#anyway sorry for posting vent shit ill be fine im just sad at my stupid anxiety and i cant post it on main
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#vent#posting this here cuz I can’t talk to anyone and writing isnt reliable and i dont wanna do it on main cuz its stupid and i hate this so muc#and the oh we’re having a bad day thing doesn’t work cuz the day went fine we did chores we made pudding we ate we read for a bit#So there’s no reason for this but i just#and i was supposed to make art today cuz im running low on drafts and i wanted to doodle some stuff for peoplebut its not working and#I just hate this stupid feeling so much because it doesn’t make any sense#having a good day and then your brain randomly going hey remember kid no one actually likes you they hang out with you cuz they have to#So stop putting so much stock in yourself you’re barely worth it you don’t even feel like a person is actually supposed to or maybe you do#Maybe you do and you’re just a dramatic attention seeking idiot pretending to be feeling sad and shit out of some misplaced sense of arroga#and honesty yea it doesn’t make sense cuz good childhood good family no history of previous illnesses so it doesn’t make any sense to just#Suddenly feel awful and go hey it mist be the depression you don’t have you sick stupid dramatic moron#You’re the last person to be complaining about shit you’re not the sick one you didn’t undergo severe surgery or anything#what reason do you have to pretend to be overwhelmed or tired or depressed or in pain stop it pinnochio#and then people come in and out and talk to me which is fine I don’t mind but i hate having to figure out what the right reaction to#Match their enthusiasm and interests because if I don’t then im not being entertaining and if im not then what was the point of my audience#and then if im not smiling or reacting like مجردن looking and watching then im being rude and stupid and i just hate it so much#and I can’t even figure out the point cuz there has to be a point or else why the heck was i here anyways and its just#stupid stupid stupid stupid#delwte later#Sorry for the rant#i dont know#will prob delete later#this is so stupid
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one day ill draw again i Sweayr toGod
#cherry chats#auuuuuuauuuuajhhhhauuoouuuuyhhhh#i feel like total SHIT oh my godD#i was being a lazy little shit who wouldnt leave their bed for too long and now i cant draw anymogre Auuhhhgg#i was like. ill make a really shitty joke selfship doodle just to et back into the swing of things#i couldnt even open a new project in csp without wanting to cry.#its not even just my regular performance anxiety (yknow…. the one that made me drop out of school at 12 and hasnt let up since.)#im just so embarrassed at the thought of trying to drawy something again#annd i cant even make myself feel better because i Cant Draw A Thing#vibrating in a puddle of tears on the floor Its fine though like its cool im just a bit tired is all ill be able to draw again soon#im so. its just so. auuauavhrvrggegeghrhhrhggh#feels like my dumbshit brain is melting i ahatebthis shit man i Swear#yknow after id cmmissioned eebie i was considering cmmissioning her AGAIN afterwards if shed be ok with it#because i had something i wanted to draw with me and sans that i could make myself but i just didnt feel like jt#i ran out of money so i couldntve cmmissioned her even if she allowed it but anyway i was like eh its fine ill just do it myself#bear in mind this was like. a shitpost drawing like it was Not serious or high effort at all#turns out i could NOT just draw it myself because apparently 5 months is enough time to undo all my years of cognitive behavioral therapy#go fucking figure. blows up the whole earth#anyway sorry for posting vent shit ill be fine im just sad at my stupid anxiety and i cant post it on main#cause 1.3k followers or however many it has now. u know how it is#ill try to draw again on sunday when im drunk hopefully maybe ill be less scared then LOL#also im going to bed. i feel like complete and utter GARBAGE!!!!! and i dont wanna deal with it so bedtime it is#i wanna imagime sans comforting me so ill feel better….. but for some reason sans comforting me for failing to draw selfship art with sans#feels. maybe too meta to actually cheer me up. fkebkfbnldnfm#edit had to go back and censor the word cmmission. because. artists looking for work are searching that word i guess and messaging anyone#mentioning it in posts#which is fair and whatever but. even if i were interested i spent all my money on drugs and booze so i Cant
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youved been warned vent under the cut
