#anyway take this with a grain of salt im tired and just really really love my friends rn
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One day I will try to explain how I feel love in a way that can be understood
#it's like in Homestuck when like u cant explain their relationship chart right because the human mind cant comprehend it#but its me and i also can't fully comprehend it#i feel like those like . ok allow me to get metaphorical#like. when angels posses someone and the body is to weak to hold them#it feels like something so much bigger than myself. and its really great#which also means crashes are Bad goodlord#anyway take this with a grain of salt im tired and just really really love my friends rn
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Hii plz just ignore this if you’re uncomfortable or reply to it if you'd like to reply I really would appreciate it but I just need to get some stuff out of my chest
I feel so so bad I just cant see whats the point in my life anymore I feel as if Im just consuming and not giving anything in return I feel useless I dont know how to take a joke or how to make one I dont know how to express my feelings and emotions properly and people keep getting the wrong ideas and Im tired of explaining anything to anyone and I feel as if all of my friends aren’t really there like Im just a passing person on their life I keep losing people and I keep leaving people afraid of them leaving me sometimes and I dont get what the hell is wrong with me sometimes I wish I was never born or if I were someone else but then again I wish I had the power to keep moving and make my life better but I cant even do that I study day and night and I dont get the grade that I want while some people I knew spends their whole life on social media and they are getting full grades literally I feel like Im useless in every aspect of life and I know I shouldn’t be complaining and there are people who have it worse but I really needed to get that out of my chest and I can’t trust anyone of the people I know to tell them all of this also Im going through exams and shit so I just feel really pressured and all
Anyway thank you if you wasted your time reading this or not it doesn’t matter but I really enjoy your writings as well they make me feel alive so thank you for existing🩵
hello!
i thought for a long time today on how to reply to this. or if i should. get asks like this that are triggering can be very tricky to navigate, because on one had it is hard for me. and on the other, i care and have sympathy for you. and i think sometimes, it is easier to reach out to stranger about how you feel than people you love. so i would never blame you for that, or want to make you feel worse.
mostly, i want to say i am unqualified to help you completely. because im just a person who's live a vague concept of a life. take my words with a grain of salt.
i think the most important thing for you to remember is that everything you are experiencing is temporary. and i dont say that to dismiss you, but because i think it worth examining everything in your life and thinking that when it gets to be too much. you are worrying about so much at once, but you'll disillusion yourself in that process.
suffering, pain, excitement, joy. these are all very temporary things to feel, even when they seem like they'll go on forever. they are big, abstract concepts that will torment you near relentless if you let them. the only thing that you have with you concretely, is what you are able to do right now.
i wont tell you that life will immediately get better because to make a life that doesn't make you suffer takes so much time. it is so much work to build a good life and it is constant work - but never impossible. but i think it will quell the pain a little to take a deep breath and slow down to process what you're experiencing, which is a big brush of hopelessness that is so encompassing.
everything feels hopeless because you trying to tackle everything all at once. to me, it doesn't sound like you want to die. it sounds like you want it to be easier. it sounds like you want to burden the lessen, which ultimately means you desire a life. and you sound like you're trying very hard to do that all while worrying about everything else at the same time.
i dont know if i have any advice for you. any good advice, but if i could urge you do anything - it would be to take a deep breath and remember it will pass. it always does. and after that, sort your problems out one by one. and once you've done it, pick the thing that is most urgent that you can change, and start to work towards it. do it slowly and try to keep everything else out of your mind.
if you fail, forgive yourself. you have to forgive yourself. sometimes, the only thing you are able to do is live. or try to live. that doesn't make you useless. no human beings worth is measured by what they can and cannot do. you wouldn't love someone based on what they do but who they are.
and maybe you don't like who you are. maybe your friends aren't the right fit. maybe it will be lonely for a while. you can change it. you can find something new or maybe it will teach you to like your own company. it will pass and you will come out of the other side. but the only way to change those things is to try, and sometimes fail, and to forgive yourself after that and then try more. the world is not ending you just have to take it one day at a time.
it will be fine because everything passes unwillingly. and eventually this will just be another bad day. you're not useless. give yourself some grace for trying. and i hope it gets easier.
#return to sender#suicidal thoughts tw#suicidal ideation tw#ask to tag#i love you and it will get better#but most of all it will pass. it always does.
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🤖
Re re re quit nicotine. Talked to my partner & was like dude I need you to be done with this so I don’t backslide bc I do fine on my own & then you make a decision which I can’t keep being responsible for bc I “have more willpower” at this point I don’t have any willpower left bc it feels like this hopeless eternal cycle when you keep going back to it & im eternally exposed to it so i do it too. I’m so frustrated by it & it’s fucking up my hormones & messing with my mental health like I’m asking you to be accountable & at first he got butthurt bc he’s not used to adult conversations & that seems to be his knee jerk reaction every time I ask him to be accountable but as of yesterday he seemed to understand so that’s good. Take my tone with a grain of salt I’m dealing with withdrawal in real time & I’m so incredibly irritable & I just have to wait for it to pass.
Like I’m proud of him for working through his knee jerk reactions consistently, he definitely does separate & return to be accountable when he has a Mood. but IN GENERAL I’m SO fucking tired of people who can’t handle a direct conversation but then “hate passive aggression” like you have to be a welcome space for open & honest communication OR people are gonna be cunts to you bc you can’t communicate. & he’s typically very good at having these conversations but there’s a select few topics he just won’t have a direct chat about & it really really frustrates me. One of them is minor & silly but the other is kinda big & they annoy me for different reasons. Like we’re mid 30’s dude get over it? But then I get frustrated that I’m not more patient that everyone’s journey is different & growth is not a consistent metric across the board so people get better at some things before others & blah blah blah whatever.
Why did I do all this work to mature & now I am accountable for all these people who don’t do the work like that was a rude double cross. I know my life is happier for working towards understanding & peace but also now I have to do that for everyone? Lame.
Also I’m sure I’m immature in a lot of ways I don’t personally see that he has to deal with but dude I just want to be bitchy without caveats but here I am understanding the perspective of the other bc I went to therapy 6 years ago & took it to heart. 🙄
I really don’t want to go work on the property this weekend either, not even a little, & he wants me to drive 2 hours to clean ceiling tiles & I understand it would look good to his parents but you know what lately I’ve just felt like I’m on the periphery of everyone’s priorities & feeling really lonely (ALSO probably bc my hormones are fucked up from the start stop start stop) & obviously their kid is their priority not the girl he’s dating & I didn’t get so much as a thank you when I worked my ass off over spring break week until days after I left when I texted them about something unrelated (which they still didn’t do). It’s FINE I’m FINE I’m just super grumpy.
Anyway I bought a bunch of supplements to hopefully assist my body in rebalancing my hormones & I’m really hoping it helps. I’m gonna be Healthy Lauren for this whole month & take my vitamins probiotics walk sleep enough not drink etc to see if I can avoid the mental spiral that came with my last cycle.
& now that I’m calming down at the end of this rant I feel guilty for being so annoyed at my partner bc I love him dearly even though right now I want to both snuggle him & beat him with a spatula. Feeling very complex today.
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ITS GLASS TIME OMG YAY
im so excited!
ITS THE BROTHER SNIPPET THEY THEM BROTHERS
WILBJR FOCUSED ON BROTHER TOOOOSKWHWJSJWJSJSJEHWQUSH
PYTHIA WANNABE widiwjwi isjddj j this is fine. IM FINE.
i think wilbur should just take off the blindfold :D
mr beast �� im sorry hes so silly
TOMMY THUNKS SO TOO
idk i think the whole curse thing is just not real cause i mean realistically the pythia is chosen by clara once they’re born but it doesn’t make sense that the curse only happens once they get visions and like phil and all them are skeptical cause that’s not claras realm and i think it’s just a way to further control the Pythia and the image upheld to the public but also take this with a grain of salt im tired
HE LOOKED UP
ITS THE VISIOWNWIDIWJWHSHW
AND TOMMY IS LOOKING ST HIMEIRIWJWUDWIEIWJEISJSJWJEJWJEIDJWSJSJSIDJWJEZIEJ
im fine.
snake guy is here
he’s Wilbur!!!
i know he’s having a crisis or whatever but also like tommy doesn’t hate you king
tommy is so real when he’s not a child
i feel like the visions aren’t really to prevent cause how do you prevent that it’s just guidance it’s the next step in your path idk (again im tired ive been up for a while)
anyways this was a tad longer than i planned for it to be i was just going to keep tabs on my thoughts and it ended up here! it was great though loved this chapter it was so EUWIAIAJAISIQJSJWIEIWEJ in the simplest of terms
- 🪿
lol I wanted to include the pythia wannabe line to just make it clear to the audience that wearing a blindfold in public is not an obvious indicator that he's the real life pythia. it's not super common, but sometimes people will wear blindfolds like the pythia as a fashion statement kind of thing (or less often to show their devotion), so that's essentially what the cop was commenting on
snake guy driving in with a literal car to crash into the wall shoutout to that guy
there are several theories in here I cannot comment on but just know one of them made me grin
so glad you enjoyed!!
