#anyway my step sister's dog tried to attack me and almost bit me today and im like. so sad.

[0809sysblings]

my kryptonite is "mean" and/or aggressive animals. this is the most surefire way to eliminate me because i WILL temporarily shut my fear off to try to pet them and love them

nooo puppy come here its okay i wont hurt you :) *gets mauled to death*

[krispytidalwavesheep]

Hopes and Dreams IV

Thanks for your continious support! I will try to update at least once a day every day, and in case I won’T be able to write much I already prepared some more chapters. After this chapter, I will try and reveal more of readers backround, bit by bit. Heisenberg and the other Lords will have a bigger role in the long run too. But I don’t want to spoil anything just yet :) Constructive criticism is always welcome, by the way. Only then I can learn to get better at writing! ***

You woke up to a knock on your door and groaned. It was way to early to be awake, if your sluggish mind was anything to go by, but you still managed to mumble an “Enter” to the person standing in front of your door. A part of you was rather disappointed when it wasn’t the lady of the castle, but the daughter you recognized as Bela.

“Mother awaits you for breakfast in 10 minutes. I have brought you a change of clothing too, but you better hurry. The way to the dining room is rather long, and mother doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

“Thank you. I won’t be long.” You smiled and grabbed the clothes Bela handed to you. You were glad that she handed you a simple tunic and simple pants since you wouldn’t be comfortable to fight in a dress. Or wear a dress altogether. Even though you still felt kind of weird about your dream, you also felt kind of giddy at the prospect to fight the lady’s daughters.

“I’m ready!” you said smiling when you left your chambers. Bela gave you a small smile in return and motioned for you to follow her. You easily fell into step beside her and looked at your surroundings. The whole design of the castle practically screamed Lady Dimitrescu and you honestly liked how the place was designed. It was fitting.

“My sisters and I will show you around soon. Cassandra is needed elsewhere today, and Daniela is stronger than me, so it was decided that you would go one on one for now.” She said by way of explanation and you nodded. You were pretty sure that Daniela wanted to fight you by herself because she felt humiliated from yesterday. Anyway, you still had the chance to impress the lady of the castle and that was more important.

“I am very impressed if I am honest. Not only did you sense Daniela as soon as she decided to attack, but you managed to pin her down as if it was nothing. She was practically fuming when she announced your presence yesterday.”

“She isn’t the first vampire that I have fought. Which doesn’t mean that I will underestimate her. The element of surprise was certainly on my side yesterday.” You said, deep in thought. You were confident that you could overpower her, but the fact that she could turn into a swarm of insects certainly gave her an advantage.

“Mother told us as much yesterday. I would really like to hear more about your travels when the opportunity arises. Life in the castle is good, but sometimes I find that I miss the outside world, at least a little bit.” Bela said and opened the door to the dining room. Your eyes found those of the lady immediately, and you smiled at her. The dream came back to the forefront of your mind, but you decided to postpone your musing in favor of greeting her with a little bow.

“My, my, aren’t we charming today.” She purred and you felt the temperature in your face rise a bit. That voice was sinful, and you briefly wondered what it would sound like moaning your name. ‘Woah there,’ you thought and shook your head. Where did that thought come from?

“I have a little gift for you, my dear. Come closer, will you?” she said and pulled something from under the table. She gently placed the item in your hands and said, “It’s a pendant with the Dimitrescu crest. You are required to always wear it, since it offers certain protection in these parts. Pesky Lycans won’t bother you anymore too.”

“At least invite me to dinner first,” you winked which made Bela laugh and Lady Dimitrescu sigh exasperatedly.

“I appreciate the gesture, my lady. Thank you,” you said and bowed again, which made Bela laugh even more. You shot her a wink too before you sat down on the chair to the lady’s left. Just as you wanted to say something, the doors flew open and Daniela entered the room, glaring at you. You gave her the sweetest smile you were able to give and wished her a good morning. To your amusement you noticed Lady Dimitrescu hiding a chuckle between her hand which made you puff out your chest a little bit.

“Good morning, mother, Bela. And good morning too you to, little guard dog.” Daniela said, giving you a nasty smile but you just started laughing.

“Daniela, what did I tell you about manners in front of our guests?” Lady Dimitrescu hissed, ignoring your laughter in favor of glaring at her troublemaker of a child.

“Sorry mother…” Daniela mumbled and turned towards you, “Sorry for calling you a guard dog.”

“It’s okay. A little teasing before sparring is nice, and I don’t really mind the nickname.” You said and gave her a genuine smile. Daniela just nodded and took a seat so that you could start on breakfast.

***

“Don’t go easy on me, alright?” you smile while stretching a bit to get your muscles working. Daniela growled something undoubtedly rude, but you let it slide. What made you gulp though was when Daniela charged at you with inhuman speed, stopping right by your ear.

“Tell you what. If you win, I’ll show you a little secret the next time Mother is away.”

“And what if you win?”

“Suggest something.”

“I can bake mad cookies, tailored to the palate of vampiric creatures.” You said, intending it to be a joke. But Daniela’s eyes glittered at the word cookie and you huffed out a laugh.

“Deal!” she said, shaking your hand and taking a stance a few feet away from you.

“Whenever you’re ready bugaboo!” You said with a wink which made Daniela bristle and Bela and Lady Dimitrescu laugh. Bela handed each of you a wooden weapon, a knife for you and a sickle for Daniela and you took the same stance as Daniela.

Both of you circled each other warily, but soon enough Daniela made her first move, which you easily deflected. You silently analyzed each other, always circling, until you decided it was high time you made your first move. Daniela was confident in the way she held herself and her weapon of choice. She was an experienced fighter, but she was also impatient, so you should have an opening soon. You ducked under a swing and tried to ram the hilt of your knife in her shoulder, but she turned into that damn swarm of bugs, evading your attack.

“Is that all that you can do?” she asked, rematerializing a few feet away. You just smiled at her and resumed your attempts to get to her. You started analyzing her movements and the bugs behavior when you got a sudden idea. What if they had a hivemind? That would mean that there was a queen bug somewhere in there. You continuously attacked her, looking for strange behavior and soon enough you found what you were looking for. There was indeed one bug that was bigger and always surrounded by a swarm of other bugs.

When Daniela saw your triumphant grin, it was already too late. As gently as you could you grabbed the bug queen and Daniela was on the floor, not able to move. You gently released the bug and Daniela gasped for air. Kneeling in front of her you offered her your hand and to the surprise of everyone in attendance she took it, giving you the first genuine smile.

“Sorry if I hurt you, bugaboo. I’ll still make you those cookies if you want to.”

“It’s okay. I’m honestly impressed that you got it so fast, and by the looks mother is giving you, she is too.”

Almost against your will you turned towards Lady Dimitrescu and sure enough, she was smiling at you. The two of you made your way to where she was sitting, Daniela shoving you playfully and saying, “Next time I will get you though, little guard dog.”

“Hah, I’d like to see you try. I can sense your intentions a mile away!”

“It is good to see that you get along so well, seeing as you two have the same chaotic energy.” Lady Dimitrescu smiled gently.

“I like her!” you both said in unison and started laughing. It honestly made you fell all warm and giddy inside. That weird feeling of being right where you were supposed to be only grew with that interaction and you decided to embrace it, for however long it took. When you looked at Lady Dimitrescu you could see a gentle affection in her eyes, and it made you feel all sorts of good things.

“Let us go inside for some tea. I feel quite thirsty,” Lady Dimitrescu said and stood, but before you could follow her you got stopped by Bela’s hand on your arm.

“Everything alright?” you ask cautiously but Bela just smiled and said, “Thank you.”

“What for?”

“It has been a long time since I have seen Mama smile so much. Please try not to get yourself killed, okay?” Bela said. That last part seemed a bit odd and with a thoughtful frown you followed her inside. You felt like you were missing something from the bigger picture here. First, the weird familiarity you felt towards Lady Dimitrescu, then the weird dream with the girl who looked so much like you and now that statement from Bela, that somehow left a weird feeling behind.  Something was going on and you really hated not knowing what exactly. Without realizing you gently grabbed the pendant around your neck and started to caress it gently.

***

Taglist: @imdreamingblo @x-x-trixxster-k-m-w-x-x @gayllamafromspace @catswag22 @imnatynat 

Let me know if you want to get tagged for future chapters!

[random-mha-thoughts]

Worth (Todoroki x Reader)

Pairing: Todoroki x Reader

Genre: Angst/comfort

Request on my Wattpad: “I was wondering if you can do a Todoroki x wolf reader where the reader is depressed and bullied because of her quirk and her family knows about her wolf quirk and disowns like they think she a disgrace abuse her and doesn't want her and she feels so worthless she gets to a point where she feels not good enough and that she completely loses control of herself and turns into wolf or monster version wolf and Todorki he tries to help her I hope this makes sense and I hope it's ok”

Word count: 2,038

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​ 

a/n: I’m not terribly happy with this, but it was a different kind of request, and I’m glad I did it.  If it’s cringey, I’m sorry, but I hope it meant something to someone.

Also even though the request indicated female pronouns, I didn’t really use any, so consider this gender neutral.  If anyone was wondering, I wanted the character to be kinda like Atsushi from Bungo Stray Dogs with the hair color and the personality, but also with wolf ears, so do with that info what you will.

I run through the dimly lit streets, tears streaking through my eyes as my heart pounds and chest heaves.  I don't know where I'm going, but I know I have to get out of this hell I call life.  Everything I thought I knew was a lie, I was the only person who didn't know it.

Tripping over my own feet, I finally tumble down a hill and land at the base of a tree, finally stopping my rabid movement, but it doesn't help my mind running five hundred miles a minute.  I turn in on myself, trembling as the darkness surrounds me, clawing at me the same way I grip my legs to my chest.

The image of my parents smiling together with my younger sister is the only thing I see behind my eyelids.  The last time I saw my family, there was nothing but turmoil and contempt.  All the times my sister pulled at my ears, locked me in a closet, and cut me up; all the times my parents punished me by having me sleep outside "like the dog I am" for the slightest misdemeanors.  They used to always argue, there was always screaming in my house.

My former house.

When I got into UA and we were forced to live in the dorms, my parents couldn't look happier.  In front of Aizawa and All Might, they contained the sheer joy they felt like the actors they are, and when my teachers left, they hurried to throw all of my things out the door.

"Finally, we can get rid of her!" they cheered.  I can only watch in horror as they pack all my stuff away before pulling me by the ear and setting me out next to my belongings.

"Don't ever come back!  From now on, you're on your own!"  That was the day I became an orphan.

My parents always had this vendetta against me because of my quirk.  They don't know where it came from, no one in our family even had one like me.  My dad used to always accuse my mom of having an affair with another man after she had me.  I don't know why he ever stayed, if he really believed that was true, but they both looked at me with contempt because of the quirk I shouldn't have.  And then I did the worst thing I could've done: I lost control one day.  When I was playing with my sister, I don't even remember why I got angry, but I bit her and scratched her.  The only person who loved me in that house suddenly became scared, and grew to hate me just as much.

School wasn't any better.  Everyone teased me for being the tamest wolf they've ever seen.

"I thought you were supposed to be scary, you're actually a huge wimp!"

"What kind of hero can you be when you can't even stop mumbling to yourself?"

The only reason I was so quiet is because I couldn't even raise my voice to assert myself in my house without being punished.  My parents were so scared of me losing control again that they put me down for getting the slightest bit aggravated, so I learned to just lay low and stay quiet.  And I couldn't stand up to my bullies for fear of being punished at home.

I'm so ashamed of my quirk.

Going to UA was a dream of mine.  It was my ticket to being able to use my quirk freely, so I can learn to control it to become a great hero.  But I quickly realized how weak I and useless I was in comparison to the other students.  Not being able to use my quirk at home took a toll on me, it was a miracle I even passed the entrance exam.

Today was particularly bad.  I didn't do well in quirk training today; I've been trying to partially manifest my quirk in some parts of my body to temporarily amplify my strength, but it's just not working.  Going for a walk in town to clear my head, I spotted my family out together, happy and smiling without me around.  And that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I tremble to myself under the tree, pushing against the rough bark biting into my forehead.  They're so much better without me.  I was holding them back this entire time, I should've left years ago.

I'm a failure as a wolf.

What kind of wolf am I when I can't even use my quirk?

I'll never become a hero.

This is all because of my stupid quirk!

"Fuck everything!"  I don't even realize when I'd stood up and started punching the thick trunk.  Blood drips from my knuckles, my vision blurry from tears.  "You'll never be a hero!  You're a failure!  All you did was tear your family apart because of the stupid quirk you can't even use properly!  Idiot!  Stupid!  Weakling!  Dumbass!  Homewrecker!"

Fury rushes through me, the grayscale colors in front of me fuzzing together.  My arms grow in size suddenly, my punches boring a large hole the size of my head into the bark and my nails have grown.  Looking down, I'm farther off the ground, my clothes ripped to shreds on the grass, and teeth have grown into fangs.  The shadowed silhouette of a wolf figure on two legs presses against the ground behind me, cast by the light of the moon.  I scream, which sounds more like a gravelly growl into a howl.  My blood boils with all the anger built up over the past ten years, fueling this wolf form I've only taken twice in my entire life.

I catch a familiar scent in the distance, blood warming my body at the thought of fresh blood.

"(Y/n)!"  A voice screams from the top of the hill I rolled down as it runs towards me.  Once the owner closes in and notices what's going on, he stops short, gawking up at my form.

I snarl, crouching down as if getting ready to strike.  My rage blinds me, only guiding myself by the smell of my prey as the shadows blur.

"(Y/n)," he repeats, more carefully this time, "Calm down, it's me.  I won't harm you."

My fangs bare at the boy.  I'm ready to take my anger out on anyone, friend or foe.  I stalk towards him.  No one's my friend, I'm all alone.

He takes a step back.  "It's me, Todoroki!  Get ahold of yourself!"

Shoto?

I grit my fangs at myself, clawing at the ground to keep myself from attacking him despite the rage instinct telling me to attack.  It hurts to fight, but I need to protect him.  He can't turn out like her.

"I believe in you, (Y/n)!  I know you can fight it!"

Another piercing howl screeches out of my mouth, overwhelming my head with painfully conflicting emotions.

"Try to breathe."  Shoto's voice calms down.  "Relax and breathe."

I loosen my tightened jaw and fists, smoke starting to come out of my nose in grunts.  I imagine it being my anger escaping out of me.  Feeling myself deflate, despair sets back in.  I almost hurt him.  I crouch down as my body shrinks back to normal, hugging my knees to my chest.  I'm physically and mentally burnt out, too numb to feel my emotions but I know they're still there.

Shoto approaches me, slipping his oversized denim jacket over my naked form.  "Are you alright?  Are you hurt anywhere?"

"I should be asking you that," I sigh, too tired to get up.  The wind brushes my skin and I clutch the jacket closed, slipping my arms through the sleeves.  "I almost attacked you, I'm sorry."

He shakes his head, kneeling down in front of me.  "It's fine.  Why are you out here alone anyway?"

"I...saw something.  And I just took off running and I got here."  I rub my temples with my hand to ease an oncoming headache.  "Things just got overwhelming, but I'm okay now."

Shoto's mouth sets into a line.  "You're not okay.  You haven't turned into a wolf since you were eight, not even in training.  You must have been extremely distressed."

I shrink into myself.  "I don't want to talk about it..."

His bi-colored eyes rest on me, but he doesn't push the matter further.  "You look exhausted, let me carry you."  He squats down in front of me.  "Get on my back."

I'm happy he's much bigger than me, his jacket manages to cover everything down mid-thigh even while I'm on his back.  My arms hang loosely from his shoulders as he hikes up the hill and back to the main road. ��It seems I ended up in a park near the town.  The streetlamps light the sidewalk, people staring at us as we walk by, but I'm too tired to care.

"Do you think it would calm you down to visit your parents?" Todoroki asks modestly.  "Or maybe you can go get some clothes-"

"My parents won't want to see me, let's just go back to school," I interject feebly.  A fresh set of tears threaten to fill my eyes.

He doesn't question it, continuing to walk as his gentle rocking pace persists.

"I'm surprised you aren't running away from me," I mumble as we reach the road going up the mountain to UA.  "I almost killed you."

"I know you wouldn't, I have faith in you."

I close my eyes, leaning against the side of his head.  "I'm so ashamed you had to see me like that.  I probably looked like a monster."

"Aside from the danger you posed in the moment, I think you looked...majestic."

My eyes fly open and I tense, waiting for him to elaborate.  How could he possibly think that about me?

"Your fur matches the gray of your hair, gleaming in the moonlight.  It looked soft enough to touch, all the way down to your tail.  But your ice blue eyes were my favorite.  Once you calmed down, they were practically glowing.  I'd like to see you like that more often, once you've trained enough of course."

My heart quickens at his compliments, heat rushing to my cheeks.  "Thank you, Sh-Shoto.  Though, I don't know when exactly I'll even get to that point."

He's silent for a moment, his steady rhythm continuing up the path.  "I've known you for a while, (Y/n), since we were younger.  I know I've never been much help with you and people teasing you for being weak, but I want you to know that you're not weak.  Obviously, you have a lot of emotional baggage with your family, and it's trickled into your own inner demons.  You should know that you're strong for dealing with it on your own all this time, but you should find family elsewhere.  I know you're stuck, but make your own family of people you care about, and - when you're ready - confide in them about your problems, they'll be there to help you.  I'm here to help you."

Tears silently roll down my cheek, but I don't want to wipe them and call attention to it, so I rest my chin on his shoulder.  "Do you think...my quirk is good, Shoto?"

"Of course I do," he answers without missing a beat.  "It's your's to use as you wish.  I know you'll use it to become a great hero someday."  His footsteps stop and he gently puts me down to face me.  "You're a good person, (Y/n).  Your quirk is an extension of yourself, and I know you'll use it for the benefit of others, even if you've probably made mistakes in the past."  His thumbs gently rub the wetness from my face.  "And nobody should tell you otherwise."