you make me so mad and yes i get it you have crippling anxiety and cant get out of the house and you might have something else and you also have dpression and whatever shit and youre on meds AND IM SO JEALOUS BECAUSE YOU KNOW AHTS WRONG WITH YOU
and yes its hard and yes i undertsand and yes your mum is the nicest person but strict when it comes to you and yes i udnerstand when you say everyone hates you and yes i undertsand you and wehre youre coming from and yes i get it i get it i get it but GOD why
like please stop makong everything about you like girliepop. miss gurl why like (ok wtfim like rockijg back n forth thats how insane i am) anyhows oh ma daayyyyssss brruoooohhhh i get you have a bad life but like hvnet you thought about other people????????? oh right right right yep i make everthing about me so you play the vistim and say ohhh whenevr i try talk about my feelings its disreagerdede and thy make it about them like girliepop ur not even tryin to be subtle rn
ok fist of all. FIRSTLY youre being a hypocrite. a little bit (a lot). not to call u out but im calling u out. GIRL- also why u gotta call me gay everytime i see a woman on my screen GOD anyways that was random
ANYWHOS BESTIES this betch like girl omg ok look i might be making shit about me but mAYBE if you comMUNICATED THAT i would KNOW and not DO IT anyMOOROEEEE instead of just siTTING THAERE and pLATING THE VICTIM cos GIRL
yeah you have a thing tomorrow and youre failing school cos you acnt get out of the house and your relationship is failing and i dont talk to you anymore and youre hurt and crying and aw i feelbad i swear but havent you realised i dont talk to you anymore and have that connection ecause youre talking to me about your feelings and im not talking you to you about my feelings because whenever i do all you say is "im sorry can i do anything" an im like nope cos its not like you could solve it n we move on BUT when we talk about your feelings oh sob sesh feel so empathic awh pity pity can i do anyhting to help yes motivational words but girliepop at least im trying to help and not mutter a half assed snetence. i notce when youre down or sad but its about you and what you want and maybe if you asked about me or noticed when im feelin down and payed attention to me because i thOUGHT IT WAS EQUAL LIKE AS IN 2 HALVES LIKE 50-50 HELLO MATHS UR SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD AT MATH
yeah maybe if you werent sulking we wouldnt be here. like girl GIRL. please stop being a crybaby and upping everything because you make me feel bad whenever you do something n ur like oH iLL gO BECAUSE ARGH IT MAKES ME SO MAD I WANT TO SAY "oh do it then i double dare you" COS MISS GURL AKJFGHSFH STOP. LIKE I HAVE TO PHYSICALLY STOP MYSELF FROM LAUGHING???? AND SAYING THE MEANEST SHIT COS YOULL PRETEND TO HAVE AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS AND I SWEAR YOU ONLY STARTED BECAUSE I DID BECAUSE I HAVE NEVER EVER SEEN YOU WITH SHIT BEFORE AND YEAH I RESPECT YOUR BOUNDARIES BUT WE ARE LITERALLY SO CLOSE I HAVE BEEN IN YOUR HOUSE MET YOUR FAMILY BEEN THERE FOR EVERY SINGLE MOMENT MAYBE IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU WERE COMFORTABLE but its fine cos im not an asshole (even if you say i am) and i respect your boundaries :)
so yes ill just shut up and rant on tumblr so i dont explode at you which will cause you to pretend to have an existential criss OMG U KNOW WHAT MAKES ME SO MAD
YOU LYING. I DONT CARE IF YOU DIDNT MAKE THE EDIT AND JUST SAID IT LOOKS COOL BUT BESTIE ITS NOT COOL TAKING OTHER PEOPELS EDITS AND POSTING THEM AS UR OWN. I CAN LITERALLY SEE THE WATERMRK DO U THINK IM DUMB. ALSO THAT ONE TIME WITH THEC HEESE PIE LIKE I KNOW WHAT A STORE BOUGHT PIE LOOKS LIKE AND I KNOW WHAT A HOMEMADE PIE LOOKS LIKE IM LITERALLY SO MUCH BETTER AT COOKING THAN YOU ITS INSULTING HOW YOU THINK IM THIS STUPID
ok im sorry i hope you never read this i swear im just insane im sorry if that didnt make sense and i understand if you, reader, skipped through it because i would too :) (also why tf is there so much sass in this post what)
i am so unhinged rn like the only thing running through my head rn are feelings and not actual thoughts and maybe i should do something about that but im just manically laughing bevause HA
ok no i just had an argument and had to stop myself from saying the meanest shit and i feel like a bad person now but im also mad so like like girl not everything is about you plase stfu kindly :))))))))))))))ADDSGSHKH ahem
hang on this is js unhinged i need to make a vent post istg wtf anyways guys love u alllll
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