#anyway thats enough blabbering from me lol

[bobomcfoe-art]

Art summary for 2024 :)

[cheerisuu]

Im Back.

Boy, how time flies fast when you’re busy keeping things feel right. I mean, they’re supposed to be. I’m going to make this update as quick as i can and as precise as i can, bet i cant do both tho lmao.

It has been approximately 3 weeks since Rock Bottom (i guess it’s what you call it? Well, close.) and things has been quite, nice.

The month of July has really been a journey of what felt like forever. Today is the 12th of the month and i have come to the point where i realised that the mind is the only thing that keeps us from doing or achieveing something that we want. And this applies to a couple of situations:

I learned how to do a buck tuck.

This is one of the few things i achieved as i underwent through a “therapaeutic healing” after the incident. I surrounded myself with the few people that im friends with in our Pep Squad and fortunately my friend Dapitanon, P. also had a common friend which made our days more progressive. Just the act of cheering for each other to do one’s best really lifts everyone’s morale.

“It’s really all in the mind.”

We ARE physically capable of doing things but our mind seems to think that there’s an invisible obstacle that prevents us from pursuing what we want to achieve. I realise this as we were practicing for a back tuck, which i proudly achieved (with a spotter pa hehe). But that achievement was already some proof that if i can have control over my body, i can do all things if i just believe just enough to do it right. Heck, I think I’ll attach my tuck video somewhere on here.

1st of July.

We went to a dog cafe.

Idk what’s with me but i really like to do something special at least once a month with him and WITHOUT telling him. After all, I can’t just let myself be carried away with the emotions that lead me almost to the verge of thinking it was over, right? So despite our awkwardness and difference of treatment (slight), I still picked him up (with miraculously good timing too) with our Navara and was able to use it for the whole day before returning it back to my Granddad’s. Did i mention he got car sick? It was the cutest. (Am i weird for saying that? Doesn’t matter tho lmao) i thought of going to the dog cafe cause i was thinking, “Hey dogs can like help with your mental and emotional health right? So why the frick not.” Im surely going to post a little GIF here somewhere on how cute the doggos were. And when i tell you, dogs CAN bring the purest out of anyone. We literally were like talking to babies man and boy the dogs were HUUGE, only the pugs were like “hey hooman u can luv me unlyk diz oder bitchez” haha. But if ever things do go well for us in the future, we are DEFINITELY going to get a golden retriever man. It’s my dream!

Anyways, we also got to watch our first movie as “barkada pero gusto ang isat isa” or BPGAII, it was Toy Story 4. And bitch, dont get me started on how we were wondering if it was a child’s movie or not coz boi, we did NOT like the jump scares at ALL. But still, me being an emotional, soft potato, it still made me cry in the end. The meaning behind was great it was all about taking the risk, which was kind fitting? For him at least hekhek. Basically Woody chose to be with his hoe, Bo, for Buzz, his bro. But this aint no movie review so, *boop.

I gave him my skin care?

Ok tbh this was so random right. He realised my skin was glowing better (coz bitch, we aint lettin no sadness ruin this skin ya feel?) so he asked what was i using cos he was contemplating on his gorgeous face that he was getting ugly now. (The audacity, am i right?? Lol) so i CLEARLY (no pun intended) put into the effort of giving him some travel bottles and put in some samples of what moisturiser and micellar water i was using right, and i guess it worked out well? I also got to drive it TO him still. But the good side of this was i was able to be with my Granddad and spend some time together as his driver hihi.

LADY DRIVER.

So I’m getting good at this driving thing right, as driving from Malaybalay to Cagayan, Davao to Tagum and vice versa, Tagum to Maco and back. So i might as well be good at city driving and yall cant tell me otherwise lol,

(SIDENOTE:except for the fact i got stopped by the Yellow Ranger in Ecoland coz i was at the left lane at a traffic light and my mom told me to go straight WHICH WAS WRONG I GUESS THATS A THING RIGHT, so i was almost charged 1500 pesoses. But thank Heezuz i was with my mom and she was able to talk through the officer but sadly we had to name drop my Granddad since he was a known regional director at LTO before. Sorry Pops, i swear it’ll be the first and last time.)