I lean into his touch, my eyes flying open when he presses his lips to my forehead.  His mismatched eyes bore into mine, glistening under the dim lights of the streetlamps and the moon.  My heart pounds at the amount of pure affection he's showering me with, it makes me want to cry even more.

"I'll be there to support you every step of the way."

[bobohunn]

— summary : It was tough for you to trust and open up to people, after all you've been through. When you finally let your walls down, Chanyeol left you hanging. (part 1 of 2)

— pairings : chanyeol x reader

— genre : angst, fluff

— warnings : mentions of anxiety, alcohol, bullying, & gaslighting, hints of sexual assault & harassment, description of anxiety & panic attacks.

— word count : 3.9k words (part 1)

— author's words : hi!!! I'm not really good with titles so this goes untitled for now 😅 I'll add the title when I post the 2nd part 💛 this is not proofread and edited yet pls forgive me. I'd really appreciate it if you tell me your thoughts on this! ☺️

It was a year ago today. The day when you were supposed to wake up with a smile, hearing your family’s thumping steps on the wooden floor on the way to your room. The day when your younger sister was supposed to be running towards you to attack you with kisses, your mom holding out a cake that says ‘happy birthday’, and your father following closely behind them, singing the happy birthday song with his awfully hoarse morning voice, just like the annual tradition. Rather, you woke up to the loud and thunderous knocks on your bedroom door, along with what you recognized as your father’s voice. And the second you turned the lock on the knob, the door flew and a hand met your right cheek.

You were scared, but you weren’t sure what you were scared for. Sure your dad looked scary, his face was blood red, his breathing uneven, and his hands clenched into fists, but you didn’t know what he was acting scary for. You held your cheek, trying to ease up the stinging sensation that lingered. 

“D-dad?”, you managed to stutter out. Your father shut his eyes close and sighed. 

You looked away and noticed your mom and your sister on the wooden staircase behind your dad. Your mom was holding her face in her hands, and your sister was rubbing her back. Only then did you realize that they were both crying.

“M-mom? S-stacy? W-what’s going o-on?”, you choked out, feeling the hot tears that were running down your face.

It was silent again, and you hated it. The silence was deafening and you swore you almost heard the cells in your brain die. You always hated situations like this, it made you feel so anxious and you were about to throw up.

“D-dad, M-mom what’s happening w-why are y–”

“You don’t have to call me dad anymore,” your dad cut you off, and you heard your mom cry louder.

“D-dad w-will you please at least t-tell me what’s going on?”, you said in between sobs, “please?”

Your dad let out another loud sigh, and you noticed his eyes getting misty. “Stacy, give me your phone. Your sister wants to know why, so I’ll show her why”, he said in a firm tone.

Stacy stood up from the stairs and took out the phone from her pocket. She handed it over to your dad, avoiding his gaze including yours. You were practically begging for her to look at you with your eyes while your dad was fumbling with the gadget, but she stood behind him, staring at the floor with her hair covering her face.

Your father handed to you the phone, showing a paused video on the screen. You pressed play, and turned the volume up. You were puzzled to say the least. The video had poor lighting but when the light source hit the surface of a very familiar face in the frame, you dropped the phone, leaving a small crack on the lower left part of the screen.

Your brain tried to put the pieces of information it recently gathered together, but you were about to pass out. Unconsciously shaking, you stumbled on your feet, and dropped to the floor. That was the last thing you remembered before your sight blacked out.

Your life today is a little bit different to how it was a year ago, yet it was still sort of the same. You moved to a different town, a different school, a different environment. It isn’t much worse now, but some people would still look at you and gossip as you pass by the same. Others don’t even stab you in the back, they hit you in the front now.

You moved with your family in the hopes of forgetting everything and starting anew, but unfortunately the news reached your new home too. Your parents insisted that you move places again when people in your school started talking, but you hated the feeling of being an inconvenience. So you did your best to heal and learn how to not a give a fuck to what others say, even if it burnt you out on most days.

“It’s okay, Mom. I’ll be alright, they’re not hurting me anyway,” you said in the softest voice.

“Are you sure? We can just move out of the country, baby. It’s best that we just go, hmm?” she held your hands in one, and caressed your face in the other.

“Yeah. We should just move if you’re uncomfortable here, my love,” your dad added as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

“Then we’d have to spend money again. I know you guys had a hard time adjusting as well, especially Stacy,” you fumbled with the fabric of your shorts, “I’m okay, really.”

But even though you’ve learnt to not give a shit and shrug off what bullshit other people— who don’t even know you, by the way— say anymore over the past months, there are still times when you have to endure how painful the words you overhear from conversations of people in your school are. And when you couldn’t, you’d have to run back to your only safe place in school, the comfort room at the back of the school library to turn into a ball and cry. On some days when you think you’re all better and don’t give a fuck anymore, you hear words you tried so hard to delete from your system, and it makes you want to throw up again.

You hate whoever did this to you. However, over the process of healing, you realized that you hate those people who try to act nice in front of you, act like they care for you, act like they support you, but actually talk rotten behind you more. And you hate people who try to control you into thinking that you are the one to blame, the most, because there are times that their words sting too much you begin to doubt yourself again after trying so hard to convince yourself that you were never at fault.

xx

It’s the first day of the semestral break, and you couldn’t be more happy and relieved to be far from society. You don’t have to do anything but lie down in your comfy bed, and binge watch your favorite shows all day. You can read books you hoarded in the past but never really touched after, as well!

“Y/N! Stacy! Come here, give these apples to our new neighbors!” your mom shouted from the kitchen.

You and your sister, Stacy peeked out of your bedrooms at the same time, and when your eyes met you both sighed. 

“I was watching Stranger Things, I was in the good part!”, you whined.

“I was reading a good fic on Tumblr as well! I was in the climax of the story!”, Stacy stomped her feet playfully and you both giggled.

“Y/N! Stacy! Did you hear me?” your Mom shouted again, which made you and Stacy instinctively run down the stairs.

xx

“Good afternoon Mister– uhmm?”, Stacy said to the man sitting on the balcony outside the house your mom sent you to for a quick mission.

“Park. Mr. Park,” the grown man smiled.

“Oh, nice to meet you Mr. Park! We’re from the house next to yours. We heard you just moved in, so my mom wanted you to have this!” Stacy beamed at him, while you stood behind her quietly.

“Oh I see! What are your names? You should come in! We had a feast for lunch, you should help us finish the food!” Mr. Park said while turning the knob of the front door.

“I’m Stacy, this is my older sister Y/n. My mom’s name is Rachel, and my dad’s is Samuel”, she said as she took off her sneakers.

“How old are you guys? I have a son who’s in the 11th grade, and a daughter who’s gonna be in her 2nd year in university.”

“I’m in 11th grade as well, Stacy is in 9th. We’re in Jungwon Highschool”, you said as you took off your jacket

“You should meet my son then! He’s transferring to Jungwon! But he’s not here now, he took the dog out on a walk in the park”, he said while grabbing plates from the kitchen.

After eating a few sweet fruits, you and your sister headed back home with two full plates of side dishes Mr. Park’s family offered. You passed by a tall unfamiliar guy carrying a black dog on the way back, and you figured maybe he was Mr. Park’s son.

xx

It’s the first day of the spring semester, the weather's been really better the past few days and you couldn’t be any happier because it means you don’t have to wear a heavy coat to school anymore.

While walking to the bus stop, you saw a familiar guy crouching down to pet a kitten.

Cute

He picked the cat up and moved it to a spot away from the pavement onto the bushes, probably for its safety. The moment he turned to your direction, you realized he was the same guy who you passed by once, on the way home from your new neighbor’s house. He was wearing the same uniform as you, and there you confirmed he really was the Parks’ son.

The bell rang and your class adviser went into the classroom. He was with the same guy you encountered earlier, announcing that your class has a new student to welcome.

“My name is Park Chanyeol. Please take care of me”, the guy said as he smiled and bowed down. He took the empty seat in front of you and settled down.

xx

“Pass your quizlets to the president after lunch. Late submissions will have deductions. Is that clear, class?” the 4th period teacher announced as she walked out the room.

The chime rang on the school speakers, and the lunch break started. All your classmates darted out the room, while you stayed in your seat, resting your head on the desk to take a nap like usual. Except, this time you aren’t left alone in the room. Chanyeol stayed, seemingly finishing the quizlet the teacher gave.

“Excuse me, can I borrow your eraser?” He asked, knocking on your desk to get your attention.

“Ah, sure. Here,” you pass him the black piece of soft rubber from your pencil case.

“Didn’t know they sell black ones. I should get myself one like this too. I actually hate when the white ones get dirty,” he rambled on while erasing whatever he had to erase and gave it back to you. You nod sheepishly as a response.

“I’m Chanyeol. What’s your name?” he pursed his lips while waiting for you to answer.

“I’m y/n. I actually live next to you,” you smile, scratching your nape.

Chanyeol was saying something but you weren’t really listening. Not when you heard some girls at the back door say, “what is she doing? Is she flirting with him?” “I seriously can’t believe her, after all that happened to her she has the guts to flirt with boys again?” “Maybe she thinks she can bait the new guy because he’s clueless” “and attractive, too”

You just smiled at him, and rested your head back down again, wearing earphones this time to block out whatever conversations you didn’t have to hear.

xx

You were sitting on the bench outside your go-to place, the comfort room at the back of the school library, watching whatever random videos youtube recommended in the home section. A video of a band doing a cover of some other band’s song came up, and you suddenly heard someone clear their throat from behind you which made you jump a little bit from your seat.

“So, are you into bands?” Chanyeol asked as he sat beside you on the bench.

If you were to be really honest, you grew scared of meeting people through the past year. You really hate it when people bring up things which they are not in the place to talk about. You’d tell them if you wanted them to know, and if you wouldn’t then they just have to accept and respect it, not be a total nosy ass. And unfortunately, everyone who tried to talk to you in this school brought up things you wished they didn’t. It made you feel like they’re only talking to you to know the tea. So you shut them out immediately, afraid to be hurt by them again if you get attached to them.

Which is why you struggled to let out a response to Chanyeol’s curiosity.

Why does he want to know about that? What will he do with that information? What if he uses it against me in the future? I should be careful with what I say, I might give out too much information.

All sorts of thoughts, running in your mind right now.

“Are you okay?” he asked when he realized you were only staring with a surprised expression at him, “is something wrong?”

“U-uhm, yeah. And, n-no. I’m s-sorry,” you looked away, keeping your phone in your pocket.

Chanyeol chuckled, “why are you getting flustered? I don’t bite!”

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” you purse your lips.

“You’re a shy one, aren’t you? Don’t worry! I’m good at making people open up to me” he said as he placed an arm around your shoulder, to which you flinched at.

And Chanyeol was right, he was good at making people open up to him indeed. He made you feel at ease with his jokes, but more than that, you felt safe at how he doesn’t pressure you to talk about yourself, he just waits for you to willingly share things with him. He just keeps on going on and on about what he wants to say, but he listens attentively the second you open your lips to talk.

"Oh how I love animals so much! I have a dog, his name is Toben but he doesn't listen to me. So i kinda hate him" he said enthusiastically.

"I think I've seen you once with him, the black one?" you recalled.

"Yes that's him! I used to have a cat too but he ran away from home. His name was Bach"

"I actually have a hamster. Her name is Lilie. You should meet her she's a total fluff ball" you said as you took your phone out and show him a picture of your syrian hamster.

"Oh my god she's so cute!" his eyes grew wider than it originally is.

You chuckled, "You must really like pets that much."

"Oh trust me, I even brought a rat home. My mom scolded me so much," and it's you who has wide eyes now.

You grew close to Chanyeol in a span of a few days. You would walk to school and walk home together with him almost everyday. You learned a lot of things about him, while he was also able to slowly make you open up to him. The both of you would ramble about random things while doing homework or eating dinner at each other’s house, but he never crossed the borderline and asked you about your past. You couldn’t be more grateful that you found a friend like him. It’s the bare minimum, but it’s important to you and no one really does it like that anymore, not for you at least.

“What’s the square root of 441?” He asked, biting the tip of the pen he was holding.

“21, I think? Let me check,” you said as you took out the calculator in your backpack.

“It’s okay I got it aaaand— Wow! You’re right!” He jumped out of his seat and ruffled his fluffy brown hair in amusement. You chuckled and took a sip from the tea his mom made for you.

“You’re amazing, how do you know that? Did you just mentally solve that?” He sat back down again.

“Of course not. I liked maths so much as a kid, I memorized the perfect squares at some point.” you mumbled, redirecting your focus back to the homework in front of you.

“In many years of living, I never once met someone who memorized perfect squares” Chanyeol said as he held his face in his big hands.

“Now you did”

He chuckled, “Yeah, memorable. Anyway, are you free this friday?”

You bit your lip in sudden anxiety, “I-i don’t know. N-not sure. Why?”

“Some of our classmates are going to a party, and they invited me,” he hesitated a little before he continued, “I just wondered if you wanted to come? With me?”

You feel your heart beat faster, “No, sorry. I think I’ll be helping my dad on Friday.”

“Oh it’s okay. Don’t worry about it,” whispered Chanyeol, looking back down to his homework.

Friday came, and you thought it was weird to walk home alone for the first time. You got used to chatting with Chanyeol while on the way home, and now it was completely silent. When you got home, you threw yourself to your bed. You decided to get your laptop and binge watch another series on netflix.

It was around 7:30 pm when your phone rang. You looked at the caller ID and picked up hesitantly when you realized it was Chanyeol’s. “Why would he call so suddenly though?” you whispered to yourself.

“Chanyeol?” You said as you bring the phone up to your ear.

“hey Y/N! What’s up?” he chirped weirdly, probably drunk.

“Nothing much. Are you drunk?”

“I’m wasted. They tricked me, they said it was juice. They tricked me, y/n!” you cringed at how much he was slurring his words. It was obvious that alcohol was already in control of his system.

“How are you gonna get home?”

“I don’t know. Everyone is drunk here and–” he hiccuped, “they’re all nasty. I wanna go home”

You paused for a bit, checking the time on your laptop. “Turn on your location and stay there. I’ll pick you up”

Chanyeol nodded and hummed from the other line. You quickly ended the call to run to your closet to grab a jacket, and leave the house.

You didn’t know if you were dumb or stupid, but you were sure you were either. 

Why would you suggest picking him up? From a house party? Which you avoided so much with all your might?

When you reached the house that showed up on Chanyeol’s location— which took you 30 minutes to find, you had to pat yourself on your shoulders and remind yourself that you were doing it for a friend, and if you were just gonna walk away, this friend might get in trouble. You inhaled deeply before entering, a pool of evidently alcohol intoxicated bodies welcoming you.

It took you only a few seconds to spot Chanyeol, the only giant in the room. But it took you a few minutes to get to him because as he said, the crowd was pretty nasty.

“Alright time to go home now big buddy, let’s go” you tapped Chanyeol on his forearms, bracing yourself in case he’d stumble and fall.

“Goodbye my friends!” Chanyeol screamed over the booming music from the speakers. “You’re leaving already?” a familiar voice replied, and you realized it was one of your classmates, Max.

You only nodded at him after flashing a small smile. “Are you seriously going Chan? It’s too early! We haven’t been to the fun part yet!” Max said before taking a sip of whatever alcohol from his red cup.

“What fun part? I think I’m just gonna go home, Max” Chanyeol replied, seemingly sobering up a little.

“Oh you know, the fun part! When all the chics get wasted!” your mind was getting hazy at what you heard, and you nearly lost your balance. Your grip on Chanyeol’s sweater got tighter, which made him look at you.

But he didn’t answer Max, instead he turned away. You took that as a signal to go. “Yeol, the door is this way” you told him as you tug on the sleeve of his sweater.

The walk back home was messy. Chanyeol was silent but he was walking in zig zags and you had to hold him up a couple of times because he would fall asleep while walking.

“Y/n?” you hummed in response.

“Nevermind” he replied. Honestly you were nervous, what did he want to say? Is something wrong? But you only let it go.

“Y/n.”

“Yes Yeol?”

He stopped walking, “Why don’t you ever tell me anything about you?”

“What do you m-mean? I tell you about myself too,” you managed to mumble out.

“No, you don't,” he said in a tone an octave lower.

You held onto his arm again and dragged him with you, “Yeol, you’re drunk let’s go now.” He allowed you to pull him and just walked along, still in zig zags.

When you were in front of his house you took your phone out to call his sister, to help you get him in. You helped him sit down on the chair outside while waiting for her to pick up.

“Y/n, you know I’m not one to pry, right?”

You looked at him in confusion, you slowly nodded. You waited for him to continue.

“But I really have to ask this,” he said as he played with the zipper of his backpack in his hands, not looking at you.

“What is it?” you shivered.

“By any chance, were you from Hyundai Highschool?” he finally looked at you, straight in your eyes.

You didn’t know what to do or what to feel. He was sober now, and you could tell he knew what he was talking about. Many questions were popping in your mind, yet your brain felt empty.  You weren’t able to form anything to say. You only backed away from him, and then ran away.

You went straight to your room, ignoring your father’s attempt to hug you. You fell to the floor the moment you closed the door.

Why did he ask you that?

How did he find out?

Were people talking about you at the party?

Did someone gaslight you at the party, again?

Will he judge you too?

You spent the whole weekend locking yourself up in your room, overthinking about the same things over and over again. You were almost sure someone told him from the party, and he will probably think differently about you now. But you are honestly hoping that he wouldn’t. He’s a good guy, isn’t he? 

Monday came, and you were mentally preparing yourself to talk to Chanyeol while preparing your lunch box. You made sure to go out earlier than usual to wait for him so you could walk to school together, but to no avail. There was no sign of your giant friend going out of the house next to yours. You had to run to school or you would be late for the first period.

