#anyway my mom is out of town and it's honestly foreign how relaxed i feel. idk how to fix this

[neige-leblanche]

ig i should make a vent blog atp since i want somewhere to put vent posts but want my text posts here to be mostly happy

[laceymorganwrites]

Souvenir

Word count: 2,076

Pairing: Mikey x fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, corruption

Summary: You´re a police officer, a bad one. Or a terribly good one. Depends on which side of the law you stand. Mikey is interested in you, so are you but it can´t be that easy, can it?

A/N: happy birthday to this maniac

Song inspo: Souvenir by Avril Lavigne

THIS CONTAINS MANGA SPOILERS

It was a hot summer day, the sky was clear and the heat in the city unbearable. A vacation was definitely long overdue.

Your parents had a vacation home at the coast but they themselves were currently hiking in the mountains. You were against it, telling them to do something more relaxing, after all they weren´t the youngest anymore. It was always you who took care of them, that was how it was supposed to be, not the other way around.

However they didn´t see it that way, saying as long as they were alive they´d always support you and take care of you, you were all they had after all.

And yet they always said you were the one working too much. You really didn´t. You loved your job, but compared to everything they´ve done for you, everything they continued to give up to ensure you have the best life possible, it was nothing.

Of course you were grateful! How couldn´t you be? But it just always felt like it wasn´t enough, you wanted to do something for them too, yet you could never get the chance.

Being a police officer made your private and personal life very hard.

The reason you took this job was because you wanted to create a safer neighborhood for your parents. And you got so lucky, being just a regular officer taking care of small town thugs. Every time you hear about your colleagues working on taking down a gang, you shuddered.

They were the ones who lost their families first. Of course their work was noble and they were so brave but you just couldn´t bear the thought of losing your parents.

Sure, it was selfish, but they were all you had. What did you care whether some gang wreaked havoc in the city? Let them. You never cared about the city and its people anyway, never really having any friends that lasted.

However your station was assigned to take down the Bonten, every officer had to work on that, no matter what their job was before that. That really was the last thing you needed or wanted right now. And because you were you, you didn´t listen. You just kept doing your work, finding any excuses to go on a standard patrol, saying you´d look for their hideout or something. It was all bullshit.

“Fucking great… mom, dad, thanks for everything you did for me. If I don´t come home anymore, if you´ll never find my body: thank my idiot boss who thought it was a great idea to take out the most dangerous guys in town. Fuck him! Doesn´t he have a family he cares about? There´s an order in this city, he can´t just disrupt it, fucking asshole” you grumbled, a bad habit you had. Every time you were mad about something you had to say it out loud, though you didn´t care if people thought of you as the crazy lady who talked to herself. At least that way they stayed away.

You heard a small chuckle from one of the alleyways, turning around and laughing at the absurdity.

That, was how you met Mikey.

He wasn´t anything like you imagined and that made him scarier than anyone else you could ever dream of meeting. Something that surprised you was that he didn´t kill you on the spot, neither did he have his underlings do it somewhere else, a clean job like it was usual for them.

No, they kept you alive. More than that: they wanted you to cooperate with them. They knew you were on their side and wanted to keep them in the game so that your parents could live a peaceful life. So why should they kill you? Besides, Mikey always found that interesting. The fact that you, a normal citizen with the most boring job imaginable, you out of all people understood that the city needed Bonten to survive, to keep the peace. It was fascinating to him. Everyone else was still believing that gangs like theirs, ruthless criminal organizations, should be exterminated. But not you. You wanted to preserve them and had such a… stupidly admirable determination in your eyes.

Mikey couldn´t help but become infatuated with you. That was why he came to greet you personally, something he never did.

And that was how you started working together, you kept them updated on the investigation, got rid of some proof and evidence and nobody suspected a thing. You were so incompetent at this kind of work that it just worked. You were doing such a good job for them, it left Mikey speechless and actually for the first time in a long time did he feel something else than utter numbness. He liked watching you work, finding it so funny how you deceived everyone around you, you were just as ruthless as him.

But there was a difference between the two of you that kept him looking and coming your way: you did it out of kindness. You were a genuinely kind person, even to him, sometimes he hoped especially to him.

He didn´t like the thought of distractions like yourself but then again he was the boss, he could do whatever he wanted. He was still invincible.

Now the only question was: how did you go about having a crush? He never gave it much thought, you were different than the women he used for a distraction. He wanted to get to know you, but didn´t know how. That wasn´t something he could get as easily as everything else. But that just made it so much more fun to him.

You were so integrated in his life and in the gang by now that he asked you to be an official member, still working at the police station to help them out.

Of course you said yes. You weren´t stupid, this was the easiest and best decision in your life.

Now you were sure that your parents were safe, as if the Bonten would kill their own. Well they did, but only the traitors.

And you´d never be one, they knew that. Even the most skeptical ones out of the lot trusted you by now.

Mikey was… special to say the least. He was a ruthless leader like everyone told you but nobody told you about the broken parts, nobody told you that he covered up all of his pain and hurt with sleepless nights and bloody murder. Though their murder was anything but bloody, it was clean and calculated.

You liked it that way. It was even more cruel and very thought out. Still, he needed a break and everyone could tell. Of course nobody dared to say anything. Never defy me, that was the sole rule everything was based on.

Protect the king.

Especially Sanzu was loyal to him, not that the others weren´t but he was very suspicious towards you. That was why you stayed away from him, no matter what you said or did he always thought you were a spy and honestly if it weren´t for the others you were sure you´d be dead by now.