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camp zero by michelle min sterling [review]
read from july 27th - august 2nd
review
first and foremost — YO I JUST MET MY 2024 READING GOAL! 60TH BOOK OF 2024 WHO CHEERED!
anyways i need to be real. this book was really confusing for my tiny little pea brain. i will admit i think i might have liked this story a bit more if i had read it at a different time. like im so serious i have no critical thinking right now. changing to a new antidepressant coupled with a cold? yeah i have about zero reading comprehension at the moment so take everything i say critiquing this book with a grain of salt. hell i might come back to this book in 6 months and give it an extra star cuz i did really enjoy this book at times! but idk i don’t think i can give this 4-stars when i was confused for a good chunk of the book 💀
most of my confusion i think comes from what the character’s motivations are and why they’re doing xyz. rose, judith, the barber, the foreman, garreth & merley or whatever the fuck his name was, none of their motivations made logical sense to me. yet again i am not one to talk about logic when i am literally noncoherent in daily conversations & my memory is of a goldfish. like gun to my head i cant figure out what the M guy’s actual goal was, or damien/damian (i’m gonna go with the ‘a’ spelling & if im wrong sue me). i am still confused by that.
i am also confused about the time period this takes place in, as well as the actual setting. yeah i know its in canada and its snowy and shit. but like do the girls live in a mall? where is gareth living? what even was the camp supposed to be?
the ending was lowkey kinda fire, i did not see those reveals coming (but tbh you could’ve given me a mystery novel where the killer literally confessed on the first page & i still would’ve been blindsided at the moment). i really loved the white alice chapters and as things slowly started to make more sense i was having the time of my life. but when those reveals only come with 20% of the book left….. i mean like i said i cant 4-star it.
the characters themselves were….. fine. rose was likeable most of the time. i really couldn’t work out her motivations or her true thoughts by the end. willow was also fine. judith was meh. the other blooms were literally non-characters. garreth was insufferable. the rest of the male characters were fine. i still don’t really get the barber’s motivations by the end regarding him & rose but 🤷 im not mad at it. same applies to M-guy what the fuck was he trying to do at the end. numbskull
the plot was… Ok! the actual story felt like it was going nowhere, but like i said i absolutely loved the white alice chapters. give me an entire book expanding on those chapters & im sold. those chapters kinda remind me of ‘i who have never known men’ and i adored that book so!
the preachy messages about the patriarchy and men sucking got tiring at times. yes i know men suck. they are opportunists and shallow and see women as objects and blah blah blah. sorry you’ve said your message to me, now do something with it. i mean the book kind of did at the end with white alice & rose but… idk more should’ve been done with that. i really liked the grimy vibe of this book. idk what more to say about that it had a real edgy vibe that i liked.
i have a feeling this review is all over the place (when are my reviews not) but anyways. i had a good time. i found this book average. probably shouldn’t have read this whilst my brain is mush. i defo want to come back to this in the future and see if i enjoy it more when i can actually think coherently. anyways off i go to increase my reading goal now that ive met it with *checks calendar* FOUR MONTHS LEFT OF 2024.
god speed
#book review#2024 reading challenge#camp zero#camp zero book#michelle min sterling#camp zero michelle min sterling#bookworm#bibliophile#dystopian#scifi book#science fiction book#speculative fiction book
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what enha currently feels about their current tour
( disclaimer: please do remember to take my readings with a grain of salt. i am in no way a professional tarot reader and all of this are alleged and is for entertainment purposes only. )
note: hello everyone wow its been awhile! but anyways i just had the sudden urge to read about what they currently feel now that the world tour is finally starting 😭 (sk is already done and THEY WERE ???? jaw dropping. fr. fr. the dance break COUGH COUGH) + and last this is kind of a rushed reading so excuse if there might be some grammar mistakes or sum ..
jungwon
ace of swords
awe jungwon is currently in that moment where he feels that wow the world really is built different for everybody. he is now in the clear set of mind. emotionally he is in a good place! it might feel very new to him but with this card its positive! as in general context it means new ideas, new environment, new beginnings.. whatever that is new. ITS ALL NEW. he feels a great strong of emotion too. because Its what he is patiently waiting and craving for, after what happened to his life.
heeseung
five of swords in reverse
dude is ready! hes now feeling ready after that unexplainable unhappy thoughts he had about their tour in the past. its possible he was getting quite anxious? but anyways all that now is buried! hes now feeling happy and reassured that it will all turn out fine. its all about new life to him now. “forget the past and move forward.”
jay
temperance
wow this is lovable.. jay feels a sense of calm. the typa calm after you arrive in ur home from a long ass tiring shift you know? a feeling of ease.. like yeah this is why im doing all this.. for my love ones or whatever that he holds dearly. i think with just the world temperance in general we know what it already feels like for him tbh 😭 a very good feeling. he feels happy! too happy! and he even feels grateful too. he feels like this is all connected. a very 🥰 moment where you just have to bring out your phone and capture the moment because you know you will look back to it everytime. he feels that.
jake
the star
whats with jake and this card everytime.. (i always pull this whenever i read for him..) similar with jay! he is also as well feeling ‘that’. might sound er with this but this just so pure. fr. not even kidding. his eyes be sparkling whenever he thoughts of tour. seems like hes been waiting for this for so long too! a very new feeling for him as well. he feels like this is some new era for him. (technically it is a new era for all of them).
sunghoon
six of swords in reverse
unclear card so i apologize in advance if my interpretation might sound a bit er. but anyways sunghoon feels kind of hesitant with this? i dont exactly know why (as ive said in this type of qs this card is unclear (atleast to me). he might be holding back? .. its possible this is all getting into him.. he might feel overwhelmed or he might not be feeling at his best at the moment.
sunoo
the magician in reverse
🫠 unclear to me again! i swear why they aint letting me dude… but anyways with the magician its possible he is currently feeling that he should be more fittable more. he feels that himself is not enough for the tour. almost like he feels that he doesn’t deserve all this. he still is insisting to keep both of his eyes shut closed. he is unsure.. uncertain.
riki
three of cups
aw riki feels happy. hes looking forward for the tour! hes excited to meet different kinds of people and bond, enjoy, and hang with them. all good feelings hes genuinely uplifted its making him feel wonders. a joyous environment 😭
end note: idk but u might notice my reading? interpretations? are kind of different and if u think the admin is different now no its not its just me lol hehe i have quite different of personality every occurrence
[ reading was done in Sep 20, 2022. ]
#kpop tarot#kpop#enhypen tarot#tarot#enhypen#enhypen astrology#yang jungwon#lee heeseung#park jongseong#sim jaeyun#park sunghoon#kim sunoo#riki nishimura
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okokok so im not sure if you get this alot, but how do you get into f1??
i already love niki lauda, and rush, but i dont really know where to go from there? is there any specific youtube channels, blogs, websites ect that you could recommend? i dont really know where to start haha
Hi Anon!! Welcome to the F1 club. I'll just give you my kind of personal journey to learning F1, but this list isn't for everyone. Just what I did. Hopefully a few points can help!
If anyone would like to add suggestions to this list, feel free. Drop a comment if you want anon to follow you, @ f1 and classic f1 people!
