is not affiliated, associated, authorized, endorsed by, or in any way formally connected with ShortBox.  

Today’s spotlight is Otava Heikkilä and their new comic for ShortBox, Home by the Rotting Sea 

We’d love it if you could introduce yourself and tell us about your background in comics.

Otava Heikkilä: Hey, I’m Otava, a thirty-something comic artist from Finland whose work focuses on narrative, usually historically inspired, usually dark fiction, for queer adults. I’ve been self-publishing comics online since 2010, and my works have been published by indie publishers like Iron Circus Comics and Quindrie Press from 2016 onwards. My piece for ShortBox Comics Fair 2024 will be my 14th comic to see a release. I don’t really know why I make comics, but it’s the primary driving compulsion I have in life. Sad, or awesome, or both!

Tell us more about your new comic?

OH: Home by the Rotting Sea is about two former playthings from the Human King’s harem. This world has ended after a climate event, and the ice caps have melted, and everything that’s left is this hot, rotting world without trees. The usual things still thrive there: Kings with big enough armies to confiscate land for themselves. But after the ice caps melted, humans have gotten in contact with another humanoid species who used to live behind the glaciers: the Väki, who the humans call giants, because they’re bigger than us. The territories are under dispute, and to smooth over the latest injury, the Human King sends those two former playthings, Ilta and Laulu, and a cart full of jewelry and furs, to the Väki as an appeasement. The comic itself starts here, and we see Ilta and Laulu learning to live among the Väki. It’s an existential slice of life.

Tell us about your creative process; how did you develop this comic and what are the steps you took to bring it to the final stage?

OH: While developing a new comic, I usually have a few interests that compel me, and a few more that bother me, and I end up alchemizing those together. In recent years I’ve been interested in prehistory and the other humanoid species that lived alongside us in the past. Everybody wants to make a story about how we might’ve felt about the Neanderthals, and I think I’d like to make it too. This is kind of a go at that story, but I wanted to make it fictional and unrelated to our real world relatives. Chasing historical accuracy with a story about prehistory is inherently kind of an impossible, funny thing anyway, and I’ve understood I’m not well-read enough for it (If you are, and would like me to illustrate it for you, hit me up).

So the speculative anthropology was the compelling part. The bothering part was/is the genocide in Palestine that broke into a hell on earth while I was developing the comic. I want to make it clear that my comic doesn’t matter in any meaningful way under this terrible light, but the events are inside all of us and making us sick; my comic is about the death of a people and a land because somebody at the top can’t stop eating the world until there’s nothing left. It’s impossible to make it and have it be unaffected by what’s happening. This was the hardest story to make for me because I’ve bagged so much grief inside it, and hope too.

I’ve also been through chronic pain this year, and I made a lot of the backgrounds of the comic with my left hand, which is in somewhat less pain than my right one. It’s kind of stupid to suffer for pictures, and I will try not to do it going forward, but probably I will.

Does a sense of audience, even if it’s just an audience of one, enter into your creative process? If yes, how so?

OH: Yeah, of course. It’s the need to make a connection to somebody and to feel and see the same thing with brief but great precision. It’s a kind of truth-sharing, because I find it hard to share my real self in my personal life. Or maybe those two things aren’t connected, I don’t know. I’m always thinking about the individual on the other side.

Can you talk about your visual style? How did you develop it?

OH: I think art comes to me easily and because of that I’m lazy about it. I don’t use as much reference as I should, and there’s a general ground floor chaos to everything; my work is worse for it. I’ve tried to tighten the ship and learn better fundamentals as I’ve gotten older, and the result is, I guess, interesting. I do big compositional color blocks first, then lines and detail. I went to art school for my Bachelor’s degree and retained nothing from there except a general superiority complex about having an art degree and some painting fundamentals, which make my workflow slower than it should be for digital comics. Sense of dimensions and scale, color, and clarity of the reading experience are important to me.

Read the rest of the interview HERE! And dont forget to check out the Shortbox Comics Fair to support these lovely creators!!

[until-another-one-comes]

You got anymore Milkplane and Milkbread hcs?

Since you asked for both, I'm going to answer this with my polycule headcanons:

- So if you've read my other Milkbread hcs, you already know my backstory for them. Years after that, Francis moved to the apartment where he met Steven, who recently moved in with his dad.

- After a while of getting to know each other, Francis and Steven both caught feelings, but before either of them could come to terms with it (which is especially hard for Francis, since he never had romantic feelings for another man before), Nacha moved in and thus began the Milkbread Arc (tm).

- Francis at this moment is especially confused since he realised he has feelings for *both* Nacha and Steven and didn't know what to do and felt guilty about it.

- Both Nacha and Steven are aware of this weird situation. I'm not entirely sure how but after a while I think all of them finally sat down and come clean about the whole thing. Francis confesses that he's in love with both of them and surprisingly enough both Nacha and Steven are okay with this. Boom polycule formed.

- Whenever Francis and Nacha go on dates together, they leave Anastacha with Steven. Steven really likes Ana and treats her like a little sister/niece and basically acts like the cool uncle.

- (Ana still doesn't fully understand the whole polyamory thing but as long as her mom is okay with it it's whatever. Also, at least she got a cool uncle/older brother out of this)

- Francis: Enough with the milkman jokes and stereotypes already its not funny. I'm not interested in dating.

(after polycule)

Angus: YOU WERE SAYING-

- Steven and Nacha both have southern accents and Angus teases Francis about how he has a type.

- The Rudboys family owns a farm/ranch and one time Steven took both Francis and Nacha there and taught them horse riding. Nacha got on well with the horses but Francis was scared of them.

- Vice versa on motorcycle riding though. Francis grew to love them but Nacha refused to get on one after the first time she tried it.

- Steven and Nacha both like dancing. Francis is usually too awkward/shy for dancing so whenever the occasion pops up Steven and Nacha would drag him to the dancefloor.

- Nacha loves giving cheek kisses for Francis and Steven.

- Whenever he has a bad day Francis would often lie his head on Nacha's lap for comfort.

- Whenever Steven goes out on long missions he'd sometime get interviewed on television. Francis and Nacha always make sure to watch his interviews.

- Steven comes up with the corniest pick-up lines ever.

- Steven's favorite dessert is apple pie and Nacha makes the best apple pie ever. McLooy is salty that Steven finds her pies better than his.

- Okay somewhat less nice headcanon: So idk if you remember this but Nacha has an ex-husband that she never officially divorced. One day said ex came over to the apartment to confront Nacha about her leaving.

- Steven wanted to kick his ass the moment he stepped in but Francis held him because Nacha said she wanted to deal with the ex herself so he begrudgingly complied.

- The talk between Nacha and her ex quickly grew ugly and after a nasty comment from the ex it was Francis who lost his patience and decked him.

(don't wanna go too much into this since I have ZERO idea how laws work but after the ex left they went to Alf who agreed to help Nacha sort out the issues with her ex)

- Anyways enough drama, here's a pic I think is perfect for them :

(from left to right: Francis, Nacha and Steven)

[a-froger-epic]

You said Freddie "was in love with an idea of Mary". I don't understand this and some other people's opinion on this. They were in a relationship. They broke up, because Freddie was gay and couldn't have romantic relationship with her. They stayed friends, which isn't unsual (see Joe). He couldn't love her as a friend? Only "the idea of her"? She didn't deserve to be loved? Why is it wrong to ask Phoebe about her? Why the fandom tries to forget she ever existed? She's known Freddie for 22 years.

Alright, I will elaborate then since I think you've misunderstood what I said there, and that is fair enough because I didn't explain.

I'm really not keen on getting into any discussions about Mary, to be honest, which is why I said none of this is a hill I'd like to die on. I'm not interested in defending how Mary acted after his death, there's a lot of valid criticism and it's true that their relationship is and was often misrepresented in a way that is disrespectful to Jim and the very fact that Freddie was a self-identified gay man. So I understand the frustration with that. But anyway, here are my thoughts on Mary and Freddie and their actual relationship with each other.

Let's start at the beginning. Although none of us can really know what their relationship was like, I personally think it's clear that they clicked very well in the beginning, on some level.

Let me just pre-empt this again by saying that pretty much all of this is speculation and my personal opinion, I'm not trying to tell anyone they're wrong. This is just my take. Don't come for me. Let me have my opinion, please and thank you.

I think they fit well in the way that, knowing Mary's background (deaf parents, started working full-time at 15), she was very used to being in a caretaker role and Freddie liked, in many ways, to be taken care of. I think she was also somebody who was not very outspoken with her emotions, not very emotional overall, and I think that actually perhaps suited Freddie quite well. Because I think that her keeping her feelings close to her chest gave him the excuse to do the exact same. Why do I think so?

Having read Rosemary's book, it's apparent that she is a very emotional person and what ended up happening, is that Freddie opened up to her in ways he never did with Mary. He never, until their break up, let on to Mary that he wanted to be with men. Freddie and Rosemary, by contrast, were only together for a year or so and he could not stop talking about it. Rosemary was open, so Freddie was open. I think Freddie was a bit of a chameleon when it came to relationships, which stemmed from his deep desire to be loved and accepted. He wanted to please, he wanted to be a good fit for his partners. I think that was sometimes detrimental for him because he would push himself to be somebody he wasn't. I think incidentally with Mary it sort of worked out quite well for quite a long time. I think that while they did have feelings for each other, there was also a lot of unspoken things, an emotional distance, and I think that made it easier for Freddie to be in the closet as long as he was. Again, having to grow up so fast, I think Mary was someone who learned to swallow things down and not address them and just function. In a way, Freddie had a very similar approach.

Now, let's talk about love and what I meant by him being in love with the idea of her. I believe that Freddie definitely believed and felt that he was in love with her for much of the time they were together, in part because I think he really, really wanted to be. Here was this girl who was in many ways perfect for him, the kind of girl his parents were thrilled about. Also, quite importantly, somebody who believed in him and did support him. I remember seeing one interview with her where she says her first impression was that he was this charismatic, long-haired musician and seemed so confident. Not at all like the person underneath, I think she goes on to say. But it did give me the impression that being as young as she was at the time, there was definitely a sort of wide-eyed admiration of his huge personality there from her side. And I think that stroked his ego a lot. I'm sure that later on in their relationship, she did become somewhat disenchanted with him and most likely even frustrated with him much of the time, but again, being someone who keeps themselves to themselves, I think she put on a brave face and funnily enough he did the exact same thing.

It think that towards the end of their relationship, they functioned as partners, rather than a romantic couple. I think Freddie clung on for a very long time - if not forever - to some ideal of what his life should/could/might have been if only he hadn't been gay (internalised homophobia galore), and that is also what I mean by being in love with the idea of Mary. The idea of the beautiful fantasy relationship with a woman he was never able to live up to, and I think a lot of guilt stemmed from that, for him. That he should have been able to give her that, but he couldn't. That he had failed her. That, therefore, he had to provide for her as long as he lived. Because if he hadn't been gay, he could have married her and everything would have been brilliant - which, you can't tell me, that his parents did not likely think exactly that. I will eat a hat if his mother did not once bemoan that he hadn't or wouldn't marry her. Again, I repeat, this is some deeply ingrained internalised homophobia I'm talking about, I'd be hesitant to say that Freddie was even aware of it.

Now, here's the thing. Freddie was someone who could not be alone, we know this, and he was someone who could not let go of people easily. He stayed friends, if he could, with many of his exes. And I think he was terrified of the thought of losing Mary - who he was used to, who he relied on, who he felt deeply guilty towards because he wasn't the man she deserved - when their relationship ended. Basically, he wanted the to have the cake and eat it, too. And he got that, in a way. He did get to keep her in his life, she agreed to that, and I don't think that was at all times particularly healthy for either of them.

I think Mary resented that Freddie was gay. Again, I don't even think it was a very conscious thing, but I think she absolutely believed that if only he hadn't been gay, they would have been perfect for each other. I don't think she ever stopped feeling like he was the one that got away. I think this led to her deeply resenting a lot of his circle and his lifestyle, resenting having to be involved in it, which I think is a large part of why she burned all bridges when he died. I think she felt free from an obligation that she herself had put on herself. I think the woman could have done with some therapy, tbh, I think they all could have. Anyway.

When I read what Phoebe said in that interview, what jumped out at me was that this was an important dinner with Freddie's parents. I think Freddie took solace in the idea that he could bring Mary out to dinner with them and it was almost as if it was real. That they had the son they wanted, in the way that he knew they didn't. I'm tearing up writing this right now because it's really heartbreaking to me.

But that is what I meant by the idea of her. I think, also, Freddie was generally very romantic. I think he was a bit in love with love, overall. And I think he held that fantasy somewhere in his mind forever, of what could have been, if only. And I think Mary did the same.

Of course it isn't romantic. It's terrible, it's sad, there's so many things wrong with it. But that's what I think their relationship with each other was. I think it always carried an echo of his perceived failure to have been the man she thought he could have been, he thought he could have been, if only he hadn't been gay.

Tl; dr - I'm not interested in erasing Mary from Freddie's life, any more than I'm interested in erasing anyone else who was important to him from his life. I do think he had a lot of love for her, and she for him. I don't think acknowledging that takes away from his love for his husband or makes him any less gay.

[melismaticmadness]

INTERVIEW

Request: “Something in the lines of reader playing reggies gf on the shows s2 and she becomes bffs with charlie but people keep shipping them. Something in like interview style or so....”

Description: FLUFF

1811 Words

Warnings: one curse word!

Charlie x Reader, Featuring Jeremy

Hope you like it!!

Press was always an exciting time as an actor, but even more so with this cast because of what happened before press events for season one. Their virtual press was great, but you can tell how excited they all were to experience it together this time around. Julie and the Phantoms was the best job I had gotten since moving out to LA. Honestly, it could be my big break. I was playing opposite Jeremy as his love interest, but our off-screen relationship was strictly platonic. Obviously, he and Carolynn are married and she is the sweetest. Jeremy is more of a mentor to me.

I sat in between Charlie and Jeremy for our first interview of the day when a production assistant came in and prepped us for the topics for this interview. Each interview has a slightly different focus, so it’s helpful that we know before we get started. The soft-spoken man raddled off some talking points: Charlie’s sleeves, Jeremy’s new character arc, my relationships/experience joining the cast, and then all of us would have time to add in stories of our choice if there was time. Easy. This cast makes it really easy to connect and bond. They are a family and I am so lucky to be a member of it now.

What I didn’t expect was to get so close to Charlie during rehearsals and filming in Vancouver. The two of us were instantly inseparable. He came to watch my film on set, I came to watch him. We rehearsed our lines together almost every night after long days, and Owen even considered me his other roommate because of all the nights I was asleep on their couch. Hanging out with Charlie felt like we had known each other our entire lives, but it had only been about a year.

Interviewer: “So, y/n, you seem really well connected to this cast, even though you’re sort of the new kid in the group. Would you mind telling me how you felt about joining this project?”

Y/N: “Oh I definitely felt welcomed right into the group. I remember my first night in Vancouver, Charlie came to check out my apartment, Owen came too, and I remember Charlie and I trying to prank Owen when he fell asleep on the couch but it was an epic fail. We had water and shaving cream all over the floor and ourselves, oh my god it was a mess, but that’s kinda the proof of how fast I became part of the group. Night one and they were already including me in their fun. The same goes with the girls, Jadah, Madi, Sav, Tori- we immediately were meeting for breakfast before filming together and having movie nights. It was the best welcome I could have imagined, knowing how close they all were from last season.”

Interviewer: “Jeremy, what was it like having this new energy come in, especially to shake things up for your character Reggie, who really was much of the comedic relief last season, but now has this mutually flirty relationship with y/n’s character?”

Jeremy: “Well, it was great having y/n come in and it allowed us all to explore Reggie outside of his quirky one-liners. It’s not that hard acting opposite, y/n, the talent they bring in was insane and we got along really well so it made it a lot of fun exploring Reggie as somewhat of a ‘ladies man’.”

Interviewer: “Yes it was fun getting to see more of who Reggie is, or was? Spoiler alert if you haven’t seen season one, Reggie is dead. All the boys are dead. Anyway, speaking of seeing more of something- Charlie, I noticed the sleeves on all your shirts this season were barely there. Is this a Charlie characteristic that just carried over to show off or was this specifically written for Luke?”

Charlie: “Oh gosh, haha. I think it’s a little bit of both. I definitely bring a lot of myself to Luke, but even in season one, Soyon, our amazing costume and wardrobe supervisor, was cutting the sleeves off Luke’s shirts. I think it played into his 1995 bad boy persona, and now it’s just him.”

Y/N: “and you just like showing off...hahaha!”

Charlie: “If you got it, flaunt it!” With that, all three of us and the interviewer were cracking up laughing and Charlie was flexing which kept us going a minute longer.

Interviewer: “AH,” they sighed, “Y/N, the internet is freaking out about you, truly, because of some photos of you with Mr. Gillespie over here. Let me read some things for you - ‘my heart is broken because I can’t have Charlie, but at least y/n can. I ship it,’ under an Instagram photo of you two the caption reads ‘ship it so hard it’s like the Titanic,’ which is my favorite. It’s too funny. So my question is, what is going on here? Is there a secret showmance that you’re hiding behind Reggie?”

Charlie and I are now laughing hysterically again. I don’t think the interviewer realizes how nervous our laughing sounds compared to before, but hopefully, it’s not noticeable to fans or the rest of the cast. I wasn’t expecting to get questions about Charlie and my relationship when I was supposed to be talking about my character, the whole experience, and all my scenes with Jeremy.

Y/N: “Oh no, no, no. We are friends! Nothing is going on,” I looked over at Charlie who had his eyes locked on me most admiringly. He was going to let me handle this however I wanted. “Charlie and I just happened to click right away during rehearsals and now I feel like he’s the older brother I never had!”

Charlie looked a little hurt at that ‘brother’ comment, but he jumped in to echo what I had said.

Charlie: “Ya know, the fans are so great. They love to keep up with our lives and find little hidden clues in the show about the backstory, and I think that’s just what happened with our friendship. We’re best friends, we have so many inside jokes, we hang out a LOT. But, Nah, nothing is going on here. It’s cute though that they ship us! Look out, Jere! I’m stealing your girl!.”

Interviewer: “You heard it here first everyone, Mr. Gillespie isn’t off the market! Thank you all for your time today. Everyone make sure to check out season two of Julie and the Phantoms, now on Netflix!”

*****************************

After a long first day of press, I was finally walking back into my hotel room in New York when my phone went off.

I tossed my stuff on the couch and plopped down to see what I had missed all day. Charlie had just texted me asking to meet him on the roof.

“The roof?!” I grunted, “How did he even get on the roof?” Back out the door, I followed signs to the roof. Swinging the door open once I got up there, my breath was taken away. New York City right at dusk, with the cool breeze hitting me, was so beautiful.

“Gillespie, are we allowed to be up here?”

“Kenny said we’re less likely to be followed or have our picture taken together if we were up here and came up separately. So, if we get in trouble, it’s on Kenny...”

“The view is amazing. Not surprised Kenny knew about it.” I said as I went to look out over the glass barrier at the edge of the building. We looked out in silence for a minute or so when I heard Charlie exhale.

“Y/n, what was that today?” he said running his hands through his hair.

“What was what today?”

“That whole ‘Charlie is my brother’ thing,” he made his voice go up in pitch to mimic my voice when he said it and I could tell it was bugging him, but I didn’t know why.

“I was caught off guard...I mean we’re friends.. but I figured no one would believe that if I didn’t squash the rumors right there. Sorry if it was like, emasculating, or made it seem like you don’t have any game, lol.” I playfully hip bumped him to get him to laugh a little and it worked but there was still something on his mind.

“Char, is your manager upset with what I said? I can fix it tomorrow, I’ll figure something out-” I said tilting my head in front of his so he was looking at me instead of the view.

“No, y/n, no, it’s okay..” he hesitated, “but is that really what’s going on?”

It felt like the wind was knocked out of me at that moment and all I could do was slide my back down the glass and sit on the roof. My head was in my hands and I didn’t want to say the wrong thing next.

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry if I caught you off guard,” Charlie said squatting down to my level. “I just thought..maybe you felt something, anything, telling you this was more than a friend to friend relationship..” Now he was rubbing my back. Damn, this boy is my best friend.

“Charlie, I- I don’t want to lose my job. I love working with you and with everyone,” I took a deep breath, “but I can’t say I never thought about it. I have definitely thought about it.”

“Okay, so what are you thinking in that head of yours?”

“I’m thinking that I care about you and that I have for a while but didn’t want to admit it to myself until now,” looking up at Charlie I could tell he was fighting to hold back a smile.

