#anyway thanks so much for this ask bc i spent nearly 12 hours straight just working on this (sorry school)

[inthehausofholbein]

5 AND 37 LETS GOOOO (this is iris btw idk why i can’t send messages without it being anonymous <3)

5. “Sometimes I wonder if you even like me…it sure feels like you hate me sometimes.”

37. “I want someone I can melt around. I want someone who melts around me too…I don’t want this standoffish, unromantic love that you’re offering. I want more than that.”

ah yes, the angst prompts i was expecting how do i write

also, yep, they sound very luty to me and i am still not over them, sooo 🥴👐💁‍♀️🤷‍♀️

(future gab here. this turned out to be a long ass short film, so i’ll just hide it under “keep reading”. also, warning: this is quite angsty and self-harm is included, though, it ends pretty fluffy)

.

For the past few days, Ludmila was growing increasingly distant from the girl who she claimed "would never leave her side". Well, clearly that wasn't true, seeing as she was the one who left her side. Why did she practically leave anyway? Everytime Natalia would seem to go, she'd come back—but right now, that appeared to be near impossible for Ludmi to do the same.

"Ludmila." Naty confronted her, something the blonde dreaded would happen—though, it was only a matter of time... a pretty strange time... in the evening.

Ludmila didn't initially respond, only staring at her from down to her toes all the way to the top of her hair, confused and... weirdly astonished. "Why are you... here?"

Where were they? ...Standing at opposite ends of the front door to the Castillo house.

"O-oh..." Naty didn't know why she made an impulsive decision as she just did. She didn't know why did anything impulsive for Ludmila. She didn't know why she did anything for Ludmila, actually. “I-I, uhh...”

“I? I? Uhh?”, Ludmi mockingly repeated, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

Natalia seemed to regret her decision of coming over for a split second. This was far from the first time her friend treated her like she was dumb. Ugh! Why did she care for that... beautiful, beautiful... bitch.

“Are... you going to say something or just stand there?” Naty had been standing still—or rather, slightly shivering, staring at the wall as she got lost in her thoughts.

“No, no! I came here for a reason...” It’s either now or never, Natalia Vidal. “What is wrong with you right now?!”, she blurted out. She didn’t mean to yell, but she figured it would get Ludmi’s shrinking attention.

Uh oh... Ludmila knew what she was talking about. “What do you mean?”, she asked to play dumb.

“What do you mean by that? Until right now, you’ve been ignoring me! Ludmi- what happened?!”, Naty’s voice grew increasingly upset as she let her emotions take over her body.

“I-I...”, Ludmi attempted to reply, biting her lip and feeling her cheeks burn up.

.

“Ludmila?”, a stern voice called out. Ludmi jumped and immediately shut the door closed as her heart beat faster and more intensely. “Who was that?”

“Uhm, a fan...” Well, you got one thing right, Ludmila. “Y-you know? YouMix and stuff. Some people don’t know what boundaries are.”

“Is that why you slammed the door?”

“Y-yes...”

“That’s it?”

“Yes, mother.”

“Hmm. I could’ve sworn I heard some yelling.”

“Yes! Y-yes... you know how avid fans are.”

Priscila scanned her up and down suspiciously. “Are you hiding something from me?”

“No, mother! I’m just a little tired right now a-and then I heard the doorbell.”

“Uhm... sure, I’m tired too. Don’t disturb me, now.”

Ludmila quietly sighed of relief before she almost opened the door again before her mother took a step back.

“If you are hiding something from me, though, it better not be that Natalia girl.” Yikes... “I told you to cut her out for years! I hope this is the time you’ll actually listen to me.”

“No, mother. Well... we haven’t been on speaking terms since last week.”

“Make sure that stays forever. Now, I’ll just go and sleep right now. Again, don’t even bother disturbing me.”

.

Ludmila waited for about a few seconds before sighing again and opening the door only to see Natalia... still there, crossing her arms, waiting for her to open the door or else she’d go in there herself. “What are you still doing here?!”, she whisper-yelled.