To begin, here's the official F1 site where you can view basic info, the season calendar, driver standings, and updates about the sport.
list under the cut
Watch DTS. Everyone may hate me for this, but I got my hype for F1 by watching Drive to Survive. If you haven't seen that series on Netflix, I would highly recommend it. It gives an exciting, modern intro to the sport if you haven't had exposure to F1 before. Just remember to take the portrayal of drama/driver relationships with a grain of salt, because Netflix adds a lot of their own drama inaccuracies to it.
Watch F1 YouTube "tutorial" videos. I watched a ton of YouTube when I was just learning about F1. Search up basic things, like... very basic. Literally: What is F1? Why are there different tires? What is downforce? You only really get into a sport when you are able to understand it, and I promise you, F1 youtube will provide you with more than enough knowledge about the sport. I recommend the official Formula 1 channel, and maybe WTF1 for some funny stuff that can still teach you things.
Interact on social media. The F1 fanbase is huuuuge, and they're very active on social media. Probably more than any other sport's fanbase I've ever been a part of. Fans love talking about their teams, their favorite drivers, etc. You'll catch onto the drama very soon, and meet some very... opiniated people along the way. You can also follow the constructors' and drivers' personal accounts to get a feel of their motivations/personalities. You'll soon get to know everyone and then can develop a motivation for watching your favorite drivers.
Get in touch with F1's history. F1 has a very rich history with some great personalities and very talented drivers. If you're already into Niki and Rush, that's great! Some other big names you'll hear a lot are ones like Senna and Schumacher. Watch their documentaries. Watch other old drivers' documentaries. YouTube is once again a great resource for finding old F1 videos. Simply search up "Top 10 F1" and you'll have a long list of recommended videos that show iconic battles and drama between some of the legends of the sport.
Gradually start to watch the races or highlights of the races on Sundays, even if you don't understand what's going on most of the time. To me, modern F1 seems extremely boring if you don't know what's going on. There's nothing that really draws you in. But as you learn more and more about the sport, you can gain an appreciation for it.
Anyways, I hope this list is helpful! Best of luck getting introduced to the sport, and welcome to the group!
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Pinned under wreckage. Hmm, how about Intruality with Remus a construction worker where something went wrong? Preferably happy ending but any will do. (keep up the good work! You're amazing!!)
(Prompts with boxes have been taken, highlighted have been written)
Requests for this card are closed, thank you to anyone who sent in requests! If you don’t want to see these you can block the tag #false bthb. As always shoot me an ask if you wanna be tagged in future stories, whether it be for bad things happen bingo or any of the other series, one shots or in general!
Thanks for the request, I hope you like it!
General Taglist (ask to be added or removed!): @im-an-anxious-wreck @logans-library
Hold Onto Me
Summary: Patton had just wanted to deliver lunch to his husband when he saw the emergency vehicles at the construction site. All he can hope for is that keeping ahold of his hand will be enough. (Happy Ending)
Warnings: anxiety, major injury, blood, hospitals, emergency situation (if there are more please let me know)
Prompt: Pinned Down By Wreckage
Ships: Romantic Intruality (Patton x Remus)
WC: 4038
Disclaimer: I don't think this is how construction practices work but for the sake of the beginning that’s how it's gonna work because angst. The procedure to get him out is however fairly accurate, I did a bit of research as to how someone is rescued from that kind of situation but other than that please take the accuracy of this situation with a grain of salt.
Remus’ heavy boots thudded loudly on the thin catwalk leading over top of where the scaffolding was set in place for the floor of the third story of the new building, not that he could hear it over the general din of construction work. Everything looked good, he was only here to do a general sweep over before anyone else came up to lay the insulation and then actual flooring to make sure nothing would collapse. Being so high up he had a wonderful view of the fair bit of land whoever was moving into this house would own when it was done: a field with woods surrounding it with a long, winding road leading up to the front entrance.
It was stupidly extravagant, some dream house Roman would have loved to live in if he was rich enough to afford but Remus had been so excited to work on it, and still was. He got to help with the design work and use his hands for hours and hours and even though he came home tired and sweaty he still loved it with every fiber of his being. Not to mention he got to go home to Patton who would smile and cup his cheek to kiss him before pushing him down the hall to shower while he started on dinner. He’d come out to help and they’d settle down at the table or couch to talk or watch a movie and then either work on their own things or cuddle up in bed depending on how tired they were. It was mundane and domestic most of the time but Remus loved that with Patton. He had him and his job and his stupid brother and he couldn’t be happier; everything in his life made him feel safe and happy and comfortable and he couldn’t imagine asking for anything better.
Of course it could all be ruined in an instant. One wrong step and he could certainly plummet to his death. The scaffolding could crack and he’d be impaled on a jagged piece of wood. He could break every bone in his body or be paralyzed for life and be a burden on everyone who knew him and- Remus shook his head impatiently, willing the thoughts away as he turned carefully and began making the rest of the way across the catwalk. Thoughts like that kept him on his toes at least but it was best not to dwell on them too much. He was always careful and he wasn’t about to jinx himself by thinking of everything that could go wrong on the job.
He almost laughed when he felt it: a shift under his feet that meant something could be loose. Of course he would manage to have the most ironic timing in the world. Carefully stepping back he looked closely to see if he could tell what the problem was but he saw nothing. Biting his lip he looked back up at the last couple of feet he had to walk. He should definitely turn around and tell someone to look and fix whatever might be wrong, but he could also save the time and try to figure out himself what it could be if he could just get a better vantage point. It was only a couple of feet, if he stepped wide enough he might be able to avoid whatever problem there was.
Mind made up he stepped forward again more gingerly than he had ever done anything in his life, faintly hearing the lunch bell ringing and the gradual silence that was left from the various machines being turned off and tools being put down. Good, he thought, that way if anything happens no one’s around to get hurt. He screwed his mouth to the side as he quickly dismissed that thought as well, mentally kicking himself for the possible jinx. It was only a couple of feet, just one step and he could hug the wall and lean over to see what the problem was. Honestly with the way the skeleton of the wall was he could probably squeeze himself between the gaps of the unfinished floor and climb down to safety to avoid even having to hop back to the catwalk and go all the way back around. Leaning forward a bit for stability he brought his arms out and quickly lunged for the one, grabbing a hold of two support beams and digging into them so hard his fingernails began to ache. Despite that his new position seemed to be fine, no more shifting under his feet as the tips of his boots found a bit of purchase on the floor's framework by the wall. Grinning through the adrenaline rush he maneuvered himself around until he was facing back towards the room and carefully surveyed the floor. They had laid the framework out in a hurry- ill advised but for the time crunch they were under it had seemed necessary. The consequence for them rushing it though thankfully just seemed to be a missing support plank, making a couple of the beams bow under the catwalk when they were walked on. An easy enough fix and thankfully one that would be relatively quick.
Remus looked down with a grimace. He could climb down...but he had already gotten in trouble once for using scaffolding as a jungle gym even if he was trying to be careful not to be caught. He’d rather not be labeled as a liability not even halfway through the project and since in reality there wasn’t that much wrong with the floor he really didn’t have an excuse not to walk back the way he’d come. Sighing in disappointment he stepped forward and began to make his way back across, the shifting under his feet only making him slightly nervous as he took a bigger step to avoid the worst of it- only to immediately regret it as the entire catwalk shifted to the right as the board he was using slid away from the framework. The catwalk was mostly just a series of shorter boards placed in a sort of grid pattern so you could walk around without there actually having to be a floor. The board he was standing on and currently trying his hardest to rebalance on had shifted under his weight making the edge fall off the board underneath it, meaning it was now hanging onto a beam less than three inches thick by a couple of inches at its end. So not only was then the floor not laid well but the catwalk hadn’t been properly secured either, and if he squinted even closer there wasn’t much of the floor that was laid completely securely.
Swearing profusely a selfish part of him wished someone else was in this position besides him, maybe they could have figured out a way out of this mess. As it was it was just Remus alone up here, everyone else gone on lunch break and if they noticed he was missing they probably assumed he was either in the bathroom or fucking around somewhere he probably shouldn’t be...such as on the second story unsecured catwalk watching the floor settle and resettle under his weight with sweat dripping down his face. This was supposed to have been a quick job- ten minutes at most of him poking around to find something and now that he had he was risking practically the entire floor collapsing underneath him. He didn’t want to call out for help in case it actually did fall through and trap someone beneath it so it seemed as if it was simply going to be a waiting game in which either he or the floor would come out on top.