The only reason you weren´t was because Mikey told him explicitly not to.

To this day you wondered why that was. But you´d find out soon enough.

This morning Mikey told you that you´d be the one to dispose of any proof with him this time.

Which basically meant going to a vacation home as an alibi, it was near the port and in this time a lot of students were there too since it were holidays too.

Somehow the thought of being alone with Mikey excited you more than it should, it was dangerous, you knew that.

And even so…. Or maybe precisely because of that, you fell in love with him.

There was something about the unreachable nature of him, people couldn´t help but keep looking at the burning building collapsing. Your presence was the gasoline.

“I came here often as a kid” he explained when you two arrived at the house. It was in the woods, but still close to the beach and port. Perfect to get rid of proof.

You didn´t expect him to talk to you, least of all about private things. Then again maybe he just needed someone to talk to, someone who saw him as Manjiro and not the coldblooded gang leader.

Some would say you had a savior complex and maybe they were right but what was so wrong about feeling special when you were with him? About him sharing things with you he didn´t share with anyone else?

“Sometimes I wonder where it all went wrong…” he sighed, a sad smile on his face. You could tell how hard it was for him to even do that. It was tragic, really. But then again he had it coming.

Mikey wanted the world and he got it. Mikey was ruthless and always got his way, he didn´t care about anything else but power and bloodshed. There was this darkness inside of him that was consuming the little pieces that were still left of Manjiro.

“Would you change it if you could?” you asked, eyes grazing his slightly.

“Well I can´t so there´s no use talking about it” he mumbled, his eyes wandering to the surface your hand was resting upon.

Yours was so different than his… so soft and clean, so fragile.

His was calloused, had seen more blood than human warmth and was always cold because who would voluntarily touch it?

You.

His heart jumped slightly as he felt your fingers entangled with his own. This sensation was so foreign to him, he couldn´t help but smile slightly.

You made him do things he hasn´t in ages, smile and feel for instance.

“Sometimes I wish I could stay here forever” he mumbled, looking down.

He looked so tired, he always looked so tired. You wondered if he ever slept. Though you highly doubted it.

“Staying a day more wouldn´t hurt, right? I mean you have to be here once a year anyway, why not stay the night?” you suggested. Mikey smiled sadly, he could do it… he was the boss after all. But he feared that if he did he would never want to leave again. And then he wouldn´t.

“Hm...I guess you´re right...I knew it would be a good choice to have you work with us” he smiled slightly but there was his usual sadness and tiredness in it. You smiled back at him, shutting your brain off for a moment to wrap your arms around him and pull him into a tight hug. Because right now, all the other times, he just looked like he needed one.

And you were right, by the way he held onto you, the way he relaxed into your touch. He really needed this. It were moments like these were he wished that he could stay like this forever and just not go back to his life. But he chose this life and he won. He made it to the top. But as clichee as it sounded, that was also where it was the most lonely. If you weren´t there beside him he´d have given up on himself a while ago.

The darkness was so easy to control around you.

You smiled at him, going back inside and getting the job done.

The next day felt like you were in a different world. It felt like a normal holiday you both knew as children and never ever had since then. You two would eat together, watch the sunrise together, even play in the ocean a bit.

Mikey even gave you his shirt when you were cold.

“Keep it” he told you when you were packing away everything, the day was over faster than any of you liked. But it also felt like an eternity, like you could truly escape from everything.

“As a promise. Meet me here this time next year, no matter what happens, okay?” he asked, he had a gentleness in his voice that you didn´t recognize, but it must´ve been there all his life. The cruelness just suppressed it all the time.

“Okay, it´s a promise” you smiled, taking his shirt and putting it in your bag so that the others wouldn´t see. For now everything would return to normal, whatever it was that you two had would have to happen in secret, in your sanctuary.

[purplesurveys]

1213

Have you ever been in weather below 0 Fahrenheit (-17 Celsius)? Nah. The coldest I’ve experienced was probably something like 10 or 11ºC, when I was in Japan. At the time I still didn’t care too much for traveling and ended up being really underdressed for the weather, so I was extremely uncomfortable the whole time we were roaming around the city. Have you ever been caught outdoors away from shelter during a thunderstorm? LOL yes, notably on the last night of my college internship. My car was parked in another building so I had to walk outdoors, when all of a sudden it fucking poured. I ran to the nearest building for shelter but I was still absolutely drenched and ended up having to call my mom (who works in the same city) to ask her to come pick me up.

What’s your favorite macaron flavor? Chocnut or milk chocolate.

How often do you have friends over to your house? Once in a blue moon. I had my ex over all the time but since then I’ve only had one friend - Angela - come over once.

Have you ever had a boss who acted unprofessionally? I mean, we’re very open with each other with regard to our frustrations at work.  That could technically count as unprofessional but I’m honestly just glad we don’t have to be fake around one another and pretend like everything’s dandy.

How many times have you stayed at a hotel in the past year, and where? Just once, for my dad’s birthday. We stayed in Tagaytay for a weekend though we Airbnb’d a condo unit and not a hotel.

Have you ever done a flip on a trampoline? Nah. I could try but I’m too afraid of not being able to support myself and accidentally breaking my neck or something.

What about a flip off of a diving board? Nope.

Are you embarrassed by your school yearbook photos? No. I barely look at them and I’m sure people barely look at yearbooks too.

Who taught you to tie your shoelaces? My grandma.

Currently how many pictures are on your cellphone? 8,067. There used to be around 10,000 but I had a ‘huge’ deleting spree that brought it down to around 6,000 – but clearly I’ve brought it back up again lol.

