#anyway sorry 2 ramble i’m just getting my thoughts out here lol

[thirduncle]

finally stress cried abt my big interview tmrw but this was always gonna happen eventually . i won’t let it demoralise me tho i gotta pick myself back up !!!!!!

[basiltonpitch]

Devi vs. David: aka a comprehensive list of every single time ben gross has referred to devi as one or the other (season four edition)

HERE IT IS!!! the final edition of devi vs. david!!! if you're new here and haven't checked out any of my other devi vs. david deep dives, please feel free to check them out here: season 1, season 2, season 3. you can also find all of my devi vs. david ramblings here. and as i've said again and again and again, this is a list of every single time ben refers to her as either devi or david, this time in season 4, with context + insight + my own lil insane thoughts, because i'm 100% totally normal when it comes to this topic (they said, like a liar).

heads up, not all of the netflix captions are accurate, or the whole quote wasn't all in one frame, so if the font looks different in any of the following screencaps, it's because i captioned them myself.

i already noted in previous analyses, as well as in this post, that ben tends to go for “david” during their rivalry and their friensdhip, as opposed to when they’re estranged/fighting etc and when they're in more...well, romantic situations, he defaults to “devi.” i’ll go a little more into this towards the end, but it’s just something i’d like to bring to your attention before i get started.

anyways, here we go!

hmm remember when i predicted we would get a “devi” first this season because of the months of distance and miscommunication? and when i thought it would happen immediately after devi sees margot kiss ben? i may not have had all the details right, but i saw this coming from a mile away. and this also fits into the pattern i thought was going to be established: season 1 we get “david” first, season 2 we get “devi,” season 3 “david” and now in season 4 they’re finishing the pattern with another “devi.” they’re in wildly different places in their relationship in each of these instances, which i go more in detail about in this post where i predicted that we would get a “devi” first this season.

anyways. this use of “devi” has me hurting for both of them. they’ve got this - this chasm of months of distance, of zero contact, of miscommunication and misread feelings and misrepresented actions (“he was clearly embarrassed for me.” vs “it was so clear she that thought it sucked. she got up and sprinted out.” i love my two unreliable narrators devi vishwakumar and ben gross!!). i’m having a lot of thoughts about devi’s intentions here that i…probably won’t go into further detail about, lol, because this post is about ben. so. of course he reverts to “devi” here - they aren’t friends, right now. they aren’t really rivals right now, either - i mean, they always will be, of course, but that’s not the focal point of their relationship here. they’re talking for the first time after three months of radio silence, of ben creating this rift between them because of some bullshit advice after misrepresenting what happened (okay like. i’m not here to hate on ben - i just. it’s his fault. it’s literally his fault). he can’t call her “david” because, as i’ve said before, “david” has turned fond. they aren’t friends, they aren’t rivals, they aren’t lovers. so, “devi.”

(didn't include the first "devi" he says to get her attention in this scene, sorry.)

okay this is. basically bouncing off the last one - he can’t call her “david.” they aren’t close enough for that, not right now - they won’t be for some time this season. but he’s also trying to set the tone of the conversation, a more mature version of the one they had in the beginning of the episode. and i do applaud him for this, for owning up to all of this being his fault, too (which. i don’t think all of it was, honestly - there is blame to be placed on devi and on margot over what happened this episode, but the 3 months of no contact? ben’s fault, 100%). big props to him for apologizing. however still a little salty about him internalizing those words from mr. basketball player all those months ago, because dude did not have all the info when he gave ben that advice. but to be fair - ben is a seventeen year old with low social skills (not faulting him for that because like. same) so i sympathize with him a bit there. overall, based on where they are in their relationship in 4x01, i was really pleased with how this convo turned out especially since the spoilers we were given from the premiere made it look so much worse than it really is.

hm. remember how that last convo of theirs was pretty mature and low-conflict. yeah then they give us this. ben’s…exasperated. within reason, i think - and to be clear i don’t think devi’s really in the wrong here, it’s just…he chose to be with margot because he thought it was the easier route. he distanced himself from devi because he thought it would be easier. but it’s not. of course it’s not - he and devi both still have all these messy feelings for each other that they’ve been pushing down and suppressing and denying. and it’s tiring. being around devi while he’s “““moving on””” is tiring. being sucked into drama over and over is tiring. he wants - or thinks he wants- something calm, and easy. -and like. it would be fuckign easy if y’all just got your shit together and admitted your feelings but that comes later so we’re moving on for now-

okay so. as i’ve said in my previous posts, it doesn’t make sense for him to refer to her as “david” to other people when she’s not around, so we’re not going to explain why he said “devi” here - that’s a given. but this whole scene…he kinda let devi get into his head before talking to margot. like, from the characters’ point of view, not ours, it definitely seems like margot had the most motive to deface her car. i mean ben straight up says, “you did have a good reason, so i could understand why you might.” and this isn’t me digging at devi for thinking margot did it, or ben for second-guessing margot, or anything like that - it’s just like. objectively. it does seem like margot could have done it. so i get where ben’s coming from.

okay so…we know that that is. false. a lie. an untruth. et cetera. bouncing back to the first instance of “devi” in 4x02, this, once again, makes me think that ben is just…trying to make things easier, calmer. he doesn’t want to deal with devi’s drama right now (again, not dissing devi, just explaining his pov). interrupting her with, “listen, devi,'' to get her attention, to shut her up because he just…can’t do this right now. he’s conflicted - he cares about devi so deeply that it’s detrimental to him at times, and after the events of 4x01 and 4x02, he thinks the best thing to help him keep “““moving on””” (bc like. i’ve touched on this before but there is no moving on for him when it comes to devi) is to go back to silence and estrangement. back to how they were over the summer. back to how they were in those few episodes of season 2, even, just with less vitriol. so, “devi” to further that distance - earlier in the episode, he says, “we are friends,” but here, he’s all but saying, we can’t be friends, not anymore. not now. maybe not ever again.

following this up with:

the thing is…he does look sorry. he doesn’t want to lose her again. it hurts her, yes, but it also hurts him. but like i said - this is easier for him, for right now at least.

oooh this brings me back to 2x08, “devi, you’re daisy.” ben, currently dating a girl that’s not devi, while still having all these complicated feelings for her, relating her to the material they’re currently studying, after she almost became the reason said girlfriend had to leave sherman oaks (temporarily for margot, of course, but still) - it’s not an exact copy/paste, obv, but i’m loving the parallel. also brings me back to 1x02, “it’s okay, devi. i know how hard it is to memorize seven facts,” the same tone being used then as it is now - although with different intentions, of course. ben is - bitter, i would say. of course he is. this whole situation is just…really reminiscent of that 2x05 to 2x07 arc, although with a bit less anger - they’ve got not just their rivalry and (currently, failed) romance behind them, but also those months of real friendship they had during season 3. there’s even more history between them to contend with now, which makes it harder for him to be angry with her. he still is - just not to the same extent as the s2 aneesa situation. 

remember when i said ben stopped talking to her to make it easier? yeah. i honestly totally forgot he says exactly that until i got to this scene while writing this out. “it’s just easier this way. she just always complicates things.” just - ouch, ouch, ouch. this is just me reiterating everything i’ve already said, i guess. does he want to push devi away right now? no, i don’t think so. but it makes things less complicated for him. devi is messy, yes, they’ve established that well over all four seasons - but this isn’t really about how messy devi is, is it? he tells margot that it’s because of devi, and it is, partially, but it’s also because of him. because he and devi clash. because he and devi mesh. because, at least right now, it is so hard for him to separate all these things he feels - angry and disappointed, yes, but there’s this - wistful, i want to say, feeling there under all of that, this pull he’s always going to feel with her. and he’s not in a place where he can let that go unless he cuts her off.

god i do feel for ben here. i wish they had brought back some of the stuff from last season with him…chilling out more when it comes to academics and all that, but like, this is ben gross we’re talking about here - one intestinal blockage and heartfelt convo with his dad isn’t going to erase over a decade of self-set high expectations. dude is stressed, literally sweating through his clothes and now he looks like someone squirted a bottle of french’s on him.

and amongst all this, comes the last person he wants to talk to right now - he smells like sweat and acrylic paint and he just had his girlfriend judge the spiel he’s probably recited in the mirror a hundred times (which like, in all fairness to margot, it did feel like a bowflex commercial). and now here’s devi, all calm and collected with her power blazer and bouncy high pony - looking like the opposite of what ben’s feeling. he’s already frustrated, and her showing up makes it that much worse - until approximately two seconds later when she saves his women’s medium sized ass.

episode 5’s you never disappoint do you. i love, love, love this conversation between ben and devi - this vulnerability here, the way they tell each other that they’ll be okay, that yes, this is scary. our lives are about to change forever - but you’ll make it through. you’ll survive. you’ll thrive. 

and this line…this so much. ben knows who devi is, has been in proximity to her for twelve years at this point, as a rival, as a friend, even as a lover for a short stint - and he knows her, and he knows that she knows herself. maybe - no, definitely - she didn’t know who she was before, drowning in fresh grief, but she’s grown, she’s healed (not completely, but she has healed nonetheless), and ben has had a front row seat to that. he has watched from up close as she became the person she is now. he believes in her, and he knows she can believe in herself, too.

i promise i’m feeling so totally normal about this…remember when i said i thought the first “david” would be at the end of 4x05 during reconciliation? i do, and, surprise surprise - i was right, because ben gross is nothing if not consistent (most of the time, at least). this “david” is driving me insane. they just had this heartfelt discussion about their fears with going to college, reassuring each other that they’ll be okay, fucking…pep talking each other, because they know each other better than they know anyone else, and ben drops a “david” like it’s nothing. like it’s easy. like he means it!!! i’ve said so many times that “david” has turned into this term of endearment almost exclusively used during their friendship, with ben avoiding using it when they’re not friends, and after last episode, where it had been verbally established (by devi, at least), that they still aren’t friends…now he slips a “david” in. this is the closest, the most vulnerable, they’ve been with each other in months. this is ben taking that step to pull them even closer - ben feeling safe enough to do so. this is ben saying, “i can be your friend,” thirty seconds before he actually utters those words.

okay full disclosure, “david” isn’t in the official captions on this one, so like, idk if jaren decided to add this day of filming or what - but whatever. that doesn’t matter here. what does matter is this absolute effortless slide back into their friendship. ben going out of his way to approach her, to tell her the good news (well. it’s not really good news for devi but like. he doesn’t know that, so). he’s excited for her!!! he gives her this boost of confidence (and yes i know it doesn’t last long, what with the deferral email coming in that day but. still.)

ooooh the way i love this scene!!! the fact that we get to see this interaction through paxton’s eyes is just delightful to me. like, okay, i’m not a “he’s mean to you so he likes you!!” kind of person, but banter like this coming about while they’re actively friends and post-bargot (bengot? ragross? ykwim) breakup…it’s thinly veiled flirting, and idk if we would have been given that perspective if this scene had been shot from devi’s pov, or ben’s. while this isn’t the first taste of mutual banter we’ve got all season (looking at you, 4x04 bathroom scene), this is the first friendly mutual banter, and god we were starving for it - at least i know i was. there’s bite behind their words, but it’s playful for both of them!! but like - then there’s the shot of them both immediately fixing their appearance after they’re no longer in each other’s line of sight (ben tucking in his necklace, devi taking off her cardigan) and i just. ooooh my god i love it. i’ve said it before, and i’ll say it again - peak crush behavior. and ben isn’t even posturing for paxton here like he would have before, thanks to the literal shitstorm of 3x06 - ben’s only…well, acting up, i guess i would say, for devi. not anyone else. 