When you reached the classroom you looked around but Chanyeol wasn’t there. You caught your breath and sat down quietly on your seat. There was barely 2 minutes left before the first period, and you were worried for Chanyeol.

“Hey Y/n, where’s Chanyeol? You didn’t come together?” one of your classmates asked. You shook your head no, but suddenly the back door opened.

There he is

He took his seat in front of you but he didn’t spare you a smile, not even a glance.

The whole day went by with Chanyeol avoiding you and ignoring your attempts to talk to him. He looked at you at some point, but with sad eyes and a small smile. After that, you decided to give up and let him be.

You know—you think you do, why he was acting that way, and you don’t blame him for it. But you at least need to hear it from him, rather than assume things which could be entirely wrong. 

You didn’t expect him to pull you to the school garden at dismissal, though.

“Y/n. I know I’ve been such a horrible friend today,” he paused. He looked down, avoiding your eyes.

“but I don’t think we should be friends.”

[dnarez]

Chapter 14 - Sports Festival Part 4

"ALL RIGHT, HAVE YOU ALL FORMED YOUR LITTLE TEAMS!!? WELL, YOU BETTER HAVE!!" Mic was screaming like always "LET'S DO IT!! LET'S STAR THE COUNTDOWN TO THIS VICIOUS CLASH!!"

"We can do it guys! I need all of you to trust me when it comes to escaping, try to focus each one on each side" Y/n toke a deep breath and closed her eyes felling each person and their position, she adjusted the headband to her eyes. "I can do this"

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(On the other side of the city)

Hawks was on his agency doing paper work bored out of his mind when one of his sidekicks came running.

"Hawks sir! Look at this!" the sidekick turned on the T.V. that was on Hawks's office and changed the channel to the Sports festival "There is some interesting people here, including Endeavor's son and those from class 1-A that had survived the League attack, there may be some interesting people for you sir"

Hawks nodded and smiled "thank you it had totally escaped my mind that today was the day for the Sport Festival" the sidekick smiled back, bowed and got out of his office.

The moment he closed the door Hawks slammed his head on the table, he actually had forgotten about today, he should be there helping his little sis, he took a deep breath thinking how to apologize, that was when he looked at the screen and almost fell from his chair, he saw his little sis being chased by all the other teams.

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"We've got an assault approaching from the gate. ...and first we have two teams to contend with. This is the fate of the hunted... make your choice Y/n!" Tokoyami and Dark Shadow were looking  at her the best they could without lowing their guard.

"Let's put Midoriya's plan in action!" but before they could do anything they started sinking on the floor.

"We're sinking! It must be that kid's quirk!" the three of them were sinking.

"MIDORIYA, URARAKA AND TOKOYAMI! HOLD ON TIGHT!" Y/n took off her jacket with the gadget showing that she was with only a top under it (like Momo), she opened her wings that were orange with the tip neon orange, and with only one flap of wings she flew up out of harms way, she let one feather for each one of them helping them to keep up with her flying.

"THAT BITCH CAN FLY?!" Bakugo was pissed at that.

"Y/N LEARNED HOW TO FLY??!!" Kirishima was stunned by that

"YOU KNOW THAT BITCH SHITTY-HAIR?!"

Someone shouted "JIROU!"

Jirou tried to reach them but Y/n noticed it before"Dark Shadow! From behind and down!" Dark Shadow blocked it.

"Good work Dark Shadow, always watch over our blind spot."

"Aye aye!"

"You two are awesome! Keep up the good work!" Y/n even if she couldn't see she was still feeling everything around her.

"Holy crap man! Y/n how did you see that???"

She giggled "I didn't" she turned to him, and he saw that she was with the headband on top of her eyes, he looked at her like she was crazy.

"You and Tokoyami both are just the defensive bulwark we were lacking... too cool, bro!! Yours quirks are more than enough to defend us from all directions, at that!! I can't praise you enough, Tokoyami, Y/n!!"

"You all picked me and planned it out." Y/n's wings got slightly pink from the compliment

"We need to land!" Uraraka shouted.

Y/n complied, landing she put her feathers back in place when they stepped on the ground. "How are you all doing?"

"With the help of your feathers and Uraraka helping us float it was easy! We just need to keep it up!" Midoriya was pumped up now

"I'm glad!" Y/n's wings were now full yellow and the tip was golden.

"HAVE A LOOK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES HAVE ELAPSED AND ALREADY WE HAVE A MELEE OF TUMULTUOUS PROPORTIONS ON OUR HANDS! ANYWHERE YOU REST YOUR EYES. THERE'RE TWO TEAMS VYING FOR AND STEALING EACH OTHER'S HEADBANDS!! AFTER ALL. IT'S A FINE STRATEGY TO AIM FOR 2ND TO 4TH PLACE HEADBANDS INSTEAD OF THE BIG 10,000,000!!"

--------------------------------------------

(With Hawk's again)

"FUCKING CAMERAMEN!!! FOCUS ON MY LIL' SIS!!!!!!! FUCK IT I'M GOING THERE!" Hawks went out of his office and to the reception "I'm going to U.A." he adjusted his gear, got outside and started to flew in U.A's direction.

-------------------------------------------

"Hahahahaha! "Stealing each other's headbands?" you think this is some kinda headband exchange...? No, I assure you this'll be... A ONE-SIDED PLUNDERING!!"

"Shouji!? But why are you alone?? This is a cavalry battle, remember!?" Izuku screamed.

"DON'T BE FOOLED MIDORIYA! THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE HIDING INSIDE THERE!!" Y/n shouted.

Midoriya nodded "LET'S PUT SOME DISTANCE BETWEEN US! IN A FIELD WITH MULTIPLE ENEMIES, IT'S NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO REMAIN IDLE ANYWAY!"

"My foot is stuck on the ground! It's one of Mineta's thingies!! Where did he chuck it from..." Uraraka was slightly in panic.

"From here Midoriya~..." Mineta said from his hiding place

"WAAAAAH Y/N-CHAN WAS RIGHT!!!" Midoriya saw Asui's tongue coming out of their cocoon "Caution Y/-!"

Before he could finish Y/n had already evaded her tongue and slightly cut it with one of her feathers.

"I WILL CUT YOUR TONGUE OFF NEXT TIME!" Y/n had a dark aura around her "I. HATE. FROGS!"

"TEAM MINETA HAS MADE A GOOD USE OF THE STARTLING DIFFERENCE IN ITS MEMBERS' BODY TYPES! THEY MIGHT AS WELL BE A WAR TANK! TEAM TAKAMI CAN'T HELP BUT FLY AWAY"

Y/n used her feathers to release Uraraka's foot from the sticky ball and flew away extremely fast.

"Wow! Thank you, Y/n-chan you sure are awesome!" Uraraka shouted as they were on the sky.

But from nowhere Bakugo appeared from behind flying on their direction taking all them by surprise.

"RIDING REAL HIGH AND MIGHTY, AIN'TCHA, YA LIL BITCH CHICKEN!" But when he was a few centimeters from snatching her headband his face was meet with a foot.

Y/n had kicked him with all her strength "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" her wings now were full red and full of rage "YOU WON'T STEAL MY CHANCE OF BECOMING A HERO!" he got pissed and tried to explode her but Dark Shadow protected her sending Bakugo flying back who was caught by Sero's tape, taking that as advantage Y/n got back on the floor with them.

"WHAT DO WE SEE HEEEEEREEEEEE!???" THE RIDE CAN DETACH FROM THE HORSE!? THAT'S ALLOWED!!?"

"It's only a technical, so it's okay!! The rider's just not allowed to plant his feet on the ground!" Midnight gave a thumbs up.

"THAT'S RIGHT, WHETHER IT'S THE GIRL IN FIRST PLACE WHO'S BEING CHASED OR THE REST OF CLASS A. NOW DOING THE CHASING, THIS HERE'S A VERITABLE CONGREGATION OF THE TOP DOGS! LET'S BRIEFLY CONFIRM THAT BY CHECKING THEIR CURRENT POINT VALUES... SEVEN MINUTES HAVE PASSED, SO LET'S PUT THEIR SCORES UP ON THE BIG BOARD FOR ALL TO SEE!"

Team Takami was on 1st, Todoroki on 5st and Bakugo on 7st, mostly the class B was with the points.

".... WHOA, DAMN!!? WAIT JUST ONE GOSH DARN SECOND...! YOU MEAN CLASS A AREN'T TAKING BY A MILE... WELL, APART FROM TAKAMI OF COURSE. AND HOLEY MOLEY, BAKUGO WHAT HAPPENED...!?"

'Class B are smart but... no, now is not the time to think about others... we can't forget that we are on a battle ground where anything can happen' Y/n was focused on every little feeling that was around her.

"Guys evasion should be pretty easy from now on-" before Midoriya could finish Y/n interrupted him "DON'T LET YOUR GUARD DOWN GUYS, WE HAVE GUESTS!"

"NOW THERE IS LESS THAN HALF A MINUTE ON THE CLOCK!!" Mic screamed

Team Todoroki appeared a few meters away from them. "The time has come. I'm taking it" Todoroki said looking at the headband that was on top of Y/n's eyes.

She smiled sweetly at him "Hello again Half n Half boy"

"I though that I would have the chance to get back on Midoriya for the last time... but it's just you..." Todoroki stared at Midoriya.

"Sorry but this time I can't help you this time... This is not only my victory but my friend's victory! So come on and try your all Todoroki Shoto!" she pulled her headband down to her forehead revealing her shinny e/c eyes as she smiled at him "Please be my friend if I win! But... if you win... I still will want to be your friend Todoroki-kun!" Y/n opened her wings that were almost full golden n yellow, they weren't full yet just for the bit of pink on the tips.

"I AM NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS!" Todoroki shouted at Y/n getting pissed at her for those foolish words.

-----------------------------------------------

Hawks now was helping the police with some villains that had attacked some civilians and a supermarket, he was trying to be fast enough, so he could go see his sister in action but the world wasn't allowing him to do so.

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SURPRISE!

Yoh! So... I was dead set on this being an shotoXreader, I even put the tag and everything, but after a few comments maybe it will actually be a katsukiXreader? I don't know... You all can change my mind until next Friday(not this one since I just posted this earlier)

Some of you may have noticed that I am actually accompanying the manga, so... yeah... lov u see u next time<3

THIS FRIDAY WON'T HAVE UPDATES

1400 words

[trensu]

Episode 46: The One with All the Yunmeng Bros Angst

gross, ouyang and yao are talking. let’s ignore them!

blah blah plot plot blah

ooh thank god, wwx is now the one talking

being all detective-y and asking relevant questions

I LOVE MY SUNSHINE BOY WHEN HE'S BEING CLEVER

wwx makes some Plot Relevant Point and yao is like I DISAGREE bc ofc he fucking does

LOL WWX'S FACE WHEN YAO INTERRUPTS LIKE THAT

IT'S LIKE HE'S BITING DOWN ON HIS TONGUE TO NOT SNAP SOMETHING BACK

kudos to him on his self-control tbh but it's wasted on yao. 

wwx is all asking things like why are you ladies fessing up now, oh and btw that's a real neat bracelet you got there...

and then nhs is like, gee i wonder what kind of person would've sent these ladies here today

LOLOLOL NHS IS SUCH A TROLL OMG

and yao is like DETAILS DON'T MATTER, WHAT IS CRITICAL THINKING ANYWAY LET'S GO MURDER FOR JUSTICE AGAIN

and everyone else is like, HEY, THIS LOUD GUY HAS A POINT LET'S GO MURDER

okay, they don't actually say anything about murder but they're harping about "justice" 

The last time they did that, it resulted in murder so i'm gonna go ahead and assume this time isn't any different

lwj: many skeptical points remain

THANK YOU, LWJ, FOR BEING SENSIBLE

oh, and i would like to point out that the crowd had been getting rowdy 

but the minute lwj interjected there they all fell silent

My guy didn't even raise his voice and was able to shut up a whole room full of people.

I LOVE YOU HANGUANG JUN

lqr: what are they?

wwx: SO MANY. 

wwx makes some Points and is like so we got some witnesses now but where's the HARD EVIDENCE GUYS??

and yao is like, whatever, we'll find it sooner or later now that we know THE TRUTH

and wwx's reaction lolol

it's like oh my god how stupid is this guy, that's not how it works, that's not how ANY of this works

I FEEL YOUR PAIN, WWX, I FEEL IT IN MY SOUL

ppl are blabbering Plot Stuff

i'm just gonna enjoy the occasional shots of wwx and lwj's beautiful faces

blah blah blah plot plot plot blah

gosh, my boys are so pretty

LOOK AT THEM BEING PRETTY, I LOVE THEM

(i say as the crowd devolves into vicious mob mentality)

wwx's had enough of this and turns to leave bc angry mobs are old news at this point

And we all know how he ended up last time there was an angry mob

but yao and some rando interrupt his exit as if they have ANY RIGHT to speak to my sunshine boy at all

Eventually we DO escape sword hall and the mob of stupid people and our boys are alone together wandering lotus pier!!!

they're reviewing Plot Info and bouncing ideas off each other and IT'S BEAUTIFUL, THEY'RE SO SMART AND IN LOVE

They determine that they don't have enough clues to say who the mysterious 3rd party is

but they def have enough evidence showing jgy murdered nmj and is generally an evil conniving bastard.

lwj mentions that he's going to send word to his brother to be careful since jgy is EVIL FOR SURE NOW.

oooh, our boys just came upon the jiang clan's ancestral shrine

wwx freezes, eyes red-rimmed and shiny, MY POOR SUNSHINE BOY

lwj: what's wrong?

ALL OF HIS ATTENTION IS GLUED TO WWX'S EVERY MOVE ALL THE TIME, ISN'T IT??

SEE HOW INTENTLY HE LOOKS AT WWX??

me too, lan zhan, me too

wwx: nothing. it's the ancestral hall of the jiang clan

he says this softly, like it hurts to acknowledge it or smth

lwj: do you want to enter?

wwx: no

WHICH IS A BLATANT LIE

EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SCREAMING HOW MUCH HE WANTS TO GO IN THERE

they make to turn away and pause for a moment, during which wwx looks back at the shrine longingly

cut to the next scene where we see wwx burning some incense sticks in the shrine

AND OUR BOYS BOW TOGETHER  3x TO M-YU, JFM, AND JYL

wwx greets his deceased loved ones solemnly

wwx: it's me. i'm here to disturb you again.

idk about m-yu and jfm, BUT JYL WOULD NEVER THINK WWX'S PRESENCE WAS A DISTURBANCE

now wwx is telling lwj about how he used to spend a ton of time in that shrine bc m-yu would punish him by sending him there to, idk, reflect on his sins before the ancestors or smth

and lwj is like, yeah, i heard about that

then wwx comments on how he's never met a woman as irritable as m-yu, and how she punished him for trifles all the time

then he laughs bashfully and says "my fault, my fault" and bows another 3x bc omg wwx you can't speak ill of the dead, especially not at their shrine

this is a nice moment between them so far, actually. 

it's nice to hear wwx reminisce in a way that's not 100% painful

and the fact that he's sharing these little bits of inconsequential info with lwj, his soulmate, is just very sweet to me

lwj: won't you tell jc?

wwx: idk. at least not yet

lwj: after all, you two are sworn brothers

it's nice of lwj to acknowledge that, without any sort of rancor in his tone, considering how much he does not care for jc (to put it mildly)

wwx: since the misunderstanding between us is so deep, it's not that easy to solve

HE SOUNDS SO RESIGNED, AND THE LITTLE SMILE THAT FLASHED BRIEFLY THERE WAS JUST SO SAD

and then he's like, besides, I created Plot Device 2, regardless of whether or not jgy ended up using it to make Plot Device 3

UH OH, HERE COMES JC

jc: wei wuxian

OH GOD, CAN HE PACK ANY MORE BITTERNESS AND VENOM INTO THAT NAME??

wwx stands immediately when he hears jc call, he doesn't look at him tho

lwj stands a beat after as jc enters the shrine

jc: you still take yourself as one of the jiang clan? come and go at any time you like, then bring people here when you wish. Do you remember whose house this is? who's the owner?

YIKES

THAT ONE HURT.

and wwx just takes it

wwx: i didnt take hanguang jun to any confidential places in Lotus Pier. i just brought him here to offer some incense to clan leader jiang and madam yu.

he's so submissive here and not even in a fun way

it’s in his posture and tone of voice, even in how he still doesn't look directly at jc...it makes me sad

wwx: we're leaving

He tries to retreat bc he def doesn't want this this confrontation to happen 

jc: you really should kneel down to them, for coming to their presence to destroy the view and ruin their quiet.

DOUBLE YIKES. 

that one hurt EVEN MORE

and lwj, who had been following wwx's lead and staying quiet, intervenes

lwj: clan leader jiang, pay attention to your words

oh boy if looks could kill, jc would be dead as a doornail

he's like HURT MY SOULMATE AGAIN, I DARE YOU. JUST GIVE ME A REASON AND I WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN

which is pretty gutsy since jc is higher ranked than him, technically, as clan leader. 

AND they're both in jc's domain rn!

jc: what did you say? i think someone else needs to watch his behavior

he's glaring at wwx's back and he's got a mean twist to his mouth that would be a smile if it weren't so cruel

jc: you have already been kicked out of our family. how dare you enter and face my parents and my sister?

