#anyway that bit with alix and jalil is LITERALLY me and my brother

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

The Misadventures of Prince Kim - chapter 38

Wow I really don’t know how I’m still going with this, anyway it’s getting a bit... miraculace-y ;)

Also on AO3, as always

Fu had been right about ignorance being bliss. He had been absolutely, completely, right. The other timelines were just creepy at this point. Mostly Alix tried just to not think about them at all, which worked fairly well – while awake, at least. Being asleep was something else entirely.

Waking up the next morning, her most recent dream just kept replaying itself over and over in her head. It had been from that timeline where she was still under house arrest, having been kept alone for months on end at this point. Well… no wonder it was so haunting…

No. She had to get her mind off it somehow. Why not reread that science journal, for about the fifth time? That always cheered her up. Max had handed it to her the other day and told her she might find something of interest on page 27. Sure enough, she did.

He had been right about the word “aromantic”. And that wasn’t all! There was “asexuality” too! Things were finally making sense. Okay, so she didn’t actually understand most of the article (or most of the journal in general) since it was written in such scientific language, but she got the gist of it. And the gist was that there was nothing wrong with her after all. People like her were totally normal.

Her initial reaction might have been a bit overly enthusiastic, now that she thought about it. She had clung onto Jalil’s shin like a koala, refusing to let go, telling him excitedly about everything she’d just read. Okay, that had probably been pretty annoying for him. Whoops.

Well never mind. Alix took the journal in one hand, took a “scientific dictionary of terms” off the nearby bookshelf with another hand, then sat on an armchair ready to go through the article properly and understand what it meant, like a good, diligent student. Even if she still didn’t understand things she could always ask Max. The next few weeks had International Alliance peace conferences going on, which gave her an excuse to stay in this kingdom for almost the entire remaining holidays, so she would have plenty of time.

“Good morning o sister of mine, what are you doing?”

Huh, was Jalil really up this early? He was a uni student and usually seemed to be allergic to mornings or daytime.

“I’m studying,” Alix replied.

“In the holidays, really? What are you studying?”

“Science.”

“Wow, I can’t believe it! My precious little sister does actually take after me! I’m so proud, honestly, you’re going to be a great scholar someday!”

Alix just ignored him and tried to concentrate. She was used to filtering out distractions while working, considering that she always had to deal with Kim at school. Though, to be fair, she was usually the one doing the distracting.

“Aww, look at you, my adorable small sister, just sitting there reading…”

Yeah, that was very distracting. Alix just carried on trying to ignore him. Maybe he was doing it on purpose to get back at her for all the times she had distracted him from his own work. In any case, she recognized that tone of voice. It was the “I’m about to start squishing your adorable chubby little cheeks!” tone of voice. Apparently it was a common thing for older siblings to do. Alya had once mentioned that she did it to her own little sisters.

Of course, the difference was that Alya’s sisters were little kids. Alix was 17! She didn’t usually mind unless Jalil was doing it in front of people, but still… would this still be going when she was 100? Wasn’t this totally stupid and pointless? Why were older siblings like this?

Sure enough, he did indeed start poking her in the cheek and muttering about how tiny and adorable she was, as always. Hopefully he’d get bored and stop in a minute.

“No reaction,” he said, in a suddenly monotone voice. It was so unexpected that Alix couldn’t help but crack a smile. “Aha, a reaction!”

“Oh, forget it,” Alix said, snapping the journal shut. “There’s no way I can study with you around. I’m off.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m gonna go talk to Max.”

“Good for you, he can help you on your path to wisdom and knowledge! And speaking of Max, what happened with him and Kim last night?”

“That’s none of your business, ask them yourself.”

“What? No, I’m not talking to either of those children for any longer than I have to, thank you very much.”

There, snarky Jalil was back. Alix just grinned and walked out of the room, picking her snake up from the back of a nearby chair as she went. As soon as she opened the door the servant standing outside hastily jumped backwards, trying to look casual. He’d probably been listening in. Whatever, it wasn’t like she had said anything that wasn’t supposed to be heard.

Wait a second… this servant. This was the one who had been introducing everyone to the Peace Ball last night. That meant that this was the Emperor Palpatine servant. The one who Kim had challenged to a lacrosse match, for some insane reason.

“You’re Emperor Palpatine’s nemesis, right?” she asked him.

“Yep, that’s me,” the guy replied. “Uh, Your Majesty.” He ran a hand through his hair and gave a rather cocky grin.

Hmm. Kim was right, this guy really did need to be knocked down a peg. Alix thought back to the dream she’d had last night – less of a dream, more just watching the events of other timelines while asleep. The real reason why the “house arrest timeline” was so creepy was not because of the thought of house arrest anymore. It was because of what house arrest had done to her in that timeline. Cold, cynical, cruel, intimidating… that was who she had become. It wasn’t a good thing.

But then again, if she could do it in other timelines, then she could channel it into herself here too, right? Just like when she had scared those guards away from kidnapping Adrien?

She put on her coldest voice and expression and said, “You’re going to lose that lacrosse match, by the way.” The snake hissed a little, adding to the effect.

The servant looked taken aback for a few seconds, but quickly recovered. “But if you use your royal powers or your snake to force me into losing then that’s cheating and it doesn’t count.”

Okay, maybe he was right. “Fine then,” she said. “I won’t ‘scare you into losing’ or anything. But just know that I could if I wanted to. And you’re still going to lose.”

“We’ll see about that, Your Majesty.”

Oh, an annoying servant. That was so much more interesting! Why couldn’t the servants back home be like this? Things would be much more fun.

“Yeah, we’ll see. Bye for now.”

As she walked away she could see the servant bowing rather overdramatically out of the corner of her eye. No wonder Kim had challenged that guy to something within a few minutes of meeting him. He seemed like the kind of person who would clash with Kim a lot. But maybe they’d end up making friends. After all, Alix herself had clashed with Kim a lot at first, hadn’t she…?

Max was already awake when she arrived, as predicted.

“Oh good morning Alix, what’s up?”

“What happened between you and Kim last night?” she asked immediately. Of course she already knew what had happened since Kim had told her, but she needed to hear it from Max’s side too. Surely those two idiots must be on the verge of getting together. Surely.

Max sighed, his smile dropping. “A lot.”

Alix sat down beside him. “Okay. Elaborate.”

“Well, he asked me for a dance. Then we went outside in the gardens for a while. And he has a habit of being extremely supportive of me, so I felt like it was time to return the favour. I said a lot of very nice things to him indeed. Then I hugged him. For quite a long time. And then…” He put his head in his hands.

“Then what? Did you kiss him?” Of course she knew they hadn’t kissed, that was practically the first thing Kim had told her.

“No! I mean, I was thinking about it! I was going to. I wanted to.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Because I can’t do that when Kim doesn’t love me back like that!”

God, this was the most frustrating thing ever. She just wanted to grab Max by the ear and yell Of course Kim loves you back like that!!! He’s head over heels for you!!! How are you not seeing this!!! I’m aromantic and asexual and even I can tell!!!!!!!! Just ask him out already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But she had been sworn to secrecy by both of them. Life could never just be simple, could it? She’d just have to get them together the long way around.

“So then what did you do?” she asked, trying not to sound like she was as impatient as she felt.

Max shrugged. “I just left. It probably seemed rather sudden.”

Yeah, it was rather sudden. Sudden enough to push Kim to tears, anyway.

“What makes you think Kim doesn’t love you back?” Alix asked. “I mean, you said he’s always really nice and supportive to you and stuff. More than usual lately. Surely that means he likes you, right?”

“Not necessarily. Kim has always been very kind and supportive to me and it never meant anything romantic. The fact that his behaviours have increased recently is probably due to the fact that he’s been under comparatively more stress these past several months, what with the flu and the news from home. Logically speaking, his feelings for me are almost certainly solely platonic.”

Well logically speaking, Max was dead wrong! Alix resisted the urge to throttle him and said, “Are you sure though? Like, are you really, really sure?”

“Yes. Look, I have thought about it properly, I promise. Kim has always been attracted to people who are considered conventionally hot, not nerds like me.”

“Seriously?! I’m not conventional!”

“But you are considered ‘hot’. Trust me, from my objective, gay point of view, I can tell.”

What? This just wouldn’t do. Max was cute-looking too, of course he was!

“I’ll have you know,” Alix said, “that from my even more objective, aromantic asexual point of view, every single kid in our class is ‘hot’, including you, so stop being so pessimistic and just go court the hell out of Kim already!”

Max smiled a little. “Sounds like you read the science journal, huh?”

“I know you’re trying to change the subject on purpose but yeah, I did. Thank you for that.”

“No problem. I’m glad it was useful for you.”

“Oh, definitely. I’m kinda wishing my other timeline selves had read it before they…”

“Before what?”

“Nothing,” she said quickly. “Don’t worry.”

“How are the other timelines anyway? Anyone else dead yet?”

“No, unless you count on the inside. Last night instead of a dream I was just seeing what was going on in the timeline where I’m under house arrest, and it was… uh… pretty creepy.”

Max was smiling even more now. “Really? I didn’t think you were afraid of anything.”

“Of course I’m not!” she lied. “It’s just that like… that house arrest version of me, she’s… well, I don’t know how much I blame her, since she’s been kept in isolation for so long, it must be driving her nuts. But basically what happened is Kim was allowed to visit her for a little bit the other day, since they’re betrothed or whatever, and yeah. He’s definitely afraid of her.”

“To be fair, it doesn’t take much to be afraid of you.”

“I know, but someone who was once her best friend? She told him that as soon as she’s queen of his country, she’s gonna rule with an iron fist and make sure she always gets her way, since she can’t do that right now and it’s killing her. She’s basically being forced to abdicate and leave the throne to her dad with no choice and she wants revenge. She’s going to use forces from Kim’s kingdom to provide arms for Jalil so he can start a rebellion and take over. Or something like that.”

Max frowned. “Alright, I see why you said it was creepy.”

“Exactly. And now Kim’s scared of her, and she’ll use that to get him to allow her to do anything she wants.”

That wasn’t even the half of it. Since she was still sworn to secrecy she didn’t dare mention the next bit of what happened, but it was still chilling all the same…

“Alix, I think I should probably tell you that I’m in love with Max, don’t be mad…”

“I don’t mind. You can always just divorce me, abdicate, leave your kingdom to me, then go marry him.”

“What? But I don’t want to give up my kingdom!”

“You don’t have a choice about it. I’m being made to marry you, right? It doesn’t matter whether you ever abdicate or not. You may be the king but I will be the one in charge, whether you like it or not.”

Wow. She really didn’t like the thought of Kim being afraid of her. If house arrest had been bad enough that it would turn her into someone like that, well… thank goodness she had saved Adrien from that kind of fate.

“I wish I could talk to her,” she said finally. “I don’t know what I’d say, but maybe it would help.”

“It seems like having timeline powers is rather bittersweet in a way,” Max said.

“Yep. Emphasis on the bitter.”

“There must be good things about it too!”

“Other than learning from some stupid mistakes, there’s nothing good.”

“But surely there must–”

There was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Max called. The door opened and in walked Kim, looking a little nervous.

“Hey guys,” he said. “Wait, Alix, you’re awake already?”

“Jeez, I don’t usually wake up that late, do I?” she said.

“Yeah, you do… anyway, um, Max? I need to ask you something…”

Aha! He was going to ask Max out, finally! Alix tried to stop herself grinning. Should she leave? No, it would be weird if she just suddenly left, wouldn’t it… but she couldn’t just stay here when Kim and Max were having a moment, could she? Oh whatever, if Kim wanted her to leave then he’d just tell her to leave. She had to stay and see this for herself.

Kim cleared his throat and then said, “Max, will you join my lacrosse team?”

What?! Lacrosse?!

“I have no idea what this is about but I would love to,” Max replied.

“That’s great. Thanks. I’ll see you later, I’m gonna go ask Alya and Nino now.”

“Alright, see you.”

Kim turned and walked out of the room again. Max just sighed and put his face in his hands again. Alix was rather close to going and finding a lacrosse stick to whack them both over the head with. Was it really so hard for people to just tell each other that they were in love?! Kim had told her, he had told Chloé, he’d told Adrien, presumably Max must have confessed to some people in his lifetime at some point…

Or had he?

“Max, how long did you say you’ve been in love with Kim?”

“A few years now. It was rather hard to notice at first so I’m not sure exactly.”

Years? Already? And he had never done anything about it at all?

“I don’t get it,” she said. “Just during the time we’ve been at this school Kim’s already had crushes on like five different people. Have you really only had one? Or did you like other people in between?”

“A few other weak ones in between, I suppose. It’s different for everyone. Kim’s a hopeless romantic who tends to fall for people rather often. Most people aren’t quite as dramatic as him when it comes to love.”

Right. That made sense. And maybe this could be put to good use.

“You’ve gotta be dramatic too, Max!” She poked him in the arm. “If you want him to love you, pull out all the stops. Show up at his window with a guitar and serenade him. Take him to the fanciest restaurant you can think of. Put a rose between your teeth and flirt with him so hard he has to take the hint. Make him swoon!”

Max was looking rather embarrassed. “Neither you, Chloé nor Adrien had to do any of that.”

“Max. Listen. Stop being so logical all the time. Just trust me. He loves cheesy romantic stuff, okay? Go dance with him in the rain, kiss him under the mistletoe, something!”

“How about play I lacrosse with him?”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s a start, I guess. But don’t forget that Kim isn’t a slow mover. Like, trust me on this. Seriously, really, trust me.”

“Maybe I’ll do something on the Cupid Festival day.”

“Good. He’d love that.”

Max smiled. “I’m so glad I told you I like Kim. It’s nice to be able to finally talk to someone about it, someone who’s willing to help me. Thank you, Alix.”

“Hey, it’s no problem. You’re my best friend, of course I’ll help you.”

“And for the record, please don’t think that I’m closer with Kim than I am with you. You mean a lot to me too, of course.” He ruffled her hair.

“Pfff, you’re in a sappy mood, aren’t you? But like… you mean a lot to me as well. So there.”

He just chuckled and pulled her into a long hug. Max wasn’t the type of person who hugged people very often – or rather, he only really tended to hug Kim – so it felt unusual. But good, too.

Finally he let go and said, “By the way, what exactly is all this about a lacrosse team?”

“Oh that!” Alix laughed. “I’m not sure of the full story, but it’s something to do with the servant who called Kim Emperor Palpatine last night.”

“Really?”

There was another knock on the door. Alix jumped up and opened it to see that Kim was there again, this time with Alya and Nino too, and they were all carrying lacrosse sticks. Upside-down.

“Lacrosse practice session time!” Kim said. “Come on you guys, there’s no time to waste!”

“What, right now?”

“Yeah, right now! We have to get to the pitch before Adam’s team does so we can practise!”

“But we’re royals, we can just order him to leave–”

“Shush! Let’s get going! Last one there has to be the goalie!”

Without waiting, Kim ran off back down the corridor. Alya and Nino exchanged an amused glance before running after him.

“So,” Alix said, turning to Max. “You ready for some lacrosse?”

“Yeah,” Max replied, standing up. “I’m ready.” .

[mushroommushy]

Enter Bunnix

Pharaoh

“What’s this? Nora Cesaire and Alix Kubdel sprinting full tilt towards the local university with baseball bats?”

