#anyway sorry for rambling hope everyone else's Saturday is going better than mine

[fatiguing-thoughts]

“There’s a catch” - Jacob Black x Reader

Request:  “ If you are taking requests, could you write a Jacob\reader on where they "hate" eachother and the reader is very good friends with Paul (always around the pack) and Paul being like "Sure. You know you like him, right?" and teasing them in general.”

“My god, Jacob… you’re so annoying!” I shout, throwing my hands up in the air.

“Yeah, you’re not so great yourself, princess.” He scoffs. 

“Alright, easy there, killer.” Paul laughs, picking me up and moving me. 

Jacob, as always was pissing me off. He just always had to butt in and say something to piss me off. 

I was in the middle about complaining about my car breaking down earlier today, having to walk in the rain to Paul’s house. 

I was rambling about how the engine overheated, causing me to have to pull over and try to figure it out, but to no avail. I was unable to get the car to start again. 

“Maybe you should have had that coolant in your trunk like I told you.”

“Maybe you should have listened to me.”

“Maybe if you weren’t so forgetful.” 

“Maybe if you actually listened to me.”

“Maybe if you would actually take care of your car.’

Statements like all of the above immediately came out of Jacob’s big mouth. Him insulting me and my competence for when it came to taking care of my car.

“Jacob, it’s a crappy old car! I used the rest of the coolant the other day in it, there’s a leak somewhere! Embry said he’d help me fix it, but he had to patrol. So he can’t fix it until Saturday.” I huff, rolling my eyes at the jerk in front of me. 

“Jake, maybe you could look at it.” Paul suggests, nudging his friend.

“Yeah, no thanks.” Jacob chuckles. 

“Alright, Paul you’re stuck with driving me to work the rest of the week.” 

“Please, at least teach me what to do. I can’t drive her to and from work, I can’t wake up that early.” Paul laughs.

“Eh.” Jacob smirks. 

“My god, Jacob… you’re so annoying!” I shout, throwing my hands up in the air. 

“Yeah, you’re not so great yourself, princess.” He scoffs. 

“Alright, easy there, killer.” Paul laughs, picking me up and moving me away. 

I find myself plopped down on Paul’s couch as Paul walked outside with Jacob. 

Jacob and I weren’t always so hostile towards one another. In fact, I used to have the biggest crush on him, but then he turned into a shifter and grew to be such a pissy guy.

Paul and I were always best friends, and he often brought Jake around. I thought he was a cute guy. He was nice, he was sunshine. However, that all shriveled up and died when he phased for the first time, and now we always bumped heads. 

Now almost every time we hang out, he goes out of his way to piss me off. I just want to punch his pretty face in. I did, I really do. His laugh just made it difficult to get pissed off, sometimes. 

But overall, I was ready to take Jake in a fight at any moment, he was always trying to get under my skin. 

Just like the other day when he invited everyone out, except for me of course, to go to the beach to hang out. I was sitting right at the same table, watching as the smirk plastered itself across his smug face knowing I was pissed off. Paul insisted I came anyway, so I did. I hung out with Paul and Jared, making fun of Jacob the entire time. It felt good to get under that thick skin of his. 

I heard them getting a bit louder out there, shrugging my shoulders. 

“Good, I hope Paul sinks some teeth into him.” I scoff to myself, smirking at the thought as I sat on the couch. 

Though at the same time, the thought of Paul doing anything to Jake also worried me. I’ve always felt a pull to Jake, even since he became such an asshole to me.

A moment later, Paul walks in the door with a smile on his face, Jacob trailing behind with his hand on his nose. It made me think about all the times Paul teased me about how he thought, or knew, that I had a crush on Jacob.

“Is it because you like him?”

“Oh so you know you like him, right?” 

“I can’t you won’t just shoot your shot.” 

“We settled it, so Jacob’s going to fix your car while I’m on patrol tonight. We’ll go pick yours up right now, sound good?” Paul asks, a triumphant smile on his face. 

“Yeah, that works for me.” I smirk, standing up. 

“Yeah, but you have to help him fix it.” Paul says, a devilish grin pulling at his lips. 

I look over to see Jacob, his eyes rolling. 

“Of course there’s a catch.” I bite my lip. 

Paul only smirks, grabbing his keys off the counter and making his way outside to his truck, Jacob and I following behind him.

I took shotgun, directing Paul to where my car was left. 

“Great, so you’ll be steering and Jake’s gonna push it. Good luck!” Paul yells through the open window as Jake and I exit the car, laughing his ass off. 

“Great.” Jacob scoffs, kicking the dirt on the side of the road. 

“Thanks.” I press my lips, bending my head down. 

I get into the car, waiting for Jake to get ready to push. Once I get the all clear, we were on our way to Jacob’s garage. Due to his inhuman strength, we made it there quicker than I thought. 

I get out of the car after it’s parked in his garage, quickly noticing Jacob’s shirt clinging to his abdomen. I immediately tear my eyes away from him and back to the car. My shoulders were shivering from the cold. The smell of oil and tools invading my senses. 

“I’m gonna change quick, but I’ll be back.” He says, running his hands through his soaking wet hair. 

I turn back to my car, popping the hood open to get a jumpstart to things. I turn the remainder of the lights on in the garage, knowing that we would need more light. I sat down on an empty crate, holding myself to keep warm. 

Jacob soon returns, a different t-shirt and pair of jeans on, a hoodie in hand. 

“Here, I can’t listen to all that teeth chattering all night.” He walks over, laying the maroon fabric on my lap. 

“Oh, thanks.” I raise an eyebrow, immediately grabbing the hoodie into my shaking hands.

I stand up, throwing the hoodie over my body. I watched as it fell well-past my hips and the sleeves slinging inches lower than the end of my hands. Shrugging, I make my way over to the front end of my car, joining Jacob as he watches me. 

I thought I almost saw a glimor in his eyes, but I knew that wasn’t true. 

“I have a tube that’ll be the same size as yours over on that shelf over there. Top shelf, blue bin.” He points over to the left. 

I nod, walking over to the shelf. I look up and see the bin he’s referring to, shocked that he thought I could reach it. I decide it was better to just try to reach it. I stand on my tippy toes, gripping onto the shelf with one hand, and reaching the other up as high as I can. I felt my body stretch, growing tired quickly as I tried to reach. 

I heard chuckling come from behind me, I go to turn around to give him a stink face, but when I do I’m met with his chest in front of my face. He simply reaches a hand over me, easily grabbing the bin and bringing it down, a smirk on his face as he looks down at my own, a blush creeping its way to my cheeks. 

“Forgot you were two feet tall.” His husky voice whispers with a smirk on his face.

I quickly exhaled, suddenly flustered with the close proximity of our bodies. 

He turns around, walking over to my car, beginning to take things apart. 

“So what can I do?” I ask.

“Nothing, you already failed task one. Can’t have you mess anything else up.” 

“Oh shut up, that was an impossible task. Sorry I’m not almost seven feet tall.” I roll my eyes, sitting on the work bench next to where he was working. 

“Alright fine, hand me the paper towels.” He laughs. 

The air was less tense between us than it had been in months, since the day he phased. 

I hand them over, he graciously takes them as he begins to clean the oil off the engine and wiping his hands off when he finishes that.

The garage was silent for a few moments as he did so, I had to try to tear my eyes from his arms as he was working on the car. 

“Jacob?” 

“What’s up?” He groans, pulling something out of the car and observing it.

“Why do you hate me? We were friends.” I look over, twiddling my thumbs. 

“I don’t hate you, (Y/N). It’s a bit more complicated than that.” He huffs, looking over at me with sympathetic eyes. 

“So why are you such an asshole to me?” 

“I don’t know, I’m stupid, I guess. Or at least that’s what everyone else says.” 

“I mean, agreed. But what is this all for then, Jake?” I ask, realizing that was the first time I actually called him Jake in a while. 

“I just, I didn’t know how to handle this all. I phased, which we both know I was pissed about. And then suddenly, I had no say in my life anymore.” He puts the tool down, standing in front of me.

“I understand, Jake. I’m really sorry… I just don’t understand why you’ve been upset with me, though.” I look into his eyes, furrowing my brows. 

“I just… it’s a lot. I was never ready to tell you about it, but I guess now’s a better time than any.” 

“What?”

“Listen, I… I always had a crush on you, alright? And then I phased… and something else happened. And it just felt like everything I had a say in was taken from me. My body, my time, and then my feelings. I just, I wasn’t ready to accept it, yet. I’m sorry I’ve been being a dick to you, okay?” His deep brown eyes meet mine, searching to see what was going on in my mind.

“Jake… I thought you hated me. I had no idea that you… ya know. I always had a thing for you, too. It hurt a lot when you were so cold to me.” I frown. 

“Well, it’s time I maybe start making up for it.” He smirks. 

I smile as I realize what was going to happen. His warm, large hand found the back of my neck, pulling me in for a kiss. It was quick, warm, and sweet. It was like electricity flowed throughout my entire body. Pulling away felt like an extreme absence of warmth on my lips. 

I rested my forehead on his, closing my eyes. My hand lightly gripped the hair on the nape of his neck. 

“And then, I’ll fix your car.” He lowly chuckles, removing his hand from the back of my neck, lowering it to my hand.

“Thanks.” I exhale, still in shock. 

We made our way back over to fixing the car, not really talking about what just happened, though the tingling never left my lips and the atmosphere surrounding us was heavy. 

He ended up finishing my car and handing the keys back to me. 

“Here’s some more coolant, but I think you’ll be fine. I fixed the leak.” He smirks, walking over to put the coolant in my trunk. 

“Uh, thanks.” I smile.

“Of course.” He looks at me, smiling awkwardly. 

“Thanks again for fixing my car. And before I forget, here’s your hoodie.” I reach down to the bottom of the hoodie, attempting to peel it from my body but a warm hand stops mine. 

“No, keep it. I think it looks better on you, anyway.” He smirks.

A ferocious blush invades my facial features, making him laugh a little.

I feel soft, warm lips press onto my forehead, a warm hand once again on the back of my neck. 

“We can talk more about it all tomorrow. It’s been a long day.” He whispers.

“Sounds like a plan.” I nod, walking to my car door and getting inside. 

“Goodnight, (Y/N). Let me know when you get home.” He smiles, watching me back out of his garage.

__________________________ Word Count: 2107

[stevesnailbat]

top of your world | steve harrington

summary: Y/N is pining after Steve, but there’s one problem. He doesn’t even realize that she likes him.

warnings: underage drinking, weed smoking, angst, Steve being a lil clueless

word count: 1.9K

a/n: this is based on pristine by snail mail!!! thank you to @jxnehxpper for the request because this really inspired me, i hope you enjoy! :) the gif is not mine!! credit to this post!

Same shit, different day. Same party, different week.

She felt utterly ridiculous, honestly. Pining after a boy who would never think about her in the same way, it was a horrible feeling. But still, she put herself into the same situation week after week. Still, she came to those stupid parties, drank the stupid drinks, played the stupid drinking games, just to see that stupidly pretty boy she hated to love.

This weekend was no different. She’d made her way to her best friend, Jessica’s house to get ready and sneak a few shots before slipping out the back door. Just like any other Saturday night, she’d put on her best outfit, in hopes of catching Steve Harrington’s eye.

The only reason Steve even knew her name was because of the stupid parties, because they always smoked together on the back porch of Tina’s house. If it wouldn’t have been for him finding her smoking a blunt all alone one night, he never would’ve known her. And really, she halfway wished that he’d never came out there on that one night. She couldn’t stop him from finding her at every party now, she couldn’t cut him off just because of the situation she’d gotten herself into.

Jessica told her over and over again to forget about it, to stop talking to him. She knew her best friend was right and that the crush she had wasn’t gonna amount to anything. She couldn’t even bring herself to do it, honestly; her love for him would never change, she was in too deep. She was drawn in by him and was bound to burn in a heartbroken mess.

All she wanted to do was come clean to him. She dreamed of rambling to him about how she felt only to be cut off with a blushing confession and a deep kiss—but she knew that wouldn’t actually happen.

This night was no different than any other Saturday night. Music roared from the living room of Tina’s house as her and Jessica walked in, she had her hand shoved in her pocket to make sure the blunt hadn’t fallen out. Jessica pulled her towards the kitchen, shoving a red solo cup into her chest with a mischievous smile on her face.

“You gonna seek him out again tonight?” Jessica teased, eyes narrowed in her direction.

“If he wants to, he can come to me.” she repeated with fake confidence, the words were exactly what her friend wanted to hear.

“Good. Don’t chase after him, you know he’d never do the same for you.” her friend warned, bringing her back to the living room.

She let the pink concoction from her red solo slide down her throat with ease, knowing damn well that there were at least three types of cheap liquor in it, but not caring about the repercussions or terrible headache she’d end up with the next morning. The drink was the only thing keeping her afloat as the sea of faces around her began to blur. There was one face that she couldn’t seem to blur, and she really didn’t want to. Sure, she told Jessica that she’d stop herself from going to him first. She was never good at keeping promises about Steve, anyways.