STOP HURTING MY SUNSHINE BOY

wwx is just accepting this. he's just accepting all these cruel things with his eyes downcast and submissive

BC IT HURTS AND HE BELIEVES HE DESERVES IT

lwj: jiang wanyin

HOLY SHIT

lwj fucking HISSED that name

and he took a VERY MENACING step towards jc

MY GUY

MY GUY, YOU CAN'T ATTACK A CLAN LEADER

ESPECIALLY NOT IN HIS OWN HOME

LIKE, I TOTALLY GET WHY YOU'D WANT TO RN, AND, Y'KNOW, I'M NOT THE MOST POLITICALLY SAVVY PERSON AROUND

BUT THIS JUST SEEMS LIKE A BAD IDEA ALL AROUND

thank god wwx is there

wwx stops him, pressing the palm of his hand into lwj's torso (!!!!!)

wwx: lan zhan. lan zhan, let's go

he practically whispers this, head bent down, AGAIN SUPER SUBSERVIENT

but jc is looking for a fight and he's not letting go until he gets one, apparently

jc: go as far as you can. i don't want to see you AWFUL PEOPLE again before my dead family

wwx just halts in his steps.

he had been all prepared to go after taking that tongue lashing that he thinks he's earned, but at that he takes a deep, fortifying breath bc jc crossed a line

he purses his lips a moment before turning to finally face jc head on

wwx: jc, scold me as you like but not the others (aka LWJ)

oooh, but that was the wrong thing to say to jc right now bc jc goes off on a VERY PAINFUL rant

he's like, oh, i should be nice to lwj? don't you remember that MY PARENTS WERE KILLED AND LOTUS PIER FELL bc you just HAD to play hero and save lwj?? and it wasn't enough! you HAD to play hero and SAVE THE WENS too, which killed my sister!!

oh he's getting really mean here

he's like, how generous you are wwx! letting wn wander the entrance of lotus pier and letting lwj offer incense!!

the minute jc started his rant, wwx cast his eyes to the side, again just enduring everything jc is throwing at him

oh but now jc starts in on lwj again

he's like, lwj, the great second jade, ignoring his reputation to side with wwx, your brother and uncle must be so proud

wwx: JIANG WANYIN!

wwx shouts at him

he's shaky and almost panting here.

wwx: apologize this instant.

jc: apologize? why should i? bc i insulted your great friendship?

THIS WHOLE ENCOUNTER IS A SHIT SHOW AND IT HURTS.

wwx just loses it here and grabs jc by the collar of his robes and gives him a shake

wwx: ARE YOU DONE?

and jc is still the little brother, you know, so obvs he does not back down here, he's not intimidated at all

jc: LET'S FIGHT THEN. should i be afraid of you two?

wwx's breath is all shaky and he's trembling and he would've given into jc's demands for a fight anyway but then he sees jyl's nameplate

and he must remember how upset jyl would get every time they fought

ME TOO, JYL, ME TOO. I HATE THIS, I HATE THIS, MAKE IT STOP

so he lets go of jc and stumbles back. he's looking very weak right now AND I’M VERY CONCERNED

lwj, obvs, catches him by the arm when he stumbles

lwj: wei ying

wwx: lan zhan, let's go

lwj agrees and the two of them turn and leave the shrine, lwj still gripping wwx's arm and providing support bc wwx is NOT looking good what’s happening to my sunshine boy, somebody fix this RIGHT NOW

BUT JC IS LIKE A DOG WITH A BONE BC HE JUST STORMS AFTER THEM, HE WANTS HIS FIGHT

he freaking leaps across the little lotus pond and lands before them, blocking off their exit

he starts antagonizing wwx, and he grabs wwx by the collar now, and again, wwx just takes it BUT LWJ DOESN'T

lwj slams his hand around jc's wrist (the one that's grabbing wwx), WRAPPING HIS FINGERS AROUND JC'S ZIDIAN, EVEN

lwj: let him go

holy crap. Stone Cold. LWJ'S STARE IS STONE COLD, AND HE TIGHTENS HIS GRIP ON JC'S WRIST

god damn, if lwj ever looked at me like that, i'd drop to the ground and beg for forgiveness. i'd be scared witless

when jc makes no move to let go of wwx, lwj releases his wrist and hooks his arm under jc's forearm and shoves upward to FINALLY break jc's hold on wwx

wwx stumbles at the force of it and his nose starts to bleed

MY POOR PRECIOUS SUNSHINE BOY LOOKS SO WEAK AND OUT OF IT!!

lwj looks at him, eyes wide with worry

lwj: wei ying!

even jc looks concerned (i would even say scared, tbh)

wwx reaches up and wipes his nose; he's not steady on his feet AT ALL

wwx: lan zhan, let's go.

lwj: okay

and he immediately starts to leave, practically dragging wwx with him bc wwx is barely able to stand at this point

lol, lwj shoulder checks jc as they walk past him

but jc is a stubborn bastard and brings out zidian and whips at their retreating backs

brief moment here to admire how FREAKING COOL THE ZIDIAN IS OMG,  

*GRABBY HANDS* I WANT ONE OF MY OWN SO SO BAD. 

IT'S A SNAKE BRACELET!! 

THAT TURNS INTO A WHIP!! 

A PURPLE WHIP!!! OF LIGHTNING!!!!!! 

LITERALLY NO ASPECT OF THIS WEAPON IS UN-BADASS

so jc whips purple lightning at them but the hit never lands bc lwj swings his still-sheathed bichen and bats that attack away like nothing

but as he does that, wwx starts to fall

lwj spins around and AUDIBLY GASPS, eyes wide with worry again, as he watches wwx lose consciousness. 

he dives forward and catches his soulmate in his arms and cradles him gently

jc doesn't see this happen and swings right back with another lash but wn swoops in out of nowhere to take the hit instead. 

AND HERE WE'RE GONNA GET THE BIG REVEAL OH GOD I'M NOT READY

jc is all who let you in, how dare you?? and whips wn again

BUT WN WILL NOT STAY DOWN, NO SIR

HE'S GOT STUFF TO SAY AND BY GOD, HE'S GONNA SAY IT

he offers up suibian to jc but jc whips him and sends him flying again

Wn gets right back up goes back to offering the sword to jc, DEMANDING HE UNSHEATHE IT

AND IN A FIT OF FURY JC PULLS AT THE HANDLE AND SUIBIAN COMES FREE

SHOCK, UTTER SHOCK ON HIS AND LWJ'S FACES

(also YIKES jc nearly sliced out wn's eyes with the force of his unsheathing of siubian. he obvs didn't expect anything to come of him pulling at the handle)

GOLDEN CORE TRANSFER REVEAL!!

FLASHBACK to wn's part of the story

we see wn holding an unconscious jc and wq is telling wwx to come out from where he was hiding behind a convenient boulder

and we see wwx give the go ahead to start the golden core transfer

back to the present, jc looks like his whole world is a lie 

bc it kinda is

I'm still kinda mad that wwx never told him anything.

like, i get why he didn't and i sympathize but informed consent in medicine and surgery is kind of a big deal!

and then omg, we got a close up shot of lwj's face

his eyes are wide and shiny and his jaw is dropped open just a bit. HE IS SHAKEN TO THE CORE 

HAHAHA GET IT? THAT THING WWX DOESN’T HAVE ANYMORE?? Oh god i’m sorry that was AWFUL

he turns his gaze back to wwx, who is still resting gently in crook of his arm

i love the camera angle here btw

the scene is at a slant, with the white of bichen's handle, and the white of the flowering tree behind them filling all of the right side of the screen

it makes the dark bundle of wwx and the dark flow of lwj's hair more stark

the slant of it really emphasizes how the whole of lwj's attention is on the man in his arms

And how his whole world is off its axis at this revelation

god lwj is really just letting his whole heart pour out of his eyes as he watches wwx

jc and wn are arguing loudly in the background but lwj makes NO INDICATION of hearing ANY of it

now we get to watch the emotional confrontation between jc and wn

lwj finally looks back at them when wn starts reciting details that no one outside of jc would have known unless they were there themselves

another flashback as wn describes everything in excruciating detail

oh this line gets me every time

wn: the reason you thought it was repaired was because of my sister, the best doctor in the wen clan of qishan, Wen Qing

WN LOVES HIS SISTER SO MUCH. HE WAS SO PROUD OF HER 

AND HE LOST HER. HE DOESN'T HAVE HER ANYMORE

GOD DAMN IT, SHOW, LET THESE BOYS KEEP THEIR SISTERS

and now we go back to lwj, gazing soulfully at wwx and a single tear rolls down his cheek as it really hits him what exactly wwx did, what wwx gave up

wn is going off on jc, like, didn't he ever wonder why wwx never picked up the sword again?

wn looks hardcore here tbh. 

we cut back to lwj, who is now holding bichen tightly, and boy, he's got his jaw clenched so hard.

at least until he looks back down at wwx, and his mouth softens as more tears drip down his face

flashback to when jc first found wwx after the burial mounds, and a series of flashbacks of every time jc brought up wwx's lack of suibian and wwx brushing off his questions

THEY SHOULD'VE JUST TALKED IT OUT, MY GOD, THEY COULD’VE SPARED ME ALL THIS PAIN IF THEY JUST TALKED 

another flashback to that time that jc pushed wwx and wwx fell hard to the ground and jc thought he was just drunk

I AM DONE WITH THESE FLASHBACKS, THX. CAN WE NOT, ANYMORE? IT'S HURTING TOO MUCH

and we also keep getting shots of lwj's face, STREAKED WITH TEARS

HE'S GOT A TEARDROP ON THE TIP OF HIS NOSE

ALL OF THIS IS PAINFUL

PLEASE STOP

oooh, lwj's mouth twists into a firm scowl and he slams bichen on the ground with a loud CLANG

this is too much for him too! he's furious, he's had enough of hearing how wwx suffered for jc

so he scoops up wwx, carrying almost all of his weight, as he walks the both of them outta there

wn leaves suibian with jc and tells him to have anyone else try to unsheathe it if he doesn't believe him

jc doesn't want it. he doesn't want it at all.

he desperately wants it to be untrue

AND I CRY A RIVER FOR MY YUNMENG BROS

WE'RE ON A BOAT NOW

UNCONSCIOUS WWX SPREAD BACK, HELD LOVINGLY IN LWJ'S ARMS

Now we get some lwj & wn bonding time where they discuss a-yuan! (after lwj promises not to tattle on wn to wwx)

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! WE'RE GETTING A FLASHBACK FROM LWJ

LWJ IS ENTERING WWX'S LAB CAVE THING, ALONE, FRANTICALLY SEARCHING FOR WWX

lwj: on that day, when the wen clan were captured and killed, i went to the burial mounds to seek wei ying but discovered a-yuan instead

we see him find a-yuan, who is unconscious and clammy. 

lwj immediately drops to his knees beside him and checks his wrist, then presses the back of his hand to a-yuan's forehead

oh, lwj's hand is all roughened with dirt. That’s very striking, for some reason.

he purses his lips making a split-second decision, and scoops a-yuan up 

lwj: he was hiding there for so long that he had a fever and was severely ill

wn figures out that the fever is probs why lsz doesn't remember anything, and hasn’t mentioned wn at all. lwj looks surprised

lwj: didn't you tell him?

wn: about his birth origin? he's happy now. knowing too much about the past and remembering something heavy, would make him less happy than now

HE'S SUCH A GOOD PERSON

WHY DO THE BEST OF THEM HAVE TO SUFFER SO?

lwj: sooner or later, he will know

and wn doesn't deny it. he's like, yeah, sooner or later. just like master wei and jc with the golden core transfer.

at this lwj looks back down at wwx

lwj: is it painful?

the way lwj's throat bobs before he asks tho.

like he's forcing himself to ask, bc he needs to know even if he already suspects the answer. 

He needs to know even tho knowing will hurt. he's steeling himself against the pain already.

wn: what?

lwj: taking out the core, is it painful?

wn: you won't believe me if i say it's not, right?

lwj: i thought wq might have some method

he sounds desperate, hoping against all odds that it didn't hurt wwx as much as he suspects it did

and here wn explains that wq wanted to ease the process, make it less painful, but due to the nature of the procedure, she couldn't use any anesthetics

wn: the one who donates the core has to be awake the whole time

THE WHOLE DAMN TIME

HE HAS TO BE CONSCIOUS TO WATCH IT GET CUT OUT OF HIM AND EXPERIENCE THAT CONNECTION SLOWLY BE SEVERED OTHERWISE IT DOESN'T WORK

HOW MESSED UP IS THAT OMG, HOW MUCH TRAUMA MUST THEY PUT MY POOR SUNSHINE BOY THROUGH

lwj: awake?

HE SOUNDS HOARSE AS HE SAYS THAT

wn: two nights and one day. he has to be awake

MY SUNSHINE BOY, MY BEAUTIFUL SUNSHINE BOY SUFFERED SO MUCH

lwj's lips purse briefly. he's staring at his wei ying

lwj: at the time, what were the chances

wn: fifty percent

lwj looks at wn here with horrified disbelief

lwj: fifty percent?

wn proceeds to explain how wq didn't want to do it but wwx kept insisting that the odds were worth 

AND OH MY GOD LWJ FLASHES BACK TO THEIR FIRST CONFRONTATION AFTER THE BURIAL MOUNDS, WHEN THEY FINALLY FOUND WWX AFTER 3 MONTHS OF SEARCHING

IT HURTS JUST AS MUCH AS THE FIRST TIME AROUND

Wwx must have some sort of sixth sense for knowing when Emotional Discussions are Done, bc he regains consciousness only AFTER wn & lwj finish bonding lol

he sits up, head aching, and pulls himself from lwj's embrace

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY, BC LWJ OBVS DIDN'T MIND HAVING HIM THAT CLOSE

IN FACT even as he helps wwx sit up, you can see his hand trail up wwx's arm, grip loosening and tightening sporadically

He's def trying to prolong contact here, very reluctant to let go of his wei ying

wwx: lan zhan, how did we get out?

lwj: we had a fight

AND ~THEIR SONG~ STARTS PLAYING

wwx: i knew that jiang cheng wouldn't let me go that easily. so unreasonable.

and then he looks at lwj and hurries to assure him that jc didn't mean all those cutting remarks. that that's just how he gets when he's upset.

lwj looks off to the side, pressing his lips closed bc he couldn't care less about jc or jc's words. THEY MEAN NOTHING TO HIM

wwx covers lwj's hand with his own and very earnestly says: so don't take it seriously

BC HE HASN'T YET REALIZED THAT LWJ DOESN'T ACTUALLY GIVE A DAMN ABOUT JC'S ENTIRE EXISTENCE

lwj doesn't look him in the eye as he's told this, and his lips are still pressed together in a firm line. 

he probably doesn't actually want wwx to realize just how little jc means to him.

wwx notices they're on a boat on a lake now lol

wwx: i often played here with jyl when we were children

AND HERE HE HALLUCINATES HIS PRECIOUS BEAUTIFUL KIND AMAZING SISTER JYL

Jyl: a-xian come have some lotus seeds

WWX'S EYES REDDEN WITH TEARS AND HE CALLS OUT FOR HIS SISTER

AND I'M FIGHTING BACK SOBS

WHILE JYL'S SWEET GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS AND JYL SMILES WARMLY AT HER LITTLE BROTHER

wn snaps wwx out of it

ONLY FOR WWX TO FLASHBACK TO JYL CRYING AND SAYING THAT THEY'RE THE CLOSEST THREE IN THE WORLD

WWX LEANS HIS HEAD ON HER KNEE AND SULKS ADORABLY ABOUT HOW HE'S HUNGRY 

AND I WANNA DIE FROM ALL THE FEELINGS I'M HAVING

back on the boat, wwx eyes are still filled with tears and it's awful

wn is all, wwx what's wrong? and wwx shakes it off and just says he's hungry

so he yanks out some lotus pods from the lake and gives one to lwj and one to wn and one for himself

HE'S SMILING NOW, THANK GOD

wwx: it's perfect timing to be here now!

and he's happily tearing into the pod

I LOVE SEEING HIM HAPPY AND SMILING

SUCH LITTLE JOYS AND HE REVELS IN IT

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

HE SHOULD ALWAYS BE HAPPY AND SMILING. 

NOTHING SHOULD EVER BE ALLOWED TO MAKE HIM SAD. NOTHING

lwj: wei ying

wwx: what

lwj: does this lake belong to someone?

LOL, HE GAVE THE POD A SUSPICIOUS LOOK BEFORE ASKING THAT AND HAS NOT TRIED GETTING ANY SEEDS OUT YET

wwx: of course not

HE SAYS IN A COMPLETELY NOT BELIEVABLE WAY

YOU CAN TELL BY HOW HE DOESN'T LOOK LWJ IN THE EYE AS HE RESPONDED AND KEEPS MUNCHING AWAY ON THE SEEDS AS A DISTRACTION

Lwj is watching like, yeah, i’m not buying it.

lwj: i heard that lakes here all have owners.

lolol wwx pauses in his chewing for a second and looks around guiltily for a bit before letting out a nervous laugh

wwx: hanguang jun, you really hear much, don't you? i didn't even know that.

he's looking at him all innocently and LWJ LOOKS BACK STILL NOT BUYING IT LOLOLOL

wwx looks away and then looks back, relenting

wwx: fine. 