- The episode still starts with Alya doing the Ladyblog live stream with her following the team for the day

- Ladybug is screaming for help as she desperately hangs off the helicopter as Bunnix and Chat chase her

- Ladybug drops her history notes

- It’s not the actual textbook, but a purse filled with actual notes

- Thankfully none of them had her name on them or school

- Alya was still super excited, stating this was the same subjects she was studying

- And wondering if Ladybug was in the same grade or school as her

- Alix was a bit nervous about Alya’s curiosity, as it may lead to her getting in trouble

- Especially if Hawkmoth were to see it and get closer to Ladybug’s identity

- Marinette was of course panicking and Tikki suggests going to the museum with Alya and being able to potentially get her notes back

- They managed to meet up with Alix when they entered the Louvre, who had an idea on why they were there

- Alix was getting her dad to show them around the Egyptian exhibit when Jalil walked past, looking pretty upset

- Mari and Alya noticed that and was slightly concerned, especially when they heard a few other guys jeering at him

- Alim wasn’t very amused with this

Alim: All three of you boys! Knock it off and leave my son alone!

- They thankfully left Jalil alone, but he was already gone, having went to the Kubdels apartment

Alim: Alix, sweetie. Please go check on your brother.

- Alix had quickly left Alya and Mari with her dad to go make sure her brother was alright

- Alya was a little bit surprised to learn that Alix has a brother but Mari already knew

- Alim smiled, stating that both siblings were very close with each other

- She found him in his room, forcing himself not to cry

Alix: Hey, it’s alright. Those dicks don’t know what they are talking about.

Jalil, with his head on his knees: They threw rocks at me. Said I wasn’t a real historian.

Alix: Exactly what I said. Dicks. They’re just jealous that they don’t get the same privileges you do!

- The butterfly was already sent out to akumatize him though, much to Alix’s panic as it landed in his pendent

- Alix desperately clung to her brother in an attempt to calm him down but it wasn’t enough and he was akumatized into Pharaoh

- Pharaoh was less of an ancient figure this time but more of an akumatized Jalil

- He still vaguely cared about Alix since she was just trying to help

- He didn’t try to hurt her, just looking at her for a moment before hugging her and leaving to hunt down his bullies

- She quickly transformed into Bunnix, rushing after him as time bubbles were thrown all over the area

- She had to stop herself from calling out her brothers name

- Marinette was still panicking and trying to find anything that looked like Ladybug on the papyrus to distract Alya when both were tackled down as yellow bubbles flew over them

Marinette: wHAT THE-

Bunnix: Sorry both of you, but you guys need to get out of here! It isn’t safe.

Alya, fangirling immediately: Bunnix!! Can I get an interview!?

Marinette: IS NOW REALLY THE TIME TO BE DOING THIS??

- Alya is recording already on the Ladyblog

- Adrien sees the livestream and immediately runs off to the Louvre to fight

- He was worried about how Alix would take fighting her brother though as that’s not the best thing for your mental health

- Bunnix is very much ready to kick Hawkmoth’s ass for taking advantage of her brother

- Also about the fact he fucked up the gods powers

- Alim is barely dodging time bubbles and since that’s her father, Bunnix took first priority in getting him to safety

Bunnix: Don’t worry, me and the team will save your son.

Alim: How did you know he’s my son?

Bunnix, sweating: Just a guess by how worried you look.

- Alim does think she looks awfully familiar to him but before he can get a better look she rushes off

- She really wanted to hug him, since she was terrified

- She’s a super hero but she’s still a 15 year old whose about to be forced to fight her brother

- Pharaoh isn’t focused on reviving anyone, as he mostly is after the people who made fun of him

- Bunnix is really reluctant on saving them and lets Pharaoh drag them around a little bit

- Ladybug bonked her on the head for that but honestly didn’t blame her

- When Chat arrived, Pharaoh had the bullies trapped in time bubbles and was throwing them around

- But he checked on Bunnix first

Chat Noir: Hey, do you wanna sit this one out? We completely understand if you don’t wanna fight him, since he’s your brother.

Bunnix: No, no it’s fine. I can handle it. Hopefully.

- Pharaoh eventually got bored of throwing his bullies around and threw them out of the area

- That’s when he started focusing on the hero’s

- He threw Ladybug around the exhibit like a rag doll for a little bit

- He was mostly interested in attacking Bunnix, much to her dismay

Pharaoh: With your abilities, I would be the best historian on Earth! Hand over your miraculous!

- Bunnix had run off momentarily to trigger the security gates, but that didn’t do much with his super strength being able to break them open

- He trapped them inside the Egyptian section and Chat had to use up his cataclysm to break out the bars

- Chat ran off for a little bit to detransform

- Pharaoh was already outside, gathering an army of mummies to attack them with

- Ladybug ended up getting stuck in another time bubble

- Bunnix may or may not have recorded it since she found it pretty damn funny

- Plagg was commenting on how Pharaoh should be worshipping Chat since most Egyptians saw cats as royalty

- Chat got back to Bunnix using her umbrella to break the bubble

Bunnix: I swear that I got cheated out of a weapon.

Chat: I mean, it’s a shield and a sword?

Bunnix: Never thought a yo-yo would be that good of a weapon to be honest. But proves me wrong I guess.

- Alya had to do a double take thinking that Ladybug was literally an ancient goddess after she saw it on the papyrus

- She wasn’t with Pharaoh she was back inside with Alim, still live streaming

- Bunnix already knew that it was just a past ladybug user since Marinette is not that old

Bunnix: Wow, you are immature for your age. *Gets bonked*

- Cue Chat snorting and casually flirting with both of them at once

- This is when Pharaoh ended up hearing them and used his shock waves

- Bunnix ended up huddled on the ground for a moment, ears flat against her head

- Chat’s ears were also flicking in annoyance but he wasn’t as bothered as she was at the noise

- Hawkmoth was already shouting quite loudly in Pharaoh’s ear to deafen them with his sound waves

- Pharaoh wasn’t very amused with this and snapped at him to shut up

- Ladybug didn’t really wanna make Bunnix attack her brother head on so she got her and Chat to distract the mummies

- The mummies didn’t really care about Bunnix however, as Pharaoh wanted her miraculous the most

- The repeated soundwaves were slowing her down a lot, making her disoriented and clumsy with the loud noises and ringing in her ears

- To her it sounded like multiple bangs going off all at the same time

- Luckily she stores her miraculous in a pocket so it’s harder for him to reach

- Both of her team mates had noticed this and told her to get back inside with burrow

Ladybug: Bunnix, get out of there now! This is too much for you!

- Thankfully for them she listened and hopped back inside the Louvre near Alim and Alya

- She was clearly distressed about this particular Akuma which was taken note of by Alya

- She still didn’t see much wrong with learning the identities of hero’s

- Seeing an upset child has triggered Alim’s parental instincts however, and he was trying his best to cheer her up while Ladybug and Chat continued fighting Pharaoh

- Alya was still live streaming, sitting next to Bunnix

- She really wanted to ask questions but since Bunnix didn’t seem to be feeling that well she didn’t prod

- But she did ask Bunnix if she knew where the Akuma was, to which she stated it was most likely in the pendent around his neck

- That’s when Alim realized that he had sent Alix after Jalil right before he was akumatized and panicked immediately and left to go to his apartment

- Alya of course followed after him since Alix is her friend and she wanted to make sure she wasn’t hurt

- Bunnix was cursing like a mad man because she couldn’t really be in two places at once and Alim didn’t want her to be left alone in case Pharaoh came back

- He was extremely worried when they got to the apartment and Alix wasn’t there

Alim, extremely worried: Alix?! Alix you can come out! It’s dad!

Alya, whose also trying to find her and recording: Alix? Are you here?

Bunnix, sweating: Maybe she’s a mummy?

- She wasn’t able to sneak away to detransform so she just has to make up some bullshit about why Alix might not be there

- Pharaoh still tossed Ladybug off the building

- Cue Alim and Bunnix swearing about Hawkmoth not getting the powers right

- Alim wasn’t expecting her to know that

Alim: Wait a minute- You know about this stuff?

Bunnix: …My power is time travel?

Alim: Fair.

- Ladybug jokingly being offended about being called an insect

- The bullies still have the nerve to insult an akuma and get thrown across Paris

- None of the hero’s really gave a shit because if your that dumb natural selection was coming for you anyways

Chat: Ok how can literally three piles of bandages shaped like humans pick up an entire car

- The screaming of the mummies sounded like they came from a horror movie and Bunnix hearing it even from that far was a big: Nope

- They almost got the pendent off of him but he used his sound waves again to blast them back

- Ladybug managed to dupe him by giving him the fake ladybug earrings and snatched his pendent

- Bunnix eventually had to leave the apartment to go detransform and went outside on the opposite side of the louvre, to pretend she was a mummy

- She ran to her brother as soon as possible, nearly crying from relief

- Alim soon joined them after coming outside

- They ended up taking it easy for the rest of the day, not leaving the apartment

- Alix’s ears were still ringing from all the soundwaves

- Jalil however, was a little suspicious

- He has mostly been in control when he was first akumatized as he was around Alix

- She had disappeared rather quickly not even chasing after him but Bunnix appearing very quickly

- He didn’t comment on it though, as he didn’t have enough proof to back it up

- On the other side of the city though, the bullies were cowering in terror as Nora stood over them, cracking her knuckles

- They came in the next day with broken noses and wrists

- But Jalil had caught the eye of a sculpture who went to his school, who had offered his condolences on being akumatized as he was one of the mummies, even giving him a small statue as a feel better gift

- Cue a mini crush starting up that will grow into a bigger one

- The Ladyblog had been commenting on Bunnix’s struggle with this Akuma

- But it was just left off with people assuming it was a hard Akuma since she was still pretty new and had less experience

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

More of the Misadventures of Aish rereading Misadventures and fixing typos, like a cowardly fool because I can’t sleep

chapters 21-25 oh no here we go

(actually I did this in like November on my phone but only just now remembered that I never posted it so here ya go, this is all weeks old)

Okay so with the chapter titles, I didn’t actually start naming them until about ch27 or so, but I had already nicknamed this chapter something like “IT’S FRIENDSHIP YOU COWARDS” bc this one got a surprising amount of notes on tumblr and I’m 99% sure most of the people who read it did not realize that this is in fact a Kimax fic

And also THIS CHAPTER WAS THE TURNING POINT. I could either have kept the fic rly lighthearted until way near the end, or decide to start shoving in the Angst much quicker. 3 guesses what I picked >:D

Oh highkey same Alix?? except for me it’s not superpowers or anything it’s just called “anxiety disorder”

The obliviousness physically pains me

I’m the guard who just blatantly lets Alix steal popcorn. also why was there just casually popcorn there. god I don’t even know what I was thinking when I wrote any of this

Oh yeah I remember!! I was mad at people setting off the smoke alarm while making popcorn in the middle of the night!! just uni things am I right

...why am I noticing now that the whole popcorn thing is just a metaphor for Kim’s entire love life I am going to throw this fic out of the window I swear

IT REALLY IS, UGH I HATE THIS, ARE YOU TELLING ME I DID THAT BY ACCIDENT

this is a freaking game of Civilization where one civ takes a runaway lead in the science victory while the rest are all still stuck in the industrial era

Kim is me watching dinosaur movies too tbh, dinosaurs are so frickin rad

well this is depressing

and adorable

I hate so much that I know what the Bad Dream means I hate it I hate it I h

IT’S OKAY KIM I’M PROUD OF YOU, YOU’RE MY SON AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

“It’s not up to you to question why people care about you so just roll with it” damn past me, that’s actually some really good advice???

Alix is a Kimax shipper even this early in the fic, btw. whenever she talks to them about each other she’ll always say stuff like “oh yeah you two are so close” or “he cares about you so much” without specifying whether she means that platonically... my dudes... she’s shipping it

Kim having an existential crisis in early hours of the morning is such a mood because it’s 2am and I’m having one right now

BAD FORESHADOWING, YES BAD THINGS ARE GOING TO START HAPPENING SOON LIKE ASSASSINATIONS AND STUFF, YOU WEREN’T WRONG

Alright chapter 22 now

the carriage guards!! my favourite characters in the entire fic!!!!!! they’re the BEST okay they just casually chill at school through the entire thing and only show up again in the last chapter omg they’re so amazing I love them??? absolute LEDGES

Kim’s parents being all like “yeah if our son doesn’t wanna come home from school then just KIDNAP HIM and bring him back lmao”

“Hey, do you want me to threaten your guards with my snake or something?” WAS THAT FORESHADOWING??? BECAUSE SHE VERY MUCH DOES DO THAT LATER. TO DIFFERENT GUARDS YES BUT IT’S LEGIT A THING SHE DOES

talking on the phone is stressful? yes it’s that good old “anxiety disorder” again, really a pain tbh

god I’m so proud of Kim, already that good good character development

also Kim’s grandma is me

omg I have to put Kim and Alix’s dumb chess games in the sequel, I came up with an entire thing about how they blatantly cheat etc and it’s ridiculous and Max gets a headache whenever he has to “referee” (aka make sure they don’t fight), it’s so great okay

me: *thinks about chapter 34 and throws up*

oh I’m the snake too btw. the snake also will hate chapter 34

Max holy moly repressing your feelings isn’t healthy??? stop that

hhhhhhh chapter Lila now, like literally that’s the entire chapter 23, it’s basically just Lila

this is just the damn Volpina episode

dupainchien!!!!! dupainchien!!!!!!!!!

I know this isn’t even that much of a big deal in this fic but like... can Marinette and Adrien just get together already lmao

hskdjhdkjfhgs for the record Lila and Kim is actually a pretty good ship?? but they’d both try to out-brag each other and it would be ridiculous so uh

hm anyways. time for CHAPTER AROACE

Kim’s like. ABOUT TO start falling for Max oh thank god, I need this

Lila: *just stabs Kim’s homework with a parasol*

Kim just... Did That??? WE STAN

(oh and later note: in this he just treats Lila like how Adrien treated her in Chameleon lol)

I remember at this point I wasn’t sure if Lila would actually really return in the fic, and then literally like 2 chapters later I brought her back already because damn that girl needs a redemption arc

do I hug Kim or do I hug Max?? you FOOLS, you ABSOLUTE BUFFOONS, I am going to hug ALIX for having to deal with all their romo bullshit

Max trying to get drunk on orange juice is the mood

JULEKA’S MAGICAL GAYDAR!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!

(also Juleka is absolutely wearing a Reflekta dress)

Juleka, outright: “Max. my dude. alix is aroace you dense idiot. you are all idiots. you absolute fuckwits.”