“What was that—?!”, Naty loudly yelled before Ludmila almost instantaneously covered her mouth. She tried speaking and removing her hand from her mouth, but it wouldn’t budge, only muffled noises escaping her larynx. Honestly, she was impressed by her almost non-existent strength appearing at this very moment.

“Look...” I’m sorry was what she was about to say, but she just shook her head instead. “Please please please... get out of here...”, she continued before releasing her slightly sweaty hand from Naty’s mouth.

“And why should I?”

“...Y...you...”

“Y? You?”, Natalia mockingly repeated, giving Ludmi a taste of her own medicine. It worked because, indeed, that did not feel good to be talked down to.

“Just... leave!”, Ludmi blurted out before covering her own mouth.

Naty loudly sighed before saying, “Sometimes I wonder if you even like me…it sure feels like you hate me sometimes.”, before walking away.

“No!”, Ludmi exclaimed but to no avail. 

As Natalia was about to reach the gate, she felt a hand wrapping around her wrist. Well, it was Ludmi’s. Whose else could it be?

“I... I don’t...”, was the first thing she said out of the abundance of thoughts she had going on simultaneously inside her head.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes... I- I don’t, that is.”

“Prove it.”, she responded, raising an eyebrow and forming a slight smirk, though, not one that visible.

Uh oh, showing her emotions, something Ludmi was absolutely terrified of doing—but for Naty, it was almost like she’d do anything for her at this very moment. “Oh, uhm, uh... Do you want to... go for a walk or something?”

“Wait, what?”

“You know...” Ludmi repeatedly clasped and unclasped her hands as no sound came from her mouth for a short while. “...talk. Talk while walking...”

“Not here? We can’t just talk h—”

“My... mom! ...She said she’s going to sleep, but... I’m still... scared.”

That’s when Natalia had the realisation that perhaps the reason Ludmi slammed the door on her was because she wanted to hide her from Priscila. She never did like her and her “improperness”, after all. “Sure, let’s go...”

“Wait...” Sorry, she wanted to say again, but it felt unnatural to her tongue that was used to either spitting out insults or saying whatever she could to drive her mother’s attention away from her. “Let me... get my bag first. I’ll be quick.”, Ludmi said before swiftly walking inside the house.

“Still a perfectionist.” Naty muttered to herself. “Still a... cute- bitchy! ...but cute... whatever she is... God! Why am I like this?!”

“Like what?”, Ludmi suddenly asked, now wearing a blazer and a side-bag on her shoulder, startling the curly-haired girl that waited outside the house.

“Like... like nothing. H-how’d you get back so fast, anyway?”

Ludmi’s cheeks then turned pink-ish. “I... Oh, I didn’t want you to wait for so long...” Aww. She cares.

Thank you, Natalia wanted to say, but she just couldn’t. “Let’s... let’s go?”, she asked, shoulders rising as her arms stayed crossed.

.

Five minutes out of the house and neither girl talked to the other, only walking next to each other with their arms crossed and hair flowing in the cool night breeze. They were both thinking the same thing, “Come on. Come on... talk! Speak now so I don’t have to initiate—!”

“Why’d you go all the way the house?”, Ludmi accidentally blurted out, worried that this walk would be for nothing.

“Finally!”, they both thought, though it took Naty a few seconds more to come up with a reply. And by a few more seconds, it was actually a few more minutes. Why did she come to the Castillo house? Why’d she worry her parents and sister by saying she’d go out for a while? Why would she even worry herself so much about a girl who treated her as inferior for yea—?

“...Nat...?”, Ludmi asked, a little squeak to her voice and her head turned away.

I’m sorry, Natalia wanted to say, but why would she? She shouldn’t be the one to say sorry! “Lud...” They hadn’t called each other those nicknames in quite a while. “...I-I... I just... wanted to know if something was going on. You’ve... been ignoring me and... Ludmila, I care for you.” 

Hearing that, Ludmi made a noise similar to that of a sad dog, bowing her head down. “You do...?”, she asked, her voice cracking more than it ever did for little miss perfect.

“Yes... I do. Ludmila?” Ludmila tried resisting Naty’s arm lifting her head up, but Naty was stronger than she ever was. She forcefully turned Ludmi’s head only to see streams and streams of tears.