HE'S ALL POUTY, IT'S ADORABLE, I LOVE HIM

he sulkily tells wn to get them moving

and sulkily tosses his lotus pod at the bottom of the boat

HE'S JUST HAVING A SULK-FEST RN AND IT'S SUPER CUTE, I'M ENJOYING IT A LOT

wn starts to get the paddles to get the boat going, when lwj suddenly leans over the side of the boat and snaps up a lotus pod

he very seriously offers it to his wei ying, who is watching him wide-eyed and surprised

lwj: only for today  

bc i just found out about your traumatic golden core transfer for your awful ungrateful little brother and i feel horrible that you suffered alone, he doesn’t say

bc i wish i could have done something to help but i couldn't so now i'm gonna steal you a lotus pod bc that's literally all i can do right now, he also doesn’t say

LOL

THE WAY THE CAMERA CUTS TO WN HERE CRACKS ME UP

WN IS JUST PASSIVELY MUNCHING ON A SEED AND WATCHING THAT EXCHANGE HAPPEN WITH HIS BIG BROWN EYES TAKING IT IN, WITH A VAGUE, "HUH, THAT'S INTERESTING" MANNER

wwx looks at the pod and then back at lwj before taking the pod with a nervous laugh

I am convinced that he had WAR-FLASHBACKS to that time drunk!lwj gave him roosters

He’s probably frantically trying to remember if lwj drank ANY alcohol earlier

TRYING TO CALCULATE THE CHANCES OF SOMEONE SLIPPING SOME ALCOHOL TO LWJ BETWEEN THEIR FIGHT WITH JC TO THIS BOAT ESCAPE LOLOLOLOL

he clutches that pod with both hands and gives lwj a pained smile 

The exact pained smile he had when he accepted the roosters that time

LMAO WWX TURNS TO LOOK AT WN, HIS BROWS ALL FURROWED IN CONFUSION LIKE, WN WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING, EXPLAIN WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

but wn just smiles cheerfully at him

cut to the next moment where we see the boat's floor is now littered with a bunch of lotus pods and wwx is happily munching on seeds, all smiley

BUT OF COURSE I'M NOT ALLOWED TO ENJOY HAPPY PEACEFUL MOMENTS EVER

SO A GLOWY GLITTERY MESSENGER BUTTERFLY APPEARS AND LANDS ON LWJ'S OUTSTRETCHED PALM

I mean, wwx giggled happily there for a moment there!!!!! WHY CAN'T THEY LET ME BASK IN THAT FOR ONE MINUTE, GOD.

anyway, the butterfly

wwx: the paper butterfly messenger from the jin clan?

(side note to say that the butterfly messenger is actually very pretty. i like it a lot)

wwx pats lwj on the knee after the butterfly flies away

wwx: what happened? what did it say?

Lwj’s like, jgy is in yunmeng now and my brother hasn’t responded to my message...

wwx: you worry jgy would harm him when desperate?

bc wwx can tell right away when lwj is worried. BC THEY'RE SOULMATES AND THEY KNOW EACH OTHER SO WELL

And then bc my sunshine boy is a GENIUS, he remembers the deed jgy had hidden away in the secret chamber, for Yunping City in Yunmeng

he excitedly tells lwj that this is where jgy will be

lol he was so excited he tipped himself over a bit and jostled the boat so lwj had to reach out to steady him

we cut to the next scene we see people dying fabrics and our boys wander through 

Wwx confirms with some random worker lady that they’re in the right place and tells lwj they should explore the city as a date for Plot Investigation Reasons

lwj nods in agreement and then wwx turns back to look at the lady and gives her THE SWEETEST SMILE, THE ONE THAT SQUINCHES HIS EYES CLOSED AND MAKES ME SWOON

BUT LOL LWJ SEES HIM SMILE AT THE LADY LIKE THAT AND IT NOT AMUSED BY IT AT ALL

oh god, just the way his eyes flick from wwx to the lady and how his lips firm up before he stalks off in a snit cracks me up

GREEN IS NOT YOUR COLOR, LAN ZHAN, I'M JUST SAYING

LET THE GUY SMILE AT ME, I MEAN AT PEOPLE. IT'S NOT A CRIME

wwx is confused by the reaction but hurries off after him

oh wwx, you dense idiot. you're lucky i love you so

now we see come random guys bully wn for no reason 😞

wwx tells them to back off but they don't listen and lwj very nonchalantly pulls out a talisman from his sleeve and offers it to wwx

wwx looks at the talisman and then back at lwj with SUCH A PLEASED SMILE

OMG I WOULD DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING FOR HIM TO SMILE AT ME LIKE THAT

wwx: lan zhan, you even kept it until now?

AHHHHHH SO CUTE, I LOVE HIM

lwj doesn't respond but it doesn’t matter bc wwx does that squinchy-eyed smile AGAIN AND I DIE, I DIE

wwx activates the talisman which releases a whole bunch of glittery butterflies that distract the guys and allow wn to escape. 

omg guys, this is the same trick lwj used to distract wen chao and wen zhuliu to escape ages and ages ago WHICH MEANS LWJ HAS BEEN CARRYING A PIECE OF WWX WITH HIM ALL THESE YEARS AHHHHHHHHH

And after that wonderful, touching revelation, the episode ends.

SO, we had lots of depressing Yunmeng Bros Feelings that made me wanna die 

BUT we also at the end here get rewarded with MULTIPLE squinchy-eyed smiles from my most precious darling sunshine boy that made me wanna die but, like, in a good way

I WOULD ENDURE SO MUCH MORE FOR THOSE SMILE, NGL

Return to Masterpost

[bonebreakjack]

What Would I Be Without You?

Tenko and Hana take a leap of faith changing their lives for better or for worse. Along the way they uncover many secrets hidden away, try to find their way in life, and deal with their new eccentric roommates and their even more eccentric friends.

But at least their doing it together.

(An AU of what would have happened if AFO hadn't interfered with the Shimura family's lives. (Cause I refuse to believe he had no part in that horror). This is my take of what could have happened via what little we saw of the family.)

Chapter 2: What A Day...And It’s Not Even Over yet

If this was going to be a new normal, Tenko would rather take his chances and hide from society back inside the apartment becoming a shut in. It’s as if the universe was like ‘Fuck You’ to him and his sister the moment they stepped out. First they missed  the first two busses. Not even just one, but both of them, to get to the station. So they both had to run all the way to the station so they could make the train. Then there was a villain attack along the way and the crowd watching the Hero and Villain go at it. (Is that the new upcoming hero Mirko? She’s moving around like a frenzied rabbit keeping the guy disoriented.) Tenko would have been more happy to see the fight if we weren't worried about getting to school on time. ( Which really was more about keeping as much stress off his sister as possible she’s got enough on her plate besides worrying about him.) Navigating the crowd  was a nightmare and a half, no one wanted to move, half of them were being rude assholes and the other half kept hesitating cause they didn’t want to look away from the fight. Hana nearly tasted dirt more than a couple times and Tenko sure as hell did taste the dirt with being shoved around. They finally make it to the station only for the ticket machine to break and them missing the train having to wait nearly an hour for another one. Thus making them late.

 Hana tried to lighten the atmosphere by suggesting they go buy snacks while they waited, only for Tenko to tell her he was broke cause he spent the last of his money on house items they needed, and she herself had forgotten her wallet. Meaning they don’t even have money for the train to begin with. Wonderful. They did have a bit of luck in Hana digging through her bag and finding enough change to get them on the train, but she would probably have to ask one of their roommates to get her her wallet when they wake up. She paid for the tickets and they sat in silence on their phones. Tenko saw that his phone battery was in the red and went to get his charger …..that he didn’t bring . So he just wasted what little he had on mobile games. He threw the damn thing in his bag and scowled for the next hour, as the rage bubbled up inside him and he stewed like a pressure cooker. The train comes and one again he's surrounded by people, who were far too close and pushy as they packed into the train like sardines. He could feel his very thin rope of patience fraying quickly. He hated being touched, there were too many people, and today was NOT working in their favor, he has to go back to school in the middle of the year, they moved all the way into the city in a stranger's house he had never met, and its too much for the first fucking day- Hana reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing lightly and he throttled the urge to scratch at his face and neck. His sister hated it and it made her distressed. He stewed in stillness instead, thinking positive. At least they were together. Not.

Tenko was seriously contemplating homicide right now. He was jam packed alone on the train to the new school he had to go to, his sister got dropped off at her Highschool two stops before so he had to suffer alone now. This was pure crap and what's worse because of his height made him easy to push and shove around, and God help him Why is everyone TOUCHING HIM?

This was the start of what Tenko was sure to be a Hellish day.

Fuck.

The hiss of the doors alerted him to freedom and he clawed his way out nearly knocking over an elementary school girl. From what he could see she apparently had a similar plan but was using the wall to avoid death by stampede. Apologizing under his breath, Tenko pulled her up and then shoved her through the door before following. He yelled out another apology as he ran, noticing the time.

A plain faced boy passed him wearing the same uniform, his face more panicked as he ran to get to school. HE was a bit weird out by the boys muttering of wanting to avoid his mother's fly swats.

More and more students passed by him as he slowed down wearing the same uniform as him. He couldn't help but stare at how much more unique looking everyone was in comparison to the private school he went to. A sense of more freedom filled the air and the students seemed more lively. They seemed pretty happy and content rubbing their good mood to everyone today.

Maybe today won’t be as bad as he thought-

He was shoved to the side very roughly by a much taller bastard of a kid with dark red brown hair with needle like appearance and gold eyes. He smirked condescendingly down at Tenko who glared back up at him. He began to walk away but Tenko wasn't about to let him. Nope that was the last fucking straw that burnt up the rest of his self restraint. He couldn’t help his lips twitching, wanting to stretch into a smile as a thought passed through his head. Hello, Misplaced Aggression.

"Hey bastard what was that for?" Tenko was snarling at the now surprised boy, assholes like this think they're so damn mighty until someone barks back. But they messed with him on the wrong day.

"You were in my way shortly, learn to make room for your betters!" The Tall Bastard, as Tenko now deemed him, had gathered himself after he realized Tenko wasn't backing down. His two friends flanking him to try and further intimidate him.

Tenko just scoffed and wondered when they started cloning cliches. Different schools have the same bullies, how predictable. The ones back home were scarier anyway, they actually knew who his dad was.

"Oh I'm sorry your majesty, I didn't realize you have a Caution: Wide Load sign on you."

The silence was too beautiful, he should have recorded it, or took out his phone to take a picture (he was still mad at leaving his charger at home). The Tall Bastard’s face was turning a funny shade of red from humiliation and anger. His friends looked wary and looked at their leader  before backing away slowly. “You looking down on me you puny bastard!” Tall Bastard picked Tenko up by the scruff of his collar and Tenko could almost hear a choir cause it was as if his prayers were answered and someone decided to send him a punching bag.

If that’s the case then… A yelp that sounded like a came from the mouth of a dog came out of the Tall Bastards mouth and he dropped Tenko to cover and hold his injured crotch from where Tenko kicked him. One doesn’t play fair with those who won’t give the same treatment. As soon as he was on the ground Tenko’s leg shot out to kick Tall Bastard on the back of the head making him hit the ground. He picked up his backpack where it had fallen and went to walk away. “Hey asshole I wasn’t done with you-!” “Wait Soga! You can’t get in trouble again. You could get expelled this time.”One of the friends spoke up, he had a reptilian appearance and on the short side. He grabbed his friend Soga’s arm to keep him from attacking Tenko. “Let's Just leave besides I get the feeling this kid isn’t all there if yanno what I mean.” Tenko felt a scowl pull at his lips at the remark which caused the reptilian human to hide behind Tall Bastards-Soga’s- body. The two boys stared at each other down before Soga tsked and spat on the ground. “Fine whatever, he’s not fucking worth it anyway.”They walked to the school entrance, though Tenko noticed with slight satisfaction that Soga was limping as he did. It didn’t help the bitterness that burned in his lungs as the words ‘Not worth it’ , ran in his head. The small fight didn’t help his bad mood and he grumbled all the way to the Staff office as how unsatisfied he felt.

  He got scolded for being late on his first day of transferring by a bulbous looking teacher. He was just in time for the 2nd period to begin but they weren’t lenient on tardies. And no, you can’t use a villain attack as an excuse. Asshole. Tenko looked sourly down at his schedule and the added papers on top of it. Apparently his sister had asked the staff to give him a list of clubs he could join this late in the year. He and Hana transferred to their new schools in the middle of fall, a really weird time but they didn’t have much of a choice. Ugh he didn’t even do clubs back home, why would she think he would now? He trudged all the way to homeroom and was met with the Class representative, a lanky boy with a split mouth and slim face. When he spoke his voice contained a slight hiss and small bumps of flesh along with extra needle-like rows of teeth shows. A snake-like quirk it seems. The boy was polite and said u anything to ask him. The only seat available was the one in the cornerback near the classroom closet. Another good thing that happened today seems, best place to pretend you're doing work and take a nap. He had a few minutes before 2nd period officially started which was physical education and all the boys were changing. Since he hadn’t gotten his uniform for that yet he was allowed to sit out or stay in the classroom. Obviously he decided to stay and the class representative went to go change himself while Tenko worked on setting up his desk to take a nap on. At the corner of his eye he spotted a strange looking teenager with bandages all over his arms and neck. His hair was black in a way that clearly looked dyed, and his eyes were almost a luminous blue. Something about him kept nagging at Tenko’s brain. He decided to just go back to minding his business and didn’t even know why some random kid caught his attention anyway. The moment every one left he  laid his head on his desk and knocked solidly out. ----- Tenko and Hana were walking home when a man with white hair stood in front of them, he smiled kindly at them and for some reason Tenko was having a hard time putting a face to this stranger or even a name. Is he new around here? Did he just move in? Tenko didn’t hear the others talking about anyone new in the neighborhood. The man was talking to them about something but Tenko can’t remember what he was saying. The words just sounded like noise. He reached out  to him with a hand but Hana put herself in front of Tenko and started screaming about a pervert and calling for help. Whatever ease Tenko had felt disappeared when she did and followed her lead bringing the attention of whatever adults in the area to them. Hearing a familiar dog-like growl, Tenko felt relief as he saw Mikkuns mother stomp up to them and the man backing up as she interrogated him on what he was doing with them. Getting vague answers she tells him she has never seen him around here before, putting her body right in front of them blocking their view of the man. The words became a blur again and whatever he said seemed to pacify her but then Mikkuns mom was leading them home. She was talking to herself, french accent thick with anger and suspicion as she was going to tell the other neighborhood parents about this. His own mom opened the door demurely as if waiting to receive bad news and apologize. It hurts Tenko to know she was already suspecting that he got in trouble for something. To her surprise and fear Mikkun’s mom was talking about how a strange man had begun talking with her children but Mikkun did not recall anyone moving in recently. She was going to ask the other mothers but warned his mom Nao to keep an eye out. They ended up receiving praise from the French woman for their quick thinking and instincts before getting head pats from her paws. She bidded them a good day before marching off intending to go warn the others parents. Mikkuns mom was pretty cool. Both kids were brought into a hug by their mom who was so happy they were okay before ushering them to the living room and rushed to go talk to grandma and grandpa. Tenko wondered why he can’t seem to recall this mans face-

“Shimura-san, Shimura-san…”Somebody was shaking him, ripping him from his memory. Tenko blearily looked up to see the class president looking down at him in concern. Shooting up from his desk thinking he slept while class came back, but was happy to see it was just the class  President there. Seeing his gym uniform showed he had come from where the class actually was to find him. “Sorry about that Shimura-san, a man had come to school saying he bought something from home that you forgot..” A shadow image of a taller man with slicked back hair and cold eyes flashed in his mind making him shudder. A wave of fear ran through him and all he could think was pain. The President looked concerned at Tenko reaching his hands out as if to prevent him from falling over but Tenko stepped out of his reach.

“It’s fine, I wasn’t doing anything anyway. Who did you say came by?”He let out a shuddering breath and gathered himself in case it was who he thought it was. The President's tongue slipped out as if tasting the air before letting out a sign. “A Shirakumo Oboro? Do you wish for me to tell him you're busy? I will if you want.” That was surprising, most people wouldn’t lie to an adult so blatantly like that and not for someone else. It made Tenko feel a bit awkward but also a little happy. “No it’s fine I know who that is. Thank you….” Tenko trailed off. A flush of heat hit his cheeks once he realized he has no idea what the president’s name is. It got even worse one the other taller boy realized and laughed softly. The president led him out of the class to the front entrance. “Uroko Sogen. Now let’s hurry, there isn’t much time before the rest of the class comes back.” Making it to the door he tried not to look too surprised to see one of Hana and his new roommates, or really he should be calling them the actual tenants, here at his school. The man was on the taller side with tan skin and a scar on his head, his hair flowed around white and fluffy like a cloud even though it was pulled back into a ponytail. Blue eyes caught Tenko’s form and waved at him like an enthusiastic idiot. 

Which had the opposite effect it intended, making Tenko want to do an 180 and go back to class. “Lil Shimura-chan!” Actually never mind he’s just going to go back to class. “NO WAIT, I GOT YOUR CHARGER!”The older man screeched, panicked seeing Tenko actually maneuver to go back inside. Tenko looked confused and a little suspicious that the man came all the way here just to deliver his charger. “Hana texted me saying she forgot some things at the apartment, and that you also forgot this. I wasn’t working so-” He went to one of the multitude of pockets he had and pulled it out letting it fall gently into a confused Tenko’s waiting hands. “The first day can be rough, and from what I heard from Hana it was far from ideal for the both of ya. It ain’t much but I can take you two somehwere to eat after she’s done training? I know a place with great Sushi.”  It was a bit silent after that but Tenko felt his lips twitching into a small smile. Shirakumo didn’t have to do that, he could have just dropped off his sister's stuff and be done. It felt nice to be considered. “I think I would like that.” The smile he got from Shirakumo was downright blinding, seriously did he employ the sun into his teeth why was it so bright?! 

“Alright! I’ll leave you to it then. Have a good day Lil Shimura-san!” The older man waved at them before taking off on a cloud like a dragon ball parody character. Huh so that what his quirk was, he wonder how he implements that into his hero work- “Shimura-san class is about to start.” Tenko’s thoughts were interrupted before nodding at the boy as they went back in. He couldn’t help but squeeze the charger in his pocket, happy that some good things came out of today at the very least. They got into class and all the boys had finished changing back into their regular uniforms. His eyes caught the blued eyed black haired kid again and was shocked to find he had piercings in his ears, nose, and lip. He couldn’t believe the school even allowed that. The other kid looked up before giving him a wink flustering Tenko.

Distracted he didn’t see the small girl trying to get into class and tripped right over her knocking them both over.