I’m still the snake btw

hhhhhhhhhh I wanna make a daisy chain now, or just go outside and sprawl in some grass, I can’t because it’s 2.30am and I live in the city and it’s winter, screw this fic for making me miss my school days

oh no I’m having an allergic reaction again

I mEAN IT’S CUTE THO, IT’S CUTE, BUT I KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN A BIT LATER SO THIS IS JUST PAINFUL

“You need more sleep” me calling myself out

I am going to hit Kim over the head,,

STOP BEING WEIRD JUST TELL HER YOU LIKE HER?? GOOD GOD I DON’T EVEN SHIP IT AND I STILL WANT YOU TO GET A BLOODY MOVE ON

oh good, he wants to smack himself in the face too

no nonono no Alix I think you are cute too. but you see, I mean it in the adopting way. but you ARE objectively adorable (source: the Reverser episode and also like all the other episodes) people just don’t say it in this au because of your TERRIFYING PET SNAKE

she offered to give him a telephone... lov that foreshadowing

*unimpressed* “are you in love with me?” OH FUCKING FINALLY

skdfhskdjfhsd avoiding people and having a heart attack when someone knocks on your door? I see the return of that anxiety disorder eh

Alix didn’t bring the snake (me) with her on purpose bc she knows Kim is still a bit scared of it at this point and doesn’t want him to be in a bad mood while she’s crushing his heart and soul

GOD YES I LOVE THIS SCENE

I hate myself because when I was writing this I was thinking “oh mood?? oh mood worm same hat???” and yet still. didn’t. realize. I’m. aro. *le sigh*

I’m gonna cry this is so sweet

“So are bossy, intimidating, hot girls your type?” no actually because Ondine is neither bossy nor intimidating (tho yeah she is hot) (and not particularly relevant in this fic unfortunately)

Alix is not in fact as oblivious as she claims to be btw, she just thinks it would sound mean to say “oh yeah I guessed you had a thing for me but I aggressively ignored it bc it annoyed me since I’m aroace lmao”

I’m genuinely going to hecking cry omg I remember now why this was my Ultimate Brotp for so long ugh it’s so good, @ ZAG LET KIM AND ALIX BE FRIENDS

I’m laughing?? so hard??? at the fact that their height difference is so ridiculous that literally like he has to kneel down??? god this is the funniest thing

oh also btw she was internally debating with herself like “should I give him the mistletoe kiss?? sounds gross but I feel so bad for him dammit” and decided to right there on the spot because she was lowkey curious anyway, which I’ll be honest is still an aro mood

OMG I’M ACCIDENTALLY SUCH A GENIUS OMG LISTEN NO LEMME EXPLAIN

SO LIKE. there are two (2) instances in this fic where I tried to pretend to be funny by dropping in the word “heartrate”. one is near the beginning, and the other is right here

in other words, the exact start and end points of Kim’s crush on Alix?? AND I DID THAT BY ACCIDENT OMG I’VE CHANGED MY MIND I’M PROUD OF MYSELF NOW

oh... oh no. uh oh. the dreaded evil Chapter Twenty Hecking Five

it’s called “Pain” for a reason. also my OG nickname for it was “Death”. also for a reason.

I even listened to Death Valley (the FOB song) on repeat while writing it (along with the next like 9 chapters lol) because the word DEATH just seemed so accurate

no really this is THE real turning point in the fic, where it stops being just a dumb teen movie and starts being all A N G S T Y

like this is the first chapter that has NO lightheartedness AT ALL

okay. here we go

this is all??? foreshadowing??? for dumb chapters like 30 and 34??? I Hate

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO THE SNAKE

I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK JUST READING THESE WORDS THIS IS SO HORRIFYING ALEXA PLAY DEATH VALLEY

this is the equivalent of seeing a kwami die, for the record. like I know kwamis can’t die but THIS IS HOW IT WOULD FEEL

god this is even worse in hindsight knowing what happens later, bc poor Alix is all like @ herself “oh well it’s a nightmare so it’s not real” and I’m just like... oh dear. honey. sweetie. welp. I mean on the bright side you’re psychic so that’s kinda cool right

I love how Jalil is actually really sweet and a genuinely cool brother, you just never get to see it when Kim’s around bc he hates Kim lmao (I mean for good reasons..)

“I can’t live without this snake!” I MEAN YOU’RE NOT WRONG

these timeline powers are SO cursed man. why was I so evil and cruel holy actual shit

(the whole “some character deaths but not really” tag refers to all this clusterfuck btw)

okay it’s funny how this bit with Adrien is the Collector episode despite it not having aired yet when I wrote this, I guess I’m psychic too

Nathalie being sympathetic huh? not so much in the sequel when I get round to it...

Adrikins being all “I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER” I’m dying

uh yeah there’s a difference between being grounded, and like, literal actual house arrest

damn... capitalism really is bad

so is imperialism

fix this damn typo thing where I used the word “soon” twice in one sentence like was that really necessary

DUPAINCHIEN

I love how Kim is so obviously bi that even Marinette notices and straight-up tries to set him up with a hot commoner boy

oh noes here comes The Death

Hi Aish Snekwami, I am afraid

god imagine how horrible it must be??? to have something traumatic happen in another timeline but you’re still aware of it in this one so you still suffer the effects even though nothing bad happened in this timeline????

Max shows up for two seconds this chapter to remind everyone that I have an anxiety disorder again and then hecks off, good for him

HOLY FUCK?!?!?! IMAGINE LITERALLY DYING ACTUAL DEATH IN ANOTHER TIMELINE AND EVEN THOUGH YOU SURVIVE IN THIS ONE YOU STILL HAVE TO LIKE. FEEL THE WHOLE TIME YOU’RE DYING OF GODDAMN COBRA VENOM HOLY FUCK WHY DID I MAKE THIS SO ANGSTY

I mean I think I remember writing this when I was on a very heavy painful period which full-on incapacitated me but like even that’s nowhere near as bad as fucking. snake. bite (ye I did some research, it was creepy...)

man this is so evil... I can’t

THIS IS HOW IT FEELS TO DIE

god that’s so haunting ughhhhhhhhh

honestly whenever I stub my toe etc I always think to myself “is this karma for that time I lowkey killed Alix off in chapter 25?” and yeah, it probably is

OKAY THAT’S ENOUGH FOR NOW

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

Queen Cobra

I have been wanting to write a snake miraculous holder Alix fic for a long, long time now, and I finally gave in, so here’s the first chapter of what’s gonna be a wild ride of friendship, danger, rich kid bonding, sneks, and memes

Also on AO3 as always

Being a superhero was fairly fun most of the time, getting to save people from danger and zooming around the Parisian rooftops without anyone telling you off or yelling at you to slow down. And plus, having superpowers? That was awesome.

Being a pretty blatant third wheel to Ladybug and Rena Rouge, on the other hand, was a heck of a lot less fun. It was always the two of them fighting the akuma, saving the day, actually having non-lethal special powers and getting to use them without worrying that they were going to kill someone off or whatever. And then they’d fist-bump each other, only remembering Queen Cobra as an afterthought.

“Oh – Queen Cobra! You go keep an eye on the civilians! Make sure they’re safe!”

It was always that. Making sure the civilians were safe. Going after normal, “muggle” bad guys, like robbers or muggers or murderers, and not the magical supervillains in dorky costumes that plagued Paris on a daily basis. No, those were Ladybug and Rena’s job to deal with. Half the time it didn’t even feel like Queen Cobra was part of their team.

But now? Things were different. Recent events had shaken up Paris so badly, probably even cool-headed Ladybug wouldn’t know what to do with herself. Was her job at an end, now that there were no more akumas? Would she and Rena have to retire? Or would they finally have to start doing the lowly, unglamorous job that Queen Cobra was already used to, cleaning up the city of criminals who did bad things on their own accord?

Well, maybe she wouldn’t know for a while until she saw them again. And until then, there were more pressing matters on her mind. Far more pressing matters.

Like the fact that a certain someone now knew her secret identity. Someone who was definitely not supposed to.

“Yo ninja turtle, what is UP my dude?”

Alix Kubdel burst through the door into Master Fu’s room, throwing her schoolbag on the floor and sitting down in front of him, exhausted. Today had been such a weird day.

“I really should be asking you that question,” Fu said, not even raising his eyes from the book he was reading. “I hear quite a lot of interesting things happened today.”

“Yeah, it was crazy. You must have heard that Ladybug and Rena caught Hawk Moth, right? Oh yeah, and they apparently don’t know you so they asked me to give you this.”

She took a tiny little butterfly brooch out of her pocket and put it on the table in front of her.

“It was a bit of a job persuading them that I actually know the Great Guardian of the Miraculouses in real life, or whatever fancy title you call yourself,” she continued. “Do they really not know you? How did you even give them their Miraculouses if you never met them?”

“I simply left the box containing their Miraculouses in their possession,” Fu said, before taking a sip of the tea that was on the table. “The less they know about me, the better. The Ladybug and Fox Miraculouses are considered more powerful and valuable than yours, so it would be safer for them not to know too much. I left it to their kwamis to explain everything to them.”

Alix pouted for a few seconds – more powerful and valuable, honestly! Did Ladybug or Rena have frickin’ rollerskates on their super suit? Um, no, they did not.

“I guess it’s a good thing you didn’t do that with me,” she said finally. “Scoot wouldn’t have bothered to explain anything to me anyway.”

The little green kwami in question jumped out of her pocket indignantly. “That is blatantly untrue! I would certainly have explained your powers to you if Master Fu did not, I would never have just left you to fend for yourself–”

“Yeah you would, noodle boy.” She gave Scoot a little poke in the side. “Anyway, catching Hawk Moth and putting him in jail was not the only thing that happened today. Uh, something else did too. Something less good.”

“You discovered the true identity of Hawk Moth and did not like the result, is that it?” Fu asked. By this time Wayzz had hopped off the phonograph and onto Fu’s shoulder, listening intently. Gee, why couldn’t Scoot be that polite all the time?

“Sorta,” she replied. “I mean yeah, turns out Hawk Moth is Gabriel Agreste, famous fashion designer and whatever, the dad of one of the kids in my class. But um… there’s something else too… I sorta screwed up…”

“That’s an understatement,” Scoot added, rather unhelpfully.

“No it isn’t,” Alix said. “It’s just that someone may have found out my secret identity.”

“They definitely did.”

“And then I ran straight over here to tell you so I have no idea what their reaction is.”

“A disaster, probably.”

“Would you be quiet?!”

“How did this happen?” Fu asked. His expression hadn’t changed at all.

“I de-transformed and didn’t realize this person was standing right behind me,” Alix said. “Lame, I know. And I know we’re not supposed to tell people our identities, so like, am I in danger or something? What am I meant to do now?”

“That depends entirely on who this person is. After all, I know your secret identity, as do Wayzz and Scoot, and your brother too. It isn’t always a bad thing.”

Yeah, well Jalil only knew for practical reasons. Scoot refused to eat anything that wasn’t dead mice, and owning an actual pet snake was the only non-suspicious way to get hold of that, so of course she had to tell Jalil. He was an adult, he could buy one, even if it did freak their dad out a lot. And she trusted him to keep her secret.

“So who is this person?” Fu asked.

“Well…”

The worst person possible, really. Not only was it someone she saw almost every single day, but also someone who was probably in a complete breakdown over other things in their life right now and definitely did not need to have knowing a superhero’s secret identity added to their list of things to flip out over.

“It’s Hawk Moth’s son,” Scoot said for her, crossing his little kwami arms and rolling his eyes.

“Yeah. Adrien Agreste.” Alix took a quick glance at the smartwatch on her wrist – Adrien had her number from various school projects, but he hadn’t tried to call her or anything. Maybe he was still too busy freaking out over his dad being a supervillain to bother with his classmate turning out to be the least famous member of Paris’s resident supergirl trio.

“That’s not too bad then,” Fu said, shrugging and pouring himself some more tea. “He seems like a nice person from what you’ve told me before, I’m sure he won’t tell anyone. And with the threat of Hawk Moth gone, it is much less dangerous for everyone whether they know your identity or not.”

“But that was emotionally stable Adrien I’ve always told you about,” Alix said, trying to figure out a way to get across what she was worrying about. “Right now he’s literally just found out his dad is Hawk Moth, who’s been put in jail, and his mother’s been missing for like a year. He’s gotta stay in custody of Gabriel Agreste’s assistant now. He basically has no parents. And from what I saw of him when I was keeping him safe while Ladybug and Rena were busting in and whatever, he’s uh… not taking it that well.”

“Then I suggest you go speak to him.”

“Um… what?”

Fu seemed weirdly unperturbed. “Go have a chat. Remind him not to tell anyone your secret identity. Make sure he’s alright.”

“Bruh, I’m not a therapist. I am very bad at dealing with people who are flipping out.”

“It’s true,” Scoot said.

“Shut up, Scoot, you’re wrong. I changed my mind. I’m good at dealing with people, and I will definitely go talk to Adrien.”

Fu just smiled. “Excellent. Let me know how it goes.”

“Oh, and by the way…” Alix fiddled with the laces on her Heelys absent-mindedly. “Now that Hawk Moth’s gone, what’s the Super Squad gonna do? I mean, as Queen Cobra I can still go be Batman, but Ladybug and Rena never did any of that stuff. They only fought akumas. Are they still gonna keep their Miraculouses?”

“That is up to them. I believe it would be good for the city’s morale to have their superheroes continue to be around, wouldn’t it? But if they have nothing that they want to do then let me know, and I will get their Miraculouses back.”

“How?”

He tapped the edge of his nose. “That’s a secret.”

“Are you gonna break into their houses and steal their jewellery while they’re asleep or something? Dude, that’s creepy.”

Wayzz, usually content to be silent and just listen in, burst into laughter. “Who says he’s the one who’s doing the breaking in?”

“You, really?! Wow, criminals…”

Scoot tugged on one of her loose strands of hair. “Come on, the sooner we talk to the Agreste boy, the better.”

Agreste boy? Pfffff, he had a name. But Scoot was right. It was better to just get this over with before Adrien had a total meltdown, which was probably going to happen at some point. That kid had always been a ticking time bomb.

She stood up and picked up her bag. “I guess I’ll see you guys some other time then.”

“Perhaps stick around for tea next time?” Fu asked, holding up the tea pot.

“Meh, I think I’ll stick with Red Bull, thanks. Bye for now.”

She waved and walked out of the door, Scoot whizzing back into her pocket along the way.

Right… now to find Adrien. Would he still be in that protective alleyway where she had left him? Or would he have gone back home? Of course, it was always possible he might have been picked up by the police or something, they’d want to know what was going on. Not that they’d get anything out of Adrien, of course, there was no way that boy knew anything about his father’s villainous activities, he was definitely innocent–

Oh, drat. He was standing right there. Outside Fu’s shop.

“Uh… hey Adrien!” Alix said, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“Oh… hi…”

He really, really did not look good. Red eyes, tear-stained face, clothes still half covered in debris from his father’s evil lair sending off missiles everywhere when Ladybug and Rena had broken in. His voice sounded like he was trying to hold back tears, though mostly failing.

“What are you doing here?” she asked. Maybe this was all just some weird, crazy coincidence. There was a small likelihood that Adrien hadn’t recognized her when she de-transformed, or maybe he had somehow forgotten (amnesia could be a side-effect of trauma, right?), or maybe he hadn’t even noticed and she just thought he did, and maybe he just happened to be coming to Fu’s shop to get a back massage or something. Yeah.

“I followed you.” He was shuffling nervously on his feet. “I saw you earlier, and… you’re… Queen Cobra…”

“Pffffff, no I’m not, that’s ridiculous.”

“You are! I saw you de-transform right in front of my eyes!”

Alright, so he did know. Seriously though, how had he managed to follow her here? She was very quick on her Heelys, he must have been outright sprinting to keep her within sight.

Which of course meant that he wanted to talk to her about all this…

Ugh. She didn’t really like talking to people much.

“Yeah, fine, it’s me,” she said, taking a quick glance round to make sure no one else was nearby to eavesdrop. “But you can’t tell anyone.”

He shook his head. “I won’t.”

“Good.”

There was an awkward silence for what seemed to stretch into hours, though was probably more like a few seconds. Yeah, this was why she didn’t like talking to people. No one ever knew what to say to her.

“Thank you for saving me,” he said quietly, at long last. “When the missiles were going off and the akuma army were attacking. I probably would have died if you didn’t get me out of there.”