(and like this is totally unrelated but god do i wish we got more bexton interactions this season, but oh well.)

hi yeah no i’m still not over this scene. it’s. so unapologetically horny and it’s a side of ben i’m honestly so glad we got to see. like, okay, we already know he messed around a little with shira, had (bad) sex with devi, and is canonically a boob guy, but this more in-depth peek at his desires (cough cough degradation kink cough cough) is just…chef’s kiss. yes this is devi’s show first and foremost but god do i love the looks into ben’s brain we get. and this - this desire for devi, this want for her, something he can’t run from in his subconscious no matter how hard he runs from it in his waking hours - yes, it’s a wet dream, but it’s more than that. trent says it: “...you really love her.”  ben loves her. he can’t get her out of his head. he wants her - physically and emotionally.

let’s, for now, ignore that this is moments before disaster. god, the look on his face, this eager, hopeful smile, the fucking bouquet he brought for her. he’s riding the high (ha, get it) of trent’s earnest pep talk, ready, for the first out of multiple times this season, to tell her he wants her. he’s done denying it, to himself and now to her, too (which. the latter obviously doesn’t really happen for another few months - but that’s beside the point).

this instance is pretty self-explanatory from ben’s pov (i mean, that’s what y’all are here for). checking in that she’s okay after seeing her throw up, congratulating her, etc. not spending too much time on this one - just noting the, once again, effortless slip back into “david” after the events of last episode. not saying there’s not some inner turmoil going on for him regarding his feelings for her; even though we can’t see it, it’s still there - but birthdaygate (as nalini called it) was…a disaster, to put it lightly, so. back to “david” it is…for now, at least.

god this followed immediately by the “is she okay?” and then ben rushing off to go check in on her…i’ll touch on this more in the next instance, but like. he’s truly the only one who gets how much this would hurt. not saying that no one else understands how devi feels, but he’s the only one who would really, truly get it if the same happened to him. just - the wondering how she didn’t get in anywhere, because she’s just as smart as (and, technically as 4x10 proves with that valedictorian sash, smarter than) him.  the immediate concern for her, the need to check in...god, he cares for her so much.

“But you’re not a quitter.” bringing back the “no one knows them better than they know each other” thing - because it’s true. no one knows devi better than ben knows her. he knows what she’s capable of - has been on the opposing side of it for over a decade. he has won against her, lost against her, won with her, lost with her…he’s seen her rise and fall and pick herself back up to rise again. he understands her, and he understands why this is so painful for her - if it were him, it would feel like twelve years of hard work, of early mornings following sleepless nights, of flash cards and meticulous notes and extra credit projects, all being flushed down the drain. he gets it, gets her. this being the first use of “devi” (to her, and not in a dream sequence) since 4x05 - he uses it to set the tone, to get her attention, to get her to listen to him. because he knows she doesn’t really want to give up. and he as much as says that: “but if you don’t try everything that you can, you’re gonna regret it.” she already knows this - there’s no doubt in my mind about that, and there’s no doubt that ben knows that she knows this. she just needed to hear it from the one person who understands - and it worked. she does try - and, as we see in 4x10, she succeeds.

this…this is the biggest break in his pattern when it comes to “devi” vs “david.” he never refers to her as “david” with a - romantic isn’t the exact word i’m looking for, but it’s the one we’re gonna use - romantic intention. i think he’s using “david” here to sort of…ease the tension, so to say? to lighten the mood a bit. he wants to tell her - has wanted to since trent told him to speak his truth, likely longer than that. but after birthdaygate - he doesn’t want to show too much of his hand. “maybe i was wrong, david.” not “i was wrong, devi.” 

feeling especially attached to this use of “david” tbh. the excitement he feels for her, immediately rushing to pull her into a hug, how proud he is of her, especially after the events of the last episode. again, he knows how hard she’s worked for this, and he knows what it’s like to feel all of that hard work pay off. she’s not alone in feeling this satisfaction - he’s feeling it with her.

 i loved, loved all the callbacks to the previous seasons, and this is no exception. the addition of “david” here brings me back to this post by @catty-words that i’m still thinking about almost two years later (and have referenced in 2 out of 3 of these analyses): “it’s a relic from their rivalry.” obviously cori goes into it a bit differently in that post because it’s about their season 2 arc, but to re-work that line here: the equatorial guinea nametag (i would say plaque but like. it’s a piece of paper) is a memento of their first time teaming up, but it is also a relic of their rivalry in a way - the initial anger of devi infiltrating his club, the temporary alliance that was struck down just hours later, the nuclear attack. and so, yes, “david” here is used as that mark of friendship, as i’ve referred to it before, and so is the nametag, but they’re also both a representation of their enmity - albeit in a much more playful way than the "david" from 2x05.

i’m going to refer you to the genius of rae @ice-sculptures real quick, who had this to say in regards to ben’s patterns when it comes to what he calls her: “it could be that he “hides” behind david when the lines of their relationship are blurred and uses it as a way to convey the affection that he doesn’t think he can openly express. but when they actually get together he doesn’t need to hide anymore bc he knows that she’s aware of how much he loves her…so devi is enough.”

y’all. devi is enough. he doesn’t need to use a term of endearment, a pet name, with her here. he doesn’t need to hide behind “david.” and like. just in case you aren’t aware - “david” means “beloved” in hebrew. i’m sure ben’s aware of that - he’s a giant nerd, and he’s jewish - it never gets established in canon, so it may just be something we’re all collectively reading into, but like. i’m obviously going to continue reading into it - he doesn’t have to hide behind “beloved” anymore, he doesn’t have to use this roundabout way to tell her how he feels - he can just say it. and he says it without even knowing if she feels the same way. he’s following trent’s advice from 4x08: “you must go to her. [...] you must tell her how you feel. there's no time to waste. [...] you must speak your truth. she needs to know." he flies to her on a whim to tell her he likes her. actually, he thinks he loves her, “devi.” he loves her. this is the bravest thing he’s done - he doesn’t know how she feels, doesn’t know if she loves him back - but he tells her anyways. he can’t wait. it doesn’t matter that she’s flying to the east coast the next day, where she’ll be a two hour and six minute train ride away. he has to tell her now. there’s no time to waste. she needs to know.

god. i just - i love that they already had this - this whole soft, sweet love confession, full of shy, gentle smiles and giggles, followed by The Big Damn Kiss of All Time (and like. the big damn bang of all time) and he still feels the need to tell her that he wants to be with her. that he wants to start this next chapter of life with her. and there’s just…something so important to me about them not being high school sweethearts. about them not really giving this an actual shot until they’re headed to college. he doesn’t want “let’s kiss at our lockers in between periods and sit next to each other in the cafeteria while we eat gloopy square-shaped pizza.” he wants “let’s fall asleep on facetime during exam season. let’s spend one weekend in new york and the next in new jersey. let’s meet in the middle. let’s cram ourselves onto a twin-sized dorm room bed that’s definitely not made for two people. let’s learn how to be adults together. let’s give this a real try. let’s give us a real try.”

and so they do.

and with that...we're done. if you've reached the end, thank you for reading! i'm so sad that this series of posts has come to an end, but i've had an absolute delight doing these, and i'm so pleased with the ending of this show - because it didn't feel like an ending. it felt like a new beginning. i'm going to miss never have i ever (i already do), but i'm so happy to have spent the past few years yelling about it with all of you - and i'll likely continue yelling about it in the near future.

[dilfspitdrinker]

Let The Light In | Joel Miller x reader

Description: You’ve been babysitting Joel Miller’s daughter all summer. No matter now much you try to deny it, you know you’re into him. But it’s just a little crush that you thought could never be reciprocated, until one fateful phone call. The shift between you two is irresistible, and you’re in for more than you ever anticipated. A/N: I love the babysitter trope lol, also pre outbreak Joel makes me feral. Basically, I couldn't resist writing and posting this, it's lived in the notes app for long enough. Masterlist Chapter 2

Chapter 1

You listened to the rings intently, praying that Joel would pick up the phone but dreading the moment he does.

The fresh night breeze swept over you the moment you swung open the door, exiting the frat house. You didn’t know when it had started raining, but you didn’t care, it was still better than the suffocating atmosphere inside.

Joel answered on the fourth ring, “Hey, is something wrong?” The worry in his voice was apparent, and you couldn’t help but feel a little pathetic for having to ask this.

“I’m so sorry to bother you Joel, I know it’s late but… do you think you could pick me up?”

Before you could even explain yourself, he responded, “Of course I can, where are you?”

You told him the address, watching people stumble out of the door. You wrapped an arm around yourself, as if that could shield you from the downpour.

“Alright darlin’, I’ll be right there, stay put.”

“Okay, please hurry, I’m hoping to leave without anyone noticing-“

Bursting out the door was the guy you came here with, his whole demeanor looking irritated and volatile. He caught your gaze and walked over to you, feigning a more cool attitude.

“Hey, that’s where you went! Come on, the party’s inside,” he tried tugging you along, but you took a step back.

“I’ll be right in, I’m talking to one of my friends,” you attempted a smile, desperate to not provoke his anger.

He raised an eyebrow, “Your friend a chick?”

In a split second you decided that maybe you shouldn’t give any indication that you’re actually asking a grown ass man to come get you. The only response you could manage: “Yeah.”

“Cool, tell her to pull up,” he started walking back towards the door, “and hurry up, I got a drink waiting for you babe.”

Only after he closed the door did you go back to your phone conversation. “Sorry about that.”

“Who was that?” Joel’s voice turned low and serious.

“The guy I came here with,” you sighed, embarrassed.

“Why’re you hanging around assholes like that?”

“I don’t know, I have a class with him and he randomly started talking to me and he didn’t seem so douchey at first. But I should’ve known he’d be the same as every other frat boy,” you rambled, excluding how he’d been trying to get you to drink since the minute you two showed up.

Joel’s tone softened a bit, “Don’t beat yourself up darlin’. Nothin’ wrong with trying to see the good in others, but that doesn’t mean you should overlook the negatives, either. I’m almost there, alright?”

He’d have to be going at least 20 over the speed limit to be almost here. You were about to insist that he slow down, be careful, if you’re gonna get me I need you to actually make it here. But the rain stopped you from protesting as the chill seeped into your bones. About an hour ago it was such a warm night, you decided to forgo a jacket. Heavily regretted that now as your clothes and hair quickly got soaked.

A few anxious and cold minutes later, a pair of headlights finally approached. You cut through the lawn to meet him as the black pick up truck rolled up next to the crowded driveway.

“Hey darlin’,” he greeted you as you climbed in. God, you poor thing, you looked like a wet puppy, it made him want to wrap you in a warm blanket and scoop you up.

“Hi Joel. Thank you so much for getting me, I know it’s late.”

“It’s no inconvenience to me, I was still awake anyway,” he glanced over at you, adding, “And I’m glad you know that I got you whenever you need me.”

You nodded, suppressing a smile. Once your seatbelt was on, he drove away, and a sense of relief washed over you.

You’d been babysitting Joel’s daughter Sarah all summer, and in that time you and Joel had really grown fond of each other. Not that either of you showed it much. He was your employer, and at least 10 years older than you anyway. At best, you figured he thought of you as family. Still, you didn’t want to push it, since it would be all too easy for the lines to get blurry, and you both knew that. But he clearly cared deeply for you, and would often remind you to call if you need anything, anytime. And tonight was the occasion. You’d only convinced yourself to dial Joel’s number by telling yourself that there wasn’t really anyone else you could call. You were still new to Austin, and hadn’t made any solid friends yet this early in the semester. Sarah was pretty much your best friend now, and Joel…

It was a conscious effort to keep him at arms length.

He broke the silence, “So, I didn’t really think frat parties were your thing.”

“They’re not. I was barely there for an hour and already looking for a way to leave,” you laughed, shaking your head. “I don’t know what I was thinking. At least I knew not to drink anything.”

“Very smart. Good job looking out for yourself there.” You noticed the way his calloused hands gripped the wheel. “That guy, does he know where you live?”

“Yeah,” you swallowed, thinking of the same worst case scenarios.

He paused for a minute, hoping this wouldn’t come out the wrong way, “Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. I don’t want you staying at your place alone tonight. You can stay at mine, I’ll set up the pull out couch.”

The truck came to a stop at an otherwise deserted intersection. A left would lead to his place, continuing straight would take you to yours.

He turned to you, “What do you think?”

The suggestion caught you off guard. The thought of sleeping at his place filled you with a sort of nervous excitement, like you were about to do something you shouldn’t. It definitely felt like you’d be overstepping a very delicate boundary. But he offered, so it would be no harm, right?

“I just want to make sure you’re safe,” he added, voice earnest.

The light turned green. He waited for your response.

“Sounds good,” you nodded.

The truck took a left turn, and you two were silent for the rest of the ride.

