#anyway now i'm gonna eat and be productive hopefully

[danieyells]

[helielune]

Pls tell me about the perfect app that lives in your head rent free

hello!!!! ok!!!!! i am here to dump all my brain sludge right here now!!

to preface i know there's like a bajillion productivity apps out there with varying degrees of quality so the likelihood of this already existing is very much nonzero BUT i think the possibility of it not existing yet is also very nonzero so here it is!!

essentially, the main premise is that one post, which said 'if thinking naruto would be proud of you for brushing your teeth, then grab that toothbrush dattebayo' or something along those lines.

it's an app that gives you a character to motivate you and work alongside you and celebrate your successes with you and encourage you to get up when you're. currently not up

mockup images!

is this miku? maybe.

anyways so the basic user workflow is that you would open the app (perhaps through a morning notification, if you're into that) and be greeted by your beautiful and supportive character, as well as your daily tasks. then you get to work!

each task or work session you complete will earn you currency! and with that currency you can deck out your character in the shop! think of a picrew. you can change their hair. their clothes. their body type. you can turn them into naruto if that helps you. you can make a whole new character if you want! and then you'll have two supporting characters!! this will all cost you 'work' though.

notes about the to-do list area:

morning routine section. this would hopefully be sort of a built-in feature. it would give you a morning notification to do all this stuff and include an animation of your character doing routine stuff with you so you feel like you have a friend brushing ur teeth with you lol

the tasks all have a label attached but i guess you don't really need one if you don't want one

the little tag that says '25m' on laundry means that you think doing the laundry will take 25 minutes of focus time. if you click on the hourglass icon next to it, it'll take you to a timer for 25 minutes automatically.

if you don't set time it'll just give you the default pomodoro timer sessions, which you can change in your settings. i'm a freak for settings so if this actually gets made you can rest assured there will be enough minute settings to go around

it lets you do 'counter' type tasks too, see 'apply to jobs'. thanks to habitica for that idea

notes about the timer page:

basically it tells you to focus on a single task. if you clicked the timer button for a single task in your list on the homepage that will be the highlighted one. if you clicked the general timer button then it'll just pull the first or a random one or something. but it only shows you one.

unless you click the expand button because i'm not gonna lock you out of viewing your own todo list

you can also 'quick' add a new task! like y'know when you suddenly realize you need to do that extra thing on the side just WRITE IT DOWN instead of getting sidetracked. maybe if i feel like it i'll let you take photos for tasks or speech to text or y'know. just make it easy and quick

during the breaks it plays a little break animation to remind u to drink water or eat something or whatever

i think i need to move some buttons around and stuff but generally this is what so many hours of my life (like years of turning it around in my mind plus the past few days of making these images) has turned into. some other features i would ideally have are screen time checkers so your character pops in when you've been on your phone for too long and says Hey. plus other stuff but this is already long

am i ever actually going to make this? probably i'd only get to a super basic version of it. at least a todo list. but those apps already exist...

there are some super limiting/challenging problems that i haven't really been able to solve. like 1. the picrew. god damn i want to make a picrew so badly but i just do Not have the time or energy. and if i use animations inside this thing to make it cuter than i would essentially be making a whole picrew like FIVE TIMES (FOR THE FRAMES).

and it leads into the next issue 2. the continuous motivation. it's easy to be motivated when you're using a brand new cutesy app and have like a hundred things to buy but what if you run out?? how many things do i have to draw to keep up with the demand and keep it motivating?? especially if the items in the store are hit or miss (which is. inevitable, because no store can be 100% only things that you want to buy) then the pickings get slim REALLY fast.

3. the personalities of the characters. it's one thing to provide a character and make its personality myself (i would do that anyway, a small handful of default characters, because you do need to get started somewhere) but it's another thing entirely to make a billion different lines of text to minutely capture the possible words of encouragement that every fictional character you ever liked would say. so you can have an accurate replica of them in your motivational app for maximum motivational affect. is this actually important to people? idk but i feel like if ur productivity app said smth weird and u went like 'he would not fucking say that' it might break the spell. so

thats the basic rundown if u have any questions OR FEEDBACK (!!!!!!!) hmu if you want to use this app also hmu but maybe don't depend on me making it in full... so some alternatives i found while looking for inspo are

habitica (classic gamification, does a lot of similar stuff including personalization!)

finch (just a supportive buddy, mostly for habits and self care)

otto (it's really cute and basically you take care of a Creature by focusing, but it's only a browser extension i think)

someone on a reddit thread made a feature-heavy gamified habit/productivity browser extension here and it seems very useful!!!

also other resources:

Magic ToDo - GoblinTools breaks tasks down into subtasks for you! it's not always 100% accurate but can be a start :) especially since you can decide how many parts you want

forest (i used this a lot before, it's more of a screen time stopper but it's got a sort of fatal flaw in that you have to actively begin using it each time. sometimes i just need someone to kick me out of a scrolling loop.) (also after they started monetizing the prizes it got boring :( )

my friends used opal before for screen time reasons but it's paid. if u have money that's probably a good choice

'amazing marvin' is another productivity/habit browser extension which is also paid. if you're into paying. heard it's good and super customizable to you too

i once tried cold turkey to break my screen habits and at least i can say it is VERY effective at what it says it does. just be careful with what you block lol

if u made it this far here's an extra miku for ur troubles. i drew it bc. i was gonna make a sprite and then got lost in the sauce. these mockups are gonna singlehandedly make me a master at ms paint mouse/trackpad drawing

btw it's not wednesday september 11 right now unless it is for you in which case how is it living in the Future? or the Past. i don't make the time rules

[sardonic-sprite]

I'm Back!

Wow, so Lent is over now, so my tumblr fast is also over and I'm still a little in shock, lol. I had hoped the past six weeks? I don't know, Time is weird, would be more productive but at least I got SOME stuff written/posted. Anyway, I have one more month of school and then fucking FINALS so expect sporadic updates at idiot-o-clock hours of the night, and maybe yell at me to sleep, eat, study, or drink water whenever i do post 😅

I am up to SO EFFING MANY wips rn on so many different fronts you guys have no freaking idea 😭 so here's a status report for EVERYTHING on or going on sardonic_sprite. (Its gonna be a monster post, y'all, bear with me)

in absolutely no particular order:

Wayne4Ham: We have a LONG way to go with this one, so just be patient and I'll slowly but steadily plug on through. Aaron Burr, Sir, should theoretically take me no longer than end of april

Wayne-Crazy: there's like 4 specific requests on it, plus a few 'series' i started, but after those, say 6-7, i'll probably mark as complete and only re-open if someone offers me an idea

Batman Beginners: i'll tell y'all up front, this one will take me forever. i don't even know what all I intend to cover, but know that i'm halfway done with the DITF arc, and it'll probably come out in the next two months

Just A Kid: this was my shits-and-giggles fic that got like 3000 notes in a weekend lmao. it's something i do intend to continue bc its so fun and i enjoy the concepts in it, but i don't have plans to actively write more of it in the immediate future.

Rev Wayne: just gave y'all Jason's fic, so the next probably won't come until late in summer, extrapolating from my few data points. if anyone has ideas for timmy's intro, let me know, i'd love some inspiration

Celeb Batwaynes: reported separate from wayne-crazy for reasons. i think theres like 12 specific requests plus 2 ideas of my own. i may put out a poll for the next one to write, but not until after school's out, because these fics are HUGE time-eaters for me. speaking of, are non-tumblr-users able to vote on polls?

Welcome to Gotham U: this was again, me doing shit bc why not. will probably add more in the style that i first posted, but i doubt i will write any prose for it. if you would like to give it a try, please reach out, i'd love to see what you write!

One Diamond: every time i touch this i make the cliffhanger worse lmao. i finally do have a direction, but execution is gonna have to wait a while.

The Young, Innocent, and Righteous: this is mostly just for me anyway, but i'm just gonna say that i'm waiting until i finish watching miraculous season 5 before i go any further

AS you wish: i have 5 more requests to do and i am so sorry to everyone waiting you do not deserve this lmao. i promise im trying, i love your ideas, it just takes me a really long time to fill in the rest and then actually write it. the next one on my list is particularly hard to pin down and so it's halting the ones behind it to. if not before, then after finals i will sit and bang my head on the keyboard until something good comes out

Light Isn't Fadin': soooooo many people have asked me about this one oof. SOMEDAY, i swear. right now its a huge, nebulous, hulking monster and im sorry it's just not happening yet.

A christmas carol: wait until december. please

Father's Day: june.

A Little Problem: over the summer, i will watch marvel movies until they once again hijack my brain and fuel this to completion. maybe.

easter eggs: how the fuck did i forget this lmao. i'm doing as much as i can in april, but when the month is done, i'm sorry, we'll all be waiting until next lenten season. hopefully it won't come to that.

aaaaand i THINK that's finally it. there's also a bunch of random paragraphs in word and google docs that may appear, not to mention ideas that kidnap me in dark alleys. but i also have like a good half dozen other wips for other places that im trying to attend to, so please be forgiving if it seems like its taking a while to post something as sprite.

as always, i love questions, comments, concerns, even some complaints, so feel free to interact.

See ya when I see ya!

sprite

[bloopdydooooo]

Hi! I just read your recent Hamlet fic and noticed your note about the mob Hamlet ask disappearing. Me again! I still care and am here if you wanna share (: hopefully tumblr doesn’t eat it this time!

finally.... someone has stumbled into my lure.......

essentially mob!hamlet is the hamlet id direct if i ever - god knows how or why - got a chance to direct hamlet. it stemmed from the fact that i'd been in a gritty performance of romeo & juliet and thought shakespeare and violence really go hand in hand, if done well. (i think it's important to state that i am in no way shape or form a director, nor do i intend to be as a career. i am an actor and, more importantly, a nerd, and i think a lot of thoughts about hamlet.)

anyways i figured it's easy to keep everything the same while transposing the characters into a world of organised crime and you know what? i was right. picture like.. the godfather type visuals but it's hamlet.

the fact that i don't see a world in which i'm able to actually stage this production means i've created a whole au in my head with character designs and very fixed motivations, but at its heart it's a performance i'd want to stage.

uh. from this point onwards im gonna ramble about the specifics of how i'd direct a few bits cause i've just. i've been stewing with this for so long now.

my main concerns were the ghost and polonius' death scene, because the whole concept mainly came to me through an idea of how i'd like to see the deaths in 5.2 done.

it took me an embarrassingly long time to come up with a solution i liked to kill polonius which consists of making an audience uncomfortable. my idea would be to have all the spying take place from the audience, with the characters being spied on acting their hearts out on stage, which means that i can have polonius be in the audience when hamlet shoots him (not a fan of guns but boy oh boy is a long range weapon cool to use). the aim is to make the audience feel on edge, like they, too, have been spying on hamlet's private life.

maybe i just think immersive theatre is really cool. but i think i could pull it off, with some well-timed flashes of house lights.

as for the ghost i..... uh am still struggling. this is why directors work with designers instead of just being some nerdy guy who's read hamlet one too many times for it to be sanity. but i saw a production in cambridge that i though excelled in some ways (and fell horribly flat in others - why did they do 3.4 like that???) and one of the elements i liked was the fact that the ghost was an almost inhuman creature, but still clearly a regal figure. almost mothlike in the way he was wrapped in his cloak, ambling ominously across the grass with what i can only describe as arm stilts and some basic plate armour. i so far all i've got is that i thought that was cool, though :/

my idea for the hamlet, laertes, and claudius' deaths are pretty set in stone in my mind, though. hamlet and laertes can have a little fight (who doesn't love stage fighting?) but with knives, not swords cause uh. we don't really use swords anymore and i fear there'd be too many similarities to rsc's hamlet 2009 if i did fencing. also i think knife fights are cool. anyways, they do their whole mutual poisoning thing, and hamlet makes his way over to claudius.

there are a couple accepted ways to kill claudius (that i've seen); my proposal is All Of Them. hamlet threatens claudius with the poisoned knife to make him drink the poison, and claudius goes to drink it. before he can, though, hamlet runs him through with his blade because he needs to be the one to kill him. i don't think he'd let claudius get away with doing it himself, even if he was forced.

also horatio absolutely tried to drink that poison and hamlet absolutely guzzled it down before he could. cause of homosexuality.

as in sure you can tell, the deaths are a large concern, staging-wise. also, they're the only thing that's remotely interesting for me to talk about because no one wants to hear which side of the stage i think rosencrantz and guildenstern enter from or whatever lol

[rival-the-rose]

Also I may be having a small relapse. On account of I am currently avoiding doing anything so that I don't have to eat. And I did the opposite yesterday and the day before (working really hard so I don't have to eat). It was interesting on Tuesday bc my partner took the day off so I didn't have anyone even casually monitoring my intake and so I was able to see just how far I could get in the day without eating or drinking. And they harped on this in the hospital but it somehow surprises me every time - it's never enough. No matter how long I go or how little I eat, it doesn't soothe the urge to starve myself. There's never a point where I'm like, ok now you can eat your BMR or whatever. It really feels like at some point I should feel "sated" but it never comes. So then I start thinking about exercising while restricting to see if that will quiet my head and then generally I start passing out bc that's a bad idea turns out. And it feels like everyone must have these things in their brain! Everyone says things that I am thinking about food and bodies. It can't just be disordered, some of it has to be normal. Anyway. I think I'm gonna take a nap instead of anything more productive and then hopefully I'll be able to eat when my partner gets home.