Oh Adrien, always so polite, remembering his pleases and thank yous even while probably internally falling apart. It could not have been pleasant for him to know that his own father, as well as being the city’s most hated supervillain, was okay with endangering his own son just to have a chance to escape.

“Hey, it’s no problem,” she said.

Now another long, awkward silence. Yikes. This was the worst conversation ever, and she’d had a lot of bad conversations before.

Eventually Scoot just flew right out of her pocket muttering, “Oh for goodness’ sake, you can’t do anything right, can you!” He zoomed right up in front of Adrien’s face and said, “Hello Adrien, I am Scoot, if you have any questions about being a superhero then just ask me because this trainwreck of a classmate of yours is certainly not doing a good job of telling you anything.”

Adrien stumbled backwards slightly, a look of shock on his face. “What…”

“Yes, I’m real. No, you’re not dreaming.”

“Um…” Adrien recovered quickly, to his credit. “Nice to meet you… Scoot. But… who are you?”

“I am a kwami, a magical creature. I give Alix her powers when she transforms into Queen Cobra. I also attempt to give her advice in her daily life, which she refuses to pay attention to.”

“That’s ‘cause your advice is boring,” Alix said. “Anyway Adrien, got any questions? I may as well answer them.”

He just stared for a few seconds, seemingly still taking everything in. Then he said, “Who are Ladybug and Rena Rouge then?”

“I have no idea. They’re probably a lot better at keeping their identities hidden than I am. But then again, it’s their Miraculouses that Hawk Moth wanted, not mine…”

She trailed off, realizing that mentioning Hawk Moth around Adrien Agreste might just be a bad idea. Sure enough, at the mention of his father, a flicker of pain flashed across his eyes. Yeah okay, she was definitely going to have to start thinking before speaking around this kid.

“So I don’t know who they are,” she continued quickly. “I guess I might never find out now.”

“Are the heroes not ever coming back then?”

“No idea. I probably will, I mean, someone’s gotta stop the bank robberies and criminal gangs, right? But I don’t know if Ladybug and Rena will be back or not.”

“Oh… okay…” He thought for another few seconds. “How do you act so different?”

“Uh, what do you mean?”

“Queen Cobra’s so majestic and aloof, and you’re… um… well…”

Indescribable, sure. She got that a lot.

“I do that on purpose,” she said. “Otherwise how stupidly easy is it gonna be to recognize me? I have pink hair, dude. Pink hair. And I skate a lot. And I’m tiny. As big as Paris is, there really aren’t that many people like me around.”

Anime protagonist was the phrase coming to mind. But the truth was, if there was a “protagonist”, it was either Ladybug or Rena. No one in their right mind would pick Queen Cobra as the number one hero of Paris, whether she looked like it as a civilian or not.

Adrien was still just staring, looking very much like he was about to cry. That was not good.

“You should probably go home and get some rest,” she suggested.

“I don’t want to go home.”

His fists were clenched now. Even more not good.

“Maybe call up Nino and talk to him?”

“Nino left for the airport several hours ago.”

Already? Jeez, the summer holidays had only just started today. In any case, Adrien’s fists were even more clenched now, and he was looking at the ground, furiously blinking tears away from his eyes. Poor boy… that ticking time bomb was probably seconds away from exploding.

“You need a cup of tea,” Alix said, stepping forwards and grabbing his arm. “Come on.”

“Where–”

“Shush. Just follow me.”

Without waiting for a reply, she pulled him right back into Fu’s shop with her. Fu didn’t even look surprised to see them – well, she had always suspected he was either really wise or secretly psychic, maybe both.

“Can we get this dude a cup of tea please?” she asked him. “He’s had a rough day.”

“Certainly,” Fu said, immediately pouring out another cup that he already seemed to have ready. Okay, he must be psychic. “Take a seat, Adrien.”

Adrien did not seem surprised that Fu already knew who he was. Then again, that might just have been because everyone knew Paris’s most famous fashion model, he was already used to being a celebrity. Bewildered, he did indeed sit down on the floor and silently took the cup of tea Fu handed to him.

“You gonna be alright now?” Alix asked.

Adrien just nodded politely, taking a small sip from the tea cup.

“Cool. I guess I’ll be heading off now. If you’ve got any other questions you can always ask me later.”

“Are you seriously leaving right now?” Scoot screeched, giving her a punch in the arm. “The Agreste child is on the verge of having a nervous breakdown thanks to today’s events, and you would just leave him here in the company of a stranger–”

“Be quiet!” She grabbed Scoot in her hands and tried to stop him talking. “If I don’t get back soon dad’s gonna be so mad, he’ll ground me again…”

“Excuses!”

“Shush!”

Adrien was looking up at them, seeming nervous. “It’s okay, you can leave, I… I’m sure I’m fine…”

He was certainly not fine. But what else was Alix meant to do? Just stay here and endure more of those awkward silences? Adrien was nice and all, but having to comfort him in such dramatic circumstances was well beyond her capabilities. The emotional, supportive side of being a superhero was never something she could get the hang of.

“Master Fu here will take care of you, he’s a cool bean,” she said quickly. “I really gotta go now. Call me if you need anything!”

She didn’t really mean that last bit. Calling her, on a phone, expecting her to answer and actually speak to someone, well that was the quickest way of getting on her nerves. But it was probably the kind of nonsensical reassuring thing he needed to hear right now, so she had just said it without thinking. Grabbing Scoot again and stuffing him in her pocket, she left for good this time.

All the way along the journey back home she had to deal with Scoot making snide remarks from inside her pocket, as usual, earning her weird looks from passers-by – though the weird looks may have been a combination of that, and also the fact that she was Heelying down the street in an area that had definitely banned Heelys. (It wasn’t like anyone cared, it was fine.)

Arriving back home was no fun either, her father immediately interrogating her on where she had been, had she been part of Hawk Moth’s final akuma army, all of that stuff. His faith in her had really nosedived since her birthday several months ago. Obviously she was not going to tell him what she had really been up to, and had to invent an excuse like always.

“I was just hanging out with my friends,” she said, shrugging.

(“Pffff, what friends?” Scoot muttered from inside her pocket.)

“The panther friend didn’t challenge you to another cornflake-eating contest again, did he?” her father asked, rather sternly. She had to hold back a laugh – panther friend, really? Was Kim such a hard name to remember?

“He’s not my friend, and no. I wasn’t doing anything bad, I swear.”

It was true, she technically hadn’t done anything bad. Saving Paris from a supervillain was one of the least bad things anyone could ever do, really.

“So who were you with?”

She picked two random classmates. “I was with Marinette and Alya, okay? Does this really matter?”

“I just want to be sure that you were safe.”

“Well clearly, I am perfectly safe and sound. Trust me dad, I’m not that irresponsible.” It was hard to be irresponsible when a whole city was counting on you to protect them – though to be fair, Ladybug and Rena were probably a whole lot more responsible that she was.

Her father sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Fine. But you need to stop running off all the time without letting me know where you’re going. Alright?”

“Yeah, fine.”

She carried on upstairs to where she found her brother, who was working on some nerdy history translation thing like he always was. As soon as he saw her he rushed over and wrapped her in a hug.

“I’m so proud of you!” Jalil screeched, much louder than he should have. “You and Ladybug and Rena saved the day and brought Hawk Moth to justice and–”

“Sure, just say it so loud that all of Paris can hear,” she muttered, though she grinned and hugged him back all the same. Thank goodness this was a large house. The chances that her father had overheard were low.

“Sorry, it was just so cool!” He finally let go and looked at her, pride shining in his eyes. “You’re okay, right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Oh good. Let me know if you need anything. Want some more food for Scoot? Should I make something nice for dinner? Should we watch The Mummy, in celebration? Should–”

“It’s okay, I don’t want anything!” She pushed Scoot back into her pocket, where she could feel him starting to come out at the mention of food. He’d already eaten recently, and anyway, she hated anyone interrupting when she was speaking to her brother. Jalil was one of the only people in the world who she actually got along with easily.

“You don’t look that happy,” he said, his smile disappearing. “What’s wrong?”

“Adrien Agreste knows my secret identity.”

The smile was back within a few seconds. “Oh, well that’s not so bad! You said Adrien is the nicest kid in your class, right?”

“Nah, that’s Rose. But Adrien’s already freaking out about his dad being a supervillain, so…”

“Wait, Hawk Moth is his dad?!... Agreste… Oh yes, I see, I just hadn’t realized…”

“And he probably is going totally nuts right now and has no one to turn to,” she continued. “I kinda just left him at Fu’s place and then came back here.”

Scoot had been fighting against her fingers and finally managed to fly out. “Yes, because you’re a selfish stubborn no-good who refuses to comfort someone in need!”

“Chill out, snekki,” she said, about to give him a jab in the side but quickly pulled her fingers back when she saw him baring his fangs. “I tried. But I’m no good at that stuff, I would have just made it worse. I’m not gentle enough. I always… y’know… break stuff.”

Jalil put a hand on her shoulder. “Alix, a person and a pocket watch are not the same. I’m sure whatever little you did must have helped him, in whatever small way.”

“If you say so…”

“Anyway, do you want to tell me all about today’s superhero adventure now? I can’t wait to hear the details!”

Yeah, that would be better. Recounting the dramatic break into the Agreste mansion would be entertaining enough, even if the whole story would be up on the Ladyblog pretty soon anyway. Jalil always liked to hear the adventures from Alix herself. It was nice really, having someone to chat to about it. And even nicer to know that one of her relatives, at least, didn’t care if she was “irresponsible” or getting into danger or trouble. Jalil would always be there for her.

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

The Misadventures of Prince Kim - chapter 19

(aka the royalty AU story)

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18] [AO3]

Kim knew perfectly well that he should go back home to his own kingdom in the spring holidays. His parents had constantly been sending him letters telling him that they were expecting him back, that things were better and safer inside the kingdom, maybe that way he would behave himself and not go “fraternizing with the enemy” …

But he didn’t want to go home. He was worried that if he did, he would never be allowed to come back to school. His parents had been subtly hinting that they were just planning on making him stay in Lê Chiến and not let him return.

Why? He was learning so much at school, and he had been improving in leaps and bounds! Not just with his grades, but everything. He knew he was a much nicer person now than he had been back in September. He knew so much more about other kingdoms, about how ruling a country worked, so many things he hadn’t known before that his parents had never taught him.

His friends were here, too. He didn’t want to leave them behind. Of course he would have to someday, that much was obvious, but he had expected to have a whole three years at this school. It wasn’t fair to be forced to leave before he had even been here for a year yet!

So that was why, despite knowing he would get into so much trouble for it, he accepted Alix’s invitation to go and stay in her kingdom for the holidays. Well, maybe it also had something to do with him really wanting to get to fly in an aeroplane. And also see her kingdom, since he had heard about how cool it was. And getting to spend more time with her, which was always a good thing…

They went by ocean liner to the same port city that Kim had caught the maglev train from last time when going to Max’s kingdom, but this time instead of heading to the train station, they went to the airport. This one was even bigger and sleeker than the one back in Kanté had been, with more planes visible through all the giant windows everywhere.

“What happens if it rains?” Kim asked, as they were being led down a metallic looking corridor to the plane.

“Literally nothing,” she replied. “A bit of rain is not gonna stop a plane from flying.”

“Really? What if there’s a storm?”

“Well, I guess you’d just fly around the storm…”

“What would happen if the plane got struck by lightning?”

“I don’t know, dude, I’m not Max. Just ask him this stuff. We’ve got telephones back at the palace, you can call him up.”

That just seemed so weird. Max would be so far away, in a completely different country, and yet it would be so easy to just talk to him whenever? Wow, modern technology really was something else.

This plane was a different one to the one he had looked in before, since this one was only for passengers, not cargo. The interior still looked similar, with comfortable seats, round windows and overhead cabins to store things in.

Kim sat next to the window so he could look outside. As soon as the plane started moving he pressed his face right up against the window, not wanting to miss a thing. What would it look like, being so high up in the air?

The plane slowly moved onto the runway, then suddenly accelerated fast enough that everything looked like a blur, with the engines roaring loudly. Within a few seconds it was lifting off into the air.

“THIS IS SO COOL, LOOK AT THAT BUILDING IT LOOKS TINY – HEY WE JUST PASSED A CLOUD I THINK – wait you can just fly through clouds? Oh yeah of course they’re just water… HEY THOSE HOUSES DOWN THERE LOOK LIKE TOYS OR SOMETHING–”

“It’s cool, isn’t it?” Alix chuckled.

“Yes!” Kim just couldn’t take his eyes off the scenery below him. “And you’re just used to all this?”

“Nah, you can’t really get used to it. I still think planes are awesome and I’ve been flying on them my whole life.”

“That’s it, I need aeroplanes in my country. First thing I do when I become ruler is build an airport.”

For the rest of the flight, Kim refused to take his eyes off the window for even a second. Halfway through a trolley came through the plane, offering food and drink, but he ignored it completely. The scenery, being at such a height and looking down at everything the way a bird would… it was too good to miss.

The landing was just as incredible as the take-off had been, and Kim felt reluctant to leave. At least he would get the chance to fly again when going back to school in a few weeks. He found himself looking forward to it a lot.

From the VIP lounge of this airport, Alix called up her brother on her sceptre. “Hey Jalil, can you come and pick us up from the airport? Me and Kim have just landed. The human, I mean, not the snake. Well yeah the snake’s here too. Both Kims.”

“What? You said you were arriving tomorrow!”

“I know, I know, I told dad that because I knew he’d send some giant entourage to get me from the airport and just… no. I’m not dealing with that. You know I hate the press and bodyguards and stuff, it’s bloody annoying. Just please get over here and pick us up.”

“You didn’t even tell him that Kim’s going to be here too…”

“Well I kinda did? It’s not my fault if he just happened to assume I was talking about my pet snake, is it? And he can’t just send Kim back home now, not when he’s an esteemed guest. A foreign prince.”

“Alix, you are going to be in so much trouble, you know that? But fine, I’ll be there soon. Just stay put and don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’m gonna go surf the conveyor belts like a skateboard,” she said quickly, then hung up immediately, grinning. She turned to Kim and said, “I’m not really gonna do that, he’ll just drive here quicker if he’s worried.”

“You really didn’t tell your family I’m gonna be staying here?” Kim asked her. “Wouldn’t they need to prepare?”

“They’re always prepared for guests. But at short notice they won’t have anything planned for you, so they’ll just have to get me to show you around instead. Which means they’ll have to cancel all my plans, so I don’t have to do boring pharaoh stuff. It’s a win for both of us.”

“But your brother said you’ll be in trouble.”

“I’m always in trouble,” she sighed. “Anyway, want me to teach you how to use a telephone while we’re waiting? We could call up Max.”

“Yes please!”

Jalil soon arrived to pick them up, driving a very clean, modern-looking car. The staff at the airport helped put the luggage into the back, then they set off.

“So, this is what desert looks like,” Kim said, staring out of the window again. “It looks way less sandy than I thought.”

“There’s sandy desert here too, trust me,” Alix said. “It’s just mostly rocky though.”

“That’s amazing… So does it just, not rain at all?”

“Not much.”

“Wow! Back in Lê Chiến it rains all the time, we’ve even got a whole rainy season and everything. This is so interesting, seriously, I can’t wait to see more of this place…”

“You might not get to,” Jalil said, not taking his eyes off the road in front of him. “Knowing our dad, Alix will be grounded and there’ll be no one to show you around.”

“What about you?”

“I’m busy with my university course, thank you very much.”