Back to real time, i helped him with his errands and was really lucky with the timing coz my Dad went off for a trip and my mom was left with his car. So yup, got the chance to borrow it for half of the day and drove all the way to Maa to get a keyboard his friend is letting him use for the mean time, her name is Jen and she’s the sweetest. (No backstory will be dropped for privacy). Aight, so we drove back to their house at Magallanes but didn’t have enough time to say hi to his folks coz it was noon and they were on siyestas, right. I still regret why i didnt like fake-pee or something tho. HahahahahahahDONTJUDGE. We ate for some late lunch at SML and felt korek coz before we joke about “asa ta nag park?” And now we get to be in the situation haha. It’s funny coz just when i thought things were detoriating between us, the world just chooses to keep things tight and close and say something like “oh, u guys are having an emotional conflict and struggle about ur relationship? Here are things that only REAL couples do and i hope u enjoy em!!” Dumbass. Jokes aside, I drove him home and goodbyes are still awkward, but i was starting to understand the type of ‘low-key’ he means.

Usapang Gym.

Oh wow it’s already the fifth point. If you manage to read this far, congrats! You get nothing but to keep on reading this rollercoaster wreck lmao. I wasn’t expecting he would pay the whole month at our gym and expects me to come with him. And it came to me: i kept on thinking that i should ask for assurance but in reality, he really does mean what he said about just being “me”. Things were different but things also got better. It’s like losing some and gaining some right? Like a body excrcising, losing weight, gaining muscle, idk its a weak analogy but its close enough for yall to understand. It’s our first week today, (it’s Friday) i hope i could keep up tho haha. I guess I’ll keep progress updated? Idkidkidk. Also, i got to mention thats he is VAIN af. Idk if its a good thing or just a tragedy waiting to happen haha. I also became his coach, (oha san kapa haha), he told me he wanted help with increasing his verticle as he would help me with abdominals. So i bought sets of ankle weights only to find out the first one didnt suit him so i had to buy another set. AND IT WAS HALF THE PRICE I BOUGHT THE FIRST SET AND IT WAS BETTER. Prices will be disclosed. (250) So i like, i do my own workout right and he suddenly shows his hot-headed side of things coz he was upset he had to go home early coz there was this no-towel-no-workout policy at my gym so we had to cut our day short.

In times like these, my mind just goes to places to different situations. All the what-ifs start filling up my mind on how he could react to other situations that would cause a similar effect on what his character was showing right. But in the end, i still give kudos to myself coz im able to keep up and cope with how quick his personality changes sometimes. And sometimes, im the one with a crack on the head lmao. Well, most of the time.

TAKE AWAYS.

Fast forward to this very moment, its 11:30 in the evening and im recalling all of this on a positive note. Today was an addition to a great day we had as a rest day from gym. We watched Spiderman: Far From Home and i guess its now my current favorite and HAD to watch it twice.

Speaking of Twice, bruh i want to do a dance cover so bad of #Fancy or #YesOrYes coz i been itching and the choreo is sooo goood! Not to mention Twice was in Manila last 29th of June. *sighs in broke* but i cant say it was the best concert from them coz there were complications like Jungyeon had a sty and was wearing an eye patch the whole concert, Dahyun got sick after along with Mina who wont be attending the 2019 Twicelights Worldtour because she gets anxiety attacks and feels insecure about performing on stage suddenly. I mean i know you got no idea what im talking about but its just sad to think of the fact that even someone so adored by many people, someone who has great physical, social and emotional support, can still feel the lack of these mentally. And if you’re one of those people who feels anxious about anything? I hope you get well soon and i hope you find the true meaning of your purpose in this simulation, because you are not alone. x