[pinkcherryblossomangel]

Away from home -chapter 3

Y/N is an actress, filming for her first lead role in the film adaptation of her favourite childhood book, produced by maximum effort.

She bonds with Ryan Reynolds over their share Love of the Korean pop band Stray Kids, and he has a surprise for her.

When she starts missing home and the darkness creeps upon her, her hotel neighbour comes to her rescue.

Trigger warnings- mentions of depression, self harm and anxiety

Stray kids fan fic

Mainly staring 3ratcha

But the other boys do make appearances it's just easy to keep to minimum of characters lol

Chan x oc

This is my first ever fan fiction so if it's shit soz

We've somehow managed to catch up to the schedule so we finish at 6pm like planned. I make my way to my trailer to get my things, but stop before I can get there. Waiting outside my trailer is Chris and Ryan.

"There you are!" Ryan exclaimes as he spots me.

"Who would've guessed I'd be coming to my trailer!" I sarcastically reply. Chris is leaning against the railing of the stairs, he's taller than me up there, I give him a nod. He jumps down to make room for me to get my stuff. "Not to seem rude, but why are you guys here?" I ask.

"We thought it'd be useful if you and Chris specifically spent some time together discussing your character and the film. Changbin and Han are doing the same with jack". Jack's the male lead in the film. Sweet but a bit too arrogant for my taste. A great actor though, fortunately for me.

"Yeah that sounds cool!! Whatever helps with making this the best film it can be!" I reply. Ryan seems to have graduated from Jenna's school of shit eating grins, cause he's beeming from ear to ear.

"I was thinking we could go for dinner tonight? Just in the hotel lobby, and we can discuss some of the major plot points!" Chan interupts mine and Ryan's seeming staring contest.

"Yeah that sounds great! I'm staying at the Milton. Want to come to me or me to you?" I reply.

"I'm staying there too. Seo and Han are staying at another one down the road. The one Jack's staying at right?" He asks Ryan.

"Yeah, there was only one room free at the Milton for 6 weeks." Ryan answers. 6 weeks. I'm gonna be hanging out with Bang Chan for 6 weeks. This is unreal.

"Oh, well I'm heading back now. If you're ready to go back you can join me in my car. I'm sure Keith wouldn't mind extra company!" I say locking up my trailer.

"Yeah that sounds great actually. I'll just get my things and say bye to the boys. I'll be back in a few" With that Chris leaves me and Ryan stood outside my trailer.

"What are you doing?" I probe him. "You know I fancy him", I feel like a child whining to their dad.

"I thought you'd enjoy working with him. Plus he's a fan of yours just as much as you are of him."

"Well that's bullshit. I've litterally been in 4 things beside this. And in one of them most of my scenes were cut."

"He saw the play you were in, in London." I'm taken aback.

"He saw the crucible?" This play pretty much changed my life. I played a supporting character in the national theatres production of the crucible. That's where Blake and Ryan saw me for the first time, and apparently Chris Bang did too.

"Yeah he came with us" Ryan replied.

"You never told me that!"

"Must've slipped my mind"

Chan comes back, and I can't help but notice he's put on some more perfume. He smells incredible.

"You ready to go?" I ask

"Yeah" He confirms.

"Nice seeing you Ryan!" I say hugging him tightly. "Tell Blake I'll text her later!". Chris and Ryan say their goodbyes and then it's just me and Chris, walking to the car park. We walk in silence. I'm not sure what Ryan's told him about me. Hopefully nothing.

"So how are you enjoying being in America?" Chan asks breaking the silence.

"It's hot, hotter than England anyway. And I'm actually starting to miss the rain." He laughs, and scratches his head. "How about you?" I ask.

"I like being by the ocean here. Its the best thing about California. Right on the beaches doorstep." He says with a love I find endearing.

"Yeah that is a positive. I actually went to watch the sunset last week at the beach. There's this little secluded area near the Milton. The way the sun bounces of the water if enough to make me cry." I admit, "but what can I say im an actor, we're prone to the dramatics" I joke.

We've found Keith and his black cab and take our seats in the back.

"Evening, Y/N! And who's this?" He asks looking at Chris in the rear view mirror.

"I'm Chris!" He greets with a nod and smile. He really is a charmer.

"He's staying at the Milton too, so I thought it'd make sense for him to come back with us. I hope that's okay?" I say slightly concerned I've annoyed the poor bloke.

"Will it be a recurring thing?" Keith enquires.

"Depends on schedules, but maybe." I answer it the sweetest way I can.

"Well it's nice to meet you Chris"

"You too Keith!". And with that we drive back to the hotel.

The car ride is nice, but long. This week's base location is an hour and a half away from the hotel. Usually I sleep on my way to and from, but it feels rude to do so with Chan here. However I can't help but be lulled asleep by the movement of the car.

I wake up back at the hotel, with Chris gently tapping me awake. Again those sparks appear to be flying.

"Was I snoring?" I ask

"No" Chris says

"Loudly" Keith interjects.

"We're here" Chris informs me. It seems like him and Keith hit it off whilst I was sleeping. Cause they can't stop chatting. We get out the car and wave Keith off.

"He seems lovely. And another Brit!" He exclaims!

"Yeah im pretty sure that's why they assigned us together. It is nice to hear a voice from home." We walk into the foyer and down to the lifts. "What floor are you on?" I ask pressing my floors button.

"Looks like the same as yours" he replies.

"We're floor buddies!" I say instantly regretting it as it comes out my mouth. I sound like a child.

"Yeah I guess we are!" He seems to like that childlikeness. It's something I've always held onto. The childlike wonder and joy. Well tried to hold onto. It makes the dark days easier.

We exit the lift and turn the same way down the corridor. And again. And again. Until there's a dead end and only two rooms left.

"No way are you in room 7," I exclaim "I'm room 8"

"I guess we're actual neighbours too!" He replies sweetly.

"Gonna make this a whole lot easier. How about insted of tea down in the restaurant we order room service and do the work in my room? Its more quiet and less likely to draw any unwanted attention." I say knowing that if Chris is seen with anyone of the opposite sex they'll be some sort of dating rumour.

"Sounds like a plan. Let's say 8:30?"

"It's a date.... not like a date date but like a plan date. You know what I'm just gonna shut up" He smiles at my word vomit and I feel a warmth I haven't felt in a long time.

"8:30 it is! It's a date" He replies. And with that we both enter our rooms. As soon as I shut the door behind me, I head to the shower to wash off, and also to calm me down. I cant believe I'm gonna be hanging out with Bang Chan in an hours time. What the actual fuck is my life.

[throwaway-yandere]

Mx. Ansy, how are you doing on this fine day/night? Ehe, I hope you're doing well or if not, hopefully better! ♡ I've been getting headaches lately, but playing through the new Fungi event really washed them all away for some reason? Have you played it? It gives me Pokemon vibes and who am I to deny the opportunity to become Ash Ketchum in Genshin 🥸 (P/S: I'm glad you found it sweet that my s/o is also an ENTP, I actually told them about the matchup and phew, was their ego stroked, haha. You ENTP's are just such adventurous and creative gremlins that as an INFJ, I'm not sure if I'm concerned or amused or both. /pos)

Also, I was literally about to comment on Mei anon's marvelous idea and then, you posted this and I just let out an audibly tired sigh as soon as I read it 😮‍💨 (meant in a comical way because this is true, Mr. Shikanoin would play me and I'd have to resist the urge to shush him with my finger + It's just the "Say fork 5 times" "Okay? Fork, fork, fork, fork, fork?" "Good. Now, what do you eat soup with?" "Fork, WAIT—" thing all over again and I keep falling for it).

And my 50 Mora... Goodness, do I need to give him a hand cream so his hand won't slip next time or should I just start pressing buttons for him from now on? Wait, what if he keeps doing this on purpose? Of course, I don't mind lending him my Mora but if he makes this a routine, I might have to reconsider— Okay, I'm buying him that hand cream. A lavender-scented one might be too basic for his liking... Hm, a dandelion-scented one? No, that scent is too rare... And the incessant thoughts go on, all to ensure that Dandelion anon's Mora would no longer be jeopardized.

A-anyway, about that ANON theory you have concerning me, I think it'd be better to perish that possibility. Our— I mean, my schedule is way too packed for that, r-right, Madam Alice? (Looks of desperation are being thrown.) And if Mr. Shikanon persists, I shall bring out the secret technique of forehead flicking. Though, I doubt it'd stop him. /j

- dandelion anon

(I haven't played the event yet but I do love pokemon lololol, black & white will always be my fave and I completed my alolan pokedex lol)

It definitely won't stop him but I have a feeling that in your case Mr Shikanoin will try to free up your schedule simply because he thinks you being a vtuber is entertaining–

Definitely don't jeopardize your mora for this man. He has plenty ;-;. If he's sOooOo smart let him learn from his mistakes, stop lending him money 😭–

-------

"Hmm? You're in an idol group? I didn't know that– oh, is this a prank? Did you lose a bet with Mister Shikanoin? Haha, oh dear! If you're gonna fool me, try harder! There's no way I– founder of TEYVAT Productions slash editor of the Idol Magazine slash executive producer of Kreideprinz– wouldn't know about you being a secret idol. Let's not dillydally, go back doing your paperwork, dandelion~. Don't let these people bother you, I'll talk to them, mkay?"

[sebstanseabass]

Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 17

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

One of the advantages of being a photographer — or a self-taught photographer in your case — is having the ability to acquire an eidetic memory. You remembered the hat that the little bitch (a four-year old) was wearing when she pushed you off the swings in daycare, or the little stain on your father's doctor's lab coat when your family had to rush him to the hospital, or what Peter was wearing the day you guys first met (some oversized flannel he borrowed from Bucky), or the look on your ex-boyfriend's face when you punched him in the face for cheating on you.

The attention to every pretty little detail is, and always will be, a must, and so not remembering where you had seen Bucky before killed you, or rather, was killing you.

It was a normal morning, well, better than your normal mornings to say the least, with Bucky spending the night in your bed. This time, you woke up first, all wrapped in nothing but sheets and Bucky's arms just like yesterday. You rolled over to his side and admired him in his sleep. Then, sudden flashes of Bucky's face from before flooded your memory. You didn't know when exactly was before. It felt like a kind of a deja vu moment.

While eating Bucky's homemade breakfast, in your mind, you listed all the possible places where you could've seen him before: a café, a bar you once went to in college, a bookstore, a museum, a convivial gathering, a convenience store, and any other places you could've bumped into him.

The morning grew unusually quiet and clouded, eliciting concern from Bucky.

"You seem awfully quiet this morning." He observed. "Are you alright, doll?"