Do you think dimples are cute? Yes, super.

Would you rather chew fruity or minty gum? It’s whatever. They all lost their taste anyway.

The last time you went to the mall, who did you go with? Just me. That’s usually the case nowadays.

What’s something you used to collect when you were younger? Pogs.

Have you watched a movie today? I haven’t watched a movie since like September.

Aside from your own, whose house did you last set foot into? Angela’s, but it was super brief as I only went in to greet her parents.

Do you love soft pretzels? Yep, that’s how I prefer my pretzels as well.

Who was the last person who cried around you? Why did they start crying? Was it unexpected? I really have no clue. I haven’t been around too many people in such a long time, much less people who’ve cried in front of me. I want to say maybe Gabie???? during one of our last meet-ups. The name feels so foreign now.

Are you more likely to like someone before you really know them, or do you feel you like them more after you know a lot about them? After.

Do you buy people cards on special occasions, or do you prefer to make your own? Giving people cards isn’t much of a tradition here. We’d much rather get you a physical gift altogether.

When was the last time you were being hypocritical? I probably do it without realizing, so I can’t say exactly when.

Where on your body was the last cramp you had? Why did you have this cramp? Fortunately I haven’t had one in a while but I usually get cramps on my neck and shoulders after a whole day at work.

What is the weirdest name you’ve ever heard? My sister went to school with this girl whose name was her surname in reverse.

Do you get embarrassed when people hear you sing/compliment you on your singing ability? If so, why is that? Yeah. I’m not confident in my singing, so I never sing around people and it would embarrass me if I was ever caught/heard.

Are you good at comforting people when they’re upset? I try to be. It works for some people.

Do you have any exercises you do everyday? Nah.

Do you own one of those singing fish? Do you think they are silly or funny? I don’t know what this is referring to.

Has anyone ever accused you of being bipolar or any other mental disorder? Do you really have any mental disorders? No one has accused me; at least not to my face. As for the second question, I’m sure I have one or two; I’ve just never gotten myself professionally checked.

Did you buy the last thing you bought with your own money? If not, whose money did you buy it with? Yabu because I was craving; paid with my own money. It actually feels pretty weird because Yabu had been mine and my ex’s thing, and I haven’t had their food since the breakup. I’m looking forward to having it again tonight and finally changing the narrative for it.

Do you like to put your feet up on the dashboards of cars? Do you parents yell at you if you do that in cars? I don’t like to do it but I’ll sometimes do it if I wanna feel relaxed. No, it wouldn’t bother them too much.

Which Beatle is your favorite, or do you love them all equally? I don’t listen to them.

Do you enjoy classic rock? If so, who are some of your favorite classic rock artists? Not really, but I have nothing against it.

Did you ever own a Tamagotchi? Yep.

Are you more of a dog or cat person? Dog.

Have you ever failed math? Just the advanced courses, like calculus, back in high school. I find math pretty fun and easy if I get the topic and know the formulas; but if I find something hard, it’s very difficult for me to keep up. There’s really no in between haha I either pass with flying colors or absolutely flop.

Skittles! What's your favorite color? Whichever’s not too sour. Idk, I never buy Skittles.

Have you ever had a dream of stabbing someone? Nope but I used to have nightmares of watching my loved ones get shot.

What would you want your last words to be if you could choose them? That I had fun.

Can you sleep with the light on? Only if I’m pissed tired. Otherwise bright lights would bother me.

What’s the most bizarre horror movie you’ve ever seen? I know my answer won’t count as it doesn’t technically fall under horror, but Eraserhead was just very bizarre and unsettling. I’ve never seen the whole film without pausing several times.

What band can’t you stand listening to? Again, this probably won’t count as they’re a boy band/group more than anything, but I cannot stand The Vamps.

Would you ever take a lie detector test for your significant other? Yeah, sure, I guess, for fun. I think those are mostly bullshit anyway so I’ll only take a test with bullshit questions as well.

What is your favorite Mystery/Crime/FBI related show? Those genres never really were my cup of tea.

Would you ever have a bird as a pet? We had two lovebirds some years ago. They were lovely, but idk if we’d do it again. No reason, just that we prefer dogs.

How's your relationship between you and your grandparents? It’s great, even with my maternal grandpa who’s already passed. But I’m well aware of the fact that they’re also a bit wary of me since I’m the most vocal and outspoken of all their grandchildren, whereas they’re intensely conservative and traditional. Still, I always feel their love, especially through food and how they always make sure to stuff me whenever I come over haha.

Ever had a forbidden love or lover? In a sense, yeah. I was in a same-sex relationship that I hid from my family for four years.

Have you ever had to speak at a funeral?  I’ve never been to a funeral but I doubt I could speak at one without breaking down.

Do you know someone who’s been cremated?  Yes, my grandpa was cremated.

What is your current problem?  Just some deliverables at work that I would rather not think about now.

Do you like canopy beds?  Eh, I don’t mind them.

What is your favorite animated movie?  Toy Story.

Would you rather live in a small town or a big city?  Big city. I need lots of noise, lots of activity and lights where I live. I’ve lived in suburban neighborhoods all my life and I would love a change in pace.

If you could summon any animal to come to your rescue, what animal would it be and why?  Idk.

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls?  I’ve watched snippets and it’s HILARIOUS. I’ve always wanted to start the series but never knew where to watch it.

Did you ever like the Ninja Turtles? Was never into it, no.

Last alcoholic drink you had?  Peach soju and plum soju that got me absolutely hammered.

What are you known for?  These days, probably for doing an extreme 180 and having my life be all about BTS now.

