#anyway sorry for my incoherent rambling

[fairyspheres]

i have some incoherent thoughts about god in the good omens verse and i need to get them out in some sort of legible written format. so sorry if you don't like this lmao.

(note; these are my personal thoughts that i'm putting into words please don't get mad at me)

rather than the loving and benevolent being that god is often portrayed as in media, she is very much the old testament version. all about testing people and wrath without reason. she doesn't play fair. she threw angels down into perdition simply for asking questions.

and honestly, as much as it hurts to see the blorbos/poor little meow meows hurt in the show, i actually really like this portrayal of her. given how a lot of christianity has been based upon or influenced by earlier/ancient religions (jesus' wine trick can be compared to dionysus, for example), i feel it's no small stretch to say that god herself was influenced by the creator deities of those religions.

if i use gaia as an example (though she was not the ultimate 'creator' in ancient greek mythology - that was chaos - it's close enough for the comparison), she was gentle and loving, as god is said to be. gaia is also brutal and tells her titan children to kill their father. god has shown a pattern of,,, questionable behaviour.

i do think god loves her creations and children in the go verse. i also think that her interpretation is close to the old greek deities, which influences things. the greek gods loved their creations, too, but they were firmly inhuman and so loved in an inhuman way, usually by turning their loved humans into a fountain, a plant, or an animal. god does the same thing (without the metamorphosis bit).

the greek gods would often test their favoured heroes (or champions). zeus also decided to drown the entire world because he got tired of humans (a mood), but allowed pyrrha and deucalion to survive and repopulate (though with stones, so no incest there).

god has obviously done all this as well. we know she tests her favoured humans (look at job). we know she drowned everyone in mesopotamia because she got tetchy one day.

i think she shows her love in the same way. inhuman, terrible, and horrifying. which is why i think when she tests the humans, she's also testing the angels and demons (particularly a certain earth loving pair). she loves them still, she wants to see what they'll do, but she doesn't tell them what's happening or what to do. a hands-off approach.

(also, contrary to popular depiction, i don't think god doesn't have fluffy white wings. she was the first being in an empty universe/void like chaos, right? so i think she has black wings. and i think she's an eldritch being like chaos or nyx. she certainly wouldn't look human.)

[woodlouseonastring]

i just realised val really did get the last word. her soldier ended the first narrator of this story, and ended the narrative of the lives of the people in the old gods world with it

[acrobattack]

bliss redesign based off one I made in my teens

thought process + various other bits and bobs under the cut

I was 15 and annoyed by everything that moved when this character first came out, so in my own head I was very much making a Point with this redesign. Hence, I made very minimal changes. I wanted to work with what was already there and basically just make the existing design more thought-through. Little breakdown ahead (keeping in mind i myself am very much An Amateur who doesn’t know shit and am just ranting about my opinions and i also haven’t seen a single second of the 2016 reboot so i don’t know much about Bliss to begin with)

1. one of my Biggest pet peeves with Bliss is that the powerpuff girls each have bangs that are simple, memorable, and iconic while also being unique from each other and being reminiscent of irl little girls hairstyles. It’s very neat and clever and I like it a lot

and then Bliss has this confusing jumble of shapes that looks like it changes in style halfway across her forehead

i have absolutely no idea what the intent is here. My only guess is maybe it’s meant to look weird on purpose like she was trying to cut it herself or something (I suspect it’s something like that since she seems to have normal looking bangs as a little kid from what I can see) but it doesn’t really come off that way if that’s the case. It just looks like baby’s first PPG OC where you Understand that it’s meant to be hair and that it is made out of shapes but have 0 understanding of hairstyle or character design in general. Heck I might have put this exact hairline on a character in the past at the age of like 8

So in my redesign she’s got 5 even notches across her bangs, not thee most exciting change but it does the job I think. It is pretty reminiscent of Blossom but they look different enough from each other that I wasn’t too worried about it

2. low-hanging fruit time, Bliss’s hair color is horrible on the eyes. I’m bewildered at the decision to do this, especially since there is just so much of it, I struggle to think of how she could exist in any scene without hogging all the viewer’s attention constantly. That said, I understand they wanted her to have an unnatural hair color to really signal that she is a Fresh new Teen character from the late 2010’s, which is. Whatever, that’s fine, so she gets purple hair now. I kept the streak for the same reason, especially since she’s got a lot of hair, so no harm in a little extra interest in there.