Dammit he jinxed himself. Tenko quickly got up and pulled her up to her feet. She was so small for a second he could have mistaken her for a younger elementary student. Her hair was a pinkish red and she reminded him of cherub from those paintings but without the wings. “Ah I’m sorry-!” They both started and it became a babbled mess that the president broke up since they were in front of the door. The girl sat in the front seat looking down at her now dirty uniform, and Tenko winced before deciding to pay her back later for that.

The class filled in and sat around talking to each other. He tried to ignore the occasional glances his way from his new classmates and especially that bastard with the glowy eyes. A heavy knocking and the class stood up as this ridiculous amazon of a woman walked into the door. She was clearly built under her suit and skirt and looked more like she would fit in a fighting ring than she would as a teacher. Her hair long purple pink, and eyes that looked shiny and red. She looked even bigger as they sat down. “Helloooo class!”And Loud, she was very loud, it grated on Tenko’s ears a bit “Now I’m sure you all were gossiping about it during gym, but I’m a say it again anyway. We have a new classmate with us.” She looked at Tenko and invited him up and damn he hated this. He trudged along slowly to the front as the teacher clapped her hands. “Let’s make this quick, we have free time and I’m sure your classmates are excited to get to know you. Why don’t you tell everyone your name, what you like, and your quirk as an ice breaker?”

Her voice became softer as she handed him the chalk. His classmates leaned in excited to gossip or rip into him the moment he was done and Tenko felt like he was in the spotlight. He wanted to puke. It would have been fine if she didn’t mention the damn quirk thing. Tenko was hoping to avoid that a little longer. So much for good things happening, right back where he started. A familiar rage boiled inside him, or it could be the stomach acid from his anxiety. His hand shook a bit as he wrote his name down slowly trying to buy himself some time. He looked at the board hoping for some answers but got now. Resigned, he put it down and turned to his excited classmates. Sogen, Dye job with blue eyes and the small cherub girl were the only ones who looked subdued.

“I’m Shimura Tenko, I like video games and syrup covered mochi,” He took a breath and decided to rip it off like a bandaid. They would find out sooner or later anyways.

“Quirkless.”

[dargeereads]

Back in Bliss by Lexi Blake writing as Sophie Oak

Back in Bliss, an all-new sexy romance in the Nights in Bliss, Colorado Series from New York Times bestselling author Lexi Blake writing as Sophie Oak is available now! 

Logan Green is back in Bliss, but only for a few weeks to help out at the sheriff’s office.

Everything changes when Seth Stark strolls into town with Georgia Dawson on his arm.

Seth’s arrival is anything but a happy accident. He always dreamed of a big house on the river

and a wife he could share with his best friend, Logan. After building a software empire, his only goal has been to make that dream come true. He just needed the perfect woman.

Georgia is still haunted by the dark, troubled man who saved her life. She can’t get Logan out of

her head. Her boss brought her to Bliss to help him decorate his new summer home, but when

Logan Green walks through the door she discovers Seth has something different in mind.

Seth has a plan for their mutual happily ever after, but he never dreamed that coming home

would put all their lives in danger.

Re-released in a second edition with new content.

Download your copy today! 

Amazon: https://amzn.to/2LDyBTV

AppleBooks: https://apple.co/2xxRoYB

Amazon Worldwide: http://mybook.to/BackBliss

Nook: http://bit.ly/32binHx

Kobo: http://bit.ly/2L0GiUZ

Google Play: http://bit.ly/2JoVYxX

Add to GoodReads: http://bit.ly/2NBJ9pj

Excerpt: 

“Holy shit.” Logan practically beamed at the thing that looked like it could eat her. “Seth! Seth, get in here!”

He went to the door and yelled for Seth again. 

Seth ran in, his eyes wide and his body covered only in a towel. A little towel. A tiny white towel that contrasted with his tan skin and had been wrapped over ridiculously muscled hips. He had those notches, the ones she’d always been sure some artist Photoshopped onto male models because no one could be that perfect. His dark hair was wet, curling above his shoulders. Moisture clung to his every muscle and, holy hell, he had a lot of them. They hid underneath his perfectly tailored suits.

Georgia forgot about the crazy-ass creature that had come straight out of some danger-in-the-wild documentary and watched the two gorgeous predators who had invaded her room. 

She pulled the covers up to her neck, aware that she didn’t look anything like they did. 

“Maurice.” Seth took a step forward. “Wow. How the hell long do moose live, man? It’s totally Maurice. You can see where Hiram tried to take him down. There’s a scar on his nose.”

Logan moved in, too, and she could see the easy way the two men related. For a moment she saw the kids they had been, friends forever. God, she’d never had a friend like that. 

Logan opened the window and she heard a loud chuffing noise. “He kicked Hiram in the groin. It was a damn lucky thing the man already had three kids because I heard nothing worked the same after. Hey, boy. You remember me?”

Another huff and she was about to believe the thing knew how to communicate. 

Seth looked over at her, his eyes glinting. “We don’t get a ton of moose around here. Maurice is a legend. The people of Bliss say that if he shows up at your place, you’re blessed. Meant to be here. He’s the welcoming committee.”

Logan laughed. “What no one will tell you is he’s a total snack whore. If you leave a Snickers bar on the porch, he will show up lickety-split. When Laura finally got comfy, I snuck some chocolate onto her porch so she would feel welcome.”

“I’m glad she stayed. I heard she got married,” Seth said. 

Logan nodded. “Got a kid now. That’s why I’m here. Her husbands need some paternity leave. I heard it’s a girl.”

Their shared history was right there, a palpable thing between them. It was almost as though she could reach out and touch it, feel the warmth of it. Logan and Seth felt like a family. 

What was she doing here?

Once again, like most of her life, she was the outsider. Even among her brothers, she’d felt it. Chase and Ben had each other. Mark and Dare had been tight. And she and Win had been so far apart in age that they couldn’t connect on a brother-sister level. She’d been alone. The only child whose mother wasn’t up to snuff. The only one without money when the tide had turned. 

Logan looked down at her, his eyes softening. “Georgia, I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean a word of what I said. To either of you.”

She nodded, feeling awkward. They were here in her bedroom. It was a bit surreal. She turned her attention back to the moose. 

“So it’s not something that’s going to attack?” She kept the blanket around her neck. Yeah, that was another way she was different. She wasn’t gorgeously perfect like them. She’d tried the whole diet thing, and she wasn’t cut out for it. 

“Maurice is a sweetie, but I won’t lie. The first time I saw him, I peed my own damned pants and ran screaming for my mommas,” Logan said on a laugh. He reached a hand out, pressing it against the screen, his eyes misting like he was reaching for his past. “He won’t hurt you. He wants to say hello. And he probably smelled the bacon. Shit. My bacon.”

Logan turned and took off at a dead run for the kitchen.

Seth touched the screen, too. “Hey, Maurice. Thanks for the welcome.”

When he turned back to Georgia, he sported the sweetest smile. He jumped onto her bed, not a hint of self-consciousness on his face as he settled in beside her. “How did you sleep? My bed’s better, by the way. It’s huge. Built for three.”

“Good for you and whatever ménage you choose to invite. Could you go away so I can get dressed?” Last night seemed like a dream, and more than a little like a nightmare. God, what had she been thinking? Seth wanted her to tempt Logan into a ménage? He was insane. She was insane for not immediately walking out of the cabin and hoofing it to Malibu and the safety of Win’s minicastle where she could make like Rapunzel. She would barricade herself in and then keep her hair cut because she was done with men. 

He smiled, an intimate thing that threatened to curl her toes. “I thought we settled that last night.”

She sighed and wished she was strong enough to not look at that towel, praying it would flop open and she would get a good view of what Seth had down under. Maybe it was small. Like tiny. 

Did it matter? He was the sweetest man she’d ever met. He was kind and good. She wasn’t about to reject him because he had a small penis. It wasn’t like sex was all that awesome anyway. 

Logan had a big penis. She’d felt it rubbing against her when he’d kissed her like there was no tomorrow. She thought about Logan’s penis a lot. More than a lot. 

Nope. She wasn’t going to reject anyone based on penis size. She was going to reject them because she wasn’t about to get her heart broken again. 

 

About Lexi Blake

New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Lexi Blake lives in North Texas with her husband, three kids, and the laziest rescue dog in the world. She began writing at a young age, concentrating on plays and journalism. It wasn’t until she started writing romance that she found success. She likes to find humor in the strangest places. Lexi believes in happy endings no matter how odd the couple, threesome or foursome may seem.

Connect with Lexi

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/authorlexiblake/

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Stay up to date with Lexi by joining her mailing list: 

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Website: http://www.lexiblake.net/

[mareebrittenford]

The Extra Fakes- Shadow Mirrors Chapter 4

The story so far… Lyse is drawn to the charming old house over on Orangethorpe, but when she tries to point it out to others, it’s like they can’t even see it. After a terrifying moment when her little sister disappeared into the house Lyse seeks out the one person who has been acting just as weird about it as she has. David, the twitchy new guy on the running team.

He’s got a lot more of a secret that she bargained for, especially when he starts changing into... something not human.

Here’s links to the previous chapters 1, 2 , 3

Please let me know what you think, I love feedback! 

I should've expected this. I mean, he pretty much spelled it out. But despite all the weirdness around this fairy house, and the predatory vibes he throws out almost accidentally and the fact that today it feels like anything could and will happen I still am legitimately surprised that David is in fact, a werewolf.

It's not fast like they change in the movies. It seems to take focused effort, as if he's willing each thing to happen. First hair appears all over his formerly not very hairy body, it's a variegated brown, seeming to spread down from his head to cover his pale skin. and then he drops down to his hands and knees, and it's like a ripple, spreading out from his torso, his limbs changing shape, and his face distorting and reforming itself into something more elongated, and finally canine.

And then there stands before me a wolf. A wolf with a pair of red checkered boxer shorts on, it's tail sticking awkwardly out of one leg hole.

I think that's the clincher. Because I start to giggle.

David is a werewolf. Of course he his. The modest kind who keeps his underwear on when he changes form in front of a girl.

"So should I be worried about you biting me and making me into a wolf too?"

I swear it rolls it's big yellow eyes.

"So can you understand me in there?"

It dips it's head, like a nod.

"Okay, so not really seeing the scary part. Can I pet you?"

He cocks his head to the side, nostrils flaring. Is he smelling me? What an uncomfortable thought. I'm sure I don't smell good, too sweaty and stressed. But he trots closer, and I lay my hand on his head. The fur is coarser than I expected, thicker and bigger around his neck and shoulders, like the mane of a lion. He stands there and lets me run my hands through it, and down his back, not just letting me, leaning into my hands like he's enjoying it. I remember that I'm actually petting David. I'm putting my hands all over him to his apparent enjoyment.

I take a couple of steps back.

"Umm, I think I'm ready for you to change back now."

I pick up the flashlight and click it off. Somehow it seems like a bad idea to have it turned on him, like a spotlight as he goes through this transformation. What if someone is watching?

He's right, it does take longer for him to change back. It's several minutes until he's fully human again. And this time I do feel pervy seeing him in his underwear. He seems equally uncomfortable as he quickly grabs his clothes and throws them on.

"I'm still waiting for the scary bit."

"I can't believe you. I mean, I can, I can smell fear, so I could tell you weren't scared, but I don't know why. I just defied physics and turned into a dangerous wild animal right in front of you. Plus I'm clearly a horrifying supernatural creature.  And you wanted to pet me."

"Before I thought maybe your big secret was something really awful. Now I know it's this you're a whole lot less frightening."

And he laughs. I don't think I've ever heard him laugh before.

"But, you know, I think we could really freak out Lionel with this."

"I clearly haven't been thinking hard enough about the prank potential."

"That's what you have me for."

But now it really is full dark, and I can't see anything. I hear some rustling coming toward us, and I belatedly remember the dog. It makes sense now why it's afraid of David, but I still don't feel good about it.

"Can we go back inside now?"

"Yeah, sure. I just can't do that indoors. It's too scary."

I sense rather than hear him moving away from me, and I belatedly remember to turn on the flashlight I have in my hand. "Hey! Can you see in the dark or something?"

"Not as good as I can when I'm a wolf, but yeah, a bit."

"So far I'm not seeing a downside to all of this."

"Ha ha. You better be kidding."

I'm not actually. So far all of this seems really cool. I mean, he turns into a regular, not monster wolf, without loosing his mind, and he can see in the dark and can... wow. Practically leap tall buildings. Or at least, make a standing jump up to grasp the railing of his balcony and pull himself up and over with astonishing ease. Pretty impressive for a guy of his height.

"Did it occur to you that I can't do that?" I call up. "Should I go round to a door?"

"Oh." And then he rolls over the railing and comes right back down again, as easy as if it's a flight of stairs.

"Here," he says, dragging over a patio table. "Try standing on this."

"Yeah, fine, but I can't pull myself up like you did. I can't even do a pull up in gym."

"Don't worry, I'll pull you up."

He springs back up onto the balcony, and I eye him dubiously.

"I don't think you can lift me."

"Trust me. I'm stronger than I look. Super-powered."

"Wolf boys have super strength?"

"Seems like."

So I stand on the table and jump, and he catches my hands and pulls me up as easily as he pulled himself.

"So, how long have you been a werewolf, or do you prefer wolf shifter?" I ask, once we're settled back inside.

He laughs again. "I don't know what I'm supposed to be. I don't think either is quite right, from what I've read anyway. It's just sometimes I'm a wolf."

"Shifter then."

"Is that why you're being so cool? Do you mainline werewolf romance or something? Because honestly? I've read some of those recently and I am nothing like that."

"Damn, and I was hoping for a love triangle too."

An awkward silence falls between us. David is curling into himself again and I watch him. I really should be more... something over this. Frightened doesn't seem right though, he's not scary. Disbelieving? I suppose I should be trying to find ways for this to be faked, or a delusion or whatever, but that doesn't feel right either. I saw it and I don't know why I shouldn't believe it.

Maybe I'm not reacting strongly because I can't find the right reaction to have. I'll probably wake up screaming at 3 a.m. But for now all I can see is that David is scared and I need to help him.

I tuck my knees up in front of me and lean forward. "So what happened? I'm guessing you weren't born this way."

"I was stupid. At the start of summer my parents took us camping, up north, in Oregon. My aunt lives up there. They were always trying to get me outside, enjoy nature. Believe it or not I used to be the sort of guy who never went outside if he could help it. My brother's always been the athlete."

"So wait, are you saying that this only happened a few months ago?"

"Yeah. My brother had a couple of his friends along for the trip, and they wanted to do this multi-day hike into the back country. My parents made them take me along which no one wanted. And then, I don't know, I got lost, I don't remember much. I just woke up naked and alone in the woods about twenty four hours later."

"Oh!" All the joking drops away as I think about how I'd feel in that situation. Terrified. "Do you think you were actually bitten, Or?"

"I don't know. I can't remember. I know I didn't have any obvious bite marks and I was alone when I woke up."

"So what happened? How did you get home?"

"I just knew how to find Slater. I could smell him I guess. I didn't think about it like that, but even as a human I have this sense of where people are. Like I always know where you are at school."

I think about how weirdly often I've looking up to find him watching me. "That explains that then."

"Crap." He rubs his face. "I didn't mean to be creepy. I'm sorry."

I wave my hand. "It's fine. I've mostly been annoyed with you because you're avoiding me and always watching me. If you stop staring at actually talk to me we're cool. Anyway, so you just wandered back to your brother stark naked? How did that work out for you?"

"They were as freaked out as I was, but at least they had my pack, so I got clothes."

"Had they sent out search and rescue or anything?"

"No. Slater was still trying to find me himself, the idiot, but no one had called the forest rangers or anything. Stupid, I could've died because they didn't want to get in trouble. But whatever. It was better for me. We didn't tell mom and dad I got lost at all. And no one knows I can turn into a wolf, not my parents, or Slater. Just you."

That feels heavy. He's putting a lot of trust in me.

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

He nods, like he was expecting that. I guess he wouldn't have let me see if he didn't think he could trust me.

"I didn't know I could become a wolf either, not then at least. I didn't change until a few weeks later."

"And what, you just suddenly turned into a wolf?"

"Pretty much. It built up, I know what it feels like now, but then I was just feeling miserable, like a combination of coming down with the flu and that feeling, you know, where you just have to run?"

I find myself nodding. I do know that feeling, like I have too much energy inside me and I have to use it or burst.

"And one night I was asleep, and I woke up and I was a wolf. I panicked, really bad. I was all tangled up in blankets and clothes and I shredded it all, and broke the window to get out." He points to the new pristine pane of the window.

"How did they not know then?"

"They thought I had a panic attack. I haven't exactly been myself since that hiking trip."

Before I think, I jump up, go to him, and lean into him and hug him. He startles, flinches, whatever you call it, and then he's grabbed me and pulled me closer.

"Thank you for not being frightened of me."

"You can be scary as you walk me home."

"Sure."

I grab my backpack, making a show of looking around the room for stray items, even though I didn't open it. That hug, I meant it for comfort and solidarity, but it feels like more. I don't want it to be more. Especially not now. I feel for him, I do, but, I cannot get involved in that.

#

His mom is sitting in the living room reading a book when we pass through, can it be that less than thirty minutes have passed? It seems like eternity.

"I'm going to walk Lyse home," David tells his mother, and she frowns.

"I'm not sure I want either of you wandering around at night, especially alone on the way back dear. Didn't I tell you that Marcie next door is sure she saw an enormous coyote in her back yard the other night?"

I give David a sidelong glance. Coyote? Or Wolf-David?

David sighs. "It's barely dark mom. How about I walk her home and then call an Uber to get back?"

She nods, but she's still hesitant.

"My mother worries about me," David says.

"Of course she does. She doesn't know you could eat anyone who bothered you."

He pulls his cap down. "I don't eat people. Cats. I've eaten cats, and yes, it's as gross as it sounds."

"Oh my God! Why?"

"It's like I have to let the wolf out to run periodically, otherwise I go crazy. And eating cats sounds like a great idea when I'm a wolf."