“Kenny, won’t fire you. I talked to him in LA before we went up to Vancouver because I didn’t want him to be disappointed in me because of how I felt.”

“You told him in LA?! He’s probably been watching us and laughing at us for MONTHS. Oh my god.”

“No, it’s cool. He just warned me to make sure I wanted to be more than friends because he didn’t want to lose you.”

“Wow. Okay.” The weight I didn’t even know I was holding, had been lifted off my shoulders. “The fans really do know us better than we know ourselves.”

We both laughed and Charlie finally settled down right next to me.

“Look, I’m not saying we rush into anything. I knew I had to say something before the opportunity was gone. Now that the show’s out, you’re going to have guys banging down your door for a date.”

“I guess it’s a good thing the only guy I am looking for is you then, hmm?”

“Thank god for that interview…” Charlie said under his breath.

[cardiophileanonymous]

Late Night Errands Chapter 1

Mulder x Reader

Summary: The reader is a paralegal preparing to help defend her client on trial in a week. The stress has finally convinced her to go out and get a stethoscope to help calm her down. Little does she know a certain agent was watching her out while she was out late at night, and it makes her a prime suspect in his eyes.

Y/n= your name

Y/f/n Y/l/n= your first and last name

B/f/n= your best friend’s name

...

Y/n slammed the door shut then started to punch the sides of the steering wheel. What in the world was going through her mind? Of course this store wouldn’t have any stethoscopes! Even if it was a pharmacy. People don’t have stuff like that lying around in their homes. Not normal people, anyway. What was she gonna say to the employee when they inevitably asked why she was looking for one? “Oh, I don’t need one, I just want it for my weird-ass heartbeat kink!” Yeah, that was one conversation she didn’t want to have.

She silently stared at the moon for a few brief moments. Why couldn’t she have a normal kink like everyone else? Like feet, maybe. It still would’ve been weird, but dammit, at least she’d be able to find porn of it. The best she could find easily was cardiophilia fanfiction, and even then, it was scarce.

She snuck glances around the parking lot. Nobody in sight. So hopefully, nobody would notice the blush on her face when she brought up an hour long “asmr heartbeat” video for the sake of calming herself down.

She smiled in bliss. When a heartbeat was in the background, it was like everything melted away. She groaned in frustration when she heard a text from her friend, B/f/n.

Don’t forget we’re having lunch tomorrow! I’m taking your mind off that trial if it’s the last thing I do!

She was double pissed now that the stress of last week filled her head. She was a paralegal, and one of her clients was set to go on trial less than a week from now. It was the oddest case she’d ever seen. The case of Bill Brown.

The man had killed exactly one-hundred people in the span of less than half a year. And the details he gave were chilling. They were vivid and graphic. So, he must’ve been a sociopath or something, right? Well he was super remorseful. And upon turning himself in, that’s right, turning himself in, he sobbed for three days straight. What’s strangest was he claimed he didn’t know they happened until the memories came back to him that night.

She wouldn’t have believed it either, if he didn’t point to bodies that hadn’t been found yet. He helped officers uncover at least a quarter of his victims.

It gave everyone working in his defense a headache. Argue innocence and a false confession? He flat out admitted details the public didn’t know. Did they argue insanity? He seemed pretty fucking sane during interviews and psych evaluations. Self defense? Not in a million years.

What got at her was the genuine feeling he was innocent, and that someone, or something, could be out there. The idea of being out there in the city alone with it out and about gave her the creeps.

“Whatever,” she whispered, turning the audio up so she could return to her blissful ignorant state. Where everything melted away. Where she was actually pretty happy with a smile on her face. With that, she began to drive away.

…

All she could think about when she finished getting dressed was the trial. The trial, the trial, the trial. This was gonna be the biggest train wreck she would ever see in her career, and she had only become a paralegal a mere three years ago. She didn’t envy the defense attorneys she was working under.

Her thoughts were interrupted by three knocks at the door. Strange, she wasn’t expecting anyone today, except for B/f/n, and she was always late for everything.

She looked through the peephole to see two people in fancy clothing outside. She opened the door just a crack.

“H-hello…?”

“Y/f/n Y/l/n,” the man asked. Y/n nodded hesitantly. The man speaking held up the badge and the woman behind him did the same. “Agents Mulder and Skully, FBI. We have a few questions about your client. The one who’s set to go on trial next week.”

She turned her head to the side.

“I’m sorry, I think you might be mistaken. I-I’m not an attorney, I’m just a paralegal.”

“Oh, we’re not mistaken. That’s exactly why we wanted to talk to you.”

She looked inside her apartment real quick, then back at them.

“Okay… come on in. Just come in quickly so the cat doesn’t get out. She has a habit of running outside.”

She was internally grateful that her friend talked her into going out for lunch. She would’ve felt embarrassed if she had had to talk to these well dressed professionals in her pajamas. Skully knelt down, petting Y/n’s cat that had just walked up to the two.

“Um… would you like tea or anything? I’m about to make some for myself now.”

Skully lifted up one of her hands while she let the small animal nuzzle into her other one.

“That won’t be necessary. We plan to be out as soon as possible.”

“O-okay… um... I’m guessing you’re here to ask about Bill Brown?”

Mulder nodded.

“That’s correct.”

“I… don’t really understand. He’s set to go on trial less than a week from now. Why is the FBI getting involved? I thought this was settled, more or less.”

“We think he may be the wrong guy. We’re investigating a series of murders strikingly similar to the ones he supposedly committed a year and a half ago. We need to look at some of the previous evidence and cross examine it with the crimes happening now.”

She still seemed unconvinced.

“Why haven’t you gone to my firm? Or better yet, the police? I-I’m sure they have everything on file.”

Mulder shook his head.

“The lawyers won’t speak to us. And the police department doesn’t want to reopen the investigation when they’re so close to closing it. They don’t want to cause panic.”

She nodded. That actually wasn’t that hard a story to believe, considering the people she worked with on a daily basis. She just looked around the room.

“Okay… you might want to rethink my offer about the tea, then. And have a seat. Because this’ll take a long time.”

...

She presented them with a long list of documents. Some images, most legal papers. She pulled out the two things that were most of interest to her, a map of where the killings took place as well as a few images of supposed murder weapons.

“I’m not really sure what you’re looking for, so here's everything, I guess.”

Skully started flipping through the legal papers, reading passages of the man’s confession. Y/n’s cat slipped under Skully’s arms and laid on her lap as she continued to read. Mulder took a keen eye to the map.

“When did these murders take place?”

“Um, September 14th through February 10th, sir.”

“And he moved here the day these murders started, correct?”

“C-c-correct. You… didn’t already know this?”

“Oh I did. I just wanted to make sure you did. Encyclopedic knowledge of a case is the sign of a good paralegal, don’t you think?”

“Oh!” She let out an embarrassed chuckle. “Thanks…”

“Tell me, Y/n. What do you think happened?”

“Well, the evidence clearly shows he’s guilty, so… we are going to be arguing that he did these crimes due to mania and insanity.”

“No, Y/n. What do you really think?”

She looked down, and started to get finicky. She sat up straight.

“I think he’s innocent… and I have a theory about what happened. But… I don’t think anyone would believe me.”

Skully raised an eyebrow.

“Why haven’t you brought it up with any of the defense attorneys?”

She looked away, then back at the both of them.

“You won’t… tell anyone, right? I don’t wanna lose my job because everyone thinks I’m crazy.”

Mulder nodded expectantly.

“Of course not. Now, what did you find?”

She flipped through the papers.

“While they were at his house… they found a lot of these DVDs.” She was somewhat mumbling under her breath. When she pulled out the image she presented it to Mulder. “I’ve looked them up and they’re all from a lesser known hypnotist.”

Mulder read the bottom of the DVD covers.

“Hannah Martin?”

“...yes. I’ve tried to find those specific DVDs myself, on her website or Amazon or whatnot, but, uh, I can’t find them.”

“Why do you find these significant?”

“Um… Skully, was it? May I please have the written interview?”

She handed it to her. Now that her hands were free, Skully began to pet the cat sitting on her legs, who purred in appreciation. She cleared her throat and began to read.

“Bill said ‘I moved to start a new life, I tried to smile every day, I helped my neighbors, I listened to hypnosis videos every night before bed to make me a better person. I did my best to turn my life around… but I guess I was a monster this whole time. Last night, my memories came back to me in my dreams. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…’”

Mulder nodded.

“So you think that the hypnosis videos he watched before bed may have mind controlled or influenced him into committing these crimes overnight?”

Her face began to turn red and a wave of feeling stupid hit her.

“I’m sorry! I know that sounds insane!”

“No, not to me.” She was in awe. He was actually entertaining her insane supernatural idea? “How far have you looked into this Hanna Martin?”

“You have to pay at least five-hundred dollars for her to create a hundred and fifty custom sessions to send to you personally through DVDs. Um, the first alleged murder was one hundred and forty-nine days before the last alleged murder. That day he confessed would be day one hundred and fifty.”

Mulder seemed incredibly interested. He gazed down at the image he was holding.

“Thank you for bringing this information to my attention. Can you please scan this and make a copy for me? I want to see if I can track down these DVDs.”

“O-okay!”

She was a little excited that her idea was being entertained. And, aside from that, this agent was very cute! So he was cute and as conspiracy crazy as she was?! She smiled like a dope when she was no longer being watched, her back to the two. She began making the copy.

“Another question for you, Y/n.”

She gulped. Something about this man saying her name made her stomach drop.

“Y-yeah…?”

“Do you go out at night often?”

The feeling of her stomach dropping was now from fear.

“What do you mean?”

“I saw your car parked outside the local drugstore late last night, any reason for it?”

She swallowed, hard. She was going for ulterior motives, but she was relieved she had something to fall back on.

“I was getting my medication. Um, I can show you if you want proof?”

“There’s no need to. But midnight is fairly late to be running errands like that, don’t you think?”

She breathed in.

“I couldn’t sleep. So I thought I might as well do something productive.”

He nodded. She turned to look at him, but she couldn’t quite read his face. Was he insinuating what she thought he was? Or was this all in her head? If he thought she was involved, he was probably crazy. She just laid out all this evidence to prove her client innocent, and possibly even helped point to the real killer, yet he thought she might be the guilty one?

“Did you happen to purchase anything from this hypnotist?”

“No, I don’t have that kind of money… and besides, i-if I am right, I don’t know if I would want to get anything from her.”

“Mhm.”

Her dopey smile and blush was gone by the time she handed the copied image to Mulder.

“I’m not sure about the legality of this…”

“Don’t worry. I’ll deal with it.”

She was a bit angry when they left. B/f/n was a bit confused walking in.

“What happened?”

“Ugh! The stupid FBI is involved in the case now. They wanted to see some stuff.”

She tilted her head to the side and her nose crinkled in disbelief.

“The FBI?”

“I don’t know either! Just… help me pick up these papers. Actually, don’t! I need to make sure they’re all in order before court in a few days!”

She nodded as Y/n began to put everything as they were supposed to be.

“...that guy was kind of cute.”

She sighed.

“I thought that, too. But actually, he’s a dick.”

[artxyra]

The Secret Life of MDC | Part 6

Part 6: Just let them fall

Part 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05

Note: If you had read the original version on my website, I totally did not rewrite this entire part just to avoid a fight scene. 

The mission was simple: save the two idiot exchange students that don’t have any common sense. It was a frustrating task to even track them down. Base on the footage from security cameras and likely villains who are crazy enough to start drama, it is very likely that the dumb and dumber are safe but being hold over a pot of acid, fire, or water will killer animals. Who knows?

“You know, they just have given us an excuse to bring the Gotham miraculous crew back into action,” Andrena says as her bee-like wings flutter to life. Her eyes narrowly focus on anything strange.

To Gotham, Andrena is equivalent to Paris’ Melitta Bee (Chloe’s new alias once she was inducted back onto the team). Every member of Paris’ MT has a Gotham counterpart. For Ladybug it was Ladybird, for Chat Noir it was Lykoi. Then for the two missing members Viperion and Ryoku, there was Python and Naga. The only difference two their styles are more realistic and less magical.

“There is no time for play, Bee.” Ladybird walks out from the shadows, the current boy wonder walking behind her. She crosses her arms and lets out a heavy sigh. “As long as we are active in the fight any damage the two may endure could be undone. You know how I hate to bring out the team.” Everyone could see the tiredness behind the red and black mask that lies in her bluebell eyes.

“Tt. They deserve whatever comes their way.” Robin scoffs. From the corner of his eyes, he could see his siblings joining them on the roof. “What did you find?” This question wasn’t pointed to anyone directly, but they all knew there was one person with the answers.

“Red Robin—” Lykoi lowkey hums ‘Yum’ much to everyone dismay “—has appointed Oracle as our eyes, and together that have determined that the two missing students are located in one of five potential areas.”

“That does not help our case, Wing.” Nightwing would never admit it but a glaring Ladybird is a dangerous Ladybird.

Silence followed as everyone thinks of something.

 “Do we have to save them? They just made this worse on everybody.” It was Lykoi’s voice that surprisingly states this. Everyone turns to the cat theme hero with wide eyes. “What?”

“Normally under typical Paris standards, I would say no, but do to the fact that we are in Gotham and my job is on the line, I am legally obligated to say yes.” Ladybird pulls out her communicator and turns it on. “Everyone’s logged on.” A series of nods, groans, and yeses. “Good RR, what’s the plan?”

“Yes, but you’re not going to like it,” Red Robin could hear the impending groaning coming his way and he is not wide awake enough for this.

Which lead the Miraculous Team and the Bats to be split across Gotham searching for the two exchange students.

Ladybird and Robin’s location was empty. Nothing unusual about the location it was just an unused warehouse.

“I hate them.”

“Them being everyone or the two the idiots.”

“What do you think?”

Robin shakes his head and lets out a hefty sigh.

Lykoi and Nightwing’s location proved to be difficult to find. At first, that thought this was the place, but both heroes vigilantes were proven wrong.

“We both agree not to tell Ladybird.”

“Agree, she would kill us.”

“I heard that.” It wasn’t Ladybird’s voice that came through the comms. It was Oracle’s. “Don’t worry I won’t tell Birdie.”

Lykoi and Nightwing share a glance. It was better to be blackmailed by Oracle than be grilled by Ladybird—well that what they think anyway.

For Andrena and Red Robin, it was more of a battle of wits and smarts between the two. Actually, more on Red Robin than with Andrena (she didn’t want to be a partner with Red Hood).

“You better hope that one of the others found this fucking warehouse or I will kill you myself. These boots were expensive.” Andrena shrieks pointing to the mud that now lays pack on her boots.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll make it up to you.” 

Andrena rolls her eyes and opens her communicator, Red Robin does the same. However, the outcome was different for the two. On Red Robin’s feed, it was static, he quickly goes into work to scramble the information given. Andrena sees a message from Red Hood.  It reads, “Found it, suckers!”

“Hood found the warehouse.” Andrena places her communicator back on her person and looks to Red Robin. She could see the invisible sweat and sleep on his face through the cowl. “Let’s go.”

RR lets out a frustrating sigh, but as he types a last-minute code into his device the static slowly turns into quality footage. Not high quality but enough pinpoint what is happening. The room is dark but there is an ominous green glow at the lower half of the screen.

“Shit,” RR murmurs through it was loud enough to catch Andrena’s attention as an electric blue glow begins to grow behind her.

“What?” It was breathless yet concerning. Behind her, the portal fully develops causing her to let out a low growl and pushing RR in the direction of their “ride”. “Just explain it to the others.”

The portal closes and the first person they are meet by is a somewhat disappointing Ladybird.

“Hey Buggy,” Andrena sheepishly smiles, better throw RR under the bus, “RR found something interesting. Check it out.”

Ladybird makes her way over to the bee and the third Robin, she eyes RR practically asking him the question, “what he found”. Everyone waits with bated breaths as he shows her the footage. This time unlike the awkward murky background, it shows Lila and Alya tied together on a mini platform that is slowly lowering to the ominous glow below them.

“Is it sad that I want to see them fall.” The ladybug theme hero sighs into her glove-cover hands. “Alright, we need a game plan. Hood, what did you find?”

“There is a tunnel beneath the building. There’s no exterior access.”

“Oracle is sending us a blueprint.” Red Robin adds to which Nightwing nods and checks in his own portable monitor. Robin tsks and crouches down on the ground.

The planning process to a good minute to formulate.

“Is everyone in position?” The question ran through everyone’s coms as their trained bodies wait patiently for the cue. The Questioner (most likely Ladybird or Nightwing) took their silence as an answer. “Let’s go.”

The vigilantes are immediately greeted by darkness.

“Argh, my hair!” All movement ceased to exist. The Miraculous Team automatically knew that screech. It was Lila’s. “Please, I promise Bruce Wayne will make your life worthwhile. I’m very good friends with him.” Everyone, aside from Robin, felt a shiver go down their spines. Robin had gagged at the thought of Lila, his girlfriend’s tormentor, being friends with his father.

“Are you sure we can’t kill her?” Red Hood asks, well more like stated but everyone knows what he meant. He didn’t receive an answer.

“Better yet, who’s the person that decided to capture the two. There are only two heat signatures in the building.” Tim fiercely types against his device.

Nightwing kicks down the door. The large thud grabs the two teens' attention.

“We’re saved.” Lila cries out in delight. Her face literally brightens much to everyone (aside from Alya’s) dismay.

“Yes, I can finally get that interview just like you said, gurl.” Alya squeals her body wiggling on the platform.

Robin staggers in his footsteps. Interview? Like you said? Something isn’t adding up.

“Are you girls okay?” Nightwing typically heroic voice shines through as Red Robin rushes to what he believes to be the controls for the platform.

“No! We’re tied together, slowly moving to our deaths.” Alya shouts, “Ladybug?”

“Uh... no, I’m Ladybird. Now hold still.” Balancing herself on the platform in front of the two, she pulls out a knife and quickly goes cuts to the first layers of rope. “We’re the villain?”

“He was getting something to surprise us.” Lila’s voice squeaks a little. Everyone pulls back to face Lila, not including Alya.

“What do you mean?” Robin fakes a cough and glares at the Italian girl.

“No, no,” Lila begins to sweat. Her mind running multiple scenarios to get out of this. “We have no idea where he went. It was pitch black for us.” Tears forms in her eyes. Alya tries to comfort her bestie but couldn’t due to their bindings.

“Red Hood, stay on high alert, Lykoi, Andrena, follow his lead.” Ladybird cuts through the final rope. Alya shuffles her feet to get away…

“Ah!” The reporter’s foot slips.

“Merde,” Ladybird deadpans and lets herself fall.

Her right arm wrap around Alya’s waist as her left grabs for the yo-yo. It was a split second; her feet did touch the unknown substance in the large pool. She was expecting a burning sensation, but nothing happens.

“What the hell, RR, get off the control and test out the substance.” Ladybird safely places Alya down on the concrete flooring. Nightwing and Robin run over to the two for different reasons. Robin pulls Ladybird into his arms and checks for any injury while Nightwing does the same for Alya. The ombre haired girl is visibly shaking.

Lila remains on the platform above the pool screeching her head off. Andrena could already sense a headache forming and flies up to the platform. “Venom!”

Lila freezes, her screaming ceases to exist.

Rather than pushing Lila off the platform (the temptation was very luring), Andrena wraps an arm around the liar and flies to the ground floor. Suppressing a shiver, she pushes the girl out of her arms and into Lykoi’s much to his dismay.

“Seriously?” Lykoi’s glare said it all.

“I have informed Oracle that we found the missing students. She informed me that the GPD eta is ten minutes.”

“Good, that will give us time to search the premises for anything odd.” Nightwing states.

“Way ahead of you,” Red Hood shouts from afar. Eyes rolls but they all shrug in the end.

“What do you mean there weren’t any prints or such leading to the student’s kidnapper?” Commissioner Gordon asks, well he yelled but his face isn’t red yet, as the faces the Bats (aside from the large bat himself) and the Miraculous Team.

“What he meant to say, was that nothing in this warehouse suggested that there was third person let alone a typical Gotham’s villain.”

“So, you're saying this was an act?”

“No, I don’t think all of it was an act?”

“Hmm… This isn’t going to go well with explaining this to GA’s headmistress.”

Ladybird might as well say goodbye to her life and curl next to Robin in her final moments. If this was just a fake, Lila and anyone who was involved with this plan of hers are in for a treat and she’ll have front row access to it.

“Just make sure that girls are returned to GA safely, Gordon,” Nightwing instructs, they knew what he was going for. It was to them out of her and on patrol—well some of them at the very least.