"Y-yes, I am."

"Uh-oh, was the sex not great last night?" He joked, nudging his elbow against yours.

You shook your head, trying to smile a little. Thankful that Bucky was trying to keep everything light. "No, no, it was great. You were great. It's just... I'm just quite anxious for today."

Today, you were going to Sam's office and to his store on Fifth Street, to discuss the details about the project. It wasn't what you had in your mind this morning but as you told Bucky about it, you realized you really were getting a bit nervous about the meeting. It was a big deal, after all.

Sam's business, The Falcons, was getting more recognition than you thought. He was now in near competition with Nike and Adidas, especially with the rumors of him releasing brand-new footwear, that could — and you quote one of the articles you read while on break — “overthrow the big leagues.” That alone, already put you in the spotlight. So, whatever you put out there should only be a success, and not a flop; because if it were a failure, you wouldn't only be humiliating yourself, but Bucky as well.

"You're gonna do great!" He assured you. "Plus, it's just a meeting. You two already seem to have a grasp on the project, anyway."

"Yeah." You sighed. "You're right."

You wanted to ask Bucky if you had ever, ever, met each other before — perhaps during a party where you’ve rescued Peter before? — but you bit your tongue to stop yourself. You already did when you met, anyway. And everything was going great between the two of you — whatever the hell this was; besides, labels are overrated nowadays — and you didn't want to say anything or do anything that could potentially ruin it. You were beyond happy in your little bubble, and you could tell Bucky was, too.

You brushed all those thoughts at the back of your mind as you and Bucky strolled through Sam's building's hallways, ironically telling yourself it was all just in your head, that you were just quite edgy about this damn meeting, that you were just thinking about Bucky all the damn time; and the more you told these things to yourself, the more you believed it, and the more you hoped you would never have these thoughts again.

Today, you wore something a bit different than what you usually wore down at the bar. A blazer and pants set, adorned with black and white stripes, a tube top inside, and a white belt that kept the blazer on your sides. You got the set when you and Bucky were out shopping on Monday, of course, Bucky paid for it no matter how many times you refused. Your hair was let down, all the ends flowing down your shoulders until the bottom of your breasts. Lips painted bright red (which Bucky really, really liked). A bit of shimmer on your eyelids as well.

Today was a huge deal and you wanted to look your best.

Bucky kept his hand on the small of your back the whole time you walked, giving a sense of comfort and familiarity you now learned to be fond of. He told the story of how he met Sam (at a bar, where else?), how he had seen him grow in the industry (all the ups and downs), and also how they've always supported each other — the three of them.

"Wait, the three of you?" You asked. "There's another one?"

Bucky almost wanted to stop in his tracks but decided against it. He avoided your gaze, his eyes straight down the hallway. "Yes, but we've fallen apart." He said. "He has his own thing now. Anyway, let's not talk about it. We have more important things to deal with today."

Before you could even ask what the name of this third friend was, Sam appeared at the end of the hallway, with his arms wide open, like a king opening his arms to his heir. Bucky, without leaving your side, proceeded to hug Sam only using his free arm, "Hey, man," he said, and retreated back afterwards.

On the other hand, you shook Sam's hand and gave him a smile.

"Hi, Sam." You greeted. "Nice to see you again."

"You too... y/n." Sam replied, hiding a smirk you knew he was itching to show, hiding the fact that he wanted to mock Bucky by calling you "babydoll."

"You guys made it in time." He said. "Come with me to the conference hall."

Sam led you to his right where a white long table stood in the middle with a bunch of vacant office chairs around. A projector sat on the center of the table, a series of displays of sports apparel lying around, perfectly organized by color. A blonde woman had her back on you, flipping papers on a clipboard. Once she heard you come in, she swiveled around and put the clipboard on the table.

"Y/n, this is Sharon Carter, my assistant and the project manager assigned for this new release." Sam spoke. "She knows everything there is to know about how my business works, all the ins and outs. And if in any case I won't be around, you can always rely on her."

"Hi, nice to meet you." You said.

Sharon Carter, instead of answering verbally, just offered you a smile and a small nod. Her gaze shifted towards Bucky, and then Sam. "Mr. Wilson, does he need to be here?"

"Always a pleasure to see you, Sharon." Bucky chuckled.

Sharon ignored him and continued to talk to Sam; well, tried to. "All the details in today's meeting are confidential and he — "

"He's good, Sharon." Sam cut her off. "I doubt he'll be interested in this, anyway. He's just here for his... doll." Sam chortled and Bucky winked and clicked his tongue in response. "Besides, he's the one who introduced me to y/n."

Sharon sighed in defeat and tried to smile at her boss. "Very well then."

"Please, take a seat." Sam offered, leading you towards the vacant chairs.

While walking towards the chairs, Bucky bent over on your side and whispered: "Don't worry, she's usually like that" which gave you relief.

"Good," you whispered back, "for a moment there, I thought she hated my guts."

"To be fair, she usually hates everyone's guts. Especially mine." Then, he placed a small kiss on your temple before pulling out a chair for you. "You'll do great, doll."

"Alright," Sharon started, glaring at Bucky, "shall we begin?"

The meeting lasted longer than you had liked it to be, and for a little while, it suddenly became an understanding of the difference between working with small, independent businesses and big businesses such as Sam's. Usually, you had a lot of artistic upper hand when it came to the small ones, seeing as they were still starting — and it was also where your college degree came in handy. You would talk to them about advertising, and marketing strategies through product photography. And that was that. But Sam's business already had something to start with.

Something already big.

In the middle of the presentation, Bucky reached for your hand under the table (which took you by surprise), hooking his pinky into yours.

"Just hold my pinky like this if this is too overwhelming for you." He whispered.

"Why the pinky?"

He just shrugged in response, a smile playing on his lips.

Sharon walked you all the way through it, careful not to miss any kind of detail, small or big: from the moment the business started (Sam working in retail, then reselling clothes, then making streetwear designs of his own until he landed on sporting apparels), and to what made the business grow what it is right now.

"Inclusivity." She continued, clicking on the next slide, "This is what The Falcons is going to be all about. Plus-size workout clothes, a huge array of colors suited for every skin tone — literally any color you can think of. We also have workout clothes and streetwear in one which means new designs and new materials. And of course, the new footwear. Bringing the light in speed, bringing new comfort, a new aesthetic, footwear for all. Again, inclusivity. Right in front of you," she pointed to all the sports apparel lying on the table, "are the new designs. We just received the first batch yesterday and we're expecting the second and last one hopefully this weekend just in time for the photoshoots any day next week."

"Me and the marketing team haven't actually discussed the photoshoot details, but they've had that with Sharon, seeing as she's the project head. All I have to do is approve it," Sam said, looking at you, "with you here, of course."

You nodded in agreement, then looked at Sharon. "Will we discuss, perhaps, half of it today?"

"Oh, I can discuss all of it." Sharon smugly replied. "I have a very promising proposal right here." She clicked the next slide, showing photos of various known models. "Let's start with the models. The new faces of the Falcons — "

"Hi, sorry. Can I weigh in on this one?" You interrupted as you scanned the faces of the models in front.

"I haven't finished yet."

You looked at Sam, who had his finger on his chin (assessing the situation), pleading with him with your eyes. "Go ahead, y/n." He said, nodding.

"Thank you, Sam." You replied then went back to the screen. "If I'm not mistaken, that's Kendall Jenner."

"Yes, it is."

"That's not exactly a new face." You argued. "And isn't she already an ambassador for Adidas?"

"It is a new face of The Falcons." She answered. "And she's actually ending her contract with Adidas. Something about breach of contract or some sort that I cannot legally discuss with outsiders."

"Where are the plus-size models?" You asked.

"I was actually getting to it." She clicked the next slide.

"Ashley Graham?"

"Yes, her. She's the perfect candidate."

You bit your lip, leaning forward on the table and unhooking your pinky with Bucky's. "Look, all of these models are gorgeous and handsome and good models but they're faces you see every single day on billboards — "

"Exactly. They're faces you see every single day." She repeated. "That means that these faces sell. And that's what we want for this release."

"I thought what you wanted was inclusivity." You frowned. "We should get people who are real athletes and models from different races, colors, and sizes. Real people, not these people you see every day on your phone or everywhere you go. These models are overrated, anyways." You faced Sam, who was listening intently. "Let's not get faces but stories instead. I believe that's what will separate The Falcons from these huge brands. It's a new release, right? Might as well make everything new."

Your words hung in the air, rendering the whole conference room quiet. Until Sharon broke it off. "Business doesn't work that way. I went to business school. I know how the system works."

You chuckled. "I majored in business and finance. Trust me, I know everything there is to know about business, not just you."

She was dumbfounded but tried to hide it, anyway. "But this is my proposal. You don't have a say on who we should get. You don't work for The Falcons."

"I know." You sighed. "But I'm working with you, and I have a say in this as much as you do." You glanced at Sam who was deep in thought. "But of course, Sam will always have the last say."

You leaned back in your chair, your chest heaving. With your eyes straight ahead, you grabbed Bucky's hand and hooked your pinky with his.

"Sharon," Sam started, "that was an excellent presentation and I humbly appreciate it but y/n does have a point. I wouldn't want these people representing The Falcons. I want people like me, people with stories to tell. Inclusivity isn't a marketing strategy, or a statement. It's what I believe in. And you," he swiveled his chair in your direction, "made a good case out of it."

You broke out in a smile, glancing at Bucky who also did the same. He now intertwined his fingers with yours, squeezing your hand three times.

"Sharon, find new models and athletes and have their profiles by next week. Let's think of it like... Kind of like a casting call." Sam said, standing up. "Now, let's dismiss this meeting 'cause I am starving."

-

"You have got to get a new assistant, Sam." Bucky groaned as you got inside Bucky's limo. You had lunch at some fancy restaurant in Manhattan before Sam showed you around the main store down Fifth Street.

You laughed, greeting Howard who gave you a smile through the rearview mirror. "She's the best assistant I could ever get."

"Please." Bucky said. "You could have better. She's just, ugh, I don't know, what's the word for someone who thinks she's better than everyone else in the room? Who hates practically everyone but goes to great, great lengths just to kiss your ass — "

"Alright, alright!" Sam cut him off, laughing. "I get it, man. But y'know I can't afford to lose her. It took me months to get a loyal and honest assistant."

"Ugh, fine."

"You just want her out because you're protecting your little babydoll."

"Jesus, Sam." Bucky said. "Stop calling her that."

"Yeah, stop calling me that." You frowned, leaning on Bucky's side and wrapping your hand around his muscular arm. "Only he gets to call me that."

"You guys make me sick." Sam joked.

You turned towards Bucky who had the end of his eyes, crinkled, and nose, scrunched. "Hey," you said, grabbing his attention, "did you get a text from Parker last night?"

His expression became relaxed, and looked at you. "Yes, actually. Something about a kid named Schmidt."

You chuckled. "Yeah, he's kind of a bully. Remind me to beat his ass when he comes to the bar. You won't miss him. He's got way too much gel in his hair, and too much of a know-it-all, kind of like, Ross Geller."

"Oh, I'd like to watch you beat someone up." Sam nodded, smirking. "You know what, I'd pay you to punch Parker."

"Oh come on, Sam." Bucky laughed.

"Nah, I'm kidding. I love that little kid. Speaking of Peter," Sam cleared his throat, "what are you guys gonna do when he gets back?"

You and Bucky fell silent, hooking your pinky with his once more. "We, uh," you glanced at Bucky who had his eyes on his shoes, "we haven't talked about it yet. But we will tell him, that's for sure. Right, James?"

His eyes shot up to yours, then at Sam. "Yes, yes, of course. I mean it's Peter. Of course, we'll tell him. Just not right away."

"What do you mean not right away?" You frowned.

"Well, we can't flat out tell the guy we're dating the moment he comes back. I don't want him to have a heart attack." Then, he bent down a little, leveling his mouth on your ear. "We are dating, right?"

"Well, we haven't talked about it and we're certainly not talking about it in front of Sam." You replied, glancing at Sam who was just staring at the both of you.