I also learned recently that her hair glows sometimes? which i did Not know when first drawing her but well i think the darker color helps anyway. It adds some contrast for when she’s normal vs when she’s glowing and makes the latter appear more,, idk threatening or powerful or whatever the mood generally is when she’s doing that.

I did re-add that toothpaste blue to her eyelids though. I like to think it’s also the color of her lasers. It’s a cute color, just not as like 70% of this character’s palette

3. real talk I was drawing this from memory and didn’t mean to change the way her hair flares out from her head. realistically I think the original is fine, maybe just a little boring but fine, so that part of the redesign was an accident. Only thing is, it’s in the exact same position in every screenshot I’ve seen? It doesn’t seem to whip around when she’s flying or anything which looks weird and probably looks weirder in motion, especially since it takes up so much space onscreen. Idk it’s a strange decision, esp since the original show liked to use the ppg’s hair to emphasize their movement, so I’d just bring more movement into her hair. I mean if nothing else it’d make her look cooler.

very very rough little visual of what I mean

I also ended up making it shorter in my redesign—again, not really intentional, but I think it’s better that it eats up a little less of her silhouette

4. Her headband is largely the same, I didn’t hate the idea of her having an accessory, so I just toned down the colors. I’m not personally a fan of the powder blue and that pink heart is very bright and just doesn’t go with the rest of her (once again the color of her hair is doing it no favors). I also moved the heart over. Not necessarily needed I think, but I feel like it reads quicker as a headband and not a weird crown that way+introduces some asymmetry into her design that I think is nice.

5. my biggest gripe other than her bangs are her hips. I’m not against adding anatomy to this character design to make her read visually as older than the girls, but it’s so awkwardly done and distracting. I feel like it even interferes with her line of action more often than not (which is not helped by her unmoving hair).

Part of the issue is she still has the teeny tiny torso, just… with those square-ish hips slapped on, which makes her legs look all gangly and stretched out. I tried to balance out the proportions more in my redesign, as well as change the hips to a flared skirt. I think it helps differentiate her from the girls and still implies hips underneath, it just also functions as a less clunky transition from her torso to her legs.

Lengthening her torso also allows the stripe to look more like a belt above the skirt, which I think helps to sell her as “similar, but not the same” from the ppg

6. Her leggings(? Idk Im not a fashion person) aren’t a bad idea I think. like a more mature version of the girls’ stockings, but I think the white makes them look really distracting. It would help to make them a darker color I think, but since I wanted to keep them reminiscent of the girls’ socks I kept them white and just shortened them.

7. Not really sure what Bliss is wearing on her feet. I think they’re Mary Janes, but they’re drawn a bit different from the girls’ and I honestly think it’s too babyish a shoe for her to wear. I’m not sure what she’s actually wearing in my redesign either honestly, but the goal was just to make them look like the girls’ Mary Janes while clearly being something different.

8. Uh her signature color is something I’ve contemplated changing a lot but to be real I think it’s fine. I feel it was a very bad idea from a marketing standpoint because people were hype about Bunny and would obviously be mad they didn’t get her once the character actually dropped (and in the long-run she would just end up being overshadowed by the character everyone has already assigned that color to) but I’m personally not bugged by her being purple beyond that. If I were to draw them together though I think Bunny would have a more pinky shade of purple and Bliss leans more blue.