~*~

Marinette curls into Damian’s chest, looking at the screen in front of them. After a night like that she didn’t want to think about the consequences that the liar had unleashed.

“You okay?” Damian presses his lips against her forehead, their hands intertwine fighting for dominance.

Marinette doesn’t say anything. How could she? There was so much floating around her mind that she couldn’t place what she was feeling at the moment.

They stay in silence until a loud thud disrupts the environment.

“Bad news,” Dick and the rest of the family file in. “Rossi confessed to the kidnapping being a ploy.”

“Goddammit, there went my morning and quite possibly my entire week.” Marinette groans collapsing next to Damian and covering her face with her hand.

“Well it’s not liked your exchange program can get any worse. You have like three weeks left of it anyway.” Jason shrugs trying to make the mood lighter… it didn’t help.

“Not now, Jaybird,” Marinette growls, causing the hairs on the back of everyone’s neck to raise high. It was rare to see Marinette angry and Lila has done the impossible. Kwami may help in the morning, especially when Marinette doesn’t get her coffee.

~*~

Mari Needs Coffee @MarinetteMemes Is it too late to push someone off the roof of WE?  🤔 #shemesswiththewrongsgirl #ineedcoffee

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[travis-and-jodi]

FEBRUARY 18, 2007

Abe & Jodi

Dabbling in Mormonism, Magic Underwear & Abe (Part 2)

Abe Abdelhadi gave 6 media interviews, authored a blog and wrote an essay on this case (Souce: Monica Lindstrom, 27 Jan 2016).

Interview on Jan 16, 2013: Abe met Jodi in August 2006, they had lunch and one date in December 2006. He was 17 years older than her. After dinner, they were kissing in a parking lot, and Abe felt Jodi’s underwear. The defense portrayed Abe as “a sleazy middle-aged guy trying to pick up a younger woman” (Source: Steve Kraft, 27 Jan 2015).

Jodi felt guilty about seeing Abe, and didn’t see him again. Travis was jealous, and called Abe “Soul-less” in the sex tape. Jodi wrote an email to Abe ending the relationship, but it was sent to Travis and not to Abe, apparently in an effort to placate Travis’ jealousy.

Abe testified about the date they had in the penalty retrial on Jan 27, 2015. In one of the HLN interviews, Abe says he called Jodi in June 2008 after he learned of Travis’ death, suspecting she killed him, and Jodi called him back.

Jodi’s “Dear John” letter

Hi Abe

I’m writing you for a few reasons. Let me get the more trivial ones out of the way first. I tried reaching you by phone during the week without any luck. Probably because I’ve been calling at ridiculous hours of the night after I’m off work. Like the last three months, I find myself once again near the end of the billing cycle of my cell phone, out of minutes, and paying through the teeth to talk on the phone during daylight hours. But I digress. The reason I’ve been trying to reach you is to let you know that I was listening to the online version of “Never Before never again” at freedomvideos.com (?) and some thoughtful jerk laced a voice over on Mr. Stonecipher toward the end of the video. He says “there has never been a better time or a better opportunity than right now at Pre-Paid Loser” I am not joking. That’s what you hear. If you want to hear it for yourself, go the video. It’s about 11 minutes and 45 seconds into it. Just thought I would make you aware of that, since you use that on occasion for your prospects.

Jodi Arias & Mr. Stonecipher

The other, and more important reason that I am writing to you is regarding our friendship. You have been a wonderful source of information on many levels and I appreciate your insight and perspective. I’m glad that we met, and I’m glad we are friends. But after considering a few aspects of our friendship, such as the conversation we had the other night revisiting the dream you had to the hug we exchanged at the last AFT in Anaheim. I think we should re-think our conduct toward each other. I know that between you and me those things are simply gestures of a functioning friendship between a couple of single individuals. Up until recently I’ve considered myself single, and I never would have considered it to be inappropriate or even given it a second thought. Although I’m not married and I’m not Travis’ girlfriend.

From now going forward I feel that you and I should keep a friendly distance. I’m certainly not suggesting that we ignore each other, but even something as simple as a hug can be misconstrued as something it is not. You and I and everyone are hugging everyone else in this business. We are like a big family. So it may seem somewhat like a foreign request on my part, but you’re a pretty savvy guy, so I know you’ll understand.

“Break Up” by Agnes Trachet

I’m aware that you like me, and you’ve made that pretty clear. I’m flattered by that. I hesitate to tell you all of this only because I am reminded of the stories you’ve shared with me about women taking it the wrong way (like when you prospect them, for example). Your internal dialogue is less than friendly (“Look, lady. I didn’t ask and I’m not interested in you anyway!”) So in considering that, please know that I’m not assuming that you’re still pursuing me or that you see me as some kind of prize that you’re striving (??) for. We rarely talk outside of PPL events, and I am fully aware that you have a life completely outside the realm of “Jodi” which involves a blossoming business, a large social circle and network of people, and most likely many other female interest as well.

You already know that I’m seeing Travis. I’ve never divulged many details about our relationship simply because I consider certain details to be sacred and private, and should be kept between him and I anyway. I know I’ve told you that we are not in a committed relationship, but regardless of our status, I care so deeply about his. I often ask myself, how would Travis feel about this? Or, how I would I feel if Travis were doing what I’m doing right now with someone else? In fact, this reasoning has been a compelling force behind all of my actions, decisions and conduct as of late.

Now I’m sure you’re already aware of this, but when we hugged at the Grove a few weeks ago, my intention was nothing more than to warmly greet a friend and business associate. But I’ve since given this further thought and I’ve asked myself, would I have acted the same if Travis were there that day? In truth, I would not have. And this leads me to question my own character. I don’t want to be inconsistent, especially not when it involves something and someone that is so important to me. Granted, human behavior is often modified and adjusted under various circumstances. Everyone does this, it is natural. But at this point, none of that matters to me. What matters to me is how that which I am accountable for would make Travis feel. I care more about him than I ever have. His happiness is of cardinal significance to me, and his feelings and opinions I value more greatly than gold.

I didn’t write this email to expound upon my secret worship-Travis-agenda. I only wanted to clear a few things up, if not for you, then for myself. For I’m sure you already “get” all of this anyway. But at least now I’ve said it, and I can rest easier knowing that we are on the same page about things. I think you’re a great person who’s never had a single bad intention toward me, and I appreciate all of the time you’ve taken to impart to me your knowledge, perspectives, and experiences. I will certainly see you around at events, to which you bring a lively energy.

Take care until then, Jodi

Take care until then, Jodi

Abe Abdelhadi, a man who dated Jodi Arias and was a colleague of Travis Alexander recalls his experience with Jodi. His name was mentioned in the infamous phone sex tape. In previous interviews Abe has described the story of his date with Jodi one night in Pasadena. He said the date eventually involved kissing and as they were kissing he noticed that Jodi wasn’t wearing “magic underwear” (a term used for garments worn by Mormons). After mentioning this to Jodi, to his surprise she replied, “No but there’s magic IN them.” Abe made the argument that this experience shows that Jodi was not as sexually “naïve” as she may have portrayed to have been to the court.

In this segment Abe says that the date was “fun” and that he didn’t know she was going to kill anyone. What’s haunting is that this is probably the same way Travis Alexander felt about his relationship with Jodi, right up until the moments before he died.

(PK Report)

FROM THE SEX TAPE:

Jodi: I know you don’t like Abe (she waits)… 

Travis: Yeah, well he’s soulless. He’s like at the top of the list. He’s… 

Jodi: (Interrupting) I wouldn’t call him soulless, I would just call him like focused, like business… 

Travis: He’s not focused on business. 

Jodi: I don’t know… 

Travis: If he was focused on business, he’d be a solid E.D. (executive director, I believe), for starters… 

Jodi: He told me the other day that he hopes you get your ring. 

Travis: HE told you the other day? 

Jodi: Yeah. 

Travis: (After a pause) How the hell did that come up? 

Jodi: Ummm….because I went to, I went to leave him a comment on his MySpace, because I haven’t talked to him in like…four months, and I was just…and he left one for me after not talking to me for four months saying, who, what, where, or something, and I was going to say the same thing back, just to throw it out there, kind of thing, and I went to put ‘add comment’, and it said, you must be this user’s friend in order to make comments about them. So, I was like, he’s always been my MySpace friend, so I texted him. I said, hey Abe, I’ve got a bone to pick with you, and he wrote back, what, and I said, you’re not my MySpace friend anymore, and then the phone rang, and it was him, and he was like, hey listen, and this is why, because I deleted you from my friends. I just didn’t want to be any part of your drama, your drama with you and Travis, and I was like, uhh, uhh, okay. And he was like, it’s nothing against you, I think you’re both great people, I just didn’t want to be associated with that, and he was like, I hope you’re gonna understand that it has nothing to do with you. I think you’re a great girl. I think Travis is an awesome businessman; in fact, I hope he gets his ring, and I think that would be awesome because that would just be more stories I could tell, and he said, and just said it in passing, but he was like, I hope you understand, and I was like, well, okay…(pause)…and… 

Travis: It’s either that, or… 

Jodi: Heheheheh….what? 

Travis: That’s dramatic, right there. 

Jodi: Yeah, I know. I thought it was too. I thought it was too. He’s like, I mean, I see he, he did bring that up though. He said, you know, I don’t understand. I see him in the bathroom, and I’m like a ghost to him. Like he doesn’t, he looks right through me, he doesn’t even see me or say hi to me. He said, I have no problem with that; if it’s gotta be that way, fine. He’s like, I have nothing against him, and that’s when he said, in fact, I hope he gets his ring. That’s what he said. 

Travis: (Inaudible)…I’m glad he felt intimidated in the bathroom. 

Jodi: He said nothing but nice things about you, but he didn’t want to be a part of my dramas. I was like, okay. 

Travis: He’s a ghost to me? Because what am I supposed to say? Hey, you kissed my girlfriend? You wanna talk about that? 

Jodi: (Very loud and very excited – so much so that I can’t make out the first few words) HEH! That was before I was your girlfriend! (She calms down and lowers her voice dramatically) You’re cute… 

Travis: Nah…ahh… 

Jodi: Ehh-heh-heh… 

Travis: You know, what am I supposed to say, ya know what I mean? (Jodi says, “uh-huh”). Ahh, hey, I just got ripped a new one 'cause some drunk chick frikkin’ fell on me, and, uhh, now you’re drunk, and you’re trying to frikkin’ hook up with my girlfriend frikkin’ five minutes later? Uhh, you know? 

Jodi: When was that? 

Travis: Oklahoma, remember? I was gonna go beat his ass? 

Jodi: Oh, he said something not so nice. It was a compliment to me…it was meant to be a compliment to me, but it was an insult to you, and I should have stuck, I should have stuck up for you. I was timid, and I was still like that. I needed to work on my… 

Travis: Yeah, you (inaudible)…gave me (90% sure those two words are correct) so much crap over Clancy, and maybe you didn’t stand up for me, and you were getting picked up…(inaudible)… 

Jodi: But (inaudible) he was hangin’ all over me…

CROSSTALK 

Travis: Nah…no…A: Not true, not true. We don’t even need to go there. Don’t even go there. 

Jodi: (Pause) Let’s not go there, then. Eh-heh! (Very forced laughter) We already said the other night we were never going to go there again. Let’s let it go. 

Travis: (Silence) 

Jodi: Okay, back to the Team Freedom thing. Umm… 

Travis: I’m glad I intimidated him in the bathroom. 

Jodi: (Uproarious laughter) Ah-hahahahahahah!!! You’re funny! 

Travis: I was seeing him, too. Cause I was right next to him, and I put out the, I’ll whip your A vibe, if you say one word to me… 

Jodi: Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. 

LONG PAUSE 

Jodi: I think you grabbed my ass, like right in front of him, like when we were walking through the casino in Las Vegas, in 07. We walked by, and you grabbed my butt, and you were like, there goes Abe, and I was like…WHAT??? I love it when you grab my butt, but you only do it when you’re trying to prove a point to somebody else. 

Travis: That’s not true, but I always do when I’m trying to prove a point to somebody else… 

Jodi: That’s true… 

Travis: You can’t say that I don’t work that booty. 

Jodi: Oh, never mind, you do know how to work the booty…eh-heh-heh-heh…

(Behind the Words: A Logical and Satirical Guide to the Impossible Defense of Jodi Arias Volume 2 by Kim Anne Whittemore)

I’m also wondering how a man who said goodbye to Green Jodi by giving her the middle finger with both hands, trusted this type of woman with recorded phone sex conversations in which he was a party. Beyond that, if he had been angry that she had failed on three attempts to record their phone sex conversations, then why didn’t we hear him, even once, tell her to press the save button during the taped conversation the defense just played? The answer? Because Travis never knew he was being recorded.

Predictably, Nurmi asks, “So, you recorded it at his request?”. Green Jodi answers, “Yes”. Nurmi continues, “I wanna ask you about some of what we heard on the tape. Early on there was a discussion about Abe and a compliment that he was making to you that was an insult to Travis that you should have corrected. Do you know what that was in reference to?”. Sure, Nurmi is going to pick the portion of the tape that is incomprehensible. During those critical parts of the conversation, Travis sounds as if he is under water. If this tape was going to be entered into evidence, there should have been a print-out of the dialogue. Some of these portions, including the one to which Nurmi just referred, were inaudible. Whether the defense deliberately muddled the recording is unknown. I was very frustrated with this portion because it told me nothing beyond the fact that Abe was disliked by Travis, Clancy held onto Travis at a PPL event, gossip, gossip, and more gossip.

Green Jodi is about to tell the jury about some of the non-sexual things they heard on the tape. Nurmi says, “I want to ask you about some of what we heard on the tape. Early on, there was a discussion about Abe and a compliment he was making to you that was an insult to Travis that you should have corrected. Do you know what that was in reference to?”

Remember, this part of the tape was difficult to hear. This part of the tape is also completely irrelevant in terms of the slaughter of June 4, 2008, but Nurmi will do anything to keep us from getting to the kill. It’s ironic that it was Green Jodi who raised the issue of Abe Abdelhadi during the taped conversation, and it was clearly a subject Travis would have preferred to avoid. It was Green Jodi who reminded Travis that Abe complimented her and insulted him. Despite the fact that the dialogue is muddled, the mood is crystal clear – Travis was upset at Abe, not at Green Jodi. Travis did not rail against her because she didn’t stick up for him in the face of Abe’s indirect insult to Travis. I suspect that Nurmi and his client are about to rewrite history – again.

Green Jodi answers, “Yes, that was when we were in Oklahoma City in March, 2007, and that’s when Abe said you deserve better, and he didn’t mean it in a way like you deserve me instead of him, just that he thought I deserved better, to be treated better, and I took that as a compliment because that meant to me that he valued – that he saw me as enough value – that I needed to be treated better, and I didn’t say anything to change his mind or anything, and I wasn’t even going to tell Travis until he demanded to know what we were talking about, and I wanted to be open and forthright in our relationship, so I…”.

There are a few things worth looking at here. When referring to this incident, Green Jodi says she wanted to be “open and forthright” in her relationship with Travis, but she prefaces that assertion by saying that she was open and forthright because Travis “demanded” an answer from her. So, which is it? It can’t be both ways. In one scenario, the information is freely and immediately offered, yet in the other scenario, it is extracted by verbal force.

Additionally, someone is not being open and forthright in their relationship when they get angry because their boyfriend is holding onto a woman who has had too much to drink at a public event, and instead of speaking to her boyfriend about her jealousy, she chooses to lock herself in the bathroom for a half hour sob-fest. These incidents happened on the same night. Open and forthright? Perhaps Green Jodi should revisit the dictionary.

Secondly, Green Jodi should not be permitted to infer what was in the mind of Abe Adelhadi when he allegedly said that she deserved better than Travis She has no idea if Abe was implying that he would be a better match for Jodi, or if Abe was being passive-aggressive toward Travis because he had his own issues with him. There is, after all, little doubt that Travis did not like Abe. This is what happens when someone is allowed to write their own script – they get to fill in all the thoughts and motivations of the other characters.

Nurmi interrupts, “And by demanding to know – that was when he grabbed your arm by the elevators?”. By the elevators? Didn’t Green Jodi say that this non-event happened in the ballroom when she went to grab his hand in the middle of a crowd of people, but he got her wrist instead? When did this become an arm grab by the elevator?

Green Jodi replies, “It wasn’t near the elevator. It was outside the crowd, right near the edge of the crowd – yes, yes, that’s when…”. That’s when? What happened? Nothing. I still find it hard to believe they were allowed to categorize this as an incident of abuse. It helps that Green Jodi is really playing up the abused woman demeanor right now. She did not correct Nurmi when he said it was her arm that was grabbed. In fact, according to her earlier testimony, it was her wrist that he grabbed, and that goes a long way to prove that he intended to grab her hand.

Nurmi says, “There was also – just so we’re clear, we’re talking about Abe Abadahla, right?”. Green Jodi replies, “Abdelhadi”. Nurmi continues, “Abdelhadi, excuse me. And Mr. Abdelhadi was also mentioned, um, that Travis made a comment, something about he was gonna kick Abe’s ass in the bathroom. He said I gave a 'whip your A’ vibe to him – related to kissing you. Can you explain to us what the back story to that is?”.

Green Jodi says, “Yes. Um, when Abe and I went on a date in January, 2007, prior to Travis and I, we were in Barnes and Noble and looking at books, and he said something, and I went to look at him, and he leaned in and kissed me, and I wasn’t expecting it. I was kind of shy about it, even though he was nice, it was nice, but it threw me off a little, so I pulled away, and I was shy, and we went to dinner, um, I don’t know what else we did. He was walking me back to my car, and he began to kiss me more near my car, and after that, Travis had interrogated me about the dates I had that day because I went to lunch with John, and I went to dinner with Abe, and then I hung out with John afterward. And so, I liked John a little bit more than Abe, but I was getting a platonic vibe from him, so when I described the dates to Travis, he said he picked up on that – that I liked John, but he asked me directly if either of them kissed me, and, um, I said that Abe did, in Barnes and Noble, and I kind of trailed off, and I could tell from the tone of his voice that he was not happy, and so I never told him about the parking lot, and I, after, when I was getting ready to move to Yreka, we had a conversation in his bedroom a few days before I moved, and we, um, kind of took, we kind of came clean about some things we were keeping from each other, and that was one of the things I never told him that I should have…”.

What did Green Jodi say to Travis on the phone the day she went on two dates? We are now being asked to believe that Travis was initially upset about a kiss in popular book store? How passionate could that kiss have been? Besides, she was not officially dating Travis at the time of this date (late 2007), and saying that Abe had tried to kiss her in the parking lot would have been the preferred tactic for a woman trying to trap a man who already appeared to be jealous. Is she expecting us to believe that she only “came clean” about Abe Adelhadi kissing her in the parking lot a few days before she left Mesa for Yreka? I believe she “came clean” about her date with Abe the day it happened. Here is the exact interchange in reference to the day of the two dates:

Nurmi: “And it was at this time that you said Mr. Alexander called and you were unable to take his call at that moment?”

Arias: “Yes, he wasn’t angry, just inquisitive”.

Nurmi: “And that inqui…inqui…inquisition, if you will, led to you describing the fact that you were with Mr. Dixon”.

Arias: “Yes”.

Nurmi: “And how did that sit with Travis?”.

Arias: “Umm he, it wasn’t warmly received, he didn’t appear to get angry, but he, I could tell he was upset in his, just in the way he, his tone, his tone changed”.

After asking how Travis learned of and received the news of the additional date with Abe Adelhadi, Jodi answers:

Arias: “Same conversation, because both of those dates were in Pasadena on the same day”

Nurmi: “Was his distaste for your date with Mr. Abdelhadi, was it different than, um, than with John Dixon?”.

Arias: “It appeared to, it seemed to me, well, it was over the phone so I didn’t see him, but from the tone of his voice, he seemed upset”.

Nurmi: “Was that at a different level than it was with Mr. Dixon?”.

Arias: “I think it was all sort of cumulative, um”.

Nurmi: “Well, you mentioned the fact that as far as being encouraged to date, you said there were certain people, initially you thought it didn’t matter what types of people you dated, but then you said later on you were encouraged to date a particular type of person. So, what I was asking if there is some difference between Mr. Abdelhadi and Mr. Dixon that caused, to your understanding, extra anxiety with Mr. Alexander?”.

Arias: “I think it was that they both weren’t church members. I was sort of reprimanded for that”.