"We're here, Mr. Barnes." The partition pulled open, revealing Howard's voice. The three of you got out of the limo, the bar right just right in front. Before we even got to enter the bar, Sam tapped your shoulder and called out to Bucky.

"Do you mind if I borrow your girl for a moment? I'll just have to discuss something work-related."

Bucky turned around and glanced at the both of us. "Yes, sure." He pecked you on the lips then turned around to enter the bar.

"This is actually about Bucky." Sam said.

"Oh." You said. "Okay. What about Bucky?"

"I have to say, I haven't seen him that happy."

"Uh, isn't that supposed to be a good thing?"

"It is, it is! And I'm glad he has you."

"But?"

He sighed. "But just be careful with him. Look, y/n, he's a good guy and all; we're practically brothers... But he's a child. I've known him since we were teenagers. He's almost forty and not once has he had a serious relationship."

"What are you trying to say, Sam?"

"You've only known him for, what, a couple of weeks? Don't you think this is going a little too fast?"

"I like Bucky." You replied. "I genuinely do and what we do or how we do is honestly none of your business. It doesn't matter how long I've known him. I appreciate you looking out for Bucky, but Bucky's an adult. We're all adults here. We can handle ourselves."

"Just promise me one thing."

"Sure."

"Don't hurt my friend." He said. "He may act like this rich bitch just parading around town, getting by with his manly looks and shit, but he's a child. He doesn't know what he wants. If you hurt him, you'll also end up hurting yourself. So, be careful, alright? Think this through, and talk with him."

Silence.

"Promise me, y/n."

You nodded. "Yeah, I promise."

"Good. Now let's head in there, I need a drink."

"Wait, Sam." You said, making Sam stop in his tracks. "Do you think Bucky likes me as much as I do?"

"I can't say for sure." Sam replied before walking inside.

You leaned your back against the brick wall, hitting the back of your head. You closed your eyes, letting all your thoughts rush in.

Still feeling a little bit light-headed, you went inside (which was still empty except for Nat, Sam, and Bucky) and as soon as Nat's eyes landed on your figure, she whistled. "Oh wow, Mrs. Fancypants!"

You chuckled, removing your blazer, revealing the tight black tube top as it was getting a bit hot. "Shut up, Nat."

"Woah, somebody call the fire department 'cause it's getting hoooot in here!" Nat continued then tilted her head towards Bucky. "Hey big guy, if you're not gonna hit that, I will."

You rolled your eyes, chucking the blazer to her face. You turned to Bucky who was sitting in the usual booth with Sam. "She said the same thing to me about you."

"Don't expose me like that, y/n. Not. Cool."

You giggled, sliding in the booth and greeting Bucky with a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, you."

"Hey, doll." He smiled, placing his hand on your thigh and pulling you closer. "We were just talking about you."

You glanced at Sam, who was smiling at you. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah." Sam nodded. "Don't worry, it's all good. And, y/n... That thing we talked about earlier."

"What about it?" You asked.

"We're good." He answered. "And to answer that last question, he does."

You beamed. "Really? He does?" You asked, as if Bucky wasn't even in the room.

"Yes, he really does."

"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Bucky asked out of curiosity.

You glanced at Sam, smiling, "Oh, just this model I want for the shoot," and then you looked back at Bucky, "I was kind of having doubts for a hot minute over there about him, but, everything's fine. Everything's good."

"Good." He kissed your temple softly, making your heart flutter. "It should be."

[lazuli-sm]

Thought I'd give some mindless rambling a shot to help clear my head a bit. Not complaining or being a downer or anything, Just general rambling about how things are going right now just how i’m going workin on my mental health. Probably not gonna tag this at all cause meh no point imo

Actually drawing for the first time in months. Wild

Its almost done. Just gotta do more shading. But i gotta go to bed and head to work tomorrow so i probably won't be finishing it for a few days.

Workin 6 days a week every week really just drains me. But i wanted to do something productive today since its my first day off in 20 days since I had to be called in to my second job twice on my day off. Sucks but ah well.

I gotta learn to have a heathier work/life, which i do plan to work on when my second job haves me work only one day a week, so i'll have 2 days off a week instead of 1. That will really help me i think. And it won't make me financially struggle, just gotta be a little smarter with money from then on.

I do think right now i'm in the best mental place i've ever been. Even though its not amazing and not prancing around loving myself. I am more confident in who I am, not really shy talking to people now, think much more constructively positive when it comes to my art. Which is a bit step up from 2016-2019 me.

Right now just gotta get on top of eating better, working on my work/home co-life, and maybe get some therapy on how to better release anger and/or stress. Thats the part thats veeery unhealthy. And i know i can't get through that particular issue by myself, and the years of trying and failing to fix that anger issue is all the proof i need that I need a little professional help in that department.

Its just a method of working on one issue at a time. And its its gradually helping me get better and better.

I think the first step I took in helping myself was acknowledging the glaring obvious factor to my spiralling mental health, which was just being on twitter and social media so much, seeing and engaging in toxicity nearly every day. I knew for a long time it was a problem but it honestly felt like twitter was some sort of addiction where I couldn't just leave the toxicity. But after some 2019 health things I realize just how much i didn't care about myself, and I knew I had to change right there and now otherwise it was just gonna get worse. So I took bit steps in just stepping back, and limiting to checking twitter like twice a week at the most, and now i only look at it for the potential DM from a friend. Now twitter was hardly the only reason for by bad health, but it was a very obvious and simple one. So it was easy to pick it out and work on it.

The second problem i figured out and worked on was how I viewed myself as an artist and seeing others art. While it took a while, instead of having the mindset of toxic comparison and thinking why I can't be better at art, i instead now look at it with more constructive comparison, and see what I can learn from other people's artworks to further my skills. And now, its actually really nice to view others art, take inspiration from that art, and also think its amazing artwork without being bad about myself. Its such a blessing now.

Anyways, if anyone read this, hopefully this cured some of your boredom and maybe if your struggling with anything, hopefully this can help ya out a lil bit. Yeah I’m struggling to actually post this its kinda hard for me to just talk about how I feel. But hey, thats the current issue i’m working on haha

Those are only 2 things i've worked one i’m mentioning, but its just a case of taking things one issue at a time. Even if it takes years to get through all these issues, which it has been for me. I think if I tried to fix all my issues at once i would've given up ages ago, cause all if it at once is just too much to do. I think its just really nice to finally be at a point where I don't actually think and/or question if i'm depressed or hate myself. I realize i'm not perfect and i'll never be this incredible person who can do anything. I'm just trying to be a little better one step at a time. I also know that, even though I haven’t gone through nearly as much pain or trauma as a lot of people, that doesn’t mean my mental health is in any way less valid or in need of care, time, patience, and healing than anyone else, unlike what past me used to think.

-Forgot to add this lil bit so updating: Ooo i'm also planning on listening to an audiobook at work tomorrow called "the body keeps the score" which I heard is a real indepth look at truama and healing from truama. I think it could be very informative to me to help understand people better, and maybe even figure myself out a little more. Lookin forward to it-

I don’t plan to like share very private information about how i feel with this or future rambles, thats not for the world to read, and i’m not exactly interested in being facebook mom lmao, but just general rambles i think would help.

Anyways here's the lineart of the drawing i'm doing. Its tha booooy ✨️ Working on drawing the eyes, lashes and eyebrows with this piece, as welll as working on the eye shading. honestly i think the practice is really helping since thats the main issue with my art, so i’m glad i’m finally figuring it out

[that-freaky-mysterious-one]

Roll Some Mo'

Summary: Bucky Barnes x Black! Fem! Reader, When you and Sam learn of Bucky's night terrors, you two come up with a solution to his problem. What you two don't know, however, is that will create more problems than initially meant.

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, and your beautiful self! <3

A/N: mentions and use of marijuana, slight swearing, this is my first fanfic, let me know your thoughts! :D

It was a little known fact that you smoked weed. The earthy, floral scent when it was fresh out the bag? You loved it. Tricks such as the Ghost and French Inhale? Mastered with ease. Not to mention all the afternoons spent bonding with Sam over funny stories about each other's lives. That's wasn't the main reason why you smoked it, though.

You had really bad menstrual cramps. You'd always had painful cramps, but as you got older, they seemed to get worse. So bad, you got sick and had to miss out on some missions, and there was no time for that. So when your best friend Sam took you to a doctor to get a weed card and to a dispensary one day, you had finally found a solution that worked. Though you used medical marijuana with CBD in it, you'd occassionally buy goodies with THC in it, so y'all got high and did all the fun stuff.

It was just you, Sam, and some cannabis against the world.

That's when Bucky crash landed into your lives. He was a bit rough around the edges and closed off to most, but once you sat down with him and got to know him, he revealed himself to be shy and sweet. He was so adorable!

You two had hit it off right away! He was such a sweetheart, and you just adored his innocence and sense of humor.

Then, he told you about his anxiety, and how Hydra had abused him. He told you about the night terrors he'd have, and how he'd never get a good night's rest.

That's when you got the idea to add him to your, as Sam called it, "Avengers Weed Fanclub," circle. You figured this would give him a chance to open up to you and Sam, and hopefully, sleep better at night. You wanted to let him know you truly were there for him.

So that night, after getting him a card and buying various products at your favorite dispensary, you sat him and Sam down on your bedroom floor, and taught him all you knew about cannabis, from how to roll a joint to how much of an edible to eat at a time.

"So, do you want to try some tonight before you go to sleep?" you asked Bucky, hoping he'd be open to this.

"Hell yeah," he exclaimed, making all three of us laugh at his enthusiasm. "Can I try the THC stuff, though? Just to know how it feels."

"My man," Sam said, giving Bucky a high five. "(Y/N), can you open some RAWs real quick while I grind these for Buck?"

"Of course," you say, as Bucky looks between you two, watching Sam open a bag of flowers and load the grinder with them, then to you folding your papers, then back to Sam twisting the cap back and forth, and finally, to him handing you the grinded buds to pack into the paper. He was totally lost.

He watched intently as you used your fingertips to pack the paper. You were tedious with your work, just to make sure every joint you made hit just right.

"Bruh, hurry up, it doesn't take that long to roll a joint." Sam said, obviously joking, but wanting to start smoking.

"Don't rush me, I'm not about to have an ugly lookin' joint that doesn't hit. My joint always look cute and always hit." You responded, earning an eyeroll from Sam and a chuckle from Bucky.

Finally, you added a filter and began to twist the paper closed in between your fingers. When you concentrated really hard, your eyebrows furrowed, your nostrils flared a little, and your lips did the cutest little pout. Bucky was intrigued by this, and he didn't know why, but he was just so drawn to your lips. Maybe it was the way your lip gloss made your lips pop.

But you were just friends. It was just a little crush, and he enjoyed being you friend. He didn't wanna ruin that.

It was after you pulled the final piece of paper closed and exclaimed "Alright, looks good," with that genuine smile that he loved that he snapped out of these thoughts and reached for the joint , careful not to ruin your "masterpiece".

"Have you ever smoked a cigarette before?" Sam asked him, wondering if he had to teach another person how inhale without them coughing a lung up.

"Yeah, I used to all the time," he said, putting the joint between his lips. "Mind giving me a light?"

You put a towel under the door, flicked the lighter with your thumb, and brought the flame up to his joint. You looked up and locked eyes with him, both of you holding each other's gaze. You weren't gonna lie, he was handsome. It was just so easy to love him.

You were just friends, though, and you didn't want to ruin that. You enjoyed his company, and you didn't want to scare him off with your feelings.

He inhaled deep, held the smoke in his mouth, and exhaled forcefully, coughing a little as he did so. All you and Sam could was give each other a look and chuckle to yourselves.

After a couple more hits, all he could muster up was, "Delicious," in a low, husky voice with a smirk on his face. You and Sam bust out laughing, because you knew it was already starting to kick in.

-------------------------------------------------------

After a couple of hours of smoking more joints, talking about Steve's hilarious past behind his back, playing UNO, and having a genuinely good time, Bucky said "I'm tired,", followed by him yawning.

