#anyway saw a lotta cool p1 discussions recently so heres my contribution :p

[consumed-by-fandom]

I think something I wish I’d make more obvious whenever I write about p1 is how he’s not entirely innocent to his actions in Postal 1. Yes he’s deluded into thinking whats going on around him but even then it takes a certain person to just instantly be ready to slaughter hundreds in the name of survival. Deep down he enjoys the violence, the control, the feeling of having no choice. But he can’t ever admit that to himself because it would destroy him mentally. So constant denial over how he feels 24/7.

P2 is where all that gets funneled into, because he’s certainly honest about his sadism and he doesn’t give a shit. He doesn’t make any excuses for his behaviour. So when p1 feels that way and wants it to go away its a trigger for p2 to front and enjoy it so p1 doesn’t have to deal with the guilt.

P2 doesn’t like how he hides behind him about it. Will just tell him outright he shares the feeling and enjoyment and that he should just accept that and if he feels so bad about it? Stop doing it. Which to be fair after 1997 p1 tries to be a better person, but he WILL use any excuse to fall back into acting that way, all for his safety, all to keep himself safe. But that’s just hiding his desire for it.

Don’t get me wrong p1 wants to be a good person and he’s better morally at some things than p2, AND in those violent moments it is fear leading him. but that doesn’t mean he won’t give into his urges. He’s a deceiver especially to himself. Its something he doesn’t know how to control. Doesn’t mean he can’t though lol.

I love writing characters that aren’t good or bad all the dudes are morally grey and they all have good and bad qualities to them!! Fuck yeah!!!