“Ludmi...”, Naty quietly said while her eyes stared right into those beautiful brown irises which were covered with built up feelings and her smudged eyeliner her tears ruined. She tried holding her hand, but to no success as the blonde girl flinched and instinctively moved her arms out of Naty’s reach.

“W-we don’t...”

“Ludmi...”, Natalia said in a much more concerned tone as Ludmi’s sleeve came loose and revealed scars. “Ludmila, what happened?!”, she worriedly asked while looking like she was going to cry herself.

Ludmi noticed her sleeve dropped and quickly hid her arms behind her back while panicking. “O-oh, uh, uhm... w-w-we- y-you... just... i-i-ignore this—”

“I can’t ignore it! Something’s wrong and you won’t tell me!” Natalia was practically screaming at that point, so she lowered her voice as to not draw attention from strangers. “I already saw them and you can’t hide anymore. What’s wrong?”

“...C-can we sit down first?”, Ludmila asked while pointing to the nearest bench.

“Sure...”

.

They took a seat and Ludmi was breathing heavily while Naty’s didn’t change from the concerned expression.

“Ludmi...?”

“I’m sorry... I’m sorry! ...I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”, she exclaimed while absolutely burying her face in her hands, feeling her throat close up as she felt as if she was about to choke.

A short while ago, Natalia didn’t want to say sorry since Ludmila was the one who should be apologizing. Did Ludmi still need to? Yes. Was Naty happy that she apologized? Yes. Though, she felt sorry for Ludmila at this moment.

Naty reached out her hands and invited the distressed blonde for a hug. She did hurt her a lot, but she herself was also hurt and she needed an embrace from someone who cared.

Now, Ludmila wasn’t exactly the most touchy person—hell, for the past week, she was barely a person, but she was so broken that she accepted that hug, even wrapping her own scarred arms around Naty who was rubbing her back.

As they both let go after a quiet (excluding Ludmi’s strong heartbeat) moment of pure embrace, Ludmi fixed up her hair as it got a little messed up in her emotional breakdown.

“Do you know why... all this happened? Well- that’s a dumb question—”

“Just... continue.” Naty replied while wiping off some tears and whatever smudged eyeliner she could from Ludmi’s face with her own jacket.

Ludmila sniffled before doing so. “My mom has been even more unbearable! The only reason she hasn’t killed me is how tired she gets from working– She... she told me to cut you out for good...” Her eyes were pretty dry from just how much she bawled, but Natalia could still tell she was deeply distressed.

She didn’t quite know what to say, but she did have a question. “Where... where did these come from...?”, she asked, holding Ludmi’s wrists.

“I, uh...” There’s no escaping from this now, Ferro. “A... razor blade... I felt more alone in the past week even more than I ever did for my entire life. Doing this just felt like... a temporary escape.”

“Why’d you... this is why you’ve been ignoring me all week...?”

Ludmi weakly nodded. “I didn’t want her to eventually find out if I was lying so I... I just followed her command. I-I...” As regular as this sentence is for other people, it was the first time Ludmila has ever said it, to Naty no less. “I... care for you, even if I hadn’t shown it... I just didn’t want my mother to do anything to you. She’s absolutely capable of that.”

Naty’s eyes sparkled like a cartoon character’s as she felt one million things at once. She ignored her and treated her like nothing for quite a while. She was at an all time low that she physically harmed herself. All this mess was caused by her psychopath of a mother. She... she cares for her. This was the first time she was ever this vulnerable to her and... she cared enough about her to protect her from Priscila’s wrath.

.

As soon as she cleared most of her mind, she made an even more impulsive decision and kissed that girl. Ludmila was shocked and gasped before closing her eyes and enjoying that kiss, her shoulders unclenched and they both felt like the world disappeared the longer their lips were locked together. And although it would be a long time until the scars healed, that one kiss felt like it would get rid of them all. 

After a good minute of non-stop kissing, they both let go of each other’s lips and Ludmila just started nervously chuckling.

“I... I-I-I... I-I...”