Loosely on the same topic, because of Bliss I’ve had a running headcanon that “only child” types of powerpuffs tend to come out purple. Kind of like how trios tend to have a red, blue, and green. It’s a fun little piece of fake lore to rotate around in my brain

Anyway with all that out of the way, here’s some redesigns I decided to have some fun with. Wasn’t being too precious about recognizability or simplicity or anything like that, but I did run out of steam partway through. There’s also one based off Whoopass Bell bc idk, why not

Finally, here’s some OCs I only ever drew once before out of a desire to give Bliss her own teen girl archetypes to form a team with. This is Bee and Beetle, who I’ll probably definitely forget about again immediately after posting this

[swallowtail-ageha]

Scrolling through your asoiaf tag and you have such good and correct opinions like how can anyone love just Dany or just Sansa or just Arya like how can anyone not see the parallels between Dany and Sansa it makes me feel so crazy like why are there so few people who love all the girlies?? I genuinely love every single female POV character and can’t imagine hating any of them. I mean sure yeah Cersei is a villain but you’re telling me her tragedy doesn’t touch your heart? Watching this woman desperately try to avoid her prophecy as it unfolds before you doesn’t have you in a death grip? Or like are you unmoved by Sansa telling an annoying snotty little boy how brave he is because she wants him to feel better? Dany comforting Missandei when her brother dies? Arya getting to the house of the black and white and immediately thinning to being a man a cup of water (or at least what she thought was water)? How about Sansa telling Joffrey she hopes Robb cuts his head off? Dany sassing the man who wants to open the fighting pits? Arya telling Jaquen to kill himself? Like please come on. All three girls are obviously different but they share so many very endearing traits. I am fiercely holding tight to my delusion that Dany and Sansa will bond over stories and songs and Arya will teach Dany about all the flowers in Westeros and then Sansa will show them how to make flower crowns and embroider little emblems on Arya’s clothes

First of all tysm!!!!

The whole arya vs sansa vs dany fandom fight frustrates me to no end, mainly because all parties involved seem to have little to no empathy to the characters whose stans they oppose. It's all maliciously extrapolating some parts of the text to make them see worse than what they are (ex: daenerys' "if i look back i am lost" getting twisted from "dany knows that dwelling on what ifs and turning your back after you have taken a commitment will only damage you in the long term" in "dany doesn't want to reflect on her past mistakes and will go mad and get stabbed to death" or sansa getting frustrated at sweetrobin being a sign of her being ableist and classist while it's. Just a normal reaction of a stressed and traumatized 13 yo who is otherwise very sweet to her cousin)

For loving the female characters same! Even those who commit outwardly villainous acts do get lots of humanizing moments, Cersei, as awful as she is, is simply a product of the hyper misogynistic society she lives in plus years of parental and spousal abuse (and the doomed by prophecy vibes) and. I genuinely don't get how people can look at the walk of shame and say it's a fitting punishment to her crimes

Overall all the hate for female characters that are more complex or more driven or more morally ambiguous than what most female characters are presented as in other media in a fandom who (supposedly) prides itself in liking morally ambiguous characters is.. frustrating, really. I blame both fandom misogyny but also the GoT series, as it's outright changes in female character's actions and stories to make them look better or worse than what they originally were skewered the visions of almost everyone in the fandom (arya is an egregious victim of this. Scenes such as her caring for Weasel or her befriending sex workers in braavos don't exist and they added that "all girls are idiot" scene that i hate and they removed all her plan to free the northmen from harrenal and she got turned from traumatized child to hashtag no one super cool assassin and her character got straight up murdered in the tv series.)

Oh and also for kickstarting the whole jonsa vs jonerys thing which i'm pretty sure is the origin of the stupid dany vs sansa wars

And yes!! Dany Sansa and Arya should get to meet and reunite! While i do think that there will be some slight tensions between Sansa and Arya because they left on Not So Well terms, they have also matured a lot, so i do think they would have an heartfelt reunion. Meanwhile Dany and Arya could bond because of both their connection to Braavos and Arya's admiration for those who free slaves, and Dany would empathize (and feel a common ground) with Sansa for her being a child who had all her family die and got married extremely young while beeing creeped on by older men, while Sansa, who is shown to admire women like Margaery or Myranda, who are shown to be very keen regarding politics or social issues, something that Dany is