Jessica was distracted with some baseball player when she slipped away, finally growing the courage to find Steve with the help of the booze running through her system. He looked fucking perfect—she kinda hated how she thought of him that way. Nothing could change the way she felt about him, she was just blinded by that charming smile and perfect hair. She was so blinded by it in the moment that she’d almost missed the girl hanging from his arm that was giving her a death glare as she walked up. The girl was pretty; she knew her as Amy, a cheerleader who was exactly what she thought Steve would love in a girlfriend—it made her resent herself a little more. Steve’s eyes lit up when he saw her walking towards him, but she knew it was only because of what was in her pocket.

“You ready?” she asked, mustering up a drunken smile while waving her lighter between her fingers.

Steve nodded and grinned in her direction, telling Amy that he’d be back. The girl still glared at Y/N as they walked away, but she knew that Steve would choose her over him again after he got what he wanted. The two of them sat down on the rocking chairs on Tina’s back porch, just like they did every weekend.

“Is that your new girl?” she teased, hiding the jealousy she was feeling behind a fake smile as she lit the blunt.

“Amy? No, definitely not. She’s just—Well, I don’t know? She’s just a friend.” he said casually, letting his chair rock a bit as he let out a laugh. “She definitely thinks there’s something, but I’ve told her that I can’t.”

“Can’t what?” she questioned, passing him the blunt.

“Can’t date her.” he said simply after inhaling, a slightly struggled look passing over his face.

“Not your type?” she asked, eyebrows quirked you curiously.

“No, I mean, maybe? I don’t really know why, I just couldn’t date her.” he said, another chuckle escaping his lips to hide his own nervousness.

“Well, what is the King Steve’s type?” Y/N implored, sound a little too excited with her words. “What’s the type of girl that you’d give anything to be with?”

“I don’t really know, honestly.” Steve replied bluntly, shrugging at the thought. “King Steve isn’t around anymore, so it doesn’t even matter. What’s yours?”

“I asked you first, Steve.” she said, but he only rolled his eyes in response.

“And I told you, I don’t know. Gotta think about if for a minute.” he sighed, handing the blunt back to her. “Tell me yours.”

“People I can’t have.” Y/N said quickly as the weed and alcohol clouded her thoughts, taking a puff off the blunt to cut herself off momentarily. “People who I know won’t love me, even if I won’t love anyone else but them.”

“That sounds specific.” he says, eyes narrowed in her direction as he smiled at her. “Can I know who it is?”

“You know him a little too well for me to admit that. It’s my secret.” she quipped, rolling her eyes at his amusement. “Now you need to tell me your type.”

“Well, I’m really not sure, like I said.” he started, but the incredulous look on her face made him press on. “I guess my type isn’t what people think it is. I don’t like girls like Amy, like everyone thinks. I want someone who will make me laugh and is there to do things like this with me. Like what we’re doing right now, just someone who will enjoy stupid moments like this with me.”

Her heart was beating out of her chest at this point. She felt terrified, she knew he wouldn’t love her, he couldn’t. He damn near just friend-zoned her without actually saying it. She had come to terms with the fact that he only wanted to be her friend and would find someone better, but she’d still love him.

She was staring into the darkness beyond the porch as he spoke, she didn’t even realize that a tear had formed in her eyes. It only took Steve grabbing the blunt from her hands for her to come to her senses, for her to come back down to Earth. Steve was so clueless in the moment, he didn’t even notice that she had shed a tear.

“Yeah, it’d be nice to have someone like that.” she said softly, chewing on the inside of her cheek to gain some composure. “I hope you can find someone to do that with.”

“Yeah, me too.” he said, looking over at her to see the broken look in her eyes as he tossed the last of the roach.

“I’m gonna go find Jess.” she said abruptly, clearing her throat while standing up from the rocking chair.

Steve watched with wide eyes as she walked away, finally noticing how sad she had been for most of the conversation. Y/N could feel her heart growing heavy in her chest, her throat feeling like it was closing up as she walked towards the back door. Before she reached her friend, she had wiped her tears away and had replaced her frown with the same fake smile from earlier. She grabbed another red solo cup of the pink liquid, wanting to forget that the conversation had even happened.

It wasn’t until almost two hours later that Steve finally realized what he’d done. He had gone back to hanging with Amy and her friends, who were annoying the shit out of him. All he could think about was how he wanted to be talking to Y/N again, she was a lot more interesting than the boring douchebags Amy hung out with. He replayed their conversation in his head, the high completely worn off as he ran through it.

At first, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, what he’d done. But, he knew he’d done something to make her sad. Once he thought about explaining his type to her, he nearly dropped the cup in his hand. At the same time, he spotted her from across the room, a glint of sadness in her drunken gaze. A rush of adrenaline went through Steve’s body as he pushed through the crowd, determined to talk to her.

“Y/N. Hey, can I talk to you?” he asked urgently, his hand on her shoulder as he came up to her from behind.

“What about?” she said while giving him a drunken smile, rolling her eyes at him momentarily. “You gonna tell me about your type again?”

“Well—Not necessarily. But I want to talk to you about what I said earlier.” he said, making her smile fall quickly. “Can we talk outside?”

“You can tell me right here. Nobody can hear us anyways.” she said stubbornly, taking another sip of of the pink concoction.

“I’m sorry about what I said, okay?” he started, leaning over her shoulder so she could hear him. “I fucked up, I know. I didn’t mean it like—“

“You didn’t mean you’d love someone like me? In the way that I love you?” she implored, a bitter laugh escaping her lips as she felt a weight releasing from her chest. “Wow, it kinda feels nice to get that out.”

“No, I didn’t mean to say that you would only ever be a friend—I don’t know! I didn’t think I liked you until I started thinking about it and I think I really do! I‘m sorry, I would change what I said if I—“

Steve’s ramble was cut short when she wrapped her arms around his neck. She pulled his chest flush against hers, gripping his hair to pull him down into a kiss. It was the last thing he was expecting in the moment, but it gave him a feeling of relief to feel her lips against his.

“It feels nice to come clean, doesn’t it?” she giggled after pulling away from the kiss. “I could’ve picked anyone else to love, but I still picked you, even after you said that stuff. I’m not changing the way I feel, Steve.”

The smile on her face was genuine this time and Steve could tell. He only nodded and hummed in satisfaction, pulling her back into another kiss as they forgot about the party around them for a moment.

tags: @sourapplebaby @harringtown @jxnehxpper @charmed-asylum @lemonypink @queenofthehairharrington @daddystevee @heart-eye-harrington @a-magey @igotmadskills

[me-in-hogwarts-mystery]

Connections - Talbott Winger x Slytherin!MC

Ship: Talbott Winger x Slytherin!MC

Summary: Talbott and Y/N have many things in common, they just don’t know it from the start. What does that bring them to?

Requested: Yes - “Thank you for writing Impossible part 2, I certainly love the angst and uncertainty for the future. It makes the story more mysterious and exciting. I have one more request :) because I just love your writing style. This one is for me because i’m a Slytherin. Can you do Talbott Winger x Slytherin! Reader where they are both loners but they are best friends and they start developing feelings for each other as they grow up and start dating in their seventh year? Please :)”

Warnings: Uhhh Jacob is dead in this thinggg

A/N: I’M LATE I KNOW DON’T KILL ME THANKS, hope you like this blurb, I’ll leave you to it.

People don’t really understand what it feels like, not to be able to trust anyone. No matter all the friends I had made in Hogwarts over time, it just felt like I couldn’t be completely honest with any of them, even though some of them had been by my side from the very start, and even though they had all become rather fond of me, and I of them. But that was it. Fondness, a kind of fondness that I couldn’t even describe as brotherhood or love, because those happen to be based on trust. Trust I couldn’t give, even if I ended up receiving a lot of it. “You can trust me”, I always said. Whatever your secret, I’ll keep it. Whatever your insecurity, I’ll calm it. Whatever your fear, I’ll strengthen you. But I wasn’t going to let myself be calmed or strengthened. As a small cat, I ended up roaming the halls one night, not really in the mood to sleep. I heard footsteps when I reached the Charms classroom, and I realised how close I was to the Common Rooms of the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws. I was inaudible and basically invisible, but my human soul felt awkward all of a sudden. It could have even been a professor. They would question the presence of a rather strange cat, as I was, in the East Towers in the middle of the night. All of a sudden the footsteps stopped, replaced by a flap of wings. My eyes widened. Could it be another Animagus? The windows, sadly for the bird - no, student, I was sure of it - were all closed. I moved closer to where I heard the noise come from, and the bird immediately vanished, replaced by a human once again. The dark-skinned boy, whose eyes glowed in the dazzling moonlight, looked at me with a curious glint in his gaze. “Why, little kitty, you can’t sleep too?” I changed back to my usual, human form, and the boy stiffened for a second, before letting out a breath. “That’s more understandable”. And with that he looked away into the distance, toying with his hands. “Y/N L/N, if you were wondering”. “I wasn’t. I know who you are, as everyone does”. I shrugged. “And you are?” “None of your business, really”. I leaned against the wall, looking down at my feet, and I heard him sigh. “Talbott Winger”. He took his wand out of his robes, and whispered “Alohomora,” hoping for the windows that confined him to open and let him break free, but for some reason it didn’t work. Talbott sighed again. “This spell is so easy. How is it possible that-” “Hogwarts has got strong defences. Nothing can be opened in the night, at least not with easy spells”. “Tried to break out too?” “More than once”. A hint of a smile crossed Talbott’s face at that. “Well then, care to help me?” “What makes you think I’ve learned anything that will help you?” “You’re Y/N L/N, I’m sure you didn’t give up on your late night adventures in your search for the Cursed Vaults. Now give me a hand, if you please”. “Only if you promise you’ll come back”. Talbott raised an eyebrow. “I’m not getting in trouble when it’s so unnecessary” I justified myself, pursing my lips. “I can do this without you anyway”. “Good luck then”. And I left, sure I would never see him again.

~○~○~○~○~○~

The Slytherin Common Room was weird on Saturday morning. People appeared and disappeared all the time, it was always empty, and at the same time, it never was. But I wasn’t going to be one of those fleeting people that day. Snuggled up near the fireplace, laying flat on my stomach on the green, comfortable sofa, I spent my time thinking and ignoring Rowan’s repetitive voice as she read a big History of Magic tome to me, with the pretence of studying together; my interest in both the intention and the subject couldn’t be any less. When the dance of the flames became boring too, I got up and left - not that Rowan noticed, she was way too engrossed in her book. There were a couple of corridors in the school that I absolutely adored. They weren’t dark, nor filled with light; they weren’t quiet, nor loud; they were the perfect balance between the two sides of everything, a nice, enjoyable grey combination of blacks and whites. And when I met Talbott Winger, I didn’t expect for him to have my same tastes. “And there I thought I wouldn’t see you again”, I smirked slightly at the look of surprise on his face. “It’s you who finds me all the time. I’d dare say it’s your fault”. “And who said it was anyone’s fault?” “Now, now, don’t act like you’re happy to see me” he smirked too then. “Who said I wasn’t?” From then on, things didn’t change much, but we saw much more of each other, Talbott and I. Ours wasn’t definitely a normal friendship - can we even define what we had, a friendship? We just made slight fun of each other, no harm intended, all the time. We were in our fifth year when we met, but only in our sixth our friendship became a real one. He started confiding in me a bit more, he started trusting me. And for the first time in my life, I trusted him too. I told him about my fears, my doubts. I told him about Jacob; I told him everything. I turned to him when I found out Jacob was dead.

~○~○~○~○~○~

“I knew it, deep down. I knew it… but it’s not like… knowing something bad will happen… it doesn’t make it hurt any less, you know…” I was sitting outside, in the cold. I didn’t care if I was shivering. But I felt him approaching, I always did. “I know”. My body was shaken by a sudden strike of the cold, that slithered through me like a bolt of lightning. Talbott sat next to me, holding me close as I sobbed loudly, as I would have never dared to do in front of anyone else. “You will never leave me, will you?” I didn’t want to say it. It just sort of left my mouth without my mind having a say in it. “They’ll have to make me. And I swear, they won’t have their way easily if they try to”. And that went straight to my heart. Mistake number one on my list of: “Mistakes I shouldn’t make but that I will make anyway”, checked off - I was letting him get to me. This thought stopped my sobs short, and made me freeze completely. “Is everything alright? I mean…” “Everything is fine. Would be better if Jacob was alive, but you know really well how that goes” I whispered, my head on his chest, my eyelids suddenly heavy. “What about Hogsmeade tomorrow? Butterbeer makes you feel better, doesn’t it?” “It’s nice of you, to step out of your comfort zone for me”. “Anything for a friend”. Friend. My first, real friend, whom I could trust.