If Arias “came clean” about this date with Abe just days before she left Mesa, it had nothing to do with kissing; it had to do with a clip that was played on Dr. Drew Pinsky’s show:

ABE ABDELHADI (as quoted on the Dr. Drew Pinsky Show): “I made a little reach to find out – candidly speaking – if she was wearing thong panties or not. So, when I realized that she was, I made a little joke, and I said, that`s not magic underwear, and she said, but there’s magic in them. And so, I thought, OK, this is fun. She`s going to be fun”.

Before we leave the topic of “coming clean”, let’s not forget that Green Jodi has already admitted that she gets her information about Travis’ personal life by hacking into Travis’ email accounts. Coming clean? She doesn’t know the meaning of the phrase.

Back to court. Nurmi was about to interrupt, “That was kind of a come clean conversation before you moved, right?”. Green Jodi says, “Yes. And after he told me some things, and I told him those things, he felt like I had lied to him about our entire relationship, and our entire relationship was, um, based on lies, and I was a fraud, and I was just, that the whole relationship was fraudulent because I never told him about that incident prior to us getting together, and he thought one thing about Abe, and then he was just, and then he was oh, you know, he was kissing out, kissing more with you in the parking lot, and he was just, he was just mad about it”.

Nurmi asks, “When you told Travis about this, was he violent with you that day?”. Green Jodi answers, “Yes, he was that day”. Nurmi asks, “What happened?”.

Green Jodi pours it on: “Umm, Well, he was already…(long pause)…he was already upset because I had given him a pamphlet earlier, about the one that I talked about yesterday…”. Nurmi, on cue, interrupts, “Was this the same day, or a different day?” Green Jodi responds, “Same day. Same conversation, pretty much. We had just moved onto other subject matter, and at that point, he just flipped his lid and blew up, and he thew me on the ground, got on top of me, and started choking me.”. They’ve obviously rehearsed this because Nurmi allows a long, silent pause to elapse. Finally, he says, “When you say choking you, were you conscious the entire time?”. Green Jodi says, “I was conscious for…not long. He squeezed my neck, and I couldn’t breathe, everything turned gray really fast, and it went black, and…uh, uh…”.

Nurmi asks, “Did you fear for your life that day?”. Green Jodi answers, “It went so fast I didn’t have time to think, oh my God, he’s gonna kill me. The only thought I could think was, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I didn’t have any air, and before I really thought about it, I just started to get – he was on top of my waist – and my arms were free, and I thought, I’m trying to push him off, but he weighed over 200 pounds at that point and, uhh, I just remember getting my arms, they just felt like lead, and they just fell back on the carpet, and that’s the last thing I remember until I woke up”.

Nurmi allows a long pause to go by before he says, “And when did this incident occur?”. Despite the fact that he’s already asked this question, he asks it again. Green Jodi responds, “It was sometime in the first week of April, 2008”. Nurmi asks “Is this sometime after the incident you said, you felt like you were one of those battered women who didn’t speak up?”. Green Jodi responds, “It was about three months after that”.

Green Jodi just told the jury that Travis choked her in early April, 2008. She claims that everything went gray before it went black. Notice the raging Travis didn’t actually kill her. Now I can understand all of the references about his love of MMA fighting, the Friday night socials at his house to watch fights, and the references to him being a wrestler. It’s all an implication that Travis knew how to choke someone without killing them. In any event, I don’t believe for a second that Travis Alexander choked Jodi Arias.

Nurmi asks, “Is this after the incident you were telling us about yesterday when you said you realized you were one of those battered women that didn’t speak up?”. Green Jodi answers, “It was about three months after that”.

Nurmi continues, “There was also talk on this phone call about a drunk chick hanging on Travis. Is that the story you told us before?”. Green Jodi, trying to sound as though she is on the verge of crying, answers, “Yes”. Nurmi asks, “There was a lot of sexual activity discussed on this tape. Did all that sexual activity, did that take place before you moved back to Yreka?”. Green Jodi is staring at her little desk and playing with something small. She answers, “The things we were talking about? Yes. Well, some things we were making plans, future plans, but a lot of it was references to prior (sigh) experiences”. Nurmi asks, “So, when you’re talking about things you did, all those things happened before you moved back to Yreka, right?”. Green Jodi puts her big hand on the side of her long face and says, “Things we did. Yes”.

Nurmi says, “One of the things that was brought up is that Travis always grabbed your ass to prove a point. Now, earlier in your testimony you told us about an incident in a truck stop in Ehrenberg. Were there other instances in which Travis grabbed your ass to prove a point?”.

Nurmi isn’t even trying to be professional. He isn’t quoting anyone when he uses the word “ass”, so I guess it’s fine for him to use this type of terminology because his client is a slut. He can also stop pretending that the Ehrenberg trip offended Green Jodi or her ass because we all heard her talking about this trip on the tape. According to the “survivor” on the witness stand, the Ehrenberg trip was filled with jizz, and Green Jodi was recorded saying how much she loved the fact that it was all over their motel room.

Green Jodi thinks about her ass, and then she straightens her glasses. She nods her head, then replies, “Yeah, there were other instances”. Nurmi says, “Tell us about those”. Juan Martinez, the individual who reminds us that this is indeed a court of law and not The Jerry Springer Show, objects. Once again, he wants the pesky foundational gaps filled in. He wants dates, times, and places, and Nurmi will probably respond in a contemptuous tone of voice while telling the judge what his client will and will not say. Nurmi drops his pen on the podium (for what must be the fiftieth time today), and says, “She’s telling us, judge”. Judge Stephens reminds Nurmi that she has to provide foundation. I don’t even know why this is a matter of debate. What difference does it make whether or not Travis Alexander grabbed Green Jodi’s butt? Who cares? He wasn’t a stranger who ran through the mall grabbing women inappropriately. Jodi Arias was a woman who had given Travis free access to her “ass”.

Green Jodi, the traumatized survivor, can remember all the instances in which Travis grabbed her butt. She says, “Once was right after the executive director banquet (something this in-name-only PPL associate was lucky to be attending) in Oklahoma City – that same weekend. We were just discussing, we were walking out of the banquet area, by the restrooms, and he grabbed my butt, and then he said…”. Juan Martinez raises a hearsay objection. Nurmi gives his “not being offered for the truth of the matter asserted” response. The judge tells Nurmi to restate his question.

It’s interesting that Green Jodi is now going to refer to an incident in Oklahoma City, because the ass grab on the phone sex tape happened in Las Vegas. I understand why Juan Martinez wants foundational information. They are deliberately bouncing between events, dates, and cities, and they are hoping to confuse everyone. Whatever Green Jodi may say at this moment, let’s all remember that on the phone sex tape she said the same thing happened in Las Vegas. When we heard her talking about that incident, she said, “I love it when you grab my butt”. I suppose she’s going to have a different opinion on ass grabbing in front of the jury.

Nurmi says, “He grabbed your butt. For what purpose did he grab your ass, to your understanding?”. Green Jodi, with her mouth hanging open, stares at Nurmi, and then replies, “My understanding was that he grabbed it because there was a guy named Mark standing by, and Mark had expressed an interest in me (oh, right…), mmm, two months earlier. He was also an associate. We like never went on a date or anything, but there was an interest there”.

Why, when ass grabbing was discussed on the phone with Travis, wasn’t this mysterious Mark person in Las Vegas mentioned? This is what Green Jodi said on tape about Travis’ habit of engaging in felonious ass grabbing: “I think you grabbed my ass, like right in front of him, like when we were walking through the casino in Las Vegas, in 07. We walked by, and you grabbed my butt, and you were like, there goes Abe, and I was like…WHAT?”.

Nurmi takes the obvious road and asks, “So, the point he was proving was that you belonged to him?”. Juan Martinez raises a leading objection. The objection is sustained, but Nurmi just moves a few words around and asks the same question again. Juan Martinez raises a speculation objection. He says he doesn’t even know what Nurmi is asking. Nurmi says, “What does SHE believe?”. Juan is good for the brain. He breaks up the monotony of the two boring key players now dominating the stage. He also made it clear to the jury that whatever answer comes out of this defendant’s mouth, it is purely her opinion, not fact. That is an important distinction. Green Jodi answers, “Just that he was claiming me. It was usually the only time he claimed me in public, when there was another guy around or something”.

Nurmi says, “I guess you weren’t wearing your T-shirt, huh?”. Wow. Nurmi just sent a clear message to every person listening that he doesn’t believe the strength of his client’s testimony is winning the war. That was a completely unprofessional, desperate thing to say. If he actually believed what Green Jodi was saying was true, he would never traumatize a victim by being sarcastic about the level of humiliation and abuse she suffered. That was a bad, bad move.

Juan Martinez is brilliant. Without a hint of emotion, he sits with his hands folded and says, “Objection. Which T-shirt are we talking about?”. Nurmi makes the same mistake each time Juan Martinez embarrasses him; he gets louder, more sarcastic, and more ridiculous. He looks like an angry Disney foe who doesn’t like the way things are going. He looks like he has no respect for the process or the court. As predicted, he swaggers around, and says, “I guess you weren’t wearing the T-shirt that has Travis Alexander apostrophEE (big accent on the end of that word with a waving hand gesture) S on it, Right?”. Green Jodi answers, “No”.

Nurmi is right in front of Juan Martinez, and he continues, “You probably weren’t wearing the shorts that said Travises with an apostrophe, oh excuse me, an exclamation point”. Green Jodi is a fool. She is answering rhetorical questions seriously. She says, “No, I never wore those in public”. Nurmi is on a roll (a downhill roll, but a roll nonetheless). He says, “There’s no other way to claim you as his property but to grab your ass, right?”. Now, I’m laughing. In the middle of this charade, Juan Martinez says, “Objection, speculation”. The objection is sustained.

Nurmi asks, “Did he prove this point – of you being his – on other occasions by grabbing your butt?”. This is all rather ridiculous. Green Jodi spent a good deal of time telling the jury that Travis ignored her at these events. Now, the man who is embarrassed to be seen with her is grabbing her butt in a public display of ownership?

Juan Martinez objects again. He says that it is speculation as this practice has been proven to be an act of ownership. He’s right, of course, but his objection is overruled. Now, Nurmi is free to continue his search for other instances of the ass grabber grabbing asses. It’s ironic that the woman who plunged a knife into human flesh 29 times can’t remember inflicting even one of those injuries, but she does remember each instance in which her butt was squeezed. Oh, and just for the record, let’s remember that we just heard her on tape – she told Travis she liked it.

I’m about ready to shove that pen up Nurmi’s….never mind. If he drops that thing on the podium again, I’m going to yell at the screen. He does it for effect, but because of the microphone, it’s just jarring. After he tosses his pen, he asks Green Jodi for more ass grabbing examples. With her face down, Green Jodi mumbles, “Well, there was the occasion in the rest…uh, no…the truck stop restaurant, it was like a convenience store in a restaurant, joining the convenience store, moreso near the registers (her hands are moving all over the place as she attempts to give the jurors a visual on the set-up of the truck stop), and he did that, and umm…the other occasion was the one I referenced on the tape, which would have been in Las Vegas (the one she said she liked), at the convention in 2007, where he did that again in front of Abe, the same guy we were talking about”.

Now, as long as we’re being specific here, isn’t it important that we know whether Travis grabbed her left cheek, her right cheek, or if he used the more aggressive and less stealthy double handed grab? That would tell us a lot about how physically abusive Travis Alexander really was. Truthfully, wouldn’t an abuser actually slap her ass? This trial may go down in history as featuring the most useless, pointless, irrelevant direct testimony on record. As if listening to tales of ass grabbing isn’t insulting enough, we now have to hear that the murderer’s ass wasn’t just grabbed in a regular truck stop – it was grabbed in a truck stop that had a convenience store kinda/sorta joined to it. It is becoming painfully obvious that the defense has literally nothing to work with. Frankly, the bigger issue for me would be that he slept with her and took her to a truck stop for breakfast. If I was trying to prove that Travis Alexander used and degraded Green Jodi, I would certainly mention that a nice brunch would have been a sign of respect toward your lover, while a truck stop is, well, a truck stop.

(Behind the Words: A Logical and Satirical Guide to the Impossible Defense of Jodi Arias Volume 2 by Kim Anne Whittemore)

Green Jodi was just given free reign to recount every time Travis’ hand grabbed her butt in public. She came up with three examples. Instead of moving on, Nurmi asks, “Was this a fairly persistent pattern with him? If he thought a guy might be interested, he would grab your butt?”. Three times in less than two years does not a persistent pattern make, but let’s see if Green Jodi can come up with some other examples. She answers, “Well, in public, he only did it around, when he perceived other men to be watching us”.

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

Dancing With The Devil Parts One and Two Thoughts/Moments That Stuck Out

(I’m going to put this under a read more before it’s long, but be aware there’s going to be talk about death, sexual violence, eating disorders and drug use)

General thoughts:

So I’ve made it pretty clear that I was definitely nervous about this coming out. Any long term Demi fan knows that making these documentaries have not turned out well for Demi in the past. Likewise, I have other concerns surrounding it. In saying that, I am also not egotistical to think that I know for sure this will be different or even if it’s not, that I can change things. I also feel a little better knowing that most of what was said so far has already been spoken about in interviews rather than it all coming out at once. Either way, as always, I wish Demi nothing but the best and hope that she is currently as okay as the documentary makes it seem.

The Scrapped Documentary:

One thing that really stuck out to me as soon as it was said was the implication that her friends lied their way through the documentary that never got released. On one hand it feels like a very friend thing to do, like we’ve all been there and done it with good intentions even if it was the wrong call to make. But I definitely think that when considering that the person who called 911 felt like they had to sneak away to make the call and everyone talking about how controlled they felt by having to be careful about food and substances around Demi, there seemed to be a major push to save face and save Demi’s celebrity persona over Demi. And I mean there’s no shock about that, we all assumed Phil wasn’t just in it for Demi’s health. 

But what I do find interesting is how Demi’s friend still believes that her old team meant well but was just unequip for dealing with mental issues. Once upon a time, I felt the same. Again, obviously they wanted her well for their own sake because they were making money from her, but I believed they at least wanted her well. But the melon cake revelation changed that for me. Like at that point I went from “The label clearly favoured Nick Jonas and didn’t handle things well but maybe he genuinely thought Demi couldn’t handle it” to “Demi’s team did not give the slightest fuck about her”. So I find it interesting that it didn’t for her friend and makes me wonder just how much of this saving face came from Demi herself (or what she thought she wanted) compared to her team. This is especially the case given the focus, and particularly Dallas’ words, on how she didn’t choose to be a role model but felt she had to be for her fans.

The Death Of Demi’s Father:

A little confession for you all, I almost quit watching this documentary 6 1/2 minutes into the first part. While I feel like almost everything else said in this documentary was at very least alluded to if not flat out said in interviews, this hit me over the head. I am someone who is estranged from their own father and knows that his epilepsy could cause his death at any time should a fit get that bad and that he doesn’t really have anyone who would be consistently checking in on him. So the fear of him decomposing in his flat all alone is one that is all too relatable to me. It is also relatable in terms of my mother, but at least she has my brother who wants to stay at home forever and I would call her even if I moved out, so it’s less likely. So yeah, the way Demi said it and knowing that Father’s Day passed in that time and she probably spends every Father’s Day regretting she didn’t call stings a lot and will almost definitely stay with me for a long time. 

I also related to her talking about her guilt of not helping him the way she feels she’s helped other with her advocacy more than I’d like. While not drug related, I’ve spoken a few times on my blog about how I reached a point with my mother’s bipolar and need for remedies to the legal issues that worsened her health where I gave up despite still advocating for others. And she’s pointed that out. But ultimately Demi and her loved ones are right; a person needs to want help to give it to them and trying to force help doesn’t work. It didn’t for Demi’s father and it didn’t for her until she was ready.

Demi’s Drug Use:

I didn’t actually realise Sirah was Demi’s sober companion and while I didn’t really know anything about her beforehand, I think her parts were among my favourites so far. She was honest, emotional, informative and really contextualised what she was saying not only in terms of Demi but addicts as a whole.

Unfortunately one of the most relatable parts of this documentary so far was when everyone spoke about how Demi seemed normal in the weeks before her overdose. To this day, a lot of my then loved ones, whether it be family or friends, still don’t know I went to rehab in my teens. A lot of the people who do know now didn’t find out about it until years later when I was ready to talk about it. Looking back, the only really clear sign I showed that something was “wrong” is that I went from being a teacher’s pet to skipping a lot of classes and heading home for lunches instead of hanging with friends. But given a lot of my friends knew I had gone through trauma and a separate death in the year before, they didn’t think anything of it. Like from memory, I think at “worse” there was a joke made about I had become one of them and cared about school less. Granted there is always the case that they realised but never said anything, but yeah, at least from where I’m standing, they never knew. And that’s why I will never judge loved ones of someone who does anything negative off the bat, because it, and especially addiction, can be so easy to hide.

I also find it really interesting and relatable that Demi linked her drinking with drugs like that. I spoke about this the other day in an ask, but the two have always been super linked to me. But what I find most interesting is that she spoke about it in connection to negative emotions. Because while yes, I have always connected both with negative emotions, for me, being in a negative mood has somewhat made it easier to not relapse over the years because I could justify it with “well I’m feeling bad, of course I want something to pick me up. That doesn’t make it what I need though”. Meanwhile, I found out last year that I still feel that need to use when drinking in a good mood and that freaked me out to the point I don’t drink at all anymore. Either way though, like I said, it was an interesting point to bring up the connection and definitely relatable.

This isn’t really about the documentary itself, but it really hit me how far I have personally come when she spoke about and started playing Sober. Like at the time Sober was released, I was so close to relapsing myself that I couldn’t bring myself to listen to it straight off and yet now I am really starting to feel like I reached a place where the future looks so bright.

The Sexual Assault:

I don’t really have much to say here past “god I wish this wasn’t so relatable”. During my time using, and even the early days of trying to get clean, I had someone in my life that would constantly try to start something sexual with me and when they realised I wouldn’t do it, they drugged me and did it anyway. And while that is clearly sexual violence, there still very much was that stigma of ‘well I was getting high with them anyway” and feeling like that made it consensual and realising down the track that no, it really didn’t. And while not part of the documentary itself (yet), Demi talking in an interview about how she invited the drug dealer back to her house to “make things right” afterwards really hurt my heart knowing how long I spent with the same delusion that this person would make amends too.

Other/Final Thoughts:

I find it interesting that Demi noted that this pandemic is pretty much what made her stop and fully comprehend all of her past trauma. In many ways, it reminds me of sentiments that Taylor has said in regard to Folklore and Evermore, so it’ll be interesting to see just how much of that makes it onto Dancing With The Devil: The Art Of Starting Over. I also find it interesting that according to wikipedia, the last part is meant to come out after the album which could be an implication that the album finishes at a point of Demi’s life before the documentary finishes.

All up, this documentary gives me a similar vibe to Taylor’s documentary Miss Americana where it somewhat feels like it’s more for the casual/non-fans because anyone who pays attention to Demi’s recent interviews will have heard/at least been alluded to nearly all of this information already. That in no way makes it a bad (half of a) documentary, it’s just an observation. In many ways, I also feel like that’s what made the content about her father hit harder too because it was new or things she has not spoken about in a while. It will be interesting to see where the next two parts go from here in terms of being more positive and/or the nitty gritty of picking yourself back up. Either way, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

[phiilomen-a]

⧼         milena   tscharntke,   demi-girl,   she/they         /         mirrorball   by   taylor   swift   +   there,   stashed   behind   the   coats   in   her   closet   ,   the   aftermath   of   a   broken   home   :   a   comet   920   broomstick,   surname   inscribed   in   its   handle   ,   a   reminder   of   a   mother   whose   loyalty   was   stronger   than   love   ;   a   tarnished   prefect’s   badge   ,   memories   of   a   time   they   no   longer   wish   to   hark   back   to   ;   a   letter      (      a   goodbye      )   ,      edges   worried   and   pages   tear-stained   ⧽         ━━         hey,   isn’t   that   PHILOMENA   PADGETT?   i   read   a   daily   prophet   article   on   them,   once   ;   the   TWENTY-EIGHT   year   old   [   half   blood   ]   WIX   is   a   [   SLYTHERIN   ]   alumnus   who   has   gone   on   to   be   an   AUROR.   i’ve   heard   they   can   be   quite   CONSCIENTIOUS   &   HARD-WORKING,   but   i   don’t   know…   they   came   off   very   STUBBORN   &   RETICENT   in   that   interview.   it   really   is   hard   to   know   what   to   believe   these   days   though,   isn’t   it?   

doc      /      spotify      /      pinterest      /      wanted   connections  .

okay   hello   so   !   admittedly   i   don't   have   anything   set   in   stone   aside   from   a   few   headcanons   but   i   guess   just   a   quick   little   heads   up   :   philomena's   kind-of,   sort-of   based   on   a   somewhat   canon   character   in   the   hp   verse,   specifically   in   the   wizards   unite   game,   though   really   little   is   known   about   her,   and   i've   technically   tweaked   a   lot   about   her   characterization   that,   yeah,   she's   mine   now   ♡   so   anyways,   here's   philomena!

both   of   her   parents   were   outspoken   supporters   of   you-know-who   and   his      MAGIC      IS      MIGHT      campaign,   which   eventually   led   to   her   mother's   arrest   after   the   war   after   involving   herself   in   the   conflict.   