Has anyone ever threatened you?  Yes.

Have you ever gone frog hunting?  No? Doesn’t sound like my type of activity at all.

Do you ever suffer from dry skin?  Yeah my face is a little dry, but I don’t think it’s something I ‘suffer’ from since no issues have come out of it so far. It’s just the way it is.

Do you still sleep with a stuffed animal?  Not a stuffed animal but I need to hug a pillow to fall asleep.

What’s the weather like right this moment?  It’s weather that says “it’s gonna get really hot in an hour or so” and I’m not enjoying that very much.

Do you bite on straws, lollipop handles, or ice cream sticks?  If there’s no trash can around, I tend to.

In what type of area was your first sexual encounter?  It was in a hotel.

Where is your mother’s side of the family descended from?  Just somewhere in the Philippines.

What do you occupy your time with on flights?  I’m honestly really happy with just staring out the window. If not that, I bring something to read or listen to music. I haven’t had a flight that lasted 6+ hours, but I imagine I would also bring my laptop for a series or movies to watch if I find myself in that situation.

Do you dog-ear pages in books?  Yup.

What’s a made up word of yours?  I don’t think I have any.

Do you use Q-Tips?  I do.

Ever gone out with somebody you didn’t like?  No. I don’t think I could bring myself to do that.

What hero or heroine do you most relate to in history, fiction, or song?  I don’t really like content with a hero/ine plot.

What makes you dizzy?  Amusement park rides, car rides, headaches.

Are your parents liberal or conservative?  Conservative.

Do you like your teeth? Did you have braces?  Not my middle teeth, but in general yeah. I did have braces but I lost my retainers at one point so my teeth just went back to their original position eventually.

Are you happy with your height?  It’s fine. I’m small but it’s the average here so I don’t really complain.

[tardis-ghost-blog]

Soul’s Shadow Ch2 (Doctor Who)

<< Prev - Next >>

He was already a few steps ahead before I got my body to react and follow him, the gun still in my hands. The metal had gotten warm from my own body temperature, but the weight and feeling was still so uncanny. I wondered if it was even loaded, and if so, why he would give it to me just like that. Right here and an now I would be able to simply shoot him in the back - and I was rather certain he wouldn't be able to avoid it this far away.

With a sigh I stuffed the weapon into my small shoulder bag. This was all just a weird dream anyway, right? Speaking of which... I pinched my nose shut with my fingers, trying to breathe through it anyway. When this didn't succeed I counted my fingers... twice. And finally pulled out a crumbled receipt from my pocket to read its content.

Alright... all reality checks indicated that I, indeed, was awake. No lucid dream for me, then. I frowned and sighed. Both, because it would have been cool, and because it meant I was awake and this was really happening.

"Where are we going, Mr. Saxon?" I asked eventually, when he walked down an alley I had rarely used before.

"Don't call me that. It's not my name."

"Oh, sorry," I mumbled and managed to get next to him. He wasn't that big, actually, compared to me he was, of course, but still not so much. And he looked rather cool in those clothes, sparkling the unfitting wish in me to sit down and draw him. I coughed slightly to get my head clear. "What is your name, then?"

The stranger turned around, halted in his steps and observed me for a few seconds.

"I am the Master," he announced with a proud smile.

"Of what?"

"Huh?"

"Master of what?" I wanted to know.

He raised a brow and shrugged, grinning boyishly. "Of everything."

I couldn't help it. My stupid brain just never stands still. "Well, not of Great Britain anymore,"

Instead of murdering me, the Master only let out a short laugh. It sounded honestly amused, though, making me smile a little myself. At least he seemed to have some humour.

"Oh, one day the universe itself will be mine, just you watch me," he said sweetly, like a boy telling his mom he wants to become a pilot.

Somehow the Master felt so childish and boyish, it was hard to believe he was the same man whom almost all of Britain had wanted as Prime Minister.

My thoughts briefly wandered back to that time, trying to puzzle together what exactly he had even told people. Something flashed behind my eyes, too quickly gone to really grasp. Images, impressions. Screams and smoke and round objects flying through the sky. I blinked perplex and shook my head.

"What's with you?" the Master bowed down a little, curiously observing my puzzled features.

"N... nothing. Just slept bad, 's all."

He shrugged and straightened again, wanting to continue the walk, however turning around once more. "And what do they call you?"

"Call...? Oh... I'm Lucy."

His face dropped instantly, morphing into an expression of annoyance and almost hate. "You have any other names?"

"Nooo..." I responded carefully. "What's wrong with it?"

The Master grunted and rolled his eyes. "My former wife's name. And that beasty thing tried to shoot me. Missed, of course. Never held a gun in her life before, but still..."

"Oh. Sorry."

"I'll just call you Lu, how about that?" He smiled again. "Alternatively we can settle on stupid earth ape."

"That's a bit long, innit?" I chuckled. "Lu's fine. But still, where're we going?"

"A shortcut into town."

"Oh.... I see. Say..." Again I felt my heart pounding wildly in my chest. Was I really about to do this? "The person I choose... do they have to live nearby?"

The Master tilted his head. "I have no TARDIS, right now. So, wherever they are, you have to get us there."

What the hell was a TARDIS?

I nodded. "Can you... mhm... get money? I mean, lots of it. Without anyone noticing it, of course. I... don't have much."

His eyes glinted happily. "No problem."

.oOo.oOo.oOo.