In addition to almost wrapping this up, i also treated myself again something from Adidas (coz again, bitch, if no man gon treat me i gon treat myself! HAHA!) which i later on realise i now own 3 bags from there and thinking to get a fourth one....someone help me¿ i also have to mention i already treated myself about a week ago (🎶) by waxing my own axillae, grooming my own brows, a gorgeous lippie from Beauty Cottage called Elegant Impressionist shade #9 Byzantine for half its original price haha, nothing beats fishing me through a sale. Speaking of treat, my Dad gave me my first pair of Tigers man and i cant help but tell yall its the same pair that the He wanted and it totally pissed him off that i got the pair he wanted first so bad and now he doesn’t know what to do coz he’s afraid if we have the same pair we might wear it at the same time and it would be cringy and weird (now for normal people that would sound cute right, matching kicks and all. But no. Not in this lifetime.), since im just blabbering of how im spoiling myself might as well end it here folks.

Guess I’ll keep you updated on how stuff might go on from now since class is fast approaching. Tomorrow I guess I’ll be attending a send-off party for our friend she’s going to the U.S soon. Oh, did i mention the re-run for Endgame is out? 🤔

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 80

Yayyyy “Eighty”. Lol im just glad theres no ‘7′ anymore! I Hate 7, but then about the number of days increasing? um ok thats a weird thing to think about ‘-’ Erm i guess you know the idea that the number is just getting bigger every day makes me feel like erm times just passing on and on and on non-stop but then idk. Maybe you could look at it from the other end, and take it as, with the passage of time youre getting closer and closer to the other end. Other end? well yeah, i mean idk what that is, but there must be something awaiting worth to be taken as the end to this count! 

Maybe one of my talents is blabbering BS :) 

So ive been kinda eating. Like low calorie food. But. food. Like not “one apple and around 10 almonds and tea per day” sorta thing. But like, my food portion was actually enough to stretch my stomach a tiny bit or more like tough my stomach walls :) 

So theres this thing within me. Stuck. Like I want something, i need something. And i am not getting it. And i want it. I want it so badly. But ik thats not happening right now, no way. But i cant silence this inner rush within me. Its like stuck in me, fighting to come out. Its like pushing against my skin, trying to fight its way out. Trying to tear me apart, trying to make me scream. BTW - this is not pain or some huge cry of sadness. Its this adrenaline rush, this thirst for an outburst of excitement, this void sucking you into a loophole of -idk what- Oh.god.please.pull.me.out.of.this. Lol! Or i could just say all that in one sentence - Its freaking hard to stay patient- Mentally/ emotionally keeping cool is one hell of a work! It just keeps coming at you, trying to suck your inner peace away

I guess 2 days back, I got so desperate all of a sudden LIKE GOD, i need to lose weight asapppppp! and started googling all BS stuff which i guess works yeah but is not healthy and like even the ‘internet’s all - do not do this, it is not good - and shit. Well after that, i kind of accepted it that yeahh yeahh yeah owwkaaayyy i get it, like actually ‘losing wight in a healthy way’ takes time and stuff and okay okay ill stay calm and okay okay ill stay committed & blablabalba Cause like you know about that argument - food vs body????? so yeah i LOVE food. food is like so important to me, its almost as important as human beings to me, i mean i have top 4 people i love, and then i need food & then...well no, i think i need money after my favourite humans cause like! If you have money, you have food, and once you have food, you still have money so you can go shopping and buy whatever you want - and yes what else do i want? Exactly :) :) :) 

Okay so about today! Hmph so decided to go to the hospital but then tada my mom & bro had took appointments too, for today in some other hospital. And so went to theirs first and then went to mine which is like soo far awaayyy and i usually go their with dad cause like why pull everyone along with me, theyll just get bored but then today they just had to come along cause like they had to go to their hospital first and all that. so unluckily, the computer crashed or something in my hospital and they asked to wait, and it was late and my bros and mom were like so bored so thought of dropping them at some mall and then coming back and checking if their computer started working but then ended up deciding to go again tomorrow so UGH hospital again tomorrow! 