~○~○~○~○~○~

“Our N.E.W.T.s are in a few months and you haven’t studied a single word in any of the textbooks in weeks, Y/N. Are you okay? Generally you like studying…” Rowan looked at me concerned, on an eventful evening in our seventh, and last year at Hogwarts. “I don’t know, Rowan, I just… I think I just needed a break” I threw her a sweetened smile. Funny how I was getting more and more wary of her presence. She wasn’t any better than she was before. She didn’t grow up at all. Now at seventeen, she was still a stubborn, bookworm teenager who wouldn’t give up her wrong ideas if Dumbledore himself told her she’d got it all upside down. “Hey Y/N!” Barnaby walked into the Common Room with a big smile. He’d told me he would have been away the whole afternoon looking for weird creatures in the Forest with Charlie and Liz. I was glad he’d been having fun. Barnaby was one of the few that really lit up my life, in a way, with his innocent smiles and ramblings about creatures. “Found any weird creature today?” I asked him as he plopped down onto the sofa opposite me. “They’re not weird! And by the way yes, Liz spotted a Thestral but, you know, I didn’t exactly see it…” When the entrance to the Common Room opened again to let a young Slytherin pass, a brown hawk followed suit, and my heart stopped for a moment. Talbott stopped right behind Barnaby and tilted his head as if asking me to follow him. I nodded, and with a quick “Bye” to my creature-loving friend, and ran off from the room into one of the corridors we both adored. “What is it?” I asked as soon as he’d changed back to his human form. I barely had time to think, that his lips were on mine. It took me a few seconds to overcome the shock that came with it, but as soon as I did, I melted against him. That’s when I realised I had committed mistake number two on my list - fall for someone. When we broke apart, all that I managed to get out was a strangled “What the hell?”. Oh, believe me, I didn’t want to. “I shouldn’t have done it. Sorry.” He wanted to run away, but being a cat Animagus has its perks. My reflexes are terrific, even in human form. I grabbed him by the sleeve, and I stepped in front of him, bringing him down in another kiss. “You should have done it sooner”.

[barnesthesarge]

Flightless Bird

Pairings: Bucky X Reader

Summary: Based on the song “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” by Iron & Wine!! Bucky passes by a coffee shop and hears Y/N singing and can’t help but stay and listen.

A/N: I love this song so much and I can’t help but listen to it like 46299374 times! I definitely recommend it.

Warnings: Fluff (idk why I’m warning y’all about that), just some sad thoughts but nothing really.

Written: August 11, 2018

Friday nights in Brooklyn always meant crowded streets, loud people, and disguises for Bucky Barnes. But it also meant he got to hear you sing at his now favorite coffee shop.

The first time he heard you, he was just walking past to get to his apartment away from the Tower. The door to the café was propped open with a speaker, filling the streets with your voice. When he heard your voice, he stopped in his tracks, forced himself inside, and watched. He could see the passion behind what you sang, and couldn’t help but think you had to be a siren, the voice, and those beautiful Y/E/C orbs.

He discovered that you performed every Friday from 8-9 p.m. and made it a priority to go. He even declined to go on missions that would prevent him from hearing you. His favorite song you sang was what he presumed to be a love song, he didn’t know the name but knew some of the lyrics.

Have I found you?

Flightless Bird , jealous, weeping

Or lost you?

American mouth

Big bill looming

He would get lost in the song, always disappointed when you finished it. He wanted to talk to you badly, but decided against it. He was scared you knew who he was—what he did. He didn’t want you to fear him, so he kept his distance in the corner seat of the café.

One night Steve came with him, he was curious as to why Bucky was always leaving the house on Fridays, where he was going. Bucky was a bit against Steve coming, he wanted you to be his secret, bringing Captain America places didn’t exactly help keep himself concealed.

Steve saw the way Bucky reacted to you, and knew what he was feeling, “Bucky why don’t you go talk to her? She’s closing set. Tip her of something.” Bucky shook his head and finished his coffee, he always let it sit to make it look like he wasn’t lingering.

“It’s best not to get involved. Let’s get going, I don’t want her to see me.” He gathered his stuff, only his phone and wallet and stood up to leave.

Steve stalked off to go talk to her, and Bucky started to panic, he sat back down to listen to them speak.

“Hey, you’re absolutely wonderful. Thank you for playing.” He handed the girl a couple bills and her smiled, breathtaking.

“Thank you so much! That means a lot to me. I also gig at The Old Boot down the street, it’s a bar, I um, perform Saturdays, at like 6-7 and then 9-9:30, if you’re interested. I’m glad you enjoyed.” She tucked the bill into her pocket, Bucky couldn’t stop staring, her voice so comforting, even when she was speaking.

“Awesome! I might just have to go get a couple drinks.” Steve smiled, “I’m Steve, my friend over there, Bucky, dragged me here, I’m glad he did.” She looked at Bucky and he froze, she grinned and waved at him and he smiled softly back.

“I’m Y/N, I hope I see you around but I have to get going before the drunk crowd gets out. Nice meeting you.” They shared another smile and she disappeared outside the door.

Bucky let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and stood up, walking over to Steve, “Asshole. Let’s go home.” They walked out the café door and walked the couple blocks to their shared apartment.

“I don’t get why you don’t just talk to her, she seems sweet. She didn’t even recognize me, what makes you think she’d know who you are?” Bucky had his left hand tucked into his pocket.

“Because my face was plastered all over the news. She probably thinks I’m a monster.” He sighed and took his metal hand out of his pocket, looking at the way the different plates shifted when he moved it.

“You never know until you talk to her.” Steve retorted, patting Bucky on the back, making him recoil slightly.

——————

Bucky found himself in The Old Boot, it was getting close to six, meaning he would get to hear you sing again. Tonight he made a bigger effort to hide who he was, wearing a burgundy beanie, dark jeans, and a leather jacket. He got his drink and went to find an empty table in the back away from the stage.

“Hey everyone! Who’s ready for our weekly entertainment?” A man was on the stage talking into the mic, people began yelling and clapping, “Here comes The Old Boots favorite, Y/N Y/L/N!” The bar was bigger than he thought, more people seemed to gather in, throwing tips in her guitar case.

“Hi everyone! Nice to see you all again. I hear it’s couples night? I guess I’ll have to sing some slow songs tonight. The dance floor is all yours tonight Brooklyn.” People cheered and many couples stood up and went onto a makeshift dance floor.

She began to sing his favorite song, her voice soft and beautiful, the words carrying him through everything in his head that threatened to swallow him whole.

Have I found you?

Flightless bird, jealous, weeping

Or lost you?

American mouth

Big bill looming

His lips curled into a smile, he felt lonely and exposed, seeing so many people dancing together, it made him miss his old self again. The old self that went dancing with dames for fun.

Once your set was over, you went to the bar and got a drink, people surrounding you and showering you with compliments, some of the men offering you drinks. You started walking his way with a drink so he quickly looked back at his, pretending not to notice you.

You sat down in the chair across from him, his cheeks increasing in temperature, you eyed him with a curious look.

“Aren’t you the guy who’s always in the café when I sing? Steve’s friend right?” You asked, he swallowed thickly.

“Y-yeah that’s me.” His gloved left hand under the table, and his right now scratching the back of his neck nervously.

“Hmm, I’m starting to think you’re either a fan or just a stalker.” When you saw his eyes looked frightened you threw your hands up, “Sorry that was just a joke, I promise.”

Bucky was horrified that you noticed him, he had tried so hard to make sure you never did, his disguise didn’t work.

“You have a lovely voice. I shouldn’t have come.” He stood up to leave and you looked sad.

“You don’t have to go, I find it sweet.” Bucky looked back at you briefly and sighed.

“What’s that song called? The one about the flightless bird?” He sat back down and took another sip of his drink.

“The first one I sang? That’s uh, it’s called Flightless Bird, American Mouth, by Iron & Wine. You like it?” The corners of your lips perked up.

“Yeah, it’s my favorite one you sing.” He blushed bashfully and pulled out his phone to write it down.

“It’s mine too. It’s from that cheesy vampire movie Twilight, but the song has stuck with me since. I think it’s a love song but some people on the internet think it’s political.” You chuckled softly and took another sip of your drink, frowning slightly, “This tastes awful.”

“I’m Bucky.” He said barely above a whisper, you grinned again.

“When your friend introduced you as Bucky, I thought it was such a cool name that I haven’t gotten you outta my head since. Granted it’s only been a day but, whatever. I’ve wanted to talk to you in the café but figured you didn’t want to be talked to. I think this might be a sign that you want to because why else would you show up here? I’m rambling sorry.” He was blushing furiously, you wanted to talk to him?

“No worries doll, I’m a bit shy s’all. Yeah it’s a sign that I’d like to get to know you. You don’t have to though, I’ll understand.” Another man came over to their table and ignored Bucky.

“Y/N, care to dance?” He set his drink down on their table and held his hand out.

“Actually, Randy I’ll take a rain check on that. How many drinks have you had anyways? You tend to get a bit handsy when you’re drunk. Dancing with you is gross.” You spat and he chuckled dryly.

“Don’t be shy with me babe.” He grabbed your hand and Bucky growled, standing up.

“She told you no, better leave before you get your ass beat.” The man, Randy, looked Bucky up and down before recognition was in his eyes, he grabbed his drink and fled.

“Good Christ thank you. He’s been pinning after me for weeks, nasty fella. Are you hungry at all? I feel like havin’ a burger.” You stood up and beckoned him to follow you.

Bucky felt horrible, if that man who was drunk knew who he was, who’s to say you didn’t, that you weren’t just trying to be nice to save your skin? He followed you anyways, holding his empty glass in his hand.

“Yo, May, can I get my usual please? And a Dr. Pepper?” You looked back at him, “You want anything?” He shook his head and desperately tried to clear his head.

She came closer to him, “Are you alright Bucky?” He looked at her for a moment.

“Y/N it was nice talking to you but it’s a bit crowded her and it’s really hot. I’m gonna get going. I’ll see you Friday.” He left right afterwards, leaving you standing at the bar counter.

——————

Throughout the week, Bucky couldn’t stop thinking about you, he hadn’t noticed any signs of you being afraid of him, but he had been so nervous himself he couldn’t focus. It was Friday, and he was debating whether or not to go. Maybe he should leave you alone, for the rest of your life, save you from his misery.

“Bucky, it’s almost 8, why aren’t you ready?” Steve knocked on his bedroom door.

“I’m not going. I’m going to leave her alone. Forever.” He mumbled numbly, it was his own fault for ever thinking you and him could have something.

“Bucky, what happened at the bar? Did you talk to her?” Steve asked, he had opened the door and sat next to Bucky on the bed.

“She spoke to me.” He explained what happened, to the best of his ability, not sparing any details.

“Bucky, you realize she’s into you right? You have to go, c’mon, get dressed, I don’t want to be late.” Bucky studied Steve’s face for any hints he could be lying.

“You think she likes me?” He questioned.

“I know she likes you Buck, now get dressed, punk.” Bucky did as he was told.

——————

The two men were fifteen minutes late, Y/N smiled when they walked in. Once you finished playing the current song, you began to play familiar notes and chords.

He listened to your voice carefully, shutting his eyes just to listen to the way your voice carried the lyrics. He loved every second of it. After you sang the song you spoke into the mic.

“I wanted to apologize, I’m not able to finish my set all the way this week, I’ll be here next week to do so. Have a nice weekend.” Your voice sounded nervous. You began to pack away your guitar and unplug the microphone.

Bucky didn’t hesitate to walk over, “I’m sorry for leaving like that last weekend. I don’t do good in crowds.”

“It’s fine.” You grabbed the straps of your guitar case and put it on like a backpack. “I won’t be performing at the bar tomorrow. See you next week.” You went to leave and Bucky spoke up.

“Are you mad at me?” He asked.

“No Bucky, I have personal issues going on right now that I need to take care of. I’ll see you.” He frowned.

“Wait, here let me give you my number, text me or call me if you ever need anything. I’m not always in Brooklyn but I can be here fast.” He scribbled his number down on a napkin and handed it to you.

“Thank you Bucky. I um, I’ll text you okay? Maybe we can hang out.” You waved at Steve and smiled, and left the café.

——————

The next day, Bucky woke up because his phone buzzed, he grew accustomed to getting up to missions he needed to do from Tony. He looked at his screen and saw it was an unknown number.

Unknown: Hey Bucky it’s Y/N

He smiled and instantly wrote back: Hey Y/N, how are you?

Y/N: I’ve been better, you?

I’m doing fine, do you want to talk about it?

Y/N: Nah, wanna grab a coffee or something?

That sounds awesome, meet you there in twenty?

Y/N: sure thing Buckaroo. See you there

Bucky grinned and quickly shot out of bed, he got in the shower and got changed fast, he had ten minutes. He sent a text to Steve saying he was meeting you for coffee and left the apartment.

He sped-walked, trying to beat you there, once he got there he sat down at his usual table and waited, within the next two minutes you came in and spotted him.

You sat down across from him and smiled, “Hey Bucky.”