At his house, you stood in the living room, feeling strangely out of place. You had been here so many times to look after Sarah, but being here without that purpose made you feel like an awkward guest.

Placing his keys on the coffee table, Joel said without looking at you, “Alright, you go take a shower, warm up. Take as long as you need.”

The statement made you red in the face, but you weren’t about to refuse. You’d had a shitty night, you needed this.

In the bathroom, you winced at yourself in the mirror. You were a bit of a mess, and became newly embarrassed that Joel had to see you so disheveled. Your hair was soaked from the rain, and you knew that would make it dry all frizzy. Couldn’t hurt to wash it, even though that would take some extra time… Joel did just tell you to take as much time as you need. But you already felt a little opportunistic for agreeing to stay the night at his house, you didn’t want to take advantage of his hospitality by hiking up his bills. You sighed at your reflection. Your clothes were dark with rainwater, and peeling them off made you shiver. Take as long as you need echoed in your mind. The way his voice had turned so gentle made you shiver too.

You turned the knob until the water was nice and steamy. Sweet relief. Felt like a warm hug. Don’t think about Joel hugging you. You took a look at the shampoo options. A bright pink bottle with a unicorn on it, obviously Sarah’s. Smelled like an artificial fruit salad. The bottle next to it was dark green, the label declaring cypress and mint. You went with that one, trying to ignore the fact that it’s Joel’s shampoo. Something about that felt a little too intimate.

Then came two gentle knocks at the door, followed by his voice, “I set out some dry clothes for you in my room. I’ll be in the kitchen when you’re ready.”

You sighed contently. You scrubbed your hair clean, soap and worries washing down the drain.

His room was right next to the bathroom, and out of sight from the kitchen. Wrapped in a towel, you scampered over to the bedroom.

There you saw some folded clothes set on the corner of the bed. Somehow it didn’t occur to you before that it would be his clothes. You slipped on the sweatpants, the extra fabric bunching around your ankles. The sleeves of the hoodie covered your hands entirely. Not allowing yourself to indulge your fantasies, instead you were a little mortified about this whole situation. You almost didn’t want to step out there and face him. But you had to, thinking it would be weird if you stayed in his room any longer.

As if to avoid creating a disturbance, you treaded lightly down the hall and rounded the corner into the kitchen. He was sitting at the small dining table, and quickly lifted his eyes.

He could hardly believe the sight before him. His clothes hanging loosely off your shoulders and hips. Hair still damp, framing your face. Straight out of his daydreams. Every time you came to look after Sarah, he secretly loved your little outfits and hairstyles, but you’ve never looked this good.

“Can I throw these in the dryer?” you asked, holding the bundle of your wet clothes.

His voice caught in his throat for a moment, “Of course-“

You already turned to do it yourself before he could offer. In the minute you were away, he noticed his heart beating faster than it should, and scolded himself.

Returning to the table, you eyed a plate of food that you hadn’t noticed before. “What’s all this?” you asked.

“Uh, sorry, it’s just leftovers, but I figured you might want something warm.”

You looked at him tenderly, voice soft, “Oh, Joel. Thank you.”

“Of course.”

Taking a seat, you noticed that he sure was of course-ing all over the place tonight. You stared down at the reheated chicken and rice, wondering if he was uncomfortable.

From the corner of your eye, you saw the way he leaned in before asking, “You alright?”

You smiled a little, “Yeah, I just feel kinda bad for making you take me in.”

“You’re not makin’ me do anything.”

You lifted your eyes to meet his. God his eyes were gorgeous, just his stare was enough to charm you.

“Any plans for the rest of the weekend?” he asked.

You shook your head.

“Well if you’re not busy studying, I’m sure Sarah would would love to have you around. I’ll be here too, but I’ll still pay you.”

“You paying me just to hang around now?” you couldn’t stop yourself from grinning.

He chuckled, shaking his head. You finished your plate while you two talked about Sarah, her new friends, her plight with fractions. This felt more familiar, more comfortable.

He frowned, “Lately when I’ve been dropping her off at school, some boy is always there waitin’ to say hi.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that Joel. They’re like 12.”

“I know, it just gets me thinking about what it’ll be like when she’s in high school.”

“Cross that bridge when you get there.”

He sighed. “I just wish I knew what to expect.”

In that moment, you realized that this might be his roundabout way of opening up to you. You could only imagine how difficult it must be to navigate single fatherhood, especially having a daughter.

He cleared his throat. “I know this is none of my business, and you’re right, I don’t need to be worrying about it yet, but… do you have any boy advice for me?”

You laughed, maybe a little too loud, “You’re asking the wrong person, Joel. I’m not super experienced in that field.”

A playful glint appeared in his eyes that you’d never seen before. “What? Come on now, you’re too pretty to not have at least 10 boyfriends.”

You caught that, but shook your head.

“You tellin’ me you weren’t prom queen?”

“I was too dorky for that,” you waved him off.

“Well,” he leaned back in his chair, and your eyes skimmed over his broad shoulders, “here’s my boy advice for you.”

“I’m listening,” you grinned.

“Don’t hang around boys.”

“Gotcha,” you nodded, “so you’re saying I should go after men.”

He caught that, but dodged the implication. “Well, I’m sayin’ most of these college guys are still boys in here,” he tapped on his forehead.

“You’re telling me.”

He grabbed your now empty plate, and announced while placing it in the sink, “The room’s all yours when you’re ready.”

You looked at him with confusion across your face.

He motioned toward the hall, in the direction of his bedroom.

It finally dawned on you, he meant he’s going to sleep on the couch. Immediately you protested, “Joel. Come on. I’m not taking your room, the couch is fine-“

“No, no, no. This is not up for debate,” he pointed at you, “You need a good night’s rest.”

“Joel I’ll sleep fine on the cou-“

“I’m not fightin’ you on this.”

You stared at each other for a moment, a stand off you knew you’d lose. You finally cracked under his unrelenting gaze, but had to make one last effort, “You’ve done more than enough for me tonight.”

“I’d do damn near anything for you,” he couldn’t stop himself from confessing, but he almost didn’t care if it meant you’d take his bed. He’d never admit it, not even to himself, but he wanted you there, and not just because it was courteous to offer. To know that you were wrapped in his sheets, head cradled by his pillow, your breath filling his space.

You let out a sigh, “Fine.”

“Good. Thought I’d have to drag you.”

You chuckled, and in your mind flashed an image of him picking you up and tossing you onto the bed, oh God he’s so strong he could do that so easily-

You banished the thought, pulling yourself back to reality, but another idea invaded your mind. “Thank you so much Joel. I really owe you for this.”

“You don’t owe me nothin’. I’m glad you know that I’m here for you.”

If this whole situation hadn’t already overstepped a boundary, this certainly would, but you really couldn’t help yourself. You took a step forward, pulling him into a hug. Every nerve in his skin suddenly became hypersensitive to the feeling of your hands on his torso, moving to his back. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, then froze. You smelled like him. You, in his clothes. You, with his scent. You, in his arms. He could only hope that his heart wasn’t beating too loud.

You pulled away from each other, hands lingering a second longer than necessary.

“Sleep tight, darlin’.”

“You too.”

“And sleep in as long as like.”

“Thank you.”

“Let me know if you want an extra blanket or anything-“

“Goodnight Joel,” you laughed, walking away from him finally.

When you closed yourself into his room, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

You both laid awake for a while, having the same doubts, ruminating on words, body language, tone, meanings that may or may not have indicated something else.

You tried to be objective. He’s naturally generous, kind hearted beneath a bit of a rough exterior. He was instinctually nurturing, look how devoted he is to his daughter. Besides, with her to look out for, he wouldn’t want some silly college girl. He takes his responsibilities as a father very seriously and as far as you knew, he avoided things and people that would disrupt her life.

You’re a sweet girl, he reasoned that you hugged him because that was your nature and nothing else. One night at his place didn’t mean anything beyond what it was: you called and he answered. He knew nothing would come of it, ridiculous to think anything would, really. Young, promising college students like you don’t go involving themselves with middle aged men with children, not unless the man was rich, which he definitely wasn’t.

These thoughts kept you both awake, so finally you each relented to the more hopeful side, even if it was just a fantasy to doze off to.

Cheek pressed against Joel’s pillow, surrounded by his scent, you sleepily indulged in the thought that he treated you special because he felt a special way for you. Maybe he’s even protective of you.

Hand tucked under a cushion, he entertained the idea of you knowing that you want a man who wouldn’t waste your time. Someone who has some real experience in the world and knows what they want.

He was starting to think that insisting you spend the night was the worst idea he’s ever had.

Chapter 2 Masterlist

[wordsofasarcast]

It’s your gal sophie here, and I come bearing a sorta long ask. I’m going to pack a lot of things into this so it might feel a bit rambly-

Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE NOMINATIONS!!!!

You deserve it, really. The amount of time and thought you put into your fics is absolutely unfathomable, and updates literally make my whole week. 

Secondly, the latest Dolce chapter has me literally spiraling, I’m so excited for the next one! (take your time btw, there’s still a good two weeks until I start rereading and making theories about what happens next)

(You’re really dropping chapters like Nico drops surprise songs tho)

I also went through your ENTIRE tumblr just now, so here are a few observations I had.

You’ve said that in the Dolceverse Silena is a singer/songwriter under the name VALENTINA. I don’t think you’ve mentioned it in Dolce, so I was thinking that you could just plop that name in there sometime.

The song ‘Free Now’ by Gracie Abrams was suggested for Will on JULY TWELFTH. It’s been half a year, and just now it’s been mentioned in Chapter 43. I would’ve forgotten it at this point

Your first post was on June 27, 2024. It’s been half a year-ish.

Lastly, I have a request. The two chapters of ‘stars, hide your fires’ that have been released are pretty lengthy, and I’ve had to read both chapters over the course of a couple days to finish them. (Still working on the second one.) Could you possibly make them shorter? I know they aren’t always going to be this length, but right now it’s really hard to start them because of the rather intimidating word count. 

Love your works, love your writing, and love your personality. Mwah<333

P.S. I know I sound like a stalker, I PROMISE I'M NOT, I’m just really invested. Plus pls excuse me for any weird grammar, I am writing this at one AM.

Hi Sophie!

First off, I love rambles—they are so fun to read and answer. Here's a ramble in exchange :)

I'm still in shock over just how many nominations I got, especially the Author of the Year nomination in my first year of posting fics! LIKE WHAT?!! Whatever the results, I'm super proud and very grateful to everyone who votes <3

The latest Dolce chapter marks the beginning of the very last act of Dolce and that is such a bittersweet feeling. (Also, I smile every time I see your rereading comments, I think you've read Dolce more than I have at this point!)

I don't mind a bit of good natured tumblr stalking, though it might expose how frequently I've pushed back chapter releases lol. Anyway...

Good pick up! So Silena (or VALENTINA) actually had a fairly big part in the secondary storyline for Dolce Dissonance that I decided to cut. So, she won't appear and there is a reason why I've chosen not to mention her at all. I do still have plans for her in the Dolce universe though (eventually).

Has it really been half a year?! That tells you how long Free Now has been sitting in my chapter outline waiting for the latest chapter to be written. Shout out to @solitaire-addict for the great song rec! <3

I started posting my fics on April 20th, 2024 which feels like SUCH a long time ago but really it hasn't even been a full year. And then it took me a few more months to get on tumblr, but I'm so glad I did, I think answering asks might be one of my fav things.

And lucky last: 'stars, hide your fires'. The chapters are intimidating to write, too. But I've been wanting to challenge myself to write a long-chaptered fic for a while now, and Stars felt like the perfect opportunity since its very action heavy. So TLDR, they're kind of intentionally long? Future chapters will continue to average around 10K. This won't the case for all my future fics, I will continue to have a little mix of everything to suit different readers. If you'd like I could post a version of Stars that splits each chapter into 3-4 shorter chapters over on my wattpad? Would that make it less intimidating? Let me know...

Also sorry in advance for when you finish Stars Chapter 2 :) Thank you for the ask and of course, for reading along x

More stories to come,

~ Sarc

[comingyourlugubriousness]

Happy Birthday Yume Ume: Personal Story (Part 2/3)

Part: 1 / 2 / 3

Yume *skimming the book* Oh this passage is interesting too! Hm? Are these notes in the margins…?