"Yeah, it is pretty late," said Sam, yawning as well. "We should probably go to sleep."

You got high, but you never really had the symptoms of it. The red eyes, poor muscle coordination, none of it. You just became goofy as hell. You did get the munchies sometimes, though.

These two, however, looked burnt as hell. Both of them were slumped up against your bed, with red and droopy eyes. They were fighting sleep and were currently sharing their third bag of chips.

"Alright, well, 'night guys," you said to both of them, getting up to light a Nag Champa. You loved how fresh weed smelled, but after it was burnt, totally different story. So you used the incense to rid your room of the smell.

"'Night," they said in unison, both tripping over each other a couple of times before actually making it out your room, leaving you rolling around on the floor laughing.

Finally, you gathered the strength to get back up. After a couple of minutes of watching T.V., you blew out your incense, changed into a t-shirt, and climbed into bed, letting sleep consume you.

---------------------4 hours later-------------------

Your eyes blinked a couple of times, trying to adjust to the darkness of your room. Usually, when you woke up in the middle of the night, you had a certain gut feeling, and it was never good. Something just told you to check on Bucky. Just to make sure he was okay and still asleep.

So, you got up, put on a robe and some slippers, and walked to Bucky's room.

"Bucky," you whispered into the dark room, earning no response. "Bucky, you okay?"

You pushed the door open a crack, just to look in to see if he was asleep, but you saw nothing.

"Bucky?" you called out, walking into his room, turning on his lamp, and looking around, only to find nothing.

"Damn it," you whispered to yourself. Now you had a man who had never been high before running around the Avengers Facility.

"Bucky," you called out softly. You were starting to worry where Bucky was. He was supposed to be asleep, not be wandering around the facility. What if he left the facility? What if he hurt himself? "Bucky," you called out a little louder. "Bucky, where are you?"

"Dude, shut up. I'm trying to sleep," Sam said groggily, rubbing his eyes as he left his room to see what you were up for. "What are you going on about, anyway?"

"Bucky's missing."

"WHAT?"

"Shhhhh, I don't want to wake anyone else."

"Oh, so you can wake me up at 3 a.m., but everyone else is supposed to be able to sleep?"

"Can you help me find him?"

"No, I'm goin' back to sleep."

"Please?"

"Uh-uh."

"Sam, I'm begging you," you said, tears starting to prick your eyes from the worry taking over you. "Please."

He took a long look at you, rolled his eyes, released a dramatic sigh, and muttered a "Fine." This earned him a tight hug and multiple rushed "thank you's" from you.

"Yeah, yeah whatever," he said, patting you on the back. "Okay, you can stop now. If we don't find him, I'm takin' my black ass back to bed."

You guys looked everywhere. Well, maybe not everywhere. The facility was big as hell, and there was no way in hell you were going to search the whole base. You did, however, look everywhere you two thought he would be.

You searched the gym, the firing range, the lounge, etc. It wasn't until you went into the kitchen that found quite an interesting sight.

Did you find Bucky? Yes. How you'd found him? Well, let's just say when you two found him, surprised was an understatement.

Bucky was sitting on top of the refrigerator, eyes bloodshot, with the most blank expression, eating Sam's box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. He was so fried!

" Oh, hey guys," Bucky slurred out. "How you doin'?"

"Bucky, how the hell did you get on top of the refrigerator?" Sam asked, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head.

"It's kinda complicated."

"AND ARE YOU EATING MY CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH?"

"Dude, chill. I'll buy you more in the morning."

"Sam, can you just help me get him down?" you somewhat whined back at Sam. You just wanted to get Bucky back to sleep so that you could do the same.

"Please come down, Bucky" you said, reaching your hands out for him like an infant wanting to be picked up.

"NO!" he shouted, frowning like a toddler and folding his arms over his chest in pure childishness.

It took awhile for you to get him down. With Sam arguing with Bucky on whether he should take his weed, and Bucky just being plain stubborn at this point, you didn't make any progress for awhile. You decided to insert yourself, telling Sam you'd take care of it and to just go back to sleep.

"Don't have to tell me twice. Good luck," with that, Sam was gone, allowing you to focus on getting Bucky down.

"Bucky, it's 3 a.m., how and why are you on top of the refridgerator?"

"I woke up in the middle of the night hungry, so I came down here and Sam's cereal was the one thing in sight, so I used the counter as a stepping stool to get to the top of the fridge, and since then, I've just been chillin' up here."

"Okay, can you please just come down, now?"

"Well, since you asked so nicely," he said with a smirk. "Yes, yes I will."

Bucky proceeds to somehow hop off the fridge, onto the counter, and finally, onto the ground before almost tripping. If you hadn't been there to catch him, he would've fallen on his face.

"Thank you," he mumbled into your shoulder.

"No problem. Now, let's get you back to bed."

Once you finally got back to the sleeping quarters, you bring Bucky back to his room, make sure he's situated, and then leave to return to your to room. You then notice as your walking down the hallway, you hear footsteps that don't quite match your own.

"Bucky, you have to STAY in bed to go back to sleep," you said not even turning around. You didn't even have to turn around to know it was him. He was the only still up aside from yourself, not to mention he was the only one still high.

"But I'm not tired."

"But I am, so you have to go to sleep."

"But I'm lonesome."

"When you're asleep, you won't have to worry about that."

"But I-"

"No more 'buts', just go to sleep."

"Can I just hang out in you room? Just until I get sleepy."

"Yeah, fine, whatever, just don't try to stay up all night, because I want to go to sleep."

"Yea! Thank you," he exclaimed, hugging you from behind and shaking his hair in your face.

"Shhhhh, you ain't about to be hollerin' all night, especially in my room."

"Okay, sorry"

You walked him by the arm back to your room, hoping he'd fall asleep as soon as you got him in.

"Okay Bucky, just, you know, fall asleep," you said, easing him onto the foot of the bed.

"Okay," he responded in a small, sheepish voice.

You leave to go use the bathroom one more time and get comfortable before you go back to bed, come back, and find him going through your edibles.

"Bucky, no!"

"Why do you have food on a shelf?"

"Those are edibles, and to hide them from nosey-roseys like you!"

"You should share these, man. They're delicious."

You paused for a good minute, inhaled deeply, approached Bucky, and said "Bucky, did you eat any of those?"

"Just a little piece, about a pinch." He said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Okay, just go lay down while I clean this up," you said, slightly agitated.

As you're cleaning, you hear Bucky whisper a husky "Damn, doll" under his breath. You forgot you had taken off your robe, leaving you in nothing but your panties and a t-shirt.

"Bucky, you're supposed to be sleeping, or at least trying to, not watching me."

"But you're so beautiful, especially without all that clunky junk you wear on missions."

"You think so," you say, laying on your stomach next to where he was sitting.

"I know so," he says, looking you in the eyes with his blood-shot, blue eyes.

"Nah, I think you're just high," you say laughing his "compliment" off.

"No, I mean it, really. You're a very beautiful woman," he says leaning back, laying his head on your butt.

"You just like looking at my booty!"

"Maybe I do. It is quite nice. It's like a pillow," he said chuckling under his breath.

"Are you gonna fall asleep like this?"

"Only if you'll let me," he says, looking up at you with his chin still on your butt.

"Bucky....get under the covers, you silly goose."

"Okay," he said as you both giggled at his actions.

You and Bucky got under the covers together and watched "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" reruns all night, or morning, long until you felt something laying on your bosom and you heard light snoring. You looked down to see Bucky had fallen asleep, and you were happy to see him finally sleeping, peacefully at that.

With that, you turned off the T.V., cradled Bucky's head to your chest, kissed his forehead, and whispered, "Goodnight, Bucky," to him, only earning a low rumble in return. Though Bucky may not remember it, this was one of the best nights of your life.

[artemidian]

perfect! okay so the plan was work out at 10 but stuff happened and i wasn't able to. i woke up with a lot of dread/thought something bad was gonna happen if i got up lmfao (i get a lot of paranoia xx) but i did it anyway. blah blah blah i ate some toast cause my stomach hurt + i spilled boiling water on my leg (i do this a lot) + my tea bag opened in my tea and so there was stuff in my tea and i didn't like that. and i'm tired. i promise this is all relevant.

so i got that stuff done, but then my family started to wake up and do stuff (they get up late) and i hear everything they say cause i'm just. constantly listening for noises yk. and my sibling said some shit about me that pissed me off (they pissed me off last night too) and now i'm just :/. like i lowkey think i'm gonna cry but i can't cause there's nothing to cry about it. ANYWAYS so now i'm doing pre cal and it's not that bad (cause i'm doing practice problems, not notes. i hate doing notes) but i feel like i still need to work out. and my shoes are by my family and i don't wanna see them rn. and i'm getting hungry again (and i just remembered rn i forgot to take vitamins ugh) so yeah. basically things i need to Accomplish:

- pre cal (like 2 Things/lessons today cause i couldn't do one yesterday)

- work out (at least like. 20 minutes. i feel gross. i get nervous if i put it off at night tho because Night Time is always a whirlwind of What the Fuck)

- maybe clean. i just need to fold clothes and that's the chore i can never bring myself to do. everything else is clean lmfao, i might do my laundry tho if i can. i just need my family to Leave.

- maybe write. idk i'm really anxious today so idk what i'm gonna manage lol

i think that's it. i can give you my normal schedule so you can like. see how i'm a mess. i already got up 30 minutes late lmfao. but yeah ! do with that what you will !

okay so! schedule below!

step one: forgive the day

yeah this one sounds weird but it's a Thing I Do when i get morning anxiety/wake up later than i want to/have a bad morning and i've had to do it a Lot recently (thank you meds </3) so let me walk you through it. basically,, it's accepting that the start of my day happened how it did and then i'll choose a time to re-start my day (i'd say 11 for you but i doubt i'll finish typing by then lol. I do increments of 15 so i have time to re-make to-do lists if need be). it's a lot of like– neutrality? instead of frustration or forcing myself to be happy about it. like it helps when i feel like a mess– not all of my days will be perfectly on schedule. but within themselves they can be structured and functional even if they aren't My Usually Scheduled Day, and that's okay. anyways moving on–

two: get something to eat

okay i know that this one is currently not the best option because Family, but it makes sense in my head. you and hunger have a very on/off relationship, so best to eat when you start to get hungry, plus it makes sense for later in the day, and you'll need energy to get the rest of your stuff done, yk? so if you can find a way to grab something quick to eat (more toast w/ peanut butter if you like that? that's my go-to quick breakfast. i can give you more suggestions if you need them). and grab some water to drink too. hopefully you can make it so you're just kind of in and out without interacting with your family. oh and take your vitamins!

three: precal lesson one

it's probably stressing you out that you didn't get one one yesterday, which might be contributing to the morning anxiety (only bc i know mine gets worse if there's things i didn't do the day before, especially the whole "something bad will happen if you get up" feeling bc it feels like accepting that Yesterday is Over and i Cannot Finish That Task When I Needed To) but anyways. precal lesson! with any luck, math will soothe your brain and help you feel a bit more productive and such. math is one of the tactics on my disassociation doc that i give to my friends lol. it also gives your body a chance to rest and digest breakfast.

four: workout (and shower)

i don't think one precal lesson will take long enough to push this into the like. nighttime danger zone. so you should be fine in that regard. if you feel anxious about not doing it, remember that a.) it will get done and b.) you need time to yknow. get energy and such from your food. don't workout on an empty stomach (but working out right after you eat is also not the best idea lol). i think a twenty-minute workout is a good refresher for partway through the day, and it gives your mind a break from math. i have another friend who i help with scheduling and during the school year i'd usually have them do something active in between homework blocks. take it easy today, don't do anything extreme– you're tired and anxious. do what you can. just being active is enough. i put shower on the list because i don't think that going about the rest of your day with like sweat and such will help with your anxiety, just based off how i've seen you talk before. it's all up to you though.