“Hey Y/N.” He leaned his head down on his arm and studied your features, the way the natural light hit your face, making your eyes light up.

“Take a picture, it’ll last you longer.” You teased, “Did you already order?”

“No I was waiting for you doll.” You blushed at the nickname and stood up to order, Bucky followed close behind.

——————

A/N: I reached the limit so I’ll just do a part two bc I SUCK (it will prolly be up within the next day)

[a-day-at-once]

January entries #11 to #20

#11

January eleventh. How weird is it that eleven days ago, I almost didn't make it?

I still haven't told anyone else about that whole event but you, diary. Are you a journal or a diary? I'm not actually sure what the difference is.

I think I'll keep calling you a diary because 'journal' sounds too organized and official. Journals are places where people keep track of the important things in their life and plan their weeks or something shiny and special.

Right this very moment, you're a diary. Sorry to say it, pal.

Hopefully soon, you'll be a journal, and hopefully we're both around the see it.

Today, I worked a morning shift. People are just as inane about their produce at six in the morning as they are at six at night.

When I was stocking the home goods section, I saw the cleaning supplies and they caught my eye. When was the last time I'd cleaned my apartment?

A month? Two?

I thought about what would happen, should I ever get the heart to ask Leo over for dinner or a film or something. There's a good possibility that a dust bunny would swoop out from under the couch at eat him, boots and all.

Ember must be a fierce little thing to have combated them this long, after all.

On my way out from my shift, I picked up a few necessary supplies. I stood in the aisle and took the time to sniff a few things, thinking about how my apartment would soon smell like this or that instead of... Depression den and tinned tuna? I bustled in the door with the goods and Ember scattered, running to hide under the bed. Don't worry, Ember. I want to hide under there, too.

I'd been really letting the place have it for about an hour when I realized I was out of paper towels and figured I'd just stop back in at work to grab a pack and consider getting something that isn't rice and tuna for dinner. I went back into the store and picked up the paper towels, as well as some chicken (which was the special this week, not the damned tinned sausages), some cheese, a can of sauce, and a box of pasta, intending on making chicken parmigiana.

Leo waved me into his line. "I got your note," I opened as Leo began scanning my items. He flushed and I realized I'd come on a bit strong. That's what happens when you only talk to one person all day, and that one person is Susan.

"Did you?" He asked. His voice was about an octave higher than it would've been otherwise, and I gulped and scratched the back of my neck.

"Yeah! I did," I stammered. "Have. Good luck," I continued, veritably frisking myself for my wallet as he finished up totaling the groceries. "On inventory day. Yep."

I swear, in a past life I was a skilled orator. Just... Not this one. "Yeah, great!" Leo said, grinning as he looked back up at me. He peered at the things I was buying as he shucked them into bags. "New year, new you?" He waved a bottle of scented cleaner at me.

"More than you'd think," I said, shaking my head with a morbid laugh.

"Well, have fun!" Leo said, waggling his eyebrows at me. "Here's your receipt!" He handed it over and I marched to the in-store bank to borrow a pen.

I drew him a picture of me, fighting the fearsome dust bunnies in my apartment with a broom. When I went to give it to him, I saw that he was with a customer and slipped out the door.

I stuck it in the windshield wiper and got into my car.

That might actually be for the best, honestly. I don't know if my heart would hold out if I had to watch him take it from me.

Until tomorrow, diary. Maybe I'll wash my sheets and curtains tomorrow...

--hawkwarrd

#12

Today was… a surprisingly good day. It’s Saturday, so I only had a half-day at work. On my walk there, I stopped by the dollar store and picked up a pack of space-themed sticky notes. If Leo and I are going to keep up our little back-and-forth with doodles (which I really, really hope we do, they’ve already kind of become the highlight of my work days), then I don’t need him to be able to glimpse into my sad shopping habits any more than he already has. Plus, this way I can stick them pretty much anywhere without having to worry about finding a way to secure it.

When I got to my locker, there was another sticky note doodle from Leo, this one of the both of us standing back to back, armed with various cleaning supplies and taking on an angry hoard of malicious dust bunnies together.

I’m glad no one was there to see the stupid grin that split my face.

I made sure to stick the doodle in my locker in a safe place before heading in to start my shift. The shift itself was nothing special, mostly restocking with the occasional stint at the register. Leo was in charge of making the soup pyramid to display this week’s soup specials. It inspired the sticky-note doodle I left on his locker before heading home: a cartoon version of him sitting on a throne of soup cans, framed by the phrase “Bow before me, for I am your SOUPerior!”

I hope he likes puns.

As I was walking home past the canal after my shift, I walked past a young woman singing along to the song that must have been pumping through her bright yellow headphones. I was only able to catch the lyrics of what I think was the chorus before she was behind me, continuing on her journey, but what I heard made me pause.

“Give us days to be filled with small rebellions Senseless, brutal acts of kindness from us all”

And in that moment, for the first time in a long, long time, I felt inspired to write something. So, to avoid letting that little sliver of inspiration slip through my fingers like I have so many times before, I pulled out a pen and my sticky notes and started scribbling. It ended up being pretty short, but. I actually kind of like how the little poem turned out.

And it felt… good. To get words onto paper, again. Words that aren’t just my rambling thoughts or daily logs. I’m going to go ahead and copy what I wrote here so that I don’t have to worry about keeping track of the sticky notes. (Plus, my handwriting on them is barely legible considering I was standing out in the cold and the wind as I wrote it.)

with your brass knuckle kindness and determination like a grin, you won’t go down without a fight. you instill hope like a roundhouse kick, blindsiding everyone you meet with a love that’ll bruise for weeks. you plow through each and every day like you’re on a mission, a vengeful vigilante who deals blows in the art of affection. you’re scrappy — all feeling, no form, with fists raised and ready to deliver a punch of generosity so strong it sends them reeling. the force of it leaves your knuckles cracked and bleeding, this bloody benevolence all you have left to give to a world that isn’t willing to fight the way you want it to.

so you bring the battle to them, beating them senseless with your brass knuckle kindness and brutal blows of generosity, each day wearing determination like a grin

I don’t want to hope, but… it feels like maybe, maybe, things might be starting to look up.

It’s time for me to go give Ember her dinner; I can hear her meowing at me in the kitchen. Already so insistent, and she hasn’t even been here a week yet. I already can’t imagine my life without her, though. When did I become such a freaking sap, ugh

Anyways, until tomorrow.

—jadengrace1

#13

Sun, Jan/13

Today’s page begins with a fingerprint of blood on the upper corner. It looked like paint at first (because I finally have that canvas looking like more than a random blob of spread oils) but a look at my finger made it start hurting and pinching it brought out a little red tear of blood in the middle of a cut that wasn’t there before, so. It is blood.

Sorry about that, dear diary.

As if tainting your pages with summaries of days that I almost missed on isn’t bad enough for you. I can’t even recall where I hurt myself, I hardly felt it. Perhaps Ember’s claw caught on my skin when we were playing? Maybe I sliced my own finger while cooking and only just noticed. Or maybe it was you and your thin pages. Paper cuts are a bitch. How dare you hurt me like this.

I guess this makes us siblings via a variation of that idiotic blood oath dumb kids do on recess when adults aren’t looking. To that I say, believe it or not, that you’ve been doing a better job at being a brother than my own brother our whole lives.

He called me this morning, you know? Well, now you do, my silent, inanimate sibling. He called me, but I didn’t pick up; I never do any more. It’s like I started caring more about myself since I cowarded away from suicide, only thirteen days ago. Wow, I really just wrote that, didn’t I. Fuck. For once, though, he didn’t leave it at an unattended call or two; he went to the trouble of texting me. In a short, eloquent sentence, he informed me that he, his dear wife and his loving child would be delighted with my company for dinner.

I laughed with bitterness at those words, flipped my phone down on the table and went back to the beginnings of a new painting.

As if I would fucking go back there.

I have nothing against Paula, the woman is too good for someone like my brother (she always smiles at me as if she knows what’s going on inside my head, and maybe she does because it’s her job to try and figure out minds far more complicated than mine, she is a criminal psychologist after all), and my nephew is… normal. Fairly normal, for a four year old who functions better with a smartphone and a laptop than I do. (Honestly though, I bet he can hack into a small digital system and make it his own, as easily as he rocks through a level of that noisy ding-ding-ding mobile game he’s always playing, without as much as a blink). But again, it has nothing to do with Paula and nothing to do with little Ben. I can’t look at them and attach the word “family”, but I haven’t been able to do that since--

Anyway, it’s nothing to do with them.

You see, the good Reverend feels like I need his forgiveness. He thinks that I ran away from home because of some bad monster inside of me, he thinks I never got over dad and he thinks that I am what I am, that I like who I like because… I have hate inside me, and that I put this hate in here because I hold it against something he did, or something he said at some point.

I don’t honestly get it but I don’t want to understand him either. Not on his terms. And I feel like it’s a little too late for Reverend Nick to try and “fix” me.

I did just fine without him when I moved to this town. I did just fine without anyone.

My writing... has become a little disorderly for today.

- abyssiniana

#14

January Fourteenth

After yesterday, I chose to leave early for work and take a walk along the canal. I wanted to do some people watching, something calming before I had to stand at that register and deal with the unwashed masses.

I generally shy away from the fact that I, too, am unwashed.

I sat at the same spot that I had before for a little over a half an hour, making up stories for the other folk jetting around the town. The text from my brother on my phone taunted me.

My otherwise empty message notifications did much of the same.

I weighed my options as I watched the people of the town.

I could ignore Nick, like I'd done so many times before, and try my best to jam all of that back into the messy suitcase I'd left unpacked in the back of my mind, full of all the other baggage from before. It felt like it was from another person, from another lifetime. Only the call log and the text would have to know.

However, I would know. I would know that I was running away again, even though I'd already ran once.

Maybe running is what I do best. Maybe running is what got me into the mess that I'm in now. I walked to the store, turning those thoughts over and over in my mind. Am I lonely? Would I feel less lonely if I'd talked to my brother, or would all of that just make it worse? Past experiences pointed to the latter, but I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be able to talk to my family. To be able to go to dinners at their house and ask my nephew if he was excited for school and ask my sister-in-law how she'd made whatever recipe. I stole into the breakroom like a wraith, barely noticing the world around me.

The thoughts hammered at the interior of my skull as sure as my heart hammered against the back of my sternum.

Am I lonely? I got to my locker to stow away my jacket and gloves, only to notice a yellow sticky note.

Leo.

It was a cartoon of the two of us, sitting at a table with a cartoonishly large pizza between us.

"Lunch on Thursday?" It read. Leo signed it, like I needed the clarification as to who left the note for me. I folded it and put it in the back of my phone case before taking out my own pad of sticky notes.

I drew myself holding a thumb up with a big grin.

"Sure!" I wrote on it.

I didn't make a decision as to whether or not to call my brother back, but I did decide one thing.

I'm not as lonely as I think.

--hawkwarrd

#15

January 15, 2019

I have no idea how I live like this.

I realized this morning on my way to work that I had forgotten to do laundry again, and it is so overwhelming I wanna scream. Two weeks ago I told myself I’d be better off, just, not existing, and there is no better reminder of the tedium of existing as laundromats.

So, at 4 in the afternoon, after an 8-hour shift, I changed into a hoodie and sweatpants, and placed my laundry basket on my bed, prepared for the inevitable task of cleaning. Ember, in her own way, helped. She laid spread out on one pile of dirty laundry, and then when I picked it up she’d move, miffed, and settle down in a different pile, until after the third time, she moved on to the couch and observed me instead.

Having someone to glare at you was a surprisingly good motivator.

I left her behind though, to lug my basket to my Corolla and drive to the laundromat. I honestly wasn’t sure what to bring to occupy myself, so I just brought you and my sketchbook, but I don’t have any doodling inspiration, unfortunately.

So here we are, in front of the dryers. This particular laundromat is pretty out of the way, and hard to get to if you don’t have a car, which is why I go. It’s less crowded. It’s also the only one somewhat nearby that didn’t have needles in the bathroom or creepy men that sat in the corner and stared at the women that came in. Why do I live in this city I got Thai food from the place next door, (sorry I left a greasy thumbprint on this page), and put my headphones in, experiencing the unique indifference of a bunch of strangers in a shared space. Fried tofu and loud spin cycles and every human being in here at their most authentic self. Girls with no makeup on and hair up in buns, guys in t-shirts from the bottom of their closets, people on their phones in their native language and folding their underwear and melting under yellowing fluorescent lights.

The fact that I have to do this and be an adult for the rest of my life is mind-numbing. I hate that, but everyone here hates it too, so there's that I guess.

But, I have dinner. And clean clothes, and a somewhat cleaner room. And a pizza date on Thursday.

Fuck. What am I going to wear?

I don’t even know. I’ll figure it out. See you tomorrow, dear diary.

--Kearatheshadow

#16

Jan. 16

Forgive me for the language, dear diary, but no fucking way.