Leona: Are you gonna read the whole book in front of me? That’s pretty rude, runt.

Yume: *sarcastically* Hm? *holds hand up to their ear* Did someone over the age of 18 just try and speak to me? 

Leona: Yume, I don’t have to be here, y’know.

Yume: *Laughs* Okay okay, sorry, let's start the interview.

Leona: If you could bring one person with you on a deserted island, who would you choose? However; the catch is you cannot bring someone from your dorm.

Yume: Ah that sucks…I guess in this case I’ll count both the Ramshackle and Ignihyde as my dorms. Hmm… well no offense to my brothers and Grim but I'm not sure how useful they would be. 

Leona:  Fair enough.

Yume: Ortho would be ideal, so long as he has a full battery charge. And Idia…*speaking wearily* Would provide me with motivation to escape as soon as possible before he withers.

Leona: Ha! *smirk* What a kind way of saying he would be useless.

Yume: *trying not to laugh* Excuse me, sir! 

Yume: *in nasally voice, pushing up glasses* Moral support is crucial to the team comp!  Anyway-! *clears throat* I guess in this case the “how” we got to the island doesn’t matter. On a deserted island; food is possibly sparse, with no guarantee of fresh water. I assume communication is impossible through normal means and that we are without magic devices.

Leona: *agreeing* One could assume.

Yume: *muttering to self; holding hand to face in thought* Survival is definitely the main goal; but there are other outside factors you have to consider. Such as how to escape, who is looking for you, and if rescue is an option.

Leona:...* crosses arms impatiently*

Yume: *still rambling* Food, while important, falls secondary to fresh water; if provided with enough; escape doesn’t need to be immediate.

Leona: *slightly fed up* Hurry up and pick someone, runt!

Yume: *pouting* Don’t rush me! HMmm

Yume: Rook comes to mind first; I’ve seen first hand his survival and camping skills and I have no doubt he could help keep us both alive for a good duration of time…though I’m not sure how well rescue or escaping would go.

Leona: Yeah, but would you be able to deal with that creep?

Yume: That’s funny coming from you, lol. But he can be a bit much…then again *Closes eyes in thought* taking either of the twin’s could be advantageous…

Leona: *surprised* You mean the ones who skulk around with the Octo-punk?

Yume: It’s not my first choice, but Jade and Floyd are merfolk. Theoretically they could swim fast and travel out into the ocean for rescue. But…

Leona: *urging them to hurry and continue* But…

Yume: *sighs* I’d be left to fend for myself and probably wouldn't last long…and there's no real guarantee they would come back unless promised something…they're both too unpredictable.

Leona: *makes noise of agreement*

Yume: *talking to self* Someone from Diasomnia…well I don’t know all of them too well…

Leona: *slightly annoyed* You're taking too long; don’t be indecisive, you’d die on this island just thinking about what to do.

Yume: *puffs out cheeks* Don’t rush me! *huffs and closes their eyes. thinking* Someone I can get along with well, that could help me survive, and assist in escaping…its got to be…Aha! Kalim!

Leona:*raises an eyebrow. No disapproving.* Explain?

Yume: Kalim is easygoing by nature, it isn’t too hard for me to keep him focused on a task. Plus with his unique magic he could provide us both with fresh water daily. Making our only focus food/shelter. I’m used to roughing it at the Ramshackle and I know how to fish from camping! 

Yume: *throwing hands up* Not to mention Kalim is crazy rich and important to his family. I’m certain they would have a means to locate and look for him; *whispers and leans over* if Jamil doesn’t already have him chipped *snickers*

Leona: *small noise of amusement*

Yume: Based on all that I can’t imagine we would be there for more than a few days tops. And with our combined co operation and his magic we should be relatively comfortable. *they nod to themselves; approving of their own answer*

Leona: Hm, I see.

Yume: *squinting* What’s with that look? You got a better answer?

Leona: No, in fact, that was my answer too.

Yume: *genuine surprise*...Oh! Great minds think alike then I guess. *they grin*

Leona: …Don’t get ahead of yourself. *rolls his eyes, but there is a hint of appreciation*.

FINAL PART COMING SOON!

[concreteburialplot]

pretty sure you’re my fellow chase atlantic girlie that i’ve seen posted on my feed but if something chase atlantic x bad omens ever happened i. would. lose. my. mind. like i’m fully aware that noah would have fun posting things just because he likes to create chaos but someone on the bo tiktok account reposted cas’s video and it doesn’t mean anything but like,,, chase atlantic and bad omens are my bread and butter. and i mean they’re aware of each other just saying 🤠

and i’m sure if there ever was a collab someone somewhere would have smth negative to say but they could stfu because those are my angels. LIKE I’M SORRY can you imagine a chase atlantic feature on a song like bad decisions????

i need it. (at the same time i’m not ready for it)

YES! I AM HER! i am your fellow chase / omens girlie lmao

(just seeing their logos side by side like that makes me feel dizzy & makes my heart explode)

i actually hadn’t heard anything about the repost so thank you for bringing it to my attention! i just about lost my mind 🥲 my fav boys interacting ? 😭 my heart 😩 they are also my babies so get it 100% 🥺

(you didn’t ask for this but i’m offering it anyway 🥲)

so, couple things that come into play here that i think are interesting

warning: beyond this point will contain lengthy unnecessary, unasked for, unwarranted & disorganized reaching, theories, wishful delusional thinking & dissection. i am a swiftie at heart so it’s a reflex to look too much into cryptic behavior lol

+ rambling bc i’m a gemini who loves chase atlantic & rarely gets to talk about them to anyone so 🥲💔

i’m also aware that omens x chase fans are very niche & nobody actually cares what i have to say about this topic but whatever 🥲💔 i just need to get this out 🥲

1 - i have known for a while that at least noah knows about / is a fan of chase atlantic. i believe he liked a tweet about them a while ago, when chase was doing a livestream i think? & he’s posted about them before, example here:

whether or not chase knows about bad omens i’m not sure but they probably do now at least

2 - Omens & Chase are under the same management company! They’re both under MDDN, so they’re at least in the same circles

3 - as much as i’d KILLLLL to hear chase feature on bad decisions i unfortunately don’t think noah would be down for it (i think he’s stated before he’s not open to features on bad omens’ discography ?? but i could be mistaken) - so the more likely scenario in the realm of (unrealistic) features would be noah featuring on a chase song

4 - the Bad Omens official tiktok account has only reposted 6 videos total, besides cas’ & the other 5 were specifically about the band - with how they handle their social media i find it interesting that they’d do that

also

obviously Kras is in CA so them reposting it isn’t out of the ordinary BUT both band accounts reposted the same day (even tho the video itself was posted 6 days ago, they both reposted the next day) - again just interesting

5 - the audio on the tiktok was mamacita so that begs the question that if there WERE to be a collab … would it be noah featuring on mamacita …………. bc the thought of that …. makes my head spin 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 (we also been knew that noah’s music taste is vast, so him being interested in / open to featuring on a different genre track, especially of a band he likes, isn’t THAT crazy to imagine)

6 - however the caption cas’ tiktok was something like “christian said that if you use this filter he’ll show you his verse on mamacita” so that could mean a couple things IF a collab is being teased

a - it’s not actually kras’ verse it’s noah’s

b - kras’ verse could be first & noah’s 2nd (😵‍💫)

c - they’re hinting at a feature on another song on chase’s upcoming album

d - there is no collab & i’m a clown for believing that there could be (it’s this one)

7 - we know chase is open to having features from different genres & are pretty lax about who they work with (& lax in general)

8 - i’m unsure how well the collab would be received - i think noah featuring on chase would go over significantly better than the other way around but still idk - chase’ fanbase seems a lot more chill than omens

REGARDLESS i fear for chase if they collab bc [a lot of] bad omens fans are mean, judgy & ruthless especially about artists outside of metal/metalcore. chase’s fandom is fairly chill (in my experience) & unfortunately i honestly think any interaction with bad omens would bring a lot of unnecessary drama & hate to them :///// and i can smell the “bad omens is selling out” accusations from here

9 - again i think the repost was really interesting & unusual for their normal social media activity/strategy & so the fact that it’s so out of the ordinary + subtle + sneaky ON TOP OF ALLL of those other factors ^ has got me extremely intrigued

10 - that all being said ……. unfortunately as you touched on, Noah is a troll at heart, so he could very well just be causing mischief - for what reason, nobody knows - also choosing that tiktok was so random ?? so ?? [especially since it was cas’ tiktok, not chase or even their members??]

i’m interested to see if there’s any other sneaky interactions between them moving forward - noah loves taylor swift so he may be taking a page or 2 from her book & starting to get more cryptic as their fanbase expands ?? lol

seeing kras on the same page of an omens official account really made me feel crazy. that is something i never ever thought i’d see, thought i was hallucinating lol (i love them so much 🥹)

i am slightly hopeful but also ready to be disappointed lol

am i a fool for underestimating noah sebastian’s troll behavior? probably

has he trolled me before? yes

will i have too much faith in him to not troll me again after this? yeah :/

regardless,

anyway sorry this is ridiculously long for no reason & nobody actually cares about my insane hypothesizing 🥲 if anyone got this far, you’re a trooper & i’m giving you a star

i was just really really really excited about this bc i love them both so much & nobody else cares & it made me really sad but it’s fine 🥲🥲💔💔

[sugar-omi]

Just went through your likes and a couple things:

1. Way less cove then I thought I’d find maybe I need to go deeper. 2. All the Sebastian shit is 👩🏽‍🍳😘🤌🏽. 3. I’m so glad I’m supporting an 🍊 hater. After all the shit he’s done my anxiety skyrockets and I come to your page to try and help calm myself down with your fics. You don’t know how much you’re righting helps even if it’s just for a little while. Thank you so much for your page and all of your positive and out of pocket horny posts 💕💕💕

Sorry that got serious there

yeahhh, i can see the relief!!!! i try not to reblog too many political posts n that kinda thing because i know 1. people come online to escape that thing, but also 2. i will literally just reblog all that kind of stuff. tbh i'll reblog a bunch of things regardless of content PERIOD bc im a lurker at heart okay, n im also kinda used to spamming my thoughts in that way from my decade on twitter lmao

so it would be overwhelming if i didnt limit myself😂 but also i want people to know my opinions for both their comfort and also for mine so that way those with opposing opinions can get tf outta here🫶🤣

so relatable though, and im sending you n everyone else who is also experiencing all this anxiety much strength🫶 these are very scary times that, although i've been expecting it ever since his first term, does not lessen any of my anxiety this time lol. so crazy though seeing my own family admit that he was a bad choice to put in😂 my mom denies she ever said she wanted him in!!!!! (she doesnt vote, but that doesnt stop her from expressing her opinions lol) i wonder if my grandparents n dad will still be jumping for joy by the end of his term? mmm🙃

anyway. thats a whole rant i will not go on LMAO- but i'll finish this ramble with saying that while i am a little bit sensitive to what i reblog as well because i know some sites are picky about expressing your opinions (lets just say twitter (users) hated me a bit LMAOOOO) im also not really on here a lot unless im posting, responding to asks, or checking my dms so im not the first to share these things n i know my posts are infrequent so i dont want to drown what, like you and some others have expressed, is an escape or enjoyment to them.

but. this is a safe space. n like i said i do try to express these things more than i worry about anything else. that's most important to me. i want to make sure my stances are out there for my sake, as much as yours, because this is also my safe space n my little escape. this blog is a small piece of me, and it reflects that as much as reasonably possible.

