#anyway sorry for being whiny i just have issues and problems god bless

[dearlystars]

as much as i fully get that lack of/shit skin tone options are a much bigger issue because the consistency of the problem compared to just how fucking easy the solution is is ridiculous, it does make me sad when i see a picrew going around and i want to participate because community is #COOL only for me to go open it up and see that the base body is adventure time finn mertens chic. like obviously i don't want to assume that every artist that doesn't add body diversity to their picrews hates fat people or anything and that the real issue is just picrew limiting the amount of options any particular dollmaker can have so creators are given the options of "add more body types at the cost of cutting the number of customization options you have in half/third/quarter/etc." "don't add body diversity and allow for more proper customization options" or "go out of your way to make multiple picrews all in the same style each with a different body type and effectively double/triple/quadruple/etc. your workload and worry about any potential issues cropping up in all of them instead of just one despite knowing that when most people share them they'll only share the skinny one" like it's 100% more an issue of medium rather than anything else but it's just like. argh. i am fat i do not hate that i'm fat my stupid idealized cartoon version of myself in my head is fat but i can't make my stupid idealized cartoon version of myself in my head in this stupid idealized cartoon version of yourself dollmaker without feeling like i'm lying. it's not even like feeling bad about my weight like again i REALLY don't mind being fat it's just like. I Do Not Look Like That and the disconnect between what i look like and what i'm able to make usually just makes me drop the picrew out of annoyance and hope that maybe the next one won't make me feel like i'm deceiving people just by using it

picrews are frustrating me again

[twilight-lurkerr]

It's funny how every force and thing you beloved in all your life as good contradict everything they appeared to be. When I was a child I used to see my parents as people who always knew what's right. Holy people who were simply, just right. They were always over protective and yes people say it's out of love, but it's more like the cultural influence that shapes local parents to have an attitude that's like, if you want to be accepted as a good parent, you need to live up to our cultures standards, be possessive, make sure you control your daughter until you hand her over to her husband. They appear to be very modernize, far from the ever appearing stereotypical pair of parents that force arranged marriages on you. But tbh, they're just the modern version of it. No I'm not a whiny teenager mad that her parents don't let her have sleep overs every week. I'm a 20 year old who relatedly gets to step out of my house since I'm done with school. My mother, she gets us to pray the rosary every day, but she's someone who holds grudges so hard. When ever she starts acting aggressive when speaking about the person she hates, I get mad at her futile reasons. And just because I point out the fact that her grudge is baseless she gets hysterical. She's also racist, very racist. So is my dad. Idk how I came to have the personality I have today. I'm someone who loves each and every culture, I find racism hard to understand. Like I don't really get while people make a big deal. Like my parents. Just as my mother was being the racist and grudge holding person she is, my friend just sent me an article about LGBTQ rights. I'm not a lesbian, but Ik I'm pamsexual. It's just I haven't found anyone I'm attracted to. Heck I still have virgin lips at 20. I've never felt like I love a woman, but I sometimes wish I did. Cuz I'm certain no man will want me anyways. Guess it's cuz I've not had my period for over a year and my mum's just not bothered. That's the least of my problems really, each step I take the force of my step makes my neck make a cracking noise. It makes no sense yes, but when I walk I hear my neck grind. My parents still think I'm faking it. I could go on, I'm allergic to alcohol, I have nerve issues, referred nerve, muscle twitching on an hourly rate, but my parents just don't wanna believe something is wrong with there supposed to appear perfect daughter. They expect me to be the healthy, submissive, domestic yet educated lil pumpkins to show off to society as a polished piece of China. In sorry that I'm venting and jumping from topic to topic, it's just today's a bad day. Back to the LGBTQ article. Pope Francis actually approved that thing about not blessing same sex marriages, as much as I find men sexually attractive ATM, it still sucks. It's just unfair! I feel offended myself. The church preaches saying god accepts everyone, he plans our lives, he created us, then why are some people physically attracted to their same sex, why are some people born bigender. I don't see the logic. I loved the pope for being so accepting, bit him just rolling with the tide because the other priests view this like that is just sad. I'm jus sad. Why is the world so fair to the straight and unfair to the LGBTQ community.why is religion partaking in this unfairness. We aren't living to reproduce. The world is unfair. My parents racism and the god I love is being portrayed unfairly. But I believe that is not what God really wills. It's just the interpretation of elderly homophobes who want to feel superior to people who are simply different.

Thanks for listening to my rant Tumblr. I suck , the world suck, but at least I'll leave this here in case I never really get to make a change in this world. Someone please end all of this.

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 241

Cammie

"I'm dealing with two sick children and..."

"Cammie!" Trey snaps.

I drop the phone standing up from the chair. "What's wrong?"

Trey looks at me frowning. "Oh baby. I thought you were out there."

"You gave me a fucking freight." I say picking up my phone. "Mommi?"

"Huh?" She says.

I suck my teeth. "Anyway, you need to raise your own child. I shouldn't have to tell you that."

"Well..." she giggles. "Whatever Cammie. Mom would rather have her."