The landscape rushed past the window, trees and fields, villages and cities, all a blur of colour. It had gotten evening, the sky took on soft dark shades, and orange and white lamps faded into light. Sometimes the train halted, and the later it got, the less people entered or exited. Sometimes the stations were completely empty and through the window seeped the smell of foreignness.

"As a child I always imagined to go on a ride like this," I mumbled dreamily, "and simply get off the train at one of those empty, black stations. Not knowing where I am, or where to go."

The Master sat opposite to me, arms folded over his chest, eyes closed and his head resting against the window. He wasn't asleep, that I could tell. He didn't feel asleep, more relaxed, in a weird way.

"You like long train rides, too, huh?"

He smiled, his eyes creeping open. "It's so nicely quiet."

"Quiet..." I repeated absently, my gaze wandering back to the darkness-covered world outside. "Trains are so loud, though. I like how they sound. As if the wheels on the tracks are singing a song."

His gaze rested on me, I felt it intensely and looked at him, eventually. Although we had the lights dimmed in our compartment I could still see his eyes. And like before they fascinated me. Usually I can't look people in the eyes for long. It always feels so overwhelming, distracting, downright unpleasant. Because of that they often think I'm not listening... But I understand a lot more when I don't have to look. With the Master it was different, as if his gaze wasn't constantly searching for a way to call me out, to tell me how inhuman I behave and rub it into my face. He just didn't care.

"That's a hellishly long ride to get rid of a person," he remarked after we parted from another station.

My gaze kept glued to the window, but I still nodded. The sound of the train lulled me into a light slumber, brought me back to some hours ago, when the Master had entered a bank only to walk over to the banker and had told him to hand him a hundred thousand Euros. Astonished I had watched the scene, had glared at the Master with an opened mouth when he pushed the bag into my hands.

I had to transfer most of it to my bank account, not wanting to carry it all around with me, and the rest of the way my thoughts turned summersaults. I could finally pay back all of my student debts! I could afford a brand new gaming PC, a bike or... a bed.

Thinking about my almost empty apartment I concluded it would be wise to start with the basics. I hadn't been able to afford furniture, so far, my belongings only consisting of a mattress on the floor, a shaky table and chair for my laptop and three cupboards that could - with lots of good will - be called a kitchen. Heck! I didn't even own a fridge!

Now, all of a sudden, none of it was a problem anymore. I was free, I had enough to live for at least a few years, in case my bad luck with finding jobs would continue.

And all that for the price of a human life.

"Who is it?" the Master asked, as if he had read my thoughts.

The question tore me out of the thoughts, bringing me back to the present moment, and also to a past long gone, to the time of my childhood - if you can call it that - to years of fear and being caged in. None of it was his busyness.

"You didn't want to know."

"Now I do," he countered calmly.

"Because it's quiet?"

An almost pained smile appeared on his face. I had hit a point, although I had no clue what it was about. Only another puzzle piece for my pattern oriented mind, another snipped about the strange man in front of me, that once had been known by every person in the country, but was now unrecognized, as it seemed.

"What happened when you became Prime Minister?" I couldn't help but ask, ignoring his own question. "I remember the spheres killing the president, but then..." Again, images whizzed through my head, probably created by my brain to fill the gaps. A brain can do that... create false memories, because remembering something at all is better than having a hole in your head.

"I took over the earth," the Master told with a grin. "First I decimated the human race, then had some fun with you all." He snickered. "Wiped out Japan, built a police state, let my Toclafane decimate a few more of you, here and there. You know... just for fun. Humans reproduce so fast, it almost doesn't matter."

I only blinked at him, confused.

"No, you didn't."

"Well, you wouldn't remember. It all was based on a paradox, so it never happened."

Again I blinked. There was something in my mind, pieces that got put together, a pattern, evolving from the net of information and thoughts in my head. Then it clicked.

"You're alien, too, aren't you?"

It made sense. Looking back at the attacks on earth, so far, his strange behaviour, the weird terms he always used, the way he felt so different... I glanced back into his eyes, knowing it to be true, no matter if he would deny it now or not. No human could have such eyes.

"What if?"

"Hm..." I made, noncommittally, shrugged and drew my legs up on the seat to wrap my arms around them. "A paradox..." I thought out loud, leaning my head against the window. If he was alien then it was possible he had the technology to make something like that possible. "You really did all those things, then?"

A childish smile let his eyes crinkle with joy. "Scared now?" he teased and gave me a mock-pout. "It's not the worst thing I've ever done, if that consoles you."

It didn't. But that he wasn't a good person had been obvious right from the start. I probably should have been scared, should have risked jumping from the train only the get away from this man. Strangely enough my heart was calm, my mind only tired because it was so late already.

No, I wasn't scared... yet. Had he been human I would have assumed he was a psychopath, but somehow that didn't quite fit him. There was more to the Master, a calmness behind the chaos in his eyes, a softness, buried beneath the ocean of blood and cries he seemed to have left behind. An image flashed through my head, of him kneeling in the rain, crying out an unspeakable pain, without anyone every listening.

I blinked it away. It happens sometimes, my brain just creating scenes and images from what I pick up from other people. No idea if I'm really that empathic... Or if it's more like with blind people... I can't read body language and facial expressions so well, but instead I somehow can sense people's moods and feelings, without even looking at them. I think everyone can do that, but most people don't have to.

"How is it?" I mumbled. "To take a life."

The Master smiled and leaned forward, hands folded in his lap. "Exciting. You finally understand how much power you have, what you're capable of, and that no one can stand in your way any longer." He chuckled a little. "You'll see for yourself."

I swallowed and glanced away. Rain started to trickle down the window and I closed it, listening to the added sound of drops against glass. So soothing, distracting me from what was ahead.