In the end, i genuinely hope that all three of these traumatized little girls get their happy ending and none of them dies, they all are interesting and complex characters that share parallels with each other, and it sucks that because of stupid ship wars or discussions on who would get the throne they get pitted against each other. THEY WOULD BE FRIENDS Y'ALL

[im-smart-i-swear]

some lore. this may all change lol im still figuring stuff out but this is the general gist

[chuuyadelune]

back with more thoughts about the BSD S5 OP, iron cage. setting aside the visual symbolism in the opening, can i just express what a fucking phenomenal song choice that was? it’s darker and grittier than the other openings and fits perfectly with the kind of ~vibes~ this season will have (particularly as we get to the later parts, with the shin soukoku fight and beyond.)

like, even if it is still GRANRODEO singing/performing the song, it’s still got a pretty darn different feel compared to the others which just suits the kind of energy BSD takes on after the introduction of bram and chapter 88?

straight up from the nasally, reedy thin guitar timbre for the opening riff, the song subverts expectations at every turn. the harmony is destabilised at times, the drums are literally everywhere, going from half time to double time back to half before it settles fully into a (new!) groove for the hook. kisho literally screaming. the song feels like upheaval, like chaos, but of a much more sinister kind than what S4’s had to offer?

because S4’s opening is like, still chaotic but there’s still some kind of hope to it. but here… instead? it’s just sheer havoc and it’s honestly perfection. the song feels like the title of chapter 88 if i had to sum it up — as though tumbling down. but that’s kind of what the vibe of everything after chapter 88 is. things are falling apart and nothing is exactly going the right way for the detective agency and it feels a lot more desperate and the stakes feel much higher. which… i suppose they kind of are in terms of the story.

i suppose what i’m trying to say is: the song very much fits the tone change that BSD S5 will take later on as we progress. and it’s literally perfect. the music remains one of the most well-executed parts of the anime. thank you GRANRODEO 🙏

[cosmic-ships]

There is one movie I still have yet to see.

Well technically two but one is non existent on the internet streaming services and it makes me cry (BECAUSE HES A VIDEO GAME NERD and I've watched all his scenes and I hate that girl who kept leading him on then breaking his heart, bitch. ... anyways I love him already...i-i..I'm rambling aren't I?) Anyways that movie is called not waving but drowning.

Anyways I need to go see where I can find the movie What if/The F Word because I was quoting that AD character long before I knew who AD was! Lmfao also ya know the meme "good soup" ? yeah congrats thats my fiance Sackler by the way 🤣)

Rant in tags(?) Ish? Not really??? .....where am I?

[angryducktimemachine]

Hi Ed!

I really really love your drawings, specially the ones with holmes and your penciled ones. I hope it’s not to bold/rude of me to say but I’d love to draw like you, do you have any tips on where to start? I have some basics from forever ago but I very rusty on my abilities. Should I draw using references? A particular tutorial on YouTube? Something entirely different?

With love, from a fan of yours

Well first step you want to be a 11 year old that gets absolutely obsessed with Warrior Cats-

Ok jokes aside (and thank you very much first!!) I'll see what actual advice I can give you! My approach to art is not really actively focused on improving (as I do not want to do this as my job and so just take the motivation to practice something specific as it comes.) but I'll try and recall what has helped me over the years.

Using references is definitely a very useful thing, I'm currently trying to use them more when it comes to drawing fabric but they're useful for all sorts of things. what I did and do personally as well is just. Watching people. Trying to figure out how the movement of a body works, the way arms can bend or legs are stretched. This works both with your own body (sometimes I just stand in front of a mirror trying to see how my arm bends over my head to get a feeling for it's movement.) and just observing people in day to day life! I find this technique easier than "static" photo references cause I get a better feeling of the body but they can both be useful.

I never really watched YouTube tutorials however what I did watch is hours and hours and hours of speedpaints - i think they're really fun if you are looking for different tricks and techniques to try, the way this artist does linework vs how this one colours- i have a few up myself.