And right now my tummy is full so i cant work out so i guess Ill wait till after fajr. plus anyways it doesnt matter whether i sleep right after fajr or a bit later, i usually dont get out of bed before 2 30pm or almost 3pm and thats cause at 3pm enough is enough and i NEED to get up to not miss zuhr. behehehe but cmon riyadhs heat right now. maynnnnnn I mean seriously ytf would anyone even bother getting out of bed during the day unless like you HAVE A GOD-DAMN reason ‘-’ 

Now my head just went empty all of a sudden lol idk what to write xD theres this one thing but im not in the mood for it right now. 

OH in case all my ‘inner void’ and ‘hard being patient’ stuff seemed confusing - i just miss him a lot. Nothing new :) And guess what, i guess its just easier, WAY easier to accept it :) :) :) 

idk why i keep giving this smiley a lot out of the blue but trust me i have a poker face most of the day. i mean im all poker face or im stupid and goofy pretending like life is actually really easy and shit and im nailing it :) but then i go back to being all poker face real soon so im okay! 

Oh so I read the Quran with the english translation and commentaries after fajr today. It was mind blowing <-- i wish i had better words to use but from all the ones i have, i guess that works. I read a bit. definitely didnt read the translations duh i mean thats some old weird english i wont even get most of it. but the commentaries good. Planning on continuing, a little a day! 

oh another thing that comes with the hard staying patient and wanting something to happen but knowing it wont and all that is. ACCEPTING that life is all highs and lows and many of the times its pretty boring, i mean lifes not a ‘movie’ cause trust me i dont i ever saw people in movies having a boring day. Idk i mean i just want every day to be like eventful and all lively and stuff but then this life is not supposed to be that way. but then i mean, ugh its SO HARD to breathe when its boring :) 

ok enough. 

p.s. other than movies, i guess 5 year olds or even youger have pretty exciting lives too :) and then.. ONE DAY.. heuheuhehueheuu muahaha *stupid evil laugh* 

Ok bye :):):):):):):):):)

[bubblywimp-blog]

16 April

I woke up on 7:30 today,can you guys imagine it!! i mean 7:30 on a sunday!! now the question is  why did i wake up so early? you see our family was going to see the FAST AND FURIOUS 8 today wait did i introduce my family? no? okay then you have it now! i have a sweet little family consisting of 4 people? yeah 4 atleast thats how i see it though i have brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles who really love me but still i like to keep the intros short so lets start from my mum My mum..um i dont know how to describe her i mean mum's mum right?..anyway i will try to make it as simple as possible without ranting and blabbering the hell outta myself..okay so- mommy is one of the best things that happened to me! i mean literally though she does not confess and nor do i ,that much now-a-days i know she loves me! she is the one that takes care of the house i mean if she is gone ,  work cant happen here..whenever we have to go on journey shes the one who shouts  her mouth off so that we can get ready and reach the place faster, mainly its our homeland which is 12 hrs away from our place so its mainly dark by the time we reach there..though once or twice or thrice of whatever they say with 4's..wait..am i ranting?..ugh!! okay so she is really sweet and cooks awesome food..she cares for me like every other mommy and always takes the path of justice(its my dad thats unfair) well her side of family that is my maternal family is fun too! i mean i like every second i spend there(exaggeration lol!) everyone loves me..i am the oldest child there btw.

is it enough?honestly  guys i just have to tell you mom is mom so yeah moving on to dad(not like i am leaving  mum,she will always be there)(there=my heart)(not trying to sound cheesy) so dad- dad is good,not that bad i suppose..well he's intelligent(not like my mums not intelligent she awesome actually..just not shows it[not like my dad brags about it okay? hes good]) he just takes side of my younger sister Devi ,the one to go to the bathroom after me..remember?..yeah that stupid brat! anyway we will discuss her later now about daddy so he is good..he likes music and has a great taste of films! he is the one who should be given the credit for my madness for films! I love them, well provided the music is good(if there is any), the story i.e the plot should be good and the acting should be nice yeah that's it! well my dad usually takes my sister ,devi's side all because she is just in 5th grade and is really small and i am in 9th grade and i am really big(sarcasm to be noted please) i mean dude! she is 10 years old! i was a big girl when i was 10 years old! anyway overall he's good