"You're an odd one," the Master remarked quietly. "About to commit murder, but you don't even look bothered about it. And there you humans are so annoyingly moral."

"I don't understand moral," I softly admitted and shrugged. "There usually is no logic behind it. It's just things you don't do, because you... don't do it. But no one ever tells you, why."

The Master laughed quietly to himself and leaned back again, signalling the conversation to be over. I didn't mind, feeling tired anyway. Good thing those seats were long. I slipped out of my shoes, lifted my legs up, while taking my glasses off and placing them on top of the trash bin.

"Wake me, when we're there," I mumbled and curled myself up on the seat.

[bjornartesttest]

July 2017

p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; line-height: 14.0px; font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Neue'; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000} p.p2 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; line-height: 14.0px; font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Neue'; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000; min-height: 14.0px} li.li1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 12.0px 0.0px; line-height: 14.0px; font: 12.0px 'Helvetica Neue'; color: #000000; -webkit-text-stroke: #000000} span.s1 {font-kerning: none} span.s2 {font: 14.4px 'Helvetica Neue'} ul.ul1 {list-style-type: disc}

General

So, summer is almost over, and quite a few things has happened during the 2 months time it has been since I write the last time. Ot - that means, not any MAJOR things, but still some progress in different directions. I am currently sitting at a Quatar Airways flight brom Dar Es Salam to Berlin, via Doha (where I have a 7 hour night layover….) after 3 weeks of summer holiday. 

I started of in Tel Aviv for 10 days with Vegar, Sigbjørn, Benni, Vik, Kristoffer and Julia. We shared a big nice apartment close to the Old Town. I had my own room, we had 3 balconies, a huge rooftop, a large nice kitchen and several bathrooms. Perfect base even though we were based a bit far from the center of the town. I personally liked the old town more though so fine by me. Tel Aviv is a fantastic city. It has some of the best food Ive ever tasted, a beautiful san beach that follows though the whole city, a vibrant night life, humble, proud and open people and a rich history. I was unsure about how I would feel about visiting Israel beforehand because of Palestina, but I am glad I came. The people I met had all sorts of different backgrounds. They are not the politicians, and seemed just as frustrated about the situation as everyone else. Having that said, I guess its only so much you can take in during 10 short days. We also had a trip to Jerusalem. We did not do enough research, so my impression of the city was quite messy and exhausting. I am glad we went either way, though I probably wont go back there. Tel Aviv also have beautiful, passionate men.. I met a few while there. One arabic guy that was a bit younger then me. He invited me over for cake and showed me his Mind Craft world.. He had made houses for all hes previous love interests. A bit weird I must say, but he was also a interesting guy. Not something to go forward with though lol. The second guy I met was mega hot, inteligent, tall spanish guy. He had been living in Tel VAiv the last 5 years, studying Arabic and foreign relations. He was planning to move to Iraq to follow a minority group up there in some time, I think I will go to visit him. Anyways - it was some of the hottest sex Ive had in a long long time. He was bottom (the perfect), but also had an amazing cock, mouth.., evertying. We had sex twice right after eachtother. I had to do a Skype interview over phone for a job offer in Beijoing (more about that later), and because I ran out of time, I had to have it at his place. A bit weird to go though my whole professional life in a Skype interview in front of him, but I think he took it well. A few days later I met a tall, a bit sturdy, beardy Israely/turkish guy. Also very handsome. I invited him over to the apartment when everyone else was out and we had sex all over the place. In the sofa, and the kitchen table… The lats night I had a quick hookup with a tall israeli psycho terapist. Was fun and a nice ending of a nice trip. Very fun. 

Anyways. enough about the Tel Aviv boys. Poor Vegar and Sigbjørn both got food poisoned after 2 days and ended up at the hospital. They stayed home most of the time, though we did have some fun times too. Unfortinuatley I managed to get in the middle of a drunken row they had. Ive now learned to NEVER get involved in other peoples love life. It got heated! We talked about it though, and it was all good the next day. I got alone time with everyone on the trop except Bennedicte. She was out partying til 9 every morning and were a bit to moody for my taste. Interesting enough she was the one who were the least easygoing, with is funny as she talked so much about who else that could potentially be moody before hand. Honestly I find herself a bit selfish from time to time, or a bit closed in her own world. I guess we all are though… Kristoffer met A LOT of boys during the trip. More then me. I felt a bit strange about it, as I am very good friends with his boyfriend in Norway Harald. The last nigght, he even brought one of his dates for dinner, and sat kissing with him openly infant of everyone. How can he expect us all to just forget about that? If he wants to leve things in Tel Aviv, then he should keep his stuff in the bedroom, and not drag his boyfriends best friends into it. I wont mention it to anyone ever, but I totally lost a lot of respect for Kristoffer after seeing that. Fuck that shot. Just no. Not ok. I hope he breaks up with Harald when he gets home if thats how he feels. If nothing else, I hope they have a proper talk and manage to fight it out and then move on. I dont really see them lasting if its as dark as this. As for Vik, we had a great time togehter. She is so funny and easy going, and made sure that everyone had a good time, all the time. Never put herself first. She also openly went on Tindr dates while there (with blessing from her boyfriend). All these poor guys that she used for tips and guides and free drinks, before she dropped them off. She didn't even exchange a kiss.. hilarious.As forJulia, we also had a super nice day together at this swanky rooftop. Im happy she joined. only bad thing about tel Aviv was the prices btw. Equally expencive as Norway! Last day I spent with Liat, Klauses goof friend from London. She's a funny, stress woman. She's sper nice, but a bit intense and talkative in her own way. Nice, but one day was enough! 