I had dumped the clean laundry yesterday in a haphazard heap on the coffee table to fold properly today (Hey, I already had the clothes washed, that's more than enough productivity within a twenty-four hour span), and when I woke up today, Ember had completely made a mess of the stack. Trashed. Ruined. Decimated.

Okay, okay, I kid. The little sweetheart didn't go that far, but she did pull out the furriest sweater from the middle of the stack and decided to adopt it as her bed, knocking over some clothing here and there.

But that's not what my shock is for. No, diary, I witnessed with my own two eyes, Ember's cluttering of my apparel revealed the lost treasures of time:

My Kawaii Sakura Vantasu-chan hoodie.

Like, damn, I could have sworn I lost this thing CENTURIES ago. Who would have known it was just buried under heaps of dirty clothing, crumpled paper, unthrown food wrappers and drop-out depression?

Ahem.

I put on the hoodie to try it out. It was tighter than the last time I wore it (ramen does not do the body any good) but still fit. Sakura's smiling face and vibrant purple hair contrasted with my room's dim lighting and the drab, peeling wallpaper I've been neglecting to replace. She's just as cute as I remember her. I know, I know, I'm a big geek, but I owe a lot to KSV. I still remember when I was younger, running through our old house's door, just throwing my bag and shoes into any old corner and trying to beat Nick to the remote so I could watch what was probably the fifth rerun of the show that day.

The story followed your typical student-turned-magical-girl formula every mahou shoujo anime filled, but the special thing about Sakura was how mundane some of the magic was. How she always turned back the channel right as commercials ended, how she managed to get on the train just as it was about to leave, how she had just enough change to cover that day's lunch.

Otherwise, Sakura was every other dorky kid who never did her homework on time, who was insecure about what her friends thought of her, who found it hard to trust herself, that she could defeat the monster-of-the-day. Several of the show's problems were solved not by a wave of a wand or her familiar Pi's spells, but by Sakura's wit, perservarance and positive outlook: "Things may be bad, but they won't always be."

It was a magic so simple you could believe it was real. KSV was the show that got me into art in the first place. One look at her white dress and big eyes and my elementary self thought, "I want to make something like that too!" My parents assumed it was just little kids doing little kid things, indulging me with crayons and cheap printer paper. I guess they never thought  art would carry on my whole life, huh?

Who would have thought.

Ember yawned exaggeratedly loud as her tail pointed (?) right at the wall clock. Shit. I was late for work. (Guess I got magical familar of my own too?)

I hastily changed to my uniform and rushed to work. I didn't wear the hoodie to work because there's no way I'd want anyone to know I'm a loser who watches anime

Today wasn't a particularly busy day, and I spent the lull between customers reminiscing my favourite KSV episodes. The story, now that I look back at it, wasn't particularly stellar, but the animation quality I still recall was top-tier especially for the year it was made in. It was... inspiring. For the first time in months, I really felt like...

Drawing.

"Hey Susan," I called her over from my register as she was restocking cans of 'Apex Organic Sausages' (which were on sale? Again?) in the nearby aisle. "Your phone has one of those drawing apps, right?"

"Yeah, it's called Drawbot Pro, I think," she called back without looking, focusing her eyes on the tin's Nutritional Facts. Susan wasn't an idiot by any means, but she always fell for those insert-food-brand has been infected with insert-virus hoaxes, so she spent a good portion of the day reading over any new products we stocked.

"Can I borrow your phone?"

"Yeah, yeah sure. My bag's under my register." I took her phone from her bag and typed in her password, which she hasn't changed since we started working here. I really can't believe she would trust somebody like me. Susan's a good friend and I'm glad she would trust me. Her phone wallpaper was a selfie of her and her boyfriend Darell smiling goofily into the camera. Having a boyfriend must be nice

I fiddled with the app's settings and clumsily made some strokes with my finger, pausing only when a customer came by. Her phone had a bulky bejewelled case and two keychains of sheep attached that made it a bit hard to hold on to, but the screen size was wide enough that I could more-or-less make out my drawing with ease.

I spent an unholy amount of time drawing the other eye (curse you, other eye) when I felt Greg tap my shoulder. "Shift's over, Luz. You can go home now."

I looked up and realized it was getting  late, the store empty. Looks like Susan had already left and forgot about her phone. I saved my drawing and made my way to the parking lot where I saw Leo about to get into his car. When he saw me, without warning he struck a ridiculous flamingo-like pose, and I just stood there wondering which alternate universe I stumbled into.

"Things may be bad," he began, and a flash of recognition, overtook me. He swung his arms Sakura-style and in unison, we bellowed, "but they don't always have to be."

We both paused for a moment and then laughed out loud (Glad there weren't any more customers left). "Dude, I can't believe you know that show!" I almost shouted, surprised by how loud my own voice could be. When was the last time I sounded that excited? "Know it? I love that show! I was pretty much spazzing when I saw you drawing Sakura back there! I was gonna ask you 'bout it but you seemed pretty immersed with drawing so I didn't want to bother you. Great art, though."

I stood there grinning like an idiot. Usually, I'd be embarassed to be seen drawing in public, but hearing Leo appreciate not only my taste in anime but my art too felt... nice.

We exchanged a few more words about the show before going our separate ways. "We still on for pizza tomorrow, right?" he asked, and I responded with the signature snappy double-thumbs up Sakura did at the end of every episode.

Let's just say I spent a good amount of the drive feeling giddy to the point I was bopping around the radio music without fear of someone outside seeing me. It feels good, just doing this. Drawing, dancing, talking to friends.

Just... living.

I fed Ember dinner as soon as I came home (And she looked at my peculiar excitement with the suspicious expressions only cats hold) and placed the Sakura hoodie I hastily threw onto my bed on a proper hanger. Well, at least I know what to wear tomorrow.

I spent the evening staring at my finished art. It wasn't perfect, sure: the colouring was all over the place and the anatomy was rusty, brought about by lack of practice, but... I drew something. I made something with my own hands. Something good, something people can and do like.

And that's more than enough.

P.S I messaged Susan online about her phone and she just replied "OH LOL i forgot i gave that 2 u holy shit my dumb ass rly out here thinking i lost it  sorry was in a rush promised darell i'd teach him how to make asserole 2night. *casserole not asserole wtf. just give it to me tomm tnx :)"

- Cordaello

#17

January 17th.

I woke up in a jolt today. I had a dream - a nightmare, you can say. But I don't remember it now. I only remember it made me gasp for air and shake like a leaf. I remember I stared at the ceiling when I tried to calm down, and jumped when I felt something on my leg. But then I felt three little paws trailing from my leg to my stomach, and when I heard a purr getting closer, I finally managed to relax. Ember nuzzled her face against mine and sat on my neck, and eventually just decided to sleep with her chin on my nose. We spent twenty more minutes like this, before I had to get up.

Thank God I adopted that little angelic devil.

I didn't really feel like wearing something impressive today, but then I remembered - I meet up with Leo today for lunch. I can't not be impressive. The very thought of it made me look through my tiny closet for more than ten minutes, put on and take off at least three different outfits. Eventually I went for something simple, but just a tiny bit more elegant than my usual shirt of choice, and on top of it put my uniform. It'll be embarrassing to take extras in the bag and change there (I thought about taking my KSV hoodie but it was too much).

I'm writing my last words this morning to you with my coat on, the bag on my shoulder and this stupid giddiness in my chest.

To be continued. ︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵

It's close to 11pm now. The light from my lamp is warming up my hands, and I can't help but smile.

I'll start from the beginning.

When I got to the grocery store, I found a note in my locker with a small doodle of a pizza inside a circle of sparkles and “thumbs up” signs, and the hour 12:00 written right underneath it.

I was pretty surprised - Thursday is Leo's day off usually. And that note wasn't there yesterday so he must have come here today before I did. Despite my confusion, I laughed to myself and put it with the rest of his notes I secretly keep in there, I wrote a little sticky note back and put it in Leo's locker.

I stepped into the store only to see Leo was there, standing with a cup of tea in his hand. When I asked him why he was here, he said he asked to come today anyways so he could go to lunch along with me instead of meeting me there. I told him he didn't have to, and he said, “I know, but I wanted to.”

I couldn't really argue with that. In fact, he said it in such a way I didn't want to argue at all.

Work went pretty much as usual. It was my turn to stand behind the cash box, while Greg was far in the back of the store, organizing the dairy section, and Leo was pretty close to me in the fruits and vegetables section. It was only when I jolted that I realized I was staring into nothing - but in his direction. I blinked and looked around that no one saw me embarrassing myself, and decided to occupy myself with counting the money we have in the box.

But he did approach me a few times. I told him that the pizza he drew looks tasty, and he laughed with that little shy head-tilt of his. Somehow my eyes always kept on turning him during my shift, every time I heard an occasional fruit falling down or even for no reason at all. I caught him managing to catch some of the falling fruits in mid-air and he was so excited about that every single time it happened. He was mostly with his back to me so he didn't notice I saw him - which is good, ��cause I felt like a big idiot smiling whenever he did.

The later the hour was, the more customers came in, to the point when I thought to myself, ’why are there so many people in here before lunchtime on a Wednesday? Is there a secret holiday I don't know about?’

Luckily, right before 12:00, Susan tapped on my shoulder and told me I could go and have my break. She even brought her sister’s kids with her to help around. I thanked her more times than I should have, and hurried to go back to the locker room.

Leo found my note and turned to me right when I arrived. “Oh my God,” he told me, “do you have superpowers or something? Your note says ‘look to the right’ and the very moment I looked, you showed up!”

Sadly, I don't have superpowers, but the fact that I impressed him made me more proud than I'm willing to admit.

I took off my uniform’s shirt and stayed with the dark-red one I had underneath. Apparently I wasn't the only idiot out of the two of us that thought about doing this - he changed too, to a galaxy-themed black shirt (you have no idea how good he that looks). We both put our jackets on and brought our wallets and phones, and headed out to the cold. It was grey outside, and looked like it was gonna rain every moment, but it didn't. We walked and talked about silly things until we reached the pizza place (I never felt so comfortable around someone else before. Not even with my own previous friends). When we got in, he got quiet again, and I ordered us a family-sized pizza. I asked him if he was cool with onions and mushrooms, and he nodded in his usual timid way. While we waited for our pizza to get ready, I pulled him to one of the back tables just beside the window, and distracted him with small games, doodling and random questions.

Even after we ate, he somehow didn't get tired of me (the pizza was great by the way. It was our first time there, and hopefully it won't be the last). We sat there and took our time, got to know each other a bit better. I told him about my studies and why I left, told him about my brother but not much (he was cool with that), but I talked about Ember like she was my soulmate. He told me about the dog he used to have in Michigan, about his parents and his two sisters, and how he left and why. His dad was always tough on him, and his mom was basically doing whatever he told her. Leo’s sisters are older than him, and they left home at 18 just like he did. But they always helped, he said. His oldest sister took him in for a while when stuff with his dad went down badly, and the other found him his current apartment and sent him away. They couldn't go with him ‘cause they have their own families, but they promised to visit. I told him I hope they will.

At some point he apologized for talking so much, but to be honest, I could sit and listen to him for hours on end. I got a message from Susan that we could stay out a bit longer, so after we finished our pizza, we strolled outside. Leo saw a sign about a local festival that I didn't even notice (well at least now I know why there were so many customers earlier - there is, in fact, a secret holiday I didn't know about). We decided it'd be nice to go and see what they have, and made our way down the local park.

It was peaceful, at first. The air was fresh and the trees were big and protected us from the winds.

And then, I saw a lightning in the sky. Right after it, a huge thunder literally exploded in the clouds and Leo jumped so high I thought he'd hit a tree. I was concerned at first, but then I saw him laughing and saying, “oh god that spooked the hell out of me!” It was cute, that he laughed at his own fright. I couldn't help but laugh myself - his face was pretty funny.

Heavy rain began falling down and we decided to give up on the festival and try to take cover (the trees didn't help anymore). We held our coats up above our heads and ran back to beginning of the park, where the kids’ playground was. We found shelter underneath the slide and just waited for the rain to end, while we held each other's arms to somehow stay warm.

His hands were warm actually, somehow. Well, warmer than mine. Not as much my lamp’s light is at this moment, but still - it reminded me of him.

When the rain finally calmed and stopped, we made our way back to work, and went to the locker room to dry up.

“I had a really good time,” he told me. As always, he was smiling so shyly, I could feel my heart swell. “Sorry I'm always awkward in public places. But I did really enjoy our lunch. We should do it again.”

I agreed instantly. We got back to work, and the rest of the day went pretty fast. I thought about our lunch break all day, so maybe that's why. Susan and her kids still helped around and sadly I didn't see Leo again until I had to go. But before I went back home, I scribbled one last doodle for him: a pizza decorated with “until next time” on top.

I can't believe my days are getting better. Sometimes it's hard to believe that any of this is real. Sometimes I'm still puzzled - has it really been seventeen days? Can my life really change like that, for the better?