And with another shift underneath him it didn’t seem like it was his lucky day.
-----
Patton sang softly along to the song playing through the radio, tapping his fingers along with the beat on the wheel. He didn’t do this often but he really wanted to surprise Remus at work with a lunch. He had packed a little extra for dinner as well hoping he wasn’t too late to give it to him. Remus had said yesterday he’d have to stay a little later than usual to look over some things and do...whatever it was he had said he had to do to play catch up in the huge project the company had undertaken, an apology heavy on his tongue that Patton had preemptively forgiven him for with a peck on the lips and a smile. Though he wasn’t happy how over worked his husband often was, he more blamed the company and commissioners than Remus himself. He worked hard and it showed, and Patton was always proud of him. So, packed lunch and dinner it was with hopefully a quick visit before he had to leave since he was in no way authorized personnel but the people in charge often simply rolled their eyes and waved him through, vaguely threatening him with promised of forced exit if he stayed too long, which Remus never let him do anyway since an active construction zone wasn’t exactly safe.
The sound of sirens in the distance cut off his thoughts as his blood ran cold. Sirens didn’t have to mean anything of course, there were many reasons you’d hear them- but this was practically out in the middle of nowhere, near a construction zone which was again out in the middle of nowhere. Cursing he sped up just a little bit, desperate to get to the site and hopefully disprove what he already knew he’d see. He nearly started crying right then when he turned into the long drive only to see the house surrounded by emergency vehicles and people in uniform bustling from point to point to do whatever it was they had to do. He could see the part of the collapsed house beyond that, what looked like a cave in from the second story that had taken the supporting wall with it, though how something like that had happened Patton couldn’t fathom.
He hadn’t even clicked the engine all the way off when he was out of the car and running to who he knew was in charge, dodging out of the way and trying not to make a nuisance of himself so they didn’t have a reason to kick him off the property. There was no sign of Remus as far as he was looking, not even the sound of his rather loud voice cutting through the worried din of everyone else’s voices which only served to drop his stomach further as he swallowed hard around the nausea. Please God no, he thought. Please please please-
“Where’s Remus?” Patton didn’t think there was a need to bother with formalities in this kind of situation. He just needed to figure out where his husband was, go to him and make sure he was safe. It was a simple plan, the simplest set of goals he’d ever set in his life, but his heart sank as the supervisor turned to him with a grave look on his face that told Patton everything he needed to know before the other even began shaking his head.
“There was an accident. The floor- the floor must have been loose and nobody thought- I didn’t think to check on him after he went up there. We all know how he is.” He gestured helplessly to where several people were gathered around a section of rubble, the weight of a whole building bearing down on whatever they were puttering around. “We know where he is; it’s just getting him out.”
Patton didn’t need to hear anymore, noticing some of the people leaving the group and leaving a bit of space he could see the mess through. Most of it was just wood beams sticking out in every direction like a crudely placed beaver damn, some insulation from the ground floor poking up at the bottom. If he squinted though he could just barely make out a small space that had been cleared, a small hole that he could only assume was what they could safely clear away to see if Remus was still-
Pushing forward before he could finish the thought he hurried over to where the space had been made and knelt down next to it, laying a shaking hand next t o the rubble and iting his lip tp keep from crying.
“Sir you can’t be here-”
“That’s my husband in there.” Patton cut the woman off sharply, only feeling slightly guilty for his tone.
The woman softened. “I understand but-”
“I’ll leave when I’m in the way but right now no one’s doing anything so I’m staying right here so I can be with him. I’m not going to touch or disrupt anything but I’m not moving.” Patton looked up, defiantly daring her to continue, but after a moment she just nodded and backed away. He turned back to the space as a slight moan alerted him, gasping as long fingers emerged from the cramped darkness and reached out. A high pitched whine left Patton’s mouth at the sight of how bloody it was but he nevertheless reached forward desperately and grasped the fingers in a gentle hold. Faintly he heard a warning not to pull him as assistance was yelled for but he only shook his head as tears streamed down his face. Everything in him was screaming to lift the beams himself and drag Remus to safety but he knew it couldn’t work like that. This was a delicate situation that needed to be handled with care but the frustration only built as the seconds ticked by and nothing seemed to be getting done.
“Remus honey, I’m here okay? I’m right here and so are people that are going to get you out of there. You just hold onto me baby everything will be okay.” He nearly choked on his own uncertainty but he couldn’t afford to let emus think he was anything other than certain he’d make it out of this. His fingers squeezed weakly and Patton’s breath hitched in relief, continuing to rattle out reassurances that he’d be out soon and they were doing what they could he just had to hold on a little bit longer. His head snapped up as a hand landed on his shoulder, one of the paramedics motioning people forward with equipment.
“Keep holding his hand and talking to him, you’re probably helping keep him awake.” Patton decided he didn’t want to think too hard on what that might mean, instead simply scooching over slightly to make room for whatever it was they were doing and running his thumb gently over Remus’ knuckles as he took a steadying breath.
“They’re going to get you out Remus. They have equipment they’re setting up to get you out and then everything will be fine.” His fingers were squeezed again gently and the medic must have noticed since they paused and leaned down.
“We’re going to put two sturdy boards on either side of you to help stabilize what’s laying on top of you and then put airbags on the other side of them to lift everything up. That should give us enough room to remove you safely. If at any point your space gets too cramped or you feel things settle down on you more, squeeze your husband’s hand and he’ll let us know okay? We’re working as quickly as we can to get you out.” Remus squeezed his hand again and the medic nodded, signaling for things to begin. “This is called cribbing. It’s just putting a basic framework underneath everything to hopefully stop it from settling down more. And then those long tubes will be put in and inflated to lift it up, at which point you'll have to move out of the way so we can get him out.”
Remus squeezed his hand again and both the action and explanation Patton felt his anxiety ebb the tiniest amount. He nodded to the kind woman and moved to hold Remus with both hands as if doing so would make the process go any faster. As the emergency crew bustled around him and got everything into place he simply sat with cramping legs and blurring vision, reassuring the trapped man through soft touches and softer words as they moved thick, wedged shaped beams in front of the pile of debris. Holding his breath Patton tightened his grip slightly as they began inching the beams underneath, focusing his attention solely on the bloodied hand in his grip, poised to react at even the slightest twitch of discomfort. The boards were halfway in when his hand was squeezed weakly, jolting him out of his tense state to yell out a loud “Stop” to the team. They froze and looked to the woman still holding Patton’s shoulder, who leaned forward to be heard.
“Squeeze once if the pile is shifting, twice if we’re hitting you with the boards.” Two quick squeezes were felt and she nodded slightly. “Is there any way you can move without endangering yourself so we can get them in a bit more?”
He felt a slight squeeze on his hand before shuffling was heard accompanied by a quiet whimper that tore straight through Patton’s heart as he fought to simply hold the hand in support and not yank him out himself. He nodded as his hand was squeezed again and kept up his quiet reassurances, speaking just loud enough for Remus to hear him over the directions the medics were constantly throwing back and forth. After what seemed like an eternity the wedges were in place and Remus gave the go ahead to squeeze in the air bags. No one dared breathe as they were squeezed into place, no response from Remus unless they asked for confirmation that everything was still okay.
Everything was going fine- the bags were filling up and Patton could see the rubble being lifted slowly but surely up and off his husband. They were so close to having him out and okay that it almost didn’t register when Remus’ hand went limp in his own. Patton felt the muscles slacken and the hand become sudden deadweight in between his own. Eyes widening he squeezed his hand gently, then perhaps a bit too hard as panic gripped him.
“Remus honey? Are you okay?” The slick hand remained still, fingers not even twitching to indicate he had been heard. “Remus? Remus!”
He thrashed as he was pulled away, screaming louder than he ever had in his life as Remus’ hand slipped away from him and he was hauled to his feet and backward. The medics crowded to fill the space and he lost sight of his hand completely, screaming louder and scratching madly at the arms around his middle.