After Israel, the trip went to Nairobi, via Jordan and Quatar. I had a long trip, but managed to both get sleep and relax. In Nairobi Carmen was waiting for me together with Sigur, the guy we were lucky enough to stay with. He is a close friend of Maren, and hes half Norwegian/Kenyan so he hes family has a few houses in Nairobi and close to the Uganda border. Superduper sweet 24 year old guy. Hes been based in london the last few years, where he has built himself up a name in the fashion PR / Producer industry, but after a long though and a realisation about what matters ib life he has decided to drop it all and start to study development studies back in Norway from the fall. An old sole for his young ange, even though the 24 year old came out from time to time. Anyways, we staid in their villa in Nairobi. Huge house in the richest part of town. We lied there for free with servants, free food and all we could have wanted. Like living in a luxury hotel. After a few days in Nairobi, me and Car jetted of on a safari trip to Nairusha and Hells gate. One the way we ended up at the mandatory Kenyan police station expereince. Our driver had been speeding, and had to go to court 8!). Meanwhile me and Car went of on our own. We walked thought this random, poor, kenyan village and into a forest to check out a lake we found on the map. All of the sudden we found ourselves walking though a cactus forest, and then a ancient forests with a million bird sounds. So beautiful. After that we were suddenly standing on a filed full of zebras, giraffes, buffaloes, wild beast and more. Totally surreal… Turns out we had trespassed into one of the national parks, so a grad found us and helped us out and back to the policestation. Regardless - one of the more magical experiences of my life I think :-)

After picking up our driver we headed to Hells Gate. A national parks where you are clouded to bike (illeagl in all the others). Super nice trip, we were biking in between zepras, worth pigs, and more. I would definitely come back. After the bike ride we headed down in hells gate, a volcanic old water system. Also stunning. In the evening when we got home we had a drunken pianos session in Sigurs mums piano concert room. What a day and nigt. The next few days we explored Nairobi more, went to Gosepel church, went out line dancing on a tacky rooftop nightclub, Sigurs were friend hit heavily on me, we went to Karen Blixnes house, we went to some fancy restaurants and cocktail bars, and we got to meet Sigurs 92 year old father, as well as his amazing mom and step dad. What a family. We also almost ended up in jail and court after having taken a picture of a government building. I was so shocked by it that I was shivering. These two big guys with machine guns came out and started to harass me and Carnen. Luckily Carmen is a very lud, smart, tiny, cute asian woman, so she handled the situation like a star. I am SO impressed. After 45 minutes the police gave up and let us go. A good thing, as we were jumping on a plane to Lamu the next morning, so a sleep over at the police station and court hearings would have ruined our trip.

Lamu is one of the most beautiful places Ive ever seen. I will definelty come back. Its a unesco protected, muslim old trading island on the border to Somalia. It used to have loads of tourists, but now its very poorly visited due to recent terror atacks in the Lamy district closer to Somalia. We felt 100% safe, and 500 % amazed. Ive never seen nature like it. Also very cheap. We went for sunset runs, sailboat rides, luxury hotel hangouts, drinks, we showed alcohol at the local police station (only place where they sold it at the islands) and took boat taxiss. There are no cars at the island. After Lamu, we went back to Nairobi for one night, before we said bye to Sigur and headed to Airusha and Tanzania for 3 days of safari, Also an amazing experience. Its insane that there are areas in the wold where so many species live freely, in huge numbers in full harmony. We met hundreds on hundreds of zebras, wildebeests and elephants, We met lions, strutser, hyenas and monkeys. All in harmony. The landscape was varied and beautiful. We even went into a old vulcani crater caller ngroro ngoro. Supposedly it ha the widest range of animals gathered in one area in the world!

After the safari trio it was time ti say goodbye to Carmen. We have now known each other for 10 years, so this trip was sort of out anniversary. She wrote me this beautiful letter the day we parted, where she said that I have been a big inspiration for her to make her take the choices in life that she has done the last 5 years. Honestly . the most flattering and heartf´worming thing anyone has ever written to me. Carmen is a sister to me now. I love her :-) We will potentially meet up in Cape town this winter. I hope so. It was a bit sad to send her of, but also a bit nice to have some time alone before heading home. I had one night in Arusha, and then one night and day in Dar Es Salam. I went around Arusah with a few local guys I met on the street. They showed me the markets and some charming areas of the city, In Dar, I just went for some indian food on my own and had a hookup with a hottie from South Africa. Before I met him I met up with another guy that I had to send home He sent me pictures of this tall handsome guy with a big dick, but when he turned up he was a midget with loads of aces and a micro penis. How delutional is it possible to be?? And how rude!!! Ugh.. Today, my lat day I went for manicure and pedicure, nd then had a beer at the bech. Dar is a strange town. I did not really like it I must admit. Very segregated between rich and poor, very expat, quite intense on the streets, and a lot of people in desperate pverty. If I come back I will make sure I have many days so I can get o meet and understand the locals a bit better. On my way to the flight I am now I almost lost the flight due t heavy traffic. A 30 min car drive ended up lasting for alsmot 2 hours… Anyways…. that was my holidays so far. Now Im headed to Berlin for 3 days before heading home to work on Tuesday. I have a good feeling about Berlin, but it will also be a bit interesting. I will meet and maybe stay over with a  really nice guy I have been dating from Oslo lately. He is there too and has rented a hotel room. I am supposed to stay with Goro, but I might trade her out for the boy… Lets see. Sigbjørn, Benni and Vegar is there also. So a big crew.