five: more precal + snack break

now that you've done the things that are like. things you usually would either do in the mornings or would've done yesterday, take a breath and a second to acknowledge the things you've done today (yes i sound cheesy. you can't stop me though) and then start your second precal lesson. again, this is math, so it shouldn't be too bad, and as always, if you need help i'm here. as for the snack, depending on when you finish the other things, it could either be lunch, a post-workout snack, or an early dinner. whatever your body is able to have. and stay hydrated lol. you can eat whenever you'd like, whether that's right after your workout or in the middle of precal or when you finish the lesson.

six: whatever you need to do

this is just prescheduled time for if you need something, like eating or showering or time to relax or anything of the sort. yes you have time for this in your day.

seven: fold laundry

okay as someone who also has to force myself to do laundry and fold laundry i can assure you that it isn't that bad and it never takes as long as you think it does. put something on as background noise, a movie or show or a podcast or music, and just get it done. it won't be awful

eight: take the night as it comes

yes this is the opposite of what you've asked me to help with but here me out: if nights are consistency a whirlwind, it makes no sense trying to plan them, and more sense trying to learn to weather them. you can write? great. if not, that's okay. do what you can. family's being shitty? help yourself find a way to keep your mind off of it. have a headache? tired? anxious? give yourself some space to rest. etc, etc– basically try to adapt to whatever ends up happening instead of trying to get yourself to follow a specific guideline that isn't considerate of your situation and might end up causing more stress.

yes this took me like. thirty minutes to write out whoops </3

[punkscowardschampions]

Hathor & Sekhmet

Hathor: About to slap myself so you'll feel it Hathor: wherever you are ain't where you should be Sekhmet: what im sleep Sekhmet: 😴😴😴 Hathor: wake up 👊🏽 Hathor: you asked me to meet you, remember? Sekhmet: I think that's tomorrow Sekhmet: I said Wednesday, right Hathor: That's today Hathor: you blackout past Tuesday? Sekhmet: You're joking Sekhmet: well then, that means I've got a deadline I gotta meet and not a whole lot of time for brunch dates Hathor: you're joking Hathor: I cancelled on a fine boy for you Sekhmet: it's so early you got time to hit it back Sekhmet: I know I didn't tell you I'd meet you at the crack of dawn Hathor: you didn't and you're late af still Sekhmet: chill sis, I'll make it up to you Hathor: yeah Hathor: anyone else'd be offended you don't ever want to have a sober conversation Hathor: but I'll see you in the club Sekhmet: girl, chill 😂 Sekhmet: how fine was he that you're all kinds of vexed with me Sekhmet: don't even care how I'm gonna make it up to you, oh my days 🥴🍆🧠 for real Hathor: he's got prospects, I'm not saying any more than that if you're not coming out 👅 Hathor: I'll care how you're gonna make it up when you next show up for real Sekhmet: ugh! living up to your name 🐮 Sekhmet: bitch I'm busy 😏 the juggle is real Hathor: you know I don't say that shit lightly except once in a blue moon, however fine a lad be looking Hathor: but if you don't wanna hear it Sekhmet: is he 🧑🏾🧑🏿 Hathor: 🥛 Hathor: nobody is more surprised than me Sekhmet: 👏🙌 yay Sekhmet: I told you, white boys are the best Sekhmet: they treat us like 👸 Hathor: It's his Irish accent tricking me Hathor: I gotta take a trip back and cure myself Sekhmet: awh, you're homesick, precious Sekhmet: now it makes sense why you wanna tie me down Hathor: can barely understand him he's from so far north, more likely that Sekhmet: throwback 📟 📠 📺 📻 Hathor: get the psych dept to pull their shrink shit on me about it Sekhmet: You wanna be just like Vee, sorted Sekhmet: take my PhD now 💁 Hathor: be more disrespectful! first you stand me up and then put that out there Sekhmet: 🤭 you've got a ways to go, even if you're rolling mad extra today Hathor: I didn't ask 👼🏽💘 to 🎯 me up in the 🍑 Hathor: got my own things I'm busy with Sekhmet: love is magic 💖 Sekhmet: don't be complaining in my inbox when I'm tragically single Hathor: I've been serving and swerving him for long enough I thought I'd succeeded, there's the complaint Sekhmet: 🙄 you can't ❌ feelings bitch Hathor: white boys are a different animal, I ❌ the fear of Sekhmet: 😍😍😍 Hathor: I'm not here to be treated like a 👸🏽 if that's one step away from being called 'exotic' Hathor: there's nothing sexy about a power imbalance Sekhmet: most girls would disagree, babe Sekhmet: why do you wanna be run of the mill every day when we been #blessed with this 🔥 Sekhmet: all black guys wanna chat about is my light-skin privilege and their black man struggles, I can't 🥱 Hathor: fetishization like that ain't foreplay I'm interested in Hathor: 👑 me for other reasons than my melanin Sekhmet: insecurities SNAPPED, I'm sure he likes you for more than your skin, you crazy Hathor: he likes me for how I pour measures rn Sekhmet: racial Sekhmet: that's why everyone likes you 💃💃💃 Hathor: on account of being a poor student not Northern Irish, don't be biting the hand that feeds your blackouts Sekhmet: my white boys always pay Hathor: #blessed innit Sekhmet: 👸😇 tings Hathor: which white boy you with ignoring your deadline then? Sekhmet: whoever it is they've gone to work Sekhmet: but they left a 💳 with their cute note so I know I'm in a good postcode still 🙏 Hathor: so come meet me and spare mine, that's the right thing to do Sekhmet: just 'cos it's good doesn't mean I'm not lost still, damn Sekhmet: hold on and let me get dressed and get my bearings Hathor: if your phone ain't drained I can use it to get your bearings while you serve a look Sekhmet: who doesn't have a charger in their hoe 👜 PLEASE Hathor: you didn't know what day it was, can't blame me for 👶🏽ing Sekhmet: where would I be without you 😘 Sekhmet: mum hasn't phoned me in ages actually, it's so rude Sekhmet: I missed the last few but still Hathor: I hit her with your highlights, creatively Hathor: like how I won't mention a white boy making me feel like a baby 🐮 that can't walk Sekhmet: 😶😶 Sekhmet: dad would 😥 Hathor: and she'll 🙌🏽 harder than you've done Sekhmet: facts are facts Sekhmet: look at her dad, Vee's... Hathor: cliches are tired and stereotypes are damaging Sekhmet: @ your white boy with the 👋 then booboo Sekhmet: I think dad's in town working today, you wanna come for dinner with us? 🥂 Hathor: he's not mine to command in or out 👅 Hathor: yeah 🍾 will help Sekhmet: I'll teach you Hathor: those twin stereotypes are damaging too, like Sekhmet: oh hush, I only tried to 💋 you ONE time and we were like babies and that boy was the first great love of my life Sekhmet: anyway, you're like hot but not my types type these days, you know Hathor: that boy was trash Hathor: you levelled up fast though Sekhmet: awh, don't be rude, I have fond memories Hathor: I have loads of him trying to ask me out at the same time Sekhmet: oh yeah Sekhmet: I forgot that happened Sekhmet: his hair was gorgeous though Hathor: it was Sekhmet: good times Sekhmet: my new guy, not this one, the actual one, looks like old school Leo, I SWEAR Hathor: Yeah? Sekhmet: like Leo and a bit of River and Ryan Philippe in Cruel Intentions Sekhmet: 🥰🥰🥰 Hathor: love of your life material Sekhmet: definitely Sekhmet: he's a trader in the city and his apartment is 😱😱😱 Hathor: what's the age range this time? Sekhmet: he's only 26, it's mad how successful he is already Hathor: he sounds like the full 🎟 Hathor: any catch? Sekhmet: only technically Hathor: technically he's a 🤖? Sekhmet: ha, he totally has the stamina of one Sekhmet: he can keep up with me, almost 😉 Hathor: 👌🏽 he's perfect Hathor: fucking hell Sekhmet: no need to be jealous when you're 🥰 yourself Sekhmet: what does he look like? Hathor: Tall enough Hathor: more like a 🥊 than a 👼🏻 Sekhmet: you really do wanna do great grandpa Sekhmet: jk, he sounds so you Hathor: he does work for the main brewery that supplies us, maybe I do Hathor: Jesus Christ Sekhmet: 😂😬 processing that Sekhmet: not really though, every boy I've ever dated has been like dad, it's unavoidable tbh 💁 Hathor: in our postcode nobody's trying very hard to be anything else Hathor: 💰💳💎🍾 Sekhmet: why would they? Hathor: they wouldn't and they aren't, it'd be terrifying for any of those boys to step out Sekhmet: 🙄 you aren't going to throw yourself down a ladder when you're at the top, babe Hathor: wouldn't kill them to give other people a hand up though, they just act like it Sekhmet: 🥱 when's your deadline? Hathor: my work's done Sekhmet: then button it, loser Sekhmet: you wanna eat out on this nice rich boy's 💳 Hathor: ETA of 15 on getting to you Hathor: you best 🚿 Sekhmet: way ahead of you 🛀 Sekhmet: door's unlocked, our breakfast will hopefully be on the table when you get here Sekhmet: love ubereats Hathor: 🙌🏽 Sekhmet: you can bring it through, the view in this bathroom is immense Sekhmet: thought getting the driver to bring it to the tub was unlikely Hathor: he probably would but it's unlikely I'd recover from walking in on it Sekhmet: 😘 Sekhmet: do fuck with an asian boy Hathor: you don't know he will be Hathor: might not even be a lad Hathor: but if it is, guarantee they'll send the most unexpected one Sekhmet: it usually is, your stereotypes be damned Hathor: what are you gonna bet? Sekhmet: the Belgian 🧇s Hathor: you're on Sekhmet: sometimes you shock me with how green you are, Hath Hathor: back to putting disrespect on me, what a nice truce while it lasted, like Sekhmet: I mean, you know I can see the driver on my app, babe Sekhmet: no points for guessing where Hassan is from Sekhmet: you can have the 🧇s anyway Hathor: you know I can read your thoughts, the playing field is level Hathor: and anyway I like green, that's my boy's eye colour Sekhmet: been gazing into them longingly across the bar have we🤭 Hathor: maybe Sekhmet: so cute Sekhmet: hope this one doesn't have a fiancee Sekhmet: or a maid who thinks we've broken in Hathor: if he does he better break that eye contact with me Sekhmet: I meant Mr Black Card, don't worry Sekhmet: he's a student, yeah? he won't be Hathor: he's only got a year on us, I don't predict an engagement Sekhmet: yeah, doubt it Hathor: outside of our family people aren't usually that extra Sekhmet: some of the asian internationals are but they usually cheat if their intended ain't here yet so Hathor: Yeah Sekhmet: what even does an engagement mean anyway Sekhmet: not much, right Hathor: a flash 💍 Hathor: what's my course teaching me if I don't know the statistics on how often a wedding follows? Hathor: shows how outdated it is Sekhmet: he gives me that anyway Hathor: I'd take a phone number and be happy with it for now Hathor: but it's probably the party and that whole flex too, right? Sekhmet: the dress Sekhmet: but it's irrelevant if it doesn't happen, like you said Hathor: 🎁🎁 even if it doesn't if people bring them for the engagement as well, but you're not going short of any Sekhmet: right Sekhmet: 😥 if you need a wedding for attention Hathor: Jay's birth mum QUAKING Sekhmet: omg I bet that's EXACTLY what his fiancee is like Hathor: does he ever speak about her? Sekhmet: obviously not Sekhmet: but she must never come up from wherever they're from because I'm like ALWAYS over so Hathor: maybe she doesn't know about this place Hathor: old school Sekhmet: Who knows Sekhmet: can't be my problem Hathor: Yours is the day you've missed, like Hathor: what's the assignment? Sekhmet: design some sportswear line Sekhmet: got to get the sketches in by 5, but all I ordered for me was a shit ton of coffee, it'll be fine Hathor: more productive if I stay or go? Sekhmet: you've already missed your date, you may as well stay Hathor: okay Hathor: am the sportier one Sekhmet: how are you 😂 Hathor: ⚽⛹🏽🚴🏽🥊 Hathor: why dad loves me more than you Sekhmet: now I know you're talking nonsense 😏 Hathor: True, he loves Vee and she never gets off her chaise Sekhmet: and she doesn't even love him back Hathor: poor dad Sekhmet: yeah Hathor: what time's dinner with him? Sekhmet: I'll ask him when he wants to go Hathor: about to come up, so whatever you were planning for Hassan, this is me Sekhmet: regrettably noted

[fantasticcloudcreation]

Okok I just read thru all my posts from a year ago /wow what a year it's been / it's 2am but I'm gonna go do a small workout and drink water and sleep / would love to smoke weed but all I have is strong af delta 8 edibles which if I eat one now will fuck me up til tmro afternoon and I wanna have a good productive morning / already drank a whole bottle of wine so who knows how the morning is gonna go anyway / that's what the water is for I guess / did one of the productive things today so that's better than zero / tmro if I do one thing that's great but 2 things is even better / but rn it's 2am so I'm gonna do a small workout drink water and then sleep

Main goals: professional tasks, personal tasks, then initiating the next phase of creative projects! Meanwhile managing food/exercise to hopefully lose those last 10 lbs in the next few months!