“Let me go! Let me go, he needs me!” The logic that Patton more needed him than Remus needed Patton over the medics at the moment was flung out of the window as he bucked backwards attempting to throw off whoever it was but the person just held him tighter as they walked him away, heedless of his ear splitting screams. Vaguely he was aware they were talking to him but Patton couldn’t care less as the phantom sensation of Remus’ hand going slack in his own tore his mind apart.
“P…….Pat…...Patton please!” Virgil’s yell finally cut through the panicked fog and provided the window he needed to haul Patton the rest of the way over bside the parked ambulance and sit him down on the ground. “They’re going to get him, Patton, it's okay. I promise you He’ll be okay. And we’ll ride in the ambulance and go into the hospital with him and they’ll make sure he’ll be back to making idiotic decisions in no time.”
The words meant to reassure him didn’t make Patton feel any better but all the fight left him, adrenaline running its course as he buried his face in his friend’s chest and wept.
-----
Remus had Patton and Virgil as his first two people to call in an emergency and since Patton had already gotten there and hadn’t checked his phone someone must have then called Virgil when he hadn’t picked up. As bad as he felt he was grateful the other was there as he all but collapsed while they finally got Remus’ still, limp body out from under the wreckage and onto a stretcher, stabilizing him as much as they could before ushering him into the ambulance and driving away after denying them riding along since they needed the extra room. Patton all but dragged Virgil to his car, the other swiping away his keys and insisting he drive as Patton was in no state to and Patton really just agreed if only to get them going faster.
They didn’t get to go in Remus’ room for hours after that, apparently suffering a broken legs and ribs, a sprained risk and a minor concussion that had taken the rest of the day to fix, nearly sending Patton into hysterics when they were informed with the final comment being that he had gotten off lucky. Thankfully Roman and Logan had arrived at that point and they were able to sit with Patton through the night and morning before Logan suggested he take Virgil to get a change of clothes and other necessities so they’d be able to stay longer, Roman volunteering to come along to get Patton and Remus’ things as well.
The hospital room was quiet save for the soft beeping of the machines lining the bed and the gentle huffing breaths of Remus as he slept, thankfully peacefully, in the hospital bed that Patton had his chair pulled all the way up to to hold his now bandaged hand between his. He yawned loudly and laid his head on his arm, eyes fighting to stay open as he promised himself he was merely resting his eyes but drifting off rather quickly considering the stress of the past couple of days. Confident he would wake if anything happened and trusting the others to come back soon he allowed himself to drift off.
-----
Patton awoke slowly to the feeling up fingers running through his messy hair, taking the time to gently brush out all the tangles of the previous day. He hummed happily and snuggled further into the tough, only to grunt in pain as his neck protested the action with a rather loud crack. Reality hit him all at once and he picked his head up to see Remus smiling tiredly down at him, Head wrapped neatly and already crooked nose set after what must have been the third or fourth break he had already suffered. Patton’s eyes filled with tears as he sat up and slowly reached for his husband, hands coming to rest on each cheek to make sure he was really there and alright. Smile tugging wider Remus brought his own hands up to rest on Patton’s, thumbs slowly running over the knuckles like he had done when Remus had been trapped.
“If I wouldn’t hurt you more and get hauled out by security I would slap you so hard for what you did.” In his tired state Patton honestly couldn’t think of anything better to say, but Remus only chuckled weakly and nodded.
“I love you too.”
Laughing softly with him Patton leaned forward to rest his forehead against Remus’ before pressing a featherlight kiss to the tip of his nose and softly whispered “I’m so glad you’re safe.”
“I always am with you.”
Later a nurse would come in and smile at the two: Patton tucked under Remus’ chin and clutching onto his hands like a lifeline as they both slept. Quietly, he would turn out the light and shut the door, reassuring the people camping on the chairs outside that they were alright and they would sigh and shake their heads with amusement. The scolding could wait, they decided. For they would leave them to hold onto each other for as long as they needed.
This work is also available on AO3!
If you like this, please consider reblogging, as sharing a creator’s work is very encouraging to us and helps our creations reach more people!
#false writes#false bthb#sanders sides fic#bad things happen bingo#bthb#prompt: pinned under wreckage#angst#remus sanders#patton sander#roman sanders#logan sanders#virgil sanders#romantic intrulogical#intrulogical#tw blood#tw injury#tw emergency#emergency situation#tw major injury#tw hospital#hospitalization#tw anxiety
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THE MR. GRUMPY PLEASE STOP THREATENING MR. TICKLE'S LIFE MASTERPOST
I have lost all sense of reality
Season 1
Mr. Grumpy appears in 39 episodes of Season 2.
In 7 of these episodes does he do something wrong.
Season 2
Mr. Grumpy appears in 44 episodes of Season 2.
In 8 of these episodes does he do something wrong.
Conclusions
Mr. Grumpy does something wrong in 15 out of the 83 episodes he appears in, which is 18%. Counting my 10 unsures bumps him up to 25/83, which is 30%.
Mr. Grumpy is a super weird character to rank, as he's justifiably annoyed by pretty much everyone around him; this, however, makes me feel bad to consider him an asshole in any episode because he's beaten down by the world until he snaps. So, take everything I say here with a grain of salt.
The one thing I'll always count against him though is if he ever threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm because believe me he does that A LOT
Yellow - Mr. Grumpy does nothing wrong
Red - Mr. Grumpy does something wrong
Pink - idk lol
SEASON 1
Flying - Just doing his job
Music - he's just kinda there lmao
Physical - man nobody even DOES anything in the early episodes
Farm - He gets so hilariously close to saying fuck in this episode its ridiculous. Anyways he's a dick to everyone trying to help him
Lake - barely there
Beach - BIRDS STOLE HSI FUCKING SAMWICH SMH
Mall - what the fuck even was that segment
Birthday - I actually had to watch pretty much the entire episode for this one. He just wants to chill on his own the entire time and everyone else just . does not listen. Please just let him vibe
Boats - barely in it
Superstore - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm
Books - just sellin his book don't mind him
Camping - he just. cannot eat outside in peace
Science - fuck you Miss Daredevil
Fish - Blames Mr. Bump for splashing when he is . fucking dying
Paint - what the fuck even just happened. I guess he ran over Mr. Bump but it was presumably unintentional and. nsbdANSDMADF WHY ARE THEY CUBED
Construction - He was barely in it and then got fucking mauled at the end
Jobs - yep he sure is there I guess
Trains - Yeah he once again sure is there
Hobbies - he's kinda mean to Mr. Scatterbrain but he's Mr. Scatterbrain so
Fair - this show is so stupid
Dance - It's justifiable that he'd complain about the noise but like. Dude. It's a dance studio. Why am I defending Mr. Noisy again
Amusement Park - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm, then tickles him after he said he was gonna be sick :(
Adventure - almost dies
Dillydale Day - he's barely in it and all he does is insult the performance
Games - y'know how I said this show was stupid? This is another example of that but in a good way
Hotel - I had to watch this one twice cause I have no fucking idea what to do with it. Like. He's kind of a dick to everyone and barely does his actual job but like. r., what the fcl./??????? also he pushes Mr. Tickle over at some point yeah I'm counting this one
Chores - he's just chillin and then dies
Snow - this segment is fucking hilarious but that's just cause Stubborn's in it lmao anyways he's fine ig
Wildlife - just kinda there
Restaurants - this show is so stupid . again
Gardens - oh how I hate this fucking episode - forced myself to rewatch it, he doesnt do SHIT WRONG AND THESE FUCKERSSADASKDKJDFJKJKADFJKSCVCDVDJKLFKLF IM SO FUCKIGN MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cars - Miss Sunshine is nothing but courteous the entire time and Mr. Grumpy does nothing but fucking complain is this the reckoning we get after the disaster that is Gardens
Ships - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm
Cooking - Roasts the shit out of Miss Naughty but she deserved it so it's okay
Collecting - just kinda there
Sleep - Yeahhhhh uhhh he kinda sent Mr. Strong to his "death" and didn't really. give a shit. soooooooooo oh yeah also hes kinda just mean to everyone the entire time hes just a dick
Carwash - he's trying his best also GAY ICON EPISODE
Sightseeing - yeah
The Dark - yeah again
SEASON 2
Picnics - he's just kinda there
Outer Space - again he's just kinda there
Clean Teeth - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm
Airports - He's kinda just trying to stop Mr. Stubborn from committing a copious amount of crimes
Shoes - quits a performance right in the middle for no fucking reason ?