WORK

I manages to finish of most Bleed work before the summer. The main project being the Sikkerhet i NAturen one. I think it went well (minus too many hours), and we ended up as the main event on the NRK TV news. Not bad! After the summer most of my Bleed projects are pretty dull though… Cant say I am too excited. As for my freelance stuff, I have almost too much going on. between August and October I have to finish FAF festival catalogue + website, Im making a book for Rogaland Kunstsenter with More and Geir, Im doing concert  banners and t-shorts for Cezenando, finishing a website for Tove, Im helping More on a book project for National museet and I am making a ctakouge + some other effects for Oslo otobook festival. Its in reality too much too handle, so I need to find a way to deal with it. Another problem is tax… I have not yet pais any tax money, and am earning a lot. Ive decided to hire a Tax guy to do it the right way from now in. In total I think I will earn ca 100.000… Too much! But really good too, as I have set myself a goal - and that is to save 70.000,- NOK by the end of the year. The reason I want to save up is because I want to slowly start working more independently. I am planning to have a talk with Dag at Bleed about this after the holiday. My current plan is to start to ask for a 90% position at bleed, rather then 100. That means that I want to ask if I can work one day less per week. If he is not fie with that I have to try to negotiate though something else. I have to be super strict with myself to make this happen. It is NUMBER ONE priority after the summer. I dont wish to quit bleed, but in order to stay, I need to respect my need for creative development on my own terms. Hopefully him and them will understand this. I will try to make a little draft during the next following days to define what I want more closely. Other then that I have gotten a bit further with the planning for Grafill one night only concept. I want to invite BLAD (petri) and another new design duo in Oslo and see what they can come up with. Lets see what they can do. Start-up meeting in August.

FRIENDS

So Im shifting a bit away from having Benni as my closest. I guess this is maybe also because we dont work together anymore. The people I see the most right now is Tor Erik, Vegar, Sigbjørn and INgemar. I also see Agatha, Benni, Maren, Vik, Harald, Saga and Siri quite often. There is actually almost a bit too many close people now. I think I will have problems finding time to follow up after the summer. Maybe I need to take a little timeout from friends and focus one work and a few social things per week instead? Also, if I will keep on dating EManuel, that will for sure also demand time, and should be a priority. I guess dating someone is always a fair excuse :)

LIFE

I generally feel that I am on a swing upward atm. Probably because Ive done some thinking and decided to do some changes. Just the knowledge about that something will change and that its in my power to make that happen feels empowering somehow. I am also being more and more aware of my age, and that I am growing old, and not growing up any more. Its a strange thing. Its almost as if I feel I have to make the most out of it while Ive still got it. It feels a bit fucked up. There are all these new young people hoping up everywhere, and also suddenly my a bit older friends are pushing 40. There is a new generation taking over y’all… I guess I just have to exept it sooner then later. 

LOVE

So I just read though my previous post, and there I mentioned something about Ole. That was totally nothing more then a thought. He is a big flirt, has a super cute boyfriend and I think were becoming potential frineds. They invited me for their pride party, with was super fun. Lets see if we can make it into a real freindship. I also dated a guy called Ole Magnus briefly. We met 3 times. Had som great sex, and then I think we were just both over it. I was probably over it because I had met another really nice guy called Emanuel. Hes a dance teacher, my age from Norway. I sleep lik a baby when I am with him, he is really warm and kind, just enough insecure and vulnerable (I like vulnerable guys), but still sturdy, mature and also quite handsome I would say. He is quite masculin, but at the same time one of his main hobbies is to be a drag queen! We met around the time Oslo Prode was, so his life was a lot about dragging up around then. I was  bit unsure how I would feel about dating a guy that has a altered that is so different from the one I know and have met, but I also think what I saw was much more intense then what everyday life is. Ive decided that if we still date when hes having hes next show, I will show up and support. I think he is more p, but I think he has a good A in him too. Maybe I will find more out about this during the weekend in Berlin. I think he is really into me, but I dont want to over think it, and have decided that its great we are having such fun, and that I am looking forward to get to know him better. I think hes the best match Ive come across in quite some time. Having this said, we have only sent time together in t´hotel rooms, and its friends apartments that we have been looking after. So no regular life so far.

OTHER

Ive been renting out my apt at Air BNB this summer , summer thing I really regret. There has been construction work on the house, something that has lead to loads of nouce, dust and bad conditions in the flat Many of my guests has moved to after one day, and Ive had to do a lot of sweet-talking and reductions in price. Poor Maren said yes to look after the place, so she was dragged into it too. Ive promised to give her 500,- nok for each booking. A small price to pay after all that drama. Luckily she's kept it cool nd relaxed the whole way. 

Kritina has broken up with her trubadur boyfriend (Yes!), Agatha is back with her crazy boyfriend Henrik (No!!).. Mamma seems to be happy. Im going to Bergen for Linnis 90th, Heges 50th and Kristinas 40th in August.. So many travels. Im also heading to Moscow in September. I went to Lisboa in June. I was supposed to stay with a freind, but he had double booked and was out of town. He let me stay in his appartment, introduced me to his lovely frineds, who took me out for dinner, clubbing, gave me drugs and took me to museums. I also took with me home a tall swedish handsome guy. I think traveling on my own is my new thing. I will try to do it more. I feel so free doing so.

LIST

Make self analyzation form

Decide how to deal with Dag (make draft)

Make a proper working plan list for freelance

Hire an accountant

Buy russia tickets

Buy bergen tickets