LAVINIA   CRABBE-PADGETT,         older   sister   to   a   death   eater   and   quite   possibly   even   more   supportive   of   the   dark   lord   than   he   is.   she   was   never   a   death   eater   like   he   was   -   too   much   work   for   a   woman   with   four   children   to   raise   -   but   she   did   end   up   housing   some   low-level   death   eaters   at   the   end   of   the   second   war,   and   in   the   conflict   that   ensued   once   the   ministry   discovered   this,   she   fatally   injured   two   aurors,   one   of   which   would   end   up   dying   in   st,   mungo's.   this   in   turn   led   to   her   arrest   and   incarceration   in   azkaban.

ARLINGTON   PADGETT   IV.         was   much   less   vocal   than   his   wife,   but   supported   the   cause   nonetheless,   though   nobody   knew   if   it   was   because   he   actually   believed   the   ideals   that   he-who-must-not-be-named   had   put   forth,   or   because   it   was   to   save   face—   he   was   the   son   of   a   wealthy   pureblood   and   her   muggleborn   lover,   after   all.   he   had   intended   to   lie   low   after   the   death   eaters   lost   the   second   war,   only   evading   prison   time   due   to   his   wife's   actions   because   of   this.   still,   the   padgetts   never   quite   recovered   from   what   happened   after   the   war,   and   this   in   turn   affected   the   lives   of   all   their   children.

all   the   padgetts   were   sorted   into   slytherin,   save   for   arlington   padgett   v.,   who   was   sorted   into   ravenclaw,   which   didn't   cause   as   much   of   an   uproar   in   the   family—   better   that   than   gryffindor,   as   they   would   say.

fia   was   somewhat   close   to   both   their   parents   in   different   ways,   especially   as   they   grew   up   mostly   on   their   own,   with   their   siblings   being   much   older   than   they   were.  

with   their   mother,   fia   talked   quidditch.   they   were   never   much   of   a   player,   but   nel   often   found   herself   studying   and   analyzing   quidditch   plays   with   their   mother.   it   was   a   pastime   for   them—   lavinia   herself   almost   being   a   professional   quidditch   player,   except   as   a   member   of   the   sacred   28,   she   was   expected   to   marry   well,   so   she   did.   her   older   daughters   concerned   themselves   with   vanity,   her   son   not   feigning   much   interest   in   the   sport   itself,   so   she   turned   to   nel   when   it   came   to   matters   on   quidditch.   it   was   more   of   a   pastime   than   a   full-fledged   hobby,   though   their   mother   often   brought   them   to   games,   and   they   had   an   entire   shelf   in   their   room   dedicated   to   quidditch   memorabilia,   specifically   the   pride   of   portree.

with   their   father,   philomena   talked   business.   they   knew   they   were   never   going   to   inherit   the   family   business,   that   would   go   to   arlington   jr.,   but   their   father   kept   them   in   the   loop   enough   to   know   what   goes   on   in   a   business   and   some   tips   and   tricks   in   running   one.   of   course,   their   father   still   kept   to   his   traditional   ideals   and   expected   philomena   to   marry   well.  

it   seemed   as   though   philomena   was   the   crutch   that   both   their   parents   leaned   on,   especially   as   their   siblings   started   going   to   hogwarts   a   few   years   after   the   end   of   the   first   war.   basically,   they   kind   of   just   dumped   everything   onto   them,   since   they   were   often   the   only   child   left   at   home   while   their   siblings   were   at   hogwarts.   sure,   they   spent   more   time   with   their   parents,   but   both   lavinia   and   arlington   sr.   were   kind   of   also   not   the   best.  

nel   was   ambitious,   much   like   their   fellow   slytherins.   they   were   also   described   as   stubborn   and   hard-working,   but   secretive   as   well.

philomena's   relationship   with   their   siblings   is   .   .   .   not   so   good.   they   are   regarded   as   the   favorite   by   the   older   three,   and   they   see   their   older   siblings   as   vain   and   lazy.   they   treat   each   other   with   disdain,   and   family   dinners   are   awkward   as   hell   rip   </3

as   the   youngest   of   four,   they   knew   there   wasn't   much   inheritance   left   for   them,   and   fia   knew   there   were   only   two   ways   out:   marry   well   or   work   hard   enough   to   earn   a   job   that   doesn't   need   you   to   do   so.

okay family stuff done, here’s some more hcs

graduated   class   of   '11,   was   pretty   much   a   good   student   at   school,   even   making   prefect   in   their   fifth   year.

okay   so   here's   a   quick   rundown   of   fia's   life   post-hogwarts   :      right   after   graduating,   philomena   is   hired   to   work   a   pretty   lofty   position   at   the   department   of   magical   law   enforcement      (   at   least   for   recent   grads   )

said   job   may   or   may   not   be   because   their   parents   pulled   some   strings   around      (      hello   nepotism   baby   ❤️👄❤️      )      and   it   may   just   be   a   pretty   standard   desk   job,   but   it's   something

and,   okay,   maybe   the   job   was   kind   of   just   to   appease   her   parents;   they   never   wanted   her   to   even   work   in   the   first   place,   preferring   instead   to   have   a   strategic   marriage   arranged   for   her   straight   out   of   graduation.   but   philomena   had   insisted,   so   the   desk   job   was   kind   of   an   in-between   for   them.

i   think   that   she   had   wanted   to   become   an   auror   long   before   graduation,   though,   and   she   saw   her   desk   job   as   a   way   in.   she   had   moved   out   of   her   childhood   home   and   into   a   flat   that   she   was   (   partially   )   paying   for   herself,   she   could   do   anything.

i   think   it   would   be   nice   to   point   out   that   despite   the   somewhat   obvious   favoritism   that   philomena   never   really   liked   their   family,   or   their   childhood.   it   was   frought   with   too   many   rules,   too   many   nos,   too   many   and   what   would   the   other   purebloods   think,   philomena?   —   aside   from   that,   they   were   also   kind   of   the   crutch   their   parents   leaned   on,   and   fia   really   was   just   like   i   can't   keep   doing   this   for   the   rest   of   my   life   why   do   i   have   to   play   mediator   between   the   two   of   them   and   just   !   jumped   at   the   first   opportunity   to   leave   !

and   philomena   was   doing   well   post-hogwarts.   they   got   a   flat,   started   going   to   family   dinners   less   and   less,   and   was   even   working   on   enlisting   in   the   next   round   of   trainee   auror   recruitment—   like   i   said,   philomena   in   the   early   years   post-hogwarts   felt   like   they   could   do   anything.

then   the   war   happened   and,   well,   her   mother   went   and   did   that   and   suddenly   all   eyes   at   the   office   were   on   her   when   they   originally   weren't   because   she   was   just   the   plain   kid   who   got   coffee   for   everyone   and   arranged   paperwork   and   nobody   noticed   her   until   now

god   okay   even   i'm   realizing   that   this   is   too   long   so   here's   a   quick   rundown   of   post-war   fia   :   they   lie   low   for   a   while,   and   i   think   their   ambition   drives   them   enough   to   put   work   ahead   of   their   family   and   kind   of   just   ...   started   to   not   associate   with   their   mother's   side   of   the   family.   eventually,   a   lot   later   than   they   had   anticipated,   they   made   auror   (yay!)   and   yeah   !!   god   i'll   elaborate   on   this   more   but   tl;dr:   has   a   pretty   shady   past   but   is   stubborn   enough   to   not   let   that   get   in   the   way   of   their   ambitions,   and   becomes   an   auror   !

[dragonrajafanfiction]

The Cassell Cynics Chapter 3

@hectabdr

@hectab

Hana Sato walked back into the administrators building alone and shrugged when the Guderian, Manstein and Schneider all sighed at once.

“Hey, I tried.” She said.

“You were gone for such a long time. I got my hopes up.” Guderian lamented. He looked at the CCTV footage. Nathan Phillips was still where he had been all afternoon, but now he seemed to be sleeping. More likely he was just too stoned to sit up straight.

“Did you find out anything?” Schneider asked.

“Well...” She shrugged. “I found out that he’s C-ranked, he doesn’t believe he can actually slay any dragons, and he’s planning on dropping out and having his memory wiped.”

Guderian visibly paled. “Dropping out?! No one ever drops out!”

“I was going to ask you that.” Hana winced. “Do you know of anyone who’s ever actually dropped out?”

“Dropping out is easier said than done. It takes an extremely strong will to do it. Hybrids are fundamentally different from other humans.” Schneider’s voice was very soft. He spun a pen in his hand and his eyes turned distant. “A young person will feel an intense loneliness, the desire to reach out and find people like them without hearing anyone speak to them in a way they will understand. It doesn’t matter if it's a school like Cassell, or a private club, or a religion. Hybrids will wander and search until they gather together out of loneliness and the need to be with those of their own kind. For someone to experience the company of other Hybrids and then to turn away....” He paused, not finishing the sentence.

Guderian sighed, mournfully. “It seems so impossible. But it's true, he hasn’t joined any clubs, and shows no interest in any classes. Shows no interest in any girls.”

“The feeling is mutual. He’s has a reputation of uselessness on a level higher than Fingel Von Frings.” Manstein said. “Few on the faculty want to deal with him. Much less the students.”

“Perhaps that’s intentional. If no one sees him as useful, it's easier for him to disappear.” Schneider said.

Manstein spoke up. “Toyama has said that it is very rare for someone to be able to resist the ‘Cry of the Blood’ but it can happen. If the dragon blood purity is low enough then he might not feel the Blood Cry so strongly. Perhaps he is actually of C-rank and you two are having wishful thoughts.” Manstein huffed.

“Wait, you’re not sure what rank he is?” Hana’s eyes darted back and forth from face to face.

Schneider cleared his throat loudly. “His willfully negligent behavior is unusual for a C-rank and is intriguing enough to investigate. You see, low ranking hybrids are not usually this stubborn. We thought perhaps we could retest him.”

“He seemed pretty normal to me…” Hana responded. The three professors all stared at her. “I… I mean, some of the things he said were things I could understand. He doesn’t like the fact that people are here just to score what he called ‘social points’. He feels he’s here just to please his parents, but because he’s no use to the Cassell Mission it’s pointless for him to work hard. It’s not that he’s rejecting anyone. He seems to know that when the big missions come along, he won’t be called up. So there’s no point in being at the top of his game.”

“There are no useless hybrids at Cassell.” Schneider said. “In order to stay here you have to be above average, answering six out of the ten questions on the 3E exam. If he were just an ordinary Hybrid or possessed only garbage dragon genes, then he would not have been acceptable at all and we would have rejected him. He should know this.”

“I don’t mean to be argumentative, but he’s kind of right.” Hana said. “A-ranked students are called up in dire emergencies only. The last emergency we had, it was only A through S rankers. Since when was a C-ranked student sent on an A ranked mission? Wouldn’t that be the same as sending them on a death trap? No one is going to send a C-rank to kill a dragon king. It just doesn’t happen. What’s more, everyone knows that a B ranking should be the lowest grade on the Campus, for someone to get a C or an F like Fingel, it’s a joke to the whole college and no one would want to be caught dead hanging out with him. The only reason I could sit and talk to him was because I’m already a reject. I can’t get any lower, right?”

The three professors looked at each other in turn. 

Guderian rubbed his chin. “Perhaps you can talk to him again! He seems to like you! He doesn’t usually hold a conversation with anyone for very long!”

“Uh…” Hana smiled. “Honestly, I think I’m better off handling this escort mission alone. He’s made it very clear that he’s not interested in doing the assignment.”

Guderian gasped. “Oh right! The assignment! Yes… about that. Don't worry about that.”

Hana’s jaw dropped in confusion. “What do you mean don’t worry about it?”

“Um… the shipment was delayed. Yes… delayed. So you don’t have to worry about the assignment. More importantly, I think Mr. Phillips can use another interview from you. And we’ll make that your assignment!”

Hana sighed in disbelief. She crossed her arms. “When will this assignment end and how do I know I got a good grade?”

Manstein and Schneider both glared at Guderian and the man flinched. “I uh… heh… The assignment will be complete after this last interrog-... I mean, interview. And you’ll receive a full completed mark for my class.”

“I’ll take it!” Hana beamed. “Now if there’s no more, I have to get ready for my assignment!”

------

“So you were right. There probably wasn’t any cargo assignment at all.  They’re just really interested in the idea of you dropping out.” Hana reached over to dip her pita bread in the tzatziki sauce. “I think I got assigned to you because I was the only one with no social clout you might talk to. So now, talking to you is my assignment.”

“I don’t get it. Why do they care?”

“It’s not because of their ego. It’s because you’re unusual! It’s weird for hybrids not to want to be with Hybrids. The fact that you would willingly want to drop out and fantasize about it? It got their attention. I think they feel they might be wrong about your ranking. You’re C-ranked but you don’t act like it. Plus, it’s not possible for a C-rank to get into Cassell. The lowest rank they’ll accept is B. Officially. Fingel was A ranked when he joined but was demoted after. You were accepted as C… that’s strange. Did they say why?”

The spring air was still chilly but Nathan kept the window open in his dorm. The smell of garlic was strong from both the Greek and the Italian food. Hana and Nathan sat around a table full of half eaten styrofoam clamshells. Nathan sat back, his arms resting on the back of the used sofa, against the open window, shamelessly without a shirt, in the same pants he’d worn all day. His brown hair was roughed by the wind but he seemed to like it that way. “No.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter what happened.”

“You had to resonate at least somewhat… right? C isn’t nothing.”

Nathan let out a breath and stood up to go to the dark kitchen and he returned with a beer. “You’re just going to go back and report everything I say. So why should I tell you anything?”

“Worst case scenario, you actually don’t belong there, this is all a mistake and they wipe your mind early. Best case scenario you find out you’ve been under-ranked all along and you can actually go on the dragonslaying missions and you can shove it in the face of all the people who looked down on you.”

He sat back down on the couch. “Both of those scenarios kinda suck.”

“You’re all about reality and truth, right?” She said, “If you really don’t belong here, you shouldn’t be here. If you do belong here, you should be here. If you’re as low ranking as you believe you are? Brain washing should be no problem. But if you’re strong? Having your memory wiped could cause intense anxiety and depression. Because you won’t be able to silence the blood-cry, no matter how hard you try. Hybrids always find each other. Only you will be miserable because you’ll be locked out of the world you belong to. Once you leave Cassell… you can’t come back. People may look down on you because you’re ranked C… but Fingel is ranked F and he’s not leaving. They haven’t kicked him out. Probably because he wouldn’t survive on his own out there. What do you think your chances are?”

Nathan took a drink from his beer. “I know that.”

“I’m on your side here. Just tell me what happened. I won’t tell the professors. I promise. They just said I had to complete the interview. Guderian didn’t say I had to tell them anything.”

He put the bottle down at the table. “You go first then. What did you see on your exam?”

“I was running down an unusually long corridor. And I just kept running and running until I got to the end and I saw myself. Only… My clothes were covered in blood and I was crying tears of blood. I was crying like...the kind of crying where you’re exhausted and you want to stop but you can’t. I felt like I knew what I was crying about, but I couldn’t… say it. Something terrible that shouldn’t be spoken. An incredible guilt. And I deserved what was coming to me.”

Nathan lowered his bottle from his lips. “Sorry…”

Hana just shrugged her shoulders. “Okay. It’s your turn.”

“Okay… don’t tell them, okay? Promise me.” Nathan’s eyes seemed to darken and Hana realized that perhaps she’d managed to convince him to talk. 

“I won’t. I promise.” Already her mind was fielding several different ways she could talk and somehow get away with it. Mentally, she crossed her fingers.

“I’ll hold you to it.” He tilted the bottle at her. “Anyway, I just… saw one dragon. It wasn’t that I saw a real dragon, I just got a sense of what they were. And I thought about how I’d been running behind my brother trying to keep up with him and my status obsessed parents. But when I saw what real power was? I was like… screw it. Everyone is just… rats on a wheel. So… I just stopped. I stopped writing.”

“What do you mean you stopped? You… stopped taking the test in the middle of it?” Hana's jaw dropped in disbelief for the second time that day. “How could you stop?! The visions are uncontrollable.”

“It was hopeless! I felt the deepest hopelessness you can ever feel. Like you were digging a hole thinking you almost reached the bottom and all you see when you look down is more and more dirt and you understand that you’ll die before you reach the bottom! So you just stop!” He slammed the beer on the table. “It wasn’t something I could control or think ‘okay next question’. It was like the universe reached out and said. ‘No.’ There was no choice. Once you understand what we’re up against? You’ll get it. But… I hope you never do.”

Hana couldn’t pull her gaze away from the haunted look in his eyes. They were the eyes of a crazy person. Maybe it was the fact that they were ringed with dark circles and red rims or the moonlight that made his skin look paler than usual. He certainly looked like someone who had a bad trip.

“I can look at you, Hana… and I can tell you flat out. If you meet a real dragon? You’re dead. You don’t understand what these things are. They look real, with eyes and skin and heart and lungs… but that’s just the … physical outward… manifestation of … some sort of Eldritch Abomination!” He fought to find the words to express what he remembered from the 3E. He was so defiant and stubborn before but now that was all gone. “You THINK you can kill these things because you don’t… understand…”

He leaned forward, his eyes were the most intense she’d ever seen. Hana leaned away from him.

“Cassell college is a joke. On a fundamental level. So yes. I’m getting my memory wiped. Because C ranked… A ranked… forget it. We’re toast.”

“You’re not C ranked.” She said, her voice shaking. “You’re not… And you know it. But you’d rather run away… You’re just like Fingel...”

“I think you’re right about that. But Fingel either doesn’t have the guts to cut and run or they won’t let him. The same way they won’t let me. They send you here to stop me from going. But you’re on my side right? Then you tell them the truth and tell them that ‘Yep! Nathan Phillips is just a C-ranked idiot. Just let him hang out here and cut him loose.’ You’re on my side. Right?”

“You really mean that Cassell can’t win?”

Nathan shook his head slowly.  “Not a chance. Not a snowflake's chance in hell. You’re on my side right? Please Hana. Just… tell them I’m a useless C.”

----

Hana stepped out of the dorm. The wind blew and ruffled the skirt of her uniform. She looked at the stately buildings and prime real estate. She had three assignments due the next day, and a presentation due after that. But a long shadow was suddenly cast over her future at Cassell. 

The shadow by the question. “What if he was right? What if it was really all hopeless? Cassell’s mission was to slay dragons but if it was impossible...”

She turned her face up to the single lit window. Nathan’s window was still open and even though she was outside and he was on the second floor, she could smell the weed from here. 

If I ever meet a dragon, I’ll bow down and say, “I welcome my scaly overlords!”

“You were serious...” She whispered. She turned and walked away, her lone figure receding into the night.

[imjustthemechanic]

The Price of a Soul

Part 1/? - Agent Russel

I am absolutely going to regret starting to post this, but here goes.

An AU: a Russian agent slips Agent Carter a letter that seems to contain a clue to the location of the Valkyrie crash site.  What is Peggy willing to sacrifice in order to bring Steve’s body home?  Her job?  Her reputation?  Maybe even her life?  And what will she do when she learns what her Soviet source already knew - that Captain America isn’t a corpse after all?

-

Peggy was not at all happy about the situation, but at the same time, she knew she had nobody to blame for it but herself.

After all, she was the one who’d broken Dottie Underwood out of prison and then lost track of her.  That made it, technically, Peggy’s fault that the woman had robbed the Toucan Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, making off with some two hundred thousand dollars.  Now the mafia was looking for Dottie, along with dozens of corrupt police officers all over the country, all of them getting in Peggy’s way, alternately threatening her, trying to bribe her, and ignoring her… and as if that weren’t enough, now the bloody FBI had gotten involved.

All things considered, Peggy was very tempted to call in to work with a headache.  The main reason she did not was because half the people involved in this fiasco already considered her a potential criminal and she didn’t want to give their theories any support.  But there wasn’t exactly a spring in her step as she opened the door marked Auerbach Theatrical Agency and stepped inside.