“I won’t be grounded,” Alix said. “Dad can’t do that, not when we have a royal foreign guest staying with us. The most he can do is give me a curfew or something. Which I can easily ignore, and you know it.”

“Yes, there’s no point giving you any rules, is there? You’ll just break them.”

“Exactly. Speaking of breaking rules, can you let me drive? Kim doesn’t believe that I can so I want to–”

“No, you’re not driving! Not only are you not old enough, last time you almost killed us, I’m not going through that again!”

“Fine…”

The scenery outside was still rocky and desert-like, but buildings were staring to pop up on the sides of the road. Soon enough a city was visible, with huge skyscrapers reaching up higher than Kim had thought buildings could even go. Unlike the ones in Kanté, these ones were all sorts of interesting shapes. Some were cylindrical, others looked more like towers, and one even appeared to be twisting round as it climbed through the sky. There were patches of green growing up the walls, like little farms being grown right there in the city.

The palace, however, was actually a little way out from the city, in a much quieter area. Every road around here was beautifully created, with rows of palm trees growing down the sides of the streets, huge pearly mansions being the most prominent buildings around, fountains on every corner.

“Every single house here looks royal,” Kim muttered.

“Nah, it’s just a fairly rich area,” Alix replied. “The streets are pretty good for skating down though…”

“You’re not allowed to skate down these streets!” Jalil snapped.

“I know, I know, I’m just saying!”

The car soon reached a heavily guarded gate, and was let through after a quick identity check into the palace grounds. Here there really was grass – a giant green field of it, full of carefully planted flowers being watered by some kind of automatic sprinkler system. The palace itself loomed large up ahead, a massive building with countless floors and arches and turrets. It was even bigger than Max’s palace – in fact, it was probably the largest building Kim had ever seen.

A huge door in the side of the building opened up into a room full of cars, where they parked and got out while some servants took their luggage.

“I have no idea what the proper protocol would be now for introducing Kim to the court,” Jalil said, “but I suppose that you should…”

“Oh who cares?” said Alix. “Where’s dad, I’ll introduce him to Kim and then show Kim a guest room and that’ll be fine, right?”

“It’s dinnertime already, Alix. You two should probably go straight to the dining hall and hope dad isn’t too annoyed by your rather… sudden, informal appearance.”

“Dinnertime already? Ugh, I forgot about time zone differences. Fine, I guess we’ll get this over with. Come on, Kim.”

Kim followed Alix down a maze of very lush, carpeted corridors. All along the walls there were portraits, displays of weapons, dazzlingly multicoloured glass windows, screens with hologram displays, bowls of flowers… It was even more lavish than the corridors at school, which had seemed to be over the top.

Alix stopped in front of a large door. “Okay Kim, since it’s dinnertime and we’re late my dad will already be in here and uh… Just be polite. It’ll be fine. Like, use all that boring royal stuff we’ve learnt at school. Bowing and looking down and whatever. Use ‘Your Excellency’ I think, I’m pretty sure that’s the one Max uses. Don’t worry, you won’t be in trouble, you’re a guest. It’ll be me who gets it.”

Royal stuff? He was very out of practise with that, since no one at school tended to bother with the formalities when everyone saw each other every day anyway.

“Alix wait–”

She opened the door without waiting and walked in. Kim quickly followed. The dining hall was much like most of the other ones he had seen in his life, with a long table that had more seats than were in use. The difference was that the table seemed to be made of… what was that stuff called again? Plastic?

Alix’s father was sitting at the table, almost having finished his meal. He had plastic glasses too – was plastic very commonly used in this kingdom? In any case, he barely even looked surprised when he saw Alix enter the room, just somewhat disappointed.

“Hey dad, I’m back,” Alix said.

“I can see that. You would have done well to let me know the exact date you were going to return to the country, though, so that I could have made official arrangements.”

“I didn’t want to inconvenience you.”

“And yet you brought along a guest. Who you should probably introduce, considering that you didn’t bother to have someone announce your entrance when you came in here, like you should have.”

Alix rolled her eyes. “Fine. This is His Royal Highness Prince Kim of Lê Chiến, he’s in my class at school and he’ll be staying here for the spring holidays. So you should probably clear out my schedule so that I can have the time to show around this esteemed guest and make sure his visit is worthwhile.”

“Indeed. I should have known you would do something like this. Anyway, don’t consider this as having been a proper introduction. I expect to see you and your friend tomorrow morning in the throne room, in your full royal garb, to introduce him properly to the full court. Is that clear?”

“Yes, fine, whatever.”

“Good.” Having finished his dinner, he stood up and walked out of the room. A servant quickly came forward to clear up.

“Yeah, he’s not happy,” Alix muttered. “So anyway Kim, what do you want to eat? Looks like there’s a buffet so just pick what you like, or we could always go down to the kitchens and order stuff directly…”

“Is your dad always that formal about everything?” Kim asked. Even his parents were formal, but they wouldn’t tell Kim off for simply walking into a room without having someone announce him, or introducing them to someone unconventionally.

“Yep, pretty much. I told you I never get to do what I want here at home. Anyway, seriously, are you fine with this buffet?”

He looked at the table, not really recognizing any of the food, but surely it must taste good considering how cool everything in this kingdom seemed to be. “Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Good, let’s have dinner then.”

Later that evening, Kim was shown to his room by one of the servants. Not only did it have a giant four-poster bed in it, but it had a refrigerator, stereo, ceiling fan, magnetic dartboard, microwave, and a strange thing in the corner than turned out to be a remote-controlled air conditioning system. Perfect! He turned it on straightaway, since the temperature here in this kingdom seemed to be so warm even though it was evening.

The next morning he was “formally introduced” to everyone, in the official throne room. It was boring and involved a lot of bowing and shaking hands with people whose names he forgot within a few minutes, not to mention the press that stood there with cameras and notebooks, documenting the news about this visiting foreign prince.

It felt so strange compared to how casual everything had been back in Max’s kingdom – but then again, Max was just a prince. Alix was a pharaoh, the actual monarch of her country. It made sense that everything would be a lot more stringent for her.

It was already lunchtime by the time that was finished, so now he had to deal with a boring official lunch with everyone in the dining hall. This was getting tedious already – how did Alix deal with this all the time? Did she just never get any time to herself?

After lunch he was finally allowed to explore this wing of the palace or do what he wanted without interference, and Alix’s afternoon schedule had been cancelled so that she could show him around.

“Thank goodness that’s over,” she said, taking off her headdress as they walked back towards her room, planning to go get the snake before doing something else. “Boring, isn’t it? That’s pretty much what things are always like for me.”

“How do you even cope?”

“By using up all my free time doing stuff I probably shouldn’t. Anyway, since we actually have some time off, I could take you sightseeing in the city. My dad would want us to have strict guards but I know a way to sneak out, I could steal Jalil’s car keys and drive us there myself, and then–”

Jalil himself appeared behind them so suddenly it was almost as if he had sneaked up on them. “What did you just say about my car keys?”

“I said I was gonna steal them and then sneak out to the city. I do it all the time, dude.”

“I know you do.” He put his hands on his hips. “But I’m not going to let you endanger yourself this time, especially not your friend too. If you’re going out to the city without guards then I’m going with you.”

“What? I thought you were busy with uni stuff!”

“I can spare some time for looking after my little sister, you know.”

“No way, we’ll just stay here instead, then!”

“I think it would still be a good idea for me to supervise you.”

“Jalil, I’m 16. I don’t need a freaking babysitter.”

“Oh really? Because if Kim is as irresponsible as most of your phone conversations with me suggest he is, then I’m not leaving you two idiots alone to run around causing chaos freely.”

“We’re not irresponsible, sheesh. Have a little faith in me! Anyway, do you know where my hang-glider is?”

“Why do you want your hang-glider?”

“I was thinking I could go up to the north wing tower and–”

“And jump off, and probably die,” Jalil said, folding his arms. “Because last time you used that hang-glider it broke, remember? I’m not telling you where it is. Knowing you, you won’t even wear a helmet.”

“Alright, fine! What are me and Kim supposed to do then? Play Monopoly? Play darts? Because both of those will probably end in murder.”

Jalil sighed. “I wish Max was here, I’d trust you if he was there to make sure you’re not going to do something completely idiotic…”

“Wait, I have an idea.” Alix turned to Kim. “Dude, have you ever heard an electric guitar?”

Kim shook his head. “No, I mean I’ve heard guitars obviously, but what’s an electric one?”

“Oh man, I so have to show you! Come on!” Grabbing his arm, she pulled him down the corridor.

“That’s a much better idea, but don’t electrocute anyone!” Jalil called to them, before walking off in the other direction.

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

Quite honestly the bullet-point draft version of Too Aro Ace For This is better than the actual version, just because it’s so ridiculous, I mean I wrote most of it at 3 in the morning one night while crying so I feel like I should share it:

(if you are on mobile apologies, this was under a cut but yeah. Scroll through the nonsense at leisure.) (tumblr mobile glitches 90% of the time anyway)

TOO ARO ACE FOR THIS

(^idk if I'm gonna call it that or not that's just a working title)

(Anyway there was no way I was gonna be able to go without at least making a start on this thing which is essentially just three weird dreams I've had smushed together into a mess)

(I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELS ABOUT MY ARO ACE DAUGHTER OKAY AND I'M SO SORRY FOR MAKING HER SUFFER)

So anyway here is the meme format version of this story which first tricks you into thinking it's about Alix's watch but then tricks you into thinking it's rarepair hell but then tricks you into thinking it's about heartrate but then tricks you into thinking it's rarepair hell again and then tricks you into thinking it's about the love square but really, it's about this poor child figuring out she's hella aromantic asexual and finding her platonic soulmate

First it's a normal school Friday but Alix is in a really bad mood bc in the evening she will have to go to the opening event for her dad's new exhibit at the museum and it's gonna be posh and boring and also he basically guilt-tripped her into wearing a dress for it bc he commissioned Marinette to make the dress specially for her so now she has to wear it and she's LIVID

Kim is an idiot and challenges her to an arm wrestle and she says yes but then she's sure she's gonna lose bc she's not actually that strong, but then again she's filled with rage so maybe

Anyway she does win and everyone's like "whoa" *highkey terrified of her* and Kim's red in the face and demanding a rematch and she's like "don't be a sore loser you jerk"

Then in the evening when her family's getting ready to go to the Louvre her dad's like "k you're not allowed to take your phone bc otherwise you'll just be using it all the time, you're 15 now so you can't just mess around, also don't go gorging yourself at the snack table with Jalil the whole time in fact Jalil since you wanna be a museum curator person too you should stay by my side and see how it's done"

Jalil's like "I HAVE SO MUCH UNI HOMEWORK SAVE ME" but he agrees to come along anyway

Alix is like "well would you look at that, this dress is too long for me :) I would just trip over :) what a shame :) looks like I'll have to just wear a suit instead :) in fact I don't even have a suit so I'll have to wear like a hoodie and jeans :) isn't it just too bad :)"

The dad's like "actually I got Marinette to get you matching heels so if you wear them then you will be tall enough" and Alix is like "WHAT NO I'M NOT WEARING THOSE" *throws a temper tantrum*

Her dad's like "bleh you 15 year olds and your teenage hormonal mood swings" *checkmate* and Alix is seething but wears the heels (though she refuses POINT BLANK to wear makeup and anyway no one in the house knows how to do it lol) (also she's literally me lol)

But then she's like "I'll only come along if you let me bring my watch" and he's like "fine but don't spend the whole evening fiddling with it or I'll confiscate it"

Anyway Marinette was a Good Child who sewed pockets into the dress bc all dresses have a dire need of pockets so Alix puts the watch in there and then tries not to fall over in the heels (like she can balance easily on skates but just not heels... pal trust me I used to ice skate fine but I could never wear heels and still can't so it's a thing okay)

Who needs HEELS when ya got HEELYS amirite

(Listen Alix totally wears Heelys all the time okay it's canon)

So they're at the thing at the Louvre and it's boring as hell (like remember that one scene in RWBY where Weiss Schnee is at that thing with her family and she hates it with every fibre of her being, in fact I'm guessing that episode probably inspired the dream that I lowkey based this part of the thing on lol)

Then at one point Alix feels that the watch in her pocket is getting really warm for some reason and she's like "????" bc it doesn't even run on electricity or anything

I mean I'm guessing it doesn't, idk how it works, looks like magic to me mate

So she's like "pssst Jalil come over here I need to show you something" so they sneak off to a room on the side and she opens the watch

It's really hot and the blue light from the hologram is pulsing like a beacon thing and it's really bright

She's like "do you have any idea what's going on with this thing" and he's like "idk sis it's your watch not mine" and she's like "but you're the history nerd" and he takes a closer look at it and says "nah I still have no idea why it's doing that, anyway I should get back now bc if dad notices I'm missing he'll be mad"

So they go back but it turns out their dad already noticed they were gone and he's like "frick's sake Alix I told you not to go goofing off and especially not to distract your brother, now go make yourself useful while I tell off Jalil, go say hello to Henri Duparc over there"

She's like "oh god no please I hate him" and her dad's like "just do it and don't make a scene okay"

(Henri Duparc is totally Jean Duparc's snobby nasty older cousin and I already hate his guts, I feel sorry for Jean for having to deal with him)

(But he's really rich and influential so everyone tries to stay on his good side bc he can literally make or break a person with his influence)

So she wobbles over on those heels (poor thing, how did she survive the Reflekta episode honestly) and is like "Good evening" *trying not to sound bored out of her mind/in a very bad mood*

Henri's like *snooty rich person voice* "Oh hello there Miss Kubdel, I didn't even realize you were here today because you're so ridiculously tiny even in your heels, which btw I am glad to see you wearing bc you finally look respectable for once"

She's like *clenches fist* "what's that supposed to mean" and he's like "well usually you're a complete mess and it's so unprofessional and lower class, but I'm glad to see you've finally outgrown your stupid childish tomboy phase and are actually behaving yourself for once, I hope you've put your rollerskating and aggressiveness behind you for good"

She's like "excuse me? What the hell is wrong with rollerskating or being a tomboy like how is that childish???" and he's like "well you're a girl so you should act like one" and Alix is like *trying so hard not to just punch him bc she's already had a bad day and her patience is ending* "so you think it's better for me to force myself to be whatever your idea of a girl is, rather than just being myself?"

He's like "ugh you may be wearing a dress but it sounds like you haven't changed at all, you shouldn't be talking back to me with that tone of voice young lady, you have a lot to learn about the world"

She's at the end of her tether but remembers her dad told her not to make a scene so she's like "scuse me gotta go" and hecks off to some empty corridor somewhere

She's had such a bad day and hates that everyone's always trying to get her to be someone she's not for no relevant reason at all and she's feeling restricted etc (and okay also she's 15 so her mood may not quite be on balance) so she starts crying angry tears a lil bit

She storms into one of the side rooms and suddenly runs head first into Chat Noir of all people

He's all like "omg Alix is that you??? Whoa you look-" and she's all like "I KNOW I LOOK GREAT I DON'T CARE JUST BE QUIET" and he's like "k k sorry... um... what's wrong? Are you crying?"

She's like "who cares, you won't understand" and he's like "lemme guess, events like this are stifling and boring as heck? And you gotta try so hard to fit in and be the Perfect Child and make your family proud and it's stressful and you can't be yourself? Is it something like that? Cause I know how it feels..."

She nods and starts crying into his chest (height difference amirite) in a semi-hug and he's internally like "frick she's cute" and externally like "well it's okay, you can talk to me about it if you want..."