"I thought you were still in control? That you were still you."

"Yes and no. I'm not a mindless beast, but I'm not quite the same as human me either. I'm wolf me. Like before when I changed with you, I knew who you were, and I wasn't going to hurt you or anything, but it was different. At first I wanted to run away. Humans make me jumpy when I'm a wolf."

"Humans make you jumpy all the time David."

"Yeah yeah."

The neighborhood is a hive of activity at this time of early evening. People are grilling on their tiny front patios and balconies. Kids are running around and playing. It's difficult to feel unsafe at the moment, even though there is a group of men standing on the corner watching us. I still hurry on, and lower my voice.

"So this explains why you're so weird, but it doesn't explain that house."

"I can tell you what I thought."

"Please."

"I thought you and Lionel were like me. Or not quite like me, I would think I'd be able to tell if you guys were wolves too. But I figured you were different in some way too."

"No way. I'm completely normal."

"You sure? Because you seem different to me. And felt like I had to know you, I had to be near you."

"That's called a crush loser."

"Haha. I guess I've also got a massive crush on Lionel? There's your love triangle then. The three people who can see that strange house."

"Four. Four of us can."

"Who?"

"My best friend Georgia. I showed it to her yesterday. She can see it just fine, and she wasn't surprised or confused like you were."

"That makes sense. The three of you being close makes sense."

"This is all crazy. You're saying that the four of us are being what? Drawn together by that house? But Lionel and Georgia and me have been friends for years. You're the only new element."

"Because I wasn't different, not until three months ago. Now I am. So now I'm one of you."

My heart thunders in my chest as I remember that thing I read earlier. Only the monsters can see other monsters.

"I'm completely ordinary. There is absolutely nothing special about me."

"Yet you can see this thing that no one else can see. And you knew what I was too. That's why you haven't freaked out. Because you knew. The first time we met you looked at me and saw what I was."

"I did not."

"Then why weren't you surprised when I changed?"

I chew on my lip, not wanting to acknowledge that he's right. Didn't my instincts scream at me about him being something that hid in the shadows? Wasn't I on some level expecting something like this?

"Here's a thing that sounds great, but really isn't. A thing that comes with my new abilities. You can't lie to me."

"That sounds like a threat."

"It's not. I just, I can read people like a book now. It's a combination of body language and smell I think. Anyway, I know that you knew what I was the first time you looked me in the face, and it scared you."

"I didn't go 'Wolf!' though. I just thought that it would be a bad idea to be alone with you in the dark."

"Yet here we are." He waves his hands around. I hadn't been paying attention as we walked, but we're out of his neighborhood, and onto East Street. Cars are wizzing by, and there are streetlights, but I have no doubt that if he wanted to hurt me, he could do it here without anyone noticing.

"I'm not scared of you any more, obviously." If I ever really was.

"Why? Why aren't you? You should be terrified. I'm a monster. Why aren't you scared of me?"

I stop and turn to him. We'd be eye to eye, if it wasn't for that stupid cap. I pull it off his head and he stares at me, with those strange compelling eyes.

"Because now you make sense. And the truth isn't something I need to be scared of."

He grabs the cap back and jams it down on his head again.

"What is with the hat? Is the eye thing a werewolf thing? Are your eyes different now?"

"They look the same to me, boring brown. But people keep commenting. What exactly do you see?"

"I can't even describe it. I mean, your right. They're just brown. But there's something special too. Compelling I guess you'd say."

"Great. I really am straight out of a werewolf romance." He turns his head away, uncomfortable with the scrutiny.

"And you don't like the attention. And right now it's obviously a good idea to keep the cap on because of the way they glow in the dark."

"What?" He looks utterly horrified. "Are you saying my eyes are glowing right now?"

"No I mean, not like glowing glowing, but like, you know, a wolf I guess. You know how animal's eyes seem to glow when you catch them with a light at night."

"Great. Just great. Now I have eyes that glow in the dark. As if I wasn't weird enough."

"Just, keep the cap on. And don't look into the incoming cars lights. In fact..." I turn into a house tract, even though it's not mine. "Let's cut through here. Less traffic."

He's breathing heavily, and I'm afraid he's going to panic and take off.

"David. David. Calm down. Please." Crap. I wish I'd thought to ask what I should do if he panicked. I take both of his hands as if I can anchor him here. "It's going to be okay. You'll get through this. Don't leave me alone here."

Slowly his breathing calms, and he stops clutching my hands quite so tightly.

"What is it you said about me? That I'm nonstop drama? I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I was just scared you were going to take off and leave me to walk home alone in the dark."

"Sorry. I just got overwhelmed."

"It's okay. Really. I can see why the eye thing would make you freak out."

"My eyes really glow like an animal."

"Yeah. Sorry. It's a very nice golden color, if that's any consolation."

"yeah, because how would I cope if my eyes glowed a weird color?"

"Exactly. Did you know kangaroos eyes glow pink? I mean at least you're not stuck with some girly color like that."

"That makes all the difference in the world." He forces a smile, and takes a few more slow controlled breaths.

"You okay now? Ready to go?"

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry." He seems to suddenly become aware that he's holding my hands, because he drops them like they're on fire, and starts walking, leaving me skipping to catch up.

"So anyway, yeah, I think that there is something happening, to apparently all four of us, I'm the new addition because I've been changed, but the three of you have had something weird happening to you for a while I'm guessing. Maybe years. Is there anyone else that you feel drawn to? Or that can see this weird house?"

"I don't know. I keep trying to show it to people, but they react all sorts of strange ways. Some people seem a bit confused, But most people, they seem to be like Bradley Paz, they just don't see it, or they see a freaking model train store for some reason."

"I'm telling you, I know there is a train store there. I've been inside it. I can almost see it out the corner of my eye, like it's still there, somewhere."

"My sister, she saw the train store. And then she disappeared."

"What! Is she okay?"

"Yeah, it was only for a few seconds, but it freaked me out. It's why I hunted you down."

"Hunted me down?"

"You said you like the river trail."

He's silent for a few moments.

"How would you feel about going to check out this place right now?"

"Now?" I look around. It's fully dark, and this residential street we're on doesn't have a lot of street lights. I feel like the last person on earth. I wish David hadn't let go of my hands.

"Just to check it out. It's only about a mile away. We can be there in less than fifteen minutes. Faster if you want to run." He bounces a bit, making it clear that even if I don't want to run he sure does.

I'm not dressed for it. I like being dressed appropriately. But I've got sneakers on.

"Sooner we get there the sooner we get home."

If you’ve made it this far thanks for reading, As always I appreciate any support for my writing, so if you’re enjoying this please check out my novels #1, #2, patreon and ko-fi!

tagging @pinehutch @focusdumbass @timeenoughforamasterpiece @maximillianvalentine @q-oetry @rosy-writes @sunsetsrmydreams @goddessofnothingatall

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[rosemarybyyourgardengate]

November 15th 2017

I moved at the end up September. I packed up all my belongings, flew in my sister, grabbed my cat and moved all the way from Ohio back home to Florida. Today I finally unpacked my witchcrafts. In the almost two months since I’ve been here so much has happened. My incredible feline companion passed away about two weeks into our journey due to some post surgery complications he’d had the month prior. His loss devastated me. With him I was never alone, and now here I was in a new house with roommates I didn’t know, and honestly wasn’t too fond of, without the majority of my family, out of work for an extended period of time due to complications with my transfer, and now all alone save for my two sisters who had circumstances of their own to work through. Xenophilus Lovegood Sophie Lorraine George Clooney Bob had the most personality of any cat I’ve ever met and I can't imagine having a connection with another animal like ours ever again. He was my dear little boy and without him I was lost. 

The idea of being alone was so tremendously overwhelming that I couldn’t stand it. I think this was a part of why I had to take a step back from witchcraft. I felt lost and abandoned. I had cast a protection and good health spell for him and while it got him through his surgery, it wasn’t enough to keep him with me. I felt weak and powerless and subconsciously I think I kept putting off unpacking this box for that very reason. My succulents have suffered some damage, and some other plants have perished during their lack of care. 

Less than a week into this madness I was becoming manic. I could’t take it and the idea of getting another cat only made me want to vomit. I looked at other pet options ruling them out for one reason or another. Can’t cuddle, too small, not enough space, etc. Then, what I can only explain as being literally the most insane thought I’ve ever had, I decided to get a dog. I’d never had one before. I didn’t know how to take care of a dog. I didn’t know how to play with a dog. I could tell you everything you ever wanted to know about cats and their behaviors. I knew cats like the back of my hand, but dogs? Nope. Nothing.

A week later my sister tags me in a post on Facebook from a local shelter. In the post I found the glamour shot of this mutt named Bandit. I had to go see him. I dragged my other sister to the shelter with me and we found him. Immediately we were warned that he was a ‘humper’, we took him out anyway and I can’t say why, but something just felt like it was supposed to be. Looking back I’m not sure if that was the case or if I was just so desperate to have a connection with something again I forced it, but we walked back into the building after our yard visit and filled out the adoption paperwork. Typically this shelter had a $50 adoption fee that included everything, but they were running a special and I wound up only owing $5. Still this must have been fate right? As we left the building my sister turns to me and expresses how she had the worst deja vu while I was signing things and how this was supposed to happen. I was excited. Surely this was the feeling I was looking for.

Two days and one emergency trip to petco later, he was home and I entered full on panic mode. Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life? I, a person who has never taken care of a dog in her life, just adopted a one year old stray mutt from a shelter. The first night he bit me several times and it only worsened my fears. In the following weeks I would be extremely timid to touch him, he needs a lot of training but we can tell he had a home at some point. He’s housebroken, which I thank whoever for every day, and he responds to basic commands. 

Two weeks into this endeavor I have a full blown panic attack. What if I can’t take care of him? What if I can’t give him what he needs? What if I made a mistake? My dad immediately said I needed to take him back which did nothing for my anxiety. My mother for once was the level headed one. She sent me resources and books and tried to work with us through it. He’s been home a month now and we’re doing a lot better. We’re settling into routines and he’s becoming more secure in having a home and consistency. All in all things are so much better, but I still don’t have a connection and I feel guilty about that every day. I know he’s only been here a month, and I know we both still have a lot of growing to do, it’s just strange and uncomfortable. It’s like I’m playing or acting or dog sitting. I’m going through the motions, but it’s like there’s no real feeling behind it. I keep trying to convince myself that it’s just a matter of time, we just don’t know each other well enough yet, but it’s becoming my new ‘What if?’.

Today though, things are calm. We went through our routine, I went to get him a new toy and a new bone and this have felt good. I pulled my computer out finally after many many weeks and managed to make myself have the time and scroll around on my dash. I remembered how good I felt when I was actively practicing. I came across a tarot spread, I can’t remember what it was for, but I remember just feeling like it was time. I glanced at the box of my things sitting, still gathering dust, on my desk and decided to start work. I moved books off of one bookshelf, transferred my tv from atop my dresser to the shelves and finally unboxed my box and set up my altar space. My crystals are all out, my jars are all standing proud. It’s time I pick up my craft again and evolve my practice with my new life and routines. 

[cosmosogler]

i did stuff today. didn’t get enough done. i went to the bank and got my glasses tightened. then i went to the grocery store. tracking down all the ingredients and the necessary substitutes took forever, but the employees were really helpful and i didn’t have a bad time. just exhausted myself.

i dressed up again a little bit. as in i am wearing a skirt. and a doge hair bow. 

i spent two and a half hours cleaning out the pantry. i tossed old boxes and stuff that had expired five years ago and/or stuff that was unsealed and clearly old. this was problematic later.

then i talked with my new classmates and scheduled a channel call tomorrow... and i’m going out with gramma on wednesday. 

i only did that for about a half hour. then i went downstairs to start making dinner. that was really tough... but i didn’t really mess anything up except the broiling because i had never done it before and underestimated how thick my sauce would stay as it heated. it was cooked fine, because i had cooked it before broiling the sauce and bread together, but it wasn’t quite golden on top. mom liked it but my brother and sister refused to touch it.

the whole time i was cooking, after mom had gotten home, she berated me for my organization choices. she didn’t like that i had grouped like things together. like, all the baking materials were on a shelf together. all the jars were together. the rice products were all together, with the biggest box in the back so you could easily see everything.

and she REALLY didn’t like that i had put a whole bunch of stuff out for her to check if she wanted to throw away or not. all of it had expired at least a year ago, except for the cheese products, which had expired more recently. 

like... look. we’ve had this animal cracker cookie mix for 15 years. it’s just not going to get used. it’s not. it doesn’t matter that we *might* use it later. it’s taking up space that we need for things we actually do eat. there was a preposterous amount of things that had expired years ago that we just never touched. and mom PUT IT ALL BACK!!! WHY????? I KNOW IT’S NOT MOLDY. BUT WE’RE NOT GOING TO EAT IT! IT’S BEEN THERE FOR YEARS!! WE EAT LIKE 800 MEALS A YEAR EACH AND IT DIDN’T GET TOUCHED FOR ANY OF THEM!!!!!

god dang it i forgot to do my pokemon thing on time and now it’s late again.

honestly... i’m also still upset that mom invaded my privacy like she did when i wasn’t even around. going through my entire room and throwing away things she decided i didn’t need... but it’s not a big deal until it happens to her. of course it’s not.

i took eve and wiley outside for a little bit after dinner. eve started staring at the wall of the house when i was herding wiley toward the door. i followed her eyes and there was a big old snake winding its way along the wall behind the patio chairs. i got spooked, mostly because i was REALLY scared that wiley was going to try to check it out. it didn’t have a rattle at least... but it was big enough to hurt one of the dogs easily. i practically drop kicked wiley into the house.

then i went upstairs. shortly after my sister threw a fit when she realized i had thrown away the chocolate chips. the copyright date was five years ago and they weren’t sealed even a little bit. it was just an open bag sitting there behind everything else. i got really frustrated. she said she had just eaten a bunch like a week ago and i mean, i know she wasn’t expecting me to clean out the pantry while she was at work, but how was i supposed to know that??? 

a while later, while i was sorting through my music bookmarks, mom decided to apologize for both of them. i guess... it’s a nice thought? but the blowup still happened and i still feel bad. the apology came across as really useless and it made me uncomfortable. because now that mom had apologized i wasn’t allowed to be annoyed at her for yelling at me any more! even though that had NEVER, EVER WORKED EVEN ONCE when i apologized to her over the years. “you’re NOT sorry” is mom’s favorite reply to an apology. they were usually even genuine! but it doesn’t matter because mom decided i wasn’t really sorry so she still gets to be upset with me and ground me and hit me and whatever.

so i was uncomfortable. then a while later the internet went out. i went over to ask my dad or brother to reset the router because sometimes it just randomly shuts off wireless but not wired connections. so i asked them to reset it when they had a moment, no hurry. my brother shrugged and said it was out for him now too, but only in the last minute. i told him that was nice, but it’s been out for me for several minutes. he told me i was wrong and it was only out for less than a minute. i got a little more terse and he acted like i’d screamed at him or something. he said “sheesh, ok,” and got up and walked away.

dad didn’t make any indication that he’d heard, so i asked him again if he would reset the router when he got some time, since i saw he was in the middle of watching the walking dead. he still didn’t respond so i walked a few steps into the room to rub wiley’s ear.

“how big was the snake?” dad asked. i described it to him. he asked if i was sure it didn’t have a rattle. i took a breath and said yeah i was sure. why would he think i wasn’t sure?

IMMEDIATELY as i finished my sentence he snapped at me to reset the router already. that was really disorienting but i did it anyway.

i mean... i had asked him to do it at his leisure. i know he didn’t respond in any way, but i thought he had heard me say twice that he could reset it when he was ready. i just... i don’t really understand why he got angry.

i didn’t get any studying or worksheets done today... i was on my feet practically all day. i have to be ready for that call tomorrow. i know i won’t be. just gotta brace myself for not being very talkative and not making a good first impression.

i wish it was easy to get myself looking at physics. i have a tab of it open at all times... i just never look at it. i find other things to keep myself busy with. procrastinate. and then stuff like mom and dad happens and i just don’t want to do anything at all except cry and/or have a panic attack. well, i don’t WANT to have a panic attack, but it happens anyway. my hands are shaking. might just be because i’m tired though. that’s a possibility. i did a lot of heavy lifting today. 

panic attacks aren’t the same as panicking. it’s strange how they are called almost the same thing. there is some overlap but it’s like the difference between a house cat and a tiger.

at least my meal thing turned out pretty good... the salad went way better than i could have hoped considering all the substitutions and limitations in my selection. and i didn’t cut myself with the knife while i was chopping stuff even once. 

mm. it’s time to sleep again. but i don’t think i can right now. 

i feel like i am missing something, as in, i want it back. but i am not sure what it is i could be missing. i don’t want my family back. i never had that in the first place. i don’t want my childhood back. whoof. 

i think i am maybe missing the magic of losing a day inside a book. but it’s also kind of terrifying when that happens and it’s always sort of melancholy to get to the last page. and then panic sets in when i realize it’s 3 in the morning and i didn’t do anything but read a book all afternoon and through the night.

do i miss my friends? no... not THAT much. maybe i miss having friends? i don’t know. friends have their pros and cons. friendships don’t really end on good and/or complete terms, so it’s hard to miss them... 

i dunno. as active as i stay, and as much as i am doing, and as stubborn and/or tenacious i get about continuing, i feel like inside i’ve still given up in a way. i don’t feel like dying, but i don’t feel like living either. either one is just meh. i’ll let time decide for me.