It was a sunny morning in Los Angeles, and light was pouring through the big window into the middle of the room, where a blonde in a pink cardigan was kneeling on the floor doing a scene from MacBeth.

“The Thane of Fife had a wife!” the woman lamented, in a shockingly obnoxious mockery of a Scottish accent.  She mimed thrusting her hands under a stream of water and rubbing them together to wash them.  “Where is she now?”

“Good morning, Rose,” said Peggy, to the woman behind the desk.

“Good morning, Peggy,” Rose replied with a sigh. The SSR had gone out of its way to make the supposed ‘theatrical agency’ nearly impossible to find, and yet hopefuls still showed up quite regularly.  When Peggy had left the previous evening, there’d been a pair of young East Asian men, twins, juggling knives.  One of the blades was still embedded in the wall where its owner had thrown it.  Now there was this would-be Shakespearean.

“What, will this hand never be clean?” the blonde went on, refusing to break character.  “No more of that, my Lord, no more of that!  You mar all with this starting!”

“Well, if anyone needs me, I’ll be upstairs waiting for my ten o’clock,” said Peggy.  FBI Agent Russel, here to offer his ‘assistance’ apprehending Ms. Dorothy Underwood – and to keep an eye on SSR Agent Carter to make sure she wasn’t involved in any criminal activities.  They might have at least tried to be subtle about it.

“I’ll let you know when he arrives,” said Rose.

Peggy turned to head upstairs, when a new voice said, “Agent Carter?”

She turned around.  The blonde was standing now.  She was quite small, shorter than Peggy, dressed in a mid-calf beige skirt, and the pink cardigan was over a matching blouse with a single tasteful string of pearls. Her makeup was quite dramatic, with deep red lipstick in a similar shade to Peggy’s own.  Her purse was also bright red, and she reached into it and pulled out a little leather billfold which she opened to reveal a red and silver FBI badge.

“I’m Agent Nadine Russel,” she said.

Peggy should not have been startled – she really should not. She was thoroughly sick of everyone she met being surprised that SSR Agent Carter was a woman, and this Agent Russel probably felt the same… but it took her a moment to regain a neutral expression regardless.  She looked at Rose.

Rose shook her head.  Apparently the woman had simply walked in and started doing Shakespeare.

“I’m sorry,” said Russel with a smile.  “But she asked me if I were here to audition and I couldn’t resist.”

“To be fair, she’s not one of the worst we’ve had,” Rose put in.

Russel stepped forward to shake Peggy’s hand.

“I apologize as well,” Peggy said, as she accepted the gesture.  “I wasn’t aware the FBI employed female agents.”  It made sense, though… if they wanted to send somebody who could tail Peggy anywhere, a man would not do.  They would know from her history that she could get away from them easily.

“That’s how they like it,” said Russel with a nod. Her accent was educated American, non-regional.  Peggy could not have begun to make a guess where she came from.  “Let’s go upstairs, and we can talk.”

In the upstairs offices, the other employees of the Strategic Scientific Reserve were already getting on with the day’s work. Director Daniel Sousa was having a conversation with Agent Sato when Peggy and Russel arrived, and Peggy waited a moment until she knew the men had seen her before interrupting.

“I’m sorry, Daniel,” she said, “but Agent Russel wants to discuss the Underwood case with me somewhere private.  May we use your office?”

Daniel was just as surprised to find that Agent Russel was a woman as Peggy had been, and while there was a part of Peggy that thought he, too, really ought to know better, another part was just glad she wasn’t the only one.  “Of course,” he said.  “Go right in. Ben, let’s go to your desk.”

Benjiro Sato nodded, and the two men got out of the way. Inside, Peggy sat down in Daniel’s chair, leaving Russel to take the one opposite.  It was not intentional on Peggy’s part – she merely entered the room first – but she decided not to change the situation.  It would help to remind Russel, who after all was not exactly an ally, that she was on her home turf here and the other woman was not.

Russel didn’t seem to mind.  She pulled her chair closer to the desk and took a leather-bound folio out of her briefcase.  “This is the most important information we have on Miss Barynova,” she said.  “I was going through it again on my way here…”

“Barynova?” Peggy interrupted, a chill running up her spine.  “You mean Dorothy Underwood?”  In all her own work on and with the woman, she had never encountered anything that might be her real name… only a series of aliases, with ‘Dorothy Underwood’ merely being the one they’d placed on the ‘most wanted’ list.

“Oh, yes, I beg your pardon, her name is Olga Barynova,” said Russel.  “At least, according to sources at the CIA that I’m apparently not allowed to speak to directly.”

The CIA as well?  There were entirely too many acronyms involved in this, Peggy thought crossly.  The more organizations got interested, the more bureaucracy, the more paperwork, the less communication, and the less chance of them ever finding their target. “I see,” said Peggy.  At least that was new information.  She wasn’t surprised the CIA hadn’t shared it with her, but she was a bit surprised they’d been able to find it out.  Her impression of them in peacetime was not good. Perhaps the information could serve Peggy at some point in the future.

“Anyway, as I was saying.”  Russel took out a notebook and sat back to balance it on her knee.  “I was looking through our information and realized that for all you’re the one who first encountered her, nobody has apparently interviewed you about your history with Miss Barynova, which…”  She paused, perhaps searching for words, and settled on the tactful, “seems like an oversight.”

“It is, rather, isn’t it?” Peggy asked.  She remained calm on the outside, but inside her mind was scrambling.  Russel was about to ask her to tell the story.  Peggy didn’t want to incriminate herself because that would only slow down the whole process of catching Dottie and lead to a lot of sidetracks. But she didn’t want to tell too many lies, because lies could be checked, and whatever she said was going to have to be self-consistent.

“Maybe you’d like to tell me what happened?” Russel suggested.

“I would very much like to,” Peggy lied.  “To the best of my knowledge, Miss Un… Miss Barynova came to America in the employ of a man named Fenhoff, who claimed he needed her help with something to do with undermining democracy… I’m not sure of the details.  What he actually wanted from her was help in a plan to take personal revenge on Howard Stark…”

The first half of the story was easy enough to tell… the half in which Peggy had been purely trying to catch this woman and hadn’t been complicit in her presence.  The second half, the part that took place here in Los Angeles, was far more difficult.

“When I left New York she was locked up,” Peggy said. “The next time I heard about her, she’d escaped and had been sighted here in California.”

So far, Russel had been listening, making notes, but not interrupting.  Now she suddenly asked, “what do you think brought her here?”

Now it was time to lie.  “Quite honestly, I think she was following me,” Peggy replied. “When she was arrested at the bank she had taken some trouble to look like me.  I think I may be the only person who ever really tried to get inside her head, and that seems to have impressed her.”  Perhaps Peggy was tooting her own horn there, but she did get the idea that Dottie was somewhat obsessed with her, and that was her best guess at why.

Russel nodded.  “We’re not used to people trying to get inside our heads,” she observed, tapping the side of her own.  “Men tend to assume there’s nothing much going on in there.”

“They do, don’t they?” said Peggy, not amused at all. Of course, Russel was doing the same thing with Peggy now, trying to get inside her head… and she was perfectly well aware that Peggy knew that was what she was doing.  This could turn into a dangerous game indeed, and a distraction Peggy did not need right now.  “Unfortunately, during Miss Barynova’s stay in California I was far too concerned with Agnes Cully and the problems at Isodyne to really have time to pursue her.  By the time I turned my attention to that she was long gone.”

“Do you think she has a long-term goal?” asked Russel.

“I can’t say, honestly,” Peggy replied, and that was the entire truth.  “Sometimes it starts to seem like she’s up to something fiendishly clever and I’m only seeing the tiniest corner of it… other times I think she’s doing all this just for the fun of it.  I do know she doesn’t want to go back to the USSR.”

“No… we have some idea what happens to Russian agents who outlive their usefulness,” said Russel.  “Besides, we’d much rather have her here in the States where we can pick her brains.”

“I doubt you’ll get much from her – nobody else ever has,” said Peggy.

Russel nodded.  “What did you do when you first heard about the Toucan heist?” she asked.

The two women talked for most of the morning, and while Peggy wasn’t sure what Russel thought of her, her impression of the other woman was of somebody intensely focused.  That was not good from her point of view.  The reason she’d been dreading meeting the FBI agent was because she’d thought he’d be a pain in the arse to get rid of – but she’d never doubted she’d be able to do it.  Russel was another matter entirely.  She would not be avoided by going into the powder room, would not be scared off by a mention of ‘ladies’ troubles’.  Nor had she been asking a list of routine questions.  She’d let Peggy lead the way, while she inscrutably wrote notes, keeping her thoughts to herself but attentive and interested.

Nadine Russel was an equal, and the most annoying thing about the situation was that if it weren’t for the situation that had set them up as rivals, she and Peggy would probably have got along like a house on fire.

Finally, around lunch time, Russel checked her watch and closed her notebook.  “Thank you for your time, Agent Carter,” she said.  “I’ve got some more interviews I need to do today, but I will definitely check in with you again.  If you need to contact me, you can do so at this number.”  She held out a blank business card, with the phone number written on it in tidy black ink.

“Thank you, Agent Russel, I hope I was helpful,” Peggy replied.

They shook hands again, and Russel took her red purse and her leather folio, and left.

Once she was gone, Peggy sat back down in Daniel’s chair and pushed her hands into her hair.  Bloody hell, she didn’t need this right now.  She did not.

There was a rap on the door.  “Peggy?” Daniel asked, sticking his head into the room.

“Sorry, Daniel,” she said, and got to her feet with a sigh.  “You may have your office back.”

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“I’m better than I might be, but worse than I’d hoped,” Peggy said, and that much was entirely honest.  “It would be a gift if I could just tell her the truth, but that would create far more problems than it would solve.”

There was a moment of silence.  Peggy and Daniel both knew that ‘more problems’ would involve them getting in deserved trouble for laws they absolutely had broken.  The problem was that there was nobody else they trusted to handle things like Dottie.  The police were corrupt, and the government and big business was, half the time, the problem, and they definitely weren’t going to let the mafia deal with it.  That left only so many options.

“Well, better get back to work,” said Daniel.

“Yes, back to work,” Peggy agreed.

She returned to her desk and dropped her purse on it heavily.  The world was such a mess.  During the war it had been so clear who were the good guys, and who the bad. Now it had become ever so much more complicated.

[pen-of-roses]

WHG-Conor 1

Stepping into the apartments for the captured almost came as a relief.

Almost.

The smug and confident whispers that surrounded this new group were stifling as ever as always. Give anyone enough power and they think they can control everything, that they know the course of the Fates. How horribly boring for them.

On the other hand, the hint of determination, whispering promises to escape to not submit to this were a joy. The hint of despair and hopelessness whispering of failure were not. They would prove less likely to act, less likely to sway into action off their paths. At least smugness made people easier to manipulate. Easier to veer of course.

No, these whispers simply would not do. Would not do at all.

Others had been sent down as well, and he walked behind them until the helpless feeling seemed to turn from a whisper to a scream behind one door in particular.  Wordlessly, he slipped from his position behind them, if they’d even noticed him there to begin with, and through the door.

The little assassin that had been reaped with Reine sat starring unfocused at the wall, curled in on herself. It took all his self-control not to scowl.

“And here I sense more fire and determination in you before the Games. This is just sad really, after everything I heard about not giving up, about finding a way to survive.”

“Whatever you want, I don’t care.”

“You should. Or have you really abandoned yourself so thoroughly? If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s people not being true to themselves.”

She glared up at him, though the expression was dampened somewhat by the exhaustion that screamed in the air around her. Still, the spike of anger sounded like music. Good, there was something in there after all.

“You still have something to fight for you know. There is a chance to escape.”

“We failed. There’s nothing.”

“You failed, the others did not. Despite what you might have believed, you are all still alive yes? No longer trapped in the Games, a feat that should have been impossible. It speaks of many doesn’t it? People to valuable to risk the deaths of.”

“I don’t have time for your games, just say what you came to and get out of my hair.”

His lip twitched down unconsciously at the address. It’s not like she had much else to do after all, she should be honored he even deigned to entertain-no. Getting upset would do nothing in this instance. “They’re keeping you alive for a reason. They went so far as to free multiple of you from the Games. What purpose would that serve them if it wasn’t something deeply important?” There it was the trill of curiosity and hope. “You value knowledge if not your own life, don’t you? Use it. Or else who knows where your little friends might end up. Tell me, are you really ready for more blood on your hands?”

She froze at the words but forced herself to relax. “And why would I trust you?”

“Why indeed?” His grin was all teeth. “I have very little interest in seeing any of you perish. And I hate to see such a spirit as yours wither up and die, it would make life just a little bit more boring. But I believe I’ve said all you’re willing to listen to, so I do hope you think over my words.”

Confusion whistled around her, but it was enough to dampen the wailing of her earlier despair and sounded lovely with the growing curiosity. Yes, that was much better. Get her thinking and who knows where it could lead? Her refusal to fight in the Games had already caused a stir, but a refusal to fight back now would do no good. Asking questions though, that could always lead to answers and reactions he could watch.

Besides, she knew the most about them. Get her to ask the right questions and he might get his own answers sooner or later.

But as for right now...

There was a spike of anger and defiance that had seemed to just beg him to investigate and who was he to deny such a request?

His grin returned full force when he slipped into the room the other two he had come down with were leaving to find District Ten’s thieving little tribute inside. Oh, but she was so much more than that now, wasn’t she? Leaning against the wall, he casually raised an eyebrow, "I must say, you are far more interesting than I first thought. Though I suppose you've been hearing that far too often as of late."

“And you’re looking remarkably less ridiculous than the last time I saw you.”

“Oh good, you recognized me, I was deeply worried you wouldn’t under all that. But I suppose you did go through all that effort to steal from me with my dear star’s help I presume.” Would likely have been the only way her attack dog—or rather cat—let anyone who wasn’t supposed to be there near the floor. The gall to actually steal from one of them! But then, it had been far too long since an actual challenge and he was never one to shy away from those that brought a little more chaos in their wake.

"Nah. That was all me. And by the way, I had my stylist burn those hideous gloves after the interview."

Her words hum with the lie at the beginning, as well as the slightest hint of...anger? Wariness might be the better word. But she’s not backing down from the challenge. Interesting. Still, the fact that she burned something of his-no. Don’t get distracted. "Burn, really? And here I thought you had an affinity for ice that would prevent such a thing. Still, doesn't really matter now that you're here. I was so worried after I discovered that lovely little trick that I wouldn't get a chance to properly meet you, that the Games would claim you well before ally cat and I arrived with your crew to aid the escape. But imagine my surprise when instead you were delivered to my newest interest?"

“Hmm.” Confusion whined around her as she looked him up and down. “Those are a lot of vague claims that I don’t have time to unpack right now. So, what can I do to placate your interest?”

“This.” He spread his arms, savoring the building melody of her confusion and wariness. “Your very existence is interesting to me from what I've been hearing, about how you shouldn't exist. It's different and new and exciting. Here I thought you and my lovely Reine would cause an uproar here for me to watch with your escape. Instead, I discover a strange group of people, these Shades, working for the Capitol with powers I haven't seen before, which is really quite impressive, Pirate,” the reminder caused a stir but she did well in hiding it. Interesting. "After all we've been around for quite a long time. She did tell you that right? Or I'm sure you're clever enough to have seen the signs of it anyway."

Curiosity at that. So he’d been right, as much as she may have fancied the girl his star hadn’t felt the need to expose them. Shame, she’d been so much more fun when she cared less about those pesky rules.

Triel recaptured his attention with her own little bow, how adorable. "I'm honored that my existence intrigues you. Would you like my whole life story, or just the paraphrased version?"

It had been too long since someone new had spared with him like this. He missed it. "Oh, I like you. Yes, it seems I wasn't off the mark here, you will be so much fun to watch as this all plays out. Your loyalty is inspiring, truly. I am curious what you will actually tell me of your life though? To give you this much fire after everything when even poor rainbow is beside herself over losing you. If you will indulge me Pirate?" He returned the bow.

"Well, it all started when my father told me that I should have never been born. So, I ran away and joined some pirates. And did I tell you that Churi was my father? I bet you've seen him. That's why he hates my guts." She forced tears and a crack in her words, but her emotions held the same hum.

Well, he always did love a good tale.

"Oh shall I get some popcorn for this beautiful tale you are spinning? Tell me which of the higher ups in the Capitol is the mother?" He feigned a gasp, "Oh don't tell me, President Snow is the wealthy uncle who will leave you everything in the end after a dramatic murder? Though I do think your acting may need a little work, not quite as sharp as your words."

“Joke's on you, I was making it obvious. And I hadn't thought about President Snow being the wealthy uncle. You think he'd bust me out of here?"

"Hardly seems the type, no see,” he easily slipped into the storyteller role, “you can't find out about it until after the death because then there's the will explaining how the entire thing was an act to keep you safe, but the untimely death means there's no one else to continue his work, no? Of course, I'd say that's when you discover the whole secret world full of magic and impossibilities and whatever unique power runs through your blood, but it seems you've skipped that part."

“And what part would you play in this story?” There was a lovely trill of wariness as she eyed him now. Good, she was smart, and not easily taken by his words. Yes, he liked her quite a lot.

He pretended to think for a moment, eyes catching on the time momentarily, "I suppose that depends on who is telling the story. Whatever best fits my desires at the moment. Currently? The audience watching what'll happen next, when you'll make your next move to escape this because you hardly seem the type to just sit by, and what this shady organization will do to try and stop this and spin the narrative in their favor. Though I suppose now I should play the distant old friend who shows up in time for dear Reine to cry on the shoulder of about failing you."

A hint of fear. So she was concerned for her as well?

She nodded. "So, since you are part of the audience, you must be satisfied to see the protagonist, so, in order to not bore you, you should probably take your leave."

Aww and here they were getting to be such good friends. But what a good little hero she would make in this tale after all. If that fire persisted, she could do wonders on this strange group and the Capitol. Alas, he really did need to meet them before they became suspicious. Shame.

He bowed slowly, never breaking eye contact, “It was a pleasure to finally meet you Triel. I am sure you will not disappoint me in your endeavors.”

Indeed, she would not. With the right push, if the people adored her or were half as interested, her escape—because she would try again, no way someone with that fire would sit quietly by—why it might just cause a riot. An uproar and spark that could cover his trail and provide just enough entertainment to be worth the effort.

And that wit...it was too soon to say, but he’d definitely need to keep a close eye on this particular person.

"I'm sure I'll see you clapping in the audience soon enough."

"Unless I'm need elsewhere of course,” he offers with a wink before taking his leave. There were things to put into motion after all.

. WHG tag list: @concealeddarkness13 @maple-writes @ratracechronicler @thoughts-of-nora @knmartinshouldbewriting @sparkles-and-hens @madammuffins Does anyone else want to be tagged in these?

[reel-em-in]

Pre-Production:

I feel that the pre-production for Coming Out Country went really well. We researched a few different things in relation to country music, but there was a big focus on the stereotypes held about the genre and those who listen to it, wether country always had ties to conservatism and right-leaning ideals, and examples of country artists that are/were more progressive or queer themselves. I also created a survey during pre-production which I posted in some groups online, as well as sending to people that I know. This was to find out a surface level view of the demographics of people who consider themselves fans of country music and wether these fans feel they had been treated unfairly within the country music fan base due to their identity. It also had a section for people who did not consider themselves fans of the genre, and instead they were asked what their feelings were towards country, if they disliked the genre they could tell me why, and what there stereotypes were about country music fans. This was interesting as something I noticed was that many of the stereotypes had their origins in classism (many felt that country fans were less educated and less progressive and suggested that this was due to their rural/less well-off upbringing).

We also conducted some zoom interviews during pre-production. With the group formulating questions to ask me. This allowed us to get an idea about the sorts of things I would be able to talk about in the film, and what was of interest to the group. This was very useful as country music is a special interest of mine so I would find anything about the topic to be interesting, whereas I understand that to the general populace it probably wouldn’t be that interesting. These interviews fed into the questions that would later be asked during the interviews during production.

I also spent a lot of time collecting the archive photographs. I managed to get a large selection of possible photos, whilst also learning that we have more photographs of agricultural machinery in the house than of me as a child. An amusing fact.

Production:

I feel that for the most part the production of our documentary was successful, though there are definitely a couple of things that I would improve upon.

Production began with me getting the b-roll footage of me working on the farm. This footage worked well within our documentary, though it is also something that I would have done differently had we not been in a pandemic. In a perfect world I would have liked to have had the group (or at least Luke as our DoP) come to the farm and film the b-roll footage properly with a camera. Though due to travel restrictions this was not possible. I had also left my camera in Edinburgh as I was not anticipating being home for so long. This meant that I had to film the b-roll footage on my phone, and ask my mum to be my camerawoman. Telling her what footage I needed, and then getting her to point and shoot. She now knows all about the rule of thirds!