"Yeah okay." I say hanging up. "If she thinks she gonna be following me around the country she is wrong. I would fucking do it in a heartbeat if her and her daughter needed a place to stay but this is ridiculous."

Trey turns towards the house. "Oh baby it's time to breastfeed. I didn't want to bring Caden into the air."

I look out at the heat raising from the sand. "Tremaine, what air?"

"Can you come inside?"

"Is Lane sleep? If not no. I'm trying not to beat him."

"He not." Trey sighs. "He eating ice cream with Ike."

I walk into the house then peek into the kitchen. There is a lot going on in the house today. Everybody shit is too much to all be stuffed in this house together. I feel like my issues are priority and so does everyone else. It's not time to deal with individual problems but maintain connections.

"Hello Lane." Lonnie says opening the fridge. Lane says nothing. "Are you still not talking to me?"

"Lane, your grandpa is talking to you. You speak back. It's not nice to ignore people." I say.

He better not be trying to pick that up from Ike. It's not contagious. We will not be dealing with it. No sir. Lane giggles then he cuts his eyes at Lonnie. Oh he is playing a game. I hate his little games. Glad he plays them with other people and not me.

"That not grandpa. That Willie." Lane chuckles. "I not know he. He name Willie."

"Willie?" I say looking at Lonnie who was hard down laughing.

Lonnie holds out his hand. "Sorry I started it."

I roll my eyes. "Let Tremaine tell you it doesn't stop, Willie."

"He Willie." Lane laughs. "Mommy say that."

"Cammie." Amber says when I walk into the hall.

I walk by while saying... "Say my name again watch what happens."

"What?" Chris asks.

"She don't like me cause I'm pregnant and she not."

I laugh then cover my mouth. That bitch stupid if she thinks I am jealous of her being pregnant. Girl that was 5 months ago. I kiss Caden all over his face. I look down at my breast. Trey was rubbing on me. I suck my teeth then take Caden from him. He chuckles then lay back on the bed.

"What do you have this week?"

"I'm free this week. I've just been dancing to get my stamina up. But nothing scheduled."

Trey sighs. "I supposed to be talking with your... with Lonnie."

"About what?"

"He wants me to pray with him. Maybe I need some prayer."

I pop Caden on his butt. "Don't bite me. Your little butt will be getting a bottle. Stop."

"You really think he understands?"

"It scares him making him stop what he is doing. He will fucking learn cause I will do it every time he bites me. I supposed to let him bite me?"

"No."

It gets really quiet. I look over at Trey. He straights his face out. This bitch was really sitting over there mad that I popped Caden's diaper. He didn't cry. He just started sucking like he was supposed to. My husband is so sensitive.

"Tremaine, what do you want me to do when he bites me? Let him chew on my nipples?"

"He 5 months old."

I roll my eyes. I'm not letting him chew on my nipples. I let it go. "Fine I will start pumping."

"He going on solid foods soon. Pump and let him drink from a bottle. You not about to be hitting my son like that. He don't fucking understand shit."

"Okay." I say once again letting it go.

He fucking mad. "It doesn't fucking matter. I rather not snatch him off your breast. Do what the fuck you want."

Lonnie clears his throat. "Should I come back later?"

Trey gets off the bed slowly. "Now is the best time."

"You want to pray along?" Lonnie nods turning to walk out. "There's a place we can go to. Semi secluded in this spacious house. My family owns something similar to this in Charleston. Your family is welcome to use it free of charge. It might not have clear blue water but it has a private beach and wifi."

"Thanks." Trey says unimpressed.

I watch him walk out of the room. Caden pops my tittie out his mouth looking at where Trey once was. He let's out a cry and when it's ignored he let's out another. Little brat gonna get his daddy back. I cover my nipple. He turns to me and starts screaming and kicking his feet. I reach into my shirt, he calms down. Dickhead little boy.

"Everything okay?" Chris asks walking in then stepping out. "You need a do not disturb sign."

"Everything is okay." I snap. I look up. He was headed back out. "Aye, Chris, I know you might be in a happy place with your little fresh heartbeat but anyone can have a weak moment. I just don't want to be angry at you. Just in case. You couldn't have changed Trey's feeling or mood. I know that. I was just upset with you because you couldn't be the bigger man I was forcing you to be. It wasn't fair when Trey was the one being a jackass. All good?"

"I'm good."

I nod. "Okay."

"Hey, Lane." Chris says.

"Way my daddy?" Lane whines. "Way mommy?"

Chris pushes Lane into the room. "Don't be that person Lane."

"I not." Lane snaps. "I not, Uncle Chris!"

"Okay. Daylan." Chris says.

Lane starts pouring. "Mommy gone?"

"Lane." I say softly.

"Yes, Mommy."

I smile. "Come give me kisses. What are you trying to make a big deal about? You see me right here. Your daddy is here."

"No, ma'am." He says nicely walking over. "That Taden food? That Taden booboo?"

"Suddenly you can't say Caden?" I say hitting his hand away from Caden's eye.

He yawns hitting the bed with his head. "I sleepy. I want my mommy."

"Little boy." I laugh.