Man life is a fucking trip idk how I got here I gotta reset and then keep moving before I get stuck lol it's been 2 days here and I'm already going crazy (applied for that gig today which if I get it will keep me out of here til thanksgiving ) (if I don't get it I'll have to make other plans which is fine I'm good at figuring out tasks it's just, motivating myself to work on them + telling my mom I'll be busy + making time to see my grandparents etc. ) -> I'm doing fucking great!!!!!! Everything is working out!!!!!! I love my life I love this journey!!!!!!! Amen hallelujah let's keep going !!!!!!!!

[deeeepsteep]

I LOVE YOUR HUSKY, HE'S SO CUTE!! I'm thinking of getting one myself, do you have any tips?

Aw thanks anon, Milo appreciates your compliment

Huskies are beautiful dogs but they can be a handful if you don’t know what to expect tbh; I guess I’ll just run off whatever comes to mind lmao hopefully this all makes sense

I’m on mobile so I can’t do a read more soRRY FOR THE LONG BLOCK OF TEXT

- Huskies are very athletic, energetic dogs. I can’t stress this enough - this should be the number one point on every “Things You Should Know Before Getting A Siberian Husky” list. Most people give up their huskies because they don’t realize how much energy they have. They were bred to pull heavy sleds for extremely long distances, so they have a lot of pent-up energy that needs to be released. Huskies need A LOT, and I stress on A LOT, of exercise. My dad takes Milo out for a 45 minute walk in the morning and I take Milo for a 45 minute walk in the evening, and by the end of the day he still has enough energy to sprint laps around our backyard. If they don’t have a productive outlet for their energy, it will manifest in very destructive behaviours. If you don’t think you can keep up with that, I don’t recommend getting a husky - or any sort of dog that falls under the “working category”, to be honest. These kinds of dogs need something to do or else they’ll find their own way to release their energy, like destroying things around the house or barking excessively.

That being said, Milo is an AMAZING exercise companion. Power walking? He’s down. Jogging? He’s your guy. Hiking/long distance walking? He’s all for it. You even go sprinting if you want; he’ll be able to keep up with you. Sometimes I even hop on my cruiser and let him pull me down the street - it’s the closest he’ll ever get to sledding lol. Not only does he get his exercise, but I do too, so it’s a win-win for both of us. If you’re looking for a running buddy or a pal to go on adventures with, huskies are great for that.

- Huskies don’t bark, but they can be incredibly noisy. I somehow got the one husky that makes absolutely no noise (Milo’s so quiet that I often forget he’s there), but for the most part huskies are very vocal dogs. They howl, and they love to “talk” to you and other animals. If you prefer a social dog, huskies are the breed for you, but it can get exhausting, and your neighbours might not be so fond of it either.

- Huskies can be very difficult to train. A lot of people think huskies are stupid because they aren’t as responsive to commands as, say, a German Shepherd or a Lab. They’re not stupid at all - Siberian Huskies are very independent by nature and they don’t live to please their humans; they’ll do pretty much whatever they want whenever they want. They weren’t bred for obedience; they were bred for their athleticism. If you’re looking for a dog who’s willing to do everything and anything with you, a husky might not be the best breed.

Milo won’t do anything for me if he doesn’t see a benefit in doing it; if I want him to a trick, there has to be something in it for him, like a treat or a few minutes of playtime. Huskies respond best to positive reinforcement, and like most dogs they learn best when you start training them as early as possible. Puppy classes are extremely helpful for stubborn/independent dogs - though some huskies are so clever that they’re actually able to tell the difference between a class and just training at home. They know to behave when they’re in class, but if you try the same training methods at home it might be a completely different story lol. Huskies can be super manipulative - they really know how to get what they want, so the key is to maintain consistent, and to be firm. Huskies are very pack-oriented and if they don’t sense a clear/obvious leadership role within their pack, they’ll have no problem taking it for their own. 

If a husky allows you to pet and cuddle it for a little while, and then suddenly it’ll get annoyed and walk off, don’t be offended. Again, huskies can be incredibly independent and not a lot of them look for validation from humans. They’re kind of like cats in dogs’ bodies lmao sometimes they don’t mind being affectionate, and sometimes they’d rather have their own space. It’s completely up to them.

Of course, it’s a case-by-case basis. There are some Golden Retrievers out there who may not like to play fetch (Btw, a lot of huskies don’t play fetch. They weren’t bred to retrieve, so it’s not something that comes naturally to them like Labs or other breeds that fall under the Hunting category). No two dogs are alike, just like humans! They each have their own personality, so you might get the one-off super affectionate husky.

That being said, a lot of huskies HATE being alone, which is weird - this is another instance where they can be very cat-like. They don’t want your attention, but they don’t want you being away from them either. They can get very upset if they’re left alone - I think this stems from their instinctual desire to be in a pack, so they always feel the need to be part of a group or a family. There are various ways to train and condition your dog to adapting on being on its own - because realistically, you can’t be around your dog 24/7, it’s gonna have to be alone every once in awhile. Some dogs just need more time and effort to get used to it, that’s all! Just be patient, consistent, and firm - this goes for overall training your husky, not just in terms of being left alone. 

- Prepare to have fur EVERYWHERE. Siberian Huskies are from…well, Siberia, and Siberia can get super cold. To cope with this, huskies have two layers of fur to keep them warm - and when you have two layers of fur, there’s twice the amount of shedding. You will find hair everywhere, and I mean everywhere. My mom brushes Milo three times a week and there’s still an abundance of hair around the house. If you get a husky - or any breed from the Spitz family, really - be prepared to do a lot of sweeping and vacuuming.

Dogs with double-layered coats will go through a period of super heavy shedding during parts of the year when the seasons change, usually when summer turns into fall and when winter turns into spring. There’ll be even MORE fur than usual, and it can come out in clumps - like….you can legit grab fistfuls of a husky’s fur and it’ll come out just like that. Since my mom brushes Milo so frequently we’ve never gone through that, fortunately, so my advice is to brush them as often as you can. Two to three times a week minimum…and you’ll probably have to vacuum at least once or twice a week just to keep your house tidy.

But there are upsides to this as well!! Their coats aren’t as oily as other breeds, so they don’t have that “dog” smell to them. They’re also very clean breeds and only need baths a few times a year (Milo actually hates water; giving him a bath is a nightmare). Huskies also clean themselves like cats do; it’s so weird. They also don’t need to go to the groomer, since they shed all of their fur anyway. You’re not supposed to shave a husky’s fur, even when it’s super hot out, because their long fur protects their sensitive skin from the sun.

- They don’t eat often. Huskies adapted to living in the Siberian Arctic, where food can be scarce. They are incredibly energetic and can burn off a lot of energy, but surprisingly they only need a little bit of food each day to get by - especially for their size. Milo only eats one a day, and he only eats 2 cups of his food at most. Sometimes he’ll only eat one cup, sometimes he’ll eat a cup and a half. If you try to force him to eat any more than that, he’ll ignore you. 

I’m not sure if this is a general husky thing or if this is just a Milo thing, but Milo’s a super picky eater. He gets bored of his food fast so we always have to find new, creative ways to get him to eat. We’ll add shredded chicken on top, or crush his favourite treats into powder and sprinkle that over his food. 

- They’re shitty guard dogs. Most people think huskies would make good protectors because of their intimidating, wolf-like appearance - but in reality they’re nothing like their wolfy ancestors, even though they look a lot like them. Huskies are extremely friendly dogs and most of them are warm towards strangers. Milo LOVES people, and he’ll run up and kiss whoever allows him to, even if it’s just a random person who passes us by when we’re on a walk. I’m sure if a burglar ever broke into my house, Milo wouldn’t do anything except beg the guy to play with him.

- Huskies have a high prey drive. This means they’ll usually chase after anything that moves, especially if they’re smaller. If you have a cat or any other small animal in the house, you have to take a lot of precaution because huskies can end up accidentally killing or hurting them. Usually if the husky is a puppy, they’ll grow up with the other animals and so they learn how to behave around them, but if you’re adopting an older husky, it might be difficult. 

That’s all I can think of right now tbh, but I think I got a lot of the main parts down. This is all speaking from personal experience and from the research I did before I got Milo, so I hope it’s informative enough for you!!

[thesoujishow]

S01E01 - Ken Sarukenka

[vaporwave lo-fi song]

Souji: Testing? Hello?

Ken: Yo? Sounds like it's working to me!

Souji: Ok. There we go.

[INTRO - glitchy transition music]

Souji: Hello, and welcome to the Souji Show. I'm Souji and this is a show where I talk about anything I want. 'Cause this is my show, and not yours.

Souji: This episode is sponsored by the peanut butter in Reese’s cups. They have the taste and the texture of a vitamin-enriched paste you squeeze from a tube directly into your mouth when you’ve been living in a bunker for 30 years because aliens invaded and it’s your birthday treat. Thank you Reese’s!

[MAIN - glitchy transition music]

Souji: For this very special, first-ever episode, we have a very special guest. You may know him as The Howler, or the other Ken, but to me, he's my monkey boy. Everyone, give it up for Ken Sarukenka!

Ken: Indeed, none other than the fantastical Ken Sarukenka.

Souji: Now Ken, tell everyone about yourself. Where are you from? What motivated you to go to Kyoranki? All that jazz.

Ken: I was born and raised in Kyoto and moved to Osaka around the start of middle school and been here ever since, my parents are Ippei and Meiko Sarukenka, better known as Great Ape and Statue, I am also a two time winner of middle school nationals in gymnastics, I was motivated to become a hero because all my life people around me have been heroes, my parents used to be, my brother is one and I choose this school because my brother graduated from here and it's reputation!

Souji: So, both your parents and brother are heroes. Was the decision to enrol at Kyoranki one you made on your own? Or was there added pressure from your family? How did they react when you got the acceptance letter?

Ken: Well, both my parents retired shortly I came into the world, I wouldn't say any of them pressured me but being overshadowed isn't very nice, yakno? I think it was mostly expected in a way, mostly because of my family really.

Souji: Speaking of being overshadowed, do you feel that you have the need to surpass your family in a way?

Ken: Yes, I feel that I have to surpass every single one of, my parents, my brothers I can't be remembered as the second or third best in my family, yakno? [dead serious tone]

Souji: O-ok. What was it like growing up with famous parents? Did people recognise you at all?

Ken: Well, growing up with famous people isn't anything special to me I get recognised every now and then, I met a bunch of other celebrities, I met a bunch of old guard heroes and a few newer once through my brother but it's not anything extreme I'd say. I'm more likely to get recognised now probably after I ended up on the news!

Souji: Speaking of being in the news, the Osaka Rising Star featured your fight at the provisional licence exams. Now I've heard from a little birdie that you didn't have the best time at the exams. Can you tell the listeners more about that? And what are your plans going forward?