ANYWAY. BACK TO THE LESS SERIOUS STUFF LOL

yeahhh tbh i'll be honest i dont interact with the olba fandom too much!!! i havent been in fandom in recent years, but i try to like any posts i see. which tbh isn't much because my tl is mostly sims LMAOOO thats what i used this blog for at first (as well as haikyuu when i was into it heavily, hence sugar-omi, because sakusa is my favorite n we share that nickname <333333 (yes i made my friends call me omi bc of him. idc. its CUTE!!!!! but they all call me nae so😂😂 its fine bc that's my most treasured nickname<3))

n you know sebastian is my pookie for life <333333 i love him, i've loved him before i even started playing stardew LMAOOO

i hope yall are enjoying stalking my likes. theyre such a whiplash because its a mix of sims, aesthetic things, stardew, olba, politics, some poetry/relatable to me things, memes, smut, smut, smut, and an array of games/vns i follow n animes im into😂😂

sometimes i just use my likes to save sims posts that i wanna download later when im on my computer or when they release publicly lol so, i dont imagine my likes will be that interesting since ive been most active in liking and reblogging things these last 2-3 days than anything😂🫶

anyway, im glad my writing brings a bit of relief and my degenerate posts hopefully bring u some joy and laughter😂, please take care of yourself anon🫶🫶

[yangjungwonisms]

Teach me how to Love- pt 2

Hi all!! Hope you’re all doing well!

Here’s the second part to the JW x reader fic I’ve been working on!

Somehow you finally managed to fall asleep despite not being able to get your mind off of Jungwon, you actually slept fairly well. You don’t normally sleep more than 2-3 hours at a time. It had always been this way for you. While you manage to keep your anxiety at bay most of the time you still struggle to quiet your mind enough to sleep. When you did wake up it was already 11. You never slept this late, good thing it was a Saturday and you didn’t have any prior commitments to worry about. Which means that you can do whatever you want, in this case that was laying in bed scrolling through your phone.

After you got tired of aimlessly scrolling you decided to check your messages. You noticed you had a couple from earlier in the day but weren’t in a hurry to get back to anyone figuring that it was just your roommate letting you know she wouldn’t be home until later. What you didn’t expect was to have a message from a certain boy you had met the night before. The time stamp shows the message was sent 3 hours prior. Oh god he was going to think you were ignoring him. You hadn’t even given him sending a message first thing in the morning a thought whatsoever. His message was so sweet. It was just a simple “Good Morning Pretty❤️”. You verbally squealed thanking god your roommate wasn’t there to witness this. How do you respond to this, it’s now 1:00 and he sent that at 10 am. Not sure what exactly to say you just send a simple “Hey :)”. Once you hit send you smack yourself at how stupid you sounded. He says Good Morning Pretty and all you can manage to say back is Hey. God you were so lame.

As 5 minutes turned into 10 and then into 20 you were sure you had made it weird with your mediocre reply. You decided to just leave your phone on the charger and go about your day like normal. That worked for about 10 minutes. You were trying to figure out what to wear when you heard your phone vibrate. Trying to play it cool you quickly picked up your phone to check who it was. Although deep down you knew who it was. Upon unlocking your phone you see that Jungwon responded with “How are you doing today? I am so sorry for not answering sooner, my roommate was freaking out about his midterms and insisted I spend my morning off helping him study. Anyways, that is probably more info than you wanted lol”. You let out a breath you did not know you were holding. He didn’t need to be apologizing especially since you had just met he definitely doesn’t owe you anything. But you couldn’t lie you found his rambling quite cute. Let’s be honest, at this point you found everything he did cute. You took a few minutes to gather your thoughts and to think about how you wanted to respond. You ultimately decide to play it cool. So you sent him back “You do not need to apologize! I have a crazy roommate too so I can definitely relate. I am doing good, just enjoying my Saturday. How are you? Have any plans for the day?”. Within 30 seconds of you hitting send you saw a little bubble pop up indicating that he was typing. Every second you spent waiting for him to reply felt like minutes coming off of your life. You’d never reacted like this when talking to boys before. But when was the last time you had spoken to a boy for longer than 15 minutes. You truly had no idea. The thought quickly left your head because he had replied to you. “Glad you can relate to the crazy roommate sentiment lol. I love my roommate he’s like a brother to me but he does drive me crazy sometimes! I’m glad to hear you’re doing well! I was worried I monopolized too much of your time last night, I feel bad, you probably wanted to speak to your friends instead of a stranger for the whole night”. Oh if he only knew how much you were grateful for a distraction from everyone. For weeks everyone in your friend group was treating you like a child. You couldn’t stand it anymore. You were so grateful to have friends that cared this much but you were truly okay. Leaving your job wasn’t something that was planned but the series of events that unfolded prior to quitting finally boiled over. You had been miserable at that job. In fact, you never wanted it in the first place. In short, you were glad to finally be rid of it. You were putting way too much pressure on yourself to come off a certain way to Jungwon. If he really wanted to be your friend and get to know you then you owed it to him and to yourself to show him who you are. Screw it, you thought, don’t try so hard just be yourself. So you said “No!! Don’t feel bad, I really enjoyed talking to you last night. If you knew what I have gone through in the last couple of weeks you’d be glad for a distraction too. Plus, we aren’t strangers anymore we’re friends…”. He immediately hit back with “Oh, I’m a distraction huh ;)”

You: A welcome one :)

JW: Oh, well in that case I feel flattered.

You: Oh you definitely should

You: It isn’t often I bestow that honor on someone.

JW: Well, I feel very honored then.

JW: Are you doing anything tonight?

You: Not a thing. My roommate won’t be home until sometime next week so I was probably going to watch a movie and then if I’m feeling freaky I may order takeout

JW: What movie were you going to watch??

You: I was thinking maybe Jurassic Park. My roommate doesn’t like the movies so I don’t get to watch them very often

JW: wait seriously? I love those movies. You aren’t going to believe me but I was literally just talking about watching it the other day… crazy

You had quite a rapport going with him and based on the way he had been replying he seemed to be enjoying it too. However, what you weren’t sure about was if he was trying to get an invitation over to your place for the evening. You definitely wanted to see him again and you kind of got the feeling he felt the same. But would you be coming off too strong for asking him over so soon when you just saw him the night before? You decided to throw caution to the wind and just let whatever happens, happen

You: Well, if you aren’t doing anything you are more than welcome to come over…I can’t promise it will be fun but the offer is open

JW: I would hate to intrude on your evening alone.

JW: But, if you’re serious then I’d love to.

You: Of course I’m serious. It would be nice to have some company for once.

JW: I’d be glad to keep you company :) what time should I come over?

You: hmm give me an hour to get ready and tidy up

JW: Okay pretty, see you in an hour

You: See you soon ;)

Once you came down from cloud nine you realized you really didn’t have much time to pull yourself together and to clean up. Once you got showered and dressed you speedily picked up the apartment. You thankfully had a few minutes to relax before Jungwon arrived. He arrived right on time, how did he manage to be so punctual. You took a deep breath and opened the door. He looked even more beautiful in the light of day. Time seems to move in a blur once you usher him in. He insists on buying dinner since he’s the one intruding on your evening alone. You quickly reassure him that you invited him and he wasn’t intruding on anything.

Once you start the movie there’s a comfortable silence that falls over you two. However, even at 25 the first movie still scared you. You couldn’t help it, every time the t-Rex comes on the screen some small part of you gets terrified. Jungwon must’ve sensed you tensing up. No matter how hard you tried to hide it, your body gave you up. You’re not sure if this is the reason you feel Jungwon inch closer to you. His movements were so subtle that at first you didn’t even register what he was doing. The second time he did it you knew you weren’t imagining it. You sat there frozen, it isn’t that you hated the idea of him moving closer to you. If anything your brain was screaming for him to move even closer than that. In fact, you were more certain now than you were before that you really liked him. You had this strange feeling when you met him that you could fall fast and hard for him. You were exactly right because here you were.

Nothing progressed from there, both of you seemingly comfortable in each other’s presence with no added pressure to keep a conversation. Once the movie ended you thought he’d probably want to leave especially because it was getting late. Instead what happened was him asking if you were up for another movie. You said yes without hesitation. Except, neither of you could agree on what to watch so you turned the tv on and let it play in the background. Jungwon turned to you and smiled, you felt your stomach fill with butterflies. You two spent the next few hours just talking. You must’ve talked about anything and everything. In fact, in the midst of your many conversations jungwon marveled at how easy you were to talk with. You simply nodded your head. You really didn’t know what to say. He noticed that and apologized, thinking he had made it awkward. You told him he didn’t, you truly meant it. The mood had shifted once again, the show playing on the tv grabbing your attention for a second. You felt him move as close to you as he could get away with for the moment. He lingered for a second too long. He hesitated slightly before you felt him lean in to your ear and ask shyly if he could hold your hand. All you could do was nod. You turned to look at him, smiling to show him that you were okay with it. The two of you just sat there for a few minutes. Jungwon was the one to break the silence. Your mind was running at 100 miles an hour, unsure of what to think about him holding your hand. As crazy as it sounds at 25 you’d never held hands with a boy. Hell you’d never even kissed a boy. So as far as what to do and how to do it you were so out of your element. You did know that being here with him holding his hand made you feel like a teenager again. You could never remember a time when you felt so giddy over such a small gesture. Jungwon looked at you and smiled. He took a second to gather his thoughts, but when he spoke he said “I don’t want you think this is why I came over tonight. I mean, I was hoping maybe it wasn’t just me feeling this way but I worried you’d think it was too soon especially since we just met yesterday. It’s never felt this easy for me. I mean I genuinely had no idea who you were until last night. But as soon as I walked into the room and saw you I felt like I needed to speak to you. Sorry does that sound cliche”? Now he was rambling. You squeezed his hand to let him know you wanted his attention. He stopped talking and looked at you with a shy smile on his face. Taking a deep breath you say “I’m actually really glad to hear you say that. I’ve felt like I was going crazy since last night worrying about if I was overthinking everything. Don’t worry, I do feel the same as you. I can’t quite explain what it is I’m feeling but I do know I’m feeling something. Also you don’t need to apologize for holding my hand, I really like it”.

After another hour or so had passed you both decide to part ways for the evening. You understand why he had to go because it was after midnight but you both drug your feet a little not wanting to be apart just yet. As he was getting ready to leave he hesitated as he reached the front door. Before you could register what he was doing he leaned in to you. You were slightly worried he was going to kiss you but instead he slowly grabbed your hands to hold them and then moved in for a hug. This gesture felt oddly intimate for a hug. You didn’t normally like hugs in fact you spent a lot of time trying to avoid being hugged at any family or social gatherings. But this felt different. It felt right. You felt all of your worries and concerns melt right off of you as soon as he held you in his arms. His embrace was warm and had a dizzying intoxicating feeling wash over you. He could’ve stood there for hours holding you and you wouldn’t complain a bit. Eventually, he did leave. Once he left you were so happy that you were nowhere near ready for bed. You decided to get in your pajamas and watch tv while you scroll through your phone. At this point it had been maybe 15 minutes since Jungwon had left. You didn’t think you’d hear from him until tomorrow or atleast over the next few days but here he was messaging you after having only been apart for mere minutes.

JW: Okay so hypothetically what if I said I missed you…

JW: I’m not saying I do, I’m just asking for future reference

JW: ……

JW: Okay fine you got me. I miss you…

You: well hypothetically if you did miss me, I’d suppose it would be okay for me to also say I miss you.

You: I’m not saying I do… I’m just curious for the future ya know?

You: Okay I give up, I miss you too.

JW: glad we’re on the same page ;)

JW: But seriously, thank you for tonight! I really enjoyed getting to know you more and just talking. I also enjoyed the part where you let me hold your hand…

You: Babe don’t even worry about it. It was my pleasure and I hope you know I liked the part where you held my hand too.

JW: Oh so I’m babe now?

JW: I’ve taken it under consideration and I like it

Wait you thought to yourself, when did you slip babe in there. You were used to calling your friends that and without realizing it you slipped it into your message to Jungwon.

You: oh god I’m sorry I shouldn’t have called you that. Now I’ve made it weird lol

JW: why are you apologizing? I liked it… like a lot.

You: oh? Well in that case, it was completely intentional.

JW: oh yeah?

You: …yes

JW: well good

JW: I know it’s late and I just saw you but I really wanted to keep talking

JW: sorry if it’s overwhelming

You: no I completely understand. plus, I wanted to talk to you more too I was just too scared to text you so soon after you left. I didn’t want to come across as pushy

JW: oh please, if anyone is being pushy it’s me.

JW: I know we have a long way to go in terms of getting to know each other but I really feel like I’ve known you for years.

JW: I need you to know, I really do like you…

You: What’s crazy is I feel the exact same way. I don’t quite know what you see in me but I’m glad to have met you and excited to see where this leads us.