But I also - I dunno. I don't want to ruin anything, or get my hopes up too much. I've never kept in touch with any of my ex-friends. I've never… let myself connect with anyone like that. I have no excuse, really, I'm just a shit friend, but maybe… maybe this time is different.

Leo makes it seem different. And honestly, I really want that. I… God, I feel stupid. Even writing it is hard for me.

Fuck. Never mind. Bottom line is, I had a good day today, Leo was great…

… and now Ember is meowing at me and playfully biting my leg. I'll give her some food now, before she claims my foot as her new treat.

Maybe I'll let him meet her one day.

- hadar

#18

18th Jan 2019

I woke up a little too early today. Just now in fact.

I had a dream I want to forget, but it wasn't like most nightmares I've been having in a sort of irregular frequency. This one was the first. I don’t know what that means but I'm sure of it; it felt like a beginning, though it came from long ago.

My handwriting shakes, but for the silent, uncomplaining witness you are, it must do.

I'm trying to think of a logical way to put the dream but I can't seem to find the common thread that knits what I see and hear and think I feel into a particular plot. I think it's just a mess and the more I think about it the more I seem to add to it, with what I believe it was rather than what it truly was. Before I taint my dream with any further attempt to make it understandable, here goes:

I saw people. Do I know them, do I not, I just don't know. All I know is that their faces are painful to look at, they're all around me and it's suffocating. An arm reaches out for me, open palm, comforting touch until it starts twisting and burning but it pulls me out and I'm back home. Not this shitty apartment, it's my home the home I ran away from because they had nothing but shackles for me. I see a swing in the tree, a trail of rocks that lead to the porch, a hand in mine. Leo...? No, why are you here?! Get out get out get out, you don’t belong here-- you don't get it, he's gonna--  dad…? I'm so sorry... Dad please. I'm here, I'm home, please breathe--

...

I have zero memory of filling the page until this point. Ramblings at three in the morning do that. I'm sorry I filled you up with nonsensical garbage.

... Here's some more useless things. Susan skipped her "good afternoon" in favor of asking for details about yesterday's pizza date. That last word weighs in my tongue, or rather, my pen; a date? Wow. That’s what it was, wasn’t it?

I didn't tell her much. Not because my fluttering heart didn't have anything to say, but because I have a tendency to keep things to myself. Special things.

"Soooooo?"

"So what?" I replied, trying to focus on stacking the sardine cans in a somehow stable tower in the middle of the canned goods aisle, for the 25% promotion the store would hold for the weekend.

"SoOOOoooOo~?" She insisted in a comical sing song cadence, gesturing with her head towards Leo (who was on checkout duty, sneezing into the curve of his elbow before helping an old lady tuck away her groceries into her bag). Thank you so much, I read his lips, a kind smile towards the customer, Come again!

Had he gotten a cold because of yesterday? A slim fit denim jacket with a fluffy neckline looked amazing on him but it wasn't exactly a fitting attire for rain.

I didn't give her any details, though. "It was nice. Pizza was great. We had fun."

She giggled with an excitement I shared but didn't show.

I waved at Leo when his shift ended at five and he came over even though he didn't have to. He said he was tired, but looking forward to the weekend. Said he was going to look around town, and made it suggestive enough to sound like an invitation. I thought I had imagined that, but when I stayed quiet he pressed further, "I mean-- if you want to. You've been here longer than me, and all I know is my way between my apartment, work, and the canal." If he really wanted to learn his way around he could have asked Greg or Sylvia; they were locals and very vocal about their origins. I ended up saying I was free on Sunday, even though I'm free for the whole weekend. He smiled and said, "Good."

"Good." I said back. He chuckled adorably before excusing himself to wipe his freckled, reddened nose.

"I'll be all healed up by Sunday, don't worry." He promised with a snotty voice, and I believed him. I pointed him towards the closest pharmacy and he said I was already the best guide ever before walking through the automatic slide doors of the grocery shop and sprinting to his car, avoiding the rain as best as he could without an umbrella.

I only noticed I was smiling like an idiot, staring through the window as Leo drove away, when Greg playfully locked me under his muscled arm and messed my hair with his large hand. “Your shift isn’t over yet, you seducer. Go help that kind customer, wouldja? She’s looking for textured soy protein down in the bio aisle.”

I untangled myself from that mutant gorilla’s tattooed arms and went to help the lady. After that the day went by pretty fast, Greg let me out early, and here I am. …

For the first time in a few days my mind drifts back to the rope I kept away. The rope that was supposed to be the last piece of jewelry I'd ever wear around my neck.

As my phone rings with an incoming call from a number I wish I didn't know to see, I end this entry with the thought that I have never been so close of using the rope to choke someone else.

I picked up. I shouldn't have, I knew it.

- abyssiniana

#19

Saturday, Jan. 19th. 23:25 (11:25)

  Today’s entry will be short. I don’t feel like writing much.   Sean called last night. I haven’t talked to him in a while – thank God for that – and I haven’t mentioned him because honestly, Sean can just… leave. Die.   Be miserably alone for the rest of his days, locked in a prison cell for all the things he’s done.   Sean destroyed me.   Sean was a reason for leaving.   We met in High School when I was 15. All charm, of course, as they all are. He approached me, asked me to a party I wasn’t going to go to (except after that I was, apparently), and I accepted. I accepted a lot of things from him that I won’t go into. Not on paper, where I can be reminded of him every time I flip through the pages. We broke up when I turned 17 and I told myself I was going to be okay (and now look at me – 19, almost dead: what a New Year’s toast, am I right?). And then Sean, who had the audacity to call me and demand-   Whatever. It doesn’t matter why he called. I’m rid of him. I’ve got Leo now, Susan, Ember, Greg… (who, to be honest, looks intimidating because he’s pretty tall and muscular, but is in fact just a marshmallow with fake cactus needles – I imagine when you’re like that nothing’s really a threat).   Doesn’t mean things are perfect, but hey. I can try.   Maybe.   Or maybe that’s just what I’m telling myself.

  - sher

#20

20th Jan 2019

I am determined to make this a good day, especially with that reminder of Sean two days ago. I’m moving on. Thank you, next.

About sometime yesterday, I realised that Leo and I hadn’t set a place or time to meet for today. I did a lot of frantic stalking on Facebook, searching for his profile, and miraculously, I found it, and we set a place and time to meet. I found his Instagram and Twitter too. His Instagram was filled with nice landscape photography. Maybe he likes photography? I’ll ask him later.

I’ve been wrecking my mind, thinking of places to bring Leo today.  I don’t want to disappoint him. In fact, I’m sitting in a cafe, near our workplace, stupidly early, waiting for him to arrive. Hopefully, I don’t spill coffee over you again, dear diary.

I’m terribly stressed about this. I spent a long time crafting an itinerary, so hopefully, I don’t mess this up for both of us.

I see him walking towards the cafe. He looks fairly nervous, his head bent down slightly and earphones in his ears.

See you later. I’d rather not let Leo see me writing in you, if you don’t mind. It’s so weird that I feel like I owe you, beloved inanimate diary, an explanation.

-------------

Hi. I’m back.

Things…. didn’t really go according to plan. But not in a bad way.

I was planning to show Leo some of the more touristy places, if even you can even call it that, as well as more practical places. The store to get cheap clothes, areas to get cheap but good food, the mall, the movie cinema, you get what I mean. This isn’t a big city, but it isn’t exactly small either.

Leo, walking by side, was always nodding and smiling quietly, listening attentively to whatever I had to say. And we talked… like a lot. I found myself smiling a lot, laughing hysterically along with Leo. We covered a good amount of places, and I’m pleased with myself. I never felt like I had any right to pry, I’ve been avoiding bringing up the topic, but I was curious. So I asked Leo, “Why here? Why choose to move here?”

His shoulders sunk and he sighed softly. “I just wanted a change of picture. Get away from my parents.” He scoffed when he said that. “I used to have big dreams of moving to a big city, like New York, London, Paris. My bedroom used to be covered with posters of city skylines. Now I’m here.” He didn’t continue but didn’t look like he regretted coming here either.

I brought him to the ice skating rink, although I’ve never been. I thought maybe he wouldn’t be that interested in it, but his eyes sparked up with joy when we neared the building. He grinned at me and with the most excited expression I’ve ever seen on him, he asked if we could ice skate. I agreed, I couldn’t say no to him.

As soon as Leo put the shoes on (complaining about how clunky and bulky rental skates were), he glided across the ice, leaving me grasping to the side railings, because I’ve never skated a day in my life. My abs were getting a good damn workout (and my legs are currently screaming in pain right now), because keeping myself upright was the most exercise I’ve gotten in ages.

I fell on my face (ouch), and it was brought (very painfully) to Leo’s attention that I could not skate. So, instead of renting one of those kiddy penguin things that kids used to learn how to skate, Leo insisted on teaching me. He placed my hands in his, (his hands were so warm and comforting) and as he skated backwards, he instructed me on how to skate. Soon after, I could do it, even if I was a bit shaky and I fell a couple more times. Leo looked proud of me after seeing me skate a round, by myself, without using the handrails. I think it was worth it, just to see the look on Leo’s face.

He showed me a couple of skating tricks he learned, and I was very impressed, clapping for him and cheering. I didn’t expect him to know so much. By the time we got out, it was getting dark. I had more on my itinerary but I decided to pass it up. Hopefully, he’ll ask for another time? Maybe I’m hoping too much. I really hope he does. Leo asked if I wanted to go for dinner and I eagerly replied, starving after the whole day out. He paid for dinner, insisting that it was payment for taking him out to show him around.

Before he left, Leo passed me a sticky note, and chuckled as he said, “I haven’t given you my number. Maybe we could do this again.” And I replied, “I hope we do.” When I looked at it, I noticed he drew a little heart next to his number, and I’m dying inside just thinking about what it could mean. I’m a little worried that with his number, our sticky note exchanges at work will come to a stop, but hopefully, it won’t.

Ember is curled up next to me, purring, as I’m writing this. For fun, I texted Leo a picture of Ember, and got in response, a string of heart emojis. Suffice to say, I think it’s a pretty good day. I can’t help but think it wouldn’t have been if I had ended it at the start of this month. Maybe this year will turn out good after all.

- Lena

[stevenstephens]

Para || Eleven

TAGGING: Ellie Berry & Steven Stephens

WHERE: Ellie’s Apartment

WHEN:  Thursday Evening,  February 7

Steven

Steven moved his head from side to side to try to loosen up the crick in his neck that only gotten worse since he had let himself slide off the couch and sat in front of it, his legs stretched out in front of him. "Are we sure we're almost finished," he asked, tipping his head back so he could look towards Ellie. "I think we covered the main things, right? " He had popped over to Ellie's place when she mentioned he was welcome to come and help to re-plan the reception yesterday and they were working on it for what felt the last 24 hours non-stop. Which he knew to not be true because he remembered waking up on El's couch earlier today.

Ellie

El was absolutely exhausted.  They'd spent the better part of the night and early morning finalizing everything from bartenders to pastry puffs.  Steven had been amazing, letting her switch gears on him last minute.  He was accommodating and understanding all while still voicing his opinion. Their fluid conversation had made for a productive and enjoyable 14 hours.  With a final groan, Ellie tossed her pen on the table and stretched her arms over her head.  "I believe so?" She replied, as more of a question than she'd have liked, "At least I hope we did.  Anyway, I'm going with whatever we didn't cover, couldn't be all that important. We have food, music, decor - glow sticks and shot glasses, thank you for agreeing to my changes by the way." When she turned her head to look over at him, Ellie noticed him rubbing his neck. She climbed up on the couch and sat behind him. "I told you that we could have shared the bed. It's not like we won't in a week or so.  I - " she paused while letting her hands hover above his shoulders, "may I? I've been told I give excellent back rubs.  It's the least I can do to thank you for all of the help."

Steven

"No problem, if there is one thing that I love its surprising people. Can't wait to see the look on their faces when we change out the big band for a DJ and a light show the likes Lima have never seen before. And turn the whole place into a kick-ass night club." Steven enthused as he rolled his shoulders to loosen his muscles more. "This is not from sleeping on the couch, it's just the stress of the moment." He gave a little nod with his head. "Yeah sure, not going to turn down a free massage," he replied, leaning back against the couch. Steven let his chin rest on his chest. "So now we got the reception planned out, for the most part, can we focus on another thing we talked about a while back and the suggestion I made? You know, that we practice the kiss?"

Ellie

Ellie lowered her hands and immediately began kneading the knots in his shoulders and neck. "I am sorry about all of this.  I had no idea they'd turn around and hand the entire reception off to us. Then again, I'm really sure they expected us to say it was too much work and yeild to their wishes. That being said I'm glad we did it.  The marriage may not be exactly what either of us planned for, but at least we'll have the reception of a lifetime." She continued moving her hands over his shoulders, only to freeze mid-squeeze. "Oh right. I totally forgot that you wanted to practice. Ummm sure.  Did you want to do that now?"