Third, if you're anything like me and thrive on compliments; get yourself a buddy who's as hyped about your own art as you are. I feel like this helps with both inspiration and motivation, most of the time when I had art, be it when i was still drawing cats or Star Wars OCs to now drawing Sherlock Holmes - I also had a friend who was currently into the same things I was - or even better, was actively creating characters and stories with me which gave me lots of ideas to draw.

Oh also a little side note if you ever find yourself frustrated with your art or struggle to find inspiration, it often helps me to switch things up a bit, do something different. Get out actual paint. Try (and fail, in my case) to carve something. Paint a wall. Learn origami. Do something with model clay. Convince yourself that you can sew anything if you just tried hard enough.

I hope at least a few of those things are useful - explaining how I got here art wise is a bit difficult cause I mainly just picked up a pen and then just never stopped. But art starts somewhere for us all and I hope you can find joy in creating!!

[carefulfears]

txf30 day 4: favorite dynamic (besides the obvious): scully/mulder/skinner

y’all mind if i ramble for a second?? there are so many connections that are so important to this story, but i always come back to these three. i think everything does.

i say that memento mori is the most loving episode of the series, but when i think about that one, it’s not even the kiss in the hallway that stays with me. it’s skinner coming in to work, the first time scully was in the hospital, and finding mulder sitting in his office. and he’s just been sitting there. bypassed the secretary (lol), and just sat and waited. he doesn’t have anywhere else to go.

and the way that skinner tells him, no. don’t do it to yourself under any circumstances. that he is not to risk himself to try to save scully. ultimately, it’s not mulder that made the deal with the devil, it’s skinner who didn’t follow his own advice. (gave up everything he has, to save them both).

and these are just two weirdos who work for him in the basement!! he doesn’t owe them anything. but he’s the one there, at the end, no matter what. he’s the one who comes to get them when they’re hurt, or lost, or need help. they’re his emergency contacts, the people who show up, the people who advocate for him. the people who know him. (the bigfoot division are a.d. skinner’s silly rabbits etc etc etc)

in iwtb, after six years away, it’s skinner who comes to get scully, on the side of the road, next to mulder’s flipped car. tells her that they will find him, that he’s okay, to breathe. it’s skinner that holds mulder on the ground, in the end.

when mulder went back to bellefleur, it's skinner that scully sent with him. that girl has never trusted a single soul to so much as breathe mulder's air, but "i won't let you go alone," is immediately followed by skinner packing the car.

like trish said last night:

i think telling scully he "lost" mulder was the hardest thing he ever did. skinner loves mulder too, but mulder is scully's entire world. and this time around, he won't let scully be alone the way mulder was.

(and the kindest thing scully ever did: squeezing his hand, saying "i already heard.")

(skinner returns the favor: he tells mulder about william, so that scully doesn't have to.)

my favorite moment in requiem is the final scene, the two of them crying together. the only two people. the only two people who know.

when she tells him that she's pregnant, he's the first to know. the only person to know, for most of her pregnancy. 18 years later, he's still the first person thinking of their baby, looking out for him.

honestly, it always comes back to sein und zeit for me. when after 7 years, after 27 years, mulder says that it's just too much, and he wants to go home. he wants time away from work. the sequence in the car: mulder in the backseat, skinner behind the wheel, scully on the passenger's side. for so many years, mulder had to be searching, so that he wouldn't be alone. but now he stands in front of two people who love him, and admits to needing a break. to wanting it to stop. he's guided, he's guarded.

skinner is a hardass. it's not easy to manage their madness. it's not easy to write the footnotes, to be the person waiting, in this particular story. but like he tells mulder, 14 years after they last worked together: not a day goes by where he doesn't just wish they were there, trying to make things better.

[ansy-tea]

Y'all ever stopped listening to your favorite bands for about 2 years for reasons you don't even know yourself. Maybe it's because you're busy. Maybe it's because you thought you've acquired new tastes. You really don't know. But then suddenly you listened to one song of theirs again and now you're sobbing over how good the songwriting was? And now that you're not a dumb High Schooler without much experience you understand the lyrics even more?