JW: trust me I see a lot in you.

JW: anyways, I just wanted to talk to you before I went to bed :)

You: you keep talking to me this way and I’ll start to think you like me.

JW: well good because I do.

You: ditto

You: When do I get to see you again

JW: I was just about to ask you the same.

JW: Are you free for breakfast?

You: I suppose I could clear my schedule up

JW: I’d be forever in your debt.

You: Okay! Give me a call in the morning when you are up and ready to go…

You: I should probably let you go… I need my beauty sleep anyways if I want to look even a little presentable in the morning :)

JW: I’ll leave you to your sleep then princess xx Goodnight 💤

You: goodnight…. babe🥺💤

*Jungwon Loved your message

hope you enjoyed pt2!!

I’m gonna link pt1 if you wanna read that too!!

[strawglicks]

Sorry for the ramble in your inbox incoming- I'm a really huge fan of your analysis type posts like the ones about Cathal and recently Flint ;A; So I hope its ok to maybe throw in my own 2 cents about Cogs/their society- (Sorry this gets rambly I thought about this last night and writing this like an hour after waking up lol)

I think what alot of people kind of (I wouldnt say ignore- more of:) don't really get is that I dont believe characters like Cathal or Flint have bad tendencies because they really want to in a way, (I kind of worded that poorly but point is) but because their society rewards and encourages that type of behavior. I think you said something kind of similar on Cathals post- But especially for Flint, whose a Bossbot (Who are literally the embodiment of a toxic workplace and elitism. I believe a old snippet from the TTO magazines says "They have no real skills of their own, just the ability to push down others and stay on top!" Or something to that nature.) he has to be demanding and imposing. There is no benefit to him in being kind. (Like looking at Misty for example) And don't get me wrong I don't believe that if Flint and Cathal were removed from Cog society they'd be better/objectively nicer (Like Flint not being condescending to Toons and Cathal not making people do things for him and being encouraged to try) But I do wonder how much of it is pressure, or how much of it is egged on and rewarded. Atleast in the aspects it relates to how they treat others.

(..And also I wonder what happens to Cogs that don't get jobs and are seen as ..not functioning. Since Graham was freaking the hell out in "Meeting Of Two Minds" over the possibility of not getting the job. I have a whole thing about this actually in my oc lore but thats another thing entirely I'll write about someday I swear)

Also I gasped when I saw the doodle of Graham in the MSI shirt finally a MSI listener Graham truther. I think he'd like the album "How I Learned To" and of course "You'll Rebel To Anything". I associate him mainly with the songs "Lights Out", "On It", and "You're No Fun Anymore" :p (This has been my favorite band since I was like 13 and now I get to spill all my opinions xD) I always imagined him doing the guitar backbend their bassist does! And my final hc is that Flint plays bass and Graham plays the main guitar. I think it fits them .. some people overlook bass when its actually pretty hard to learn from what I hear and vital to the song. (Like heres Feel Good Inc w/o the bass.. feels wrong x_x)

Anyways thanks for reading ;A; take care and happy new year!

RAHHHH EATING THIS UP YUM YUM YUM YES YES YOU GET IT

THe biggest issue with Cogs Inc is that it REWARDS and ENCOURAGES these poor behaviors, worsening these characters as people. ESPECIALLY cathal considering the position of power they’re in. I’m sure it applies to a ton of other cogs too, but unfortunately I haven’t gotten to them yet bc I’m not as insane abt them . LMAO

And yeah since cogs are literally built for work, it’s a wonder what happens to those who can’t find a job as easily as others. Hoping that gets built on since it’s clear in MOTM that these cogs have to actually apply and go to interviews and probably face some trial and error to land a job, just like people IRL.

ALSO. THE BAND HCS. I love it and you’re SOOOO RIGHT about the backbend that is so grahamcore. And yes I’m pretty sure Flint does play bass, I think his creator mailman said smth abt that on their blog . AND IM SO GLAD YOU BROUGHT UP FEEL GOOD INC bc i did draw flint in a demon days shirt in that same animatic . And ive def drawn them in the same shirt a couple times in the past too . I’ve always imagined him to be a Gorillaz fan, maybe graham too

Anyway ty for these thoughts im eating them up and leaving no crumbs . I love when ppl come to ramble in my inbox bc discussing this stuff IS SO FUN and a good outlet for me esp when i might be having art burnout rn .

[writtenonreceipts]

Asks are open for Rowaelin Month, you say?? ….. Dear friend, what I wouldn’t give for a little epilogue or post-outtake to When Morning Comes… 🥺🙏🏼

As I’m sure you’ve gathered by this point, WMC is one of my most favorite rowaelin fics. I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve reread it—but I’ll never forget the way it made me feel that first time! Gosh. You stole, broke, then mended my heart with that little au and those versions of Aelin and Rowan. 😭🫶🏼 WMC came at a time in my life when I just really needed it, I think, and it’s now forever cemented as an all time favorite of mine. You’d think me silly if you knew just how often I think about them and your fic lol.

Anyways. I rambled on more than I meant to—sorry!

If inspiration strikes, I would love to see a little glimpse of rowaelin from that au post the conclusion of part 2. Whether it’s just some fluffy content of them finally being idiots in love; celebrating a birthday together; them being all dressed up for a first official date or their first anniversary; them finding out they’re pregnant further down the road; or Aelin reflecting on how she’s finally attained a sense of closeness and love within the little family she has/is building with Rowan, after the years of having a complicated and strained relationship with her parents growing up.

Or it could be something entirely different from any of those ideas! So long as it’s a happy / fluffy epilogue (pls pls pls pls pls). They went through so much angst in that au (and don’t get me wrong, I loved every moment of the hurt/comfort) but ya girl is also a sucker for a fluffy hea epilogue lolol.

And if inspiration doesn’t strike for WMC in particular, that’s okay, too. I’ll love it just the same and always be grateful for the parts we did get. ☺️🫶🏼 I just thought I’d ask—just in case!

I'm just going to be emotional for a bit here thanks. It means so much to know how you love When Morning Comes. Truly. That story means a lot to me too. I pushed myself a lot with that story, not only to get it finished as quick as I did but the story itself and some of the themes and content it contains. I was nervous about posting it, nervous about how it would be received, and just nervous as I always get when it comes to sharing something new. <3<3<3 Thank-you so much for loving it.

I think I can whip something up for an epilogue too ;) for sure...I have thought on occasion of adding a lil bit more, it has a really simple ending in the main story and they do deserves something more, I think too! <3

[moonrisecoeur]

hey there!! i’m attempting to post this content for like the seventh time now and i’m just annoyed more than anything. this post will be the content warning for it and i’ll just post it separately as kind of like a long blurb thing. sorry i was trying to be cute but i suppose tumblr hates me <3

here’s a link to take you to the actual fic <3

a/n: this text is a collection of my thoughts while i was at work yesterday about leon having a yandere partner. this isn’t really like a coherent story, just a bunch of rambles and thoughts. i don’t think i did the term yandere justice tho lol. more notes at the end of the tags!

word count: 2.8k

content: sub!leon x yandere!reader. no pronouns for reader, no body parts described, everyone wants leon, mentions of bondage and body writing. less about sub!leon and more leon grappling with what to do with his obsessed lover.

warnings: blood, reader killing 2+ random unnamed people, toxic relationship dynamic (reader is loving and kind to him but it’s still really bad), dubcon (he wants it but he’s a little hesitant with the whole murder thing)

this is just a reminder that abuse in any form is not okay. just because you’re not hitting your partner or verbally degrading them does not mean you’re not abusing them.

this text describes the reader as violent and cruel to other people, and if we forget what they do to others, their relationship’s power dynamic with leon is completely skewed. the reader makes him believe they are the only one who will love him and care for him when he has flashbacks to traumatic memories. additionally, they isolate him from the other people in his life. again, this is not flashy, in-your-face abusive. but is important to recognize that this fact really does not matter. abuse is abuse.

when the reader is the active character performing acts of abuse or nonconsent in fantasy scenarios, we have a responsibility as adults choosing to consume this type of media to recognize reality from fiction and remind ourselves this is not how you approach relationships in real life, even more so than when the reader is the passive character having things done to themselves. it is okay to enjoy this concept as a fantasy (i had fun writing it! so i hope you enjoy it!) but do remember it is not real and should not be real.

this post contains no glaringly obvious non consent, there is no struggle nor force and no influence of drugs or alcohol, but i thought i’d touch on it anyway. there’s a moment of dubiousness as leon is hesitant to ‘give in’ because the reader just killed two people. obviously, i don’t advise or endorse murder. what i’m getting at though is that leon or anyone in that position could feel like they didn’t have a choice but to do what the other person says out of fear. that breaks the ‘freely given’ pillar of consent and automatically means it’s not consensual. your and others consent in real life should be respected and abided by at all times.

thank u for reading u are so sweet for doing so <3

[hearthandheathenry]

so I’m not sure if this is a sort of ask you’d be able to help with.

I’m very much a believer in mundane before magic. Things like do I have a headache from the lights or is the energy bad in a room? yknow

Anyway- in my head I know it’s silly, and that it’s just my hormones from being on my period- but a part of me thinks that’s it a bit of an interesting coincidence that the peak of my period was on the solar eclipse. This month I’m a few weeks off than regular and it sucked wayyy worse than usual. I was running hot all day and the eclipse was awesome but at night I had a bad fever. I was feeling my emotions worse than normal.

And- again here’s the part that I doubt the most/ think it’s probably just my brain making it up- I cannot for the life of me stop dreaming and daydreaming and thinking about this person I’ve not seen before. Now I’m no stranger to dabbling in more casual manifestation and attraction of friends and good opportunities. I’ve prayed to different gods or left offerings while asking for a friend or someone who could be a partner. The god I’ve been recently making offerings for and researching is a lesser known one from antiquity. Very much fertility and weather- I wonder if now my periods will just be worse since starting my worship lol.

In the back of my head I sorta wanted to do something on the eclipse anyway. It’s not a specific person, but I can’t stop thinking about this gorgeous person. It started when my period started but it’s continued after it. Again this is where I doubt the most since duh I just keep thinking about my ideal guy etc, but, I also had some weird dreams, a lot of imagery of Set from kemetism and birds and this person all jumbled together. Plus while out and about I saw a lot more Egyptian imagery and birds and romantic symbols and shit. It’s just in the very back of my head that I’m thinking maybe my past manifesting/spell work efforts are gonna pay off. Or maybe even someone is doing something and attracting an energy and I happen to be more sensitive to it. Idk just weird coincidences that have been irking me.

Sorry if this ended up being a weird ramble but I really wanted to write out how I was feeling and thought fuck it might as well send in an ask since I never really have much to say.

feel free to not respond if u don’t wanna 👍

also props to ur blog it’s very informative much luv :)

I didn't realize I received an ask, so sorry for the delay and thank you for your patience! I'm always happy to chat or give my 2 cents about anything!

First, I absolutely believe the eclipse can affect your period, so no worries there and it's not crazy or anything. Our menstrual cycles are based on the lunar calendar, every 28 days or so (some are just slightly longer or shorter, but the average is 28 days) and if the moon can affect the tides so completely, it absolutely can affect us humans who are 1 made up of a bunch of water ourselves and 2 are also energetic beings that can be sensitive to magnetic changes like any other being. There's some really cool research videos from NASA showing the magnetic fields around earth moving with the eclipse, feel free to check them out! Everything around us, especially large things with massive energy like the sun or moon, can absolutely affect our bodies! I'm not sure if you were in the path of the eclipse at all, but I'm in northern Illinois and we were at about 93% totality by me and even with that, you could absolutely feel it whether you were inside or not. My husband, child, and I all got huge bursts of energy and it was very overwhelming. My husband described it as an anxious feeling as he's not yet super in touch with his bodily feelings and energy and didn't enjoy the experience, but I could tell for me it felt very neutral but overwhelming, so I leaned into it and used to get excited and get things done. It was again though, very overwhelming, which is why a lot of people don't enjoy eclipses or claim they're chaotic energy. A huge burst of energy will always feel weird! Everyone around us and anyone who we spoke to absolutely felt the same. SO, in conclusion, absolutely could your menstrual cycle be affected.