Steven

"It's okay, really. Like you just said, you didn't know your dads would do this. It's going to be a great party. An excellent excuse to get yourself another dress," Steve chuckled softly. The more he thought about the changes the more he couldn't wait to see the surprise on everybodies' faces. "When you think about it we actually managed to get a lot of our wishes, small wedding and now this. It's nice." Steven winced when Ellie's fingers knead out a knot. He frowned a little when it sounded like she had forgotten that he wanted to practice their kiss. "We - we don't have to if you don't want to. I mean, I think I can pull off a convincing peck on the lips without it looking like it's the first time we're actually sharing a kiss." He licked his lips. "But yeah, I kind of wanted to do that now. I mean, no time like the present, right?"

Ellie

Ellie nervously licked her lips and moved her hands away from his shoulders. "No you're right.  I guess I've just never had to practice kissing before.  Should we just go for it or did you want to pretend we're standing at the altar?  I'm good with either. " She paused ,  scooted the edge of the couch and began to spin the engagement ring on her finger. "I'll let you decide how to do this "

Steven

"Me neither..." Steven admitted as he ran over the options Ellie gave him. Just going for it sounded all kinds of wrong to him so the choice was pretty easy.  "But I thought it is best to see if we can make it convincing instead of an awkward kiss. He got to his feet and held his hand out to help her get on hers as well. "If it doesn't feel right, we can always inform if it's possible to drop the kiss from the ceremony. I mean, the wedding wouldn't be less legal without one."

Ellie

Ellie nodded,  took his hand and rose to her feet  "I'm sure it'll  be fine.  It's not as if we're going to make out or anything. Peck on tbe lips, maybe with a bit of lingering.  People in love usually enjoy the kissing part, so, " she said casually while turning to face him. He really was gorgeous to look at, "Well, I suppose you'll lift the veil and see your stunning bride to be, then they'll say you may kiss your bride and you'll lean down and gently press your lips to mine - like, so," she rambled non-chalantly before standing on her tippy toes and brushing her lips ever so lightly against his, smiling a little as she pulled away.  "See. Easy peasy.  Would you like to take the lead this time?"

Steven

Steven stiffened as Ellie brushed her lips against his. He hadn't been ready for it just yet. And even though he was the one who had suggested that they should practice it felt too soon for him to take this step. "Yeah, yeah... easy peasy," he repeated her words, wiping his suddenly sweaty hands dry on the fabric of his dark colored jeans. He looked down at her while he worried his lips with his teeth. If asked he would be the first one to say that Ellie was a beautiful and attractive looking woman, and for anybody else that might be enough to want to kiss her, but for him... It felt too weird. Not one to give up too easily he tentatively leaned in to brush his lips over hers, letting it linger as best as he could before pulling away and taking a little step back.

Ellie

El wasn't stupid.  She knew when someone wasn't into her.  It just sucked that she was facing three years of his lack of interest.  That being said she didn't want to make him feel more uncomfortable with things, so she simply proffered a sweet smile before clasping her hands behind her back. "That was fine, but we don't have to kiss.  I mean, everyone knows what this marriage is.  We're not going to fool anyone with one rehearsed moment. Don't get me wrong. You know I think you're wonderful. It's just not there.  At least not yet anyway - which is totally fine." She walked over to him and patted his arm, "We'll take this at your pace.  And I'll let you decide whether you want to kiss me at the ceremony or not."

Steven

Instead of getting closer to Ellie as Steven had hoped by suggesting they should practice he felt they had just taken at least three steps back from where they had been. "I'm sorry. It feels too weird to kiss you without the right feelings behind it. If that makes any sense. Even if it's just a peck on the lips. I can't do it," he gave her a sad little smile. "If you really don't mind I'll ask the Rabbi to drop that part of the ceremony."

Ellie

El ran her fingers through her hair and nodded, "That's fine. Really.  I don't want you to feel forced or uncomfortable. I guess I am curious about something and you're under absolutely no obligation to answer," she smiled weakly and sat back down on the couch, "I understand you need feelings for anything physical.  You've made that quite clear.  I guess my question is, is there someone else you feel comfortable with?  You know about my life, but you never told me about yours. I don't want you to feel pressured in this either. Contact between friends, remember?"

Steven

"It would save me some sleepless nights if we drop it, that's for sure. It's not that I don't think you're not pretty or anything like that. I just can't kiss you just yet. I need my heart to be in it," he tried to explain. Steven went to sit back down on the couch a thoughtful look passing over his face. "Right now? No, nobody in my life at the moment that I feel that close to. Mind you, I have friends that mean the world to me, but it's been years since I had a romantic type of connection with anyone. Does that answer your question?"

Ellie

Ellie remained quiet for a few moments. "It does.  I was just wondering if the issue was me or if there was someone else you felt that sort of connection with. I'd have offered you an out if you'd said there was." She licked her lips and rose to her feet again, "You've been here since yesterday and I know you probably have projects to finish up.  Things are going to get even crazier starting next week.  I think I'm going to take a long hot bath and make it an early night." She took a few hesitant steps towards him, "Thank you again for helping with all the logistical stuff.  I'd like to give you a hug, if that alright?"

Steven

"El,  the issue is not you, it's all me, " Steve sighed. He has been in this position way too many times before. People just didn't seem to realize how it all worked for him. "You're beautiful and I find you very attractive, and if I was 'normal' I'd be more then happy to make our friendship into one with benefits. If anything, trust me on that. But I need more when it comes to lusting for someone." He got back to his feet as the feeling of being kicked out of her house took over the more she spoke. "Yeah, of course, that's more than okay. Cuddle bug here, remember?" He held out his arms for her to step into.

Ellie

El immediately walked into the embrace, letting her cheek rest against his chest.  She was so exhausted and not just from the wedding planning. She cautiously wrapped her arms around his waist and felt the tension slowly start to fade. Without breaking the embrace, El sighed softly and spoke, "You know that's not how meant it, I just wanted to make sure you didn't feel as though you were missing out on something and thank you for the compliments. I wasn't fishing, but it was still nice to hear." She remained sagged against him, suddenly cringing when she heard her a loud rumbling noise in her stomach. Embarrassed she, turned her head and buried her face against his chest, "Oh my God," she said with a laugh, "I guess my bath is going to have to wait. Would you like to get dinner or something? Might be nice to rejoin society for a little while."

Steven

"I don't feel like I'm missing out on something, it's that I feel I'm making you miss out of something with rushing this wedding." Steven trplied. "I knew you weren't, I just thought you should know, cause one, you really are beautiful and two; hopefully you'll understand a little better how things work for me." He joined in her laughter. Steven broke the embrace as he stepped back. "I'd love too. Food and your company is the perfect way to close this wedding planning marathon. Burgers, Pizza or are you in the mood for something more formal? Like we go and have dinner in an actual restaurant? That is, if you don't mind being seen with me in public of course," he added with a  grin, clearly teasing her.

[ac-ars]

all your colors start to burn

this is a mess and an au no one needs until they see it, well at least me and two (2) other people

im sure it’s very obvious how much i wanted to stab myself while writing it since i have not been able to write recently, but welp this had to happen so dont really expect any miracles or proofreading lol

all your colors start to burn

Luna takes deep breath and pushes the door slightly, blessing the fact that it’s not that heavy. She looks around immediately and it’s dark, but not this creepy dark, it’s actually nice and despite all the creeps the whole idea gives her, she is set on doing this. She stops when the door behind her closes with small thump and she can only look around. 

There are drawings hanging on black walls in some order; it’s like lowkey mess, but somehow it’s logical, silver frames are all the same, no matter if the picture is bigger or smaller. All of them are black and white, there is no color and it’s intimidating Luna since she’s not used to lack of it, the longer she watches the drawings, the more intense they get. Music in the background is sure, powerful and completely not Luna’s style. The guitar is too harsh just like the singing voice, yet the melody makes it bearable and that’s all she needs right now.

Someone clears their throat and she looks towards the counter. It’s not that high, but there’s a guy sitting by it and watching her intently. Luna is speechless in a second, all her courage decides to leave by tiny gap under the door. She sees a black t-shirt, too big, too loose for him, but that seems to be done on purpose. The collar is weirdly worn, like it has survived too many careless takings off and yet the guy still makes it look good. His arms are completely covered with ink; one is big geometric theme while the other has some smaller singular tattoos, Luna can even see few constellations there and some letters, but they are unreadable from this distance.

Dark eyes scan her continuously with this weird glint from under the glasses before he smiles lazily, and chuckles shaking his head softly and making his short curls bounce with grace. He bites on the pencil and leans his chin on his hand still grinning, and suddenly Luna feels like an alien in this light sundress, surrounded by black.

The guy lets out small, soft sigh and asks her with completely careless tone. “Did you get lost, miss?”  

She pouts and approaches him, stopping by the counter and trying to focus on not staring at him. He looks even more interesting when he is close, but that’s not a point here.

“No. I’m not lost,” she just says, hoping it sounded surely, but his smile widens up and she feels like a kid trying to buy a wine.

“Then what made you enter this very dark place, hm?” he points at her with his chin and Luna just blushes. She simply blushes not sure why, this is a mess and she just came here for a reason with set goal.

“Listen,” she starts, resting her hands on the counter and her fingers automatically proceed to nervous fidgeting. The guy chuckles at this. “Come on, calm down. I won’t bite you despite the fact I may look like that.” Luna just rolls her eyes.

“I want a tattoo, obviously.”

He snorts. “Is your mom okay with that?” She opens her mouth wide, completely offended, but tries to chill with small breaths. “I’m adult person. And I’m sure you shouldn’t, despite how young I look, make fun of me. That was just rude and disrespectful.”

The guy nods, takes off his glasses and brushes his face with his hand. Luna keeps glaring at him, not sure why she even chose this place. Probably because google told her it’s one of the best here, yet it didn’t warn her against asshole tattoo artists.

He sighs dramatically. “I’m sorry. Okay, I believe you, but I’m working here too long to not ask you for ID or whatever. I mean I ask everyone, so that’s just formality now.”

Luna nods and just reaches to her purse for the wallet without saying anything. She places her students ID on the counter and slides it towards him, watching how his fingers take it and how his nose scrunches making his glasses lowkey fall down his nose. He somehow tries to find something for her, of course he does, because he is acting ridiculous since the very moment she entered the place and doesn’t really believe that she’s been done with teen years for few months already.

When he keeps staring at it anxiously Luna just sighs and lowkey throws at him her driver’s license, giving him two more minutes before she will turn away and leave to some other place. He looks at her and smiles sheepishly, reaching his hand to his nape to scratch it slightly and showing another part of his covered in ink arm by the way. Luna hopes she won’t be forced to leave; if any part of the drawings on the walls is his and he made projects of those he has on his arms she actually thinks he won’t fuck up her small one, besides she would be able to stare at him and this doesn’t require him talking.

Eventually, he sends her another awkward look. “Okay. I’m sorry for being rude. I promise I will be nice now.”

Luna sighs. “Are you having this conversation with every short girl entering this place?” He shakes his head softly, apparently he likes to does it no matter if he’s denying something or is just amused.

“Not really.” He shrugs biting the pencil again and looking at her while Luna just counts the time, wondering if she can leave already or that would be mean. She opens her mouth to just thank him and go, but the very same second he takes a paper and scribbles Luna’s name in the left upper corner.

“I see you really wanna go so I gotta hurry up. Is it gonna be your first tattoo?” Suddenly he turns serious and focused, but she waits for the moment when he gets easy and flirty again.

“Yes, yes.” She just answers and he hums, fixing his sit on the chair a little. “Well then, I think it should be small one, I mean it’s your tattoo so you can decide, but first time you’re not really used to the fact that it can hurt.”

Luna nods resting her elbows on the counter and zones out while looking at her name on the paper until she wakes up when he asks something. “What?”

He smiles at her lazily, once again and she notices this lovely, soft dimple in his left cheek. “Questions, do you have any questions before we start figuring out how to ink you?”  

She loses like half of her chill when he says that with this careless, low voice that makes her shiver and Luna guesses that if he can make fun of her, she can too.

“I have like one, is there something you just don’t do? Also just tell me your name, because it’s weird that you know mine and I don’t know yours.”

He chuckles fixing the glasses on his nose as they keep falling. “My name is Matteo and thanks for reminding about that, I’m just… lowkey distracted today. Sorry again.” She smiles softly when he messes his hair and continues. “I don’t really tattoo in color, I guess it doesn’t work for me. Why?”

Luna pretends to be very disappointed. “Oh, that’s sad. So my dreams of this big, red dragon on my back will have to wait.”

Matteo stares at her frozen as if she already had the red dragon on her face and she just keeps the look until he blinks surprised. Now she’s not able to stop herself and she snorts. “I was joking, don’t worry. I want just tiny sun tattooed. No colors.”