Anyways that's me with Fall Out Boy right now lmao. It's high time I listen to their new album later.

[melisusthewee]

What's your favorite ship? FitoxMarcelo, EduardoxMarcelo or DanielxMarcelo (Daniel Fernández)? 👀👀👀

This answer isn't going to surprise anyone, but Fito/Marcelo.

My interactions with fanfic (both as a reader and a writer) is based primarily on the fictional versions of the individuals that we see in the LSDLN film (if you've ever been a part of either Band of Brothers or The Terror fandoms then you get it). So it's a bit complicated wherein yes, the more you read from other sources or learn more about the real events that make up the story and the real individuals (versus their fictional selves) that can definitely start to shape and inform things. Which is to say that LSDLN leans hard into meaningful looks between Fito and Marcelo and while it's probably primarily because Fito's role was arguably elevated to one of the lead characters (alongside Nando, Roberto, and Numa), I've said it before and I'll say it again...

Everyone involved knew exactly what they were doing.

Which is basically my defence whenever someone tells me "But Marcelo and Eduardo were best friends so that's the ship that makes more sense!" As if multishipping isn't a thing.

That is to say I think that the way the Strauches were written in the film (as a single character split into three parts) makes them all shippable with Marcelo especially because if you stop and think about how the three of them formed the leadership group after Marcelo's death they all kind of embody different aspects of Marcelo's leadership and I think that's a really interesting idea to explore.

Daniel/Marcelo: Everything I've read about Daniel as well as the way he's portrayed in the film, he and Marcelo were essentially polar opposites in terms of personality but not necessarily in a way that would be incompatible. I think there's a lot of potential to explore in terms of the responsibility both of them were very aware of having to weather - Marcelo being the team captain and the one who primarily organized the trip, and Daniel because he was the oldest of the survivors (aside from the Methols). To be honest, though, I've not really gotten into it very much? There was a fic once on AO3 that had some potential, but I think the author abandoned it after only a couple chapters, so in terms of pairings, I'm kind of still waiting to be sold on it.

Eduardo/Marcelo: If your favourite trope is childhood friends to lovers, then this is the ultimate pairing. Personally, I'm into it more as a platonic pairing, I think because writing it as a straightforward romance feels too much like I'm retreading an identical pairing from the Dragon Age fandom and I guess I just was looking for something different for a change? There also isn't a lot of film content to take from because of how little screentime Eduardo gets so most of the pairing content has to come from the books and memoirs and... I don't know, my feelings about it are strange and complicated and difficult to put into words. I think that their friendship was incredibly special and precious and because of that, I think that personally I prefer to write them as friends and explore the deep meaning of that connection. Though I admit I do sometimes kind of straddle the line with it, but I think I might even like it as one-sided or unrequited thanks to a fic I read once.

Fito/Marcelo: Okay, longing looks in the film aside, I think what drew me to this pairing initially is that Fito's someone who is always quietly observing people in a way that feels like he's trying to see deep into their core. And I feel like my observations about him were confirmed when he addressed Marcelo directly in his chapter of SotS (which surprised me!). Something I find interesting is that in his memoir, Eduardo talks about the change in Marcelo and the way he seemed to fall apart and how he saw the change in his friend and the way he was suffering but couldn't understand what had caused the change and therefore didn't know how to fix it. A friend of mine described Eduardo as being too close to Marcelo and while that meant he understood him probably better than anyone else, he also had a blindspot for him at the same time. Eduardo is so close he can't see the forest through the trees. While Fito had a little bit of distance and seems to have seen and understood or at least come to his own conclusion as to what was at the heart of Marcelo's despair on the mountain. I think they make very good foils for each other with Fito being the youngest of the three cousins but arguably taking on the most responsibility after Marcelo starts to wane as the leader. And he does it without any real complaint or resentment. So many times in the movie, you can tell from his expression that he disagrees with Marcelo's belief in rescue, but he never openly argues with him. It drives me crazy in the best way because to me it shows how much Fito understands the need for co-operation and that open argument and dissent is dangerous. With everything Marcelo went through and with everything he had to shoulder, I feel like Fito is the one who saw it and understood it the most.