Arts and Crafts - he's just trying his best
Game Shows - just kinda there
Garages - this show is so stupid
Toys - this show is still so stupid also Mr. Nervous said among us and I screamed
Reptiles - isn't this just Cars again? but this time he's slightly more of an asshole considering he tries to get Miss Sunshine to ignore Mr. Lazy. The only good part of this bit is Martin
Hats - Tried to get Mr. Happy to ignore the other hat contest contestants so he could win, but he does share his prize at the end, so idk man
Robots - I have absolutely no fucking clue
Up and Down - bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
Dining Out - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm
Gifts - just kinda there
Sun and Moon - yep
Telephone - the whole fucking dillydale invaded his house wtf!!
Washing & Drying - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm
Sneezes & Hiccups - If I had a nickel for every Mr. Grumpy segment that was only funny because Mr. Stubborn was in it I'd have six nickels. I could buy a soda with that if it was 50 years ago
Fruit - Managed to be bribed with . fruit
Radio - bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
Supermarket - i fucking hate this show I dont care enough to rewatch this one
Skyscrapers - HE STOLE MR SCATTERBRAIN'S SANDWICH SMH
Cinema - I'm so tired
Getting Around - I am still tired
Clocks - this episode is ass
Post Office - I am still, in fact, tired
Dance, Dance, Dance - I'm not tired anymore this episode bangs
Library - HE BARELY EVEN DOES ANYTHING
Pirates - I'm tired again
Goo - Threatens Mr. Tickle with bodily harm
Trains & Planes - I am going to fall asleep
Out to Sea - I am asleep. also he ignores Mr. Quiet the entire time and doesn't acknowledge Miss Scary pretty much saving his life but hhhhhhhhhhhhhhbnbnvnvbb i am too tired to care at this point
Next Door - still asleep
Lunch - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Machines - this isn't as painfully boring as Mr. Happy was but it's pretty close
Fairies and Gnomes - NEVERMIND I FUCKING LOVE THIS EPISODE
Home Improvement - asleep again
Bath and Bubbles - still asleep
Sand and Surf - I am up to 8 nickels at this point
Parks - Mr. Grumpy is so much more boring than I rememebred AND YEP THREATENED MR TICKLE WITH BODILY HARM
Surprises - I refuse to watch this episode again
Travel - THREATENED MR TICKLE WITH BODILY HARM AGAIN
Bad Weather - and I am now once again asleep
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kind of a weird question but since im maybe(?) working on a petsite, i was wondering if u could talk a little bit abt why you like and play fr?
ok my response got a lil long so under readmore it goes (take this all with a grain of salt tho bc the only other petsite i ever used A Lot aside from FR was neopets back when i was like, 9-12 mostly, so it’s not like i can really compare my FR experience to much else anyway.)
mmmm well everyone has a different reason for that ofc, i’m sure (especially if you ask multiple ppl in the tag/comm this question) you’ll probably find everyone has a different answer, which is obvious yes, but i say that first anyway bc it IS smth do like about fr a lot...! i know a lot of ppl who can pick out a specific aspect or two of the site and say “THAT’S what i love about this one” and i think that in of itself is a fun and good thing :> having multiple Draws to your site is a good thing, i think!
personally my FAVORITE aspect on the site is dragon dressup, i LOVE coming up with outfits and variations on outfits and figuring out The Perfect Outfit for dragons and how there ARE variants on almost every piece... as i’ve said here and in many chats and convos in the past: i rarely ever decide i’m going to buy/keep a dragon until i can come up with an outfit for it. that is the MOST important part of the entire game to me, being able to dress up a dragon the way i want.
that said, i also love that it’s relatively EASY to do so--apparel isn’t difficult to come by, and the amount of items that DO cost premium currency are far outweighed by the amount of items you can get through treasure/coli/baldwin/chests/etc, and ofc the ease with which you Can get premium currency to get even the high-price apparel is a whole other reason people enjoy FR compared to other sites. you’re not having to shell out a fortune at every turn or constantly be buying premium currency JUST to get your “pet” dressed. plus, my favorite site feature, the dressing room.. exists! you can preview apparel and skins and everything on dragons, scries, whatever--it wasn’t until you could dress up scries that i started to actually give a shit about g1 dragons.
also just...... the amount of colors and genes n stuff possible on dragons, being able to have SO MANY dragons, many dragons being allowed to have the same name, etc, all very good. the fact that the dragons cannot and will not die like some petsites (*coughs at lioden and whatnot* if your pets can die its a bad fucking shitty stupid petsite <3) is another big good factor.
honestly im tired and also kind of tipsy rn so trying to explain why i like dragon website is hard but i love dragon website. being able to dress dragons and have so many different unique things i can do w these dragons and lore i can either ignore or work with to create CHARACTERS is!! so good!!!! hope my rambling helps. thanks
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YOUR NEW ART PIECE IS MWAH. CHEFS KISS
Also for the question: do you have a specific method for choosing your colors?? I’m rlly bad at picking colors that work well with one another 😔
!!! HI AUSSIE MWAH I LOVE U N KISSA U ON THE CHEEK
i dont really have a specific method per se on choosing my colors? except i tend to stay on the warmer parts of the color spectrum!! i use a LOT of subtle gradients and overlay layers on all of my art, and i tend to stick to complementary colors for lighting!! (specifically yellow and purple)
now, just a reminder that i am FULLY self-taught with the exception of some online tutorial videos, so take my words with a grain of salt since im not a professional :D coloring guide under the cut !
the thing with coloring things digitally is that you rarely ever actually stick with the colors you first put down! its important to keep note that the best thing about digital coloring is that nothing is ever uneditable and you can always adjust the hue, saturation, and brightness of any layer. (for reference, i use FireAlpaca to do art :3 )
now, if youre familiar with my art, my drawings tend to be on the more vibrant colored side! i like colorful and light looking drawings for the most part and all my lighting/shading tends to be either very soft or colored.
one thing i almost NEVER do is shade with direct black.
Now, why is this so? Black is the color of shadows in real life anyway, and its much easier to just shade everything with black and fiddle with the opacity! by all means, black as shading makes the most logical sense.
But the reason i don’t shade things in black or even just move the color of the flat towards the darker end of the spectrum is because the tendency of the shading is that it ends up looking very... dirty. and grimy. and i dont really like that/have the ability to pull it off. so what i do is i use color theory (or, well, a butchered version of it.)
now, before we get into that--on the point of black shading looking grimy & dirty, im certain that there are some styles that can pull it off (like julia lepetit, a drawfee host and a content creator i absolutely adore!). but it really all depends on what kind of mood you want your drawing to evoke. If youre like me and use coloring to express the emotions of a piece and like very eye catching coloring methods, then its important to know that RGB SUCKS.
(For me at least.)
using rgb as your coloring reference tends to create a lot darker or muddier pieces which can be nice depending on your target/intention, but for the most part is terribly annoying. The solution to this (again, which works for me but not everyone) is that i choose to color with CMYK aka Cyan, Magenta, Yellow, Black. THIS is the color model i work with when coloring my flats.
Now theres a whole explanation for why CMYK and RGB are different and why CMYK appears better digitally and for printing things, but im a stem student and im tired as hell of hearing about waves and optics so yall can google that if youd like.
But basically! Yes. I use CMYK in most circumstances to make sense of coloring. Going further from there however, the way i choose what colors to shade/highlight with has everything to do with contrast and color theory. The common understanding i have is that yellow tends to be more adjacent to light while purple is closer to shadows.
NOW.
the basic system i have for coloring goes like this:
if the flats are warm, the shading and the highlighting is cooler. if the flats are cool, the shading and the highlighting is warmer.
for example: (flat color - shading - highlighting)
orange/skin tone - purple - yellow
green - blue - pink
yellow - orange - light blue
THEN i go a little more complex with midtones and what not in order to blend colors!! like with skin for example, i shade it with purple and ease the transition with red midtones. sometimes for fun i add some (subtle) cooler shades for a more painter-like effect.