Now, in regards to the imagery you've been experiencing and you looking into kemetism, I did a little digging myself since I'm not super familiar with kemetism and I found some pretty interesting things! I started off researching the God Set(Seth) since you mentioned him, and noticed the egyptianmuseum.org had mentionrd him being associated with eclipses, not just storms and such, but even more than that he had a long-standing tiff with the God Horus the Younger who ultimately bested him and took over his late-fathers throne. Horus the Younger was represented by a falcon and associated with healing, protection, the sun, and the sky. I'm not sure if this is the God you were making offerings to, but perhaps he is the one answering your calling and you are getting glimpses into a little about him and his journey to steer you towards recognizing who is answering you. They do say that if we focus on something we want, we begin to see it everywhere, even if we don't want to, but also many spiritual people who reach out to their Gods and Goddesses report seeing representstions and messages from them before they realize who is trying to communicate with them. So, perhaps Horus the Younger is the one trying to make contact with you. Or, if you've been manifesting a good partner for yourself, perhaps the man you've been seeing is closely tied with Horus or perhaps follows him spiritually. Or maybe he even just embodies the good characteristics of the God and your brain is choosing to represent him in this imagery. There's a lot of "what ifs" from an outside perspective, and only you will know what rings true to you and your situation. Hopefully some of my ideas and such will spark some clarity on your situation and you will figure out what messages you're receiving from the universe to continue on the path you want to lead. I definitely implore you to open your heart to the messages and synchronicities that appear to you in your life, as our guides are always walking along side us in our journey and the universe whole heartedly supports you in every decision you make. Not everything is a sign, but if it feels like it is, then it probably is. Learn to trust your gut and lead with instinct and be open to the energy around you, and just use your brain to keep you in check from becoming too far gone so that you can still be safe within your reality, instead of held back by anxiety or worry about simply being weird.

On another side note, just with the period and everything, I personally implore you to also maybe use this as a sign to learn more about your menstrual cycle if you've been working with fertility gods and your cycle was suddenly changed by the eclipse! There is so much us women aren't taught and we usually find out ourselves as adults doing research. Understanding the phases of our cycle, what's going on in our body and with our hormones, etc are all things that can lead us to better health, better periods, and a better understanding of ourselves biologically AND spiritually (you'd be amazed at how much power a woman holds thanks to her cycle). There's also so many cool unexplainable things that happen in regards to a woman's body and our ability to create! Did you know at the moment of conception when a sperm meets an egg that there's a flash of light scientists can't explain? Did you know that breastmilk is so complex and tailored to each baby and feeding that we can't reproduce it in a lab? Did you know that your energy levels directly follow your menstrual cycle and affect everything you do from weightlifting or exercise to needing to eat more or less to needing more or less sleep? Theres so much knowledge we've lost that women are now reclaiming and teaching and I love every part of it. I think every woman (and man tbh) should go on a journey of learning about their own fertility cycles and such.

Hopefully this was at least a little bit helpful for you! Best of luck on your journey!

[astrobei]

This is kind of an odd question, but since you seem to have done it very successfully and I have no clue: How do you make friends online?

I always see people on here talking about their mutuals and about their online friends, and some of that’s def survivorship bias, but I’m guessing I’m not alone in having no clue how to get from recognizing someone’s username to having them be a person I would talk to about a bad day?

Anyway, this continues to be a weird ask so answer it any way you want and no worries if it takes a while, but yeah, with all the posts about you and haven meeting up I am just looking for advice on *how*

Ty so much!

hi hi hi hello!! i’ve actually gotten asks like this before and i’m so sorry 2 everyone who’s sent one bc i’m afraid i don’t have a super concise or helpful way to answer this,,, (but i’ll still try lol)

to be so so honest with you, i got super lucky because i was introduced to a lot of my friends in this fandom through group chats or mutuals’ discord servers that other people have added me to, which i know is kind of a lame answer because being added to gcs/others’ servers is not exactly something u can control … but you are so right in saying that you’re not alone in feeling like this !! i know so many people feel intimidated by the idea of making friends on here especially since there Are so many users i associate as groups and it seems like everyone has Those Friends (me included, i’ll admit) and it’s probably easier said than done because i did get lucky enough to meet a lot of my now-close friends rn through ao3/comments/writers’ gcs way back in the summer or fall 😗 it also definitely takes time to get close to someone in this way, and these friendships are not something that happened overnight, even for me !! i feel like it’s easy to get stressed out by the potential of every new mutual/friend you make being The Friend and that can put a lot of pressure on both you and the other person to be super compatible right off the bat, so on and so forth, which isn’t fair and will probably lead to more disappointment than anything, so i think it’s important to remember that (almost?) no solid friendship goes from 0-100 overnight and it takes time to build trust and emotional connection with anyone!

so i would say . basically . if you’ve stayed this long and all of this rambling that my biggest pieces of advice would be:

1. fr and honestly just go for it. like you said, i know so many people feel the exact same way as you do, so send that mutual you admire an ask or a dm!! every friendship has got to start somewhere so if you see them rb an ask game maybe send something nice or maybe if you see a post that reminds u of them send it to them ! i’ve made a couple of my closest friends because we sent each other asks a lot before moving to dms -> other platforms, or people have just dm’d me directly out of the blue and i was surprised by how well we clicked !! these are maybe lame examples but. u get the idea lol. Just Do It i believe in u 🥳

2. be patient !! i know i already said it before but close friendships, like the ones you’re talking about, rarely happen overnight. even with people i’ve felt a connection with immediately, it’s taken some time for us to really get comfortable with each other and past that awkward stage so it’ll likely take some dedication and commitment to communication on both your parts! something i would like to emphasize: don’t make friends purely out of strong expectations of being Best Friends because, again, this could lead to a lot of disappointment when someone doesn’t live up to expectations you’ve created In Your Head. find people you really click with and genuinely enjoy talking to, and maybe see eventually if they’d want to move from talking through asks to dms to discord/text!

ummmm. i think that’s all i have to say on the topic, hopefully this wasn’t too disappointing to read because again, i’m not too sure how to organize my thoughts on the subject LOL but i’m wishing you all the best and i’m promising u that almost everyone in this community feels the same way !! make the first move/respond when someone maybe makes the first move to you + take it slow + be kind and patient and you will have friends lining up in ur dms to talk to u 🫡much much love !! 🫶🏽

[dragons-and-dwarves-are-nice]

To the Shadows that Cry Witch /// Chapter 10

Hello! I do apologise for posting this a day late, my friend comes round most Fridays so I have a tendency to be distracted. Anyway, we're on Chapter 10, the finale of Part 1!! I never thought I would get this far (even though the story has barely started lol) so I just want to thank everyone who has supported so far, even if it is only through likes, I cherish every single one. Now unfortunately, I will be taking a small break before posting Part 2, but it won't be long - the latest I will post is approximately June 16th, if not before then! I will also be opening requests during my break, so keep an eye out for when I do, because I will be limiting spaces. Apart from that, I hope you love Chapter 10, and I will see you all soon! Enjoy! <3

Summary: Magic was real, but it came at a price. So when two girls end up in the one place they never thought they could reach, strange things began to happen. Good or bad? That's up to them to find out.

Tags: Kíli x oc/reader - Fíli x oc (POV to be written soon) - Thorin's company x ocs/reader (platonic) - fluff - angst - SUPER slow burn - crack - Bagginshield

Word Count: 2360

Warnings: Mentions of Minor and Major Injuries from last chapter.

Taglist - comment or message to be added!

PLEASE START FROM THE BEGINNING IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY OK LOVE U

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< Chapter 9 // Chapter 10 // Part 2 (Coming soon) >

PART 1: Chapter 10 -

DIE. But first, food.

Jentacular (Definition): Of or pertaining to a breakfast taken early in the morning, or just about anything related to breakfast.

It wasn’t long before we were sat down on some comically small chairs, much to Bilbo’s dismay as he watched us try to fit our legs under the low table, knees bending at odd angles.

“I do apologise for the arrangement; we don’t get many visitors from beyond the Shire.” He explained as he pattered through to the kitchen, setting the kettle back on the fireplace hob to reheat after our prolonged wake up. “Let alone those of yourrr….” He gestured up and down whilst trying to come up with a polite word.

“Height?” I suggested.

“Yes! Height. I can’t say I’ve seen much of your kind around here, besides the odd traveller passing along our borders.” He told us, before beginning to trail off. “Also that wizard with the fireworks…..”

“Gandalf?!” Kay spurted eagerly, suddenly attentive. It seemed the excitement was getting almost too much for the both of us.

Bilbo looked almost taken aback at Kay’s sudden change in demeanour, his hand hovering whilst grasping a tea towel as he stared, before returning to pick up the hissing kettle.

“Well—yes.” He replied, coming over to the table to fill up three cups with steaming tea. “I take it you know him?”

For a moment my eyes darted between him and Kay, my mouth open slightly as I came up with a convincing response.

“Well, no, not really. Sort of just..,” I rambled as I waved my hand around slightly, trying to think of a convincing answer.

“—He’s quite popular!” Kay interrupted. “Where we’re from, actually, most people we know, know of him.”

“I see.” Bilbo frowned slightly, turning back around to return the kettle and hang up the tea towel. “Well, I haven’t seen him round these parts in quite some time, but his fireworks I most definitely remember.” He mentioned fondly, his voice trailing away slightly as he entered what I figured was the pantry.

I hummed in agreement, picking up the cup of tea with my bandaged hand and testing the temperature. Before I could take a sip, though, a thought reached me, and I twisted in my chair to face Bilbo who was just exiting the pantry with the rest of the breakfast arrangement in his arms. I scrunched my face at the painful jab I got from my ribs, reminding myself to keep my injuries in mind, before going back to ask my question.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve just remembered, I.. don’t think we got your name?”

Kay subtly gave me a strange look, her eyes asking me what I was doing. I gave her a reassuring glance.

Bilbo froze, face looking as if I had just insulted his mother, but within a second, he had launched the arrangement he had brought through onto the bread board on the kitchen side.

“Terribly sorry!” He exclaimed, whipping back round. “My name is Bilbo Baggins, of Bag End!” He took a deep breath, brushing imaginary dust off his robe. “I do apologise, it seems last night has had a bit of an effect on my formalities.”

I gave him a smile. “Oh it’s alright, you taking us in last night was plenty enough. You… basically saved us, well what was left.” I half-joked, gesturing at the two of us. “So we sorta owe you our lives.” I explained with a light laugh, whilst Kay nodded in agreement.

“Oh—I—well, I only did what was necessary.” He replied bashfully, his ears now an even brighter red than before. He finally sat down, wrapping his own hands around his cup of tea. “Speaking of names..” He nodded his head between us with raised eyebrows.

“Oh! I’m Kay.” Kay placed her hand on her chest with a wide smile. Bilbo then looked at me expectantly.

“Kate.” I stated with a warm grin.

He leant back, satisfied, though I could see him mouthing the names to himself, seeming a little confused as he narrowed his eyes slightly in thought.

“I must say, I’ve never heard such names before. And they both sound awfully similar…” Bilbo’s brows furrowed even more as he switched between our faces. It seemed that he would have trouble telling our names apart.

“We can explain them to you later.” I waved it off in an attempt to reassure him through his confusion.

He quickly shook himself out of any prior perplexment, nodding before standing back up and finishing the breakfast preparation.

It wasn’t long before the table was covered from top to end, mouth-watering food piled up that reminded us almost of an English Breakfast. After spending almost three days without any proper food, we filled our stomachs with what we could, making sure to share our thanks with Bilbo, who now had permanent pink ears from the compliments, especially when we started to throw his home into the mix.

Swallowing the last of the remaining food on my plate, I felt myself begin to sweat slightly at the uncomfortable feeling my ribcage gave me. The agonising ache I had tried to deal with all morning seemed to worsen as the chewing, swallowing and uneven breathing unsettled everything. I decided to ask something that had been on my mind since I ran my hand over the crusty mud now solidified on my trousers, but also as a means to distract myself from the uncomfortableness, because right now it was all I could think about.