now my one and only sister- FLASHBACK 3rd person POV "hey Lara! what do you reckon  it is going to be a boy or a girl?" a woman with curly hair,pale complexion and a baby bump asked a 4 year old girl "i want a girl! i dont want a boy! he wont play with me then! i want somebody to talk  to!"said the little girl who by her words seemed lonely "okay! okay! as you wish!"said the woman "you know mommy! my katerina is going to come! my littlle baby sister is going to look just like the baby catepillar! " exclaimed the child "katerina from oswald you say?"asked the woman "yeah! and i will take care of her just like madame butterfly does!" the child said FLASHBACK END

you know whats funny?..i ended up having a sister who wants to play with  me,heck she even looks like a catterpillar when she is crying! i mean i am not a hard-core believer of god but yeah sometime things happen exactly the way you want them to and then you dont have to ask 'if god is real or not' yeah so um my sister she is dense maybe? well she is really good if you try to understand her but usually she acts as if she does not give a damn and she cares about herself and only herself(yes she does care about herself over all others but she does not care ONLY about  herself,that i know) shes good! heck now you would be like 'hey! evryone in your family is 'good' man!' but yeah they are not just GOOD..its just that i dunno how to talk about them 14 years of my life and time with this people still i dunno how to describe them..yeah now you will be like-'girl,then what did you do when in 2nd grade they used t ask you how your family was?eh?' girl the truth is we all (well mostly everyone) write total shitty lies in there..that whole passage the way you are feeling at that time about your family.Your mom scold you before going to school..you write that she always scolds you,your dad didnt buy ice-cream last night?...you'll write he doesnt give you anything!.. thats how childhood was babe!..nobody wrote 100% truth on those Describe your -- questions. Anyway  my sister is really good at heart it just takes the right person to see it you know when i went for a 6 day trip with school?..before going i had written a thought-a quote on her blackboard..she did not erase it until the day not even the day,until the evening i was returning,she ofcourse being the gracious person she is didn't tell me , mom told me that.. my sister's sarcastic , fun, she  criticises a bit too much but still she's my sister right! i have to get on with her!..well earlier when i used to beat her up(for a reason-dont think i am a bully or something) she used to beat me and i wont fell hurt that much now shes grown stronger man! it hurts!

any way moving on with the intros

so we were as usual late for the movie..we went for the 10:00 am show and that's the reason we are hurrying up. now it was 10 mins to 10 and we missed the turn, we had to go all the way round to get in the right track anyways we reached in time and the movie was AWESOME! it was just wow! did i mention it was 3-D so in mid-interval i lost my 3-D glasses,so me and mum took turns wearing hers..sometimes i feel sorry for her i mean all those things she does out of love!  we had lots of nachos and popcorn and samosas and i dont know um..pepsi? yeah pepsi So when we reached home KAABIL(a bollywood film) was going on so we were entertained by that. Hey! did i mention that we will be travelling this summer?..not whole summer but some of it!..to our hometown, to a religious place,to my maternal hometown..yeah so we needed to pack, the rest of the day practically went like that..packing and all..(in which mum had to call my name many times cause i always went to do stuff on the computer lol!)..hey and did i mention i ate a watermelon!..i love fruits,i hate veggies but fruits are my life! especially in summer!it helps to prevent de-hydration!!and thanks to my dad we ordered a pizza for dinner! j'aime la pizza(i love pizza)! so yeah thats it! my day was not-so-happening btw..well i did have loads of fun!

hey just a quick thought-it does not take a roller coaster ride or a whole million dollar world tour trip to make a person happy ,it totally depends on the person..you wanna have fun ,you can find it in the simplest of places!!and that's practically what i discovered today! LaraAngel