Once I was back in Edinburgh, Luke and I shot the rest of the footage. We spent a few days in my flat filming the interviews as well as some of the songwriting process, and eventually the song. I think this worked really well as due to Luke being a friend of mine I felt much more able to open up in the interviews than I would have if someone I didn’t know that well had been the one asking questions. This meant that our doc took a much more personal direction than it was originally going to.

A lot of the song writing process was also filmed, though much of it wasn’t as it was a long process. I am pleased with the final song, though it was definitely difficult to write. Now that I have proved to myself that I can do it, I plan on writing more of my own music though.

We also recorded the song during this time, something that I think was really well done! I would have liked to record the song in a studio, but unfortunately to to time constraints and Covid restrictions this was not possible. With that being said I think the recording is of a really good quality for being recorded in my room, with sound equipment that Luke had access to.

Post Production:

The post production was also mostly successful, though once again there are a couple of improvements that could be made.

Beth began the editing process, putting together the first cut before I joined her for the rest of the editing process. I spent several days with Beth working on the edit, creating the narrative of the film from things that had been discussed in the interview. This was a difficult process as we had so much footage from the interviews with so many interesting points that deciding was to keep in the film and what to discard was a bit of a nightmare. I feel like what made it into the final cut worked really well though. We were working under more time constraints than initially planned due to other projects we were working on simultaneously, but each day we would send our cut to Sana and Leo for feedback, and act upon that feedback the next day.

One thing I would have done differently though is to have included the sound from the interviews underneath the archive photographs, as the lack of dialogue did impact the flow of the film. I don’t think this was too much of a problem, but having dialogue there would have definitely improved the final film.

Once we had picture lock, we sent everything off to Jess for the sound design. This was also done with more time constraints than we would have liked, but I feel that it was mostly successful. I think that the levels of the mix were great for the most part, and the different audio clips blended into one another nicely. Without any noticeable or jarring cuts. Though Leo mentioned that the water sounds over the archive photograph of me sitting by a pond was somewhat jarring. If we were to revisit the sound design I think that this could be fixed by either bringing it lower in the mix, or by adding similar linking sound effects to the other archive photographs. Or perhaps a mixture of both.

The final step of the post production process was to send it to Luke for colour grading, and for Luke and I to add the titles. The colour grading was really well done, and made the film link together much more than in our non-graded cut. The titles and credits were inspired by westerns, something that I think worked well within our film both through its thematic links to country as well as through the fun and quirky atmosphere it created. We also chose to have the credits appear in time with the final part of the song, and be in the colours of the trans pride flag.

A couple of other things I would have changed during post-production I should have done during this final step. The first is that I would have liked to have added subtitles to the song, as the lyrics draw on a lot of the topics discussed during the film. The use of subtitles would have been a great way to draw attention to this. The second thing I would change is the way that I am credited. I realised after submitting the film that at no point do we introduce the character that is the focus, for all the viewer knows this is just some dude with green hair and no name. Even if I didn’t include a name or anything earlier in the film, it would have been a good idea to have clarity given in the credits by perhaps saying ‘starring and directed by’ or something similar.

Overall:

Overall I feel that Coming Out Country was a success, both in terms of the final film, and the fun that we had making it. It is also a project that I plan to improve by acting on feedback from the crit, as I want to make sure it is as good as it can be and can be added to my portfolio.

Feedback From the Crit:

I know that some of this was covered in the rest of this post, but I have included it anyway :)

Sana:

What Worked Well:

The hand held footage on the farm

The structure

That it took a more personal route than originally intended

What Could Be Improved:

The cutting back and forth between interview, archive, and b-roll didn’t work as well. It would have been nice to remain with the b-roll for longer

It would have been good if my grandfather had been reintroduced into the narrative again, later in the film

The archive photographs could have been used more effectively. Some of them feel as though they were added a bit randomly

Leo:

“This is a really enjoyable film for people who know Tom, and don’t know much about country music. If you touch up the edit a bit it can also be a really enjoyable film for people who don’t know Tom, but enjoy country music.”

What Worked Well:

Fun to watch and listen to

Luke was included as a character (both visually and through audio), but he did not feel overbearing. The choice to not include his face even when he was on screen playing guitar was well made.

The titles

The song was well written and recorded

What Could Be Improved:

Dialogue should have ran under the archive photographs

The water sounds were a bit jarring

The narrative ‘sections’ could have been made to intertwine more, rather than being in distinct blocks

The Class:

What Worked Well:

It was fun to watch

It represented who I was well (it’s just a shame if people didn’t already know me they wouldn’t have known who the person represented was).

What Could Be Improved:

Could have played more on the juxtaposition between the country stereotype of right wing ideologies and my identity

It could have been interesting to have my trans identity act as more of a reveal

[worryinglyinnocent]

Fic: Believe or Leave

AU-gust Day Thirteen: Rock Band AU Fandom: Once Upon A Time Pairing: Rumbelle

Rated: T

Summary: Belle is over the moon when she discovers that her favourite band is getting back together again for a final tour, and her life takes an interesting turn when she realises that one of the band’s reclusive members, Rum Gold, has been hiding out in her hometown.

Note: This fic is much, much longer than the other AU-gust fics as I’ve been working on it for a long time. It happened to fit this prompt so nicely, so I decided to press on and finally finish it.

Inspired by the concept of ‘Believe or Leave: The Magical Boyband’, which I am sure has been floating around the OUAT fandom for many a year since S2Ep5 aired.

Believe or Leave

If Belle was alarmed when Ariel raced into the library and skidded to a stop in front of the issue desk just before she careened into it, then she didn’t show it. This sort of behaviour was normal for Ariel. She did not visit the library very often, but when she did, it was usually in a state of high excitement or extreme temper. 

Thankfully, this was one of the former occasions. Ariel was grinning from ear to ear and waving her phone around her head as if it was the discovery of the century, or she’d just used it to win a fortune. Considering the amount of prize-winning apps that she was signed up to, Belle wouldn’t have put it past her. 

“Guess who’s about to make you the happiest person in the whole entire world?” she squealed, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet as Belle switched on the ancient library computer, having to smack the monitor several times to get it to show a clear picture rather than one with pink and green lines going across it. 

“Let me guess. You’ve won three million on that ridiculous pinata bingo app and you’re giving it all to me to refit the library with state-of-the-art computer equipment?” With a final, particularly violent, wallop, the screen sorted itself out and Belle gave a sigh of satisfaction, settling herself in her seat and logging on. 

Ariel just rolled her eyes. 

“No, although I promise that if I ever do win three million, you will not be calling my pinata bingo app ridiculous, and I will certainly give you some of it to get a new computer. I have other good news. Far better news than that.”

Considering the state of the library’s ancient infrastructure, Belle didn’t think that anything could be better news than the funds for a complete refit, but she knew that her and Ariel’s priorities were not the same and she said nothing.

“Here.” Ariel tapped her phone and handed it over, showing one of the celebrity gossip sites that she subscribed to. “That ought to put a smile on your face and send all thoughts of malfunctioning computer equipment to the back of your mind for the next ten minutes at least.”

Belle read the article. Then she read it again. Then she stared at the headline for a good three minutes without speaking. Possibly without even breathing.

Believe or Leave to reform for official farewell tour. 

Believe or Leave had formed a fundamental part of Belle’s college years. She had gone to every concert she could afford to get to. Their music had been the soundtrack to her exams, her graduation, and the frantic job-hunting afterwards. Belle had always been more enamoured with them than Ariel had, but true to form, her friend had gone along with her strange obsession with the band and had dutifully replied to all of Belle’s incoherent messages of despair and rage when they had suddenly broken up seven years ago, all three members going their separate ways, with two of them going on to moderately successful solo careers and one vanishing into obscurity. 

Belle had kept up with Jefferson Milliner and Vic Whale, but she had always privately been of the opinion that they were stronger together than they were on their own, and that the strongest element of the band was the one that no-one had heard of for years, the elusive Rum Gold. 

Jefferson Milliner and Vic Whale of Believe or Leave team up for farewell tour seven years after band’s unceremonious split… “This is not a reunion, but after Believe or Leave left the music scene so suddenly, we finally wanted to give the fans some closure…” When asked if Rum Gold would be joining them, Milliner remained tight-lipped. “We’d love it if he were to come back, and we’ve tried to get in touch with him. Never say never,”

“Belle? Earth to Belle?” Ariel gently took her phone back out of Belle’s grip and waved a hand in front of her face. “Oh dear. I’ve blown her brains out with the news. The library will have to remain closed today. Belle’s in a boy-band induced stupor.”

“They’re not a boy-band,” Belle muttered. “They’re a man-band.”

Ariel grinned. “I knew that would snap you out of it. So, are you happy? Or are you still too gobsmacked to feel any kind of functional emotion?”

Belle nodded, which she knew wasn’t the correct way to answer an either-or question. 

“That’s… wow.”

“I know that however much you might protest, you’ve never got over your love for them.”

It was true. Belle still had all her ticket stubs from their concerts, and she still had all her worn-out CDs of every album they’d released, as well as all of the tracks digitally. They were a comfort, a reminder of a time that seemed so long ago when she’d been young and somewhat more carefree than she was at the moment. Back when she hadn’t needed to worry about library computers dying and possibly taking out the power grid to the entire town. 

“It’s a shame that they haven’t been able to get back in touch with Rum,” Ariel said. “You know that he’s supposed to live locally, right?”

Of course Belle knew. When the opportunity to work in Storybrooke had come up, she had jumped at the chance, knowing that it was the place where Believe or Leave had been born, three young men in a garden shed in a backwater Maine town making music. It was that whimsical connection to the band that had kept her here even when she knew that there would be positions in Boston or even Augusta that would pay better and have infinitely better equipment than the things she was forced to use in her position here. Even after the break-up, she’d become so used to life in a small town that she didn’t really want to return to Boston. It felt like giving up, in a way. 

Believe or Leave hadn’t stayed in Storybrooke, of course. Once fame and fortune had found them, they’d moved out to Boston, then to New York, then out to Los Angeles. Vic and Jefferson had stayed out in California, but rumour had it that Rum had returned to his roots. 

Belle wasn’t sure how much truth there was in the rumours. Storybrooke was not all that large a town, and she was certain that she would have tripped over him before now. Then again, sometimes it was difficult to recognise people in settings that were unfamiliar. She was used to seeing him from a huge distance on stage or airbrushed and touched up in magazines. She was not used to seeing him in the supermarket or the drugstore, so it was perfectly possible that she’d just missed him all the time. He was reclusive anyway, and he had always been the one to shy away from the press even back when he’d been with the band. Jefferson had always happy to take on the limelight and the interviews for the three of them, whilst Rum and Vic had stayed in the back. Whilst they had been on stage, their personalities had always been larger than life, but away from an audience, it was clear that for Rum at least, the stage persona was just that. 

“I’ve lost you for the rest of the day now, haven’t I?” Ariel said sagely. “Never mind.” She leaned back against the issue desk, staring out into the middle distance in the same direction as Belle. “I wonder if they’ll still wear the leather trousers.”

Belle felt a flush rise in her cheeks at the mention of the leather trousers that the band had been famous for in their heyday. They certainly hadn’t left much to the imagination and Belle had fallen into many a less than innocent daydream regarding what might be under them.

Thankfully, it was at that moment that a woman with a gaggle of under-fives came into the library and made their way in the direction of the children’s section, and Belle was reminded that she did have a job to do and that story time would be commencing in fifteen minutes. Seeing that Belle was back in the land of the living, Ariel took this as her cue to leave. 

“I’m sure that we can discuss this in depth at a later date,” she said. “I’ll bring the wine over tonight and we can go all nostalgic for your college days whilst you daydream about Rum Gold’s accent and speculate on whether he really is here in Storybrooke shut up in a cabin somewhere.”

“I highly doubt that he’s shut up in a cabin,” Belle began to protest, but Ariel was already halfway out of the library, waving behind her. 

Belle took a moment to compose herself before she went over to gather picture books ready for story time, resolving to think no more about the Believe or Leave reunion until the allotted time at the end of the day with Ariel. It was hard going though, and more than once throughout the day she found herself wandering off into flights of fancy. 

Maybe if the band’s break-up and the reasons behind it had been more publicised at the time, there would not be so much to think about. If the rifts between the band members had made tabloid headline news at the time, then everyone would know the whys and wherefores. As it was, everything had been so sudden and quiet. One day everything was fine, and the band was going about its business, getting ready to release a new album in a few months’ time. All their fans had been eagerly awaiting their next tour dates. 

And then, one morning, they announced that they were disbanding with immediate effect, and that was that. 

Privately, Belle thought that when it came down to it, Rum was the reason for the split. He’d always been closely guarded, not wanting to bring his family into the limelight, and given his almost total disappearance after they’d gone their separate ways, she assumed that it was something personal to him. There didn’t seem to be any active animosity between the remaining band members. It was all just one of those great unsolved mysteries of the entertainment world. Maybe with this reunion tour, more truths would come out. It would be wonderful if all three of them could get back together, but after years of radio silence from Rum, she wasn’t holding out much hope. 

X

Things happened very quickly after that, and afterwards, when all was said and done and Belle was reflecting on the events of those few months after the farewell tour was announced, she wasn’t sure what it was that kickstarted everything. Certainly, the news that Ariel had brought her that morning was a catalyst, but she liked to think that perhaps providence had had a hand in there somewhere as well. 

It was two days since Ariel’s dramatic entrance into the library and the revelations that had entailed from it, and Belle had spent most of that time constantly checking her phone to see if tickets for the tour had been released yet. Considering it had only just been announced, it was unlikely, but she was nothing if not optimistic. 

Belle was in the store. There was nothing particularly special about the day, nor the store. It was Storybrooke’s only supermarket, and it could barely be called that. There was nothing particularly special about the shopping trip itself; she’d run out of a lot of food items and needed to restock. The only thing that was different about this week’s shop as opposed to any other was that she had made sure that Believe or Leave was playing on her earphones as she went around filling her basket, and Rum Gold’s voice was crooning at her at the exact moment that she saw the man himself. 

Perhaps if she hadn’t been listening to his voice, she wouldn’t have noticed him. She probably wouldn’t have recognised him, because when one thinks about meeting famous people, one doesn’t tend to think about running into them in grocery stores. Even so, Belle had to give an inward snort at her and Ariel’s conversation. It seemed that Rum had been living under their noses all this time without them realising after all. 

The more she looked at him, the more she became convinced. He looked a far cry from the person he had been when she had last seen him on stage years ago. He was wearing jeans rather than leather for a start. Belle was quite glad of that; she didn’t think that she would have been able to function if she’d seen him in the flesh in leather. He was older - obviously; everyone was older - and there was grey in his hair now, and in the beard that had grown in the intervening time. 

Still just as handsome as he had been in his heyday. Perhaps more so, even. Belle had grown to appreciate the appearance of maturity in a man.

She was horribly aware that she was staring at him, and even more horribly aware that he knew she was staring at him and was staring steadily back. There was a challenge in his dark eyes, daring her to say something and expose his identity to the rest of the store. Not that Belle thought that the rest of the store would be particularly interested in his identity; as far as she knew, she and Ariel were the only two people in the town with a vested interest in Believe or Leave, and Ariel only kept up with them because of Belle. 

She tore her gaze away and looked very intently at the meagre selection of tea on offer. Ever since she’d moved to Storybrooke, she’d been buying her tea online, subscribing to various different sites that gave her a wide and exotic selection to choose from. Ariel had always laughed at her for it, telling her to stop being so pretentious because it was only tea for heaven’s sake, just brew up a cup and be done with it. Still, Belle wasn’t really looking at the tea, nor was she thinking about the different blends waiting for her at home rather than the generic brand black teabags here on the shelf that always tasted of paper and sawdust. Nevertheless, she put a box in her basket to show willing and try to distance herself from the somewhat embarrassing situation that was unfolding. 

It was only now that she recognised him that she realised she’d seen him around town more than she remembered. Never regularly, just here and there, but enough for him to have made an impression on her memory. She’d been so close to him all this time and never known. 

She thought that she could be forgiven for not recognising him at first glance given the beard and glasses. It was probably only because she’d had Believe or Leave on the brain for the last two days that she recognised him at all. Last night she’d gone through all her old albums, looking at the sleeves and reading the spiel there. It had been an excellent nostalgia trip and it had reawakened her love for the group, as well as bringing Rum Gold to the forefront of her mind and keeping him there. 

And now, of course, she had just engaged in a veritable staring competition with him and was now buying horrible tea in an effort to pretend that she hadn’t been. She glanced up but he had moved away from the end of the stack and was nowhere to be seen. With a sigh of relief, she put the tea back on the shelf and went to pay, ignoring the fact that she still had several items on her list still to buy and just wanting to get out of the store and the scene of her embarrassment as soon as possible. Once outside, with the fresh air clearing her head, she gave a groan, leaning back against the wall of the store and pulling out her phone to message Ariel. 

Kill me now.

Ariel’s response was almost immediate; it was good to know that her best friend was practically glued to her phone and could always be relied upon for a quick reply at any time of the day or night. 

What have you done now?

I met Rum Gold in the store. 

You’re kidding me. 

I am not.

At that point, her phone rang, Ariel evidently having deemed it quicker to speak in person to react to this momentous news. 

“Tell. Me. Everything.”

“There’s really nothing to tell. I just recognised him, that’s all. Out of all the other times that I’ve seen this random man in the store, today he wasn’t so random after all. And then he caught me staring so I had to leave without buying any cookies. I was mortified.”

“Good for your waistline, I suppose, but not so good for helping with the mortification. You should have asked him if he was going to join the Believe or Leave tour! Honestly, Belle, I love you but you’re a walking, talking missed opportunity sometimes.”

“You can’t just go up to someone who’s minding their own business buying groceries and start talking about their former career! I already look like a crazy stalker!” 

She tailed off as Gold himself rounded the corner towards the parking lot, coming straight past her.

“Belle? Belle? Are you still there or are you off in fantasies of dipping Rum Gold in chocolate sauce?”

Belle just groaned. She hadn’t thought that her humiliation could be more complete, but life was evidently thinking up ways to continually surprise her. 

“Belle! Belle? Belle!” Ariel was practically shouting down the phone at her now. Gold had stopped in his tracks and was staring at her again. At least this time, the staring was on him. Belle was very pointedly looking at her shoes. “Belle, stop daydreaming and talk to me!”

“Ariel, just kill me now,” she muttered. 

To her immense surprise and somewhat relief, Gold just chuckled, taking his bags over to the old Cadillac in the corner of the lot and driving away, leaving Belle standing in the shade behind the store with Ariel still squawking indignantly in her ear. 

Had that really just happened? Was this all a dream? Had she fallen into some kind of parallel dimension whereby a man she saw in town every now and then had metamorphosed in her mind into a famous ex-rock star?

She said her goodbyes to Ariel and hung up, closing her eyes and leaning back against the wall once again. Maybe once she opened them again, everything would have been put to rights and the last few minutes would not have happened. 

X

Belle had just about managed to put her grocery store mortification to the back of her mind and was trying very hard to forget that Rum Gold even existed, let alone that he appeared to have lived in the same town as her for several years without her noticing. 

Unfortunately, fate had decided that she was going to be reminded of it all rather forcibly and rather sooner than she expected. It was the day after her revelation and Belle was sitting behind the issue desk in the library, half concentrating on her book and half keeping an eye on the gaggle of giggling teenagers who’d gathered in the Harlequin romance section. She didn’t pay it much mind when the door opened and someone came in. People didn’t often come straight up to the issue desk when they entered. If they were in a hurry to return items then they used the dropbox outside, otherwise they went off into the stacks to browse. Belle was therefore rather surprised when the figure came up to her, especially since he didn’t appear to have any books to return. 

She recognised him just a moment later and she felt her face flush with embarrassment as she remembered the previous day. Still, she was a professional, as much as she might want to slide out of her chair and slither under the desk out of sight. 

“Welcome to Storybrooke Library,” she said, far too brightly even for her, and Ariel had described her as a walking ray of sunshine once. “How can I help you?”

“Erm…” Unless she was very much mistaken, Rum was looking just as embarrassed as she felt. “I just wanted to apologise. I overheard your conversation with your friend outside the store yesterday and I think I’m the reason you didn’t get your cookies yesterday. And now I’ve just admitted to overhearing private conversations and acting on them, which is probably worse. Just… Here you go.” He held out a pack of Oreos. Belle stared at it for a moment, feeling like she’d suddenly stumbled into a parallel universe in which nothing made sense. Finally, she took the packet and stowed it in her desk drawer. As happy as she was to have her cookies after all, she was still reeling. 