“I don’t suppose you know of any places we could get clothes, or materials for clothes?” I managed to gasp out. Kay eyed me, a slight bit of concern showing on her face as she watched my uncomfortable expression.

Luckily it seemed Bilbo hadn’t noticed, as he made sure to finish his toast before he answered. “Well, I doubt there’ll be anyone for quite a few miles who will be able to lend clothes that fit you straight away.” I sighed slightly, looking down at my dirty clothes. “But!” I looked back up as a lightbulb went off in his head. “Gladiola Greenfoot, just down the hill, has a knack for spinning together an outfit for any occasion, considering the constant growing of her seven kids. You’ll have to pay her, and go down to get measured as well, since I doubt she’s ever sewn for big folk.”

I gave Kay a weary look at the sound of payment.

“That’s the thing. I don’t think our currency works here, let alone whether or not we have enough.” I tried to explain.

Bilbo took in the sight of our sullen faces (though mine mostly wasn’t about the money) and sighed slightly as he racked his brain for a solution. But he knew Gladiola enough to know she wouldn’t go out of her way to make a new wardrobe for two strangers for free, considering she had several miniature mouths to feed. That was until he watched as a thought come to the mind of, what was it, ah, Kay? She straightened up slightly, her eyes darting around until she leaned forwards over the table.

“What if we… oh I’m not sure.” She murmured uneasily, before leaning back on her chair dejectedly.

“Nooo, what is it?”  I encouraged, me and Bilbo now with our full attention on her as we waited eagerly.

She looked between us, unsure about her idea. She toyed with the fork in her hand before speaking.

“I mean, it’s asking a bit too much, but we don’t really have anywhere to go for a while, and since we can’t pay in money, we could, you know…” she looked up at Bilbo nervously, “pay in work hours?”

“Like chores?” I asked almost excitedly, whilst watching Bilbo’s for any expressions that could give away his thought process.

“Yeah, like, we could work for free for a while in exchange for clothes. You know, labour for labour.” Kay explained with a shrug of her shoulders.

It was now Bilbo’s turn to stare at the table, his thumb rubbing at his bottom lip in thought.

“We could do chores for Mrs Greenfoot in exchange for her making clothes, and if it’s not too out there, we could do chores for you in exchange for staying here for a bit? You know, considering we have absolutely no idea where we are or where we need to go.” I offered, though unsure, thinking we may have asked too much too early.

Bilbo hummed as he continued to stare into space as he processed the possibilities.

“I know it’s so all of a sudden,” I tried to reassure. “But we’re only asking since we’re sorta desperate for a place to stay.” Kay nodded along as she kept an eye on the fact my eyes were now becoming droopy. I saw the worry on her face and blinked a few times to try and snap out of it.

Finally zoning back in, Bilbo looked between us.

“I suppose I could do with some help around the house.” He murmured to himself, causing us to straighten up in anticipation. We both glanced at each other anxiously and I felt my good leg bounce as much as it could in the small space it was given as we watched Bilbo tap away at the table with his fingers, whilst his face varied through different expressions. Finally, he looked up, startling slightly at the sight of us staring with wide expectant eyes as we waited. Though it wasn���t until my bouncing leg accidentally jolted the table that he found the words.

“I mean, it’s not like I don’t have the room, nor am I the busiest hobbit in Hobbiton.” He pondered. Then with a stern face, he pointed between us. “As long as you don’t cause any trouble—”

“—We’ll behave!!” I cut in almost immediately, my hands gripping the edge of the table as I felt my chest burn at the sudden motion. “We promise, we’re the least troublemaking people you’ll ever meet, Mr Baggins!”

His eyes darted across my scratched up face as I gave him the most convincing doe eyes that I could, my dark brown irises baring intently into his forest green ones. With a sigh, he seemed to relent from his doubts as he relaxed back in his chair.

“Alright then.” He breathed with a half wave of his hand.

Kay immediately cried out in relief, before resorting poor Bilbo to another round of compliments whilst stating her many thanks. I leant back in my chair with a huffed laugh, tilting my head towards the ceiling in an attempt to stretch out the tension that had begun to build up in my neck. Looking back down at the two sat in front of me, I slouched slightly in my chair as a wave of both relief and fatigue swept over me.

“You won’t regret this Mr Baggins.” I stated as a tired smile made its way onto my face. “We may have only met today, but we’re gonna be the best chore-doers you’ve ever seen.”

He barked out a slight laugh. “Well I don’t know about that! But I guess you have time to live up to that claim.”

The excitement soon began to calm down, and it wasn’t long before Bilbo was out of his seat and taking his plate and cutlery to the sink across the room. Kay soon pushed her own chair back, and I watched as she went to reach for her own plate, picking it up.

My eyes followed as she went to reach for her cutlery next, that was until she stumbled slightly as what seemed to be a wave of dizziness hit her. As quickly as I could, I stood up, snatching the plate out of her hand and haphazardly throwing it back down onto the table before using the same hand to grab her wrist in an attempt to stabilise her.

She looked up, blinking rapidly as she tried to focus her eyes on her surroundings as I eased her back onto her seat. “You still have that concussion, remember?” I explained, before letting out a sharp hiss as my hand flew to my side, taking the deepest breaths I could as I sat myself back down.

Bilbo whirled around from where he was across the room as soon as I spoke.

“Concussion!?” He exclaimed, almost panicked as he hurried over. He looked at me, quickly spotting my pained expression. “Ho—How injured are you two!?”

“Pretty badly.” I answered meekly. I watched as further horror crawled into Bilbo’s expression as I listed off what we had endured, though purposely failing to mention that the worst wasn’t exactly from the fall we had by his house.

“Wha—Well, why didn’t you say so earlier!?” He sputtered as he practically dragged us through the house to the parlour where he plopped us down on some very comfy looking armchairs. We both observed him as he began pattering about again, quickly washing up what he could before hurrying off to what we supposed was his bedroom. Within minutes he was marching back out again, though he was now dressed for the day. And I admitted that he certainly wore clothes that matched his societal status. He was dressed as if we had gone back in time to the olden days of the English countryside, embellished in a finely made cream tunic tucked into a set of forest green trousers held up with suspenders, and topped with an ornately embroidered golden waistcoat.

We craned our necks as our eyes followed him to the front door, where he hastily threw on a blue overcoat. Swinging the door open, he went to step outside, but hesitated. Twisting on his heel with his finger pointed upwards, he glanced at his with his mouth open slightly like he was in thought. His pointed finger then was aimed at us as he spoke.

“Wait here.” He ordered. “Help yourself to the leftover tea, but do not overdo it or move too much.”

And much like our first encounter with him this morning, he was outside in a flash, the ends of his coat billowing behind him as he swung the door shut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[liebgirl]

no one asked but i’m awake and i’m here and i’m annoyed about it so i will now give you all my thoughts on the new taylor stuff. first of all. ok fake fan moment (hardly my fault the album was not good and i didn’t feel like going out of my way (beyond spotify) to listen to one fucking song from it) but i have never heard hits different before. as of writing this post i still haven’t frankly i listened to like 30 seconds and then was like eh this sounds promising enough that i’ll remember to come back tomorrow and then i came here. so that’s that. secondly. snow on the beach featuring more lana del ray?? ok taylor working overtime to beat the misogyny allegations i see. it’s not working. why? because this was bad. it sounds bad. sorry lana. you two should never collab again that was awful. sorry. i’m not a Music Guy i’m just giving my opinion. and my opinion is that it sounded bad and was bad. and i LIKE the og snow on the beach. so you know i’m not just being a hater because i never liked the song. anyway. never listening to that version again peace and love. going to stream some of born to die tomorrow tho literally album of the summer every summer since 2012 fr…. ok thirdly. the big one. going to ramble maybe idk i haven’t decided. anyway. if all the tiktok swifite discourse about karma featuring ice spice wasn’t enough to annoy you, how about the fact that the song sounds bad? it’s not good. sorry ice spice, i understand north west is a huge fan of yours so i assume your career will survive. but girl you did not have to agree to be a half assed feature on this bitch’s hastily made deluxe deluxe version of her flop album…. girl i know you did it for publicity i get it i love that but damn you should have at least used your bargaining power in this situation for something that is like. good to listen to. you HAD that bargaining power….. and you let blondie do this to you? goddamn. and now to comment on The Discourse because why not i’m already here. ok. people saying this was planned ages ago because music doesn’t ��just come together last minute it had to have been planned a while ago” blah blah. you are delusional. taylor did not know who ice spice was probably until her idiot fucking boyfriend said some racist ass shit about her. i’m not saying taylor is incapable of also supporting ice as an artist like i’m sure after she found out who she was she listened to her music and was like oh she’s good sorry my man said that lol. i assume they respect each other as artists in some capacity. however you literally need to understand that taylor featured her to make it look like her boyfriend’s shitty comments were water under the bridge (despite the fact he never apologized). and ice spice agreed because she knows that 1) the swifties that are being critical of taylor rn are going to support her and probably listen to her solo stuff. and 2) the swifties that aren’t being critical of her are also going to support her and maybe listen to her solo stuff. there is no version of this situation where ice spice loses, she agreed to this feature to grow her career, not because she necessarily forgave that guy for what he said, or because she thinks he and taylor are such good people, or because she really sees the situation as water under the bridge. it’s pr for her too she made a smart business decision. but she’s not taylor’s friend. also the idea that a feature on a song that already exists takes months to plan is ridiculous. babe they probably did this three weeks ago, this industry is not as fucking professional as they want you to think. anyway. that’s all. i should listen to hits different now. what direction do you think i’ll blorboify that one? i do wonder, no way to tell until i’ve actually heard the song. it’ll probably be about kit. most songs are these days i don’t really have much else going on. ok goodnight

[tiredmamaissy]

oh noooo, i hope next week is better! my weeks been all over the place as well, so i completely understand where you’re coming from 😞

i just sat up here and rewatched Avatar 2 and i am balling my eyes out. neteyams death still has me in a chokehold.

top 3 movie betrayals of all time…

do you think spider saving his dad was justified? i’m curious as to what your thoughts are. if it weren’t for lo’ak and neteyam saving spider, i truly believe the butterfly effect would have taken place and neteyam would still be alive becuz saving spider is what ultimately ended him up in the depths of the sea with eywa 😭

- 🧜‍♀️

aww thank you, i hope your week is better too and yes i've never felt so betrayed watching a movie in my life lol, i'm still very much so in denial

oh boy this is quite a discussion lool, of course my feelings are all mixed about this because neteyams death really affected me and a lot of time when something affects us to this extent it's only natural for us to find blame elsewhere. but if i were to be as objective as i possibly can no one is to blame for neteyams death other than the men that murdered him. spider helped his father because well, he's his father. growing up without one and being treated like a pet by the people he considered family must have really made things difficult for him when he was captured by his real father. things must have gotten even more difficult when quartich started displaying fatherly behaviour towards him (at least father behaviour that spider has grown up witnessing between jake and his children - calling them sir, being punished for acting out etc). quaritch definitely treated spider specially, simply because he was his son. if spider weren't his son and just another person he captured to help him kill toruk makto then i'm certain they wouldve found out all the information from the get go when he was being mentally tortured. so at that point when he stepped in and stopped the machine is the moment quaritch himself also faced some sort of dilemma within himself and his own identity. (sorry im getting so deep into this). spider too experienced some conflicting feelings when he found his father drowning, and was faced with the dilemma of returning the favour of saving him. but with the added stressor of lack of time (that man was pretty much dead), he still decided to swim away, only to come back and curse (if i remember correctly), cursing at the fact that he didn't want to be in such a situation. and even after saving him, he made the choice to go back to the family that we could also argue wasn't very concerned about him being captured (outside of kiri) seeing everyone kind of continued as normal with their lives. as for the butterfly effect, perhaps. if we're gonna get into the discussion of this we could also say that the lack of trust the sully family had in the metkayina caused quaritch to find them when jake pinged norm to come and help them after she had a seizure (when ronal was really the one to help her). i'm ofc in no way saying that this is what caused it all - again no fault but the perpetrators, i'm only discussing this from the butterfly effect's perspective. idk im just rambling at this point because my thoughts are still everywhere about this topic lol seeing im still very much so in denial and processing it all loool

anyways have a good day babe <3