(time shouldn’t decide things without your own input. it always picks death. it always picks missed opportunities.)

like... i keep going anyway, but i feel like i’ve given up on ever feeling happy or successful or fulfilled. i don’t mean permanent happiness, but more like, an openness to being happy, or a confidence about it. i don’t think that is a trait i am able to acquire. 

here i go again. doing a little better with therapy, and then a week later backsliding into even worse depression. good. great. cool. this time i made it NINE days without a really bad day. 

i’m so angry with myself. yesterday mom was being all buddy-buddy with me and i was tense about it but also able to just occupy the same room/backyard as her for a little while without everything exploding. so stupid. i’m stupid for getting comfortable. for not avoiding them and for helping around the house and for thinking i should organize things my way since i use everything in the pantry more often. i’m stupid for thinking things might change.

i’m exhausted and i’m still twitchy as hell. when does the sleeping and resting happen? 

i don’t know if i thought things might change. i guess it was an instinct. i saw the signs that it wasn’t going to last. but i stayed upbeat anyway and kept going because i’m stupid. waffling about dad picking on my friends... i wish i hadn’t tried to talk about the movie around him.

but how was i supposed to know he would do that? how was i supposed to know that asking a single question, about something i needed, in his presence would set him off today? why does this still bother me so much?? 

why can’t i just not care. maybe not in general, but certainly about this one thing. why am i scared of my parents? what’s their problem? why does dad have such a huge tree up his ass? and why is it my problem???

maybe... tomorrow i will try to do some work. maybe. it could feasibly happen. i’m going to be really tired though if i keep stalling. 

a lot of my friends have been getting married. well, “friends” as in facebook contacts that are my age and i have interacted with more than a little bit. i don’t want to get married, but i wonder what would happen if i was stuck with only my own company, forever. i feel the empty space next to me. i can’t imagine anyone who would fill it. i don’t have an ideal partner. just a couple rough outlines of what i’d look for. 

i guess it’s better that way. but even the outlines are impossible to really imagine. i got a lot of personal problems in the way. like being unfathomably emotionally distant even when i’m being frank.

it’s... hard to keep believing in other people when you’re told constantly that you can’t love others unless you love yourself. and if i can’t love others, how can i possibly expect them to love me? 

eve loves me. but she is going to die soon.

can’t think about that right now. too upsetting. think about something else.

interacting with my parents always gets me all discombobulated. i will try to have my head back on straight in the morning. well, not straight, but less crooked. i will try to have my head back on gay in the morning?? 

i ain’t got a better joke to end with. that’s all i got.

[tashaleway]

KVAAFCRS: Chapter Four: Do Not Judge the Book by Its Cover

Karkat walked out of the bookshop as fast as he could, yet not quite running. His new books were under his arm, shrunken, in a little bag. He had only just managed to purchase them before his temper ran loose. He tried to take a calming breath, but the anger was still burning inside him like an Incendio. How dare he? Just insulting him without even knowing him! If Karkat had not been so angry, he would have snorted at the irony; was that not what he did himself? Insult people almost day in and day out, without ever knowing any of them.

Karkat crushed the traitorous little voice and tried to ignore the obvious point. But this is different! He thought. The older boy had been so cheerful in one moment, and in the next looked at him in blatant disgust, but with a tint of fear. As if… as if he was some kind of a freak… just like the bullies always called him. And here Karkat had thought that the magical world was better! Hah! How naïve could you be?! He let out a deep sigh, and tried to calm himself down. There was no reason to beat himself up over this. So what if others thought him a freak? So what if he never got any friend? He could handle himself… he was fine on his own… who needed friends anyway? Another deep sigh escaped him. Who was he kidding? He had always wanted friends. Yes, he could handle himself alone, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to be alone. It was all that Jake-Fucking-Idiot-English’s fault! ~Flashback~ The girl, Jade, continued to beg her father so Karkat turned away from the scene and was face to face with another boy, older than Karkat by five years or so. He looked a lot like the girl with the dog-book; black hair like her (but short hair instead), buckteeth, glasses (these on the other hand, were square) and the same facial structures. He had dark-green eyes and a huge, dopey smile that put Karkat on an edge. Nobody sane could be that ridiculous happy and show it. He frowned deeply. “Blimey!  What is such a little fella doing all alone here?” he asked, still smiling. How in the ever-loving fuck, was it possible to talk while showing so many teeth? The retarded kid was obviously years older than Karkat, as the fucker had the nerve to crouch in front of him, so the psycho could look him in the eyes without needing to look down. If Mr. Fucking-Fuckface had any idea, how much he pissed Karkat off, he would most likely have backed away, fearing for his life. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any idea, as the Great Idiot stayed in the same FUCKING position, smiling the same cheerful smile. “For starters, I am not alone, you fucking piece of shit, so back away, before I kick your balls off! And I am NOT a ‘little fella’, as you so nicely put it.” Karkat inwardly cringed at the word ‘fella’ and promised himself that he would never utter the word again. So if the other boy would just leave him THE FUCK ALONE! After, Karkat had calmed himself down a little; he realized just exactly, what he had just said. To the other boy that was much older and stronger than him. He was screwed. But instead of getting offended, the boy, who looked to be around seventeen or eighteen, laughed, causing him to get the attention of the begging girl and her father. “Sorry chum. You just looked so small, so I thought that you were lost!” “And you look retarded and insane.” Good retort, Karkat. Best insult. Karkat almost wished that the other boy would be angry at him, or something, as that would be more familiar to him, but the fool kept laughing. “What the fuck are you laughing at you dumb fuck?!” Karkat was getting really annoyed, most of the kids in their town, hated him, and even when they laughed at him, it was mocking and not like this, genuine, amused laugh. It was fucking weird. What would happen next? Would the other boy start sprouting rainbows out of his ears and leave for a magical (pun not intended… much) adventure on his unicorn? The fact that unicorns existed made this thought neither ridiculous, sarcastic nor amusing in any way… “Your anger, of course!” Karkat was about to attack this annoying, cheerful person, when another boy bumped into him. Another bucktoothed person. This one in blue clothes, though, but also with square glasses. Was it Annoy-the- Shit-Out-of-Karkat-Day, or what? “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry about that! I wasn’t looking! I am really sorry! Are you okay? I’m John Egbert, by the way! What about you?” the boy that had bumped into him said and shyly held his hand out for a shake. Mr GoofyFace was almost forgotten. Karkat frowned. He didn’t know what else to do. He was surrounded by people, he didn’t know, and he certainly didn’t like them either. He took the hand, nevertheless. “It’s not nice to meet you, Egbert, but can you tell me, who that mindless fool there is? By the looks of it, I would guess that you were family,” Karkat was proud. That was the second time today that he didn’t swear as the first thing to do, after being introduced to a stranger. Insulting them? Well, it was better than nothing, so shut up! John frowned by the insult of the green-clothed boy, but answered anyway. “His name is Jake English and he is my cousin. He is going to be a seventh year here to September. The girl in blue, over there, is Jade Harley. She is also my cousin. Jake and Jade are siblings. They also have another sister. Her name is Jane Crocker, but she is not here right now. She is Jake’s twin, but who are you? You never gave me your name.” “One big, happy family, huh? Well, I’m Karkat Vantas. You’re a first year, right?” the handshake was about to have another round, when John was quickly dragged away by Jake, before anyone could do anything. Karkat only got a bit of the whispered conversation “-bad influence. Stay away-“ and then, they were gone, taking the girl, Jade, and her father with them, only sparing him a hostile glance. ~Flashback end~ Good riddance, Karkat thought angrily. Now he was here, outside the bookshop, waiting for his brother and “babysitter”, while he tried to cool off. ~naknak~ It didn’t take Droog and Kankri long, before they too exited the shop. Without any trouble of any sort, they bought parchment, new quills and inkwells for both of them, as well as their potion ingredients (Kankri got a re-fill). They only needed one set of crystal phials, a cauldron and a telescope for Karkat. It was when they was in Ollivander’s (an old, creepy man that even seemed to freak dear, old Droog out), buying a wand for Karkat that they ran into a bit of trouble; no wand seemed to want the eleven year old. Twenty-two wands were already lying on the desk, not one of them had accepted Karkat. The old man had measured him, just as if he was measured for clothes and asked which arm was his wand arm (his right), but even with these helping tools (did it actually help, or was it just for show? Karkat had no idea), they didn’t get any further a new wand, or so it seemed. Karkat was about to get nervous, okay, he was already nervous, so it would be close to the truth to say that he was about to panic, but he did his best to hide it. He was after all going to be a Gryffindor, and Gryffindor’s were brave. They didn’t fear anything, but why didn’t any of the wands want him? Was he after all a Dark Wizard? Could it be that he was not good enough for any of these wands? Karkat came back to reality, when Kankri stepped forward and whispered something in the old man’s ear that made Ollivander’s eyes snap wide and pierce Karkat with a stare. It would have been funny. The man that could scare even adults with his silver-pale eyes and his seer-like abilities was shocked over something. No one else seemed to find it funny and Karkat might only have found it funny because of his near panic attack. “Are you sure?” Ollivander asked and Kankri nodded in response. “Ah, yes I can see it now. Looks like his father, all down to the eyes. I knew both Miss Paint and this boy’s father, but I had never imagined that they would end up together. I remember the little girl, always caring about others. Yes, she was something special, even the wands that didn’t accept her, didn’t damage anything like normal wands. Not because of a low magical core, but because of the kindness in her that could sooth even unchosen wands. Defiantly different from your father that was nothing more than a troublemaker, was he, but cunning and sly enough to never get caught. No one ever guessed he could be behind the pranks and so-called accidents. No surprise that he ended up in Slytherin.” Ollivander said, looking like he was in his own world, apparently not remembering that he had a costumer in front of him. A wand would be nice. Karkat thought sarcastically, not caring an inch about his parents. In addition, why should he? They were dead and gone, with no hope of ever returning. It wouldn’t matter how much knowledge he gained about them, they would still be cold corpses, buried six feet under. A piece of him actually wanted to know more, get to know them, but he crushed the thought, before it became strong. At least, he had now learned the last name of their mother, which Kankri would never speak of, and Crabdad most likely knew nothing of. As if able to read the first of Karkat’s thoughts, Ollivander ‘came back’ to the present. “Yes, yes. A wand for young Mr. Vantas! I am sorry for the wait. I was lost in my own little world. I will be right back!” with those words, he went thought the door that led into the back of the shop, probably, a place filled with even more wands. “What did you tell him?” Karkat asked his brother. “Who your parents were, because he didn’t seem to recognize you. Sometimes it helps him to know, who ones parents are, when you get your wand. Sometimes a family helps Mr. Ollivander with a magical core for his wands and that special wand is for one of their descendants, maybe hundred years after,” just as the last word was spoken, Ollivander entered the shop again, holding a long box (like all the other boxes, hiding and securing a wand) covered in dust. The old man held the box, like it was a precious treasure to him, but Karkat couldn’t see anything special about it, not even when he took the wand out. The wood was a deep dark brown, but other than that, it didn’t look any different from the other wands he had tried, more the opposite. Some of the other wands had symbols engraved, a special colour, or a beautiful handle. This wand looked ordinary. Plain. Nothing compared to the others. Without another word, not even saying, what tree gave wood to the wand of or anything about the wand core, Ollivander handed the wand to Karkat. The second, Karkat touched the wand and he could feel something. Something was different about this one. He felt light like he could fly, he felt magical, as if he could do anything now. He felt powerful; nothing could stop him from reaching his dreams. He was whole. He was a whole piece again. While Karkat was occupied with his new wand and these new feelings, the others saw the magic sprout from the boy, though the wand like fireworks, lighting up the shop, before the magic settled around Karkat like dust in both red, green and black. “Magnificent… That I would ever live to see this day with my own eyes…” Ollivander whispered. Before Karkat could ask him, what he meant, the old wand-maker continued. “I am sure, we will see some extraordinary things from you, young Mr. Vantas,” he said, not whispering anymore. Karkat was sure; it wasn’t the intention of the wand-maker to let him hear his whisper. “Yeah, whatever. What is the wand made of?” Karkat asked, trying not to sound shocked. A lot of things had freaked him out the last weeks and an insane wand-maker, who wouldn’t tell him about his wand, but would instead ramble about how an eleven-year old boy was expected to do great things, was close to be the last drop for him. Soon he would lose his cool (liar, you have never been able to keep your head cool). “Oh, yes, yes! This wand, you see, is very special, indeed. It’s nine inches long and the wood is oak, which is not that abnormal, no, but you see, normally, I only use hair from a unicorn, phoenix feathers and dragon heartstring, but this wand has a core of scales from an ashwinder snake. A member of your family gave them to me and made me make a wand of it. He must have known that this day would come. And to see that amount of magic! It was everything worth! That will be seven Galleons, young Master,” shocked, Karkat handed him the requested money and without another word, Droog and Kankri dragged him out of the shop, apparently wishing to get out of there in a huff. Just as they were outside, they almost bumped into a man and a boy. Both had smooth, black hair and green eyes. The man was wearing a green suit and robes that matched his eyes, while his son wore dark green robes and pants with a black shirt with some red symbols that Karkat didn’t have the time to decipher. “Move out of the way, peasants!” the man said with a cold voice and without thinking twice, Karkat & co. did so.  This was clearly a man you shouldn’t stand in the way for. The little group of three had only managed to walk for about a hundred meters when, they heard shouting from the wand shop, which made many people turn around and stare. While being dragged further away, Karkat wondered, what happened inside. ~naknak~ Without Karkat’s knowledge, the man, named Calious Umbrage Uranian had had that wand in mind for his son, as soon, he heard about the rare scales in it. Uranian was furious. The core of the wand was very special and the old man had just handed the wand out to the first and best costumer! Uranian was mad, although none of it showed, except a tightening around his eyes, to show his displeasure at the wand maker, who countered by showing his worth of not cowering before him, but instead said, that ‘the wand chose the wizard, not the other way around’ with a raised eyebrow. The lord sneered at those words. Just because the wands helped wizards and witches to wield their magic, it didn’t give them a consciousness. That was just sheer idiocy, like saying that mudbloods could be equal and even stronger than purebloods in magic! Blasphemy! How could that ever happen, with dirty, muggle blood running through their veins? Uranian was very close to just dash out on the street, hunt the boy down and make him give up the wand, with force if he needed to, but he restrained himself. The wand had already chosen its master, there was no way he could make it accept his son, unless they fought and his heir won, which he would, of course, if such a situation ever arose, but that was plotting for another time. Instead, Uranian’s son, Caliborn Calious Uranian, got another wand that chose him for its master. Ash, eight and a half inches and Dragon Heartstrings. Not bad, but still not the desired wand. The red-eyed boy would pay. As well as the wand-maker. Soon, but not now.

[coal-the-shiba]

Train Your Dog!

Talk about a mixed day ^_^;  I had to work most of the day, so Coal didn't get to see me until almost evening.  Needless to say, he was less than thrilled with my replacement.  The morning was fine, but Coal was just a literal but to my husband for the afternoon walk and play.  Hubby even took him to the park and tried to work with him and play, but Coal just refused him XD

There are nuances that, while my other-half understands them, he can't cope with them well.  Parks are notoriously hard, especially for his current level of training.  And then all the OTHER factors.  I told my husband to try and find reasons to treat him, even small ones.  After all, he will repeat the good stuff that gets him good stuff.  But yeah, it is frustrating for hubby.

But for me?  Angel.  As always.  We had a fabulous training session this evening.  Worked on the basics--sit, lay, paw, house, watch and a little spin work, too.  I am reading and using this awesome book:  Train Your Dog Like a Pro by Jean Donaldson.  

Seriously, this book is a GOLD MINE.  She breaks down every cue/trick into the smallest increments so that you can work at any level.  She gives clear instructions about when to pull back, when to reward, and how to work with a dog that doesn't seem to get it.  She also gives advice for you if you are getting frustrated.  I absolutely love this book!  she even breaks down proofing and different ways to do it.  Her basic rule is 5 for 5.  If he can do it five times flawlessly, you are all set for the next push.  If he does it less than three, you need to drop back, and if he is hovering around 3-4, stick around until he gets it.  I am using this to break down other things I want to teach him that are not in the book.

I have broken it down further--separating verbal cues and hand signals.  There are times when my asthma makes it almost impossible to speak, and I realized that hand cues would be a huge life-saver on those days, so I am training them separate and reinforcing them all.

So here is the big moment.  I was working on watch with Coal and was at the point of distractions.  First, I pulled out his rope--it is just a short length of rope.  He loves this one more than his rope with the ball end, but the value of it isn't super high.  Just the right level.  He did marvelous.  Then, I reached for Homer.

You can see Homer in some of the earlier pictures.  Homer Simpson, the slipper.  This is a high-level distraction for him.  Any time you lift in more than an inch, he dives for it and immediately attacks it as if it were alive.  I think it having typical features that most animals share make it more enticing.  Anyway, I decided to give that a shot.  The first time I grabbed it, he lunged for it with unbridled joy, ready to "tear" it apart!  I immediately dropped it with my no-marker and waited.  He sat down.  I reached for it again--he flinched, but then turned his eyes back to me.  I just held it.  5 for 5 on watch and holding position.

Okay, take it the next step.  I shook it around a bit.  He glanced, then immediately turned back.  5 for 5.  Insert break here where we played a round of tug with it for a minute or two.  Then, I put him in position and danced it--instead of looking at it, he shifted his head so that he couldn't see it clearly but still keep eye contact with me.  5 for 5.  From that moment on, he only had eyes for me.  

You can't believe how extremely proud I was!!!  I am playing around with different positions and moving around him now, and he sometimes takes one rep to reorient, then he can go solid.  It just makes me so proud.  I need to start taking it to other locations and working with him on it.  I think I need to work with my husband, too.  He needs to be a little less stingy with rewards and praise.  That is kind of hard for him, though, so it might be better to wait until after Coal has a more solid foundation.

Oh, and no food problems for me today.  I make sure to put the bowl away before switching.  He is also starting to offer more sits for attention.  Sister-in-law has picked up on the "four feet on the floor for attention" thing.  Maybe there is hope for the parent-in-laws ^_^  If I can get them to do that, it will help immensely with his no-jumping training!