“I? I-I-I—?”, Naty teased before getting a weak slap to the arm by the girl she just impulsively kissed, giggling after.

The laughter caught onto Ludmi before she sarcastically said, “My mom’s gonna kill me!”

“Oh!”, Naty remembered something. “Your mom! It’s getting late and... and sh—”

Ludmi put her hand forward to make the black-haired girl stopped talking. “If she ever does find out, she doesn’t need to yet.”

This made Naty smile. She was slightly worried, of course, but she was just happy this made Ludmila feel better and... well, she feels the same way, god damn it!

Ludmi also smiled, but not completely happily. “Natalia... I’m sorry for everything I put you through...”

“It’s okay. Well... it’s... not okay—how you treated me... but... it’s over now. I’m also sorry I didn’t look out for you more.”

“Pfft! Why are you apologizing? You haven’t done wrong to me, while I—”

“Changed!”, Naty giggled. “You’ve changed and you aren’t the same... bitch you were before.”

Ludmila snorted at that while slightly shaking her head. “I was such a bitch.”

“You were.” Naty giggled again. “But wait, though. If this is gonna work... I want someone I can melt around.”

“You... already melt around me.” Ludmi received a slap even stronger than the one she gave Naty. “What? It’s true!”

“Shut up, you.” Natalia responded while slightly messing up Ludmi’s hairstyle, making it perfectly imperfect. Just how she liked her.

“I want someone who melts around me too… I don’t want this standoffish, unromantic love that you’re offering. I want more than that.”

“Yes! ...y-yes...”

Naty laughed at that obnoxiously, making Ludmi’s face burn up as she got flustered. “You’re a little eager, aren’t you?”, she teased again.

“Yeah...”, Ludmi admitted. “But seriously! You’ve done way more for me than I’ve ever done for you. You’ve been with me since the first day, you put up with every stupid thing I said and did, and you... you never left my side even if I was a terrible friend. Let me show I’m a better person now.”

“You don’t have to show me! Just the fact that you apologized and... gave a whole speech... that’s great!”

“No! Compared to you? It’s pretty small.”

Natalia giggled at this. “It doesn’t matter how big or small your gesture is.” She said while staring at Ludmi’s wrists, rubbing the areas without scars. “It matters how genuine they are. Besides, what are you gonna do? Take me to the moon?”

Ludmi’s lips formed a smirk as she thought of an idea. “Or a date?”

This time, Naty was the flustered one, freezing, eyes widening, and face reddening.

Ludmila threw her head back in obnoxious laughter, her face getting redder and redder by the minute.

“Wait, wait, wait! What about your mother...?”

“Well...”, Ludmi replied while trying to calm herself down. “We can go for about an hour before we go back. I’m getting better at hiding from her, anyway.”

“I don’t know if I should be relieved or concerned at that.”

Ludmi closed her eyes as she giggled again before standing up and grabbing Naty’s hand. “Come over here, you idiot! Before we don’t have any time left tonight.”

Natalia only giggled as a response as Ludmi’s strength reappeared when she nearly pulled Naty’s arms out of her socket.

.

They walked for a while, searching for a good cafe when Naty said, “It’s gonna be a quite the walk from here. Should I carry you, your highness?”

“No-o! No!”

“Don’t worry!”, Naty replied while playfully rolling her eyes. “I’ll put you down before the entrance.”

The shorter girl picked up the other, bridal style, making her roll her eyes as far as she could to the back of her eye sockets while wrapping her arms around Naty’s shoulders as to not fall.

“You’ve always secretly loved when I carried you, didn’t you?”

“Fine! I did and... still do. Just let me pay for it all, though. One little gesture.”

“Absolutely.”

And with that, Naty carried Ludmila across a street, earning a few stares from passer-bys. Neither of them cared, though. They didn’t care about Priscila finding out one day. They didn’t care for anything that night! All they cared about in that evening were each other and what they would eat and talk about. 

And although Ludmi was rejecting seemingly every food place in sight (and claiming, “None of them are good enough for you!”), Naty just chuckled everytime. Her annoyingly extra and picky personality was what kept her drawn to her all these years.