She's about to say something but suddenly remembers that one time she killed him and feels really guilty so she just wipes her eyes and says "nah it's okay I'm fine now, anyway I should probably get back soon, maybe I'll get told off less that way... anyway what are you even doing here?"

He's like "well I was messing around with my baton and I seem to have accidentally unlocked a new setting thing and it's some kind of tracker? Idk it was leading me to this location so I decided to see what it was"

He pulls out his baton and presses some buttons and then he frowns like "huh that's weird... the thing the baton is tracking is in this very room but like... this is just an office, what could possibly be in here that's connected to my miraculous"

Alix takes the watch out of her pocket and opens it and it's glowing super brightly now so she's like "omg do you think it was tracking my watch? Bc this thing is behaving very weirdly this evening and idk why"

Chat's like "omg yeah it's the watch, that's really weird, I wonder why that's happening? Maybe I'll ask Plagg about it..." and Alix is like "who's Plagg?" and Chat's like "...nvm it's a long story"

Alix is like "well I should probably go back now but let me know if you find out anything important about my watch k" and she puts it back in her pocket and leaves quickly

When she gets back to the main room her dad's about to tell her off again for ditching again but he sees her red eyes so he's like "k fine just go to the snack table and eat lots of chocolate if you want, tho don't blame me if you get loads of spots" so she spends the rest of the evening binge-eating chocolate and feeling rather confused about the watch and also rather sorry for herself while also feeling guilty about feeling sorry for herself

(Hoo boy that's just gonna get worse...)

I mean we're not even up to the aro bits)

(And holy heck don't even get me started on the ace bits)

(my poor daughter has a very long way to go... earn your happy ending indeed... poor kid...)

When they get home that night her dad's like "are you okay" and she's like *already feeling guilty about literally everything she has ever done in her life ever even though she's perfect and has never done anything wrong* "I'm fine dw, I'm rly tired now goodnight" and goes straight to bed

The next day the family gets an invite to the Agreste mansion next weekend for a posh event thing bc of some new clothing line and they're like "huh how did that happen... probs bc Adrien is in your class???"

And the dad's like "Alix you don't have to go to this one if you don't want to" and she's like "thank you thank you thank you!!!" and then goes off rollerskating or something idk

On Monday at school Marinette's screeching like a fricking pterodactyl waving her phone around like "OMG ALIX YOU LOOKED SO STUNNING IN THAT DRESS OF MINE YOU WORE OMG AAAAAAAAA WHO KNEW YOU WERE THAT PRETTY YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL SO GAY I'M GONNA CRY EVERYONE LOOK AT THESE PICTURES"

Poor Alix is sinking into her seat like "kill me" while everyone's looking at the pictures like "ahhhh I never knew you were so gorgeous??? Why don't you put more effort into your appearance usually???"

Marinette's all like "Kim what do you think" and he's like "pffffft I totally definitely don't think she's cute or anything bc she's definitely not cute" and Marinette's like *shove* "oh come on admit she looked amazing" and Kim's like *blushing* "fine, if you say so!"

And then Marinette's like *stuttering* "h-hey Adrien, w-what do you think of the d-dress I made, did she l-look pretty in it?"

Adrien, being Chat Noir, already knows Alix was totally uncomfortable in that dress so he's like "well the dress is beautiful Marinette and you're really talented but like... she doesn't need a dress to look great? She looks fine how she is? Idk I like her normal aesthetic I think it suits her and she can dress how she wants"

Alix is internally like "oh thank god one person gets it at least, bless Adrien Agreste he's the only kid in this class I don't hate right now"

So later on she goes and finds him in the library like "thank you for appreciating my normal self" and he's like "oh no problem! I mean I totally get it... my father's always making me model his clothing line for him and people are always praising it but I don't feel like it's the real me"

She's like "omg that's exactly it! I literally only went to that thing bc I was forced to and I didn't even know Marinette was making that dress for me until it was already done so I had to wear it and I just hated every second of it, so to have people telling me I should be like that more often just feels awful"

 Adrien's like "ikr #richpeopleproblems... and this Sunday is the gala at my house and it's gonna suck bc the only person there I know is Chloé and you know what she's like... and I'll just have to be my dad's puppet the whole time... I mean I persuaded him to invite your family too and he did bc you're rich but like... I know you hate stuff like that so you probably won't go..."

Alix can tell he's trying to get her to feel sorry enough for him that she'll agree to come along but she just says "well yeah sorry I'm busy on Sunday, anyway I gotta go" and leaves

When she gets home she sees that there are like 5 new dresses in her room and apparently they're gifts from the Gabriel fashion line so that she can promote them whenever she goes to any museum events in the future or whatever and she realizes that's why Adrien's father agreed to inviting her family to the thing, it was all for business

And she's super annoyed bc DRESSES ARE SO IMPRACTICAL WHEN YOU WANNA SIT LIKE A COWBOY OR GO ROLLERSKATING OR CLIMBING TREES OR DOING ANYTHING EVER

That night she's supposed to be asleep but is probably playing 3DS Smash Bros or something when there's a tap on her window

She looks outside to see Chat Noir there and she opens it like "it's like 11PM wth are you doing here" and he's like "I really need to talk to you about your watch and I can't let anyone see or hear, can we go up to the roof of your house and you bring your watch"

She's like "I'm in my pyjamas" and he's like "that's literally an oversized tshirt and shorts" and she's like "well it's comfortable okay! But fine k tell me whatever it is" so she takes the watch and he uses his baton to take her to the roof

Then he's like "k well as you know I'm a magical superhero and I get my powers from this ring, well my kwami is the one who gives my ring the power to turn me into Chat Noir - basically a tiny little god that looks like a lil flying cat, his name is Plagg and he eats too much cheese. Well he thinks he has some details on your watch and why it's connected to my baton but he has to have a look at it to be sure. And to do that I'm gonna have to detransform and show you my civilian self. But you have to promise to keep it a secret bc I'm not really supposed to tell anyone (but I trust you...)"

She's like "uh okay sure"

Chat's like "Plagg, detransform me" and then he turns back into Adrien

 Alix is like "omg ADRIEN???????????" and he's like "haha yup it's me..." and she's like "but you're... you're in my class how could you possibly be Chat Noir??????" and he's like "well I've never been akumatized and I'm never around during akuma attacks and I'm always turning up late to class and..."

She's like "ok... whoa.... well um... that was very unexpected... wait a second, is that why you were being so nice to me at school today? Bc you saw me at the Louvre on Friday and you knew how upset I was??" and he's like "kinda... I mean I probably would have guessed you were upset about it anyway bc I do know how it feels..."

Then Plagg darts out of Adrien's shirt-jacket thing like "can I either get a look at that watch now or gimme cheese either is fine" and Alix is like "omg is this the kwami thing you were talking about? Omg this is hella rad actually"

She opens the watch and Plagg has a close look at it, then he's like "yup that's what I thought, this is Rania's watch" and Alix is like "Rania? Who's Rania? Omg is she one of my ancestors?"

Plagg's like "yeah probably. Basically Rania was a previous owner of the cat miraculous - a Chat Noire in the late 19th and early 20th century. She was the youngest kid in a huge watchmaking family and wasn't set to inherit anything at all so she raised a storm about it and then when she turned 15 her father gave her this watch he made specially for her. Since she had a pretty active lifestyle for a young lady back then she did a bit of tinkering and linked this watch up to the baton so that she always had a way of tracking it down in case she lost it."

Alix is like "aaaahhh omg that's so cool??? My ancestor was an actual Chat Noire??? And my own classmate is the current Chat Noir??? Okay I was having a bad week but I think you just changed that bc this is so fricking awesome holy moly thank you"

Plagg's like "k can I have cheese now" and Adrien's like "fine" *gives him Camembert* (I love Camembert too btw it tastes so flipping good)

Then Alix is like "wait but Adrien doesn't your schedule keep you hella busy all the time? How do you have time for saving Paris too??" and he's like "idk honestly, it's a nightmare sometimes... at least being Chat Noir is fun and I get to hang out with Ladybug a lot so that makes it worth it"

Alix is like "you know what... I'll go to your gala thing on Sunday" and Adrien's like "srsly you don't have to if you don't want to!" and she's like "I'm not just leaving you to the mercy of Chloé on what should be your day off when you're always having to deal with akumas she causes all the time, I'm gonna go and that's final" and he's like "thank"

Then she's like *looking at watch* "I guess the youngest child rule makes sense now, if Rania was the first to get the watch and she was salty about being the youngest and not inheriting anything..."

Plagg's like *stops suddenly in the middle of eating cheese* "what youngest child rule?" and Alix is like "the rule that the watch passes to the youngest child on their 15th birthday"

Plagg's like "huh I don't remember that being a rule... I mean it was a long time ago but I THINK Rania gave the watch to Leila... her OLDEST child..." and Alix is like "that can't be right bc my dad told me that..." *suddenly remembers her dad seems to think Jalil's an idiot* "wait... are you SURE she gave the watch to her oldest child"

Plagg's like "nah I'm not sure and I was put in stasis not long after that but I think she did, anyway there'll be some record of it somewhere bc she used to keep a diary, and if your family is as historical as Adrien says it is then maybe they'll still have her diaries somewhere"

Alix is like "well Jalil's the person I'll have to ask about that... thank you anyway... I should probably actually get to sleep now but uh good luck with the superhero stuff and I'll see you at school tomorrow"

 Adrien transforms back into Chat Noir and puts her back in her room and then leaves

The next morning before school she's like "Jalil can you pls help me out with something?" and he's like "I would love to but I have a project due at the end of this week and I'm already behind, I haven't slept all night and I'm on my 6th cup of coffee so uh can this wait til next week" and she's like "sure omg get some sleep you nerd"

She also tells her dad she'll go to the gala on Sunday and he's like "what brought about this sudden change of heart?" and she's like "well my friend Adrien's gonna be there so..." and he's like "ohhhh I see, well, if you like him then..." and she's like "NO NOT LIKE THAT" *the aro ace-ness begins*

Anyway at school that week she's usually never really had friends and mostly kept herself to herself but she finds herself hanging out with Adrien a lot bc obviously she knows his secret now so they just kinda end up friends automatically (BROTP AMIRITE)

And Adrien is glad for someone he can confide in about superhero stuff (bc as much as Nino is A PURE AND AMAZING CINNAMON ROLL WHO IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD, he doesn't know his pal is Chat Noir) but he's also remembering her standing on the roof barefoot in her "pyjamas" with her messy hair and arms crossed and that smirk on her face and he can't stop thinking about it bc he's a sap

 And he tries to just convince himself he's just intrigued to find out more about her family drama about the watch and whether the youngest child rule is true or not... yeah it's totally that, definitely not anything else, and the fact that he really really likes hanging out with her now has absolutely nothing to do with it

He's even tempted to go visit her again as Chat Noir in the night but he doesn't do that bc he knows it would be weird (this ain't no Marichat fic okay) (well alright Adrienette does happen later but like... on the side)

On Friday Chloé practically drapes herself over his desk like "Adri-chouuuuuu, I can't wait for Sunday it's gonna be so fun, just the two of us amirite" and he's like "well actually the Kubdels are invited too so Alix will be there" and Chloé's like "........" *undrapes herself and then whispers in his ear* "Adrien, remember it's not too long now until your 16th birthday... only a few months... you have a decision to make... and yes I know about it..."

And he's like suddenly drenched in cold sweat and nervous for the rest of the day and no one knows why except Chloé, and he's just thinking "HOW DOES SHE KNOW ABOUT THE THING WHICH I HAVE TO DECIDE BY MY 16TH BIRTHDAY OMG"

 And meanwhile Chloé's internally like "well if everything goes according to plan then no one will ever find out I'm a lesbian, perfect"

(She's my problematic lesbian daughter and I love her)

Sunday arrives and the dad's like "Jalil you can stay at home bc you've had like 5 total hours of sleep this week, and Alix you should wear one of the dresses that was specifically sent for you, and if you don't want to then of course you could just not go"

And she's very seriously contemplating not going but she promised Adrien she would so she just puts on the least flashy dress and the smallest possible heels and then they go to the Agreste mansion

Chloé was already there and like clinging onto Adrien's arm but as soon as he sees Alix he pushes Chloé off and goes to say hi

He's immediately like "omg Alix do you want me to show you round my house bc you've only ever seen the dining room (that one time at Christmas)" and she's like k and her dad's like "that's a good idea but don't take too long"

Gabriel's like "Adrien you can just stay here we have people to show the guests round if they really want to see anything" and Adrien's like "that would be weird bc Alix is my classmate, it's fine I'll do it myself" so he takes her upstairs to show her his room

Also Chloé's like *raises eyebrow* *goes and stands outside the door of his room with a glass of juice waiting*

Anyway Alix is immediately like "dude wth you have a skate ramp in your room omg I would kill a person for one of those and omg a rock climbing wall I would kill 2 maybe 3 people for one of those and if I wasn't wearing a dress I would have already climbed it"

Adrien's like "haha yeah those are pretty fun... anyway if you really wanna see the house I'll show you but honestly that was just an excuse for us to get away from Chloé and all the boringness so we can hang out without anyone bothering us or having to pretend to be stuck up rich people"

Alix is like "ahh omg that was a good plan thank you... though I probably shouldn't stay here too long bc my dad gets annoyed when I goof off too much bc I do it all the time and I'm apparently supposed to start trying to behave like a responsible adult now"

And they talk for a while more about #richkidproblems but then they hear Nathalie knocking on the door like "Adrien??? Are you there???"

Adrien's like *whispering* "frick if she finds out I've just been slacking in here the whole time I'm gonna be in so much trouble, quick hide before she comes in" and he pulls her into The Ladrien Bathroom (yeah I call it that... for obvious reasons...) and shuts the door just as Nathalie opens the bedroom door to look inside

Those two hide behind the shower section (lol I'm laughing bc... remember the Shower Scene in Jackady... jeez Ladybug control ur thirst) in the corner against the wall completely silent

Nathalie opens the bathroom door to look but doesn't see anyone so she closes it and goes away again

Anyway bc they're super close to each other and there is a pretty adorable height difference Adrien's internally like "FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK FRICK" and probably blushing too and his brain is screaming at him to move closer to her while also telling him not to and basically Adrien.exe has stopped working

And then she's like "uh... dude... are you gonna like... move or what..." *being obliviously aro ace like the darling she is* and Adrien.exe is still not responding so she just kinda awkwardly shoves him off her like "are you okay?"

He's like ".............uh-huh" and she's like "well you look like you've just eaten a chili or something" and he's like "nah it's just... is it me or is it hot in here?... hehe..."

She's like *still aro ace as heck like always* "it's just you. Anyway did you want anything else or should we head back now? I mean I've already been here long enough that I'm probably in trouble so..." and he's like "okay yeah let's head back..."

And internally he's realizing he's fallen for her and is highkey freaking out

They open the bathroom door to see Chloé standing there in the bedroom with an empty glass of juice and smirking evilly

She's like "well well well what do we have here..." and Adrien's like "I was totally just showing her round the house" and Chloé's like "that's funny bc I've been waiting outside your bedroom door since the second you went in, and you never left... must be really taking your time..."

Adrien's like "fine we were just bored okay? So we were hanging out in here instead... it's not a big deal... don't tell my dad..."