(At the end of the day, though, the real answer is that Fito/Marcelo/Eduardo is a complicated OT3.)

[krikidilly]

Delicious art style. Delicious attitude. Delicious sense of freedom and expression. Delicious humor. Delicious rarepairs.

Delicious comments in my tags about childhood wonderment and emotion that I think about every day without fail and revisit frequently because they make my week better.

Delicious blog. One of my favorites. /pos /gen

GUGH,, trying so hard to formulate a coherent sentence here because my mind is complete giddy brain soup. The joys.. butAGCK!!!! Vague hand motions, I am very very happy thank you soso much! ! I've been trying be more raw with my emotions in like day to day and with my art, and being as indulgent and unfiltered as I can manage and hearing its enjoyed is! Eek! Runs away! (Positively!) Especially with my tags,, elated to know you look at them often! It means a lot to me because YOUR art means a lot to me!! Both in style and meaning and overall just. The filling and the crust does that make any sense at all! It makes me feel a lot!!! I think im rambling a little um um EEK thankYEW! I appreciate you and this sos much! All the same back to YOU❗ FOR REALLY!!!!🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇

[potetosaradas]

S7 E7 SPOILERS(?)

YOU KNOW WHAT. I FUCKING LOVED THAT EPISODE

i loved seeing the parts of Summer that we never get to see, her spaceship (again!)!!!! her relationship with Morty and Rick hhhh i am so pleased. what a great episode (im still not ok from e5 thank u for asking) i just know we'll be hit by a doozy by the time the finale is out. or idk? maybe not? BUT?????????????

[patchworkmirage]

one of those days again (thinking about philip library of ruina)

[sureuncertainty]

i’m trying so hard to just rip the bandaid off and come out as trans to my family but IDK HOW TO PHRASE IT AND I CAN’T CALL THEM AND TELL THEM i’ve been trying to come out for literally years now and i never know how but they’re coming to visit next month and i have to tell them by then bc everyone here calls me percy and it’s kinda dumb that I haven’t told them yet at this point, like they probably KNOW ALREADY but I just can’t seem to do it I just freeze up I just can’t oh my god, at this point it’s hardly even anxiety (although that is part of it) it’s also just... FRUSTRATION at not being out and not being able to be, like I wanna change my name on social media and get my personal instagram account back, I wanna just be open, i just literally don’t know how. 

it’s been like 5 years since I realized I was nonbinary, I’ve been using the name Percy irl for like 2 years now, I’ve been not using my birth name for even longer, I live on my own away from my family and my entire community knows me as trans and I’ve put this off long enough but at this point it’s not going away and my parents probably KNOW already I just need to tell them so I can change my name on social media and not have them be like what. i just literally genuinely do not know fucking HOW like do I be casual about it? do i send them a text? Email them? I cannot do it over video chat or over phone, like I literally just Won’t if i try to, I have so much trauma from the last time i came out but THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS AT THIS POINT I GOTTA TELL THEM HOW DO I DO THAT I’M A FUCKING ADULT AAAAAAAAA

if anyone who is an adult trans person who came out to their family late (as in after they moved out of the house completely) has any advice for me please please please help me I am begging (but only if you fit those criteria, otherwise I don’t want any advice you have i’m sorry) 

(and if anyone tries to tell me “you don’t have to come out!” or whatever, save your breath PLEASE that’s not what i’m asking at this point it’s fucking STUPID that i’m not out to them as trans and I’m TIRED OF IT I’m tired of living a stupid double life i just want to be able to be myself fully and then if people don’t like it they can get out of my life but i’m tired of not telling people)

[starstaiined]

thinking about the unforgiving nature of the passage of time