Colors tend to reflect off of one another too, so i add soft gradients and airbrush very subtle colors unto different components. When im drawing a person for example, i airbrush some of the skintone very lightly unto the hair that frames the face to bring the piece together a little bit more!!
for final touches, i add things like yellow to purple gradients, the side of the light source being where the yellow begins. I also love fiddling with layer settings and setting things to overlay etc. because it unites all the colors a little bit more. I try to also adjust the colored layers to have less contrast between them so that its less of a rainbow eyesore lol
hope this answers a lot of questions!! if anyone wants a more detailed explanation ig, you can always hit up my kofi ;)
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New York overwhelmed me. For the first few weeks I only strayed a couple blocks from my hotel off Times Square. I would see three movies a day in an attempt to escape my loneliness and depression. I spent a hundred and fifty dollars of my limited funds just on seeing movies
James Dean
#I wanted to reblog this quote then make a stream on consciousness related to it in the tags of it like I usually would#but the quote's not already on Tumblr and I just really want to project my thoughts into the void so I made it myself#also it's a really great quote and gave me the epiphany I'm about to talk about why is it not on tumblr already ???#anyways I have completed like none of the goals I have set for myself in my life yet#and 1 of the main reasons is bc I always said to myself 'I need to get my mental health in check 1st u cant have the house w/out foundation'#mental health IS foundation imo and ya'll should take the steps you need to better it but for me I'm trying and it's Not Working#and I'm tired of sitting around having my goals be more and more put off while I wait for constant shipment of serotin to my brain#ok I have to add context now and idk why but actually going specifically into my goals makes me uncomfy but . context#I've ALWAYS since I was teeny tiny wanted to be an actor and start as early as possible . a child actor if you will#n like . I often look online at auditions and stuff but not w like any real intent of doing anything about it#bc I thought...I'm Sad and I can't even get outta bed to go to school how am I suppose to find motivation to go thru the acting process#but now . this mf quote has changed the whole mindset baby#not only James Dean but so many worthy actors have their legacy and fame bc of the movie roles they chose and how they chose to portray them#and what they chose a lot of the time is based on a need to express said sad negative feelings they had#so like...I'm gon do That . I'm gonna not wait for better times but use these bad times to my advantage like they did#like the director of East of Eden said about James Dean 'he IS Cal!' and I'm tryna channel that energy#James Dean played Cal so well bc he was expressing himself thru him and I LOVE that#that's just 1 example w 1 actor but I hope this . makes sense#and I'm not not n ot NOT nOt nott tryna romanticize mental illness#im literally just writing down my thoughts to remind/encourage me later this is Not Advice take what I say w a grain of salt#anyway imma Actually tag this now bc I love love love that quote n want ppl to see it#James Dean#movies#quote#loneliness#depression#escape#depressing quotes#inspiring quotes#sad quotes
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Oh gosh, Analogical?? So many?? Gosh this ship, platonic or not, has a place in my heart as someone who really closely identifies with both sides(though if my blog name wasnt obvious, I take after Virgil just a smidge more ovo)
Anyways.. oo boy. I have, lots?? I think about these tss ships a lot in between fanfictions(i read A LOT of them, though i usually prefer more in depth ones that captivate me for a couple of hours. The most recent one that has had me captivated up until this moment was @whatwashernameagain ‘s lovely “Keep Him Safe” it was sooo good, and im waiting with baited breath for the next update!!) so i have plenty?? They might be weird tho so tread with a grain of salt??
If you have any requests, ideas, headcanons, or Au’s, feel free to inbox me! Also, if you would like to be added to my Art taglist, just let me know! (Anyways, my Analogical Headcanons are under the cut)
Gosh where do i start?? I wrote a list of SFW and slightly NSFW but i will proceed only with SFW unless otherwise requested??
•Logan is the best side to calm Virgil down in times where his Anxiety attacks get really, really bad; Logan has the longest lasting, calmest patience to talk to him for even hours until Virgil is calm enough to be touched. •On nights when Logan is overworking himself, especially during bouts of negative thinking, when Logan believes he is not enough, Virgil will be the first to notice the negativity and will immediately snuff it out, sit Logan down in the commons, and watch a movie. Even if that means sitting on the logical side’s lap to keep him still until he is relaxed enough to cuddle. •Both deal with bouts of Insomnia, and they have several methods to combat this: -Sitting on the couch and roasting old awful movies together until they fall asleep, usually this happens when they know early on one or both of them are going to have trouble sleeping that night. -On nights of sudden insomnia, where it is already late, Virgil will end up in bed with Logan and they will converse about anything and everything they think about, from the stars to how their days went until they are too tired to talk, later when their relationship would strengthen, they would find that cuddling during this moment proved extremely beneficial to their sleep. It wouldn’t surprise Logan when he later realized that he was positively smitten with cuddling the anxious side. •So after reading @random-snippets heartbreakingly lovely “Starved,” i was rather very taken on the idea of touch-starved Virgil?? So, in the events that i’ve set up in this list, when Logan finds out that Virgil is in-fact touch-starved, he immediately sets off to resolve this problem. Virgil is reluctant at first, afraid of being overwhelmed by the others until Logan shyly revealed that he planned to start it off between the two of them, so that when they inevitably told the others, Virgil would not be as overwhelmed. •When Logan is out in the commons enjoying a book, Virgil will often take to his feline nickname by sprawling out on the couch, usually with his chest or head relaxing upon Logan’s lap listening to music and scrolling through tumblr while Logan cards his fingers through Virge’s hair. •when the two are not besotted with their own interests or with the others when on the couch, they are curled up in each others arms quietly conversing. Often times Virgil is testing out sensory toys while quietly explaining subjects that still trouble our Logical side, like emotions and the effects of physical touch, to maintain boundaries and keep one another updated on each-others feelings. •Their smaller pastimes include playing chess and similarly move challenged games as they prove an equal match to one another, Logan knowing every move style in each game, Virgil finding out every outcome of each move. Logan is always delightedly perplexed when he loses. •Remember touch-starved Virgil? Well, even after Logan, Patton, and Roman began to help him recover, his neck and ears remained as sensitive as ever, leaving Logan a delightfully useful tactic to calm Virgil in many situations. He learned soft, brief kisses allow Virgil to calm down. Gentle, repeated firm kisses fluster, and eventually, melt Virgil in Logan’s arms. Any kind of whispering and or kissing of the ears, to either party, leaves one another equally flustered. Once, Logan was testing his boundaries, and found that even gently biting in any sense spooked Virgil out of his stupor. Gentle nipping, on the other hand? That was a different and.. colorfully complicated story.
Taglist@fandergecko @equipodeleo @221biotchplease @solemn-vow @today-only-happens-once (@asterias-confused-writings
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yo Dayne! just a quick question, do you ever feel shitty when playing with people and they call you a girl even if you're gender neutral? I'm ftm trans and i hate talking on team speak because they're always like "woah it's a girl!!!!" like no I'm very much a dude my voice is just insanely feminine. also with your pronouns, do you prefer one over the other? I just found you and i love your videos and art, I'm sorry if you already got this question before! have a great day!
hello my dude i will try to answer this to the best of my ability since normally with overwatch TC i’ve grown to take it with a grain of salt and im not trans so i’m not the best versed with the struggles you go through!But normally i find with how toxic the community has become i don’t even try with people, i guess ive always been secretive about me being NB and i go by female pronouns as well so most people just assume im a girl irl anyway, should i correct them? probably yes but i’ve just gotten so tired of trying to explain to random strangers what NB is. My family and close friends know and call me the correct pronouns to me that’s enough.
So when people are like ooooh gamer gurl and shit like that and rag on me in TC i tend to mute em and report or just rag on them back. Overwatch is hella toxic and don’t have a great report system in place. So when you get obnoxious people who know they ain’t gonna get in shit if they aren’t throwing then there’s nothing really you can do to stop them.