Chloé's like "oh don't worry I won't tell your dad you came in here bc you were bored... I think it'll be much more interesting if I tell both your parents - and everyone else while I'm at it - that you two are a couple, since I'm sure it's true anyway, ohohohohoho" *evil rich lady laugh* (I think it's called the noblewoman's laugh or something) and she runs off quickly

Adrien's like "welp I'm dead... are you dead???" and Alix is like "I think I'm partially dead... like I'm gonna be in so much trouble for messing around but then again my dad already thinks I was here just to hit on you... which I wasn't, btw, so don't worry" and Adrien's heart sinks just a tad

He's like "well my father was highkey hoping I would end up with Chloé, and I don't think he'd approve of me goofing off, and I just... yeah I'm definitely dead... idk how I'm gonna convince him Chloé's lying... well let's just get this over with..."

They go back to the atrium place or wherever and Gabriel's immediately like "Adrien can I talk to you" so he's like @himself "RIP Adrien" and goes off to talk to his father

And then Alix goes to her dad like "whatever Chloé told you was a lie okay you know what she's like" and her dad's like "hey it's okay if you're with Adrien, I was thinking it's about time you had a boyfriend I mean you'll be 16 soon right? But this is not the time nor the place to-" and she's like "Adrien is not my boyfriend omg!! He's just my friend! Chloé made that up bc she's a liar who likes messing with people's lives!"

Her dad's like "Fine I'll believe you but honestly if there's someone you like you can tell me, I'm not gonna be annoyed, but also stop going and hiding at the social events okay I know you hate it but if you want to hang out with your friend then just do it some other time" and she's like "k I'm sorry"

Meanwhile Adrien's talking to his dad and thinking "I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die..."

He first quickly says "Father I don't know exactly what Chloé told you but she might have been mistaken about..." and Gabriel's like "It doesn't matter what Chloé told me. Next time during one of these events you are staying by my side and are not allowed away without either Nathalie or your bodyguard accompanying you."

Adrien's like *le sigh* "yes father"

Then Gabriel's like "However... your 16th birthday is only a few months away. If you have not made a decision by the summer holidays then you know that Chloé Bourgeois will become the default choice. But... if you are wishing to explore other options before then, I will not be opposed to it. You know the guidelines."

Adrien's like *breaks out in a cold sweat again bc he was reminded of the thing* "yes, I see, thank you father..."

Gabriel's like "now let's get back to the gala, and this time you stay by my side. If you wish to talk to your friend... or girlfriend, if that's how it is... then you will do it in my presence until the event is over."

Adrien's like "well she's not my girlfriend but okay..." and they go back to the main room thing

Anyway Alix doesn't bother talking to him again for the rest of the thing except waving at him when she leaves later

When she gets home and into comfortable clothes she checks her phone and it's blown up with messages bc frickin Chloé really did tell everyone and they're all like "OMG IS THIS TRUE???" and Alix has to reply to a million people like "NO IT'S NOT TRUE CHLOÉ WAS JUST BEING A LYING JERK AS ALWAYS OKAY" and she doesn't even know if anyone believes her and she is NOT looking forward to school tomorrow

And sure enough the next day at school everyone keeps asking her about it and she's like "CHLOÉ'S A LIAR EVERYONE KNOWS THIS I MEAN OKAY SHE DOESN'T LIE AS MUCH AS LILA BUT STILL" and eventually most people believe her bc she's kinda scary lol

Adrien keeps sorta avoiding her bc he's trying super hard to not be crushing on her and she's like "????" about it and wondering why her friend won't talk to her today

She also starts feeling bad bc she knows she's bad at making friends so she wonders if she's done something wrong

At the end of the day he leaves the locker room super fast (even Nino's like "wut") and Alix gathers her stuff and quickly runs after him like "Adrien wait where are you going???" but when she gets to the street outside his limo is already leaving

She turns around and walks straight into Kim who's like "so tell me again how you and Adrien aren't a couple"

She's like "we're not, he's just my friend okay" and Kim's like "oh come on don't think I haven't noticed you two hanging out with each other all the time lately and always talking to each other, and you even went to his thing on the weekend with him even though you hate stuff like that, and now he's not talking to you for some reason"

Alix is like "yh idk why he's not talking to me but seriously he's just my friend okay!" and Kim's like "do you seriously actually promise he's just your friend and that you're not into him" and Alix is like *grabs the front of his hoodie and pulls him down to her level to yell at him and not noticing he's blushing* "yes for frick's sake that's what I told you, and anyway whether or not it's true, what does it mean to you? It's nothing to do with you so why do you even care so much??"

Kim is an idiot and just kisses her and then says "cause I like you" and runs off, meanwhile Alix is in shock and wondering whether or not she is justified in murdering him

Then on her way home she starts thinking about it like (yes finally here is where it starts getting obvious she's aro ace) she's thinking it's actually kinda flattering that Kim likes her? And she thinks that maybe if she dates him then she might end up liking him since that's what happens right? And he's considered conventionally hot right?

When she's at home she gets a phone call from him and he's like "aack I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that I'm an idiot and can we just pretend that never happened" and she's like "whatever it's no big deal just ask me next time k"

He's like "...next time?" and she's like "well since you said you like me I'm assuming that means you probably wanna kiss me again right?" (Internally "that's a normal people thing right?") and he's like "omg well... I mean... I don't really mind but like... I guess if you're okay with it then like... idk you could be my girlfriend or something idk just saying..."

She's like "sure why not" and he's like "omg really? I didn't actually expect you to say yes omg well okay should I like take you out to dinner or something?" and she's like "k sure"

When she gets back from dinner her father's back from work like "where were you" and she tells him and he immediately becomes #1 heartrate stan

Also she checks her phone and sees that Chloé has already told everyone that Alix and Kim are a couple bc she saw them kiss (bc it was like... out in the road it wasn't exactly easy to miss...) and this time she's like @everyone "yes Chloé's actually telling the truth this time lol"

And she tells Jalil about needing to find Rania's diaries and he says that all their old family items are in storage in the museum and he has the next two weeks off so he'll look for them once he gets back to work and Alix is like fine but she's impatient bc she cares more about finding out about that watch than anything else

The next day Chat Noir and Ladybug are patrolling at night and she's like "kitty you seem kinda off today, what's up"

Chat's like "oh it's nothing much, it's just this girl I like got with someone else, dw I'll get over it" and Ladybug's like *flirtily* "I thought you liked me" and he's like "yeah of course lol" and he remembers how much he does love Ladybug

He feels conflicted bc he knows he can never be with her bc of the Decision but he wishes he could at least have a chance

Since he isn't doing that great Ladybug tells him to go home early and she'll carry on by herself tonight

So he leaves and he detransforms into Adrien and he's walking back home when Ladybug drops down in front of him upside-down and is like *blushing* "h-hi Adrien what's up"

He (being oblivious and not realizing this is literally how Marinette talks to him) is like "lol nothing much haha..." and wonders why she treats him differently to how she treats Chat Noir

She asks if he needs her to accompany him home or something bc it's quite late and dark and he shouldn't be out alone and he's like "nah it's okay but thanks, I love you" and then he CAN'T BELIEVE HE JUST SAID THAT IT JUST SLIPPED OUT BC HE WAS TIRED

AND LADYBUG IS TAKEN ABACK

AND THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER WITH THEIR FACES SUPER CLOSE

AND THEN LADRIEN SPIDERMAN KISS HELL YEAH

AND THEN LADYBUG'S LIKE "I LOVE YOU TOO" AND LEAVES

Meanwhile the next few weeks Alix is still wondering why Adrien won't talk to her that much but she tries to just forget about it

And she's always confused about why Kim wants to spend so much time with her??? Like yes they're dating but like doesn't he have a life of his own??? And no one else seems to think it's weird???

And she has a habit of zoning out when he's talking about mushy stuff and he eventually catches on (he was like "since you're so ridiculously smol you'd have to like stand on a chair to make out it'd be hilarious...") and says "you're not listening are you?" and she's like "yh of course I was!... okay fine I was thinking about my watch sorry"

And now you finally see her proper (very aro ace) internal thoughts about stuff - she's still confused bc she's just never been interested in people like everyone else? And she used to think maybe she was a lesbian but she had never been interested in girls either? And since she's 15 her hormones should be all over the place and they are but only in a mood swing way and not in a horny way? So she's thinking... why can't she fall in love like everyone else does?? Is she missing out on something?? Bc Kim seems to be happy...

Also at some point mention that she tells Kim her first kiss wasn't actually him (it was Juleka but she doesn't say bc she doesn't want to out her) and Kim is annoyed bc he was sure it would have been him lol

After some weeks Jalil gets back to work experience at the museum and he finds Rania's diaries but there's a heck ton to sort through so he says it might still take some time (basically I just need a buffer period... there needs to be time...)

And then on Friday afternoon he tells Alix to come to the museum after school bc he's found the relevant part of the diaries so she comes along (and so does Kim bc he's just kinda there lol)

Meanwhile their dad's in a meeting so they can look at it without him knowing

Basically it says that yes Rania gave the watch to Leila who was her oldest child, but that's because she wanted to make something special by herself for her younger daughter Anna so she made a cool engraved pen thing and decided she would give that to Anna on her 15th birthday instead

Also there's an old timey photograph of the pen and it looks really familiar for some reason

Anyway now Alix knows the youngest child rule is fake so she feels like she should confront her dad about it or at least ask him or whatever

Jalil's staying late at the museum today bc he has to catch up on the work he missed while he was looking for Rania's diaries so Alix takes Kim back to her house and she has like 2 hours to kill before her dad gets back

And she wants to do something cool like rollerskating but Kim suggests making out and she's like fine even though she finds it pretty boring (I told you she's aro ace)

Anyway when her dad gets back Kim leaves like "btw you can come over to mine later today if you want ;)"

Then Alix is like @her dad "can I ask you about something" and he's like "sure but why are you standing on a chair" and she's like "NO REASON" and quickly steps down

Then she's like "why did you give the watch to me instead of Jalil?" and he's like "bc it's passed down to the youngest child" and she's like "...but that's not true, is it..."

He's like "k fine but like... Jalil will probably inherit stuff anyway right? So why not give you something too?" and she's like "but he loves historical stuff, he would have loved the watch just as much as I do and would have had more to research with it"

He's like "well... I just thought... since the watch has to be passed down through the family, that... well... you would be more likely to actually have kids to pass it onto... because..."

She's just like "is this because Jalil is gay?" and her dad's like "wth how do you know???" and she's like "he told me when I was like 9... So you're saying you didn't give him the watch bc he's gay so he won't have kids... and what makes you so sure I'm not gay too??"

He's like "well I just took a chance that you wouldn't be and I was right bc you have a boyfriend! So yeah I'm relieved, the bloodline is unbroken and the watch can still be passed down for generations"

She's like "dad... are you disappointed in Jalil" and the dad's like *FRICKIN HESITATES FOR A SECOND* "no of course not"

Alix is like "........ I'm going to Kim's house" and her dad's like "k well don't get back too late, call Jalil to pick you up if you need a lift back bc I have to go for another meeting tonight also be responsible and have fun etc"

As she's on the way to Kim's house she's starting to feel ever so slightly broken bc she knows she's not straight and she doesn't love Kim but she doesn't know what she is or why she can't feel anything

And now that there's more pressure than ever on her to be straight so she can have kids to pass the watch onto since that was enough of a reason for her dad to not give the watch to Jalil... she hadn't even realized it was such a big deal and she feels guilty even though it's not her fault

She also knows her dad's probably somewhat disappointed in her already bc she's so temperamental and reckless etc and not really what you'd expect from a daughter and yet he still trusted her with the watch and she feels like she should at least manage to do something to make him proud since she feels like she's just an ungrateful burden who has never really done anything

So she decides she's gonna try her hardest to be straight now even though like the idea of doing stuff like getting married and having kids actually suffocates her

She gets to Kim's house and tells him what happened with the watch drama and then says she'd rather forget about it for now so why don't they like put on a movie or something (bc that way she doesn't have to put any effort into pretending to be romantic)

So Kim's like "k yeah I've got netflix so like... we could put on netflix ... and... yknow... chill..."

(this is why I wanted like 5 weeks inbetween bc he's not gonna just ask something like that after only 2 weeks no matter how much of a reckless idiot he is)

And Alix catches the euphemism and her first thought is "THAT'S GROSS EW" but then she remembers her earlier promise to herself and figures that if other people want to do it and think it's fun then surely there must be some appeal? And maybe it'll flip a switch and make her normal? So she's like "yeah sure"

But then afterwards she goes to the bathroom and throws up so like ... uh... yeah, poor aro ace child who is also sex-repulsed

She vows never to do that again in her life

And then Kim's like "you okay?" and she's like "yup gotta go" and he's like "but it's a hailstorm outside you could always wait til like after dinner or something" and she's like "NOPE I'M LEAVING" and gets outta there asap

Walking through the hail she knows she should probably call Jalil to pick her up but she doesn't feel like talking to anyone so she just trudges along feeling VERY broken and VERY sorry for herself

She knows it didn't fix her and if anything it just made her more averse to the idea of ever being with anyone and she can't figure out why she's so heartless and prudish and she just highkey wants to die bc she feels like she'll never live up to anything she's supposed to be

Ladybug suddenly sees her like "omg Alix what are you doing in this hailstorm?? You should get to shelter!" and Alix is like "idc..."

Ladybug uses her yoyo to make a shield to block the hail like an umbrella and asks "yo what's wrong" and Alix is like "I did something really stupid and I regret it and I really hate myself right now" and Ladybug's like "aw it's okay, here, I'll take you home" and she picks her up and yoyos her back to her house

Alix goes in and Jalil sees her there drenched and shivering and he's like "omg Alix you could have asked me to pick you up??" and she just starts crying so he wraps her in a warm towel and makes soup for her

He's like "what happened?" and she's like "I don't wanna talk about it"

He's like "did Kim break up with you or something?" and she's like "no nothing like that he did nothing wrong it's something else but seriously I don't wanna talk about it, just let it go" and instead she tells him about the real reason their dad didn't give the watch to him

Jalil's like "k that makes sense thanks for telling me..."

The whole of the next day Alix spends in her room being emo and ignoring any messages Kim sends her bc she doesn't want to think about anything even though she knows she probably should talk to him at least once

Then on Sunday Max calls her up like "oi why are you ignoring Kim omg just go talk to him!!" and she's like "k fine... I was totally just busy haha... yeah... busy..." and Max is like "he went out for a run to that padlock bridge place so why don't you just go meet him there" so Alix is like k and skates there

Kim sees her and he's like "omg there you are! Are you okay??" and she's like (lying) "yeah I'm fine dw I was just busy and stuff"

He's like "k I'm glad to hear that... anyway uh actually I was gonna say that like... honestly it seems like you're always bored or not interested and stuff so like idk maybe we should just be friends instead if that makes you happier bc seriously you just seem like you're not interested in me so..."

She's like *remembers her dad is #1 heartrate stan* "wait what no! Haha of course I'm totally like head over heels for you... definitely..." and he's like "you're not a very good liar"

She's like "okay fine... fine I don't like you like that, I think you're cool but I'd rather be your friend... it's just..." *deep breath bc she's never told anyone before* "I figured out lately that I'm not exactly... straight... and idk what I am but like... I thought maybe dating you would kinda... idk... fix it? And bc I also found out that thing I told you about the watch, so if I'm not straight then I'll let my family down... and I'm sorry for like... using you I guess? Idk... I'm just really confused right now about myself..."