Ken: Well... uh what can I say, I'll do the remedial courses and show the speaker that he was wrong to fail me right from the get go so he can go to sleep every night thinking that he almost stopped this world seeing the shining star of tomorrow! As for plans, train, complete remedial course and push forward the keys to everything in life.

Souji: Care to share on how you're planning to do that? What sets your apart from the rest of the Sarukenka heroes?

Ken: It's hard to say, are a bit different but if anything I'd say what sets me apart is the fact that I am none other than I and that I won't stop before I stand out even among them!

Souji: That's a very Ken answer. I respect that. [chuckle]

Ken: There is no other answers than the Ken answer, Souji. [little laugh]

Souji: Speaking of a shining star, let's shine the spotlight back towards the main focus of his podcast - me! Now, Ken, it's your turn to ask me questions. C'mon, don't be shy, ask anything you'd like.

[ASK SOUJI - glitchy transition music]

Ken: Well, I guess I'll throw the ball right back at you, why do you want to be a hero? Is it only because of Starlight or is there something more and how do you intend to stand out in this world filled with people like yours truly!

Souji: To catch the listeners up, I'm a big fan of Starlight. I guess I never considered a career in being a hero until I saw that special documentary episode of Speak with Starlight, what captivated me was his fans, there were a lot of them, each and everyone admired him and his heroic deeds and seeing the praise and attention that his fans are giving him, it sure was tempting. [laugh]

Ken: Inspiration is good, it helps you realise things doesn't it? Not everyone grows up in a family like mine where you are exposed to things the same way I was and I can surely see how it was tempting, I have been tempted by the shining lights that I have been surrounded with myself.

Souji: Inspiration can come from unexpected places, it's true that little things inspire us.

Ken: Indeed, I once felt inspired by watching a squirrel climb a tree! They always look like they are so free and have so much fun, so why shouldn't I do the same?

Souji: I'm great at climbing trees, we should really climb some one day.

Ken: I'd be down!

Souji: In all honesty, it was the fame and money that made me want to become a hero. It's a bit narcissistic, I know, but it is what it is. But during my time here, I saw what happened to the people around us. I want to be a helping hand in making a difference in people’s lives. Plain and simple. My family's poor so the money's still my number one motivator but it makes me happy knowing that I'll make the city a little bit better for everyone living in it.

Ken: I ain't gonna fault anyone's reasoning, being a hero is a profession after all just like being a policeman, fireman, doctor and so on, the only difference is the spotlight and the persona. Hopefully, you can throw your family a bone once you hit it off, eh?

Souji: Of course, I want to give back as much as I can. They might not be around as much, but I know they still want the best of me. Also, I want to travel. I've been stuck in Osaka for most of my life, and I love the city, don't get me wrong, but I just want to see what's out there.

Ken: Travelling is nice, but home is where the heart is wouldn't you agree?

Souji: Yeah, I wouldn't trade Osaka for anything. [pensive pause] Well, that got sentimental. Let's move on to our audience questions! These were submitted by our classmates in our group chat. Ready? Ok.

[Qs from the GC - glitchy transition music]

Souji: Fumi wants to know do you like bananas?

Ken: I like bananas in things but not really a huge fan if they are on, it's alright.

Souji: Kotoe wants to know your favourite genre of music.

Ken: My favourite genre of music is pop or rap, if it has a nice beat or a dramatic feeling I am usually down.

Souji: Kichiro asks, can you talk to monkeys?

Ken: No, I cant talk to monkeys believe it or not.

Souji: Taka inquires, does Ken-san take inspiration from Sun Wukong? That's some Chinese stuff, right?

Ken: Yeah my costume is mostly inspired by him, so his name hero name which means that one day soon I will be the Great Sage who rivals the Heavens!

Souji: Great Sage who Rivals the Heavens. [chuckles] Wow, that's quite the mouthful. We might have to workshop that Ken.

Ken: Yeah... A bit too long probably. [snicker]

Souji: I don't have any suggestions on the top of my head, but please don't pick a weird hero name like Monkey Boy, or worse - Monkey King! Plus, to be a sage, wouldn't you actually have to be, you know, wise?

Ken: In what world is that worse? I think you're going crazy over here and who says you need to be wise to be a sage? Not that it matters I am clearly the wisest person here!

Souji: Ken, that's literary its meaning, sage means wise. Well, it does sound very flashy, but maybe a bit too arrogant maybe? I mean, you can't even talk to monkeys, how can you call yourself the monkey king. You can still be Monkey Ken, though.

Ken: What do you think would be better then? I think Monkey King is a perfect fit if you ask me!

Souji: How about trying some alliteration?

Ken: Pfft, alliterations are overrated anyway.

Souji: I'm not sure if it's final but I was thinking my hero name to be the Neon Ninja. See, it's short, simple and easy to remember.

Ken: Neon Ninja? Sound like a flopped comic or video game, ain't ever gonna pack the punch you'd need it to!

Souji: Of course it sounds lame, that’s the point. You have to start from the ground up. Once people know your deeds as a hero, that’s where it becomes cool. Do you think Starlight’s name was cool when he just started out? No, man. Who name’s themselves Starlight? But, it became cool. I’ll make the Neon Ninja cool.

Ken: Starlight packs more punch than Neon Ninja though! His is like cool and mysterious, yours just sound like a old school retro game people forgot about, why'd you ever wan to sound lame?! Whatever you say, if you prove me wrong I'll eat my words but if you can't I'll be there laughing!

Souji: How about this. Why would anyone want to name a technology company Apple? It's not cool, or futuristic, it's lame. But with time, people liked their product and the name got cooler. See? It might seem lame now, but just give it some time. Like grapes and wine.

Ken: I don't know, maybe something about the apple of knowledge and all that jazz? Didn't really play attention in religion class, so I ain't too sure but either way I think something more high impact is better!

Souji: Let's just agree to disagree, monkey boy. Finally, Haruto wants to know if do you know da wae?

Ken: I know my way, perhaps its the right way for others as well just follow along for the ride and see!

[ENDING - glitchy transition music]

Souji: Well, we're nearing the end of our the show, Ken, is there anything you'd like to remind our audience, maybe plug whenever they can find you online?

Ken: Hmm, well I do guess I could plug some things I am on [X-Social Media platforms] with [X-User names] feel free to follow me!

Souji: You've been pretty cool to talk to, so before you leave, I have a special surprise just for you. I've embroidered it myself, and the shirt is from a downtown thrift store.

Ken: Ooooh. You really didn't need to do that, but I love it, it's adorable!

Souji: Thank you for being my first guest, Ken. It means a lot.

Ken: I don't know what else you'd expect, it's always cool talking to me isn't it?

Souji: To keep with the show follow me @thesoujishow, and to support my small clothing business, follow @glitchgear on all social media platforms. Once again, this has been Ken Sarukenka and Souji Yoshihiro, and you’ve been listening to the Souji Show! A show where I talk about anything I want. 'Cause this is my show, and not yours. Until next time. Insert catchphrase here.

[vaporwave lo-fi song]

[nightingalesangasongofbarberella]

it’s october 30th and this is basically a motivational diary entry to myself lol

i’m tired and this is long

i just had to type something because i’m tired and have been in a Mood forever and this is important to me

i’ve been so depressed and anxious and my social phobia is so bad and i’m scared to communicate and reach out to people and say how i’m feeling and what i want and i feel like i need to constantly be doing things otherwise what’s the point to life and i try to busy myself so i’m not left to potentially spiral with my thoughts and i get so sad and worried because i think ‘oh i’ll never find someone who loves me and i’ll never be able to support myself and i’ll never have the life i want and do the things i want’ and shit but the thing is

i never thought i’d be where i am right now!! like i haven’t lost sight of the progress i’ve already made, but i got so caught up in where i need to be and how far i have to go and how far i feel i should already be that i totally forgot that it’s okay to still celebrate where i am right now

i spent years, years where i used to be

and i spent 8 months last year sick

and i spent 3-4 months this year sick but i didn’t let it destroy or control me and i’m only just now getting my symptoms to go away (like this year sick wasn’t the same as last year sick because i was sick for like 2 months and then i’ve been sick but with medication so over like 2 months i’ve been getting my symptoms under control but i managed them!! and went out and did things !! with people !!)

like it’s okay to have setbacks and it’s okay that my mental health freaks out on me all the time and it’s okay that i’m depressed!! i have depression!!

but instead of sitting and dwelling for days and weeks like i used to, i freak out for a few hours and then i stop myself! it takes time but i get myself to stop the thoughts and move on and sometimes it sticks and sometimes i spend the night angry and sad and miserable but i’m doing so much better than i used to

now i get depressed that i don’t go out enough! and yeah i used to be depressed that i was a literal hermit before but i mean, i used to not be able to leave the house!!

most of my social interaction is with doctors and medical staff but i made a new friend and do things weekly and i’m gaining new experiences and learning lessons and all of this is hard and my emotional state is a bit unstable and out of whack but this is important for me to go through, i need to learn to communicate and learn to not let myself literally freak out over small things

yes i’ve got a long way to go and yes it’ll probably take me years to get there but i’m getting there

i’m the type that needs to take it slow and that’s ok

i stumble and make mistakes and that’s ok

i’m focusing on my health and working to make improvements all the time and i’m focusing on managing my mental health and stopping myself from letting negative spirals control me and yeah, i’m gonna have some wasted nights and i’m gonna have breakdowns in front of people because i’m so emotionally invested that i get caught up in it all but !! i can keep moving forward

it’s okay to have lazy days and it’s okay to not have plans and it’s okay to live my life the way i need to and take it at the pace i need

i’ve already done so well! i’m out doing things! i’m interacting with at least one person, and hopefully will reach out to the others and stop being a fucking baby chickenshit about it! i’m working on taking back the control with my health (i was doing a lot better with what i eat and then i got sick again which made eating harder but then i was sick + on medication which meant i could eat whatever i wanted basically because my body wasn’t absorbing it and i even gained control over the steroid symptoms [it makes you want to eat a bunch but i was prepared this time and for weeks i did very well] but then i had one day of going ‘fuck it’ and eating whatever i wanted and it really threw me off so i’m trying to get back to eating better)! i’m working on being more active! i’m working on throwing away old things i no longer need and helping my mom fully organize our spaces! i make food for my mom and stepdad and help clean and make ! my ! own ! phone ! calls !

and i know that’s basic! i know that’s normal everyday things that people do in their homes! but for me, it’s a big deal

even with all the improvements i was making, my mom was still making my phone calls this year. every doctor’s office i went too, i gave her number because i’d be too anxious to answer my phone. but now i make all of them myself! all my doctor’s offices have my phone number and call me directly and i make my own appointments and i go into my appointments by myself! i go to physical therapy twice a week and interact with my therapist and the assistants! and sometimes i’m more anxious and get nervous to talk with them and sometimes it’s really great!

i’m too tired to keep going and kind of lost my train of thought but why i started typing all of this was to say to myself: please stop freaking out about things like twice a week. i get that things are A Lot and i haven’t been dealing with them but where you are right now in life is ok! and you don’t need to impress your new friend and have everything be spotless all the time! be yourself, be real, be open.

you promised open and honest communication and you’ve started reverting back to your old ways. sometimes honesty is a disagreement, that’s fine. compromise exists and you’ve been more than happy to compromise on a lot, just don’t lie about it. be honest when you’re nervous. and don’t sweat the small stuff. and ask when you’re unsure if plans are certain or not.

the panic of asking the question is not as bad as the freakout when there’s a miscommunication.

it’s okay to just exist as you are in life. i need to not get stuck where i am and continue striving forward but since i’ve been Bad lately, focus on my improvements. focus on my achievements and successes instead of the things i have yet to do.

continue going through old things, continue focusing on being more active and pushing myself everyday even when i’m in pain, and instead of putting pressure on myself to get some important thing done everyday, go back to having a weekly goal of getting one important thing done. be realistic with what i can accomplish. it’s okay that i’m not being 100% productive 24/7. give myself some leeway right now, enjoy having free time, catch up on some shows and get some new ones done while i can before i look for work and hopefully have a job.

you are okay the way you are. you are not unlovable or crazy or too much.