"Taden move." Lane whines.

I roll my eyes at Lane as he rolls his body on the bed not trying to get on it. I'm going to let his butt do what he wants. Trey thinks I'm too hard on these bad little boys. I know for a fact that I was an energetic whiny child. There are some things they can't get away with. Lane is bad and I have been popping him his whole life. Lane hits the floor when the bed ends. I sigh as he screams a high pitched cry. Of course two seconds later someone is there.

"Can you just help him on the bed, Ma?" I sigh. I reposition Caden.

"Lord." My mother says as she helps Lane into my lap. "That's why it's best to have them more than 2 years apart. They think you nasty by then."

Trey walks into the room looking mad. "I thought someone was crying."

"Lane." I say looking down at him. "Ma can you kinda lay him across my lap? He sleep."

"Already?" She asks turning him.

I lay back on the headboard. I'm not going anywhere for a while. Ma covers my boob that Lane was laying on. He wasn't sucking to get anything. The boy just wanted to be on me.

"Whatever as long as he doesn't feel unwanted." I say.

"That's all he wants." She says kissing Lane. "He is so sweet like this."

I chuckle and nod.

Trey

I walk back into the small mini lounge. It had a plant, an ottoman, a chair, and windows over looking the beach. It's as if they turned a half bath into a private meditation room. Just small enough for one person comfortably.

"Everything alright?"

"He is sleep." I shrug. "It seems like she be ignoring him. You know?"

He smiles. "I'm married to her mother."

I lean on the wall. "Yeah."

"We have prayed. You came back?"

"I need some advice about my anger and trust issues."

He chuckles a bit. "I mean you sing about being a panty dropper."

I shrug. "Yeah, but I haven't... That's my past."

"But it's not. Your reputation follows you beyond your past. Women don't respect you or your partner. People aren't going to just back off because you married. You still have money and influence. You would be surprised how many women don't care that I am a married Preacher. You demon be gone. I can't even make house calls to pray with people anymore."

"Why?"

He makes a face. "This member had cooked dinner and dressed up nicely. I excused myself to my car for my other bible and went home. Told my wife. We had our argument about that and I stopped making house calls."

"I don't see why you argued."

"I didn't leave right away. I might have l lingered for a few extra unnecessary minutes."

I laugh. "Yeah?"

He raises his eyebrows. "Temptation has many forms. You are going to be fighting throughout your marriage. Just have to be strong. Keep that link with God. He won't test you every day."

"I rather not get tested daily. Cammie's attitude tests me daily though."

"The Cammie I saw today is the same fragile Cammie I saw years ago. She does no wrong."

I stare at him as he smiles to himself proudly. "Are you serious man? She does nothing wrong? She perfect?"

"Is she not perfect?" He nods. "Maybe I'm overlooking something. What's wrong with her?"

"You people is what's wrong. She spoiled."

He frowns. "Am I the one who brought her a house in Georgia? Did I plan her a wedding in Alaska and fly her family up? Did I pay for a room in a hospital so she could be the only NICU mom that stayed inside of the hospital? Do I buy her clothes, shoes, and purses that she donates to her family before she even wears them? Or did I teach her to be independent and not rely on other people to provide for her? Were we not the ones who made her go to college inside of pursuing her dance career right out of middle school. She had an opportunity to be in a Disney show at 14."

I suck my teeth. "Okay, Lonnie. But we not talking bout material stuff."

"She doesn't get into trouble. So how are we spoiling a perfect Well behaved child?"

"You sick." I say laughing. "Okay."

"Were you not fussing about not disciplining your son when he does wrong?"

"Let's just agree to pray." I say turning to walk out.

He laughs extra long. "Do say a short prayer before starting any intense conversations. Ask for patience and clarity. Focus on the blessings that you do have."

"Like my perfect wife."

"Precisely."

They have it bad. Damn. There is no one that will listen to the wrong that Cammie does. Not even my own Mama. The little stupid things we argue about might not be big to other people. Cammie not the one cheating. Cammie not the one partying and doing drugs. So it's me.

"Tremaine?" Cammie says.

"Hey, Bae." I say smiling at her.

She pushes Lane off of her. He rolls over on the bed sleeping hard. She rolls over on her side. Lane pops his head up staring at her for rolling over on him. He crawls up on the bed hugging Caden who Cammie had dumped off of her when she rolled over. She holds her titties then sighs.

"I feel like a milking cow."

"You look beautiful. Not like a milking cow."

She sighs again. "You sure?"

"Yes."

"How was your prayer with Lonnie?"

I shrug. "He is okay. Team Cammie just as everyone."

"What does your praying have to do with me?" She snaps.

"I pray for you. I mean I prayed in hope that I will be a better person for you."

"Well be a better person. Don't do it just for me. You and God shouldn't have nothing to do with me. You be a better you for God."

"Whatever." I say laying on her.

She starts whining. "Tremaine, I just got them off of me and then you come laying on me. I'm hot. Get off of me."

I don't move. "Shut up."

"Tremai-ne." She drags. "Trey, get off."

"Jayla. Jayla. Jayla."

She sighs.