Kim hugs her and he's like "It's okay dw, I'll support you no matter what and we can still be great friends okay? In fact tbh I'm... I'm actually bisexual but I've only ever told Max... but yeah you're awesome and if you ever need anything then just ask me okay" and she's like "thanks, yeah let's just be friends that's better"

(lol you can tell this is my brotp can't you)

Anyway when Alix tells her dad she broke up with Kim he's like "but heartrate is my otp..." lol

And yeah next week at school everyone finds out idk it doesn't matter that much tbh

Then at some point Adrien is called to talk to his father about something important and he's thinking "ack what have I done now..."

Gabriel's like "son it's not long til your 16th birthday and we have to start making preparations for stuff which means I need you to make your decision soon. As you know it's family tradition that sons must be betrothed to someone by their 16th birthday, and since our family is wealthy you would do well to choose another wealthy suitor which is why the default choice has been Chloé Bourgeois since you were a young child. Now in order to make proper preparations you will need to make your final decision by the end of the school year."

Adrien's internally like "why can't we have cool family traditions like passing down a frickin hologram watch..." and externally like "but I don't want to marry Chloé, please father just let me have more time" and Gabriel's like "sorry son but there is nothing I can do, this is what your mother would have wanted"

Adrien knows he hasn't talked to his friend in a while but he suddenly remembers that she's single now so he's like "wait father... you said it has to be someone wealthy right? Would Alix Kubdel count?" and Gabriel's like "yes but she and her family must agree to it"

So Adrien decides he'll ask her bc he kinda still likes her and it's better than Chloé

Mostly he wishes he knew who Ladybug was and that she was rich and loved him back so he could just marry her

Meanwhile Kim asked out Max and they got together (bc kimax is life and also this story was seeming a little too straight for my liking so far... despite the title...) and Alix is starting to feel lonely again bc now she feels like a third wheel when hanging out with them so she doesn't

And she's back to having no real friends and it kinda hurts bc she thinks maybe she's just doomed to be bad at dealing with people in general

Also she's still feeling like something is very, very wrong with her since she just CAN'T fall in love with anyone even though everyone else seems to and now even when she makes new friends they leave her and she just feels alone and unhappy and doesn't know what to do

Jalil brought Rania's diaries home so she starts reading through them and at least it's some consolation for her to discover that Rania was very similar to her - fiery, impulsive, sporty, etc

But she still feels broken bc she knows that at least Rania got married and had kids so at least she must have been normal...

K so on some weekend or something Adrien calls up Alix like "uh can we meet up? I need to talk to you about something" and she's like "yeah sure" *glad that her old friend is back*

They go for a walk and stop by at Marinette's bakery for snacks (#letadrieneat2k16) (2k17??) and Marinette's all like stuttering and blushing and dropping stuff bc ADRIEN EEP

And then they go hang out in the park or something

Alix is like "it's weird how Marinette's always like that around you but no one else" and Adrien's like "yeah that's been confusing me too, idk why she does that" and Alix is like "maybe Chat Noir should ask her about it, hint hint" and Adrien's like "huh that's a good idea"

Then Adrien's like *deep breath* "okay and also I have to ask you about something... and it's really weird and awkward but um... basically my family has a family tradition too except my one is stupid, it's that the sons have to be betrothed to someone by the time they turn 16, I know it's really old-fashioned and stupid, but my mum wanted me to and I should honour her memory... Anyway my father says it has to be someone from a rich family, and ever since I was little Chloé has been the default choice and I don't really want to get engaged to her for obvious reasons haha... so I need to choose someone else and soon... so I was thinking... um..."

Alix is like "you want me to help you find a cute rich girl before you turn 16? Sure" (god she's so aro ace I'm going to cry)

Adrien's like "well actually... to tell the truth I've kinda liked you for a while... and you're rich... and I asked my father and he's fine with it... so I was wondering... if I could choose you instead?"

And it takes like 10 seconds to sink in and she's like "wait are you basically asking me to marry you?" and he's like "...well yeah I guess"

She suddenly feels incredibly guilty bc she knows if she says no then that'll doom Adrien to a life with Chloé but she CAN'T say yes bc the idea of being with someone like that for the rest of her life makes her feel sick to her stomach and she doesn't know if that makes her selfish but she's also upset bc she thought her friend was properly back but he just wanted to talk to her about this and it's ruined everything

And she knows saying yes would be what she'd do if she was perfect etc bc that would make Adrien and his family happy and her own family would be happy but she JUST CAN'T BECAUSE IT MAKES HER WANT TO KILL HERSELF

Adrien's like "btw you don't have to decide now I've still got like 2 weeks" but she says "I'm sorry Adrien BUT I JUST CAN'T OKAY, I JUST WANTED TO HAVE A FRIEND, I'M SORRY BUT I DON'T LIKE YOU LIKE THAT AND I KNOW I NEVER WILL" and leaves and goes back home and locks herself in her room and has a breakdown

Later Adrien's wishing he wasn't rich and he wishes his mother was still here and he wishes life was easier for him etc

He remembers Alix's suggestion about going to see Marinette as Chat Noir so even though it's late night now he transforms and goes to see her

(bet you weren't expecting a Marichat balcony scene, huh? Surprise!)

He knocks on the roof thing and Marinette opens it like "omg Chat Noir? What are you doing here? Is an akuma after me or something?"

He's like *surprised bc it's true she treats him differently to Adrien* "no I just wanted to talk to you about something, someone asked me to" so she's like k and they go out on the balcony to have a chat

He's like "so you know Adrien Agreste right? I believe he's a classmate of yours... Anyway he talked to me bc he's worried that he's doing something wrong. You still seem to treat him differently from how you treat everyone else, and he's wondering if you're still upset about the gum incident, or..."

Marinette's like "oh no, nothing like that! I forgave him for that a long time ago! It's actually, well, it's kinda stupid haha... I actually have a MASSIVE crush on him and I'm just really bad at talking to him bc I get flustered around him, that's all!"

Chat Noir's like "omg wait... you have a crush on Adrien??? Really???" and she's like "yeah!!" and he's like *suddenly realizing how cute Marinette is when she laughs* "well... I think you should ask him out..." and she's like "haha I'm trying..."

Then he's like "um I gotta go" and quickly leaves

He's hanging around the rooftops just thinking to himself that he never even let himself consider Marinette as someone to fall in love with bc he always thought maybe she didn't really like him so he always considered her out of his league

And now that he knows she likes him he suddenly can't get her out of his head and he just wishes she was rich bc that would be perfect but since she isn't rich he probably shouldn't get his hopes up bc how could he have a chance with her now...

He bumps into Ladybug who's like "hey kitty kat what's up" and he's immediately like "I just found out that there's this girl who has a crush on my civilian self and I think I'm starting to fall for her so yeah, that's what's up"

And he notices the colour draining from Ladybug's face and he's like "omg are you okay?? What happened??"

She grabs his shoulders and looks him in the eye like "is the girl you're talking about Marinette Dupain-Cheng???" and he's like "yeah how did you know?"

She's like "omg ADRIEN??? IT'S YOU??? YOU'RE CHAT NOIR??????????????" and he's like "wait what?? How did you figure that out?? I mean I am but..." *suddenly dawns on him* "omg... wait... don't tell me that YOU'RE MARINETTE??????????????"

They both stand there staring at each other in complete shock for several long seconds

Finally Chat suddenly smiles and he's like "I'm so glad that out of everyone it could be, it's you... Marinette..."

He detransforms and stands there in front of her as Adrien and she's still staring at him in shock

Then she very softly says "Tikki, detransform me" and turns into Marinette and still stands there staring

Then she jumps forward and wraps him in a huge hug

Also Tikki and Plagg are like "yoooooooooooo I haven't see you in years!!!!!!!" and totally hanging out too

That very night even though it's really late Adrien goes to his father and asks him "please I have something really important to ask... for my decision... what about Marinette Dupain-Cheng?? I know she isn't rich, but... PLEASE consider it..."

Gabriel's like "oh yes of course she'll do, she is an EXCELLENT fashion designer you know, she has a lot of talent and I would be glad to have someone like her to be a part of the family and run the company after me"

Adrien can barely believe his ears and he runs into his room and screams into his pillow bc finally he feels like he actually has a chance to have a good life that isn't always restricted all the time

The next day he meets up with her at the bakery and he gets down on one knee like "will you marry me" and she's like "um ily Adrien but I'm 15 and so are you... I don't even think we CAN legally get married yet..."

He explains the betrothal thing and that he doesn't have much time left but he'll understand if she says no bc it's a lot of pressure but she's like "well of course I say yes but I'll have to ask my parents haha"

She asks them and they talk to Gabriel Agreste and everything gets sorted out and the engagement party is planned for Adrien's birthday

At school they tell everyone while handing out the invitations and Adrien was worried Chloé was gonna be upset but she's like "Adrien I'm so happy you're gonna get to marry someone you really care about!" Then she whispers at him "btw I'm a lesbian so don't worry about having broken my heart or anything hehe" and he's like "whoa... okay... I didn't see that coming..."

Also Alix is like "I thought you said you had to marry someone rich" and he's like "my father made an exception for Marinette bc she's a fashion designer like him" and Alix is like "well I'm super happy for you... and SUPER relieved..."

But she knows now she's probably never getting her friend back properly, ever

Months later at the engagement party all the classmates are there and super happy to support Adrienette becoming canon (same omgggg it's my otp couldn't you tell)

The wedding won't be for years yet at least bc they're way too young lol but Gabriel's already started planning it

And Marinette designed outfits for all her classmates to wear today so they're all wearing those

Poor Alix is in a dress again, save her, anyway she's trying to feel happy but she really can't help feeling rotten bc at this point she has no friends and seeing Adrienette happen just reminds her of how she's not normal or whatever and she can't figure it out

Also by this time other class couples are together too like djwifi and Julerose and everyone's using this occasion as a celebration of romance etc kinda like Valentine's Day except on a different day (idk when Adrien's birthday is but I'm guessing some point later in the year) so that pretty much just makes her feel extra broken bc she can't get away from any of it

She goes to the bar like "gimme an entire bottle of the strongest stuff you have" and the person's like "uh how old are you??" and she's like "... 25" and puts a giant wad of banknotes on the table so the person's like "... okaaaay, here" and gives her a big bottle of something idk

He's like "you should probably dilute it with water though" and she's like "don't tell me what to do" and takes it and starts to walk off

Then Nathaniel sees her and he's like "uh I don't think you should drink that..." and she's like "I don't give a crap" and heads outside by herself

It's dark and quiet out here bc atmosphere lol

Anyway she takes a sip but it tastes disgusting like bleach mixed with rotted grape juice and she's so annoyed she just smashes the entire thing on the ground and then just sits there highkey wanting to die

Nathaniel comes along like "whoa what happened here" and she's like "WHAT DO YOU WANT" and he's like "I just wanna know what's wrong..." and sits down beside her

She's like "fine... it's just I think there's something wrong with me - no actually I KNOW there is, I can just never do anything right, I can't be normal like I'm supposed to and I just keep letting everyone down. My dad already hates that his daughter isn't exactly a Rose-type airy fairy princess and I just never fit in and I'm terrible at doing what I'm told and maybe I'm just being selfish and I should try to change? But I have tried and it doesn't work, I just can't be who I'm supposed to... and... even worse... I'm just completely heartless..." *starts crying* "Everyone around me always seems to be in love with someone all the time and they make it sound so nice and happy and I don't know what I'm missing out on bc I've never felt that way about anyone! And I really have tried but I just can't, it just never works and idk why, maybe I'm just broken or something, there's something wrong with me. I mean I can't even make friends properly and I don't want to be lonely but idk what to do... Something is very, very wrong with me, Nath, and I've tried so hard to fix it but I can't, I just can't do anything right, and I'm a 15 year old I should have liked at least someone by now, my hormones are supposed to be all over the place! But I just don't! I'm a failure! And don't try to tell me I'm not!"

Nath's like "... maybe you're just... aromantic" and she's like "aromantic???" and he's like "yeah, it just means you don't get romantically attracted to people. It's uncommon, sure, but there's nothing wrong with it, being aro just means you're different that's all, and it doesn't mean you can't care about people in other ways"

She's like "... there's a word for that??? Aromantic??? It's a real thing???" and he's like "yeah you should look it up, there's a pride flag for it and everything"

She's like "omg... so there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just... aromantic... omg... wait are you aromantic too?"

He's like "nah I get crushes on people... I am asexual though" and she's like "isn't that a biology thing??" and he's like "yeah but also it means I don't get sexually attracted to people... sounds kinda gross if you ask me though I won't judge anyone for wanting to do it..."

She's like "omg there's a word for that too??? I just thought my hormones were way off whack or something..." and he's like "nah there's nothing wrong with being ace too, or aro ace, if that's what you are, I promise you aren't broken for not wanting romance or sex, you're just different that's all, and there ARE other people like you out there"

She's like "but can you still be ace if you've had sex with someone?" and he's like "yeah of course..." and she's like "omg so this whole time, I thought something was wrong with me, but I was just aro ace... and it's a real thing... whoa... omg thank you so so so much Nath" and she suddenly hugs him

He's like "no problem, it took me a while to come to terms with it too hehe. Anyway I brought you some of the engagement cake, do you want it? Cake is apparently the symbolic ace food" and she's like "omg thanks" and starts eating the cake

And he's like "btw... I get the whole not being able to make friends thing. I can't either. I'm just... idk I'm too shy I guess... I've never really had a close friend before... especially not in this class..." and she's like "well you've just made a new friend, and she's wondering why she never tried to make friends with you before" and he's like "omg ahh really? Thanks"

They sit there eating cake for a while and then Nath's like "I feel like drawing... sorry I draw all the time lol..." and he pulls a sketchpad and pen out of his pocket

Alix sees the pen and she's like "wait a second, that looks really familiar... omg it's Anna's pen??? From that picture I saw in Rania's diary???" and he's like "what?"

She's like "do you have a really old ancestor called Anna by any chance" and he's like "oh idk... I think when I was younger I remember going to the funeral of my great-grandma Anna..." and she's like "where did you get that pen from??" and he's like "it was a birthday present from my dad when I turned 15, apparently it's an antique, my grandad used to own it too but it somehow still works"

She's like "omg I found the other descendant of Rania??? This is SO COOL! Omg dude we are really distantly related!!!" and she explains and shows him the watch

He's like "omg what are the odds of that?? That's awesome!!"

And yeah for the first time in a while, she actually feels pretty good

It's an unspecified amount of time later and she's on the roof again with Adrien and Plagg

Adrien's like "so you're aro ace... I'm really happy for you that you know now"

Plagg's like "I didn't know the term existed but I can tell you with complete certainty that Rania was aro ace too, she hated stuff like that"

Alix is like "I know, I've finished reading her diaries now. She got married to her friend bc she was expected to but she refused to let it go anything beyond friendship, and then when there was pressure to have kids she adopted Leila and Anna, saying that there were too many poor orphans in the world who need taking care of to have more kids. Which means that I'm not even biologically descended from Rania, which means that my dad's point about the watch having to stay in the bloodline is completely null and he could totally have given the watch to Jalil. But anyway I don't care what my dad says, in the future I'll give it to some cool kid on their 15th birthday - maybe yours and Marinette's, if you ever have kids lol"

Adrien's like "we probably will... She's so awesome I love her so much... I don't know how I never realized it before, Marinette's just absolute perfection, she's so sweet and wonderful and pretty and just everything I ever wanted..."

He goes on and on being all lovey dovey and Alix just grins and grabs a bit of Camembert and mutters "I'm too aro ace for this"