He lets out small breath of relief making her giggle at this, and starts doodling something, probably her sun. “Where do you want to have it?”

“On the left side, on the ribs, I guess.” Luna just shrugs, still not sure if left or right.

Matteo hisses, biting on his lower lip. “Oh baby, that’s gonna really hurt you,” he mumbles and she pouts a little ignoring the way he just called her. “How much?”

“I don’t know how to describe it, but let’s just say that very, very much. You shouldn’t get first tattoo in such place.” His lips move into thin line and she sighs. “But it will be small so will it really be that bad?”

“You really want it to be there, don’t you?” Matteo looks at her with cute smile and she can’t really do anything except smiling back and nodding. “Okay then,” he sighs raising his hands up, as if he’s giving up. “we can try, it’s your pain, not mine after all.” Luna rolls her eyes but takes it. “When can it be, like the date?”

“That’s a good question you are asking me here, wait a second,” he says reaching for the calendar, letting Luna appreciate the muscles by the way, and flips through it for a moment. “How about Saturday in two weeks, 9 AM?”

She hums, trying to remember if she has anything to do at this time, but it’s Saturday so no uni, it’s morning so no work yet. “Yeah, yes this works. I should give you my number now, right?”

Matteo chuckles, “you are a straightforward one, I see. Anyway, yes. Your number.” She scrunches her nose, but just gives it to him, and when he closes the notebook he pulls the chair from behind him and smirks. “Come on, we gotta figure out your sun so it’s pretty and hurts the least possible, am I wrong?”

She checks the time on her phone before entering the place ten minutes to nine and almost bumps into tall guy with curly hair. He frowns at her confused, but steps aside, so she can get into without a problem.

“Um, hi,” Luna mumbles, not sure what else to do.

He frowns even more, but chills few seconds later. “Do you need anything?” This is much better welcome than last time she was here. He is wearing a simple, white tshirt, which is contrasting with the whole place so much, Luna feels it almost fresh. One of his forearms is tattooed plus she can see some black ink peeking from under his tshirt on his nape.

“I was, you know-” she starts rambling and stuttering, suddenly all messy. “The tattoo- nine am, Matteo-”

The guy snorts softly shaking his head and making Luna wonder if it’s not annoying that his hair is hitting his face all the time. He raises his arms and crosses them on top of his head, lowkey flexing the muscles. “Balsano!,” he yells, “hurry up your ugly ass, your sungirl is here.”

Luna almost chokes, not sure why but this seems ridiculous as hell. One, the fact that she was called a sungirl, and two, maybe she didn’t see Matteo’s ass last time, but she is sure it’s not any close to ugly.

She blushes with her thoughts, but the same second she hears loud-quiet ‘What?’ from some other room in the place, and the curly guy standing next to her rolls his eyes. Luna sighs and just mumbles: “It’s okay, I am too early anyway. I can wait here.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to carry him to you so he can pretty-tattoo you?” The guy frowns again and she giggles, because it seems like he likes to frown, or many things are ridiculous to him.

The brunette smiles and nods softly, extending her hand and hoping it’s not weird or some shit. “I’m Luna actually. Luna.” She repeats, so he doesn’t call her any names anymore.

He takes her hand and his sure grip distracts her a little while she is wondering if he works here; if yes it’s probably a rule in this place that weird, edgy and hot guys work here only.

“I’m Ramiro, this is my actual name, no matter what Balsano tells you.” He mentions is probably Matteo and Luna hums, not sure again what to do now. Ramiro seems to notice that she is uncomfy and points at the couch by one of the walls. “Sit there if you can and wait, he is cleaning the stuff after last person, so it should be all ready for 9.”

She smiles at him again and he sends her quick wink before disappearing in the other room. When it’s like two minutes before nine she hears footsteps, what makes her raise her eyes towards the counter just to see Matteo checking his phone by the counter. After that he looks at her finally, she feels like she has waited two centuries before he finally moves his dark look to her and smirks. He looks really, really good in this red tshirt, and Luna is a mess.

Matteo brushes together his hands. “Are you ready?”

The brunette nods and gets up, checking if she has her phone in back pocket, before approaching him not being able to smile. “I wouldn't really say that I'm ready, but I'm the most ready I could be, I guess.”

He chuckles softly. “Sure thing. Don't you have anyone to hold your hand or something?” Luna sighs shaking her head and staring at him as he is eyeing her up and down slowly.

“I hope I don't look like underage today,” she pouts at his immediate smirk and shakes her head.

“Oh come on, everyone sometimes does something dumb.”

She crosses her arms and makes slightly bitter face, not sure why but wanting to banter with him just a little longer. “They say well begun is half done, don’t they?” Matteo looks down after snorting softly and Luna feels definitely better. He wants to say something, but someone interrupts them.

“Not that I wanna cut in, but I think we all are ready. Balsano, champion, she is as pretty as you said, but chill your storm in your teacup.” Ramiro rolls his eyes and claps his hands few times before he leaves again.

Luna feels how her cheeks get warm, not sure what to focus on right now. On the fact that Matteo said that she was pretty; or at least told the other guy about her, or on his face which seems lowkey awkward now and she actually finds it cute.

He sighs and looks at her. “Let’s go.”

She follows him into the other room, the one where Ramiro disappeared before and she notices immediately that it’s as black as the earlier one, with the difference that there is bright, white light everywhere. It almost blinds her, but she manages to look around. The drawings are present here as well, in the same frames and it’s super weird; owner of this place is either a psycho or someone who loves silver frames. Or both.

Matteo goes to the desk with all weird tattoo stuff Luna has no idea how to name since she’s never really cared about tattoos before. Now she just wants to have one and keep not caring, because it’s very easier, and all this shit seems complicated. After very dramatic putting on the gloves he turns to her with small paper with her sun and looks at her seriously, yet with tiny sparkle of amusement in his eyes. “This is the one, isn’t it?”

Luna nods. “This exactly. I thought we were sure last time I was here.” He hums softly. “Yes, but I have to make sure that you are sure. Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“It is gonna stay there forever.” It feels like he is trying to break her with his look, but she doesn’t want to give up here. It’s her forever.

She shrugs. “That’s what I want here, if I wanted to play I would have gone to get henna.” Her eye-roll apparently entertaining him and Luna wonders if he ever gets annoyed by something else than Ramiro.

“Okay, so where exactly are we making it?” Matteo hums with small smirk, asking her softly, and Luna can only ride her tshirt up. He is completely casual about that what makes sense, he makes tattoos on people daily so what’s a part of skin? She points at the small area on her ribs on left side, which would be just under the bra line, if only she had a bra today. He smiles and presses the design to her skin and slowly leads her towards this one big mirror on the wall. She looks at the reflection with tiny hum and rests her fingers to his hand, moving it a little more to her side instead of her front.

“Here.”

Matteo nods and takes the design away. “Well, sit down, or I would recommend lying down as comfy as you are. And take your tshirt somehow, so it won’t fall or interrupt during the process, you know what I mean.”

The mirror covers almost whole wall and she stares at the reflection of the entire room. Matteo adjusted this weird, comfy chair so she could lie down no matter how weird it felt, plus he sat down behind her so now she can see him all. Her hair she pulled in the high ponytail before leaving the home got slightly messy, but it still doesn’t really mess with anything. She tied her tshirt few centimeters above the place of her tattoo, the only way to keep it up without it being weird.

Matteo seems to be focused, which means no flirty comments, or smirks or even dumb smiles which is not that reassuring and Luna guesses she will probably die or, at the very best, pass out here. He’s done all shit to prepare her skin for the tattooing itself, telling her all about whatever he was doing and it was calming her down. Now he is quiet and she is this tiny ball of nerves, regretting not bringing Simón here (not that she would want to come here with him and let someone think they are any couply) or someone else who would at least talk to her and distract.

He takes this weird thingy which second later ends up being a weird needle; not that Luna is scared of them, but somehow she is stressed about this very needle, which will probably hurt like a bitch. Luna keeps watching his hands and trying to chill and hating on this whole situation so much.

“Can you talk to me?” She ends up asking and he smiles at her with little frown as he reaches for the machine. “What do you want me to talk then?”

“I don’t know. Whatever, just distract me.”

Matteo chuckles putting the needle into the machine and sighs. “Don’t worry, we will try to not kill you today.” Luna gives him concerned look in the mirror between throwing glances at his hands, because the speed of his fingers in such a simple action surprises her more than anything today, what makes him only more amused. “But really, I will be as gentle as I can, so it will hurt less than it would if the curly ass tattooed you.”

He takes the jelly from the desk and applies it on her skin with slow moves, Luna focuses on it and sighs. “How much can I trust you in this?”

“I have been making tattoos for like 5 years, so I had enough time to practice how to hurt people less.” She giggles at this and he stops her from moving with his hand on her waist. “Okay now we gotta focus.”

The brunette bites on her lower lip when he wipes the jelly off his gloves with paper towel and takes the tattoo machine with sure grip. “Now we are calm, we don’t move and we have to breathe normally. Okay?”

She likes the way he talks to her. With this soft voice while looking at her and no matter what he would be saying, she would still like that and embrace it completely. She has to force herself to focus on what he is talking to her, not how he is doing that and that’s actually difficult after him using we instead of you, and Luna feels more reassured than scared right now, so maybe it won’t be that bad.

Matteo explains her why he used the jelly and how the whole machine works, which Luna is impossibly grateful for, before reminding her to breathe once again. Then, he turns on the machine; the sound is lowkey annoying and she’s not sure if she will be able to hear him if she wants to ask something, but well, they will see that.

She turns her head back to look at him, and he just winks at her. “Don’t worry, it’s just a tiny needle. It can’t really hurt you, just sting and annoy and try to focus on the annoying part. Plus we are just outlining here, no shading or coloring so that won’t be long.”

This weird noise isn’t the best thing to listen to, but could be worse and it could be louder so Luna doesn’t complain. Matteo smiles at her as he takes single paper towel sheet and sighs. “Ready?”

She nods and the needle touches her skin.

“And no long baths, no swimming pools or anything like this. Just don’t let it get wet, okay?” He asks while finishing bandaging her skin and Luna tries to take a breath; doesn’t really hurt so that’s a success she guesses. She can only nod at that, because it stings. It stings like a bitch and she has no idea how long it will keep stinging, but she can’t find any words to ask Matteo about that.

The only thing Luna is able to do it thinking of his soft hands making sure that all her side with tattoo is safe and covered, and later watching him how he gets rid of the ink, and the needle, and everything he used with her. He gets up, still talking, and takes off the black gloves in swift motion before throwing them into trash carelessly.

“If it, by some accident or whatever, gets infected, just go to the doctor. You will get antibiotics and it shouldn’t be that bad.” She smiles softly; he seems to be rambling like this. Maybe he tells that to everyone, but the light tone of his voice seems to be somehow unusual and little faster than the very first time she had talked to him.

Matteo washed his hands twice before going back to her and frowning a bit. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m good.” And she actually is, not sure if she can get up without her knees shaking, but decides to try and, fortunately, her legs don’t give up.

“You are pale.” He pouts a little and Luna shakes her head. “It’s nothing, I’m great really. Ar you always so protective over people who you sting with needles?” She asks teasingly, with intention of changing the topic, and he catches it.

“No, no. I’m trying to be nice, because I don’t want you to faint on your way home and sue me, of course.” Obviously.

The brunette giggles, still looking at him. “So you know that one can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar? Next time you should start being nice as soon as you see someone entering the studio.”

Matteo’s eyes almost light up in amusement. “Maybe, but I am neither honey nor vinegar. And you definitely aren’t a fly, my dear.” Despite his words, his voice does feel seems like sweet, warm honey and she can’t get out of his little charm for few seconds, until he speaks again. “Besides, we all make mistakes and I’ve seen too many cases of girls looking older than you while being younger than you, so don’t judge me, please.” He sighs, looking around. “I would love to stay and chat more, but I gotta clean around and you probably have someone to show your pretty tattoo to. Are you sure you remember all stuff you gotta do and not do with this?” He asks raising his eyebrow and Luna nods slightly few times.

“Perfect then. If you ever decide you want another one or something, I will give you some discount. Just remember to mention me or the curly head if there is someone else.” He says nodding his head at the back.

The brunette sends him a smile. “Thanks. That sounds nice. And I guess next time will be in some place that won’t hurt like hell.”

“That’s a very great idea. See you around then. Soon, I hope.” He winks at her and she nods confused, trying to hide her blush, and turns around, walking towards the exit and feeling his eyes softly curling around her body. It feels weird, but she somehow likes it and doesn’t really look back.

Luna takes deep breath and opens the door with small push, knowing already she doesn’t need to use more strength and smiles to herself. Matteo is drawing again, too focused this time to notice her until she rests her elbow on the counter. He raises his eyes at her and smirks slightly.

“Already want new one? That was quicker than I thought.”

The brunette shakes her head softly and her hair tickles her cheeks. “Not really. At least today. Today I want something else.”