Normally i’ll also just make jokes back at them like nope not a girl im a grill and stupid stuff like that tends to keep the team on more friendly terms and you just pray the team doesn’t tilt and lose sr.I know this isn’t super great advice but ive been called worse shit by people who’ve meant more to me so i don’t really let that shit get to me. I mean sometimes they tilt me but yeah i do my best.ahhh i do really have a preference i think most people use her/she but im also super cool with they/them
Im really glad you like my videos and everything!
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Do you have any art tips?
Uhhhhhh Funk im not The Greatest Artist ™ but I’ll try to bestow some Wisdom on you. Keep in mind Art is Subjective and I’m no expert and all that so take everything with a grain of salt but that being said I’ll try to give u Tips and Tricks
-listen so if you have a boring class at school just draw in it. School is great because you have 1. Access to paper at all times 2. Incredibly boring lectures. If you have a study hall that’s the Drawing JACKPOT. Basically what I’m saying is practice all the time when you have energy but like that’s such boring art advice. It’s important but “practice! uwu” is like what people with Natural Art Talent say when they didn’t have to figure everything out from the ground up so it’s kind of aggravating
-There’s gonna be people better than you. Chances are you have a friend who’s better than you because this is Tumblr we all draw. Try Not To Compare Yourself ™ which idk how to do but it’s bad don’t do it
-unless you find a terrible person with worse art than you in which case FUCK DUDE COMPARE YOURSELF TO THEM! THEYRE HORRIBLE AND THEY CANT DRAW FOR SHIT LOOK WHOS LAUGHING NOW!
-“work until your idols become your rivals” is absolute bullshit because your idols are working at it at the same time you are. You fool. You imbecile. I feel like this works better for writing when your idols can become irrelevant or straight up die between you being an aspiring author 8 year old and a tired 30 year old who just wrote The Great American Novel ™ or just kind of. Leave the fandom if you’re writing fanfic. Anyway
-ok that’s all the preachy shit, time for Real Art Advice ™. Keep in mind I do digital cartoony shit with Strong Lineart and cel shading for the most part and I pretty much only draw people so my knowledge is limited to that. if you wanna be a professional artist maybe do other things and Expand your Abilities ™
-Ok first off if you’re using Gimp or Photoshop please love yourself and download Firealpaca or illegally torrent Paint Tool Sai or something. I swear by Firealpaca it cured my depression but like. Photoshop is Trash for drawing. Get Firealpaca it has Line Correction ™
-Keep Line Correction ™ at like. A 5 when you’re sketching and at a 19 (the maximum) when you’re lining, coloring, shading, highlighting, doing literally anything that isn’t sketching
-Sketching digitally can be hard if you’re used to sketching on paper and I find it easier to do a sketch on paper, take a picture of it on my phone or scan it, and line/color it digitally. You do you and figure out what works best
-speaking of which I refused to use sketchbooks until I was Worthy ™ of not drawing on notebook paper and uhhhhhh that’s dumb just get a sketchbook they cost a little more than a notebook at Target it’s not super expensive. Although if you’re not financially in the position to buy a sketchbook anyway, just hoard notebooks from school that you didn’t use much. Bam, that’s your new sketchbook
-the Head Circle Cross Thing and the Spheres For Shoulder, Elbow, and Wrist Thing are good and important and will save you
-hands are hard so use references but bullshit your way through it. eventually they’ll look good (I haven’t gotten there yet)
-HAVE FUN WITH NOSES OH MY GOD. Noses are super fun and cool because there’s, like, infinite variety with them, they can be as long or short, thin or thick, rounded or pointy as you want, you can make them be, like, triangles or circles or more squareish or diamond-shaped, the base of the nose can be about as high or as low on the face as you want, you can make the nostrils prominent or not really there at all, they can add another Layer to a character’s design, oh my goodness noses are so fun. They’re like, severely underrated and oh my god I could gush about how fucking fun noses are
-same with facial expressions. Where you put the pupils and how big they are, how much of the eye is covered by eyelids, the way the eyebrows are, the mouth, tons of other shit. There’s loads of variety and so much you can do and honestly having fun with the facial expression is The Best Part. There’s tons of Face Art Chart Memes floating around, you know the ones, save it to your phone/computer and practice those on your own time it’s fun
-if you don’t know how to do something, avoiding it won’t help you. Just kind of draw around with it in your sketchbook or in a “I’m not posting this” file until you feel confident enough to do it in your Real Projects ™.
-Ok for lining did you know..… it isn’t illegal to erase parts of the lineart to clean it up.… just be careful and draw it back in to the best of your abilities if you erase too far and use a smaller eraser brush/lining brush for this… I know it’s tedious nobody likes lining it’s okay you can do this put on some good music
-use mcfucking references
-eyedrop character’s official colors but adjust said colors based on the color of your background to make them look less funky is my general rule for clothing, I usually pick the hair/skin by myself or from something I’ve already drawn though
-for flats, make sure your lineart is all closed off and there aren’t any “holes” cuz that’ll mess up your coloring
-so how I do flats is I use the magic wand tool to select whatever I want to color, expand selection 3 pixels (in firealpaca you can set it to do this automatically), pick the color I need, turn up the brush to as big as possible, and color it in. It saves the time you’d spend with cleaning up where the color gets outside the lines
-you can do the flats on one layer, but I personally like to do every Object on a different layer so when I do shading, I know what goes on top of what
-if a color is darker than the lineart it looks ugly so pick your line color with caution (or just use black! Unlike shading black lineart tends to go with pretty much everything)
-SHADE YOUR GODDAMN ART. Like, what makes people go “wow holy shit that’s good!” is the shading + highlights, don’t be lazy ya fuck.
-I’d take a break before shading to Refresh Your Eyes ™ but also I constantly forget this is a good idea
-don’t shade with black oh my god. Unless you’re doing Strong Punchy Dramatic Stuff or monochrome black and white stuff, don’t shade with black, and if you’re doing that it’ll probably be drawn into the lineart. Don’t shade with black please we can tell you’re doing it and it looks bad
-highlighting with white isn’t too bad though, especially with the eyes, but it might look too strong in some places
-As a general rule, shading is darker and more saturated, highlighting is lighter and less saturated. Whether it gets warmer or cooler depends a lot on what color or thing you’re shading or what you want the feel of the picture to be and I’m not 100% sure how to do it myself so uh. Trust your gut and change the color if it looks wrong I guess.
-where exactly the shadows or highlights fall depends on lots of things, just kind of. Look at how things work irl maybe? This is the kind of thing that you just have to practice, and it’ll look like shit until suddenly it doesn’t sorry I’m not sure what to say
-One Medium Sized White Dot on a layer above the lineart where the pupil borders the Iris (or the whites of the eyes if you’re like me and you make the pupil and Iris one thing) works for a glint in the eye that makes a person look less dead and more cute. How big you’re gonna make it depends on how adorable you want the person to be
-SMOOTH BORDERS FOR THE SHADING ARE REALLY IMPORTANT IF YOURE DOING CEL SHADING which is why firealpaca is my best friend thanks line smoothing. If you’re doing like. Soft shading or painterly shit or other kinds of shading it’s less Super Important but like. Still be sort of neat. Unless being really messy and sketchy is what you’re going for but even then you still need to be sort of careful
-for simple backgrounds, it’s like. Easy to make it interesting. Add polka dots to the background or a big old square or a gradient or a cloud filter or something the possibilities are endless. Another option is to straight up make it transparent and write a secret message in white on the side. But uhh never do a blank white background at the very least fill it with a solid color
-ok style is kind of hard because I never had to struggle to find my style? I just “drew in my handwriting” so to speak and then if along the way I realized something looked shitty I just changed how I drew it slightly? I guess a thing you could do if you’re in tune enough is look at the styles of things you do like and things you don’t and figure out why you do and don’t like it. “I like how *2010s cartoon* does Eyes!” great take that general concept. “I hate how this shitty yaoi has enormous hands!” great then don’t do that. It’s all Personal Preference my dude style is Your Own Thing
-notes aren’t everything but fuck do they feel nice. Self reblogs are fine but don’t overdo it, I’d say reblog it Twice to account for time zones and tag it as self reblog so as to not be a dick
This got long whoops. That’s all I can think of but I hope this helps it’s All I Know
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