“Thank you,” she said, eventually remembering her manners. “How did you know where to find me?”

Rum shrugged. “You’re not the only one who remembers seeing faces around.” There was a long, screamingly awkward pause, and Belle still wasn’t entirely sure that she wasn’t dreaming, and that this was actually the same dream as the one in the grocery store. She was talking to Rum Gold, her favourite musician, the man she’d had a crush on for so many years; and she knew now he was standing in front of her, she still had a crush on him. 

Rum suddenly spoke. “You know, I’ve been living here for six years and you’re the first person who’s ever recognised me.” He paused. “At least, I think you are. Perhaps everyone else in town knows my identity and I just haven’t noticed.”

Belle grimaced. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s ok. It’s not your fault.”

“It’s the beard,” Belle said. “It throws everyone else off.” She cringed inwardly as soon as the words were out of her mouth, but Rum just gave a soft chuckle. 

“Yeah, that must be it.” 

“Ok, in all honesty, I’ve had the Believe or Leave farewell tour on the brain for the last couple of days. You were at the forefront of my mind anyway.”

Rum nodded, but something in his expression had become grave at the mention of the band. As desperately as Belle wanted to know what was going on, she knew that it wasn’t her place to pry. Rum had been living here incognito for years, and evidently wanted to keep it that way.

“Well, I hope you enjoy the cookies,” he said, after a few more moments of staring at each other. 

“I will, thank you.” With that he was gone, walking out of her life again as quickly as he’d entered it. Still stunned, Belle reached for her phone, intending to apprise Ariel of the latest developments, but something stopped her. If it wasn’t for the very real cookies, she’d be convinced she’d nodded off with her head on the desk, and she wanted to keep this meeting to herself for a little while. She doubted that she was the only person in town who’d recognised Rum during his time here, but she’d been the only one to be so overt about it. Either way, there was an understanding between them now, and she didn’t want to break that bond by relaying everything to a third party, even one whom she trusted with her life like Ariel. 

No, for now, this conversation would be her little secret.

X

Belle knew that there had to be some kind of psychological phenomenon whereby once your attention had been drawn to something, you started to notice it all the time, seeing it more often even if it wasn't around any more often than it was before. Whatever the phenomenon was, she was experiencing it now with Rum Gold. Since seeing him in the grocery store and his subsequent cookie delivery trip to the library, it felt like she was spotting him all over the place - in the pharmacy, getting take-out from the diner, just walking down the street. Logically she knew that he probably wasn't out and about any more frequently than he used to be, but now that she had recognised him, she recognised him everywhere.

She shook her head crossly. There wasn't exactly a lot that she could do about seeing him so frequently. They did live in the same town, after all. She shouldn't be reading anything into it and she definitely shouldn't be wondering what would happen if their paths were to cross again. She'd managed to get through her life in Storybrooke thus far without knowing that Rum was living among them, surely she could continue her life as it was before her blissful ignorance had been shattered. If Rum was trying to live here incognito and she was the only person who had overtly recognised him, then he probably wouldn't take too kindly to her bumping into him again.

All the same, she couldn't help thinking back to the cookies. He'd been under no obligation to do that, and yet he'd still sought her out. He had noticed her in the same way that she had noticed him. It felt like they were sharing a secret in a way, the two of them possessed of knowledge forbidden to the rest of the town.

Belle was determined nevertheless not to think any more on the subject. It was just one of life's coincidences, that was all. Her resolve in this matter lasted all of four hours until she went to the diner for her lunch that day and recognised Rum's Cadillac in the parking lot. She stopped short and groaned. How was this fair? She couldn't forget about the whole thing if she kept bumping into him.

Belle steeled herself and squared her shoulders, walking towards the diner with purpose. She had just as much right to be here as anyone else and she wasn't going to let avoidance get in the way of getting her lunch. 

She entered the diner and walked up to the take-out counter, placing her order with Ruby and beginning to hang around. Rum was there too beside her, waiting for his order, and Belle kept glancing sideways at him. Should she say something? Should she not? Would it be best to pretend that she hadn’t seen him? If she said something now, would be it weird that she’d left it so long before saying anything? Was he going to say anything? How could she tell if he wanted her to ignore him or not?

Rum saved her from her spiralling train of thought. 

“Hello again. It seems like we’re destined to keep running into each other.”

“Yeah. Suddenly you’re everywhere. I mean, I keep seeing you everywhere, not that you literally are everywhere at once. And I’m sure that you’re not everywhere any more than you were before, I just…” Belle trailed off on seeing Rum’s amused little smile, feeling her face flush. “I’ll stop talking now.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ve been thinking along the same lines myself now that I keep seeing you everywhere, although probably no more frequently than I saw you before.”

Granny brought his order out at that point and he turned to leave. 

“Well, I guess I’ll keep seeing you around. Till next time.”

It was such a simple and subtle sentence, and yet with it, a certain level of permission had been given. They were acquaintances now; they could stop and say hello to each other on the occasions that they met. Belle smiled as she continued to wait for her sandwich. She wasn’t going to go out of her way to meet him, but at the same time, she wasn’t going to have to avoid him either. She could just go about her daily life, and the times when they did meet would not be awkward. 

They saw each other a couple of times over the next couple of weeks, never to speak to, but enough to exchange a smile and nod. It was getting to the stage where Belle could predict his routine, and no doubt he could predict hers as well. She kept forgetting that the recognition went both ways, perhaps because she had never been famous and considered herself practically unrecognisable when compared with Rum.  

They were back in the diner when they got the chance to speak again, just making general small talk. Granny looked at them shrewdly as she brought the take-out orders out. 

“You know, if you two want to continue the conversation then there’s space at the counter.”

“Oh no, no, it’s ok.” They were both speaking at the same time and Granny just looked at them with a raised eyebrow. She nodded towards the counter.

“Go and sit down. I’ll bring you some plates.”

Cowed by Granny’s force, they went over to the counter and took their seats. For a few minutes, the conversation was awkward and stilted, but once the plates had arrived, everything seemed to fall into place. They were just two people with a mutual interest in each other, getting to know each other over lunch. Although before Belle had worried about being starstruck, now that she was here with Rum in such mundane circumstances, those fears melted away. They unconsciously steered away from the topics that would bring them back into the dichotomy of famous person and fan, and it could have been any other first date.

Was it a date?

The conversation continued until Belle checked her watch and sighed. “I have to go; I need to open the library up again, but it’s been nice talking to you.” She paused. “Maybe we could do it again?”

Rum nodded. “Yes, it’s been great. I’d like to do it again. Same time on Friday?”

Belle smiled. “That sounds perfect.”

X

“You know, when Ariel suggested that you’d been shut up in a cabin here in Storybrooke ever since the band broke up, I didn’t believe her.”

Rum just laughed, bringing a cup of tea over to Belle as she gazed at his wall of memorabilia and accolades, taking everything in.

They had been going out for a few weeks; it was the first time that she had come to Rum’s home, and she had been forced to eat her earlier words to Ariel of a few months ago when she had followed the GPS to his address and had discovered that he did in fact live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, out by the river – and he had been living there for some time by the looks of things.

“I wanted the solitude,” he said. “I figured that it was less likely that people would recognise me if I was only in the town for buying essentials rather than living in the centre.”

“I guess we kind of ruined that when we started dating,” Belle said. “Although, I can’t really bring myself to be sorry about that.”

“No, me neither.” Rum smiled, taking a sip of his own tea. “I’d far rather that I’d met you and got to know you than I’d stayed shut up out here for the rest of my days.”

“That means an awful lot, you know, considering just how much of a recluse you’ve been.” Belle paused. So far during their dating life, they had never really talked about the band, as much as Belle had wanted to delve further into it, it was clear that it belonged to a past that Rum wanted to put behind him. They had focussed on the present instead, on the people that they were now and where their current interests lay, which made a lot more sense. They were dating each other, not their selves from ten years ago at the height of the band’s fame. It would not do to get hung up on the image of a man that no longer existed. Once Belle had got to know him, she had found that she liked the real Rum Gold far more than she had ever liked the stage persona she had known before, and her attraction to him based on qualities other than the aesthetic and his singing abilities had grown tenfold.

Now though, being in his home and seeing all the evidence of his past life here on display rather than hidden away, Belle was beginning to wonder whether the band wasn’t quite such as taboo a topic as she had always thought it was. It was clear that Rum’s life was still very much dominated by music. There was evidence of it everywhere in the cabin, and the staved paper on the small piano in the corner showed that he was still writing songs even now.

“Rum…”

“Yes, Belle?”

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but I feel I need to ask because music is clearly still such a large part of your life even since the band broke up… Why did the band break up?”

Rum sighed, and he didn’t answer for a long time, going over to the dresser and taking up a photo frame, staring at it for a long time before bringing it back over to Belle.

“I lost my son,” he said eventually. “It happened very suddenly, and in that moment, it felt like my life was over too. Everything just ground to a halt. I couldn’t fathom a way to continue doing what I’d been doing after I lost Bae. Just taking a break whilst I could work through my grief wasn’t going to cut it. I needed to cut the ties completely. All things considered, Vic and Jeff were very understanding about the whole thing.”

“I’m so sorry.” Belle reached out and took Rum’s free hand, squeezing tightly. “Have you really been alone for all this time then?”

Rum nodded. “Until I started getting to know you, of course.” He gave another long sigh. “By the time I was ready to start getting my life back on track, the bridges had been burned, you know. There was no going back, not after I’d left so suddenly. And we’d all grown up and grown older and grown apart since then.”

It was a sudden realisation. More than music simply still being a part of Rum’s life and him still being proud of the achievements he’d made with the band, he was actively missing those days.

“Have you spoken to either of them at all since you went your separate ways?” Belle asked.

Rum shook his head. “I didn’t want to muddy the waters. They both went on to successful solo careers after all, and I just faded into obscurity, holing up here like a recluse and living off my royalties. They probably didn’t want to be reminded of the past.”

“Rum, you know that they’ve just announced a new tour,” Belle pointed out gently. “They definitely do want to be reminded of the past, and Jefferson’s said in interviews that he would love for you to come back.”

“I know.”

“So… What have you got to lose?”

Rum shook his head. “I don’t know, Belle. It’s been so long. You know that feeling when you procrastinate doing something, but then it gets to the stage that you’ve procrastinated it for so long that it’s even more difficult to start, so you just keep on procrastinating it until it becomes a vicious cycle?”

Belle nodded. “Yes, I know that feeling only too well. But you have to break out of the circle and bite the bullet sooner rather than later. Don’t you think that you might as well do it and see what they say, rather than keep putting it off and it becoming ever more awkward. It’s not going to get any easier. These things never do. I think we both know that from experience.”

Rum nodded. “I know. It’ll just get the stage where it’s impossible. If it isn’t already.”

“Nothing is impossible when you put your mind to it,” Belle said. “And whatever happens, I’m right here with you. I’ve got your back, and you can blame me if it all goes wrong.”

Rum gave a snort of laughter. “I’m holding you to that, although I think when it comes down to it, I could never blame you for anything.”

“Oh, I may look like butter wouldn’t melt, but Ariel will tell you that there’s a dark horse in here.” Belle realised the connotations of what she’d said and blushed. “Sorry, that came out way dirtier than I intended it to.”

Rum just laughed. “Oh Belle. I’m so glad that I met you.”

No matter what might happen with the rest of the band, Belle was very glad that she had met Rum, too.

X

Belle was surprised when she turned onto the track that led up towards Rum’s cabin, because for the first time, there were other cars parked up outside the house. For a long time, she sat in the middle of the track with the engine idling, wondering whether she should continue now that she knew Rum had company. Logic told her that she should have called ahead and asked if he was free, but she had been dating Rum for long enough now to know that he rarely looked at his phone if he was in the middle of composing, and he had always welcomed her impromptu visits before. Besides, he hardly ever went anywhere so she was almost guaranteed to find him at home whenever she turned up on the doorstep. 

She had become so used to his solitary, reclusive lifestyle, only marginally less reclusive now that she was in it, that the notion of his having other visitors simply hadn’t crossed her mind. 

Belle wondered who it could be; she knew that Rum had no family to speak of. Before she could think any more on it, her phone began to ring. Grabbing it, she saw that Rum was the caller and she groaned; he had obviously noticed her lurking outside. 

“Hi Rum.”

“Hi yourself. You know, you’re going to waste a lot of gas just idling in the lane like that. Why don’t you keep driving forwards and come into the house?”

“You’ve got guests,” Belle pointed out, although Rum knew that he had guests, so she wasn’t sure why she said it. 

“I do, and I would like to introduce you to my friends.”

Belle’s heart turned a somersault. Could it be?

“I’ll be right in.”

The front door opened as she pulled up outside, and Rum greeted her with a smile.

“I can see you’re stunned,” he said. “I know, it’s amazing. I do actually know other people.” He kissed her cheek softly as he took her coat, before leading her through to where the guests were sitting in front of the empty fireplace, watching her with interest. Two of the faces were immediately familiar. 

“Belle, this is Vic Whale and Jefferson Milliner, and Jefferson’s boyfriend Graham. Everyone, this is Belle.”

“So, you must be the one we need to thank for getting the band back together,” Jefferson said. “Quite literally in fact.” He jumped up out of his chair and bounded across to Belle, throwing his arms around her. “Thank you so much. I’m glad that someone was able to get into his thick skull.”

Belle looked at Rum, who was looking slightly sheepish.

“I just took your advice,” he said. “And everything worked out well, as you can see.”

“I told you that you had nothing to worry about.”

“That’s the last time I don’t listen to you.”

Belle just smiled, and after Jefferson finally released her from his bear hug, she slipped an arm around Rum’s waist. “Ah, but you did listen to me in the end, and that’s what matters.”

The next few hours would definitely count among the most memorable of Belle’s life, watching Rum, Jefferson and Vic interact, reminiscing about old times and discussing plans for the tour now that Rum had decided to be a part of it. She felt very honoured to be in this position, gaining such an insight into the music that had been part of her life for so long, a backstage pass in a way. Eventually, Vic and Jefferson took their leave to go and check into the inn in the middle of town. Belle wondered if she’d get a frantic message from Ariel in a few minutes saying that she’d seen the rest of Believe or Leave rocking up in Storybrooke and was there something that Belle was keeping from her?

Left alone with Rum, Belle cuddled in close to his side on the sofa.

“Are you glad that you made the call?” she asked.

“Oh Belle, you have no idea how glad.” Rum sighed wistfully. “It was just like old times, as if I’d never been away and we hadn’t all lived separate lives these past few years. Except, it wasn’t really, because you and Graham were here, which you never were before, but at the same time, it was like you’ve always been here as well.” He paused. “I’ve got so used to you being in my life now that I don’t like to think about the time before you were in it. I thought that being alone was what I wanted, but now that I look back, it feels so empty in comparison to the life I have now.”

Belle reached up and stroked Rum’s cheek gently. “You’ve been alone for so long that you forgot that you don’t have to be. But you don’t have to be, and life is easier when you’re not alone.”

Rum caught her fingers and brought them to his lips, pressing soft kisses over her knuckles.

“Much easier,” he said. “And much happier. I’m still daunted by what I’ve agreed to do, but whatever happens, I’m glad that I’ll have you by my side for it. I will have you by my side, won’t I?”

He sounded so nervous and unsure that Belle thought actions would speak louder than words in this scenario, slipping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a long, deep kiss, pouring all of her feelings out into it. By the time she pulled away, Rum was looking completely dumbstruck.

“I will always be by your side.”

X

If someone had asked Belle a year ago where she thought she would be now, she certainly would never have guessed upon the correct answer. Here she was, standing just off the stage at the first show of Believe or Leave’s farewell tour. The venue was a sell-out and tickets had been highly sought after online, so much so that the band had added extra dates to the tour to keep up with popular demand. Rum hadn’t been able to believe that so many people were still interested in their music. Still, he certainly couldn’t fault the crowd’s enthusiasm or their reactions. Belle was already wearing earplugs given her proximity to the massive speakers, but she felt that she needed another set to get over the roar of the spectators. She glanced over at Graham, who was standing with her, and he flashed her a huge grin and thumbs up. This was old hat for Graham; he’d stood in the same place for many of Jefferson’s solo concerts, but Belle was still drinking in all of the atmosphere. Whatever she might have been doing in that vision a year ago, she knew without a doubt that she would rather be right here. 

It hadn’t been plain sailing of course. Once it had been announced that Rum was joining Jefferson and Victor for the farewell tour after all, somehow all the journalists who’d failed to find him for seven years miraculously knew where he was and descended on Storybrooke, putting something of a dampener on the still-new relationship between him and Belle. Still, they’d persevered, with Rum escaping to the anonymity of the big city to go and rehearse with the rest of the group and Belle travelling back and forth to see him. The few weekends that they’d managed to spend together at the cabin, once the press furore had died down, had been absolutely blissful, and as excited as she was for the tour, Belle was very much anticipating getting back to that. Rum may have agreed to the tour, but a full reunion was out of the question. In a way, doing this series of concerts was going to provide closure for himself as much as for the fans who’d made his career. 

They were reaching the end of the evening, saving their most popular songs for last, and Belle was looking forward to hearing all of her favourites. She was surprised when Rum came to the front of the stage, taking the spotlight from Jefferson, who bowed out with his usual flourish. 

“Hello everyone,” he said. The crowd went wild with just those two words; considering they hadn’t heard from him for years half a sentence now was practically gold-dust. He waited for the clamour to die down before he continued. “I know that this is a farewell tour, and we’re not showcasing any new material, but there is just one new song that I would like to play for you today. This is inspired by and dedicated to the remarkable woman who convinced me to be here tonight, and I’d like to say thank you to her. If it wasn’t for meeting her, I wouldn’t be on this stage in front of you. This song is for Belle.”

He glanced over into the wings, smiling at her. Belle couldn’t move. This was… This was an incredible surprise. How had he managed to write an entire song for her without her noticing? She supposed that there had been a lot of time in the last few months when they’d been apart whilst he’d been practising with Vic and Jefferson, but even so, music was Rum’s life and he was always working on something or other whilst he was in the cabin, and he was as cluttered as they made them. She was sure she would have tripped over something that would have given her some indication that this was coming. 

The song was beautiful. Rum had always been best at writing the ballads and he’d broken many a teenage heart with his music and lyrics, including Belle’s own, but this one was more upbeat, a happy tune, an anthem of positivity and being able to move on from the past and embrace the new, of renewed hope and finding reasons to live. 

After the song’s final bars died away, there was a moment of reverent silence from the crowd of listeners. Belle wondered what they were thinking. She’d loved it, but then, it had been for her, and she’d known that Rum had been thinking of her whilst he’d been singing it and writing it. There was already so much of her in it despite it being the first time she’d heard it. 

She really needn’t have worried. After it had had couple of seconds to fully sink in, the audience went ballistic, and Belle joined them. It was nothing if not a triumph, and there was a definite sense of pride in knowing that the triumph was in part inspired by her.

The concert continued to go from strength to strength from there, the crowd growing ever more vociferous as the best and most well-loved songs were played. The applause and cheering were still earth-shattering as the band came off stage. They would go back out for a final encore, but in the couple of minutes’ respite, Rum only had eyes for Belle. He came over, sweeping her up in his arms and kissing her.

“Oh Rum,” she said once he finally let her go – although she would have been quite happy for him to have kept holding on to her forever. “That was absolutely wonderful. You were amazing.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you.” He smiled, and even after all this time of being together, there was still a shyness and disbelief in it. He was having as much trouble accepting that he was really here as Belle was.

“I’m just glad that I could help to get you back here where you belong.” She slipped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss. “Go on, you should get back out there or they’ll be thinking that you’ve disappeared again.”

Rum gave a theatrical sigh. “Ah, the adoring and clamouring public. Ever am I their servant.”

Belle just batted his arm playfully. “Go on. I’ll still be here when you get back. Give them a finale that they’ll never forget. They deserve it. So do you.”

Rum laughed and kissed her forehead. “I love you, Belle. Thank you so much for being part of my life.”

Belle smiled. “I love you too.”

He dragged himself away then, returning to the stage with Vic and Jefferson for a final deafening encore of applause. Belle couldn’t help but join in.

The last few months had been a whirlwind, but they had been wonderful. The next few months of the tour would be just as colourful, but Belle wouldn’t change it for the world. Everything was going to be great.